Lukas Gage asks about cringeworthy moments

Lukas Gage (White Lotus) asks a very handsome, potentially embarrassing question! Plus Fortune got a new house, Tig takes a call, Mae's buns, and... Frau Troffea?! We have new merch at handsomepod.com, so be sure to check that out as well! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:34Fortune Feimster?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website. With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising, and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time.

• 1:18Fortune Feimster?

  Squarespace makes it easy. So easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes. So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 1:48Mae Martin?

  Cheers. Welcome to the Handsome Pod. I'm Mae Martin, joined by?

• 1:55Fortune Feimster?

  Fortune Feimster.

• 1:56Tig Notaro?

  Antigno Taro.

• 1:59Mae Martin?

  Woo. Guys.

• 2:03Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, we need some information about your home.

• 2:09Mae Martin?

  Oh, wow.

• 2:10Tig Notaro?

  We're just really getting to it. I, I, I need information.

• 2:13Mae Martin?

  Well, because we were, we did a mini-sode when we were gonna be doing a.

• 2:19Tig Notaro?

  I'm sorry, a mini-sode?

• 2:20Mae Martin?

  Oh, sorry. That's from another podcast.

• 2:23Tig Notaro?

  What do we call them?

• 2:24Mae Martin?

  Our, our. Pretty little episodes.

• 2:26Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 2:27Fortune Feimster?

  We were supposed to do a full one.

• 2:29Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but we did a miniature one.

• 2:31Mae Martin?

  Cause your internet wasn't, um, wasn't up yet, but we were.

• 2:35Tig Notaro?

  It came on at 10:30.

• 2:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's what we were wondering whether.

• 2:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, that's what, that's internet o'clock. So.

• 2:43Mae Martin?

  So how, yeah, how was the move? Tell us everything, girl.

• 2:47Tig Notaro?

  Girl dish.

• 2:48Mae Martin?

  Girl.

• 2:51Fortune Feimster?

  Um, well, yeah, so I, I got a, a new home that I am moving into currently. Uh, it all happened very quickly. I, um, when we had looked for the last house that we were in, and we looked for like two years, LA's market is just bananas. Um, and I had just kind of gotten to the point where I just felt like the house was too big for just me, you know? Like, it's a lovely home and it's, but it's like for a family, you know? It's like, it was even too big for when Jax and I were in there together and.

• 3:31Tig Notaro?

  May would be happy to move in. You do know that, right?

• 3:35Fortune Feimster?

  Go on, man.

• 3:36Mae Martin?

  You got, I know you got that Pac-Man machine.

• 3:39Fortune Feimster?

  That's right. Well, it's kind of, it's come with, um.

• 3:41Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 3:42Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I just was like coming home from the road and I was just like, ah, I just, this is like cavernous. I don't feel at home.

• 3:52Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 3:52Fortune Feimster?

  And I just like casually texted a real estate friend. And I, I said, hey, I, I wanna just kind of start, um, casually looking.

• 4:05Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 4:05Fortune Feimster?

  Nothing serious, but like, if you see anything cool, just send it my way. And, and there was a house, I wrote her because there was a house in my neighborhood I was curious about. I didn't think it was the right, but I was like, I just want to check it out just to kind of see what's out there.

• 4:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 4:19Fortune Feimster?

  And she goes, yeah, sure. And then, and then here are like five other places. And one of them, I was like, oh, this one's. Cool. It reminded me of my first house I bought out here.

• 4:29Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I remember you saying you loved that.

• 4:31Fortune Feimster?

  I love that house.

• 4:32Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 4:33Fortune Feimster?

  But this one was a little bit bigger, but one story and just cozy and

• 4:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 4:37Fortune Feimster?

  But with a more space. And I was like, this one looks cool. And I saw it two days later and I was like, Yep.

• 4:44Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God.

• 4:46Mae Martin?

  I really admire that.

• 4:47Fortune Feimster?

  Literally went that fast.

• 4:49Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 4:50Mae Martin?

  I really do. That's one of my favorite qualities in a person is like, just pulling the trigger.

• 4:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 4:55Mae Martin?

  You know, just make the, make the, also spiritually, like a fresh start like that.

• 5:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 5:00Mae Martin?

  And like, there's, yeah, just make some new memories in a new space.

• 5:04Fortune Feimster?

  I think so. I just, I just wanted something that was, um, smaller and I just, I knew I could, like, being by myself, just knew where everything was and like in the house, I'm not upstairs, not being able to hear downstairs.

• 5:18Tig Notaro?

  Wait, so you didn't, hadn't, you hadn't gotten, uh, your bearings in your old house? Didn't know your way around?

• 5:24Fortune Feimster?

  No, I mean, like, I mean, as far as like, if I'm upstairs and someone broke in or something, I can't hear it, you know? I don't know. Just the safety of it, I think.

• 5:35Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:36Fortune Feimster?

  Was more of it for me. And, and to maintain it.

• 5:40Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 5:40Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, this old house had like a gazillion bathrooms. Like, I don't, I don't want to have to deal with all that.

• 5:47Tig Notaro?

  Right. So you're a one toilet kind of gal.

• 5:50Fortune Feimster?

  I'm a one, maybe two toilet kind of gal. Um, and so, yeah, I just, you know, walked into it and just had the vibe where it again reminded me of my old house that I really loved. And I was like, this is it. And

• 6:05Tig Notaro?

  And are you getting some good bites on the other house to sell?

• 6:09Fortune Feimster?

  We're gonna put it up for sale at some point, but that hasn't happened, um, yet. But, uh, yeah, so I moved this last week. That's why I missed our recording, cause the move ended up taking, uh, six hours. I thought it would take like three or four.

• 6:27Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 6:27Fortune Feimster?

  And, you know, it's still kind of bare bones. I only moved some furniture, but I'll just be a little bachelor with some furniture, sparse furniture for a little bit.

• 6:38Tig Notaro?

  That's fun, though. I'm excited for you.

• 6:40Mae Martin?

  I'm so excited. I think the question on all of our minds is, Did you bring the plastic plant?

• 6:47Fortune Feimster?

  The plastic plant has made its way.

• 6:50Mae Martin?

  Okay, great.

• 6:50Fortune Feimster?

  This, of course.

• 6:51Mae Martin?

  You're not there now. You're not podcasting from the new place. Yeah, so we're, I'm curious to see the new podcasting setup.

• 6:58Fortune Feimster?

  I know. Well, I, I, this, the, I, my office area, I've got to figure out if I'm going to use it up somehow. But the video game, I have a multikate arcade stand up.

• 7:12Mae Martin?

  Hell, yeah, you do.

• 7:13Fortune Feimster?

  It has made its way to this house and it's in my office now.

• 7:17Mae Martin?

  Get me over there, girl.

• 7:18Fortune Feimster?

  Get on up, get on over here.

• 7:20Tig Notaro?

  I like what you're hearing.

• 7:22Fortune Feimster?

  So, um, yeah, I'm like going full bachelor in this house, like no furniture, no furniture and an arcade game.

• 7:30Tig Notaro?

  Do you need framed pictures of me, May and Thomas on your wall?

• 7:36Fortune Feimster?

  Of course.

• 7:37Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 7:37Fortune Feimster?

  Individual and groups.

• 7:39Tig Notaro?

  And what about a, a picture of Kitty City?

• 7:43Fortune Feimster?

  Why not?

• 7:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, why not? Why not?

• 7:46Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 7:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah, we're gonna have to get your new address and you're gonna be getting some stuff in the mail.

• 7:51Tig Notaro?

  What about a lava lamp?

• 7:53Fortune Feimster?

  You guys could also come over sometime.

• 7:55Mae Martin?

  Well, it's crazy that we're.

• 7:57Fortune Feimster?

  Did you just turn down my invite?

• 7:59Tig Notaro?

  I just, you know, I don't have a car. I like to stay in my neighborhood.

• 8:04Fortune Feimster?

  May, May doesn't have a car and still Ubers everywhere.

• 8:07Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna, I mean, to be two bachelors in our respective bachelor pads playing games, like I'm playing darts, you're playing Pac-Man. You gotta just combine forces.

• 8:16Fortune Feimster?

  I still gotta make it to your bachelor pad.

• 8:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you do. I'm gonna have a Halloween party.

• 8:21Fortune Feimster?

  All right, come on now.

• 8:22Mae Martin?

  Are you guys in?

• 8:23Tig Notaro?

  I'm gonna be in Toronto.

• 8:24Fortune Feimster?

  If I'm in town, I don't know yet. I'm going to Toronto just to avoid this party. That's how much Tig doesn't want to dress up in costume.

• 8:34Mae Martin?

  Costumes?

• 8:35Tig Notaro?

  Well, no, I go as an aging lesbian every year.

• 8:39Fortune Feimster?

  Nice.

• 8:40Mae Martin?

  But you love a mustache. You would, you would rock a mustache.

• 8:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, I do.

• 8:45Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you could just wear that and call it a day. Maybe I could wear a mustache and say I'm gone as Tig.

• 8:52Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah, I like that.

• 8:54Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 8:55Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna, um, maybe go as Twinkerbelle, so I'm gonna be like a sort of gay boy Tinkerbell.

• 9:02Fortune Feimster?

  Whoa, what, what does that outfit tell shirtless?

• 9:06Mae Martin?

  I'm still workshopping it, but yeah, it's like shirtless with like, like, but with like a vest over it, you know?

• 9:13Fortune Feimster?

  Hide the nips.

• 9:14Mae Martin?

  Hide the nips, of course. And then maybe like, like some little shorts or something.

• 9:19Fortune Feimster?

  Well, this is fitting for what's happening in your life right now.

• 9:22Tig Notaro?

  Guys, can you hold on? I'm sorry, one second. This might be a call that I have to for a doctor's appointment. I'm sorry. Hold on one second.

• 9:30Mae Martin?

  Sure, sure.

• 9:31Tig Notaro?

  Hello?

• 9:32Mae Martin?

  This feels like a prank.

• 9:36Mae Martin?

  I feel like that was a-

• 9:36Tig Notaro?

  I'm sorry, calling from where? Oh, yes, yes. Hi.

• 9:41Fortune Feimster?

  This is, this will be on the pod.

• 9:44Mae Martin?

  We have to keep this in.

• 9:45Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 9:47Mae Martin?

  She's left her headphones in.

• 9:49Tig Notaro?

  Bye bye.

• 9:50Mae Martin?

  Tig.

• 9:51Tig Notaro?

  Sorry, what'd you say?

• 9:53Mae Martin?

  We have to keep that in.

• 9:55Fortune Feimster?

  This is part of the pod now.

• 9:57Mae Martin?

  I mean, I thought that was a prank because the way it was like, oh, sorry, I'm just getting hello.

• 10:01Fortune Feimster?

  The way I set it up, the, where May's at in their life right now. Tig, I don't know if you knew this, but May is even, an even bigger heartthrob than they were before.

• 10:13Tig Notaro?

  Why?

• 10:14Fortune Feimster?

  Their show Wayward's still a big hit. It's still number one on Netflix.

• 10:18Tig Notaro?

  Of course it is. Why wouldn't it be?

• 10:20Fortune Feimster?

  I know, but May's an even bigger heartthrob. Now, did I, I don't know what episode-

• 10:25Tig Notaro?

  Why are you yelling at me?

• 10:26Fortune Feimster?

  But at some point, May, May shows ass.

• 10:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I do show ass.

• 10:32Tig Notaro?

  May Marie.

• 10:35Fortune Feimster?

  May Marie shows ass.

• 10:37Tig Notaro?

  Your dungarees back on, my friend. We already know you're a smoke show.

• 10:43Fortune Feimster?

  Listen, Tig, listen to this.

• 10:46Mae Martin?

  Wait, you seen it?

• 10:47Tig Notaro?

  So you've seen May's ass?

• 10:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 10:50Tig Notaro?

  Tell us, have you seen May's ass?

• 10:52Speaker 04

  I haven't seen May's ass yet. I would remember that.

• 10:55Fortune Feimster?

  Clearly, I'm the better friend of all of y'all.

• 10:58Tig Notaro?

  I never claimed to be a good friend to anyone, okay?

• 11:03Fortune Feimster?

  But Tig, picture this.

• 11:05Tig Notaro?

  All right.

• 11:05Mae Martin?

  Wow, you watched this?

• 11:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 11:08Mae Martin?

  This is clearly crazy.

• 11:09Tig Notaro?

  We're friends.

• 11:10Mae Martin?

  Thank you.

• 11:11Tig Notaro?

  Um, look, if you're a real friend of mine, don't look at my ass. Okay, that's how I gauge a good friend. Give me some privacy. Go ahead.

• 11:19Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I'm gonna paint the picture for you. The May's partner on the show is like, come over here. And May goes to stand up and she goes, no, don't stand. And then May starts crawling like this and then takes, takes their shirt off.

• 11:40Fortune Feimster?

  Ripped, tats are glowing.

• 11:43Tig Notaro?

  You sure?

• 11:44Fortune Feimster?

  And then turn, somehow turns over. I can't remember how that part happened.

• 11:48Mae Martin?

  She flips me over.

• 11:49Fortune Feimster?

  Here comes the ass.

• 11:51Tig Notaro?

  Oh my god.

• 11:52Fortune Feimster?

  Ass out.

• 11:54Tig Notaro?

  Ass out.

• 11:55Fortune Feimster?

  Yep, that's our May, little cowboy.

• 11:58Tig Notaro?

  And that's the end of the series?

• 12:00Mae Martin?

  It's.

• 12:00Fortune Feimster?

  Yep. And that's the cliffhanger.

• 12:02Mae Martin?

  That's it.

• 12:04Mae Martin?

  No, it's.

• 12:04Fortune Feimster?

  You don't know what happens after that.

• 12:06Tig Notaro?

  And there's no follow up to the series.

• 12:09Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 12:09Tig Notaro?

  It's just make up your own end.

• 12:11Fortune Feimster?

  It, it literally goes, the end.

• 12:13Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and that, and meaning May's ass is the end. Okay, and so it's like a Mad Libs TV series is you make up. You fill in the blank.

• 12:22Mae Martin?

  May I say, it was very tastefully, you know, you're not seeing asshole, you're, or full ass.

• 12:28Fortune Feimster?

  Hey, the whole time I thought, this is so tasteful.

• 12:35Tig Notaro?

  Is it like gather around the family tasteful?

• 12:38Fortune Feimster?

  This, this is so tasteful. So tastefully done.

• 12:44Mae Martin?

  Railed on the, and also my wife is seven months pregnant in it and fully clothed and I'm fully naked. It's insane.

• 12:50Fortune Feimster?

  And you're just getting railed from behind.

• 12:52Tig Notaro?

  So is that the episode five, like holy cow?

• 12:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 12:58Tig Notaro?

  The number?

• 12:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I, it was really, um, uh, yeah, embarrassing, but then people are commenting on it being like.

• 13:07Mae Martin?

  Saying things, nice things, not nice things, but then someone just commented, didn't May write this? So May wanted us to see their ass.

• 13:16Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Good ass, bud. Little cowboy. Good ass.

• 13:21Mae Martin?

  They had to CGI out because you're wearing like a flesh colored piece of cloth covering your nether regions. Like, and so they had to-

• 13:30Fortune Feimster?

  I always wear those.

• 13:30Mae Martin?

  Do you?

• 13:32Fortune Feimster?

  Even when-

• 13:32Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah. You do actually wear a flesh colored underwear, don't you?

• 13:36Fortune Feimster?

  I do. I wear panties.

• 13:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:39Fortune Feimster?

  Gronny panties.

• 13:41Mae Martin?

  Gronny panties.

• 13:42Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 13:42Mae Martin?

  Anyway, thanks for watching Fortune.

• 13:45Fortune Feimster?

  You're welcome. I'm gonna watch it. Congrats on, it's still number one. It's been over, what, over a week?

• 13:51Mae Martin?

  I think it's about to get knocked out by Ed Gaines, the serial killer Ryan Murphy thing. I think it's Ryan Murphy, which is so, what does that say about our culture? You know, I mean, I'll be watching it, but.

• 14:03Fortune Feimster?

  Um, who knows what it says. I want to tell you that it keeps running through my mind that the other day, I can't remember if it was on a full episode or a minisode, whatever you called it. Um, there was something that I feel like I delivered that could have sounded rude. And I was like, oh, I wonder if May took that the wrong way. I was talking, we were talking about some show and I said, I'll be watching Wayward before I watch that.

• 14:32Mae Martin?

  Oh, oh no, I took it as a compliment.

• 14:35Fortune Feimster?

  Okay. I didn't want it to sound like I was saying, I would watch that.

• 14:43Fortune Feimster?

  No, I have all the plans in the world to watch Wayward, but Stephanie and I are waiting to be together.

• 14:48Mae Martin?

  Zero, Prash. There's a lot to watch and I, I, um-

• 14:52Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I have to get through all my stories before I get to Wayward.

• 14:55Mae Martin?

  I don't think I've ever been offended by anything either of you have said.

• 14:59Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, that's good.

• 15:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:01Fortune Feimster?

  That's really good. I haven't been offended by-

• 15:03Mae Martin?

  Especially with Tig.

• 15:04Fortune Feimster?

  I, well, I know, I'm-

• 15:07Mae Martin?

  I feel like I always get it. Like I, yeah, I've never been.

• 15:10Tig Notaro?

  I feel like most.

• 15:11Mae Martin?

  Honor.

• 15:12Tig Notaro?

  Most people, uh, I think get my sense of humor.

• 15:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you're a famous comedian.

• 15:19Tig Notaro?

  Well, sure, but there are people. I remember I was doing something on stage where somebody in the front row, they were like, oh, I know what it was. Where I was teasing the Indigo Girls coming out.

• 15:31Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:32Tig Notaro?

  And this woman was shaking her head with deep disappointment. And I said, what's wrong? And she said, I, I guess I just thought you were nicer than this.

• 15:46Tig Notaro?

  And I was like, wow. So this person really doesn't get my sense of humor. Like, um.

• 15:52Mae Martin?

  But what? Yeah, that's insane.

• 15:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but no, you guys haven't offended me and I, I feel confident I haven't said anything trying to upset anybody. But if I do, let me know.

• 16:06Fortune Feimster?

  And we'll talk about it.

• 16:07Tig Notaro?

  We'll talk about it.

• 16:08Fortune Feimster?

  We'll work it out.

• 16:09Tig Notaro?

  We'll talk it out. Yeah.

• 16:11Fortune Feimster?

  Work it out, you guys.

• 16:12Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 16:13Fortune Feimster?

  We'll go to couples therapy and all sit on the same couch.

• 16:16Tig Notaro?

  We'll go to throuples therapy.

• 16:17Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 16:18Tig Notaro?

  Hello.

• 16:20Mae Martin?

  Or we'll, we'll all three of us go to HR, which is Thomas. And we'll.

• 16:24Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 16:24Fortune Feimster?

  Get a talking to.

• 16:25Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 16:31Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna be really like therapized soon because today I fly to this therapy retreat.

• 16:37Tig Notaro?

  That's right.

• 16:38Mae Martin?

  For six days. I'm flying tonight, packed my little bag, not bringing a synthesizer, not bringing my contouring stick.

• 16:46Tig Notaro?

  What are you gonna do?

• 16:47Fortune Feimster?

  Not even, not even your clear eye mascara.

• 16:52Mae Martin?

  I'm bringing none of that shit. I'm going in.

• 16:54Tig Notaro?

  Bare bones, baby. Just your butt. Just your bare ass.

• 16:58Mae Martin?

  Just my bare ass.

• 17:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'm nervous though to have my phone taken away for six days.

• 17:06Tig Notaro?

  For like five days?

• 17:07Mae Martin?

  Six, yeah. I had my intake call and I know I can't, you're not supposed to really share what goes on inside. Like, part of it is discretion and-

• 17:18Tig Notaro?

  But girl, you're going to, right?

• 17:19Mae Martin?

  Girl, you know me.

• 17:20Tig Notaro?

  Girl, tell us all a hot guy.

• 17:26Mae Martin?

  Off the pot, I will, but I know I have to be, I have to not-

• 17:29Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we don't want you banned from there. We don't want you arrested if you like it.

• 17:35Mae Martin?

  But I am nervous.

• 17:36Tig Notaro?

  Arrested.

• 17:39Mae Martin?

  Oh, man.

• 17:40Tig Notaro?

  That could happen, yeah.

• 17:42Mae Martin?

  I think I'll probably feel really anxious for the first couple of days, just not-

• 17:46Tig Notaro?

  If not the whole six days.

• 17:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah, if not, I mean, listen, am I gonna make it-

• 17:51Tig Notaro?

  The whole time in Arrowhead, where we were. I know, with your phone and synthesizer and clear mascara. And that hot dog, remember that hot dog?

• 18:02Mae Martin?

  Do I ever.

• 18:03Tig Notaro?

  I try and like, remove that. I think I need therapy after seeing that hot dog. It's an intrusive thought sometimes where I'm like, oh, man.

• 18:15Fortune Feimster?

  And the two chips as the garnish?

• 18:17Mae Martin?

  The two Doritos, the little gherkin.

• 18:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 18:22Mae Martin?

  But anyway, I might come out with a totally different personality. I might be like, hi, hi, guys.

• 18:26Tig Notaro?

  Oh, wow.

• 18:27Mae Martin?

  Lovely to see you. I don't know.

• 18:29Tig Notaro?

  I'm feeling zen. You'll be like, of the earth. I don't know if we'll be able to use you on the podcast anymore.

• 18:36Fortune Feimster?

  We need you to be funny.

• 18:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and like quirky, you know? You gotta fill your role, you know? You definitely need your facts.

• 18:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, we need those.

• 18:49Mae Martin?

  I got a, I got a May fact.

• 18:51Tig Notaro?

  Give it to us.

• 18:53Mae Martin?

  Oh, maybe I told you already, Tig.

• 18:55Tig Notaro?

  Oh, well, then never mind. Let's move on. So, what if I've heard it? Oh, okay, let's tell it again.

• 19:01Mae Martin?

  It's about the dance plague. Yeah, I have told it. I told you about it. Yeah, never mind. I take it back. Basically, Fortune, there was this woman, that's all I think about. There was a woman in 1518 called Frau Tref- Frau Trefawi.

• 19:16Tig Notaro?

  Tell me more.

• 19:17Mae Martin?

  Don't remember your name.

• 19:19Tig Notaro?

  Frau Trefawi?

• 19:23Tig Notaro?

  I think I must have tuned you out, because I don't remember Frau Trefawi.

• 19:29Fortune Feimster?

  Merch alert.

• 19:32Fortune Feimster?

  Frau Trefaoui cannot be real. That sounds like a Star Wars character.

• 19:39Mae Martin?

  Can you Google 1518 dance place?

• 19:43Fortune Feimster?

  Frau Trefaoui, however, that spelling is up to you.

• 19:48Mae Martin?

  So she starts dancing.

• 19:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 19:53Fortune Feimster?

  I didn't know the gender.

• 19:57Fortune Feimster?

  Frau Trefaoui.

• 19:58Mae Martin?

  Thomas is typing.

• 19:59Fortune Feimster?

  Thomas is typing. Frau is a real name. Who cares? Tell the story. May spell it for the folks because I'll never guess.

• 20:08Mae Martin?

  Okay, Frau, F R A U, and then Trefaoui, T R O F F E A. Okay, this is good. Thomas has just sent, I guess from Wikipedia or something, I'm gonna, okay, "In July 1518, a woman whose name was given..."

• 20:23Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

• 20:28Fortune Feimster?

  Tell me what happens. This is where we would put in a toilet flush.

• 20:33Mae Martin?

  A woman whose name was given as... Also, what do you mean whose name was given as? As Frau Trefaoui stepped into the street and began dancing. She seemed unable to stop and she kept dancing until she collapsed from exhaustion. After resting, she resumed the compulsive frenzied activity and continued this way for days. Within a week, more than 30 people were similarly affected. They kept going long past the point of injury. City authorities were alarmed by the ever increasing... So it basically was a contagious dance.

• 21:08Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, wow.

• 21:09Mae Martin?

  People died and whatever, and then she, I think, Frau Trefaoui went to different towns.

• 21:17Fortune Feimster?

  Miss Trefaoui? And recruited people to die dancing?

• 21:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah, she kept starting these dance parties.

• 21:25Tig Notaro?

  Has come up twice. I'm getting the vibe where we've entered another bear portal.

• 21:30Mae Martin?

  I know. Get me to the institute. Get me to the institute.

• 21:33Fortune Feimster?

  Crazy though. And why were people like, yeah, I can't stop, won't stop dancing till I die.

• 21:39Mae Martin?

  Well, some people think that it was like a poison in the yeast of the bread or something had gone bad in the town and they were all psychotic, but I don't know. I think it was a curse of

• 21:49Fortune Feimster?

  Dr. Fauci. Crazy bread.

• 21:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah, all that crazy bread. Anyway.

• 21:52Tig Notaro?

  There's crazy bread?

• 21:54Mae Martin?

  Yeah. What did you mean by that? I went with it, but.

• 21:56Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 21:56Fortune Feimster?

  You said yeast.

• 21:58Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 21:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but then you said, oh yeah, that crazy bread insinuating that people just know about crazy bread.

• 22:07Tig Notaro?

  What?

• 22:09Fortune Feimster?

  What's happening?

• 22:10Mae Martin?

  What yourself?

• 22:11Fortune Feimster?

  I'm insinuating that people ate bread and went nuts and started dancing till they died.

• 22:16Mae Martin?

  It sounded like crazy bread is a thing.

• 22:21Tig Notaro?

  What has happened to our show? What, how could we possibly get as much information as we just got and then we all just fell off, we just fell off the wagon of conversation and looked at each other like, what are you talking about? Nobody knows what the other person is talking about. And none of us knew that we were going to talk about this today.

• 22:44Mae Martin?

  No, we did not.

• 22:45Tig Notaro?

  And I've already heard about it.

• 22:47Mae Martin?

  I know, poor.

• 22:48Tig Notaro?

  I've already heard about Frau Chaffawi.

• 22:51Fortune Feimster?

  Lucky you.

• 22:53Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 22:54Mae Martin?

  It was probably different when you heard it too. It's changing.

• 22:59Fortune Feimster?

  Well, what a fact, May. Thank you.

• 23:01Mae Martin?

  You're welcome.

• 23:02Tig Notaro?

  And can we just put a cap on that Frau Chaffawi?

• 23:05Mae Martin?

  I think we ban Frau Chaffawi from future episodes.

• 23:11Tig Notaro?

  You're attached to Frau Chaffawi?

• 23:13Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. I don't mind it. Two against one.

• 23:16Tig Notaro?

  All right.

• 23:17Fortune Feimster?

  May and I've shared some tidbits of our life. Tig, would you like to add anything to?

• 23:23Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 23:25Mae Martin?

  Let's get to our question.

• 23:27Tig Notaro?

  No, I'm not ready.

• 23:29Fortune Feimster?

  I'm not ready yet.

• 23:31Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I don't really have anything to say. There's nothing going on in my life.

• 23:38Fortune Feimster?

  God, I wish you did more.

• 23:42Tig Notaro?

  I'm just, you know, Stephanie's still in London and I'm, I, I'm like, I, I'm, I, I've said it a million times. I'm just enjoying living my normal life. I, you know what I did today?

• 23:56Fortune Feimster?

  You're just in mom mode?

• 23:58Tig Notaro?

  I am, and I, I, I love it and I'm.

• 24:02Fortune Feimster?

  Fortune Marie.

• 24:05Tig Notaro?

  How dare you yuck my yum.

• 24:08Fortune Feimster?

  I'm totally kidding.

• 24:11Mae Martin?

  I'm all fortunes playing Pac-Man in an empty house.

• 24:15Tig Notaro?

  And I'm like doing laundry, folding clothes, emptying the dishwasher, picking up the kids, going to the grocery store.

• 24:21Mae Martin?

  I wish you did more, actually.

• 24:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. But I, I am still, I'm still in that mode and I'm, I'm really enjoying it.

• 24:31Fortune Feimster?

  Wow, I love that.

• 24:32Tig Notaro?

  I, but I, I do, I love doing the podcast. I, I have a show, I think tomorrow night and you know, Papa Grande is gonna come over, hang out with Max and Finn. And so it feels like that balance of like, I'm podcasting, I'm doing shows, um, and I'm, I'm running around, like the call I answered earlier was Max and Finn's doctor appointment. And, um, it just feels nice to be submerged in the life that I've normally been out in the world, working towards having.

• 25:06Fortune Feimster?

  Right.

• 25:06Tig Notaro?

  But, but really being in my life.

• 25:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 25:09Tig Notaro?

  And not just cramming it in, in between tours.

• 25:14Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 25:15Tig Notaro?

  Or, or filming, but like, really being in it. And it just, it just feels, feels nice. So.

• 25:21Fortune Feimster?

  That's really nice.

• 25:22Tig Notaro?

  I love that. That's what I'm up to. Thank you, even if that's not sincere.

• 25:26Fortune Feimster?

  It is wildly sincere. I think about you as I'm playing my arcade game all the time.

• 25:31Tig Notaro?

  What are you talking about? What are you talking about?

• 25:36Mae Martin?

  The Pac-Man machine. No, that's, that's what I, I crave that type of life to. And that's what the, the institute is going to help me conjure.

• 25:45Tig Notaro?

  Are you talking about just balance in general of, um,

• 25:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 25:50Tig Notaro?

  Kids?

• 25:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And I want a family. So I want to be the best version of myself, you know, in order to magnetize that life that I want. Yeah.

• 25:59Tig Notaro?

  And you, so you definitely want kids?

• 26:01Mae Martin?

  I want kids in my life that I'm raising.

• 26:05Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 26:06Mae Martin?

  Is that, does that count?

• 26:07Tig Notaro?

  Sure. Whatever means it comes by.

• 26:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah. I mean, I, yeah, I want to make up weird stories and games. I know there's other stuff to do with parenting, but that's the part I, that's pretty much it, right?

• 26:21Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Fantastical worlds.

• 26:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 26:24Tig Notaro?

  You know what I also really enjoy is, um, this is very embarrassing to admit. I have this game in my head where I'm like, okay, if somebody,

• 26:38Tig Notaro?

  if somebody popped into our house, while Stephanie's out of town, even when Stephanie's in town, but she's been, let's just take it right now. While she's out of town, in my mind, I'm like, I'm going to keep up this house to a T. Because like, if there was like a house patrol that popped in and was like, are the dishes clean? Are the clothes clean? Are they folded and put away? Are the, you know, is, are the cats fed? Did you, is there enough food in the house? Like making sure that balance is going on, that everything is handled. I, it's like that, um, I guess it makes sense because it's like when I train for something

• 27:22Tig Notaro?

  or I'm like trying to get my health in order, I'm not into like competing against anyone in a team situation. I'm like, I want to make sure I'm on top of what I'm doing. You know what I mean? And so it's like the ultimate. Me against me game where I'm like, oh my gosh, the, I forgot the laundry. It's in there. And before Max and Finn get home, I want all of their clothes put away. And anyway, so that's my little

• 27:50Fortune Feimster?

  That's so satisfying.

• 27:51Tig Notaro?

  You're winning right now. I, I, I am, but I still have, I have a load of laundry that isn't, I'm sure the listeners get a life. I do have one. This is the life I want. But so I have a little bit of laundry that still needs to be dried and folded. But after that, after we record, I go get those little cubs and boom, their house is all ready.

• 28:18Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I love that.

• 28:20Mae Martin?

  Fortune and I should pop in unannounced in disguise as house inspectors, just at a random point to be like, is this house in tip top shape? Everything looks smooth?

• 28:28Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 28:28Fortune Feimster?

  And have a list.

• 28:29Tig Notaro?

  Yes. And, and call me out and be like, listen, I feel like the TV room should be a little cleaner. And, and then, but I can show you what I have done and why the, the TV room is a little in disarray still.

• 28:43Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 28:45Tig Notaro?

  So

• 28:45Fortune Feimster?

  We do take explanations. So that's good.

• 28:48Mae Martin?

  I don't, I don't really see mess. Like my, I, my eyes would be like, this is, this all looks great.

• 28:54Tig Notaro?

  Look behind you.

• 28:56Fortune Feimster?

  You're like, the last four podcasts, you've had just like a mountain of shit to the right of you.

• 29:03Mae Martin?

  My stuff I'm donating.

• 29:05Tig Notaro?

  Hey, May, remember the, the rule of show, don't tell?

• 29:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 29:09Fortune Feimster?

  You're right.

• 29:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I gotta deal with this.

• 29:13Fortune Feimster?

  I'll be like, look at the, look at the pile that May's collecting over there.

• 29:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah. I do have a new object that for, for when we're beauty influencers.

• 29:24Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yes. I miss my beauty influencer days.

• 29:27Mae Martin?

  I haven't busted it out yet, but it's like a

• 29:29Fortune Feimster?

  What is it?

• 29:30Tig Notaro?

  Oh, it's the infrared mask.

• 29:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah. LED infrared mask.

• 29:33Fortune Feimster?

  What does that do?

• 29:35Mae Martin?

  It like vibrates and relaxes your face or something.

• 29:39Tig Notaro?

  It fucks your face.

• 29:41Mae Martin?

  Fortune.

• 29:49Fortune Feimster?

  I'm getting my, I'm getting the F

• 29:53Fortune Feimster?

  fucked out of my face.

• 29:58Mae Martin?

  He said, I'm getting the F fucked out of my.

• 30:02Tig Notaro?

  I'm stunned. I am stunned. I've never heard something so.

• 30:06Fortune Feimster?

  They say it vibrates, so just assume that's what happens to your face is it gets effed.

• 30:14Tig Notaro?

  Gigg, gigg, gigg, gigg, gigg, gigg, gigg, gigg, gigg, gigg. I was just talking about how I play a game where the house patrol is gonna come by and see if I folded my laundry and tidied the TV room and emptied the dishwasher and gone to the grocery store because I'm a normal person, living a normal life. And then you go and say that?

• 30:39Fortune Feimster?

  I just said what I heard.

• 30:43Mae Martin?

  Well, I'm gonna, you gotta get one and we'll compare notes.

• 30:46Fortune Feimster?

  You gotta get one. Let me tell you.

• 30:47Tig Notaro?

  Two against one. Should we get to our question, please?

• 30:51Fortune Feimster?

  You gotta get one of these.

• 30:54Tig Notaro?

  Girl, quiet. Girl, girl, back it up. Girl, girl, girl, no. Who is our question asker? Please, please, girl, no.

• 31:07Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, girl.

• 31:14Fortune Feimster?

  Well, today's question asker, by the way, would appreciate this entire conversation. I know he would. Because he's hilarious. He's an actor who played Dylan in the Emmy winning first season of The White Lotus, which we'll get to what he infamously did on that show. He also starred in Smile Two and Companion. He's all over the place lately. He's really crushing it. Lukas Gage is asking today's question.

• 31:47Speaker 05

  Hey handsome squad, it's Lucas, Lukas Gage here and I have a question for you. What is the most desperate stunt that you've ever pulled? Just to get attention. Talking next morning you wake up and you cannot believe you really did that.

• 32:03Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 32:04Fortune Feimster?

  Ooh.

• 32:05Mae Martin?

  Okay, first of all, yeah, let's just address that, the tank top, uh, the deep voice. I'm, this is what I'm going for.

• 32:13Tig Notaro?

  Lucas is sexy. Go to YouTube, check that out. Even though I couldn't see it, I have to believe you because my eyesight is gone. But he did look like, he did resemble a very attractive person from what I can tell.

• 32:30Mae Martin?

  The general shape.

• 32:31Tig Notaro?

  He's very attractive and he's really funny and he has a fun personality. So do we, of course.

• 32:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:38Fortune Feimster?

  I wasn't counting us out, girl.

• 32:40Tig Notaro?

  I know, but you have to always remind people that we are a fun bunch.

• 32:44Fortune Feimster?

  Do you want to know what he did in season one of White Lotus?

• 32:47Tig Notaro?

  What?

• 32:48Fortune Feimster?

  Well, Lucas's character did this on the first season of White Lotus and it was a real moment, a real TV moment. Hmm. Um, he ate a guy's ass.

• 32:58Tig Notaro?

  Ah! Fortune, Marie!

• 33:04Tig Notaro?

  What is happening to our show?

• 33:07Fortune Feimster?

  Sorry to have built up that to slower to that, I can't talk now.

• 33:13Tig Notaro?

  No, you shouldn't share that. This is a family friendly show and this is.

• 33:19Mae Martin?

  Tig, when you were drinking that water, I thought you were gonna do a spit take. When Fortune said it, I thought you were gonna go.

• 33:24Tig Notaro?

  I don't do spit takes because my sons are in the middle of spit take. Um, like they, they, they learned to spit take. So they, anytime there's something funny going on, they always grab a drink so they can spit take. And so I'm really on top of guys.

• 33:43Fortune Feimster?

  Makes you spit take?

• 33:47Mae Martin?

  Eating ass.

• 33:50Fortune Feimster?

  I've not, I've not done it. I've not done that before, but I imagine.

• 33:55Mae Martin?

  So is, can I also?

• 33:58Tig Notaro?

  I'm dropping out of this conversation.

• 33:59Mae Martin?

  Poor Lucas Gay.

• 34:00Tig Notaro?

  And eventually this podcast.

• 34:02Mae Martin?

  No.

• 34:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 34:04Mae Martin?

  Lucas is probably like, great, my whole career has been boiled down to this one moment. But I would like to ask, is there a difference between rimming and eating ass?

• 34:13Tig Notaro?

  What, what is happening?

• 34:16Fortune Feimster?

  Is rimming just the, around the parameters and then the other way is really getting in there?

• 34:22Mae Martin?

  I think maybe.

• 34:23Tig Notaro?

  Oh, come on.

• 34:24Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God.

• 34:25Tig Notaro?

  Come on.

• 34:26Mae Martin?

  Tig is just taking off her headphones.

• 34:28Fortune Feimster?

  It's part of, it's part of our world now, Tig. Even our grandmas are doing it.

• 34:34Mae Martin?

  Oh, my Lord.

• 34:35Fortune Feimster?

  Mine's dead, but she probably would have done it.

• 34:38Mae Martin?

  It's part of life. It's a beautiful thing.

• 34:40Fortune Feimster?

  Tig wants no part of this. All right. Well, I'll, I'll clean it up. I'll promise I'll clean it up.

• 34:44Tig Notaro?

  Hello?

• 34:45Mae Martin?

  And we've moved on from it. You're safe.

• 34:47Fortune Feimster?

  From that.

• 34:48Mae Martin?

  We're just talking about.

• 34:50Tig Notaro?

  Eating something.

• 34:54Tig Notaro?

  Stinky.

• 34:56Fortune Feimster?

  Stinky. Yeah, you gotta wash that up real good if that's happening.

• 35:01Mae Martin?

  That, no, that's just.

• 35:02Tig Notaro?

  Hey, hey, hey, hey.

• 35:03Fortune Feimster?

  Hey, hey, hey.

• 35:04Mae Martin?

  That's just a fact.

• 35:05Tig Notaro?

  Girl, back it up.

• 35:06Fortune Feimster?

  Girl, if, I'm just saying, if someone is gonna do that, like, please wash all of that real good.

• 35:13Mae Martin?

  Wash grandma's problem area.

• 35:15Tig Notaro?

  Yep. And wash your mouth out while you're at it.

• 35:18Fortune Feimster?

  I will. Maybe I will.

• 35:20Tig Notaro?

  Did you ever get your mouth washed out?

• 35:22Mae Martin?

  As a kid?

• 35:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 35:24Mae Martin?

  Never. Did you?

• 35:25Tig Notaro?

  One time I did. One time I did.

• 35:27Mae Martin?

  With soap?

• 35:28Tig Notaro?

  With soap? Mm-hmm.

• 35:29Mae Martin?

  A bar of soap or liquid soap?

• 35:31Fortune Feimster?

  That's some old school. That was like in the seventies, wasn't it?

• 35:33Tig Notaro?

  It was.

• 35:34Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 35:34Tig Notaro?

  You know, it was, I was basically seven, smoking a cigarette and holding, not really, but I mean, you know, it, it was the seventies and, and my mother only did it one time. I think she was desperate because I wouldn't, uh, pull it together.

• 35:48Fortune Feimster?

  You wouldn't put that cig down?

• 35:49Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 35:51Mae Martin?

  So did she say, go and put that soap in your mouth or she put it in your mouth for you?

• 35:57Tig Notaro?

  She like put the bar of soap on my tongue. She probably wouldn't appreciate me telling this, but she's no longer with us. I don't know if I've ever told you that, but I also, my mother's personality was also one that I could say, but you did it. So I am gonna tell people.

• 36:17Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that's the trade off.

• 36:19Mae Martin?

  And so, wait, what was his question? He said, is there?

• 36:23Fortune Feimster?

  You did for attention?

• 36:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah, where you woke up the next day and were like, I can't believe I did that. Something, some stunt that you pulled.

• 36:31Tig Notaro?

  Like in an embarrassing, I can't believe I did that. Or in like a, whoa, I pulled off that stunt and I can't believe I pulled it off.

• 36:39Fortune Feimster?

  Embarrassing, like, oh my god.

• 36:42Mae Martin?

  I'd like to hear if a good one as well, if you weren't embarrassed, but yeah.

• 36:46Fortune Feimster?

  Have I ever done something for attention? Yeah, your whole career.

• 36:54Fortune Feimster?

  That's what we're doing.

• 36:55Mae Martin?

  That's what we're doing. Yeah, looking for.

• 36:57Fortune Feimster?

  I do comedy just cuz it feels good on the inside. I don't want any feedback whatsoever.

• 37:10Mae Martin?

  I mean, I've told the, the story before of when I took the joke too far when I was 13. And I was doing a Scottish character. I was at a guy's birthday party. I was 13. I think I had a crush on the guy, so I was manic and doing all these voices and characters like Ace Ventura. And I was doing this Scottish character and I stood, we were waiting for the bus to go play laser tag. Stood on top of like a newspaper box. Yeah, the whole thing was the most classic setup. So I'm standing on top of this newspaper box being like, whoa, look at that. Oh, look over there. Doing this loud character. And I remember thinking, I'm so fucking funny. Like I'm, like, I am on fire.

• 37:53Mae Martin?

  And then this couple walked by, this strangers, couple, you know, adults.

• 37:59Mae Martin?

  And I was so into my character, I spat at the couple and it landed on their shoe and the world stopped turning. As soon as I, as soon as it happened,

• 38:10Fortune Feimster?

  I've never heard this.

• 38:12Mae Martin?

  My stomach dropped out of my body. I go, they, they look at me, they go, did you just spit at us? And all of my friends are silent and terrified. Like there's adults now mad. And I was like, I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did that. I just got, okay, you both look really disappointed in me right now. So

• 38:31Fortune Feimster?

  I have to answer this real quick. My alarm's going off.

• 38:34Mae Martin?

  Are you joking? Are you joking?

• 38:38Fortune Feimster?

  No, not at, not at my new house, but at my old one.

• 38:42Tig Notaro?

  Oh, your house alarm is going off? Did we give the address and did we just stream live?

• 38:48Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 38:49Tig Notaro?

  They got it. They got it. Okay.

• 38:51Fortune Feimster?

  They got him. They got him.

• 38:53Mae Martin?

  So just to clarify, that's twice on the pod.

• 38:55Fortune Feimster?

  Sorry.

• 38:58Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I was like, I got a thing from the security company and I was like, uh, it was someone, yeah.

• 39:05Mae Martin?

  Anyways, I spat on this couple and I just knew in the moment, I've taken this too far. It was like, I was possessed. I don't know what came over me. And then they got on the same bus as us to go. And I, I remember sitting by myself on the bus, my friends just humiliated and the, oh my God, Fortune's on the phone. This is, this has never happened.

• 39:30Tig Notaro?

  May, this is a sign of a good story.

• 39:32Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:34Tig Notaro?

  Is when your co-host

• 39:36Mae Martin?

  Holds up one finger.

• 39:41Tig Notaro?

  Oh my God. Wait, let's see. What is it?

• 39:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 39:44Tig Notaro?

  Okay. I wonder, what if Fortune never comes back and just continues working on the computer or something? And we're back. What's going on?

• 39:53Fortune Feimster?

  What happened? It was ADT calling to make sure that no police needs to come.

• 39:57Mae Martin?

  But how do you know if police need to come? You're not there.

• 39:59Fortune Feimster?

  Because I, because it's people getting, uh, the house ready.

• 40:04Mae Martin?

  Oh, okay. Okay. Okay.

• 40:08Mae Martin?

  Anyways, that's my most shameful moment where no one really talked to me for the rest of the birthday. Everyone was just like, you're unhinged. And I just was trying to be funny and

• 40:18Tig Notaro?

  And the next morning, did you wake up? How'd you feel like when you woke up the next day?

• 40:22Mae Martin?

  Ashamed, yeah, bad. I remember then going into the Laser Quest and just finding a corner to sit in, in the dark while everyone's running around pew, pew, pew. And I was like, I'm just gonna find a little spot to cower in the dark.

• 40:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And, and how long did it take you to feel better?

• 40:38Mae Martin?

  Oh, I mean, look, I'm still talking about it. I'm still.

• 40:41Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, you are.

• 40:44Mae Martin?

  What about you guys? Have you ever, especially with comedy, like, just like, I'm trying to be funny. It's such a trap, especially things don't age well and stuff. Is there anything that you've done that you're like?

• 40:55Fortune Feimster?

  I'm trying to think if there's a bigger thing I did. I did fake having a retainer once because I thought that would be

• 41:03Fortune Feimster?

  cool.

• 41:05Tig Notaro?

  How did you?

• 41:07Fortune Feimster?

  It just was a paperclip that I put. I was like, why did I think this was cool? It's like people would ask me about my retainer. Yeah, I have a, yeah, I have a retainer.

• 41:21Mae Martin?

  It wasn't a joke. It was like, I actually want people to think.

• 41:25Fortune Feimster?

  A hundred percent for real. Thinking for some reason that would make me cool.

• 41:29Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 41:30Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that was so stupid. I think a couple of days later, like, why am I eating metal?

• 41:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And how are you holding it in place?

• 41:38Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. I, I, I like undid the paperclip so that it was like a round thing.

• 41:43Tig Notaro?

  I used to do that and just put it here, like where it kind of, you could kind of fit it to your mouth.

• 41:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 41:51Tig Notaro?

  I don't know. But, but did you have like embarrassment or shame the next day or anything?

• 41:59Fortune Feimster?

  Um, more of just like, what was that?

• 42:03Mae Martin?

  Oh, sorry. I'm just getting, I'm just getting a call, guys. Sorry.

• 42:06Tig Notaro?

  This is for real. You stop this. We are blowing up.

• 42:11Fortune Feimster?

  Hopefully someone walks past your window again at some point so you can have a moment as well.

• 42:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 42:18Fortune Feimster?

  But I don't know. I've tried to think if I did something on a larger scale that was for attention.

• 42:23Mae Martin?

  Drunk at a Hollywood party and you try and do the splits and you knock over the caviar?

• 42:30Fortune Feimster?

  I knocked over, can you believe I knocked over the caviar?

• 42:34Tig Notaro?

  Oh my God. Oh my God. Who knocked over the caviar?

• 42:41Mae Martin?

  What about you, Tig?

• 42:43Tig Notaro?

  It wasn't a prank, but I was at the age, my kids are just coming out of this age where they need a Band-Aid for everything.

• 42:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 42:53Tig Notaro?

  You know, when kids are just, I don't know if you're aware of this, but kids love a Band-Aid.

• 42:59Mae Martin?

  They love a Band-Aid.

• 43:01Tig Notaro?

  And it wasn't a prank, but it was kind of along the lines of what Fortune was saying. It was first grade and my mother had made me wear a dress for picture day.

• 43:16Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 43:17Tig Notaro?

  And it was the group picture. And I was sitting in the front row in my dress and I was so young and dumb that I didn't understand that what ends up in the picture, my mother's gonna see. And, and so I'm sitting there in my dress, which by the way, was a happy medium of my mother being like, you have to wear a dress, which she didn't continue to make me do later in life. But the one dress that I really liked to wear, if I had to wear a dress, was a, it was a denim dress.

• 43:56Mae Martin?

  Of course.

• 43:56Tig Notaro?

  With a, with a, with a, with a farm scene on it. There was like a farm with little animals and a sunshine.

• 44:05Mae Martin?

  And a pocket for your cigarettes.

• 44:09Tig Notaro?

  No, I just rolled those up in my sleeve. But it also had like overall, like a look of overalls. Anyway, so I wore my farm dress, sat in the front row and covered both of my legs with Band-Aids, knee to ankle.

• 44:31Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 44:32Tig Notaro?

  Knee, because I thought it looked so cool to have like all of these injuries on my leg, these fake injuries. So I get my picture taken. I go, I think it might've been the first year, because I'm, I would, I don't think I had a group picture in kindergarten, so it might've been the first year. So I didn't, I just didn't know, I didn't have a lot of information yet in life. So the picture gets developed and my mother, it gets sent to my mother, because she purchased the picture and she looks at it and she's like, oh, sweetie. On your legs. And I was so embarrassed. I was so humiliated by my mother seeing that I snuck.

• 45:17Tig Notaro?

  And, and, and she was, I mean, here, I just told a story of my mother putting soap in my mouth, but she was like, people are gonna think that. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, so that was, it wasn't a, is that a prank? I don't know if it's a prank.

• 45:34Fortune Feimster?

  Prank, but it's something you did for attention.

• 45:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that then you had to be faced with.

• 45:39Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah. Yeah. So I guess it does fill the, the.

• 45:44Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God. If my kid was doing that, I'd be like, my kid's great. That is really weird and funny.

• 45:52Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 45:53Mae Martin?

  Cover your legs with Band-Aids because you think it's kind of badass.

• 45:56Tig Notaro?

  10 Band-Aids on each leg.

• 45:58Fortune Feimster?

  And not a single Band-Aid was left in the house.

• 46:01Tig Notaro?

  Right.

• 46:04Tig Notaro?

  So there's my story.

• 46:06Mae Martin?

  We used to give each other hickies on our eyeballs because.

• 46:09Fortune Feimster?

  The three of us did, yeah.

• 46:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 46:12Fortune Feimster?

  Just last week.

• 46:13Mae Martin?

  So that it would look like a black eye because we thought that was cool. So you can, you sort of would suck on the person's like lower eyelid and then so everyone in the class looks like we had black eyes.

• 46:23Tig Notaro?

  Gross.

• 46:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it was gross. Yeah.

• 46:26Fortune Feimster?

  The things that we thought were so cool were nuts. Pretty badass.

• 46:33Mae Martin?

  Pretty badass.

• 46:35Tig Notaro?

  Should we hear, um, Lucas's, uh, answer?

• 46:39Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 46:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 46:41Speaker 05

  So my most cringey, most mortifying stunt that I've ever pulled just to get someone's attention has to do with you. Fortune. I'm so sorry. It was the night before party. First year, you know, after the pandemic. Never been invited to these Hollywood things. I didn't know how anything went. I, um, maybe drank a little, little too much. And as I'm leaving, I'm walking out and I spot you at the valet getting in your car. And I go, oh my God, oh my God, that's Fortune Feimster to my friend. We'd, we'd watched Barbenstar on repeat. And instead of just letting it go and admiring, admiring, or maybe saying hi, I proceeded to jump

• 47:26Speaker 05

  on the hood of your car.

• 47:29Tig Notaro?

  That's right.

• 47:30Speaker 05

  Like I knew you and I said, Fortune, stop, you have to hang out with us, Fortune. And.

• 47:36Speaker 05

  I cannot believe I did this. I also can't believe how amazing and nice you were because you kind of went along with it and kind of acted like we knew each other. You know, you probably thought I was absolutely insane. And the next morning I woke up in a cold sweat and I could not believe I did that. I'm so sorry. Love you and I love the pod.

• 47:56Tig Notaro?

  Oh my god. That is so funny.

• 47:59Fortune Feimster?

  I did not think that would be his answer. That's hilarious.

• 48:02Tig Notaro?

  And it's so different from Band-Aids on my legs with my front dress on.

• 48:09Fortune Feimster?

  That did, I want to, I want to say he might have been with Meg Stalter that night.

• 48:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:15Fortune Feimster?

  Um, yeah, I was, I knew that, obviously I didn't hit him with my car, but they kind of threw himself on the hood of my car.

• 48:25Mae Martin?

  I think that's a great bit.

• 48:26Fortune Feimster?

  I think I might have, I, I knew of him, but I'm, I don't know that White Lotus had come out yet, but that is so funny. And I, I didn't think twice about it. I just thought it was a funny bit.

• 48:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah, funny person being funny. I would, I'd be like, yeah, we are going to be friends if that's your.

• 48:44Fortune Feimster?

  We are friends and I see him around.

• 48:46Tig Notaro?

  Did you drive off saying, hey, would you be a guest on my podcast in a few years?

• 48:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I did. Can't wait to see you eat ass.

• 48:55Tig Notaro?

  Poor chick, come on. I mean, come on.

• 48:58Fortune Feimster?

  Sorry, sorry.

• 48:59Mae Martin?

  Meg Stalter is someone that when she's around, like, I get egged into this lunacy. Like, I maybe they.

• 49:08Fortune Feimster?

  Meg to do a question.

• 49:09Mae Martin?

  Of course. I don't know why we haven't. We have to.

• 49:10Fortune Feimster?

  I know, I just thought that.

• 49:12Mae Martin?

  Can I say really quickly, she is currently filming Hacks, so she's in Vegas, I think. And she has, I guess, a lot of time off just in her hotel room. And I, I have so much respect for how she's using that time, which is just she's doing these Instagram lives like she used to do during the pandemic where it's sometimes two hours and she's in character. She's wearing these wigs and people are calling in and she does a character called Miss Love, who she did a whole night where she was giving love advice and being like, my polyamorous boyfriend and I are getting married. Then the next night she does another two. Hour livestream being like, I'm getting a divorce. It's like the best. I'm just like, that is a comedy brain, you know?

• 49:53Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 49:53Mae Martin?

  The just is.

• 49:54Fortune Feimster?

  She's always thinking of bits.

• 49:55Mae Martin?

  And she doesn't give a shit. And I'm just.

• 49:57Fortune Feimster?

  She does not give a shit.

• 49:58Mae Martin?

  I really, I respect it a lot.

• 50:00Fortune Feimster?

  I've done a couple of her Largo shows and I'm just like, what is gonna unfold tonight?

• 50:05Tig Notaro?

  That's so funny.

• 50:07Fortune Feimster?

  Well, you know what? I, Lucas also got married on television. I didn't know if that was gonna be one of his things.

• 50:15Tig Notaro?

  What do you mean?

• 50:16Fortune Feimster?

  Lucas got married on the Kardashians.

• 50:19Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 50:20Fortune Feimster?

  Television show to Kim Kardashian's hairdresser.

• 50:24Mae Martin?

  And the wedding was on the reality show?

• 50:26Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 50:28Tig Notaro?

  And he was really, that's really his husband is.

• 50:31Fortune Feimster?

  They are now divorced.

• 50:33Mae Martin?

  I mean, that sounds like something I would do. Does it not?

• 50:35Fortune Feimster?

  But they both wore matching, like, I don't know if it was real or faux fur, big black faux fur, whatever jackets of black leather pants. In, I think Vegas and Kim was the officiant.

• 50:52Tig Notaro?

  And how long was he with his husband?

• 50:54Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. I think it was a shorter. A relationship. I think he's since talked about it on some podcasts, saying he regretted doing it in that way.

• 51:05Mae Martin?

  I feel like I, I, I would get over excited about something and be like, yeah, show the world, do it. Yeah.

• 51:12Fortune Feimster?

  Like get swept up in something?

• 51:13Mae Martin?

  Yes, a hundred percent. That sounds like, especially if Kim, Kim Kardashian's gonna officiate, I'll marry you guys. I'll marry anyone.

• 51:20Fortune Feimster?

  You're gonna marry whoever just so happens to officiate.

• 51:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 51:25Tig Notaro?

  Well, my friends, this was a delightful episode.

• 51:28Mae Martin?

  I loved it.

• 51:29Tig Notaro?

  Can't get enough.

• 51:30Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 51:31Tig Notaro?

  But that is enough. We do need to move on. Um, I just wanted to say that we have new merch.

• 51:39Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 51:39Tig Notaro?

  Including, uh, speaking of yeah, we have a Yeah Ghost crew neck.

• 51:44Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, ghosts.

• 51:44Tig Notaro?

  And a handsome zip hoodie. Go to handsomepod.com. Also, I cannot stress enough the importance of rating and reviewing our show. Subscribe to the podcast. Also subscribe to our YouTube channel.

• 52:01Fortune Feimster?

  And follow us, follow our socia's because uh, some of these merch things were from the feedback we got on those socia's.

• 52:11Mae Martin?

  And if anyone knows the couple who I spat on in character. Get in touch with them and apologize.

• 52:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, that's a good idea for sure.

• 52:21Mae Martin?

  What do you guys have coming up? Or I can start because I can say that I'm, and I'm supposed to say, and I get emails reminding me to say, I am on tour, I'm going on tour in February for 35 cities I'm going to and the tickets are on sale and my whole team is very nervous about the ticket sales. So please buy some tickets, come see me live. I've never done an American tour and I'll be in Canada.

• 52:46Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's gonna be incredible. You're gonna sell tickets.

• 52:51Mae Martin?

  I can't wait. I can't wait. I'm gonna try and meet, meet as many people as I can too and do meet and greets and stuff. So yeah, check it out.

• 52:59Fortune Feimster?

  Well, this November, I'm at the Chicago Theater. It's almost sold out, so get your tickets. San Jose and Fresno, California, the end of that month. Charlotte, North Carolina, St. Petersburg, Florida, Orlando, Florida in December. And then a bunch of dates got rescheduled, like Norfolk, Salt Lake City, Vancouver and Seattle, all those, those are at the end of the year. Seattle, Washington, I'm doing New Year's Eve.

• 53:29Fortune Feimster?

  So come celebrate the new year with me. It's before the countdown, so you can come to the show, then go celebrate the ringing in of the new year elsewhere.

• 53:41Tig Notaro?

  I'm gonna be in Montclair, New Jersey for the Montclair Film Festival and Stephen Colbert is hosting the evening of the documentary screening.

• 53:55Mae Martin?

  Oh, no way.

• 53:57Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. So that's gonna be really fun. This isn't like a stand-up show, but I'll be out there doing Drew Barrymore's show and Colbert promoting the documentary. So we're in full, full documentary promotion mode right now. So if it's, if the, if the film is screening anywhere near you, please check it out. And we are creeping up on the premiere of Come See Me in the Good Light. On Apple TV, November 14th, I cannot emphasize enough how beautiful this film is. And I mean, it really, really promotes and encourages compassion.

• 54:39Tig Notaro?

  I'll also be at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles, November 16th, and Largo in Los Angeles, November 21st. So get your tickets and go to tignotaro.com for all my other live show information.

• 54:55Fortune Feimster?

  Sweet.

• 54:56Tig Notaro?

  Really sweet. And I would say until next time, shall we?

• 55:01Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it handsome.

• 55:04Mae Martin?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected]. And please follow us on social media, @handsomepod.

• 55:20Fortune Feimster?

  What a podcast. What a podcast.

• 55:27Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.

• 55:29Speaker 06

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 55:31Speaker 07

  And Hannah Simone.

• 55:32Speaker 06

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind the scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dogged.

• 55:54Speaker 07

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 56:07Speaker 06

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes, we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 56:18Speaker 07

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.