Ego Nwodim asks about doing bad things

The hilarious Ego Nwodim of SNL asks a question that's perfect for New Years... plus Fortune's mom Ginger's Handsome plans, mo' motorboating, and Jen Aniston's holiday party! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:05Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium professional website.

• 0:23Fortune Feimster?

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• 0:55Mae Martin?

  So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANDSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking the program before sitting down to enjoy a school play? I'm in shambles. Turns out there's no intermission during this three-hour Shakespeare adaptation, and I really need to go to the bathroom.

• 1:20Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings very subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 1:46Mae Martin?

  Cheers. Welcome to the HandsomePod. I'm your host, Fortune Themester. I'm your other host.

• 1:55Tig Notaro?

  Tig Notaro.

• 1:56Mae Martin?

  And I finally am your third host, Mae Martin.

• 2:00Tig Notaro?

  Woo!

• 2:02Fortune Feimster?

  Yeehaw!

• 2:03Tig Notaro?

  Look at us, we're all in green.

• 2:05Mae Martin?

  Earthy, foresty.

• 2:06Fortune Feimster?

  Earthy colors.

• 2:07Tig Notaro?

  I'm in gray.

• 2:08Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, that's gray.

• 2:09Tig Notaro?

  I wish I was in green, because green is my favorite color.

• 2:13Fortune Feimster?

  Green is a good color.

• 2:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I think I told the story on here about how I was in a green jacket, green pants, had my green suitcase, and the woman at security or TSA was like, is your favorite color green? Yeah, how'd you know? You're dressed in it head to toe. Oh, right.

• 2:33Fortune Feimster?

  Head to toe.

• 2:35Mae Martin?

  I really like the, you know, I'm always looking for the perfect tee, the perfect cut, and I really like the length of your sleeve there, Tig. That's.

• 2:42Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, that's too short for me.

• 2:44Mae Martin?

  Really? See, I think it's like a James Dean kind of crop. It's good.

• 2:48Fortune Feimster?

  No, you two can rock those type of sleeves. I need a little bit more coverage.

• 2:53Tig Notaro?

  Hmm, you gotta hide those guns.

• 2:55Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I don't want to show too much.

• 2:57Tig Notaro?

  That's right.

• 2:58Fortune Feimster?

  Give away the milk for free?

• 3:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah! You gotta work for Fortune's Milk.

• 3:05Fortune Feimster?

  But I also wear a lot of men's t-shirts, so the sleeves are often longer.

• 3:10Mae Martin?

  I get a lot of t-shirts tailored, like even if it's just a. Yeah, yeah, like even if it's a shitty t-shirt or like not really worth it, I'll go spend.

• 3:19Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think I knew you could tailor a tee.

• 3:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah, just take it to like a laundromat that does alterations.

• 3:25Fortune Feimster?

  And then what do they do to it?

• 3:27Mae Martin?

  Well, I always get an inch and a half off the bottom, and then I'm getting sometimes the sleeves shortened a little bit, too.

• 3:32Fortune Feimster?

  Really?

• 3:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 3:34Fortune Feimster?

  Wow. This is blowing my mind. I have to wear a long tee, otherwise my belly shows.

• 3:41Mae Martin?

  A long tee is good, though.

• 3:42Fortune Feimster?

  Longer tee.

• 3:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I just buy a shirt and put it on and head out.

• 3:47Mae Martin?

  Head out the door.

• 3:48Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. I mean, if something rips, I go get it tailored.

• 3:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 3:53Tig Notaro?

  Do people care about? I've had like suits tailored and, but not, not in general. I'm not out getting things tailored.

• 4:03Fortune Feimster?

  I just had two blazers tailored, because we're handsome.

• 4:06Mae Martin?

  If you begin to entertain the thought, do people care, then our whole careers just crumble like a house of cards.

• 4:13Tig Notaro?

  I guess you're right.

• 4:14Fortune Feimster?

  Does anyone care about anything we're saying?

• 4:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah, sometimes I hear myself and I'm like, shut up, you know?

• 4:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, that's why I try to avoid listening to myself because I can't, I can't do it. I cannot do it. I, I'm always like, how, how are people into this?

• 4:35Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 4:36Tig Notaro?

  Oh my gosh, yeah.

• 4:37Mae Martin?

  That's so funny.

• 4:38Tig Notaro?

  Podcasting, stand up, acting. I mean, and I'm not like really attacking myself because I don't feel like I'm really that hard on myself. But I, I am a little like, I, I think it's just because, you know, I'm used to myself. So it's hard to imagine that somebody wants extra.

• 4:58Mae Martin?

  I haven't done stand, or I hadn't done stand up in like six months. And then I did a set recently and.

• 5:03Tig Notaro?

  How'd it go?

• 5:04Mae Martin?

  Uh, it went, it went pretty well. But I truly, I mean, I told the bear story.

• 5:08Tig Notaro?

  Oh, nice.

• 5:09Mae Martin?

  You know, about the bear portal and the painting and, but I really had, I heard myself saying, wouldn't it be funny if, uh, the way the moon like waxes and wanes? Like the moon gets full and then if like our bums did that, like if our bums became really round. Yeah, like for the, no, not bum holes, like bum sheet, like if the full moon, we had like a round bum and then it went anyway. And that was a moment where I had outside of myself. I was like, what is, why do you think you need to say that into a microphone? Like no one is laughing. Yeah.

• 5:43Fortune Feimster?

  That's the beauty of art. You just say whatever you want.

• 5:46Tig Notaro?

  Working out new stand up.

• 5:48Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 5:48Fortune Feimster?

  I will tell you guys this. I just got off the phone with my mother.

• 5:51Mae Martin?

  How is Ginger?

• 5:52Fortune Feimster?

  Ginger Feimster.

• 5:53Mae Martin?

  How is she?

• 5:54Fortune Feimster?

  She's good. I'm about to go spend four days with her. So hopefully I have some fun stories for you because she's a doozy.

• 6:01Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 6:01Fortune Feimster?

  And she said, um, I saw that the handsome pod is go, and I'm like, get to it. What are you asking? Because everything's very drawn out. Well, I saw that the handsome pod is going to be performing in April at the Ryman.

• 6:28Fortune Feimster?

  And I go, mm hmm. Well, I love the Ryman. But I have never been. I go, then how do you know you love it? I just know I love it and I wanted to go there. And I didn't get to go when you did it on your tour last tour. And I think I know Tig and May, they like me. Do you know that? Do you know that for sure? They, they like me and they would want me to come see that show.

• 6:57Mae Martin?

  Yes, we would.

• 6:59Tig Notaro?

  I said, this is an actual conversation.

• 7:03Fortune Feimster?

  I had it right before.

• 7:05Tig Notaro?

  Well, I know Tig and May like me.

• 7:07Fortune Feimster?

  I know Tig and May, they like me. They would.

• 7:09Mae Martin?

  They would want me there.

• 7:11Tig Notaro?

  We of course want her to be there.

• 7:13Mae Martin?

  A hundred percent.

• 7:14Fortune Feimster?

  So she's already plotting and planning for this April gig.

• 7:20Tig Notaro?

  She's not gonna come out for Austin?

• 7:22Fortune Feimster?

  No, that's a, she can drive to Nashville. She likes to drive to these places.

• 7:26Mae Martin?

  Would she come on stage?

• 7:28Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. Now she's really, uh.

• 7:33Tig Notaro?

  Those tickets are gonna sell triple fast.

• 7:36Fortune Feimster?

  She will die if she gets to be on stage at the Ryman. That actually is a pretty fun idea.

• 7:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Oh, my God.

• 7:43Fortune Feimster?

  She could maybe ask one more question.

• 7:45Mae Martin?

  That'd be great.

• 7:46Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 7:47Tig Notaro?

  Gosh, maybe when we're in Austin, I could get my aunt to come up on stage or something.

• 7:51Fortune Feimster?

  We have different family members coming on stage.

• 7:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I'd get my whole family to come on stage in Austin.

• 7:58Fortune Feimster?

  Well, my mom, my mom just had a knee surgery. So her whole thing about having the knee surgery was that she was gonna be turning over a new leaf. And once her knee surgery, she goes, you know, I had a surgery recently. I go, you did? Yes, I had my knee surgery and I'm losing weight. So that means that I can come to more shows. I was like, oh, good for me.

• 8:23Tig Notaro?

  Now, does she listen to Handsome? Is she getting?

• 8:25Fortune Feimster?

  She sure does.

• 8:26Tig Notaro?

  Okay, so she's gonna hear this.

• 8:28Mae Martin?

  Ginger.

• 8:28Tig Notaro?

  Ginger, get yourself out to Nashville.

• 8:32Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, God. This is gonna be expensive for me because I have to pay for her hotel.

• 8:39Mae Martin?

  She's staying with me.

• 8:40Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, good. Yeah, May, come on now. Hang out with Ginger.

• 8:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 8:46Tig Notaro?

  Well, so there you go.

• 8:48Mae Martin?

  I'd never been to so many parts of the States, but in Nashville, are we gonna do something like music-y? Like, it's a big music town, right?

• 8:56Tig Notaro?

  Bring your guitar if you want.

• 8:57Mae Martin?

  Well, I wasn't so much thinking.

• 8:59Tig Notaro?

  Oh, that. We should probably invite Dolly.

• 9:02Mae Martin?

  Oh, my god.

• 9:03Tig Notaro?

  Kid Dolly, Tom.

• 9:04Fortune Feimster?

  What if, what if Dolly asks us a question?

• 9:07Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's the dream.

• 9:08Fortune Feimster?

  Hi, handsome.

• 9:09Mae Martin?

  Oh, that was good, Fortune.

• 9:12Tig Notaro?

  Let's hear it again?

• 9:12Fortune Feimster?

  Dolly has a very specific accent. I don't think I can do it. Well, y'all? Yeah, I can't do Dolly's accent.

• 9:18Mae Martin?

  No, you just did it perfectly.

• 9:19Fortune Feimster?

  Hey, handsome.

• 9:20Mae Martin?

  Hey, handsome. Everything sings songy. Yeah.

• 9:23Fortune Feimster?

  When I went down to the market. Plays her nails.

• 9:28Mae Martin?

  That famous song, when I, when I went down to the market.

• 9:31Tig Notaro?

  Oh, that is really a catchy tune, when I went down to the market.

• 9:34Fortune Feimster?

  Do y'all know, her foundation gives away like millions and millions and millions of dollars worth of books to ki- to kids.

• 9:41Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 9:42Fortune Feimster?

  She is unbelievable.

• 9:44Tig Notaro?

  She really is.

• 9:45Fortune Feimster?

  I love that woman. I'd motorboat her.

• 9:48Tig Notaro?

  Wait, I'm sorry, what?

• 9:49Mae Martin?

  Who said that?

• 9:50Tig Notaro?

  You would motorboat?

• 9:51Mae Martin?

  I would motor, yes.

• 9:53Fortune Feimster?

  Freaking love Dolly.

• 9:55Mae Martin?

  Her foundation and her charity work.

• 9:57Tig Notaro?

  People without motorboating them. There are so many people that I love.

• 10:02Fortune Feimster?

  I didn't do a good job of the grammar in that sentence. I love her and her, all the altruistic stuff she does, period. I'd also motorboat her.

• 10:14Tig Notaro?

  No matter where the punctuation went.

• 10:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I like that, but that's how you show your love, Fortune. It's a really specific thing to you. It's your, you're a motorboater.

• 10:23Fortune Feimster?

  I love a motorboat.

• 10:24Tig Notaro?

  So I'll never know your love.

• 10:27Fortune Feimster?

  Yo, what, yo, what am I gonna, what are you gonna smack me around with?

• 10:34Fortune Feimster?

  What'd you call them? Garbage tits?

• 10:37Mae Martin?

  Dumpster, dumpster tits. That's yours.

• 10:43Fortune Feimster?

  What are you gonna hit me with your dumpster dish?

• 10:45Mae Martin?

  Oh my god.

• 10:46Tig Notaro?

  If I can find them in the alleyway.

• 10:49Mae Martin?

  They're there. You know they're still there.

• 10:51Tig Notaro?

  They're still there.

• 10:53Fortune Feimster?

  Nobody's motorboat, nobody's doing it to me. There's too much space here.

• 10:57Tig Notaro?

  You've never been motorboated?

• 10:59Fortune Feimster?

  No, I don't think, no, because there's not a lot to work with.

• 11:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but like if, if Jax really wanted to make it happen.

• 11:07Fortune Feimster?

  If Jax wanted that, I would give it to her in 2.2 seconds.

• 11:13Tig Notaro?

  So you would like to have a good motorboat?

• 11:15Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, if that's what she needs and wants, I will do that for my wife, but she's never gonna ask for that.

• 11:21Mae Martin?

  Okay, we need to, I'm gonna DM Jax and be like, Fortune's too embarrassed to ask you, but she wants.

• 11:27Tig Notaro?

  I think I have her number. I might just text her directly.

• 11:30Fortune Feimster?

  Text Jax and she's gonna say, what are you talking about?

• 11:33Tig Notaro?

  Can I text her right now?

• 11:35Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 11:36Mae Martin?

  But you know, the, um, you know, when you.

• 11:39Tig Notaro?

  I actually don't know if I have her number.

• 11:43Mae Martin?

  But you know, when you, you want your partner to do something, but you want them to want to do it. And like, it's just ruined if you have to ask for it. Like it has to come from them.

• 11:53Fortune Feimster?

  I want you to want to be motorboated.

• 11:55Mae Martin?

  I want you to want to motorboat me.

• 11:57Fortune Feimster?

  I want you to.

• 11:59Tig Notaro?

  You to motorboat. I need you to motorboat. I love you to motorboat. God, should we put this on a nice?

• 12:20Fortune Feimster?

  I do love a motorboat. Sorry, y'all.

• 12:22Tig Notaro?

  I love Cheap Trick.

• 12:23Mae Martin?

  That's a good band.

• 12:24Tig Notaro?

  Dream Police. Do you like that song?

• 12:26Mae Martin?

  I don't know that song.

• 12:28Tig Notaro?

  It's real good.

• 12:30Mae Martin?

  Do you think Cheap Trick is a reference to sex work?

• 12:33Tig Notaro?

  I do.

• 12:34Mae Martin?

  Have you guys ever been asked to sign someone's boob?

• 12:37Tig Notaro?

  Yes, many a time.

• 12:39Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 12:40Tig Notaro?

  Have you not?

• 12:41Fortune Feimster?

  But I have to say no.

• 12:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah. You say no?

• 12:44Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 12:45Mae Martin?

  Even if it's over the shirt?

• 12:47Fortune Feimster?

  I would do it like up here, but I can't sign the boot. It's, it was in my marriage vows.

• 12:51Mae Martin?

  Oh, I was like, if anyone asked me to sign their boob.

• 12:55Fortune Feimster?

  Jax, I will never sign.

• 12:57Mae Martin?

  Another titty.

• 12:59Fortune Feimster?

  For the rest of my.

• 13:00Tig Notaro?

  I will not sign my name within an inch of a nipple.

• 13:04Fortune Feimster?

  I swear to thee.

• 13:06Mae Martin?

  I met someone after a show who had got a tattoo that said feel good in the font of the show and it was like up on her bum cheek.

• 13:15Fortune Feimster?

  And did you sign it?

• 13:16Mae Martin?

  I did, actually, yeah.

• 13:18Fortune Feimster?

  Did she ask you to sign it or you're just like?

• 13:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah, she did.

• 13:21Fortune Feimster?

  Give it here. Give me that marker.

• 13:25Fortune Feimster?

  I, back in the, back in my single days, I signed some boobs. But now I'm.

• 13:31Tig Notaro?

  Good for you, girl.

• 13:33Fortune Feimster?

  Now I'm dead of sign.

• 13:37Tig Notaro?

  Wait, are you really not allowed to sign boobs?

• 13:39Fortune Feimster?

  I just out of respect, I don't sign boobs.

• 13:42Mae Martin?

  What if Jax was there and the person wanted that both of you to sign?

• 13:46Fortune Feimster?

  I don't care if she signed the boob, but she would have to, I would have to make sure it was okay with her. You, normally if someone's like, will you sign my boob? I go, how about your back? Or your shoulder? I just pivot. I don't not sign. We just pivot.

• 14:02Mae Martin?

  Speaking of, um, marking up bods, um, I got a tattoo recently.

• 14:08Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, a new one.

• 14:10Mae Martin?

  Well, I got, I got two, actually.

• 14:12Tig Notaro?

  Was it like a hot dog bone or something?

• 14:14Mae Martin?

  It's really, why? Cause it's so random, the ones I get?

• 14:18Tig Notaro?

  Cause yeah, like you have some oatmeal.

• 14:20Mae Martin?

  I have oatmeal.

• 14:21Tig Notaro?

  I don't know.

• 14:22Fortune Feimster?

  Is this one we can see or is it in a private park?

• 14:24Mae Martin?

  Um, it is on my.

• 14:26Tig Notaro?

  Cause we're happy to sign it.

• 14:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah, no, I, I can show it. I, it was really impulsive. I was just walking by, you know, I had this godfather in, in Greece, in a little rural village in Greece. He died a couple of years ago.

• 14:37Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, I think you told us in early episode.

• 14:40Mae Martin?

  Well, he, I've been trying to think like, how could I get a tattoo to honor him? Cause he was such a larger than life character. And I was thinking, he was in the Navy, the Greek Navy, and he was a chef in the Navy. And one time the food was too salty and one of the sailors angrily got up and stabbed him in the chest with a fork. And so.

• 14:58Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my goodness.

• 15:00Mae Martin?

  But as a kid, I used to love hearing this story. It electrified me and he had a scar on his chest of for, from a fork. And so I got tattooed on my chest like a.

• 15:11Mae Martin?

  What?

• 15:12Fortune Feimster?

  It's pixel, oh, I see dots.

• 15:14Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:15Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, wow.

• 15:17Mae Martin?

  Fork, it looks like someone stabbed me with a fork. Anyways, and then I got

• 15:22Fortune Feimster?

  Over your heart?

• 15:23Mae Martin?

  Take your face.

• 15:24Fortune Feimster?

  Over your heart?

• 15:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah, over my heart, yeah.

• 15:27Fortune Feimster?

  Over my heart?

• 15:28Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 15:29Mae Martin?

  And then I wrote the word bear.

• 15:30Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah, here we go. Now we're talking.

• 15:33Mae Martin?

  I got the word bear.

• 15:34Tig Notaro?

  God, man, you're so fit.

• 15:35Mae Martin?

  Thank you.

• 15:36Tig Notaro?

  Thank you.

• 15:38Mae Martin?

  Thank you. Because of the bear.

• 15:39Tig Notaro?

  Makes sense.

• 15:41Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, so you got two tattoos?

• 15:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah, bear and fork scar. Anyway.

• 15:46Tig Notaro?

  Wow, good for you.

• 15:47Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 15:48Mae Martin?

  They come over you in the morning. Sometimes you think, I gotta get one today.

• 15:51Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, really? That's, is that how it works? I've never had a tattoo, so.

• 15:55Tig Notaro?

  I haven't either.

• 15:56Mae Martin?

  Put it on the list, Thomas.

• 15:57Fortune Feimster?

  Not for me.

• 16:00Tig Notaro?

  My body's a temple, can't you tell?

• 16:02Mae Martin?

  What about if Dolly Parton said, I will, I will spend a week hanging out with you and Jax?

• 16:10Tig Notaro?

  Yes, I would get face tattoos.

• 16:13Fortune Feimster?

  You would?

• 16:13Tig Notaro?

  Oh, no, don't get a face tattoo. If Dolly said she would spend a week with you and Jax, yes, I would get face tattoos.

• 16:21Fortune Feimster?

  I would get a tattoo, but not on my face.

• 16:24Mae Martin?

  What if she said, you gotta get my signature tattooed on you?

• 16:26Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I would have Dolly's signature.

• 16:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 16:30Fortune Feimster?

  It has like a heart or something on it.

• 16:32Tig Notaro?

  What if she says, you have to get my face tattooed on your face?

• 16:35Fortune Feimster?

  I don't want a face tattoo.

• 16:38Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay.

• 16:39Fortune Feimster?

  I love Dolly, but that's a lot. I have to live with that for the rest of my life.

• 16:43Tig Notaro?

  We would have to live with it.

• 16:45Mae Martin?

  I know, we got a podcast with you.

• 16:46Tig Notaro?

  We gotta look at it.

• 16:47Mae Martin?

  We gotta look at it.

• 16:49Fortune Feimster?

  You just see Dolly right here.

• 16:51Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 16:52Fortune Feimster?

  On my cheek.

• 16:53Mae Martin?

  I've, we've played before the game I invented called, what would you let Jennifer Aniston peer pressure you into doing, right? I think on an early episode, yeah.

• 17:01Fortune Feimster?

  Do we have another situation?

• 17:03Mae Martin?

  Well, face tattoo is a good one. If, if she said matching, she was like, honey, let's just get two small little tattoos on our faces, just tiny little ones, and best friends for life. You know I'm doing it.

• 17:17Fortune Feimster?

  You think Jen's gonna do that to her face?

• 17:20Mae Martin?

  In this scenario, she is. I mean, Tig, I feel like you're like, well, I'm already friends with her, I don't.

• 17:27Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I'm already friends. So I don't, I mean, if she was like, um, we gotta do this to be friends for life, I would be like, what about all the other stuff you already said?

• 17:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 17:39Tig Notaro?

  I was already in for life.

• 17:41Mae Martin?

  What about the 10,000 promises you made?

• 17:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you've already made 10,000 promises, Jen. Why do I have to get a tat, a matching face tattoo with you? We get teardrops.

• 17:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 17:53Tig Notaro?

  I know, me and Jen.

• 17:54Mae Martin?

  I love Jen, but I don't want a face tattoo.

• 17:57Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 18:01Fortune Feimster?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that I've got a little snack with me before I leave the house? My stomach and I are grumbling. I thought I'd be able to grab a bite in between meetings, but now it's getting late and I could really use a candy bar.

• 18:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary. Subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 18:29Tig Notaro?

  The handsome Hollybob season is fast approaching and I'm realizing that we haven't hosted friends and family for a few months. Looking around my home, it's in need of a bit of a festive refresh. For all things hosting, Wayfair delivers high-quality, customer-trusted products for your home so you can host and celebrate without the stress.

• 18:52Fortune Feimster?

  Wayfair helps you create a home that stands up to real life with quality products, great value, and trusted reviews. Products are hand-vetted by a product specialist using a 10-point quality inspection. They've got options for every style and budget. I'm more into the classic holiday look with multicolor bulbs, tinsel, you name it. Wayfair has all of that. I use Wayfair to decorate my fireplace this season and it looks so cozy and festive. I love everything. I've gotten on Wayfair and I know you will too.

• 19:20Tig Notaro?

  When refreshing your home this holiday season, Wayfair delivers exactly what you need. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com.

• 19:36Fortune Feimster?

  There's nothing quite like having pieces in your closet you love and know that you can count on for any occasion, except maybe giving someone else that same feeling. This holiday season, Quince is where I'm finding those pieces. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials like Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, and premium stretch denim.

• 19:57Tig Notaro?

  Let me tell you about my jeans. I got a pair of the Luna Stretch Slim Straight Jeans for only 50 bucks compared to that $235. Compare that to $235 at traditional retail. They're quickly turning into my favorite thing to cover my legs with. I'm gonna pick up some more pairs because Quince has tons of color options as well.

• 20:21Fortune Feimster?

  Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was handsome. It's the best way to support the show.

• 20:42Mae Martin?

  I'm missing Zoe Deschanel's party. Not to brag, but I'm gonna be in Toronto. I'm really sad about that.

• 20:47Tig Notaro?

  I was invited to that one too.

• 20:49Fortune Feimster?

  I wasn't.

• 20:50Tig Notaro?

  You're gonna be in Toronto then too?

• 20:51Fortune Feimster?

  Good for you guys.

• 20:52Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 20:53Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna eat my scone.

• 20:55Mae Martin?

  I'm going for like five days or something in December, so.

• 20:57Tig Notaro?

  Okay. What are you doing?

• 20:59Mae Martin?

  Doing a charity, actually, yeah, a charity music show in honor of my friend who passed away, who was an amazing musician. And it raises money for this very cool charity that helps people with mental illness produce their music and people with addiction and stuff. It like gets their music, gets their music made, get them in the studio. Yeah. So I'm doing that and going into the edit to watch some of the cuts. I've been editing remotely, like online with the editor in Toronto for Wayward, and I'm gonna go in in person and watch.

• 21:33Tig Notaro?

  Oh, exciting.

• 21:34Mae Martin?

  My. Face twitch on a big screen.

• 21:37Tig Notaro?

  Now, wait, it's called Wayward? Why did I think it was called something else?

• 21:41Mae Martin?

  It was called Tall Pines.

• 21:43Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay.

• 21:44Mae Martin?

  Everybody thought that was too much like Twin Peaks.

• 21:47Tig Notaro?

  Oh, interesting.

• 21:48Mae Martin?

  And so we called it Wayward, because the show's about wayward youth, you know?

• 21:52Tig Notaro?

  Because I was gonna suggest the facts of life.

• 21:56Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's, hang on a sec. Let me text.

• 21:58Fortune Feimster?

  Good Times.

• 21:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Good Times, oh yeah, Good Times would be a good one.

• 22:02Mae Martin?

  What about Happy Days?

• 22:03Fortune Feimster?

  Or The Nanny.

• 22:04Tig Notaro?

  Ooh.

• 22:04Mae Martin?

  Is it in my imagination, or were you really into the Fonz for a while?

• 22:08Tig Notaro?

  I mean, I loved Happy Days, but Sarah Silverman kind of refers to me as the Fonz. And then Kate McCucci's parents call me the Tig.

• 22:19Fortune Feimster?

  Love McCucci.

• 22:20Mae Martin?

  The Tig?

• 22:21Tig Notaro?

  The Tig.

• 22:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I like that.

• 22:23Tig Notaro?

  Kind of like the Fonz, they said, yeah.

• 22:25Mae Martin?

  It would be good if my parents had a nickname for you guys, and if you had some, a relationship with them.

• 22:30Tig Notaro?

  I know.

• 22:31Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 22:31Tig Notaro?

  When can that happen? I would like to have a nickname from both of your parents.

• 22:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'll get on that.

• 22:37Fortune Feimster?

  My dad would be like, what?

• 22:41Fortune Feimster?

  You want a what? For what?

• 22:43Tig Notaro?

  Is he gonna come out to the Ryman?

• 22:45Fortune Feimster?

  He definitely will not.

• 22:46Tig Notaro?

  Why?

• 22:47Fortune Feimster?

  He didn't listen to any, any of this stuff.

• 22:49Tig Notaro?

  So what?

• 22:50Fortune Feimster?

  My radio show, but I mean, I don't even think he's seen my specials. I don't think he has Netflix.

• 22:55Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 22:56Fortune Feimster?

  Or maybe he watched at my mom's house, I'm not sure.

• 22:58Tig Notaro?

  But even though he doesn't follow the show, can he just come out and visit us? I mean, we're his three.

• 23:03Fortune Feimster?

  He hates to travel.

• 23:05Tig Notaro?

  Oh, man, he's really making this difficult.

• 23:07Fortune Feimster?

  He's a very simple guy.

• 23:09Mae Martin?

  We're gonna have to go to him, Tig.

• 23:10Fortune Feimster?

  I'm about to go buy him a pair of Skecher tennis shoes this afternoon.

• 23:14Mae Martin?

  That's so nice.

• 23:16Tig Notaro?

  He likes Skechers?

• 23:18Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, he wants to try those slip-ons that are like lightweight tennis, tennies, so you don't have to like worry about all the hubbub of.

• 23:27Tig Notaro?

  Dragging those heavy shoes around.

• 23:32Tig Notaro?

  Should we hear from our questioner?

• 23:34Mae Martin?

  Yes, please.

• 23:36Fortune Feimster?

  Today's questioner is an actress and comedian who's been a cast member of Saturday Night Live since 2018. She's also appeared in films like Players, Genie, and Good Burger 2. Ego Wodam is asking today's question.

• 23:54Tig Notaro?

  Nice.

• 23:55Speaker 04

  Hello handsome. My name is Zego Wodum. You might recognize me from Saturday Night Live, among other things. But here's my question for you. When's the last time you did something you knew was not good for you, but you did it anyway? And what was the thing?

• 24:10Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, Ego is so funny. Her, have you seen her Dionne Warwick impression?

• 24:14Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 24:15Fortune Feimster?

  But I would love to. It's so good.

• 24:19Tig Notaro?

  I love Dionne Warwick.

• 24:21Fortune Feimster?

  And they've had Dionne Warwick on the show where Ego's interviewing, Ego's dressed up as Dionne interviewing Dionne. Yeah, she's so funny. I met her at that, I went to this charity event, Big Slick in Kansas City, and she was there. And she's just so like effortlessly funny and talented and it's such a staple on that show.

• 24:45Mae Martin?

  She's got just an aura, like she's got the X factor, for sure.

• 24:49Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, she's really close with our old assistant.

• 24:52Mae Martin?

  Oh, really?

• 24:53Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. So I would hear about her, I think even before she got on SNL.

• 24:59Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 25:01Mae Martin?

  It's a really good question as well. I feel like in a, I was about to get really, well, here we go. I feel in a constant state of shame because I feel so aware of all the things that are bad for me, especially like just on social media, like it's, like we know what would make us happy. And it's like eat balanced whole foods, get good sleep, drink water, meditate. And it's just hard to do all those things, you know, I know I'm on my phone too much. You know, I had a tough summer. I was smoking cigarettes, like I just know these things. But then the shame spiral is useless as well, because then I'm like, wow, you know, what's the point of anything?

• 25:45Mae Martin?

  So it's like thing by thing. And then like the other day, I, on Instagram, I saw advertised this thing called like a grounding sheet. It's like a bottom sheet that you put on your bed. Have you heard of this thing?

• 25:55Tig Notaro?

  I, I have one.

• 25:57Mae Martin?

  I ordered one, so.

• 25:58Tig Notaro?

  I don't know what this is.

• 25:59Mae Martin?

  It's like apparently we're all charged with static electricity all the time. And because of all the electronics around us and all the shit we do. And so this sheet is the same as like walking in bare feet on the earth. And it, I don't know, like grounds your ions or something. You plug it in and. But then, so I bought it and now I guess I'm less electricited. But I was like, I was like, I wish I never knew that I'd been walking around lousy with electricity all this time. Like it's endless, the things that we are having to do to be healthy. And it's a full-time job and I feel guilty for not meditating and all that. I just had to get all that off my chest.

• 26:46Mae Martin?

  Do you like, do you find your, because they showed a video of like a scan they did that showed all the electricity in someone's body and then after on the grounding sheet, they're like neutralized. Do you feel better, Tig?

• 27:00Tig Notaro?

  I mean, I, I haven't really noticed anything. The first time, well, the first time I used it, I did have a really good night's sleep, which is unusual for me. And then I didn't notice anything after that, but I just like, eh, I'll just keep at it just in case it's doing something that might be helpful.

• 27:21Mae Martin?

  Same.

• 27:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 27:23Fortune Feimster?

  I've not heard of this, so.

• 27:24Mae Martin?

  So I guess my short answer to that question is like daily.

• 27:28Tig Notaro?

  Always, everything?

• 27:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah, just on my phone before bed. I'm smoking at the moment, like two cigarettes a day and I hate them and I know I should, and, and I got hypnotized to try to quit. And I went to see this hypnotist and she was like, I'm going to put in your brain a trigger where when you think a bad thing about yourself, you see blocked and you don't want to smoke. And I don't know, I, I haven't seen that blocked thing.

• 27:57Tig Notaro?

  It hasn't come up?

• 27:58Mae Martin?

  No.

• 27:59Tig Notaro?

  Have you ever been hypnotized before?

• 28:02Mae Martin?

  No, it was pretty cool. I want to go back. Like I was lucid. I was in a deep state of relaxation for sure, like on the cusp of being asleep. And then she was kind of walking me through like visualizations. Have you done it?

• 28:16Tig Notaro?

  I haven't. I, um, I, I, I think it's interesting. I don't trust that I would be able to be.

• 28:22Mae Martin?

  To let go.

• 28:23Fortune Feimster?

  To give over to it.

• 28:24Tig Notaro?

  I just don't, I can't picture myself in that state. I could just picture myself relaxed.

• 28:31Fortune Feimster?

  Feels like it would require a lot of concentration.

• 28:34Mae Martin?

  This is kind of an extension of what I was saying, like I, I'm just beating myself up through the whole hypnotism, being like, I don't think I'm doing it right. I don't think I'm relaxed enough. I think I'm still, you know what I mean?

• 28:43Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 28:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah, but I think you guys could, could do it. It was like, she kind of overwhelmed me with a bunch of rapid fire questions. And then really fast she goes, okay, now look at the ceiling, pick a spot. And then she's counting back from 10 and she said that overwhelming was part of it. She like overloads your brain. So then when you get a break, your brain's like, ah.

• 29:00Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Interesting. I know one of yours, May, but we can cut it if you don't want me to share it.

• 29:06Mae Martin?

  What?

• 29:07Fortune Feimster?

  I could tell you and then you can decide. Well, May was going through something and read us a long text and Ting and I both go, don't send that.

• 29:18Mae Martin?

  Oh, man.

• 29:19Fortune Feimster?

  And then, uh, you sent like an abbreviated version of it, but not that abbreviated.

• 29:26Mae Martin?

  Here's the thing, I'm a texter, but also I'm like, I don't want to play games. Like, I want to say how I feel, but some, you know, and, and sometimes I know like, oh, the way to get through to this person is to be like, hey, cool. Yeah, whatever. But I'm like, no, I'm, I'm sad. I gotta say how I feel. I don't want to play games. But yeah, you guys were all like, don't send that.

• 29:47Fortune Feimster?

  We're like, don't send that.

• 29:50Tig Notaro?

  May, put the phone down, walk away.

• 29:53Mae Martin?

  And I was like, yeah, of course, of course. And then two minutes later.

• 29:56Tig Notaro?

  You were like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right. And then it was like, still like that long.

• 30:00Mae Martin?

  I was like, no, I really shortened it, you guys. And also sometimes my friends are like, just be firm. And I'm like, yeah, I'm going to be pretty strong worded here. And then I'm like, you know, really, if you'd like.

• 30:10Tig Notaro?

  It's okay with you.

• 30:11Mae Martin?

  If it's okay with you, it would be really nice to connect them.

• 30:15Tig Notaro?

  I'm free anytime.

• 30:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 30:22Fortune Feimster?

  But I get it, because we've all been in those situations where like-

• 30:25Tig Notaro?

  Somebody's ruling you.

• 30:27Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, and you're just like, you know that you shouldn't like overdo the thing, just be like, yeah, great, but you're so in it that you can't, like you just wanna like word vomit.

• 30:39Mae Martin?

  What you said that was good, fortunately, or maybe it was you, Tig, someone said, you can't say the, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. I liked that.

• 30:47Fortune Feimster?

  It was me, I'm so smart.

• 30:48Mae Martin?

  It was really smart. Like you shouldn't be-

• 30:50Tig Notaro?

  Wait, let me write that down.

• 30:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 30:52Tig Notaro?

  Hold on one second.

• 30:53Fortune Feimster?

  Along with live, laugh, love.

• 30:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, wait, it's, you can't say-

• 30:56Fortune Feimster?

  But yeah, we've, it's just so interesting how other people can see like, oh, they shouldn't do this, like-

• 31:03Tig Notaro?

  Don't talk to that person.

• 31:04Fortune Feimster?

  The path is, is so clear, because all of us have been there.

• 31:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 31:08Fortune Feimster?

  Um, and when you're not like emotionally involved in that thing, you go, yeah, this is so clear what this person should do, but man, when you're in it, is it hard?

• 31:17Tig Notaro?

  It is impossible.

• 31:18Fortune Feimster?

  Impossible.

• 31:19Tig Notaro?

  It is truly like moving a mountain.

• 31:23Mae Martin?

  I mean, same with just like healthy habits with my friends. I'm like, if you could let me inhabit your brain, and I would just make some choices, I'd fix up your life, just give me a couple of days, and I know that my friends could also do that with me, but it's just hard to take your own advice.

• 31:38Fortune Feimster?

  Well, we're also creatures of habit.

• 31:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 31:41Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, listen, the amount of times I've told myself, like, don't eat that cheeseburger, go for the salad, you know, I mean, that is my, that's my internal dialogue that's constantly battling.

• 31:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and then how do you, and then like the shame spirals, and it's like, and then that's not helpful.

• 32:00Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 32:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:01Tig Notaro?

  Do you feel like it's more of a struggle for you, like, to say, to be like, don't eat that cheeseburger, or, or like, don't call that girl? You know, like what,

• 32:12Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 32:13Tig Notaro?

  What struggle would you say would be harder?

• 32:15Mae Martin?

  That would have, it would depend on the time of my life.

• 32:18Tig Notaro?

  Right.

• 32:18Mae Martin?

  Pre-Jax, I definitely spiraled over some people. We're in hindsight now, I go, oh my God, what was I thinking?

• 32:27Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 32:28Mae Martin?

  You know, where you're just like, Jesus, that was wild.

• 32:32Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 32:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:34Tig Notaro?

  You just can't, like you're a whole other person. Yeah. When you come out of it, you're like, I'm sorry. That, and not to like be rude to, you know, nameless, faceless people, but I mean, it is crazy when you reach the other side and you're like,

• 32:51Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 32:51Tig Notaro?

  Why did you have a hold on me?

• 32:54Mae Martin?

  There are definitely people in my past, like from my twenties, who I was like, I will never love again. And then, yeah, looking back, I'm like,

• 33:02Tig Notaro?

  This was it.

• 33:03Mae Martin?

  The one that got away.

• 33:04Tig Notaro?

  It's also funny to think about how everybody is also somebody that you've been some, somebody that somebody wanted or wanted to be back together with. And it's funny to think that they're looking at you going, I can't believe.

• 33:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah. So hung up on that.

• 33:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, that I was hung up on Tig or May or Fortune. Like we're just like these hilarious afterthoughts.

• 33:33Mae Martin?

  Like so much of that is ego, like so much of trying to convince someone to, to love you or to, is, is ego and like wounded self-worth and like, if you actually can release your ego and be like, yeah, if you, you know, if you'll be happier without this guy, be my guest. No, but in a genuine way, like, yeah, I'm trying to.

• 33:58Tig Notaro?

  I know. I've seen, I've seen a few people in my life go through just horrible heartache and do it with such.

• 34:13Mae Martin?

  Grace?

• 34:13Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, like.

• 34:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do.

• 34:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, where I'm truly blown away.

• 34:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 34:20Tig Notaro?

  And, and, and of course, they're suffering privately and.

• 34:25Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 34:25Tig Notaro?

  Whatever, but the way that they dealt with the, the breakup and. It is so.

• 34:32Mae Martin?

  I'm friends with a lot of my exes and I think I do like the approach of like, well, if you, if you do really love this person, then if you're able to put your ego aside, then you can, you still just, you want them to be happy and. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so Tig, what do you do that is bad for you that you still do?

• 34:53Tig Notaro?

  I mean, I, this is such a boring topic and I apologize, but um, um, I think that my

• 35:05Tig Notaro?

  insights really were wrecked when I got really sick in 2012 and there are certain foods that are so painful for me to eat. And I mean painful.

• 35:19Mae Martin?

  Like, like a certain, like gluten and stuff or?

• 35:24Tig Notaro?

  And certain fried, like sometimes when I have fried food. And yeah, probably some gluten and, but I'll be on the straight and narrow for a long time. And then I'll go out, like I went to the morning show rap party and just, I'll, I'll go to things and I'll just be like, I'm just gonna enjoy myself and I'm just gonna eat whatever. And then sure enough, you know, I'm standing there and I turn to Stephanie, I'm like, I am in so.

• 35:59Mae Martin?

  Oh, it's like immediate.

• 36:01Tig Notaro?

  Pain.

• 36:01Mae Martin?

  Oh, man.

• 36:02Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 36:04Mae Martin?

  Isn't that always the way it's like, when you feel your best, you're like, you feel invincible. So you're like, yeah, I can do this and then.

• 36:10Tig Notaro?

  Or I just see other people just like.

• 36:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 36:13Tig Notaro?

  And like my, yeah, and my weakness is like chips and salsa and chips and guac and all of that stuff. And so I'm just looking around, everyone's eating it and I'm, and I'm going for it. Um, but half, half the time, it's so crazy, I forget.

• 36:33Tig Notaro?

  I will completely forget that these foods cause me severe pain.

• 36:39Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 36:40Tig Notaro?

  And I'll, I'll turn to Stephanie and she's like, I was watching you thinking this is, here we go. And I'm like, I truly forgot. I was just like in the moment, just like mindlessly having these chips and then, and it's not in immediate, like one second later, but it, you know, like I'm hanging out.

• 37:02Mae Martin?

  An hour later.

• 37:02Tig Notaro?

  As the night goes on, I'm like, oh gosh, the acid is burning a hole through me.

• 37:08Mae Martin?

  Oh, it's so hard when, as a partner too, when you see your partner doing something, you don't want to be the naggy likes. You're like, they're a grown up, let them make their choices. Cause you don't want to be like, yeah, should you be eating that?

• 37:19Tig Notaro?

  But I do, no, I do appreciate it. When Stephanie leans over and is like, just remember, you know, I'll be like, cause half the time

• 37:27Mae Martin?

  snaps you out of it.

• 37:28Tig Notaro?

  Unconscious and I'm just not thinking about it. And I, and then other times I am aware and I, and I will still just be like, whatever. I'm just gonna do what everyone else is doing and I'm, and then so, yeah.

• 37:43Mae Martin?

  Will she say occasionally, hey, just?

• 37:45Tig Notaro?

  Oh yeah, definitely. When we were at the morning show, I, there were, we were at the, we were standing at a bar and there were like two or three people between us. When I started going at the chips and, um, and so she said she saw me, but you know, she just continued her conversation and.

• 38:05Mae Martin?

  I couldn't reach you.

• 38:08Tig Notaro?

  But yeah, those, those moments pop up for me where, where I'm like, I know I'm gonna be in some pain.

• 38:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah. I think I like a harm reduction model rather than a, an abstinence model for a lot of things. Cause I feel like it's for me, it's the, the shame spiral that really like, like if someone's like, if you have another cigarette, I'm not going to date you, then I don't know, then I'm going to be hiding it. I'm going to feel.

• 38:33Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 38:34Mae Martin?

  I remember being at a. Yeah, like a dinner party with Parv and having a cigarette. She hates smoking, but she was so chill about it. And I was like, let's see, that makes me, yeah, not want to smoke. Instead of wanting to rebel.

• 38:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I mean, mine's always like food based, like I will order whatever I want. And then afterwards it'd be like, why can't you make better choices?

• 38:59Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 38:59Fortune Feimster?

  And I know like it's not the good choice, but I just like, don't care.

• 39:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 39:04Fortune Feimster?

  So I wish I were like a little bit more disciplined with myself in that way. But even like life things, like I'll kind of know that like, all right, you're like very tired today. And you didn't get enough sleep, so maybe don't call your mom today. And then, or like answer the phone and then she'll, you know, because moms know how to push the buttons.

• 39:25Mae Martin?

  Oh, right, right.

• 39:26Fortune Feimster?

  So I know I'm, it's probably not the best time to like talk and I answer anyway.

• 39:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 39:34Fortune Feimster?

  And I'm like, why did I, now we're fussing at each other. Why did I do that? You know, like I could have just texted, hey, let me call you tomorrow.

• 39:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:41Fortune Feimster?

  But yeah, we all just kind of get in these habits.

• 39:44Mae Martin?

  And how are you guys with your phones? Like, are you before bed playing Best Fiends?

• 39:50Fortune Feimster?

  I was really bad about it for a while where I was like just mindlessly scrolling.

• 39:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 39:56Fortune Feimster?

  Because I find when I'm like crazy busy and like.

• 40:00Mae Martin?

  Minds racing and.

• 40:02Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, my days have been like packed to the minute for the last month. And so when I would have that like end of the night, I'm finally lay on the couch. All I do is just mindlessly scroll because I don't want to think about anything. Um, but I'm like so not present for Jackson, my home life that, and I was doing it right before bed. So we've been trying the last like two weeks to go to bed a lot earlier. And I'm trying not to, when I go to my bed, not to be on my phone.

• 40:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah. You reading or something or?

• 40:38Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 40:39Mae Martin?

  Or making a

• 40:40Fortune Feimster?

  But it, boy, is it hard, cause I just love looking at dumb shit.

• 40:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah, phones are

• 40:46Tig Notaro?

  What are you looking at? When you say you're scrolling, are you looking at your friends' pages? Oh, oh, I see.

• 40:52Mae Martin?

  Oh, your TikTok, yeah.

• 40:53Fortune Feimster?

  TikTok is weirdly addicting. And I was like, late to the TikTok game and kinda was like, oh, what is this? And then in the last year, I started being more active on it and it does have this way of sucking you in. Where you just, like, you just scroll up and it's video after video after video. But the algorithm is so sophisticated that it knows, like, it just starts taking you. You watch one thing, it's like, oh, we're gonna give you eight more of the, of these kinds of things.

• 41:24Mae Martin?

  I know, it knows exactly what you want, yeah.

• 41:27Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 41:27Tig Notaro?

  And so what is it that you're liking that you're watching? Is it like comedic stuff?

• 41:32Fortune Feimster?

  It is the crazy, it's the craziest stuff I would never think to wanna watch or be interested in. But like, suddenly I'm watching people eat a triple dipper from Chili's.

• 41:45Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, half of TikTok is people eating food and it's all over their face.

• 41:51Tig Notaro?

  I should start a TikTok account where I eat food and then I'm in pain.

• 41:54Mae Martin?

  Yes, people relate.

• 41:57Fortune Feimster?

  Guys, I It's hugely popular on TikTok.

• 42:01Mae Martin?

  I went to, um, that just reminded me that I went to Denny's for the first time in my life.

• 42:05Fortune Feimster?

  What did you think?

• 42:06Mae Martin?

  I kind of, I love

• 42:07Tig Notaro?

  Were you in pain?

• 42:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I was in a huge amount of pain after, but, uh, I had a

• 42:12Tig Notaro?

  I call that a Denny's gasket. You blew a Denny's gasket.

• 42:16Mae Martin?

  I truly did.

• 42:18Fortune Feimster?

  Moves over my hammy.

• 42:20Mae Martin?

  Oh, man, it was, it was great, though.

• 42:22Tig Notaro?

  Hmm.

• 42:22Mae Martin?

  I Googled it. It started in nineteen fifty-three, Denny's, in California.

• 42:27Fortune Feimster?

  Sometimes you just want breakfast for dinner.

• 42:29Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:30Fortune Feimster?

  It's the kinda place that you would get that at. I think I would probably go to IHOP over Denny's.

• 42:34Mae Martin?

  Wait, no, I, cause I've been to IHOP and hated it, really.

• 42:37Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, you hated it?

• 42:38Mae Martin?

  I'm shocked, Fortune.

• 42:39Fortune Feimster?

  So you like Denny's better?

• 42:41Mae Martin?

  The atmosphere is way better.

• 42:42Fortune Feimster?

  Truth be told, I haven't been to a Denny's in maybe twenty years.

• 42:45Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 42:46Fortune Feimster?

  So maybe I just have not remembering.

• 42:48Tig Notaro?

  I have no idea when I was last in a Denny's. The last time I was in an IHOP was, I think, the last time I saw my father before he was dying. Like, he had come to the city and surprised me where I was doing stand up. And I remember I got off stage and I was walking to the green room and I, I saw this guy leaning up against the wall and I was like, God, it looks like my father.

• 43:14Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 43:15Tig Notaro?

  Boom, it was.

• 43:17Mae Martin?

  That's amazing.

• 43:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And then the next morning, he had gotten a hotel and he took me to IHOP in the morning.

• 43:26Mae Martin?

  That is so sweet. When you actually break that down and you think about the stages of planning and the decision that he made to surprise you. And that's very sweet. I like that.

• 43:35Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 43:36Fortune Feimster?

  My dad would never do that.

• 43:41Tig Notaro?

  Well, there's a lot my father did not do in decades that I didn't see him. So this is the least he could do. I remember it was so embarrassing because I was sitting with, I was doing a club. This was so long ago. I was doing like, it was like Christmas, you know, when they have Christmas parties at clubs.

• 44:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 44:01Tig Notaro?

  And so both shows, early and late show were sold out and my father was like so impressed. And I was like, no, no, no. I was like, nobody, they didn't buy tickets to see me. This is like holiday parties.

• 44:14Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 44:15Tig Notaro?

  He, I could not convince him. He thought like I was the biggest star in the world. And it was so embarrassing because somebody came up and interrupted us while we were sitting, you know, at a little table talking and asked me to sign my autograph on a glass they had bought at the bar, at the club.

• 44:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 44:35Tig Notaro?

  And I was. I was so embarrassed signing, because I was just telling him that I'm not a big deal, you know? And then now I'm being asked to sign my autograph. And it was also so odd to sign his last name in front of him.

• 44:54Mae Martin?

  That's so weird, yeah.

• 44:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, because I wasn't, I was, you know, he just was kind of in and out of my life. And so it was so weird trying to explain, I'm not a big deal. And then signing an autograph with his last name on it.

• 45:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah, but as a parent, you would love that, I think.

• 45:11Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 45:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Weirdly, the only person who surprised me at a show like that is my godfather, who I mentioned, who I had never seen out of the context of this tiny rural Greek village in Corfu. One night in London, I look, it was so weird seeing him out of context. And he's sort of, yeah, and, and he acted like, yeah, man. Yeah, I was like, what, Philip? And he was like, yeah, you know, somehow really, you know, I thought, you know, I'd come, you know, see you, do, you know, comedy. That's how he spoke.

• 45:40Fortune Feimster?

  I just got off the boat.

• 45:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah, he just.

• 45:42Fortune Feimster?

  I got a fork sticking out of my chest.

• 45:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah. He could catch flies in his hand. He could roll a cigarette with one hand. He was very fucking cool.

• 45:51Fortune Feimster?

  Dang, that's cool.

• 45:52Tig Notaro?

  My father carried a pistol in his cowboy boot.

• 45:55Mae Martin?

  Are you serious?

• 45:56Tig Notaro?

  I am very serious.

• 45:58Mae Martin?

  Into like.

• 45:59Tig Notaro?

  Knives. He'd have a knife in his cowboy boot.

• 46:03Fortune Feimster?

  Dude with a random knife.

• 46:05Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 46:05Fortune Feimster?

  And it's on their belt or something.

• 46:07Tig Notaro?

  He also had like a, a, a chest holster.

• 46:10Mae Martin?

  Jesus. And was he, were they loaded?

• 46:14Tig Notaro?

  I don't know. I mean, wow, my father was a real interesting character.

• 46:21Fortune Feimster?

  How, how old were you when they split?

• 46:23Tig Notaro?

  I was six months old.

• 46:25Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, okay. So you never lived with them?

• 46:27Tig Notaro?

  No, he would ju, no, he would just pop up and pop out and.

• 46:32Fortune Feimster?

  He sounded like Crocodile Dundee of Mississippi.

• 46:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 46:36Tig Notaro?

  Well, he claimed to be part of the Mississippi mafia.

• 46:41Mae Martin?

  Wait.

• 46:41Fortune Feimster?

  You know, honestly, he probably was.

• 46:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 46:44Mae Martin?

  I didn't know there was a Mississippi mafia, but he was Italian, right?

• 46:48Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 46:48Fortune Feimster?

  Wow, Italians love mafias.

• 46:51Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, there's, there's the Dixie mafia, the Mississippi mafia, like I, anyway, we sat at IHOP and he told me about his days there.

• 47:02Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, really?

• 47:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 47:03Mae Martin?

  Hilarious.

• 47:05Fortune Feimster?

  Was that the last time you saw him?

• 47:07Tig Notaro?

  When he was, um, yeah, healthy and, um, uh, then I went at like right before he died. I saw him.

• 47:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:16Tig Notaro?

  But, um, yeah, he was, uh.

• 47:19Mae Martin?

  He was in the Mississippi mafia.

• 47:20Tig Notaro?

  Interesting character. I went to IHOP with him. Anyway, that was the last time I was at IHOP with him. And my, and my father was like, this is my treat. And I was like, oh.

• 47:30Fortune Feimster?

  Even though you're so fancy, it's not an autograph.

• 47:32Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:34Mae Martin?

  Well, should we hear, um, Ego's answer?

• 47:36Tig Notaro?

  Hmm.

• 47:37Mae Martin?

  I forgot what the question was, but oh yeah, yeah. What do you do?

• 47:40Tig Notaro?

  Doing things that are maybe not good for you. Yeah.

• 47:44Fortune Feimster?

  Guilty as charged.

• 47:46Speaker 04

  My answer is that I notorious for having stomach aches and a sensitive stomach. Yesterday decided I wanted to make my stomach hurt more than it already did when I woke up. Stomach kinda hurt in the morning and I decided quite arbitrarily, quite destructively, that I wanted to have a sandwich. I'm rarely ever craving a sandwich. That's a whole other story and another topic for another day. But I decided to go get a sandwich from a sandwich spot in the West Village. Um, it was called the Capone. It had sopressata on it, salami.

• 48:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 48:21Speaker 04

  Another pork item. Uh, that, I don't know if that's not necessarily the problem here, maybe. Um, but then I had, it had provolone and mozzarella. I'd asked for no alterations to this sandwich.

• 48:32Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 48:33Speaker 04

  Provolone and mozzarella. I'm kinda lactose intolerant. In fact, I am lactose intolerant and I'm in denial about it. And I know that it makes my stomach hurt when I have a lot of dairy. So I had not only one type of cheese, I had two types of cheese.

• 48:43Tig Notaro?

  Hmm.

• 48:44Speaker 04

  And I saw the guy slicing the cheese and I saw him put extra on it. And I wasn't like, oh no, that's enough. I was kinda like, let's, let's be destructive. Um, and then I got it on Shabbat. I had all kinds of bread options, didn't even ask for gluten. Um. A gluten free bread, even though I have a gluten sensitivity, which is really tragic to me. Didn't even ask for that. Was like, I'm gonna, I want ciabatta. Thank you very much. And of course, today my stomach hurts more than it did yesterday. But I can't be mad at anyone because I did it to myself. But can you please share your tales of something similar so that I don't feel so alone? In my self-destructive ways. Okay, bye bye handsome.

• 49:22Tig Notaro?

  I, a man, right on the notes. Me and you kid.

• 49:27Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 49:28Tig Notaro?

  Dairy messes up a lot of people. Mine wasn't dairy, but yeah, yeah.

• 49:34Fortune Feimster?

  Dairy and gluten can really tear up some stomachs and some buttholes.

• 49:40Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And lives in general. It'll just destroy people's lives.

• 49:46Mae Martin?

  Is that new though? Like how, like that sucks.

• 49:50Fortune Feimster?

  I think it's the stuff that's in the food. Yeah, it's just like. Cause a lot of people that have like dairy or gluten stuff here can go to Italy and be totally fine.

• 50:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 50:03Fortune Feimster?

  Eating, eating, people that can't eat the bread here, just like wolf it down over there.

• 50:08Mae Martin?

  I just break out if I eat a lot of dairy and gluten. Yeah.

• 50:13Tig Notaro?

  Well, I'd love to see that. I just push through.

• 50:18Mae Martin?

  That sandwich did sound good though, you know, and when sometimes it that little dopamine rush when you take the first bite, maybe it's worth it.

• 50:26Fortune Feimster?

  And I'm actually not too far from the West Village right now.

• 50:31Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 50:32Fortune Feimster?

  Somebody might be getting some stomach aches.

• 50:39Tig Notaro?

  Hello. Well, that was a fun episode.

• 50:43Mae Martin?

  It was.

• 50:44Tig Notaro?

  Fun question and something I think a lot of people can relate to.

• 50:49Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 50:49Fortune Feimster?

  Well, you guys know what today is, right?

• 50:52Tig Notaro?

  Is it your birthday?

• 50:53Mae Martin?

  No.

• 50:54Fortune Feimster?

  Although it's close to my half birthday.

• 50:57Mae Martin?

  We don't, do we do half birthdays on this pod?

• 50:59Fortune Feimster?

  We should, why not? Then tomorrow, my half birthday.

• 51:04Fortune Feimster?

  It's New Year's Eve, guys.

• 51:05Mae Martin?

  Oh, my lord.

• 51:07Fortune Feimster?

  So I know everybody's gonna get wild tonight.

• 51:10Mae Martin?

  That really matches our question today about like resolutions.

• 51:13Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, people are gonna be making some bad choices. We hope you make good choices. Be safe.

• 51:20Mae Martin?

  I do, I'm kind of, I'm definitely over like getting wasted on New Year's Eve. Cause starting the year hungover is so bleak.

• 51:27Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God. Starting any day hungover.

• 51:33Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God.

• 51:34Fortune Feimster?

  Jax and I are gonna be making vision boards probably tomorrow or the next day. That's our beginning of the year, um, routine.

• 51:42Mae Martin?

  I like a vision board. That's a good idea.

• 51:44Fortune Feimster?

  We have a stack of magazines that we collect for last month. And we both have a piece of big white paper. We individually cut out our things and then we tape it. And then we tell each other what our hopes are for the next year.

• 52:00Tig Notaro?

  That's awesome.

• 52:01Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. It's our one hippie dippy thing we do.

• 52:04Mae Martin?

  That's really good.

• 52:05Fortune Feimster?

  Jax is not a sharer of feelings.

• 52:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and she's sort of anti-crystal healing.

• 52:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, she's not into the woo woo.

• 52:13Tig Notaro?

  She doesn't like to hug.

• 52:15Mae Martin?

  But a vision board.

• 52:18Fortune Feimster?

  But a vision board, baby. And, and it, at the end of the year, we do look at the old ones and go, oh, interesting that. Yeah. So this is, we're about, it's our time to shine.

• 52:29Mae Martin?

  I love that.

• 52:30Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I hope you guys have a lovely New Year's Eve.

• 52:33Tig Notaro?

  I hope that for both of you as well.

• 52:35Mae Martin?

  I usually get dim sum and I get a little fortune cookie. I like that.

• 52:39Fortune Feimster?

  Ooh.

• 52:39Mae Martin?

  So I'll let you know what it says.

• 52:41Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 52:42Mae Martin?

  I hate when it's a joke fortune, like you'll have a good food in the meal you're having currently. Well, that's a bad example, but you know what I mean.

• 52:52Fortune Feimster?

  I know what you mean. Some of them say like an actual fortune and some are just like, it's, blue is a great color.

• 52:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah, but guys, if you want to see maybe Ginger in Nashville on April 6th, we'll be doing our, a live handsome show and then in Austin on April 12th.

• 53:08Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 53:09Mae Martin?

  Can't wait. Never been to those cities.

• 53:11Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, man.

• 53:12Tig Notaro?

  Tickets are going fast.

• 53:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah, let's sell them out.

• 53:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And then as always, you know, feel free to get my album. Hello again. It's audio version of my latest special.

• 53:25Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, my special Crushing It is streaming on Netflix. Please watch it if you haven't. Tell your friends and I'm on tour. I'm in a bunch of clubs the next couple of months around California. And then a big theater tour starting April 1st where I'm coming to a bunch of cities. So go to fortunefeast.com to see where I'm coming.

• 53:46Mae Martin?

  And if this episode has got you thinking about addictive tendencies, you could watch Feel Good on Netflix. Uh, it's a comedy drama that I made about addictive behaviors, kind of. Uh, so if you're hungover, just put that on.

• 54:01Tig Notaro?

  Have a great New Year's Eve.

• 54:03Mae Martin?

  And thank you for all the support this year for the pod. We're, we're heading into next year feeling energized, full of vigor, pumped to do more cool stuff with you two.

• 54:15Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. What an awesome year it's been, uh, doing handsome with you guys.

• 54:19Tig Notaro?

  Really great. And, um, and until next time, guys, I mean, shall we? Keep it handsome.

• 54:28Mae Martin?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected] and please follow us on social media at HandsomePod.

• 54:46Speaker 00

  What a podcast.

• 54:51Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.

• 54:53Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that my outfit matches the vibe of the evening before heading out the door, I regret everything. The night called for a black t-shirt, but I wore a white one instead, and now everything's out of alignment.

• 55:07Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 55:22Speaker 05

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 55:24Speaker 06

  And Hannah Simone.

• 55:25Speaker 05

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog.

• 55:46Speaker 06

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 55:59Speaker 05

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes, we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 56:10Speaker 06

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.