Sara Bareilles asks about ripe bananas

Grammy-winning singer and actress Sara Bareilles asks Handsome a fruitful question on this week's episode! Plus mud wrestling, driving all night, and an update from Kitty City. Don't forget to get tickets to our May 4 Live Show in LA https://www.ticketmaster.com/netflix-is-a-joke-presents-handsome-los-angeles-california-05-04-2026/event/0900642CE31BB7C3! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website.

• 0:53Fortune Feimster?

  With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising, and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time. Squarespace makes it easy, so easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes.

• 1:25Mae Martin?

  So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 1:48Fortune Feimster?

  Cheers.

• 1:49Mae Martin?

  Welcome to the Handsome Pod. I'm Mae Martin. I'm joined by my co-host.

• 1:54Tig Notaro?

  Tig Notaro.

• 1:55Fortune Feimster?

  And Fortune Feimster.

• 1:56Mae Martin?

  And we're coming to you from the Good Hands Studio.

• 2:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 2:01Mae Martin?

  Presented by Allstate.

• 2:02Tig Notaro?

  That's right.

• 2:03Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, Allstate, we love Allstate.

• 2:04Tig Notaro?

  Allstate presented us with this studio.

• 2:07Fortune Feimster?

  They sure did. They have been so good to the Handsome Pod, and we really, really appreciate their support.

• 2:12Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 2:13Fortune Feimster?

  So yeah, thank you, Allstate, for supporting our pod.

• 2:16Tig Notaro?

  Yes, and for the pillows.

• 2:18Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:18Tig Notaro?

  My gosh.

• 2:19Mae Martin?

  It's lovely to see you both.

• 2:21Tig Notaro?

  And I you. You're curled up like a little. And I you too. And me, us. Look at y'all sitting over there. Does it feel like you're a couples therapist? I do. Do you guys need to talk to me about anything you're going through? I am going through something that's not great. What is it? With me or in life? No, in life. Okay. Oh, thank God. No, no, you're fine. Okay. Yeah, we're fine. For now. We are fine for now. For now, yeah. Um, but if you really want to know. I do. That's what the pod's for, to chat. Yeah. About anything. Our little kitty Fluff. Oh, no. Has cancer. Oh, fuck. Yes. I'm sorry.

• 3:05Tig Notaro?

  Thank you. She has cancer in her intestines and, um, but the good news is we have her on steroids and she's up and walking around again and eating food and, um, and then she starts chemo. Oh, my God. Yeah. Cat chemo. Cat chemo? Yeah, cat chemo. So she's our first born and, um, it's been, it's been tough. Yeah. Yeah. It's been tough, but. How were the boys handling it? Um, you know, they didn't really understand at first because it took us a while to understand that she wasn't doing well because cats sleep a lot. Yeah.

• 3:46Tig Notaro?

  But she was sleeping unusually relaxed looking. Yeah. And, um, that went on for like

• 3:56Tig Notaro?

  a week or two where we were like, God, she's just really zonked. Yeah. And then we were like, is she ever leaving this room? Yeah. You know, and when did you see her eat last? And like all of those kinds of things? It's just, it's not the same as a dog. Right. You know, especially when you have a busy life and, uh, anyway. Uh, so we would just say Fluff was, um, sick. Yeah. And, um, and we didn't know what it was. We feared it was that. Yeah. And then, um, and then we had a vet come over and he said that her white blood cell count was high. Yeah. And that's not a great sign, but it could be something else. Mm hmm.

• 4:37Tig Notaro?

  Um, and then she just kind of deteriorated, I think, before one of our recordings. Yeah. She was not. It was bad. It was bad. Like, didn't know if she was gonna make it through the night. And then we, I decided, like, I, we should tell Max and Finn that she, because we didn't know if she was gonna die that night.

• 4:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 4:58Tig Notaro?

  We didn't know what was happening. So, we told them. They were very emotional.

• 5:02Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 5:02Tig Notaro?

  Um, yeah, it was, it was sad.

• 5:05Fortune Feimster?

  Especially with your, losing your first pet, like, really sticks with you.

• 5:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And, um, and, and so we were, Stephanie's dad came over to stay with, um, Finn, because he didn't want to go to the, it was the middle, it was their bedtime, so.

• 5:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 5:22Tig Notaro?

  He could, he couldn't handle it. But Max was like, I have to go, I, I want to go. And, and so,

• 5:27Mae Martin?

  Oh, no way.

• 5:28Tig Notaro?

  He drove with us, and I dropped, and we dropped Stephanie and Fluff off, and he wanted to, like, walk her in and give her a kiss. And then I drove him back home, and then I went back and sat with Stephanie, and

• 5:39Mae Martin?

  Oh, man.

• 5:40Tig Notaro?

  We were there all night. But, um, anyway.

• 5:42Mae Martin?

  So you had the talk with them?

• 5:44Tig Notaro?

  Yes, and they, they understand, but it's sad.

• 5:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 5:49Tig Notaro?

  And, um, so hopefully the chemo will give her another couple of years or something.

• 5:52Mae Martin?

  That would be amazing. Yeah.

• 5:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 5:54Mae Martin?

  And in the meantime, you gotta treat her like a queen.

• 5:57Tig Notaro?

  And we already did.

• 5:58Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. But I have Kitty City as well, so.

• 6:00Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh. And I have to tell you, or maybe I showed you the picture, uh, where she was on top of the chair. Uh, I'll have to post that. But she was starting to go in areas that she never was, to like, be alone, and she was sleeping on the top of Max's fluffy chair, and Skip and Linus went and got on that chair, which is not where any of them ever are.

• 6:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah, they're sticking around here. That's so nice.

• 6:26Tig Notaro?

  It's so sweet.

• 6:27Mae Martin?

  That's sweet.

• 6:27Tig Notaro?

  Anyway, so, um, yeah, if anyone wants to send some positive vibes to little Kitty.

• 6:33Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 6:35Mae Martin?

  I'm nervous to get a pet. Like, I, I mean, it's just inevitable. You'll

• 6:39Fortune Feimster?

  It is inevitable. It's the hard part of loving a pet, that they just don't get as long of a lifespan, and

• 6:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 6:46Fortune Feimster?

  I, I mean, I used to, I, I know people do this, that, so I'm not crazy, but I used to think about Biggie dying and cry, and he's still alive. And I'm like, what am I doing?

• 6:58Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 6:59Fortune Feimster?

  It's like, you start mourning them while they're here, because you just know the inevitable of their lifespan, but

• 7:06Tig Notaro?

  Something's worth it.

• 7:07Fortune Feimster?

  It is so worth it.

• 7:08Tig Notaro?

  It's so worth it. But, man, is it painful.

• 7:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, dang, yeah, it is.

• 7:13Mae Martin?

  Also, it's so beautiful that, like, It's crazy that we think of them as so different to us and then you get to go through it with them. It's like, we're all, that's so fleeting.

• 7:24Fortune Feimster?

  Well, they're just there with you all day and like, the love is unconditional. It's just such a different relationship than with anything else in your life.

• 7:35Tig Notaro?

  We're unconditional.

• 7:36Fortune Feimster?

  Of course.

• 7:37Mae Martin?

  Us?

• 7:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 7:38Fortune Feimster?

  God, when we almost lost Biggie, I was like, just crying like a baby.

• 7:42Mae Martin?

  Oh, man.

• 7:43Fortune Feimster?

  Every day.

• 7:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 7:44Fortune Feimster?

  I remember, our friend Allison Dumber is a big animal lover and she was calling and I was like, this is why I didn't want to get a dog. Because this is so painful, but I would have traded it for the world.

• 7:58Tig Notaro?

  No. Oh, my gosh. To have lived this life and not known precious little Fluff's face. No way. No way. It's worth it and we're gonna like.

• 8:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah, live it up with Fluff.

• 8:11Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, live it up with Fluff. So, and how's Ginger doing?

• 8:17Fortune Feimster?

  She's good. She, uh.

• 8:18Tig Notaro?

  She turned eighty, I saw online.

• 8:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah, happy birthday, Ginger.

• 8:21Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, so I think.

• 8:22Tig Notaro?

  That's a massive milestone.

• 8:24Fortune Feimster?

  It is. And I think she, she was so happy on the day. Cause I think just hitting that milestone means so much more to her right now. And I think she's in that space of like, any day is a gift.

• 8:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 8:38Fortune Feimster?

  And yeah, she had a surgery where they put the radiation balls in her tumors. So in like two months, they'll check them to see if they've worked. The, the hope of shrinking those big tumors.

• 8:52Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 8:53Fortune Feimster?

  So you're just trying to get the cancer not to spread is, is the goal right now.

• 8:57Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 8:58Fortune Feimster?

  But her spirits are good. She's not on chemo at the moment, so she has more energy.

• 9:02Tig Notaro?

  She looked good in that picture you posted.

• 9:03Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, yeah. She's, you know, that chemo, the chemo just wrecks your body. So, I mean, you know, like.

• 9:10Tig Notaro?

  I didn't go through chemo.

• 9:11Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, you didn't?

• 9:12Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 9:13Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think I realized that.

• 9:14Tig Notaro?

  No, I just had the double mastectomy and then I was also sick with C. diff, which is so debilitating that I could barely walk across the living room.

• 9:24Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 9:25Tig Notaro?

  And so, um. It just was too much.

• 9:30Fortune Feimster?

  Your body couldn't have handled it, yeah. Well, it's so tough. Yeah. On the body that like she, seeing her be so in that state was really hard. But right now she's doing immunotherapy once a month.

• 9:42Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay.

• 9:43Fortune Feimster?

  So she has some energy back and.

• 9:45Tig Notaro?

  That's great.

• 9:46Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, so she's, she's doing good.

• 9:48Tig Notaro?

  Awesome.

• 9:48Fortune Feimster?

  I'm planning a, an 80th birthday party for her. We couldn't, I couldn't do it on the day because of my filming schedule, but we're gonna do it in March. Yeah.

• 9:59Tig Notaro?

  March what? My birthday's the 20th.

• 10:01Fortune Feimster?

  March 28.

• 10:01Tig Notaro?

  I'm the 24th.

• 10:03Fortune Feimster?

  Come on, come on to Belmont.

• 10:05Tig Notaro?

  Have a double birthday, babe.

• 10:07Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 10:08Tig Notaro?

  My 55th and Jitter's 80th.

• 10:10Fortune Feimster?

  I'll hire a stripper.

• 10:11Tig Notaro?

  You'll hire a stripper?

• 10:12Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, do you want male or female or both?

• 10:16Fortune Feimster?

  Cause she's gonna want male, she's gonna want to see some weiner. I'll do it, guys. I'll be the stripper.

• 10:21Tig Notaro?

  You'll do it?

• 10:21Fortune Feimster?

  I'll be the stripper. That way you get kind of in the middle.

• 10:24Tig Notaro?

  I think I prefer a male stripper.

• 10:27Fortune Feimster?

  Really?

• 10:28Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 10:28Fortune Feimster?

  You don't feel like you're, you don't feel like you're, what's the word, exploiting, not exploiting?

• 10:35Tig Notaro?

  Probably.

• 10:36Fortune Feimster?

  Like you feel more relaxed with the.

• 10:39Tig Notaro?

  I just am like, wow, that's hilarious. Look at your body jiggling around, dude.

• 10:44Fortune Feimster?

  Jiggling around.

• 10:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:46Fortune Feimster?

  Look at that body jiggling around.

• 10:48Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 10:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I don't mind a good Magic Mike show or Thunder from Down Under. I wanna take a class so badly and how.

• 10:55Tig Notaro?

  What class?

• 10:56Fortune Feimster?

  How to do the Magic Mike dancing.

• 10:58Tig Notaro?

  Oh, really?

• 10:59Fortune Feimster?

  If I take a class.

• 11:00Tig Notaro?

  Put that on the list, Thomas.

• 11:01Fortune Feimster?

  Would you guys let me? That's a lot of thrusting, right? Oh, I forgot about that. Have you seen Bad Bunny in those shorts popping that weiner? Yeah.

• 11:08Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 11:09Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, look it up. Bad Bunny's like, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. I had no feelings about Bad Bunny until the Super Bowl and now I'm in love.

• 11:18Tig Notaro?

  You had no feelings?

• 11:19Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, he's amazing. I was like, he seems really on point with what he says, but oh my God, he's so sexy, yeah. He's a good boy. I'm gonna watch those videos of him popping that peen.

• 11:28Tig Notaro?

  That's where he became Bad Bunny.

• 11:30Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 11:31Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 11:31Fortune Feimster?

  Bad, Bad Bunny, popping that peen.

• 11:40Fortune Feimster?

  It's fun to watch.

• 11:41Tig Notaro?

  Why don't you just get a stripper for your mom? I don't need to be there.

• 11:44Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, maybe I will.

• 11:45Tig Notaro?

  Get her a surprise stripper.

• 11:46Fortune Feimster?

  Oh my god, she would die. She would not like.

• 11:49Mae Martin?

  She wouldn't like it.

• 11:50Fortune Feimster?

  She's too demure.

• 11:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah, she's a classy lady.

• 11:53Fortune Feimster?

  She claims to be on the wild side of that stuff, but I guarantee you, if I got a male stripper to come to the party in Belmont, she would be so in like red face.

• 12:04Tig Notaro?

  Okay, so, no, not a stripper.

• 12:08Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 12:08Tig Notaro?

  A whole team of strippers.

• 12:10Mae Martin?

  Whoa, like the Magic Mike team.

• 12:12Tig Notaro?

  In her yard, in her yard. Just for her, just look out the window.

• 12:15Fortune Feimster?

  Pre-party.

• 12:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 12:16Fortune Feimster?

  Or post-party, depending on how many drinks she's had.

• 12:20Tig Notaro?

  She deserves it. Get a few drinks in her, then send the dancers over.

• 12:25Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, maybe she'd like the Thunder from Down Under. I think Australian would be, they're the.

• 12:30Tig Notaro?

  Do you have to fly her to Australia?

• 12:32Fortune Feimster?

  No, but hopefully there's enough Australians in, near Charlotte, North Carolina, that they could just form a, like, posse of.

• 12:42Mae Martin?

  She likes the accent? Wait, what, she likes Australians or what?

• 12:46Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know, why not?

• 12:47Mae Martin?

  Okay, yeah, yeah.

• 12:49Tig Notaro?

  She probably likes an accent, right?

• 12:50Fortune Feimster?

  She probably likes, if they go razor blades.

• 12:52Tig Notaro?

  Mmm, here we go again.

• 12:54Fortune Feimster?

  Jennifer Lopez.

• 12:56Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 12:56Mae Martin?

  I feel like you guys aren't jumping at the idea of me being stripper for your mom's idiot.

• 13:00Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I forgot you said that.

• 13:02Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I did forget you offered that up.

• 13:04Mae Martin?

  No, you're right, it was right to my mom.

• 13:05Fortune Feimster?

  Listen, I can fly you to North Carolina, come on.

• 13:08Mae Martin?

  I do want to party with Ging, but.

• 13:10Tig Notaro?

  In coach.

• 13:11Mae Martin?

  In coach?

• 13:12Fortune Feimster?

  In coach.

• 13:13Tig Notaro?

  In coach. What about with extra legroom?

• 13:17Fortune Feimster?

  No, we'll see, we'll see.

• 13:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 13:20Mae Martin?

  I guess when this comes out, I'll be on a coach, on my tour bus, sleeping on a little.

• 13:25Fortune Feimster?

  Good segue.

• 13:26Tig Notaro?

  You have a tour bus?

• 13:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah, which I've never done that. Have you done that, tour bus?

• 13:30Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, no, I've not ever wanted to.

• 13:33Mae Martin?

  Me neither, it's not been on my bucket list.

• 13:36Fortune Feimster?

  I need like space from the road. I need like go home and reset and then go back.

• 13:41Mae Martin?

  I do, I am, like, I'm only doing two weeks at a time and then I come back for like 10 days or a week and then.

• 13:47Tig Notaro?

  Do you want me to open for you?

• 13:49Mae Martin?

  Would you?

• 13:49Fortune Feimster?

  Oh my god, that, people would love that.

• 13:54Mae Martin?

  People will go, is Tik okay? How come Tig's opening for me on tour? Is everything alright at home for Tig?

• 14:01Fortune Feimster?

  Tig's running away from her problems.

• 14:03Mae Martin?

  I'm worried about like my routines, my, my face washing. Like, there's no shower on the bus, so you gotta shower at the venue. And then I guess when you get to the new city, you can go to a hotel.

• 14:13Tig Notaro?

  You're gonna shower at the venue?

• 14:15Mae Martin?

  I'm, I guess.

• 14:17Tig Notaro?

  May.

• 14:17Fortune Feimster?

  Well, May's gotta shower somewhere.

• 14:19Tig Notaro?

  But May showers twice a day. What are you gonna do about that?

• 14:23Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna shower in a, I'm gonna-

• 14:24Tig Notaro?

  Truck stop.

• 14:24Fortune Feimster?

  A gym.

• 14:25Mae Martin?

  Get a ho- tell her when I get to the city. And then I'm gonna shower, go do the show, then maybe shower at the venue after the show.

• 14:32Tig Notaro?

  Wait, you're gonna have a van, a bus and a hotel room?

• 14:35Mae Martin?

  Well, you drive all night.

• 14:36Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 14:37Fortune Feimster?

  I drove all night.

• 14:38Mae Martin?

  I was waiting on you, I was gonna- To get to you.

• 14:42Tig Notaro?

  I love that song.

• 14:43Fortune Feimster?

  Aww.

• 14:44Mae Martin?

  "Is that alright?" is such a great line, too.

• 14:46Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 14:46Mae Martin?

  "Is that alright?"

• 14:47Fortune Feimster?

  "Is that alright?"

• 14:48Tig Notaro?

  That is a good line.

• 14:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:50Tig Notaro?

  "Is that alright that I did that?"

• 14:51Fortune Feimster?

  Ask him permission.

• 14:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:53Fortune Feimster?

  Because I don't wanna drive all night if it's not okay with you.

• 14:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 14:56Fortune Feimster?

  Last thing I wanna do is drive all night. I get there and you're like not into it.

• 14:59Tig Notaro?

  Not letting you in.

• 15:01Fortune Feimster?

  You should ask if it's alright.

• 15:03Tig Notaro?

  Is that alright?

• 15:03Fortune Feimster?

  It's alright.

• 15:04Tig Notaro?

  But the song is, "I drove all night." Is that alright?

• 15:07Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 15:08Tig Notaro?

  You're already there.

• 15:09Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, no, you're already there.

• 15:10Tig Notaro?

  You are, and it's like, no, it's not alright, you weirdo. You should've told me. You're renting a car and driving all night.

• 15:17Fortune Feimster?

  Like that woman, oh, it was like that woman, the astronaut who drove across country.

• 15:22Tig Notaro?

  In the diaper. I was in that movie.

• 15:24Mae Martin?

  Wait, what?

• 15:26Tig Notaro?

  You don't know this story?

• 15:27Mae Martin?

  No, and I love astronauts and diapers.

• 15:29Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, tell the story, Tig. You were in the movie.

• 15:31Tig Notaro?

  Well, the, uh, the woman, played by Natalie Portman.

• 15:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:36Fortune Feimster?

  Wow.

• 15:36Tig Notaro?

  Was, uh-

• 15:37Fortune Feimster?

  What a get.

• 15:39Tig Notaro?

  She, okay, the, she was obsessed with this guy.

• 15:47Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 15:47Mae Martin?

  Okay, this is a true story?

• 15:48Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 15:49Fortune Feimster?

  True story, yeah.

• 15:50Tig Notaro?

  She was a, an astronaut.

• 15:51Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 15:52Tig Notaro?

  And-

• 15:52Fortune Feimster?

  So her standards should've been much higher.

• 15:54Mae Martin?

  I know, you'd think she's really on it and wise.

• 15:57Tig Notaro?

  I'm forgetting the story, but basically she drove all night.

• 16:00Mae Martin?

  To get to-

• 16:01Tig Notaro?

  To get to him, whether that was alright or not.

• 16:04Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think it was alright.

• 16:05Tig Notaro?

  But she had, no, it wasn't alright. And she wore a diaper so she'd get there faster and not have to stop.

• 16:12Mae Martin?

  She's not alright.

• 16:13Fortune Feimster?

  But it became a story because something, I think it was like stalking.

• 16:18Tig Notaro?

  Also, why was she telling people she had a diaper on?

• 16:20Fortune Feimster?

  But I think they only knew that she had a diaper on because she did something illegal.

• 16:25Tig Notaro?

  Right, but then the news says, okay, and also it's important you all know she had a diaper on.

• 16:30Fortune Feimster?

  But am I right?

• 16:31Tig Notaro?

  Salacious detail.

• 16:32Fortune Feimster?

  Did she get in trouble? Like, why do we know about this?

• 16:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, did she show up in his house? I should have read the script. But yeah, you're in the movie. Who did you play? It was a long time ago.

• 16:41Fortune Feimster?

  I feel like she did something she wasn't supposed to do.

• 16:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 16:44Fortune Feimster?

  Allegedly.

• 16:46Tig Notaro?

  Oh my god, we should have a movie podcast. Where we try to recap movies that we don't know. That we never saw. Anything about it. But that we were in.

• 17:00Speaker 04

  Hi, I'm Beck Bennett.

• 17:01Speaker 00

  I thought I was Beck Bennett.

• 17:02Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no.

• 17:02Speaker 00

  I'm Kyle Mooney.

• 17:03Speaker 04

  Yes, exactly. No, all good, all good.

• 17:06Speaker 00

  Thanks, buddy.

• 17:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, and we host the show What's Our Podcast? here on HeadGum.

• 17:09Speaker 00

  This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and make you look like a kick-ass person online.

• 17:20Speaker 04

  Like you're skateboarding through the internet, or you're like you're surfing through the web.

• 17:24Speaker 00

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• 17:32Speaker 04

  I like that it's all in one place.

• 17:33Speaker 00

  I know.

• 17:34Speaker 04

  I like that I don't have to go around, you know, like different stores or something, it's just all on my website.

• 17:37Speaker 00

  Well, it's like, oh, do I need to go to like, do I need another type of website to like, find the right pictures, or to like, another type of website to upload the like?

• 17:45Speaker 04

  It's all in one place.

• 17:46Speaker 00

  The video, or the audio, or like, no, I want, it makes it easy, make it easy on me, please.

• 17:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, so you can do all those things, photos, videos, changing fonts, you know, I mean, the designs are amazing, they're catering to all your different needs, they're SEO tools, which I know what those are, and they're custom domains.

• 18:03Speaker 00

  Oh, let's come up with a domain right now, let's see, I wonder if it exists.

• 18:06Speaker 04

  WWW dot?

• 18:08Speaker 00

  Friends Meeting?

• 18:10Speaker 04

  Friends.

• 18:11Speaker 00

  Friends Meeting Friends dot com.

• 18:13Speaker 04

  Check out Squarespace dot com slash HeadGum for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, use offer code HEADGUM to save 50% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 18:23Fortune Feimster?

  She did something. I don't think it, I think she drove all night and it wasn't.

• 18:27Speaker 00

  She was charged with attempted murder.

• 18:29Fortune Feimster?

  Wow.

• 18:30Tig Notaro?

  Oh, right. I forgot.

• 18:31Fortune Feimster?

  That was a twist?

• 18:32Mae Martin?

  So she tried-

• 18:33Fortune Feimster?

  She drove all night to murder him?

• 18:35Mae Martin?

  Or was it like his new girlfriend or something?

• 18:37Tig Notaro?

  Jon Hamm was in it and I was his friend, I think.

• 18:41Fortune Feimster?

  When was this movie?

• 18:42Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it was a while ago.

• 18:44Fortune Feimster?

  Wow.

• 18:45Mae Martin?

  You were Jon Hamm's friend and was he the guy?

• 18:48Fortune Feimster?

  I don't remember.

• 18:50Tig Notaro?

  I don't remember.

• 18:51Mae Martin?

  So Natalie Portman shows up in a diaper. Jon Hamm goes, whoa.

• 18:54Fortune Feimster?

  But if Natalie Portman is, well, if she's trying to murder you, that's different. But I was like, if she's driving all night to come to you, that's pretty hot.

• 19:00Tig Notaro?

  I thought you were gonna say if Natalie Portman's showing up in a diaper, I can work with that.

• 19:04Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, we can figure that out.

• 19:06Mae Martin?

  No.

• 19:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 19:07Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. What was the point of, where did we leave off?

• 19:10Tig Notaro?

  I don't, no.

• 19:11Fortune Feimster?

  Before that tangent?

• 19:13Mae Martin?

  It was from I Drove All Night.

• 19:14Fortune Feimster?

  I know, but I took us on a weird road. Were we talking about something else?

• 19:19Tig Notaro?

  And then I tried to wedge in, oh, I was in a movie.

• 19:21Fortune Feimster?

  And we were like, we get it, you film movies.

• 19:24Tig Notaro?

  We get it, you were in a movie no one's aware of.

• 19:29Mae Martin?

  But she was an astronaut?

• 19:30Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 19:31Mae Martin?

  I gotta, I wanna know more about this lady.

• 19:33Tig Notaro?

  And she worked with him. He was, he was in Astronaut 2, maybe? I don't know.

• 19:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was like a love triangle situation.

• 19:40Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah. She tried to kill the new girlfriend.

• 19:42Tig Notaro?

  Maybe he was already taken?

• 19:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:43Tig Notaro?

  Well.

• 19:44Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 19:45Fortune Feimster?

  Well, there's apparently a movie out there that takes it, if you wanna learn more about it.

• 19:49Tig Notaro?

  I should have movie night where I watch movies I was in.

• 19:52Fortune Feimster?

  That you've been in, that you've never seen.

• 19:54Tig Notaro?

  Do you watch all your movies?

• 19:55Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-mm.

• 19:56Mae Martin?

  What do you mean?

• 19:57Fortune Feimster?

  I, uh, movies, all the movies I've been in, I've watched. No, actually, that's not true. I was in one in the last year and didn't watch. And then, um, I haven't watched all the TV I've been in either.

• 20:09Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 20:10Mae Martin?

  Guys, this is nuts.

• 20:11Fortune Feimster?

  Listen, I don't wanna brag, but I've been in a lot of stuff.

• 20:13Tig Notaro?

  I don't watch my stuff.

• 20:15Mae Martin?

  This is crazy.

• 20:16Tig Notaro?

  You watch all your stuff?

• 20:17Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 20:17Mae Martin?

  I'm not in that much, so yeah, I'm like, super pumped.

• 20:20Fortune Feimster?

  I don't wanna brag, but I'm in a lot of things.

• 20:22Mae Martin?

  You're in a lot of things, but imagine telling your teen self, you're not even gonna watch that movie you were in.

• 20:28Fortune Feimster?

  I've filmed full seasons of things and not watched it.

• 20:31Mae Martin?

  You, do you go to the premieres and stuff?

• 20:33Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, I haven't been to every premiere, no. If I can, I will go, but sometimes I can't.

• 20:38Mae Martin?

  Is it because you find watching yourself?

• 20:39Tig Notaro?

  Sometimes she's busy filming another movie she's not gonna watch. She can't make it to that.

• 20:43Fortune Feimster?

  But I watch most of the movies.

• 20:45Mae Martin?

  Do you find it hard watching yourself? Is that part of it? Or you're just not into the stuff?

• 20:50Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I, I used to not like it at all. Now I'm better about it and I don't mind it.

• 20:56Tig Notaro?

  Now you're a big fan?

• 20:56Fortune Feimster?

  No, I love myself.

• 20:58Tig Notaro?

  Wait, go back, go back.

• 21:00Fortune Feimster?

  If I was like in a, like a lot of something, I just, I don't know.

• 21:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 21:04Fortune Feimster?

  I just, I saw it in a couple of episodes and that was fine.

• 21:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah. I have a hard time watching myself do stand-up.

• 21:12Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I think I have more of a hard time watching myself do stand-up.

• 21:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah, really? Okay, me too, yeah.

• 21:17Fortune Feimster?

  Just because in my head, I'm like, oh, that felt, that was so funny that I watched it. I was like, that wasn't as funny as I thought it was.

• 21:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah, or I think I could have, if I just focused a little more, or I could have found better words to say that, or else, yeah.

• 21:32Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I'm not like, I don't want to watch my stand-up.

• 21:36Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 21:37Tig Notaro?

  No. Um.

• 21:39Mae Martin?

  You're good.

• 21:40Tig Notaro?

  You too, kid.

• 21:41Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know if anyone's told you this, but you're good.

• 21:44Tig Notaro?

  I mean, I don't know if anyone's told any of us, but we're good at stand-up and acting. But, and podcasting. But I, yeah, I don't know. I, I find it fascinating when I do watch myself acting because

• 21:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 21:59Tig Notaro?

  Seeing whatever little weak moment I had where I'm like, I could have done that better.

• 22:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 22:04Tig Notaro?

  Or I'm like, actually, I did that much better than I thought.

• 22:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:08Tig Notaro?

  So I feel a little more removed watching me act.

• 22:11Fortune Feimster?

  Right, right.

• 22:12Tig Notaro?

  Because I feel so connected to my stand-up.

• 22:15Mae Martin?

  And then you don't want to get in your head about, about mannerisms or things. Yeah, like where, you know? Or like I, I went through a phase of thinking, oh my God, I never move on enough on stage. I'm just standing there at the mic and then, and then I'm going out trying to, I'm pacing around. I'm like, and it's so not me.

• 22:32Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 22:33Fortune Feimster?

  But it is important to watch it from time to time because back in the day, I'd be like, oh, I'm yelling the punchline a lot.

• 22:39Mae Martin?

  Yelling.

• 22:39Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe simmer down. Maybe let's simmer down a little bit.

• 22:43Mae Martin?

  Yelling the punchline.

• 22:44Tig Notaro?

  Oh, and here comes the punchline. This is good.

• 22:47Fortune Feimster?

  I'm just gonna, this will be funnier if I yell it.

• 22:49Mae Martin?

  And then he said. I had this character that yawns after every punchline. They go, "And can you believe that? And that was my uncle."

• 23:01Mae Martin?

  It was like their catchphrase. I thought that would be a funny character. And you did that for a while? I only did it to my friends. I'd never done it on stage. Oh, okay. I just liked the idea of a stand-up.

• 23:12Fortune Feimster?

  Bring it on tour. Put it on that tour bus. Oh, that's what we were talking about, your tour bus.

• 23:18Mae Martin?

  I knew we'd get back there eventually. You're so lucky. We are very far. You get offstage and then you get right on the bus. You drive all night.

• 23:27Fortune Feimster?

  That's right. And you were gonna shower in a hotel.

• 23:30Mae Martin?

  And wait, and I'm s-

• 23:31Fortune Feimster?

  Take two showers a day.

• 23:32Mae Martin?

  You're doing that because you don't want to fly? Yeah, it's, it's-

• 23:35Fortune Feimster?

  You just hit more cities, I think.

• 23:37Mae Martin?

  And it's so tiring going to the airport and checking in and flying. It's better for the environment, I think, to drive and-

• 23:43Fortune Feimster?

  Are you bringing people with you? Because you can fill up people on a bus. Like, you'll have an opener and stuff?

• 23:48Mae Martin?

  Like me? My, Tink's driving the bus and, no, my buddy Matt- Wait a second.

• 23:56Mae Martin?

  I have to drive and open for you?

• 23:57Fortune Feimster?

  You have to drive all night.

• 23:59Mae Martin?

  And, and the, do you mind doing the merch table too?

• 24:03Mae Martin?

  My friend Matt is gonna do some improv with me. Okay. At the end of the show. So there's no opener. So he'll be on the bus for a lot of it. Or Atlanta Johnston's coming for some. Yeah. To open for you? Uh, to do improv. But mostly I'll be on my own. But I guess the tour manager- Just with you and the bus driver? Me, the bus driver, tour manager, and maybe, maybe my amazing assistant Lee will come sometimes. Yeah, but- So you like your assistant? Obsessed. Wow. They're amazing. That's amazing. Well, that's all wonderful.

• 24:33Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, we're very happy for you. Well, I'm excited for your bus tour. I'm excited to see how you like touring in the old US of A in this way.

• 24:41Mae Martin?

  I know. I'm curious too. I want, because I am pretty rigid in my routines and things. So I wonder, as long, so I'm gonna bring a special pillow. I'm gonna bring eye mask. I'm gonna bring- Earmuffs. Earmuffs.

• 24:53Fortune Feimster?

  Clear mascara.

• 24:55Mae Martin?

  Clear mascara. But I just want to be able to sleep. I want like weighted blanket. Yeah.

• 24:59Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 25:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah. What else should I bring? Could you- Goldfish. You gotta bring a goldfish.

• 25:04Fortune Feimster?

  Cracker or actual goldfish?

• 25:06Tig Notaro?

  An actual goldfish.

• 25:07Mae Martin?

  A live goldfish?

• 25:08Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you gotta get a goldfish bowl, fishbowl.

• 25:10Mae Martin?

  To watch it?

• 25:11Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you've got to.

• 25:13Mae Martin?

  Can I get you guys to record a meditation, like a guided meditation?

• 25:17Fortune Feimster?

  How does that work?

• 25:18Mae Martin?

  So it's nice music and it's like...

• 25:21Fortune Feimster?

  You're relaxing. You're relaxing, you're closing your eyes.

• 25:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 25:24Fortune Feimster?

  You've just been on stage, you crushed. You also have gas.

• 25:34Mae Martin?

  So far?

• 25:35Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 25:35Mae Martin?

  It's not putting me to sleep, but I'm delighted about it.

• 25:38Fortune Feimster?

  Relax your eyes.

• 25:39Tig Notaro?

  Well, you have to put that on repeat.

• 25:40Mae Martin?

  Oh, okay.

• 25:41Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, to hear that over and over again.

• 25:43Fortune Feimster?

  You're good enough, you're smart enough, and doggone it, people like you.

• 25:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 25:48Fortune Feimster?

  Do you like this?

• 25:49Tig Notaro?

  Well, you don't respond to the meditation, May.

• 25:52Mae Martin?

  Speak for yourself?

• 25:53Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 25:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 25:54Tig Notaro?

  I guess you make a good point there.

• 25:56Fortune Feimster?

  You sure do. Like me.

• 25:58Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 25:59Fortune Feimster?

  Well, and are you gonna play any music?

• 26:01Mae Martin?

  I don't know if the mood takes me, but I don't think so.

• 26:04Fortune Feimster?

  I didn't know if that's why you also had the buses for your guitar.

• 26:08Mae Martin?

  No, I think I'm just trying to be economical.

• 26:11Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 26:11Mae Martin?

  I think.

• 26:12Fortune Feimster?

  All right.

• 26:12Mae Martin?

  I don't know.

• 26:13Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know either.

• 26:15Mae Martin?

  I wish we were, I wish we were all going together. I'd love to do a handsome...

• 26:18Fortune Feimster?

  A handsome live tour, maybe one day.

• 26:21Mae Martin?

  But would we go nuts on the bus? Probably.

• 26:23Fortune Feimster?

  We would, maybe the tour, the whole tour would be like two weeks long.

• 26:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah, max.

• 26:28Tig Notaro?

  Max.

• 26:28Mae Martin?

  That we could do.

• 26:29Tig Notaro?

  I thought you meant would we go nuts, like party, like smash beer cans on our heads?

• 26:33Fortune Feimster?

  Tegan and I didn't even go to the lesbian bar in Nashville after our show.

• 26:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:38Fortune Feimster?

  If that tells you anything.

• 26:39Mae Martin?

  Well, when I'm bringing the party to the bus, you're not gonna have a choice.

• 26:42Tig Notaro?

  Oh, boy.

• 26:43Fortune Feimster?

  I did just have a hang with a bunch of girlfriends and we did karaoke.

• 26:48Tig Notaro?

  You're the only gay person that I know of that says my girlfriends.

• 26:52Fortune Feimster?

  It's because I have a lot of, it's because I have a lot of straight friends who are girls and they all say, use that word.

• 26:57Tig Notaro?

  But just say friends, because otherwise you seem like a real gigolo.

• 27:01Mae Martin?

  Girls.

• 27:02Tig Notaro?

  I assumed.

• 27:03Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, so we, all, all, all my friends who are girls, we had a big karaoke night and it was so fun.

• 27:10Mae Martin?

  What'd you, and what'd you sing?

• 27:12Fortune Feimster?

  Just lots of like lady anthems.

• 27:15Mae Martin?

  I drove all night.

• 27:16Fortune Feimster?

  A lot of lady anthems.

• 27:17Mae Martin?

  A lot of group singing or a lot of solos?

• 27:20Fortune Feimster?

  A lot of group singing, yeah, we all joined in.

• 27:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 27:23Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-hmm.

• 27:23Mae Martin?

  That's fun.

• 27:24Fortune Feimster?

  It was really fun.

• 27:25Mae Martin?

  Are you, had you done karaoke with them before? Like that's your karaoke crew?

• 27:29Fortune Feimster?

  No, this was a new, they're my friends, but we hadn't had a karaoke night.

• 27:33Tig Notaro?

  Girlfriend.

• 27:33Mae Martin?

  Private room?

• 27:34Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, my girlfriends. No, just at a friend's house.

• 27:36Mae Martin?

  Oh, at someone's house?

• 27:38Tig Notaro?

  Here in LA.

• 27:39Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 27:40Mae Martin?

  I like those private rooms you can rent.

• 27:43Fortune Feimster?

  I've never done one of those, but it looks fun because you can just sing it over and over. As long as people are terrible singers, then that's a nightmare.

• 27:51Mae Martin?

  It's like, it'll be a venue and then you can get a room for like eight people or, and then you-

• 27:56Tig Notaro?

  Just to sing karaoke?

• 27:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and there's just kind of leather couches, a disco ball, and a little room around this size or smaller, and a TV, and then you can call for drinks.

• 28:05Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, did we put that on the list? Did we ever put that on the list?

• 28:08Tig Notaro?

  That needs to go.

• 28:09Mae Martin?

  I don't know what we're planning on that if we have.

• 28:11Fortune Feimster?

  This is long.

• 28:12Tig Notaro?

  I mean, you doing that while I'm tucked in bed with my CPAP machine?

• 28:18Mae Martin?

  On the bus?

• 28:19Tig Notaro?

  Or just in one of those rooms? And I'm just like, I think I'm gonna get rid of my CPAP.

• 28:26Mae Martin?

  Why?

• 28:26Fortune Feimster?

  It's not working?

• 28:28Tig Notaro?

  Ah, I don't think so.

• 28:29Fortune Feimster?

  Like, you're sleeping with it?

• 28:31Tig Notaro?

  Hmm, sometimes. There's like a mouth, um, guard that you can use that maybe does the same job.

• 28:39Mae Martin?

  It's to stop sleep apnea?

• 28:41Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 28:41Mae Martin?

  Okay, okay. So then, yeah, what would you replace it with?

• 28:45Tig Notaro?

  The mouthpiece.

• 28:46Mae Martin?

  Oh, okay, yeah, yeah.

• 28:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. If you were listening to me one second ago.

• 28:50Mae Martin?

  Sorry.

• 28:53Fortune Feimster?

  Well, what an adventure, May.

• 28:56Tig Notaro?

  Yes. Are we trying to segue into our question?

• 28:59Mae Martin?

  To the question, I think so, yeah.

• 29:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it feels like it. Let's do it.

• 29:02Mae Martin?

  Today's question asker is a Grammy-winning singer, songwriter, and actor who's sold more than 3 million albums and starred in the show Girls 5 Eva. She co-wrote and performed the original song "Salt Then Sour Then Sweet" for the Oscar-nominated documentary Come See Me in the Good Light. Sarah Bareilles is asking today's question.

• 29:22Fortune Feimster?

  Also, her Broadway show Waitress is so good. I love that one song.

• 29:28Tig Notaro?

  She is a real talent.

• 29:30Fortune Feimster?

  She is very talented. I love her voice.

• 29:32Tig Notaro?

  And a wonderful human.

• 29:35Speaker 05

  Hi, handsome. I'm eating snap peas. My name is Sarah Bareilles. I just picked that zit. And my question for you is-

• 29:47Speaker 05

  Not really of my own devising, but it's a question I heard asked to other people and I thought it was interesting. So I'm gonna re-ask it here and if I knew the source, I would quote them, but I don't, so they're shit out of luck. My question for you is, you have two bananas.

• 30:05Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 30:06Speaker 05

  One banana is perfectly ripe. The other banana is a little bit too ripe.

• 30:15Speaker 05

  Do you eat the perfect banana? Or do you eat the banana that's a little bit too ripe? So as not to waste the too ripe banana? Knowing that by the time you're hungry for another banana, the likelihood is that the second banana will also be too ripe.

• 30:39Fortune Feimster?

  This is like a total my question.

• 30:41Speaker 05

  Do you think?

• 30:42Fortune Feimster?

  I get asked this all the time. This feels like, like your rice thing that last episode.

• 30:49Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 30:50Fortune Feimster?

  Where you're like talking to rice and something's happening, dying.

• 30:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, what would you say to the bananas?

• 30:56Speaker 05

  I don't know that I'm talking to them.

• 30:58Fortune Feimster?

  You're not talking to these bananas? Okay.

• 31:00Speaker 05

  Well, I guess I'm apologizing to whichever one I had to leave behind. I have strong feelings about two ripe bananas though.

• 31:08Tig Notaro?

  Okay, I would love to hear this take, little cowboy.

• 31:11Fortune Feimster?

  We want a hot take.

• 31:12Speaker 05

  Okay, here's my hot takes on bananas. Uh, I like a slightly green banana, but it's a very fine line. If it's chalky, no good.

• 31:22Fortune Feimster?

  So the green, the green is like, it's not ripe enough?

• 31:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 31:26Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 31:27Speaker 05

  If it's even slightly brown, like if it's got speckles on it, that's for baking. And you gotta do a banana bread or something, I think.

• 31:35Tig Notaro?

  Or a smoothie.

• 31:36Speaker 05

  Or a smoothie, sure, fine.

• 31:37Tig Notaro?

  Well, you know, if a banana has a hint of green and is speckled.

• 31:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 31:42Tig Notaro?

  Then it has been unnaturally.

• 31:45Tig Notaro?

  And mechanically ripened.

• 31:48Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 31:49Tig Notaro?

  So you don't want to eat those.

• 31:51Fortune Feimster?

  If it has grain and speckles.

• 31:53Tig Notaro?

  If you see, if you see it like a really, like a hard ripe, or a hard banana.

• 31:59Mae Martin?

  But it also has.

• 32:01Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 32:01Mae Martin?

  So what do they have ripening?

• 32:03Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, well, how's that?

• 32:04Mae Martin?

  Machines?

• 32:04Tig Notaro?

  Look, I'm not, I don't, I don't work there.

• 32:06Fortune Feimster?

  Know about bananas?

• 32:07Tig Notaro?

  I don't work there.

• 32:08Fortune Feimster?

  So you like you know a lot about bananas?

• 32:10Tig Notaro?

  Well, I do. Remember I told you bananas are actually berries?

• 32:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:15Tig Notaro?

  I forgot that.

• 32:15Mae Martin?

  Bananas are actually berries. Also, did you know so many people die from black widow spiders hiding in banana bunches? And it's actually very dangerous.

• 32:23Tig Notaro?

  Are they trying to scare us?

• 32:24Fortune Feimster?

  When they pick them?

• 32:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah, when they pick them. And sometimes they've come over on, you know.

• 32:28Tig Notaro?

  To your house?

• 32:29Mae Martin?

  To my house.

• 32:30Fortune Feimster?

  And they go, what's up? You gonna eat me?

• 32:32Mae Martin?

  And then my thing that I want to patent is if you take a bite of the peel of the banana and then you take a, and you let it taste all weird in your mouth, then you take a bite of the berry itself.

• 32:44Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 32:45Mae Martin?

  The fruit of the banana, then it tastes like a tomato. And I patented that. I invented that.

• 32:51Tig Notaro?

  Wait, this is true things you're telling us?

• 32:53Mae Martin?

  This is true.

• 32:54Tig Notaro?

  And you're taking a bite of the peel?

• 32:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I don't know how I would.

• 32:58Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 32:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I basically discovered it by accident. I accident, I bit, well, I would sometimes bite the banana to open it, you know, on the, on the butt end, not on the stalk end.

• 33:08Tig Notaro?

  Uh-huh.

• 33:08Mae Martin?

  Then I'm peeling it like a bonobo ape. And then I have the taste of the peel in my mouth, I guess. I eat the fruit and I go, tomato.

• 33:15Fortune Feimster?

  Tomato.

• 33:16Mae Martin?

  And I spread the word.

• 33:17Tig Notaro?

  Tomato.

• 33:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 33:19Fortune Feimster?

  Tomato, tomato.

• 33:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah, try it out.

• 33:21Tig Notaro?

  Banana, banana.

• 33:22Fortune Feimster?

  I love bananas.

• 33:23Tig Notaro?

  I do too. I eat a lot. And I've never eaten a peel.

• 33:28Fortune Feimster?

  I've never eaten a peel either.

• 33:29Mae Martin?

  You, so how are you opening them, guys? Why did I say guys?

• 33:33Fortune Feimster?

  I peel them up, I peel them up top, but I did see John Mulaney do a thing about how his wife peels them, which was.

• 33:41Tig Notaro?

  At the butt.

• 33:41Mae Martin?

  Thumb at the butt. I do that. Yeah, because that's how the monkeys do it. And when you're doing that, you might squish the top and, yeah.

• 33:49Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 33:49Mae Martin?

  You, but you eat bananas every day, would you say?

• 33:51Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 33:52Mae Martin?

  Oh, really?

• 33:53Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 33:53Fortune Feimster?

  I don't eat fruit every day.

• 33:55Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 33:56Fortune Feimster?

  I'm not, my health not.

• 33:57Mae Martin?

  A little smoothie in the morning?

• 33:59Fortune Feimster?

  I love a smoothie, but I do have a weird texture thing and fruit bumps up against my texture situation more than anything.

• 34:07Tig Notaro?

  What about apples?

• 34:08Fortune Feimster?

  I love apples.

• 34:09Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 34:10Fortune Feimster?

  Love apples, but I, I, I should be eating the fruit I like more than I do, but I really do enjoy an apple, especially an apple. Y'all know I'm a peanut butter bitch.

• 34:20Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah.

• 34:21Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 34:22Tig Notaro?

  Peanut butter on a.

• 34:23Fortune Feimster?

  This peanut butter bitch is loves the apple.

• 34:26Tig Notaro?

  Me too.

• 34:26Fortune Feimster?

  Girl.

• 34:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 34:28Fortune Feimster?

  With peanut butter.

• 34:29Tig Notaro?

  Girl, I eat that about every day.

• 34:31Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 34:32Tig Notaro?

  And you know what?

• 34:33Mae Martin?

  Me too, actually.

• 34:34Tig Notaro?

  I eat almost a quarter to a half a jar of peanut butter a day.

• 34:38Mae Martin?

  Me too, I think.

• 34:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 34:40Mae Martin?

  It's my favorite food.

• 34:41Tig Notaro?

  And crunchy.

• 34:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 34:42Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 34:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 34:43Mae Martin?

  And I always think about, cause um.

• 34:46Tig Notaro?

  I do heap and scoops on my, my apple.

• 34:49Mae Martin?

  Heap and scoops?

• 34:50Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 34:51Mae Martin?

  That is patent that maybe.

• 34:53Tig Notaro?

  Heap and scoops?

• 34:53Mae Martin?

  Scoops should be a company.

• 34:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 34:55Fortune Feimster?

  I also love peanut butter on bananas as well.

• 34:58Tig Notaro?

  Oh, that's delicious. A peanut butter banana, um, uh, sandwich?

• 35:03Mae Martin?

  Yes, with honey sometimes inside.

• 35:05Tig Notaro?

  Well, not for me, but yes, just my vegan issues.

• 35:09Fortune Feimster?

  I would like, oh, oh, you can't eat honey because bees are harmed?

• 35:14Tig Notaro?

  Well, it's, it's animal product, you know, whatever.

• 35:17Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 35:18Tig Notaro?

  You know, sometimes it sneaks into my food and I live through it.

• 35:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 35:22Tig Notaro?

  But.

• 35:22Fortune Feimster?

  So for me, bananas are, can, it can be dicey if they're too ripe, I can't.

• 35:28Tig Notaro?

  No, too ripe. Or you know, the little stringy.

• 35:31Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 35:32Tig Notaro?

  Throw that in a smoothie. Banana strings?

• 35:34Fortune Feimster?

  Or freeze it and throw it in a smoothie down the road.

• 35:38Tig Notaro?

  You freeze it. You, you freeze it.

• 35:40Fortune Feimster?

  But if, if a banana has a bunch of brown spots on it, that's, I'm like, ugh.

• 35:45Tig Notaro?

  When I was little and I would respond that way to it, my mother was like, that's the sweet part of the banana.

• 35:51Fortune Feimster?

  So many people were like, it's, that's the best.

• 35:54Mae Martin?

  What?

• 35:55Fortune Feimster?

  It is sweeter when it's riper.

• 35:57Mae Martin?

  Oh, it's sweeter, but there's like a sourness to it.

• 36:00Tig Notaro?

  It's disgusting.

• 36:01Fortune Feimster?

  I can't.

• 36:01Tig Notaro?

  Find something else for your sweet tooth.

• 36:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 36:04Tig Notaro?

  It's disgusting.

• 36:05Fortune Feimster?

  But wait, why is it not?

• 36:07Mae Martin?

  I'm so glad we're on the same page, three, three of us.

• 36:09Tig Notaro?

  Finally, this is the first time we all can agree.

• 36:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah, we all like this.

• 36:12Tig Notaro?

  Disgusting.

• 36:13Fortune Feimster?

  But Sarah's asking about these two bananas like it's a hard choice.

• 36:17Mae Martin?

  No, I'm eating the perfectly ripe one.

• 36:19Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, but does that say something about, is this a deeper?

• 36:21Tig Notaro?

  Why are you getting so mad at Sarah about this?

• 36:23Fortune Feimster?

  No, I love Sarah.

• 36:24Tig Notaro?

  She's such a nice person.

• 36:25Fortune Feimster?

  Her song used to be mine, that was the one I was trying to think of.

• 36:27Tig Notaro?

  Oh my, have you heard her do that with Rufus, Wainwright?

• 36:30Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, that was gorgeous.

• 36:31Tig Notaro?

  Are they trying to kill us?

• 36:33Fortune Feimster?

  They're trying to kill us.

• 36:34Tig Notaro?

  Are they trying to kill? Have you seen, have you heard it, May?

• 36:37Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, it's gorgeous.

• 36:38Tig Notaro?

  Why don't you say your goodbyes and then listen to it?

• 36:41Mae Martin?

  Goodnight, goodbye.

• 36:42Tig Notaro?

  It is.

• 36:43Fortune Feimster?

  It's really good. Used to be mine.

• 36:46Mae Martin?

  I'm writing it down.

• 36:47Fortune Feimster?

  It's from Waitress, the musical, what she wrote the music for.

• 36:50Tig Notaro?

  I mean.

• 36:50Mae Martin?

  Used to be mine.

• 36:52Tig Notaro?

  She's trying to kill us.

• 36:53Fortune Feimster?

  She's got some great songs.

• 36:59Mae Martin?

  I think it's like if you, if you eat the perfectly ripe banana, then it's wasteful. But you could use the too ripe banana to bake, I'm saying. It's weird that bananas aren't, like, used more for sex stuff, because.

• 37:14Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, boy.

• 37:14Mae Martin?

  Or just sit there and not like.

• 37:16Fortune Feimster?

  How did we, hey, I didn't do that, by the way. May did this turn, I did not make this sexual.

• 37:21Tig Notaro?

  I didn't say anything.

• 37:22Fortune Feimster?

  I could just hear a fortune marie on your tongue.

• 37:25Tig Notaro?

  Fortune marie.

• 37:26Fortune Feimster?

  What about May Marie? Well, or girl, girl, girl.

• 37:30Mae Martin?

  Girl Marie?

• 37:31Fortune Feimster?

  Marie.

• 37:32Mae Martin?

  Girl Marie. But like, you know how like eggplants have become synonymous with like, or?

• 37:39Fortune Feimster?

  Because it's thicker, the banana's too, too small, maybe?

• 37:44Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, okay.

• 37:45Fortune Feimster?

  I'm just answering May's. I'm gonna go to commercial by myself. Well, when you say, when you say you want bananas to become more sexual.

• 37:53Mae Martin?

  I didn't say I want. I said, I'm surprised that more people aren't secretly.

• 37:57Tig Notaro?

  Do you think this is what Allstate wants from us?

• 37:59Mae Martin?

  Well, you're so right.

• 38:01Tig Notaro?

  Do you really think this is what Allstate wants in their Good Hand Studio?

• 38:06Mae Martin?

  I know.

• 38:06Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, no. I was trying to keep it very demure.

• 38:11Tig Notaro?

  I know you were. I think you've overused that word in this episode.

• 38:14Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, did I say it before?

• 38:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. Maybe it was another episode.

• 38:18Fortune Feimster?

  I think it was another episode.

• 38:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, whatever.

• 38:22Fortune Feimster?

  What were you saying, May?

• 38:23Mae Martin?

  Just like, I'm surprised I haven't come across in my exploits.

• 38:28Fortune Feimster?

  I know.

• 38:28Mae Martin?

  Someone going, hey, can I fuck you with a banana?

• 38:31Fortune Feimster?

  Alright, I'm going to commercial with or without you.

• 38:35Tig Notaro?

  Wow!

• 38:37Mae Martin?

  You'd think.

• 38:37Tig Notaro?

  Wow!

• 38:39Fortune Feimster?

  That's that voice you do that I love.

• 38:41Tig Notaro?

  I realize, like, wow!

• 38:43Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know, maybe because you sound like a cat.

• 38:45Tig Notaro?

  Meow!

• 38:45Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe. May really let that one loose. We should have a cat fight and just wrestle each other. Oh, that sounds fun. Yeah. I mean, I'd have to put a back brace on. A helmet. A full-time wrestling match would be fun. We should make that a live event.

• 39:02Mae Martin?

  Well, I DM'd this.

• 39:03Fortune Feimster?

  Put it on the list, Thomas.

• 39:04Mae Martin?

  There's this like.

• 39:05Fortune Feimster?

  We'll do it at one of our shows.

• 39:08Mae Martin?

  I know people who can organize it. Because I found this company that's like queer oil wrestling. Like lesbian oil wrestling. I DM'd them, I go, when's your next event?

• 39:19Fortune Feimster?

  Did you slide into their DMs? We do have that show at the Wiltern, May 4th. But I don't know if we can pull it together for a wrestling. We can wrestle our guests.

• 39:28Mae Martin?

  I DM'd them and I was like.

• 39:30Fortune Feimster?

  It's Malin Ackerman and Brittany Snow.

• 39:32Mae Martin?

  I think we could take them.

• 39:33Fortune Feimster?

  May 4th. We could for sure take them. You never know, it might lead to some wrestling. Yeah.

• 39:38Mae Martin?

  But the embarrassing thing was, I was like, yeah, let me know when your next event is in LA. I want to come. And they were like, when are you free and we'll make an event? And they were like, we can come to you. And I was like, oh, no, no, I'll just tag along.

• 39:49Fortune Feimster?

  They're like, in your backyard?

• 39:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah. But I think it would be really fun. I think to get your aggression out in a safer.

• 39:56Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, but I think that I would have, I would need to be fully clothed. Wait, are we not clothed?

• 40:03Mae Martin?

  No, we're covered in oil.

• 40:04Fortune Feimster?

  And just naked?

• 40:05Mae Martin?

  No, I guess you can wear a bathing suit.

• 40:08Fortune Feimster?

  Like a. Most people are in bathing suits. A men's bathing suit down to my knees? Yeah, most people are in bikinis or something. But I feel like you guys would pull my bathing suit on. I wouldn't, because I wouldn't want that to happen to me. Oh, right, do unto others as you would have done unto you. I don't want ass out, you know? You grew up in the church. I don't need my butthole being shown. I don't need to see it, to be honest. I don't want you to see it. Yeah, I'm not trying to see it. Because I'm not pulling down your bathing suit. Why don't you back off? Why don't you back off? I'll take you right now. I would assume you would be naked in this scenario. I assume you're always naked until you get here.

• 40:46Mae Martin?

  No, I love clothes. I assume you're just always naked, swanning around.

• 40:51Fortune Feimster?

  I assume you're topless a lot and in some sort of ponties.

• 40:56Mae Martin?

  You know what's crazy is I, around my house.

• 40:58Tig Notaro?

  Roughly ponties.

• 40:59Mae Martin?

  Roughly. Around my house, I am topless a lot, but now I've got people doing the garden and they're these, these nice older men and I'm, I just don't want to make them uncomfortable because they call me a she and I can't be bothered to correct them. And I'm like, what would they think if I was just walking around, you know, doing pushups. Tits out. I don't know. So I just for everyone.

• 41:20Fortune Feimster?

  Hot tub tits out.

• 41:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 41:22Tig Notaro?

  Is that a callback to one of our bits?

• 41:24Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, my hot tub's too short.

• 41:26Tig Notaro?

  Oh, right, right, right.

• 41:27Fortune Feimster?

  My tits are out and the hot tub, which is a real bummer.

• 41:31Tig Notaro?

  Where like a fan would come up and be like, hot tub tits out.

• 41:34Fortune Feimster?

  Hot tub tits.

• 41:35Mae Martin?

  People do say it.

• 41:36Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, since that episode, they've said hot tub tits out.

• 41:39Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 41:40Tig Notaro?

  I just feel like I could see myself passing somebody on the sidewalk. They say that and I look at them weird and then they're like, Tig's rude.

• 41:47Fortune Feimster?

  And then you're like, keep it handsome.

• 41:50Tig Notaro?

  Wait, somebody just did the, oh, I checked into a hotel in Chicago.

• 41:56Fortune Feimster?

  And what'd they say?

• 41:57Tig Notaro?

  She, she was just very professional, checking me in, asking for my credit, you know, like ID and everything. And then, um, and then she pulled a book, uh, my book and she said, oh, I, I brought some reading material tonight. I was like, oh, how funny. Thanks. And then after she checked me in and gave me the key, she goes, and keep it handsome. And I was like, well, you little rascal. You didn't give away anything. Like when I walked out, there was no vibe that she knew who I was.

• 42:29Mae Martin?

  That's great.

• 42:29Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 42:30Fortune Feimster?

  And slid that little puppy in at the end.

• 42:32Tig Notaro?

  There was no puppy.

• 42:34Fortune Feimster?

  Wouldn't that be fun?

• 42:35Tig Notaro?

  That would have been a fun thing on check in. You just bring a puppy into your room?

• 42:39Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that would be amazing.

• 42:41Tig Notaro?

  And then you also have to pay the cleanup fee.

• 42:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 42:45Tig Notaro?

  Should we hear what Sarah has to say?

• 42:47Fortune Feimster?

  Sure.

• 42:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'm curious if she's finished those snow peas.

• 42:50Fortune Feimster?

  I just want to know if there's a deeper meaning to this. Like, we're a certain personality type if we do it.

• 42:56Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, what if we're revealing we're terrible people?

• 42:59Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 42:59Tig Notaro?

  Maybe we shouldn't play her answer. I'll just call her.

• 43:03Mae Martin?

  The only time we don't play the answer?

• 43:05Fortune Feimster?

  Well, can I ask real quick before we... How did you meet Sarah?

• 43:08Tig Notaro?

  She flew out as a fan of Andrea Gibson's to see Andrea's final show.

• 43:15Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, okay.

• 43:16Tig Notaro?

  And then we all connected through that. And, but she was there by herself.

• 43:24Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, wow.

• 43:24Tig Notaro?

  She was on her own little journey. She had lost her dear friend to cancer. And was just really connecting with this and Andrea and came out for the show. And then, yeah, we've all just become really close.

• 43:39Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 43:40Tig Notaro?

  And I kind of forgot where she came from. But that's where it is.

• 43:45Fortune Feimster?

  That's cool.

• 43:45Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 43:46Fortune Feimster?

  Has she ever sung to you?

• 43:48Fortune Feimster?

  Like, just you?

• 43:49Tig Notaro?

  No, no, I should sing to her.

• 43:52Fortune Feimster?

  You should, absolutely, yeah. Okay, thank you for that.

• 43:56Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you're welcome.

• 43:57Fortune Feimster?

  I like her song Brave.

• 43:58Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 43:59Fortune Feimster?

  Anyway.

• 44:00Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 44:01Speaker 05

  I eat the too ripe banana because I'm too lazy to make banana bread.

• 44:09Speaker 05

  And I don't like to waste. She's better than us.

• 44:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 44:13Fortune Feimster?

  She is better than us.

• 44:15Mae Martin?

  May God bless us all.

• 44:18Tig Notaro?

  Wow, so...

• 44:19Mae Martin?

  I thought she was gonna say something about me at the end there.

• 44:21Fortune Feimster?

  May...

• 44:22Mae Martin?

  Waste a lot of bananas.

• 44:24Fortune Feimster?

  May waste a lot. I can't do that too right. Not to be. Yeah. I'm just gonna throw away the... I'm bad, I throw away the old stinky fruit.

• 44:34Tig Notaro?

  Throw in a blender.

• 44:35Fortune Feimster?

  Throw in the freezer.

• 44:37Tig Notaro?

  Can you believe we had her on the show only for her to shame us about our bananas?

• 44:43Fortune Feimster?

  She didn't know she was going to shame us because she didn't know our answer.

• 44:46Tig Notaro?

  I think she knew.

• 44:47Fortune Feimster?

  But you can freeze the banana past its point.

• 44:50Tig Notaro?

  I know this.

• 44:52Fortune Feimster?

  I'm telling you then.

• 44:52Mae Martin?

  And then what? Throw it in a smoothie or something?

• 44:54Fortune Feimster?

  Then throw it in a smoothie and then the texture won't mess you up. Wait, oh my, did you see that?

• 45:00Tig Notaro?

  What happened?

• 45:01Fortune Feimster?

  May made a sexual, uh, may said or.

• 45:05Tig Notaro?

  Tell me.

• 45:06Fortune Feimster?

  I'm like, did the, something like this.

• 45:08Tig Notaro?

  Fortune Marie, put your hand down. Put your hand down.

• 45:11Fortune Feimster?

  May, come on.

• 45:14Tig Notaro?

  My legs asleep. Oh, well, let's whisper that.

• 45:18Fortune Feimster?

  But May did this.

• 45:19Tig Notaro?

  I saw you the first three times you did it. Just saying. This is a Christian podcast.

• 45:25Mae Martin?

  You're tattling on me, dude.

• 45:27Fortune Feimster?

  Dude.

• 45:27Tig Notaro?

  Dude, tattling on me, dude.

• 45:30Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I got reprimanded, so.

• 45:31Tig Notaro?

  Yo, bro, you're tattling on me.

• 45:33Mae Martin?

  Bro, you're tattling on me, dude.

• 45:35Fortune Feimster?

  Keep your ruffled panties in your pants.

• 45:38Tig Notaro?

  What's up, girl? Dude, bro.

• 45:39Fortune Feimster?

  Dude, bro.

• 45:40Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 45:41Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 45:42Tig Notaro?

  My sons call me dude.

• 45:44Mae Martin?

  That's really funny.

• 45:45Tig Notaro?

  Just at that age.

• 45:46Fortune Feimster?

  How do you feel about that?

• 45:47Tig Notaro?

  Dude.

• 45:48Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know if I would love that. I'd be like, it's.

• 45:51Tig Notaro?

  Mommy. Mom dad to you. Mom daddy, whatchamacallit. It's mommy daddy to you. Whatchamacallit. Muchama, muchama who's it?

• 46:01Mae Martin?

  I feel like dude is a sign of respect. It's like, they're, they're like, we're friends.

• 46:05Tig Notaro?

  And it's not all the time.

• 46:07Mae Martin?

  Just every once in a while it slips out.

• 46:09Tig Notaro?

  Well, it'll be like, guys, you have to put your shoes on. Dude, I just.

• 46:13Mae Martin?

  I love that.

• 46:15Fortune Feimster?

  I, not for me.

• 46:17Tig Notaro?

  Okay, well.

• 46:17Fortune Feimster?

  Call me mom daddy.

• 46:18Tig Notaro?

  Don't you dare.

• 46:19Mae Martin?

  Are you gonna come over as like Mary Poppins nanny?

• 46:23Tig Notaro?

  Is that what you would go by, mommy daddy?

• 46:25Fortune Feimster?

  No, I don't know. I've never even thought about it.

• 46:27Tig Notaro?

  Well, I need you to think about it, but.

• 46:29Fortune Feimster?

  I would probably still be ma, a ma, a version of mom.

• 46:32Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 46:33Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 46:33Mae Martin?

  I gotta be dad, yeah.

• 46:34Fortune Feimster?

  Mama.

• 46:36Tig Notaro?

  I don't want to be like old Bertha.

• 46:38Fortune Feimster?

  Where's my mama?

• 46:39Tig Notaro?

  Where's my mama?

• 46:41Fortune Feimster?

  Dude.

• 46:42Mae Martin?

  I don't wanna be a mama.

• 46:44Tig Notaro?

  Well, if you're a mama, you're gonna eventually be a mama.

• 46:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I don't want that.

• 46:49Tig Notaro?

  Well.

• 46:50Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know if I want.

• 46:51Tig Notaro?

  You chose it.

• 46:51Fortune Feimster?

  I think mom, not mommy. Mommy when they're little.

• 46:55Tig Notaro?

  Mare.

• 46:56Fortune Feimster?

  And then when they get to be.

• 46:57Tig Notaro?

  What do you think of mare?

• 46:57Fortune Feimster?

  I like mare.

• 46:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I like mare.

• 46:59Tig Notaro?

  It feels so right for me.

• 47:01Fortune Feimster?

  It does feel right for you.

• 47:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 47:02Tig Notaro?

  So ripe.

• 47:03Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 47:04Tig Notaro?

  Too ripe?

• 47:04Fortune Feimster?

  Way to, way to bring it full circle through bananas.

• 47:07Tig Notaro?

  Yes, indeed. Well, this was a treat to have Sara Bareilles. I mean.

• 47:13Mae Martin?

  An honor.

• 47:14Tig Notaro?

  Does it get better than her voice?

• 47:16Fortune Feimster?

  She's got a gorgeous voice.

• 47:18Mae Martin?

  I'll be listening in my car.

• 47:20Fortune Feimster?

  Say what you wanna say.

• 47:23Mae Martin?

  Oh, is that her?

• 47:24Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I wanna, wait, how does it go?

• 47:27Mae Martin?

  Honestly.

• 47:28Fortune Feimster?

  Be brave. We really nailed it.

• 47:31Mae Martin?

  Okay, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:32Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my gosh, she has some good ones.

• 47:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 47:34Fortune Feimster?

  You don't know that used to be mine?

• 47:36Mae Martin?

  No, I know.

• 47:37Fortune Feimster?

  It's not easy to say. I was.

• 47:44Tig Notaro?

  Now, do you know it?

• 47:46Mae Martin?

  I know it less than I did before.

• 47:48Fortune Feimster?

  Something's more than I gave.

• 47:50Tig Notaro?

  Fortune's having a stroke.

• 47:54Fortune Feimster?

  She used to be mine.

• 47:59Mae Martin?

  You know, you know, you know, when people, um, like get Alzheimer's and it's really hard and then sometimes music like brings them back.

• 48:08Tig Notaro?

  Like in a notebook.

• 48:09Mae Martin?

  If you ever ended up like in a home, we went to visit you and you're a vegetable, then we would play you.

• 48:14Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God, vegetable.

• 48:16Mae Martin?

  We'd play you a song.

• 48:17Fortune Feimster?

  Is that a fruit? Not a banana, not a fruit.

• 48:21Tig Notaro?

  I just haven't heard anyone say that.

• 48:23Mae Martin?

  It's been a while.

• 48:24Fortune Feimster?

  Not only have you put me in a home, but I'm a vegetable.

• 48:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah, but then I'd play you.

• 48:28Tig Notaro?

  Is that from vegetative state?

• 48:30Fortune Feimster?

  This is really bleak.

• 48:32Tig Notaro?

  Vegetable?

• 48:33Mae Martin?

  I'd play you, I wanna see you, and you'd suddenly light up.

• 48:36Fortune Feimster?

  See you be brave.

• 48:38Tig Notaro?

  And I go, and you can't make it one day and you send me to go sing and there's no response.

• 48:44Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I'm like, I'm like, pass.

• 48:48Tig Notaro?

  I'm gonna act dead.

• 48:50Fortune Feimster?

  Get her out of here.

• 48:53Mae Martin?

  God, I hope.

• 48:54Tig Notaro?

  She's saying, she's talking. Yeah, she's saying, get her out of here.

• 48:57Fortune Feimster?

  Get her out of here. Wow, this really took a turn for me.

• 49:03Tig Notaro?

  Very bizarre ending.

• 49:04Fortune Feimster?

  Perfectly healthy enough to go visit me and sing.

• 49:09Fortune Feimster?

  I wanna sing, baby. Wow, you guys are just living your best life. And I'm over there in a state.

• 49:17Tig Notaro?

  Well, even if you were a vegetable, we'd still roll you in while we were recording.

• 49:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah, we would, actually.

• 49:24Tig Notaro?

  And we'd take you on tour.

• 49:26Fortune Feimster?

  And, and all three of us would say, keep it handsome.

• 49:28Mae Martin?

  And your eyelid would twitch and then, and then take, we go, Fortune Marie.

• 49:32Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I'd know what that meant. And then even then, my eyelids would be fixed from my surgery. When is it? Yes. When's the surgery? Uh, my surgery is March 20th.

• 49:43Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God, I'm excited. I can't wait.

• 49:47Tig Notaro?

  You're excited?

• 49:47Fortune Feimster?

  We can't wait.

• 49:48Tig Notaro?

  Are you gonna come sing to me in the hospital?

• 49:50Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna eat a vegan cinnamon roll in your honor.

• 49:52Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God. Did I tell you about that?

• 49:55Fortune Feimster?

  No, but.

• 49:55Tig Notaro?

  Vegan cinnamon roll?

• 49:56Fortune Feimster?

  Sounds delicious.

• 49:57Tig Notaro?

  After I had surgery and had terrible complications a few, in 2019.

• 50:03Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 50:04Tig Notaro?

  I was only eating chocolate milkshakes that were like the size of like five feet tall.

• 50:12Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 50:12Tig Notaro?

  And then vegan cinnamon rolls that were bigger than my face. And that was, uh, cause I, I was having trouble, uh, keeping weight on.

• 50:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 50:24Tig Notaro?

  And so that was.

• 50:25Mae Martin?

  You were just pounding.

• 50:26Tig Notaro?

  I was just pounding it. Pounding it.

• 50:29Mae Martin?

  And now, is, do you have too much? So now it's nauseating to you?

• 50:32Tig Notaro?

  Nope.

• 50:32Mae Martin?

  Or you still love it?

• 50:33Tig Notaro?

  I, I could, oh, yeah.

• 50:35Mae Martin?

  There you go.

• 50:35Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Uh, Annie Hootles.

• 50:38Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna have dinner after this.

• 50:39Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I'm hungry.

• 50:40Mae Martin?

  I'm hungo.

• 50:41Tig Notaro?

  Let's, let's, uh, wrap it up then, so we can get you guys fed. I gotta go to a screening of Come See Me in the Good Light, which Sarah Bareilles. She's an EP along with Brandy Carlisle and they sing that Salt and Sour and Sweet.

• 50:57Mae Martin?

  Mm-hmm. March 3rd, I'm on tour. Check out maymartin.net. See if I'm coming to your town. You're also touring around?

• 51:05Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, yeah, I'm gonna be in San Diego, I believe at the Civic Center on the, is it the 7th? Whatever the Saturday is coming up. Uh, then I have a bunch of dates. Little Rock, Fayetteville, Arkansas, Oklahoma City. Uh, yeah, a bunch of, a bunch of places. I don't know where else because I don't have it in front of me, but I'm on tour, fortunefeamster.com.

• 51:28Tig Notaro?

  I am on tour as well, tignotaro.com. And speaking of San Diego, I've always wanted to have a breakfast restaurant there called The Sandy Ego.

• 51:38Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, there you go.

• 51:39Tig Notaro?

  There you are.

• 51:39Mae Martin?

  Wait, I don't get it.

• 51:40Tig Notaro?

  Uh, well, there's like waffles called Egos.

• 51:42Mae Martin?

  Oh, The Sandy Ego.

• 51:45Fortune Feimster?

  I'm also in Cedar Rapids, Rochester, Minnesota.

• 51:49Tig Notaro?

  Also check out Starfleet Academy that I'm on with Holly Hunter and Paul Giamatti and an incredible cast. Also tomorrow, I will be performing for the Stand Up for Equality Show, March 4th in Los Angeles with Margaret Cho, Mateo Lane, and a bunch of incredible comedians. Come on out. And please share any of your favorite episodes with anybody. Rate, review, subscribe. YouTube, go to YouTube.

• 52:17Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Buy our fun merch. We have all these great shirts that have come out.

• 52:21Tig Notaro?

  Oh, we have our show, The Will Turn.

• 52:23Fortune Feimster?

  Yes. That's right. In Los Angeles, May 4th is part of the Netflix Is a Joke Festival. We will be doing a handsome live show.

• 52:31Tig Notaro?

  Do we announce our guests?

• 52:32Fortune Feimster?

  Yep. It's Brittany Snow and Malin Ackerman.

• 52:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 52:36Tig Notaro?

  Excellent.

• 52:37Fortune Feimster?

  From The Hunting Wives. A lot of Lesi stuff going on in that show.

• 52:40Mae Martin?

  It's two days after my birthday. Oh, it doesn't matter.

• 52:42Fortune Feimster?

  No, it does. A lot of action in that show.

• 52:45Tig Notaro?

  That's right. May was born in May.

• 52:47Fortune Feimster?

  A lot of boobies.

• 52:47Tig Notaro?

  We heard you.

• 52:48Fortune Feimster?

  Malin shows.

• 52:49Tig Notaro?

  Fortune Marie.

• 52:50Fortune Feimster?

  Tittays.

• 52:51Tig Notaro?

  And we're gonna ask her about it.

• 52:52Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my lord. Because not only will they be asking a question, we're also going to chat with them a little bit.

• 52:57Tig Notaro?

  Okay. And with that?

• 52:59Mae Martin?

  Keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected]. And please follow us on social media, at HandsomePod.

• 53:16Speaker 06

  What a podcast.

• 53:22Speaker 05

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.

• 53:24Speaker 07

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 53:26Speaker 06

  And Hannah Simone.

• 53:27Speaker 07

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dogged.

• 53:49Speaker 06

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 54:02Speaker 07

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes, we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 54:13Speaker 06

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.