Kate Micucci asks about childhood lies

The delightful, many-nicknamed Kate Micucci graces Handsome with a question about the weird lies you believe as a kid! Plus the straight women dance, Fortune going in for a kiss, a big announcement about Handsome in the new Zootopia movie, and more! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

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• 0:53Fortune Feimster?

  With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time. Squarespace makes it easy, so easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes.

• 1:25Mae Martin?

  So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 1:48Mae Martin?

  Cheers. Welcome to the Handsome Pod. We're live, in person, live with each other, not with you.

• 1:55Fortune Feimster?

  We're live.

• 1:56Mae Martin?

  In person.

• 1:58Fortune Feimster?

  We are.

• 1:59Mae Martin?

  I'm Mae Martin.

• 2:00Fortune Feimster?

  I'm Fortune Feimster. And I am Tig Notaro. And we're together in person again, sitting on a couch. I love that song. I know, I love to sing it to you. Came out in the 80s. Yeah. What's going on? Oh, sorry.

• 2:16Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 2:17Fortune Feimster?

  I got you too.

• 2:18Tig Notaro?

  It is, it is like, listen, the show's fun.

• 2:23Mae Martin?

  Yep.

• 2:23Tig Notaro?

  Zoom does it.

• 2:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 2:25Tig Notaro?

  Cause it needs to.

• 2:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 2:27Tig Notaro?

  But my god, is it a different vibe in person.

• 2:30Mae Martin?

  It's a different vibe. It's so much nicer.

• 2:32Fortune Feimster?

  Look you guys right in the eyes.

• 2:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. How attractive are we? How handsome?

• 2:37Mae Martin?

  We're pretty handsome.

• 2:38Tig Notaro?

  How handsome are we?

• 2:39Mae Martin?

  We're real handsome. We're all looking good.

• 2:42Fortune Feimster?

  I'm full of ourselves today.

• 2:45Tig Notaro?

  May, are you still the number one star in Hollywood?

• 2:48Mae Martin?

  Absolutely not.

• 2:48Tig Notaro?

  Please say yes.

• 2:49Fortune Feimster?

  In Hollywood.

• 2:51Mae Martin?

  I'm sure I've dipped down. I haven't, I haven't checked.

• 2:53Tig Notaro?

  Okay, tell us what is different about your life?

• 2:56Fortune Feimster?

  Oh yeah, has anything changed?

• 2:57Mae Martin?

  Absolutely nothing.

• 2:58Tig Notaro?

  But nothing, come on. Are you getting calls from people in the biz?

• 3:03Mae Martin?

  No, I mean, I got my-

• 3:04Tig Notaro?

  I called you.

• 3:05Mae Martin?

  You called me. I got my phone back after that retreat and um, there, yeah, there was a minute where it was like popping off and-

• 3:12Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 3:13Mae Martin?

  But if you put your phone away, nothing's different, except I've had a couple people in-

• 3:17Fortune Feimster?

  Ah, we get to the truth.

• 3:18Mae Martin?

  Come up to me and like confront me about my character's choices in Wayward, which I like. I'll get into it with them. I mean, I'm with them. He's a flawed character.

• 3:27Fortune Feimster?

  Right, right.

• 3:27Mae Martin?

  But yeah, nothing other than that, nothing really.

• 3:29Tig Notaro?

  So is it, are you like, gosh, I, you know, my whole life, I, I'm going after this goal. I get the top, top, top honor. The number one show in the world, number one in Croatia, number one on Star Meter, and you're saying there's nothing?

• 3:46Mae Martin?

  I didn't, Star Meter wasn't on my radar as a goal.

• 3:49Fortune Feimster?

  What do we have to even work for?

• 3:50Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 3:51Fortune Feimster?

  It changes nothing.

• 3:52Tig Notaro?

  Tell us what it's like up there.

• 3:54Mae Martin?

  Listen.

• 3:55Tig Notaro?

  What is it like to be the number one star?

• 3:58Mae Martin?

  It's a lot of the same. It's, I-

• 4:02Tig Notaro?

  You still have a raccoon in your backyard?

• 4:04Mae Martin?

  I still got a raccoon, a skunk, a-

• 4:06Fortune Feimster?

  A possum?

• 4:06Mae Martin?

  Possum.

• 4:07Tig Notaro?

  Are they impressed? Do they know?

• 4:09Mae Martin?

  They haven't said shit.

• 4:10Tig Notaro?

  Really?

• 4:11Mae Martin?

  It's fucked. It's actually fucked.

• 4:13Fortune Feimster?

  But you're still putting your pants on one leg at a time?

• 4:15Mae Martin?

  One leg at a time. I'm still doing spells. I'm still, uh, you know, tormented by the same things.

• 4:22Tig Notaro?

  Are you still an awkward person?

• 4:24Mae Martin?

  What do you think? Yeah. What did I say when we got here today? I can't believe we're actually here together.

• 4:31Tig Notaro?

  I'm scared.

• 4:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 4:34Tig Notaro?

  No, I, I, in a real way, like, is there, what, how do you feel? How, how did it feel to be like, wow?

• 4:44Fortune Feimster?

  My show really broke through.

• 4:48Mae Martin?

  I'm glad that I'm thirty-eight and not twenty.

• 4:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 4:53Mae Martin?

  So, I feel like I've been doing it long enough that it is a job and it's not my whole self-worth and identity. So, but it feels amazing.

• 5:02Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 5:02Mae Martin?

  But, you know, you don't really, the main thing is, you're kind of only as good as your last thing, or like, if it had really bombed, that might have-

• 5:11Fortune Feimster?

  So you're only as good as number one? Is that what you're saying?

• 5:14Mae Martin?

  Well, like, if it had really bombed, that might have legitimately, like, affected my ability to get another show away or do so. I'm like, okay, at least I know, hopefully I'll be able to make another show.

• 5:25Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 5:25Mae Martin?

  So, I'm waiting, I'm gonna have like a big check in.

• 5:30Fortune Feimster?

  I thought you were saying a big check.

• 5:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah, a big check coming.

• 5:33Fortune Feimster?

  I'm waiting to have a big check coming.

• 5:35Mae Martin?

  Big ol' check, baby. Yeah. But no, it feels, yeah, the same. I mean, I-

• 5:42Fortune Feimster?

  You probably have a lot new, a lot of new fans.

• 5:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I mean, it's, it is tempered by the climate that we live in.

• 5:50Fortune Feimster?

  Right, right.

• 5:50Mae Martin?

  Like, is that, so the-

• 5:51Fortune Feimster?

  There's a blowback as well.

• 5:52Mae Martin?

  There really is, and the exposure is kind of scary and like-

• 5:55Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:56Mae Martin?

  I'm thinking about my tour coming up and getting, but then, I don't know, the reason I went to that retreat place partly was because I was like, this is everything I've ever worked for, really, and I, and I'm not really enjoying it, or it's not penetrating.

• 6:10Fortune Feimster?

  Right.

• 6:10Mae Martin?

  Like, there's some, I feel like I don't deserve it or whatever. And so, hopefully, yeah, I feel like I'm appreciating it and I'm, I'm happy about it, but I don't know, I still feel, you know.

• 6:23Fortune Feimster?

  I have a question.

• 6:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah, hit me.

• 6:24Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, you dyed your hair brown for the show, but it's still kind of brown.

• 6:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you know what?

• 6:30Fortune Feimster?

  That's your question?

• 6:31Mae Martin?

  I dyed it yesterday.

• 6:32Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, like, I guess, let me pose it as a question. Have you abandoned the full-on blonde? I like it, I just, you just were so blonde for so long.

• 6:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and then I went back to blonde after the show, and then, just a couple days ago, I went-

• 6:49Tig Notaro?

  Girl, that's your question?

• 6:51Fortune Feimster?

  Girl!

• 6:51Tig Notaro?

  Girl!

• 6:52Fortune Feimster?

  Girl, there are a lot of people probably wanted to know the answer to this as well.

• 6:56Mae Martin?

  But did you even-

• 6:57Tig Notaro?

  Girl, we have a moment here with a star and you're-

• 7:00Fortune Feimster?

  Girl, you're talking about-

• 7:01Tig Notaro?

  No, girl-

• 7:02Fortune Feimster?

  May's star reader.

• 7:03Tig Notaro?

  I want to know if May is twirling around in their house alone saying, "I'm a star, look at me."

• 7:09Fortune Feimster?

  So I moved on to the next question, which is-

• 7:11Mae Martin?

  Did you even note-

• 7:12Fortune Feimster?

  Are we staying blonde or blonde hair? Yeah, you would not have noticed.

• 7:16Tig Notaro?

  Notice, girl. But I see it now, I see it now.

• 7:18Mae Martin?

  It's pretty similar.

• 7:20Tig Notaro?

  Girl!

• 7:20Fortune Feimster?

  Girl!

• 7:21Tig Notaro?

  Girl!

• 7:21Mae Martin?

  Girls? Girls?

• 7:23Tig Notaro?

  Girl!

• 7:23Mae Martin?

  Girls?

• 7:26Fortune Feimster?

  So are you going back to blonde?

• 7:27Tig Notaro?

  Oh my god, I thought we were gonna, I thought you were gonna say so-

• 7:32Mae Martin?

  I just freestyle with boxes that I buy from Walgreens, I diet myself.

• 7:36Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, you did it yourself?

• 7:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah, so like-

• 7:37Tig Notaro?

  We already knew this, girl!

• 7:38Fortune Feimster?

  Girl, I forgot!

• 7:40Tig Notaro?

  Girl, please!

• 7:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah, um, what about, what about you guys?

• 7:46Fortune Feimster?

  What about us?

• 7:47Tig Notaro?

  Do you already have an idea for another show?

• 7:50Mae Martin?

  Yes, yeah.

• 7:51Tig Notaro?

  And it's not like a Wayward 2?

• 7:53Mae Martin?

  Well, that's in conversation, but I, I, my instinct, my gut instinct is if I was really gonna be honest with myself, I, I have an idea for another world I wanna-

• 8:03Tig Notaro?

  Of course you do.

• 8:04Mae Martin?

  Create, I want, that I'm pumped about.

• 8:05Tig Notaro?

  Alright.

• 8:06Mae Martin?

  But who knows, if I got really pumped about an idea for Wayward 2, but-

• 8:09Fortune Feimster?

  And if they gave you a, a big fat paycheck.

• 8:12Mae Martin?

  You know, but-

• 8:13Fortune Feimster?

  That's always helpful.

• 8:14Tig Notaro?

  That's right, girl, girl.

• 8:15Mae Martin?

  Girl, these girls know.

• 8:17Tig Notaro?

  Girl, we would go shopping, would we not?

• 8:19Fortune Feimster?

  Oh my god.

• 8:20Mae Martin?

  Why did you borrow that?

• 8:24Fortune Feimster?

  Is this us being straight women?

• 8:26Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, this is us going through the shopping mall.

• 8:29Fortune Feimster?

  This is us being straight ladies.

• 8:31Tig Notaro?

  Look at that flannel, girl! Girl, look at those hiking boots. Okay.

• 8:41Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, what was our question?

• 8:42Tig Notaro?

  How are you?

• 8:43Fortune Feimster?

  I'm good.

• 8:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, how's, uh, life on the golf course?

• 8:48Fortune Feimster?

  Life on the golf course is great. I'm actually losing weight on this show because I'm walking so much on these golf courses and I'm, you know, I'm Playwill's caddy.

• 8:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 8:59Fortune Feimster?

  So I have this giant golf bag and they want it to look realistic, so everything is full. I'm like, can we not put these fake clubs in here?

• 9:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah, surely!

• 9:09Fortune Feimster?

  No, it is all-

• 9:10Tig Notaro?

  That's crazy.

• 9:12Fortune Feimster?

  Girl.

• 9:12Tig Notaro?

  Girl, it is loaded. Oh my god, and Will won't help you? I mean.

• 9:17Fortune Feimster?

  He won't.

• 9:18Tig Notaro?

  Isn't this an?

• 9:19Fortune Feimster?

  Will, help me.

• 9:20Tig Notaro?

  Isn't this an improv show? Because couldn't you improv that your character always tries to give Will the heavy load?

• 9:28Fortune Feimster?

  No, part of it is that I'm not, I don't know anything about golf and I'm always like handing the wrong clubs and stuff.

• 9:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 9:35Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 9:35Mae Martin?

  But also I like being on set because the, because of the food is, because it's healthier than I would have at home.

• 9:41Fortune Feimster?

  Really? Mine's where I'm like snacking way more on set. But somehow I'm losing weight because I'm getting way more steps than.

• 9:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:48Tig Notaro?

  How many steps are you getting in on the golf course there, girl?

• 9:52Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, girl.

• 9:54Fortune Feimster?

  I'm probably averaging like 12,000.

• 9:57Tig Notaro?

  Girl.

• 9:57Fortune Feimster?

  And the day I moved, I'm.

• 9:59Tig Notaro?

  Don't overdo it, girl.

• 10:00Mae Martin?

  Oh yeah, how's the new house?

• 10:02Fortune Feimster?

  Oh yeah, the new, I am in a new place. It's great.

• 10:04Mae Martin?

  You feel like, girl.

• 10:07Tig Notaro?

  Girl, tell her.

• 10:08Mae Martin?

  You hung up all your fairy lights and.

• 10:10Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, well, I'm still getting it, I'm situated, I'm still unpacking, but I like it because it's, reminds me of my house that I owned for many years.

• 10:22Fortune Feimster?

  It's just a little bigger, but it's so manageable.

• 10:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah, smaller than the old place.

• 10:27Fortune Feimster?

  Always smaller, which.

• 10:29Mae Martin?

  You, you go in, you feel like.

• 10:31Fortune Feimster?

  I know where everything is.

• 10:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, I love that.

• 10:33Fortune Feimster?

  It's one story, it's just, it's just easy.

• 10:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 10:37Fortune Feimster?

  And that's what I wanted to get back to was just like, I didn't want this massive thing.

• 10:42Tig Notaro?

  Palace. You were tired of living in that palace.

• 10:48Fortune Feimster?

  That it just feels easier, so I like that because I just don't have to worry about a house and a bunch of rooms and furniture. I still have to.

• 10:58Tig Notaro?

  12 bedrooms.

• 10:59Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I still have to buy like a dining room table and, you know, I still need furniture. There's empty, there's one empty bedroom and.

• 11:08Tig Notaro?

  Were you, were you ever at a point in life where when you were furnishing your apartment, you used like a card table?

• 11:15Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah, for sure.

• 11:16Mae Martin?

  A hundred percent.

• 11:17Tig Notaro?

  Isn't that?

• 11:18Mae Martin?

  Oh, and just stuff I would find on the street.

• 11:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 11:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 11:21Tig Notaro?

  My ex drug a couch home full of scabies. No. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

• 11:27Fortune Feimster?

  You do what you can in those days, but.

• 11:29Mae Martin?

  I mean, I slept with a sleeping bag. Like, I, I just didn't want to spend my money on bedding, I guess. So when I got kicked out and I was sixteen, I brought my, I had my sleeping bag with me and then I didn't get in. I mean, I, until I was twenty-one, probably, and I was just sleeping in a sleeping bag with no.

• 11:45Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my god.

• 11:45Mae Martin?

  Like, on a mattress, but with no sheets or, it was very comforting. I was like, it's.

• 11:50Tig Notaro?

  That was kind of like my father's living arrangement. Like, he had a card table and just loose change all over it. And a mattress on the floor.

• 12:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:00Tig Notaro?

  You know, yeah.

• 12:02Mae Martin?

  But it's, there's something comforting about it.

• 12:04Tig Notaro?

  Is there?

• 12:05Mae Martin?

  Hmm, I don't know, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, why would you say that?

• 12:09Mae Martin?

  Well, I'm, I'm trying to remember.

• 12:11Fortune Feimster?

  Simpler days of that.

• 12:12Mae Martin?

  I was very attached to that sleeping bag.

• 12:14Fortune Feimster?

  I'm sure, because that was like the thing you had.

• 12:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 12:16Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, with you.

• 12:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah, in a little duffel bag.

• 12:19Fortune Feimster?

  It'll be cool once I get this place kind of just all sorted out.

• 12:23Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 12:24Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, but right now, it's like curtains don't come for a minute still.

• 12:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you move and you get excited, you go online, buy stuff, and then you don't realize it's like.

• 12:32Fortune Feimster?

  Delivery, April twenty twenty-six.

• 12:35Tig Notaro?

  Um, so people are like peek, seeing you run around your gams?

• 12:39Fortune Feimster?

  The back, the back of the house is open. The rest, um, uh, I have some blinds in the front.

• 12:45Mae Martin?

  Good.

• 12:46Fortune Feimster?

  Um, but yeah.

• 12:48Mae Martin?

  So just the raccoons are getting a glimpse of your little naked bum as you run from the shop.

• 12:53Tig Notaro?

  Do you walk around naked?

• 12:55Fortune Feimster?

  Not full naked, no.

• 12:56Tig Notaro?

  But like what?

• 12:57Fortune Feimster?

  But like.

• 12:58Tig Notaro?

  Just no pants?

• 12:59Fortune Feimster?

  In my granny panties.

• 13:01Tig Notaro?

  Just a shirt, no pants?

• 13:03Fortune Feimster?

  Flannel, t-shirt.

• 13:05Tig Notaro?

  Pork bra, no pants?

• 13:06Fortune Feimster?

  Shirt, no pants.

• 13:08Tig Notaro?

  Is that the Porky Pig?

• 13:12Fortune Feimster?

  Um, so yeah, everything's, everything's good. It's just, uh. Yeah, I kind of just live in life right now.

• 13:19Mae Martin?

  You haven't spent much time in the house. You're always away.

• 13:21Fortune Feimster?

  Well, that's the thing is this show came so out of nowhere.

• 13:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:26Fortune Feimster?

  And it happened, like, they hired me and then we're like, we're filming in two weeks. And I'm just like, oh, my God.

• 13:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:33Fortune Feimster?

  And I had this full tour schedule. So I had to reschedule a number of shows because with the golf courses, they're like, we can't, like, work around this. This is when this golf course is available.

• 13:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:45Fortune Feimster?

  This is when we have to film.

• 13:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:47Fortune Feimster?

  And a lot of those-

• 13:48Tig Notaro?

  I mean, golf is important. Like, they can't shift schedules.

• 13:52Mae Martin?

  No.

• 13:52Fortune Feimster?

  It was, a lot of the times were Friday nights.

• 13:55Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 13:56Fortune Feimster?

  And I was like, ugh. So I had to reschedule these shows, which I hate doing. And somehow I've managed not to have to reschedule many shows, but it was just such a quick turnaround that I am, I didn't want to also reschedule the Saturday shows.

• 14:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:09Fortune Feimster?

  Because those were like big theaters, like the Chicago Theater and all these places that take a long time to book, like a year ahead. So I'm filming a lot of nights on Fridays till like 2:00 in the morning. And then getting on a 6:00 AM flight.

• 14:23Mae Martin?

  Girl.

• 14:24Fortune Feimster?

  And it's, yeah. So I can't really catch up right now, but it's all good stuff.

• 14:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:30Fortune Feimster?

  So I, I really don't have any like, ugh about it.

• 14:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:33Fortune Feimster?

  Because I'm loving all the things I'm doing.

• 14:35Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 14:36Mae Martin?

  And Tig, Stephanie's still away? You're still solo?

• 14:39Tig Notaro?

  Stephanie's away.

• 14:41Mae Martin?

  How are you feeling?

• 14:41Tig Notaro?

  Being a movie star.

• 14:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:43Tig Notaro?

  I'm feeling good. I'm like, it's so funny, um, I, I'm like, as I told you, like, really into stand on top of things because the, whatever, the house police might come by and-

• 14:57Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:58Tig Notaro?

  See if I have-

• 14:59Fortune Feimster?

  I love that.

• 15:00Mae Martin?

  I love that.

• 15:02Tig Notaro?

  Make sure the laundry's done.

• 15:04Mae Martin?

  Just to come and check and never, yeah.

• 15:06Tig Notaro?

  Just make sure, like-

• 15:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:07Tig Notaro?

  Everything in order. And like, I feel like if they went through and checked, everything's in order.

• 15:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:13Tig Notaro?

  You know, we got food, clean clothes put away and-

• 15:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:17Tig Notaro?

  Beds made and-

• 15:18Mae Martin?

  Lisa Gilroy does the thing where she pretends to be her own assistant. So she'll go, she'll go, okay, I'm, I'm going, in her mind, I'm going out and my assistant's coming over just to really get stuff done. So I hope my assistant does a good job. Then she'll leave the house, go back in as the assistant, be like, gotta get the work done for two hours. And then-

• 15:37Tig Notaro?

  That's mental illness. I saw Lisa. That's cute. Oh, she said she saw you. Yeah, she, I was, I walked by a restaurant. I think I was with Max and Finn and I saw her in there having. Was it her or hers? Yeah. Girl, girl. But yeah, Stephanie's just having the time of her life. So good. I mean, it's so, it's so nice just to know that it's been a really positive experience. That time difference is annoying because I have a lot of friends in England and it's, yeah, eight hours ahead or seven hours. Yeah, eight hours. So are you FaceTiming with the boys when you can? Well, they'll, they'll do that on their iPads because they're allowed to be on iPads

• 16:22Tig Notaro?

  in the mornings. Yeah. Before their day starts and then no more for the day. Yeah. But they'll, they'll FaceTime her. Like on their own accord? Mm-hmm. Yeah. And, but Finn is, he's so, he's type A, you know? He'll, he'll come in. Maybe I told you this. I was in bed, it was 6:45. Did I mention this? No. This is like two weeks in. Yeah. And he goes, Mayor, it's 6:45, I'm making my breakfast. Max hasn't eaten and we have to be out of the door at 7:40. Oh, wow. And I was like, and I was lying in bed, I go, I was like, thank you, Finn. Thanks for the reminder. And he was like, okay.

• 17:07Tig Notaro?

  And then he leaves. And two days ago, I was on a Zoom with my, I do 7:00 AM Zoom with my therapist. And so I'm on with her and then she sees me look over and she's like, oh, did somebody walk in? I said, yeah, hold on one second. What is it, Finn? He goes, oh, just wanted to remind you, today we have swim, so just have to make sure you get our swimsuits in the bag. Oh, my God. And I was like. He's a running shit. He's so funny. Oh, my God. Like, I really, we really have the odd couple between the two of them. That's so funny. But it is such a delight to be, when I told my therapist, I go, oh, my son, he's very, like, he loves the schedule. Keeps the schedule. Loves the schedule. Yeah.

• 17:51Tig Notaro?

  And, and I said, but I feel like I've been holding down the fort pretty well. And she said, well, it sounds like you would have no other choice with Finn in the house.

• 18:05Tig Notaro?

  But yeah, we went out to dinner. I took them, surprised them, picked them up from school and we went to dinner and then they were like, can we go for ice cream after? And I would have normally been like, it's a school night, but I was like, yeah, let's go for ice cream.

• 18:22Fortune Feimster?

  Aww.

• 18:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and we just had so much fun, just laughing at dinner and it just, it was, it was just, it was fun. That's what I've been up to. That's really nice. I like that. Yeah, they're cool.

• 18:37Fortune Feimster?

  I'm going to the Cheesecake Factory tonight. I don't want either of you to be jealous.

• 18:41Tig Notaro?

  I am jealous. Bury the lead. Bury the lead.

• 18:44Fortune Feimster?

  I know, sorry, I didn't tell you that sooner.

• 18:46Tig Notaro?

  Who are you going with? What's going on there? They have great vegan options, by the way. They do?

• 18:50Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, they're, they're a place.

• 18:52Tig Notaro?

  I'll check it out. I won't order it, but I'll check it out. Guys, regular spaghetti and a salad, that's vegan. If you don't put cheese on. I love you too. But when I'm touring, Cheesecake Factory is, is a place that I, I can rely on.

• 19:06Fortune Feimster?

  I love that. I'm going with my friends, Zach Noe Towers. He's a very funny comedian. He listens to Hanson, shout out Zach.

• 19:14Tig Notaro?

  Hey Zach!

• 19:15Fortune Feimster?

  He opens for me quite a bit. And then Taylor Tomlinson, who has also asked us a question on the Hanson pod.

• 19:22Tig Notaro?

  The three of you are going to the Cheesecake?

• 19:23Fortune Feimster?

  The three of us have a friend date.

• 19:25Tig Notaro?

  And why the Cheesecake Factory?

• 19:27Fortune Feimster?

  That's what Zach picked. And we do love the Cheesecake Factory.

• 19:31Tig Notaro?

  And is he, was he, he loves, like, um, nobody's ironically going.

• 19:36Fortune Feimster?

  Not ironically. We are going for the genuine love of the Cheesecake Factory.

• 19:39Tig Notaro?

  Well, I love that.

• 19:41Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I'm stoked.

• 19:42Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. My favorite thing is like going to see a movie at the Grove or something and going to Cheesecake Factory before.

• 19:48Fortune Feimster?

  By yourself?

• 19:49Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, sometimes I'll go by myself. You'll go to a movie and then take yourself out for a treat at the?

• 19:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I think I have probably done that. I'll take my little notebook, I'll write.

• 19:59Fortune Feimster?

  We're going to that Cheesecake Factory.

• 20:01Tig Notaro?

  At the Grove?

• 20:02Fortune Feimster?

  At the Grove, and Taylor wants us to get the seat that allows us to look at the people going into the movie theater.

• 20:08Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, that's good.

• 20:09Tig Notaro?

  Is that what she wants?

• 20:10Fortune Feimster?

  That is her one request. My one request is to order cheesecake, and I will do that.

• 20:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you will, girl.

• 20:17Fortune Feimster?

  I want to get that peanut butter one.

• 20:19Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah. That's what I'd go for, yeah.

• 20:21Tig Notaro?

  How many different cheesecakes do they have?

• 20:23Fortune Feimster?

  Like forty, right?

• 20:25Tig Notaro?

  I don't know. This is not a paid sponsorship.

• 20:30Fortune Feimster?

  We're not going to pay about cheesecake factory.

• 20:32Tig Notaro?

  We're not just casually talking about the cheesecake.

• 20:35Fortune Feimster?

  But I do like a chain restaurant in general.

• 20:37Tig Notaro?

  Do ya?

• 20:38Fortune Feimster?

  I love Chili's.

• 20:39Mae Martin?

  I like, maybe it's because I got a touch of the tism. I'm like, I like the rigidity, I like knowing what to expect. So like, I know what I'm gonna get.

• 20:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 20:48Mae Martin?

  Am I allowed to say touch of the tism?

• 20:50Fortune Feimster?

  Honestly, I don't know.

• 20:51Mae Martin?

  Okay. I think I'm allowed to own it, but it's self-diagnosed, so I don't know.

• 20:57Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 20:58Tig Notaro?

  Oh, you're self-diagnosed?

• 20:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 21:00Fortune Feimster?

  Would you ever want to get to the bottom of it, for real?

• 21:04Mae Martin?

  Well, it's, it happened because so many people.

• 21:07Tig Notaro?

  We know you love to get to the bottom of things.

• 21:09Mae Martin?

  I love to get to the bottom.

• 21:11Fortune Feimster?

  Is that a sexual joke?

• 21:13Tig Notaro?

  Girl, no.

• 21:14Fortune Feimster?

  Girl!

• 21:15Mae Martin?

  Although, you know, actually.

• 21:17Tig Notaro?

  Girl, Marie!

• 21:19Mae Martin?

  I did, speaking of sexual things, I did.

• 21:22Tig Notaro?

  What do you got for us?

• 21:23Mae Martin?

  Well, I did just remember, about twenty minutes ago, and my stomach dropped that, so when I got back from the retreat, I walk in my door, girls, and I find a bunch.

• 21:38Mae Martin?

  And I find, I'd forgotten that I'd ordered a bunch of like BDSM stuff, like tons of stuff.

• 21:45Fortune Feimster?

  What is that? Wait, what is BDSM stand for? Bad, but dominance.

• 21:51Mae Martin?

  Something, something sadomasochism, right?

• 21:53Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, like weapons?

• 21:55Mae Martin?

  No, like, well, anyway.

• 21:58Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, can you tell us a couple of the things?

• 22:00Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 22:01Fortune Feimster?

  This is what our listeners tune in for.

• 22:03Mae Martin?

  Cause I, yeah, it takes a plug in our ears.

• 22:05Fortune Feimster?

  Come on, grandma. Grandma Marie. Like, uh, whips, chains, handcuffs.

• 22:13Mae Martin?

  I had like a sesh in mind that I'm planning and so I.

• 22:17Fortune Feimster?

  A sesh? Oh, like, uh, that you're gonna do this with someone?

• 22:21Mae Martin?

  So, there's like, uh, there's like leather stuff that kind of.

• 22:26Fortune Feimster?

  Leather stuff?

• 22:27Mae Martin?

  Attaches the person's wrist to their.

• 22:29Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, the leather part is what threw you?

• 22:32Tig Notaro?

  Fortune?

• 22:33Fortune Feimster?

  True, good point.

• 22:35Tig Notaro?

  Leather, leather?

• 22:38Mae Martin?

  There's like bondage stuff and then there's some, there's, there's like some pretty weird stuff. You know, I just got excited lately.

• 22:46Fortune Feimster?

  You were in a place.

• 22:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah. So I get back from my very pure wholesome retreat and I've got basically a whole dungeon waiting for me.

• 22:53Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 22:53Tig Notaro?

  Plus hot dogs.

• 22:54Mae Martin?

  This is, yeah. And a harness for the hot dogs. Oh, that was, cut that out. This is okay. But it was like a fridge sized box of stuff.

• 23:04Fortune Feimster?

  Whoa.

• 23:05Mae Martin?

  And then I've just 20 minutes ago remembered that my cleaner is coming today, this poor woman. And I've, I have unboxed and it's sitting there in my fucking bedroom.

• 23:15Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God.

• 23:15Mae Martin?

  And she is the sweetest, purest woman and I've, I forgot to hide it.

• 23:20Fortune Feimster?

  She, she thinks it's a Halloween costume.

• 23:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's a good one. Like, when she, when you're.

• 23:25Mae Martin?

  Some of this stuff, I don't know.

• 23:27Tig Notaro?

  Well, you'll go home and she'll be there and you'll just like, I'm, can't wait for Halloween.

• 23:31Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, that's true.

• 23:33Tig Notaro?

  You have to, you have to plan to. Ooh, did my package come? Yes, it did.

• 23:39Fortune Feimster?

  Scared of this.

• 23:39Tig Notaro?

  Oh, and then you'll be like, oh, this is all the wrong stuff.

• 23:42Mae Martin?

  This is not what I ordered.

• 23:43Fortune Feimster?

  I did not.

• 23:44Mae Martin?

  This is not what I ordered.

• 23:45Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God.

• 23:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, problem solved.

• 23:48Fortune Feimster?

  Little Bo Peep.

• 23:49Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 23:50Fortune Feimster?

  Little Bo Peep, peek-a-boo.

• 23:52Mae Martin?

  Oh, God.

• 23:53Fortune Feimster?

  Um, you know what I wanted to ask you? Um, now, I told you Stephanie and I are waiting till she gets home.

• 23:59Tig Notaro?

  To bondage.

• 24:00Fortune Feimster?

  To, to, to watch.

• 24:03Tig Notaro?

  Girl Marie.

• 24:04Fortune Feimster?

  Girl Marie.

• 24:05Mae Martin?

  Girl Marie is my new name.

• 24:07Tig Notaro?

  To watch Wayward.

• 24:09Mae Martin?

  Okay, oh, thank you.

• 24:11Tig Notaro?

  Thank you for waiting. But you mentioned that there is some crazy sex scene. Here is my question.

• 24:19Mae Martin?

  Have you got there yet?

• 24:20Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 24:21Mae Martin?

  Have you?

• 24:23Tig Notaro?

  Oh, wait, have I? You'd know, I think.

• 24:25Fortune Feimster?

  I'm on episode six.

• 24:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you have, yeah.

• 24:27Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I didn't know if it was getting even steamier at some point.

• 24:30Tig Notaro?

  Something happened where you're like, girl. How do you feel about your parents seeing that?

• 24:37Mae Martin?

  Oh, well, they, I asked them if they'd watched. I mean, to be honest, my parents have not acknowledged to me that they've watched or finished the show.

• 24:46Tig Notaro?

  They have, by the way.

• 24:47Fortune Feimster?

  My mom watched it.

• 24:48Mae Martin?

  Ginger watched?

• 24:49Fortune Feimster?

  I forgot. Ginger said to tell you that she watched it and you did a great job.

• 24:55Mae Martin?

  Oh, Ginger, thank you.

• 24:57Tig Notaro?

  That sounds like classic Ginger.

• 24:59Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, she was like, I watched Wayward. You had to tell me, I watched it. It was great. May did a great job.

• 25:08Tig Notaro?

  Do you know what?

• 25:09Mae Martin?

  That's so nice.

• 25:09Tig Notaro?

  Your mother is the perfect example of when people are older and they say, you know, I was once young too.

• 25:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 25:17Tig Notaro?

  I'm that same person.

• 25:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 25:19Tig Notaro?

  I'm just older.

• 25:20Fortune Feimster?

  Right.

• 25:20Tig Notaro?

  You think that it's like this crazy concept that an older person is going to take something in or have, have an awareness, like, you're just like, I can't, that's why I was asking, like, with parents. But the fact that Ginger isn't like clutching her pearls, she's like.

• 25:38Mae Martin?

  Not scandalized at all.

• 25:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, just like, tell me, what a great job. And that's amazing.

• 25:43Fortune Feimster?

  And I should have followed up with, what'd you think about it?

• 25:46Mae Martin?

  What'd you think about it?

• 25:47Fortune Feimster?

  But I didn't. Apparently, my mom didn't think twice about it.

• 25:49Mae Martin?

  I know my parents are like slowly watching it, I think. And I said, did you, where you, my mom said that she watched that scene like with her hands over her eyes. So, which is good, I think.

• 25:59Tig Notaro?

  And what about your brother? How do you feel about that?

• 26:01Mae Martin?

  I don't, I'm not specifically, I had to put that out of my mind on the, on the day.

• 26:06Tig Notaro?

  Well, let's bring it back in.

• 26:07Mae Martin?

  Oh, God.

• 26:08Tig Notaro?

  Your family is watching.

• 26:09Mae Martin?

  It's very weird, but it's, it's almost weirder that. A bunch of strangers have seen what I look like getting railed. Like, that's weirder than like, I don't know.

• 26:20Fortune Feimster?

  But you were naked in Feelgood quite a bit, right?

• 26:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah, once or twice.

• 26:25Tig Notaro?

  You're naked right now. That's what our listeners don't realize. Is May sitting here completely naked, tuxing.

• 26:32Fortune Feimster?

  Weirdly tied up.

• 26:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah. No, I'm doing the tying.

• 26:37Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, you're doing the...

• 26:38Mae Martin?

  I'm doing the tying.

• 26:38Fortune Feimster?

  You're the dominatrix.

• 26:39Tig Notaro?

  You wouldn't want to be tied.

• 26:40Mae Martin?

  Ah, sure, yeah, yeah.

• 26:41Fortune Feimster?

  What is that called, a doma-nering person?

• 26:44Mae Martin?

  Dominatrix?

• 26:45Fortune Feimster?

  You're the dominatrix?

• 26:46Tig Notaro?

  People don't pause after "dama."

• 26:48Fortune Feimster?

  Dama-nering?

• 26:49Mae Martin?

  Dama-nering person?

• 26:50Fortune Feimster?

  You have to be the one that's like, Shut your mouth! Is that how it works? You shut your mouth! Or I'm handcuffing you!

• 26:59Mae Martin?

  This is a new character.

• 27:01Fortune Feimster?

  If you don't, if you don't do what I say, I'm gonna tie you up.

• 27:04Mae Martin?

  Oh my god.

• 27:05Fortune Feimster?

  Is it like that?

• 27:06Tig Notaro?

  Um, Fortune.

• 27:08Fortune Feimster?

  I wonder if I could do this.

• 27:09Tig Notaro?

  You have to start, um...

• 27:12Mae Martin?

  A dom business.

• 27:13Tig Notaro?

  A dom business.

• 27:14Fortune Feimster?

  Take that! Ha, ha! How'd that feel? Yeah, you're gonna take that and like it.

• 27:22Mae Martin?

  I mean, it's not bad.

• 27:23Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, I'll work on it. What are you, you're just like...

• 27:27Mae Martin?

  Oh my god, I don't know. I turn into like...

• 27:30Fortune Feimster?

  Is it...

• 27:31Mae Martin?

  You know what, it is a lot of like...

• 27:33Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, see?

• 27:35Mae Martin?

  I don't know.

• 27:36Tig Notaro?

  Like, under your breath?

• 27:37Mae Martin?

  I kind of like that.

• 27:38Fortune Feimster?

  Your voice gets deeper. No, I don't know.

• 27:40Mae Martin?

  I don't know.

• 27:41Tig Notaro?

  I love when May puts back, it's like, "No, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know."

• 27:46Mae Martin?

  I just...

• 27:47Fortune Feimster?

  You clearly channel something, you go into a different...

• 27:50Mae Martin?

  I go into an altered state.

• 27:51Fortune Feimster?

  Exactly.

• 27:53Mae Martin?

  Comes very naturally.

• 27:54Fortune Feimster?

  And we don't, oh, so you're real good at it?

• 27:56Mae Martin?

  Well, I liked it, because there's something nice about like... Like, if you're really going to town on someone, you're doing it for their pleasure, so you're almost bottoming from the top. Like, you're working hard, you're putting on a show for this person. And it's, there's a nice, I like it. I like both sides of it. I'm into, yeah, yeah.

• 28:17Tig Notaro?

  You're bottoming from the top.

• 28:19Mae Martin?

  I do have...

• 28:20Tig Notaro?

  Fortune can't, hold on, give Fortune a minute.

• 28:23Fortune Feimster?

  So you're, but you're not taking it, you're giving it.

• 28:27Mae Martin?

  I just mean, I just mean you're in service.

• 28:30Fortune Feimster?

  Are you topping from the bottom?

• 28:32Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 28:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, you can, you can top from the bottom.

• 28:34Fortune Feimster?

  A top from the bottom.

• 28:35Tig Notaro?

  I'm, I'm not good enough at math to know what we're talking about or what's happening. But I wish you.

• 28:44Mae Martin?

  All the best.

• 28:45Tig Notaro?

  Whoever's getting this.

• 28:46Fortune Feimster?

  Whoever's getting railed and tied up. We wish you guys the best.

• 28:52Mae Martin?

  Thank you.

• 28:53Tig Notaro?

  Yes, all the best.

• 28:54Mae Martin?

  You gotta have a sense of humor about it all, like that's.

• 28:57Tig Notaro?

  I do.

• 28:57Mae Martin?

  I, yeah, you.

• 29:00Fortune Feimster?

  We are currently laughing about it.

• 29:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah, true, you got to.

• 29:04Fortune Feimster?

  You got to.

• 29:05Mae Martin?

  You got to.

• 29:06Fortune Feimster?

  I just like that you're open about it. I think it's great.

• 29:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 29:09Fortune Feimster?

  Sex positive, baby.

• 29:10Mae Martin?

  I'm sex positive. Well, life is short.

• 29:13Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think I want someone talking, like, I don't like people being mean to me.

• 29:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 29:21Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think it's my thing.

• 29:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 29:23Mae Martin?

  That's fair.

• 29:24Fortune Feimster?

  Even in a sexual way.

• 29:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I don't know that I like people being mean to me.

• 29:30Fortune Feimster?

  I don't mind the dirty talk stuff.

• 29:33Tig Notaro?

  What do you mean you don't mind it or you like it?

• 29:35Fortune Feimster?

  I don't like it.

• 29:38Fortune Feimster?

  I don't, I, yeah.

• 29:39Mae Martin?

  You like it.

• 29:40Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we go from I don't mind it.

• 29:42Fortune Feimster?

  I don't want to be like handcuffed.

• 29:44Mae Martin?

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 29:45Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 29:45Mae Martin?

  But you could be handcuffed very kindly. There's something hot about that.

• 29:49Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, I've, no one's done it, so.

• 29:52Tig Notaro?

  Make it a crime.

• 29:53Fortune Feimster?

  So maybe I just don't know if I like it.

• 29:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 29:56Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Cause we got nothing to be guilty of, our love.

• 30:02Mae Martin?

  You guys making eye contact while singing that?

• 30:10Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know the rest of the words.

• 30:11Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I do.

• 30:13Fortune Feimster?

  I just know shadows falling.

• 30:17Fortune Feimster?

  We stand alone.

• 30:18Mae Martin?

  Did you guys see Bette Midler?

• 30:20Fortune Feimster?

  Out on the street, everybody, if you've got a heartache of their own.

• 30:25Mae Martin?

  I need to.

• 30:25Fortune Feimster?

  I'd rather be illegal.

• 30:26Mae Martin?

  We need to listen to that.

• 30:28Tig Notaro?

  Oh, we, I thought you were gonna say, we, we ought to get Barbra Streisand.

• 30:31Mae Martin?

  Or the handsome man going.

• 30:33Tig Notaro?

  Babs, we know you're listening. Please send in your video.

• 30:36Mae Martin?

  I mean, we gotta get Bette Midler. Did you see her on Colbert?

• 30:39Fortune Feimster?

  I love Bette Midler.

• 30:40Mae Martin?

  Oh, she, on Stephen Colbert, she sang, she was like, I haven't sung in years, but she sang the, uh, "Thank you, thank God for you." Then, well, she sang "Wimpy Wimpy Wimpy." But she rewrote the lyrics for Stephen Colbert.

• 30:51Tig Notaro?

  Aww.

• 30:52Mae Martin?

  It was stunning.

• 30:53Tig Notaro?

  Whoa.

• 30:54Mae Martin?

  God, she's good.

• 30:55Fortune Feimster?

  I love the Divine Miss M.

• 30:57Mae Martin?

  The Divine Miss M. Yeah.

• 30:59Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I've never met her. I would like to meet her as well.

• 31:01Mae Martin?

  I know. I, I mean, if we got a question for her, I'd lose my shit.

• 31:06Tig Notaro?

  I was at some sort of event, I think, like a memorial, I think, actually, now that I'm saying it, for Gary Marshall.

• 31:15Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 31:16Tig Notaro?

  And Bette Midler was somebody that sang at his memorial.

• 31:21Mae Martin?

  She sang?

• 31:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And Stephanie and I, I mean, I love Bette Midler, but Stephanie is like.

• 31:26Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 31:27Tig Notaro?

  A, a big, big Bette Midler fan.

• 31:29Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 31:30Tig Notaro?

  And so we were sitting there, and then Bette came out, and Stephanie was like, oh, my God.

• 31:37Mae Martin?

  I would die. I would die. I saw her on, on Broadway in, um, Hello, Dolly.

• 31:41Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I wanted to see that.

• 31:42Mae Martin?

  It was crazy. She got a standing O for walking out on stage.

• 31:46Fortune Feimster?

  I regret that I, I was in New York when she was doing it. I regret not just, like, paying a million dollars for the ticket.

• 31:51Mae Martin?

  It was incredible.

• 31:53Tig Notaro?

  Speaking of Hello, Dolly.

• 31:54Fortune Feimster?

  Hello.

• 31:55Tig Notaro?

  Dolly Parton, man, you know.

• 31:57Fortune Feimster?

  Gave us a scare.

• 31:58Tig Notaro?

  She gave us a scare.

• 32:00Mae Martin?

  Why? What happened?

• 32:00Tig Notaro?

  Why? She's had some health issues.

• 32:02Fortune Feimster?

  Her sister was like, pray for her, and everyone was like, what's happening?

• 32:05Mae Martin?

  Oh, I can't beat having that.

• 32:06Fortune Feimster?

  And then she, then she'd tweet like, or whatever it is, "I'm not dead yet."

• 32:10Tig Notaro?

  Well, yeah. And she's also.

• 32:11Fortune Feimster?

  I ain't dead yet.

• 32:12Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I ain't dead yet. Um, but she's been in the middle of doing her Broadway play.

• 32:17Mae Martin?

  Oh, really?

• 32:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:19Mae Martin?

  Uh, like a bio?

• 32:21Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm. Yeah, and she's like, I think. Writing, producing, she's been there every day. My friend Beth Malone, who listens to the podcast.

• 32:30Fortune Feimster?

  Shout out Beth.

• 32:31Tig Notaro?

  Who is the star of Fun Home.

• 32:32Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:34Tig Notaro?

  She, she's working on that.

• 32:37Mae Martin?

  Oh, my god.

• 32:37Tig Notaro?

  With Dolly.

• 32:38Fortune Feimster?

  That's awesome.

• 32:39Mae Martin?

  That's wild.

• 32:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 32:40Fortune Feimster?

  The Ring of Keys. I don't know how it goes, but.

• 32:43Tig Notaro?

  Clearly.

• 32:50Fortune Feimster?

  That, that age group of women, I'm such a huge fan of like, just with Diane Keaton dying. It made me go, oh, man, we're entering into that phase where

• 33:00Mae Martin?

  Of our favorite people.

• 33:02Fortune Feimster?

  That group of women will start dying.

• 33:03Mae Martin?

  Oh, god.

• 33:04Fortune Feimster?

  And I know that's so grim, but.

• 33:06Tig Notaro?

  I have something to tell you that will absolutely.

• 33:09Fortune Feimster?

  Everyone's gonna die. I get it.

• 33:11Tig Notaro?

  No, no.

• 33:11Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, we were, okay.

• 33:12Tig Notaro?

  No, I have something that I talked to Stephanie about yesterday.

• 33:16Fortune Feimster?

  What is it?

• 33:17Tig Notaro?

  That I realized, I said, people would not believe this if I told them. And she was like, probably not. I've, I've never seen Diane Keaton in anything.

• 33:29Fortune Feimster?

  I can't. I don't, don't test me.

• 33:31Mae Martin?

  This can't be real.

• 33:33Fortune Feimster?

  Don't test me.

• 33:33Mae Martin?

  The Godfather?

• 33:34Tig Notaro?

  No, I've never seen it.

• 33:35Fortune Feimster?

  Diane Keaton.

• 33:36Tig Notaro?

  I've never seen her.

• 33:37Fortune Feimster?

  Was a national treasure.

• 33:39Tig Notaro?

  I've met her.

• 33:39Mae Martin?

  Father of the bride.

• 33:40Fortune Feimster?

  Father of the bride?

• 33:42Tig Notaro?

  I, I didn't see Father.

• 33:43Fortune Feimster?

  The Family Stone?

• 33:45Mae Martin?

  As good as it gets?

• 33:46Fortune Feimster?

  I like sob at that movie.

• 33:47Mae Martin?

  That movie.

• 33:48Fortune Feimster?

  As good as it gets?

• 33:49Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 33:50Mae Martin?

  I am so glad that I got, I got to meet her once at Lisa Kudrow's birthday party. And I'm like.

• 33:56Fortune Feimster?

  Was she as dynamic as she seems?

• 33:59Mae Martin?

  Yes, and she was so Diane Keaton, and she was.

• 34:02Fortune Feimster?

  Quirky.

• 34:03Mae Martin?

  Funny, and she had a turtleneck and a glass of wine and the gloves and glasses and a hat. And I was like, this is what I want.

• 34:10Fortune Feimster?

  I had a chance to do a movie with her a couple of years ago, and I just couldn't. They wanted me to fly out four different times, and I was on tour, and I was like, I want to do this just to be around her.

• 34:21Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 34:22Fortune Feimster?

  And I, I just couldn't. I never got to meet her, and I was genuinely bummed when she passed.

• 34:27Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 34:28Fortune Feimster?

  Just because she just does represent an era of not only movies, but women, and just like interesting, an interesting person.

• 34:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah, very interesting, yeah. Yeah. Would you, would you do a little Diane Keaton Film Fest?

• 34:44Tig Notaro?

  Well, that's what Stephanie was saying. She was like, you had, there's certain ones, she was like, you just really have to see.

• 34:51Mae Martin?

  Just to see her.

• 34:52Tig Notaro?

  Make life better type thing.

• 34:53Fortune Feimster?

  So fun to watch.

• 34:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, that's what she said.

• 34:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 34:57Tig Notaro?

  And she just really was talking about how she kind of personifies being yourself is what is the most powerful thing.

• 35:07Mae Martin?

  Completely.

• 35:08Tig Notaro?

  And how this woman bursts onto the scene, basically dressing like a man.

• 35:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 35:14Tig Notaro?

  And having her own style and her own everything.

• 35:17Mae Martin?

  Even the way she speaks is so unique and she's kind of herself in everything, like a version of herself, but so authentic and yeah.

• 35:25Tig Notaro?

  Anyway, I just wanted to annoy you.

• 35:27Fortune Feimster?

  Well, thank you.

• 35:29Tig Notaro?

  But I do think it's very sad, of course. And, and I do want to, um, I, I hope Dolly hangs in there.

• 35:37Mae Martin?

  Oh, gosh.

• 35:39Fortune Feimster?

  I know. We need her around for a long time.

• 35:41Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, when, nobody's prepared for that.

• 35:43Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 35:43Mae Martin?

  I wonder if I, we, like, that's just scratching the surface, I feel, of things that you haven't seen, that I just assume that you have.

• 35:50Fortune Feimster?

  There's gonna be a lot.

• 35:51Mae Martin?

  There's gonna be things, I think, that would make me so shocked.

• 35:53Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 35:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and it's no offense to anybody.

• 35:57Mae Martin?

  No.

• 35:57Tig Notaro?

  That I, I'm like.

• 35:58Mae Martin?

  You're living your life.

• 35:59Tig Notaro?

  I, I'm, I just was doing something else, I guess.

• 36:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Have you seen any of the Scream movies?

• 36:06Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 36:07Fortune Feimster?

  That does not seem like something to even now was gonna watch.

• 36:11Tig Notaro?

  Can I tell you something? That made Stephanie laugh so hard. I'm going to do press, you know, uh, for this documentary.

• 36:18Fortune Feimster?

  We've heard of press.

• 36:19Tig Notaro?

  Sure. And, um, I'm going to be doing Drew Barrymore, okay?

• 36:24Mae Martin?

  I'm doing it next week.

• 36:25Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I love it. She will talk very.

• 36:28Mae Martin?

  And Kelly Clarkson.

• 36:29Tig Notaro?

  What, what day are you?

• 36:31Mae Martin?

  22nd.

• 36:31Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God, you guys, oh, my God.

• 36:33Tig Notaro?

  I don't, uh, we're gonna be in New York at the same time.

• 36:36Mae Martin?

  Can we say hi?

• 36:36Tig Notaro?

  Yes, yes.

• 36:37Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God, you guys.

• 36:38Tig Notaro?

  But listen, listen to.

• 36:40Mae Martin?

  We gotta hit up Macy's.

• 36:42Fortune Feimster?

  We gotta hit up New York together. Listen, we'll talk like this to you.

• 36:45Mae Martin?

  Thank God.

• 36:46Fortune Feimster?

  I know, she's the best.

• 36:47Tig Notaro?

  I'm talking to, um, I'm gonna be talking to Drew.

• 36:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 36:52Tig Notaro?

  And, um, and.

• 36:55Tig Notaro?

  Oh my gosh.

• 36:56Fortune Feimster?

  I tried to do yours and I just thought like, no, I want to kiss your hand.

• 37:00Tig Notaro?

  Oh my gosh, Fortune. Stephanie might be out of town, but she's gonna find out.

• 37:05Mae Martin?

  She's gonna see this.

• 37:07Tig Notaro?

  But, so I'm talking to the producer before my appearance.

• 37:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 37:12Tig Notaro?

  And the producer just casually says, and, and also Valerie Bertinelli will be in the news segment with you. And I go, Valerie Bertinelli? And, um, and I was telling Stephanie, I was like, oh my gosh, I'm so excited. Valerie Bertinelli. And Stephanie was like, she goes, Valerie Bertinelli was on the sitcom One Day at a Time.

• 37:33Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 37:34Tig Notaro?

  And was married to Eddie Van Halen.

• 37:35Mae Martin?

  Oh, this is your.

• 37:36Tig Notaro?

  This is my wheelhouse. This is seventies. And rock and roll.

• 37:41Fortune Feimster?

  I did a segment with her on Kelly Clarkson. She's lovely.

• 37:44Tig Notaro?

  Okay. Well, I was just like, oh my gosh. And Stephanie was like, so you've never seen Diane Keaton in anything? And she's like, but like you're like thoroughly familiar with Valerie Bertinelli. She's like, I can't, I can't track what.

• 37:58Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 37:59Mae Martin?

  It's pretty random.

• 38:00Tig Notaro?

  She's, she was, you know, in my wheelhouse of the seventies and was married to my favorite rock and roll star.

• 38:08Mae Martin?

  I will say Diane Keaton, very seventies as well.

• 38:10Tig Notaro?

  Absolutely. But I'm saying that Valerie also had the connection of, of rock and roll.

• 38:16Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that was the thread that.

• 38:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 38:18Mae Martin?

  The fact that you know Pitbull and these people.

• 38:21Fortune Feimster?

  I forgot.

• 38:22Tig Notaro?

  Music and documentaries. That's where, that's where, that's my wheelhouse.

• 38:27Mae Martin?

  I can't believe they're both doing Drew Barrymore next week.

• 38:29Tig Notaro?

  I know.

• 38:30Mae Martin?

  I'm so nervous. I never met her.

• 38:32Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, she'll be great. She's so easy to talk to.

• 38:34Tig Notaro?

  You're going to, and here's the thing, and I'm not entirely convinced she's not in love with me, but you will think that she's in love with you.

• 38:41Mae Martin?

  That's a dangerous.

• 38:42Fortune Feimster?

  That is true.

• 38:42Mae Martin?

  Dangerous quality to have.

• 38:44Tig Notaro?

  Cause anytime I see her interact, it's like she'll be in my face. I'm like, this woman is in love with me. And then the, and then the, and then the P A walks up and it's like, Drew, do you want, you know, pineapple, whatever? And she treats this, the P A the exact same. And I'm like.

• 39:04Mae Martin?

  For you to remind me of this.

• 39:06Tig Notaro?

  She's in love with me and the P A.

• 39:07Fortune Feimster?

  She did say recently she's bisexual, I believe.

• 39:10Mae Martin?

  I think she's always been.

• 39:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 39:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah, pretty chill.

• 39:13Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, not for you. You're taken. You made that very clear.

• 39:21Tig Notaro?

  Anyway, you will love her and you will think she's in love with you and she probably, I think she's in love with me, you and the P A. And you.

• 39:28Fortune Feimster?

  And me too, thank you.

• 39:29Mae Martin?

  She just has love flowing out of her. And then Kelly, oh my god.

• 39:33Fortune Feimster?

  Of course, we're obsessed with her. She's asked the handsome, well, both of them have asked the handsome part question.

• 39:38Tig Notaro?

  Yep, yep, yep.

• 39:40Mae Martin?

  I'm excited.

• 39:41Tig Notaro?

  We'll have to party.

• 39:42Fortune Feimster?

  Tell Kelly I said hi.

• 39:43Tig Notaro?

  Are you doing Colbert?

• 39:44Mae Martin?

  No, I wish. I haven't done Seth Meyers. I'd love to do Seth Meyers, but I, no, I think just those two.

• 39:50Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 39:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:51Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I wish I was going to New York.

• 39:53Mae Martin?

  Come, girl.

• 39:54Fortune Feimster?

  They've, I'm, I'm supposed to do it for, I'm in Zootopia 2 as a beaver.

• 39:59Mae Martin?

  Wait, we're supposed to reveal that so are we.

• 40:03Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, it's coming out soon. As of this airing, the premiere's in like two days.

• 40:07Mae Martin?

  Yes. Are you gonna go?

• 40:08Fortune Feimster?

  I'm trying to. If, I'm, they're, we're trying to get me off work.

• 40:11Mae Martin?

  We gotta go. Because our scene-

• 40:14Tig Notaro?

  I don't know if I'm gonna be back from Toronto yet.

• 40:16Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, god.

• 40:16Tig Notaro?

  Oh, girl, don't. Don't, girl.

• 40:19Fortune Feimster?

  Isn't that fun though? The handsome part in Zootopia 2?

• 40:22Mae Martin?

  We're in a prison cell and I-

• 40:24Tig Notaro?

  The three of us?

• 40:25Mae Martin?

  No, you and me. And you're my cellmate and you're bouncing me off the wall and I'm a gerbil.

• 40:29Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, don't give away the things.

• 40:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I didn't know it was you.

• 40:32Tig Notaro?

  Now, nobody's gonna go see the movie. What a spoiler.

• 40:36Mae Martin?

  But I've never done a, I've never been in a movie.

• 40:39Fortune Feimster?

  And I'm a beaver.

• 40:40Mae Martin?

  You're a beaver, I'm a gerbil and you're a bear, I think?

• 40:43Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know.

• 40:44Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my god.

• 40:45Mae Martin?

  Tig.

• 40:46Fortune Feimster?

  Tig.

• 40:46Mae Martin?

  But I go in and I'm, and I'm, I'm doing my lines and then I said, so who's playing my, uh, cellmate? And they went, uh, Tig Notaro, actually. I was like, you're joking.

• 40:55Tig Notaro?

  And you know what is so insane is I recorded that in Boulder right before I went over to Andrea's house.

• 41:02Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my god.

• 41:02Tig Notaro?

  So, when you're listening to my character, which is pure insanity.

• 41:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 41:08Tig Notaro?

  I like, I lost my voice trying to do this.

• 41:11Fortune Feimster?

  Wow.

• 41:11Tig Notaro?

  Then I, I went over to be with Andrea in Andrea's Final Days.

• 41:16Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my god.

• 41:17Mae Martin?

  Our job is so weird.

• 41:18Tig Notaro?

  It's so bizarre.

• 41:19Mae Martin?

  Our job is weird.

• 41:20Fortune Feimster?

  It comes out Thanksgiving weekend.

• 41:21Mae Martin?

  I can't wait.

• 41:22Fortune Feimster?

  It's soon.

• 41:23Mae Martin?

  It's, that'll be the first time I've ever been in a, in a movie that's in-

• 41:26Fortune Feimster?

  The first time I've ever been.

• 41:29Mae Martin?

  Did I say that weird?

• 41:31Tig Notaro?

  Well, not for where you're coming from.

• 41:34Tig Notaro?

  But nobody in North Carolina or Mississippi.

• 41:36Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, listen, we say things weird all the time.

• 41:39Mae Martin?

  First time I ever been?

• 41:41Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, but it's like, whatever. This is our dynamic.

• 41:44Tig Notaro?

  Bean makes more sense since there's two E's.

• 41:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah, first time I ever been.

• 41:48Fortune Feimster?

  And bean.

• 41:50Tig Notaro?

  Should we get to our question?

• 41:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 41:51Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Today's question asker is, first and foremost, one of my dearest, dearest friends. I love her. She's an actor, comedian, and one half of the comedy duo Garfunkel and Oates. She has appeared in movies like Don't Think Twice and The Little Hours, and TV shows like The Big Bang Theory and Raising Hope. Kate McCouchy is asking today's question.

• 42:24Fortune Feimster?

  You know I love Kate's last name. Because it talks about my coochie.

• 42:30Tig Notaro?

  Let's get to the question.

• 42:33Speaker 00

  Hi handsome. Hi Tig, hi Fortune, hi May. I love you. It's me, Kate McCouchy. Or as Fortune likes to call me, Kate, um, Kate McCouch. My coochie, Kate my coochie, Kate my cooter. Cooter, I don't, whatever you want to call me.

• 42:50Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:52Speaker 00

  I love all the names.

• 42:55Speaker 00

  I have a question for you. So here goes. Um, what is a lie that you were told when you were a kid? That you believed for way too long? So it might have been something that, you know, someone told you, or something you saw in a movie or a TV show that you believed to be true for like way, way, way, way, way too long. And then maybe when you were older, you were like, what? That's not, that's not real? Um, I'm a very gullible person, so I, I have a bunch of these. But I wondered, wondered what yours, yours are. All right. Thanks, everybody. I'll, I'll be back later.

• 43:26Fortune Feimster?

  Aw, thanks Kate McCouch.

• 43:28Tig Notaro?

  Thank you.

• 43:29Fortune Feimster?

  McCooter? McCooter, McCooter cooch? McCooter cooch? I mean, Kate has the best last name ever. You have to admit that.

• 43:38Tig Notaro?

  I mean, Kate's a great name too. What's wrong with her first? Why are you being so hard on her first name? Well, I, I have to just, I mean, right away, what I was told as a child that I believed way too long, I think, uh, is, you'll be safe, we'll take care of you, everything's gonna be okay.

• 44:00Tig Notaro?

  Don't worry.

• 44:00Fortune Feimster?

  We got this.

• 44:01Mae Martin?

  You held on to that.

• 44:02Tig Notaro?

  I held on to it my whole childhood.

• 44:05Fortune Feimster?

  Just waiting.

• 44:07Tig Notaro?

  When's this happening? Yeah.

• 44:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 44:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 44:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 44:11Fortune Feimster?

  That's a good one.

• 44:14Tig Notaro?

  Did she, where you told that?

• 44:15Fortune Feimster?

  Too real.

• 44:17Tig Notaro?

  I don't think they even tried to tell me that.

• 44:22Tig Notaro?

  I would say, the first thing that comes to mind is, um, I remember, I, I was told at Christmas time that there were elves jumping from branch to branch. And I was always, I was like, where? And they'd be like, oh, you just missed it. Just, but.

• 44:42Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, you always just missed it.

• 44:43Tig Notaro?

  I just missed it. And I, I was just desperate to see these elves that were jumping around my Christmas tree.

• 44:50Mae Martin?

  And you just accepted as fact? Cause then why would someone say that?

• 44:54Tig Notaro?

  Well, Santa was coming too. I believe that. I believe there were.

• 44:58Fortune Feimster?

  I did believe the Santa lie for a long time.

• 45:00Tig Notaro?

  Also, I don't know if you were, when you put snacks out for Santa, did you also, it was for the reindeer too? And so what, Santa, cause they leave like little crumbs.

• 45:14Fortune Feimster?

  Cookies and milk for Santa, a carrot for the reindeer.

• 45:17Tig Notaro?

  Right, but you see that, um.

• 45:20Mae Martin?

  The reindeer have eaten.

• 45:21Tig Notaro?

  Has eaten, like there's little.

• 45:23Mae Martin?

  Coming in?

• 45:23Tig Notaro?

  Right. So there's little nibble. So what, the reindeer are also in your house or Santa brings it out, feeds the reindeer and then puts the carrot back?

• 45:32Mae Martin?

  But there's a, there's like, I mean, once you start picking it apart, there's a lot of logic.

• 45:37Fortune Feimster?

  I know. I think you just, the carrot.

• 45:39Mae Martin?

  Where? What do you mean? He comes down a chimney.

• 45:42Fortune Feimster?

  I think the parents need to just start taking the carrot fully away.

• 45:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I think you're right. That's a good.

• 45:47Tig Notaro?

  Why the parents when it's Santa doing it?

• 45:49Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, okay.

• 45:51Mae Martin?

  I was never allowed to believe in Santa. My, my mom was so adamant that they weren't gonna lie to us. And so. I was like two.

• 45:59Tig Notaro?

  Oh, if you have kids, turn the podcast off.

• 46:02Mae Martin?

  Turn the podcast off.

• 46:03Tig Notaro?

  Three minutes ago.

• 46:04Mae Martin?

  Three minutes ago.

• 46:05Fortune Feimster?

  Spoiler alert.

• 46:07Mae Martin?

  But they, she said, there is no Santa Claus, but it's really fun to pretend. So I would still like leave out snacks and get, but I did, I was pretty depressed. And I would tell, I would tell kids that there was no Santa and stuff.

• 46:20Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, you were that one.

• 46:20Mae Martin?

  I was that one, yeah.

• 46:21Fortune Feimster?

  The one that had to let everybody else know.

• 46:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:25Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 46:25Mae Martin?

  But there was one, there's one lie, and then I've, I've talked about this in a standup special. I don't know if I've talked about it on the pod, but that I still to this day don't know if it's true. And it, it drove me very nuts that my parents would always tell us and they swore it was true that in the nineties that they were driving through the forest and they drove underneath a moose.

• 46:49Fortune Feimster?

  A moose, yeah.

• 46:49Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah.

• 46:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they swore that the, the car clean passed through under its legs.

• 46:56Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:56Mae Martin?

  And it, my brother and I would become like incensed and irate. We'd be like, what are you talking about?

• 47:02Fortune Feimster?

  Because that doesn't seem possible.

• 47:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And then did all the math, Googled the height of a Toyota Tercel, Googled the largest ever recorded moose to see.

• 47:09Fortune Feimster?

  That's even a big one that still doesn't seem possible.

• 47:11Mae Martin?

  This is the infuriating thing is it could just have happened. Like if it happened to be the biggest ever moose ever recorded. It could just have happened. So, and they stand by it to this day. They're like, yep.

• 47:23Fortune Feimster?

  And they're both, and they're both in on it, so.

• 47:25Mae Martin?

  They have a twinkle in their eye when they say it, but they, they won't let it go. So I still don't know.

• 47:30Tig Notaro?

  Oh, you know what? My mother also told me I got stuck in the toilet when I, that I fell in the toilet and she had to call the plumber to get me out. And I don't think that's true.

• 47:42Mae Martin?

  She said when you were a baby?

• 47:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I think it was some like little joke like that she kept going where I'd be like, what do you mean I got stuck in the toilet? You know? And then when I was older, I was like, I didn't get stuck in the toilet.

• 47:56Mae Martin?

  You should write a children's book about a baby who's stuck in the toilet and then gets flushed down and makes friends.

• 48:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I apparently, I'll do that.

• 48:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 48:06Mae Martin?

  Put that on your list.

• 48:08Tig Notaro?

  Thomas, put that on my list.

• 48:10Mae Martin?

  Toilet baby.

• 48:11Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Also, maybe. To alert parents if their kids are listening, also, they should have shut it off when you were talking about.

• 48:19Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, the BDSM.

• 48:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, what were you gonna say, Fortune?

• 48:22Fortune Feimster?

  Apparently, I held on to my passy pacifier.

• 48:28Tig Notaro?

  Oh, say again?

• 48:29Fortune Feimster?

  My passy. For many years, like, long past when you were supposed to. But it was starting to create a little gap in my front teeth. So, the dentist told my mom that they had to get rid of this pacifier. That I was way too old to be sucking on this thing. And, uh, so, one day, it just disappeared. And my mom always told me for years that it just, like, got lost or something like that. And they didn't know what happened to it. And then finally, she admitted when I was older that she threw it, like, threw it out the window.

• 49:06Tig Notaro?

  Out the window? She littered?

• 49:08Fortune Feimster?

  She littered.

• 49:09Tig Notaro?

  Ginger.

• 49:10Fortune Feimster?

  Was driving after the dentist and just tossed it out the window.

• 49:13Tig Notaro?

  Ginger Marie.

• 49:14Fortune Feimster?

  She did not waste time. She was like, yeah, it's gone. That was a big one. And then, this one's kind of embarrassing.

• 49:20Tig Notaro?

  Let's hear it.

• 49:22Fortune Feimster?

  My mom would call.

• 49:26Fortune Feimster?

  My mom, I don't know, this isn't a lie, it's just more of like, a random.

• 49:31Tig Notaro?

  Non-truth?

• 49:32Fortune Feimster?

  Thing that she named something because she was too embarrassed to just use the anatomy terms. There we go. She would call the.

• 49:40Tig Notaro?

  Cover your children's area. Cover your children's ears.

• 49:44Fortune Feimster?

  The problem area. She'd call it a boom boom. And, yeah.

• 49:49Tig Notaro?

  Like, on anybody's problem area?

• 49:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, it was, oh, well, for girls, it was called your boom boom. So she'd go, "Did you wash your boom boom?" Yeah, yeah. And so.

• 49:58Tig Notaro?

  Why was she so fixated on your boom boom getting washed?

• 50:01Fortune Feimster?

  Well, no, just like, you know, sometimes you, instead of just saying vagina, she would say boom boom.

• 50:09Tig Notaro?

  Fortune Marie.

• 50:10Fortune Feimster?

  And I got way too old saying this. Yeah, and I was over at a friend's house. And whose dad's a doctor, so they've always used, you know, just the regular anatomy terms.

• 50:21Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 50:22Fortune Feimster?

  And I said, I don't know why, I said something about, and I said boom boom. And they, it's like a record scratch. And they all turned, and they were like. What?

• 50:34Mae Martin?

  Oh my god.

• 50:37Fortune Feimster?

  You're boom boom.

• 50:38Mae Martin?

  Oh my god.

• 50:39Fortune Feimster?

  Are you talking about a vagina? And I was like, huh? Is that what they're called?

• 50:47Fortune Feimster?

  I honestly don't know if I even had heard the word vagina before. I was like, huh? Boom boom. And they all died laughing.

• 50:57Tig Notaro?

  Oh my.

• 50:58Fortune Feimster?

  And I was just like.

• 50:59Mae Martin?

  I'm picturing you storming into your home that night.

• 51:01Fortune Feimster?

  I know, my mom. That is not gonna boom boom.

• 51:07Tig Notaro?

  And so if you ever got into, um.

• 51:11Mae Martin?

  BDSM.

• 51:11Tig Notaro?

  BDSM, would you, would, could somebody use like a word like that? Boom boom?

• 51:17Fortune Feimster?

  That's not very sexy.

• 51:19Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna bang your boom boom.

• 51:21Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, no, nobody wants to hear that word. It's so stupid. I'm like, how did you come up with that?

• 51:27Tig Notaro?

  And how did she come up with it?

• 51:28Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know, I should ask her.

• 51:31Mae Martin?

  I mean, it's, you know.

• 51:32Fortune Feimster?

  I think it was just like light and fun.

• 51:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah, people, people say all kinds of.

• 51:37Tig Notaro?

  I get it, I get it, but where did boom boom?

• 51:40Fortune Feimster?

  I will have to follow.

• 51:41Tig Notaro?

  Like, why not boom?

• 51:42Fortune Feimster?

  I will have to follow up with ginger about this.

• 51:44Mae Martin?

  It sounds like it's from like a, like, who's that? Mr. Lovelover, like.

• 51:50Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, like a Shaggy?

• 51:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it sounds like it's a Shaggy lyric.

• 51:53Fortune Feimster?

  We're gonna do it in your boom boom.

• 51:55Tig Notaro?

  I love Shaggy.

• 51:56Mae Martin?

  I love Shaggy. Love Shaggy.

• 51:58Tig Notaro?

  You don't?

• 51:59Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, but like, no Diane Keaton.

• 52:03Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 52:03Mae Martin?

  Oh, but you love Shaggy.

• 52:05Fortune Feimster?

  You love Shaggy.

• 52:07Tig Notaro?

  But those aren't, aren't hand in hand.

• 52:09Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, sure.

• 52:11Tig Notaro?

  Valerie Bertinelli.

• 52:13Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, but that was.

• 52:14Tig Notaro?

  Shaggy.

• 52:15Fortune Feimster?

  That burst my bubble big time when my friends were just like, the fuck?

• 52:22Mae Martin?

  It's so funny how your brain plants little flags on all the embarrassing moments.

• 52:26Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 52:27Mae Martin?

  And, yeah.

• 52:28Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 52:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 52:30Tig Notaro?

  I love an embarrassing story.

• 52:32Mae Martin?

  Oh, man, yeah.

• 52:33Tig Notaro?

  People love them. People love. Our listeners are, were salivating to hear your embarrassing story.

• 52:38Fortune Feimster?

  I don't have a ton of embarrassing stories just because I didn't get embarrassed often.

• 52:43Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 52:43Mae Martin?

  You have a thick skin.

• 52:44Fortune Feimster?

  But that one for sure.

• 52:45Tig Notaro?

  What do you suppose made you? Somebody that's like, yeah, I don't care. That doesn't embarrass me.

• 52:51Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know how that happened.

• 52:53Mae Martin?

  Was it because you were going for laughs? So you were?

• 52:55Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe, like I saw the comedy and stuff early on. And I was just like, worth it.

• 53:01Tig Notaro?

  And have you since shared with people you've dated or whatever that about your boom boom?

• 53:07Fortune Feimster?

  No, this is honestly, the first time I've ever mentioned this.

• 53:11Mae Martin?

  I was hanging out with, well, with Parvati and Amma, who's seven now. And we went to see a soccer game where it's like a little, nice little reunion. And we were playing-

• 53:21Tig Notaro?

  Professional soccer?

• 53:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah, Angel City.

• 53:23Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, nice, yeah.

• 53:24Mae Martin?

  Which I've never been.

• 53:25Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, they're the fun game.

• 53:26Mae Martin?

  It was super fun.

• 53:27Tig Notaro?

  Wait, why'd you say been this time?

• 53:29Mae Martin?

  Did I say been this time?

• 53:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 53:30Mae Martin?

  I've never been.

• 53:31Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I don't want to change you. Be who you are.

• 53:34Mae Martin?

  I know.

• 53:35Fortune Feimster?

  I just-

• 53:36Mae Martin?

  Maybe I go, I use both. I've never-

• 53:39Fortune Feimster?

  Because I say word, I, with this thick accent, I say words wrong, or not wrong, but different all the time.

• 53:45Tig Notaro?

  No, wrong. They're wrong.

• 53:48Mae Martin?

  So we were playing Truth or Dare in the, and so, so Amma dared me to stand up and yell like, well, first she said, stand up, take your shirt off and yell, and yell like, Angel City are my team forever. And so I didn't take my shirt off, but I did the dare and I got up and yelled and I did like a dance. And it was so, she was so shocked that I'd done it and because everyone turned around.

• 54:10Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 54:10Mae Martin?

  And then we were daring each other to do embarrassing things and it, I was like, God, it's, because when, when the embarrassment starts to creep in around middle school, right? Like before that, you're kind of, I don't know. And I was like, God, I hope, yeah, I hope she never gets embarrassed by anything.

• 54:25Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 54:26Mae Martin?

  Did Max and Finn get embarrassed? Embarrassed by you? Like, are they like, God, don't say that?

• 54:32Tig Notaro?

  No, more so like, Max is really into jokes, writing jokes and stuff. And, um, and if I, I mean, he, he hits it almost every time. Where I'm like, God, that's a really funny concept or really observant of you. Um, but if he or Finn do something that is not funny, I'll go, don't tell anyone you're related to me, guys.

• 54:58Tig Notaro?

  Don't throw my name around with that one, okay? But yeah, no, they're, they're really, really funny.

• 55:05Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 55:06Mae Martin?

  Well, should we hear? Oh yeah, let's hear Kate's answer.

• 55:09Tig Notaro?

  Let's do it. Makuchi, what you got?

• 55:13Speaker 00

  Okay, so my answer is, you know in Pee Wee's Big Adventure, when Pee Wee picks up the fugitive Mickey? And he's still got handcuffs tied to his hand and Pee Wee's like, "So, what did you do?" And Mickey's like, "Oh, you know those tags on the mattresses that say, 'Do not remove under penalty of law?' Well, I took one off of a mattress." And so, you know, I saw this movie when I was maybe six or seven and I, for a very long time, most of my childhood and into my adulthood, thought that taking a tag off of a mattress was like a really bad crime.

• 55:55Speaker 00

  And it wasn't until I was like way grown up, probably like thirty, I re-watched Pee Wee's Big Adventure. And I was watching it and I thought, "Oh my, that's just a joke." That's a joke. I have been thinking that it's bad to do this my whole life. And it was just a, yeah.

• 56:14Speaker 00

  You know, so yeah, I guess it's okay. You're not gonna go to jail if you take a tag off a mattress. And that's just something I learned way too lately. Alright, everyone. Have a great day. Thanks so much for having me. I can't wait to hear this. Okay, I guess, well now I'm just talking. Oh, also, you know that time that Tig was talking about where the... We were out in Australia and the kangaroo, we were hanging out with the kangaroos? And there one part that I think Tig didn't explain is that a kangaroo charged at her. Like, it wasn't just like we were hanging out with these big kangaroos. One was like out of the corner of my eye. I hear, I heard it first. I heard the kangaroo.

• 57:01Speaker 00

  And then I looked and it was like the biggest kangaroo just charging toward Tig. And all I could get out of my mouth was a tiny, "Auntie's Tig."

• 57:14Speaker 00

  And thankfully, the kangaroo just kept going and didn't bother us or hurt us in any way. But that's just a little Tig bit. Alright, I love you. Bye-bye.

• 57:24Fortune Feimster?

  Love you, Kate. That's a little Tig bit. A little Tig bit. I wish she had said, "Makuchi out."

• 57:31Tig Notaro?

  I can't believe you left out that you were charged. I forgot. You know, my, my memory is very spotty. Yeah. But how, and she did, we have it on video somewhere because you do, you just hear like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And then you hear Kate, "Oh, cheese tick."

• 57:46Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, cheese.

• 57:47Tig Notaro?

  Classic Kate Micucci. And of course, Kate's biggest fear, like it's just right on the nose with Kate Micucci that she was scared that that would be like the biggest crime to take that tag off of a pillow. So funny. You know? That's so funny to hold on to. And the weird thing about Kate is she is very, she's so kind. She's so pure and wonderful and all of these things. So talented. But man, can she go blue. Really? Because I'd love to hear it because her voice is so innocent. Have you not heard Garfunkel and Oates? No, I need to hear it. Mae Martin. Okay, great.

• 58:32Tig Notaro?

  Mae Martin. Oh, great. Come on. I mean, yeah, it's just like she and Ricky singing the bluest, craziest, funniest stuff. Oh, that's great. And also her solo stuff. And she's such a great painter. Yeah, incredible artist. Yeah, incredible artist. Yeah, incredible friend. Just a wonderful person.

• 58:56Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, wow.

• 58:56Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 58:57Fortune Feimster?

  And a great last name.

• 58:58Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm. Back to that. Back to the old.

• 59:02Fortune Feimster?

  Well, what a fun episode.

• 59:04Tig Notaro?

  I had a grand old time.

• 59:05Fortune Feimster?

  So great seeing you guys.

• 59:07Tig Notaro?

  So great seeing you guys. We have to do this again sooner. We have got to do this again.

• 59:12Fortune Feimster?

  We will.

• 59:13Tig Notaro?

  We should quit our other jobs and just live in the studio.

• 59:17Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 59:17Tig Notaro?

  I'd be happy to do that.

• 59:19Fortune Feimster?

  I got cold brew here.

• 59:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 59:21Fortune Feimster?

  That's all you need. Well, for now, though, I do have to go on tour.

• 59:25Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 59:26Fortune Feimster?

  So I will be, uh, sorry to bother you. I will be in Charlotte, North Carolina Thanksgiving weekend. Then San Jose and Fresno, California, St. Petersburg in Orlando, Florida, Vancouver. And then, uh, New Year's Eve in Seattle. Come celebrate the new year with me. And then Zootopia 2. See all three of us or hear all three of us Thanksgiving weekend as well.

• 59:51Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God, I can't wait. And please make a note, November 14th, this week.

• 59:58Tig Notaro?

  Come See Me in the Good Light, the documentary I produced about Andrea Gibson and Megan Faley, is so beautiful and it's out on Apple TV, November 14th. November 14th, November 14th. Tell your friends, everyone. Also, go to Tignotaro.com for all my show information.

• 1:00:18Mae Martin?

  And I'm going on tour in, at the end of February, doing 35 cities in North America. Please come and hang out with me. And then I'm in LA at Largo this month, so check that out. And check out Wayward on Netflix.

• 1:00:32Tig Notaro?

  I'm at Largo too. Oh, my God, you guys. It's my regular spot. You guys. You guys. Until next time.

• 1:00:40Mae Martin?

  Keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected]. And please follow us on social media, at HandsomePod.

• 1:00:59Fortune Feimster?

  What a podcast. What a podcast.

• 1:01:05Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum podcast.

• 1:01:07Speaker 04

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 1:01:09Speaker 05

  And Hannah Simone.

• 1:01:10Speaker 04

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dogged.

• 1:01:32Speaker 05

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 1:01:45Speaker 04

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes, we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 1:01:56Speaker 05

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.