Gianmarco Soresi asks about getting in trouble

The hilarious Gianmarco Soresi asks about getting trouble in school, and Handsome has some amazing stories... Fortune's is guaranteed to shock you! Plus, Taylor Swift gets Handsome, Tig and Fortune get together and ruin the podcast, and a stripper sage to remember! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website. With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising, and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time.

• 1:19Mae Martin?

  Squarespace makes it easy, so easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes. So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 1:48Mae Martin?

  Cheers. Welcome to the Handsome Pod. It's me, Fortune Feimster, feeling handsome.

• 1:56Tig Notaro?

  And I'm Mae Martin.

• 1:57Mae Martin?

  No.

• 2:01Tig Notaro?

  You go.

• 2:02Mae Martin?

  You go.

• 2:03Tig Notaro?

  Oh, it's me, May. Oh, May, it's me, Tig. Hello. Fortune, what a handsome shirt. Thank you. If you're on YouTube, or you want to head over there now, you can see the gorgeous merchandise across Fortune's dumpster tits.

• 2:24Fortune Feimster?

  Tig, I was giving them a bounce for you.

• 2:26Tig Notaro?

  I see that, Fortune Marie.

• 2:30Tig Notaro?

  And way to rub it in that mine are in a dumpster.

• 2:33Fortune Feimster?

  I've never done that on camera before.

• 2:35Tig Notaro?

  Here, I can do mine.

• 2:36Fortune Feimster?

  I don't mean to rub, I don't mean to rub this in your face.

• 2:39Mae Martin?

  But you've done it off camera, a lot. I like that.

• 2:42Tig Notaro?

  You see mine?

• 2:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah, phantom.

• 2:45Fortune Feimster?

  Tig's juggling those jugs.

• 2:49Fortune Feimster?

  Those, those Tig old bitties.

• 2:51Tig Notaro?

  It is okay if it jiggles.

• 2:53Mae Martin?

  I do kinda wish that when I had boobs, I'd made more use of them. I wish I'd motor boated a bit. I wish I'd jiggled them around. I just didn't, I just didn't like them.

• 3:04Fortune Feimster?

  Mine are spread far apart, so it's hard to motor boat them.

• 3:07Tig Notaro?

  How far are they?

• 3:09Fortune Feimster?

  They're like over here.

• 3:10Tig Notaro?

  Lift your shirt.

• 3:12Fortune Feimster?

  Lift up your shirt, how dare you?

• 3:17Fortune Feimster?

  They're just, you know, some, some ladies have a big space right here, and I do.

• 3:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you could wear like a very low cut gown, cause that, and then the, the space would.

• 3:29Tig Notaro?

  Do you want me to give you two a little private time together? While you tell Fortune what you would like?

• 3:36Mae Martin?

  You just asked Fortune to take her shirt off.

• 3:38Fortune Feimster?

  Good point, May.

• 3:39Tig Notaro?

  Okay, that wasn't sexual. That was me just curious about a friend's anatomy.

• 3:46Fortune Feimster?

  Shirt up, that wasn't sexual.

• 3:49Fortune Feimster?

  Some people wear the, some ladies wear the tux with no shirt underneath.

• 3:53Mae Martin?

  That's a good look, I think.

• 3:54Fortune Feimster?

  I could not pull that off.

• 3:56Tig Notaro?

  Wait, I thought you could, because there was space between your.

• 3:59Fortune Feimster?

  No, but I just don't think that's my, do people really want me to?

• 4:03Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 4:03Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 4:04Tig Notaro?

  Oh, you could put fake hair on your chest.

• 4:07Fortune Feimster?

  That actually is pretty funny.

• 4:09Tig Notaro?

  That would be incredible.

• 4:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah, Tig, you could rock that. I could imagine that, like with a fake mustache and full fake hairy chest, like.

• 4:19Tig Notaro?

  Who said it's fake hairy chest?

• 4:21Mae Martin?

  Oh, right, sorry, yeah.

• 4:24Fortune Feimster?

  Well, when we host the Oscars, you'll have to come out with a tux and fake hairy chest. Yeah.

• 4:32Tig Notaro?

  And will you wear your handsome T-shirt?

• 4:34Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe.

• 4:35Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 4:36Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, we'll all go, we'll all go tux shirtless. Yeah, I'm into it. How are you guys? So good. I was just watching, Taylor Swift did her man's podcast.

• 4:48Tig Notaro?

  Really? Has she ever done a podcast?

• 4:50Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think she's ever done a podcast. And people are like, I can't believe she's doing podcasts. But then other people are like, podcasts are literally the most popular thing in the world right now.

• 4:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 4:59Fortune Feimster?

  Right. And could you, do they have chemistry? They, I will say, they were really cute together.

• 5:07Tig Notaro?

  Do you listen to his podcast? Or you listen because you heard she was on there?

• 5:11Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I see clips of it online. And then, you know, once you watch one clip, it's serving you up 20 on TikTok. Um, I was, I think everybody was curious because she's so famous and she's never done a podcast. And people are curious about them. I've met him a couple of times and he's super nice, really, really nice, fun guy. I totally got why she was into him. He is like the, he's the guy you want to hang out with. He's so fun. Though, you like a Channing Tatum, you like a Travis, you like a big burly. I love those big burly guys. Love, I loved him. I met his brother too. They're both awesome.

• 5:51Fortune Feimster?

  And I met him, I met Travis twice and I'm like, I, when you meet him, you're like, I get this a thousand percent. Um, but seeing them together was super cute.

• 6:01Tig Notaro?

  People not getting it? What, why?

• 6:03Fortune Feimster?

  He's like the, he's like the jock and she's like the cerebral poet singer. I don't know. I think he, like, he's the jock and she's the prom queen. It's perfect. To me, it makes, it's like. I don't think she's like prom, like the, like the prom queen in the sense that you think of prom queens, you know? Right.

• 6:25Mae Martin?

  You're seeing her more as a tortured poet.

• 6:27Fortune Feimster?

  She like loves books. They even joked about it on the podcast.

• 6:30Tig Notaro?

  And he doesn't know how to read.

• 6:32Fortune Feimster?

  She like used some big words and he's like, I don't know what that is. And she grabbed, she grabbed his hand, his face and she goes, you're so handsome.

• 6:40Tig Notaro?

  Aww.

• 6:40Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, I like that.

• 6:42Tig Notaro?

  That was a nod to our show. I can't believe it.

• 6:45Fortune Feimster?

  I can't believe that secret plug.

• 6:47Mae Martin?

  Thanks for the shout out, Taylor.

• 6:49Tig Notaro?

  I know. We should actually grab that clip. And will you make a note of that, Thomas?

• 6:55Fortune Feimster?

  We've commandeered the word handsome.

• 6:57Tig Notaro?

  Socials to acknowledge that Taylor Swift gave us a nod.

• 7:03Mae Martin?

  Let's get into a massive legal battle with Taylor's team over the use of the word handsome.

• 7:08Fortune Feimster?

  Say the word handsome, you idiots.

• 7:10Tig Notaro?

  Or even a mud wrestling competition.

• 7:13Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, let's mud wrestle, Taylor. That would be fun.

• 7:15Tig Notaro?

  And she can throw her burly dude in there, too. I forgot you're into burly men, Fortune.

• 7:22Fortune Feimster?

  Let's be clear. I'm not into men.

• 7:25Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, right.

• 7:26Fortune Feimster?

  But I can, I've got eyes and I can see that certain men are attractive.

• 7:31Tig Notaro?

  See, I like a guy that is about my size. We can share clothes.

• 7:37Mae Martin?

  I can imagine you tig with like Jeff Buckley. Like a beautiful sort of feminine man.

• 7:45Fortune Feimster?

  Like a deep, like a deep guy, like who thinks.

• 7:48Tig Notaro?

  I just like a, I like a artsy, kind of creative writer, funny, interesting.

• 7:56Mae Martin?

  Okay, so Fortune can mud wrestle Travis.

• 7:58Fortune Feimster?

  I'll mud wrestle Travis.

• 8:00Tig Notaro?

  Look, I think Travis is cute, don't get me wrong, but like, I don't want to roll over and find him in my bed.

• 8:10Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 8:11Fortune Feimster?

  Picturing that is so funny.

• 8:15Tig Notaro?

  Me rolling over.

• 8:16Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, hello. Oh, hello.

• 8:19Mae Martin?

  What did I do last night?

• 8:20Tig Notaro?

  The hell are you doing in my bed?

• 8:22Fortune Feimster?

  He's like, what's up, girl? You want to go, uh, get some breakfast?

• 8:26Tig Notaro?

  Or I'm more like, oh, is Taylor here?

• 8:31Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, they're they're really cute together.

• 8:34Mae Martin?

  I know people have been waiting for our hot take on on their relationship.

• 8:37Fortune Feimster?

  People were waiting.

• 8:39Mae Martin?

  People have been really waiting.

• 8:40Fortune Feimster?

  I'm telling you, I'm a fan. I like them together and I'm rooting for them.

• 8:45Tig Notaro?

  I am a massive Taylor Swift fan.

• 8:48Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I love her.

• 8:49Tig Notaro?

  I think we are the only two that love her, but we love her big. We love her big. I love her so much and I love also listening to her old country days where she kind of had a twang.

• 9:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:04Tig Notaro?

  And it's just adorable because that twang is nowhere to be found anymore.

• 9:11Fortune Feimster?

  I'll tell you, having gone to her era's tour and seeing her perform for three and a half hours, nonstop movement, dancing, songs, guitar, piano. I'm like, this, this person is one of the most talented people ever. And the endurance that it would require to do what she did is like athletic level, like D1 sports, professional athlete.

• 9:38Mae Martin?

  You know how like singers and they'll practice by singing on a treadmill because they got to dance and move around, but not get out of breath?

• 9:45Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that's what she does.

• 9:48Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, you just sounded like the gayest reviewer. I mean, we are talking D level.

• 9:55Fortune Feimster?

  We're talking D1 sports in college. We're talking about professional level athlete, Nike sponsored, eating protein.

• 10:05Tig Notaro?

  Oh, she's eating protein.

• 10:06Fortune Feimster?

  Heart bloating, on a treadmill.

• 10:10Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 10:11Fortune Feimster?

  You know, hitting the squats.

• 10:14Tig Notaro?

  She looks like a girl and does it.

• 10:17Fortune Feimster?

  Looks amazing, sounds amazing.

• 10:21Fortune Feimster?

  Um, yeah, I was a, I was a fan before, but that like cemented it to the next level.

• 10:27Tig Notaro?

  The podcast?

• 10:28Fortune Feimster?

  No, the era's tour.

• 10:30Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I can't concentrate sometimes when you talk.

• 10:37Mae Martin?

  I've been trying to read books up here in Lake Arrowhead.

• 10:42Mae Martin?

  Try, I brought a whole stack of them.

• 10:45Fortune Feimster?

  You're on week two now?

• 10:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah, man. And I'm reading Scattered Minds by Gabor Maté.

• 10:53Fortune Feimster?

  Gabor. Is that the guy that does the, he's from another country?

• 10:59Mae Martin?

  He's, I think originally Hungarian, but he is Canadian. He's a, he was a GP and he writes about like all kinds of things, mental health and addiction and.

• 11:09Fortune Feimster?

  He does a lot of podcasts.

• 11:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah, he does.

• 11:12Fortune Feimster?

  And so I see clips of him all the time.

• 11:14Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 11:15Fortune Feimster?

  And what is his name?

• 11:16Mae Martin?

  Gabor Maté. And this book is about ADHD. It's blowing my mind. I'm like, I think I have I mean, I've been diagnosed, but I don't know, reading the book, I'm like, yeah, I definitely have this.

• 11:30Fortune Feimster?

  But does it then tell you, or maybe you haven't gotten there yet, like tips about how to manage?

• 11:37Mae Martin?

  I hope so. I'm hoping, because I'm really like observing my patterns as I'm up here. And it's so quiet and I'm like, all the distractions are not here. And I'm trying to do different things and.

• 11:51Fortune Feimster?

  What about your phone?

• 11:53Mae Martin?

  I'm being pretty good. I'm being pretty good.

• 11:56Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 11:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'm still on it a lot. I'm on it a lot. Yeah, I'm on it a lot, lot, lot.

• 12:01Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I went up to Lake Arrowhead to look at my phone.

• 12:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 12:05Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 12:06Mae Martin?

  But like things like in the city, I had got into a pattern of always having a true crime podcast on or like watching Survivor or just constant noise and, and so much horrific true crime. So I'm trying to like cleanse what I'm ingesting and putting in my brain. So I'm trying to read and if I'm going to watch something, I'm going to watch something happy.

• 12:29Fortune Feimster?

  There you go. Now, would you ever just sit?

• 12:33Mae Martin?

  Yep.

• 12:34Tig Notaro?

  You and you have?

• 12:36Mae Martin?

  I struggle.

• 12:39Tig Notaro?

  Okay, but like if you just sat.

• 12:42Mae Martin?

  I'm working up to it.

• 12:43Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay, that's exciting.

• 12:45Mae Martin?

  Tig, you meditate, but Fortune, can you just sit on a bench?

• 12:49Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I can sit in a hot tub and I can sit in a bench. Uh, but other than that, I get a little distracted for sure.

• 12:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah, there's so much going on.

• 12:59Fortune Feimster?

  Like, I don't have this problem on this podcast because there's three of us. Uh, on my radio show, I get, I somehow, I get really distracted because it's two hours a day. And, uh, I, I wander off, um.

• 13:16Tig Notaro?

  What do you mean you wander off? You leave Tom alone?

• 13:19Fortune Feimster?

  Um, no, I'll be here, but he'll just be talking and I'll just kind of be like, look at the trees outside. Or like, look at something on my phone or, you know, I definitely get distracted.

• 13:34Tig Notaro?

  He is such a funny man.

• 13:36Fortune Feimster?

  He is. Oh, yeah. I asked him to do a question for us. He's got to get that.

• 13:40Tig Notaro?

  He is just so silly. I love silliness.

• 13:44Mae Martin?

  Are Thomas ever, I mean, because we're talking and talking, like, Thomas, do you have other tabs open? Are you reading a book?

• 13:54Tig Notaro?

  He's like writing, he's making notes of how annoying or boring or, oh, my God, they're repeating this story.

• 14:02Fortune Feimster?

  He's got a grocery list up right now.

• 14:05Speaker 04

  I'm mostly updating the list.

• 14:07Mae Martin?

  Right, right. That takes a lot.

• 14:09Fortune Feimster?

  The list that we don't ever check off hardly.

• 14:12Tig Notaro?

  We're going to eventually.

• 14:14Fortune Feimster?

  We just keep accumulating things.

• 14:20Tig Notaro?

  Uh, now, Fortune, how is Ginger doing? If you care to share, no need to share, but I just wanted to check in because you did mention you like to sit on a park, a park bench.

• 14:31Fortune Feimster?

  I do like to sit on a park bench. I'm going to go see her in a week. Um, it's not going quite as good as we hoped. Uh, she had her three month, like, check in. Uh, to the, the plan was for her to get chemo for three months and then they were going to, uh, test her, like, do MRIs and do, um, different tests and just see like what is happening, what the chemo is doing. And the chemo's not doing much, so that is a bummer. Uh, I think she was hoping it would just kind of magically shrink everything. We knew it wouldn't get rid of it. It's incurable.

• 15:13Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, but to not see any change, I think really was discouraging for her, but it's still, there's, you know, still early days. Um, so she's still keeping her spirits up and still being positive.

• 15:27Tig Notaro?

  And how are you doing?

• 15:29Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, it's hard cause like I, I like hear the, I hear the updates and know that it's not good news. But it's like, I don't want to like dwell too much on it still. I just wanna kind of remain positive and hope that like, we just, you know, continue the path and that if the doctor feels there's other, like more, more chemo or like this might have to be a surgery at some point. I'm just kind of waiting to see what the the plan is before I get too wrapped up in the motions of it all.

• 16:08Fortune Feimster?

  Cause then I think I'll just be sad all the time if I just like dwell on that. So I think for some reason I'm hearing everything, uh, but it's, I'm just a little numb, maybe.

• 16:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And do you, and maybe we've talked about this, but is there an advocate at the hospital that?

• 16:28Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, she does have a, um, there's some word for it. Her nurse something, uh, who's, who's really, she likes a lot and she talks to a lot. And I think he even went with her to her MRI today.

• 16:45Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 16:46Fortune Feimster?

  So yeah, she had an advocate or something like that, a nurse advocate. Um, so yeah, she has someone, um, she was pretty bummed out.

• 16:57Fortune Feimster?

  For sure, uh, yesterday, uh, and today, um, cause she, she didn't tell me until today, but she was, I could tell something that was up yesterday. Cause she gets, feels bad about, she doesn't wanna like burden me and I'm like, but you have to tell me.

• 17:14Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 17:15Fortune Feimster?

  You just have to tell me the updates. It's just, this is the journey.

• 17:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Well, you know, and as hard as that is, there are those moments or those decisions that are made in people's treatment where a doctor can shift course and really have incredible, uh, you know, a, a patient can respond really well to

• 17:39Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 17:40Tig Notaro?

  A different treatment or different kind of chemo or whatever. Obviously I don't know the ins and outs of Ginger's situation, but, um, I think it's obviously good to keep hope and, um,

• 17:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah, to, yeah, to be forward thinking and, and just like step by step.

• 18:00Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 18:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 18:02Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I mean, I just, uh, you know, wanted to prolong her life as long as possible and

• 18:11Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 18:11Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, hope that this is, you know, something that we just, uh, can figure out. And, uh, you know, she's doing everything she can and time will tell.

• 18:25Mae Martin?

  Maybe this is a dumb question, but does she like journal at all? Or like, I've heard that that's super, cause there's so much information coming at you, but also just to dump your thoughts and worries out.

• 18:36Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. She has been given journals. I don't know if she's using them. I'll have to ask her. Um, they do as part of her treatment, give her a therapist, um. So she has that outlet, but um.

• 18:52Mae Martin?

  I didn't know they did that. That's amazing.

• 18:54Fortune Feimster?

  But yeah, I know she likes to write, so I'll have to ask her.

• 18:57Mae Martin?

  Well, thanks for updating us.

• 18:59Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, thanks for asking. It's a weird, it's a weird year. Uh, weird times, but I'm just tracking along and trying to just keep, keep a positive attitude as she is as well.

• 19:12Tig Notaro?

  Well, I know for a fact you have a massively handsome community behind you and ginger.

• 19:19Fortune Feimster?

  That's true.

• 19:20Tig Notaro?

  It's massive.

• 19:22Fortune Feimster?

  I know everywhere I go, it's so lovely, like uh, people so, so much are coming up to me and just saying like, I'm thinking about your mom, sending love to your mom. It's really sweet.

• 19:34Tig Notaro?

  Oh, that's amazing. Well, send her our love as well.

• 19:38Fortune Feimster?

  I will, for sure.

• 19:41Tig Notaro?

  And tell her we'd love to read her journals one day.

• 19:43Fortune Feimster?

  We wanna read about your secrets.

• 19:47Mae Martin?

  My grandma.

• 19:48Fortune Feimster?

  I'm not a journaler.

• 19:50Mae Martin?

  My grandma left a journal and uh, it, it was pretty offensive.

• 19:54Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, really? Cause, oh, cause she left, you read them when she died?

• 19:58Mae Martin?

  Well, she was saying someone should publish this. We read it, we were like, nah, this.

• 20:04Fortune Feimster?

  She's just shitting on everybody?

• 20:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like, uh, yeah, it was just nuts.

• 20:10Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God.

• 20:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I don't journal. I, I, I did when I lived in Spain. Um, and uh, cause I had nothing else to do.

• 20:20Mae Martin?

  That's my story up here. I got nothing. I'm journaling like crazy.

• 20:24Fortune Feimster?

  Like, I'll write something.

• 20:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 20:26Tig Notaro?

  Are you journaling like crazy, May?

• 20:29Mae Martin?

  Dude, the other night, uh, let me just.

• 20:31Tig Notaro?

  Can you read us a little?

• 20:32Mae Martin?

  Should I? I haven't read it back.

• 20:34Tig Notaro?

  Yes, tell us something.

• 20:35Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God, okay. And this is kind of funny, cause it, I was sitting in the pitch black and I couldn't see what I was writing. So my, you can't, it's like, it looks like a child wrote it, but.

• 20:45Tig Notaro?

  Sure.

• 20:46Mae Martin?

  Okay, what did I write? I, this could be really embarrassing, because this was like earnest.

• 20:51Tig Notaro?

  That's why I asked you to read it.

• 20:53Mae Martin?

  Okay, okay.

• 20:56Mae Martin?

  This was August 12th. I wrote, "Tonight, between midnight and dawn, there are meant to be thousands of meteors streaking across the sky. Friends, strangers on the internet, tell me tonight is a powerful time to set intention and manifest, particularly..." This is bad. This is really embarrassing. "Particularly in the arena of love, money, and abundance. I take it to heart. What else am I meant to do? These people have gone to the trouble of making these videos, and some of them are doctors." Anyway.

• 21:23Fortune Feimster?

  Good point. That's a good point. All of your journal included appreciation for those making these videos.

• 21:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And then I wrote, "The part of my brain that responds to stuff like this," I think I mean like manifesty, spiritual, new agey stuff, "all of these ideas like simulation theory, they all reflect and mirror back some deep feeling that we all have inside, a sense of unreality, of absurdity, in a world that we increasingly don't recognize. The cruelty and greed and idiocy we see doesn't reflect our inner nature, which I have to believe is good, which wants to love and be loved." So how then have we let this happen? Anyway, that's the kind of...

• 22:06Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, deep thoughts, for sure.

• 22:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah. But what do you do with them?

• 22:10Fortune Feimster?

  You are very poetic in how you write.

• 22:13Mae Martin?

  Thanks.

• 22:14Fortune Feimster?

  I'd be like, if I were writing this, I'd be like, "Um, well, today was fine. Sat on a chair, ate a hot dog."

• 22:23Mae Martin?

  I saw it. Somebody posted, someone posted their, like a snapshot of their grade five journal, the first page, and it was like, "My name is Lauren. I'm 11. This is my journal. Also, what is the meaning of life?"

• 22:39Mae Martin?

  I am thinking a lot while I'm up here about like, how are we gonna make a massive shift in the world and how we've, we've entered the age of Aquarius, and the last time that happened was the 60s, and maybe we'll have some, if we can all get our shit together and like, be like radically practicing love and peace and stuff, maybe we could do it? I don't know. I'm just like, what are we gonna do? This is not working.

• 23:03Fortune Feimster?

  When did we enter the age of Aquarius?

• 23:05Mae Martin?

  Couldn't tell you. In fact, are we even in it? I don't know.

• 23:08Fortune Feimster?

  Are we in it?

• 23:09Tig Notaro?

  Thomas, can you Google if we're in the age of Aquarius?

• 23:14Mae Martin?

  Yes, Fortune.

• 23:15Fortune Feimster?

  That's right, May.

• 23:17Mae Martin?

  I don't know any other lyrics to it, do you?

• 23:18Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know either.

• 23:19Tig Notaro?

  Um, I certainly don't, but while Thomas is Googling whether we're in or out of the age of Aquarius, should we, um?

• 23:27Fortune Feimster?

  Kiss? Should we kiss?

• 23:30Tig Notaro?

  Fortune Marie? I was gonna say, should we, um?

• 23:33Fortune Feimster?

  You were stuttering over there. I assumed you were wanting a kiss.

• 23:39Tig Notaro?

  Is that what a stutterer is?

• 23:41Fortune Feimster?

  You just seemed nervous and I was like, you must be trying to ask for a kiss.

• 23:44Tig Notaro?

  I am nervous. I'm very nervous.

• 23:47Mae Martin?

  Every time we do this podcast, you are quivering.

• 23:50Tig Notaro?

  So nervous because I do have secret feelings for Fortune.

• 23:56Fortune Feimster?

  I knew it. I knew it too.

• 23:59Mae Martin?

  I knew it.

• 24:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 24:01Fortune Feimster?

  Well, just try to contain yourself.

• 24:04Tig Notaro?

  I love you.

• 24:05Fortune Feimster?

  I love you.

• 24:06Tig Notaro?

  Oh, it's mutual?

• 24:07Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 24:08Tig Notaro?

  Wow. Why expecting that?

• 24:11Mae Martin?

  I don't actually know how I'd feel. No, but if you guys got together, it would be two against one to the max. Like, I would feel so excluded.

• 24:21Tig Notaro?

  Oh my gosh, what would you do? And then also to know that like I'm leaving your friend Stephanie to be with your friend Fortune?

• 24:30Fortune Feimster?

  God, that would be some, that would ruin the pod.

• 24:34Mae Martin?

  Do you think?

• 24:34Tig Notaro?

  You think so?

• 24:36Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, it's a big drama.

• 24:38Mae Martin?

  You guys are podcasting from the same bed, like in your like PJs?

• 24:43Tig Notaro?

  Topless.

• 24:47Fortune Feimster?

  We have matching PJs. We can't even keep a straight face. I've got, I've got my arm around you, holding your mic.

• 24:56Fortune Feimster?

  No, I'm just snuggled in there.

• 25:01Mae Martin?

  Thomas, are we in the age of Aquarius?

• 25:03Fortune Feimster?

  No, I'm no, I'm no homewrecker.

• 25:05Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 25:06Fortune Feimster?

  I'm keeping Tig's family intact.

• 25:08Tig Notaro?

  Thank you.

• 25:09Fortune Feimster?

  You're welcome.

• 25:11Speaker 04

  Some astrologers say we are in the age of Aquarius and some say we are not in the age of Aquarius.

• 25:17Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 25:18Mae Martin?

  How can that be?

• 25:19Fortune Feimster?

  We cannot be in the age of Aquarius if no one, if we are not in agreement that we are in the age of Aquarius.

• 25:29Tig Notaro?

  Thank you for looking that up, Thomas.

• 25:31Mae Martin?

  I'm, I, I mean, I need a definitive, who's the, who's the number one astrologist?

• 25:36Tig Notaro?

  I don't know. Maybe we can find an answer in the question that's being asked of us this week.

• 25:40Fortune Feimster?

  Do you think that we should do a podcast?

• 25:42Tig Notaro?

  Let's get to the question.

• 25:44Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, let me ask a question real quick.

• 25:47Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 25:47Fortune Feimster?

  Should we do a podcast where we have all had a glass of wine?

• 25:54Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 25:55Fortune Feimster?

  Don't you think that would be fun?

• 25:57Tig Notaro?

  Oh my gosh. No, you don't, you wouldn't like me when I'm drunk.

• 26:01Fortune Feimster?

  What would you be like?

• 26:04Tig Notaro?

  Well.

• 26:04Fortune Feimster?

  Would you fall asleep?

• 26:06Tig Notaro?

  Yes. No, I, um, I don't drink a lot.

• 26:10Fortune Feimster?

  I know. That's what's fun.

• 26:13Tig Notaro?

  So as soon as I feel any change, I just yell, I'm drunk.

• 26:18Fortune Feimster?

  I'd love that. I think we should try it.

• 26:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 26:22Fortune Feimster?

  At one episode, put it on the list, Thomas, we're all gonna have, drank a glass of wine. Not, we're gonna drink one before and then start recording and also have one while we're recording.

• 26:35Tig Notaro?

  Have you been drinking, Fortune?

• 26:37Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 26:38Tig Notaro?

  You can't, cause you sound drunk.

• 26:40Fortune Feimster?

  No, no, I haven't.

• 26:42Tig Notaro?

  Oh my gosh. I saw some clip online. I think it was probably our best of or a hundred episode or something. And, um, and when I watched it, you know, it like went through so many different things and people or whatever. It must've been our hundred episode. And it made me laugh so hard because there was a clip where you just see fortunes gams.

• 27:05Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, that one I had had a.

• 27:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, when she was afternoon boozing.

• 27:10Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 27:10Tig Notaro?

  That's my favorite. I love an aft- a top secret afternoon drink where or two where I feel it and I have a little secret that the rest of the world doesn't know because it's the middle of the day and I've had drinks. I love that.

• 27:29Fortune Feimster?

  Is it a certain drink, though?

• 27:31Tig Notaro?

  No, I mean, like beer or I don't margar- I like a skinny margarita.

• 27:37Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 27:38Tig Notaro?

  I don't like anything too sweet or too sour.

• 27:41Fortune Feimster?

  We're gonna get you a skinny margarita.

• 27:43Mae Martin?

  On our live shows, sometimes when we have whiskey on stage, there's a- sometimes we get a little off the rails.

• 27:50Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, we do. We're gonna type a podcast where we're having an afternoon beverage.

• 27:55Tig Notaro?

  Well, yeah, we'll have to record in an afternoon sometime.

• 27:59Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, we will.

• 28:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, okay.

• 28:01Fortune Feimster?

  We will.

• 28:02Tig Notaro?

  Fair enough.

• 28:03Fortune Feimster?

  All right, well, I'm glad that's- we settled that.

• 28:04Tig Notaro?

  All right, let's, let's, um, let's get into our questions, shall we?

• 28:08Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-hmm. Well, today's question asker is a stand-up comedian, actor, and the host of the Downside Podcast. Jean-Marcos Soresi is asking today's question.

• 28:22Tig Notaro?

  Nice.

• 28:23Speaker 00

  Hello, handsome. I'm Jean-Marcos Soresi, and my question is, what's the most trouble you ever got in at school? Bonus points if you got suspended or expelled.

• 28:39Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, Jean-Marcos. He's very funny.

• 28:43Mae Martin?

  Hmm, I'm really thinking about this question. It's a great question.

• 28:46Tig Notaro?

  I have so many to choose from.

• 28:48Mae Martin?

  I know.

• 28:49Fortune Feimster?

  I was a good girl. I was a good girl. Loved your mama. Is that the words?

• 28:57Tig Notaro?

  Loved Jesus.

• 28:59Fortune Feimster?

  Jesus.

• 29:00Tig Notaro?

  Jesus.

• 29:01Fortune Feimster?

  And boyfriend, too.

• 29:04Tig Notaro?

  I'm a bad boy. Don't need this, sir.

• 29:10Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I'm mixing up the words.

• 29:12Mae Martin?

  I love raccoons and doing a poo.

• 29:14Fortune Feimster?

  Well, let's hear about y'all being degenerates.

• 29:17Mae Martin?

  Well, I'm interested fortunately, because it feels like it would stand out in your mind if you got in trouble, because you rarely got in trouble. So like.

• 29:25Fortune Feimster?

  I was an angel.

• 29:27Tig Notaro?

  That is so weird to rarely get in trouble as a kid.

• 29:31Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, rarely. I have been so responsible my whole life.

• 29:36Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 29:37Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know why. I think it's just my nature. I did get in trouble and I'll tell you a couple of those tales, but I would like for you guys to tell me about all the shenanigans you were up to.

• 29:48Tig Notaro?

  I'll tell you, one time, I mean, I got sent out of my classrooms all the time. And when I was in seventh grade and I had been thrown out of my science class, the, here's the first mistake is the teacher would send everyone disrupting the class into the hallway. So now we're just feral children in the hallway, unsupervised. And I had this brilliant idea to, because our classroom was at the end of the hall and at the end of the hall was the bathrooms. And I was like, why don't we go into the bathroom,

• 30:31Tig Notaro?

  get the toilet paper and just start toilet papering the school and just wrapping the bushes and trees. Middle of the day. Uh huh. And we got caught.

• 30:45Mae Martin?

  Well, yeah.

• 30:46Tig Notaro?

  We got caught. Of course, it's like seventh grade. Middle of the day. We're just like wrapping the toilet paper all around everything. And yeah, but I ended up in in-school suspension all the time. I was never suspended from school, but I always had to go sit in a classroom that was isolated.

• 31:09Fortune Feimster?

  It's called ISS.

• 31:11Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And that's when I eventually dropped out. I was sitting there. Because in in-school suspension, they send you your classwork and you have to finish it when you're in the suspension area. And, you know, say I was in there for two or three days for something I did. They, as I said, send your classwork. But if you don't finish your classwork, they add days. Hmm. So I'm sitting there looking at this stack of papers and books. And I'm like, I don't know who they think is going to be doing this work. Because it's not me. That's not what I do. I don't do my schoolwork.

• 31:54Tig Notaro?

  So I didn't see any out from in-school suspension. Right.

• 32:03Tig Notaro?

  You just kept having to stay? Yeah. And so I was sitting there and I remember I was like, oh, my gosh. I'm just gonna head home. And I got up and I started to walk out of the class, out of the suspension room. And the teacher or coach, it was a coach that had to watch us. He stood up and walked in front of the door. He was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Where do you think you're going? And I was like, I'm heading home. I was like, I'm done. He was like, no, you can't. And I was like, no, no, no. I quit. I'm done. Like, I'm going home. And he was like, wow.

• 32:43Tig Notaro?

  Got out of my way and I walked out. I felt so free and happy. I got in the car, went home, done.

• 32:52Mae Martin?

  How'd your family take it?

• 32:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, how did your family act?

• 32:57Tig Notaro?

  You know, I think it was a long road with me. Again, failed three grades, dropped out of high school. Yeah. And I think because, even though I was a kid that got in trouble at school, I wasn't like this really bad kid. I was just... I just was.

• 33:21Mae Martin?

  This can be school.

• 33:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and I just, I was meant for a different world and life, and I think my mother knew that. And she and my stepfather just encouraged me to get my GED, which I did. And then, I think I've mentioned, my cat ate.

• 33:41Mae Martin?

  Toilet papering.

• 33:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 33:45Mae Martin?

  The goal of toilet papering is just, it's just like a chaos box.

• 33:49Fortune Feimster?

  It's everywhere.

• 33:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it's just, yeah.

• 33:52Fortune Feimster?

  We went through a toilet papering phase my senior of high school, where we toilet papered someone's house like every weekend for like three months.

• 34:01Mae Martin?

  Wait, I thought you were an angel. I thought you were a good girl.

• 34:05Tig Notaro?

  Good point, May.

• 34:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah, wait a second.

• 34:07Fortune Feimster?

  That is where, that was the one place where I was a degenerate. My friends and I toilet papered like, well, we all did the high school because that was the senior tradition. So it started there. The senior tradition was the day before, the first day of school, the night before you toilet papered the school. And we, we thought we were so like bad and like, you're like, we did, oh my God. And the principal gets on the, the intercom and was like, anyone who was a part of toilet papering the school last night, must go outside right now and clean it up or you will be suspended.

• 34:48Fortune Feimster?

  And our asses like 200 seniors like bolt outside cleaning it up. We were all giant pussies and.

• 34:57Mae Martin?

  But you felt safe in numbers, like you were like, enough people are doing this. Yeah, and you're in senior year, yeah.

• 35:03Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm. And then we toilet papered a coach's car at one point and a, a couple of girls' homes as well. Oh, I know what I did have happen. I did have a stripper at my house.

• 35:19Mae Martin?

  What?

• 35:21Fortune Feimster?

  What are you talking about? In all of our conversations about your burgeoning sexuality in high school. It was a male stripper. A male stripper? So this was probably the biggest like um departure from my responsibility is it was my friend Leslie's birthday and she's now a lesbian. It was she was turning 18 and so her friends wanted to throw her a party and my mom was gone all the time on the weekends because her boyfriend lived out of town. So they're like, they said, let's do it at my house. And I was like, yeah, whatever.

• 36:02Fortune Feimster?

  So her friend who was over, you have to be like, I think you had to be like 21 to hire a stripper. And her friend found some guy like the Yellow Pages. And um, and so there was probably about 25 girls at my house. And this guy shows up in a suit. And he's not cute at all. Oh, no. We're just like, oh, God. And we're all, we're all just like, sitting in my den and he comes in with his like jam box. Puts in the corner, takes his suit off. He has

• 36:42Fortune Feimster?

  something in his crotch area that's like supposed to make his wiener look enhanced, but it was bent. So it was like pointing to the side. Maybe that was just his wiener. And I don't think so. I think he had something in there.

• 37:00Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, but you don't know what's going on in those.

• 37:03Fortune Feimster?

  True. And he also was wearing a G string and he had acne on his butt. And so I, so he starts grinding on all the girls in the chairs and I was taking pictures. Safe behind the camera. Every single picture, the girls have their hands over their eyes, closing it because they don't want to look at them. And everyone's screaming.

• 37:30Mae Martin?

  Oh, this poor guy in a way, but.

• 37:33Fortune Feimster?

  And like, I'm sure we weren't tipping him very much because we were all broke high school students. And we're like seventeen and eighteen years old and he does his like dance. And a neighbor shows up and he and he's been drinking and he's like, I heard y'all are having a party. And we're like, get out of here. And he's like, is there a stripper in there? We're like, what? And then the guys that were dating the girls knew we were having a stripper and they put trash cans up against my house. So that they could peek through the window, the top window to see. And they were laughing at us. They were laughing at us because the stripper was so ugly.

• 38:16Fortune Feimster?

  And then that night, the stripper left and we went and toilet papered people's houses.

• 38:21Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 38:22Tig Notaro?

  Fortune Marie.

• 38:23Mae Martin?

  You were on one, though. This was like your night of, like, you're the host.

• 38:27Fortune Feimster?

  I was the host.

• 38:28Mae Martin?

  Your initiative, your, oh, my God.

• 38:31Fortune Feimster?

  And all those girls spent the night at my house. What a dream.

• 38:34Mae Martin?

  This is what I'm feeling is that there was like, it was a sexually charged environment. You were sort of in control of, you're taking pictures.

• 38:43Fortune Feimster?

  I'll tell you this, mate, not one girl was sexually charged. There was nothing sexy.

• 38:50Tig Notaro?

  Were any of these girls, like, considered attractive for that age?

• 38:55Fortune Feimster?

  Very attractive. There was some very attractive girls there.

• 38:59Tig Notaro?

  Calm down.

• 39:00Fortune Feimster?

  And cheerleader, Leslie, whose birthday it was, she was like the head cheerleader.

• 39:06Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 39:07Mae Martin?

  Did he get naked or no?

• 39:09Fortune Feimster?

  No, just the G-string thing. Go.

• 39:11Tig Notaro?

  Wait a minute. Hold on a second. Why is it that cheerleaders are always attractive?

• 39:18Mae Martin?

  Like, I don't know.

• 39:19Tig Notaro?

  Aren't kids that like, want to jump around and do kicks and twirls, like sometimes maybe not?

• 39:27Mae Martin?

  Not conventionally.

• 39:29Tig Notaro?

  Attractive and like, can they not be on the?

• 39:32Mae Martin?

  I guess it depends who, how old fashioned the coach is and how.

• 39:36Fortune Feimster?

  Or how comfortable you are in that little tiny outfit.

• 39:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 39:41Fortune Feimster?

  You do need a bottom of the pyramid. I could have been a cheerleader. I could have, I could have done it, man. I could have done, I could have been the bottom of that pyramid.

• 39:50Mae Martin?

  Did anyone find out about the, like, did your parents find out about?

• 39:53Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah, my mom, my brother found out and told my mom.

• 39:56Mae Martin?

  Was she mad?

• 39:57Fortune Feimster?

  And I was, she goes, do you have a party? Uh, I said, um, she goes, you can tell me, cause I already know the answer. And I was like, yes. Because what did you, what did you do? I was like, um.

• 40:13Tig Notaro?

  Had hot girls and a stripper.

• 40:15Fortune Feimster?

  And she's like, what? But I was so responsible that she, I did not get in trouble.

• 40:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 40:22Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 40:23Mae Martin?

  I think now I know for sure if, if we ever get asked the question again, if you could go back in time to one event, I would, I just want to be there that whole night.

• 40:33Fortune Feimster?

  You would have died laughing. We were hysterically crying laughing. There were, that's why I say there was nothing sexual about this night. It was all of us squealing.

• 40:44Tig Notaro?

  Are you still friends with them?

• 40:46Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, like, when I go home, I'll see some of these girls.

• 40:49Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 40:50Fortune Feimster?

  For sure. Then May, do you say your thing?

• 40:53Mae Martin?

  I feel like I, I was similar to Tig, like, just didn't do, like, hated the work part of school. I liked the social stuff and being funny and stuff, but I, I just couldn't physically bring myself to do the, the homework or.

• 41:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 41:11Mae Martin?

  And I would lose stuff and I, so I was like, yeah, in a perpetual state of like, high anxiety of like, lying to my parents, cause like, my, my mom was really involved in my education. Like, she would, at the end of the day, say, let's go through, see what homework you have, like, trying to keep me organized. And I'd go, no, we didn't have any today, cause I couldn't bear the idea of being in school all day and then sitting and doing homework. So I just was always in trouble. And then I similarly had like a freedom moment of. The amount of work I would have had to do to pass was so, and they were laying out this thing, you know, you're gonna come in or and I said, I can't. And I dropped out as well.

• 41:50Tig Notaro?

  I was also always in summer school. Were you in summer school?

• 41:53Mae Martin?

  No, thank God, never in summer school. But I, reading scattered minds is the, about ADHD is really like that feeling of like, I, I can only focus when something interests me like, and otherwise it's physically, it feels impossible. But I don't know.

• 42:11Fortune Feimster?

  And how did your parents feel about you dropping out?

• 42:14Mae Martin?

  Hmm. Well, they were already mad about other stuff. I was already doing comedy and drugs and they were already, and actually the part of the reason I dropped out was I was in an argument with them. And then my mom said, well, I guess you're just gonna drop out of school next. And it hadn't even occurred to me as an option. And then I was like, oh, okay. Yeah.

• 42:33Fortune Feimster?

  She planted the seed, not knowing.

• 42:35Tig Notaro?

  That's hilarious.

• 42:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah. But I got, the most trouble I got in specifically was maybe for stealing gym uniforms because I, I couldn't remember, I would lose my stuff and, and then having to face the teacher or my parents being like, I lost my gym uniform again. So I would ask to go pee and then I would go through the hall. This is bad to admit, but I would see if any lockers were open in the hall and I would just grab, and they had people's name tags in them and stuff. And then I'd, it'd be gym class and some poor girl would be like, where's my gym uniform? And I'm like, I don't know. Guess you better get better at remembering. But that was real bad. And then they kind of put two and two together that I was the gym uniform thief.

• 43:15Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, really? Did you get in trouble?

• 43:18Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I was just so scared of my parents finding out stuff, like parent teacher interviews. I would just be waiting at home, like dreading the, yeah.

• 43:29Tig Notaro?

  I always said, we never got our report cards. Always. I always said that.

• 43:35Mae Martin?

  Like, like, the school's not doing them this year.

• 43:37Tig Notaro?

  I'm like, how long can I keep this at bay?

• 43:43Tig Notaro?

  My parents are going to find out that the, especially because my brother went to the same school and would come home with a real pork.

• 43:50Mae Martin?

  Right. Like, I don't know what happened to mine.

• 43:54Tig Notaro?

  I remember my mother just like, just being like, damn it, getting in the car and driving up to the school. And I'm like, oh, no.

• 44:02Mae Martin?

  Oh, God, yeah.

• 44:04Tig Notaro?

  Straight up.

• 44:05Mae Martin?

  Should we hear John Marco's answer?

• 44:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 44:08Speaker 00

  The biggest trouble I ever got in at school was at the end of like plays and musicals, the final show on a Saturday, we'd stay the night to take the set down. We would strike the set. And it was, it was always a Bacallian, is that the term, event where there's a lot of drinking and pot and edibles. And it really, it was like a tradition. And my sophomore year, I participated, and someone, while high, pulled the fire alarm. And because of that, that started an investigation that went beyond the theater department. And, and

• 44:51Speaker 00

  first, they got all the seniors and the juniors, and they, they doled out suspensions if you brought alcohol or brought pot. And then eventually it got down to the sophomores and freshmen. They gathered us in a room. They went one by one. They said, confess, you know, did you drink? Did you smoke? We had all talked. We said, we're not going to come forward. And one by one, we were like, no, I didn't do it. No, we didn't do it. No, I didn't. I said, no, I didn't do anything. And then this one woman who said no in the beginning, she just started crying.

• 45:21Tig Notaro?

  Oh, no.

• 45:22Speaker 00

  Oh, fuck. And then she was like, I took a bite of a pot brownie. Someone else, someone else, someone else. I held firm. But the head of the tech department looked at me and mouthed, we know you did it. And so I, I had to admit that I got drunk, and I was put on probation. And they put us on probation because at the time, you didn't have to tell colleges about probation, and they didn't want to affect people's admissions. But then my year. You, you did, they changed the rules. So I had to write every college I applied to saying, I got drunk on campus, even though it was like the only time I ever drank in high school.

• 45:59Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 46:00Speaker 00

  I hope that wasn't too long. But, uh, uh, yeah, that's, uh, that's the most trouble I ever got in that school.

• 46:06Fortune Feimster?

  That's sounding like a debacle, geez.

• 46:08Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:10Mae Martin?

  Oh, God, those big dramas at schools where there's like school meetings being called and shit.

• 46:15Fortune Feimster?

  And everyone's talking about the scandal.

• 46:18Mae Martin?

  Yes. Oh, my God. But also that, that he never drank and then that was the one time.

• 46:24Fortune Feimster?

  I will say, my school in my area, if anything like that had happened, it would have been a big deal if

• 46:32Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 46:32Fortune Feimster?

  kids, if, if anyone in high school had been drinking and smoking pot as part of a school thing, it would have been huge.

• 46:39Mae Martin?

  Right, I guess, because it was on campus.

• 46:42Fortune Feimster?

  I'll never forget the, it was a tradition that when, uh, you graduated high school, you would go to Myrtle Beach parties, party city. And you would do like a beach week. And the, the, there were these, uh, seniors that went and like a local journalist like infiltrated their group. And like, and like, like it was an investigative journalism. I mean, this is like tiny ass North Carolina and they put this on the front page of the local newspaper. Pictures of these kids partying in Myrtle Beach and this journalist had like infiltrated them and like reported on the seniors.

• 47:26Tig Notaro?

  They got in trouble?

• 47:27Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, they got like, they got like shamed and I can't even imagine that.

• 47:31Mae Martin?

  Brutal. I'm picturing a journalist dressing up like a teenage girl and like going undercover.

• 47:38Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, that just seems so wild.

• 47:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's crazy.

• 47:41Fortune Feimster?

  Like, that's what you're, that's what you're investigating? Your seniors haven't drinking during beach week in Myrtle Beach?

• 47:47Tig Notaro?

  It was a small town.

• 47:49Fortune Feimster?

  True.

• 47:49Tig Notaro?

  So what else are you gonna investigate?

• 47:52Fortune Feimster?

  This reporter was like really, uh, trying to get some dirt.

• 47:57Tig Notaro?

  Yes, indeed.

• 47:58Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, or just wanted to party in Myrtle Beach.

• 48:01Mae Martin?

  It feels like it could be the plot to like an Anna Faris comedy or a Drew Barrymore comedy where they're a grown up journalist going undercover with, on spring break.

• 48:09Tig Notaro?

  We gotta get Drew acting again. Anyway, that's for another time. Not really.

• 48:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:17Tig Notaro?

  But, um, well, once again, a delight.

• 48:22Mae Martin?

  An absolute delight and some big bomb drops. I mean, the stripper and the fortune hired to her home as a as a teen.

• 48:29Fortune Feimster?

  I'm pretty sure I have a picture of the stripper in my, um, I have a, uh, scrapbook because I used to be an avid scrapbooker.

• 48:39Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 48:40Fortune Feimster?

  Pretty sure it's up there in that scrapbook.

• 48:43Mae Martin?

  What if he went and looked and it was Channing Tatum? He grew up to be.

• 48:47Fortune Feimster?

  I definitely know it's not Channing Tatum.

• 48:50Mae Martin?

  What do you guys have coming up?

• 48:52Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, I'm on tour. Uh, my Taking Care of Biscuits tour is underway. And, uh, in September, I've got San Antonio and Houston, Texas, and then Norfolk and Richmond, Virginia. And Washington DC, those are all September, then, uh, Boston, Mobile, New Orleans, Atlanta. Um, Chicago, Charlotte, North Carolina, lots of places.

• 49:17Tig Notaro?

  What about you, May?

• 49:18Mae Martin?

  I'm just, I'm at Largo on September 17th with special guests. I'm gonna do music and chat and other than that, I'm, I'm around if you want to hang and, you know. Yeah, I got Wayward coming out. I'm getting pumped. The more like buzz I can build about it, the better. It's so important when things come out to try to like make an impact. So if you, you know, if you want to.

• 49:40Tig Notaro?

  We're all gonna watch it.

• 49:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah, we are.

• 49:42Tig Notaro?

  Let's have handsome viewing parties.

• 49:44Fortune Feimster?

  I can't wait.

• 49:46Mae Martin?

  Now we're talking.

• 49:46Fortune Feimster?

  Even though Toni Collette will not, she doesn't have the Australian accent in this, right?

• 49:51Mae Martin?

  Not in the show, but in real life? She, she commented on your accent, remember?

• 49:56Fortune Feimster?

  I know. She says the worst one she's ever heard and that's offensive.

• 50:01Mae Martin?

  It's a badge of honor. Yeah.

• 50:02Tig Notaro?

  Well, she hasn't heard mine yet.

• 50:04Fortune Feimster?

  Rise up lights.

• 50:05Tig Notaro?

  Rise up lights.

• 50:06Fortune Feimster?

  Pretty sure she's wrong.

• 50:08Mae Martin?

  What have you got, Tig?

• 50:10Tig Notaro?

  Well, people of Mississippi, if you want to see me, this might be one of your only chances. September 27th, Biloxi, Mississippi, at the Beau Rivage Resort and Casino. Come on out. Again, that's September 27th. September 21st, I'll be at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles. I'll be back at Dynasty Typewriter on October 4th. Also, make a note that November 14th, the documentary that I produced called Come See Me in the Good Light will be out on Apple TV. And it's, uh, It's one you cannot miss. Tell your friends, family, everybody, subscribe to Handsome.

• 50:52Fortune Feimster?

  Get your Handsome merch.

• 50:54Tig Notaro?

  Go to handsomepod.com and get your merch. The holidays are coming up.

• 51:01Fortune Feimster?

  Are they?

• 51:02Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 51:05Fortune Feimster?

  The holidays are upon us, you guys. Get ahead of the game.

• 51:11Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 51:12Fortune Feimster?

  Order stuff now.

• 51:14Tig Notaro?

  Absolutely.

• 51:18Tig Notaro?

  But until next time, my friends.

• 51:21Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it handsome.

• 51:24Mae Martin?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected] and please follow us on social media at HandsomePod.

• 51:39Speaker 04

  What a podcast.

• 51:45Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum podcast.

• 51:48Speaker 05

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 51:49Speaker 06

  And Hannah Simone.

• 51:51Speaker 05

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dogged.

• 52:12Speaker 06

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 52:25Speaker 05

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes, we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 52:36Speaker 06

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.