Zach Cherry asks about wasting time

Zach Cherry (Severance, You) asks a question about having fun wasting time, something the Handsome hosts know all about! Plus Fortune unveils an incredible new character, "Tig a look at me now," and more! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website.

• 0:53Fortune Feimster?

  With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time. Squarespace makes it easy, so easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes.

• 1:25Mae Martin?

  So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 1:48Speaker 00

  Cheers.

• 1:50Tig Notaro?

  Guys, guys, wait, I just have to say, I heard the, I heard the theme song, which I haven't been able to because of technical difficulties for a while. And I heard it today, so that was... That's exciting. Yeah, and I'm, I'm, I'm one of your hosts, Tig Notaro.

• 2:06Mae Martin?

  Was it as good as you remember?

• 2:08Tig Notaro?

  Oh my God, it was music to my ears.

• 2:10Fortune Feimster?

  It's delightful, right?

• 2:13Mae Martin?

  I'm one of your other hosts, Mae Martin.

• 2:15Fortune Feimster?

  And I'm the other host, Fortune Feimster, and welcome to the Hanson Pod.

• 2:23Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I feel like a bouncer right now in this shirt.

• 2:26Tig Notaro?

  Oh, boy, are we gonna start flexing again?

• 2:28Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, we're gonna, look at that.

• 2:31Tig Notaro?

  Fortune.

• 2:32Fortune Feimster?

  You wanna get into this club, you're gonna have to come through me.

• 2:37Tig Notaro?

  That, that tough sentence kind of fell apart a little bit. You're gonna have to come through.

• 2:46Fortune Feimster?

  This shirt has like short sleeve, like really short sleeves, so.

• 2:50Tig Notaro?

  And did you choose it because your guns are growing?

• 2:53Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I don't, I don't think I consciously chose it, but clearly my body was like, that one, show those guns off. I feel like Danny in Grease.

• 3:02Mae Martin?

  It's very like 1950s. I just, I have to say, I just did a photo shoot and a handsome listener who knew the, the like stylist or something, sent a gift and it was a plain white Hanes t-shirt from 1952. Like, what a well chosen gift for me.

• 3:25Fortune Feimster?

  Very good gift for you.

• 3:26Mae Martin?

  Right? And it's like, tag still on it. It's from 1952. It's so James Dean. It's sick, so.

• 3:33Tig Notaro?

  And it's a nice fit?

• 3:34Mae Martin?

  It is, and it's got the shorter sleeves like that, like to show the guns.

• 3:39Tig Notaro?

  Right.

• 3:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 3:42Mae Martin?

  I just got back from Portugal, guys.

• 3:44Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, tell us, how did it go?

• 3:46Mae Martin?

  I, I did the family vacay with my whole family, my brother, his wife, my parents. We haven't been on a trip together in like, maybe 15 years, all of us together.

• 3:57Tig Notaro?

  Since you went to see, um, what was it that your mother insisted you?

• 4:01Mae Martin?

  Stonehenge?

• 4:05Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 4:05Mae Martin?

  Have you, have you been to Portugal?

• 4:07Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I love Portugal. It's one of my favorite countries.

• 4:10Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God, man, like the, I was on this island, Sao Miguel, that was, I mean, it's like Iceland where there's like hot springs, geysers coming out of the ground and like volcanic rock and it's super dramatic. Did I meet a handsome listener in Sao Miguel in Portugal? Yes, I did.

• 4:30Fortune Feimster?

  You did?

• 4:31Mae Martin?

  I waited for, of course. It's mind blowing, like, sitting waiting for my shrimp or whatever in the restaurant and someone went, keep it handsome.

• 4:40Fortune Feimster?

  That's cool.

• 4:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 4:42Fortune Feimster?

  That was fun, huh?

• 4:43Mae Martin?

  So fun and we, we did like a, a tour thing with this guide who, we went to different hot springs where coming out of the earth was like, one of them had sparkling water, which I didn't realize, like, every, like, Perrier and those sparkling water things, like it comes out of the earth bubbly.

• 5:03Fortune Feimster?

  It does?

• 5:04Mae Martin?

  Fizzy, it was fizzy in my mouth and I just drank it straight from the earth.

• 5:08Fortune Feimster?

  I did not know this.

• 5:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and then he took um, a jug and he filled it up with hot water straight from the earth and then he made us like cups of tea. And we drank tea straight from the water, from the earth. It was.

• 5:19Fortune Feimster?

  From the earth.

• 5:20Tig Notaro?

  Do we do anything cool like that in the States?

• 5:23Mae Martin?

  I mean, there are hot springs, but I'm not seeing a lot of.

• 5:25Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know if I want to drink the water from the earth in the States.

• 5:28Tig Notaro?

  I'm not seeing a lot of jugs.

• 5:30Mae Martin?

  I'm not seeing a lot of jugs, son.

• 5:32Fortune Feimster?

  What kind of jugs we talking about here?

• 5:34Tig Notaro?

  I knew that was coming, Fortune Marie.

• 5:37Fortune Feimster?

  Come on, I like jugs.

• 5:39Tig Notaro?

  Show me your jugs.

• 5:41Fortune Feimster?

  Motor boat.

• 5:43Tig Notaro?

  So it was a good time, the, the, your vacation?

• 5:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it was magical. We all uh, regressed to like our child cells, my brother and I. And I like, I haven't spent that much one-on-one time with my brother in years, so it was good, it was good. We talked a lot about World of Warhammer and history.

• 6:02Mae Martin?

  You know, it was sick.

• 6:04Fortune Feimster?

  I actually just spent the weekend with my brother Jay and had not spent a weekend with the two of us because I, you know, I was married and he has, he's married with kids and rarely do we have any one-on-one time. And we both just happened to land in my hometown on the same weekend, um, and spent two days together.

• 6:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 6:28Fortune Feimster?

  And it felt like childhood all over again. And it was like, whoa, like. Where he was beating you up? He wasn't beating me up. Not with those guns. Not with these guns now, but we like went and played top golf and like went to a movie. We hung out. What movie? And I was just like, we went to Superman.

• 6:47Mae Martin?

  Nice.

• 6:48Fortune Feimster?

  It is such a trip to be like an adult hanging out with your sibling. It was pretty, pretty nice.

• 6:54Mae Martin?

  And also like the, the intimacy of like waking up in the morning and seeing someone in their pajamas and like having your, having your cereal with your brother. Like we did just, yeah. And we watched, um, we watched a movie that we liked when we were kids. We, on Netflix one night, uh, we watched Legend. You ever seen that?

• 7:15Fortune Feimster?

  Is that the Will Smith movie?

• 7:17Mae Martin?

  No, it's.

• 7:18Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, that's I Am Legend.

• 7:19Mae Martin?

  That's I Am Legend. This is like a weird eighties fever dream of Tom Cruise. He's nineteen. Tim Curry plays Satan and it's, and then it's all in like the woodland forest with gnomes and elves and it's mystical and it's so bizarre. And, and, uh, I mean, it's really like, how did this get made? It's, it's, it doesn't make sense. Like it's really crazy. It's all about a unicorn losing its horn. And, and then.

• 7:42Fortune Feimster?

  Sounds like hell.

• 7:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And then I see at the end, it was directed by Ridley Scott.

• 7:48Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 7:49Mae Martin?

  And then I, I Google it. It was, he made Alien and then he made Legend and then he made Blade Runner. So I'm like, what happened in between Alien and Blade Runner?

• 8:01Fortune Feimster?

  This was a passion project.

• 8:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's what it felt like. It felt like one of those like eighties kind of cocaine fever dreams where people just went a little nuts.

• 8:10Fortune Feimster?

  It could have been.

• 8:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 8:12Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Does anyone take cocaine and then just nothing? Is that how it works? You take it?

• 8:20Tig Notaro?

  All right, I just revealed

• 8:23Tig Notaro?

  that I've never taken cocaine.

• 8:25Fortune Feimster?

  Took some cocaine.

• 8:27Tig Notaro?

  It's funny, talking about brothers, I'm about to be with my brother and his wife and his kids. And so we're about to have a little family time, not one on one, but I mean, you know, our families together.

• 8:41Fortune Feimster?

  Are you guys going somewhere or he's coming to you guys?

• 8:44Tig Notaro?

  We're meeting up and then just doing some, you know, whatever. He has a one year old and a three year old, so it seems like, you know, it's not going to be, it'll probably be around the little cubs, you know?

• 8:58Fortune Feimster?

  Gotcha.

• 8:59Tig Notaro?

  But yeah, so a lot of brother time between the three of us.

• 9:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah, seriously, yeah.

• 9:04Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 9:05Mae Martin?

  Big fan of brothers in general.

• 9:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 9:07Mae Martin?

  One thing, because my brother is a historian and one thing he told me, like going anywhere with him, you get the whole context of that place in, in history and like he just has this crazy memory. And anyway, but he told me that when they discovered the Azora Islands, which are kind of in the middle of the Atlantic, but they're as far from Europe as they are from Nova Scotia. And they were sailing and then they found, and they imagine you've gotten very little food. You're on these horrific ships, like crowded and, and you got scurvy and stuff. And then they find these like paradise islands where it's so beautiful, nothing's there.

• 9:49Mae Martin?

  There's no even natural predators there. It's like just birds and anyway, but because of the hot springs coming out of the earth, they thought it was a portal to hell and they were so stressed that they were like, don't stop here because it smells like sulfur. Like, and I guess in the Bible, it says that hell smells like sulfur and stuff. So they were like, oh, fuck this and they left.

• 10:09Tig Notaro?

  Is that the actual line, hell smells like sulfur?

• 10:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 10:13Tig Notaro?

  And followed by fuck this.

• 10:15Mae Martin?

  Fuck this.

• 10:17Tig Notaro?

  That would be a scary portal to come across is a, is a portal to hell.

• 10:22Mae Martin?

  Oh yeah, you don't want that.

• 10:23Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 10:24Mae Martin?

  You seen Buffy?

• 10:25Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 10:26Fortune Feimster?

  No, I haven't.

• 10:28Mae Martin?

  Wait, what?

• 10:29Fortune Feimster?

  I know, I feel like a terrible gay.

• 10:32Mae Martin?

  Oh, my god.

• 10:33Tig Notaro?

  I didn't know that was gay. What do you mean gay?

• 10:35Fortune Feimster?

  I think lesbians were obsessed with Buffy back when it first aired.

• 10:39Mae Martin?

  In the beginning.

• 10:40Fortune Feimster?

  Right?

• 10:41Mae Martin?

  It was gay.

• 10:41Tig Notaro?

  I don't know.

• 10:42Mae Martin?

  In the way that like in the nineties, you would grasp on to anything. Even vaguely alternative as gay, like, but then it became explicitly gay when, um, Willow, one of the main characters, got a girlfriend in the later seasons. That was big for me.

• 10:57Fortune Feimster?

  Which was more uncommon back then, right?

• 10:59Mae Martin?

  Very uncommon.

• 11:00Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 11:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it was shocking.

• 11:02Tig Notaro?

  Who was the star of Buffy?

• 11:04Mae Martin?

  Sarah Michelle Geller.

• 11:06Fortune Feimster?

  I did know that.

• 11:07Mae Martin?

  Who never won an Emmy for, for Buffy and truly this performance. I mean, you gotta watch it, Tig. I bet actually when they're a bit older, the boys would like it. It's so good, so well-written. She carried that show. I could go on and on.

• 11:21Tig Notaro?

  You know, years ago, I'm sure I've mentioned, I used to work for the director Sam Raimi's company. And, and, and we produced, when I say we, I answered phones.

• 11:35Tig Notaro?

  Terribly. Xena Warrior Princess.

• 11:39Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 11:40Tig Notaro?

  And that was one of those like very huge, huge lesbian following.

• 11:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah, which then the, I feel like the writers kind of listened to that and then in the later seasons, like, sort of canonized that.

• 11:54Tig Notaro?

  Did you watch that?

• 11:56Mae Martin?

  Of course, every episode.

• 11:59Fortune Feimster?

  I didn't watch it either.

• 12:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 12:01Mae Martin?

  The fact that you know Lucy Lawless like blows my mind.

• 12:04Tig Notaro?

  Uh, yeah, well, I remember you were like, you gotta get Lucy and, and I'll be able to get her no problem. I just keep forgetting. Thomas, put that on the list.

• 12:12Fortune Feimster?

  Put it on the list.

• 12:14Mae Martin?

  Maybe I can get Sarah Michelle Geller. That would be, that would be great. Okay.

• 12:18Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, why not?

• 12:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, why not?

• 12:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 12:22Tig Notaro?

  I'm on, I'm, I'm with Fortune. Yeah, why not?

• 12:24Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, why not? She's cool.

• 12:28Mae Martin?

  I also finished memorizing all the capital cities uh while I was away.

• 12:32Tig Notaro?

  Do you want to talk to Finn?

• 12:34Mae Martin?

  Yes, please. Yes, please. I want to talk to him about how hard the South Pacific is.

• 12:39Tig Notaro?

  Okay, and then there's also a new game that Finn likes to play, which is name any position or whatever on any baseball team and he'll tell you who the player is.

• 12:49Mae Martin?

  Oh, my god.

• 12:51Tig Notaro?

  Any single one. That's pretty crazy.

• 12:55Mae Martin?

  Like if he feels like, because for me, I'm just desperate for there to be a situation where I need this knowledge. Like, I want to be in a bar on a hot date and there's like a trivia game going on in the corner. And then one of the questions is like, can you name all the capital cities of the world? And I'll be like, yeah, no problem. But it never happened.

• 13:13Tig Notaro?

  You're like, yeah, no problem. Let me, let me call Finn.

• 13:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:17Fortune Feimster?

  That stuff will come in handy at some trivia night at some point.

• 13:20Mae Martin?

  It will.

• 13:21Fortune Feimster?

  I was shocked when, especially when you go to, uh, back to Toronto. I was shocked when I was filming in Toronto, how many trivia nights there were around the city.

• 13:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it was so big in England where there were like vicious trivia teams. Like, I'd go every week to this one and, and like my team, we had enemies with this other team. And it started because somebody brought their dog into the pub and then someone on the other team complained and said, I hate dogs. This was a labradoodle that we're talking about. And I was like, they're my enemies, this team. And then they do, they'd like accuse us of cheating if we beat them. Like, yeah, it was, it was kind of the focus of my life for a good four years.

• 13:58Tig Notaro?

  That is hilarious.

• 13:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah, they were called, their quiz team was called The Taking Part. And we're like, what?

• 14:06Fortune Feimster?

  They were just taking part of the evening?

• 14:08Mae Martin?

  The Taking Part.

• 14:08Fortune Feimster?

  And we're like, we're gonna take you apart.

• 14:10Mae Martin?

  Our, ours was like Butts and Dicks or something. Butts and Dicks United or something.

• 14:14Fortune Feimster?

  Also great. Butts and Dicks. Divided. How about that?

• 14:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:22Mae Martin?

  Where you're in, back in the closet, you're still away.

• 14:25Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I'm in the closet. It feels good to be in the closet. Um, I've been, uh, working out. I'm trying to compete with, uh, everybody's guns. And, um, I don't think I can.

• 14:42Tig Notaro?

  I am bench pressing fifteen pounds. I'm bench pressing a bar that has no weights added at this point.

• 14:50Mae Martin?

  That's, you gotta start there.

• 14:52Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 14:54Tig Notaro?

  You do. You have to start somewhere and I have started there.

• 14:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:59Tig Notaro?

  God, and you know what I have to say that's also been a fun surprise is my trainer is, you know how sometimes you'll work closely with somebody? And then whether they're familiar with you or getting familiar with you, there's like a heightened change in their personality where it's a little uncomfortable to be that, working that close with them maybe?

• 15:24Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 15:24Tig Notaro?

  Do you know what I'm saying?

• 15:25Mae Martin?

  In what way? Like they're, they're polished? Like they're?

• 15:28Tig Notaro?

  I don't know. I, I desire a normal relationship with people. I don't, I don't want anyone to treat me like I'm above them.

• 15:38Mae Martin?

  Oh, I see.

• 15:39Tig Notaro?

  Or more interesting than they are, or I just wanna, I just wanna talk to them and do whatever activity we're doing and.

• 15:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:48Tig Notaro?

  You know, and she is just, has been so great and just so normal and, and wonderful to be around. And also with the loss of Andrea, like she's experienced a lot of just grief and trauma in her life. And it's just been a nice kind of connecting experience for me.

• 16:15Mae Martin?

  Yes, dude.

• 16:16Tig Notaro?

  And, and I just feel very lucky that nothing has shifted.

• 16:23Tig Notaro?

  You know, I, we had the relationship where she wasn't familiar with, she, she didn't recognize me. And then I guess when I left the gym, other people in the gym recognized me. And then she looked me up and was like, oh, I've seen you. It just, it just didn't click. And, um, but nothing changed. She just was doing her job and we just talked and, and she would be like, oh, I watched your show and then just had questions or comments about it. And then we, I lifted my 15 pound bar.

• 16:55Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 16:56Tig Notaro?

  So it was just, it was just nice that. That just remained normal.

• 17:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's good.

• 17:03Tig Notaro?

  You know how sometimes people get nervous, they want to make you laugh and they think that that's the only way you can connect is if they like come on strong and they're funny and

• 17:11Mae Martin?

  Are they nagging you or like?

• 17:13Tig Notaro?

  Whatever it is, it's just like, I just love that nothing shifted and we're just lifting very light weights.

• 17:22Tig Notaro?

  And just talking about grief.

• 17:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah, she didn't come in with like a bar with two rubber chickens on the end.

• 17:34Tig Notaro?

  But yeah, and it's that nice kind of level of workout where you feel that you've worked out, but you're not like, oh my God, I can't lift my legs.

• 17:44Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 17:45Tig Notaro?

  I don't like that kind of workout.

• 17:47Fortune Feimster?

  I know, I'm past those days of having my ass kicked.

• 17:52Mae Martin?

  I like to have my ass kicked, but I don't know what that says about me.

• 17:56Fortune Feimster?

  You're younger than us, so you can still get your ass kicked for a little longer.

• 18:00Mae Martin?

  But also, um, personal trainers, I mean, so many people act as like therapists when they don't know they have to, like during filming, I had that, I had a personal trainer during filming, Wayward, and oh my God, I'd be like crying as I was lifting weights and he's, and, but they know about the body too, so they're really, and, and if they're a good trainer about breathing and stuff, so yeah, I do recommend, uh, I mean, get a therapist as well, but.

• 18:28Tig Notaro?

  And I have a therapist, but now I have just a nice person to talk to while I'm lifting very light weights.

• 18:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 18:35Fortune Feimster?

  I need to get a trainer.

• 18:37Mae Martin?

  I got a great one, I will send you one, but I did in.

• 18:40Fortune Feimster?

  But I gotta go, I gotta go to a gym?

• 18:42Mae Martin?

  No, no, they'll come to you.

• 18:44Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, interesting.

• 18:45Mae Martin?

  In Portugal, there was a pool and I said to my family, I'm gonna tread water and make a video. I said, I'm gonna make a video of it, send it to Take In Fortune. I started and I was like, I can't, I don't.

• 18:57Fortune Feimster?

  And you gave up?

• 18:57Mae Martin?

  I gave up.

• 18:58Tig Notaro?

  After how long?

• 19:00Mae Martin?

  Oh, five minutes, like I.

• 19:01Fortune Feimster?

  Oh no!

• 19:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah, but it was like part, it was part boredom, part, part like cardio. I was just like, oh, this is tough, but the intention was there, but maybe next time.

• 19:14Fortune Feimster?

  I love that you were gonna try.

• 19:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Now, here's my question, if somebody was like. You have to do one hour or else we will kill you.

• 19:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 19:26Fortune Feimster?

  Well, those stakes are high.

• 19:28Tig Notaro?

  You could, you could do it?

• 19:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 19:31Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, you have those guns. You could for sure do it.

• 19:34Mae Martin?

  I could do it, I think. What I couldn't do is um, hold my breath. Like um, if someone said you're gonna die unless you can hold your breath underwater for like

• 19:43Fortune Feimster?

  Hmm.

• 19:44Mae Martin?

  two and a half minutes. I don't know.

• 19:45Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think I could do that either.

• 19:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah. You'd have to get real zen.

• 19:50Fortune Feimster?

  What I do with the treading water that helps is I play a like podcast on the side of the pool.

• 19:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 19:57Fortune Feimster?

  So that I'm not focused on being tired. I'm just listening to the podcast.

• 20:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I do that with True Crime and working out.

• 20:06Fortune Feimster?

  But lately, I've been getting in the pool in the morn- it's a nice way to wake up.

• 20:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 20:10Fortune Feimster?

  I I've been getting in the pool but and making my breakfast and then I eat my breakfast in the pool.

• 20:16Tig Notaro?

  Oh my gosh.

• 20:18Fortune Feimster?

  And then I'm having such a delightful time eating my breakfast and I just like start scrolling on my phone. It's like the next thirty minutes. I'm just hanging out in the pool, eating, scrolling, and then I'm like, oh crap, I gotta tread. And then so I've only been treading for like thirty minutes because I've only had an hour total.

• 20:35Mae Martin?

  And wait, aren't you supposed to not swim if you've eaten, if you just ate?

• 20:39Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know, but I'm doing it all wrong.

• 20:41Tig Notaro?

  Not true, but now what is your breakfast? A bowl of cereal? Please say yes.

• 20:46Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, no, it's like eggs or I'm not going too great. I'm trying to eat at home right now because I've been traveling a lot. So when I'm at home, I wanna like eat better. So just like eggs or sweet potatoes or something like that.

• 21:01Tig Notaro?

  Hmm.

• 21:01Fortune Feimster?

  There's some like um, I'm sure these aren't great for you, but Trader Joe's has some little gluten free pancakes that are really good.

• 21:08Mae Martin?

  Oh, I like those.

• 21:10Fortune Feimster?

  The little silver, silver dollar little ones. They're really tasty.

• 21:14Mae Martin?

  Hey, I also, when I was away, I took some pictures of a menu in a restaurant I was in because there were some item is on the menu that I don't know if this is just the English translation or they made me laugh so much. And I don't know what they are. And I don't wanna, I don't wanna know. I just wanna imagine, but okay. So like I took a picture and I circled the funny ones. So you got.

• 21:34Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 21:35Mae Martin?

  Cow woodpecker.

• 21:37Fortune Feimster?

  Mmm, delish.

• 21:39Tig Notaro?

  I'll tell you what that is. That's... No, you're supposed to interrupt me and say you can't tell me, Tig, and you didn't.

• 21:44Mae Martin?

  Wait, but do you really know?

• 21:46Tig Notaro?

  No, of course not.

• 21:47Mae Martin?

  No, I don't want, I don't want to know. So we got cow woodpecker, pork woodpecker, regional rump in yeast cake.

• 21:55Tig Notaro?

  Ooh.

• 21:56Mae Martin?

  One, this is the most intriguing, was just called Run to the House. What do you think that is?

• 22:02Tig Notaro?

  Was there, there was no description? It's just, I'll have the run to the house? That sounds like it might give you diarrhea.

• 22:08Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I was about to say, it sounds like the runs.

• 22:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it's under the, in the meat section, and it's called Alcara Acasa, Run to the House.

• 22:17Fortune Feimster?

  Run to the House.

• 22:17Tig Notaro?

  What did you get?

• 22:19Mae Martin?

  I just got calamari.

• 22:20Fortune Feimster?

  I thought it was to go with the calamari.

• 22:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah, but it's not.

• 22:23Fortune Feimster?

  There's a lot of fish in Portugal, right?

• 22:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:27Fortune Feimster?

  I spent a lot of time in southern Portugal when I lived in Spain, and they, it was, some areas were pretty remote, where we went to this late little restaurant in the village, and they had goats in the back, and they were making the goat cheese right then and there, thanks to those little goaty goats.

• 22:44Tig Notaro?

  Aww.

• 22:45Fortune Feimster?

  And it was delish.

• 22:47Mae Martin?

  Like milking the goats?

• 22:48Fortune Feimster?

  Milking the goats and making that goat cheese. And putting it right on the table.

• 22:53Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 22:54Tig Notaro?

  You can make goat cheese that fast? Just right out of the goat?

• 22:58Fortune Feimster?

  That's what they told me. If they lied, then it worked, because I was like, best goat cheese I've ever had, so fresh.

• 23:04Tig Notaro?

  Just goat cheese falling out of the goat right onto your plate?

• 23:08Fortune Feimster?

  Or, or maybe it wasn't like, I don't, maybe, you know, they're making it in batches, but you got one batch from the yesterday's milk.

• 23:17Tig Notaro?

  I feel like it takes a while for...

• 23:19Fortune Feimster?

  Probably. I didn't ask questions.

• 23:22Tig Notaro?

  Clearly.

• 23:23Fortune Feimster?

  They just were like, it's from that goat out there, and I was like, great. Love it.

• 23:28Tig Notaro?

  I'm very excited in my little vegan world. I found some vegan blue cheese and I used to really enjoy blue cheese burgers.

• 23:37Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 23:38Tig Notaro?

  And so I'm gonna make a blue cheese Impossible Burger.

• 23:45Fortune Feimster?

  Ooh, that'll be tasty for you. And you like the vegan blue cheese tasted good?

• 23:50Tig Notaro?

  I haven't tried it yet, but I had this really funny experience where Stephanie and I, this was several years, a few years ago, but we were at Sarah Paulson's birthday and she had gotten, and I'm assuming it was just for us, a little vegan cheese plate. And I was eating it and I turned to this woman that I'd just been casually talking to. And I said, oh my gosh, this cheese is so good. Try this. And the woman took a bite. And then she turned to me and she said, how long have you been vegan? And I said, oh, I've been vegan, like, you know, whatever it was at the time, six years.

• 24:35Tig Notaro?

  And she was like, okay, because this doesn't taste anything like cheese.

• 24:39Fortune Feimster?

  Wow, you've forgotten. Yeah.

• 24:42Tig Notaro?

  She's like. I mean, truly, my mind was blown. I was like, this is so incredible. And I mean, Stephanie, I think we were the only two vegans there and we were just scarfing it down, mind blown. And that woman, I mean, we might, yeah, it was, so I don't know if the blue cheese is good. I'll probably think it is.

• 25:04Fortune Feimster?

  I've had some amazing vegan cheese.

• 25:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 25:08Fortune Feimster?

  Like the spreadable, there was one at the farmer's market in Studio City for years and then they stopped selling it. But it was like this spreadable cheese with some kind of like cayenne or something in it. And it was so good.

• 25:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I mean, they can, people think of vegan cheese as just like.

• 25:28Tig Notaro?

  The, you know, kind of plasticky grocery store cheese, but you can really get some incredible vegan cheeses, especially at like gourmet

• 25:37Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, like specialty places.

• 25:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, specialty places or like farmers markets.

• 25:43Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm.

• 25:44Tig Notaro?

  Anyway, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. So I'll let you know how the blue, that used to be my favorite kind of burger was a blue cheese burger.

• 25:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Well, let us know. We were going to need an update on our next podcast, please.

• 25:57Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my goodness. Who is this character?

• 25:59Fortune Feimster?

  This character.

• 26:01Tig Notaro?

  Who is this?

• 26:02Fortune Feimster?

  But I'd really like an update about your blue cheese.

• 26:05Tig Notaro?

  Who are you?

• 26:05Fortune Feimster?

  Beyond Burger. I'm just a woman that loves vegan cheeses and I'd really like to know how this blue cheese tastes on your burger.

• 26:15Tig Notaro?

  I mean, I hang in vegan circles and I have never met you.

• 26:18Fortune Feimster?

  I'm a new vegan.

• 26:20Mae Martin?

  Oh, wow. Welcome.

• 26:22Fortune Feimster?

  New to town and new to veganism.

• 26:24Tig Notaro?

  Where did you move from?

• 26:26Fortune Feimster?

  I moved from Cincinnati.

• 26:28Tig Notaro?

  Really?

• 26:29Fortune Feimster?

  And what's your? There.

• 26:31Mae Martin?

  What is your name?

• 26:33Fortune Feimster?

  Amelia.

• 26:35Mae Martin?

  Hi, Amelia.

• 26:36Tig Notaro?

  Hello, Amelia. It is such a pleasure to meet you.

• 26:40Fortune Feimster?

  I just figured in the big city I should try vegan because there's more opportunities.

• 26:45Tig Notaro?

  And when I say it's a pleasure to meet you, I of course mean it's a pleasure to plant-based meet you.

• 26:53Fortune Feimster?

  Mmm.

• 26:53Tig Notaro?

  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

• 26:56Fortune Feimster?

  I'm excited for the salads that will grace our tables because I'm moving in with you, right?

• 27:01Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 27:02Tig Notaro?

  Not with me. Our house is full.

• 27:04Mae Martin?

  No, you can move in with me. You can move in with me.

• 27:07Fortune Feimster?

  I wanted to move in with someone.

• 27:09Mae Martin?

  So you came from Cincinnati with no plan?

• 27:12Fortune Feimster?

  No plan whatsoever.

• 27:13Mae Martin?

  Okay. And I noticed you're wearing a lot of badges on your backpack here. A lot of, uh.

• 27:19Fortune Feimster?

  I used to be a Girl Scout.

• 27:21Mae Martin?

  Right. Okay.

• 27:21Tig Notaro?

  I also, what I'm noticing more than anything is that your, your accent doesn't match Cincinnati. Can you explain that?

• 27:29Fortune Feimster?

  It's, I'm, um, I've lived in many places in many lives. I'm not from Cincinnati. I just moved from there.

• 27:37Tig Notaro?

  Oh, and how old are you?

• 27:40Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, God.

• 27:42Tig Notaro?

  Twelve.

• 27:43Fortune Feimster?

  Fifty three. And I'd really love to live with one of you.

• 27:48Tig Notaro?

  Well, it's gonna be May.

• 27:49Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 27:50Mae Martin?

  It's gonna be May.

• 27:51Fortune Feimster?

  Is May a vegan?

• 27:54Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 27:54Fortune Feimster?

  Then I cannot be with May.

• 27:57Mae Martin?

  Oh, no, I am.

• 27:58Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna need to live with you, Tig.

• 28:00Tig Notaro?

  No, no, no.

• 28:01Fortune Feimster?

  No, no, no, no, no, I insist. No, I insist.

• 28:06Tig Notaro?

  No, Penelope, I'm sorry.

• 28:08Fortune Feimster?

  It's Amelia.

• 28:09Tig Notaro?

  Whatever, you cannot.

• 28:13Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, well, I'll get your dress online.

• 28:16Tig Notaro?

  No, you won't.

• 28:17Fortune Feimster?

  I'm sure I will.

• 28:19Tig Notaro?

  Okay. Well, I'm moving.

• 28:23Mae Martin?

  Love her.

• 28:24Tig Notaro?

  And I'm calling the police.

• 28:26Fortune Feimster?

  I gotta go.

• 28:27Tig Notaro?

  Oh, good.

• 28:29Mae Martin?

  It's already a warrant out for Amelia.

• 28:33Tig Notaro?

  Oh, wow. Wow, what a tree. What a fun little visitor we had there that we hope to never see again. Should we hear from our question asker before Amelia comes back?

• 28:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah, let's, although I honestly think it should be a segment every episode. We should have a visitor, not necessarily Amelia.

• 28:50Fortune Feimster?

  One of us just has to go over the.

• 28:52Tig Notaro?

  Never again.

• 28:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah, one of us has to.

• 28:54Tig Notaro?

  Never again, Amelia.

• 28:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 28:56Fortune Feimster?

  All right, next pod, one of y'all has to bring somebody.

• 28:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah. I'm, I'm excited about today's question asker because I just met him in Nantucket. I did a panel with him and I was already such a fan because I'm a huge fan of Severance, the TV show, and I met him and his amazing wife and I became friends with her and we were doing watercolor paintings on the beach and they're just such nice people.

• 29:19Tig Notaro?

  Of course you were.

• 29:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 29:20Tig Notaro?

  Of course you were.

• 29:23Mae Martin?

  So I'm really excited. Today's Emmy nominated question asker is best known for playing Dylan in Severance. He also plays Ethan in You, Woody in Fallout, and voiced Wolf on Duncanville. Zach Cherry is asking today's question.

• 29:36Fortune Feimster?

  Nice.

• 29:37Tig Notaro?

  Nice.

• 29:39Speaker 04

  Hi handsome pod, uh, I have a question which may or may not be relevant to how I've been spending my recent few days. What is a way that you could easily just waste like 10 hours? And I say waste because I don't mean like spend time with your loved ones or, uh, you know, something good like that. I mean, just like you're in a room where and you get to choose one kind of activity. It could be a hobby or it could be just like something mindless that you could easily spend 10 hours doing.

• 30:19Fortune Feimster?

  So nothing productive?

• 30:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like

• 30:27Mae Martin?

  Zach is funny. Self-soothing thing, maybe like, uh, the, the thing that comes to mind for me is, is kind of the capital cities thing or like

• 30:40Fortune Feimster?

  That seems productive.

• 30:42Mae Martin?

  Oh yeah, I guess, yeah.

• 30:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, that, that caveat is a little hard because I just, uh, I thought it was like, how could you spend your waste 10 hour, whatever it is.

• 30:54Fortune Feimster?

  I guess if you, if productivity comes from it, that's, I guess that's fine.

• 30:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, like

• 31:00Fortune Feimster?

  Anything goes.

• 31:01Mae Martin?

  It's like something that, I guess it's something that you can get so fixated on that you, you lose track of time and you're on your own, just in your little world. Like, uh, like people play video games or like, yeah, interesting facts.

• 31:14Tig Notaro?

  Oh, you know what, you know what I've done before when I've been on, this is a little embarrassing. Um, I've been on flights where like there's no internet and then I'll, I mean, it, something positive comes from it. But have I told you about my to-do list where I move things?

• 31:37Mae Martin?

  Um.

• 31:37Tig Notaro?

  I'll make a list of things that I want to accomplish. And it's not like go to the dry cleaners, um, any of that kind of stuff. It's like big picture to-do list in life.

• 31:50Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 31:51Tig Notaro?

  And then, once I do that, I move it to another level, which is that it's done. Then there are, and then I keep that list so I can keep track of the progress that I've made. And then I also have this part of the list that is things that I am, that are up next. Like, there's things that I'm actively working on, then there are things that I am, that are, that are, that I'm not putting my focus on next, but they are next in line.

• 32:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:29Tig Notaro?

  You know what I'm saying?

• 32:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:30Tig Notaro?

  And so I, I keep track and I move things to the next whatever. I've done that. I, I think I really enjoy lists.

• 32:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:40Fortune Feimster?

  Hmm.

• 32:40Tig Notaro?

  And I also made a, a bucket list.

• 32:46Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:47Tig Notaro?

  And these are, I, I do these on flights.

• 32:50Mae Martin?

  Nice.

• 32:51Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, where I'm just like, oh. Another thing that I can, I can get lost in on flights without internet is I'll go through all of my photos and videos and I'll, I'll do favorites, you know?

• 33:03Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 33:04Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 33:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 33:05Tig Notaro?

  Where I'm like-

• 33:06Mae Martin?

  And clean up your phone situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's juicy.

• 33:10Tig Notaro?

  And I've, and I've had moments where I've thought, I've, I've been curious what people think I'm doing because, you know what I mean? Like, I'm just looking at, I, I guess it's not that weird of a thing, but it feels vulnerable when I'm just going through personal pictures and liking things and moving them, deleting, liking.

• 33:28Mae Martin?

  Oh, man, but you must get off that flight feeling so organized, like you've, you've made your lists.

• 33:34Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 33:34Mae Martin?

  You've organized your phone.

• 33:36Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 33:37Mae Martin?

  That feels good to me.

• 33:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 33:39Mae Martin?

  On the flight from Portugal on the way home, I did watercolors on the plane for the first time and I thought-

• 33:44Tig Notaro?

  Of course you did.

• 33:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah, but I thought, I'm never doing that again. Yeah, on the plane and, and it attracts too much attention. I didn't-

• 33:52Fortune Feimster?

  Because you have all this, all this, like, art supply situation around you?

• 33:56Mae Martin?

  Spilling, I'm like, I've got, you know, I have water in the pens. That was actually, Zach's wife taught me about putting water in the pens, these special ones. But no, it was crazy and every, everyone that walked by made a comment and I was like, I can't, I can't do this. Um, what about you, Fortune? Well, we know.

• 34:15Tig Notaro?

  Wait, did you have your propeller hat on? Please say you did when you were painting.

• 34:20Mae Martin?

  It was really that vibe.

• 34:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 34:22Mae Martin?

  Just real quick, I had such a propeller hat type moment the other day while I was buying a belt for this photo shoot. And the guy had been giving me kind of attitude throughout, like he was like, I don't think we have any menswear in your size, kind of when I came in, basically. And so I was already like pissed off. Then I go to buy the belt and he goes, this is probably going to be too big for you. I go, no, that's the belt I want. He goes, do you want to try it? First, I thought all belts were the same size. So I kind of tried. It's way too long. Like I won't be able to to wear it. And it's expensive too, but I had to double down and and buy it.

• 34:56Tig Notaro?

  And you bought it?

• 34:57Mae Martin?

  And as I'm buying it, I hear my, because he goes, you want us to order you a smaller one? I go, no, I want this one. And then I go, and then as I'm moving, I go, my dad.

• 35:05Tig Notaro?

  That's what I came for.

• 35:06Mae Martin?

  I go.

• 35:06Tig Notaro?

  This showed him.

• 35:07Mae Martin?

  The most embarrassing thing was I go, my dad has a leather bore. So I was basically like, my dad can make additional holes in the belt.

• 35:16Tig Notaro?

  A hole.

• 35:17Mae Martin?

  What an embarrassing thing to say. My dad has a leather.

• 35:20Tig Notaro?

  It's gonna have a, an extra flap that that long?

• 35:23Mae Martin?

  Yes. Anyway.

• 35:24Tig Notaro?

  You can send it around your waist two times.

• 35:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 35:29Tig Notaro?

  Because it would just be like in the moment too embarrassing for you to just be like, no, that's not the one.

• 35:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I just.

• 35:35Tig Notaro?

  You were right.

• 35:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 35:38Tig Notaro?

  I was wrong. Yeah.

• 35:39Mae Martin?

  And the the fact that my revenge on this kind of rude man was just to insist on spending money in a store. It's crazy.

• 35:46Tig Notaro?

  Now, is it hard for you to admit that you're wrong? Because, but I I'm, I I guess I'm saying, I'm asking because I actually wouldn't have pegged you as somebody who would be.

• 35:59Mae Martin?

  It was more like I had spent forty five minutes in this store and I was like, I gotta leave with something or else I'm just wasted.

• 36:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm just saying, like, in personal relationships, you know, because that's that really, you can admit that you're wrong?

• 36:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah, totally.

• 36:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you strike me.

• 36:18Mae Martin?

  Just to keep my peace.

• 36:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I was gonna say, you don't strike me as somebody that's gonna just like.

• 36:25Fortune Feimster?

  Not.

• 36:26Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:27Fortune Feimster?

  Cause you just don't like the conflict.

• 36:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 36:29Fortune Feimster?

  She's like, it's all me, I'm bad, my bad, I'm sorry.

• 36:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:32Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 36:34Tig Notaro?

  Stephanie and I do this thing where we go, you're sorry.

• 36:38Mae Martin?

  That's really funny.

• 36:41Fortune Feimster?

  That's cute. Does that help kind of dissolve some tension?

• 36:45Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah. We're, we're very used to you're sorry.

• 36:49Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm.

• 36:50Tig Notaro?

  Uh, but anyway, I was just, I would have been surprised and fascinated if you were a double down. Um.

• 36:57Mae Martin?

  A double downer?

• 36:58Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. Well, that's different. A double downer.

• 37:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 37:02Tig Notaro?

  But, uh, but no, it would have surprised me if you.

• 37:06Mae Martin?

  Thank you.

• 37:07Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm. Thank you. It's a good quality.

• 37:09Mae Martin?

  No, thank you.

• 37:10Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Everybody, it, it, it is important for everybody to take accountability.

• 37:15Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 37:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah. I mean, I've been still watching Queer Ultimatum. I don't know if Queer Ultimatum, if you're watching, uh, Queer Ultimatum?

• 37:23Fortune Feimster?

  I finished it, yeah.

• 37:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah, me too.

• 37:25Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh. I talked to Stephanie about it after we first, after we talked about it. She was like, I've told you about that show.

• 37:33Fortune Feimster?

  You have to watch it?

• 37:35Tig Notaro?

  Uh, yeah, I, I think she said, yeah, I don't know. Uh, she'd only watched one season.

• 37:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 37:42Tig Notaro?

  And, and she was like, also, we know the producer.

• 37:47Mae Martin?

  No way.

• 37:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And I was like, somehow I missed all of that. And now I'm interested. And she was like, oh, my God.

• 37:54Fortune Feimster?

  That's so funny.

• 37:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. She was like, I've told you, I wanted to watch it.

• 37:58Fortune Feimster?

  You're like, well, my unfortunate told me so. Now, now then.

• 38:01Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I was like, I don't know. Somehow it just didn't, I, I, I just didn't take it in. And I, I, I think it was like, as soon as I hear reality show or something, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. And, um, you had my full attention and I heard it and I was, and, and I've already forgotten about it, but now that we bring it up again, I, I actually am like, we need to watch that.

• 38:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Queer Ultimatum.

• 38:24Fortune Feimster?

  I would be curious to hear your thoughts on it, cause it is a interesting look into people's psyche.

• 38:30Mae Martin?

  Well, what makes me laugh is like, and I, I feel like this is quite a kind of queer thing, but like, the methods that people come up with within their relationship to navigate communication and conflict, and these are. You know, mainly queer women who are so fluent in like attachment styles and things like that. And it's just so funny the way it's like, well, you know, when she's triggered, I then, you know, we have, she presses a button and then I know it's time to get the guitar and we take a pause. It's like crazy.

• 39:03Fortune Feimster?

  That's hilarious.

• 39:04Mae Martin?

  Funny the way they like facilitate each other's triggeredness. Yeah. But Fortune, what's, how would you waste time? I mean, I know best fiends is a thing.

• 39:12Fortune Feimster?

  That one, that one's good for an airplane ride.

• 39:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 39:16Fortune Feimster?

  I'm trying not to do it at home very much. It's a little game that May and I play on our phones. Gosh, you know what? It's funny. I work crazy hard. I, I'm like, my calendar would make most people have heart palpitations. So I know I'm a productive person in life, but I can also waste time so easily if given the opportunity. I could waste time in so many different ways.

• 39:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 39:46Fortune Feimster?

  Let's hear it. Um, I could, I could sit in the pool or the hot tub for hours. Oh, my God. I'll sit in the hot tub for three hours. Yeah, I'll be a raisin. I don't care. I will sit there and sit there and sit there and sit there. I'll go through different times of like talking on the phone or scrolling through the phone or staring into space or talking to myself out loud.

• 40:11Mae Martin?

  I'd love to hear that, especially if it's Amelia's voice.

• 40:15Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, so many different iterations of that. If I'm in water, I'm fine. I could be there forever. Okay, then I'll get out and pee and come back in.

• 40:24Fortune Feimster?

  You don't just go in the hot tub? No, I want to sit in my own pee. That's been being jetted around me.

• 40:33Mae Martin?

  But I just read if you pee in the shower, then you're saving 2,500 liters of water a year just by once a day peeing in the shower instead of the toilet.

• 40:43Fortune Feimster?

  Well, all right. May fact. May fact. Um, I could also waste time by just sitting and watching terrible television or good television. Um.

• 40:54Mae Martin?

  But there's something better about terrible television.

• 40:56Fortune Feimster?

  And I was like, you don't have to think about anything.

• 40:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:00Fortune Feimster?

  Um, how else? How else? Oh, I could, similar to Tig, uh, when I'm on a plane, I could for hours go through old photos and delete. Photos, just like ad nauseam. Just like, cause you know, we all take like, for whatever reason, when people take pictures, you take like 10 in one setting. Of one, of one picture. You're like, I don't need these, uh, I only need one, I don't need 10. Yeah. So I gotta go erase the nine.

• 41:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 41:31Fortune Feimster?

  Um, but I could do that for hours. Uh.

• 41:35Mae Martin?

  Erase the nine, sounds like another dish on a Portuguese menu. Run to the house, erase the nine.

• 41:42Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, um, I think that's, that's a pretty good time wasting.

• 41:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 41:47Fortune Feimster?

  I could drive forever. I'm a, I love driving. I could be in a car for hours, listening to songs and podcasts going in and out.

• 41:56Tig Notaro?

  What podcasts do you listen to?

• 41:58Fortune Feimster?

  Only handsome.

• 42:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yes, of course.

• 42:01Fortune Feimster?

  Just listen to ourselves.

• 42:03Mae Martin?

  That was a trick question, then you passed.

• 42:06Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, you know, the true crime ones.

• 42:08Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 42:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 42:08Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, I'll, I go out of my favorite murder and some of the other ones, uh, or you know, some of our stand up friends have podcasts. I'll listen to some of theirs, see what they're up to. Some Sirius XM shows and then, and then just a little Pandora station of like different, you know, Brandy Carlisle or Tay Swift or people like that, uh, Florence and the Machine.

• 42:34Mae Martin?

  Do you sing along?

• 42:35Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, come on now.

• 42:37Tig Notaro?

  Any other stupid questions?

• 42:38Fortune Feimster?

  Have you met me, May? I'm singing along, my friend. I haven't sang on here in a while.

• 42:48Tig Notaro?

  One of the most popular Brandy Carlisle tunes, right there.

• 42:51Mae Martin?

  Have you met me, May?

• 42:53Fortune Feimster?

  If you met me, May.

• 42:56Mae Martin?

  Oh man, there's only like one or two songs that have the name May in it and I treasure them.

• 43:02Fortune Feimster?

  What are they?

• 43:02Tig Notaro?

  Maggie May?

• 43:03Mae Martin?

  Dirty Maggie May, they have taken you away. And also, um, Goo Goo Dolls, Slide. Oh, May, you wanna get married? Run away, that, oh my God, I was like thirteen and saw them live and he said my name, oh.

• 43:20Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, tangles.

• 43:21Mae Martin?

  Not a lot of take in songs.

• 43:24Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 43:24Mae Martin?

  Oh, except, take a look at me now.

• 43:27Fortune Feimster?

  Tiggle bitties. Tiggle bitties. That's a song, right?

• 43:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 43:33Tig Notaro?

  Take a look at me now, that's, um, that's, uh, Phil Collins.

• 43:37Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 43:38Fortune Feimster?

  Take a look at me now.

• 43:40Tig Notaro?

  That is a stellar tune.

• 43:44Mae Martin?

  That could be, one, your next special could be called, take a look at me now.

• 43:47Tig Notaro?

  But it won't be, May.

• 43:48Mae Martin?

  No, of course not.

• 43:52Fortune Feimster?

  It's in that vein.

• 43:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 43:53Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 43:54Fortune Feimster?

  She leans.

• 43:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I am leaning right now, too.

• 43:58Mae Martin?

  Fortune, fortune songs.

• 44:03Fortune Feimster?

  Not one that comes to my mind.

• 44:05Mae Martin?

  No.

• 44:05Tig Notaro?

  Thomas, Google it up.

• 44:07Mae Martin?

  I'm trying to think of a pun, like, uh.

• 44:10Fortune Feimster?

  Some punties?

• 44:11Tig Notaro?

  Pun-ies.

• 44:14Fortune Feimster?

  Those are panties with puns on them.

• 44:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 44:17Tig Notaro?

  No, I know.

• 44:22Tig Notaro?

  Wait, Thomas is typing. Fortunate Son by CCR.

• 44:26Fortune Feimster?

  Somebody's singing it.

• 44:28Mae Martin?

  I don't know it.

• 44:29Tig Notaro?

  You don't know Fortunate Son?

• 44:30Fortune Feimster?

  He knows it.

• 44:31Mae Martin?

  No.

• 44:32Fortune Feimster?

  Tig, sing, sing to me.

• 44:34Tig Notaro?

  No, I will not sing it, but it's one of my favorite Creedence Clearwater Revival songs.

• 44:39Fortune Feimster?

  I know I would know it if someone sang it.

• 44:42Tig Notaro?

  Um, Thomas, do you wanna play a little, um, it's so good.

• 44:48Tig Notaro?

  Oh, wait, you're gonna sing it?

• 44:52Tig Notaro?

  Okay. Does it sound familiar?

• 44:54Fortune Feimster?

  We're not gonna pay for the clearance.

• 44:57Speaker 05

  It ain't me, I'm no senator's son.

• 45:01Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, it ain't me, it ain't me. Okay, I know it, know it, I know it now.

• 45:06Tig Notaro?

  Wait, I was asking you to play the actual song. I wasn't asking you to do that terrible rendition, Thomas.

• 45:14Speaker 05

  I'm worried about getting a copyright strike on, on that.

• 45:17Fortune Feimster?

  We don't wanna strike on the old.

• 45:19Mae Martin?

  Is that how it works? You get strikes?

• 45:22Fortune Feimster?

  You got, don't do that again. You got two more strikes, baby.

• 45:26Mae Martin?

  Should we hear what Zach has to say?

• 45:28Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, we should.

• 45:29Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 45:30Speaker 04

  Uh, I mean, it could be a lot of things. You know, I really do love, um, sorting through things. If you gave me like a big pile of papers on the right day, if the, if the AC was going, I could sort papers for ten hours, uh, or, you know, read a good book. Unfortunately, lately I've been really wasting a lot of time playing the computer game Civ 7. Uh, and it's, it is ruining my life a little bit, uh, as we speak. So, uh, yeah, you throw me in a room with that for ten hours and I, I blink and it's over. And also, I just, I hope that you don't like hang on to this video for a long time because

• 46:14Speaker 04

  it already sounds embarrassing and insane to be playing this game as much as I am. But if this doesn't, if this, you know, if you drop this in 2027, when this game is old and obsolete, then I'll look even more insane. So, um, that's what's going on with me. How did you spend your ten hours?

• 46:37Tig Notaro?

  Um, I honestly can't think of anything more dreadful than sorting through papers.

• 46:43Speaker 04

  Really?

• 46:45Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 46:46Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I don't want to sort through papers either.

• 46:48Tig Notaro?

  No, two against one, get the hell out of here.

• 46:50Mae Martin?

  No, I, I think I get it. Yeah, I get it. It was interesting that he specified with the AC going, but, um.

• 46:58Fortune Feimster?

  He's like, I don't want to be hot doing that.

• 47:00Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah. No, I like the idea of, of sorting, sorting papers.

• 47:04Tig Notaro?

  Oh, can we stop talking about it?

• 47:06Mae Martin?

  Sure.

• 47:06Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, you're already, it's just making you feel really bad. Oh, by the way, Tig.

• 47:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 47:11Fortune Feimster?

  I was, uh, with a friend who loves zombie, um, movies and, uh, another friend was like, oh, you should watch Army of the Dead. And I was like, Tig's in it. And they had never seen it. So I, we watched Army of the Dead.

• 47:29Tig Notaro?

  You watched that?

• 47:30Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, I'd seen it when it came out.

• 47:32Tig Notaro?

  Oh, you did. Wow.

• 47:33Fortune Feimster?

  But these friends hadn't seen it. And so I, I watched you.

• 47:38Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 47:39Fortune Feimster?

  Be all tough and.

• 47:40Tig Notaro?

  Sexy. Go on, say it.

• 47:42Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. And sexy was the next word.

• 47:44Mae Martin?

  I thought you were acting a little shy today around Tig.

• 47:48Fortune Feimster?

  There she is. She's a movie star. You did great. You looked super sexy.

• 47:53Tig Notaro?

  Thank you.

• 47:54Fortune Feimster?

  In your army. Well, it was like a pilot's.

• 47:58Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 47:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:00Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 48:02Fortune Feimster?

  A pilot onesie with your cigar.

• 48:04Tig Notaro?

  Way to make it sound sexy.

• 48:06Mae Martin?

  Oh, you're a onesie.

• 48:07Tig Notaro?

  Pilot onesie.

• 48:09Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna watch it. I love that genre so much. I just saw Twenty Eight Years Later in, in cinemas.

• 48:15Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I went and watched that too in the cinema.

• 48:17Mae Martin?

  Dude.

• 48:18Fortune Feimster?

  I thought it was weird, but you must have been into it.

• 48:20Mae Martin?

  I loved it, but it was weird.

• 48:22Fortune Feimster?

  You did?

• 48:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:24Fortune Feimster?

  There were dongs everywhere.

• 48:26Mae Martin?

  There were some dongs.

• 48:27Fortune Feimster?

  Fortune Marie. There were, Tig, you don't understand. There are all these zombie creatures with just the biggest dongs running around.

• 48:36Tig Notaro?

  Fortune Marie. Fortune.

• 48:39Mae Martin?

  There was one.

• 48:41Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, one giant dong, zombie dong. But there were other floppity flops happening too.

• 48:48Tig Notaro?

  Well, that's why May was into it.

• 48:50Mae Martin?

  Oh, I was loving it.

• 48:52Fortune Feimster?

  Cause it had a British sensibility.

• 48:54Mae Martin?

  Do you like the first two? You like?

• 48:56Fortune Feimster?

  I like the other ones, but this one was like, what's happening? And then the ending was so weird to me and I was like, what is this?

• 49:03Mae Martin?

  I could talk for, yeah, I'll, let's talk off pod about the ending.

• 49:07Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 49:07Tig Notaro?

  If we can go back to Army of the Dead.

• 49:10Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, we can, sexy.

• 49:12Tig Notaro?

  Thank you. How great of a job did Zack Snyder do, um, green screening me into that entire movie?

• 49:20Fortune Feimster?

  It was crazy.

• 49:21Tig Notaro?

  I mean, and his, and his special effects people.

• 49:24Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, you would never know.

• 49:25Tig Notaro?

  I mean, I, I, I'm just. Yeah. I mean, for people that don't know, I replaced somebody and I filmed that movie alone with Zack.

• 49:35Fortune Feimster?

  How long did it take you to film?

• 49:38Tig Notaro?

  I don't know, a few weeks.

• 49:40Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, okay.

• 49:41Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna watch it tonight.

• 49:43Fortune Feimster?

  You haven't seen it?

• 49:44Mae Martin?

  No.

• 49:45Tig Notaro?

  You're in for a treat, our little Tiggy Tig.

• 49:48Mae Martin?

  Are there any dongs?

• 49:50Tig Notaro?

  You think you're sexy, May? Yeah, you think you're the sex pot around here, just wait till you see it too.

• 49:56Mae Martin?

  Are there any dongs in it, though?

• 49:58Tig Notaro?

  Um, God, I hope not, otherwise I wouldn't have taken the job.

• 50:02Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 50:03Tig Notaro?

  No dongs.

• 50:04Mae Martin?

  Anyways, I, I'm not gonna get a, um, like a Playstation, cause I'm, or something like that, cause I'm worried about what Zach's talking about, that it would just ruin my life. I think I'd get really into it.

• 50:15Tig Notaro?

  Hmm, mhm.

• 50:16Mae Martin?

  Cause I, I wasn't allowed to play video games growing up, and then when I was like, yeah, but when I was like sixteen, living on my own, I got a Super Mario Brothers, and it was like, that's why I wasn't allowed it, cause I'm, I think I played it for twelve months, for twenty-four hours a day.

• 50:35Tig Notaro?

  Oh, dang, I see.

• 50:36Mae Martin?

  Got hooked.

• 50:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, hooked. And are you still into game, into video games?

• 50:40Mae Martin?

  No, I don't, well, I don't have, I have my VR headset.

• 50:43Tig Notaro?

  Oh, do you use that?

• 50:45Mae Martin?

  I went through a phase, cause there's a Star Wars game on it, that by the end of playing this game, it's like a four-hour narrative game. You feel like you've grown as a person, like you defeat Vader, you discover that you have the Force, you're in Star Wars. And so that I would recommend, but no, I think I'm

• 51:03Tig Notaro?

  Nerd alert.

• 51:04Mae Martin?

  Too addictive a personality, I think.

• 51:06Tig Notaro?

  I played him as a kid.

• 51:08Mae Martin?

  You did?

• 51:09Tig Notaro?

  Uh, yeah. I only know how to play like Pac-Man and, um, Donkey Kong and Asteroids and

• 51:15Fortune Feimster?

  I have that multicade game down here in my house.

• 51:20Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay.

• 51:20Fortune Feimster?

  Stand-up arcade game with all those on it.

• 51:23Tig Notaro?

  Well, I'll be right over.

• 51:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah, if you're ever selling that, I will buy that for any fortune.

• 51:28Fortune Feimster?

  I am not ever selling it.

• 51:29Mae Martin?

  Sure.

• 51:30Fortune Feimster?

  Someone sold it to me, and I think she regretted it immediately.

• 51:34Tig Notaro?

  And do you ever play it when you're treading water?

• 51:37Fortune Feimster?

  I don't ever play it, but I love that I own it.

• 51:41Fortune Feimster?

  Because it's so vintage, it's so rare.

• 51:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 51:44Fortune Feimster?

  And, uh, and Jax didn't really want it in the house, in this new house, because it doesn't really go with anything. But I was like, I am not selling this thing.

• 51:53Tig Notaro?

  I think I should get one.

• 51:55Fortune Feimster?

  It's gonna be like trucked with me wherever I go.

• 51:58Tig Notaro?

  I like that.

• 51:59Fortune Feimster?

  I play occasionally. It's ver- it's very loud because they're, it's an old game and they just didn't have the volume controls.

• 52:06Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 52:07Fortune Feimster?

  Um, so when you play, it's like, you know.

• 52:10Tig Notaro?

  It didn't come with Bluetooth?

• 52:12Fortune Feimster?

  It did not.

• 52:15Tig Notaro?

  Do you have to put quarters? You don't have to put quarters in it, though.

• 52:17Fortune Feimster?

  No, no quarters.

• 52:19Tig Notaro?

  Do you just bang it on the side like Fonzie and then it starts?

• 52:22Fortune Feimster?

  Start playing, baby. It's right there. Go walk up. It's got the quarter slots and so you can put the quarters in it.

• 52:27Tig Notaro?

  Fortune just called me baby because she saw me in Army of the Dead. Everything's shifted since then.

• 52:33Fortune Feimster?

  Everything's changed.

• 52:34Tig Notaro?

  There is a full-on vibe. Yeah. I'm scared to watch it myself. I don't. I'm scared for you, too. As well.

• 52:43Fortune Feimster?

  Come give me a kiss.

• 52:47Fortune Feimster?

  Come give me some sugar.

• 52:50Tig Notaro?

  As long as you're not Amelia. Yeah, Amelia.

• 52:53Fortune Feimster?

  Amelia's on her way to your house right now.

• 52:56Tig Notaro?

  If she is, she better bring that, uh, video game. You said it goes everywhere you do.

• 53:04Fortune Feimster?

  He's walking down the street, pushing that thing.

• 53:07Tig Notaro?

  Pushing it in a baby stroller for some reason.

• 53:12Fortune Feimster?

  Well, what a treat, you guys.

• 53:14Tig Notaro?

  What a podcast, really.

• 53:16Fortune Feimster?

  What a podcast.

• 53:17Tig Notaro?

  What a podcast. A pleasure as always.

• 53:21Fortune Feimster?

  I think we've said everything there is to say other than what we've got going on.

• 53:25Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh. Well, I also want to mention to please share this episode with a friend if you want him to join the handsome, uh, community. Uh, subscribe, rate, review. I know I say it all the time, but if you haven't, just take one second. Just one second. Subscribe. We also have a YouTube channel. Subscribe to that. Rate, review, tell a friend, share an episode. This is an incredible community we've built and we're very thankful for it. Yeah, we want to keep it going, keep it, keep it going, keep it growing. Mm-hmm.

• 53:56Fortune Feimster?

  Going and growing, y'all. We want to be a grower, not a shower.

• 54:00Tig Notaro?

  That's right, Fortune Marie. That's what he said.

• 54:06Tig Notaro?

  I'll be in West Hampton Beach, New York, August 17th. I'll be in Provincetown, Massachusetts, August 23rd. Dynasty Typewriter, September 21st. Beau Rivage Resort and Casino, Biloxi, Mississippi, September 27th. And then the road goes on forever. Go to Tignotaro.com to see where I will be.

• 54:29Mae Martin?

  I got nothing live, I think, for the next little while, but check out SAP, my special on Netflix, or just go to maymartinmusic.com for cool updates.

• 54:40Tig Notaro?

  You know I will.

• 54:41Mae Martin?

  I know you're there every day. Check it out.

• 54:44Fortune Feimster?

  I'm at the Great Outdoors Comedy Festival in Spokane, August 23rd. And then September, a bunch of dates in San Antonio, Houston, Norfolk, Virginia, Richmond, DC, Portland, Maine, Boston, Burlington, Vermont, Mobile, Alabama, New Orleans, and Atlanta. That's all coming up in the next couple of months. So, check those out. Let's have some fun in person, y'all.

• 55:12Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm. Go to thehandsomepod.com for all of our wonderful, beautiful merch. And until next time.

• 55:21Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it handsome.

• 55:25Mae Martin?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected] and please follow us on social media, @handsomepod.

• 55:38Speaker 05

  What a podcast.

• 55:44Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.

• 55:50Speaker 06

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris. And Hannah Simone. And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl Rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dogged.

• 56:15Speaker 07

  We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 56:27Speaker 06

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr. and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 56:38Speaker 07

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.