Jerry O'Connell asks about invitations

The hilarious Jerry O'Connell asks a question about event invites, plus an extensive Handsome makeup tutorial involving "pink tint," Biggie discovering beauty products, and more! Handsome is streaming LIVE from Austin April 12! Get your tickets here https://www.squadup.com/events/handsome-streaming-live-from-austin. Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:05Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking the program before sitting down to enjoy a school play? I'm in shambles. Turns out there's no intermission during this three-hour Shakespeare adaptation, and I really need to go to the bathroom. Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings

• 1:19Mae Martin?

  with a premium, professional website.

• 1:21Fortune Feimster?

  With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time. Squarespace makes it easy, so easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes.

• 1:54Mae Martin?

  So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 2:11Mae Martin?

  Pod chat with friends on the handsome pod.

• 2:17Fortune Feimster?

  Cheers.

• 2:19Mae Martin?

  Welcome to the handsome pod. It's me, Mae Martin. I'm joined by.

• 2:25Fortune Feimster?

  Fortune means.

• 2:26Mae Martin?

  That's the worst one I've ever done. I think that was hell. I'm so sorry.

• 2:29Tig Notaro?

  Not a problem. And it is I, your other co-host Tig Notaro.

• 2:34Mae Martin?

  I think I panicked because I was gonna do it in a British accent because I'm in London. And then I thought I'd want to slap myself.

• 2:42Tig Notaro?

  How much longer are you in London?

• 2:45Mae Martin?

  Five more days. Yeah.

• 2:47Tig Notaro?

  Do you have a bunch of shows or are you?

• 2:50Mae Martin?

  Done my shows. I did my last music tour show and then now I'm just like catching up with old friends and writing with my writing partner. And yeah, it's nice.

• 3:01Tig Notaro?

  Is your writing partner who you did your TV show with?

• 3:04Mae Martin?

  I did feel good with him. Yeah.

• 3:06Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay.

• 3:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah. But do you notice anything different about me, guys?

• 3:11Fortune Feimster?

  Um.

• 3:13Tig Notaro?

  The goatee.

• 3:15Mae Martin?

  Yes, I've grown a goatee.

• 3:17Fortune Feimster?

  Wait.

• 3:17Mae Martin?

  No, I.

• 3:18Tig Notaro?

  Looks good.

• 3:19Mae Martin?

  I got a haircut from Debbie.

• 3:21Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yes, yes, yes. Of course, the haircut from Debbie. But I have a question about. Do you have a gray gown hanging in the back?

• 3:33Fortune Feimster?

  Um, oh, yeah. It looks like two gray gowns.

• 3:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I have two gray gowns for me and my old, my 80 year old friend, Tabitha.

• 3:45Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, what?

• 3:46Mae Martin?

  No, I'm just, no, I'm just in a hotel room and they got two robes.

• 3:50Tig Notaro?

  Oh, those are robes.

• 3:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 3:52Tig Notaro?

  Oh, they look like gowns.

• 3:54Fortune Feimster?

  It looks like for twins or something.

• 3:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Yeah, that would be interesting if you found out that I was dressing up in drag every night in gowns privately.

• 4:08Fortune Feimster?

  I thought you had lipstick on for a second. I thought that's what the reveal was.

• 4:12Mae Martin?

  This is becoming a big controversy in my life. Do you say that? Because do you know what happened that I was on the day? I was on the Daily Show and then I posted the clip.

• 4:21Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, your lips were really pink there, too.

• 4:24Mae Martin?

  I know. And everybody's going, is that person wearing lipstick? And is that a girl or a boy? Because it was shared on the Daily Show page. And then I, so I edit my comment under it and I go, guys, I don't know why my lips look so pink. I guess I'm really healthy. But guys, this is an exclusive I can share with you. I've lost my mind because I did put on this like lip tint. And then I didn't expect it to look, I just thought I would look healthy. I didn't think it would look that pink. And I don't know why I've now explicitly denied it.

• 4:56Tig Notaro?

  So, wait, are you now revealing this on the podcast?

• 5:00Mae Martin?

  Yes, because

• 5:01Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 5:02Mae Martin?

  Because in the comments, now I don't know what to do.

• 5:06Fortune Feimster?

  Because you did put on lip tint and then it was like, nothing, nothing to see here.

• 5:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 5:11Tig Notaro?

  I think what, I think what you need to do, the only thing that's right, is to make a video apologizing to everybody. And confessing that you did in fact put on some lipstick before your appearance.

• 5:28Mae Martin?

  It's actually, it's a lip tint by Benefit that usually, usually you put it on and then it's like a stain and you wipe it off. I had no idea. It looked like bright pink. And then

• 5:39Tig Notaro?

  And did you not like how it looked?

• 5:41Mae Martin?

  I hate how it looks in the video. But, and then, but also everybody's like, so freaked out by it. That it just confirms why I'm so weird about it. It reminds me of being in school and people being like, May's wearing makeup. And me being like, no, guys, I'm not.

• 5:55Tig Notaro?

  Well, that's the reason I can confirm that you do wear makeup.

• 5:58Mae Martin?

  I, more than any of us.

• 6:00Fortune Feimster?

  That's the only reason I asked because I had just seen that video. And, and your lips still look a little pink. And I was like, maybe May's experimenting with lipstick now. So I thought you were like, what do you see?

• 6:17Mae Martin?

  It's because I was going on TV. I thought, I want to look healthy. I didn't, and then the really crazy thing is that now people are in the comments. Like, a lot of handsome fans are defending me. They're saying, if some makeup artist made May wear lipstick, how dare they? And I'm like, really touched by them being protective. And now I can't double back and go, actually, guys, I did.

• 6:37Tig Notaro?

  But you can. This would be the greatest video of all time if you If you did the, you know, straight to camera apology and then come clean and just confess. But here's where I want to back up to.

• 6:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 6:51Tig Notaro?

  Why were you so hell bent on looking healthy? What is going on with you that you're like, I just need to look healthy for this appearance?

• 7:00Mae Martin?

  I think I was really tired from touring and I felt like I looked really pale. And I was just kind of panicking and trying to control something. And I thought.

• 7:10Tig Notaro?

  Now, I am not a makeup person myself.

• 7:13Mae Martin?

  What?

• 7:14Fortune Feimster?

  Right.

• 7:14Tig Notaro?

  Now, hear me out, hear me out. I am not. Fortune, hear me out, hear me out.

• 7:20Fortune Feimster?

  It's crazy.

• 7:21Tig Notaro?

  Okay, it is crazy, but it's true. And this is all natural beauty that you're looking at. But.

• 7:28Speaker 00

  What?

• 7:29Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, it's natural beauty. So.

• 7:33Fortune Feimster?

  You say so.

• 7:34Tig Notaro?

  I am saying so. And even though I am not a makeup person, I can tell you that if you felt like you were looking a little pale.

• 7:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 7:45Tig Notaro?

  Putting on some bright pink lipstick before you go on is only going to highlight the lips and the paleness even more.

• 7:54Mae Martin?

  Exactly. Yeah, you're, of course, like, I didn't put on bronzer or anything. I went, I went with a lip taint.

• 8:00Fortune Feimster?

  Taint?

• 8:00Mae Martin?

  Lip taint. Not taint.

• 8:04Tig Notaro?

  What are we talking about? You put lipstick on your taint?

• 8:11Mae Martin?

  Okay, clearly, I don't, you guys, I'm a boy, I don't do this stuff.

• 8:16Fortune Feimster?

  I will tell you, in my special Good Fortune, that it happened to me too.

• 8:22Mae Martin?

  Are you serious?

• 8:23Fortune Feimster?

  They put like a little.

• 8:24Tig Notaro?

  You put lipstick on your taint?

• 8:27Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I have, I do wear some lipstick in my specials. You can see it in my last special, but it wasn't like, whoa. But in Good Fortune, it was like, whoa, because they put a little bit of lip taint on me.

• 8:43Tig Notaro?

  Was it May's lip taint that they put on you?

• 8:47Fortune Feimster?

  It was a similar color. And then something with the, between that and the color chosen for, because you can, you know, do the different levels of color. And in the color correction, it made it pop so crazy. So when the clips came out, I was like, why are my lips so pink? And it looks like I'm just full on, yeah.

• 9:09Tig Notaro?

  And were you not happy with your lip taint?

• 9:12Fortune Feimster?

  It's just jarring when you don't do that in everyday life. And then suddenly it's like pow. But like in crushing it, I had some, but it was just like a little boop and it was fine.

• 9:23Mae Martin?

  I swear backstage, it didn't look like they were bright pink. And then something happened and it's just insane that when people were freaking out, I didn't go, guys, look, I'm a pretty little lady. I can do what I want. Yeah. I put some lip taint on. And instead, instead I like went hard on, no, guys, I don't know why they look like that.

• 9:44Tig Notaro?

  Okay. I need to, can we actually record the straight to video apology right now? And can we use this for um, May's uh, May's social media? Yeah. Here we go.

• 9:57Mae Martin?

  Can you help me? Like, can you set it up for me? Like I, I need help being brave. So I need you to be part of it.

• 10:04Fortune Feimster?

  I wanna see you be brave.

• 10:06Mae Martin?

  Is that the lyrics? That helps.

• 10:09Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 10:10Fortune Feimster?

  I wanna see your pink taint do what you wanna do.

• 10:18Fortune Feimster?

  I wanna hear you be brave. Which one is it? See or hear?

• 10:23Mae Martin?

  It must be see.

• 10:25Tig Notaro?

  That's a great song.

• 10:27Fortune Feimster?

  Sarah Bareilles, your friend.

• 10:31Mae Martin?

  Look, we'll just, we'll chop up what I've already said and we'll make a, and I'll do, I'll do like a tier.

• 10:36Tig Notaro?

  No, we want a straight to video right now. Three, two, one, please hold fortune and May, you're on.

• 10:44Mae Martin?

  The past couple of days have been really difficult for me and um I've thought a lot about what I want to say and I just want to say particularly to the people that believed in me and um who trusted me that I I specifically said online that I was not wearing any kind of lipstick. In fact, I said, I don't know, I used the words, I don't know why it looks like I'm wearing lipstick.

• 11:08Tig Notaro?

  Gaslighting.

• 11:08Mae Martin?

  I need to tell you I was gaslighting you. I did put on for the first time ever.

• 11:15Tig Notaro?

  Pink taint.

• 11:16Mae Martin?

  You know what? It wasn't even the first time ever.

• 11:19Tig Notaro?

  There's been other times?

• 11:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I put on like a lip tint and then I thought it looked normal backstage. I go out, I see the clips, it looks like I'm wearing. Anyway, I should have owned it. I should have said, listen, I'm a they them, I could wear, look, even if I was a giant truck driver, I could wear, I could wear whatever. Anyway, I lied and Tig wants me to apologize. For the sake of the podcast.

• 11:46Tig Notaro?

  Yes, for the sake of your pink taint. Thank you, May.

• 11:50Mae Martin?

  Thank you, May.

• 11:51Tig Notaro?

  Can we get, can we get socials to uh cut that and just have that so May can put that on their uh social media, please?

• 11:59Mae Martin?

  Maybe we'll have to add some sad music behind it too.

• 12:02Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 12:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah. What if this was all an advert for Benefit Lip Tint?

• 12:06Tig Notaro?

  For J Lo's lip, lip gloss.

• 12:10Mae Martin?

  Wait, so Tig, have, do you, would you never wear lipstick?

• 12:12Tig Notaro?

  I, I have, I just know when to stop. No, I, of course, there's always that, I, I've had that happen too when I've um, you know, guest starred on a show or done late night and then I'm like, oh, that shade is not quite right.

• 12:31Mae Martin?

  Or like a gloss that really shines or something, yeah.

• 12:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I just am very adamant these days where if anyone goes near my lips, I'm like, it has to be so natural. Like, I don't want anything to look different than my, how my lips look. And so I've kind of gotten that down.

• 12:51Mae Martin?

  Me too. I mean, it's not helping my case that I have two gray gowns hanging in my.

• 12:56Tig Notaro?

  I know. You've, you've been caught.

• 13:00Fortune Feimster?

  Back in the, back in the day, I hosted the GLAD Awards in New York and I had, they put makeup on me and like, right before I went out, the makeup artist was like, oh, just one more thing. And he put blush on both cheeks and just went boop, boop. And I, I was like, ah, okay, thanks. Didn't look at it and just go out on stage. And the video comes out later and I look like, is it the marionette doll? What is it with the big, like, circle red cheeks?

• 13:29Tig Notaro?

  Like a Raggedy Ann?

• 13:30Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. It was, I look insane. And I was like, no.

• 13:35Mae Martin?

  But I bet you looked healthy, right?

• 13:40Fortune Feimster?

  I looked in, I look like a crazy person that doesn't know how to put on makeup.

• 13:45Mae Martin?

  Oh my God. Well, this is the problem is like, if you resist learning those skills when you're pubescent, the way I did, and maybe you guys did, then later in life, when you dip your toe in, you don't know what the hell you're doing.

• 13:57Fortune Feimster?

  I wear, I wear a little bit of, um, foundation.

• 14:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah, me.

• 14:02Tig Notaro?

  Like on a daily basis?

• 14:04Fortune Feimster?

  Uh huh.

• 14:05Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I am wash and go.

• 14:07Fortune Feimster?

  You want to see my little makeup bag?

• 14:09Mae Martin?

  Yes, please. You've got it right there.

• 14:11Fortune Feimster?

  Right here. Yeah, do me.

• 14:13Tig Notaro?

  Whoa.

• 14:14Fortune Feimster?

  I'm a pretty little lady.

• 14:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:17Fortune Feimster?

  I got, I got my, um, this is my found, my liquid.

• 14:22Mae Martin?

  I use the same, I use the same one.

• 14:25Tig Notaro?

  If there's ever a time to head over to YouTube.

• 14:28Fortune Feimster?

  I've got my beauty blender.

• 14:32Tig Notaro?

  What is a beauty blender?

• 14:35Fortune Feimster?

  They look like a little.

• 14:36Tig Notaro?

  They look like a rock.

• 14:38Fortune Feimster?

  Biggie.

• 14:41Tig Notaro?

  Biggie's like, did someone say bottle?

• 14:44Mae Martin?

  Biggie's now sniffing at the beauty blender.

• 14:47Fortune Feimster?

  Why do you want my beauty blender? I've got my Burt's Bees, um, pomegranate lip tint.

• 14:54Tig Notaro?

  Girl, girl.

• 14:55Fortune Feimster?

  So it gives you a little something.

• 14:57Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you do.

• 14:58Fortune Feimster?

  But it's not too much.

• 14:59Tig Notaro?

  It's not full tanned.

• 15:00Fortune Feimster?

  See, see, that's not bad.

• 15:02Tig Notaro?

  Fortune's not going full tanned.

• 15:05Fortune Feimster?

  And then I have a little thing here to, um, I don't know what this stuff's called, where you put it like.

• 15:13Tig Notaro?

  Circles.

• 15:14Fortune Feimster?

  Circles under your eyes.

• 15:16Tig Notaro?

  No, they're circles.

• 15:17Fortune Feimster?

  Oh yeah, these are called circles.

• 15:19Mae Martin?

  You've got your free makeup.

• 15:21Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 15:22Fortune Feimster?

  Us explaining makeup is kind of hilarious.

• 15:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:26Tig Notaro?

  We should do makeup tutorials.

• 15:28Speaker 00

  And then hand cream.

• 15:32Tig Notaro?

  Thomas, can you put handsome makeup tutorials on the list?

• 15:35Mae Martin?

  Yes, please, please. But I think Tig should lead it, kind of.

• 15:42Tig Notaro?

  Oh my God, I'm not doing any taint blending, though, for you guys.

• 15:46Fortune Feimster?

  He thinks it's all treats, because he's like, what's this? You don't use this much.

• 15:50Tig Notaro?

  It is a treat. Have you looked at your face?

• 15:53Fortune Feimster?

  And now I'm putting on my lotion. You gotta lotion. Y'all know you have to lotion the back of your hands, right?

• 16:00Tig Notaro?

  Of course, but do you know the most important rule about hydration?

• 16:04Fortune Feimster?

  What?

• 16:05Tig Notaro?

  Hydrate from the inside.

• 16:07Mae Martin?

  Yes, you're so right. You're so right. I've been very dehydrated on, on tour. I gotta drink water.

• 16:13Fortune Feimster?

  Is the tour, is the tour over?

• 16:15Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, you look like a grandmother putting lotion on, looking down, going, is the tour over? Like, kind of distracted questioning.

• 16:23Fortune Feimster?

  Is the tour over? I'd be a cute grandma. Terrible mom, but cute grandma.

• 16:29Mae Martin?

  So many people are like that. So many people really come into their own as grandparents.

• 16:34Tig Notaro?

  I feel like I became a parent at grandparent age, essentially, so I feel like.

• 16:39Mae Martin?

  You're a good grandparent.

• 16:40Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I feel like I'm a good grandparent.

• 16:42Mae Martin?

  That's nice.

• 16:47Fortune Feimster?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that I've got a little snack with me before I leave the house? My stomach and I are grumbling. I thought I'd be able to grab a bite in between meetings, but now it's getting late and I could really use a candy bar.

• 17:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 17:15Tig Notaro?

  The handsome hollybob season is fast approaching and I'm realizing that we haven't hosted friends and family for a few months. Looking around my home, it's in need of a bit of a festive refresh. For all things hosting, Wayfair delivers high-quality, customer-trusted products for your home so you can host and celebrate without the stress.

• 17:37Fortune Feimster?

  Wayfair helps you create a home that stands up to real life with quality products, great value, and trusted reviews. Products are hand-vetted by a product specialist using a 10-point quality inspection. They've got options for every style and budget. I'm more into the classic holiday look with multicolor bulbs, tinsel, you name it. Wayfair has all of that. I used Wayfair to decorate my fireplace this season and it looks so cozy and festive. I love everything. I've gotten on Wayfair and I know you will too.

• 18:06Tig Notaro?

  When refreshing your home this holiday season, Wayfair delivers exactly what you need. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com.

• 18:22Fortune Feimster?

  There's nothing quite like having pieces in your closet you love and know that you can count on for any occasion, except maybe giving someone else that same feeling. This holiday season, Quince is where I'm finding those pieces. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials like Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, and premium stretch denim.

• 18:42Tig Notaro?

  Let me tell you about my jeans. I got a pair of the Luna Stretch Slim Straight Jeans for only 50 bucks compared to that $235. Compare that to $235 at traditional retail. They're quickly turning into my favorite thing to cover my legs with. I'm gonna pick up some more pairs because Quince has tons of color options as well.

• 19:06Fortune Feimster?

  Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was handsome. It's the best way to support the show.

• 19:27Tig Notaro?

  So yeah, your tour is fully over, mate?

• 19:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I've done all the music shows, yeah.

• 19:32Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 19:33Mae Martin?

  And then I gotta head back to Toronto.

• 19:35Tig Notaro?

  And it was a smashing success, right?

• 19:38Mae Martin?

  Dude, it was so fun. I was doing guitar solos and it felt like a fantasy. And I have to say, like, I didn't realize how much I'd lost my mojo or like that I'd been kinda down for six months. Until the tour, I feel like a cloud's lifted off me. I feel really good.

• 19:56Tig Notaro?

  That's incredible.

• 19:57Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Did you get any Ponties thrown at you?

• 20:00Mae Martin?

  No, but I did get people yelling out Ponties. And I got people yelling out, a lot of people yelling out, Little Cowboy. But then sometimes I'm on stage and I'm having a great time and then someone will yell out, "You got this!" And I'm like, "I know."

• 20:18Mae Martin?

  Or, "I think I look really vulnerable and scared." And people are like, "You can do it!" And they're like, "Little Cowboy, you got this!" And I'm like,

• 20:25Tig Notaro?

  Aww.

• 20:25Mae Martin?

  It's really nice, but I'm like, "Am I giving off total failure?"

• 20:32Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe it's a nervous energy sometimes.

• 20:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I think you're right about that. What about you guys? So I'm on UK time, it's early morning.

• 20:41Fortune Feimster?

  I'm drinking my coffee right now, cuz y'all know how much I love coffee.

• 20:45Tig Notaro?

  Pinky's up.

• 20:47Mae Martin?

  Pinky's up.

• 20:48Tig Notaro?

  Are you a "don't talk to me till I've had my coffee"? I can't remember.

• 20:51Fortune Feimster?

  Girl, don't talk to me till I've had my coffee. Um, no.

• 20:56Tig Notaro?

  You are? No? Okay.

• 20:58Fortune Feimster?

  I love it, though. I drink it every morning, but I'm not like a huge morning person in general, but I'm not unpleasant.

• 21:07Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 21:07Fortune Feimster?

  As you can tell.

• 21:09Mae Martin?

  You're being absolutely heavenly right now.

• 21:12Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 21:13Mae Martin?

  You know the pinky up thing?

• 21:15Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 21:15Mae Martin?

  One time in England, I saw what I thought is the most British thing is someone on the subway, like on the tube, holding the pole in the subway but with their pinky out. For real.

• 21:24Tig Notaro?

  Oh, look at that. How, how...

• 21:29Fortune Feimster?

  How British.

• 21:30Tig Notaro?

  Yes, how dainty and British.

• 21:34Fortune Feimster?

  Does it make you...

• 21:35Tig Notaro?

  Pinky sound.

• 21:36Fortune Feimster?

  Does it make you... Like you miss living there when you visit or you like, oh, I'm glad to be in LA.

• 21:42Mae Martin?

  I miss the people and a bunch of them came to the show and I haven't seen them in like three years. And I spent 12 years here, like my whole twenties. So I miss the people. And there were like two really sunny days and I was like, God, this city's the best. And then now the grays descended and it's raining again. I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the problem.

• 22:02Fortune Feimster?

  Hmm.

• 22:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:03Fortune Feimster?

  So that really is a thing. It's like gloomy there a lot.

• 22:06Mae Martin?

  Oh, big time, except when you're in Debbie's hairdresser, because she is a ray of sunshine and she says hi, she sends her love.

• 22:13Tig Notaro?

  Hello Debbie. Can we hear a little Debbie's voice?

• 22:16Mae Martin?

  Oh, what did she? Well, she came to my show. She came, she said, she said, well, I went to Tig's show. Oh, it was so funny. I couldn't believe it. And she said, and then she came to my show and she didn't charge me for the haircut, which I was like, please let me pay you. She was, oh, no, don't be silly, mate. It was so nice.

• 22:34Tig Notaro?

  I know. She wouldn't let me pay for mine either. And then she threw in like some hair product. And I was like, this is insane. And she was like, oh, but you got me tickets to your show. And I was like, that I'll have none of it, but she wouldn't take my money.

• 22:50Fortune Feimster?

  What if I get my haircut from her and all she knows how to do is cut hair like you guys?

• 22:55Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 22:56Fortune Feimster?

  And so I end up looking, having y'all's haircut.

• 22:59Tig Notaro?

  Well, wouldn't that be lucky of you?

• 23:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah, would that be the worst thing in the world?

• 23:03Fortune Feimster?

  Without my curls?

• 23:05Tig Notaro?

  Can you give me a little credit that I reminded you to go get your haircut from Debbie?

• 23:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah, 100%. I would, I would have forgotten.

• 23:13Mae Martin?

  And Fortune, would you, would you ever go short, short?

• 23:17Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 23:18Mae Martin?

  Would you ever go long, long?

• 23:20Fortune Feimster?

  Um, no, because it weighs my curls down. I went short, short when I lived in Spain. Um, I didn't know the difference between trim and cut in Spanish. Um, so I asked for a haircut. And he chopped it all off. To where it was like crazy short. And I came home to, I was living with this little old lady for the first two months I was in Spain.

• 23:47Tig Notaro?

  Hello.

• 23:48Fortune Feimster?

  Have I told you guys this?

• 23:50Tig Notaro?

  No, but it sounds hot.

• 23:52Fortune Feimster?

  She had a wig on when I met her and she got comfortable with me. And one night came home, I came home and the wig was off and she was bald and she had one sprig of hair.

• 24:04Mae Martin?

  Wait, one sprig of hair like Cindy Lou Who?

• 24:06Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, one sprig of hair.

• 24:08Tig Notaro?

  And how old, like my age or what?

• 24:10Fortune Feimster?

  No. Like eighty, like eighty.

• 24:14Tig Notaro?

  Oh my god, that's amazing.

• 24:16Fortune Feimster?

  And um, she said stress and she, poor thing had lost her hair from stress. And I was just wondering like, girl, let it go. Um, so I got my hair chopped off and I came home like looking for her to be like, I get it. And she um, said to me, que rado and it means how weird in Spanish.

• 24:42Tig Notaro?

  Oh my god. While she's sitting there with one sprig?

• 24:47Mae Martin?

  Yes. I was like, are you kidding me right now?

• 24:52Fortune Feimster?

  Weird?

• 24:53Tig Notaro?

  Oh my god. That's incredible.

• 24:57Fortune Feimster?

  That's really.

• 24:58Tig Notaro?

  And can you um, post a picture of the short hair?

• 25:02Fortune Feimster?

  I will have to look in my scrapbook, um, but I don't remember. I don't remember if I took a picture because I was so embarrassed when it first happened. I might not have taken a picture right away.

• 25:15Mae Martin?

  Oh man.

• 25:16Fortune Feimster?

  It was still, it was still the circle curl, but like right to my head.

• 25:21Mae Martin?

  Oh, I would love to see a picture, but did you?

• 25:24Tig Notaro?

  The old circle curl, huh?

• 25:25Mae Martin?

  Did you almost cry? Like, you know, when you see it happening and you kind of, you're just frozen paralyzed?

• 25:31Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, because he kept going and I didn't know how to be like, ah.

• 25:36Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's the worst when you're watching in real time.

• 25:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 25:41Tig Notaro?

  Yourself getting the wrong haircut.

• 25:43Mae Martin?

  Oh, God.

• 25:44Tig Notaro?

  And then if you speak up, you you seem high maintenance and all of that. Oh, it's the worst. It's the worst.

• 25:52Mae Martin?

  I mean, I've had that with tattoos where I should have spoken up in the moment, but I'm like.

• 25:56Tig Notaro?

  Whoa, for sure. The one that says oatmeal?

• 25:59Mae Martin?

  Uh, no, that one weirdly I was weirdly I was really into.

• 26:03Fortune Feimster?

  That one may has turned into oat milk. It's all the rage now.

• 26:08Tig Notaro?

  Unsweetened oat milk is what it now says.

• 26:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:12Fortune Feimster?

  They were doing the tattoo you hadn't approved, or it was just way what not what you wanted.

• 26:17Mae Martin?

  There was this sketchy guy I used to go to when I was like 16 and he would always say, I want this. And I'd have like a picture or a stencil or I'd and he'd go, I'm gonna freehand it. I'm just gonna, I got, I know how I'm gonna do it. And then he would do like his own freehand handwriting on my body and I could see it going. But you're halfway through, you can't then switch to a stencil.

• 26:39Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 26:39Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 26:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:41Tig Notaro?

  See, that's why I just went with the one tattoo that I have.

• 26:45Fortune Feimster?

  What is it?

• 26:46Mae Martin?

  You have a dot. Is that right?

• 26:48Tig Notaro?

  That's right.

• 26:49Mae Martin?

  Yes. Okay, I listen. I remember.

• 26:51Fortune Feimster?

  I do not remember this.

• 26:52Tig Notaro?

  My brother threw a ballpoint pen at me when I was in sixth grade and it stuck in my knee. And I pulled it out and I have a dot. So I always say if I go missing and they ask if I had any tattoos, I had a dot.

• 27:08Fortune Feimster?

  I have a scar right here from my brother's fingernail.

• 27:11Tig Notaro?

  Did he mean to?

• 27:12Fortune Feimster?

  We got in a fight and his thumb, his thumb like dug into my forehead.

• 27:16Tig Notaro?

  This is your brother?

• 27:17Fortune Feimster?

  Uh huh.

• 27:18Tig Notaro?

  Brothers are the worst. Yeah, brothers are terrible.

• 27:23Fortune Feimster?

  We all had brothers.

• 27:24Tig Notaro?

  Well, speaking of brothers, I actually just flew to see my brother on the East Coast for two days.

• 27:32Fortune Feimster?

  What?

• 27:33Tig Notaro?

  Cause my niece was turning one and my sister in law asked if I would come surprise my brother. And so I did, but I also got caught in all the weather and then my flight guide. Got diverted and I ended up having to, it, it just was a whole situation and, um, and, uh, and, and she was, his wife was totally keeping this under wraps. And I arrived and normally he's sitting on the couch watching the news at this time that I arrived. But he was, she said that her friend was coming in town and that he had to pick her up from the airport. And then it didn't happen. And then so,

• 28:15Tig Notaro?

  okay, well, that, uh, we just lost May, had a little technical glitch in the middle, middle of my surprise story.

• 28:23Fortune Feimster?

  I'm so sorry.

• 28:24Tig Notaro?

  No, welcome back.

• 28:26Fortune Feimster?

  Our seats and then they disappeared.

• 28:28Tig Notaro?

  So, long story short, I am sitting on the couch and it's the time when my brother is typically watching the news or a game or something. And he decides, out of nowhere, he's like, I'm gonna go take a shower and, uh, do some laundry. My sister-in-law is like, what?

• 28:50Tig Notaro?

  Why now? And, um, so yeah, so he goes up and he showers and then, and I arrive and then I go sit on the couch and she's like, I'm gonna go get him. And she interrupts his shower. He's mid, he's shaving, he's mid-shave in the shower.

• 29:06Fortune Feimster?

  Longest shower of his life.

• 29:07Tig Notaro?

  And he's like, and she's like, uh, my friend's here. And he's like, okay. And he's like, and she goes, come down and say hi. And he's like, what? He's, he's like, this person, oh my God. Um, and, oh, also before he got in the shower, she, his wife was like all stressed because she was like, well, what if my friend shows up and you're in the shower? And he said it later, he was like, and I'm thinking, this girl can't, this woman can't just open a door and walk into our house. The hell is wrong with her? And so he's mid shower, mid shave and my sister in law is like, you have to come down. She just got here. He's like, oh my God. So he dries off, he walks down

• 29:47Tig Notaro?

  the stairs and then he looks over and it's me sitting on his couch and he was just like, oh, like he just head down like stunned, could not even move. He couldn't believe it. Yeah. And, um, and I have to say, my brother was just like a guy with a dog driving a Jeep, listening to the Rolling Stones and talking sports. And then he meets, you know, in a one bedroom apartment, meets his wife. I've never seen him happier. She has the dog of his dreams and they have their little family. And then he has his son, so happy. And then his daughter

• 30:30Tig Notaro?

  comes along, you guys. I have never seen this side of my brother.

• 30:37Fortune Feimster?

  Like a girl dad, like.

• 30:39Mae Martin?

  Like melted.

• 30:40Tig Notaro?

  Oh, oh my, he is like, um, so I overhear him talking to this woman that was helping organize the party and he's like, um, and you know, uh, it's the pink, uh, it's the pink dress with the little flowers on. And I was like, what am I? And he's like, what? He was like, pink is her color. And like, uh, it just really brings out her eyes and her hair and her lips.

• 31:03Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 31:04Tig Notaro?

  I was teasing him. I was like, I feel like you have a little dolly. Like he's so, and he, and he's a stay at home dad and he does like the bottles and the diapers and like, and he's, and I asked him, I said, how do you feel about how life has turned out? And he's just like, it's a gift. I just, uh, I wouldn't change a thing. It's a gift.

• 31:27Mae Martin?

  That's so sweet.

• 31:28Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 31:29Mae Martin?

  That's so nice that you went. Like he'll always remember that.

• 31:32Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. It just, it was such a great visit. And when he dropped me off at the airport, I was like, this is truly the happiest I have ever seen you in my life. And it's just like,

• 31:45Tig Notaro?

  You know, and not that I doubted that he'd be into his daughter, but it is a side of him that I have truly where he, I, I, you know, the whole weekend was me teasing him like, well, put that dress on your Pinterest board.

• 32:01Tig Notaro?

  You know, but, and then I turned to him at one point and I said, out of nowhere, I go, um, you know what? I actually don't think pink's her color. And I mean, he, he got whiplash. He turned his head so fast with the dirtiest look on his face. I was like, easy, I'm kidding. Yeah. What did you say about my dolly?

• 32:22Mae Martin?

  Something like melts my heart. There's something about seeing a dad do like a ponytail or a braid on, on their daughter. It's a very sweet thing.

• 32:33Tig Notaro?

  Well, even, yeah, even at one point he was like, man, he was like pulling her little curls in the back of her hair. And he goes, man, I can't wait till she, I can't wait till she has long hair. And I was like, oh, you want long hair on your little dolly?

• 32:47Tig Notaro?

  It just was really incredible. It was really incredible.

• 32:50Fortune Feimster?

  It's always nice to see siblings content, you know, just

• 32:54Tig Notaro?

  Anybody.

• 32:55Fortune Feimster?

  Their best. Yeah, for sure.

• 32:56Tig Notaro?

  When you see anyone happy, you're just like, awesome. Now I can go live my life and not worry about you.

• 33:05Fortune Feimster?

  And everyone's version of what happy is, is different. And whatever is happy for them is so cool to see.

• 33:14Tig Notaro?

  For sure. Anyway, I just wanted to share that. It was a really fun time. And, um, and should we move on to our question?

• 33:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 33:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. All right. Well, today's guest is an actor and TV host known for his roles in the TV shows Billions and Sliders and, uh, films like Stand By Me to Jerry Maguire to Kangaroo Jack. Jerry O'Connell is asking today's question.

• 33:44Speaker 04

  Hi Tig, hi Fortune, hi May. Jerry O'Connell here. I'm an actor, I'm a host.

• 33:53Speaker 04

  I've been in things, you can look it up.

• 33:57Speaker 04

  Okay, here's my question. You get invited to something.

• 34:02Speaker 04

  An event, an opening. You know, people have books, you know, people have movies, premieres, specials.

• 34:16Speaker 04

  You don't want to go. You just don't want to go, you gotta get dressed up, you know. In my case, hair, makeup, a lot of it. Sometimes you're gonna pay for it out of pocket. There's a red carpet, there's interviews. Press junkets, electric press junkets, Zoom press junkets. You don't want to go. Do you immediately say, "I can't make it, thank you for the invite"? Do you wait a little bit and say, "I checked my calendars, I can't make it"? Do you just go? Or do you just completely ignore it? Completely ignore it? And then when you see them, be like, "Oh, I didn't, I don't, I don't, what?

• 35:00Speaker 04

  How? How was it?

• 35:07Mae Martin?

  I know I'm a fan of a lot of people, but I am a true Jerry O'Connell fan because I am a stand-by-me obsessive. I know every line of that movie. And his performance as Vern is comedy genius. He's like, "Guys, I forget the secret knock." And then they go, "Seven cents, Vern? I brought the comb. What do you need a comb for? You don't even have any hair. I brought it for you guys." He's so good in it.

• 35:39Mae Martin?

  He's in one of my other favorite movies, Scream 2. I love Scream 1, 2, and 3 very much. And he has a sequence where he stands on a table and sings, "I love you, baby, and if it's quite alright." He's just, what a gent.

• 35:53Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, he's a silly guy.

• 35:56Mae Martin?

  Funny, we were just talking about girl dads. And he's a proud girl dad, right? He's got daughters.

• 36:01Tig Notaro?

  And not only was he talking, not only is he that, he was also talking about getting hair and makeup done. And it reminded me of your pink taint.

• 36:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 36:13Fortune Feimster?

  That's probably why you say no to some events is, don't want to put on that lip taint.

• 36:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, that's what it is, lip taint.

• 36:21Mae Martin?

  Pink taint is pretty good. I'm never gonna put it on again, trust me. Now that I know what it looks like on camera.

• 36:28Fortune Feimster?

  You gotta get this Burt's Bees.

• 36:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I gotta get the pomegranate Burt's Bees.

• 36:33Tig Notaro?

  But isn't that what blew up your lips on your special?

• 36:35Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-mm, that was makeup.

• 36:37Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay.

• 36:38Fortune Feimster?

  My Burt's Bees pomegranate is what I use in life.

• 36:41Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 36:42Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-hmm. Although, I need to use it more because my lips are dry.

• 36:46Tig Notaro?

  Yes, May.

• 36:48Mae Martin?

  Hydrate from the inside.

• 36:49Tig Notaro?

  Hydrate from the inside.

• 36:50Mae Martin?

  AKA douche.

• 36:55Fortune Feimster?

  May Marie.

• 37:00Mae Martin?

  But Tig, I imagine that if you get an invite you don't want, you just say right away, there's no way in hell I'm going. Like, you're a direct.

• 37:07Fortune Feimster?

  That's what I thought too. Like, Tig's just like, I'm not going.

• 37:11Tig Notaro?

  Well, but I'm not like rude about it. I think I just feel like, you know, people get, I think, get too involved in their excuses to get out of things. When it's really okay to say, "I'm just not gonna be able to make it." Like, that's all you have to say. And it doesn't have to be, and even if the reason is you are not able to make it is because you don't want to go, or it's because you're sick, or anything like that, that's a perfectly fine answer to say, you know, "I don't want to, or I'm not gonna be able to go." I don't know, I just, I'm not really into...

• 37:52Tig Notaro?

  Big Hollywood parties and events unless a friend of mine is doing something and I want to be there to support them, or if I'm like nominated for something, or I'm hosting something, then I go to something. But I just, it's not really, I don't, I just don't really feel bad about it. But if it's like somebody's, I don't know, I guess if it's somebody's birthday, or, or, or their book is coming out, or, or something I, I care about supporting. I feel like it is with certain friends and certain situations, it is more important

• 38:30Tig Notaro?

  to show up and support the friend, even if I don't feel like going out that night, you know? I feel like that overrides it for me. But if it's just a random invite, I just, I don't have any problem saying, I'm not going to be able to make it. Thanks for the invite.

• 38:51Mae Martin?

  My problem is, I want to go to everything. I'm excited. I'm excited by the invitation. In the moment, I'm, I have every intention of going, I'm pumped. And then something happens, and then I'm like, can I, if, if I'm being honest, it's some, it's usually something like, my skin feels weird on my body, and like, I feel like, you know, sad, or some, you know, and, and I can't, I feel like I can't just say that. Or, or if something legit comes out, or I've overpromised like four people at the same time, or like, but that's like a real lifelong goal for me is sort that shit out, because don't overpromise.

• 39:31Fortune Feimster?

  I do feel like you, yeah, you probably say yes to things, to multiple people, knowing that you can't make it to all of those things.

• 39:40Mae Martin?

  And thinking like, oh, I'll have to pick one of those things.

• 39:44Fortune Feimster?

  Closer to time.

• 39:46Mae Martin?

  Closer to time.

• 39:47Tig Notaro?

  Closer I am to time.

• 39:49Mae Martin?

  Closer I am to time. I, I think.

• 39:51Tig Notaro?

  Indigo Girls.

• 39:53Fortune Feimster?

  I was making an Indigo Girls joke, May.

• 39:55Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, I liked that very much.

• 39:59Mae Martin?

  I think it's subconsciously that that happens. I don't think it's conscious, but I'm getting, I gotta get, I'm gonna get better. Are you good at, are you good at it, Fortune?

• 40:09Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I'm really good at managing my schedule in general. I don't have an assistant or anything, so.

• 40:16Mae Martin?

  That's amazingly impressive.

• 40:19Fortune Feimster?

  Always like keep a pretty, a very specific calendar.

• 40:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 40:24Fortune Feimster?

  So I'm always kind of know what's coming. I look at it every day. So I'm pretty, I'm really good with time management because I do a lot of different things every day. And, and if I say yes, I'm, I'm totally going. Unless like I, a gig comes up and I'm out of town, like, and those sometimes happen last minute, but it's not me. Just like not feeling like going all of a sudden. Normally if I, if I commit, I'm pretty, I'm pretty much going.

• 40:55Mae Martin?

  Do you like the glitzy Hollywoody thing?

• 40:57Fortune Feimster?

  Um, so, yeah, I don't mind them. I, I, I like a slider and a lot of those parties have sliders.

• 41:07Fortune Feimster?

  That gets you out of the house.

• 41:11Fortune Feimster?

  I'll get out of the house for a slider, even if I have to wear a suit.

• 41:15Mae Martin?

  And you like an electric slide. You're like, you're, I feel like you're more fun at a party than me. Like you dance, you're like.

• 41:21Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I'll get into it.

• 41:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:23Fortune Feimster?

  I get into it. So I don't mind one of those glitzy parties. Um, yeah, I, I, those are fun and different. And I like to meet different people and some of those parties have people I admire that I don't get to meet in other places. But yeah, usually I get an old fashioned and a slider and this gal's happy. Um, but if I can't, if I can't go to something, and that does happen too, where suddenly I, I did like accidentally overbook that had, of course that happens. I will over explain, but I'm an over explainer in everything.

• 41:59Tig Notaro?

  Well, tell us about it.

• 42:00Fortune Feimster?

  I just, I don't know why I, cause some people say if you over explain, you're lying. And I'm like, that's not true for me. I always over explain.

• 42:12Mae Martin?

  I feel self conscious, like it seems like I'm lying if I'm over explaining too, but often.

• 42:17Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I just like, for whatever reason, I'm like, I need this person to know all the things that happened leading up to me not being able to go. And they're like, they don't need that information or want it. It's not really relevant, but I'm just, I just do it and my thing ends up being like a paragraph. Yeah. When I, when I could just be like, so sorry, wanted to go, but now I have to go out of town. You know, but it's like, I was gonna go, I really wanted to go. Um, it was on my calendar, but this thing came up last minute. I just got this, this just got booked two days ago and now I really, I've gotta do this thing. Cause honestly, I, I don't even wanna do it, but I wanna do it with my mom. And so I'm gonna be going.

• 43:00Tig Notaro?

  Do you ever preface it with, I know it comes across as being dishonest when you over explain, but I have a tendency to over explain, so here it comes.

• 43:08Fortune Feimster?

  I don't go that far.

• 43:09Tig Notaro?

  See, that's what I would do. I'd over explain the over explaining.

• 43:12Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, even a therapist was like, recently was like, you over explained. You need to, you don't need to do that. And I was like, you're right. Um, so yeah, I don't know where that comes from or why. Um, but that is definitely part of my process.

• 43:28Tig Notaro?

  Hmm. Mm hmm.

• 43:30Mae Martin?

  I also overestimate my energy. Like I'll be like, yeah, I mean, I get out of the edit at six and then I'll, you know, like in the car and at six 30, I'll go to that thing. And then at the end of the day, I'm like, I, but probably if I pushed through that fatigue and once I got there, I'd have a, I'd have a good time, but.

• 43:46Fortune Feimster?

  I know. Sometimes it is hard just to, if you're like having a, like chill time on your couch.

• 43:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 43:54Fortune Feimster?

  It is very hard to pull yourself out of that and. Put on actual pants and not sweatpants and go somewhere, but I usually do suck it up.

• 44:04Mae Martin?

  Sometimes your wifi goes out.

• 44:09Fortune Feimster?

  That's hard to avoid. Canada Day party.

• 44:13Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God, I forgot about Canada Day parties.

• 44:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and I think also, we have so many friends and people like our social lives are so much bigger than they would have been in the olden days. You'd have like the butcher, the baker, the butcher, and the, you know, the local people in the village.

• 44:31Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, there weren't a lot of villagers to hang out with.

• 44:33Mae Martin?

  Exactly. And now we know so many people and they're all doing cool stuff and it's, yeah.

• 44:38Fortune Feimster?

  And there was no electricity. You had to do things by candlelight. So you could only last for as long as you had candles.

• 44:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 44:45Tig Notaro?

  I like what I'm hearing.

• 44:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 44:48Fortune Feimster?

  Tig and her bonnet.

• 44:51Tig Notaro?

  My candle went out.

• 44:52Fortune Feimster?

  Candlelight. My candle's out. Gotta go home.

• 44:55Mae Martin?

  Oh, God, that sounds nice.

• 44:57Fortune Feimster?

  I would imagine having kids, it's even harder to wanna leave the house willy-nilly.

• 45:04Mae Martin?

  And you have a good excuse not to at any time. You can be like.

• 45:08Tig Notaro?

  Well, typically, but we don't, here's the thing is it goes both ways in that we're very, very lucky because Stephanie's father is our childcare.

• 45:21Fortune Feimster?

  That is really nice.

• 45:22Tig Notaro?

  And he is at our beck and call. We do not have a, we, they have never had a babysitter.

• 45:31Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 45:31Tig Notaro?

  They've never had a babysitter. They don't, there's no stranger that's come in the house, you know, to watch them. The problem is if he's not doing well, then we're not going anywhere. So we can have all the plans in the world and then if he throws his back out or his leg is hurting or something, you know.

• 45:52Mae Martin?

  Call me next time.

• 45:53Fortune Feimster?

  You're like, just sit in the recliner.

• 45:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 45:58Tig Notaro?

  We don't have a recliner.

• 46:00Fortune Feimster?

  May, why not?

• 46:01Tig Notaro?

  We don't have a recliner. We should probably get one.

• 46:06Fortune Feimster?

  You should. The kind that you don't, that go up with you, you don't come up?

• 46:11Tig Notaro?

  That like launch you out? And they also have like two drink holders on each side?

• 46:18Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 46:18Tig Notaro?

  So you don't have to get up for hours?

• 46:20Fortune Feimster?

  Please get one of those. May, you would babysit?

• 46:23Mae Martin?

  I would love to anytime. Like I would talk about statistics with them and they could show me their Pokemon cards, whatever. I would be absolutely. Yes, I play chess. I'm riveted. Yeah.

• 46:36Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, they're in the chess group at school and then they also are very into magic right now. And it's really funny because they are constantly doing magic tricks that work 50% of the time. And they get, Finn actually will get very frustrated. He's like, this just worked. And I'm like, well, it's, it's magic half of the time. And, but yeah, oh my gosh.

• 47:06Mae Martin?

  Do you pretend that you don't know how it works?

• 47:09Tig Notaro?

  I don't know how it works. There's no need to pretend. No. I don't have a clue. I, I just take it for face value and I'm like, wow, yeah, that is my card.

• 47:19Mae Martin?

  Wow.

• 47:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. So I'm, I'm perfect for, for them.

• 47:24Mae Martin?

  Have you taken them to the magic castle?

• 47:26Tig Notaro?

  No, but we're about to go because they are truly, truly obsessed with, I mean, they both walk around with their cards.

• 47:36Mae Martin?

  You gotta be careful because I went one time and I was, I'd had a few drinks and you're, we're walking around and there's magicians like stationed around. And I, this guy showed me a trick and then I said, can I, can I show you a trick? Which is the most annoying thing to ask him. And he really calmly goes, oh, if you want to be removed by security, then yeah, go ahead.

• 47:54Tig Notaro?

  Oh, wait. Is that, God?

• 47:56Fortune Feimster?

  Is that for real? You just, no one? I thought, I thought people could just, oh, maybe only members can do magic?

• 48:03Mae Martin?

  Only he's members of the magic circle, which I'm not.

• 48:06Fortune Feimster?

  Whoa. If you, if you want to be removed, try your magic trick in here and see what happens.

• 48:13Mae Martin?

  I know. I was, I was humiliated.

• 48:15Fortune Feimster?

  Friend of the pod, Neil Patrick Harris is a big magic castle guy.

• 48:20Mae Martin?

  Oh, really?

• 48:21Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 48:21Mae Martin?

  Does he do magic himself, too?

• 48:23Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, he does magic and is a member there and has been for years and is, I think, pretty, or he lives in New York now, but when he was in LA, I think was pretty heavily involved there.

• 48:33Mae Martin?

  Can we put it on the list? Magic Castle?

• 48:36Tig Notaro?

  Got to.

• 48:37Mae Martin?

  I really want to go. I mean, you guys are going anywhere with the family, but I would like to go.

• 48:41Fortune Feimster?

  Can May, can May and I go with you guys?

• 48:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we can bring you to the Magic Castle with us.

• 48:48Mae Martin?

  But there, there's a strict dress code, right? Like, if you're not wearing-

• 48:50Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you gotta dress handsome.

• 48:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like, they, they made me wear a blazer that they had in the back.

• 48:56Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-hmm.

• 48:57Mae Martin?

  Like-

• 48:57Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you have to wear a suit for guys, dresses for ladies, or if you're a lady, you can wear a suit as well.

• 49:05Tig Notaro?

  Well, luckily, our little cubs really enjoy getting dressed up. It's a real fun twist, because I remember when my brother and I were little, it was, we fought it.

• 49:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 49:17Tig Notaro?

  Getting dressed up, Max and Finn, mm-mm. They're good.

• 49:20Mae Martin?

  I liked getting dressed up in a suit when I was little, but luckily now I have my, my pink taint, so I'm gonna be dressed to the nines.

• 49:32Tig Notaro?

  Well, with that, should we hear what Jerry's answer was?

• 49:37Mae Martin?

  Yes, please.

• 49:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we should. Off of your pink taint.

• 49:42Speaker 04

  Well, let me tell you what I do when I get an invite that I don't want to go to. I know I'm supposed to immediately just say, "I can't make it, thank you so much for the invite." Like, just rip the Band-Aid off fast, just get it out there. "Can't make it, thank you so much for the invite, best of luck with everything, I can't wait to see you." I know that's what you're supposed to do, but I, um, I just completely delete the message. I act like I never, I just delete it, never saw it, never think of it, and then, um-

• 50:11Speaker 04

  Just play dumb and go, oh yeah, I'm sorry. I what? I uh, I'm, I always support you. I'm sorry. What? I, I forgot. That's what I do. Just completely ignore it and play uh, play dumb.

• 50:27Fortune Feimster?

  Hilarious.

• 50:27Speaker 04

  Love you all.

• 50:29Tig Notaro?

  Love you, Jer Bear. Um, well, now word is out. People, everybody listens to the handsome pod. So now everybody's gonna know that Jerry is full of it.

• 50:43Mae Martin?

  I love that he says, I always support you.

• 50:46Fortune Feimster?

  I can't do it. I still think about, like, there was a friend who's, I told her I would go to her premiere and I forgot I had another event that night and I didn't go and I still think about that.

• 51:00Tig Notaro?

  Hmm.

• 51:01Mae Martin?

  I did have a comedian who I will not name, say they were gonna do my Largo show and uh,

• 51:07Tig Notaro?

  Was it me? Was it me?

• 51:08Mae Martin?

  It was Tig Notara. No, but it was like an hour before the show and he texts me, hey, I'm really not feeling well. I'm really tired and I'm not gonna make it. And I never mind when people flake, cause I'm a flake. So I was like, hey, man, no worries. And like, two hours later, I see him on Instagram at a party raving.

• 51:28Tig Notaro?

  So wait, that matters to you?

• 51:30Fortune Feimster?

  You've probably done that too, yeah.

• 51:32Tig Notaro?

  That doesn't sound too un-May like.

• 51:35Mae Martin?

  No, I, I'm, I don't flake to go to other things. Usually I'll, I'll freak out and cancel everything and just sit home and feel guilty or, or be anxious or.

• 51:44Tig Notaro?

  So it matters to you that he canceled, you would, you, you're like, then you better just stay home.

• 51:52Fortune Feimster?

  You better stay home and look at the wall.

• 51:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, okay.

• 51:55Mae Martin?

  It was just so shameless to be on Instagram like, woo! It's like, oh my God. But I kind of, you know, I respect it. I respect it.

• 52:03Fortune Feimster?

  We learned more new things about each other today. Mm-hmm.

• 52:07Mae Martin?

  As always.

• 52:08Fortune Feimster?

  What a treat. What a podcast.

• 52:09Mae Martin?

  Loved, loved the story and I wanna revisit maybe in a future episode, the, the woman with the one sprig of hair. I, I just am like, I can't believe her.

• 52:20Mae Martin?

  K-Rado.

• 52:22Tig Notaro?

  May, the pattern behind you makes it look like you're, you're, the Colosseum is behind you or something.

• 52:29Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah. Yeah, it does.

• 52:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 52:31Mae Martin?

  I mean.

• 52:32Fortune Feimster?

  Are you entertained?

• 52:36Mae Martin?

  I would leave a note in this hotel room for handsome listeners, except nobody's, nobody's found the one in the Silver Lake Lounge that I left.

• 52:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but all in good time. That's the fun. It's not like you need a response, you know, within two weeks.

• 52:50Fortune Feimster?

  Take plays a long game.

• 52:52Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, if you, that's gonna be the fun is we're gonna go about our lives. We're gonna end the podcast. We're gonna go off and do our own things. And then we're gonna hear through a friend of a friend that someone found that. And then it's gonna go viral online like seven years from now.

• 53:11Mae Martin?

  That would be good if it was actually like decades from now.

• 53:14Tig Notaro?

  Decades.

• 53:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 53:17Tig Notaro?

  But you have to leave a note in your, in that hotel.

• 53:20Mae Martin?

  Okay, you heard it here. I'm staying at Shortage House in London.

• 53:25Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 53:25Mae Martin?

  And I'm gonna leave a note. Uh, let's see, behind the TV, I think. So there, there's the TV. I'm gonna leave the note, uh, behind the TV.

• 53:37Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 53:37Mae Martin?

  And, uh, I'm in room number nine.

• 53:40Tig Notaro?

  Okay, the, what's it called? The Shortage House?

• 53:43Mae Martin?

  Shortage House, yeah.

• 53:44Tig Notaro?

  Room number nine, a note from May will be behind the TV. That was pointless for you to get up and wander around, right?

• 53:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah, well, I was looking for a spot and I think the TV's.

• 53:54Fortune Feimster?

  You wanted to feel, feel the space.

• 53:57Tig Notaro?

  And what did we, what did we offer? Uh, was it a free, um, uh, link to a streaming show?

• 54:04Fortune Feimster?

  Key party key.

• 54:05Tig Notaro?

  Oh, a keychain.

• 54:07Fortune Feimster?

  People were asking what the eight twenty-two means on our key party keychains. It's when our podcast started.

• 54:13Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 54:14Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 54:15Fortune Feimster?

  August twenty-second.

• 54:17Mae Martin?

  Did you come up with that?

• 54:18Fortune Feimster?

  I did not. I don't know who came up with it.

• 54:20Mae Martin?

  That's really nice. I like, that's a nice touch.

• 54:23Fortune Feimster?

  Eight two-two. I came up with it. I'm a genius. Classic Thomas.

• 54:27Tig Notaro?

  Classic Thomas.

• 54:28Mae Martin?

  That's amazing.

• 54:29Fortune Feimster?

  So if you get a key part, if we, we sell key party keychains. Eight two two is when, when the pod started. You also have handsome hoodies. Look at this.

• 54:41Tig Notaro?

  That looks so good on you, Fortune.

• 54:43Fortune Feimster?

  I swear to God, I'm not, I'm not trying to sell them because whatever.

• 54:47Tig Notaro?

  Why are you not trying to sell them?

• 54:49Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, we gotta sell them.

• 54:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah, come on.

• 54:52Fortune Feimster?

  I'm telling you this genuinely. This hoodie, and I have our matching sweatpants on too. The most comfortable, I'm telling you, anyone that buys this. I dare you to think this is not the most comfortable sweat.

• 55:06Mae Martin?

  I dare you to think. I dare you to think, period.

• 55:12Tig Notaro?

  All right, well, settle down, Fortune.

• 55:15Fortune Feimster?

  Our, both of our, um, live shows have sold out now in Austin and in Nashville. Thank you guys for that, but you're in luck because our Austin show on April 12th. It's gonna be live streamed. There are no tickets left, so that's the only way to see it. Uh, that link will be good for a week. And it's gonna be a really fun show. We got about, there's, that'll be the biggest live stream we've had as far as in person, 3,000 people.

• 55:43Tig Notaro?

  That's gonna be off the charts. And I have actually a surprise for, uh, Fortune in May that night. And they, look at how their faces lit up. Yeah, I planned this with Thomas. I have a, a, a big surprise for both of you.

• 55:59Fortune Feimster?

  Oh my gosh.

• 56:00Tig Notaro?

  It's going to be in front of 3,000 people in Austin. And for the entire streaming audience, you're not gonna wanna miss this because, Thomas, is it not a special surprise?

• 56:14Speaker 05

  It's gonna be a very special surprise.

• 56:16Tig Notaro?

  Oh my gosh.

• 56:18Speaker 05

  And maybe a bit of a challenge.

• 56:19Mae Martin?

  Oh, a challenge?

• 56:21Tig Notaro?

  Whoa. Yeah, but it is no doubt a surprise.

• 56:24Mae Martin?

  I like a challenge.

• 56:26Fortune Feimster?

  Don't miss that, you guys. Get your tickets.

• 56:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah, have a watch party, watch with your friends. And you, we can, you probably, I think, can send in a question for us on the live stream and we might. Answer some audience questions.

• 56:37Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 56:37Tig Notaro?

  Nice.

• 56:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah. What do you got coming up?

• 56:39Fortune Feimster?

  I'm, my tour is starting. Um, I have one last practice show in Ontario, California. And then my, my next big tour, uh, starts in Savannah, Georgia, um, and Charleston, South Carolina, uh, the beginning of April. And then I have Rockford, Illinois, Columbus, we added a show, Greensboro, North Carolina, Roanoke, Baltimore, uh, Grand Rapids, Minneapolis, lots of places. Um, you can go to my website, uh, fortunefeamster.com for tickets.

• 57:09Tig Notaro?

  Awesome. And I'm going to be, uh, in Chicago, uh, hosting the Ambies Awards. It's, uh, the podcasting awards. Uh, that's on, uh, March 31st. I'll be in, uh, Eureka Springs, Arkansas, June 14th. I'll be in, uh, P-Town on August 23rd. And then go to, uh, tignotaro.com for all ticket and show information. And I'm also going to be working out new stuff at Largo in Los Angeles and, um, Dynasty Typewriter. So get those dates online at tignotaro.com. Please share an episode, your favorite episode with your friends and let's keep building this awesome

• 57:53Tig Notaro?

  community and make sure to subscribe to the podcast as well as our YouTube channel. And, um, like and review.

• 58:02Mae Martin?

  I am at Largo on March 28th and then, uh, April 25th. And also what I would love so much is if people listen to my album. It's out. It's like, and you can order, it's a really cool vinyl. Um, and there's some cool t-shirts on maymartinmusic.com. And then if you go on Spotify and stream it, let me know what your favorite song is.

• 58:24Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 58:25Fortune Feimster?

  Awesome.

• 58:26Tig Notaro?

  And congrats again on the, uh, album and tour.

• 58:29Fortune Feimster?

  Very cool, bud.

• 58:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 58:31Mae Martin?

  But until then.

• 58:32Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 58:33Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it handsome.

• 58:38Tig Notaro?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected] and please follow us on social media at handsomepod.

• 58:54Fortune Feimster?

  What a podcast.

• 59:00Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.

• 59:03Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that my outfit matches the vibe of the evening before heading out the door, I regret everything. The night called for a black t-shirt, but I wore a white one instead, and now everything's out of alignment.

• 59:16Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate, North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 59:31Speaker 06

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 59:33Speaker 07

  And Hannah Simone.

• 59:34Speaker 06

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog.

• 59:56Speaker 07

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 1:00:09Speaker 06

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes, we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 1:00:20Speaker 07

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.