Episode 548: The Trick To Doing Things You Don't Feel Like Doing

The problem was never that you didn't know what to do. It's that you keep letting the version of you who doesn't feel like doing it cast the deciding vote. That's the trap. We make decisions based on how we feel before the thing, instead of how we'll feel after it. And before anything hard, the feeling is always the same: tired, unmotivated, full of reasons to wait. If that's the voice you're listening to, of course you're stuck restarting. You've handed the mic to the wrong version of yourself. We try to fix this with more discipline, more motivation, or another reset on Monday. None of it works for long, because none of it changes the question you're asking yourself in the moment that actually matters. In this episode of Habits & Hustle, I break down the one question that changed how I show up for the gym, the hard conversations, and everything I'd rather put off. No system. No reset. Just a different way to decide. You don't need more motivation. You need to stop letting the wrong version of you decide. Let's dive in! What's Discussed: (01:16) The one shift in focus that changes how you make every hard decision. (02:06) Why chasing happiness directly is the reason you never feel it. (03:08) The backwards way we wait for motivation to show up. (04:08) What the gym actually proves about every other thing you avoid. (04:52) The pattern hiding inside one-night stands, tequila, and skipped workouts. (07:41) Why the conversations you're putting off are costing you more than having them. (08:55) The reason rumination makes you suffer twice and how to stop the loop. (09:56) The feeling that should actually drive your decisions (and the one that shouldn't). Thank you to my sponsors! Kion: Visit getkion.com/habits http://getkion.com/habits for 20% off. AirDoctor: Head to AirDoctorPro.com http://airdoctorpro.com/ and use promo code HUSTLE to get up to $300 off today! AirDoctor comes with a 30-day money back guarantee, plus a 3-year warranty (an $84 value) FREE! AX3®: Visit www. AX3.life http://www.ax3.life/ to get a 20% discount on your first order with promo code HUSTLE at checkout. Magic Mind: Head over to www.magicmind.com/jen http://www.magicmind.com/jen and use code JEN at checkout. Find more from Jen: Website: https://jennifercohen.com Instagram: @therealjencohen http://instagram.com/therealjencohen Books: https://jennifercohen.com/books Speaking: https://jennifercohen.com/speaking-engagements

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  Hi guys, this is Tony Robbins. You're listening to Habits and Hustle. Crush it.

• 0:06Jen Cohen?

  And here we are. Solo episode. We're just, I don't know, just shooting the shit over here with Shawnee. And on like literally the most mundane, like unimportant shit, my hair. And if it's darker or lighter than it used to be.

• 0:23Speaker 02

  So what do you guys think?

• 0:24Jen Cohen?

  Yeah, so what do you think? And I got a little bit of a trim. That's basically the big conversation topic. Are you gonna tune out and just move on to the next thing? No, I'm joking. Okay, let's move on. Let's talk about something that I was thinking about last night, which is this idea of what you focus on. I think this is actually really interesting because I like to focus on things that I think about, not how I feel before I do something, but how I will feel after I do something. Right? So I don't allow how I feel before to shape and decide what I'm gonna do. Because a lot of times, the things that you are like, that you feel bad about later are the things that you were gonna, you felt good about before.

• 1:10Jen Cohen?

  And the things that you kind of like feel like you don't wanna do actually make you feel better after. So focus on how you feel after something, not how you feel before something. Like exercise, right? No one would ever say they felt worse after working out. But they would say they felt worse after drinking, you know, a liter of tequila. But at the time they decided to do it, they were super psyched and excited and happy and they felt really good about it and it was gonna be a good time. And then they do it and they felt like shit after. So think about those things because if you focus on health versus happiness, you know, health leads you to happiness

• 1:54Jen Cohen?

  as opposed to like focusing on being happy, being happy, but not doing any of the right steps and making the right choices and doing the right decisions to get you to that place.

• 2:02Speaker 02

  Hmm, I love that. Wait, that's so great. This idea of, I think so many people are waiting to feel good before they... Pursue a lot of these things.

• 2:11Jen Cohen?

  Yeah.

• 2:11Speaker 02

  Not thinking that pursuing these things will lead you to feeling good.

• 2:14Jen Cohen?

  Right. That's the whole thing. Like you switch it, you switch it on its head, right? We're all waiting for this moment when we feel happy and feel a certain way to then go after something or do something versus what I just said, which is this idea that you focus on being mentally healthy, physically healthy, in relationships that are healthy. And all of those things will end up morphing into happiness by doing the things that make you happy in all of those pursuits. So don't focus on how you feel at that moment. Think about how you feel after that thing.

• 2:54Speaker 02

  Hmm. That's such good motivation. Well, it's actually a really good practice for motivation with the gym. Like sitting there thinking to yourself, okay, I obviously don't want to go.

• 3:03Jen Cohen?

  I don't want to go.

• 3:04Speaker 02

  But how am I going to feel? And like self-talk your way through going to the actual gym.

• 3:07Jen Cohen?

  And, and the gym is like a one example, but I think the gym is a good example because I mean, at this point, like a lot of times I don't want to go to the gym. Like there's a million things I'd rather do than work out, right? Cause you know, I'm tired. I have no energy. I have a laundry list of things to do. Laundry being maybe one of them, you know? And if I focus on all of those things, then it's, it doesn't behoove me. Versus if I focus on how I feel after the fact, like I feel great after I work out, that I'm going to have the energy to actually do all those other things and pursue all those other things. But it's also, like I said, it's about like pursuing anything, the effort, the, the focus is always on the before

• 3:51Jen Cohen?

  and never on the after, right? Like, like I said, the one night stand or drinking a, you know, a liter of tequila, all these things that will make you feel like shit after.

• 4:01Speaker 02

  I would die with a liter of tequila.

• 4:02Jen Cohen?

  I'm just making that up.

• 4:03Speaker 02

  Physically die.

• 4:04Jen Cohen?

  It's, it's, well, yeah, well, I don't drink that much. I just think, like the drinking to me, drinking to me is so gross. Like I, I don't understand how it's such a popular pastime because in the moment, it's like the only thing that's good about in the moment. But really soon thereafter, it's gross. You can't sleep well, it's bloating, you feel gross, like you get a headache, you get like, I mean, what is the attraction so much?

• 4:33Speaker 02

  I, I love the feeling of being drunk, but I literally hate the taste of alcohol so much more than I love the feeling of being drunk, that I refuse to drink it because it's so gross.

• 4:42Jen Cohen?

  See, I, exact, I guess, okay, I just answered my own question. I literally hate the taste of alcohol so much that I have to basically, it's like, it's so hard to even to drink a drink for me, because the taste is so gross, but I guess there are people who actually like the taste.

• 4:59Speaker 02

  There, there are, it's so weird.

• 5:01Jen Cohen?

  I mean, if you like the taste, it makes more sense to me, or it's like, it's a, a social lubricant, right? People rely on alcohol as like a social lubricant, right? Because it makes everything much easier and it's, you lose your inhibitions. You can talk to the people that you otherwise would feel uncomfortable to talk to. It will make you feel more comfortable on your skin. But really soon that fine line turns really quickly where you become sloppy and, you know, you're drooling and your mouth is dry and it's, there's like, it doesn't last that long. Like the, the good effect, the happiness part, doesn't last that long. The repercussions are so much worse.

• 5:39Speaker 02

  I feel like inhibitions are good, at least for me, like I need some, like I need something to shut me up just a little bit.

• 5:43Jen Cohen?

  Well, you need some boundary.

• 5:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:45Jen Cohen?

  So Shawnee has no filter and very little boundary.

• 5:49Speaker 02

  I have, I actually have a lot of filter. I don't say a lot that comes out of my mind. I just have so much to say. I honestly probably spew like 2% of what I'm thinking.

• 5:58Jen Cohen?

  Really?

• 5:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:59Jen Cohen?

  Only 2%?

• 6:00Speaker 02

  It's not shocking, it's not shocking considering how much I spew, that it's only 2%. Oh man, I know, I give myself a headache just with my own self-talk.

• 6:09Jen Cohen?

  Oh my gosh, that is, so yeah, so anyway, that, those are my two cents on what you should be focusing on, or like how you should think of what you should focus on.

• 6:19Speaker 02

  I like it.

• 6:19Jen Cohen?

  Do I add anything?

• 6:20Speaker 02

  Well, I had a question for you. What are some other examples other than working out? I, I was trying to think in my head, think like having hard conversations is one of them?

• 6:27Jen Cohen?

  No, I think, no, a couple of other things. I, I said like, You know, alcohol and drinking.

• 6:31Speaker 02

  Right, right, right.

• 6:32Jen Cohen?

  You make poor decisions when you're out. Also, I should forgot about that, but you make poor decisions when you usually have.

• 6:38Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. How do we not mention that? That's like the worst part of it.

• 6:40Jen Cohen?

  Which then like how you feel afterwards. Like I said, the one night stand was just one random or sleeping, whatever, like hooking up with some, whatever it is. I don't know what it is, but it's just one way that that can kind of.

• 6:53Speaker 02

  So what are things that make you feel good after? Those are things that make you feel bad. Like what's something that's really hard before, but that makes you feel good? Kind of like exercise, but.

• 6:59Jen Cohen?

  Like I think having difficult conversations with people and, you know, procrastinating and putting them off. And then when you actually do it, you feel really relieved after. And usually things are never as bad as you and you think it will be. Like a lot of times like we tend to like overthink something, something to be so horrible. And like in our heads, everything seems much more awful, worse, daunting. And then when it actually happens, it's never as bad as what you thought it was gonna be.

• 7:32Speaker 02

  That's so true.

• 7:33Jen Cohen?

  Right? Like it's never as bad, but we tend to like, we we ruminate. Rumination is awful.

• 7:40Speaker 02

  It's the worst because then you actually suffer twice. You suffer while you're ruminating the entire time leading up to it. And then you have to have the conversation, which is also a bit of suffering.

• 7:46Jen Cohen?

  And it just, but it also like just, it it sets you up for more of rumination, right? Because rumination equals more rumination because then you procrastinate. And the fear of doing something just makes you ruminate about it more. Versus if you just like do it and get it done and then realize that it wasn't as bad as you actually thought it would be. So that would be one, having difficult conversations.

• 8:08Speaker 02

  Procrastinating is a good one because it's like, you know, with schoolwork, I always had this, especially with like essays and stuff. I'd put it off for so long because it felt good not to do it right now.

• 8:16Jen Cohen?

  Or anything hard.

• 8:17Speaker 02

  Then it's just gonna wait.

• 8:18Jen Cohen?

  I just think and I think the point that I'm trying to make is doing anything that's difficult will weigh you down at the beginning beforehand. And you'll think of all the reasons why not to do something because it's difficult. It's not easy, it's hard, all the other euphemisms. But once you actually do it, the feeling of accomplishment after is so much better than.

• 8:43Jen Cohen?

  The feeling of that uncomfortable feeling before. So if you can just focus on that feeling afterwards, that's how you should make your decision. Not around the not wanting or uncomfortable or how you feel prior. Let's just leave it at that because we're just like talking about the same thing over and over again. I like it. I think this is actually really important. Yeah. And that it? Well, should we say goodbye? Yeah, subscribe, like, follow. Subscribe to the podcast, like and follow. That's it. Thank you. Bye.