Episode 544: Why Being Interested Beats Trying To Be Interesting in a Conversation

So much can go unnoticed, unappreciated and unacknowledged when we lack the tools to say what we truly mean. Isn't it ironic how we can talk with others but may never feel heard or truly listen? In every word left unsaid, every sentence misunderstood, or a conversation flow left unmatched, we are not only losing a chance to connect but also opportunities to grow deeper into knowing others better. In this episode of Habits & Hustle, I break down the most common habits that silently kill connection and the strategies we can practice in our future conversations to be heard the way we hope and understand others better. Because in conversations, what matters is your presence and the openness to connect more which can be transformative for you and everyone you talk to. Let's dive in! What's Discussed: (00:00) Why poor communication quietly ruins outcomes more than you think. (03:25) The biggest listening mistake most people make (and don't realize). (05:40) How to actually show you're listening without saying much. (08:15) Why most conversations feel disconnected—and how to fix it instantly. (12:05) The problem with "flowery" communication and why it confuses people. (14:10) How to simplify your message so anyone can understand it. (16:00) Why tailoring your tone to your audience changes everything. (18:30) How body language can make or break communication. (20:10) The hidden power of nonverbal cues in building connection. (22:05) Why mirroring body language makes people trust you faster. (27:10) How making people feel heard transforms every interaction. (28:30) Simple habits that dramatically improve communication. Thank you to our sponsors: AX3®: Visit www. AX3.life http://www.ax3.life to get a 20% discount on your first order with promo code HUSTLE at checkout. Air Doctor: Head to www. AirDoctorPro.com http://www.airdoctorpro.com and use promo code HUSTLE to get UP TO $300 off today! AirDoctor comes with a 30-day money back guarantee plus a 3-year warranty, an $84 value FREE! Find more from Jen: Website: https://jennifercohen.com Instagram: @therealjencohen http://instagram.com/therealjencohen Books: https://jennifercohen.com/books Speaking: https://jennifercohen.com/speaking-engagements

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  Hi guys, this is Tony Robbins. You're listening to Habits and Hustle. Crush it.

• 0:06Jen Cohen?

  Hello, everybody. Welcome to Habits and Hustle. I'm here yet again, one more time, with my foil, Shawnee. Hello. Hello. We don't have a camera because we don't have one camera. So that's why she's off camera. But we are going to do an episode today on the top three strategies for being a better communicator. I think this is a really important one because a lot of times, and I know I've done this a bunch. I have been, a lot of things have kind of went sideways because I didn't communicate well or properly, and I could have been way more effective. And over time, I've realized with the tons of experts I speak to and just research and

• 0:46Jen Cohen?

  trial and error, what's really been really powerful in how I've leveled up my communication skills. And so I wanted to share that, talk about that. And they're very easy. These are not things that require much of anything except implementation and practice. But I think some of these things really up-level how you not just communicate, but how you end up actually connecting with people. And the first thing is being an active listener. I think listening and the quality of how you listen is so fundamentally important. Because how many times have you spoken to people and they're not paying attention to you? They're looking over your shoulder, or they're just waiting for you to finish speaking so

• 1:31Jen Cohen?

  then they can end up talking? These are like massive turnoffs and no-nos. I think when you're trying to have a really effective dialogue with somebody and connect with somebody in a real way, you have to be paying attention. And that requires to be listening actively, which means letting people finish when they speak, not interrupting, and maybe even saying back some of the things that they said with a question. Don't you think that's important?

• 2:00Speaker 02

  Yeah. How do you actively listen when you have your mind racing? Do you have tricks for that? Because that is the hardest thing for me.

• 2:06Jen Cohen?

  Well, I think part of being an active listener is not thinking, what's your next thing you're going to say? What's the next question? I think this is where it becomes difficult for some people. I think a lot of people get anxious about wanting to seem like they're listening, but yet they're thinking, they're nervous about the communication. So they're just thinking about the next thing that they can say versus listening to what the other person said and then responding in a way that shows that you actually paid attention to what that other person said and making a retort or a comment based on that. For example, right? I see a lot of podcasters do this, which is like so-

• 2:46Speaker 02

  Sorry, I was just thinking podcasters.

• 2:47Jen Cohen?

  Because it's so annoying.

• 2:50Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 2:50Jen Cohen?

  Because like if I'm saying, let's say, for example, like your guest is talking about how they love to swim and they are avid people of the beach. And your next question is about, I don't know, about something completely different, like about their work life, their work life or work schedule or their like employees. And you're just waiting for them to finish. And then you just end up thinking, great. Now, or like when you're with your employees at work, as opposed to being like, really? Like what temperature do you like to swim in? Do you find that you like to go in the morning? Do you go when it's cloudy outside? Like extending the conversation to what they were talking about,

• 3:36Jen Cohen?

  that is like, that actually is fluid versus like going all the way on the next area because it doesn't fit the questions that you had, you know, in place. To me, that's what active listening is. When you are paying attention enough to be able to continue a conversation with the flow of what's happening versus just taking something out of left field because it was what you had written down. What were you going to say?

• 4:02Speaker 02

  Actually, something kind of similar, but the pressure that I think some hosts feel to never have a dead space.

• 4:08Jen Cohen?

  Yeah.

• 4:08Speaker 02

  They don't usually, they, so they will try and look at their script or look at the next question to fill it really fast as opposed to listening to what they're saying. And then you end up missing a really good follow up opportunity, like you're saying.

• 4:18Jen Cohen?

  It's all about the follow up. I mean, like, a lot of times what I end up doing is I have a bunch of questions written down and more often than not, I am not even looking at my questions because it's not, it's like, it's completely derailed from what the conversation was that they started. So I have to just go on what they're talking about and then listen actively enough. So then I follow up with something that's appropriate versus inappropriate. That's the first one. And then the other one I want to talk about is making sure you're using very clear and concise language when you speak with somebody. And I think I like directness, so people know what you're talking about, they know what you're saying and there's meaning behind it.

• 5:00Jen Cohen?

  I really believe that when people are too airy fairy and flowery and not, they beat around the bush too much, nothing ever like, there's no real, it's hard to communicate in that, in that way. So being super concise and deliberate with what your words are and what your, what your message that you're trying to get across is. Does that make sense?

• 5:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, you need to be, you need to have clarity. A lot of comments I'm seeing online are kind of confusing. I've been helping a lot of people write their content that they've been posting on Instagram. So they'll send it to me for fact checking and also just to set some clarity. So just yesterday, actually, somebody sent me something to format for them and I had them rewrite the last sentence because it was just confusing and it didn't really make sense. I knew what they were trying to say, but that wasn't how it came across. And so they sent me back a much better version and I think that's really important, especially if you're communicating online or via text or word. But even if you're communicating by mouth and just in conversation, you don't need to be redundant and you do need to be clear and concise and try and figure out a way that even the layman will understand.

• 6:03Speaker 02

  So someone who's not fully enthralled in this issue will understand.

• 6:07Jen Cohen?

  So I think it's being, and we're both saying the same thing, not to be redundant. Not to be redundant, but simple, straightforward, clear and concise. And the other piece I want to add to that is listening to the tone of voice you're using. And who your audience is, because how you speak to one audience is very different than how you speak to another audience. Just how I, how I talk to my 10 year old boy is very different than how I talk to you, Shawnee, right? Or to a business associate. So being like, read the room and know who you're speaking to and then match it accordingly. And then the other one that I think is really, really important, and I think this actually supersedes

• 6:50Jen Cohen?

  maybe even the other ones is body language. Because people can read a lot into how your body is, like your language, how you're speaking, like how you present yourself, it can make or break that, what do you call it? The experience, I guess, would be a great way, like the gestures you're making, the nonverbal cues that you give people. Like, nonverbal cues, I think, especially with me, like, I'm a big nonverbal cue person. Like, I'm always watching to see how somebody is responding and reacting to how I'm with them. And then I act accordingly, right? Like, if people are, are like, interested in talking to me or uncomfortable, if I'm making them uncomfortable.

• 7:32Jen Cohen?

  Like, all of these things are super important to impact the, your communication level, sorry.

• 7:40Speaker 02

  Do you ever do the mimicking thing where you mimic somebody else's body language? Cause I subconsciously do that all the time. And I notice when I do it all the time. Like, I just, it really has been something that ever since, I think, middle school, I heard about this. Like, mimic the body language, they'll feel great. And I've not stopped doing it since then, like, really, just as a part of my conversation style now. And I can't help it. It's just, it just happens. But I do think it helps.

• 8:04Jen Cohen?

  Maybe. I don't know. Maybe I do that subconsciously, like you said, like you do. I think also saying somebody's name while you're speaking to them makes people feel super, super engaged and comfortable.

• 8:16Speaker 02

  It's a good one.

• 8:16Jen Cohen?

  You know, like, I think people love to hear their names, even if they don't think they do, I think it's a psychological. Thing and you you feel naturally more comfortable and closer to somebody if they say your name like There's been times I have guests on here and they'll say, you know, yeah, like Jennifer, when I was doing this and I don't know them that well. And I'm like, hmm, I feel like we're friends now, right? Like you feel that like instant connecting point when someone says your name. And I always think it's also important. This is this is not, this is part of the tips, but I think when people focus too much on being interesting versus being interested. I think it's really important to be interested versus always try to be so interesting.

• 8:59Jen Cohen?

  Because everybody loves to feel like what they say matter, what they're important. And if you can make people feel that way by being interested in what they're saying, I think it levels up the entire experience again.

• 9:12Speaker 02

  I agree.

• 9:12Jen Cohen?

  Those are my tips of the day for better strategies for communicating better. Try them out. Maybe you're doing them already. And if you're not and or you're doing most of them, you know, add them in and just be cognizant of how you're doing it. And let me know how it's going. Always leave a comment. I keep on forgetting. I'm so bad at this, but guys, please, if you're, if you can remember, please leave a comment. I love interaction. That's how I learn what you guys like, what you guys don't like, what you want more of. So please leave me messages, comments, right? Wherever you normally do on a podcast. And with that note, I'll talk to you guys later. Bye.