Cyndi Lauper asks about cookbooks

The iconic Cyndi Lauper asks Handsome a tantalizing question about cookbooks on this week's episode! Plus HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO FORTUNE! And we can't forget Mae's updates from the road, "it's ok if it jiggles," and more! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website. With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising, and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time.

• 1:19Mae Martin?

  Squarespace makes it easy, so easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes. So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Handsome. Chat with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chat with friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers. Uh, welcome to the Handsome Pod.

• 1:52Fortune Feimster?

  It's Fortune, Thiemster.

• 1:56Mae Martin?

  And I'm May.

• 1:57Tig Notaro?

  And I am your very dear friend Tig Notaro, also a host on this wonderful podcast called Handsome.

• 2:06Mae Martin?

  It's amazing that we haven't got more slick at those start. It's how many years now? And every time I panic.

• 2:13Fortune Feimster?

  10 years now.

• 2:14Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, 10 years. We're celebrating 10 years. Fortune has been keeping good track of time.

• 2:24Fortune Feimster?

  I know every episode we've ever done.

• 2:27Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh. 10 years in order.

• 2:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you could list them in order?

• 2:31Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:32Mae Martin?

  Oh, that would be great.

• 2:34Tig Notaro?

  Let's not do it right now. No, I won't. I don't want to bore everybody with history.

• 2:41Mae Martin?

  Guys, how are you?

• 2:42Fortune Feimster?

  Guys, we're together again.

• 2:45Tig Notaro?

  I'm doing all right. I'm very, um, my eyesight's terrible and I'm looking at myself on the screen. My hair is a little wild. I just got back from taking Max and Finn to the park. And I had fantasies of showering before. And that just was not in the cards.

• 3:05Fortune Feimster?

  What a fantasy.

• 3:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it was a real fantasy. We didn't get out of the park in time.

• 3:11Mae Martin?

  It looks good, though. It looks thick and solid and healthy.

• 3:14Tig Notaro?

  It's thick. I'm getting a haircut this week. It is so thick. It's so long. Yeah, so that's my boring story. Anybody?

• 3:23Mae Martin?

  I just got back from tour, so I'm, I feel pretty wrecked, but I feel also so invigorated from the handsome listeners that I feel like I don't even really know where to start. I have so much to tell you both.

• 3:37Tig Notaro?

  Just jump in. Tell us everything, even if none of it makes sense. Just jump in.

• 3:43Mae Martin?

  Because it's all kind of scrambled in my brain. Like I was, I was doing like a real, it felt like

• 3:47Tig Notaro?

  I'm picturing one of those like cartoon dust balls with legs and arms.

• 3:53Mae Martin?

  In my head.

• 3:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Well, no, that's like what I pictured when you said it was crazy. So go ahead. Let's hear about it.

• 4:00Mae Martin?

  It was like, I got the immersive experience of like being a touring musician. Like I was in a dirty van with two boys, like, and I don't drive, so I was just sort of stretched out on the seat.

• 4:13Tig Notaro?

  Wait, you never got your license?

• 4:15Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 4:16Mae Martin?

  No, Tig, don't you think that would have been the biggest news of my life?

• 4:20Fortune Feimster?

  May's been putting this off since like

• 4:22Tig Notaro?

  I guess, but

• 4:23Fortune Feimster?

  We started this podcast 10 years ago.

• 4:26Tig Notaro?

  My memory comes and goes. And so I thought, maybe, maybe you got it. Uh, no.

• 4:32Mae Martin?

  I still, I'm writing my learner's permit test on Thursday to, because it expired. So I'm, I'm on it and then I'll be back in the lessons.

• 4:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it sounds like it.

• 4:40Mae Martin?

  But also I would not be brave enough to drive this huge van, this like, it's kind of falling apart. These guys have been in a touring band for like 15 years. So they're kind of pros, Jason and Wes, who I tour with. But man, guys, these audiences of handsome fans. First of all, they know me intimately. Like I forget the stuff that we say on this podcast. Like after shows, people are like, I mean, the amount of love for your mom fortune or like your documentary Tig and people just being like, they know us so well.

• 5:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 5:11Mae Martin?

  Which blows my mind. Like they've been following all of our life events for years. They're bringing us weird gifts. They're bringing

• 5:18Tig Notaro?

  How weird?

• 5:19Mae Martin?

  Well, really weird. Let's be like, really pretty strange. Like

• 5:24Tig Notaro?

  Like what? Like what? Did you get a horse costume? Did you?

• 5:28Mae Martin?

  I wish.

• 5:29Tig Notaro?

  That fits for that we can shove Thomas in as well? What are we talking? Weird?

• 5:33Mae Martin?

  Well, I'm gonna bring them all in tomorrow to go through with you, I think. But it really did make me think about like, what am I putting out there? You know, because I was getting like a small vial of antique marbles, um, a small rubber hand with rolled up scrolls that had like puzzles written on them and interesting facts or like a lot of crystals. A lot of people are like, can you put this by the cat statue in your home on the altar? I'm like, yeah, like they, they know me. Like they know what I like. But, okay, so I've distilled-

• 6:07Fortune Feimster?

  Well, because I will say real quick, I'm also on tour and I'm not getting those kind of things.

• 6:12Mae Martin?

  Really? Well, I got a bunch of stuff for you guys.

• 6:15Tig Notaro?

  You're not getting tiny scrolls, Fortune?

• 6:19Fortune Feimster?

  No, just, just, uh, just people wearing a lot of our merch.

• 6:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah, a lot of good merch.

• 6:24Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I would have pegged you, Fortune, for a real tiny scroll kind of gal.

• 6:31Mae Martin?

  I mean, I'm getting like poems and, um, riddles and strange things, but I've distilled of the like fan interactions or listener interactions, I've distilled them down to just a handful that I have to tell you guys. And we, I can drip feed them, but like the, the one that really blew my mind was, um, so people did like a meet and greet after. And so this person, this tall woman comes and she's really nervous, I can tell, because she's got something really important to say. And she just holds out her hand, she can barely speak with anticipation. And in her hand is this rolled up piece of paper and I look at it and I see my own handwriting. Guys, it's the note from the Silver Lake Hotel.

• 7:15Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 7:16Mae Martin?

  The painting, yes.

• 7:19Tig Notaro?

  No, no.

• 7:20Mae Martin?

  Oh my god. I collapsed.

• 7:22Tig Notaro?

  No, how did you keep this from us? How did you keep this from us?

• 7:29Mae Martin?

  I'm so glad that you're having this reaction because I felt, I, I honestly fell to the ground.

• 7:34Tig Notaro?

  Oh my.

• 7:36Mae Martin?

  She listened-

• 7:37Fortune Feimster?

  Did she rent the room or just go, like, I, I left something in there and I have to go in there?

• 7:40Mae Martin?

  This is the best part. So she's been listening to the pod. She lives at, either it was Portland or Vancouver.

• 7:46Tig Notaro?

  What if she hadn't been listening to the pod and she found that note behind, what was it behind?

• 7:51Mae Martin?

  A painting. And, um, so apparently, so she usually, she stays at that hotel a lot. And then she was there and listened to the pod and apparently I said the wrong room number at first and then self corrected. So she booked the wrong room.

• 8:06Tig Notaro?

  Oh no.

• 8:07Mae Martin?

  And then she looked in the, behind the paintings, it's not there. So she re-listens and like later I corrected, thank god. Her friend goes and knocks on the door, the stranger opens the door and she goes, hi. There's this podcast and this is gonna sound crazy.

• 8:23Tig Notaro?

  Okay, slam the door and call the nurse.

• 8:25Fortune Feimster?

  I'd be like, oh, you're about to rob me. There's no way you're coming in this room.

• 8:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah, she goes, I just need to get behind that painting real quick. Just, I won't be long.

• 8:35Tig Notaro?

  And then that person's like, you're the 12th person that has come knocking at my door about this painting.

• 8:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah, but we really had a moment and um, yeah, I was just as excited as her and it made me think I gotta do things like this more often because the treasure hunting joy of someone finding it.

• 8:52Fortune Feimster?

  I really did not think that was gonna happen.

• 8:56Mae Martin?

  I thought it was, I thought it was gone in the wind.

• 8:58Tig Notaro?

  Can we give me a little bit of credit that I told you to do it?

• 9:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:02Tig Notaro?

  Okay, thank you, thank you. I just need a little bit of credit here, but also, um, what was this person like? Please describe.

• 9:11Mae Martin?

  I mean, honestly, like everyone I met, just very kind and um, people were really making friends with each other in the crowd and um, yeah, she was with her friend and she, she was, I, to be honest, I don't remember it. I was so blindsided by this reveal that I don't remember like her job or anything, but she was really funny, like, people were funny, like this person gave me their phone number, um, laminated and they, and they go, I laminated it in case you fall in a pool and it said on the back like phone number for new friendship or something. And I really got like a friend vibe from this person and they made me laugh real hard during the meet and greet and I was like, I should just text this person, honestly.

• 9:55Tig Notaro?

  And did you?

• 9:56Fortune Feimster?

  Connections.

• 9:57Mae Martin?

  I didn't. I feel like if, if I start going down that route.

• 10:02Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, and where, and where were you?

• 10:04Mae Martin?

  So I was in San Francisco, then drove 10 hours to Portland, um, which I'd never, I'd never really done that. We pulled over and like swam in a stream. It was really nice. And then, so then I was in Portland. I'd never been to Portland and then um, in the Vancouver. Oh man, it's cool. And I went to like the house where Elliott Smith wrote Roman Candle and like I did the touristy Elliott Smith things and uh, I wore a tank top on stage that was like. Doesn't sound like a big deal, but it was a big deal to me.

• 10:37Tig Notaro?

  I bet it was a massive deal for your audience.

• 10:40Fortune Feimster?

  But, but you don't normally, you're not normally in tank tops?

• 10:45Mae Martin?

  I have never worn a tank top on stage in 25 years of performing and also I have never worn a sweater on stage to do stand up because I feel like I gotta show my arms to be vulnerable. So it's a big thing in my brain, but I loved it.

• 11:00Tig Notaro?

  Okay. And so now is it like try to stop you from wearing a tank top? Is it that kind of?

• 11:06Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 11:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 11:07Mae Martin?

  Changed my whole personality. Like I was.

• 11:10Tig Notaro?

  Well, tell us.

• 11:12Mae Martin?

  Okay, like, I don't know how to dance, right? Like I, and with stand up, I'm totally stationary.

• 11:18Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 11:19Mae Martin?

  Uh, playing the guitar, I'm totally stationary, but something about I put the tank top on, I'm suddenly, I'm grooving, I'm grinding.

• 11:26Tig Notaro?

  Right.

• 11:27Mae Martin?

  I'm like moving, yeah, I'm like moving around. I don't know.

• 11:30Tig Notaro?

  I mean, I'm, I'm sorry. Are you saying you started moving and grooving?

• 11:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I started moving and grooving, shaking my thing.

• 11:37Tig Notaro?

  I love this.

• 11:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 11:39Tig Notaro?

  Shake it, don't break it.

• 11:40Fortune Feimster?

  There's gonna, yeah, have to be more tank tops in your future.

• 11:43Mae Martin?

  I think so too. Um, I have two more, I don't want to monopolize the time, but I have two more things I have to tell you.

• 11:49Tig Notaro?

  Please monopolize.

• 11:50Mae Martin?

  Okay. Cause I've been saving them up. Okay. Again, meet and greet, this person had made sure they were the last person in the line. So that's always interesting because you're like, okay, they want to have maybe a longer interaction or like. So I see this couple, they're at the end of the line and um, I, it's a, yeah, I hugged the guy, I hugged, I hugged this woman and she pulls her hand out. I'm in my tank top. Yeah.

• 12:15Tig Notaro?

  Hugging.

• 12:16Mae Martin?

  Grooving, grinding. And I shake her hand and I hear.

• 12:23Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 12:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah. I go, what? I look down, I pull my hand away. It is covered in thick white paste.

• 12:32Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 12:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah. So I'm horrified. I'm like, I'm, my mouth is agape. I'm aghast. I can't.

• 12:40Tig Notaro?

  Why are you telling us this?

• 12:44Mae Martin?

  Wait, what do you mean? Because you know you're gonna hate it?

• 12:48Tig Notaro?

  Well, I already do, but go on.

• 12:51Mae Martin?

  So I go, what is happening? Is this mayonnaise? And, and she says, um, no, it's lotion. And she's kind of weirded out that I'm weirded out. She goes, it's hand lotion. And I'm like, what? And she goes, you said on the podcast. Thomas is nodding. I have no memory of this. You do?

• 13:09Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God. Doesn't sound familiar.

• 13:11Fortune Feimster?

  I was like, I feel like I've, my grandmother used to bum rush me with lotion.

• 13:17Mae Martin?

  Bum rush?

• 13:18Fortune Feimster?

  Like, just out of nowhere, she would like, like, slyly put lotion on my hands.

• 13:23Tig Notaro?

  Didn't she also bum rush your bum with a suppository?

• 13:27Fortune Feimster?

  She did do that, too. But she would, my hands were dry as a kid and she, I didn't like to put on lotion. So she would like trick, she would like grab my hand without me knowing lotion was in it.

• 13:39Mae Martin?

  And then rub it in?

• 13:40Fortune Feimster?

  Lauper up my hands. So I was like, did I talk about this? But I guess you said something.

• 13:44Tig Notaro?

  And did you tell your grandmother you need to hydrate from the inside?

• 13:48Fortune Feimster?

  You know, I didn't know that at the time.

• 13:52Mae Martin?

  Well, I was like, what is happening? And, and, and she was massaging it into my hands. I was a little alarmed and, um, yeah, and.

• 14:01Fortune Feimster?

  What did you say on the pod?

• 14:03Tig Notaro?

  I wouldn't have handled this well.

• 14:05Fortune Feimster?

  No, you could not do this to. Someone could not do this to you, too.

• 14:09Tig Notaro?

  No, no, no, ma'am. No, ma'am.

• 14:12Mae Martin?

  Well, she said that I said, it would be so funny if someone pranked me with hand lotion. And then her boyfriend goes, that's not what you said. You said that you could wear lotion on your hand and shake a fan's hand and like, but it feels like I invited basically someone.

• 14:29Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you did.

• 14:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah, so I couldn't be enraged. I was definitely taken aback, but they, they were very charming, I guess. But then what I didn't tell her, what I, I didn't have the heart to tell her because I didn't want to ruin.

• 14:43Tig Notaro?

  That she's knowing now.

• 14:44Fortune Feimster?

  That she definitely is hearing now.

• 14:46Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 14:47Mae Martin?

  She, she will hear it now, but the hand lotion was coconut hand lotion.

• 14:52Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, no. And you're allergic.

• 14:53Mae Martin?

  I'm allergic. And so my hand, they, I, they get all sort of red and it's.

• 14:58Fortune Feimster?

  It's like, your hands tingling for the rest of the night.

• 15:01Tig Notaro?

  Tell me you got big old Mickey Mouse hands.

• 15:04Mae Martin?

  Trying to play the guitar. Yeah, anyway, so that was a weird one.

• 15:10Fortune Feimster?

  Wow. I liked her spirit in that like, she was just like, May's gonna love this.

• 15:17Mae Martin?

  This is gonna be hilarious, yeah.

• 15:18Fortune Feimster?

  And May asked for this and what a, what a treat. I mean, it did leave an impression. You'll never forget that.

• 15:23Mae Martin?

  I will never forget it. I'm checking every hand before I shake it now.

• 15:27Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 15:28Mae Martin?

  From now on.

• 15:28Fortune Feimster?

  But that would be jarring to grab someone's hand and it be wet.

• 15:31Mae Martin?

  Well, you just don't expect to hear a squelch, a squelch.

• 15:36Tig Notaro?

  Well, you know, isn't this the beauty of, we're all different people. We're all different hosts that would react differently. And there's all different sorts of people at the meet and greet. And that's why I did a meet and greet uh, in Eureka Springs, Arkansas, a couple of nights ago. And it was like, um, the one rule was no touching. And so everyone just stands there, hands behind their back, smiling, and then we move it along.

• 16:02Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, is it, they, they, they can't like put their arm around you or anything?

• 16:07Tig Notaro?

  Just no touching.

• 16:09Fortune Feimster?

  I, I literally hug everybody that comes through my meet and greet.

• 16:13Tig Notaro?

  And that's why we're all different, you know?

• 16:15Fortune Feimster?

  I know.

• 16:23Mae Martin?

  And you know what's interesting, Teague, is like, I'm, cause I'm hugging everyone and, but then there were a couple of people who I went to hug them and they were like, no thanks. Like, and I forget that, like, people have, you know, COVID masks on and they're like, you know, the climate's a little different with those things and people have their different levels. So.

• 16:40Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 16:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I should send those people to you.

• 16:43Fortune Feimster?

  You can kind of tell when someone doesn't want to hug. They keep their hands to their side and they're, they're not going in.

• 16:48Tig Notaro?

  I've also had moments where when I've taken pictures, there've been like some weird little touches here or there. Where I'm like, I don't want that.

• 16:58Fortune Feimster?

  Like, what kind of, but what do you mean by weird touches?

• 17:01Tig Notaro?

  Uh, just their hand lands in a weird spot and I'm like, ugh, but, I mean, maybe a little above it, a little too close to it.

• 17:10Fortune Feimster?

  Right.

• 17:10Tig Notaro?

  You know, uh, just something where I'm like, I, I, I just, I'm like, let's take a pic. Sure. Yeah.

• 17:17Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 17:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, or, or it's continuing to move the hand. I don't know. I just

• 17:22Mae Martin?

  A gentle stroke.

• 17:23Tig Notaro?

  I, I just, uh, there've been enough to where I don't do a lot of meet and greets. Um, but I did one and like I said, in Eureka Springs, everybody was wonderful. They kept the line moving. Totally wonderful people, unbelievable amount of handsome, um, listeners. And yeah, we just didn't really touch, but we snuggled in and smiled big and moved it along. There you go. Said nice things to each other.

• 17:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah, man, that's, that's so nice. And I will say like, with everything going on in LA with ICE and then just globally as well. And I felt, I feel like we're all collectively just like horrified and in shock with the, the level of like dehumanization everywhere. So to gather in groups feels really special. And especially like music is so emotional and people, it felt really nice and that there's this real handsome community, community of, of people who are like really connecting with each other. And I just was like, oh, we're, we're so lucky to do this.

• 18:27Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 18:27Mae Martin?

  And you know, it's lotion or no lotion. It was weird though. There was one more thing. Can I say one more?

• 18:35Fortune Feimster?

  Let's hear it, bud.

• 18:36Tig Notaro?

  That's what we're here for.

• 18:37Mae Martin?

  Okay. I'll keep it brief and then.

• 18:39Fortune Feimster?

  I love the enthusiasm.

• 18:41Tig Notaro?

  Thomas Clock May, May said they were gonna keep it brief.

• 18:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Put me on a timer. Yeah.

• 18:46Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 18:46Mae Martin?

  I, uh, yeah, I am, but can you tell I'm like energized from this?

• 18:50Fortune Feimster?

  I love it. Yeah, it's great.

• 18:52Mae Martin?

  I am caffeinated.

• 18:53Tig Notaro?

  You seem like you're in love. I'll be honest.

• 18:55Mae Martin?

  I'm in, I'm in love with the world again.

• 18:58Tig Notaro?

  The life?

• 18:59Mae Martin?

  I'm in love with life.

• 19:00Fortune Feimster?

  Good. We want that for you.

• 19:03Mae Martin?

  Okay. So this woman comes up with her friend and, and the, the friend's in a COVID mask. And so she says to me, um, I wasn't gonna come tonight because I'm not aware of your work. But then something happened that made me need to come. And so I'm, obviously I'm in, I'm hooked. So I'm like, what happened?

• 19:24Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 19:24Mae Martin?

  And she says, I had a past life regression and the

• 19:31Mae Martin?

  Psychic past life person told me, and she says this with total certainty and conviction. She said, in the 1600s, I ran a brothel. I was the owner of a brothel.

• 19:43Tig Notaro?

  You or this lady?

• 19:45Mae Martin?

  This person was, yeah. And she says, an infant was left at the doorstep, an orphan. And that infant was Brett Goldstein. And she says, I raised him for seven years. And then he ended up going off to fight in the war. But she's like, I loved him and I raised him. And I'm like, wow. I said, were you a fan of Brett's before this? And she's like, no. She's as freaked out as me. She goes, I knew him. Like, I'd seen Ted Lasso, but I didn't have strong feelings about him. Then I had this hypnosis and this came up and like, I need you to tell him. And so I was like.

• 20:25Tig Notaro?

  Is she straight?

• 20:27Mae Martin?

  She seems.

• 20:29Tig Notaro?

  Because this feels a little roundabout.

• 20:33Tig Notaro?

  Cannot, can you hook me up with Brett? And I've come up with an elaborate.

• 20:38Mae Martin?

  It's either, it's either.

• 20:40Fortune Feimster?

  It's a wild story.

• 20:42Tig Notaro?

  Can you get him my home address and phone number and a picture of me?

• 20:47Mae Martin?

  But what if it's the psychic who's trying to get to Brett by telling everyone that in past lives?

• 20:53Tig Notaro?

  Hmm.

• 20:54Mae Martin?

  This.

• 20:55Fortune Feimster?

  Wouldn't you be bummed out if you went to a psychic trying to like, learn some stuff about you? And they're like, no, no, no, let's talk about Brett Goldstein.

• 21:02Mae Martin?

  They're like, you know that actor from Ted Lasso? You raised him. Anyway, so, but I obviously called Brett right after.

• 21:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, obviously.

• 21:12Mae Martin?

  I was like, I got news. I got big news. And he was like, what? Are you pregnant? Like, what, like?

• 21:18Tig Notaro?

  Are you pregnant?

• 21:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that was.

• 21:20Tig Notaro?

  That would not be my first question.

• 21:23Fortune Feimster?

  Question either.

• 21:24Tig Notaro?

  Oh my God. Please let Mae Martin be pregnant. I would love to see you on your rock and roll tour in your tank top, just pregnant as the day is long.

• 21:39Mae Martin?

  Eight months pregnant? Oh my God.

• 21:41Tig Notaro?

  That is what I'm gonna say anytime somebody says, I have big news for you.

• 21:45Fortune Feimster?

  Are you pregnant?

• 21:46Tig Notaro?

  Is Mae Martin pregnant? Not are you pregnant, is Mae Martin pregnant?

• 21:52Mae Martin?

  We know it's coming. Yeah, but I told him, I said, so, you know, this woman raised you in a brothel in the 1600s. And he truly was like, this checks out. He was like, there's something, something rings true about this. So if that person's listening.

• 22:07Tig Notaro?

  And went to war, apparently.

• 22:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah, Napoleonic wars, I guess.

• 22:11Fortune Feimster?

  Dang, okay.

• 22:13Mae Martin?

  Anyway, so that was the, that was the tour.

• 22:16Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, and you're, and you're just like, hey, whatever it takes to sell a ticket.

• 22:21Mae Martin?

  What do you mean?

• 22:23Fortune Feimster?

  She said she wasn't gonna come.

• 22:25Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 22:25Fortune Feimster?

  But then had to tell you this.

• 22:29Fortune Feimster?

  Fine, thanks for buying the ticket.

• 22:31Mae Martin?

  I really thought she was gonna say that she and I in a past life were connected.

• 22:35Fortune Feimster?

  Well, it felt like it, that's the road it should go down. It was like, I couldn't miss your show because I had to tell you this thing about you. But no, everything goes back to Brett Goldstein.

• 22:45Mae Martin?

  To Brett Goldstein.

• 22:47Tig Notaro?

  Hey, to Brett Goldstein. And not just to Brett Goldstein, I have some, uh, some news I'd like to share. And it's not, no, it's, May, you're not pregnant. But, uh, happy birthday to you.

• 23:10Mae Martin?

  To me?

• 23:12Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 23:12Fortune Feimster?

  Happy birthday to you.

• 23:21Mae Martin?

  Jesus.

• 23:22Fortune Feimster?

  Slow.

• 23:28Fortune Feimster?

  Dear Fortune R

• 23:35Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 23:37Fortune Feimster?

  Happy Birthday To You.

• 23:51Tig Notaro?

  God, that's fun to sing slow.

• 23:53Fortune Feimster?

  Wow, that was so slow. Geez.

• 23:56Tig Notaro?

  Well, now you're a year older.

• 23:58Fortune Feimster?

  I think I've turned another year older.

• 24:00Tig Notaro?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 24:01Fortune Feimster?

  Well, then let's start again.

• 24:03Tig Notaro?

  Happy Birthday.

• 24:06Fortune Feimster?

  Okay. Aw, thanks, guys. It's my birthday.

• 24:08Tig Notaro?

  It sure is. How old are you? Forty-five?

• 24:11Fortune Feimster?

  Forty-five.

• 24:12Tig Notaro?

  Forty-five.

• 24:13Fortune Feimster?

  I know I don't look a day over forty-one.

• 24:17Tig Notaro?

  You are looking good.

• 24:20Fortune Feimster?

  It's these creams I'm putting on my face.

• 24:22Tig Notaro?

  Oh, is that J-Lo creams?

• 24:24Fortune Feimster?

  It's my J-Lo beauty cream. Um, yeah, it's my birthday. I can't believe it. Another one.

• 24:32Tig Notaro?

  What are you gonna do?

• 24:33Fortune Feimster?

  I have no plans whatsoever.

• 24:37Tig Notaro?

  What?

• 24:38Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I'll figure something out.

• 24:40Tig Notaro?

  I mean, Tig.

• 24:41Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, to, to, to the audience knows, we're taping this a few days before, so I'm, this is not my birthday and I'm alone, so don't worry.

• 24:51Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you're just saying you haven't planned anything two weeks in advance.

• 24:55Fortune Feimster?

  Two weeks in advance.

• 24:56Tig Notaro?

  Cause I was just thinking, our audience is gonna be deeply bummed with everything that's been going on in your life to think that you have absolutely no plans on your birthday.

• 25:05Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, this is a weird year for me.

• 25:08Tig Notaro?

  It is. Um, weird is a light way of putting it.

• 25:12Fortune Feimster?

  That's true. That's true.

• 25:14Tig Notaro?

  And how are you doing?

• 25:16Fortune Feimster?

  I'm okay. I'm, you know, it's, it's a, I guess we haven't talked about it on the pod, but, uh, Jackson and I are getting a divorce. Um, so, uh, this is my first birthday in ten years, um, as a non-married person or whatever it is. Um, yeah, it's, it's different. I mean, but I'm, I'm okay. It's, it's, um,

• 25:45Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, we haven't talked about it at all, but I guess, yeah, I don't, I'm not gonna talk about anything about what happened, other than like, it just, unfortunately, these things happened and

• 25:58Mae Martin?

  More commonly than not, they did, right?

• 26:00Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, we love each other a lot, and it's amicable, and we had ten awesome years and, and many good times, and there's a lot of love there, and um, sometimes these things just don't go the distance, and unfortunately, it didn't, and um, yeah, I've, it's not, it's, we've been separated for a bit, but it wasn't something I could, you know, really talk about yet, and this, and then the stuff, that, that happened first, and then this, my mom got cancer. Uh, it was a pretty big doozy, um, of a time, because those happened around the same times.

• 26:41Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, but the stuff with Jax was first, so it didn't, the stuff with my mom was independent of that, um.

• 26:49Mae Martin?

  I feel like it's, these things are never linear in terms of your feelings about it, but we're with you, like, I'm sure it'll be a process of like, feeling, feeling super positive and proactive about like, change, and then also, there's grief, of course, and like

• 27:04Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, and our lives were so intertwined for so long, and I've obviously talked about Jax a lot, and stand up, and life, and you know, just um, so it's a bit of a change to like, suddenly not be talking about us, and not be talking about any of it, but it just wasn't the time to delve into it, we were figuring things out for a long time, and um, yeah, so it's so, it's going into forty-five is interesting with a divorce, and my mom's sick, and um, the one thing I think it is doing for me is just like uh, just making me realize life is short, and

• 27:44Fortune Feimster?

  I just wanna like, be happy, and, and not sweat things too much, and just live life, and like, my goal for this time is to find the light, that's my uh, where I'm at right now, is just where's the positive, where's the light? The, the first half of this year was rough, but

• 28:08Tig Notaro?

  Well, yeah, I was gonna say, when all of this started to

• 28:14Tig Notaro?

  Kind of shake loose and shift in your life, which of course it's been a beat now, several months and the roller coaster that you have been on and where you're landing right now, even though it's not completely solid ground, it's a whole new foundation that I think is going to be a really sturdy place to build from.

• 28:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 28:45Tig Notaro?

  And, and to embrace whatever it is, um, coming and the light that you're welcoming. And, um, but yeah, I just, I'm very impressed by you.

• 29:01Mae Martin?

  Me too.

• 29:02Tig Notaro?

  And how you have.

• 29:05Mae Martin?

  Stayed generous and warm with people and like just kept your, yeah. And I feel like whenever, I mean, take your most stranger to this and well, me too. Like when, when everything is stripped away like that, it's, it's, um, like maybe, maybe you have to be a bit further through it, but it's reassuring to know that they're like, you do have yourself and your self, like, uh, what am I trying to say? Like, like you're not empty and bereft. There's a, you have, you have to rely on yourself and you have to show up for yourself and take care of yourself.

• 29:46Mae Martin?

  And there's something really affirming about doing that kind of and being like, oh, I can do that for myself and I value my, myself in that way. You know what I mean?

• 29:57Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 29:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 29:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, this is not how I thought life would unfold. I mean, but that's life and, um, you know, I enjoyed being in a relationship and a committed relationship. I liked being married. I liked the peace that came with that. And so it wasn't, um, you know,

• 30:20Fortune Feimster?

  Where I expected things to go, but um, I don't know, I'm kind of focusing on the like victory of a 10 years, like

• 30:31Tig Notaro?

  Dude.

• 30:32Fortune Feimster?

  You know, that

• 30:32Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 30:33Fortune Feimster?

  That was a really successful relationship.

• 30:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 30:38Fortune Feimster?

  And not focusing as much on the ending of it. And because at first I, it felt like a failure. And then I just had to kind of shift my perspective in that, no, it was, that was very successful. And what we both needed at that time in our lives and it worked for a really long time and, and that is awesome. And that's where I'm gonna keep those memories of that relationship and of her. And um, yeah, it's just a tough time to sort of um, enter into this new phase, but I'm actually feeling very positive about things and

• 31:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 31:17Fortune Feimster?

  A new chapter. I am.

• 31:19Tig Notaro?

  I can feel it in you. I mean, it's so palpable. In fact, I would like to declare July 1st, 2025 as Fortune Marie Feimster's rebirth day.

• 31:31Fortune Feimster?

  Wow.

• 31:32Tig Notaro?

  Yes. Rebirth day. Okay.

• 31:35Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, that's right. And I feel that. I feel, I feel very, despite the things, I feel po- positivity. I feel goodness going into a new chapter.

• 31:49Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 31:49Fortune Feimster?

  I'm not dwelling on the negative. I'm gonna, you know, uh, live life and work and have fun and connect with friends and focus on my mom and, and just, yeah, I, I don't wanna, I don't wanna sit in the, the ick. I, I sat in that for a long time.

• 32:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 32:07Fortune Feimster?

  Dealing with everything and, and I'm coming into a new era with it all and just feeling very good.

• 32:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you deserve to enjoy and celebrate the life that you've made every day, like, you know, and, and

• 32:23Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, there's a lot of positive things that have come of it too. I've, you know, it's My friends have been amazing and people have shown up for me in these incredible ways. And so many people have reached out both about the divorce and about my mom. And you know, it just makes you feel like, God, I must be doing something right to have people care like this. So it reaffirms, you know, even though one thing's ending, it shows you, you know, these other valuable people in your life and connections and that I'm really grateful for.

• 33:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 33:04Fortune Feimster?

  So, yeah. It's weird to have another podcast where I'm like, and this big thing too.

• 33:11Mae Martin?

  I know, I feel like people, people have been picking up on it and it's, it's, it's nice to that you're sharing it. And I think everybody's just desperate to show you the love.

• 33:20Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, a lot of people for months have been like, you seem sad. And I'm like, I'm fine.

• 33:26Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's, it's, yeah, you just kind of have to bite your lip and the people around you have to bite their lip and just, you, you talk about it when and if you want and

• 33:38Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. And I, you know, I want to respect Jax's privacy. She's, you know, doesn't, well, she didn't, she's not a public figure in this way and doesn't want her, you know, business out there. And I get that. And she's had to be more public than she would want because of me. So I'm gonna, you know, honor that and, and not just share, you know, stuff that's just for us.

• 34:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Yeah, that sounds, that makes sense.

• 34:08Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 34:09Fortune Feimster?

  But thanks, guys. It's my birthday.

• 34:12Tig Notaro?

  It's your rebirth day.

• 34:15Fortune Feimster?

  Is that why the song was so slow?

• 34:17Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 34:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we had to spread joy, but also kind of, you know,

• 34:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah, we sung it like a

• 34:25Tig Notaro?

  keep it down a bit.

• 34:27Mae Martin?

  Like an ancient hymn.

• 34:28Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 34:34Fortune Feimster?

  But it's all, it's, it's, it's all good. I am genuinely feeling good about where I'm headed.

• 34:43Mae Martin?

  We're, we're heading into hot, hot boy summer, like

• 34:49Mae Martin?

  beautiful weather.

• 34:50Tig Notaro?

  Oh my gosh, Fortune, can you make some sort of picture of yourself or video or something?

• 34:56Mae Martin?

  Me in a tank top?

• 34:57Tig Notaro?

  Just you in your hot boy summer?

• 35:00Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think, I don't think I, I, me in a tank top does not quite look as

• 35:05Tig Notaro?

  Excuse me, you've been showing off your gams and your guns and

• 35:09Mae Martin?

  I saw a clip of you-

• 35:11Tig Notaro?

  I mean, seriously, Fortune?

• 35:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you were showing off your guns on Instagram. I saw that.

• 35:16Tig Notaro?

  Guns and gams, that's your next special.

• 35:19Fortune Feimster?

  Listen, treading, treading water, trying not to eat as much crap on the road. I'm, I'm doing my best. Last tour, I just got so out of control, so.

• 35:28Tig Notaro?

  Well, as long as you're doing what-

• 35:30Mae Martin?

  Oh dude, it's so hard though. Like I, there was a day where I ate McDonald's twice in a day, like in the van. Cause you're just like traveling and there's not much around and yeah.

• 35:40Tig Notaro?

  And what does that, I haven't had McDonald's, you know, in a beat. And I was just wondering, like, does it feel? Like it would destroy my insides?

• 35:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 35:49Tig Notaro?

  And because you eat dairy and meat and stuff, does it? Like, does it just feel like you ate a meal and you move on? Or are you like, oh boy, I had McDonald's?

• 35:59Mae Martin?

  And for the record, I'm not, I'm not like, I've, this is not, I'm not advocating for McDonald's in any way. I'm sure they're, I know they're the most problematic.

• 36:11Mae Martin?

  But I do love an Egg McMuffin and I had, so I had like that for breakfast, which is actually pretty, and then I, but then I had 20 chicken nuggets and that was what fucked me.

• 36:19Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, 20, that's a lot of nuggets.

• 36:21Mae Martin?

  But to be honest, the thing that really messed me up was one day I thought, I'll have Subway sandwiches, cause that's healthier than McDonald's. I don't know, man. I don't think that's real.

• 36:31Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, cause it's all like processed stuff?

• 36:34Mae Martin?

  My inside, it was a

• 36:35Tig Notaro?

  Well, like McDonald's isn't processed.

• 36:38Fortune Feimster?

  You know, those fresh nugs at McDonald's.

• 36:42Tig Notaro?

  It's like a chicken walk through the store.

• 36:45Fortune Feimster?

  This is like a bunch of parts that are fried.

• 36:49Tig Notaro?

  So, but it's like you feel it. That's what I'm always curious. Cause like I would, I would truly be on a gurney.

• 36:56Mae Martin?

  I do feel it. Yeah. But wait, Fortune, because also a lot of people were commenting after the shows, um, nice guns and Fortune's got the gams. Like, like

• 37:05Tig Notaro?

  Guns and gams. Let's do that calendar.

• 37:08Mae Martin?

  And then my, um, drummer had a

• 37:09Tig Notaro?

  Guns and gams. That would be their name of our sexy calendar.

• 37:13Fortune Feimster?

  Guns and gams. Yeah.

• 37:14Tig Notaro?

  Oh my God. We have to do it. Go ahead, May.

• 37:16Mae Martin?

  Wait, but what would be yours?

• 37:18Tig Notaro?

  Fortune.

• 37:19Mae Martin?

  Guns, gams, and then Tig, what are you?

• 37:22Tig Notaro?

  I have guns and gams. Thank you. Uh, thank you very much.

• 37:28Mae Martin?

  I know, but Fortune.

• 37:30Fortune Feimster?

  And Tig, what were you?

• 37:31Tig Notaro?

  Okay, I'll just be the titless wonder.

• 37:35Mae Martin?

  Guns, gams, and the titless wonder.

• 37:38Fortune Feimster?

  Guns, gams, and tits.

• 37:44Tig Notaro?

  Guns, gams, and jugs.

• 37:46Fortune Feimster?

  Oh my God. So funny.

• 37:49Tig Notaro?

  I have a surprising amount of guns and gams, but I just don't, you know.

• 37:54Mae Martin?

  Flaunt them.

• 37:55Tig Notaro?

  I just don't flaunt them around on my rock and roll tour.

• 37:58Fortune Feimster?

  Right. I do love the word jugs.

• 38:01Mae Martin?

  Jugs, guns.

• 38:03Tig Notaro?

  Milkers.

• 38:06Fortune Feimster?

  We gotta get this calendar done. There's times that tick in.

• 38:10Mae Martin?

  We really do. We really do.

• 38:13Fortune Feimster?

  Well, what a treat.

• 38:15Tig Notaro?

  Let's get at it. All right. Let's get to our question asker. Uh, this is really, uh,

• 38:21Fortune Feimster?

  There's a legend here.

• 38:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. One of my favorite concerts I've ever been to. I've said it before and I'll keep saying it till the day I am no longer with us. Today's question asker is, uh, an Emmy, Grammy, and Tony winning singer who has sold over 50 million records. That is a lot of records. Not as many as you have sold, May, but very close. She was the first female artist to have four top five hits on the Billboard Top 100. She was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame this year. Cindy Lauper is asking today's question.

• 39:02Mae Martin?

  Oh, man.

• 39:03Speaker 00

  Have you ever considered writing a cookbook?

• 39:10Fortune Feimster?

  Cindy just gets right to the point. This is my question.

• 39:13Mae Martin?

  Right to it.

• 39:14Tig Notaro?

  Oh Cindy, most people usually say hi to us, but she doesn't have time.

• 39:19Mae Martin?

  Can we acknowledge that Cyndi Lauper just has one of the greatest speaking voices of all time? Like

• 39:26Tig Notaro?

  Absolutely.

• 39:27Mae Martin?

  That accent and she's so charismatic and just

• 39:31Tig Notaro?

  Have you seen her live?

• 39:33Mae Martin?

  Never.

• 39:34Fortune Feimster?

  Oh yeah, she's so good.

• 39:35Tig Notaro?

  You've seen her live, Fortune?

• 39:36Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:37Tig Notaro?

  I mean, I mean, this woman, and I say it all the time, like if you see that she's gonna be in concert, get front row center to watch her. I mean, she's just a powerhouse. And she's like running all over the stage, singing her face.

• 39:55Mae Martin?

  She is?

• 39:57Fortune Feimster?

  Yes. She wrote Kinky Boots too, the music on that. That was a fun little show.

• 40:01Tig Notaro?

  She did? Yes. She's no joke.

• 40:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and I feel like I'd be shocked by the number of hits that I forget that she has. Like if I saw her live, I'd be like, oh, I know all these songs.

• 40:12Fortune Feimster?

  Well, that's the fun part about seeing her live is everyone's like belting out the songs.

• 40:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's a greatest hits concert, no doubt.

• 40:19Mae Martin?

  Wow.

• 40:20Tig Notaro?

  So, yeah, how do you choose what, I guess Girls Just Wanna Have Fun would be the

• 40:25Fortune Feimster?

  That would be my, that's my jam.

• 40:27Mae Martin?

  Mine would be True Colors.

• 40:29Tig Notaro?

  I love Money Changes Everything. Do you know that song?

• 40:34Fortune Feimster?

  Rock Lobster?

• 40:35Tig Notaro?

  Such a good, Rock Lobster?

• 40:38Fortune Feimster?

  What's the name of it?

• 40:39Tig Notaro?

  That's B-52's.

• 40:42Mae Martin?

  Who's Rock Lobster?

• 40:44Fortune Feimster?

  Oh yeah, that is.

• 40:45Tig Notaro?

  That's a song by the B-52's.

• 40:49Tig Notaro?

  Fortune's like, oh, and Start Me Up?

• 40:52Fortune Feimster?

  Does she sing about lobsters at all?

• 40:55Tig Notaro?

  I'm sure. She's been around for a beat, you know? She's sold 50 million records.

• 41:00Fortune Feimster?

  Why did I mix that up?

• 41:01Tig Notaro?

  Probably some sort of crustacean that she's mentioned or sung about.

• 41:04Fortune Feimster?

  I do like the B-52's as well.

• 41:06Tig Notaro?

  Okay, well, that's a whole other day.

• 41:12Fortune Feimster?

  And Love Shack, that's a good song.

• 41:15Tig Notaro?

  Yes, Fortune, but those are, these, those are Georgia folk. This is a New Yorker, all right?

• 41:22Fortune Feimster?

  A New Yorker.

• 41:23Tig Notaro?

  New Yorker.

• 41:24Mae Martin?

  And I need to say that Cyndi Lauper sung the Peewee, the Peewee's Playhouse theme under a pseudonym of Ellen Shaw, but she, she, and I think I've sung it on the pod before.

• 41:36Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think about.

• 41:38Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe I'll sing about She Bop.

• 41:41Fortune Feimster?

  True, uh, Time After Time, also a good one.

• 41:44Mae Martin?

  Time After Time.

• 41:46Tig Notaro?

  Yes. And the sadness at the end.

• 41:48Fortune Feimster?

  So far, I don't see any songs about lobster.

• 41:53Mae Martin?

  Okay, and she's asking us about cookbooks, about whether.

• 41:56Tig Notaro?

  But I really want to emphasize how great Money Changes Everything is. Okay.

• 42:00Mae Martin?

  I'll put it on my list to listen to.

• 42:02Tig Notaro?

  Can you sing it? Have you not ever heard it, May? Cause you sounded excited when I mentioned it. You were like, oh, money changes ever. Or were you just like, yeah, in general, money does change everything.

• 42:14Fortune Feimster?

  May would just agree that they also like rock lobster.

• 42:18Mae Martin?

  I know. I think when you said it, I was thinking of money, money, money, must be funny.

• 42:24Fortune Feimster?

  Funny in a rich man's world. ABBA, right?

• 42:27Mae Martin?

  That's ABBA, yeah.

• 42:28Fortune Feimster?

  Another great song.

• 42:30Tig Notaro?

  Okay, but not Cyndi Lauper's Money Changes Everything. Anyway, what, her question is, have you ever thought about writing a cookbook?

• 42:40Mae Martin?

  Yes. Tig, I feel like of the three of us, you.

• 42:43Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you would be the first to actually do one.

• 42:46Tig Notaro?

  Yes, I have considered, in fact, I kind of went a little wide with my, not wide, but like with Stephanie's family and our immediate family. Cause Stephanie's sister is a phenomenal cook and she bakes and, and then we've had to, you know, becoming vegan, we had to learn how to feed ourselves and started digging into cookbooks in a way that I hadn't in my life before, um, as soon as my, our diets changed. And so, um. Yeah, it definitely interests me.

• 43:20Mae Martin?

  If you were to make a cookbook, would it be funny as well? Like, would you write?

• 43:24Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 43:25Mae Martin?

  Oh, deadly serious.

• 43:27Fortune Feimster?

  Cooking is serious.

• 43:30Tig Notaro?

  Um, I'm sure there would be some humor.

• 43:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 43:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but I would, I did, I did this, I don't know if I talked about it, but I did the climate summit in Los Angeles.

• 43:41Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 43:42Tig Notaro?

  Hollywood Climate Summit. And what I was talking about was, you know, if you do make a switch to eating plant-based, it's really important to have the thing that's making you make the shift. So you, like anything else, so you don't lose your North Star. And that's why, like with my health, I don't ever lose that. Cause when people are like, is it hard for you to, to be around these yummy things? And I'm like, no, like you eat what you want. I'm gonna eat what I want. And here's my reason why I do what I do. And so in order to keep going towards my North Star,

• 44:21Tig Notaro?

  I needed to make sure I knew how to sustain myself. And so those are the two things, big pieces of my advice is to have that reason, the purpose that you're, you're eating the way you are. And the other is to make sure that you've done the research to know how to sustain yourself while you're making that transition, even if it's as basic as a peanut butter and banana sandwich, you know?

• 44:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:50Tig Notaro?

  So anyway, I just, it does interest me for sure.

• 44:54Mae Martin?

  I'd buy it.

• 44:55Tig Notaro?

  I'd give you one. I'd give you a copy, little cowboy.

• 44:58Mae Martin?

  Would you sign it?

• 44:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and Fortune, you too. I'd give you one. Thomas, you as well. You don't know how to make a peanut butter and banana sandwich?

• 45:06Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, that I do, and I do love peanut butter.

• 45:08Mae Martin?

  I don't know that I need that in a cookbook, but I.

• 45:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that is one thing I feel like we could just know how to do.

• 45:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but people forget that there are so many staples that are vegan, I guess is my point.

• 45:20Mae Martin?

  Yes, that's actually a good thing to remind people of, because you think, oh, I don't love falafel or whatever, but like, there are. So many things, even Oreos are vegan.

• 45:30Fortune Feimster?

  Would you include your recipe for Dyke dust?

• 45:34Tig Notaro?

  Um, no.

• 45:36Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, that's gonna always be a secret.

• 45:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. I mean, look, it's not that much of a secret if you look closely at it.

• 45:45Mae Martin?

  All right, if you inspect it, you can.

• 45:47Tig Notaro?

  What I have moved on from is my, um, steel cut oatmeal.

• 45:52Mae Martin?

  Oh, you're over it?

• 45:54Tig Notaro?

  I have moved on to a smoothie that incorporates so many high nutrient elements.

• 46:01Fortune Feimster?

  I might need that recipe from you. I should start drinking smoothies.

• 46:05Tig Notaro?

  Okay, this smoothie, you can really, if you have this, go about your day knowing that you've gotten a lot of really good stuff into your diet. And I've told you that, Fortune, that if you, you've asked me about it before and I, I would gladly make it or show you how to do it. But only if people are genuinely interested.

• 46:23Fortune Feimster?

  I'm genuinely interested. I just don't put berries in smoothies.

• 46:27Mae Martin?

  Oh, you have the seeds.

• 46:28Fortune Feimster?

  The blueberry, blueberries I can do, but not strawberries or any of those.

• 46:32Tig Notaro?

  Blueberries are perfect. They're one of the best things you can eat as a human being on this planet.

• 46:38Fortune Feimster?

  Cause I need to start getting more nutrients in my body.

• 46:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah, me too, me too. But isn't it crazy that in that, like, I have such vivid memories of my grandma, who was an amazing cook, having these old cookbooks, like thick volumes that had all notes in the margins and like stuff stuck in and like now we just Google things, but those cookbooks were like, I don't, they were so important to my grandma.

• 47:02Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, we, we have some of my grandma's cookbooks that like she hand wrote in a bunch of them. That's, I again, don't really know how to cook, so I don't have them, but someone in my family does and I know it's a treasure.

• 47:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's, that would be a good thing to have, like, just the staples, like to be able to whip up like a white sauce for a thing or like a, or a red sauce. I'm only thinking of colored sauces.

• 47:27Tig Notaro?

  Somebody's green sauce.

• 47:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 47:29Tig Notaro?

  One of my favorite things that I still tease Stephanie about, and it's just become part of our life, is I was, I was looking through one of the cookbooks and that she had made a note by one of, one of the things that said, it's okay if it jiggles.

• 47:52Tig Notaro?

  And to this day.

• 47:54Fortune Feimster?

  Them jugs.

• 47:55Tig Notaro?

  To this day, no matter if it's a human body, if it's anything out in the world, or if it's a piece of food that's in the oven, whatever it is, we love turning to each other and saying, and remember, it's okay if it jiggles, or, you know, it's okay if it jiggles. Maybe that would be the name of my cookbook, is it's okay if it jiggles.

• 48:18Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that would be funny. You should actually do this.

• 48:22Tig Notaro?

  I would like to.

• 48:23Fortune Feimster?

  I would like to. And because you did all that studying on nutrition and everything, too, you probably have all this information.

• 48:30Mae Martin?

  Guys, my dad wrote a cookbook, you know, in his twenties, called The Seducer's Cookbook.

• 48:35Tig Notaro?

  I don't think I knew this.

• 48:37Fortune Feimster?

  Runs in the family.

• 48:37Mae Martin?

  I think I've talked about it on the pod, because it is really strange. It was a, he was in his twenties, and it's a cookbook about how to, how to, I don't know, I like.

• 48:47Fortune Feimster?

  Seduce people through food?

• 48:49Mae Martin?

  Kind of, how to impress a date, basically, with food.

• 48:52Tig Notaro?

  That's such a great idea.

• 48:53Mae Martin?

  It's kind of tongue in cheek and ironic a little bit, but also flipping through it, some of these recipes are like sardines, and like, they're not date-friendly recipes, but it is a really strange part of his history that he's written this.

• 49:09Tig Notaro?

  And is it published? Or is it just for the family?

• 49:12Mae Martin?

  No, it's published.

• 49:13Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 49:14Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, wow.

• 49:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and it's.

• 49:15Tig Notaro?

  Well, what would your, what would your cookbook be?

• 49:18Mae Martin?

  I would do, rather than a cookbook, it would be about the dinner party, like a cookbook for how to make an immersive party experience. Like, it would be sure, sure, the recipe, like a pie or something, but then, what games do you play around the pie? How do you incorporate, like?

• 49:38Tig Notaro?

  And it is okay if it jiggles.

• 49:39Mae Martin?

  And of course.

• 49:41Tig Notaro?

  Of course it is.

• 49:42Fortune Feimster?

  There's an escape room element to it.

• 49:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you're hiding a clue in the pie, and people are digging out the clue, and yeah. What about you, Fortune?

• 49:51Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I wouldn't write a cookbook, because. No, everyone knows I can't cook.

• 49:58Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 49:58Fortune Feimster?

  I have a few staples. But if I.

• 50:02Tig Notaro?

  What are your staples?

• 50:04Fortune Feimster?

  Um, that I do know how to cook?

• 50:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 50:07Fortune Feimster?

  Let's, let's think about it.

• 50:08Tig Notaro?

  Well, we don't want to rattle off a list of what you can't cook, right?

• 50:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 50:12Tig Notaro?

  That's right.

• 50:12Fortune Feimster?

  I can cook. I'm, I'm learning how to cook steaks.

• 50:16Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 50:16Fortune Feimster?

  Um, it's hard to figure that out on the grill, like the temperature, but I'm learning. Um, I can make tacos, breakfast tacos.

• 50:27Tig Notaro?

  All right.

• 50:28Fortune Feimster?

  I can make salmon. I can make, uh, pumpkin pancakes.

• 50:33Mae Martin?

  Hey.

• 50:34Tig Notaro?

  Got those.

• 50:36Fortune Feimster?

  Cause it's a Trader Joe's mix. So it's just super easy to follow.

• 50:40Tig Notaro?

  So you can open a bag?

• 50:41Fortune Feimster?

  I can open a bag and add an egg and water and all this stuff to it. Um, I can make rice.

• 50:50Fortune Feimster?

  I can make, um.

• 50:52Tig Notaro?

  Rice is hard to make.

• 50:53Fortune Feimster?

  Sweet potatoes, like a breakfast hash or burgers, um.

• 51:00Tig Notaro?

  That's a cookbook.

• 51:01Fortune Feimster?

  Chicken dishes.

• 51:02Mae Martin?

  I am buying it.

• 51:04Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, I can do, I can do some staples for sure, but if you told me to like make something fancy, I couldn't do that. But if I had to write a cookbook, cause someone's like, we're giving you a bunch of money. We need a cookbook. I would, it would be something about finger foods.

• 51:17Tig Notaro?

  Ooh.

• 51:19Mae Martin?

  Cause you love apps. You love apps.

• 51:21Tig Notaro?

  Charcuterie.

• 51:22Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 51:23Fortune Feimster?

  Yes.

• 51:24Mae Martin?

  Have charcuterie without cooter.

• 51:26Tig Notaro?

  The word cooter.

• 51:28Mae Martin?

  Actually, that would be a good sort of title for your book is charcuterie, but C O O T E R.

• 51:34Fortune Feimster?

  Yes. Something with the word cooter for sure.

• 51:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 51:37Fortune Feimster?

  But yeah, it would be just all these apps. And even if I don't cook them well, I would just give you the recipe so you could cook them better than me.

• 51:45Tig Notaro?

  I, I have a great idea for you.

• 51:47Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 51:47Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, you gotta make an app. For apps. An app app.

• 51:53Mae Martin?

  An app app.

• 51:55Tig Notaro?

  An app app. And it's an app.

• 51:57Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 51:59Tig Notaro?

  That has appetizer recipes.

• 52:01Fortune Feimster?

  Hmm. Look at that.

• 52:03Mae Martin?

  Yes, and so you're you're going to a potluck dinner, people say, can you bring an app? You go, actually, yeah.

• 52:09Fortune Feimster?

  And you go right to it. Blah, blah, blah.

• 52:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 52:11Fortune Feimster?

  You can do all, there's so many different kinds of apps, but dips. I love dips.

• 52:16Mae Martin?

  Dips.

• 52:17Fortune Feimster?

  I love jalapeno poppers.

• 52:21Tig Notaro?

  Your voice dips when you talk about.

• 52:24Fortune Feimster?

  Crab rangoons.

• 52:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 52:26Fortune Feimster?

  Pigs in the blanket. Oh, fuck, yeah. Stuff. Hmm, I love an app.

• 52:33Tig Notaro?

  One time when I was home, uh, sleeping, uh, and I had like a bunch of comedian roommates years ago, um, Henry Phillips called looking for me.

• 52:46Fortune Feimster?

  Uh huh.

• 52:46Tig Notaro?

  And Chris Fairbanks told him I was still asleep and he said, oh yeah, it's a, uh, what do you call that, a tig in a blanket?

• 52:55Mae Martin?

  That's really good.

• 52:58Fortune Feimster?

  That's nice.

• 53:00Mae Martin?

  God, that's good.

• 53:01Fortune Feimster?

  Tig in a blanket.

• 53:03Tig Notaro?

  Tig in a blanket. Meanwhile, I had no idea this hilarious joke was happening while I was, I was in a blanket, still sleeping.

• 53:11Fortune Feimster?

  That's a good one. I don't know why I've never thought of that.

• 53:14Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I hadn't either. And just to hear Henry Phillips voice, just, yeah, what is that, a tig in a blanket?

• 53:22Mae Martin?

  The image of you wrapped up in a little blanket is pretty adorable.

• 53:25Fortune Feimster?

  He's so cute, little Tiki Poo Poo.

• 53:28Tig Notaro?

  I am so cute.

• 53:29Mae Martin?

  You are.

• 53:30Tig Notaro?

  I am, I'm so cute.

• 53:32Fortune Feimster?

  You're so cute. We're all pretty cute.

• 53:35Tig Notaro?

  We are, being honest.

• 53:36Fortune Feimster?

  Very cute.

• 53:36Tig Notaro?

  We have a little something to offer everyone. We have such different guns and gams and faces and personalities and everything.

• 53:47Mae Martin?

  Jugs and no jugs.

• 53:48Fortune Feimster?

  Jugs and no jugs. That's why I'm the one over here selling bras.

• 53:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 53:54Tig Notaro?

  Slinging bras.

• 53:55Mae Martin?

  Slinging bras to the public.

• 53:58Fortune Feimster?

  In my spare time, I'm just slinging bras.

• 54:03Tig Notaro?

  Are, are they flying off the shelves when you're?

• 54:06Fortune Feimster?

  Flying off the shelf. They're like, if Fortune's wearing those, we're in.

• 54:13Fortune Feimster?

  That's why people come to the handsome pod, because there's a little something for everybody.

• 54:17Tig Notaro?

  Oh my God, I was so lazy about buying bras forever. And I dated this woman years ago, and she brought her mom's old bra over, and I wore her mother's bra.

• 54:30Fortune Feimster?

  What?

• 54:31Tig Notaro?

  And it fell apart. Because I just, I'm somebody that will wear my underwear until, as Paula Poundstone says, until it turns into a dream catcher. And I wore my ex-girlfriend's mother's bra for at least five years.

• 54:53Fortune Feimster?

  Why? Why did she bring you?

• 54:55Tig Notaro?

  I just, I'm not a shopaholic, I'll be honest with you.

• 54:59Fortune Feimster?

  But why is there one bra?

• 55:01Tig Notaro?

  I'm wearing, I'm wearing a Nashville Comedy Festival, that's, I don't shop much. But she, she was like, oh, I think you and my mom have the same size jugs. And before mine were tossed into a dumpster.

• 55:17Fortune Feimster?

  The itty bitty titty committee.

• 55:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, how dare you.

• 55:19Fortune Feimster?

  I assume they weren't big before.

• 55:23Tig Notaro?

  They were not, look, you knew me when I had them.

• 55:26Fortune Feimster?

  I know.

• 55:27Tig Notaro?

  So no, they were not big, but they're okay if they jiggle. But, but yeah, she was like, you need a new bra. And then she just brought over my, her mother's bra one day. And she was like, here, just wear my mother's.

• 55:40Fortune Feimster?

  But that wasn't a turn off. She just grabbed one bra.

• 55:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. That's all I needed. And I wore it for five years.

• 55:49Fortune Feimster?

  I think I might still have it.

• 55:51Tig Notaro?

  I'll, I'll sign it and sell it.

• 55:52Fortune Feimster?

  I hope you washed it.

• 55:55Tig Notaro?

  We can all sign my ex-girlfriend's mother's bra.

• 56:00Fortune Feimster?

  Oh my God. Sell that on.

• 56:05Tig Notaro?

  That's probably why I got breast cancer. I was wearing a dirty bra for years.

• 56:14Mae Martin?

  Beige. From the 1950s.

• 56:17Fortune Feimster?

  Bra that's like two sizes too big for you.

• 56:19Mae Martin?

  From, it's got asbestos in it because it's from the.

• 56:22Fortune Feimster?

  The wires have disintegrated.

• 56:26Tig Notaro?

  Oh my God, the wires kept coming out of the sides.

• 56:31Tig Notaro?

  It was tough, mate.

• 56:32Fortune Feimster?

  This thing gave me breast cancer.

• 56:34Mae Martin?

  Oh my God.

• 56:36Tig Notaro?

  It did. It started out pristine white. And then it was like a sweaty, sweaty.

• 56:45Fortune Feimster?

  Tattered beige.

• 56:46Tig Notaro?

  Anyway, should we hear what Cindy has at what, May?

• 56:50Mae Martin?

  Like if a charity got in touch with you and was like, do you have something to auction? And you were like, yes, I have my ex-girlfriend's mother's bra. That I think gave me cancer.

• 57:01Tig Notaro?

  May cause cancer. Oh God. Okay, let's hear what Cindy has to say.

• 57:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 57:10Speaker 00

  You know, I have. But it depends. In this one particular period of time in my life, I was a little pissed off. So I decided I was gonna write the Agita Cookbook. It's not a cookbook you want to serve to everybody, but you know, it's like when you're really pissed off, you know.

• 57:33Tig Notaro?

  Pissed off.

• 57:34Speaker 00

  Things that shouldn't go together, you know, to give people you don't really like, but. All kidding aside, I have written recipes down from my grandmother or somebody else's grandmother or their mother.

• 57:54Speaker 00

  And I was my mother's sous chef. So yes, I do know regular recipes. But I just think the Agita Cookbook could be, it could be big. It gets, it's funny. Come on.

• 58:05Tig Notaro?

  I like it. I like it. And I also thought she, when she answered, was just gonna say, yes, I have.

• 58:12Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. That was it.

• 58:14Tig Notaro?

  You know, when she was just talking, I was thinking, can you imagine if she ever, ever in her life tried to prank call someone? They would just be like, hey Cindy.

• 58:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 58:26Tig Notaro?

  You know, even if you didn't, even if you don't know her personally and she just randomly called you.

• 58:31Mae Martin?

  You got Cindy Loppers on the phone.

• 58:33Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, Cindy Loppers prank calling me.

• 58:35Mae Martin?

  It's an incredible voice and there's like a, the like musicality of it is just lends itself to comedic delivery so well.

• 58:44Tig Notaro?

  Like, I know she should be like 24/7 booked as a voiceover actor. Maybe she is. I have no idea, but.

• 58:52Mae Martin?

  A time in my life.

• 58:54Tig Notaro?

  Time in my life.

• 58:54Mae Martin?

  It wasn't like that. Pissed off. Yeah, that was incredible. I would, but I, she's right that like there is something nice about intergenerational recipe transmission. Like, that's really nice and I should make, I should look for those cookbooks of my grandmother's.

• 59:10Tig Notaro?

  Intergenerational cookbooks that cause anxiety, stress, or aggravation.

• 59:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 59:19Tig Notaro?

  Well, that was a, a real treat to have Cindy Lauper on the handsome pod. She's keeping it handsome, is she not?

• 59:25Mae Martin?

  She really is.

• 59:27Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, she's a pretty little lady.

• 59:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I want to know what you guys are, have coming up. And I will say, so many people on the tour said, this is the trifecta. I've seen all three of you live. I want to say, that is such a quantifiable and tangible way to support, like, live comedy or, or performance. And it's really, so we can't do it without people showing up. And it's so nice that people like travel and come to shows. It's just like the best way to show some support. So, thank you.

• 59:56Tig Notaro?

  Absolutely. Gosh, people show us so much support. It's kind of embarrassing how much.

• 1:00:02Mae Martin?

  Just like your ex-girlfriend's mother's bra.

• 1:00:07Tig Notaro?

  Well, I'm going to tell you right here and now where I'm going to be, where you can show me support with your ex's mom's dirty old bra.

• 1:00:17Tig Notaro?

  June 21st, I'm gonna be a Dynasty Typewriter and I have been writing my face off with new materials. So come on down. August 17th, West Hampton Beach Performing Arts Center in West Hampton Beach, New York. That is going to be a grand old time. And then August 23rd, I'll be in Provincetown, Massachusetts. So come on out. Go to Tignotaro.com for ticket information, show information, and I'll see you there.

• 1:00:48Fortune Feimster?

  July 20th, I'm in Edmonton, out in Canada with Mateo Lane. And then still in Canada, July 26th, I'm doing a gala in Montreal. Then-

• 1:01:00Mae Martin?

  I'm doing it, too.

• 1:01:01Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah?

• 1:01:02Mae Martin?

  I'm doing your gala in Montreal.

• 1:01:05Fortune Feimster?

  Amazing, amazing. Very cool. And then, starting in September, ton of dates, San Antonio, Houston, Norfolk, Virginia, and Richmond, Virginia, DC, Portland, Maine, Boston, Burlington, Mobile, New Orleans, tons of stuff, Atlanta, Cincinnati, Chicago, Salt Lake City. You can go to my website, FortuneFemster.com for tickets.

• 1:01:28Mae Martin?

  I'm not doing a ton. I'm traveling a bunch, but I'm in Montreal for Just for Laughs on July 25th, doing a Mae Martin and Friends comedy show and doing Fortune's gala. So see you in Montreal.

• 1:01:42Tig Notaro?

  Well, please, if you enjoyed a cackle, or if you let it jiggle this episode, please share this episode with a friend that you would like to join this handsome community. Subscribe to our podcast. And also, we have a YouTube page. And until next time, hmm?

• 1:02:04Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it handsome!

• 1:02:07Tig Notaro?

  Happy birthday, Fortune.

• 1:02:09Mae Martin?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected]. And please, follow us on social media, @handsomepod.

• 1:02:31Speaker 04

  That was a HeadGum Podcast. What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 1:02:35Speaker 05

  And Hannah Simone.

• 1:02:37Speaker 04

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog-

• 1:02:58Speaker 05

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 1:03:11Speaker 04

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes, we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 1:03:22Speaker 05

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.