Pod Insights Hamish & Andy 2025 Ep 286 - A Solution To Save Special Skills About this episode In a bid to save Special Skills, Hamish wants to find the 'chosen one' holding the ultimate special skill! Meanwhile, Jack unveils his sacrifice to the gods (it’s a big one) and gifts it to the listener who almost bagged the golf cart. Song Sleuth is back, with Andy taking the a current hit TV show theme straight to the lab for testing. Plus, in the final twist of the Up There Cazaly Quest, Andy brings us the inside scoop from Collingwood’s home game last week — could the song have been played?!
A Conclave for Special Skills Jack's Gift for the Gods Song Sleuth Up There Cazaly Finale
Transcript 0:02 Speaker 00 A Listener Production.
0:07 Speaker 01 Activate your internet because the Hamish and the podcast starts in three, two.
0:17 Speaker 01 Sorry, it's still buffering. One.
0:23 Speaker 02 Ahoy to me Monica Hamish.
0:27 Speaker 02 Chandler.
0:30 Speaker 02 Are we friends characters?
0:32 Speaker 03 Yeah, ahoy to me Rachel.
0:34 Speaker 02 I mean, come on, that's, that is.
0:36 Speaker 03 I told the lies.
0:37 Speaker 02 That's weak sauce.
0:38 Speaker 03 It's, I, we, I, that's what I worried about.
0:40 Speaker 02 That's a one by one Sudoku. That is not hard.
0:44 Speaker 03 I warned you lies. I warned you.
0:46 Speaker 02 The biggest entertainment franchise in television history.
0:49 Speaker 03 Yeah.
0:50 Speaker 02 I mean, even starting with Joey, I think we could have got there. And that's probably the most likely to have a few other options.
0:56 Speaker 03 It could have been smaller marsupials.
0:58 Speaker 02 Yes, exactly. What's the name of, what do we call some babies, babies of Australian animals? But anyway.
1:04 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:04 Speaker 02 That's all right. She was due a miss and that is it.
1:07 Speaker 03 That was it. Yeah. I bet. And the thing was, I warned her. I just, yeah. And then you've got to, at some point, you've got to let someone go out and play.
1:13 Speaker 02 What a good manager you are.
1:15 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:15 Speaker 02 What a good manager, Andy.
1:18 Speaker 02 The person that did the work has failed and he's gone, yep, now it's, obviously I don't want to start a pile on. And I, I warned her.
1:28 Speaker 03 All I'm saying.
1:28 Speaker 02 And the last thing she wants to hear is me getting off the hook, but I'm off.
1:33 Speaker 03 True. In a sporting press conference, coaches or managers will usually say like, yeah, we've, we've got as a team, we've got a lot of work to do.
1:39 Speaker 02 We're going to respond next week.
1:40 Speaker 03 I told the players not to do that and they bloody well did it.
1:42 Speaker 02 I said to him, I don't know why he kept doing that because I was very clear. And go and read my lips if you want the halftime huddle. I was so clear, so clear. I don't know why he did that.
1:51 Speaker 03 I, if, if the coach says, don't miss the goal, which he would.
1:55 Speaker 02 Yep.
1:56 Speaker 03 There, there are, there are easier ways to kick the goal.
1:59 Speaker 02 Yep.
2:00 Speaker 03 Yeah. That was, that was kind of the way that I approached the conversation.
2:03 Speaker 02 But do you back, do you, do you back her?
2:06 Speaker 03 I've got my doubts now.
2:09 Speaker 02 So the trade, open trade period is coming up and not officially nominating her for a trade.
2:15 Speaker 03 But you know, you know who would be celebrating? Mike. Mike. Yeah. Radio Mike. Yeah. But I feel like it's gonna bounce back. Anyway, ahoy also to Ally Morris, who went to homeischnery.com to let us know what she's been up to.
2:26 Speaker 04 G'day lads, Ally from Canberra here. Today is my wedding day, so I'm calling to self-report. I could not be less in touch with the common man. People are catering to my every whim. I'm wearing a custom-made ball gown and not only did we fork out for thousands of flowers, but they're actually hanging from the ceiling in the reception hall. So I actually may never be in touch again. Also, my fiance, first two initials are S.P., so I get a little laugh every time he gets any formal mail, but he doesn't understand why. I know you guys will get it. Well, I gotta go. The Isle of Wight.
3:00 Speaker 03 The Isle of Wight.
3:01 Speaker 02 Congrats.
3:03 Speaker 03 That is a cool cucumber bride there.
3:06 Speaker 02 Yeah. Well, you've got to understand that when she started uploading that to the website, it was probably sometime in the late 1800s. So.
3:15 Speaker 03 No, the website's very quick.
3:17 Speaker 02 Back then weddings, you know, they would go for days. You just didn't get, there's no social media. So you didn't have to worry about everyone judging your wedding and it was fine. That's why she's so relaxed.
3:25 Speaker 03 Ah, Haim, you wanted to top the show. It's probably come to everyone's attention that there's something we haven't had any of this year. No special skills yet this year. When was our last special skill? Can you guys remember what our last special skill was? I think it was the guy that could measure things.
3:42 Speaker 02 Metal?
3:43 Speaker 03 Measure the metal.
3:44 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
3:45 Speaker 03 And he couldn't. And he really couldn't. Yeah. I'm gonna say something. When's the last special skill that was successful?
3:51 Speaker 02 Well, Jack, you raise a good point.
3:53 Speaker 03 And the, but I mean, he was so unsuccessful that we gave him an option to plug his business or not.
4:00 Speaker 03 Didn't want to be associated with his business.
4:05 Speaker 02 I'll get in trouble if they find out that I've mentioned them in the same context as me.
4:10 Speaker 03 Yeah.
4:10 Speaker 02 This is the thing. We've been doing special skills on this show for probably a good five or six years, maybe more, maybe seven years. And we've had some incredible highs, but I think 2025 has to be a time of honesty and a time of just calling spades, spades. And I look at the frequency of success of the special skills.
4:32 Speaker 03 Yeah.
4:33 Speaker 02 And you do have to admit that sort of from about last year, they became less frequent and less successful. Now, I'm not saying on a different day, the guy that could throw the KFC into the bin wouldn't have hit the bin every time. And we would just have a different feeling about it. We had a lot of bin misses. We had a lot of stuff that wasn't being measured.
4:52 Speaker 03 Are you saying that you reckon that segment can't withstand another failure? Like.
4:58 Speaker 02 I am saying that I think as the custodians of the show, we must be honest and say we stand at a fork in the road. Where someone needs to step up and hashtag save special skills.
5:13 Speaker 03 Yes, you're right. You're right.
5:15 Speaker 02 Now, someone needs to do it because I look at the entries that are coming in and they're okay. But unfortunately, the pressure is built so much. They need to be better than okay. Like someone writing going, well, my mate can speak backwards. I go, okay.
5:29 Speaker 03 Okay.
5:30 Speaker 02 We need, that's awesome.
5:32 Speaker 03 Yeah.
5:33 Speaker 02 But we need bigger.
5:34 Speaker 03 Well, can I give you an example of one that it shouldn't have written in?
5:39 Speaker 03 This is Jared with one R.
5:43 Speaker 03 He writes, I have a friend who is eating an entire roast chicken in one go every single day of 2025.
5:49 Speaker 02 Yeah.
5:52 Speaker 03 That's, that is tough for us to witness.
5:54 Speaker 02 But also how.
5:55 Speaker 03 I kind of do want to see that.
5:57 Speaker 02 But is that a special skill? My point is, is that a special skill?
6:00 Speaker 03 That's a special mission.
6:02 Speaker 02 Yeah.
6:03 Speaker 03 That's a special quest.
6:04 Speaker 02 It's an endurance challenge.
6:06 Speaker 03 And he's on it by himself and we wish him the best.
6:09 Speaker 02 It's certainly possible. I mean, monotony is the thing you're fighting there rather than any kind of human limit.
6:15 Speaker 03 And do you find that chicken is the only food that you get, you choke on it if you have too much? Like, like it feels like.
6:22 Speaker 02 But he's not trying to eat it in 10 minutes. He's got all day.
6:24 Speaker 03 He's got all day. Have some for lunch, have some for dinner.
6:27 Speaker 02 He's just gonna trade his handbag. He's just taking around all day.
6:29 Speaker 03 He's had entire roast chicken in one go.
6:32 Speaker 02 Well, that's, doesn't really mean anything because one go really means one bite. He's not a crocodile.
6:37 Speaker 03 He's not doing that. Yeah, that's fair.
6:38 Speaker 02 So what he, I guess what he means is, yeah, maybe he doesn't, maybe he just doesn't eat all day. Like he's doing intermittent fasting and then sittes at night and eats a chicken. This guy's probably like jacked. To be honest, probably, girl, come in, he looks like Wolverine. But again, I'm only interested in witnessing that to answer the questions that we've all got now, which is like, well, how much of the chicken's he eating? Is he eating all of it? Like if we, we went through, we found a little bit of flesh left, like would we be sticklers and go, well, you haven't eaten the whole chicken here? You've left a bit of the thigh. And we wanna see, we'd really just be watching a man eat a chicken, which is possible.
7:12 Speaker 03 Yeah. And then also we've got to go, all right, it's March. We just assume you'll do this for the rest of the year. Good luck.
7:18 Speaker 02 Yeah. Like if someone's doing, I don't know, 50 pushups a day for a year, I'm sure that's awesome. But if we would just watch them do 50 and they said, and I'm doing that every day.
7:32 Speaker 02 That's the bit that's impressive and it's not the bit we saw.
7:35 Speaker 03 Yes, yes. Good point.
7:36 Speaker 02 Okay. So that's where I'm at. I'm kind of looking at this stuff going, these are, these are things and I don't want to discourage people from stepping up. In fact, I want the opposite. I want to inspire people to go, okay.
7:46 Speaker 03 Okay.
7:47 Speaker 02 I've heard the show, I'm the fan of the show. I know what's possible with special skills. Think throwing an orange very, very close to the roof, but never touching. Now that was a fail, but if that had come off.
7:59 Speaker 03 That'd come off.
8:00 Speaker 02 That just would have been huge. The guy that built flat pack with no instructions, that was a win and that was incredible.
8:06 Speaker 03 Okay.
8:07 Speaker 02 Seeing the size of someone's shoe just from them walking past, that, again, that's really in the ballpark. But we haven't had that level of mutant come on the show for a while. And I do, I do think we were at a point.
8:20 Speaker 03 Let me throw a couple more at you then.
8:21 Speaker 02 Yep.
8:22 Speaker 03 Okay, this is from Dean. He's got a friend called Jed. Who he says is born with a built in Shazam.
8:31 Speaker 03 Mm hmm.
8:32 Speaker 05 He knows, he knows some songs.
8:35 Speaker 03 Any song that we would sing it in, give him less than ten seconds.
8:40 Speaker 02 Shazam, so we, we can sing it.
8:41 Speaker 03 We can sing it, give him less than 10 seconds and he'll reliably tell you exactly the song and the band.
8:48 Speaker 02 Warmer.
8:51 Speaker 02 Warmer. But I think I speak for the people when we go, we need to have our socks pointed off. Like, we need to, and look, and Andy, you know what, maybe it is, here's one idea I had. Maybe it is a festival, a skill, a special skill festival. Working title, who wants to be a skill unit, doesn't have to be that. But some sort of festival, we're like, okay, we're really turning the heat up now. Who's gonna save it? Who's gonna step up and save it? And they, almost like we do an episode where we get the top five entries from, from like the next couple of weeks.
9:26 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's like Australian Idol auditions where you go around the country and you see what's out there before you put them on stage.
9:31 Speaker 02 Like, we really re, just, just shake the tree a bit more and see what falls out. And I think, here's an idea on the fly, what if they got together, the people with the special skills, we could even, we could dish out for five flights. People come in, they have a meeting amongst themselves and they elect who amongst them they think is the king.
9:51 Speaker 03 Why don't they do it over the phone?
9:53 Speaker 02 Like the papal, papal, have you seen Con Clove?
9:57 Speaker 03 Yeah, that's, that's interesting.
9:59 Speaker 02 We put them in a special skill con clove and then they come out and they're like, we've all had a talk about it. We think Kelly, she's, she's got the best one, she is the chosen one, she will save the segment. She will save special skills and reinvigorate it for 2025.
10:15 Speaker 03 I like this.
10:17 Speaker 02 So. Great, because it's based off an Oscar nominated film.
10:21 Speaker 03 That makes more sense to me than holding a festival, because the festival sounds like we have to go.
10:25 Speaker 02 Water it down, yeah, then you're getting a lower ax. No, no, I think we pick the best, the top five, but we let them sort it out.
10:32 Speaker 03 I know we love work, but why don't we get Carly and Lys to pick what they think are the best five? So then we don't even know. We don't even know. And then we just, so, because I'd be worried if we knew and this person comes out and throws an orange across the roof, it doesn't get, we're going, who, what was second? Yeah, like you'd be yearning for, we should have gone with, you know, the guy that can recognize a V8 when it drives past with blindfolded. So. I think not knowing them all and just then someone coming out and saying, this is what I do.
11:03 Speaker 02 We trust us. I've been chosen from a conclave of other skill holders.
11:08 Speaker 03 If we record their discussions.
11:10 Speaker 02 Full disclosure, I watched Conclave on the weekend, so that is why.
11:17 Speaker 02 I actually wasn't thinking the conclave idea when I first brought this up, but now my brain won't let it go. So if you haven't seen it, that's how they select popes. Yeah. So when, when they need a new pope, all the archbishops get together and they're locked away.
11:30 Speaker 03 I know they put up a black smoke if they haven't agreed.
11:33 Speaker 02 That's right. So everyone votes and they burn the votes um in a little fire. Or this is what's happened for thousands of years, whatever. And it's black smoke if no one can get the majority and then white smoke when they've all chosen who's going to be the new pope.
11:44 Speaker 03 So what about if.
11:45 Speaker 02 We can do the smoke if we want. That could be cool. The gist is no one knows what's going on in the conclave.
11:51 Speaker 03 What about if Jack's in there just to record a few bits? So we know what we can at least hear about.
11:56 Speaker 02 We don't have to do strict pope rules. We can have a reporter. We can have a reporter in the conclave.
12:01 Speaker 03 That's right. And then that person comes out and are they doing it right then and there for us?
12:06 Speaker 02 I think so.
12:07 Speaker 03 And, and are they performing their skill to the rest of the group? Or are they just talking about what they can do?
12:11 Speaker 02 I think it should just be talking.
12:13 Speaker 03 Yeah, agreed. Do, do, I just thought, do you need to really fly five sets of people out then to do? No, do the talking. It's your money. It's your show.
12:26 Speaker 02 We'll need you to chip in for this, Jack.
12:30 Speaker 02 Do you think you can chip in for this, Jack? Cause it's, this is not cheap, so.
12:34 Speaker 03 I'm not chipping in. I'm already doing extra work by being the reporter in there.
12:39 Speaker 02 Would you chip in? Two hundred bucks. Two hundred bucks for you to chip in, Jack. Come on. It's to get, it's to get the top five skill holders.
12:48 Speaker 03 There's money allocated for that sort of thing.
12:49 Speaker 02 No, there's not. We have no budget for anything. It's our money. Will you just chip in two hundred? So. One hundred dollars.
12:57 Speaker 03 No, no, no.
12:58 Speaker 02 Fifty bucks?
12:59 Speaker 03 No, no, it sets a bad precedent.
13:08 Speaker 03 Great.
13:08 Speaker 02 Will you bring in a slab of any drink?
13:19 Speaker 03 Uh, special skills conclave edition.
13:22 Speaker 02 Who's gonna save special skills?
13:24 Speaker 03 Who will save it?
13:25 Speaker 02 If you think you're the highest skilled, if you think you've got an amazing skill you've been sitting or someone's been sitting on, now is the time because we need someone to step up.
13:32 Speaker 03 Or if you've been nervous, don't worry, you won't get in here, you'll be part of the conclave and then you hopefully get the confidence out of the others selecting you.
13:40 Speaker 02 It's a confidence quill. We want people to come in.
13:45 Speaker 02 We want people to come in. Like, let's say you are the guy that can throw a KFC into the bucket from any distance and let's say that that did come off. That's exactly who we want in there going, guys, seriously, I know I'll impress Hamish and Andy.
13:56 Speaker 03 Yeah.
13:56 Speaker 02 I know this will get their attention. Pick me. I am the chosen one. Be the chosen one to save this. And then if that works and it's, and special skills is reinvigorated, we're back for another seven years.
14:09 Speaker 03 Huge. Um, quickly just how?
14:11 Speaker 02 We need a chosen one.
14:12 Speaker 03 With, with the smoke and um, how, is it majority or is it unanimous?
14:17 Speaker 02 I think, oh, forget this bit of the movie. I think it's about 70%, 75%.
14:22 Speaker 03 Sounds like you're making it up.
14:23 Speaker 02 No, it's not. It doesn't have to be unanimous, but it has to be quite a high percentage. I have, I actually have, I bought, I, last year in the Black Friday cyber sales, I bought a very, very good smoke machine. I'll bring it in.
14:38 Speaker 02 I can't believe we haven't done a conclave before.
14:45 Speaker 03 Last week, um, we put to Jack to just, I suppose appease the good karma gods of the people's show. And to be, look, to be honest, to still be labelled as the people's show.
14:59 Speaker 02 The gods of luck needed something, needed an offering, a sacrifice from Jack. He'd been a very fortunate boy with his weaseling at first and then his victory over the people in the golf buggy saga. And fair play. The rules were the rules.
15:15 Speaker 03 Yeah.
15:15 Speaker 05 It was fair play. It was a 50 50 fair play.
15:18 Speaker 02 The rules were the rules.
15:19 Speaker 03 Yeah, it wasn't fair play. It was play, but it was, it was stacked in your favour. But everyone agreed to that game.
15:25 Speaker 02 Yeah, everyone agreed to that game and the game played out and you, by chance, by probable chance, were the winner and that's fine. But to recognise the good fortune that you enjoyed from the gods of luck, I think there was a side of the equation, people that were hoping to have a bit better of a chance to win that golf buggy. They felt that maybe there's an imbalance in the universe.
15:49 Speaker 03 Hmm.
15:50 Speaker 02 Sometimes to please the gods and to bring balance back to the universe, a sacrifice would be made, a tribute would be made to the gods of some significance. Not often did they go, well, I've, this old stick doesn't make sense. The gods can have that. And that's what you tried to do at first.
16:06 Speaker 03 Yeah.
16:06 Speaker 02 Give the gods half a banana or something because I'm full anyway.
16:09 Speaker 03 So you gave me a week to think about what you might want to do as giveaway. Cause we did promise the people our giveaway and they, they're yearning for one.
16:17 Speaker 02 They're yearning for it.
16:18 Speaker 03 10,886 people that applied for one.
16:21 Speaker 02 We need to order back to this, Jack.
16:24 Speaker 05 So it's the same people who are in the golf buggy pool can win this next thing, even though it could be not golf related at all.
16:31 Speaker 03 Okay.
16:31 Speaker 02 Have you made a decision?
16:33 Speaker 05 I have made a decision.
16:36 Speaker 05 It's a big sacrifice, so I think the gods will be happy. At least in size.
16:42 Speaker 02 We, we, it's not for mortals to say how the gods feel. Let's hope.
16:48 Speaker 05 All right. I'm sending you a picture
16:51 Speaker 05 of my piano.
16:55 Speaker 03 Oh, wow. That is good.
16:58 Speaker 05 It's a proper.
16:59 Speaker 02 That's a big, it's an upright piano.
17:01 Speaker 05 Upright piano.
17:03 Speaker 02 Why? Okay, I have to ask.
17:06 Speaker 05 For the gods, for the gods. Why what?
17:08 Speaker 02 If you say the why word in the next 20 episodes, you shall be struck down by the gods.
17:16 Speaker 05 What word?
17:17 Speaker 02 You know the word I mean.
17:18 Speaker 05 I don't know what word you mean.
17:19 Speaker 02 They make slow guitars.
17:23 Speaker 05 No, I'm not trying to get it. Well.
17:25 Speaker 02 This is you trying to upgrade your piano.
17:29 Speaker 02 Cause that's what this feels like to me.
17:31 Speaker 05 Wow, I didn't even put two and two together that Yamaha made great pianos. That's not why. Wow.
17:38 Speaker 02 Why?
17:39 Speaker 05 Oh my god.
17:40 Speaker 02 Do not bring a weasel to the altar of the gods. This is a sacred place.
17:45 Speaker 05 That's a pretty awesome, like, old, upright piano, like.
17:50 Speaker 02 And I just wondered why you're, and why are you giving it, Jack?
17:54 Speaker 05 Generous to the people.
17:56 Speaker 02 Why are you giving it?
17:57 Speaker 05 Does it work? It does work.
18:00 Speaker 02 Do you have a replacement on its way?
18:02 Speaker 05 No, I don't.
18:03 Speaker 02 Do you have an idea for a replacement?
18:05 Speaker 05 This is my only piano.
18:08 Speaker 05 And it's just, it is just a really generous thing that I want to give away. Okay.
18:15 Speaker 02 And I.
18:15 Speaker 05 We've got to take it on face value.
18:17 Speaker 02 Look at him. Something's up.
18:19 Speaker 05 Something's up. It's actually, I'll say this. It is a real piano. It works. It's in tune.
18:26 Speaker 02 Wow. Do you want it?
18:28 Speaker 05 Course not.
18:31 Speaker 02 That's.
18:31 Speaker 05 I don't want it anymore. And it's very hard to get rid of.
18:36 Speaker 05 It's extremely hard. It weighs a ton.
18:40 Speaker 02 And now we hear the truth.
18:42 Speaker 05 Well.
18:43 Speaker 02 All right, Jack, you have to get it to the person.
18:46 Speaker 05 No, no, no, that's the thing because I actually acquired it. This winner gonna pick it up? I acquired the piano for free without knowing that it would cost $200 to get it delivered, then another $200 after it's delivered to get it retuned.
19:00 Speaker 02 You must get.
19:01 Speaker 05 So I've already paid, I've already paid the incoming fee. I feel like.
19:06 Speaker 02 Jack, think about your answer to this. Will you get the piano, piano to the winner of the piano? Given how fortunate you've been and how much the gods have smiled upon thee.
19:19 Speaker 05 Yeah, but what if they lived in like Perth? That might be the new risk you have to take.
19:24 Speaker 02 Now we have a real sacrifice on our hands, don't we? This is the mood the gods wanted.
19:28 Speaker 05 Yeah.
19:29 Speaker 02 A reluctant giver.
19:33 Speaker 03 Okay, Jack, will you, will you commit to that?
19:37 Speaker 05 Okay, so when you, when you pick them out of a raffle, does it say where they are? Or do we have to call them?
19:42 Speaker 03 No, we'll call them.
19:43 Speaker 02 And then we'll find out where they live.
19:45 Speaker 05 If they live overseas, who knows what, how would you even get a piano overseas?
19:49 Speaker 03 Well.
19:50 Speaker 05 It weighs a ton. Me and my brother tried to push it across the floor and it created a scratch along the floor just because it's so heavy that the wheels, on wheels, it created a scratch in the floor.
20:02 Speaker 03 All I'm saying, Jack, is you committed to that. There are some internationals in there. It's, it's far more Australians.
20:09 Speaker 02 How does it feel to have the odds now not in your favour?
20:15 Speaker 05 All right. I, I will get the piano to whoever wins it.
20:19 Speaker 02 Now that is a beautiful gesture. That's a beautiful gesture.
20:23 Speaker 03 All right.
20:24 Speaker 02 What about this? I'll give Jack, since he's come to the party there, that's a very, that's the kind of sacrifice we're after. That is generous boy behaviour. Will you zip it, Jack? You're not allowed to say anything. When this, we select the person, we say to them, you haven't, obviously you know you haven't won the buggy, but Jack is willing to give the person that would have won the buggy, which is whoever we pick out here, a piano, his piano. He's gonna get it to you. Do you accept? If they say, I don't want a piano, Jack, you're off the hook. You've paid your debt.
20:57 Speaker 03 Okay. He's probably a bit disappointed. He wants to get rid of that thing, but.
21:00 Speaker 05 That's the thing. A lot of people might not want or even have space for a big upright piano.
21:05 Speaker 02 Let's try someone. Your fault for picking something that's so specific.
21:08 Speaker 03 We'll call someone now. So I'm gonna pick, well, the computer random generator online is gonna pick a number between one and 10,886. I'll then give you the number, Jack.
21:20 Speaker 05 Okay.
21:20 Speaker 03 We'll call them and find out where they're from and then whether they want a piano.
21:28 Speaker 05 And if they don't, then there's no more sacrificing to the gods. The gods are happy. Everyone's.
21:33 Speaker 03 We couldn't light the witch. She just wouldn't go.
21:38 Speaker 02 But the gods appreciated our best efforts.
21:41 Speaker 03 All right.
21:46 Speaker 03 Six thousand eight hundred and eight is the number.
21:51 Speaker 02 Who's the person?
21:52 Speaker 03 I now go to the corresponding person.
21:56 Speaker 03 Geez, in six thousand, it's a big, it's an Excel spreadsheet. I'm zooming through here.
22:01 Speaker 02 Who is it, Andy?
22:03 Speaker 03 Matthew Campbell.
22:04 Speaker 05 Okay.
22:06 Speaker 03 It's an Australian phone number.
22:08 Speaker 05 Okay, that's a good start.
22:10 Speaker 03 I'm passing Jack the number now. Jack, you got that?
22:12 Speaker 05 I've got that. Here we go. Matthew.
22:15 Speaker 02 Just to be clear, Jack, if he doesn't pick up, your debt to the gods has not been paid.
22:19 Speaker 05 Okay.
22:19 Speaker 02 We must talk to a human before the debt has been paid.
22:23 Speaker 06 Hello, Matthew.
22:24 Speaker 03 Matthew Campbell. It's Hamish and Andy here.
22:27 Speaker 02 Hello, Matt.
22:29 Speaker 06 How are you going, guys?
22:30 Speaker 03 Yeah, good.
22:31 Speaker 02 Very good.
22:32 Speaker 06 Yes.
22:32 Speaker 03 Quickly, you did register to win the motorized golf trolley.
22:38 Speaker 06 Yes, yeah, I did, but unfortunately.
22:41 Speaker 02 Heard what happened?
22:42 Speaker 06 I did hear what happened.
22:43 Speaker 02 Yeah.
22:44 Speaker 06 Must be nice.
22:47 Speaker 02 I know. When we thought it was gonna drop red, did you think it was gonna drop red?
22:52 Speaker 06 Oh, look, I was really hoping for it.
22:55 Speaker 02 Hmm, so was everyone.
22:56 Speaker 06 I know. When I heard all the yelling and the screaming, I thought, oh, I don't think he's got it. I think it's Hamish and Andy. And then, no, it was Jack.
23:03 Speaker 06 He was real excited.
23:04 Speaker 02 Matt, this will become clear in a moment as we're asking this, but where do you live? What, what, what area?
23:10 Speaker 06 I live in Tasmania.
23:11 Speaker 05 Oh, no.
23:14 Speaker 05 The worst one. The worst one besides overseas.
23:18 Speaker 02 Awesome. Now, Matt, so we're in the middle of something here where
23:24 Speaker 06 Yes.
23:24 Speaker 02 just reflecting back on Jack's antics as he beat the people for the prize.
23:29 Speaker 06 Yeah.
23:29 Speaker 02 And we are the people's show. It just feels like there's an imbalance in the universe and
23:34 Speaker 06 Oh, I agree.
23:34 Speaker 02 he needs to make some gesture to the listeners of the show to recognize his great fortune here in this weaseling incident. So. We said to Jack, you must go to your house and pick something of high value that you don't wanna lose, that you must give to the listeners. And we're gonna randomly select, out of the 10,800 something people, we're gonna randomly select the number and they get the thing that Jack has selected.
24:01 Speaker 03 Matty, you would have won the trolley.
24:03 Speaker 02 You would have won the golf buggy. That's the, that's the sting.
24:06 Speaker 03 The heartbreaker, but instead.
24:08 Speaker 06 Mate.
24:08 Speaker 03 Yes.
24:08 Speaker 02 Yeah. You were the number, yeah, randomly selected.
24:11 Speaker 06 Oh, this hurts more, why are you telling me that?
24:14 Speaker 02 Yeah, sorry. Hopefully there's a silver lining to this.
24:17 Speaker 03 Because instead, Jack, from his house, has offered the person who would have won the golf trolley, being you.
24:25 Speaker 06 Yes.
24:27 Speaker 03 An upright piano.
24:29 Speaker 06 An upright piano?
24:31 Speaker 03 Yeah.
24:32 Speaker 06 Oh, look, I'll, I'll have to, I'll, I'll accept, but.
24:36 Speaker 03 You will accept?
24:37 Speaker 02 You accept?
24:38 Speaker 06 I mean, I'd be crazy not to, I mean, we've got to take something off the wheels with them.
24:46 Speaker 03 Does anyone in your family play piano, Matt?
24:49 Speaker 06 Ah, look, me and the kids do have a little bit of a play in there again, it is good fun.
24:52 Speaker 02 Oh, mate, well, great news, you've got yourself a brand, well, new to your house, a brand new piano. And Jack, of course, will get it to you, he will ship it to you, that was the deal.
25:04 Speaker 03 That's why he was devastated that you lived in Tavon.
25:06 Speaker 02 Do you reckon, do you reckon Jack was keen to pay for shipping or thought that you might have to as the recipient?
25:11 Speaker 06 No, he's not gonna ask me, but I felt like that was gonna come after.
25:14 Speaker 03 No, no, he's not gonna ask you. But if you are doing a trip to the mainland in a big van.
25:19 Speaker 06 I'll swing by.
25:21 Speaker 02 In a big van, don't have any big van trips coming up to Melbourne, do you?
25:26 Speaker 06 No, no, not, not, not any time soon, sorry.
25:29 Speaker 03 Matty, congratulations, uh, the winner of a second hand piano, that is beautiful, and, uh.
25:34 Speaker 06 Well, thanks very much, guys.
25:35 Speaker 03 And we will, we will make sure Jack gets it to you.
25:38 Speaker 02 How, how old are your kids, Matt?
25:40 Speaker 06 Seven and five.
25:41 Speaker 03 Actually, a great time to start piano.
25:43 Speaker 06 I love it, I absolutely love it.
25:45 Speaker 03 Oh, Matt, I'm actually, I'm actually happy it's got a great new home. I'm happy for you, Matt.
25:49 Speaker 02 Yeah, what do you see the quote from DHL?
25:53 Speaker 06 Oh, man, thank you so much, and I will be absolutely wrapped.
25:57 Speaker 03 Thanks, Matt. Appreciate it, buddy.
25:59 Speaker 02 See, that feels good, Jack, doesn't it? That actually is a weird, strange feeling that I've not felt a lot, that it feels good. The outflow, the outflow of giving, the outflow, not just a constant gush inwards.
26:22 Speaker 03 Hame, White Lotus, obviously a lot of people just talking about it. We won't do any spoilers because people are still catching up on the White Lotus, which was just finished, season three. Bit of an outcry because they changed the theme song.
26:37 Speaker 02 Yeah, a big outcry in our house because our kids, whilst they obviously don't watch White Lotus, they got quite good at doing the song.
26:46 Speaker 02 Which is
26:48 Speaker 02 like we would sing it around the house.
26:50 Speaker 03 And if you don't want Hame's name, this is actually.
26:53 Speaker 02 No, I don't think you'll need it. I don't think you'll need it.
27:00 Speaker 02 That's me.
27:04 Speaker 03 So outrage that they'd, that they moved away from that for the opening title of season three, although they do bring it back during the season. That's not a spoiler alert. But it does come in as a theme. So obviously they do love it still. They're tinkering with.
27:19 Speaker 02 I mean, I agree. I don't know why you.
27:21 Speaker 03 Why would you move away from it?
27:22 Speaker 02 I think you can, you know, change the setting, change everything, but you know, Survivor's still got the same theme song 48 seasons in or whatever.
27:29 Speaker 03 Huge backlash on social media as well, but I think I might know why they've changed it.
27:35 Speaker 02 Do I smell a sleuth going?
27:37 Speaker 03 I'm on to them.
27:48 Speaker 03 Came on my desk cam. Obviously I'll remind everybody, we don't want Hame to have to do his. Although it was very good, actually. Do it one more time.
27:55 Speaker 02 Appreciate that.
27:59 Speaker 02 I can't do the hybrids, kids can't.
28:03 Speaker 03 We've got to post how Amish looks when he does it. I've never seen like.
28:09 Speaker 02 And then you try and go for the.
28:12 Speaker 02 Can't get up here. No.
28:14 Speaker 03 Anyway.
28:15 Speaker 02 No, no, I've been doing a disservice to the song.
28:17 Speaker 03 Okay, okay, it's fair. Um, this is, of course, I'll just remind people, um, Hamish did a very good, um, reenactment of it there, but this is, of course, how it sounds, the first one.
28:35 Speaker 03 That's why I was shocked when someone sent in a song called Into the Unknown.
28:42 Speaker 02 Hmm, from Frozen?
28:44 Speaker 03 Yeah.
28:44 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah. Frozen 2, actually, yeah.
28:47 Speaker 03 Yeah, well done, Ham.
28:48 Speaker 02 Don't worry. Carl's just nodding outside. We know our Frozen stuff. Don't you worry about that.
28:55 Speaker 03 2019, Frozen 2, Into the Unknown, White Lotus, 2021. Probably about the time where they're thinking, let's get a theme song going.
29:06 Speaker 02 Yeah.
29:07 Speaker 03 This is the start of Into the Unknown.
29:24 Speaker 02 Into the unknown. I mean, I could give you that one too. Absolutely. I mean, it changes up significantly from there, but I know what you mean.
29:32 Speaker 03 Just that little theme.
29:33 Speaker 02 Is three tones, is three, because it's like.
29:37 Speaker 03 Let's have another listen. Let's have another listen to White Lotus.
29:49 Speaker 03 I mean, they're only doing three tones.
29:51 Speaker 02 Hmm.
29:53 Speaker 03 So I took it to the lab.
29:55 Speaker 02 Okay. Sorry, yes, I realise it's just me staring and thinking. Can't, can't be where we end with this.
30:03 Speaker 03 Well, have a good think about it.
30:05 Speaker 02 Yeah, I'm gonna need four or five minutes of just quiet air.
30:08 Speaker 03 Talk it to the lab. This is the percussion from the White Lotus.
30:12 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
30:13 Speaker 03 Then into Frozen 2, Into the Unknown, directly cut back into White Lotus.
30:29 Speaker 02 Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
30:37 Speaker 02 I mean, they're two absolute big hitters.
30:39 Speaker 03 I feel that if the writer of The White Lotus has kids.
30:45 Speaker 02 Mike White? Mike White?
30:47 Speaker 03 No, the song, the music.
30:49 Speaker 02 Oh, sorry. Gotcha.
30:50 Speaker 03 The song. If the writer of the song has kids in an age bracket between three and nine, he's guilty.
30:57 Speaker 02 Yeah.
30:58 Speaker 03 Yeah.
30:59 Speaker 02 Or she's guilty.
30:59 Speaker 03 Or she's guilty. If not, I'm personally willing to.
31:04 Speaker 02 Because you wouldn't run into the unknown.
31:06 Speaker 03 No, no.
31:08 Speaker 02 If you didn't have kids. The big problem is if you do have kids.
31:12 Speaker 03 You run into it.
31:13 Speaker 02 Not only have you run into it, but you've run into it on an industrial brainwashing level.
31:17 Speaker 03 Hundreds, hundreds of times.
31:19 Speaker 02 I would know every word to that song.
31:21 Speaker 03 To go into the, the.
31:23 Speaker 02 Oh, it's just, "I can hear you, but I won't. So much trouble others do, as a thousand reasons." If you've got two or three minutes, because I'll do the whole thing.
31:40 Speaker 03 I assure you, this is the final chapter of this saga. It's, um, could have been a peter out because we didn't quite get what we wanted.
31:47 Speaker 02 No, good on you. You've stuck in there well, Ando. You've hung in there well for this. You've kept the air in, just enough air in the lilo, I think.
31:55 Speaker 03 Yep.
31:55 Speaker 02 To make it still enjoyable to float on.
31:58 Speaker 03 Just.
31:59 Speaker 02 Not, not, not so bouncy that immediately, as soon as you jump on lilo, you bounce off. Like, I wouldn't say that lilo has been overinflated on this idea. But not dissatisfyingly sinking, so your whole, like, back area is wet.
32:11 Speaker 03 But some, some, some water is getting in. That's why we have to wrap this up. So in life, you get peter outs. Sometimes we get roadblocks. And sometimes we get roadblocks behind the scenes and they turn into peter outs. This one, we just decided to crack on. It was Abby who, uh, who told the story of her boyfriend. When he was over in England at Derby County game, they heard the song "Steve Bloom is Watching", a very important song to that particular football club.
32:50 Speaker 03 They were convinced, this is Abby's dad, who is from Britain, was convinced that that was an original. He was shocked and did not believe.
32:58 Speaker 02 And an incredible part of their cultural tapestry for the club.
33:02 Speaker 03 He was shocked and did not believe the fact that the song was from Australia by a guy called Mike Brady, what up there, Cazaly.
33:13 Speaker 03 So to shock Abby's dad, as he is out in Australia to watch an AFL game, we requested of Collingwood Football Club, could you find a moment just to play a verse and chorus?
33:26 Speaker 02 And Abby was like, we'll, we'll get Mick there two hours early. Like, it doesn't have to be just before the bounce.
33:31 Speaker 03 And he'll realise that a whole crowd sings this song, and it's not in fact Steve Blumer's song, it's Cazaly's.
33:38 Speaker 02 It's Cazaly's song, and Australia 1, England 0, game over. No, no more repercussion.
33:43 Speaker 03 That's what we hoped for. Unfortunately, Collingwood said no. I was at the Carlton Western Bulldogs game last week, and they played up here Cazaly at three quarter time, and I was like, just one week too early. Dispelling the myth that it had to be grand final day only that it gets played.
34:00 Speaker 02 And so when, when Collingwood said no, when the team Collingwood comes in, no, we're not going to do it, that's where the roadblock we talked about popped up, and really more like road spikes that the police use.
34:12 Speaker 03 You drove through it, all four tyres popped, but Andy kept driving. Yes.
34:16 Speaker 02 Andy kept driving on rims to go, no, we're not going to leave it there, even though they've said that, you know, for this last weekend's match, they couldn't play it. Andy, you decided to go along to the match where we hoped to have it played.
34:28 Speaker 03 Some two hours early.
34:31 Speaker 02 Got there two hours early to test the claim from the Collingwood Football Club that they quote, don't have time in the schedule to play the song in the two hours leading up to the game. It's too tightly programmed with other entertainment.
34:46 Speaker 03 Couldn't possibly fit it in.
34:48 Speaker 02 Couldn't possibly fit it in. How long's the song? It's going to be about three minutes.
34:51 Speaker 03 Yeah, but all we wanted was a one verse.
34:53 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's true. We only had two minutes of it. And funny, because, you know, we all have radio backgrounds, and we've seen what's called a log in, in radio, which actually is like, this is what's coming up in the hour. Every song, every ad, every little sound effect that gets played is programmed.
35:11 Speaker 02 Even radio is not that tightly programmed.
35:13 Speaker 03 No.
35:14 Speaker 02 You couldn't fit something in.
35:15 Speaker 03 Fit something in.
35:16 Speaker 02 If needs be, in a two-hour slot. However, Collingwood stood by their claim that, um, yep, it was chockers.
35:22 Speaker 03 So, I went across and, uh, and I got there early. And this is my report on whether they could have, in fact, fit just one verse and chorus in of Up There, Cazaly.
35:37 Speaker 03 Time is 5.30, exactly two hours before the game starts.
35:46 Speaker 03 DJ started, did a nothing song, probably could have opened with Up There, Cazaly. Proof already that I think there's windows. It doesn't feel like this song is deliberately placed. As you can hear in the background, just some random pop song, don't even know what it is. I wouldn't even say it's a banger. Anyway, back soon.
36:06 Speaker 03 Wow, I am shocked. It's, um, 6:01, so it's 31 minutes in, just been straight music. And not even considered, I think a Spotify algorithm would have produced a better set list. It's gone from Edge here into Nickelback. I mean, Nickelback was in there, so if there's ever a song to replace, that could have had a rest. But no announcements, nothing that seems to line up at an activation. What have we asked for, 90 seconds? And, um, now we're 31 minutes in, with not a skerrick of deliberate programming. I mean, I proved that point already, but I'll still sit here and I'm a can in.
36:48 Speaker 03 Well, mate, Ross has arrived. Would you agree that in the first hour, there was a chance for a small window to play Up There, Cazaly? It doesn't look like there's a shitload happening at present, so yeah, probably. Yeah.
37:03 Speaker 03 Uh, 6:18, scrubbed myself another can. Nick Dacos, uh, for people who don't understand, football's one of the best players in the league, just walked out onto the field. Sense of embarrassment I'm detecting about how they've gone about programming and not allowing us to play the song, uh, for a big crowd, just to prove to a whole British man that Up There, Cazaly was the original, not Steve Blum is watching. Right, back soon.
37:39 Speaker 03 For disclosure, I've gone to the bar.
37:43 Speaker 03 I don't know what's happened in the last 35 minutes, but proof is in the pudding that they could have easily fit it in. I'm here with a Collingwood supporter. How do you feel, you think we could have snuck in up there, Cazaly, at all? They played nickel back. Hello, this is Tyson O'Brien, international touring DJ. Travel the world, hanging out with stars. And whoever this guy is, the DJ union will be hearing from me and he'll be answering to them because it is an absolute disgrace. My club has let the listeners and the world down and let me down and let Mike Brady down. True, and Tyson's just walked off in disgust. Hopefully sticks around for the game. He obviously has travelled a long way to be here for the game.
38:28 Speaker 03 But yeah, that's about it. Proof is in the pudding and bad luck, Collingwood.
Previous 2025 Ep 285 - Hamish’s inadvisable medical manoeuvre Next 2025 Ep 287 - Can This Show Be Trusted? Page updated November 3, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated