Melissa Etheridge asks about getting it on

Music icon Melissa Etheridge asks about what kind of music the Handsome hosts play when they're... let's just say *getting handsome*. Plus lots of singing, Mae getting distracted, and "I have two"! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website.

• 0:53Speaker 03

  With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising, and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time. Squarespace makes it easy, so easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes.

• 1:25Mae Martin?

  So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking the program before sitting down to enjoy a school play? I'm in shambles. Turns out there's no intermission during this three-hour Shakespeare adaptation, and I really need to go to the bathroom.

• 1:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 2:17Tig Notaro?

  Cheers.

• 2:19Tig Notaro?

  Hi, it's your friend Tig Notaro.

• 2:22Mae Martin?

  And me, Mae Martin.

• 2:24Speaker 03

  And me, Fortune Feimster.

• 2:26Tig Notaro?

  Right here on the handsome podcast.

• 2:32Tig Notaro?

  Still working the kinks out.

• 2:33Speaker 03

  We really nail our intros, I think.

• 2:36Tig Notaro?

  I know.

• 2:36Mae Martin?

  It's really got worse. It's really devolved.

• 2:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 2:40Speaker 03

  We're like, we're like, you go.

• 2:42Mae Martin?

  We're like.

• 2:42Speaker 03

  Now you go.

• 2:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 2:44Tig Notaro?

  Don't want to step on anything.

• 2:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah, very Canadian.

• 2:47Tig Notaro?

  And then we just step all over everything.

• 2:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 2:49Speaker 03

  Ah.

• 2:50Mae Martin?

  Like, you know that game where you have to each say, you have to count to 10 without saying it at the, a number at the same time? You got your eyes closed in a group and so you're like, one.

• 3:02Speaker 03

  Two. I already messed up.

• 3:04Mae Martin?

  No, that was it.

• 3:05Tig Notaro?

  Three.

• 3:05Mae Martin?

  Why'd you mess up?

• 3:07Speaker 03

  I thought we were supposed to say it at the same time.

• 3:09Mae Martin?

  No, you're, you're out if you say it at the same time. So you close your eyes and you're trying to get to 10. Is this fun to listen to? Okay.

• 3:16Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 3:17Mae Martin?

  Ready? One.

• 3:20Speaker 03

  Two.

• 3:21Tig Notaro?

  Three. Wait, what's happening?

• 3:24Mae Martin?

  Five.

• 3:25Tig Notaro?

  Six.

• 3:26Speaker 03

  Seven.

• 3:26Mae Martin?

  Seven. Oh, I fucked it. That's a fun game people can play at the family dinner table.

• 3:32Tig Notaro?

  I don't like games.

• 3:34Mae Martin?

  You don't like a leisurely game of Monopoly?

• 3:36Tig Notaro?

  I mean, if I must. I just really am not like going to game night and like all that kind of stuff. I'm like, yeah.

• 3:46Speaker 03

  Oh, I love a game night.

• 3:47Mae Martin?

  Me too.

• 3:48Speaker 03

  I love a game night and I love a gay night.

• 3:51Tig Notaro?

  Gay games.

• 3:53Mae Martin?

  Gay games. Have you guys, it's, it's early this morning. Have you had breakfast?

• 3:58Speaker 03

  Uh, no, no breakfast, just coffee.

• 4:01Tig Notaro?

  It's lunchtime where I am.

• 4:03Mae Martin?

  Oh, right. Of course, of course, of course.

• 4:05Speaker 03

  I went to a premiere last night, so.

• 4:07Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 4:07Tig Notaro?

  What was the premiere?

• 4:08Speaker 03

  I had a late night.

• 4:10Mae Martin?

  What was it?

• 4:11Speaker 03

  Um, the Bob Dylan movie.

• 4:13Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 4:14Speaker 03

  Completely unknown.

• 4:15Mae Martin?

  How was it?

• 4:16Speaker 03

  Really good, really good. My foobar co-star Monica Barbaro, she is in it. Playing Joan Baez.

• 4:24Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 4:24Tig Notaro?

  Nice.

• 4:25Mae Martin?

  Whoa, imagine getting that part. Fuck.

• 4:27Speaker 03

  I know. A great part and she killed it. She would come to set. She was filming both simultaneously at one point. And would come to set with her guitar. They, she had to learn how to play the guitar,

• 4:43Tig Notaro?

  She had to learn how to play the guitar for it?

• 4:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, she never played.

• 4:46Mae Martin?

  Okay, if you guys were, were playing someone in a biopic, who would you want to play?

• 4:52Speaker 03

  All right, fine, Charlize Theron.

• 4:56Mae Martin?

  All right, fine.

• 4:58Speaker 03

  Everyone says, I'm an old looking, uh, Jojo Siwa.

• 5:04Tig Notaro?

  Who is that?

• 5:06Mae Martin?

  She's like a young pop star.

• 5:06Speaker 03

  Oh, you don't know who Jojo Siwa is?

• 5:09Mae Martin?

  Like a young queer pop star.

• 5:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:12Tig Notaro?

  She's out now?

• 5:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 5:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, she's like, early twenties, right, May? Like?

• 5:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah, she's young.

• 5:17Speaker 03

  Twenty-one, maybe.

• 5:18Tig Notaro?

  And you look like an old, what is her name?

• 5:21Mae Martin?

  Jojo Siwa.

• 5:23Speaker 03

  She's part of the culture.

• 5:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 5:25Speaker 03

  And she used to, she was the kid performer that wore the big bows.

• 5:28Tig Notaro?

  What do you mean, she's part of the culture? Which culture? What culture? Just life?

• 5:32Speaker 03

  People talk about her a ton on TikTok and stuff.

• 5:35Tig Notaro?

  Oh, oh, okay.

• 5:37Speaker 03

  She was the kid performer that was huge, who wore the big bows. She was from Dance Moms.

• 5:42Mae Martin?

  Is that where she came from? Okay, yeah.

• 5:45Speaker 03

  And then she made albums and stuff, and then she came out, and then, I guess, doesn't, now I don't think she does the big bow anymore.

• 5:55Mae Martin?

  Doesn't do the big bow, but she does do like wild dance moves.

• 5:59Tig Notaro?

  Wait, she came out of the closet?

• 6:01Mae Martin?

  Mm-hmm.

• 6:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 6:02Tig Notaro?

  Uh-huh.

• 6:02Speaker 03

  And her songs, karma's a bitch, I should've known better.

• 6:08Mae Martin?

  Okay, I see why people say that about you now, yeah. You've got it. Do this biopic.

• 6:13Speaker 03

  She does the dance?

• 6:15Mae Martin?

  It would be so funny if you did a biopic of a living pop star who was twenty-one and you played her.

• 6:23Speaker 03

  She'd be like, why?

• 6:26Tig Notaro?

  But it'd be fun to do a biopic, like what you expect is gonna happen in the future.

• 6:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 6:33Tig Notaro?

  Like, that would be a fun movie to do. It's like you write where you think this person's life is headed and pass old fortune.

• 6:41Mae Martin?

  She's watching it. She's like, what? You think I'm gonna work in a pet store eventually?

• 6:46Speaker 03

  I'm telling you guys, when my special came out, crashing it on Netflix.

• 6:51Tig Notaro?

  Sure.

• 6:51Speaker 03

  And I was doing all the press, like, all the comments kept saying, this looks like Jojo Siwa, or an old Jojo Siwa.

• 7:00Tig Notaro?

  I have to see, I have to Siwa this person. Hello.

• 7:04Mae Martin?

  You gotta Siwa.

• 7:06Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 7:07Mae Martin?

  I would wanna play, I mean, I'd wanna play like River Phoenix or something, but who would I be good at playing? Probably like Judi Dench or something. Like, I'd like.

• 7:17Tig Notaro?

  You'd be good at playing Judy. Let's hear it.

• 7:19Mae Martin?

  I'm, I can sort of imagine. Yeah, so it starts with, I'm like Judy in her late 30s and pottering around England. Maybe I'm doing a play or something. And then I hit it big and, and I'm sort of quivering with, like, smoking a cigarette with a quivering hand and kind of being like, well, darling, we must get the scripts, or else I can't do it. She can't do a movie without a script, famously.

• 7:43Speaker 03

  I love that.

• 7:45Tig Notaro?

  And then, and then what is your River Phoenix, just in case?

• 7:48Mae Martin?

  It's sort of, you know, like how I am now. No, it's, it's sort of like, I would just do the monologue from Stand By Me, where he's like, yeah, I took the milk money. You knew I took it. Hell, even Vern knew I took it.

• 8:04Speaker 03

  I could see that as well.

• 8:05Tig Notaro?

  Even Vern knew.

• 8:05Mae Martin?

  Even Vern knew. Who would you play, Tig? Bob, Tom Cruise. Bob Dylan, I was gonna say, but I think you could do a cool Dylan.

• 8:13Tig Notaro?

  You know who used to get told that I looked like was Ally Sheedy. Remember her?

• 8:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 8:19Speaker 03

  Was she Breakfast Club?

• 8:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, she was in Breakfast Club. Oh, maybe I'd be Chrissy Hynde from The Pretenders.

• 8:26Mae Martin?

  Oh, that would be electric.

• 8:27Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm. Yeah.

• 8:29Speaker 03

  Woogie, woogie, woogie, woogie.

• 8:31Mae Martin?

  And would you do the songs? Would you sing? Or would you lip sync?

• 8:35Tig Notaro?

  No, I'd have to lip sync. I don't know if you saw me sing Adele's Hello. But, um, yeah, no, I, I wouldn't sing, but I would, I would play guitar. I know how to play guitar.

• 8:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 8:48Speaker 03

  Oh, that's good.

• 8:49Tig Notaro?

  And I know Chrissy Hynde's moves, like, I know.

• 8:53Mae Martin?

  Hey.

• 8:53Tig Notaro?

  Chrissy Heine.

• 8:54Mae Martin?

  Go to YouTube. Go to YouTube.

• 8:56Tig Notaro?

  Go to YouTube. Go to YouTube. I'm doing Chrissy Heine. Yeah, Tom Cruise or Chrissy Heine?

• 9:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:01Tig Notaro?

  But I don't think I can do the, um, action and, um, whatever kind of risky stuff that Tom Cruise.

• 9:09Speaker 03

  Risky business.

• 9:10Tig Notaro?

  You know, I, I, I have a couple of motorcycles in real life, but I'm not going to drive them off a cliff.

• 9:15Mae Martin?

  Sorry, wait. You currently now have a couple of motorcycles?

• 9:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I have a couple of vintage motorcycles that I'm actually going to sell, so.

• 9:24Mae Martin?

  Hmm, I'll take them off your hands.

• 9:26Tig Notaro?

  Do you ride?

• 9:27Mae Martin?

  No, but I would learn. And to, to ride a hog that you once rode, I'd love.

• 9:33Tig Notaro?

  Okay, not only is it a hog I once rode, but you know who owned it? Two people before me was the guitarist of Def Leppard, Phil Collins.

• 9:46Mae Martin?

  What?

• 9:47Tig Notaro?

  The blonde, the blond haired, short blond haired guitar player.

• 9:51Speaker 03

  Wait, not to be confused with Phil Collins?

• 9:53Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, Phil Collins, the lead singer drummer of Genesis. Completely different person. Phil Collins is the, one of the previous owners.

• 10:02Mae Martin?

  Wow. That's amazing.

• 10:05Tig Notaro?

  And I have two, two CB Honda CB three fifties. They're so adorable. One is from nineteen sixty nine, one is from nineteen seventy. And one is gold. And I call that one Goldie Honda.

• 10:26Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 10:27Tig Notaro?

  And then the blue one, it's teal colored blue. I call.

• 10:34Tig Notaro?

  Do you want to guess?

• 10:35Mae Martin?

  Um, wait.

• 10:36Speaker 03

  Blue Honda.

• 10:38Tig Notaro?

  There's Goldie Honda and.

• 10:40Speaker 03

  Oh, Kurt Russell Honda.

• 10:44Tig Notaro?

  My other one.

• 10:44Mae Martin?

  Oh, oh, so it's not a pun on blue.

• 10:46Tig Notaro?

  No, it's just Kurt Russell is the other one.

• 10:49Mae Martin?

  So good.

• 10:50Tig Notaro?

  So if anyone's interested in buying Goldie Honda and Kurt Russell, I will, um, sign it and you can come pick it up.

• 10:58Mae Martin?

  That's so funny.

• 10:59Speaker 03

  Gayest conversation we've ever had.

• 11:02Tig Notaro?

  Is it really?

• 11:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:05Tig Notaro?

  Even when I talked about how hot Pitbull was.

• 11:08Mae Martin?

  That was pretty gay.

• 11:09Speaker 03

  That was the least gay we've ever been.

• 11:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, you, you talking about your, your motorcycles, your Dyke days.

• 11:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 11:21Mae Martin?

  I'd be nervous to, well, yeah, I can't even drive a car, but I'd be nervous on a motorcycle for sure.

• 11:27Speaker 03

  Please don't ride motorcycles in LA. They're so dangerous.

• 11:30Mae Martin?

  So dangerous, right? A big gust of wind, this, I'm fluttering away.

• 11:34Speaker 03

  A giant car with like someone on their phone.

• 11:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 11:37Tig Notaro?

  I stopped riding. I stopped riding after I got sick in 2012. Cause I was like, oh boy, I don't want to push, I don't want to push my luck in any direction here. So I stopped riding.

• 11:51Speaker 03

  And then you're on a motorcycle and wiped out.

• 11:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. No, thanks. So I just, I have those bikes that I'm gonna clean up and get rid of.

• 12:02Speaker 03

  I rented a scooter once in Switzerland.

• 12:05Tig Notaro?

  And what was its name?

• 12:07Speaker 03

  I didn't come up with a name for it, but I was zipping around that place on this little scooter. I thought it was so cool.

• 12:14Mae Martin?

  It is a really liberating feeling. I had, my friend rented one in, in Nepal and we drove around and I'm sure I was close to death so many times, but it was.

• 12:23Speaker 03

  Jax had a scooter in Chicago when I met her.

• 12:27Mae Martin?

  Really? That's a cool image.

• 12:29Speaker 03

  And so for our first year together, some might see us bopping around the city, me riding bitch.

• 12:36Mae Martin?

  Riding bitch? I've never, I've never heard that.

• 12:39Tig Notaro?

  You were riding bitch? You've never heard riding bitch?

• 12:41Mae Martin?

  I've never heard riding bitch.

• 12:42Tig Notaro?

  Two against one.

• 12:43Speaker 03

  Riding bitch behind Jax. I was holding on for dear life.

• 12:48Tig Notaro?

  Wow. Was she good or was she like?

• 12:50Speaker 03

  She was great. She's got those long legs and so she kept, kept it steady and.

• 12:55Tig Notaro?

  Well, that's her personality. She, you know, keeping it steady.

• 12:59Speaker 03

  She's a steady person. And then we would go out, it was fun, but like Chicago's dangerous too.

• 13:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 13:08Speaker 03

  Um, we would ride it during the day and it would be gorgeous. And then we'd stay out too late and it'd be nighttime. And then it was freezing and so we're riding home like shaking.

• 13:20Tig Notaro?

  And did she give you her coat?

• 13:25Speaker 03

  I've never been colder in my life than on the back of that scooter.

• 13:28Mae Martin?

  Would you guys date, uh, I'm just picturing, cause I was picturing you guys on the scooter and kind of the shape of it. And then I was thinking, would you date a centaur where it was like, she's the top half of her all woman and you're in love with her. You, it's, it's Jax and Stephanie. Like you love them, but their bottom half, their bottom half is horse.

• 13:47Speaker 03

  Just don't look down.

• 13:51Speaker 03

  That would be hard.

• 13:53Mae Martin?

  But it's still them.

• 13:54Tig Notaro?

  I can say for sure, I would not.

• 13:56Mae Martin?

  Oh, really?

• 13:56Tig Notaro?

  There's no, like, there's no, like, oh, let me see.

• 14:00Mae Martin?

  Till horse to us apart.

• 14:02Tig Notaro?

  You're gonna have horse shit all around the house, you know?

• 14:06Speaker 03

  How they getting, how they gonna get in bed?

• 14:08Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 14:09Speaker 03

  How they gonna put pants on?

• 14:10Tig Notaro?

  I mean, oh, I know how you get them in bed. You just go.

• 14:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 14:17Speaker 03

  It feels like at that point, Jax and Stephanie should be together because they're both centaurs.

• 14:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

• 14:24Mae Martin?

  Am I the, so it's two against one that I'm like.

• 14:25Tig Notaro?

  Fem on fem centaurs.

• 14:29Mae Martin?

  I'm like, pretty into it, I think.

• 14:31Speaker 03

  You are?

• 14:31Tig Notaro?

  Really?

• 14:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like the power, like horsepower, right? Like those rippling muscles.

• 14:37Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 14:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I guess it's if you're, if you, if that's what you're interested, if you're looking for that, this would be a real dreamy situation.

• 14:45Mae Martin?

  I didn't know I was looking for that. I don't.

• 14:47Speaker 03

  Is it Jax and Stephanie or someone else?

• 14:50Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Have you been fantasizing about our wives?

• 14:53Mae Martin?

  As centaurs?

• 14:54Tig Notaro?

  Cause that's fine. I mean, yeah, or even not, you know?

• 14:57Speaker 03

  We've divorced them at this point, so I guess it's fine.

• 15:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah, if they're.

• 15:01Tig Notaro?

  I'd let them off to pasture.

• 15:07Tig Notaro?

  Like whoever wants this.

• 15:12Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that I've got a little snack with me before I leave the house. My stomach and I are grumbling. I thought I'd be able to grab a bite in between meetings, but now it's getting late and I could really use a candy bar. Yeah, checking first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary. Subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 15:40Tig Notaro?

  The handsome hollybob season is fast approaching and I'm realizing that we haven't hosted friends and family for a few months. Looking around my home, it's in need of a bit of a festive refresh. For all things hosting, Wayfair delivers high-quality, customer-trusted products for your home so you can host and celebrate without the stress.

• 16:02Fortune Feimster?

  Wayfair helps you create a home that stands up to real life with quality products, great value, and trusted reviews. Products are hand-vetted by a product specialist using a 10-point quality inspection. They've got options for every style and budget. I'm more into the classic holiday look with multicolor bulbs, tinsel, you name it. Wayfair has all of that. I used Wayfair to decorate my fireplace this season and it looks so cozy and festive. I love everything I've gotten on Wayfair and I know you will too.

• 16:31Tig Notaro?

  When refreshing your home this holiday season, Wayfair delivers exactly what you need. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com.

• 16:47Fortune Feimster?

  There's nothing quite like having pieces in your closet you love and know that you can count on for any occasion, except maybe giving someone else that same feeling. This holiday season, Quince is where I'm finding those pieces. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials like Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, and premium stretch denim.

• 17:07Tig Notaro?

  Let me tell you about my jeans. I got a pair of the Luna Stretch Slim Straight Jeans for only 50 bucks compared to that $235. Compare that to $235 at traditional retail. They're quickly turning into my favorite thing to cover my legs with. I'm gonna pick up some more pairs because Quince has tons of color options as well.

• 17:32Fortune Feimster?

  Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was handsome. It's the best way to support the show.

• 17:52Mae Martin?

  I learned my favorite May fact I've ever learned the other day.

• 17:56Speaker 03

  What is it?

• 17:57Mae Martin?

  Thanks. Thank you for the enthusiasm.

• 18:00Tig Notaro?

  No, hold on. Yeah.

• 18:01Speaker 03

  I love the May fact.

• 18:04Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 18:04Speaker 03

  That was believable, Tig.

• 18:06Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh. I want to know. Go to YouTube and see on my face.

• 18:11Mae Martin?

  I've never seen your face look more blank. Okay. This is true. I mean, don't Google it, but because I haven't done in-depth research into it, but I've from multiple sources.

• 18:22Speaker 03

  So it's a May fact?

• 18:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah. So when they were making The Wizard of Oz, they couldn't find a coat for the wizard. And the costume department was like, we got to find the perfect coat for the wizard himself in Oz, like a shabby but elegant, long, dark green coat. And they're looking everywhere. They're like, it has to be perfect. They went to Chicago and New York and met with designers and they just couldn't find one. Then they were getting on the train to go back to LA and they go, they stop in this vintage shop while they're waiting for the train. And they find the perfect coat. It's the coat that you see in the movie. It's like dark green, long, perfect coat. They love it. They bring it to the actor Frank Morgan, who's playing the wizard.

• 19:05Tig Notaro?

  And you don't know if this is true?

• 19:07Mae Martin?

  I've seen.

• 19:07Tig Notaro?

  This detailed story?

• 19:09Mae Martin?

  I've seen multiple articles. So that's what I'm going with. Uh, and I don't want to know if it's debunked. You know what I mean? But multiple sources. So he puts it on and he's like, I love it. It fits him perfectly. But he's like, I, it is hot and I'm sweating a lot. And they're like, okay, well, we'll take the lining out. They, they go to take the lining out and there's a name badge sewn into it. And the name is?

• 19:33Tig Notaro?

  Dorothy.

• 19:34Mae Martin?

  Frank L. Baum, the writer of the books. The writer of Wizard of Oz. And they contact his widow and they say, we found this coat. Did this belong to Frank Baum? She's like, yes, she has photographs of him wearing it. And that's the coat that they wear in the movie.

• 19:49Speaker 03

  No way. That's so, that would is insane if that is true.

• 19:53Tig Notaro?

  It's even insane if it's not true.

• 19:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it's more insane if it's not true because somebody.

• 19:58Speaker 03

  But it's more crazy if it is, if it is true.

• 20:01Mae Martin?

  I know.

• 20:02Speaker 03

  That's where the name Alphaba came from for Wicked.

• 20:05Mae Martin?

  What do you mean?

• 20:06Speaker 03

  Frank L. Baum. It was the closest thing he could get. The person who wrote Wicked.

• 20:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 20:13Speaker 03

  That said it was like the closest he could get to sounding like Frank Elbaum, Alphaba.

• 20:19Tig Notaro?

  Um, I had a, a really interesting, crazy thing happen.

• 20:24Mae Martin?

  Tell me.

• 20:26Tig Notaro?

  This was years ago. And before I tell this story, I need both of you to not doubt this because I'm one million percent positive this is correct.

• 20:39Mae Martin?

  I don't doubt anything ever. That's why I live in this magical world.

• 20:45Tig Notaro?

  Okay. When I was in high school, my mother got me some hiking boots. This, the company was called High Tech. And they were purple. Okay.

• 21:02Tig Notaro?

  Not my favorite color, but whatever, I wore them. I had them for years. And even though I didn't love the color, they grew on me. I wore them forever. So the, the sole of the shoe, the rubber starts to peel apart from one of my high-tech hiking boots. To where when I walked with it, it flip flopped and, you know.

• 21:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 21:29Tig Notaro?

  Uh, and so I was like, I think it's time to get rid of these. So something I often do with clothes, instead of donating to like Goodwill, I'll go to like a closed dumpster or something and put it on top of the dumpster, around the dumpster, just, you know, for people to take.

• 21:48Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 21:49Tig Notaro?

  I did that. I put my high-tech shoes.

• 21:53Mae Martin?

  I have goosebumps.

• 21:54Tig Notaro?

  On a dumpster.

• 21:55Speaker 03

  You're like, somebody's gonna want this floppy boot.

• 21:59Tig Notaro?

  A couple of years later. I am walking. May, I am walking down Sunset Boulevard.

• 22:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:07Tig Notaro?

  And a woman pushing a grocery cart down Sunset Boulevard, who I believe was, you know, unhoused, was wearing purple high-tech hiking boots with one.

• 22:25Tig Notaro?

  Shoe with a sole that was flopping as she walked. And I was like, oh my God, there are my high-tech hiking boots from high school.

• 22:41Mae Martin?

  I believe him. I, I believe it 100%. So

• 22:44Tig Notaro?

  I've told people that story and they're like, I doubt those were your high-tech. And I'm like,

• 22:53Tig Notaro?

  those were my shoes.

• 22:55Speaker 03

  What if those shoes all came loose? So anyone who has a pair has one floppy shoe?

• 23:02Mae Martin?

  No, you know, your shoes. People, you know, your shoes.

• 23:06Tig Notaro?

  It was such a specific look, these hiking, and they were so from, you know, the, I don't know if it was late eighties, you know?

• 23:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 23:16Tig Notaro?

  I'm telling you, these were my shoes and

• 23:19Mae Martin?

  Were you tempted to be like, hey, where'd you get those?

• 23:23Tig Notaro?

  It was not, um, because I'm certain that maybe she didn't even get them from the dumpster that I left them. Maybe they were somewhere else, but I probably should have, now that I'm telling the story, I should have probably glued them before I donated them on top of a dumpster, but I didn't. Okay. I'm a terrible person.

• 23:46Tig Notaro?

  But, uh, but that was a crazy, like, wow. It was, it was one of the wildest things.

• 23:53Mae Martin?

  I love that.

• 23:53Tig Notaro?

  Seeing that, um, all those years later.

• 23:56Speaker 03

  I once did a sketch at the Groundlings where I played a Girl Scout. I, did I tell you this story about Kristen Wiig?

• 24:03Mae Martin?

  No, I don't think so.

• 24:04Speaker 03

  Oh, well, of course I was playing a Girl Scout. Shout out Girl Scouts.

• 24:08Tig Notaro?

  Oh, boy.

• 24:08Speaker 03

  You know, those were my glory days.

• 24:10Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 24:12Speaker 03

  And, um, I played a Girl Scout who was getting interrogated because she ate all the cookies.

• 24:18Mae Martin?

  I'm sold. I'm in. I will watch an hour of that.

• 24:23Speaker 03

  And I had chocolate all over my face saying, I didn't need the cookies. Who ate the cookies? And, um, Kristen, Kristen Wiig was in the audience and afterwards she said, I couldn't pay attention at all during that sketch because you were using my childhood book bag.

• 24:44Speaker 03

  Or whatever you call it, satchel.

• 24:47Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 24:47Speaker 03

  You know what I'm talking about?

• 24:48Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 24:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:50Speaker 03

  So she had cleaned out her closet when she was in the Groundlings and just threw a bunch of stuff in the attic.

• 24:57Tig Notaro?

  Oh, how funny.

• 24:58Speaker 03

  In case anybody needed them, but for years, like, it was like a mess and no one knew what anything was and I was broke. So I went up there to scour through all the stuff for sketches.

• 25:11Tig Notaro?

  And boom.

• 25:12Speaker 03

  For costumes and stuff and just grabbed a bookbag at one point.

• 25:15Tig Notaro?

  That's crazy.

• 25:16Speaker 03

  And it was her childhood bookbag that she'd used from like five years old till high school and.

• 25:22Tig Notaro?

  Five years old till high school?

• 25:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, she, she said she used to like her whole childhood.

• 25:30Tig Notaro?

  Oh my god.

• 25:31Speaker 03

  And then tossed it in there and I'm in the sketch and she's like staring at her old bookbag.

• 25:37Tig Notaro?

  That's hilarious.

• 25:39Mae Martin?

  This kind of thing, like, did you see, there was a thing online that, um, they found behind a locker in a high school, a, a purse belonging to a student from the nineteen fifties? And they opened it up and all her stuff was in there and it was all like, a, a, a, a, a pen, a, a ticket to the Mardi Gras. Or like, like it was nineteen fifty's stuff. Not, that was a bad example, but you know what I mean?

• 25:59Tig Notaro?

  A ticket to the Mardi Gras.

• 26:01Speaker 03

  A ticket to the Mardi Gras. The Mardi Gras in the fifties.

• 26:03Mae Martin?

  A pen and a ticket to the Mardi Gras.

• 26:05Speaker 03

  I do love the idea of like a time capsule. No one does that anymore.

• 26:09Tig Notaro?

  Um, I do. For my own life, I have an ongoing time capsule.

• 26:15Speaker 03

  But do you bury it in your backyard?

• 26:17Tig Notaro?

  No, I have it in my garage and it's something I go through regularly and then I, I get rid of some things that I don't feel attached to.

• 26:27Speaker 03

  Connected to.

• 26:27Tig Notaro?

  And, uh, yeah, and when I pack my time capsule, anything that's in there, I feel attached to.

• 26:36Tig Notaro?

  In my past.

• 26:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:38Tig Notaro?

  And then, and then each time I go through it, I, I'm less attached to certain things and we'll get rid of them. But I have a time capsule. It's not buried, but it is in my.

• 26:47Speaker 03

  Oh. I can't believe you have one. That's.

• 26:50Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 26:50Speaker 03

  That's pretty cool.

• 26:51Mae Martin?

  Is it like a scrapbook? Like, like you're gluing stuff in or?

• 26:55Tig Notaro?

  No, there, it's like, um, I have, it's like a cabinet. And, um, yeah, so anyway.

• 27:03Speaker 03

  Do you have any old Ponties in there?

• 27:05Tig Notaro?

  Uh, it's only old Ponties. It's just all.

• 27:10Mae Martin?

  That's how you.

• 27:10Speaker 03

  I don't feel as attached to these Ponties anymore.

• 27:14Mae Martin?

  How you measure out your life according to your Ponties. What, what, what would our handsome time capsule be?

• 27:21Tig Notaro?

  Well, Girl Scout cookies.

• 27:24Speaker 03

  Someone told me last night at the premiere that being a pineapple apart lives rent free in their head.

• 27:30Tig Notaro?

  Hmm, we'd have to have a pineapple.

• 27:33Mae Martin?

  That would, that's very perishable though.

• 27:36Speaker 03

  In my rot.

• 27:36Mae Martin?

  So far this is all perishable foods.

• 27:39Tig Notaro?

  Propeller hat.

• 27:40Speaker 03

  Propeller hats.

• 27:41Mae Martin?

  Propeller hat.

• 27:42Speaker 03

  Little cowboy, some of our merch probably.

• 27:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it's just our merch.

• 27:45Speaker 03

  Handsome hoodie and our little cowboy hat.

• 27:49Tig Notaro?

  Cowboy hat, uh, a propeller hat, Ponties.

• 27:53Speaker 03

  Lots of Ponties.

• 27:54Tig Notaro?

  Fortune's Girl Scout uniform.

• 27:57Mae Martin?

  I want one.

• 27:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, I actually think I still have the sash.

• 28:01Mae Martin?

  Do you really? Okay, that's going in.

• 28:03Speaker 03

  Come on.

• 28:04Mae Martin?

  Can we put one of Fortune's plastic plants in?

• 28:08Speaker 03

  This, this guy's ready to go.

• 28:10Tig Notaro?

  How many plastic plants do you have?

• 28:12Speaker 03

  Two, two.

• 28:14Tig Notaro?

  Two.

• 28:15Speaker 03

  Two.

• 28:17Tig Notaro?

  I have two. Guys, I've been trying to hide my accent all this time.

• 28:23Speaker 03

  It just slipped out.

• 28:24Tig Notaro?

  I have two.

• 28:26Mae Martin?

  I have two.

• 28:27Speaker 03

  I have two plants.

• 28:31Speaker 03

  I don't know why it came out like that. This one here. Oh, no, three. We have three.

• 28:38Tig Notaro?

  Three.

• 28:44Speaker 03

  And they all look great.

• 28:46Tig Notaro?

  Yes, yes.

• 28:48Speaker 03

  How boring would my background be right now if I didn't have this?

• 28:51Tig Notaro?

  Total snooze fest. Oh, you know what we should also put in our time capsule is a ghost.

• 28:59Mae Martin?

  Ah, yeah, I guess.

• 29:02Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I guess.

• 29:03Mae Martin?

  Do you guys want to pull a tarot card?

• 29:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, please.

• 29:06Mae Martin?

  I bought this little deck. I guess I bought this deck and I said to myself when I bought it, wouldn't it be cool if I had this till I died? Like, I don't treat my belongings very well. And I thought, I'm gonna be buried with this deck of tarot.

• 29:20Tig Notaro?

  It's gonna be like Kristen Wiig's backpack.

• 29:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Okay, what question should we ask the deck?

• 29:27Tig Notaro?

  I want to know.

• 29:28Speaker 03

  Will we go past April?

• 29:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, are we gonna make it past April? Is this a group question or is this our own?

• 29:35Mae Martin?

  Oh, we could do singles.

• 29:37Speaker 03

  Do you have something on your mind, Tidge?

• 29:40Tig Notaro?

  I do. I want to know, am I going to be based in Los Angeles or Toronto next year?

• 29:48Speaker 03

  You mean this year, 2025?

• 29:51Tig Notaro?

  2025.

• 29:52Mae Martin?

  Wow, okay, okay. You tell me when, because I'm I'm sort of shuffling around.

• 29:59Speaker 03

  I'm tired of you being in Toronto.

• 30:01Mae Martin?

  Fortune's sick of it.

• 30:03Tig Notaro?

  Okay, now.

• 30:05Mae Martin?

  Oh, love it. Okay.

• 30:07Speaker 03

  I'm running into your wife at events by herself.

• 30:09Mae Martin?

  Wow, it's the major, major arcana. It's the magician. And I don't know if any of our listeners really know, like,

• 30:18Tig Notaro?

  Anything.

• 30:18Mae Martin?

  Tarot, anything, really know anything.

• 30:22Mae Martin?

  Please, because, okay, I'm Googling the magician because I lost the little book that says.

• 30:26Speaker 03

  No, you need the book. The book's important.

• 30:29Mae Martin?

  I think it's in the other room.

• 30:31Tig Notaro?

  Wait, this, I want my money back.

• 30:33Speaker 03

  It's another room. I don't want to get up and get it. Oh.

• 30:35Tig Notaro?

  You pull a card and Google?

• 30:37Speaker 03

  It feels less magical when Google's involved.

• 30:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's like I could Google, am I going to be in Toronto or LA next year?

• 30:44Speaker 03

  I need a leather bound book telling me this.

• 30:47Mae Martin?

  Okay, the magician, power, influence, willpower, resourcefulness, skill, ability, logic, intellect, concentration, and psychic powers. You're, this is a very strong card, Tig. But in terms of travel.

• 31:03Tig Notaro?

  Not travel. Will I be based here?

• 31:07Speaker 03

  I don't know where you'll be. You'll be powerful.

• 31:09Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 31:10Speaker 03

  We have more questions than we started with.

• 31:12Mae Martin?

  And I'm really Googling hard here.

• 31:14Tig Notaro?

  No, I can tell. Look at your face. I have truly never seen somebody Google that hard. In public, especially.

• 31:22Mae Martin?

  I know, in public.

• 31:25Tig Notaro?

  Publicly Googling. Go to YouTube if you want to see what May looks like Googling really hard in public. I mean, this is, it's uncomfortable to be honest.

• 31:35Speaker 03

  I just love the enthusiasm of like, this card, oh my God, is this a good card? And then we're like, what is this?

• 31:44Mae Martin?

  It says you, okay, you're, you might feel unsure about what to do, but in simple words, the magician card is like a magic wand. It can mean making your dreams come true, healing in your life, thinking about spiritual things, and feeling a connection to something special. In love, it's about turning your romantic wishes into reality. It's kind of saying you can do whatever you want.

• 32:04Speaker 03

  You can do what you want. Yeah.

• 32:05Tig Notaro?

  Great.

• 32:06Speaker 03

  There we go, May.

• 32:07Tig Notaro?

  All right. That's all I need to hear.

• 32:08Speaker 03

  You can do whatever you want, Tig. You're the boss of you.

• 32:11Tig Notaro?

  Okay, thank you.

• 32:13Mae Martin?

  Fortune, you want to do a quick one?

• 32:14Tig Notaro?

  Jax is the boss of you.

• 32:18Speaker 03

  She's the boss.

• 32:20Tig Notaro?

  She ain't the boss.

• 32:21Speaker 03

  Uh, sure. That one was very successful. Let's continue.

• 32:27Speaker 03

  All right, and, and pull.

• 32:30Mae Martin?

  Oh, wait, what, would you ask it? Or you don't have to tell us?

• 32:33Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:36Speaker 03

  I didn't think a question was important.

• 32:40Tig Notaro?

  Just pull.

• 32:41Speaker 03

  Does anyone have a question for me?

• 32:43Mae Martin?

  What will you?

• 32:45Tig Notaro?

  Will fortune be treading?

• 32:46Mae Martin?

  Treading in water?

• 32:47Speaker 03

  Treading?

• 32:47Mae Martin?

  Just in general for?

• 32:49Speaker 03

  Treading and treading, will it be a year of good health?

• 32:52Mae Martin?

  Okay, you tell me one.

• 32:54Speaker 03

  No.

• 32:55Mae Martin?

  The sun. Oh, this is a very auspicious card.

• 32:59Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 33:00Mae Martin?

  This is a very important auspicious card.

• 33:04Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 33:07Mae Martin?

  I'll just have to Google it.

• 33:08Speaker 03

  Treading?

• 33:09Mae Martin?

  I just have to Google it. The sun, I'm really, okay.

• 33:14Speaker 03

  I love the idea of some kind of psychic doing this for people and just saying, okay, let me Google this.

• 33:21Mae Martin?

  No, this is really direct. When it comes to health, the sun card is a positive sign. It represents energy, balance, and overall well-being. If you've been unwell, this card suggests a speedy recovery and feeling better than before. It also indicates personal growth and development.

• 33:36Speaker 03

  This feels like it fits. That card feels like it fits. Tig was like, I don't really know what Tig's card was doing, but mine seems like it's on track.

• 33:45Tig Notaro?

  It's right in the pocket.

• 33:46Mae Martin?

  I think Tig's card was actually very on point because it was being like, you are thinking about this the wrong way. You're thinking like, what will happen to me? And it's actually in your hands. You have the power.

• 33:58Speaker 03

  There you go, May. Way to turn the, turn the beat around.

• 34:01Tig Notaro?

  Turn the beat around.

• 34:03Speaker 03

  Can you read for yourself?

• 34:05Mae Martin?

  Real quick, if everyone's still into it, I can. Okay.

• 34:08Speaker 03

  Everyone is literally on the edge of their seats.

• 34:13Mae Martin?

  Okay, I'm asking it. I want to ask it about love. That's all I really care about.

• 34:17Speaker 03

  Twenty twenty five, right?

• 34:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah, twenty twenty five. All I care about in my life is love, and it's a problem.

• 34:23Speaker 03

  And what are you asking specifically? Because when you set intentions, they have to be specific.

• 34:28Mae Martin?

  I'm asking for a card that will show me my best approach. Like, what's, what will yield the best outcome for me in terms of that area of my life? Like, how should I approach it? Okay, ready?

• 34:40Speaker 03

  Okay. There you go.

• 34:42Mae Martin?

  Oh, dear.

• 34:43Speaker 03

  Drum roll.

• 34:45Speaker 03

  What is it?

• 34:46Mae Martin?

  The Ace of Wands. A very auspicious card.

• 34:51Speaker 03

  Another auspicious card. What does this mean?

• 34:55Mae Martin?

  Okay, the Ace of, we can cut out the Googling, right? The Ace of Wands.

• 35:00Tig Notaro?

  Cut out the Googling.

• 35:03Mae Martin?

  Then what are we even doing?

• 35:10Speaker 05

  Hi, I'm Beck Bennett.

• 35:11Speaker 06

  I thought I was Beck Bennett.

• 35:12Speaker 05

  No, no, no, no.

• 35:13Speaker 06

  I'm Kyle Mooney.

• 35:14Speaker 05

  Yes, exactly. No, all good, all good.

• 35:16Speaker 06

  Thanks, buddy.

• 35:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, and we host the show What's Our Podcast? Here on HeadGum.

• 35:19Speaker 06

  This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and make you look like a kick-ass person online.

• 35:30Speaker 05

  Like you're skateboarding through the internet, or you're like you're surfing through the web.

• 35:34Speaker 06

  Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place.

• 35:42Speaker 05

  I like that it's all in one place.

• 35:44Speaker 06

  I know.

• 35:44Speaker 05

  I like that I don't have to go around, you know, like different stores or something. It's just all in my website.

• 35:48Speaker 06

  Well, it's like, oh, do I need to go to like, do I need another type of website to like find the right pictures or like another type of website to upload the like?

• 35:55Speaker 05

  It's all in one place.

• 35:56Speaker 06

  The video or the audio or like, no, I want, it makes it easy, make it easy on me, please.

• 36:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, so you can do all those things, photos, videos, changing fonts, you know, I mean, the designs are amazing, they're catering to all your different needs, there are SEO tools, which I know what those are, and there are custom domains.

• 36:13Speaker 06

  Oh, let's come up with a domain right now, let's see, I wonder if it exists.

• 36:16Speaker 05

  WWW dot.

• 36:19Speaker 06

  Friends meeting.

• 36:21Speaker 05

  Friends.

• 36:22Speaker 06

  Friends meeting friends dot com.

• 36:23Speaker 05

  That's an original thing that we came up with, friends meeting friends. Anyway, so check out Squarespace dot com slash HeadGum for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HEADGUM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell, sounds easy, anybody could do it.

• 36:41Mae Martin?

  Usually fortune's the Googler. Oh, okay.

• 36:44Speaker 03

  I do like to Google.

• 36:44Mae Martin?

  In a tarot reading, the Ace of Wands can mean a new chapter in a relationship or the start of an exciting phase.

• 36:51Speaker 03

  A new chapter, so it's. Sounds like.

• 36:55Mae Martin?

  The Ace of Wands can represent creativity, excitement, adventure, courage, and personal power. Ace of Wands feels positive. Um, well, thank you, guys, for indulging.

• 37:05Speaker 03

  I think we should probably get to our question, right?

• 37:07Tig Notaro?

  Sure. Today's questioner is a Grammy and Oscar winning musician whose albums include Never Enough, Yes, I Am, and most recently, a collaborative release with Jewel. She's also known for her activism for gay and environmental issues throughout her career. Melissa Etheridge is asking today's question.

• 37:31Mae Martin?

  Huge for the pod.

• 37:32Tig Notaro?

  Huge. Huge for the world.

• 37:34Speaker 03

  When we asked for a question, did we say? Come to my window. Come inside. Wait by the light of the moon.

• 37:51Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God. Was that beautiful? That was beautiful, Fortune. I think that on this podcast, I was talking about, like, what a, on a previous episode, I think it was, this show, I was talking about, like, what a major baller move to just be like, come to my window.

• 38:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:15Tig Notaro?

  Wait by the light of the moon. I'll be home soon. Just come, sit, and hang out by my window. Okay?

• 38:24Speaker 03

  I think you talked about that at a live episode.

• 38:26Tig Notaro?

  Okay. Well, here, I think about it all the time. I'm like, man, Melissa Etheridge is like, I don't know when I'm gonna be home.

• 38:35Speaker 03

  She seems very confident to me.

• 38:36Tig Notaro?

  Oh, for sure.

• 38:37Mae Martin?

  Oh, she's also got that, I'm the only one. That's pretty confident, being like, I'm the only one.

• 38:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 38:44Speaker 03

  You can do whoever you want, but.

• 38:47Mae Martin?

  But no one's gonna do you like that. Yeah.

• 38:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:51Tig Notaro?

  I have no idea when I'm kind of, when I'm gonna be home. I don't know.

• 38:54Speaker 03

  Imagine.

• 38:55Tig Notaro?

  I'm out. I'm out for the night.

• 38:57Speaker 03

  Melissa, all, I mean, lesbian rock star.

• 39:01Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 39:02Speaker 03

  Selling out those big old venues. The lesbians must have been just throwing themselves at her.

• 39:08Tig Notaro?

  You know, I went to see Melissa Etheridge when I first moved to Denver. When I was nineteen, I went to Red Rocks.

• 39:17Speaker 03

  Whoa, that's cool.

• 39:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and I, I had no friends. And I just went by myself to see her and it was so incredible. It was so incredible.

• 39:34Speaker 03

  She rock hard?

• 39:35Tig Notaro?

  What year was that? Nineteen ninety?

• 39:38Speaker 03

  Just all the dykes just rolling down the hill, trying to get in her ponces.

• 39:43Tig Notaro?

  I was never into Melissa in that way. But as far as like rock star, man, she is such a crowd pleaser. Like.

• 39:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:55Tig Notaro?

  When she, her concerts, you gotta go.

• 39:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah, she like whips her hair around.

• 40:00Tig Notaro?

  Oh yeah, didn't she have that hit song, I whip my hair around?

• 40:05Tig Notaro?

  You're thinking of Willow Smith.

• 40:07Speaker 03

  And she was like out and proud in a time where it was very dicey to be so and she didn't give a F.

• 40:15Tig Notaro?

  Well, I think that's when her Yes I Am album came out, was when she was, uh, coming out.

• 40:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:21Mae Martin?

  I didn't know that. She had an album called Yes I Am?

• 40:24Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I mentioned it in the intro, me.

• 40:26Mae Martin?

  Oh, sorry. Sorry, sorry.

• 40:31Tig Notaro?

  Nineteen ninety-three is when Yes I Am came out.

• 40:34Mae Martin?

  What a badass.

• 40:35Tig Notaro?

  Yes, truly.

• 40:36Speaker 03

  Melissa has to ask us.

• 40:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 40:39Speaker 07

  Hey there, friends. Melissa here. My question for you all is, what is your go-to making love song? What's your favorite song that you know is gonna get it on, that you, your partner, you're there, you're gonna do it, right? What would that be? Does not have to be one of my songs, but what is that song?

• 41:03Speaker 03

  I knew Melissa was gonna get sexy right away, like, what song? You're making love to.

• 41:11Mae Martin?

  That's a great, do you guys put on music when you, when you get down?

• 41:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, a little tune.

• 41:17Mae Martin?

  You put on a playlist?

• 41:18Speaker 03

  Otherwise it gets real quiet.

• 41:20Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, where you're like, when you put, drop the needle on the record?

• 41:25Speaker 03

  Are you okay? Is everything good?

• 41:28Mae Martin?

  Wait, what? That's the song you put on?

• 41:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, tap, a tap. Hello?

• 41:33Tig Notaro?

  Sound check song. Hello? Three, two, one. I'll tell you what I think is by far the hottest, sexiest music

• 41:48Tig Notaro?

  ever, aside from all of Melissa Etheridge's music. And I can never remember if I'm saying this person's name right or wrong, but Sade, Sade, you know, I mean, there is.

• 42:01Speaker 03

  You don't know Sade?

• 42:02Mae Martin?

  No.

• 42:04Tig Notaro?

  Oh my, May, you're gonna get pregnant if you hear.

• 42:09Speaker 03

  Smooth operator.

• 42:10Tig Notaro?

  Okay, but even if.

• 42:12Mae Martin?

  That I'm gonna get horny and pregnant if I listen to Smooth Operator by Sade?

• 42:18Tig Notaro?

  Not just that song. Oh my God. Like, go through the catalog and see if you don't get pregnant, just listening.

• 42:26Speaker 03

  Sade's voice is smooth.

• 42:28Tig Notaro?

  Yes, that is.

• 42:29Mae Martin?

  This is crazy.

• 42:30Tig Notaro?

  Wait, are you doubting that that's?

• 42:32Speaker 03

  Perdition by Sheila E.

• 42:33Mae Martin?

  I'm doubting, to me, that's like elevator music.

• 42:37Tig Notaro?

  Okay, I'm not talking about Smooth Operator. There are other tunes of hers that are the hottest. I don't think you are.

• 42:48Speaker 03

  I don't think so either.

• 42:49Tig Notaro?

  Did you say that you're gonna do these things? Did you ever watch Chris Fairbanks' video?

• 42:54Mae Martin?

  No, I never did.

• 42:55Speaker 03

  I don't think I ever said I was going to, though.

• 42:57Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 42:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah, Fortune, you're better at not overpromising. I'm like.

• 43:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, you overpromise and underdeliver.

• 43:03Tig Notaro?

  I'm gonna check in periodically to see who has watched Chris Fairbanks' cocktail video.

• 43:11Mae Martin?

  I, I find like, if, if a song is. Uh, to like, has too much of a mood or too much, too many lyrics. It'll, it'll, I'll get in my head or it'll be distracting. But I have had, I had once hooked up with someone who, okay, we were in the living room and she goes, can we lie in your bed and pretend we're in a movie? And I went, well, what does that entail? And we go to my bed and uh, she puts on her own band's music. Like it's her, it's like her voice singing. So I guess we're like in her music video, like basically. And uh, and then had sex listening to her.

• 43:49Speaker 03

  Promote yourself during love making.

• 43:51Tig Notaro?

  I put my comedy albums on.

• 43:56Speaker 03

  You know what sexy song I like Jax to listen to to get the mood going? Jamaica, Bahama.

• 44:05Tig Notaro?

  Stop it. Stop it.

• 44:09Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 44:10Speaker 03

  I wanna take you down to Coco.

• 44:14Mae Martin?

  When she hears that song, she knows.

• 44:17Speaker 03

  Then we'll take it slow. That's where we wanna go.

• 44:26Speaker 03

  And she's like, oh, get over here.

• 44:31Speaker 03

  And I'm like, ah, Jax, I'm not a piece of meat.

• 44:37Tig Notaro?

  I need to go back to May saying that if there's too many lyrics in a song, that they get distracted.

• 44:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:46Tig Notaro?

  And yet to be in a bed with forty-three people and not be distracted. But to find too many lyrics in.

• 44:56Mae Martin?

  I think it's like.

• 44:57Tig Notaro?

  In a song, whoa, what's going on? I'm distracted. But like, full-blown orgy, no problem.

• 45:04Mae Martin?

  The music really dictates the mood for me. So it can be too like, like if it's a playlist of random songs, it's like, you know, one minute it's like prodigies playing or something. And then, and then so the sex is really prodigy style, really, really dark and crazy. Then Elliot Smith comes on the playlist. I'm like, okay, now we're. Crying and can I like, you know what I mean?

• 45:25Speaker 03

  And holding each other?

• 45:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it's like.

• 45:27Speaker 03

  So what, so do you have a go to song, May?

• 45:30Mae Martin?

  I have an album.

• 45:31Tig Notaro?

  Or so do you have a go to song when you have a lot of bed visitors? Like, what do you put on when you have?

• 45:38Speaker 03

  That's just like a Spotify list, right?

• 45:40Tig Notaro?

  A pileup.

• 45:40Speaker 03

  For an orgy, but I feel like May has a curated list.

• 45:43Tig Notaro?

  Can we start calling it a pileup?

• 45:45Mae Martin?

  A pile, a pylon.

• 45:48Mae Martin?

  I, it's, can, just to clarify, I'm not having orgies every week. But I, the, the thing that I keep going back to is Frank Ocean Blonde, that album. But now it's at a point where I've, I've played it too much in those types of scenarios. So now it's almost like it makes me sort of go on autopilot or detach. Cause I'm like, oh, now it's the sex album. Now, you know what I mean?

• 46:15Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 46:15Mae Martin?

  So I gotta find, I gotta mix it up. But that's a, a really sexy album. It opens with Nikes.

• 46:21Speaker 03

  I gotta listen to it.

• 46:23Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God, it's so good. Also, okay, this is gonna sound crazy, but Zayn Malik from One Direction, his solo album, his first solo album, that's a hot album.

• 46:33Speaker 03

  It's sexy?

• 46:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 46:35Tig Notaro?

  Sexier than smooth.

• 46:38Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 46:39Speaker 03

  What about? I wanna make love in this club, in this club.

• 46:46Mae Martin?

  I mean, you are a human jukebox, so. Do you ever sing during sex?

• 46:51Speaker 03

  Me?

• 46:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 46:53Speaker 03

  Oh, no, I'm winded. I need all my lung capacity.

• 47:00Speaker 03

  I can't be doing all that.

• 47:04Mae Martin?

  Singing, dancing.

• 47:07Speaker 03

  I'm putting on a show.

• 47:08Mae Martin?

  Fortune has a top hat on.

• 47:10Speaker 03

  I'm putting on a show to distract.

• 47:15Mae Martin?

  Make them wow.

• 47:16Speaker 03

  I usually do just go to Spotify or something.

• 47:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 47:19Speaker 03

  And put like sexy songs.

• 47:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:23Speaker 03

  And then, but I haven't splurged for the non ads.

• 47:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 47:28Speaker 03

  So at some point, it is.

• 47:30Tig Notaro?

  Wait, so you've got the mood going and then it's like.

• 47:35Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 47:37Mae Martin?

  That's really funny.

• 47:38Tig Notaro?

  You're in good hands with Fortune.

• 47:42Mae Martin?

  I, I feel like I have had my, my own stand up come on shuffle. Like when I had my old computer, like in the early 2000s and you just have like your, I don't know. I feel like I have had.

• 47:54Speaker 03

  All the stuff saved to your music.

• 47:55Mae Martin?

  It's on shuffle. Yes. And it'll come on and you're like, oh.

• 47:58Tig Notaro?

  And then like a weird, um, voice note. Don't forget to pick up bread and milk at the store.

• 48:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Oh my God. I one time, do you know you can tell your Alexa to make a to do list? And you can just add to it anytime. Like you go, oh, Alexa, add to my to do list. Like, yeah, buy eggs or whatever. So as a joke, my friend said, and I won't say the names, but my, my friend was dating someone called, let's say Catherine, who we all did not like because she was really mean to him. And so we were talking about, about this. The guy dating Catherine wasn't there and we said as a joke, Alexa, add to the list, pick up eggs and Catherine's head on, head on a platter or something like that. Later I was with my friend and I forgot and I went, Alexa, play my to do list.

• 48:48Mae Martin?

  And it said like, buy eggs. Cause and, and then it said Catherine's head on a platter, his girlfriend.

• 48:54Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 48:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:56Speaker 03

  She was right there?

• 48:57Mae Martin?

  No, she was not there, but the guy dating her was there.

• 49:01Speaker 03

  He's like, hey, Jesus.

• 49:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And I was like, no, I.

• 49:05Tig Notaro?

  You eat eggs?

• 49:06Mae Martin?

  I was like, I love Catherine.

• 49:08Speaker 03

  Do you guys know that I know how to two step?

• 49:10Tig Notaro?

  You know how to two step?

• 49:11Speaker 03

  Mm hmm.

• 49:12Mae Martin?

  And two step is like ballroom.

• 49:15Tig Notaro?

  Country dancing.

• 49:16Speaker 03

  The country dance?

• 49:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. When, well, how does this fit into the conversation?

• 49:20Speaker 03

  So there's a version of a two step where you're behind the person.

• 49:26Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 49:26Speaker 03

  Dancing and that, that's pretty sexy.

• 49:29Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 49:30Speaker 03

  And a song will come on like, baby, lock the doors and turn the lights down low. We ain't got no other place to go. And you're dancing behind him. Mm, mm, mm, mm. I don't know, I got pretty sexy during that, that song.

• 49:53Tig Notaro?

  I think two stepping is pretty cool.

• 49:56Speaker 03

  I used to do it on the reg when oil can Harry's was in LA. Now there's nowhere, so.

• 50:01Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 50:01Speaker 03

  I thought there was a. Jackson get experience sexy two step and fortune.

• 50:06Mae Martin?

  Isn't there like a line dancing thing in LA going on? There's like a weekly queer line dancing.

• 50:11Speaker 03

  Is there?

• 50:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 50:12Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah. Didn't line dancing get popular?

• 50:15Mae Martin?

  It came, it came back.

• 50:16Tig Notaro?

  Why?

• 50:17Speaker 03

  But now it's all like Ed Sheeran songs.

• 50:19Tig Notaro?

  What do you mean came back? When was line dancing like?

• 50:23Speaker 03

  Oh, in the two thousands, two thousand eight era?

• 50:28Mae Martin?

  Was it really?

• 50:28Speaker 03

  Two seven was hot, baby.

• 50:30Tig Notaro?

  No line dancing.

• 50:32Speaker 03

  I mean, sorry, line dancing was hot, too.

• 50:35Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 50:36Speaker 03

  Cause I think that was like Brokeback Mountain days.

• 50:38Mae Martin?

  Oh, right. And that put it in the.

• 50:39Speaker 03

  It was very popular. It's coming back on the Tik Tok. But now it's to like Ed Sheeran songs like. Ooh, I like it when you do it like that.

• 50:51Tig Notaro?

  And people are line dancing to that?

• 50:53Speaker 03

  I would love to hear what Melissa says because I feel like she probably got sexy a lot.

• 51:01Speaker 03

  Don't you think?

• 51:02Tig Notaro?

  I know one of her ex, I, I think I know two of her ex girlfriends.

• 51:06Speaker 03

  You're a lesbian rock star?

• 51:08Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 51:09Speaker 03

  In those times.

• 51:12Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 51:13Speaker 03

  Like, and even now, but she's married now. I'm just talking about single days.

• 51:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 51:18Speaker 03

  I mean, we're just rolling in that.

• 51:23Tig Notaro?

  Fortune.

• 51:24Mae Martin?

  Fortune Marie.

• 51:27Speaker 03

  Just rolling in it.

• 51:29Tig Notaro?

  That is, that is our elder lesbian icon you're talking about.

• 51:33Speaker 03

  Melissa would love me saying that.

• 51:37Tig Notaro?

  Uh, okay. Would her wife appreciate?

• 51:40Speaker 03

  Fortune.

• 51:40Tig Notaro?

  Her wife probably doesn't even know that Melissa even dated before they got together. Okay, let's hear what Melissa had to say.

• 51:48Speaker 07

  So my go to song, I'm a big Sade gal. Sade, pretty much any Sade song can do for me, but Sade, No Ordinary Love.

• 52:01Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God, the best song, Melissa.

• 52:03Speaker 07

  That's go time.

• 52:05Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 52:05Speaker 07

  Sade, No Ordinary Love.

• 52:08Tig Notaro?

  This is insane.

• 52:09Speaker 07

  Peace out, guys. Love you.

• 52:11Speaker 03

  Oh, my god.

• 52:14Mae Martin?

  That is hilarious.

• 52:16Speaker 03

  Funny.

• 52:17Mae Martin?

  Oh, my god.

• 52:19Tig Notaro?

  I think that was Melissa signaling to me that.

• 52:25Mae Martin?

  It's go time.

• 52:26Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 52:27Mae Martin?

  You guys are sexually in tune. Wow, that's crazy. Okay, this is now I'm really committed to to starting to.

• 52:37Tig Notaro?

  You you have to listen to Ordinary Love, like she like she mentioned. That that song is so incredible. It's stupid.

• 52:44Mae Martin?

  I'll put it on the next time I sadly masturbate.

• 52:49Tig Notaro?

  My god, Fortune Marie. Tell me. I know, but you should not allow such things out of that little cowboy's mouth.

• 53:01Tig Notaro?

  Wow. Wow.

• 53:03Speaker 03

  Wow. Sadly masturbating.

• 53:08Speaker 03

  Do you do that often?

• 53:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, I do.

• 53:11Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 53:12Tig Notaro?

  Have a good boo hoo.

• 53:14Mae Martin?

  A good boo hoo.

• 53:15Speaker 03

  Boo hoo and a woo woo and a ha ha and a hey hey.

• 53:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, well.

• 53:20Mae Martin?

  Okay, I will, though, get into that singer. And yeah, I don't know how to pronounce it, but I'm gonna get into it.

• 53:27Speaker 03

  Is it Shawday?

• 53:28Tig Notaro?

  Or Sharde. Some people throw an R in there.

• 53:30Speaker 03

  Oh, really?

• 53:31Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I don't know. I talked. Yeah, we talked about this on my old podcast and.

• 53:36Speaker 03

  Oh, really?

• 53:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 53:38Mae Martin?

  If you threw an extra R into all of our names, it would be Trig, Fortune.

• 53:45Speaker 03

  Fortune.

• 53:46Mae Martin?

  And Mare.

• 53:48Speaker 03

  And Mar- Maray.

• 53:49Mae Martin?

  These are the kinds of things I bring to the pod, you know?

• 53:52Speaker 03

  And they're delightful.

• 53:53Tig Notaro?

  And we appreciate it and we need it. Well, this was, as always, a delight and so nice to hear from our our dear friend Melissa Etheridge.

• 54:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, thank you for paving the way for us gays.

• 54:10Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 54:12Speaker 03

  Opening all those doors and being brave in a time when it was really hard to be out.

• 54:18Tig Notaro?

  Yes, opening doors and demanding women.

• 54:21Mae Martin?

  Wait at your window.

• 54:22Tig Notaro?

  Sit at your window and wait.

• 54:24Speaker 03

  Come to my window.

• 54:27Speaker 03

  Come inside. That's the Bob Dylan version.

• 54:29Tig Notaro?

  I bet Melissa had a ton of women waiting by her window.

• 54:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 54:36Tig Notaro?

  You know?

• 54:36Mae Martin?

  And she'd just have to.

• 54:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And they're like, what are you doing here?

• 54:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 54:40Tig Notaro?

  What do you mean? What are you doing here? She told me to come wait by her window.

• 54:43Speaker 03

  And she rolls up in a leather jacket.

• 54:46Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, listening to Sade. And they're like, hello. I want to mention the documentary Come See Me in the Good Light, the Andrea Gibson documentary that is at Sundance this year.

• 55:00Speaker 03

  Amazing.

• 55:00Tig Notaro?

  It is a real, real, mind-bendingly incredible documentary.

• 55:06Speaker 03

  I cannot wait to see it.

• 55:07Tig Notaro?

  It's really, there's really one moment in that movie, a scene that makes me laugh so hard. And then, one second later, the most devastating thing

• 55:24Speaker 03

  Oh, God.

• 55:25Tig Notaro?

  in the world.

• 55:26Speaker 03

  I love that.

• 55:28Tig Notaro?

  It's whether TV, film, or in-person experience, one of the greatest things I've ever seen in my life.

• 55:35Mae Martin?

  That's amazing.

• 55:36Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 55:37Speaker 03

  I will be watching that, my friend.

• 55:39Tig Notaro?

  Yes. Everyone, please check it out.

• 55:41Speaker 03

  You can watch my special Crushing It on Netflix. It's there. I would love for people to keep watching it. Um, I'm working out new material in Pasadena this weekend at the Ice House. If you want to see a little peek behind the curtain. And then Ontario and Oxnard, California, working out material there, and Irvine, California. And then my big tour kicks off in Savannah, Georgia. Um, so get, uh, tickets for my new tour at my website.

• 56:09Tig Notaro?

  Love it. I'm working out new material too, uh, whether in Toronto or Los Angeles. Check my website, tignotaro.com. I also have a special that came out a while ago called Hello Again. And it's also on, uh, you can get the audio version out there too.

• 56:27Mae Martin?

  I'm at Largo periodically. I'm also gearing up to do some music shows around. They're gonna be announced soon.

• 56:34Tig Notaro?

  Share an episode with friends and family. Help us build the community so this show can stay on the air. Are we on the air?

• 56:43Speaker 03

  And get your handsome hoodies and sweatpants.

• 56:45Tig Notaro?

  Absolutely.

• 56:46Speaker 03

  It's cold out there.

• 56:47Tig Notaro?

  It, it, baby, it is cold outside.

• 56:49Speaker 03

  So handsomepod.com for all your merchandise.

• 56:52Tig Notaro?

  When you're sitting at Melissa Etheridge's window, waiting for her.

• 56:55Speaker 03

  You're gonna need some layers.

• 56:56Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you are gonna need some layers, but uh, until next time, shall we um, keep it handsome?

• 57:04Speaker 03

  Handsome.

• 57:06Mae Martin?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected] and please follow us on social media @handsomepod.

• 57:22Fortune Feimster?

  What a podcast!

• 57:28Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.

• 57:31Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that my outfit matches the vibe of the evening before heading out the door, I regret everything. The night called for a black t-shirt, but I wore a white one instead, and now everything's out of alignment.

• 57:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate, North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 57:59Speaker 07

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 58:01Speaker 03

  And Hannah Simone.

• 58:03Speaker 07

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl Rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dogged.

• 58:24Speaker 03

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 58:37Speaker 07

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes, we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 58:48Speaker 03

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.