Paul Simon & Edie Brickell ask about love

Handsome celebrates love in all its forms with a question from the loveliest couple in all of music-- Edie Brickell and Paul Simon! Plus Handsome valentines, Handsome tattoos, and an appearance from Handsome Biggie! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Mae Martin?

  Hi handsome listeners, it's Mae Martin here. I am doing four tour shows to promote my new earnest music album called I'm a TV. They're gonna be super fun. On the 26th of February at the Regent Theatre in LA, the 1st of March at Danforth Music Hall in Toronto, 4th of March at the Gramercy in New York, and the 9th of March at the Forum in Kentish Town in London. Go to maymartinmusic.com and you can get tickets. I'm doing meet and greets. It's gonna be super fun. See you there.

• 0:28Speaker 01

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:31Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 1:01Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking the program before sitting down to enjoy a school play? I'm in shambles. Turns out there's no intermission during this three-hour Shakespeare adaptation, and I really need to go to the bathroom. Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings

• 1:45Mae Martin?

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• 1:47Fortune Feimster?

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• 2:19Mae Martin?

  So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/hansome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code handsome to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Handsome. Chatting with friends on the handsome pod.

• 2:38Fortune Feimster?

  Chatting with friends on the handsome pod. Cheers. Welcome to the handsome pod.

• 2:46Tig Notaro?

  Hey.

• 2:48Fortune Feimster?

  Hello there.

• 2:48Tig Notaro?

  Your handsome host, Fortune Feimster. And I am your other handsome host, Tig Notaro.

• 2:55Mae Martin?

  And finally, I'm your other one, Mae Martin.

• 2:58Fortune Feimster?

  Woo.

• 3:00Tig Notaro?

  Together again.

• 3:01Fortune Feimster?

  Together again.

• 3:03Tig Notaro?

  Together again.

• 3:05Fortune Feimster?

  Love. Guess what's around the corner?

• 3:08Mae Martin?

  Oh, V-Day?

• 3:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 3:12Mae Martin?

  Valentine's Day?

• 3:13Tig Notaro?

  And guess what? I want you both to be at my Valentine.

• 3:17Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 3:22Tig Notaro?

  I don't know if this is the curve ball.

• 3:25Fortune Feimster?

  Atlantis.

• 3:26Mae Martin?

  Oh, your t-shirt. Yeah.

• 3:28Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, just to bring up bad memories.

• 3:31Mae Martin?

  If you're trying to get me to be your Valentine, this is not the way, by reminding me of the greatest injustice of my life this far. Oh, the Atlantis saga. No, you look very, I like the hat. I like the look.

• 3:43Fortune Feimster?

  Thank you.

• 3:44Mae Martin?

  In school, did you used to have to give a Valentine to everyone in your class?

• 3:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 3:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Um, I think in elementary, maybe early days.

• 3:52Mae Martin?

  Those were the days.

• 3:53Fortune Feimster?

  And then, and then when I got to junior high, it was like you could have Valentines bought for you. Like the student, like the student government would sell like a candy bouquet or something.

• 4:07Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 4:08Tig Notaro?

  And what you buy your own?

• 4:11Fortune Feimster?

  Um, it's like for charity or something? You're supposed to buy them for whoever you have a crush on.

• 4:15Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God. So they'd be like delivered to the classroom?

• 4:17Fortune Feimster?

  Let's just say somebody. Didn't have any candy.

• 4:22Mae Martin?

  Oh, no.

• 4:26Mae Martin?

  Did you buy them for other people?

• 4:28Fortune Feimster?

  I think you would only buy them if you had a crush or you were actually boyfriend and girlfriend with someone.

• 4:35Mae Martin?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 4:36Tig Notaro?

  But did you have a crush on somebody?

• 4:38Fortune Feimster?

  Probably, but I couldn't be sending it to old Angela or whoever.

• 4:44Mae Martin?

  Old Angela.

• 4:45Tig Notaro?

  But didn't you have crushes?

• 4:47Mae Martin?

  Girl in school.

• 4:48Tig Notaro?

  Didn't you have crushes on boys at that age?

• 4:51Fortune Feimster?

  I did, yeah.

• 4:53Tig Notaro?

  That's for you.

• 4:54Fortune Feimster?

  That's for you, Taylor.

• 4:56Tig Notaro?

  I can't stop thinking about you, Christopher.

• 5:00Mae Martin?

  I would have sent them to my teachers.

• 5:03Fortune Feimster?

  I did have crushes on teachers.

• 5:05Mae Martin?

  Big time, yeah.

• 5:06Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, quite, uh, especially in seventh grade and she was so cute.

• 5:11Tig Notaro?

  Did you send her a bouquet?

• 5:12Fortune Feimster?

  No, I think I asked her if she had a boyfriend and she was like, that's personal information.

• 5:16Mae Martin?

  Did you send her boyfriend a wreath on Valentine's Day?

• 5:21Tig Notaro?

  Did you send her boyfriend a death threat?

• 5:23Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, it was like, stay away from my woman.

• 5:27Mae Martin?

  What are you guys gonna do for Valentine's Day? Do you have big, do you usually do a thing? Like, do you, is it a thing in your house?

• 5:32Fortune Feimster?

  It's not much of a thing in my house. What about you, Tig?

• 5:35Tig Notaro?

  Stephanie and I had our first kiss on Valentine's Day.

• 5:39Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 5:42Fortune Feimster?

  So you recreate that?

• 5:43Tig Notaro?

  We have so many, um, anniversaries. We have our first kiss anniversary, which is Valentine's Day. And then when we got together and then when we got married. So we have three that we kind of celebrate.

• 5:59Fortune Feimster?

  Well, at least one falls on a hol- a love holiday.

• 6:02Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. But we've had such weird luck with spending Valentine's Day together. But this, this Christmas, we said, let's not get each other anything and let's have a special experience.

• 6:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 6:20Tig Notaro?

  And so we're gonna go away and it, maybe it'll be around Valentine's Day, but I'm not quite sure, but, um.

• 6:26Mae Martin?

  We're gonna go to a horror escape room.

• 6:29Tig Notaro?

  That's right. We typically just go out to eat and there's probably flowers or something and then, uh, but I think maybe this year we're gonna go have a, a weekend together.

• 6:42Mae Martin?

  That sounds really nice.

• 6:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 6:44Fortune Feimster?

  Jack's birthday falls right before.

• 6:47Fortune Feimster?

  Valentine's, so it's kinda hard. It's like, do we

• 6:50Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 6:50Fortune Feimster?

  Do something bigger for the birthday or for your Valentine's? It's so it-

• 6:54Tig Notaro?

  When is her birthday?

• 6:56Fortune Feimster?

  The second.

• 6:56Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay.

• 6:57Mae Martin?

  Have you guys ever done or been in a hotel that's done the, or is it a myth that anyone does this? The rose petals thing where like-

• 7:05Fortune Feimster?

  I have been in that situation. I've done it twice.

• 7:08Mae Martin?

  What?

• 7:09Fortune Feimster?

  One was when I proposed and asked the hotel, I paid the hotel to put rose petals around the room. I talk about it in my good fortune special.

• 7:20Mae Martin?

  Oh, my god.

• 7:22Fortune Feimster?

  We go into the room and the rose petals have been just strewn about in the most crazy frantic way, like, like, like they got a leaf blower.

• 7:35Mae Martin?

  Oh, my god.

• 7:36Fortune Feimster?

  And just like vroom, all over the room. And the, and the rose petals were white. A, I didn't, I'd always anticipated red, right?

• 7:44Mae Martin?

  White is insane.

• 7:46Fortune Feimster?

  White is like death.

• 7:48Mae Martin?

  It looks like the duvet burst, like the comforter burst.

• 7:51Fortune Feimster?

  And a lot of the rose petals were dead.

• 7:54Mae Martin?

  Oh, my god, no.

• 7:56Fortune Feimster?

  So it was a very jarring.

• 8:01Tig Notaro?

  Did you laugh when you saw it or were you like?

• 8:04Fortune Feimster?

  I was more in shock because the room was like weirdly lit and, and I had asked for like, I was trying to do that bachelor type like,

• 8:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 8:14Fortune Feimster?

  You know, candles and a fireplace and chocolate covered strawberries and champagne and, and rose petals. And they, whoever, whoever did it just was-

• 8:24Tig Notaro?

  Had never been romantically involved with anyone.

• 8:27Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I didn't know they couldn't use real candles because of fire hazards.

• 8:31Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 8:32Fortune Feimster?

  Totally understand. Uh, but it was like a lot of the battery operated tea light. And they were all half dead.

• 8:39Mae Martin?

  Oh, my god, that LED glow just sputtering.

• 8:43Fortune Feimster?

  Weird dim light.

• 8:46Fortune Feimster?

  They did start the fire, which was very nice, but they put the chocolate covered strawberries right in front of the fireplace. So they were just dripping, like chocolate was dripping onto the floor.

• 8:57Mae Martin?

  So, and, and it was all meant to be a surprise. Like, were you gonna propose in the room?

• 9:01Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that's where I was proposing that I was, while I was at dinner, I paid them to set the room up.

• 9:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:08Fortune Feimster?

  Romantically.

• 9:09Mae Martin?

  Mm hmm. And. Cause when you go in, if you see the red roses, the champagne, the thing, the candles, you know right away. And Jax is going, oh my God, what is happening?

• 9:17Fortune Feimster?

  She's going, what is?

• 9:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you go in and go, what is happening? Like?

• 9:21Fortune Feimster?

  In hindsight, I could have, I probably should have just like not proposed that night. And just like chalked it up to a weird night and saved it for another time. But I, I'm a, I'm a type of person that once I have something in my head, like we're doing this.

• 9:39Mae Martin?

  Me too.

• 9:40Fortune Feimster?

  I've gotta make it work.

• 9:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:42Fortune Feimster?

  Um, obviously we were pumped and the next morning we woke up and we're so happy. But like that night, we were just like, what is this?

• 9:50Mae Martin?

  That's a good story though. That's a good bonding.

• 9:52Fortune Feimster?

  It was fun in hindsight. And then we went to a, a very nice hotel in Mexico, not for any anniversary or anything. And we got back from dinner one night and they took it upon themselves to put rose petals everywhere.

• 10:07Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 10:08Fortune Feimster?

  On our bed. They made a bath for us and we were like laughing, like, what if we were just friends?

• 10:16Fortune Feimster?

  We take back to that.

• 10:21Tig Notaro?

  That's so funny.

• 10:22Fortune Feimster?

  You guys have not done the rose petals?

• 10:24Mae Martin?

  I don't think I've ever had a rose. I, I sort of thought it was just in movies. Yeah. So I'm glad to hear it's a real thing.

• 10:31Tig Notaro?

  Stephanie does, uh, rose petals for Max and Finn, um, on Valentine's Day.

• 10:37Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 10:38Tig Notaro?

  Cause they get little candies and flowers and stuff. And she does the rose petals down, like leading from their bedrooms down the stairs to their little candies and stuff.

• 10:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 10:51Tig Notaro?

  Um, so.

• 10:52Mae Martin?

  I love how for kids. It's, I mean, and it should be like this anyway for adults, but like for kids, Valentine's Day is just about love as a thing, love as a force in the world, love for your pets and your family. That's how it should be to, so that single people don't feel sad as they remember.

• 11:11Fortune Feimster?

  Not getting a candy bouquet.

• 11:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'll report back on my Valentine's Day. It's, uh, it's up in the air, but I'd like to do something weird.

• 11:21Fortune Feimster?

  Hmm, like Freaky Deaky or like Escape Room?

• 11:25Mae Martin?

  Oh yeah, maybe Freaky Deaky, maybe, yeah.

• 11:28Fortune Feimster?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that I've got a little snack with me before I leave the house? My stomach and I are grumbling. I thought I'd be able to grab a bite in between meetings, but now it's getting late and I could really use a candy bar.

• 11:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 11:56Tig Notaro?

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• 12:19Fortune Feimster?

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• 12:47Tig Notaro?

  When refreshing your home this holiday season, Wayfair delivers exactly what you need. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com.

• 13:03Fortune Feimster?

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• 13:23Tig Notaro?

  Let me tell you about my jeans. I got a pair of the Luna Stretch Slim Straight Jeans for only 50 bucks compared to that $235. Compare that to $235 at traditional retail. They're quickly turning into my favorite thing to cover my legs with. I'm gonna pick up some more pairs because Quince has tons of color options as well.

• 13:48Fortune Feimster?

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• 14:07Mae Martin?

  I got a lot of love to give, so maybe I'll do that.

• 14:16Tig Notaro?

  So when you're single, the free love is really fun, right? But when you get into a relationship, are you more of a one-on-one kind of person?

• 14:24Mae Martin?

  I'm a constantly evolving... I think it's so situation-dependent. I...yeah, it really depends. I think at the moment, I'm like, don't ask, don't tell. But like, I want like a primary partner, you know? Where I'm like building something with that person, but I have a fluid definition of monogamy, but I don't need to know about it.

• 14:47Tig Notaro?

  And so if...so the person you are monogamous, or that is your special person, your main squeeze, you don't ask, don't tell, like they can hook up, but you maybe don't want to hear about it?

• 15:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like, I'm just like, shit happens and if, you know, I don't want someone on their deathbed to be like... God, I wish I slept with that. I think I've said this, that my example is always like a sailor in Portugal. Like if you're in Portugal and there's a sailor and you get that like burning feeling where you're like, I'm so turned on. I'm like, I don't want to, I'm just don't tell me like if it means nothing.

• 15:28Fortune Feimster?

  But it sounds like it's just sexual, not like a full on other relationship.

• 15:33Mae Martin?

  Well, I don't know. I mean, it's all up for, as long as I know I'm prioritizing, I feel safe and but that trust is built, right? Like I think it would take-

• 15:41Fortune Feimster?

  I can't handle that emotional stuff.

• 15:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it's tough. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know. I don't know.

• 15:46Fortune Feimster?

  I'm very traditional. I think I'm old school.

• 15:49Tig Notaro?

  In what way? Just like you have one person, you get married, that kind of, yeah.

• 15:54Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's a beautiful thing as well. I definitely, it's so situational. I could definitely end up, I mean, I have felt that before, so I'm sure I could again, but-

• 16:05Fortune Feimster?

  Life is weird.

• 16:06Mae Martin?

  Life is weird.

• 16:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I mean, I've probably talked about it a million times, but I didn't imagine myself in a long-term committed marriage or relationship, much less a marriage.

• 16:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 16:19Tig Notaro?

  But it's turned out to be, I mean, of course, there's so many great things, but also so many difficult things that have allowed me to get to know myself and allowed me to get to know Stephanie.

• 16:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 16:35Tig Notaro?

  So much better and, and coming through the, the hard stuff together is,

• 16:44Tig Notaro?

  like, I remember our therapist telling us at one point that like, you know, you can feel like your honeymoon all over again, when you get through those really tough times.

• 16:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 16:59Tig Notaro?

  And, and it was so hard to comprehend that.

• 17:02Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God. You build this rich, like the depth of feeling and part, I've, I've been listening to, have you heard about Let Them?

• 17:10Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 17:10Mae Martin?

  I'm obsessed with Let Them right now. I just listened to her on Glennon Doyle's podcast and yeah, I think what I liked about it is like so much of our stress and inner conflict comes from focusing on, yeah, things that we can't control because you can't control other people's behavior. So when you, when you're so attached to the outcome of someone else's behavior and what they do, but it's, yeah, you're setting yourself up to be feeling out of control and anxious, but you really can control your own actions and boundaries and behavior. So you can like-

• 17:41Tig Notaro?

  It's hard a lot of times.

• 17:42Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God, so hard.

• 17:43Tig Notaro?

  It's so hard.

• 17:44Mae Martin?

  It's so hard.

• 17:45Tig Notaro?

  It's so hard.

• 17:46Mae Martin?

  I can imagine, especially with kids, I can imagine, like, letting them, I mean, on Glennon's podcast, they were talking about, like, yeah, if your kid's struggling in school and or going through a hard time, like, how do you, how do you let them? But it's like, yeah.

• 17:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Yeah. And you, and it is, it's like, of course, you want to put up all the safety nets around your kids, but there are those moments that where you do have to, it's like even just Max and Finn get along really well, but they have those bursts of arguments and you cheated and this is mine and blah, blah, blah, and, and we let them, you know? If it escalates and somebody gets hurt, which it, you know, it's not like they're beating each other, but sometimes they'll start out wrestling and, and then it gets a little too wrestly.

• 18:39Tig Notaro?

  But as long as they're okay and nobody's hurt and they're just arguing and dealing with whatever's in front of their faces, we let them.

• 18:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah, because they're learning from that.

• 18:53Tig Notaro?

  And we'll be sitting on the couch, talking and having coffee and we hear them in the background and we're like,

• 18:59Mae Martin?

  Let them.

• 19:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we just let them. And, and if it crosses a boundary in some way that's not good or safe, we intervene. But, but yeah, with kids, with spouses, with family members, coworkers, any of that, it's, it's, it's such a delicate balance.

• 19:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and like, no one likes to feel controlled and it always is, it's so often coming from a place of care or fear or, but like, yeah, it is kind of liberating to, yeah, I, my friend had recommended that book and then I went on for New Year's to Mexico and a woman in front of me had a tattoo that said, let them, and I was like, okay, I'll read the book.

• 19:41Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 19:42Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God, I just went pee before this and I went on Instagram and on the handsome thing, someone's tagged us, someone just got a tattoo that says, okay, Dyke.

• 19:52Tig Notaro?

  What?

• 19:52Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 19:53Tig Notaro?

  What?

• 19:54Mae Martin?

  Someone just got a tattoo on their thigh that says, okay.

• 19:56Tig Notaro?

  That's weird. Can you send me that?

• 19:59Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 19:59Tig Notaro?

  I can't wait to show Stephanie.

• 20:01Fortune Feimster?

  Your poetic words.

• 20:03Mae Martin?

  Also, I'm like, so is, are they saying that to themselves? Like, when they read it, who, I just love it.

• 20:09Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I'd be very curious.

• 20:11Fortune Feimster?

  It is a form of acceptance, right?

• 20:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 20:14Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, Dyke.

• 20:15Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, because when Stephanie rejected me.

• 20:19Mae Martin?

  That was let them.

• 20:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 20:21Mae Martin?

  Perfect example, and that's what made her come running right to you.

• 20:25Tig Notaro?

  And that was, it was such a bummer because I loved hanging out with her. We laughed so much and, and, and after our make out, when she's like, yeah, no, never dated a woman, not going to happen. I did, I remember I sat back and I was like, God.

• 20:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and, and the temptation, because it triggers your inner child. The temptation is to be like, I feel hurt, I feel this. I'm like, you're doing this to me. And that only ever makes, you know, triggers the other person's.

• 20:58Tig Notaro?

  Or to even try to pursue her more. It's like, I couldn't, I didn't, I couldn't. I had to just step back and say, okay, Dyke. Um, but yeah, it is, that is a funny. That is a funny, full circle thing, um, in this conversation of, okay, Dyke being let them.

• 21:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 21:18Tig Notaro?

  But it was hard and I didn't think in a million years that she was going to come back and say, I actually want to be with you.

• 21:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah, so how long did it take her to respond to, okay, Dyke?

• 21:28Tig Notaro?

  Well, she didn't respond in, like, when she wrote me her 10 million page email saying, you know, I've never been with a woman, I'm not gay, I can't be with you, but I like you.

• 21:39Mae Martin?

  I care about you.

• 21:40Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And then, so I responded to that with, okay, Dyke, and that's all I wrote. And then she didn't write back to that. We just went about our lives and, you know, and were friendly and kept in touch or whatever. And I just told her, you know, I think I need a, a bit of space to kind of see her differently and that I felt like I'd be able to in time.

• 22:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:04Tig Notaro?

  And then in that time. She told me when she read OK Dyke that she was like, oh, I really like her.

• 22:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:12Tig Notaro?

  Um, but it was still just a growing thing between us.

• 22:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:17Tig Notaro?

  And then when we, I was in Montreal doing shows and she said, I'd like to see you when you come home. So.

• 22:26Mae Martin?

  Did your, did your stomach get all butterflyish?

• 22:28Tig Notaro?

  Well, I was scared. I was, I was with a friend of mine. I said, wait, Stephanie just said she wants to see me when I get home.

• 22:34Mae Martin?

  Mm hmm.

• 22:35Tig Notaro?

  And he was like, oh yeah, she probably wants to be with you. And I was like, no, I said, no, she already told me she didn't. And he was like, so what? You think she's like, I want to see you when you get home so I can confirm that I don't want to be with you?

• 22:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:51Tig Notaro?

  And I was like, I don't know, maybe. I was so like, there's no world. She's wants to be with me.

• 22:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:57Tig Notaro?

  And, uh, but yeah, she came over and I remember I was like, I had a loft in downtown. I was like getting my loft ready and I was like, uh, trying to pull myself together. And I was like, oh my God. She, I think I was on the phone with Kate McCucci. I was like, okay, she just called. She's on her way. She's, she's coming up the elevator and Kate was like, let me know how it goes. And then of course I opened the door. I was like, hey, how's it going? And you know, I had been in a complete spiral, complete spiral. And she did, she came and she just sat down next to me and so confidently just said, I want to be with you.

• 23:34Mae Martin?

  Oh my God, I'm done.

• 23:35Fortune Feimster?

  A movie.

• 23:36Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And I was like, what?

• 23:41Tig Notaro?

  You want to be with me? Oh my God.

• 23:44Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's so cute.

• 23:45Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I should, I should write a movie called OK Dyke.

• 23:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 23:50Tig Notaro?

  When I've posted it on Instagram, it won't let me because of OK Dyke, because of Dyke.

• 23:55Fortune Feimster?

  All the words.

• 23:56Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 23:56Mae Martin?

  These days it might with.

• 23:58Fortune Feimster?

  We're, we're bringing it back.

• 24:00Tig Notaro?

  Anything goes now, right?

• 24:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Mark Zuckerberg is.

• 24:04Tig Notaro?

  Right.

• 24:05Mae Martin?

  Anyways.

• 24:05Tig Notaro?

  Anyway, so yeah, let them. Okay.

• 24:08Mae Martin?

  Let them. Okay.

• 24:08Tig Notaro?

  OK Dyke, let them.

• 24:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 24:11Tig Notaro?

  We should get Mel Robbins on here.

• 24:14Mae Martin?

  I would love that, yeah.

• 24:15Fortune Feimster?

  I've never met her.

• 24:16Tig Notaro?

  I haven't either, but I mean, you know.

• 24:18Fortune Feimster?

  She's all over my TikTok.

• 24:20Tig Notaro?

  She's everywhere right now.

• 24:21Mae Martin?

  Truly everywhere, yeah.

• 24:22Fortune Feimster?

  Her book is, I think, pretty huge, because it is empowering people in a way I think that people needed it, you know, to, because when, you know, obviously two people have different needs or different ways of handling things, you feel so lost and like, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to handle this. There was something, I could even see when you said it, May, like, you felt kind of free from a burden.

• 24:50Mae Martin?

  Oh, man.

• 24:51Fortune Feimster?

  You know, when you say it.

• 24:53Mae Martin?

  All of us have relationships, whether it's your parents or your friends, relationships that you wish were different and you wish the person was different, even though you love them and you're like, they do this thing, I wish, and, and yeah, it takes up so much mental energy.

• 25:08Tig Notaro?

  Also, by the way, in case somebody is only hearing our podcast for the first time, what I didn't add in the story was, I, maybe, I don't, maybe I mentioned it, but that Stephanie and I had made out.

• 25:21Mae Martin?

  Yes, yeah, no, you did, yeah.

• 25:22Tig Notaro?

  Okay, okay.

• 25:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you had your make out.

• 25:24Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we had our, our hot, passionate make out, and then she wrote me the long email. I just, if I didn't mention that, then me just calling her a dyke would seem a little odd.

• 25:40Tig Notaro?

  Anyway, just wanted to clarify that. Love is complicated, relationships are complicated, but.

• 25:46Mae Martin?

  It's also the, but it's so worth it.

• 25:48Tig Notaro?

  It's so worth it.

• 25:49Mae Martin?

  Thing in the world.

• 25:51Tig Notaro?

  And you try and figure it out and, and hopefully you do, but if you don't.

• 25:57Mae Martin?

  Then you let them.

• 25:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 26:01Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and speaking of romance and love and things of that nature, we have.

• 26:10Tig Notaro?

  Question askers today, because this is, this is Valentine's week, right?

• 26:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:17Tig Notaro?

  This is coming out and I mean, I mean, our, our, our askers today.

• 26:25Mae Martin?

  I mean.

• 26:25Tig Notaro?

  Are both iconic Grammy winning musicians. They're also a married couple and their names just happen to be Edie Bruchel and Paul Simon. And they're asking today's question.

• 26:43Mae Martin?

  How did we, how did we get them?

• 26:46Tig Notaro?

  Well, I have to say, I grew up a big fan of Paul Simon and then Edie Bruchel, of course, came along years after. I went through a really rough time in my childhood. And Edie Bruchel's album, Shooting Rubber Bands at the Stars, is, you know, when people come up to us now and say, gosh, your comedy got me through, or your book got me through, or your show, or whatever.

• 27:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 27:18Tig Notaro?

  I know for myself, I'll be like, oh, thanks, glad to hear it. And I don't fully take it in.

• 27:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 27:24Tig Notaro?

  When I really think about what her album did for me.

• 27:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 27:28Tig Notaro?

  It saved my life.

• 27:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 27:31Tig Notaro?

  And when I got my podcast, Don't Ask Tig, the one, my old podcast, you know, it was trying to help people and of course, I'm a comedian, so a lot of it is silly advice. But other times I really tried to give them my best. And I thought, how great. The producers had a small budget for music. And I thought, gosh, I don't know Edie Bruchel. I didn't know Edie Bruchel. And I thought, how amazing if I could get her to sing my theme song, because she helped me so much.

• 28:07Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 28:08Tig Notaro?

  And then the producers call and they're like, she's on board. And then next thing I know, I was on a call with her and I was like, I did not think this is gonna happen in a million years.

• 28:20Mae Martin?

  You don't get it if you don't ask, right?

• 28:21Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And so she did it. And then we have remained in contact.

• 28:29Tig Notaro?

  So regularly. And I was telling her the other day, I said, you are like, I can't remember what I said, something like the best friend I've never even met.

• 28:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 28:40Tig Notaro?

  Cause everything has been over email and that kind of communication hasn't been in in person, but they've offered us, you know, their Yankees tickets or to come stay at their house in Austin, checking on us in the fires and just really, really, um.

• 29:00Mae Martin?

  Like old, like old school pen pals where you get really.

• 29:03Tig Notaro?

  Truly.

• 29:04Mae Martin?

  We should make this meeting happen though.

• 29:05Fortune Feimster?

  That's really cool.

• 29:06Tig Notaro?

  Oh yeah, I would love it. But yeah, so that's how this came about. So I was like, hey, hey, guys.

• 29:12Mae Martin?

  I can't believe it.

• 29:13Tig Notaro?

  Throw me a bone.

• 29:14Mae Martin?

  Let's hear their question.

• 29:15Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 29:16Speaker 04

  Hello, hello, handsome.

• 29:19Fortune Feimster?

  Aww.

• 29:20Speaker 04

  Come on. And our question is, what is something you always love about your partner?

• 29:27Fortune Feimster?

  They're so cute.

• 29:29Mae Martin?

  Oh my gosh.

• 29:30Fortune Feimster?

  I like that they, they seem to have a lot of joy around each other.

• 29:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 29:34Mae Martin?

  I mean, and that's kind of at the heart of it, right?

• 29:37Tig Notaro?

  I bet they've had their tough times too.

• 29:40Mae Martin?

  No, I don't think so.

• 29:41Tig Notaro?

  Have they met?

• 29:41Mae Martin?

  No, just kidding. How'd they meet?

• 29:43Fortune Feimster?

  How?

• 29:43Tig Notaro?

  She was the musical guest on SNL and he was the host.

• 29:48Mae Martin?

  No way.

• 29:49Tig Notaro?

  And I remember reading an article that she said that their kids can go back and look at that, um, episode.

• 29:57Mae Martin?

  Oh my god.

• 29:57Tig Notaro?

  And there is the moment that she said she glanced to the side of the stage and saw him standing there. And that was the first time they made eye contact and they were both like, hello.

• 30:10Mae Martin?

  Wow.

• 30:11Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And she said that their kids can see the moment that their parents had love at first sight.

• 30:18Mae Martin?

  That's wild.

• 30:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 30:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's incredible. I rewatched The Graduate the other day and I thought it would be 30% less good as a movie without that soundtrack.

• 30:29Tig Notaro?

  For sure. It's like Harold and Maude without Cat Stevens. I mean, come on.

• 30:34Mae Martin?

  Come on now.

• 30:35Tig Notaro?

  Um, and I'm realizing, I, I, I don't want you to be.

• 30:41Mae Martin?

  That I'm single?

• 30:41Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I think you're single.

• 30:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Oh my god, your face just filled with so much empathy for me.

• 30:47Tig Notaro?

  What I'm realizing.

• 30:48Mae Martin?

  And I'm realizing, ugh.

• 30:55Mae Martin?

  No, I can speak theoretically.

• 30:57Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 30:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 30:58Tig Notaro?

  What do you like in a partner?

• 31:00Mae Martin?

  I gotta say, it's, it is laughing. It's like, yeah, you're gonna be dead soon. So you gotta be able to have a laugh. It's, it's so, such a turn on for me. And I think not for everyone. Some people prefer to like really connect intellectually or to have like a thing. But to me, it's, it's a, you gotta laugh.

• 31:19Tig Notaro?

  And how perfect that Edie and Paul were laughing in their question.

• 31:22Mae Martin?

  I know. It was so, it was so nice.

• 31:25Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 31:25Mae Martin?

  And I guess, well, I don't know. I guess when you're younger, you value chemistry above all things. And then as you get older, values become more important and what you want for your life and that kind of thing.

• 31:40Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 31:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah. That's a boring answer, but definitely laughter, I think. I want to be cry laughing.

• 31:45Fortune Feimster?

  Shifts, right? As you get older, you're what once was appealing to you as a younger person is not as appealing as you get older.

• 31:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I want peace, you know?

• 31:55Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 31:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Do you have a specific thing you're talking about, Fortune, that appealed to you younger that?

• 32:01Fortune Feimster?

  I may have just touched on it. When you're younger, you're willing to put up with a little more chaos.

• 32:07Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 32:08Fortune Feimster?

  And I, you know, because you're dating the people that are just meant to sort of be around temporarily or, you know, you're trying different things on for size. And so you're kind of willing to put up with that, like, unknown stuff and the, these big passionate fights, but that are like toxic, you know?

• 32:28Mae Martin?

  Uh huh. Right.

• 32:29Fortune Feimster?

  And, and you're on edge. At least that was my experience with not every, not every one I had, but some, you know, and you're just, you just chalk it up to, this is passion and this is.

• 32:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:41Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I got butterflies.

• 32:42Fortune Feimster?

  I feel alive.

• 32:43Mae Martin?

  No, you're highly anxious.

• 32:45Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. And it doesn't feel good at a certain point where you're like, I don't want this feeling all the time.

• 32:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 32:56Fortune Feimster?

  Um, peace is very important to me. May just mentioned that, like, yeah, my parents were.

• 33:05Fortune Feimster?

  Are good friends now, but they divorced when I was twelve and they had, you know, just they, I never saw them happy with each other. I never saw the love there. And so it, it created a very toxic environment, like chaos and fighting and yeah, like heaviness.

• 33:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 33:26Fortune Feimster?

  So I made a very conscious decision as a kid, even like I, I would say it and it was subconscious too, where I was like, I will have peace in my adult life. Hopefully with someone. That's my goal, but if I have to be alone, that will be what it is.

• 33:49Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 33:50Fortune Feimster?

  Cause peace was so important to me. Um, so yeah, as I, as I got older, finding someone who aligned with that feeling. Um, was important to me.

• 34:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Take, what about you?

• 34:05Tig Notaro?

  Well, I mean, I feel like just a flat out copycat because gosh, peace and laughter.

• 34:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 34:12Tig Notaro?

  I don't know what else you could possibly, I mean, sure, throw an attractive head on the body, but

• 34:21Tig Notaro?

  yeah, all of that stuff is great, but um, like as far as being attractive.

• 34:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 34:28Tig Notaro?

  I mean, luckily I do find my wife to be absolutely gorgeous. Um, and hilarious.

• 34:37Mae Martin?

  You gotta start there. You gotta, yeah.

• 34:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Um, but you know, we didn't, uh, she didn't stick out to me when we played love interests in a movie and um, I certainly didn't stick out to her because she hadn't dated a woman. So it, it wasn't instantaneous for us. It was instantaneous in that we really enjoyed working together and had such a nice time on set. But I didn't walk away thinking, well, that's my wife.

• 35:05Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 35:06Tig Notaro?

  Um, I would have been so confused if somebody told me that was my wife. I would have been baffled.

• 35:13Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 35:13Mae Martin?

  The laughter thing kind of comes back to friendship as well. Like, it's so easy to forget that this is, you have to be friends with your partner. And we give so much more grace to our friends sometimes than our partners. And we let our friends make mistakes and evolve and because we're not as attached to, their choices don't affect our life as much and they don't trigger that like panic, you know? And, and yeah, so I think remembering and sometimes thinking, how would I treat my friend if they were?

• 35:42Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, that's, that's definitely an interesting to thing to think about and,

• 35:50Tig Notaro?

  and I know I've had to, in my nearly 12 years with Stephanie, I've had, we've had very hard, uncomfortable situations and conversations and things that, you know, where we had to acknowledge things have changed or things are evolving and people are getting older and hitting different places in their lives and wanting different things and, you know, in relationships before Stephanie, I probably would have been like, yeah, well, I'm not into that or that I'm out, you know, peace out.

• 36:33Tig Notaro?

  Whereas, you know, with her, it's like, okay, I'm listening and yeah, I see how I fell short there. I see how I was maybe not considering you, not even maybe like, yeah, I was didn't consider you. Um, and that's because I wasn't used to being in a marriage or a relationship. And so I miss that. And, and it's hard. And then not just, yeah, I miss that. But I need to change.

• 37:05Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 37:05Tig Notaro?

  I need to change and I'm gonna change and I'm sorry, you know?

• 37:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and I mean, I loved what you said ages ago about how sometimes when you're fighting, one of you will start singing the fight.

• 37:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 37:19Mae Martin?

  That was so funny.

• 37:20Tig Notaro?

  We'll start singing an improv duet.

• 37:23Mae Martin?

  I think what if you have-

• 37:24Tig Notaro?

  And air out our problems in the, in the words.

• 37:27Mae Martin?

  So good. Like, if you have an understanding between you, like, we're in this, you know?

• 37:32Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 37:33Mae Martin?

  Of course, there's no guarantees and that doesn't mean like someone can treat you like shit forever. And you're like, well, I said I was in it. But like, if you're like, we are, we have each other's backs. And then, then hopefully you can take the like intensity out of those arguments. Cause you're like, well, at some point we will have to resolve this, you know?

• 37:52Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. If you know you're working towards the same goal.

• 37:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 37:56Tig Notaro?

  And maybe you're getting there at different times, or you have a little different path to get there. And you can give yourself and each other the space to meet up at that, you know, destination that you hoped you'd get to.

• 38:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 38:11Tig Notaro?

  Um, you know, it's, it's being public figures, people can project things onto your lives and onto your relationships and, and you know, I can only speak for myself. And the reality is Stephanie and I have, I think, a tremendous relationship and are very happy. But we have almost not made it before. And we've really struggled in so many different ways. But I know we're both so devoted. And, and but, and I don't mean it like we're just, you know, we're gonna push through no matter what.

• 38:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 38:49Tig Notaro?

  You know?

• 38:50Mae Martin?

  You both want it to work.

• 38:51Tig Notaro?

  We both want it to work and we're both making ourselves very uncomfortable in those hard times. To get the darkness into the light, you know, so that we can move forward if, if there's a path for us. And, and there continues to be a path and I hope there is.

• 39:09Mae Martin?

  Yes. And I think like, um, if you truly know, know in yourself that even though it feels like the world would end if, if that, if it didn't work out, if you know that you will be okay and that you love yourself, then it takes the terror out of when those fights happen and the thought of it ending, like the, the like hysteria of like, oh my God, I'm, you know, like if you, cause, cause you will survive. Everyone will, you'll be okay. Like it'll be hell, but everyone will be okay. So it's.

• 39:40Tig Notaro?

  It does seem impossible, though.

• 39:42Mae Martin?

  It does seem impossible.

• 39:43Tig Notaro?

  It seems absolutely impossible.

• 39:46Fortune Feimster?

  It goes back to that, when that, that peace is taken away.

• 39:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 39:50Fortune Feimster?

  You feel so discombobulated.

• 39:51Mae Martin?

  The rug is pulled and you're like, what the, my whole reality is shifted, but.

• 39:56Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 39:57Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 39:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 39:58Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I think, um, liking the person, you know, that's the thing about when I met Jax, like it, she never felt like a stranger.

• 40:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 40:10Fortune Feimster?

  And, um, just did feel like home.

• 40:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 40:14Fortune Feimster?

  From day one, there was no games, there was no pretenses, you like me, I like you. And then we just kind of were in it.

• 40:22Mae Martin?

  I know. Cause don't you know so many couples that don't like each other? It's crazy that actually are like, you can, you're like, you hate each other.

• 40:31Fortune Feimster?

  I know.

• 40:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 40:33Fortune Feimster?

  And you know what I always loved about Jax is I just genuinely was always so happy to be around her and come home and tell her things and, um, ask her opinion. I really value her opinion and just wanted to be around her. And I, I remember especially in the pandemic, um, when we got to be, uh, you know, I, I wasn't traveling and I finally got to be home for a long time. It felt, every night felt like a, like a fun sleepover with my best friend.

• 41:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 41:02Fortune Feimster?

  And I just remember thinking like, God, I get to marry like my best friend who I'm also in love with. And like, what a treat.

• 41:11Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 41:11Fortune Feimster?

  Um, and you know, the fact that she's beautiful and smart and funny is, like you said, a cherry on top.

• 41:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 41:19Fortune Feimster?

  But just, I just really love her.

• 41:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 41:23Fortune Feimster?

  And being, being with her.

• 41:26Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's, it's, I was just talking to one of my co-stars on set. He hasn't been in like a serious, long-term relationship. Uh, there's a lot, you know, it's the, the, the show is about the, the young cadets um, at the, the academy.

• 41:43Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 41:44Tig Notaro?

  Um, so there's a lot of younger cast members and I was just talking to him about how, I mean, look, people have been together for, like Edie and Paul, they've been together for decades. You know, and I'm, I'm like, they've been together 12 years. But I was just saying that I always think about writing a script, how when you have no structure, your story goes off the rails and you think there's going to be all this freedom. Cause like, oh, I'm not going to follow a structure to writing. I'm just going to go nuts. And you know, sometimes that works out, but um, but when you're off

• 42:24Tig Notaro?

  and not following the structure, you can just, you can kind of find yourself in a weird corner where you're like, how did I get like, I can't even write myself out of this, you know? And then when you follow a structure in writing, you can go anywhere. And that's how I feel in my relationship with Stephanie is I'm in this relationship that has rules and boundaries and, but with her, I feel like I can, I'm planning my life with her. We're going on trips, we're having our holidays, we have, I'm getting to do things I've never done.

• 43:06Tig Notaro?

  I've dated interesting, successful, hot people. Like I've been down those roads, I've done all of those things a million times. And this is the road that is. The most exciting to me so far.

• 43:21Mae Martin?

  I will say also not to devalue like, uh, uh, single people and that, that what as now that I'm single, cause I'm a, I'm, I'm a relationship person. I've been in love, you know, I've had long-term, serious relationships and I do, I think I thrive in that, in that container a little bit, but it's forced me to like being, being single this, these past six months or whatever is, I'm like, you've got, you can give yourself that structure and relearn yourself and grow in huge ways as well and, and, and feel so much stronger and more in love with yourself and put, invest in your friendships. So if you're listening and you're like bummed out on Valentine's, you know, like

• 44:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And that's a really great point because I, I certainly, marriage isn't for everyone, um, at all. And it wasn't for me and I don't think it would ever be again.

• 44:14Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 44:16Tig Notaro?

  But yeah, and I, I didn't mean to make it sound like if you're not married,

• 44:20Mae Martin?

  No, no.

• 44:21Tig Notaro?

  Then there's, then you're just off in the wild. I just found for myself, I was surprised because people think, oh, you get married, you're locked in, you're locked down. You know, you have no choices and it's like,

• 44:35Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 44:35Tig Notaro?

  No, I actually, my life expanded.

• 44:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 44:42Tig Notaro?

  That's just my experience.

• 44:43Fortune Feimster?

  But it is interesting. Like I, this is my first, we're going on 10 years and before that, I think maybe a year was my most, the longest. So I've had to learn a lot. It is work at times, like Tig said, like you, you reach points where you have to kind of check in and make sure you're, what you want is lining up because that does change.

• 45:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you're different people and

• 45:09Fortune Feimster?

  As individuals, you sometimes want different things. You have to make sure you guys are both going towards that same thing. And so communication has been an interesting thing to try to figure out because it, it, you, you're kind of coming as two people with your own individual wounds and childhood wounds and idiosyncrasies and you're having to align those in a home and a marriage and make sure they keep aligning as you go and change. And it's, it's definitely. An interesting journey.

• 45:44Mae Martin?

  I think people should voice note each other because sometimes when you're in it and you're talking, something they say triggers you or you're just thinking about the next thing you want to say. And so you're not really, but like if you leave a four minute voice note of your feelings and, and, and they can't respond for a couple of hours and they.

• 46:00Tig Notaro?

  But they can delete it.

• 46:02Mae Martin?

  They can delete it without.

• 46:04Tig Notaro?

  Before listening.

• 46:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 46:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Communicating, checking in. I, I would also say that I didn't think about and nobody mentioned, like before you get into a relationship or marriage, really ask each other, how do you feel about kids? Really ask, how do you feel about money? How do you handle those? Like, how do you li- how do you live? You know, how do you deal with your family? You know, that's why it's always good to kind of be together for a beat, to see how the holidays play out, how the making more money, making less money feels in a relationship, how you raise kids.

• 46:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 46:47Tig Notaro?

  Just, there's so many conversations that I, I would have done differently. But those were the fun surprises.

• 46:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah, the curveballs.

• 46:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, there were curveballs and I was part of them.

• 47:03Mae Martin?

  But I like that all three of us are like laughter and peace are pretty big and yeah, throw a whoopee cushion under the sofa cushion in the couples.

• 47:13Fortune Feimster?

  You want to enjoy your life, right? You want, but you want you and your partner to be happy.

• 47:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 47:18Fortune Feimster?

  At the end of the day. So it's like, if you don't have peace, or I don't have peace, or we don't have peace together, what are we doing here? But maybe we don't have peace right now. Let's see if we can work through that. Like, again, it's just aligning what you want and being on the same page. But, because it is easy to be like, oh, this is hard. I don't have peace right now. Bye.

• 47:38Mae Martin?

  Yes. I don't think that's the way.

• 47:41Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that's not the way. You want to dig in and see where can, what's on the other side of this?

• 47:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah, because you could have that second honeymoon feeling.

• 47:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 47:52Mae Martin?

  Where you go, oh my God, we've, we've just been so brutally honest with each other that everything's on the table and there's this huge relief of like.

• 48:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 48:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:02Tig Notaro?

  It's really something.

• 48:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:05Mae Martin?

  Well, well.

• 48:06Tig Notaro?

  Well, I kind of want to date both of you.

• 48:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:09Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we like peace and laughter. Should we see what Edie and Paul like?

• 48:16Speaker 04

  I love the sound of his voice. I will always love the tone, the beauty and the soulful nature of that voice.

• 48:25Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 48:26Speaker 04

  You're welcome.

• 48:27Speaker 05

  And I love Edie's smile and the way it breaks into her laugh, lights up my day.

• 48:32Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God, I'm.

• 48:34Speaker 04

  Thank you handsome. Thank you handsome.

• 48:38Speaker 05

  Thank you handsome.

• 48:39Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 48:39Speaker 04

  Goodbye handsome.

• 48:42Tig Notaro?

  I like their energy together.

• 48:43Mae Martin?

  God, yeah. Also, yeah, if you're married to Paul Simon, yeah, the tone of his voice is going to be pretty remarkable. And, oh, my God, and he sort of said laughter, like that.

• 48:53Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 48:54Mae Martin?

  That joy breaking through, oh. Biggie, what do you, what does Biggie love in a partner?

• 48:59Fortune Feimster?

  This is my son, Biggie, that wanted to weigh in on love.

• 49:04Tig Notaro?

  Oh, Biggie.

• 49:05Fortune Feimster?

  Kimmy kid.

• 49:07Tig Notaro?

  Biggie.

• 49:08Fortune Feimster?

  This is love right here.

• 49:10Tig Notaro?

  That is a sweet little pup.

• 49:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah, he.

• 49:14Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 49:15Mae Martin?

  He's a simple fellow. He wants a simple fellow.

• 49:20Tig Notaro?

  I guess that's a nicer way of saying dead eyes.

• 49:24Mae Martin?

  I swear to God, I posted a video of him and people kept commenting, no dead eyes there.

• 49:34Tig Notaro?

  I love you, Biggie.

• 49:37Mae Martin?

  He's my, he's my other Valentine. Oh, my God, he is really cute. I'm definitely going to foster a dog soon when I, when I move into my house and.

• 49:46Tig Notaro?

  Oh, good.

• 49:46Mae Martin?

  Which I'm renovating right now, it's crazy and exciting, but.

• 49:50Tig Notaro?

  That's very exciting. You should foster a little pup that was lost in the fire.

• 49:54Mae Martin?

  I was thinking about it, yeah. Or even, I feel like, like an older dog that somebody might not foster, that's.

• 50:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. That was a really nice episode.

• 50:05Mae Martin?

  I know. We were like a stir.

• 50:07Tig Notaro?

  Really shared feelings. I know. Well, I think we all have a lot of love feelings.

• 50:13Mae Martin?

  Mm hmm.

• 50:14Tig Notaro?

  And it is. I would say it's the week or the month of love, but you know, it's the lifetime of love. It goes on and on and on. So.

• 50:24Fortune Feimster?

  And loving yourself, as May said.

• 50:26Tig Notaro?

  Yes, yes.

• 50:27Fortune Feimster?

  That is at the core of all of this. You can't.

• 50:30Mae Martin?

  What's the RuPaul thing? If you don't love yourself, how are you gonna love somebody? Yeah, it's true. And no one is gonna fill that.

• 50:37Tig Notaro?

  Wait, did he? I feel like.

• 50:40Fortune Feimster?

  He didn't coin that, but he says that.

• 50:42Tig Notaro?

  That's saying.

• 50:43Fortune Feimster?

  If you can't, if you can't love yourself. How are you gonna love somebody else or something like that?

• 50:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah, or something like that. But yeah, truly, like no relationship will ultimately fill the void if you don't love yourself. So that's step one. I am not there yet. None of us are. We're getting there. I feel like cut that out. That was way too raw for the end of the podcast.

• 51:09Tig Notaro?

  I don't love myself. I don't love myself. Next week on Handsome.

• 51:14Mae Martin?

  Come to my shows. That'll help. Nah, leave it in. Leave it in. Leave it in.

• 51:19Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I love you guys.

• 51:21Mae Martin?

  Love you guys.

• 51:22Tig Notaro?

  Love you and love you, Mr. Thomas.

• 51:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah, man.

• 51:26Tig Notaro?

  And.

• 51:28Speaker 06

  Love you.

• 51:29Tig Notaro?

  Love you.

• 51:29Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, kisses.

• 51:30Tig Notaro?

  Even if that was forced.

• 51:34Tig Notaro?

  Love you. So, yeah, you guys have anything coming up that we want to share?

• 51:41Mae Martin?

  I've got these music shows that I'm pushing where I'm playing stuff from my album, which is called I'm a TV. That I'm very embarrassed to promote, but I'm doing it. February 26, I'm gonna play a big music show in LA. March 1 in Toronto, March 4 in New York, March 9 in London, and tickets for that. If you go on my Instagram, I've got in the bio.

• 52:06Tig Notaro?

  And you know, I was just thinking like Edie and Paul didn't promote anything, but if you haven't heard of Paul Simon or Simon and Garfunkel or Edie Raquel.

• 52:18Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna check out also Shooting Rubber Bands at the Stars because I've never heard that album and.

• 52:22Tig Notaro?

  Well, it is a masterpiece, but also her sophomore album, Ghost of a Dog.

• 52:31Mae Martin?

  Oh, these are great titles.

• 52:33Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Ghost of a Dog. Like, right when I thought Shooting Rubber Bands at the Stars was top, top, top, then then she pulls that out.

• 52:45Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I'm gonna get out.

• 52:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah, what do you got coming up?

• 52:47Tig Notaro?

  I'm just now finishing Starfleet Academy. With the incredible Holly Hunter and Paul Giamatti. So many amazing actors on this series. And I'll be headed back to Los Angeles, probably Largo and Dynasty Typewriter. And then the Handsome shows, we're gonna be in Nashville live on April 6th. And then Austin, April 12th. Handsome will be together there as well. And then I'm gonna be doing standup in Eureka Springs, Arkansas in June.

• 53:23Mae Martin?

  Fortune, are you working on a new hour? Or is that what you're doing?

• 53:26Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I am working on my new hour. Next weekend, I'll be at the Oxnard Improv in California, out there in Ventura. Then I've got Irvine, California, their improv. And Huntsville, Alabama, that's in March. And then I start my theater tour, Savannah, Georgia, Charleston, Phoenix, Albuquerque, Cleveland, Columbus, Greensboro, Roanoke, Baltimore, all those places. People are very upset that I'm in Roanoke, Virginia, the same night as Melissa Etheridge. I apologize to all of the lesbians.

• 54:01Tig Notaro?

  Lesbian explosion.

• 54:03Fortune Feimster?

  I have gotten some stern emails. And I did not know this. It was planned outside of my knowledge.

• 54:11Mae Martin?

  Knowing you, you're gonna turn up on stage at the Melissa show. You're gonna sing "Come To My Window."

• 54:18Fortune Feimster?

  So, yeah, I've really worked the lesbians up in Roanoke.

• 54:23Fortune Feimster?

  But sometimes it happens, you guys. Sometimes you can't avoid it.

• 54:27Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but be proud of yourself when you sell it out.

• 54:31Fortune Feimster?

  Well, we'll see. I don't know how many lesbians are in Roanoke, so.

• 54:35Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, well, they'll head over there.

• 54:37Fortune Feimster?

  Straight people, you gotta come through.

• 54:40Mae Martin?

  Well, this has been delightful.

• 54:42Tig Notaro?

  Absolutely, and I hope that everyone has a great Valentine's week and day and life. And until next time.

• 54:51Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it handsome.

• 54:53Mae Martin?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected]. And please, follow us on social media, @handsomepod.

• 55:09Speaker 06

  What a podcast. What a podcast.

• 55:16Speaker 01

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.

• 55:18Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that my outfit matches the vibe of the evening before heading out the door? I regret everything. The night called for a black t-shirt, but I wore a white one instead, and now everything's out of alignment.

• 55:32Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate, North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 55:47Speaker 07

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 55:49Speaker 04

  And Hannah Simone.

• 55:50Speaker 07

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog.

• 56:12Speaker 04

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 56:24Speaker 07

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes, we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 56:36Speaker 04

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.