Pretty Little Episode #27

Tig and Mae answer questions about learning hard lessons and stand up alter egos on another Pretty Little Episode! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepod http://speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking the program before sitting down to enjoy a school play? I'm in shambles. Turns out there's no intermission during this three-hour Shakespeare adaptation, and I really need to go to the bathroom.

• 0:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 1:03Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website.

• 1:21Fortune Feimster?

  With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising, and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time. Squarespace makes it easy. So easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes.

• 1:53Mae Martin?

  So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 2:06Speaker 00

  Handsome. Chat with friends on the handsome pod. Chat with friends on the handsome pod. Pretty little episode.

• 2:19Tig Notaro?

  Hello, it is your friend Tig Notaro.

• 2:25Mae Martin?

  And your other friend. Mae Martin. Hello.

• 2:30Tig Notaro?

  Hello. How are you, May?

• 2:32Mae Martin?

  I'm well. How are you?

• 2:34Tig Notaro?

  Doing well, doing well. A little chilly, but doing well.

• 2:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I slept in a hoodie last night in my bed and I actually thought I should do that more often. Put the hood up. It was cold in my hotel room.

• 2:47Tig Notaro?

  Oh, you slept with your hoodie up?

• 2:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah, slept with the full hoodie on.

• 2:51Tig Notaro?

  Snuggly.

• 2:52Mae Martin?

  In my ponties and a full hoodie. Very weird.

• 2:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I've done that before. I think when I've been in hotel or motel rooms that I'm skeevved out about.

• 3:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 3:02Tig Notaro?

  I'll, I'll sleep with my hoodie up.

• 3:06Mae Martin?

  When you're worried about the blankets and stuff, yeah.

• 3:08Tig Notaro?

  Worried about everything.

• 3:10Mae Martin?

  Right. You've got a germ thing. You don't, yeah, yeah.

• 3:13Tig Notaro?

  You have no germ thing?

• 3:14Mae Martin?

  Hmm. Not, I have specific things, like when dogs lick people's faces that I'm like, I gotta go. I gotta leave the room.

• 3:22Tig Notaro?

  Okay, so if you're dating somebody and they have a dog and the dog is like, not just licking the face, what about licking the mouth?

• 3:29Mae Martin?

  Oh, no, thank you. No, I have to draw the line there. Yeah.

• 3:33Tig Notaro?

  What about when the dog gets the tongue in the mouth?

• 3:38Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 3:39Tig Notaro?

  In the mouth.

• 3:41Mae Martin?

  I've done.

• 3:42Tig Notaro?

  That's how I go through life. Okay?

• 3:44Mae Martin?

  Oh, having that feeling about everything.

• 3:48Tig Notaro?

  Not everything, but man, if I pull over to some gross motel, if I'm on the road and I'm tired and I'm like, this is the only thing, okay? And then I'm just like, oh, gross. I like, my imagination goes nuts. And I think that's the problem with germaphobes is the imagination. That is what, I'm way too visual.

• 4:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And then also it's reinforced by fact as well. It's like, it's your imagination, but also probably if you took a, you know, a black light and shone it all over, it would be that, but it's like.

• 4:23Tig Notaro?

  And I would never do that.

• 4:25Mae Martin?

  Right, right, right. Yeah, like.

• 4:27Tig Notaro?

  I already know it's there.

• 4:29Mae Martin?

  And you're just trying to compartmentalize as much as you can. Yeah.

• 4:33Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 4:33Mae Martin?

  I know. And then if, I have a couple of friends who, who have that feeling a lot. And then the pandemic kind of validated that, you know, was like, yeah, these particles are, you know, you sneeze and it goes like 50 feet and, you know.

• 4:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I don't know. For some reason, maybe it's that exposure therapy. But I was worried about when I had kids because of all the germs on them and crawling around on the floor and boogers and whatever.

• 5:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 5:04Tig Notaro?

  It actually launched me in a better direction of like, because I love them so much and I was just picking them up and snuggling all of their gross stuff on their body. That was helpful. And then, and then the pandemic, not that it was easy for me, but it, it, it kind of was helpful in that I could see that through certain protocols, I could maneuver.

• 5:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 5:37Tig Notaro?

  You know, to some degree, obviously, you're not fully safe, but.

• 5:41Mae Martin?

  That does actually happen a lot where people who are really neurotic, not that you, I'm not saying you are, but like then in an emergency.

• 5:48Tig Notaro?

  It's fine if you think I'm neurotic.

• 5:50Mae Martin?

  I don't think you're neurotic, but they're like in an emergency, they are suddenly caught. Like I, you know, I worry about the apocalypse a lot, but I feel like if it came, I'd be, I'd spring into action and I wouldn't panic because I've thought about it so much.

• 6:03Tig Notaro?

  Paint a picture of what the apocalypse looks like to you.

• 6:06Mae Martin?

  It's like martial law, like, like it's like, it comes on the news. They say, guys, all bets are off. You know, there's a big meteor coming or there's zombies around. It's every man for himself. Good luck out there, guys. Find your loved ones. Get out of town if you can. And everyone's freaking out.

• 6:26Tig Notaro?

  So wait, you just go to the next town and escape the apocalypse?

• 6:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah. I just recently ordered a survival kit online after the fires. I don't know. And it's like, it's got everything in it, like a little, one of those.

• 6:40Tig Notaro?

  Jar of peanut butter.

• 6:42Mae Martin?

  Lube, you know, the essentials, like a silver heating blanket, you know, those really crinkly.

• 6:50Tig Notaro?

  Yep.

• 6:51Mae Martin?

  Things like that. So I'll be good. I just gotta get a driver's license because on foot, I'm not getting far.

• 6:57Tig Notaro?

  No, you're not. Yeah. We have an emergency.

• 7:03Tig Notaro?

  Go Bag. I probably need to revisit that, yeah, and see if it's updated still. But we had gotten a cat carrier that is a backpack that has a little clear little bubble on it so the cat can like look out.

• 7:20Mae Martin?

  That cracks me up.

• 7:21Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I put the backpack on and walked in and made a joke to Stephanie about like, you know, I'm ready, let's go. As if like, all I need is just a kitty and my backpack. Out we go.

• 7:35Mae Martin?

  I can't believe that you're someone who's, you've actually fought zombies in real life.

• 7:40Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, in real life.

• 7:42Mae Martin?

  I mean, in the, in the opposite of real life, in a movie.

• 7:45Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 7:46Mae Martin?

  And were you, was it scary? Were there actors dressed as zombies running at you? And then you had to run and were you scared?

• 7:54Tig Notaro?

  Uh, there was only one scene, you know, cause the movie Army of the Dead is what it's called, was filmed without me. And then I was brought in to replace an actor that got in trouble for sexual assault. And so they green screened me into the movie. They, meaning Zack Snyder, the director. And I was really just filming the whole movie by myself. But there's one moment, this is an action film and I'm just by myself.

• 8:27Mae Martin?

  Just going, oh, fuck.

• 8:30Tig Notaro?

  There is one moment when I'm flying the helicopter that an actor is in the helicopter with me. And I can't remember if he was actually dressed like a zombie or if he was just, you know,

• 8:44Mae Martin?

  Turning into one, maybe. Yeah, yeah.

• 8:46Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Or if it was already shot, like,

• 8:50Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 8:50Tig Notaro?

  You know, like, you don't really see him. I don't really know. I can't remember. It's been a few years, but um,

• 8:56Mae Martin?

  Fast zombies are some of my, my biggest fears.

• 9:00Tig Notaro?

  Fast zombies.

• 9:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah, not the slow ones.

• 9:03Tig Notaro?

  That's what that movie is, is fast. I know, slow zombies. I mean, come on.

• 9:10Mae Martin?

  Just get in the car, you're good.

• 9:11Tig Notaro?

  Problem. Yeah.

• 9:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:13Tig Notaro?

  Even just walk away. You're fine.

• 9:15Mae Martin?

  Walk away is fast. Do you think if I got canceled, you would be able to green screens, go back over the handsome podcast and just green screen someone else in there?

• 9:25Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I mean, I guess we'd have to put Rosie O'Donnell in there or something.

• 9:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's the natural replacement. Yeah.

• 9:35Tig Notaro?

  If you can't get Mae Martin, I guess you just get Rosie O'Donnell. Oh, look what just popped up on my, um, my thing is a cartoon version of me from that movie.

• 9:48Mae Martin?

  There you are. That's amazing.

• 9:51Tig Notaro?

  I haven't sorted through my photos yet. I just put all of my favorited photos. I uploaded all my favorited photos, but anyway.

• 10:00Mae Martin?

  Oh, oh, to like your electronic picture frame thing?

• 10:04Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:04Mae Martin?

  Oh, nice.

• 10:05Tig Notaro?

  I haven't gone through and been like, yes, keep this. No, don't keep that. So certain things pop up that are.

• 10:11Mae Martin?

  Like a picture of a receipt or something. Yeah.

• 10:14Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:15Mae Martin?

  Okay, let's hear our first question.

• 10:17Speaker 04

  Hey there, Handsoms and future Oscar hosts. My name is Joey and I come from the small town of Kamakia, which is about three hours west of the big city of Toronto. And my question for you is, what lesson have you had to learn the hard way? I'm a parent of two little kids that seem to have to learn all of the lessons the hard way. And I'm wondering, what did you have to learn the hard way?

• 10:46Tig Notaro?

  That's a really good question.

• 10:48Mae Martin?

  That's a really good question.

• 10:50Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I feel like I'm still

• 10:54Tig Notaro?

  learning things.

• 10:56Mae Martin?

  Me too. And just when you think you've learned it, you haven't.

• 11:01Mae Martin?

  I'm a slow learner, I guess. I'm learning the same things over and over.

• 11:09Mae Martin?

  What about you, learning it the hard way, where you think like, oh, I got this and then it's, yeah.

• 11:14Tig Notaro?

  I immediately go to my previous relationships and how clueless I was as far as like what it really takes to maintain a relationship.

• 11:31Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 11:32Tig Notaro?

  You know, obviously, it's all those things that help you get to where you are. And I'm certain I fall short as a spouse here and there still. But when I really think about myself and how I handled things, or what I was drawn to, or what, any, all of that stuff, it's like, and those are hard lessons. Those are really brutal lessons. But that's the only way you go is to go through those.

• 12:05Mae Martin?

  I know. And you might have to go through it again and again. And maybe that's your journey on this earth.

• 12:12Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. I mean, over and over. And being attracted to the same kind of people, where you think, no way am I gonna be attracted to this again, or I am for sure gonna change this about myself because I'm getting in my way and whatever it is. And then,

• 12:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 12:34Tig Notaro?

  And then it's, yeah, if you don't make those massive shifts and changes, then you're going to be in the same hard situation again and again and again.

• 12:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'm the exact same. Like, I think I thought that I had, like, oh, I'm really attracted now to emotional availability and someone who's just as, you know, and then, and then someone's not emotionally available. And I'm right back to being like, but let me prove my worth. And like, like, instead of just knowing boundaries, and I immediately revert back to like, I have to, you know, fix this. And like, I, and instead of meeting someone where they're at, it's like, I think that's, yeah, that's like, romantic relationships are the hardest. It's really, but then the rewards are so great if you can.

• 13:32Mae Martin?

  Self-regulate and then, but also not put people on a pedestal, but like see where they're at. The rewards are good, right? Right, Tig? Is it worth it?

• 13:42Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I find it to be worth it. And, you know, even in my marriage, and even though I try to be a really good spouse, I see myself fall short and fall into old lazy patterns and not appreciating things or Stephanie in ways that I should.

• 14:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:07Tig Notaro?

  And I also don't want to paint a picture like I treat her terribly or anything like that. But just I have moments where I'm like, God, I, I am so, I remember hearing this song. Well, a very important song in our relationship is by the band. It makes no difference, I think is the name of it.

• 14:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it makes no difference. Yeah.

• 14:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and, and I heard that, I don't know, in the past few months. And there wasn't even necessarily anything wrong in our relationship when I heard it. In fact, I would say everything was fine. But it brought me back to the very beginning of our relationship and that feeling of just getting together. And I thought, that's probably a really good thing to do is have a, a little playlist of songs from the very beginning of a relationship. Yeah.

• 15:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's a really good idea.

• 15:07Tig Notaro?

  Because it really brought me back to, God, I'm lucky. I cannot snooze on these moments in life or like get lazy or, you know, I'm so lucky.

• 15:19Mae Martin?

  I like that a lot. I also keep eating coconut oil by accident. That's another one. Keep learning that lesson is don't eat vegan baked goods because they all have coconut, even if the person working there says it doesn't. If it's a vegan baked good, it's going to have coconut sugar, coconut flour, coconut oil. Keep getting all red in my neck. I get my neck gets all red and my stomach gets all weird. So I keep learning that lesson.

• 15:42Tig Notaro?

  Let's hear Joey's answer.

• 15:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I love the name Joey.

• 15:46Speaker 04

  I had to learn about money responsibility the hard way. While I was off in university, I had a loan and I decided that I could use it for things like buying eighty dollar seasons of Sex and the City to watch with myself and my roommates. And those purchases quickly added up and my money quickly dwindled. So that was something that I had to make up for and it was definitely learning about my money thriftiness the hard way. Thanks, Handsoms.

• 16:26Tig Notaro?

  Hmm, yeah.

• 16:27Mae Martin?

  Hmm, yeah, yeah. I feel like you're a financially responsible person, right? Does that come naturally to you?

• 16:34Tig Notaro?

  I'm still figuring that out, you know, like I feel like I've been kind of open, free, generous, and then also like

• 16:47Tig Notaro?

  feeling like, wait a minute.

• 16:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:52Tig Notaro?

  Do I need to be doing all of this or that or whatever? Because you can end up overspending and then breaking your own back. And then you're like, what am I, I, this isn't what I want for myself. Like, you have to check in and go, I don't, I'm, I'm not being responsible. I'm, I'm, I'm, no, I have to shift things. And it's an ongoing process of like, seeing where for myself of like, wow, I shouldn't have done that or I should have pulled back or I should have not done that. I should have done, you know, all of those things. I'm figuring it out. I mean, I was always the person that,

• 17:37Tig Notaro?

  you know, my electricity would get turned off, you know, because I forgot, I'd just throw a stack of bills on a table. And so it didn't come naturally.

• 17:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah, okay, that's good. Yeah, because same.

• 17:48Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but it's, as time has gone on, I've, I've been more like,

• 17:54Tig Notaro?

  I have to do this. I, I remember reading something once about like, if, if something takes less than two minutes to do, just stop what you're doing and just take care of it. Write them. As soon as it crosses your mind, go take care of it. And that's something that I'm.

• 18:10Tig Notaro?

  I'm finding really helpful and whether it's just paying a bill or texting somebody back or you know, I, I want to be a responsible adult and parent and spouse and I continue to mess up.

• 18:27Mae Martin?

  Should we hear another one?

• 18:28Tig Notaro?

  Let's do it.

• 18:29Speaker 05

  Hi handsome, this is Taylor from Buffalo, New York.

• 18:32Tig Notaro?

  Go Bills.

• 18:32Speaker 05

  And I want to know, would you rather for the rest of your career have to perform another comedian's material or have another comedian have to perform your material? Bonus question, who would be the comedian? Thanks, love the show.

• 18:47Mae Martin?

  Wow, that's so good. So in, in the second scenario, am, am I still allowed to do comedy, but they just also do my comedy, this person? First, I'm thinking who's, who's material would I want to do? There's so many people, but I, I don't think I'd be good at it, but who would you want to do?

• 19:06Tig Notaro?

  Ah.

• 19:08Mae Martin?

  Like I would, if I tried to do your material, I'd feel like a fraud. It would be like, I mean, it would be so fun though, because I love the material. So it'd be great to like, but it would be more like acting. I'd be basically doing a take impersonation because your cadence and your pace.

• 19:22Tig Notaro?

  Well, I was gonna say, wouldn't you be a fraud about everyone? You know, like if you, with everyone, if you.

• 19:28Mae Martin?

  Like imagine trying to do Maria Bamford's material and all the voices.

• 19:31Tig Notaro?

  That's immediately who I went to in my mind.

• 19:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah, me too. Yeah.

• 19:36Tig Notaro?

  And would I have to do it with her voice with the?

• 19:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 19:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And is it just, does it just become like, who are your favorite comedians, you know?

• 19:49Mae Martin?

  Right, right. And, and then who would you like to see do your material?

• 19:54Tig Notaro?

  I mean, I would love to see Maria Bamford do my material.

• 19:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'd pay to see that.

• 19:59Tig Notaro?

  That would be a really fun thing to see, because she does so many voices. Yeah, I guess that's what I would choose is to see Maria Bamford do my, I mean, yeah. And then it would be so fun to do hers, just because it's like, I mean, you can kind of feel like you're in someone's head when you're listening to them do it, but if you're actually performing it, it feels a little more like, oh, this is, this is all from me.

• 20:28Mae Martin?

  I'd like to do some of those, some of my favorite SNL characters. Like, does it have to be stand up? Because it'd be super fun to do like. Some Molly Shannon characters or

• 20:38Tig Notaro?

  What Molly Shannon character?

• 20:41Mae Martin?

  Like Mary Catherine Gallagher or um, you know, the, the, the hosts of the radio show who talk really quietly.

• 20:48Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 20:49Mae Martin?

  With Anna Gasteyer, that would be super fun. It'd be fun to do some wacky characters that are outside of my general like, yeah.

• 20:56Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God. I do characters at home.

• 20:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 21:00Tig Notaro?

  It's just like a top secret weird thing that just Stephanie gets to experience.

• 21:07Mae Martin?

  I love that. That's the best. Characters that you've invented?

• 21:13Tig Notaro?

  Uh, no, or just impressions of people or yeah, characters, anywhere between the two. Um, and then she is incredible at impersonating random friends of mine or people in my life that aren't even known. And, uh, we'll sit around and I'll call out a different person's name and she'll, she'll imitate them and it just destroys me. And I've had her do it in front of other people that don't even know who these people are and they still die laughing at her.

• 21:50Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God. I like when you impersonate Max and Finn. Because it's like, ah, Mary.

• 21:58Tig Notaro?

  That's Finn. Max is more like, um, everybody get your pinkies out. Uh, we're gonna do a pinky swear.

• 22:08Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 22:10Tig Notaro?

  And then Finn's like, uh, we should probably go to bed now. It's getting late. Um, yeah.

• 22:18Mae Martin?

  I love that.

• 22:19Tig Notaro?

  There you have it, handsome little listeners. Uh, if you want, submit your questions, not if you want. We demand that you submit your questions and answers at speakpipe.com/hansampod. Uh, we absolutely love hearing from you all and I feel like No offense to our celebrity friends, but I feel like our listeners submit some of the best questions.

• 22:48Mae Martin?

  I agree, really unexpected.

• 22:51Tig Notaro?

  Hit you from behind.

• 22:52Mae Martin?

  Yes, completely agree. Keep them coming.

• 22:55Tig Notaro?

  Wow, that's really good. Yeah, please keep it coming. Check out, I'll be doing new material. Check out either Largo or Dynasty Typewriter in LA. What about you, May?

• 23:05Mae Martin?

  Check maymartinmusic.com. I've got four big music tour shows. I would love to see you at.

• 23:12Tig Notaro?

  Until next time, I guess, keep it pretty handsome.

• 23:18Mae Martin?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected] and please follow us on social media @handsomepod.