John Ross Bowie asks about time travel

John Ross Bowie (The Big Bang Theory, Stuart Fails to Save the Universe) asks Handsome a transportive question on today's episode! Plus Thomas reads from the list, "woofing it down," Tig meeting Mickey, and more! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepod and Hulu https://www.hulu.com/series/b583d0bc-eeb0-4560-8b2b-5c8ae0248a19?play=false&utm_source=shared_linkThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Welcome to the Handsome Pod. I am Tig Notaro, sitting here with my co-hosts, and their names are

• 0:26Mae Martin?

  Mae Martin.

• 0:27Tig Notaro?

  And Fortune Beamster. Oh, my gosh, go to Hulu. Fortune just did a thumbs up.

• 0:33Mae Martin?

  It's electric.

• 0:35Fortune Feimster?

  Wiggy, wiggy, wiggy, wiggy.

• 0:37Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yes, it's electric. I did. I do.

• 0:41Fortune Feimster?

  That was early days when I couldn't believe that the two of you didn't know the electric slide.

• 0:46Mae Martin?

  Still don't know it.

• 0:49Fortune Feimster?

  What do you even do at weddings?

• 0:51Tig Notaro?

  Um, get married.

• 0:53Fortune Feimster?

  But I mean, as a guest, if you're not, you didn't know the electric slide, you didn't know the cupid shuffle or the wobble.

• 1:00Mae Martin?

  I do a lot of jumping up and down. Yeah, pointing is good.

• 1:03Tig Notaro?

  I just get out there and I do this.

• 1:06Mae Martin?

  My style of dancing is kind of like a 12-year-old boy at a Blink-182 concert, just jumping up and down like that.

• 1:12Tig Notaro?

  Oh, you should hang out with Max and Finn. They can't wait to go to, well, they can't wait to go to Blink-182 concerts.

• 1:18Mae Martin?

  That'd be a great concert.

• 1:19Fortune Feimster?

  I'm a fun wedding guest.

• 1:22Mae Martin?

  I don't doubt it.

• 1:23Tig Notaro?

  Explain.

• 1:24Fortune Feimster?

  Like.

• 1:24Tig Notaro?

  What do you do?

• 1:25Fortune Feimster?

  I, um, I like weddings, especially.

• 1:30Tig Notaro?

  What else?

• 1:31Fortune Feimster?

  I like them if they're, if they've got really good food. So as long as they got really good food, I'm in a good mood. So if, if I've been, um, satiated in that way, then I'm like, it's dance floor time. And then I'm like on the dance floor, getting everybody going, you know?

• 1:51Mae Martin?

  That is good.

• 1:52Tig Notaro?

  What happens if they have bad food? What does that look like?

• 1:55Fortune Feimster?

  Sucking in a corner. I'll maybe, I'll maybe do the wobble at one point.

• 2:02Tig Notaro?

  What is that?

• 2:03Fortune Feimster?

  Wobble it and wobble it and wobble it, wobble it and wobble it. Yeah, yeah.

• 2:08Mae Martin?

  That's it?

• 2:09Tig Notaro?

  I don't know what that is.

• 2:10Fortune Feimster?

  No, I don't know the, I can't, I don't know the whole song, but there's like a dance, there's a dance, uh, it's like a line dance, but it's called the wobble. And you all do it together.

• 2:24Mae Martin?

  Well, would you ever instigate a conga line?

• 2:26Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:27Mae Martin?

  You would? Yeah, you're new, you're necessary.

• 2:30Tig Notaro?

  I started a conga line at my sister-in-law's wedding. And I had, uh, her baby in the carriage and I started a conga line with the baby carriage. And then I got a whole situation going. Yeah, it was really fun. That's a fun one.

• 2:48Mae Martin?

  My thing at a wedding is you'll find me like in the corner trapped with, but like by choice with like a strange uncle or, or second cousin who's telling me like some weird stuff from their life. And I'm just like, uh huh, yeah. Oh, wow. Look, that's interesting.

• 3:05Tig Notaro?

  Interested?

• 3:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's the thing. I am. Yeah. Yeah.

• 3:09Tig Notaro?

  Bless your heart.

• 3:10Mae Martin?

  I like those, those sort of stragglers who are a little shy and then all the, all the young people are dancing and stuff. And they're kind of there like, yeah, I like that.

• 3:18Tig Notaro?

  You know what that reminds me of? It's a song that makes me cry every time I hear it. In fact, I talk about how much the song makes me cry. And then Stephanie and I.

• 3:33Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, which one is it?

• 3:35Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh, I just pictured for the first time in my life, cheek to cheek, like asses together.

• 3:40Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God, is that what that song's about?

• 3:42Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 3:43Mae Martin?

  We don't know.

• 3:44Tig Notaro?

  Okay. So we have a good idea though, May, that it's not about that. But, um, we were in Colorado, as you know, over the summer, and we were walking past this, uh, tent at a festival. And this guy was alone on the stage, singing with his acoustic guitar, the exact song that destroys me. And I stood there and watched, I was like, Stephanie, this is the song. And I stood there just tears rolling down my cheeks. And it's, are you familiar with John Prine?

• 4:18Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 4:19Tig Notaro?

  Do you know John Prine's song, Hello in There?

• 4:22Mae Martin?

  No, I'm writing it down.

• 4:23Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 4:24Mae Martin?

  Is this gonna kill me?

• 4:25Tig Notaro?

  It, it'll kill you, but it's basically, it's, it's kind of off of what you're saying, May, is like the lonesome uncle that nobody's talking to. This song is about not passing by elderly people in the world. And, and, and just stop and say hello in there. And it just gave me chills just seeing it. The way he sings it, cause he's John Prine. And it just destroyed, thinking about elderly people getting passed up. And, and just all you have to do is say hello in there.

• 5:01Mae Martin?

  And they have so much.

• 5:02Tig Notaro?

  I'm tearing up.

• 5:03Mae Martin?

  There's so much in there, like they have this wealth of experience and all kinds of stuff to say. Yeah.

• 5:09Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And people just walk on by, but please, will you listen to that and text me after the show? And tell me if it does anything to you?

• 5:17Mae Martin?

  I think it will. Sometimes it's also just the, the tone of the melody as well. Like, yeah, yeah.

• 5:23Tig Notaro?

  Anyway, I, God, I love John Prine and man, does that song destroy me.

• 5:28Mae Martin?

  I cry a lot at weddings anyway.

• 5:33Tig Notaro?

  What was that? Just wanted attention.

• 5:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 5:39Tig Notaro?

  Hello in there.

• 5:41Mae Martin?

  Hello in there. Wait, so your wall's painted?

• 5:44Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 5:45Mae Martin?

  It's looking behind Fortune in her new office. It's looking decorated, painted.

• 5:50Fortune Feimster?

  Does he have this on your wall?

• 5:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I do. I do. Look.

• 5:55Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 5:56Mae Martin?

  There it is. Uh, this is the framed.

• 6:00Fortune Feimster?

  Yep.

• 6:01Mae Martin?

  Picture of handsome. Thomas just said, can you describe what it is here?

• 6:04Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, for our audio listeners. Okay. So up, so I just had my office painted. So you're right, May, it's a new color, a little grayish. And I had some memorabilia framed. Um, so in the corner over here, for those listening, is, um, uh, when I did a show in, I believe that was Louisville, or was it Lexington? One of the two, I think Lexington, uh, an artist drew this of Biggie. It's him in a, with a little crown and it has my show, um, tour on it.

• 6:44Fortune Feimster?

  And I have our Handsome Pod, um, poster, um, that is the, uh, our post, uh, our little thumbnail on our podcast. Up here, I have a celebrity Wheel of Fortune. It's my name in the Wheel of Fortune thing.

• 7:01Mae Martin?

  That's wicked.

• 7:02Fortune Feimster?

  This is one of my.

• 7:03Tig Notaro?

  Why doesn't it say crashing my Exorcist bike?

• 7:09Mae Martin?

  Did I tell you guys I'm going on it?

• 7:12Tig Notaro?

  On my Exorcist bike?

• 7:14Mae Martin?

  I'm going, I'm getting on that bike. No, and I'm, I need tips, Fortune, cause I, I don't really, I didn't really grow up watching it.

• 7:21Tig Notaro?

  Only directed towards Fortune?

• 7:23Mae Martin?

  Oh, have you been on it? Oh, yeah. Sorry. Of course. Famously.

• 7:26Fortune Feimster?

  Famously Tig's crashing my Exorcist bike.

• 7:30Mae Martin?

  I'm really worried that it's gonna be like.

• 7:32Fortune Feimster?

  I watch that on repeat sometimes. I will rewind it.

• 7:35Mae Martin?

  I'm so scared that's gonna happen to me. That it's gonna be like.

• 7:38Fortune Feimster?

  You just have to go with it. It's so fun.

• 7:41Mae Martin?

  The board game. I didn't know I had the board game. And so I think that's a good sign. And, uh, but I am scared it's gonna say like, the early bird gets the worm. And I'm gonna be like, the early dick gets your mom or something. I'm nervous.

• 7:53Fortune Feimster?

  Well, it's not live, so.

• 7:55Mae Martin?

  It's not live? Okay, good.

• 7:57Tig Notaro?

  And you can bet they're not gonna have a.

• 8:02Fortune Feimster?

  It's a live audience, but it's not taped. Yeah. It's not taped to live, but it's a live audience. But that, the, the board that you spin is a lot harder to spin than you would think.

• 8:15Tig Notaro?

  It's heavy. Well, not with those guns.

• 8:17Mae Martin?

  Thanks.

• 8:18Fortune Feimster?

  These little things or old mace?

• 8:20Mae Martin?

  No, and yours. I wish you could spin it with your gams.

• 8:23Fortune Feimster?

  I know, right? It is, but you, it does, you're like, oh, man.

• 8:28Mae Martin?

  Oh, sorry, Tig's showing her guns.

• 8:31Fortune Feimster?

  And be careful when you're walking around that little platform back there, because I did it with, uh, Bobby Burke, who I love. And he was walking, oh, nice, nice arms.

• 8:41Mae Martin?

  Nice, ten guns. Tig is flexing.

• 8:45Fortune Feimster?

  He, um, stepped down off of, uh, the thing and just like face planted.

• 8:50Mae Martin?

  Wiped out?

• 8:51Fortune Feimster?

  It's, it's hard to see back there. So just be careful.

• 8:54Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God. A friend of mine just slipped in the shower and hit his head on a sink and got 17 stitches. Like, it's like, we're, we gotta be careful out there, guys.

• 9:05Fortune Feimster?

  Guys, we gotta be careful.

• 9:07Tig Notaro?

  We have to, not just out there, but in there, in your shower.

• 9:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:11Tig Notaro?

  I am so careful when I am, well, as you know, my mother died from a head injury. And so when I am in hotel rooms, I do not just cat, or any bathroom, or I am not casual about walking around. I take very careful steps.

• 9:30Mae Martin?

  I think that's good.

• 9:31Tig Notaro?

  I do too. That's why I do it.

• 9:34Mae Martin?

  I'm nervous because I, I got a barbecue guy's, a nice shiny guy. And I'm trying to, I wanna be one of those guys that flips a burger. And, um, but I'm nervous. I've never had a propane tank like that around me and I'm nervous about that.

• 9:50Fortune Feimster?

  You'll be okay. It's not, it's not bad. No. Once you get the hang of it, it's fine.

• 9:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but before you get the hang of it, it's not fine.

• 9:59Mae Martin?

  I've already lit the burgers on fire.

• 10:02Fortune Feimster?

  Just YouTube, just YouTube it.

• 10:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Well, I know to turn it, oh, turn it on and off. Close it when you're done.

• 10:08Tig Notaro?

  Then you're set. Yeah. Yeah.

• 10:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 10:12Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Okay.

• 10:14Mae Martin?

  Well, the worrying thing was the, I left it, I, I thought I'd, I'd wrapped up, I'd cleaned the barbecue. And then my friend Matt said, oh, buddy, you want me to turn off the propane tank? And I said, I did it already. And I gave him a hard time about it. He went and checked. It was not closed.

• 10:27Fortune Feimster?

  You definitely need to close it.

• 10:28Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but like Fortune said, it'll be fine. Yeah. There's nothing to worry about, you know? Just loosey goosey propane tank next to your house falling off a hill and fires in your backyard.

• 10:41Fortune Feimster?

  I only, normally the propane would just kind of leak and whatever, but where you live, people are starting fires. That's why I say make sure it's turned off.

• 10:49Mae Martin?

  I gotta be careful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I just have this image of myself as like a barbecue or like, but after we get off this, I'm gonna make dinner just for one person. Is that a time I might use the grill or is that crazy?

• 11:00Tig Notaro?

  Who is the person?

• 11:01Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna use my grill tonight.

• 11:03Mae Martin?

  You, you used your grill?

• 11:04Fortune Feimster?

  I'm going to after we tape.

• 11:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah, me too. Okay. So, so it's not weird to just make yourself a solo meal on a grill?

• 11:11Fortune Feimster?

  Not at all.

• 11:12Mae Martin?

  All right. Great.

• 11:13Tig Notaro?

  Also, are we technically taping?

• 11:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah, good question.

• 11:18Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, did I say filming?

• 11:19Tig Notaro?

  No, you said tape, after we tape.

• 11:21Fortune Feimster?

  After we tape. We're recording.

• 11:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, that's more like it.

• 11:25Fortune Feimster?

  And we're taping though.

• 11:26Tig Notaro?

  Are we?

• 11:27Fortune Feimster?

  Are we? Can you see us?

• 11:30Mae Martin?

  Is that what taping is, if you can see the person?

• 11:33Tig Notaro?

  I still thought we were recording.

• 11:34Fortune Feimster?

  Video, video's taping, audio's recording.

• 11:39Tig Notaro?

  Really?

• 11:40Fortune Feimster?

  No?

• 11:41Tig Notaro?

  I don't know.

• 11:42Mae Martin?

  I back that, yeah.

• 11:43Tig Notaro?

  Listen, we're the group that brought you Wheelbarrow.

• 11:51Tig Notaro?

  Stephanie makes fun of me anytime I pick up my phone and I say, oh, I'm gonna tape this, or whatever, and she's like, show me the tapes.

• 11:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 12:01Tig Notaro?

  So, anyway.

• 12:02Mae Martin?

  Do you guys, um, collect points on your credit cards?

• 12:05Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah, for sure, big time.

• 12:08Tig Notaro?

  Why, do you need some?

• 12:11Mae Martin?

  I need to throw my way a couple of points.

• 12:15Mae Martin?

  Well, I only just got my first credit card. I've been

• 12:18Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 12:19Mae Martin?

  Just, I'm almost 40, but I've been just using debit.

• 12:23Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, no, you've been missing out on so many points.

• 12:26Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 12:26Mae Martin?

  So I gotta, yeah, I gotta start, I gotta start doing this points thing.

• 12:31Fortune Feimster?

  You can use them to great advantage, but the trick to them is that you have to pay it off every month because it's a high interest rate.

• 12:40Mae Martin?

  Auto, I have it on auto.

• 12:42Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, so make sure you always pay it down. Don't, don't, otherwise then you're just accumulating, you know, cred, uh, bad credit.

• 12:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 12:50Fortune Feimster?

  Um, and at a very high interest rate, but they, some of these credit cards do have like an expensive fee per year, but they have a lot of benefits to them if you get the right one.

• 13:01Tig Notaro?

  Is this a commercial?

• 13:03Mae Martin?

  Uh, Amex.

• 13:04Fortune Feimster?

  It feels like it, but it's not. Okay, I have an Amex. Is it the silver one? The travel one?

• 13:10Tig Notaro?

  Is it the silver one?

• 13:11Mae Martin?

  No, it's, it looks gold.

• 13:13Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 13:14Tig Notaro?

  Then it's probably the Amex Gold.

• 13:16Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know, I don't know what that one does, but the one that I have is really amazing for traveling.

• 13:22Mae Martin?

  The silver one. That's what I want. I fly so much, I should be getting some, some points. I always hear people say, I got the flight on points.

• 13:28Fortune Feimster?

  Well, listen, it's an expensive credit card. It's like, um, a year, it's like, I, it used to be like 500, now it's like 800, but you get like $300 in airline credit, you get $200 in Uber credit.

• 13:40Tig Notaro?

  Guys, I'm scared our listeners have wandered away.

• 13:43Mae Martin?

  I know.

• 13:44Fortune Feimster?

  They wanna know. And then there are hotels where if you book it through Amex, you can get noon check-in, you can get daily breakfast for two, $100 credit and checkout at four. It's pretty awesome.

• 13:59Mae Martin?

  That's, that's valuable.

• 14:01Fortune Feimster?

  That's on top of just your regular points that you accumulate that you can also use for things.

• 14:05Tig Notaro?

  Let's go to commercial.

• 14:06Mae Martin?

  Okay. What are you gonna cook on your grill, Fortune?

• 14:10Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I bought, um, some little tiny filet mignons at Trader Joe's.

• 14:15Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:15Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna make one of those.

• 14:16Mae Martin?

  Tiny.

• 14:17Fortune Feimster?

  And a sweet potato.

• 14:18Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:20Tig Notaro?

  Now, is it a regular old sweet potato, or is it a Japanese sweet potato? Which is one of the highest nutrient dense foods.

• 14:29Fortune Feimster?

  Japanese sweet potatoes, but this is a regular one.

• 14:31Tig Notaro?

  Okay. Are you looking to increase your nutrient in?

• 14:36Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, should I start doing more Japanese ones?

• 14:39Tig Notaro?

  Japanese is supposed to be, uh, the top, top dog of sweet potatoes, yes.

• 14:45Fortune Feimster?

  The inside of that is, is that the purple one or the white one?

• 14:50Tig Notaro?

  White.

• 14:50Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 14:51Tig Notaro?

  Uh, yes, white.

• 14:53Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 14:53Mae Martin?

  The inside's white, okay.

• 14:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but the purple ones are good. All purple foods are so nutrient dense.

• 15:00Fortune Feimster?

  Really?

• 15:01Tig Notaro?

  Yes. Anything that is purple, shove it in your face.

• 15:05Mae Martin?

  You'd think they would teach us that in school. That's such a simple, purple foods are good.

• 15:10Tig Notaro?

  This episode, going from Amex points to nutrient dense foods.

• 15:16Mae Martin?

  Oh, try.

• 15:17Fortune Feimster?

  We're giving people everything. We're laying it all out on the table.

• 15:26Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that I get enough pizza for everyone before calling in an order? Mama mia, I did my pizza math wrong and now we're completely out of pies, but not completely full.

• 15:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. They could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 15:57Tig Notaro?

  Also showing tan guns. Can you tell I'm tan?

• 16:01Mae Martin?

  You are super tanned.

• 16:02Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 16:03Fortune Feimster?

  We've all been showing our handsome guns.

• 16:04Tig Notaro?

  Look at my tan line of my watch.

• 16:07Mae Martin?

  Okay, Tig has a, a clear outline of an Apple Watch. That's crazy.

• 16:12Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, I didn't just hike one time. I was off in the wilderness basically daily.

• 16:19Mae Martin?

  All summer.

• 16:20Tig Notaro?

  Over the summer and wore like a total, you know, floppy sun out of my eyes hat and, um, you know, protected myself as much as possible, but this still happened.

• 16:33Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 16:34Tig Notaro?

  But, um, you know.

• 16:35Mae Martin?

  We should make stencils that are like body stencils of, of the handsome pot or something, and then people can put them on when they're tanning and then they'll have a tan.

• 16:46Fortune Feimster?

  And it's handsome?

• 16:47Tig Notaro?

  Yes, that's a really good idea. On the list it goes, Mr. Thomas. That is one more thing we'll never do.

• 16:55Fortune Feimster?

  This long ass list.

• 16:57Tig Notaro?

  We should release it as a book.

• 16:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 17:00Tig Notaro?

  Put it on the list, Thomas.

• 17:02Mae Martin?

  And I saw it, someone was surprised that it was actually real. There is a real list, right?

• 17:06Tig Notaro?

  There is? We've never seen it.

• 17:08Mae Martin?

  We've never seen it. Is, how long is it?

• 17:10Speaker 04

  Yes, it's on my computer.

• 17:12Fortune Feimster?

  One day it'll be a book and it'll be our suggestions for other people to do things that we'll never do.

• 17:18Tig Notaro?

  And then people

• 17:18Speaker 04

  It's like three pages long.

• 17:19Tig Notaro?

  People can send in videos of themselves doing, checking off all of this.

• 17:25Mae Martin?

  And we still never have to do it?

• 17:28Tig Notaro?

  No, we do. Once somebody gives us a television show to, you know.

• 17:33Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah, we do need to have a TV show.

• 17:35Tig Notaro?

  Can somebody give us that?

• 17:37Mae Martin?

  I like the idea that we never pitch for one, we never try to ask for, we were just like, someone better give us one.

• 17:43Fortune Feimster?

  Someone just give us a TV show and we'll do.

• 17:46Tig Notaro?

  Host the Oscars.

• 17:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah, we're not gonna ask, so they better.

• 17:51Fortune Feimster?

  We would like to host the Oscars and have a TV show where we do all the things on the list. Thank you.

• 17:57Tig Notaro?

  People will watch it. I don't know why Hollywood is withholding our own handsome TV show that we've put, we have put things on a list.

• 18:07Fortune Feimster?

  Into.

• 18:08Tig Notaro?

  And we are willing to knock them off the list.

• 18:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 18:12Tig Notaro?

  We should spend one whole episode, like before we talk to our guests, rattling off everything that's on the list and having a good cackle about it.

• 18:22Mae Martin?

  Okay, I would, I mean, I wouldn't mind hearing some of it now.

• 18:25Tig Notaro?

  Let's hear it, Thomas.

• 18:27Fortune Feimster?

  Give us a, give us just a couple.

• 18:29Tig Notaro?

  The very beginning, uh, when this, what was the first thing that we were like, put that on the list? I can't guess.

• 18:36Speaker 04

  The first one I have is get drunk and do a show together.

• 18:41Tig Notaro?

  Oh, that's easy.

• 18:42Fortune Feimster?

  That's real easy.

• 18:44Mae Martin?

  That's nice.

• 18:45Fortune Feimster?

  You know, when we do our Holly, when we do our Holly Bob's show this year.

• 18:49Tig Notaro?

  We can check that off.

• 18:50Fortune Feimster?

  We can probably get to that.

• 18:52Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 18:53Tig Notaro?

  Except I don't drink, but go ahead, Thomas. What's number two?

• 18:56Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe just have a drink?

• 18:58Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 18:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 18:59Tig Notaro?

  Maybe I'll eat a sleep gummy.

• 19:01Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, no, we need to wake.

• 19:06Fortune Feimster?

  You're forcing yourself to stay up.

• 19:08Tig Notaro?

  Yes, and you're forcing yourself on me. Okay, Thomas, what is number two?

• 19:14Speaker 04

  Go to the Cheesecake Factory.

• 19:17Tig Notaro?

  We could easily do that. We should do that and then go out to our show drunk and, and, and, uh, handsome it up. What's next?

• 19:28Mae Martin?

  Things are so.

• 19:29Fortune Feimster?

  I love the Cheesecake Factory. Sign me up for that.

• 19:32Mae Martin?

  We must have talked about it at some point.

• 19:34Fortune Feimster?

  Cheesecake, oh, God.

• 19:37Tig Notaro?

  Speaking of peanut butter, bitch, um, I am so on a peanut butter banana toasted bread kick that I can't stop myself. In fact, Stephanie and I have an event tonight where I have to like blaze real fast. Already made my peanut butter banana toasted sandwich.

• 19:55Mae Martin?

  That's right.

• 19:55Tig Notaro?

  And I yelled at my whole family, nobody touch my banana peanut butter sandwich. It's wrapped in a, in a paper towel. Don't touch it.

• 20:05Fortune Feimster?

  Don't touch it.

• 20:06Tig Notaro?

  Ran upstairs to record.

• 20:08Fortune Feimster?

  Peanut butter bitch right now.

• 20:10Mae Martin?

  So are you gonna wolf it down or like bring it in the car with you?

• 20:13Tig Notaro?

  Ooh, you say wolf it down. I say woof it down.

• 20:17Mae Martin?

  Whoa, wait, what? Did we say the same thing?

• 20:21Tig Notaro?

  I say woof it. You say woof it.

• 20:24Fortune Feimster?

  Woof it.

• 20:25Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, what do you say, Fortune?

• 20:27Fortune Feimster?

  It's woof it now.

• 20:28Mae Martin?

  No.

• 20:30Tig Notaro?

  Two against one.

• 20:32Mae Martin?

  Thomas?

• 20:32Fortune Feimster?

  I'm pretty confident.

• 20:33Speaker 04

  Woof it down.

• 20:34Fortune Feimster?

  You say woof, woof it down.

• 20:37Tig Notaro?

  Look, it's this side of the zoom.

• 20:39Fortune Feimster?

  How are we gonna find out? Let me Google.

• 20:42Mae Martin?

  Thomas is Googling.

• 20:43Tig Notaro?

  Thomas, what's next on the list?

• 20:45Speaker 04

  The, the next thing is get a massage together.

• 20:49Tig Notaro?

  This is so easy.

• 20:51Mae Martin?

  Also, why did we want that?

• 20:53Fortune Feimster?

  We need to keep May from being horny.

• 20:56Tig Notaro?

  Fortune Marie. And so we go for a massage, then we go to the Cheesecake Factory, we get trashed and we do our hand, what is it?

• 21:04Fortune Feimster?

  We're wrong. You and I are wrong.

• 21:06Tig Notaro?

  It's our southern roots.

• 21:09Fortune Feimster?

  It says the correct, according to this, the correct phrase is woof it down.

• 21:14Tig Notaro?

  Whoa, I am so deeply embarrassed. I just wanna log off and go have my sandwich and woof it down.

• 21:23Fortune Feimster?

  But wolf makes more sense. Woof it down.

• 21:26Tig Notaro?

  Me too.

• 21:27Mae Martin?

  But that makes sense because, because dogs really go like, but I don't know if wolves do that.

• 21:32Tig Notaro?

  But what does the, the dog noise have to do with what we're talking about?

• 21:36Mae Martin?

  Woofing it down.

• 21:37Fortune Feimster?

  And did you also love how confident Tig and I were like, it's wolf.

• 21:41Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah.

• 21:44Tig Notaro?

  Okay, what else we got? What, what else on the list, Thomas?

• 21:47Speaker 04

  Uh, the next one we kind of did, which was a hand, have a handsome Holly Bob's holiday.

• 21:52Tig Notaro?

  Oh, we did, right. What's next?

• 21:54Speaker 04

  Uh, colonics.

• 21:56Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 21:59Tig Notaro?

  That's the day after our drunken cheesecake factory.

• 22:05Mae Martin?

  We want to do it together.

• 22:06Fortune Feimster?

  Colonoscopy, does that count?

• 22:07Mae Martin?

  No.

• 22:08Fortune Feimster?

  We didn't do it together.

• 22:09Tig Notaro?

  We have to get our colonics done together.

• 22:12Mae Martin?

  In the same room? It's so intimate.

• 22:15Tig Notaro?

  Well, so is this podcast, dear.

• 22:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you're right. Yes, dear.

• 22:19Fortune Feimster?

  I had a bad friend. I was supposed to pick Natalie Maines up from her colonoscopy today. But it.

• 22:25Mae Martin?

  She's still there waiting?

• 22:27Fortune Feimster?

  She's waiting right now, but.

• 22:30Tig Notaro?

  With her ass in there?

• 22:31Fortune Feimster?

  They were like three hours behind and I.

• 22:34Tig Notaro?

  Behind?

• 22:35Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 22:36Tig Notaro?

  I still got it.

• 22:38Fortune Feimster?

  So one of her other friends is going, but I felt bad because she picked me up from mine. So I told, I'm going to take her out to dinner to make up for it.

• 22:45Mae Martin?

  What if we do our colonics cheek to cheek?

• 22:47Tig Notaro?

  Cheek to cheek.

• 22:48Fortune Feimster?

  Cheek to cheek. Lady.

• 22:53Tig Notaro?

  Did Natalie wear red?

• 22:55Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know.

• 22:56Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 22:56Fortune Feimster?

  Texture. She didn't send me a picture from her colonoscopy.

• 23:01Tig Notaro?

  Well, you wake up loopy and you could easily be sending out pictures of your, you know.

• 23:09Mae Martin?

  Of your bee hole.

• 23:10Tig Notaro?

  In the air.

• 23:11Fortune Feimster?

  For what?

• 23:12Tig Notaro?

  Come again?

• 23:13Mae Martin?

  Thomas, what's next?

• 23:14Speaker 04

  The next one is actually from our Natalie Maines episode.

• 23:18Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 23:19Fortune Feimster?

  What a coincidence.

• 23:20Tig Notaro?

  So magical.

• 23:22Speaker 04

  Take May, or teach May to drive stick shift.

• 23:26Tig Notaro?

  Oh, wow.

• 23:27Fortune Feimster?

  I could easily do that, but we have to have access to a stick shift.

• 23:32Tig Notaro?

  And helmets.

• 23:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And.

• 23:35Fortune Feimster?

  May, is your driving getting better?

• 23:38Mae Martin?

  Well, how can I judge that? But yeah, I think it really is. I mean, I'm driving so much every day.

• 23:43Tig Notaro?

  Have you still been driving into walls?

• 23:45Mae Martin?

  No walls. I still get the odd honk. And the new thing, the new thing that's happened twice, that's really worrying is, and it's happened twice, is someone honking at me at night and then I realize my lights aren't on.

• 24:00Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 24:00Mae Martin?

  Put them on auto. I thought they were and I don't know how to get it back on auto. I'm going to. And also then I don't know which is my high beams and my, and then when they are on, I'm like, sometimes I'll pull over and just check that they are on. So I don't know.

• 24:13Fortune Feimster?

  If it's on high beams, there's a little blue light that appears.

• 24:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And do you have two levels of high beams? Cause I have two modes that have the blue light on anyway. But other than that, it's going great. I'm listening to my true crime. I'm.

• 24:27Fortune Feimster?

  I love it.

• 24:28Mae Martin?

  Driving around.

• 24:30Fortune Feimster?

  Well, if you ever find someone with a stick shift, I'll teach you.

• 24:33Tig Notaro?

  I just sold my old car with a stick shift a few years ago. So, well, sorry.

• 24:41Fortune Feimster?

  We should have done this a few years ago.

• 24:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 24:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 24:44Mae Martin?

  Oh, I think I would feel really good driving stick shift.

• 24:47Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, that's fun. It's really fun.

• 24:49Tig Notaro?

  You feel really one with the car.

• 24:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, like you feel like you're doing something.

• 24:54Tig Notaro?

  And you are. You're shifting gears.

• 24:56Fortune Feimster?

  And your feet are doing this.

• 24:59Mae Martin?

  And you go up in gear the faster you drive.

• 25:02Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 25:03Mae Martin?

  Gotcha.

• 25:04Fortune Feimster?

  You can feel it when it's time to shift up.

• 25:08Tig Notaro?

  It sounds irritated with you.

• 25:09Fortune Feimster?

  It's like.

• 25:13Fortune Feimster?

  So then you need to shift up.

• 25:16Tig Notaro?

  Get your shift.

• 25:17Fortune Feimster?

  I always did it as like, cause it's like one, two, three, four, five. I would, one is like your start, your park. And then 20 miles an hour was, I always thought of as two, 30 is three, 40 down and then five, you're going faster.

• 25:31Tig Notaro?

  Okay. This episode.

• 25:35Fortune Feimster?

  We're teaching specific people, specific things.

• 25:40Tig Notaro?

  I understand.

• 25:41Fortune Feimster?

  Is there anything else, Thomas, that we should know?

• 25:46Speaker 04

  There, there were a couple more from the Natalie Maines episode. There was dress up like pretty little ladies for prom.

• 25:53Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 25:54Speaker 04

  And there was triple date with your male crushes.

• 25:57Tig Notaro?

  Oh, it's a must.

• 25:59Fortune Feimster?

  Was that the pineapple apart episode?

• 26:02Speaker 04

  It might have been.

• 26:03Fortune Feimster?

  I wonder.

• 26:04Mae Martin?

  It feels like a really fruitful episode. You know what I mean?

• 26:07Tig Notaro?

  And are these like celebrity male crushes or men in your life where you're like, you're my male crush?

• 26:13Mae Martin?

  Celebrity male crushes. We wanted to go for dinner, but I think mine's changed from Nick Offerman. I'm back on Javier Bardem in a big way.

• 26:22Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, interesting.

• 26:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:24Tig Notaro?

  Who is yours, Fortune?

• 26:26Fortune Feimster?

  Who was?

• 26:26Tig Notaro?

  Magic Mike?

• 26:27Mae Martin?

  Channing Tatum.

• 26:28Fortune Feimster?

  Channing Tatum?

• 26:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:29Fortune Feimster?

  Wanted him to Magic Mike dance for me.

• 26:32Tig Notaro?

  Who was mine?

• 26:34Mae Martin?

  Oh, Billy Crudup.

• 26:35Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 26:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:37Tig Notaro?

  It's Crudup.

• 26:38Mae Martin?

  Crudup.

• 26:39Fortune Feimster?

  I'm going to Google it. I'm just kidding.

• 26:43Mae Martin?

  Has yours changed, Fortune? Do you have a new crush?

• 26:47Tig Notaro?

  Do I have a new male crush?

• 26:50Fortune Feimster?

  I think that one's pretty solid.

• 26:53Tig Notaro?

  Have you met him?

• 26:54Fortune Feimster?

  I have. He's very funny. Very nice.

• 26:57Tig Notaro?

  And did you feel magic between you two?

• 26:59Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah. Definitely.

• 27:02Mae Martin?

  My love for Nick Offerman hasn't waned. I just suddenly became embarrassed with the idea of bumping into him and him having heard this.

• 27:10Tig Notaro?

  Do you know Nick?

• 27:11Mae Martin?

  Say, May, I heard you on the handsome podcast. Yeah, exactly. Talking about me. Yeah. I think I need to pick someone more remote, like.

• 27:21Tig Notaro?

  I'm sure Megan will be in a rage when she finds out.

• 27:25Mae Martin?

  Kick my ass?

• 27:26Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 27:27Fortune Feimster?

  No, they would be flattered.

• 27:29Tig Notaro?

  They sure would. They'd probably welcome you into their fold.

• 27:32Fortune Feimster?

  They would say, let's get that date going.

• 27:34Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God. What a triad. I'd be really into that.

• 27:38Tig Notaro?

  Now, should we get to our question?

• 27:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 27:40Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 27:41Fortune Feimster?

  I guess.

• 27:42Tig Notaro?

  My eye is basically closed, is it not?

• 27:45Mae Martin?

  I'm re, I'm having crushed eyes. The other day, to be honest.

• 27:48Tig Notaro?

  Is it?

• 27:48Mae Martin?

  It's a little better than last time. Yeah.

• 27:49Tig Notaro?

  I did this event over the weekend and they had to take a picture of me for social media. And the guy I could tell was, what do you, what are you doing, Fortune?

• 28:01Fortune Feimster?

  I just wanted to acknowledge my crushed eyes.

• 28:05Tig Notaro?

  Are you drunk?

• 28:06Fortune Feimster?

  No, continue.

• 28:07Tig Notaro?

  Okay. So I had to take this picture. Oh, and it was for Disney and I was taking pictures with Mickey Mouse. And, and of course my eye, every picture the guy took was closed. And he was, the photographer was so uncomfortable because he'd be like, um, okay, should we do another?

• 28:29Fortune Feimster?

  He's like, what if I turn you?

• 28:31Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. What if you hold your eye open? Would you like to see me with a?

• 28:36Fortune Feimster?

  That was that D23 event, right?

• 28:38Tig Notaro?

  Yes. Yes.

• 28:39Fortune Feimster?

  Do you want to see? You were on stage with Glenn Close.

• 28:43Tig Notaro?

  And Neil Patrick Harris.

• 28:46Fortune Feimster?

  Fun. I was, I was hoping y'all were filming a new movie.

• 28:50Tig Notaro?

  Okay, here I am with Mickey Mouse.

• 28:53Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah. There's nothing better than a Mickey photo. I do love that.

• 28:57Fortune Feimster?

  Look at those bell bottoms.

• 28:58Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I love your pants. Character, because Glenn Close came on stage as Cruella De Vil and me and Neil Young, Neil Young, that's not right. Neil Patrick Harris. It couldn't be more different. Me and Neil Patrick Harris were like flanking her as like the, yeah, yeah. Hey, this kind of guy.

• 29:18Fortune Feimster?

  I really wanted this to be a sequel to her previous movie.

• 29:24Tig Notaro?

  Well, you know, backstage Neil said, what is your connection with Disney? And I was like, I don't know. I mean, I have a recurring

• 29:33Tig Notaro?

  character on a Star Wars animation show, but nothing. And then I Google myself. I'm like, what have I done with Disney? Zootopia?

• 29:43Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

• 29:45Tig Notaro?

  You went to the bathroom during.

• 29:50Tig Notaro?

  Anyway.

• 29:50Fortune Feimster?

  Your, your scene.

• 29:52Tig Notaro?

  It was a good time.

• 29:53Fortune Feimster?

  That's funny.

• 29:59Fortune Feimster?

  They just officially announced that Zootopia three is in the works. I mean, it takes like years for these.

• 30:08Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 30:09Fortune Feimster?

  Movies, but that was exciting.

• 30:11Tig Notaro?

  That'll be 57.

• 30:14Fortune Feimster?

  I'll be getting my senior drink for free at that point.

• 30:17Tig Notaro?

  Yes, indeed.

• 30:18Mae Martin?

  Do you think me and Tig, our characters will be reprised?

• 30:22Fortune Feimster?

  How could they not have y'all's characters?

• 30:24Tig Notaro?

  They would have to. I get recognized from Zootopia all the time.

• 30:31Tig Notaro?

  All right, let's get to our question.

• 30:33Mae Martin?

  I'm, I'm very thrilled about this because this is a man who I, I really love. Um, today's question asker is an actor, a writer and a comedian who played Barry on The Big Bang Theory and Jimmy on Speechless. He plays Barry once again on the new HBO Max show, Stuart Fails to Save the Universe. He was also in Feel Good.

• 30:54Tig Notaro?

  And he's my neighbor.

• 30:55Mae Martin?

  He's your neighbor?

• 30:56Tig Notaro?

  Not next door.

• 30:57Mae Martin?

  No way. Yeah, he was in season two of Feel Good. Um, we kissed in that show.

• 31:04Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my goodness.

• 31:07Mae Martin?

  Great in that show. John Ross Bowie is asking today's question.

• 31:11Tig Notaro?

  Nice.

• 31:14Speaker 05

  Hi handsome. Uh, question for you. I've been working on this show, Stuart Fails to Save the Universe. It's a shameless plug.

• 31:23Speaker 05

  Explain to Tig what a television show is. And I've, I've been thinking a lot about the idea of the multiverse. And I was wondering if there was a particular time period you guys would want to go back and live in.

• 31:35Tig Notaro?

  Hmm.

• 31:37Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 31:37Tig Notaro?

  I would assume we're allowed, and how dare you, John? How dare you? Um, I'm assuming he means any time period in history, not just that you've lived through, that you want to go back to.

• 31:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 31:52Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 31:54Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, man.

• 31:55Tig Notaro?

  I know what mine is.

• 31:56Fortune Feimster?

  Old timey days seem awful.

• 31:59Tig Notaro?

  I have always wanted to live in either like, you know, Western or pioneering kind of. Here's what I want. Yeah. I want to like put on some boots and walk into a saloon and.

• 32:15Fortune Feimster?

  Hey cowboy.

• 32:17Tig Notaro?

  Here, you know, hear my boots clanking on the, the, the wood and swinging the doors open. Um.

• 32:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:25Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 32:26Fortune Feimster?

  Tunnel weeds and. I wouldn't mind being a whore from back then. You know what I mean? In a whorehouse.

• 32:34Tig Notaro?

  Guys. Fortune.

• 32:37Fortune Feimster?

  I swear.

• 32:38Tig Notaro?

  Marie.

• 32:39Fortune Feimster?

  It's in every Western movie. There's a whorehouse.

• 32:42Tig Notaro?

  Okay. Well, not our little Fortune Marie. You are not the town whore.

• 32:49Fortune Feimster?

  The town whore.

• 32:53Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, that's I I've I've always had an interest in like, you know me, I love a bonnet.

• 32:59Fortune Feimster?

  Like a Billy the Kid type of days?

• 33:01Tig Notaro?

  I don't know. You know me, I didn't go to school. I don't know when what

• 33:05Fortune Feimster?

  Little House on the Prairie?

• 33:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, Little House on the Prairie, but also, you know, John Wayne times.

• 33:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah, or like the good, the bad and the ugly times. Like, would you be a cowboy in a bonnet?

• 33:17Tig Notaro?

  Oh, of course not. Of course not. Here's the problem with me is I if I get like tossed back in time as I am, I had spinal fusion and I can't ride a horse. So I'm gonna have to be in a wagon, gonna have to be in a covered wagon.

• 33:38Fortune Feimster?

  But I think in this scenario, you're going back with a clean slate.

• 33:44Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 33:45Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 33:45Fortune Feimster?

  I think so.

• 33:46Mae Martin?

  We're all so I have boobs.

• 33:48Fortune Feimster?

  You're going back in time.

• 33:49Mae Martin?

  The thing, we're all pretty queer.

• 33:51Fortune Feimster?

  Why do you have a spinal injury?

• 33:53Tig Notaro?

  Well, because I was snowboarding.

• 33:59Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, I'm like, is the only

• 34:03Tig Notaro?

  Go on.

• 34:04Mae Martin?

  Maybe the 90s, because any other time, there's so much, I mean, there's still so much inequality. I want to be before 2016, before Trump, but still in recent enough times that like, you know, people care about equality and and stuff because I'd be curious to see other times would I be spooked? I'd love to see I I love to see like 1969 would be pretty good.

• 34:27Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 34:28Mae Martin?

  To live, I'd like to live in the 90s, but as an adult, because I was a kid, I didn't appreciate it.

• 34:33Tig Notaro?

  And you're not going to join me with a bonnet?

• 34:35Mae Martin?

  I wouldn't mind being your pretty little idiot with a bonnet in a horse covered wagon stopped by the whorehouse to see Fortune.

• 34:42Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 34:43Fortune Feimster?

  Our whore, our local whore. What are y'all doing in here? Wait, what's the accent?

• 34:50Tig Notaro?

  Not that.

• 34:53Fortune Feimster?

  Y'all coming in here for a good time?

• 34:58Fortune Feimster?

  You're gonna have to leave your coins on the bar and your morals outside.

• 35:05Mae Martin?

  I love her.

• 35:06Tig Notaro?

  You can have her.

• 35:13Mae Martin?

  The 90s?

• 35:16Mae Martin?

  It felt like we were moving in the right direction and I want to I want that optimism.

• 35:22Fortune Feimster?

  You could be a part of the real world.

• 35:26Mae Martin?

  The original real world?

• 35:28Fortune Feimster?

  Or or season two in San Francisco.

• 35:32Tig Notaro?

  What about the real world Little House?

• 35:35Mae Martin?

  What about just the real world? Am I right?

• 35:38Fortune Feimster?

  Be in the real world.

• 35:39Mae Martin?

  But Fortune, is that what you think of with the 90s? You you you went to the real world?

• 35:43Fortune Feimster?

  Whoa, the real world San Francisco.

• 35:46Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 35:47Tig Notaro?

  I think of Nirvana.

• 35:48Fortune Feimster?

  Pedro Zamora.

• 35:48Mae Martin?

  That's what I think too. That's partly I'm like, I want to be at that unplugged Nirvana show.

• 35:53Fortune Feimster?

  The grunge era.

• 35:54Tig Notaro?

  I don't like the unplugged Nirvana.

• 35:56Mae Martin?

  Oh, you want him plugged?

• 35:57Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I'm like, look, why do I need Nirvana unplugged? The whole point of Nirvana is to plug it in and rock it so hard.

• 36:10Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 36:10Tig Notaro?

  And I am a massive Nirvana fan, but hard pass on the unplugged.

• 36:16Mae Martin?

  I didn't know he was left handed.

• 36:17Tig Notaro?

  Yes, he's left. He was left handed.

• 36:20Mae Martin?

  Did you see that documentary about him that had all his drawings? That was amazing.

• 36:25Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:26Fortune Feimster?

  Also, the era of Tupac.

• 36:29Mae Martin?

  True.

• 36:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Fortune's speaking the truth right now and we're letting her.

• 36:35Mae Martin?

  I kind of I want to go back to any time before I knew about the Epstein files and that like I could still trust in some kind of system that would

• 36:46Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but it's good. You know, now so you're not trusting in those systems that are completely corrupt.

• 36:52Mae Martin?

  But I feel so powerless, like like Woody Allen's making a new movie and like people we know are going to be in it, I bet. It's crazy.

• 36:59Tig Notaro?

  Who Fortune?

• 37:01Mae Martin?

  They just announced some cast Fortune if you're in it.

• 37:05Tig Notaro?

  That's the show.

• 37:07Fortune Feimster?

  A little whore on the prairie.

• 37:13Mae Martin?

  Fortune, what time period are you wanting to be in? Is it that?

• 37:16Fortune Feimster?

  Well, now I'm kind of wanting to be a little whore on the prairie.

• 37:20Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God. I want to be in that show.

• 37:23Fortune Feimster?

  Porn out there named that.

• 37:25Mae Martin?

  You've got to touch wieners then.

• 37:29Fortune Feimster?

  I don't I do. I would have to touch wieners. I don't know about that.

• 37:32Tig Notaro?

  That's Fortune's porn is touching wieners with Fortune theme.

• 37:37Fortune Feimster?

  Touch it with one finger. Oh, my God.

• 37:40Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 37:41Fortune Feimster?

  Forgot about that part.

• 37:43Tig Notaro?

  Touching wieners and porn?

• 37:44Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I don't want to touch wieners.

• 37:46Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, they're probably not coming at you a lot.

• 37:50Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 37:51Mae Martin?

  It's a dusty village.

• 37:52Fortune Feimster?

  But in the Western times, it was Slim Pickens.

• 37:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:57Fortune Feimster?

  I actually think it would have been pretty popular.

• 38:00Mae Martin?

  I'm sure you would.

• 38:01Fortune Feimster?

  Because I'd have been a big old whore.

• 38:04Mae Martin?

  I don't know that we're allowed to keep saying that word.

• 38:07Fortune Feimster?

  Really?

• 38:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it's they're sex workers, but I guess we're talking about the times where they would have said.

• 38:12Fortune Feimster?

  The times of the Westerns.

• 38:14Mae Martin?

  Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:16Fortune Feimster?

  What is that movie Best Little Whorehouse in Texas?

• 38:19Tig Notaro?

  Best Little Sex Worker House in Tejas.

• 38:24Fortune Feimster?

  In Tejas.

• 38:25Mae Martin?

  Is that how you pronounce it?

• 38:27Fortune Feimster?

  What?

• 38:27Mae Martin?

  Texas?

• 38:28Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 38:30Fortune Feimster?

  I think I I would like to be in the, oh, I was I'm torn between two eras. The 20s, because I feel like the

• 38:43Tig Notaro?

  You're a flapper girl.

• 38:44Fortune Feimster?

  Like, yeah, I was be a flapper or in a nice tuxedo.

• 38:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 38:49Fortune Feimster?

  And I feel like they there were gays around doing their thing and people didn't really care.

• 38:55Mae Martin?

  Marlena Dietrich and you're in Berlin and there's like cool queer.

• 39:00Fortune Feimster?

  People were weirdly enough, a little bit more freer as far as like

• 39:06Tig Notaro?

  Wasn't it the gay 20s?

• 39:08Fortune Feimster?

  Being the gay 20, they were like a little, they were a little bit freer to be themselves and drink and have a good time and it was just like a little like less of like homophobic. As far as I know, I mean, historians could be like

• 39:26Mae Martin?

  I mean legally way more homophobic.

• 39:29Fortune Feimster?

  Terrible time. I mean, a lot of people are having a terrible time in different eras. But, you know, I feel like the gays were under the radar, maybe.

• 39:38Mae Martin?

  It was like a thriving subculture, I think. Yeah.

• 39:41Fortune Feimster?

  The thriving subculture was having a good time in the flappers and dresses.

• 39:45Tig Notaro?

  30s, they all scattered like rats and were like, I'm out of here going into hiding.

• 39:51Fortune Feimster?

  Well, then things got dark and and scary times and wars and all that stuff. But that so that's kind of intriguing or the era of the League of Their Own, the the baseball, the lady baseball teams while the men were off to war.

• 40:12Mae Martin?

  Oh, that was like the 40s, like

• 40:14Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know what year was that?

• 40:15Mae Martin?

  If the men are at war, it's the

• 40:17Fortune Feimster?

  The men went to war, so the ladies got to go to work.

• 40:21Tig Notaro?

  On each other.

• 40:22Fortune Feimster?

  That's right. And they got to play on the baseball team. So I would have loved to be on one of those baseball teams. Not in the skirts as much.

• 40:32Tig Notaro?

  Right.

• 40:33Fortune Feimster?

  I would have been like Rosie O'Donnell.

• 40:35Tig Notaro?

  Was she not in a skirt?

• 40:37Fortune Feimster?

  She wasn't in a skirt, but I just would have been very like, you know.

• 40:41Mae Martin?

  I loved Abby Jacobson made the remake of that show and they only did one season, but it was so good.

• 40:47Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 40:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it was so, so good.

• 40:49Fortune Feimster?

  So I would have been into that where, yeah, the men are off to war, so I'm going to take care of the ladies.

• 40:54Mae Martin?

  And you're having a lot of like lingering glances with each other.

• 40:57Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, there's just a lot of lonely women around that just need a shoulder to cry on and I would have just, you know, been there for them.

• 41:05Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 41:06Mae Martin?

  Bless your heart. Yeah, bless your heart. Should we hear John's answer?

• 41:11Tig Notaro?

  I think we should, since we asked him to submit a question.

• 41:16Mae Martin?

  I was so nervous to meet him. He flew over to England to film and I was I I like barely acted and I was so nervous. And then he was so when we met up.

• 41:26Tig Notaro?

  Because you like him on Big Bang?

• 41:29Mae Martin?

  More like because I knew what our scenes were going to be and

• 41:32Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I see.

• 41:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I loved his his and his when we read together was so good, but then we were into all the same, all the same niche nerd stuff. And he's a big like Beatles comedy nerd and it was great. Yeah.

• 41:46Speaker 05

  For me, even though I was secondly around, New York in the 70s would be fun, but to do it as an adult, not as like a five year old. I think that would be really interesting. Just because I could I could go see, you know, Talking Heads and CDs and that would be awesome. But and and rent was really cheap. It was also really dangerous, but rent was really cheap. That's that's that's my answer.

• 42:11Tig Notaro?

  That's that's classic John for you, always looking for a deal.

• 42:16Fortune Feimster?

  New York in the 70s was pretty dangerous down.

• 42:20Mae Martin?

  That's like Taxi Driver time, right? Like

• 42:23Tig Notaro?

  Is the 80s when it turned around? Is that when that turned around?

• 42:26Fortune Feimster?

  I can't remember. I feel like the 80s was when it was like being run by mafia everywhere.

• 42:32Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 42:33Mae Martin?

  Imagine New York in the 60s where you get to stumble in to see like Bob Dylan playing some little club and that would be good.

• 42:44Fortune Feimster?

  And some of those famous lesbian singers, I bet they had a bunch of lady parties.

• 42:51Mae Martin?

  Secret ladies. So you're looking for in every period, like the secret gay parties. Yeah.

• 42:57Tig Notaro?

  When? Oh, in the 70s?

• 42:59Fortune Feimster?

  Or no, that would have been more. Would that be more nineties? I think there's more nineties.

• 43:05Tig Notaro?

  Are you talking about Lilith Fair in Manhattan?

• 43:08Fortune Feimster?

  Lilith Fair would have been fun.

• 43:10Mae Martin?

  That would be fun.

• 43:11Fortune Feimster?

  I didn't get to see it.

• 43:12Tig Notaro?

  I did.

• 43:13Fortune Feimster?

  I would like to have seen it, but like get to hang out with everybody.

• 43:19Tig Notaro?

  I was there. Sarah McLachlan, the chicks. I loved it. It actually surprisingly never crossed my mind to go to it. But this girl I was hanging out with at the time got us tickets. We went and saw Lilith Fair together and I was like, well, this is, and actually the chicks, they were the, the standout for me. I was like, this banjo work that's going on? I mean, sign me up all day. Yeah. Yes. God, they were good. Um, and yeah, it was, it was fun. Um, and I can't, Beth, Beth Olson? Oh, I can't remember her name. Side stage, she was doing a song. I don't know if her name was that. Beth Olson?

• 44:04Fortune Feimster?

  You know what the chicks are doing right now?

• 44:07Tig Notaro?

  Getting a camera in one of their.

• 44:11Fortune Feimster?

  They wanted, they wanted.

• 44:13Tig Notaro?

  Beth Orton. So good.

• 44:15Fortune Feimster?

  They wanted to do more intimate shows. So they're, um, doing a tour where they're just playing theaters. And they're only playing songs from an, um, their album, like a particular album. It's the one.

• 44:28Tig Notaro?

  Which album?

• 44:29Fortune Feimster?

  It's the one, uh, Not Ready, Not Ready to Make Nice.

• 44:34Tig Notaro?

  Oh, that's good.

• 44:36Fortune Feimster?

  And so the whole show is that album and it's in like a very intimate theater. I thought that was such a cool idea. So this is a pretty cool, uh, experience for people. But I think they're going to try to do it on a lot of, if it goes, well, it's already sold out most places, but I think they might do it some, with some other albums.

• 44:56Tig Notaro?

  When is it?

• 44:57Fortune Feimster?

  I think it starts, uh, September, October.

• 45:01Tig Notaro?

  Okay. Well.

• 45:02Fortune Feimster?

  They'll be in LA in November.

• 45:04Tig Notaro?

  Tickets.

• 45:05Fortune Feimster?

  Get us some tickets.

• 45:07Mae Martin?

  I'm busy in November, cause.

• 45:09Tig Notaro?

  Why?

• 45:09Mae Martin?

  I.

• 45:10Tig Notaro?

  Thanksgiving. Why?

• 45:11Mae Martin?

  I found out that I got, I begged, I got my publicist to reach out and I did get two tickets to Alanis Morissette's stage show.

• 45:22Tig Notaro?

  In Vegas. She's not going to meet you.

• 45:23Fortune Feimster?

  So your whole month, so your whole month of November, you're going to be doing that?

• 45:27Mae Martin?

  I've got to prep. I gotta get in zone.

• 45:29Tig Notaro?

  And what does that look like? When you prep to meet Alanis?

• 45:33Mae Martin?

  Listening to her albums, going to the gym, you know, spirit, getting spiritual.

• 45:37Tig Notaro?

  Wait, you got your publicist to get you what?

• 45:39Mae Martin?

  Tickets to her show, cause it's a hot ticket item. It's.

• 45:42Fortune Feimster?

  Is this the Vegas one?

• 45:44Mae Martin?

  Butterfly with a Machete. I, I don't really know much about it. I think it's like a one woman show, like a, that's with her music in it.

• 45:50Tig Notaro?

  Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why didn't she send out invites to us?

• 45:53Fortune Feimster?

  Where is it?

• 45:54Mae Martin?

  It's in LA.

• 45:56Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, in LA.

• 45:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And, but maybe when she's in town, cause she's just doing a short run here.

• 46:00Fortune Feimster?

  Let me put it on my calendar in case she wants to meet up with me.

• 46:04Mae Martin?

  If you.

• 46:05Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and me.

• 46:05Mae Martin?

  If you show up.

• 46:07Tig Notaro?

  That on my calendar. You know what, Fortune? We should hang out with Alanis and Paul McCartney.

• 46:14Mae Martin?

  On the day that I go to that show and I'm, I'm literally, I mean, I, I met her with you, Fortune, and then you were the chosen one.

• 46:21Fortune Feimster?

  I remember. It almost blew up the podcast.

• 46:23Mae Martin?

  If I'm watching the show and I'm in heaven, I'm right in the front and then you walk out on stage.

• 46:28Fortune Feimster?

  No, this is a planned stage show, so it's, I don't think there's any room for special guests.

• 46:33Mae Martin?

  I think you're right.

• 46:34Fortune Feimster?

  You never know.

• 46:35Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I think we know.

• 46:39Fortune Feimster?

  At the very least, I'll have to go see Alanis before or after the show.

• 46:43Tig Notaro?

  She'll be like, all right, everyone but May, meet me backstage.

• 46:50Fortune Feimster?

  We're teasing little cowboy.

• 46:52Mae Martin?

  We should, we should try to get her on the pod. We, she'll be in town, I'm sure for like a week or two.

• 46:58Fortune Feimster?

  When is it?

• 47:00Mae Martin?

  Uh, second week in November, I think.

• 47:03Mae Martin?

  Or first week, it's like November 5th, 6th.

• 47:06Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I'll be here, cause my LA show, uh, I'm doing my own LA show November 7th. Maybe Alanis wants to come to my show.

• 47:16Mae Martin?

  Cancel her show and come to here.

• 47:18Fortune Feimster?

  No, no. Oh, cause she's going to be perform, will she be performing on the 7th?

• 47:22Tig Notaro?

  You know what?

• 47:23Mae Martin?

  There's no way to know.

• 47:24Tig Notaro?

  I'm at Largo on the 6th. I'm going to have to reach out to, um, Patty Guggenheim.

• 47:32Tig Notaro?

  And tell her to tell Alanis she needs to move it.

• 47:36Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 47:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 47:37Fortune Feimster?

  I'm for real, Alanis, if you're listening.

• 47:40Tig Notaro?

  And she is.

• 47:41Fortune Feimster?

  Roll through November 7th at my LA show in downtown.

• 47:45Mae Martin?

  I thought you were saying roll through the podcast.

• 47:47Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, and the podcast. There's an open invitation for Alanis to be on the Handsome Pod.

• 47:53Tig Notaro?

  Yes. You mean in person with us?

• 47:55Fortune Feimster?

  Person, yeah.

• 47:56Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. She's the only one that has an open invitation to our podcast.

• 48:01Fortune Feimster?

  Honestly, we've invited nobody else to be on our podcast as far as an in-person guest.

• 48:06Tig Notaro?

  Alanis, for the love of God.

• 48:09Mae Martin?

  Or Ginger. That's Alanis or Ginger in person.

• 48:12Tig Notaro?

  Yes, yes. Yes.

• 48:15Mae Martin?

  Can I say, you know, you said the John Prine song will make me cry. Can I say a song that is killing me these days?

• 48:21Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah.

• 48:22Mae Martin?

  It's called Gentle Like the Drugs by Charlotte Cornfield.

• 48:25Fortune Feimster?

  Cornfield.

• 48:27Mae Martin?

  She's Canadian and.

• 48:29Fortune Feimster?

  Sounds Canadian.

• 48:30Mae Martin?

  The chorus, oh my God. And it's just simple piano chords. I've been trying to learn it on the piano and just playing it. You're going to love it.

• 48:38Fortune Feimster?

  Do you know what song's making me sad?

• 48:40Tig Notaro?

  What?

• 48:41Mae Martin?

  What?

• 48:42Fortune Feimster?

  Like anyone would be. I'm flattered by your fascination with me. Brandy Carlisle's been singing that one. I sounded a lot like both of them combined.

• 48:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 49:02Tig Notaro?

  Well.

• 49:02Fortune Feimster?

  No fascination with me.

• 49:07Tig Notaro?

  Like them.

• 49:11Mae Martin?

  Thomas, how's your, how's your little dog doing?

• 49:14Speaker 04

  Uh, they're both doing great. My, my dog that I adopted is in her crate because she can be a little naughty if she's not supervised. So.

• 49:24Tig Notaro?

  Are you projecting?

• 49:26Speaker 04

  Did I'm a little naughty when I'm not supervised?

• 49:29Fortune Feimster?

  You've been naughty, naughty little boy.

• 49:32Speaker 04

  All the carpet in our house.

• 49:35Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Don't we know about chewing carpet?

• 49:42Speaker 04

  Fortune murder.

• 49:47Fortune Feimster?

  Anywho.

• 49:48Tig Notaro?

  I don't get it.

• 49:49Fortune Feimster?

  Anyhoosers.

• 49:51Tig Notaro?

  All right. I'm going to launch into where I'm going to be because this podcast just ended and I don't mean the episode. We are never, ever doing this again.

• 50:02Fortune Feimster?

  We are. We're coming back.

• 50:04Tig Notaro?

  September 9th, I'll be in Iowa City and then I'll be in Des Moines and Omaha, Oklahoma City, Cincinnati, Charleston, West Virginia, Chattanooga, Knoxville, Chico, Olympia, Fresno, Napa, Wilmington, Delaware, Tarrytown, New York, New London, Connecticut, Colorado Springs, Colorado, Steamboat Springs, Basalt. Also always can catch me locally at Largo or Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles. And you know what? I've decided I'm going to change my local show in LA. So take note, folks.

• 50:46Tig Notaro?

  It's going to be a surprise, whether it's going to be stand-up, whether it's going to be a talk show, whether it's going to be, um, crowd work, whether it's going to be a variety show, whether I stand on stage alone and just sing songs.

• 51:07Mae Martin?

  Why do I feel like it's going to be that one?

• 51:10Fortune Feimster?

  So it'll be whatever you want it to be.

• 51:13Tig Notaro?

  It is a real mixed bag, um, because I just, I have a few different ideas for shows that I want to do. And sometimes I just don't want to do stand-up and I want to do a circus situation.

• 51:25Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 51:26Mae Martin?

  Hey, did you hear about the, did you hear about the clown accident?

• 51:29Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 51:30Mae Martin?

  It was intense.

• 51:32Fortune Feimster?

  I knew that was coming.

• 51:34Tig Notaro?

  See, I didn't.

• 51:39Mae Martin?

  I turned red. I started blasting as I said it.

• 51:42Tig Notaro?

  Can I tell you?

• 51:43Fortune Feimster?

  Cause you delivered it and then you went.

• 51:49Tig Notaro?

  Here's the thing is if anybody says to me, did you hear about? I just assume I'm about to get great news because I'm still off Instagram. And so I, I'm like, what, what happened? I'm so curious to hear. I'm so curious how many big things I have missed.

• 52:07Fortune Feimster?

  So many.

• 52:08Tig Notaro?

  Have I?

• 52:09Mae Martin?

  Imagine if people don't listen to the part where we plug what we're up to, they would miss the big clown joke.

• 52:14Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 52:15Tig Notaro?

  So that was intense.

• 52:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 52:19Mae Martin?

  I've got nothing coming up except, um, I'm locally at Largo all the time and, uh, I'm just writing at the moment. But check out social media to see what's coming up or, um, you can always stream my music. That's helpful. Or watch, uh, Feel Good to See John Ross Bowie.

• 52:36Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Well, I'm on the tail end of my tour. Um, so all I have left, starting, uh, with Boise, Portland, Oregon, Austin, Texas, Chattanooga, Dayton, Ohio, Louisville, Madison, Wisconsin, Durham, North Carolina, Oakland, Bakersfield, Santa Barbara, and Los Angeles, and Palm Springs, California. And then, uh, filming my special in Denver, Colorado, and then capping it off at the Ryman in Nashville.

• 53:05Tig Notaro?

  Love it.

• 53:07Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 53:07Tig Notaro?

  That's exciting stuff.

• 53:09Fortune Feimster?

  It's very exciting.

• 53:11Tig Notaro?

  Go to handsomepod.com for merchandise and please subscribe, rate, review. Wherever you get your podcasts, go to YouTube, sign up there. Check us out on Hulu a day before. You can get this magic one day before.

• 53:31Fortune Feimster?

  One day more.

• 53:34Tig Notaro?

  No, one day before.

• 53:38Tig Notaro?

  Anyway.

• 53:38Fortune Feimster?

  One more day.

• 53:40Tig Notaro?

  One more time. Please share this episode.

• 53:45Mae Martin?

  This is probably your favorite episode, if you're listening.

• 53:48Tig Notaro?

  Oh, and if you want to know about, um, credit card points and things like that.

• 53:53Fortune Feimster?

  The episode for you.

• 53:55Tig Notaro?

  Yes. Share this episode with your friends, family, loved ones, your enemies even. Bring them into this community.

• 54:02Fortune Feimster?

  Share it with your enemies, because they have great taste in podcasts.

• 54:05Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And until next time. Keep it handsome.

• 54:11Mae Martin?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected] and please follow us on social media at HandsomePod.

• 54:26Fortune Feimster?

  What a podcast.

• 54:28Tig Notaro?

  What a podcast.

• 54:32Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.

• 54:35Tig Notaro?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking if the glasses I picked out have a specific vibe before buying them. Oops. Apparently they're reminiscent of a famous horror novelist's iconic look and now I'm getting teased.

• 54:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Checking first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.