Sarah Gadon asks about house pets

Sarah Gadon, aka Mae's wife in "Wayward," asks Handsome a delightful question about which house pet they would be! Who's a cat, who's a dog, and who's a... turtle?! Plus, Handsome forms an improv troupe, Tig joins a parade, and a "Calista Flockhart" moment that has the hosts crying with laughter! We have a live-streaming show Dec 22, get your tickets https://www.squadup.com/events/livestream-access-handsome-holibobs-extravaganza! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website. With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising, and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time.

• 1:19Mae Martin?

  Squarespace makes it easy, so easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes. So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hey, Handsoms! We have a very special live show coming up for the holidays on Monday, December 22nd. Join in the fun and festivities from anywhere in the world by getting your tickets at the link in our social media bio or at DynastyTypewriter.com.

• 1:54Tig Notaro?

  Your ticket will allow you to stream the show anytime for a full week. It's the perfect gift for you and all the handsome folks in your life.

• 2:03Mae Martin?

  It's gonna be so fun, so go to DynastyTypewriter.com or follow the link in our bio and get your ticket for our December 22nd show today.

• 2:12Tig Notaro?

  Ho, ho, ho.

• 2:23Fortune Feimster?

  Cheers.

• 2:25Tig Notaro?

  Welcome to the handsome, oh, do you want to do it?

• 2:28Mae Martin?

  No, I just kind of croaked. I just went, what?

• 2:30Tig Notaro?

  Welcome. Welcome to the handsome pod. It's me, your friend Tig Notaro. Yay Tig. Yay Fortune.

• 2:39Fortune Feimster?

  It's me Fortune.

• 2:40Mae Martin?

  And me May.

• 2:41Tig Notaro?

  Yay May.

• 2:43Mae Martin?

  We're in an improv troupe. Zip, zap, zap.

• 2:46Tig Notaro?

  What's our improv names? I have one. What is it? I have a name. Okay. Improv troupe.

• 2:52Mae Martin?

  Ooh, not bad.

• 2:54Fortune Feimster?

  Tough to beat.

• 2:54Mae Martin?

  What about, um, two against one? And all our scenes that are two against one.

• 3:01Fortune Feimster?

  I like that.

• 3:02Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 3:02Mae Martin?

  I like that.

• 3:03Fortune Feimster?

  I like that. Let's go.

• 3:04Tig Notaro?

  What do you have? I suggested improv troupe.

• 3:07Fortune Feimster?

  You did?

• 3:08Tig Notaro?

  You suggested two against one.

• 3:11Fortune Feimster?

  How about, um, dumpster tits?

• 3:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's pretty strong.

• 3:18Tig Notaro?

  That feels...

• 3:19Mae Martin?

  I thought of a good concept for...

• 3:20Tig Notaro?

  Directed at one of us.

• 3:23Mae Martin?

  I thought of a good concept for improv show, guys.

• 3:26Fortune Feimster?

  You did what?

• 3:27Mae Martin?

  I thought of a good concept for an improv show. So I had Lisa Gilroy, friend of the pod.

• 3:31Tig Notaro?

  Friend of the pod.

• 3:32Mae Martin?

  At my house.

• 3:32Tig Notaro?

  Very funny person.

• 3:34Mae Martin?

  Truly.

• 3:35Tig Notaro?

  One of the funniest.

• 3:36Mae Martin?

  The funniest, yeah. And we were... I was in heaven because we were playing Alanis Morissette's songs and singing in our best voice. I was playing guitar. She was on drums and...

• 3:44Tig Notaro?

  You sang with her.

• 3:45Fortune Feimster?

  My bestie.

• 3:46Mae Martin?

  Stop. I knew that was coming.

• 3:50Fortune Feimster?

  My best friend, Alanis.

• 3:53Mae Martin?

  Well, I have to come up with complicated ways to get Alanis's attention, and this is one of them. It's because we're playing a "What's the matter, Mary Jane?" from Jagged Little Pill. Lisa's singing, like, there's no end to her talents, Lisa. She's singing stunningly, like, belting out these tunes. So we decided, or one of our ideas, is we're going to do an improv show where we play every song on the album, and there's a scene themed around each song. So there's a scene that's highly ironic. There's a scene that's head over heels. There's a scene that's "If you're flawless, then you'll win my love." You know, whatever. But we played the songs in between. Anyway. Sorry to start the pod with this, but...

• 4:32Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I can't wait. I can't wait to tell my bestie Alanis. About this.

• 4:36Mae Martin?

  Do you have her number?

• 4:37Fortune Feimster?

  No, I never got her number.

• 4:38Tig Notaro?

  I haven't.

• 4:39Mae Martin?

  Do you actually?

• 4:40Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 4:40Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 4:43Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 4:44Mae Martin?

  No.

• 4:44Tig Notaro?

  You know his number I have?

• 4:46Mae Martin?

  Who?

• 4:46Tig Notaro?

  It will blow your mind.

• 4:48Mae Martin?

  Who?

• 4:48Tig Notaro?

  And I don't think I've ever texted with him. But he, I, this is a real bit, I, I, whoa.

• 4:55Fortune Feimster?

  Whoa.

• 4:56Tig Notaro?

  Oh, whoa.

• 4:56Fortune Feimster?

  Whoa.

• 4:57Tig Notaro?

  God, who is that? Um, I think I have his number and, um.

• 5:02Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, who is it? Let me see.

• 5:04Mae Martin?

  Who is that?

• 5:05Fortune Feimster?

  Warren.

• 5:06Mae Martin?

  Warren?

• 5:08Fortune Feimster?

  Beatty?

• 5:08Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 5:09Mae Martin?

  Warren Beatty?

• 5:10Tig Notaro?

  Yes, indeed. I have Warren Beatty.

• 5:13Fortune Feimster?

  Random.

• 5:13Mae Martin?

  And you just have his first name in there?

• 5:16Fortune Feimster?

  It was either Beatty or Buffett.

• 5:19Tig Notaro?

  Warren B. could go either way.

• 5:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Oh, my God.

• 5:23Tig Notaro?

  I have never texted him, but, um, we have mutual friends. He and, uh, Annette and Stephanie and I, um, have mutual friends and we have, um, socialized with them.

• 5:34Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, hilarious.

• 5:35Mae Martin?

  Do we send him a pic? You know, a selfie of all three of us? Yeah. Oh, my God. What a gorgeous man.

• 5:42Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. He was part of that, the whole Oscars debacle.

• 5:46Tig Notaro?

  What do you mean?

• 5:46Fortune Feimster?

  You don't remember that?

• 5:47Mae Martin?

  Which, what Oscars debacle?

• 5:49Fortune Feimster?

  Where they named the wrong moo- best picture.

• 5:53Mae Martin?

  Where they said Moonlight and then it was La La Land?

• 5:55Fortune Feimster?

  It was, yeah.

• 5:56Tig Notaro?

  How did that happen?

• 5:57Fortune Feimster?

  He, uh, they were given the wrong card or something.

• 6:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 6:02Tig Notaro?

  But why was there ever a card with the wrong information?

• 6:05Fortune Feimster?

  It was, it was from the previous, um.

• 6:09Tig Notaro?

  Year?

• 6:09Fortune Feimster?

  It was from the previous.

• 6:11Mae Martin?

  Category?

• 6:11Fortune Feimster?

  Category or something.

• 6:13Mae Martin?

  That was crazy.

• 6:14Tig Notaro?

  Oh, he announced it?

• 6:16Fortune Feimster?

  He, it was him and Faye Dunaway were on the, and they both kind of.

• 6:20Tig Notaro?

  Those two up and comers.

• 6:21Fortune Feimster?

  Throw each other under the bus.

• 6:23Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 6:24Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, it was a whole, that.

• 6:25Tig Notaro?

  And were they really trying to throw each other under the bus?

• 6:27Fortune Feimster?

  Well, cause I think it was. Some, one of them paused and the other one was like, just read it or something.

• 6:33Mae Martin?

  Oh my god.

• 6:34Fortune Feimster?

  And, but they, but the person who paused it, mine and Faye, was like, but this isn't right. And they just read it and calls that whole thing.

• 6:45Mae Martin?

  I love an Oscars blunder like that, like Adele Dazim famously.

• 6:51Fortune Feimster?

  Adele Dazim was classic as well.

• 6:53Mae Martin?

  From the universe.

• 6:54Tig Notaro?

  What are some other Oscar blunders?

• 6:56Mae Martin?

  Well, the slap.

• 6:58Fortune Feimster?

  Well, that was.

• 7:00Tig Notaro?

  The slap heard all around the world.

• 7:03Fortune Feimster?

  What else has there been? Very few live events now.

• 7:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 7:07Fortune Feimster?

  Other than sports.

• 7:08Tig Notaro?

  And Conan's hosting this year, right?

• 7:10Fortune Feimster?

  Uh huh, again.

• 7:11Mae Martin?

  And we're doing our.

• 7:13Tig Notaro?

  Oh yeah, are we talking? And we are gonna tap dance right behind him.

• 7:16Fortune Feimster?

  Can you tell Conan that we're available?

• 7:19Tig Notaro?

  I'll let him know.

• 7:22Fortune Feimster?

  We need to get on our tap classes and.

• 7:24Mae Martin?

  I think it's less on us and more on, if people wanna see it, they need to start a formal petition, like, we need, we need to, we, so the support of our community.

• 7:33Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe our way to get to that is the Golden Globes finally has a podcast category.

• 7:39Mae Martin?

  Do they?

• 7:39Fortune Feimster?

  We're not nominated, don't worry. But we could, the Golden Globes has a podcast category.

• 7:47Mae Martin?

  I feel like.

• 7:48Fortune Feimster?

  This year, right? Am I crazy?

• 7:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, no.

• 7:52Tig Notaro?

  It's true, but you're also.

• 7:54Fortune Feimster?

  Crazy. But could we be the presenters?

• 8:00Mae Martin?

  You would, I mean.

• 8:01Tig Notaro?

  I say yes.

• 8:02Fortune Feimster?

  And we come out and tap, and we come out in tap shoes.

• 8:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 8:06Tig Notaro?

  And we don't tap dance.

• 8:07Fortune Feimster?

  And we don't tap. Which is our loud. Like a horse.

• 8:12Tig Notaro?

  That would be a good bit. Our horse, uh.

• 8:16Fortune Feimster?

  People need to see us.

• 8:17Mae Martin?

  You think the smartest guys are gonna wear a horse suit? No, they're just gonna be cool and swab. We're gonna get in a horse suit.

• 8:24Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. What are they hosting?

• 8:26Mae Martin?

  No.

• 8:27Fortune Feimster?

  No, but they have a podcast.

• 8:29Tig Notaro?

  Do they? Hey.

• 8:31Fortune Feimster?

  I did that to Jason during the Zootopia press. Someone asked him about his podcast. I went, you have a podcast?

• 8:37Tig Notaro?

  And he was like, hilarious. Hilarious.

• 8:40Fortune Feimster?

  Hilarious. Well, I don't, who's phone number do you have in your?

• 8:45Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah. Who, who do you have that would be like, what?

• 8:49Mae Martin?

  I feel like I've, anyone of note that I know I've, we've, I've shamelessly milked for the pod and tried to get a question from. There's no big surprises.

• 8:58Fortune Feimster?

  I know, we're, we're hitting up all our friends.

• 9:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:02Tig Notaro?

  Who do you have in your phone that might surprise us?

• 9:04Fortune Feimster?

  That, well, it wouldn't surprise you. Nally Mainz.

• 9:08Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but something that's surprise, like you didn't think I had Warren Beatty's number?

• 9:13Fortune Feimster?

  Certainly didn't think that.

• 9:17Fortune Feimster?

  Do I have anyone super famous? You, I, you have a lot more than I do in my phone.

• 9:22Mae Martin?

  You know what trend I like? Like, cause it would be really funny if you busted out a name of an obscure childhood friend of mine that I've never talked, if you went, why?

• 9:30Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah, like Ian Peach.

• 9:33Mae Martin?

  How to, yeah, Ian Peach. Fortune, that was effortless.

• 9:36Fortune Feimster?

  You think I don't watch your content?

• 9:38Mae Martin?

  That was crazy.

• 9:39Fortune Feimster?

  Baby cakes?

• 9:40Tig Notaro?

  Wait, that's the guy you had a crush on as a child?

• 9:42Mae Martin?

  Ian Peach was my first boyfriend.

• 9:44Tig Notaro?

  But how did you remember that?

• 9:45Mae Martin?

  How did you remember that?

• 9:47Fortune Feimster?

  Amazing.

• 9:48Mae Martin?

  That was very Tom Cruise of you. That was cool.

• 9:51Tig Notaro?

  That was, that is Tom Cruise of you.

• 9:53Fortune Feimster?

  Thank you, guys.

• 9:53Mae Martin?

  I like, have you seen the trend on like Instagram and TikTok where people go to their grandparents who don't know they're being filmed and they go, oh God, I'm so hungry. I could eat Charles McCaffrey or some, and they go, what?

• 10:04Tig Notaro?

  What?

• 10:05Mae Martin?

  Charles McCaffrey? They go, how do you know that name? I haven't thought about him in 60 years.

• 10:12Tig Notaro?

  I could eat Charles McCaffrey. They say I could eat?

• 10:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and then a random name from their grandparents' childhood.

• 10:19Tig Notaro?

  That is so.

• 10:20Mae Martin?

  It's really.

• 10:20Fortune Feimster?

  I'm just going through my contacts now. Brandy Carlisle. But that's not surprising.

• 10:27Tig Notaro?

  What?

• 10:28Fortune Feimster?

  What?

• 10:28Tig Notaro?

  What about an elderly male actor?

• 10:31Fortune Feimster?

  Like I pulled out, Arnold, well, he doesn't have a phone number, but I have his email. He FaceTimes. He doesn't have a phone, no, he uses a iPad.

• 10:41Mae Martin?

  Oh, okay, cool.

• 10:43Fortune Feimster?

  Um, well, this is leading to nothing, other than me not communicating with you guys on this podcast.

• 10:49Tig Notaro?

  Do you have Tig no time?

• 10:51Fortune Feimster?

  I have Will Ferrell's phone number.

• 10:53Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 10:54Mae Martin?

  Did we call him? I mean, this is just a tease.

• 10:56Fortune Feimster?

  I can't call him. He's like, what are you doing?

• 10:59Mae Martin?

  Can we prank call him? We blocked your number?

• 11:00Fortune Feimster?

  No, I'm not prank calling Will.

• 11:01Tig Notaro?

  Oh my god, let's prank call Warren Beatty.

• 11:03Mae Martin?

  Oh my god. I, we need to.

• 11:09Fortune Feimster?

  I have a handyman's phone number.

• 11:11Tig Notaro?

  Oh, sure, sure, that. What's his name?

• 11:14Fortune Feimster?

  His name was John.

• 11:16Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 11:16Fortune Feimster?

  Mindy Kaling.

• 11:18Tig Notaro?

  This is terrible.

• 11:19Mae Martin?

  This is terrible.

• 11:19Tig Notaro?

  Hannah Kendrick?

• 11:21Mae Martin?

  No, this is bad. This is just name dropping. Wait, what if I just dial?

• 11:27Fortune Feimster?

  John the Knight from New Kids on the Blog. Oh, I should ask him for a question.

• 11:32Tig Notaro?

  How do we get this episode?

• 11:33Mae Martin?

  Back on track?

• 11:34Tig Notaro?

  Back on track.

• 11:35Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I thought you were gonna say nominated for an Oscar.

• 11:39Tig Notaro?

  An Academy Award?

• 11:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah, well, we're submitting this episode for sure.

• 11:43Fortune Feimster?

  This one will be the one that takes us.

• 11:45Tig Notaro?

  What sounds fancier, Oscar or Academy Award?

• 11:49Mae Martin?

  Academy Award.

• 11:50Fortune Feimster?

  Academy Award.

• 11:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 11:51Tig Notaro?

  Well, you have to get so angry at me.

• 11:55Mae Martin?

  Academy Award?

• 11:56Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 11:56Mae Martin?

  Um, I have a weird thing that happened related to you, which is, I, I had mentioned this the other night, but I got a package that

• 12:04Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:04Mae Martin?

  I assumed was from you, but it was addressed to you, and it was from Willie Nelson has like a THC drink. Did you get that?

• 12:14Fortune Feimster?

  But it was addressed to me.

• 12:16Mae Martin?

  Okay, I got Tigs.

• 12:17Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 12:18Mae Martin?

  So it was from

• 12:19Tig Notaro?

  I didn't get mine.

• 12:21Mae Martin?

  Well, I assumed that

• 12:22Fortune Feimster?

  It's like an alcohol with THC in it, right?

• 12:25Mae Martin?

  No alcohol, just like a

• 12:26Tig Notaro?

  And Willie's just high, packing these up in his house.

• 12:30Mae Martin?

  Tig and May are interchangeable, yeah.

• 12:32Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know, they both have short hair.

• 12:35Mae Martin?

  So I got

• 12:36Tig Notaro?

  You were always on my mind.

• 12:39Mae Martin?

  I thought maybe because you don't get high typically, you were like, I don't know, but and then I don't really. So it's been sitting in my kitchen and then my roommate, uh, yeah, I mean, my friend Matt and his girlfriend live in my back house.

• 12:52Tig Notaro?

  Sure.

• 12:53Mae Martin?

  So they came in and we're watching a movie and, and my roommate's girlfriend was like, I want some of that. And she's from China. She's doesn't smoke weed and

• 13:00Tig Notaro?

  What does being from China have to do?

• 13:02Mae Martin?

  Well, it's so illegal there.

• 13:03Tig Notaro?

  Right, right, right.

• 13:04Mae Martin?

  Like it is so prison there.

• 13:06Tig Notaro?

  It is so prison.

• 13:07Mae Martin?

  It is so prison.

• 13:08Tig Notaro?

  Girl, that is so prison. Girl, that is so prison. Oh, my God, we're gonna start a new saying. That's good.

• 13:14Mae Martin?

  Girl, that is so prison.

• 13:15Tig Notaro?

  Girl, that's so prison.

• 13:16Mae Martin?

  And what does it mean? Like hardcore?

• 13:18Tig Notaro?

  It's, it's like, I don't know. We just, we're making it up.

• 13:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it's so illegal.

• 13:23Tig Notaro?

  It's so, oh, my God, girl, that's so prison.

• 13:26Mae Martin?

  Girl, so she's like, I want to try it. And we were all like, I don't know if, you know, it might be kind of strong. And she was like, no, I really want to. So my friend made her a drink with it, like some soda water and ice.

• 13:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 13:39Mae Martin?

  And she drinks it. I, we didn't have any. And then I kind of forgot that she'd had it and like forty, forty-five minutes go by.

• 13:45Tig Notaro?

  She jumped off the building?

• 13:46Mae Martin?

  She, and she's no longer with us.

• 13:48Tig Notaro?

  Was she naked?

• 13:49Mae Martin?

  Goes totally silent and then I go, Leslie, how you doing by the way? Do you feel anything? And she goes, she goes, no, I, I don't think I feel anything, but my soul has shrunk. And I went, what? And she said, my soul has shrunk and, and now there's space between my soul and my body. And I was like, let's just take that away from you. Isn't that wild? And then, um,

• 14:12Tig Notaro?

  How long has she been in the States?

• 14:14Mae Martin?

  Uh, only four months or something, five months.

• 14:17Tig Notaro?

  And had she ever had any THC?

• 14:19Mae Martin?

  Once before, she said.

• 14:20Tig Notaro?

  So her body's just like not really

• 14:22Mae Martin?

  Oh, her body's just like, what is happening? Yeah. And she was, she had a great night.

• 14:27Tig Notaro?

  How old is she?

• 14:28Mae Martin?

  Thirty-five, I think thirty-three.

• 14:30Tig Notaro?

  Oh, man. Interesting.

• 14:31Mae Martin?

  But it cracked me up. And also, Because English is not her first language and so she uses language so intentionally and so and it always is exactly what she means and like you know what I mean so to say my soul has shrunk and I kind of know that feeling where you're like inside yourself there's a

• 14:48Tig Notaro?

  That's really interesting when you said she uses language intentionally so she says exactly what she means so it's like that would be a really great and interesting romantic relationship to be in because

• 15:04Mae Martin?

  Oh, the cultural differences between them too are hilarious.

• 15:07Tig Notaro?

  But just like saying something so directly and it's like, okay.

• 15:12Mae Martin?

  Well, she was saying that in like in English or like we'll say I love you or these romantic things and in China they don't say that as much but instead if you say something poetic about the moon it means you're saying I love you so if you go the moon's looking pretty milky today.

• 15:30Tig Notaro?

  Mayfair. Milky moon.

• 15:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah, a milky, flawless moon.

• 15:33Tig Notaro?

  You love me? As the hots for me. That's interesting.

• 15:39Mae Martin?

  She's amazing.

• 15:40Fortune Feimster?

  What if you really did like the moon though?

• 15:42Mae Martin?

  I know, yeah, and then you're like

• 15:43Tig Notaro?

  And you didn't like the person?

• 15:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:45Tig Notaro?

  Even though the moon was clearly so milky.

• 15:49Fortune Feimster?

  Milky.

• 15:50Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 15:50Mae Martin?

  She said the other night and she's pretty quiet and all of a sudden she said have you ever eaten an orange right after you have a sauna or a hot bath? I was like, I don't think so and she said if you do that you will have 100% happiness. I was like, really? And she said, yeah, 100% you're gonna taste the orange from the top of your head like it is gonna be euphoria. So I was like, I gotta try this and she had an orange in the back house so she brought out the orange and she went to bed and then so later in the night I get ready for bed and then I go in the sauna and then I have my big moment but I forgot I brushed my teeth so it tasted like

• 16:28Tig Notaro?

  Oh, minty orange.

• 16:29Mae Martin?

  Toothpasty orange which but then after that passed I did have some happiness.

• 16:35Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 16:36Fortune Feimster?

  What is my life?

• 16:37Tig Notaro?

  You had what she intended.

• 16:38Mae Martin?

  What is my life just sitting in the dark alone eating an orange in a sauna going wow, but I brushed my teeth?

• 16:43Tig Notaro?

  She said 100% happiness and I did eat an orange with after brushing my teeth and I did feel some happiness.

• 16:52Fortune Feimster?

  Something happened.

• 16:57Tig Notaro?

  Throw to Fortune.

• 16:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 17:00Tig Notaro?

  Fortune has life.

• 17:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 17:01Fortune Feimster?

  My life, what's happening? Oh, my mom did have some good news. Uh, which is, was nice because, uh, you know, last time we talked about her, it was looking like nothing was working. And that was bumming all of us out. Um, and she, you know, her cancer is incurable, so it's never going, it's not going away, but some of the really big tumors have shrunk.

• 17:29Mae Martin?

  Oh, great.

• 17:30Fortune Feimster?

  So that was.

• 17:31Tig Notaro?

  On trials?

• 17:32Fortune Feimster?

  She was on, just on chemo.

• 17:34Tig Notaro?

  Oh, oh, right.

• 17:35Fortune Feimster?

  And they said that they, she took, she was scheduled for like eight rounds, but she said oftentimes people her age can only do like four. Their body can only handle like four rounds and she's done seven.

• 17:47Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 17:49Fortune Feimster?

  So they, the doctors were really pleased with, um, how much she was able to handle. Right now, her, um, uh, bone marrow is super low, so she has to go off of it to, to try to just rest, um, to get that back up. Um, but she had a tumor, a tumor the size of a lime. That's now the size of a grape.

• 18:13Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 18:13Fortune Feimster?

  So that was a big, um, positive.

• 18:16Mae Martin?

  That's very significant.

• 18:17Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. So that, so she's potentially a candidate for, um, this surgery. Uh, she's not a candidate for certain surgeries that could get rid of stuff. There's too much cancer in there, but, uh, she's a candidate for some surgery that would help, um, dissipate some stuff some more. Um, and, and they were keep reminding her, this will not get rid of it. It's not going away. So I don't, we don't want you to think this is like a fix, but it could help with longevity. So, um, she's getting a couple of second opinions on that and then we'll see.

• 18:53Tig Notaro?

  That is amazing.

• 18:55Fortune Feimster?

  So yeah, some, some positive stuff.

• 18:57Tig Notaro?

  She's a horse, man. She's like, I'm just gonna.

• 19:01Fortune Feimster?

  Hmm.

• 19:02Tig Notaro?

  I mean, the fact that she's done so many rounds is insane.

• 19:07Mae Martin?

  She must've been like buoyed by that news too, like.

• 19:10Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, it came at a good time because I think her spirits were starting to get pretty low. Like she had done all these rounds and nothing was happening. And we were, and it was her only. Avenue at the time was chemo or immunotherapy and or immunotherapy. So if they didn't work, there was not much else we could do. So to have some, some results finally.

• 19:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 19:34Fortune Feimster?

  I think made her just put a pep in her step for sure.

• 19:37Tig Notaro?

  I like that.

• 19:38Mae Martin?

  That's great.

• 19:40Fortune Feimster?

  So.

• 19:40Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 19:41Fortune Feimster?

  So that, that was good news and that made me very happy. So I've been.

• 19:46Tig Notaro?

  And when did you get that news?

• 19:48Fortune Feimster?

  A week ago.

• 19:49Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 19:50Fortune Feimster?

  Um.

• 19:51Tig Notaro?

  That's great.

• 19:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 19:52Mae Martin?

  And you're filming.

• 19:53Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, sorry. People are texting me.

• 19:56Mae Martin?

  I mean, is it Warren?

• 19:57Tig Notaro?

  New kids in the block?

• 19:58Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 20:01Fortune Feimster?

  Other than that, life is, I've just been working. Life is good.

• 20:05Mae Martin?

  We're filming together tomorrow.

• 20:06Fortune Feimster?

  I know, man, I.

• 20:07Mae Martin?

  What if I get the giggles looking at you?

• 20:09Fortune Feimster?

  You might.

• 20:10Mae Martin?

  I might not be able to look at you.

• 20:11Fortune Feimster?

  May is gonna be doing a guest star on the Will Ferrell show. Um, and we're gonna be scene partners.

• 20:18Mae Martin?

  I can't wait.

• 20:20Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God.

• 20:21Mae Martin?

  Wait.

• 20:22Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe we should get them to, um, put, uh, the glistening stuff on our arms like you got in Wayward.

• 20:30Mae Martin?

  Oh, like a, like contour? Well, I have full tattoo sleeves.

• 20:34Fortune Feimster?

  Ooh.

• 20:35Mae Martin?

  In what I'm filming tomorrow.

• 20:37Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 20:37Mae Martin?

  Which I liked, I liked it. They tried it out and I, I kinda liked how it looked.

• 20:42Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I don't think they're gonna, my character is not sexy at all on this show.

• 20:46Mae Martin?

  Speak, I mean, says you.

• 20:49Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 20:50Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 20:50Tig Notaro?

  What are you talking about?

• 20:51Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, you'll see when you see the show, the outfits they have me in.

• 20:54Mae Martin?

  They did show me some of the.

• 20:55Fortune Feimster?

  Not.

• 20:56Mae Martin?

  They did show me some of the outfits.

• 20:57Fortune Feimster?

  Sexy.

• 20:58Mae Martin?

  They're insane.

• 20:59Tig Notaro?

  There's someone for everyone.

• 21:00Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I guess so.

• 21:01Tig Notaro?

  Yes, there is someone for everyone.

• 21:04Fortune Feimster?

  I look like a vintage nineties lesbian in the outfits they have me in.

• 21:08Mae Martin?

  It's incredible.

• 21:08Tig Notaro?

  Oh, is this from set today? How dare you?

• 21:14Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 21:14Tig Notaro?

  What is this, a roast?

• 21:17Tig Notaro?

  We already decided we're not roasters.

• 21:19Fortune Feimster?

  We are not roasters.

• 21:20Tig Notaro?

  I am a ribber.

• 21:21Fortune Feimster?

  You, you're a ribber.

• 21:23Tig Notaro?

  And I do enjoy being ribbed.

• 21:24Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 21:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 21:25Tig Notaro?

  So.

• 21:26Fortune Feimster?

  Are you done with Toronto or are you?

• 21:28Tig Notaro?

  No, I go back and forth.

• 21:30Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, really?

• 21:30Tig Notaro?

  And as I said, I was supposed to do a part on Fortune Show, but I couldn't because I was in my space suit.

• 21:36Mae Martin?

  I wonder if I. If it's the part I'm doing.

• 21:40Tig Notaro?

  Why?

• 21:40Fortune Feimster?

  Can't imagine.

• 21:41Tig Notaro?

  No, cuz I'm in town. I'm in town.

• 21:44Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, true. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 21:45Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 21:45Tig Notaro?

  Um, but you need to tell casting that the three of us need to be in a scene together.

• 21:51Mae Martin?

  In everything you do ever.

• 21:53Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, any of us does.

• 21:54Tig Notaro?

  And then I'm gonna tell Star Trek.

• 21:56Fortune Feimster?

  Please.

• 21:56Tig Notaro?

  That you two need to be fitted for your spacesuit.

• 22:00Mae Martin?

  The spaceship.

• 22:01Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 22:02Mae Martin?

  The long, y'all, oral.

• 22:03Fortune Feimster?

  I would have a hard time learning all that, um, space jargon.

• 22:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:07Tig Notaro?

  I think they've given up on me and they just give me like quips and stuff.

• 22:11Fortune Feimster?

  That's perfect.

• 22:12Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 22:12Mae Martin?

  They don't try to get you to be like, throw open the sonic transducers.

• 22:16Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, May would be good with that.

• 22:17Tig Notaro?

  What is a transducer?

• 22:18Mae Martin?

  I don't, I think that's a line from Rocky Horror Picture Show, actually. I was just trying to.

• 22:22Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay.

• 22:23Mae Martin?

  I've been, it's the 50th anniversary of Rocky Horror Picture Show.

• 22:26Fortune Feimster?

  Nice.

• 22:26Tig Notaro?

  It's the 60th anniversary of Star Trek.

• 22:29Mae Martin?

  Is it really?

• 22:30Tig Notaro?

  And guess, I never thought writing jokes and doing stand-up would not only lead to Star Trek, but for the 60th anniversary of Star Trek, I'm going to be in the Rose Parade.

• 22:46Mae Martin?

  No.

• 22:46Tig Notaro?

  On a float, on a, on the Star Trek.

• 22:49Fortune Feimster?

  Hilarious.

• 22:50Mae Martin?

  I said, I don't know what that is.

• 22:52Fortune Feimster?

  It's in L.A., right?

• 22:53Mae Martin?

  It's in, the Rose Parade?

• 22:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. It's on New Year's Day.

• 22:56Fortune Feimster?

  In Pasadena.

• 22:57Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and it's just this gigantic televised parade and it's like, they have five actors from previous and current Star Trek, uh, iterations.

• 23:09Mae Martin?

  Shatner?

• 23:10Tig Notaro?

  I don't think Shatner. Um, not, they haven't announced Shatner.

• 23:14Fortune Feimster?

  I wonder if it'll be George Takei or something like that.

• 23:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, George is in it and then, um, Rebecca.

• 23:19Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my.

• 23:21Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my.

• 23:22Mae Martin?

  Are you gonna be in your costume, like in character?

• 23:25Tig Notaro?

  I don't know. I just was, uh, asked to do it and I was like, I've got to do the Rose Parade.

• 23:30Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that's cool.

• 23:31Mae Martin?

  I mean, maybe. Is Stephanie gonna come watch from somewhere with Max and Finn?

• 23:35Tig Notaro?

  Stephanie, Max and Finn and her mom, I believe, are going.

• 23:39Mae Martin?

  I might text her and try to get in there. I wanna wave at you.

• 23:41Tig Notaro?

  You should. That's cute. I don't think, because they're very like, they can only get me four VIP tickets.

• 23:47Mae Martin?

  Oh, I don't even want VIP. I just wanna be by the side of the road.

• 23:50Tig Notaro?

  Oh, oh, oh, sure. That's all, that's all you. Go for it. Yeah, have fun.

• 23:56Fortune Feimster?

  Some cider.

• 23:57Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 23:58Fortune Feimster?

  That'll be fun.

• 23:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it'll be really, I think it will be.

• 24:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 24:03Tig Notaro?

  I, I've, you know, I've, growing up and visiting Mississippi and New Orleans and stuff for Mardi Gras, I certainly, my family would have like a, a float and I, I would be on it waving.

• 24:16Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, really? Did you see boobies?

• 24:21Tig Notaro?

  I don't use that word.

• 24:22Fortune Feimster?

  Was that a weird question? I would think Mardi Gras, there's lots of it in New Orleans, but not. Kind of the Rose Parade.

• 24:29Tig Notaro?

  Well, no, I'm saying in New Or- the New Or- there's, Mardi Gras parades all over the place. And the ones in like New Orleans, yeah, people, there's.

• 24:36Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, this is your hometown?

• 24:37Tig Notaro?

  Well, there's also the, the, the small town parades where people aren't necessarily taking their shirts off.

• 24:43Fortune Feimster?

  Their loss.

• 24:47Fortune Feimster?

  Have you done the New Orleans one?

• 24:49Tig Notaro?

  No, I mean, I've only.

• 24:50Fortune Feimster?

  Or been to it?

• 24:50Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah, I've been to that many times.

• 24:52Fortune Feimster?

  Are there boobies?

• 24:53Tig Notaro?

  Oh, they're everywhere.

• 24:54Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, God, I gotta go.

• 24:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I gotta go.

• 24:59Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, of course. Love the boobs.

• 25:02Tig Notaro?

  And let's go to commercial.

• 25:03Fortune Feimster?

  Love the boobs and the butts.

• 25:04Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh, yeah, yeah.

• 25:07Fortune Feimster?

  You gay? I'm pretty gay.

• 25:08Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 25:09Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gay. I'm like, gay. I'm real gay, y'all.

• 25:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 25:16Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 25:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 25:17Fortune Feimster?

  I love, I love a lady.

• 25:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 25:20Tig Notaro?

  Yes, yes, you do.

• 25:22Mae Martin?

  Speaking of ladies, should we get to our question?

• 25:26Fortune Feimster?

  Let's take Fortune sing for a minute.

• 25:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah, sorry.

• 25:28Fortune Feimster?

  Thank you. I'm getting another text. God, I'm so popular. It's from Thomas.

• 25:33Mae Martin?

  Saying, stop, sing.

• 25:37Fortune Feimster?

  Treat her like a lady. It's the best you can do.

• 25:42Tig Notaro?

  We need to get a handsome float at the Rose Parade.

• 25:44Mae Martin?

  I know. Um, I'm so excited about our question asker.

• 25:49Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 25:49Mae Martin?

  Because she's a Canadian icon. She played Laura in Wayward.

• 25:56Fortune Feimster?

  That's your wife?

• 25:56Mae Martin?

  That's my wife.

• 25:57Fortune Feimster?

  My wife?

• 25:59Mae Martin?

  And she's also just been in so much amazing stuff. Today's, what?

• 26:03Fortune Feimster?

  Tig, just looked at me. She did the.

• 26:07Mae Martin?

  My wife.

• 26:08Fortune Feimster?

  My wife. And this one went.

• 26:12Mae Martin?

  Okay, today's question asker is a Canadian actor who starred in films like Belle, Enemy, and Dracula Untold. Also Alias Grace is such an amazing show. She also stars as Laura.

• 26:23Fortune Feimster?

  My wife.

• 26:26Mae Martin?

  My wife on the hit Netflix mini-series Wayward. Sarah Godden is asking today's question.

• 26:33Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, Sarah. She's so pretty.

• 26:36Mae Martin?

  The most pretty.

• 26:37Tig Notaro?

  Prettier than me.

• 26:39Mae Martin?

  No, no one is.

• 26:39Fortune Feimster?

  No one's prettier than you, Tig.

• 26:41Tig Notaro?

  Thank you.

• 26:42Speaker 00

  Hey, handsome.

• 26:45Speaker 00

  Excuse my appearance. I'm in the middle of moving houses this week and I was walking down the street and I saw this little cat.

• 26:52Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 26:52Speaker 00

  And it made me think, if you had to be a house pet, what house pet would you be?

• 26:58Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, that's just a random cat? She's just like.

• 27:01Mae Martin?

  That's a random, yeah, but that's her.

• 27:02Tig Notaro?

  We're just getting the information too, Fortune.

• 27:04Fortune Feimster?

  She, she looked like, like, you know, Belle from Beauty and the Beast. It's just like in the village, like.

• 27:10Mae Martin?

  And animals are just approaching her.

• 27:20Mae Martin?

  That's sort of her energy.

• 27:21Fortune Feimster?

  Right? That's the energy she was bringing to that.

• 27:23Mae Martin?

  Well, definitely people are magnetized. Um, yeah, but she doesn't have to do much for that to happen.

• 27:28Fortune Feimster?

  I get that. I have that a lot.

• 27:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that, that was just.

• 27:32Tig Notaro?

  So tired of all my magnetism.

• 27:34Fortune Feimster?

  I'm so magnetic and good looking that people just, you know, like, you guys can barely talk right now.

• 27:41Mae Martin?

  This is true.

• 27:42Tig Notaro?

  I'm, can't talk because I saw a kitty.

• 27:45Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 27:46Fortune Feimster?

  Kitty City.

• 27:47Mae Martin?

  A random. I am feeding this stray cat by my house and then I worry about him in the rain.

• 27:52Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 27:53Mae Martin?

  Anyway.

• 27:53Tig Notaro?

  You don't worry about him otherwise?

• 27:55Mae Martin?

  No, he can take care of him. Like he's, someone must be, I mean, I feed him. Someone must be taking care of him.

• 28:01Tig Notaro?

  There's a lot of outdoor cats. I saw a funny thing on Instagram that somebody um made a video of, they show this cat in the window and then underneath it says, "That's my cat in someone else's house."

• 28:15Mae Martin?

  That's really funny.

• 28:17Tig Notaro?

  They saw their cat just like-

• 28:19Mae Martin?

  Just in someone else's window.

• 28:20Tig Notaro?

  Living a life in their neighbor's house.

• 28:25Tig Notaro?

  That's hilarious.

• 28:26Mae Martin?

  That's really good.

• 28:27Tig Notaro?

  That's why I shared it, honestly, because I thought it was funny. Thank you for that. Yeah, of course. Anything, Fortune. So Laura, did you know Laura before y'all shot Wayward?

• 28:36Mae Martin?

  Laura's the character, Sarah is the-

• 28:39Tig Notaro?

  That's what I meant. Whatevs.

• 28:40Mae Martin?

  No, but we have like-

• 28:42Tig Notaro?

  Wait, that's not your wife in real life?

• 28:44Mae Martin?

  We have mutual friends, but we'd never met, but we're the exact same age from the exact same place. So it really felt like we grew up together.

• 28:53Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 28:53Mae Martin?

  We did have an instant like-

• 28:55Tig Notaro?

  A bond.

• 28:55Mae Martin?

  But the first time I met her-

• 28:56Tig Notaro?

  You didn't go to the same school, though.

• 28:57Mae Martin?

  No, I didn't go to the same school. Um, but I was so nervous to meet her because she's like a legit actor. And uh, like movie star, and I really wanted her to think, oh, this is a serious person who's gonna really, you know, be professional and bring their A-game. And the first time I met her, I was dressed like a giant sort of anus, like I was hosting um, like an awards show and doing a bit, and so I was dressed like a big worm with a, and it was really humiliating.

• 29:25Tig Notaro?

  And she was at that awards show.

• 29:26Mae Martin?

  She was like, "Hi, I'm-"

• 29:28Tig Notaro?

  And you're like, "Hi, I'd like to cast you in my next project."

• 29:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it was really embarrassing.

• 29:32Tig Notaro?

  Just ignore the anus surrounding me. She lives in Canada.

• 29:35Mae Martin?

  She lives in Toronto. Actually, she was just in town, her and her husband and baby. And her mom and then her and her husband came over to my house and rearranged my furniture.

• 29:44Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, that's nice. That's very Canadian.

• 29:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah, they were like, this has got to be there.

• 29:48Fortune Feimster?

  Did they get it right?

• 29:49Mae Martin?

  Yes. Changed the entire, to the point where no one's even noticed that it's changed because it should have always been that way.

• 29:56Fortune Feimster?

  It's how it's supposed to be.

• 29:57Mae Martin?

  It was pretty incredible.

• 29:58Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, those are good guests.

• 29:59Mae Martin?

  Oh, they're the best.

• 30:00Fortune Feimster?

  You like a guest that comes in and rearranges your house?

• 30:02Tig Notaro?

  For sure.

• 30:03Mae Martin?

  Get in there. Make yourself comfortable. Don't make me do all the like, I like people who come in and go, okay, we're doing this and let me, you know what I mean?

• 30:10Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Taking charge.

• 30:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah, taking charge.

• 30:13Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna come over and rearrange things.

• 30:14Mae Martin?

  Please.

• 30:15Fortune Feimster?

  Back to how I feel like it should go.

• 30:20Fortune Feimster?

  I love it.

• 30:20Mae Martin?

  Take all the legs off the chairs.

• 30:21Fortune Feimster?

  I love that she's traveling with a whole village. I've got, I'm so popular. I need to.

• 30:26Tig Notaro?

  Who's texting you?

• 30:27Fortune Feimster?

  Just a bunch of people.

• 30:29Tig Notaro?

  Like who?

• 30:30Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, honestly, there's people in here that, there's one person who just texts me, I haven't heard from in years. I guess my Jeopardy episode is.

• 30:40Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's what's happening.

• 30:41Fortune Feimster?

  Re-airing, but I didn't do great on it, so we don't need to revisit that.

• 30:45Tig Notaro?

  I did well on Jeopardy.

• 30:47Mae Martin?

  You did?

• 30:48Fortune Feimster?

  Your will of fortune will forever be.

• 30:50Tig Notaro?

  Oh, a will of fortune is what I was on.

• 30:54Fortune Feimster?

  Exorcise, what was it?

• 30:57Tig Notaro?

  Something my exorcise.

• 30:58Fortune Feimster?

  Exorcist bike.

• 31:02Tig Notaro?

  Crashing my exorcist bike.

• 31:05Fortune Feimster?

  Classic television.

• 31:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:09Mae Martin?

  Um, all right. When she was in town, we went to, like, she had a plus one to some event and brought me and Kathy Hilton was there and that was really exciting for us.

• 31:18Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, are you a Housewives fan?

• 31:21Mae Martin?

  No, Sarah is. I love Paris. And so I kind of know Kathy through that.

• 31:28Fortune Feimster?

  You're a Paris Hilton fan?

• 31:29Mae Martin?

  I'm a deep Paris fan.

• 31:31Tig Notaro?

  What are you a fan of?

• 31:33Mae Martin?

  Well, her documentary is incredible and.

• 31:36Tig Notaro?

  There's a documentary about her?

• 31:37Mae Martin?

  Yes, and basically, you know, that persona that she does.

• 31:42Mae Martin?

  It's a persona that she created in her early twenties and you hear her talking and her voice is like, "Yeah, bro."

• 31:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, what's up?

• 31:49Mae Martin?

  And she's so smart and she, A Simple Life with her and Nicole Richie.

• 31:53Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, that show was hilarious.

• 31:54Mae Martin?

  They were comedy geniuses.

• 31:56Fortune Feimster?

  That was very funny.

• 31:57Mae Martin?

  What a double act and I just think she's great. And the documentary, actually, because she was sent to a troubled teen institute, like in my show, and so she kind of lifts the veil on that and she's just had an interesting life and I don't know, I'm just, I think she's-

• 32:11Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, I like her, listen.

• 32:12Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna party with her, yeah.

• 32:12Fortune Feimster?

  I'm not, I don't dislike her, I'm just curious.

• 32:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:15Fortune Feimster?

  She, is she-

• 32:16Mae Martin?

  It's a fair question.

• 32:17Fortune Feimster?

  Does Carl's Jr. commercials?

• 32:19Mae Martin?

  Does she?

• 32:20Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, you've never seen her eat a burger?

• 32:22Mae Martin?

  I love Carl's Jr., by the way.

• 32:23Fortune Feimster?

  It's tasty.

• 32:24Tig Notaro?

  I need to talk about Carl's Jr.

• 32:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:28Tig Notaro?

  How it's not Carl Juniors.

• 32:31Mae Martin?

  That's a really good point.

• 32:33Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 32:34Fortune Feimster?

  Carl's Jr.

• 32:35Tig Notaro?

  When it's Junior, they put the S on the name before Junior.

• 32:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:41Tig Notaro?

  Carl's Jr.

• 32:43Fortune Feimster?

  Junior.

• 32:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah, why did they do that? Why did they move the S?

• 32:45Tig Notaro?

  That's why I'm bringing it up.

• 32:46Fortune Feimster?

  Carl's Jr.

• 32:47Tig Notaro?

  It's a very, what, do you know why, Thomas?

• 32:50Speaker 04

  They were called Carl Juniors.

• 32:52Fortune Feimster?

  Carl Juniors.

• 32:53Speaker 04

  And then they were an economic disaster, but two of the restaurants consistently turned over a profit. When Mr. Karcher visited these branches, he discovered they were built by the same contractor who misspelled Carl Juniors as Carl's Jr.

• 33:09Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 33:10Speaker 04

  And so he just stuck with it.

• 33:11Tig Notaro?

  So it's not something where it's like, that's how you do it with, um...

• 33:17Mae Martin?

  When there's a Junior?

• 33:18Speaker 04

  No, it's a typo.

• 33:19Fortune Feimster?

  It's a typo.

• 33:20Mae Martin?

  That's crazy.

• 33:21Tig Notaro?

  And they just stuck with it.

• 33:22Fortune Feimster?

  Because they were like, "There's something to this."

• 33:24Tig Notaro?

  Carl's Jr.

• 33:25Fortune Feimster?

  It's, they, the same restaurant owns Hardee's.

• 33:28Mae Martin?

  Well, I don't know Hardee's.

• 33:29Tig Notaro?

  How do you know this?

• 33:30Mae Martin?

  Fortune fact.

• 33:31Fortune Feimster?

  Fortune fact, yes.

• 33:32Tig Notaro?

  Fortune fact.

• 33:33Fortune Feimster?

  Um, on Hardee's, I, uh, has great biscuits.

• 33:38Tig Notaro?

  Oh, you love a biscuit.

• 33:40Fortune Feimster?

  I love a biscuit.

• 33:41Tig Notaro?

  I have three cats and they make biscuits day and night.

• 33:45Fortune Feimster?

  That's a cute biscuit.

• 33:46Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 33:51Fortune Feimster?

  I like Paris Hilton's mom Cathy because she was in The Housewives of Beverly Hills.

• 33:57Mae Martin?

  Yep.

• 33:57Fortune Feimster?

  And she's, someone said that something was hunky dory and she goes,

• 34:04Mae Martin?

  Oh yeah.

• 34:04Fortune Feimster?

  Who's hunky dory?

• 34:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah, she thought it was a person.

• 34:07Fortune Feimster?

  And was dead serious about it.

• 34:08Mae Martin?

  She goes, who? Well, sorry, I don't know what that is.

• 34:10Fortune Feimster?

  The person and it was so funny.

• 34:14Mae Martin?

  That was really good television.

• 34:15Fortune Feimster?

  Cause she was so earnest about it.

• 34:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Wait, so what house pet would you be?

• 34:20Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 34:21Tig Notaro?

  Back to Sarah's question.

• 34:22Mae Martin?

  Cause actually Paris has a ton of animals.

• 34:25Fortune Feimster?

  She has Pomeranians.

• 34:26Mae Martin?

  Pomeranians.

• 34:27Fortune Feimster?

  Just like my baby boy.

• 34:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah. I mean, if I could be a specific house pet.

• 34:32Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna get to see him soon.

• 34:33Mae Martin?

  I would be Biggie.

• 34:34Fortune Feimster?

  He's gonna, he'll be with me soon. I haven't seen him in a while.

• 34:37Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 34:37Fortune Feimster?

  So I am excited to reconnect.

• 34:40Tig Notaro?

  Will you, uh, will you send our love?

• 34:42Fortune Feimster?

  I will. Yeah, I was gonna, I was thinking if you would see him at some point. I don't know.

• 34:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 34:47Tig Notaro?

  Just tell him we say hi.

• 34:48Fortune Feimster?

  I will. He's, I think he's good.

• 34:51Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 34:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 34:52Fortune Feimster?

  Um.

• 34:53Tig Notaro?

  It's hard to tell with his.

• 34:54Fortune Feimster?

  He doesn't answer my phone.

• 34:56Tig Notaro?

  And he has dead eyes.

• 34:58Fortune Feimster?

  And he has dead eyes. So, um, I will get to spend some time with him soon. I'm very, very excited.

• 35:05Tig Notaro?

  I bet.

• 35:05Fortune Feimster?

  It's been too long.

• 35:06Tig Notaro?

  I'm excited to see him. It's been too long.

• 35:09Fortune Feimster?

  Oh my God, I hate being away from him.

• 35:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 35:12Fortune Feimster?

  Sucks. He's from a broken home now.

• 35:14Mae Martin?

  I know.

• 35:16Tig Notaro?

  That's sad.

• 35:17Fortune Feimster?

  I know.

• 35:18Tig Notaro?

  Like, yeah.

• 35:20Fortune Feimster?

  It's just, you know, hard to coordinate because we've been in different places for a while.

• 35:25Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:26Fortune Feimster?

  But we'll figure it out.

• 35:27Tig Notaro?

  Does he have a phone?

• 35:28Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I haven't gotten him a cellphone.

• 35:31Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh. He's not old enough.

• 35:32Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know.

• 35:32Tig Notaro?

  How old is he?

• 35:33Fortune Feimster?

  He's like 11.

• 35:35Tig Notaro?

  Oh yeah, he's not old enough to have a phone.

• 35:37Mae Martin?

  But he, he's, he pages me.

• 35:40Fortune Feimster?

  He does page.

• 35:41Tig Notaro?

  Are pagers still around?

• 35:43Fortune Feimster?

  They've gotta be.

• 35:44Tig Notaro?

  Why?

• 35:45Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, why?

• 35:47Fortune Feimster?

  Just gotta be.

• 35:48Mae Martin?

  Just gotta be.

• 35:49Fortune Feimster?

  This has to be around.

• 35:51Tig Notaro?

  There was a comedian years ago that had a joke about the movie, The Call. Is there a movie called The Call Is Coming From Within the House?

• 36:00Mae Martin?

  No, that's the tagline for a movie, isn't it? From like Black Christmas or something?

• 36:06Tig Notaro?

  No, this is like an old timey movie.

• 36:09Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know, maybe.

• 36:09Tig Notaro?

  But she reenacted it, like it was when pagers were popular. That like, that she's going about her life and then her pager goes off and she's like, um, and she's like.

• 36:25Fortune Feimster?

  That's funny.

• 36:26Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 36:26Fortune Feimster?

  I had a pager in college.

• 36:28Tig Notaro?

  Did you?

• 36:28Mae Martin?

  I had a pager.

• 36:29Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 36:29Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 36:30Fortune Feimster?

  I loved, it was so exciting to have one because.

• 36:34Tig Notaro?

  You get to pull over and use a payphone.

• 36:36Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 36:37Tig Notaro?

  Nothing more exciting than that.

• 36:38Fortune Feimster?

  I think I told you I was an RA. And did I ever tell you this?

• 36:42Mae Martin?

  What's RA?

• 36:42Fortune Feimster?

  A resident assistant, so.

• 36:45Tig Notaro?

  Oh, at college?

• 36:46Fortune Feimster?

  At college, yeah.

• 36:46Mae Martin?

  You had a position of authority.

• 36:48Fortune Feimster?

  I had, so I put on my board, my whiteboard.

• 36:52Tig Notaro?

  What a nerd.

• 36:52Fortune Feimster?

  On my door that, because you're supposed to stay on campus.

• 36:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 36:57Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, once a month and you can't leave.

• 37:00Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 37:00Fortune Feimster?

  And I, I cannot be tamed.

• 37:03Mae Martin?

  You're a rolling stone, you got it.

• 37:05Fortune Feimster?

  I need to go to the IHOP.

• 37:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 37:07Fortune Feimster?

  I need to do a lot of things. So I would write, if I'm doing rounds, if you need me, page me. And I was straight up at the IHOP, eating breakfast.

• 37:17Mae Martin?

  Your pager going wild.

• 37:18Fortune Feimster?

  And so if someone paged me, I went to the payphone.

• 37:22Tig Notaro?

  Gross.

• 37:22Fortune Feimster?

  Again, they don't know where it's coming from.

• 37:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 37:25Fortune Feimster?

  And these were the days where you couldn't track anything.

• 37:28Tig Notaro?

  I mean, a payphone, just snuggling your face into that disgusting receiver.

• 37:33Mae Martin?

  I loved.

• 37:34Tig Notaro?

  And how funny that it's called a receiver.

• 37:36Fortune Feimster?

  And yeah, and the people were like, said what they needed, had no idea it was at the IHOP. And I was just like, you know, answer their question and that went back to my, you know, whatever the smothered. That's Waffle House.

• 37:51Tig Notaro?

  Oh, isn't it like, uh, they make a face with like bacon and.

• 37:54Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Rudy Tooty Fresh and Fruity.

• 37:57Mae Martin?

  God, I love, I love payphones so much. I would get a tattoo of a payphone.

• 38:02Tig Notaro?

  The last time I was at an IHOP, um, my father surprised me.

• 38:08Tig Notaro?

  At my show in Virginia and I maybe already told this.

• 38:13Fortune Feimster?

  I remember you telling us he surprised you, but you didn't tell us the IHOP part.

• 38:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and then he, he had, he drove out there to surprise me. It's really nice that he did that. And then he was staying in the town where I was, maybe it was Richmond or whatever. And then the next morning he took me to IHOP and he was like, get whatever you want.

• 38:39Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 38:41Tig Notaro?

  This is on me.

• 38:42Mae Martin?

  I love that.

• 38:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 38:43Fortune Feimster?

  Nice.

• 38:44Tig Notaro?

  But like earnestly.

• 38:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 38:45Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, this is on me.

• 38:47Fortune Feimster?

  Were you a vegan back then?

• 38:48Tig Notaro?

  No, this is long ago.

• 38:51Fortune Feimster?

  Bunch of sausage.

• 38:52Tig Notaro?

  I was, I was walking around the corner and I saw this guy leaning up like his, he always wore, you know, those biker boots. With like the, the metal circle there.

• 39:02Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:03Tig Notaro?

  Like leaning up, yeah, he always had a knife in his boot. For a pistol.

• 39:07Fortune Feimster?

  Like, hey kid.

• 39:08Tig Notaro?

  Oh yeah, but he was leaning up against the wall and I was like, God, that guy looks like my father. And I was like, I'm closer, I was like, oh my God, that's my father.

• 39:17Fortune Feimster?

  That would be so random just because you didn't see him very much.

• 39:20Tig Notaro?

  Um, barely. It was really wild. It was really wild. And then I, I think I told you, but I sold out the comedy club, but it was Christmas. And he was, he was like, wow. He was like, he thought I was the biggest star in the world. And I was like, no, no, no, no. It's like holidays. They, they, you know, they give free tickets to, to, to companies and office parties and stuff. But um, yeah, that was my last time at IHOP.

• 39:48Mae Martin?

  But what house pet would you be?

• 39:49Tig Notaro?

  Oh, right, right, Sarah's question.

• 39:51Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, gosh. Gosh, we can't forget this.

• 39:54Tig Notaro?

  I would be a cat, of course. I mean, I would be, I, I mean.

• 39:58Mae Martin?

  Dogs that need to, you'd be stressed, your owner goes out, you're anxious.

• 40:02Fortune Feimster?

  I know, there's a lot of anxiety being a dog.

• 40:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 40:04Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, cats, they just.

• 40:05Fortune Feimster?

  Because you wouldn't give a crap. You like, get out of here.

• 40:09Tig Notaro?

  I've got a nap to take.

• 40:10Fortune Feimster?

  Leave me alone.

• 40:11Tig Notaro?

  I'm snuggling on the bed. I mean, that's what I left today was our three cats.

• 40:16Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 40:16Tig Notaro?

  Two of them were cleaning each other.

• 40:19Mae Martin?

  Oh, there's, yeah, I'm becoming a cat, more of a cat person.

• 40:22Fortune Feimster?

  They're self-sufficient. I've never had a cat.

• 40:25Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 40:25Mae Martin?

  Once you get them, you'll see that they do have individual personalities. I never believed that until.

• 40:31Fortune Feimster?

  Because sometimes they seem like dicks.

• 40:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 40:34Tig Notaro?

  Don't you dare.

• 40:35Mae Martin?

  I mean, I'm a deep dog person.

• 40:36Tig Notaro?

  Am I wrong?

• 40:37Fortune Feimster?

  Sometimes they're not.

• 40:39Tig Notaro?

  I mean, sure.

• 40:39Fortune Feimster?

  Welcome.

• 40:40Tig Notaro?

  They'll turn on a dime and.

• 40:42Fortune Feimster?

  They like.

• 40:42Tig Notaro?

  Do you remember when you got.

• 40:43Fortune Feimster?

  Almost killed you.

• 40:44Tig Notaro?

  Oh, right, right, right. I am scarred for life.

• 40:46Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 40:47Mae Martin?

  That was the craziest.

• 40:48Fortune Feimster?

  You almost died.

• 40:49Mae Martin?

  If you're just tuning into the pod, dig back into the old episodes and find when Tig got mauled by her cat.

• 40:55Tig Notaro?

  Yes, I did. But also, this is what I left today.

• 40:59Mae Martin?

  Oh, my god.

• 41:01Tig Notaro?

  Cleaning his sister.

• 41:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's cute.

• 41:03Tig Notaro?

  Let's see.

• 41:04Mae Martin?

  Come on. Kitty City.

• 41:05Tig Notaro?

  Cleaning his sister.

• 41:06Fortune Feimster?

  Those, I, of, of all the cats, I do like this kind.

• 41:10Mae Martin?

  The long-haired guys?

• 41:11Fortune Feimster?

  The furry ones.

• 41:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:12Fortune Feimster?

  I don't like the matted ones.

• 41:13Tig Notaro?

  But do you see his arm around?

• 41:14Fortune Feimster?

  It's pretty cute.

• 41:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, alright. Well, anyway, I'd be a cat. What about you?

• 41:19Mae Martin?

  My friend, my friends were at, um.

• 41:21Fortune Feimster?

  Turtle?

• 41:22Tig Notaro?

  Turtle, tortoise?

• 41:23Mae Martin?

  Turtle, tortoise? They were at university. It was this big house of girls and I went to visit my friend.

• 41:31Tig Notaro?

  Were there boobies in there? Were there boobies?

• 41:35Mae Martin?

  And they were like, I mean, it was a filthy house, like they were, you know, and they partied all the time. And I went to stay for the weekend with my friend and they, and one of them had a pet snake that escaped and was never found again. It was somewhere in the house. It escaped and it was this big, whatever.

• 41:53Tig Notaro?

  They never found it?

• 41:54Mae Martin?

  It never appeared and they had to move out of the house eventually.

• 41:56Tig Notaro?

  It might not have been in the house anymore.

• 41:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, you're right.

• 41:58Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I know I'm right.

• 41:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:01Fortune Feimster?

  That were, I was watching a late night interview with Zoe Kravitz and her mom has a snake.

• 42:09Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 42:10Fortune Feimster?

  And they went to stay at Tay Swift's house. Um, because something was happening with their place and they need, or it was during the fires or something.

• 42:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 42:20Fortune Feimster?

  And the ma, and her mom, Lisa Bonet, who's gorgeous.

• 42:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 42:23Fortune Feimster?

  So if she has a snake, you're gonna let her bring a snake?

• 42:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you're like, bring the snake.

• 42:27Fortune Feimster?

  But they didn't tell Taylor and, and Zoe didn't know her mom brought the snake. And the snake somehow got in the wall of the bathroom.

• 42:36Mae Martin?

  Oh, my. They get in the walls. They get, they go into the walls.

• 42:39Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, and they like had to tear this bathroom apart.

• 42:43Mae Martin?

  Oh, my god. Can you imagine?

• 42:47Fortune Feimster?

  Why not just leave it in there?

• 42:49Tig Notaro?

  Because if the snake. Well, I guess it has to eat.

• 42:52Fortune Feimster?

  If a snake came out in Taylor Swift's house, that's a nightmare.

• 42:56Mae Martin?

  That's a nightmare.

• 42:57Tig Notaro?

  Why in Taylor Swift's house?

• 42:59Fortune Feimster?

  Because this is Taylor Swift.

• 43:01Tig Notaro?

  Well, do you know Dakota Johnson's grandmother had lions as pets?

• 43:06Mae Martin?

  Wow.

• 43:07Tig Notaro?

  In her house.

• 43:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's insane.

• 43:09Fortune Feimster?

  That is crazy.

• 43:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 43:10Fortune Feimster?

  And Dakota would pet these lions, like, go visit?

• 43:14Tig Notaro?

  I don't know.

• 43:15Fortune Feimster?

  People are, I just, I don't.

• 43:17Tig Notaro?

  I think one of them attacked Melanie.

• 43:19Fortune Feimster?

  Really?

• 43:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I think she maybe got mauled as a kid or something.

• 43:23Mae Martin?

  Oh, my lord.

• 43:25Fortune Feimster?

  I don't, I'm not into the.

• 43:27Tig Notaro?

  But I also don't have a lot of information. I could be completely.

• 43:31Fortune Feimster?

  You are just making stuff up.

• 43:32Tig Notaro?

  I might have lied. I don't know.

• 43:34Fortune Feimster?

  This is a tick on fact.

• 43:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 43:36Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I, I'm not into those kind of pets, like, things that belong in nature.

• 43:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah, or, or snakes or tarantulas or.

• 43:45Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, no, I don't want any spider. I don't want any snake.

• 43:48Tig Notaro?

  Driving here, a spider came down in front of me.

• 43:52Mae Martin?

  In your car?

• 43:53Tig Notaro?

  In my car.

• 43:54Mae Martin?

  No.

• 43:54Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yes, it did.

• 43:55Mae Martin?

  This is why I don't want to get my license. I'm scared.

• 43:58Tig Notaro?

  Just because of a random spider.

• 44:00Mae Martin?

  What if a spider comes?

• 44:01Tig Notaro?

  But haven't you been driving and you see a spider and, and it's, it's very distracting?

• 44:06Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, and you almost run off the road, trying to avoid it. I hate spiders.

• 44:11Mae Martin?

  I had a friend who, same thing happened, and he, like, crashed the car, basically. Like, and then had to drive along the highway, like, all the way home with, with no front windshield.

• 44:23Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 44:23Mae Martin?

  On the highway, anyway.

• 44:25Tig Notaro?

  Did you say your animal?

• 44:26Mae Martin?

  Uh, I'm going cat, because that, yeah, they just sleep and they, and they're not as needy and they are soft and.

• 44:34Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 44:35Mae Martin?

  But I, I, I don't, I'm a dog person to my core. I want to make that clear.

• 44:39Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay.

• 44:40Fortune Feimster?

  Thank you for making that clear.

• 44:41Tig Notaro?

  Geez, that really took a serious turn.

• 44:44Mae Martin?

  I had a friend that my, you know, when you're a kid and there's, like, your parents are friends with other parents and so they make you hang out with the kid that you don't want to hang out with? So I had a friend like that who was always like, oh, you know, sleepover at this girl's house, and I was like, she's weird. And she had tarantulas that she would feed live bugs. And the bugs were always getting loose crickets and you could hear the crickets in her bedroom. And I was lying there in the bunk bed like, oh, get me home.

• 45:09Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 45:11Fortune Feimster?

  I almost said a bird, cause like it'd be cool to fly, but then I realized that any bird as a pet is in a cage.

• 45:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 45:17Fortune Feimster?

  And that's not good. And usually, um, and like, not all bird owners, hashtag not, not all bird owners.

• 45:24Tig Notaro?

  Not all bird owners.

• 45:25Fortune Feimster?

  But sometimes they're weird.

• 45:27Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 45:27Mae Martin?

  They're completely insane.

• 45:28Fortune Feimster?

  And so I don't know if I'd want a weirdo being in charge of me.

• 45:31Tig Notaro?

  Well, maybe you'd have a weirdo that wouldn't put you in a cage and you would just, you know, the, and just poop all over the house, which I know you love to do.

• 45:38Fortune Feimster?

  I love to poop all over the house. That's, that's tempting, but you know, I probably would want Biggie's life, you know? Cause um, is, I would, if you're.

• 45:49Tig Notaro?

  He's never had any concern, right?

• 45:51Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, he almost died that one time.

• 45:53Tig Notaro?

  What happened?

• 45:54Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, uh.

• 45:55Mae Martin?

  There was a medical.

• 45:56Fortune Feimster?

  This was pre-pod, so we never talked about it. But um, he had something called HGE. It's something that like little dogs can get and they don't know why. It can be caused from like stress.

• 46:08Tig Notaro?

  But he didn't know he had it.

• 46:09Fortune Feimster?

  He, he, he didn't know he had it, but he almost died.

• 46:12Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 46:12Fortune Feimster?

  And we were traveling to New York and, and when it progressively got worse on the plane.

• 46:17Tig Notaro?

  Oh my god.

• 46:18Fortune Feimster?

  And he, I was like, he's dying.

• 46:20Tig Notaro?

  Oh my god.

• 46:22Fortune Feimster?

  Like I kept taking him to the bathroom and it, the thing smells like death. There's no other way to explain it. Um, and I was like, he is full on dying. And then, and uh, and we just were like, when are we, when is this plane landing?

• 46:38Tig Notaro?

  You weren't like, is there a veterinarian on the plane?

• 46:40Fortune Feimster?

  No, I knew there was nothing they could do. Like he had to get to a hospital.

• 46:44Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 46:45Fortune Feimster?

  So the, and of course with the plane was going around the airport for a while.

• 46:50Tig Notaro?

  Oh my god.

• 46:51Fortune Feimster?

  We finally get to New York. And you know, it takes an hour to get in the city. We finally get, we went straight to an emergency vet and they um, put us in a room and no one was coming to help him. And he was like hiding from us, like full on like going to pass.

• 47:06Tig Notaro?

  Oh my god.

• 47:06Fortune Feimster?

  And I like went back to the nurse's station. I'm like, my dog is dying. Please.

• 47:14Tig Notaro?

  Oh my god.

• 47:15Fortune Feimster?

  Can someone come see about him? And they were like, um. You know, they, they took him back and they're like, we won't call you unless it's dire. And we'll let you know in the morning. And at four AM, we get a phone call and we, but we were like, we were like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And they just were like, can we put a feeding tube down? I'm like, yes. Oh, my God.

• 47:38Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 47:40Tig Notaro?

  Lose my number.

• 47:41Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. So for like, and then we saw on the next day, he was worse. We thought he'd be better. So we're like sobbing. And like, but like three days later, they find, ten grand later. Three days into it, they did blood transfusions. They, they saved his life.

• 47:57Mae Martin?

  It's like an infection or something?

• 47:59Fortune Feimster?

  It's, I don't know. It's like the, they, this is kind of graphic, but they poop blood.

• 48:04Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 48:04Fortune Feimster?

  Um, so if there are any dog listeners that experience this, but it's like, not just once.

• 48:10Mae Martin?

  Dog listeners?

• 48:11Fortune Feimster?

  Dog listener, dog people, people who have dogs.

• 48:15Mae Martin?

  There's all these dogs.

• 48:16Fortune Feimster?

  I, I like to tell people this because you should take them to the vet immediately.

• 48:21Mae Martin?

  I do love the idea of you speaking directly to the dogs.

• 48:24Tig Notaro?

  Dog to the vet if they're pooping blood.

• 48:26Fortune Feimster?

  Some people don't realize that what's happening.

• 48:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah, they think.

• 48:29Fortune Feimster?

  Or they think it's gonna pass or get better. Cause a lot of times the dogs can be saved. But they have to go to the vet immediately.

• 48:37Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 48:38Fortune Feimster?

  Other than that, he has a pretty cushy life. And he's gorgeous.

• 48:43Mae Martin?

  He gets stage time.

• 48:45Fortune Feimster?

  So I wouldn't want to just be any dog. I'd want to be a gorgeous.

• 48:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:48Fortune Feimster?

  Pomeranian. Cause they're often treated like princes.

• 48:54Mae Martin?

  You know what I want to be? Like I bet Harrison Ford has some big dog, or maybe a couple of big dogs out on his ranch or something. And he's got horses and stuff. And I bet he, I bet he rough houses with those. Can you imagine Harrison Ford? Ah, come here, buddy. And I, I want to be that. I want to be that dog.

• 49:12Fortune Feimster?

  What a specific vision.

• 49:14Tig Notaro?

  With Harrison Ford?

• 49:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 49:16Tig Notaro?

  But not Felicity Lockhart?

• 49:18Mae Martin?

  Felicity Lockhart?

• 49:27Fortune Feimster?

  Felissa Klockhart is amazing.

• 49:34Tig Notaro?

  It's like, this doesn't feel right.

• 49:37Mae Martin?

  Felissa Klockhart.

• 49:40Fortune Feimster?

  Felissa Klockhart has to be your new alias.

• 49:44Mae Martin?

  What's your drag, your drag name? Oh my god.

• 49:48Fortune Feimster?

  Felissa Klockhart.

• 49:55Tig Notaro?

  If I was really them, I would have like, I actually, if I'm totally honest, I thought, wow, I really pulled up her name quickly. And then, and then as I was saying, I was like.

• 50:06Mae Martin?

  This doesn't feel right.

• 50:07Fortune Feimster?

  Felissa Klockhart.

• 50:08Tig Notaro?

  And then I thought, yeah.

• 50:10Fortune Feimster?

  I'm just staring at you like.

• 50:11Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Cause it kinda sounded right.

• 50:14Fortune Feimster?

  It is exactly in the vein, for sure.

• 50:18Tig Notaro?

  Felissa Klockhart.

• 50:20Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's good.

• 50:21Tig Notaro?

  Wow, I did it.

• 50:23Fortune Feimster?

  I have tears in my eyes.

• 50:24Tig Notaro?

  That was.

• 50:25Mae Martin?

  That's really a favorite.

• 50:26Fortune Feimster?

  That is our new alias, for sure.

• 50:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, well.

• 50:30Fortune Feimster?

  Felissa Klockhart.

• 50:31Tig Notaro?

  We're all doing our best.

• 50:34Mae Martin?

  Oh my god.

• 50:37Tig Notaro?

  It's good, it's a good name.

• 50:38Fortune Feimster?

  That's a great name. She might need to start using that.

• 50:41Tig Notaro?

  Give Felissa Klockhart on the phone.

• 50:43Fortune Feimster?

  Give Felissa Klockhart here immediately.

• 50:46Tig Notaro?

  But like, would you, is it more him? Like, what, do you mind if Felissa Klockhart?

• 50:50Mae Martin?

  I don't mind. I'll take all the love I can get, but specifically, I want his raspy voice. Yeah, I think he's.

• 50:56Fortune Feimster?

  He's like rugged.

• 50:57Mae Martin?

  Rugged and he's probably feeds some good food and he goes, come here, boy, you know.

• 51:02Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, are you into like a Kevin Costner type too?

• 51:06Mae Martin?

  No, I instantly thought, no, but I don't know why. I couldn't tell you why. I'm into Harrison Ford.

• 51:11Fortune Feimster?

  Rugged actors.

• 51:12Mae Martin?

  You know why? Cause Harrison Ford, it has a vulnerability to him. That's what I love. You see him. Oh, it's, you're talking about my wife. Like, you know what I mean? He gets. You're talking. About my wife. Yeah.

• 51:22Tig Notaro?

  You're talking about Felissa Clark-Hart. Now, and you think he's hot, which.

• 51:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and I want to be like him. And I just imagine his, his home smells like wood, fire.

• 51:34Tig Notaro?

  Like cedar.

• 51:35Mae Martin?

  Whiskey.

• 51:36Tig Notaro?

  And his house smells like it's on fire.

• 51:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 51:38Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 51:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 51:39Tig Notaro?

  And then also, um, and, and, you know, there's quite an age difference between you and, and.

• 51:45Mae Martin?

  And Felissa.

• 51:46Tig Notaro?

  No, with, um, uh.

• 51:49Mae Martin?

  Harrison?

• 51:49Tig Notaro?

  Harrison.

• 51:50Mae Martin?

  Me and him?

• 51:51Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Are you hot for him? Like, or you want to be him?

• 51:54Mae Martin?

  I'm very hot for a, a young Harrison.

• 51:57Tig Notaro?

  But not eighty something Harrison?

• 51:59Mae Martin?

  I mean, I'm not turning my nose up, but, but yeah.

• 52:02Tig Notaro?

  Would you hook up with an eighty something year old guy?

• 52:05Mae Martin?

  Well, I'll tell you what, I did meet Harrison Ford at a dinner with, I think I've talked about it.

• 52:10Fortune Feimster?

  Would you hook up with an eighty year old something guy?

• 52:13Tig Notaro?

  Well, I'm curious. I don't know. I'm got, and May is, okay, you're laughing at me. Turns out yep is the answer.

• 52:20Mae Martin?

  If the energy was there.

• 52:21Fortune Feimster?

  Really?

• 52:22Mae Martin?

  Well, I.

• 52:23Tig Notaro?

  Ma, Fortune, yes.

• 52:26Mae Martin?

  I sat at a table across from him and I think he didn't know if I was a girl or a boy, or if I was five years old or forty. He didn't know what to make of me.

• 52:34Fortune Feimster?

  Well, you don't want, you want him to think you're forty.

• 52:36Mae Martin?

  But he holds up a napkin. He starts doing like a bit, like a peekaboo bit for me. Like I'm a.

• 52:42Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, this happened in real life?

• 52:44Mae Martin?

  This happened in real life.

• 52:45Fortune Feimster?

  I thought this was a fantasy.

• 52:46Mae Martin?

  No, this was Harrison Ford. He goes, cause I, I, I met him.

• 52:49Fortune Feimster?

  I was like, why would he think you were five?

• 52:51Tig Notaro?

  Was Felissa Clark-Hart there?

• 52:53Mae Martin?

  She was all, it was at like the.

• 52:54Fortune Feimster?

  Why does everyone think you're a child?

• 52:55Mae Martin?

  This happens to me all the time.

• 52:57Fortune Feimster?

  I don't understand. You're clearly a grown person.

• 53:00Mae Martin?

  No, he did the, well, he, he was very charming. He.

• 53:03Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, he played peekaboo with you?

• 53:05Mae Martin?

  Yes. Okay. So I'm at the event.

• 53:07Fortune Feimster?

  You're like, I'm really into this.

• 53:09Mae Martin?

  I'm at the event and I go.

• 53:10Fortune Feimster?

  I'd F this guy.

• 53:14Mae Martin?

  He was like a clown. He goes, uh, or someone said, May, this is Harrison, Harrison May. And he kind of looks at me like.

• 53:23Tig Notaro?

  Trying to figure out.

• 53:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah, trying to figure me out.

• 53:24Fortune Feimster?

  This little baby would love to play peekaboo.

• 53:29Tig Notaro?

  What do you say, fullest?

• 53:31Fortune Feimster?

  Lockhart.

• 53:33Mae Martin?

  But I, he's, I said, oh, we all look so dapper or something like that. I couldn't think of anything to say. And he went, yeah, we do actually, or something like that. Then he's sitting across from me and every time I caught his eye, he'd do something like, he'd pick up a breadstick and he'd eat it really slowly, making eye contact. And then I start mirroring him. We're both doing it with the breadsticks and then he picks up his.

• 53:53Tig Notaro?

  What dinner is this?

• 53:54Mae Martin?

  Thing. Was it, um, the Critics' Choice Awards, I think, or?

• 53:57Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 53:58Fortune Feimster?

  And then he started playing peekaboo?

• 53:59Mae Martin?

  And he is really like, I mean, I love Harrison Ford. I mean, I love Blade Runner. I love Witness. I love.

• 54:07Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 54:08Mae Martin?

  The Fugitive, Air Force One.

• 54:09Tig Notaro?

  Have you ever seen Star Wars?

• 54:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 54:11Tig Notaro?

  Okay, cause he's in that.

• 54:12Mae Martin?

  He's in that. Yeah.

• 54:13Tig Notaro?

  He is in that.

• 54:14Mae Martin?

  But anyway, he was twinkling and I, and I, yeah, he's sexy. He's got, he's got, he had an earring, you know?

• 54:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 54:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 54:21Tig Notaro?

  I know. He's clearly an attractive man. I'm curious.

• 54:23Mae Martin?

  I want to be his dog.

• 54:24Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I was just curious.

• 54:27Mae Martin?

  I want to be his big male dog.

• 54:29Tig Notaro?

  That's like the Iggy Pop song, I want to be your dog, right? Isn't that Iggy Pop?

• 54:34Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, wow.

• 54:34Tig Notaro?

  I thought it was Iggy Pop.

• 54:35Mae Martin?

  I want to be like his, his cocker spaniel, his falsetto cocker spaniel.

• 54:40Tig Notaro?

  The Stooges. It's the Stooges? Okay. Well, Iggy Pop was the singer of the Stooges and they have a song, I Want to Be Your Dog. Also covered by Joan Jett. And also, speaking of Joan Jett, I have an original, I love rock and roll, Joan Jett concert T-shirt.

• 54:59Mae Martin?

  No way.

• 55:00Tig Notaro?

  I do. And I wore that to go meet a friend for dinner one night when I was leaving. Max and Finn were having dinner at the counter and Finn said, uh, Mayor, are, are you gonna wear that shirt? Uh, to your dinner? And I said, yeah. And he goes, oh, okay. I was just checking. And I was like, that's weird. And then last night I had a show at Dynasty Typewriter and before I walked out, or no, I went out, I left for the show. I had my Joan Jett shirt on. Stephanie told me this morning that Finn said, Mom, um, Mayor wore her Joan Jett shirt to do her show.

• 55:40Tig Notaro?

  Tonight and Stephanie was like, yeah. And he goes,

• 55:45Tig Notaro?

  yeah, I just, I don't know. If I was doing a show, I would wear what I have on like a polo and nice pants.

• 55:51Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, you don't like nice enough?

• 55:53Tig Notaro?

  So he clearly, yeah.

• 55:56Fortune Feimster?

  He didn't like the shirt.

• 55:57Mae Martin?

  I thought you were gonna say he's like, that's a valuable vintage shirt.

• 56:00Tig Notaro?

  No, I didn't know what was going on.

• 56:02Fortune Feimster?

  This is not nice enough.

• 56:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And I asked him, I said, I showed him the shirt because I still had it on earlier today. And I said, Ben, is there anything about this shirt that, that you don't like? Like any part of the picture, anything written on it? And he was like, no. And I said, but, and then he got like a smirk on his face. And I said, you thought it was weird. I wore it to dinner one night and, um, and then mommy told me that you thought it was weird that I wore it to my show last night. And, uh, and he said, well, I just think you should wear something nicer on stage.

• 56:40Fortune Feimster?

  And when you go out to dinner.

• 56:42Mae Martin?

  He is from another generation, another era. Like he's, he is.

• 56:47Tig Notaro?

  So funny.

• 56:48Mae Martin?

  He's an old soul.

• 56:49Tig Notaro?

  He's looking at his 54 year old mother walking out in a rock and roll jersey going, you need to. Yeah, yeah.

• 56:56Fortune Feimster?

  Well, should we hear Sarah's answer?

• 56:57Tig Notaro?

  Yes, yes, yes. Of course we should.

• 57:00Speaker 00

  I would love to be a cat and preferably an outdoor cat with outdoor privileges. But I think realistically, I'm probably a turtle.

• 57:10Tig Notaro?

  A turtle.

• 57:12Fortune Feimster?

  I called it. I said a turtle earlier. That was a nice twist. I was too scared to be an outdoor cat, like especially the coyotes around here.

• 57:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 57:20Mae Martin?

  I will say we had a lot of toads in Wayward and we had a toad wrangler and like live toads.

• 57:25Tig Notaro?

  Oh yeah. One hopped over your foot, right?

• 57:27Mae Martin?

  Recently, yeah. And Sarah discovered she does not like having to act with toads and having to pick them up and feel their little heartbeat.

• 57:36Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think I would like it either.

• 57:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And I, so I kept telling her really casually, oh, we've rewritten, it's, it's down the line, but we've rewritten this scene. And so you're going to be in bed with a bunch of toads. And she was such a good, she was, ah, okay. Um, all right.

• 57:52Mae Martin?

  She was trying to really get on board with it.

• 57:54Tig Notaro?

  That's so mean, May.

• 57:55Fortune Feimster?

  That's so mean. I had to act, I did this show called Life in Pieces, we're at a recurring part, and I was, I got to act with Diane Wees, who I am obsessed with. She's amazing, and an incredible actor. And I had to act, we both sat on a bed together, and we were supposed to have this very emotional scene, and there was a 13-foot python. No. On the bed with us. You, Diane Wees and a python? What is this movie, this show? Cause my character was crazy and had a pet snake. Oh my god. And so the Wrangler was just like, throw this big yellow python on the bed. And Diane's a, like, huge animal person, like, she's just like, not phased by it.

• 58:38Fortune Feimster?

  This snake's like coming towards my face. She's acting like, you know, Oscar-worthy performances, and I'm just like... Oh my god, you hate snakes? I hate snakes, I was dying.

• 58:51Mae Martin?

  You know who hates snakes?

• 58:52Fortune Feimster?

  Is she like... Who?

• 58:54Mae Martin?

  Indiana Jones? Why did it have to be snakes?

• 58:59Fortune Feimster?

  Nice full circle.

• 59:00Mae Martin?

  Thanks, yeah, yeah.

• 59:01Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, it was not pleasant, and I don't wanna act with snakes. That'd be a fun podcast where you chat, and then you have to bring everything full circle in the end.

• 59:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that is a good challenge.

• 59:10Fortune Feimster?

  And the podcast is called Full Circle? No, it's called Carl's Jr. There's another one. Uh, well, what a podcast.

• 59:19Mae Martin?

  What a podcast.

• 59:20Fortune Feimster?

  What a podcast. What a podcast. What a podcast. Um... Hey, it's your turn. What a podcast. What a podcast. What a podcast. Well, I guess I'll start, I'm on tour.

• 59:36Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna be in a lot of places over the holidays, right after Christmas. Uh, well, actually coming up, uh, St. Petersburg, Florida, Orlando, Florida, then Norfolk, Virginia, uh, Vancouver, Seattle, Mobile, New Orleans, Atlanta, Cincinnati, Indianapolis. Gosh, good memory. Thank you.

• 59:57Tig Notaro?

  That's impressive. I will also be on tour without as good of a memory. And on January 14th, I'll be in Fort Lauderdale. Uh, January 15th, Orlando. January 17th, Jacksonville, Florida. And then you can also catch me in Midland, Texas, February 21st. And then please stop by Charleston, West Virginia, March 12th. Chattanooga, oh, I just opened a new document with all these new dates. Chattanooga, Tennessee, March 14th. Go to tignotaro.com. Come check me out doing my minor market tour. No offense to the minor market people.

• 1:00:41Tig Notaro?

  And then also check out the documentary on Apple TV. Come see me in the good light.

• 1:00:46Mae Martin?

  Do it. And I'm, you go to maymartin.net and I'm on tour starting end of February. And I'd love if people come doing 35 cities across America and Canada.

• 1:00:58Tig Notaro?

  And also share your favorite episodes with people and make sure to subscribe to our podcast and to our YouTube channel. And

• 1:01:06Mae Martin?

  Until then.

• 1:01:07Tig Notaro?

  Until next time.

• 1:01:08Mae Martin?

  My hand's warmed up.

• 1:01:09Tig Notaro?

  Oh, it has.

• 1:01:09Mae Martin?

  Until then, keep it handsome.

• 1:01:13Tig Notaro?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Tig Notaro, Mae Martin and Fortune Themester. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected]. Follow us on social media @handsomepod. What a podcast. What a podcast.

• 1:01:38Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.

• 1:01:40Speaker 05

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 1:01:42Speaker 06

  And Hannah Simone.

• 1:01:43Speaker 05

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind the scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog.

• 1:02:05Speaker 06

  That's not true. We talk about so. So many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 1:02:17Speaker 05

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr. And your dad, we talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 1:02:29Speaker 06

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.