Episode 595: Peter Crone: Rewiring Limiting Beliefs for More Confidence, Freedom, and Better Relationships

What if the biggest thing holding you back is a belief you do not even realize you have? We spend so much time trying to change our habits, become more disciplined, improve our relationships, make more money, and fix the parts of ourselves we think are falling short. But underneath many of those behaviors are subconscious beliefs that have been forming for years. "I'm not enough." "It's all up to me." "I'm not lovable." "I have to prove myself." Those beliefs can quietly drive perfectionism, overthinking, people pleasing, control, achievement, and even the way we choose relationships. This matters because changing your behavior without understanding what is driving it can keep you stuck in the same patterns. Past disappointment can become evidence for future fear. High achievement can become an attempt to prove your worth. Independence can become protection from vulnerability. Even self-improvement can become another way to delay taking action. Becoming aware of the belief underneath the behavior gives you the opportunity to stop automatically reacting to your past and start making different choices. Peter Crone is a mindset coach, speaker, and writer known as the "Mind Architect." His work focuses on helping people identify and break free from subconscious beliefs, emotional patterns, and mental limitations that shape the way they experience their health, relationships, careers, and lives. He has worked with professional athletes, business leaders, high performers, and people around the world to help them create greater freedom by changing the way they relate to themselves and their circumstances. What's Discussed: (15:03) How intelligent people can overthink themselves into analysis paralysis and become better at convincing themselves why something will not work. (16:02) Why accumulated disappointment can become evidence for future fear and make people increasingly hesitant to take risks. (19:51) How your triggers can reveal the subconscious beliefs and emotional patterns that are still controlling your reactions. (30:57) How the belief "I'm not enough" can fuel achievement, perfectionism, relentless work, and the need to prove yourself. (32:20) Why people spend so much energy resisting where they are and chasing the person they believe they should already be. (36:40) How perfectionism, control, and noticing everything around you can sometimes be forms of vigilance rooted in fear. (43:54) Why the love you experienced in a relationship still belongs to you, even after the relationship ends. (54:44) How constantly trying to perfect yourself can become another form of procrastination that keeps you from taking action. (57:43) Why dating and intimacy become harder when independence, self-protection, and a polished facade keep people disconnected from themselves. (01:03:19) Why changing behavior alone can be difficult to sustain when deeper subconscious beliefs continue driving your thoughts, emotions, and choices. Thank You to Our Sponsors! Magic Mind: Head over to magicmind.com/jen http://www.magicmind.com/jen and use code JEN at checkout. Momentous: Ready to try supplements that actually do what they claim? Head to livemomentous.com http://livemomentous.com and use code JEN for 35% off your first subscription. Kion: Visit getkion.com/habits http://getkion.com/habits for 20% off. Tru Niagen®: For supplements that are rigorously tested, third-party verified, and actually deliver what's on the label, head to truniagen.com http://truniagen.com AirDoctor: Head to AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code HUSTLE to get $250 off select AirDoctor air purifiers, including the 3500, 4000, and 5500 models. Plus, you'll receive a free 3 year warranty, an $84 value, and AirDoctor's 30-day money back guarantee. Find more from Jen Cohen: Website: jennifercohen.com https://jennifercohen.com Instagram: @therealjencohen http://instagram.com/therealjencohen Books: jennifercohen.com/books https://jennifercohen.com/books Speaking: jennifercohen.com/speaking-engagements https://jennifercohen.com/speaking-engagements Find more from Peter Crone Website: petercrone.com https://www.petercrone.com Instagram: @petercrone https://www.instagram.com/petercrone/?hl=en Facebook: Peter Crone - The Mind Architect https://www.facebook.com/petercronethemindarchitect YouTube: @PeterCroneOfficial https://www.youtube.com/@petercroneofficial LinkedIn: Peter Crone https://www.linkedin.com/in/petercrone/

• 0:01Speaker 00

  Hi guys, it's Tony Robbins. You're listening to Habits and Hustle. Crush it.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  Thanks, Tony. I'll take it from here. I'm Jennifer Cohen, your host, and I'm here to help you build the confidence, discipline, and resilience to create a bigger, bolder, and more successful life. Every week, I sit down with leading experts, entrepreneurs, athletes, and high performers to uncover the habits, strategies, and mindset shifts that lead to real results. This is Habits and Hustle.

• 0:34Speaker 01

  Welcome to Habits and Hustle, where I sit down with the world's biggest thinkers, entrepreneurs, and experts to uncover the habits and strategies that actually move the needle in your health, happiness, and success. And today, I'm sitting down with Peter Crone, a mindset coach, speaker, and writer known as the Mind Architect. For his work helping people uncover the subconscious beliefs and patterns that quietly shape their behavior, he has spent decades working with high performers, professional athletes, business leaders, and people who want to break free from the mental limitations keeping them stuck. In this episode, we get into why smart people can

• 1:14Speaker 01

  overthink themselves out of action, how past disappointment can turn into future fear, why your triggers can reveal where you still feel constrained, and how beliefs like "I'm not enough" can drive perfectionism, overachievement, and the constant need to prove yourself. We also talk about why trying to perfect yourself can become another form of procrastination, how control and hypervigilance can disguise themselves as strength, why relationships often mirror the way you see yourself, and what Peter means when he says "the love you experienced with someone still belongs to you even after the relationship ends." This conversation will make

• 1:55Speaker 01

  you rethink confidence, achievement, relationships, self-improvement, and the stories you've been carrying for years without realizing how much they influence your life. What Peter shares in this episode will help you recognize the patterns underneath your behavior and stop letting old experiences dictate your future and create more freedom in the way you work, love, and move through the world. So let's dive in.

• 2:28Speaker 01

  Guys, today we have Peter Crone on the podcast, and I'm nervous about this one. I actually really am. I say that before we started rolling, because you talk so much about subconscious and conscious and like language that I, it's hard for me and my personality to kind of like grasp and understand, right? But I've seen like some of the work you've done and the things that you talk about, and it's so compelling. You're welcome. And so I wanted to have you on, because there's a few little things that I've caught through social media that like really resonated, and I think my audience will find everything in your work, what you do, very interesting. So just like, I never really, like I said, read these things, but just so people can, yeah, just for shits and

• 3:13Speaker 01

  giggles, exactly. Okay, it says here, "You're a mindset coach, speaker, and writer known for your work as a, well, in personal development, performance optimization, and spiritual well-being." You're referred to as "the Mind Architect" and focuses on helping individuals, athletes, business leaders break free from mental and emotional limitations and reach their full potential. Does that like kind of?

• 3:37Speaker 00

  I mean, it sounds pretty cool. I'd meet that guy.

• 3:39Speaker 01

  I would meet you. That's why you're here. I wanted to meet that guy. First, let's start with, what, why do you call yourself, or who calls you a "Mind Architect"? And what is that?

• 3:48Speaker 00

  So I sort of generated the moniker just by virtue of what I call, you know, necessity being the mother of invention, right? Meaning that there wasn't any other title that seemed to be sufficiently appropriate. Like, I'd been called a spiritual teacher, or a performance coach, or even once a hitman for the ego, a happiness guru.

• 4:08Speaker 01

  Those are good.

• 4:09Speaker 00

  They're okay. But I always was fascinated with architecture, and particularly if you look at some of these sort of sci-fi type movies, which I love, like Inception, and Matrix, and Doctor Strange, and sort of the architecture of time and space. And really, what I recognized, what I was actually doing, was reorienting people's inner thinking space. So really redesigning who you are for yourself. So the architecture seemed accurate, and where was I doing it? You know, predominantly in the mind, being as that's the interface between, you know, our unmanifest self and manifest self.

• 4:39Speaker 01

  So like, how did you get into this? Because I, like, you talk about a lot about the subconscious, and how like we have our limiting beliefs, and what we thought of, like, it's so deep rooted, and that, and then we act, and our behavior is based on these ideas and thoughts of ourselves that we're not even aware of. Right? But you're not a psychologist, are you?

• 5:00Speaker 00

  Not trained. No, no, not like, like I don't have a certificate on my wall. No.

• 5:03Speaker 01

  Okay, well, and the funny thing is, most of the people I know who do have that certificate, like, are the ones who are the most screwed up. Isn't that the irony of life, right?

• 5:11Speaker 00

  You said it, not me.

• 5:12Speaker 01

  Okay, I said it, not you. So what is your background, and how did you evolve into being this person that people go to, to kind of get, I guess, like tap into that subconscious?

• 5:22Speaker 00

  I mean, I went through a lot of my own sort of personal stories as a human from a young age. Like, I was an only child. My mom passed of cancer when I was seven. So that was obviously pretty significant for a little boy. And then, so it was me and my dad, and then at seventeen, so ten years later, he went to work. He works on the boats that go between Dover and England, Dover and France, and Dover being the southeast part of England, and then Dover and Zebrugge, which is in Belgium. So they're ferry liners that carry cargo to people with caravans going on vacation, whatever. And that boat capsized, and so sadly, he passed. So my dad went to work one day, and I never saw him again. So they were both obviously significant. So seven and seventeen, mom and dad gone. I had a stepmother. She wasn't married to my dad, but she'd moved in. So she

• 6:07Speaker 00

  was there for like the last four or five years prior to that. So she came in when I was about twelve or thirteen or so. And so, you know, there was a semblance of some sort of adult figure taking care of stuff. But that really forged me into this, you know, more exacerbated form of survival that I saw every human being has. Like, we as mammals, our primordial imperative is just to make it. We just want to survive. And so mine got obviously heightened at that point, didn't know where I was going to go. I eventually went to college, did very well. I actually skipped a year because my grades all got affected.

• 6:41Speaker 01

  Where'd you go to college? Back in London?

• 6:42Speaker 00

  Back in the UK. So a place called Loughborough, which was renowned more for sort of its athletic prowess, but it was sort of top five, you know, Oxford and Cambridge of the world, equivalent to the Harvards and stuff. And then sort of in the top five, it was a great school. And so that was an amazing, I did three years undergrad, I did a postgrad for a year, stayed on. And then I very soon after that, came to the States, originally just for an experience. Like, they did, you know, exchange programs where they pay fifty bucks a month or somebody to come and coach entitled kids tennis. Yeah.

• 7:13Speaker 01

  Were you a tennis player?

• 7:15Speaker 00

  I wasn't like as a, like a college performing D1 here, or whatever you'd call it. I loved tennis. I was a good athlete. But I didn't compete for the school. I played different sports for the school, but I didn't play tennis. But I was good enough that I took my certification program so I could teach, you know, kids. And so it just brought me to the States. They pay for your flight. They put you in a bunk with these eight, you know, obnoxious teenagers.

• 7:38Speaker 01

  Yes, I know all about it.

• 7:39Speaker 00

  Yes, that was quite fun, where the kids have, you know, the parents have booted them out of Manhattan. It was in upstate New York. It was beautiful. So it was a great introduction to the States, made some great friends. And then that led to one thing that then I came to California originally, and stayed with a friend of mine that I'd met at the camp. He was trying to make a movie. I got involved with him, made the movie. It was, you know, a great experience, but a terrible business. You know, three twenty-four-year-olds doing the best they could.

• 8:05Speaker 01

  Oh, wow. How old are you now?

• 8:07Speaker 00

  Now I'm fifty-five.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  Okay, you look amazing. You're fifty-five? What are you, okay, that's a whole other podcast altogether? You do not look fifty-five.

• 8:16Speaker 00

  No, thank you.

• 8:17Speaker 01

  That's amazing. You look much younger.

• 8:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, my, my, thank you, appreciate that. I play tennis still with kids who are half my age. I'm still the quickest on the court.

• 8:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's, okay, I want to get into your, all that stuff later, because it's really incredible that you, you've obviously maintained your youth very well. So then, you've been here for like many years, like twenty-five years or so, thirty years. So you were like in movies, and like you were helping people. I understand, because my background's fitness, and like we start, like, if you start doing things physically, it does make a big difference in the mental performance, like mental strength, physical strength, it's all kind of.

• 8:51Speaker 00

  Absolutely. That's where I started, actually.

• 8:53Speaker 01

  Really?

• 8:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, so it's common knowledge, I can say, but I was Tom Cruise's trainer for a few years.

• 8:58Speaker 01

  You were?

• 8:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, for Mission: Impossible, and yeah, Moulin Rouge, and Nicole in Australia, and stuff like that, yeah.

• 9:04Speaker 01

  Okay, you don't, this is, this is great. I was called for Tom Cruise many, many years ago, but are you a Scientologist?

• 9:11Speaker 00

  No, no, no.

• 9:12Speaker 01

  Because he was only hiring at some point, like only Scientologists.

• 9:16Speaker 00

  Yes, that was after I had left. At the time, a lot of the stuff was, but I wasn't, and a lot of stuff weren't, you know, but I guess he changed that afterwards.

• 9:24Speaker 01

  So wait, so what movies did you do for him?

• 9:26Speaker 00

  There were a lot. I was with them for five years, so.

• 9:29Speaker 01

  Okay, I wanna know, this is like, by the way, Mission Impossible is my favorite movie of all time, all of them, the whole series. And I'm obsessed with them.

• 9:36Speaker 00

  I don't know if it was the very first one, but it was a couple afterward, two and three, we did a couple together. Moulin Rouge with Nicole, we did the others, we did Minority Report. I can't remember them.

• 9:47Speaker 01

  I understand now.

• 9:48Speaker 00

  Blue Room in London and New York, which New York was a Broadway show that Nicole had done. Yeah, it was amazing. I lost track of all the movies. Jerry Maguire was on the back of that. He was just finishing that. She had done Peacemaker, which George Clooney. Yeah, so it was five years, but anyway.

• 10:05Speaker 01

  That's huge because he's like the most intense of, I would imagine, you know, more than I would. Was he as intense, I should ask you, as his reputation says?

• 10:16Speaker 00

  You know, it comes down to how you define words. I would say he was passionate. I wouldn't say he was intense. I would say he's the ardent professional. I learned a lot from him. I have nothing but good words to say about my experience with them. He was the quintessential professional. I mean, he did everything so well with such integrity and that was really inspiring to see.

• 10:38Speaker 01

  Did you have to be on cloth like twenty four seven? Cause he would train like three o'clock in the morning if he wanted to.

• 10:44Speaker 00

  No, no, it was, it was a unique setup and that was a big part of my history, so I'm not sure it's so relevant today.

• 10:51Speaker 01

  Oh, it's relevant though. Yeah, I'll tell you why it's relevant because I think that in my, in my experience, my life, I have a background similar to you then, where, but that leads like those opportunities that you create for yourself or that happen upon you, whatever, it's what you do with them, right? And it's a great, you can leverage things into different possibilities and opportunities. For sure. Having these experiences.

• 11:15Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 11:15Speaker 01

  And I think that like, once you're, when you're with people who are like high performers, this is my, they can cut me off if you'd like, but.

• 11:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:23Speaker 01

  And you start in one realm, it automatically, like there, it seeps into all sorts of different, like performance in different realms.

• 11:32Speaker 00

  For sure.

• 11:33Speaker 01

  Everything is connected.

• 11:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, it definitely, for a kid who'd been orphaned in England and didn't come from wealth or anything like I didn't, wasn't left a penny. It actually went to my then stepmother, so I came to the States with about two hundred bucks.

• 11:45Speaker 01

  Right, wow.

• 11:45Speaker 00

  It was tough and I was sleeping on a, a very stained and not pleasantly smelling rent controlled apartment carpet. You know, in a living room with buddies. And so that was very humbling, but in a way that it's really made me appreciate everything that I have. And so to your point, yes, when I was then in this environment with the jets and everything that you could imagine, it, it's sort of like you, you know, you sort of soak a piece of meat and whatever marinade, it's gonna absorb it, right? So through the process of osmosis, I was starting to imbibe my own higher frequencies of what becomes possible. So whilst I was a small cog in a big machine and very grateful for the experience, it did open my eyes to different ways of looking at life.

• 12:26Speaker 00

  And of course, then people, you know, there was press clips and things of what I was doing. And so there's a little bit of notoriety that came with it that then afforded me to work with other people who were high performers. So it did start a new trajectory and that's why I'm, as I said, I'm super grateful for the experience.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  So what was the first thing that you did that kind of took on a life, like took on a new life?

• 12:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, so when I, I, I, I left, much to the chagrin of kind of both of them, which was nice cause they really enjoyed my company and we had great results together. But I just recognized that as much as I could transform a body, which was somewhat child's play, meaning cause I'd studied exercise physiology, human biology as my undergrad, I kind of knew the ins and outs of anatomy to physiology and biomechanics. So that was relatively easy and I got the job with them because I was a trainer originally and I was getting such incredible results. So my name was thrown in a hat for a possible replacement for their own trainer. So, but what I recognized was that takes time, right? In the world of matter, you need time and space in order to make true, you know, significant transformation. And I had already been fascinated with philosophy, the mind, why do humans do what they do?

• 13:31Speaker 00

  I was also a ski instructor for a while and I can remember distinct moments where I would be watching two people I was helping, same age, same experience, same sort of seemingly athletic ability, but one was sort of had this trepidation and scared and the other one went for it. And I'm like, it's got nothing to do with equipment anymore, right? It's about perception. So that really opened up this whole line of coaching at the time. I just was sort of doing friends and family to start, you know, seeing if I actually had, you know, anything decent to say. And then it really took off very quickly when I got some professional athletes who started to triple winnings and things like that. You know, on a professional level where they were changing nothing but their mindset and, you know, golf and then baseball. And so that kind of really, that, that accelerated my career very quickly then.

• 14:15Speaker 01

  So right, cause you talk so much about, it's all about like limiting beliefs, like at what point in your mind or have you seen where talent takes you so far? And then it comes into like, if you actually think you can, or the mindset you have, or the limiting belief that you can, like, with all your experience that you just said, what is that one thing that holds one person back? And allows the other person to thrive and go so much further, even if that other person had more talent?

• 14:43Speaker 00

  I don't know if there's one thing, I mean, what's come through me, the uniqueness and sort of proprietary nature of my work is I've delineated these ten prisons of the subconscious that we all have. So you could argue that actually somebody's constraint becomes the impetus for their success. Like somebody like a Kobe, he thrived on making people wrong. I would say it's a limited way of actually becoming accomplished because you're being defined by a negative, if that makes sense, right? It's like, so even though it can get people a long way, it typically is being driven by the energy of fear. So with my athletes, there's the myriad of like, I'm not good enough, I'm a failure. You know, whatever it is that holds any human being back. So they could have all the talent in the world, just like you probably have friends and family who are brilliant

• 15:24Speaker 00

  and they have a lot of potential, but they don't know why they can't access a loving relationship, a nine, ten figure business or whatever they want, or health in their body. So it's these sort of blind spots that hold people back, which is sort of my area of expertise to reveal.

• 15:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:38Speaker 00

  And as Carl Jung said, he had a beautiful quote, he said, until you make the unconscious conscious, it will drive your life and you'll call it fate.

• 15:45Speaker 01

  I heard you say that actually. I saw, I saw that, that, that clip that you talked about that. And I'm so fascinated by this because it's a hundred percent true. And this is what, this is like the, this is the pool that you play in.

• 15:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:57Speaker 01

  So that, like, I could do like a whole hour just on that, like why, we do all have, it's always the people who are the smartest, who are, sometimes they overthink their, their way into analysis paralysis, right?

• 16:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:12Speaker 01

  And that's why I think sometimes people who are the, I hate to say it, but like the more less intelligent or people who aren't that smart.

• 16:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:20Speaker 01

  Um, get way further in life because they have nothing holding them back. They're like, why not? I'll just go for it, right?

• 16:26Speaker 00

  Exactly.

• 16:27Speaker 01

  Versus the people, they overthink, they analyze, they, their brain becomes their prison.

• 16:32Speaker 00

  I have, yeah, I don't know, well, you probably know because you've listened to some of my stuff, but I tend to download in quotes. So I have a quote to that point about intelligence where I said, being smart doesn't make you any happier. It just makes your reasons why you're not way more convincing.

• 16:44Speaker 01

  That's a hundred percent true.

• 16:46Speaker 00

  People who have the IQs, the EQs, you know, they're able to discern and to justify, rationalize why things won't work. So, you know, I could say if there was one catchall for your question about what is the one thing that holds people back, oftentimes it's really, it's the accumulation of disappointment or failure, right? So you think about a young mind in whatever regards, whether it's walking, tasting something, going up to a girl for the first time. You know, there's a certain innate cavalier part of being human where we're just curious. But then when you've had disappointments and, and trials and tribulations, the more you've accumulated, then the more your brain uses that as evidence as to why it's not gonna work. So again, one of my quotes, I say, past hurt informs future fear.

• 17:27Speaker 00

  So the, the greater the hurt, then sort of the commensurate energy that comes with that is now fear. So kind of the younger you are, which with a lot of my pro athletes, most of them are, then there's this sort of more fuck it kind of attitude, you know? So, um, which to me is really representative of one of my favorite qualities, which is commitment. Like most people just aren't committed in filling the gap, you know, relationships, their health, their career, you know, their, their sleep program, whatever it is. Like, you know, they're not really committed and that's not a judgment, it's just an observation for people, maybe even as they listen to that go, holy shit. Like I, I struggle with that, you know, the absence of commitment in my life. So athletes who are successful have less accumulated baggage, you know, and ideally combined with a lot more commitment.

• 18:13Speaker 01

  How about regular people who are not athletes?

• 18:15Speaker 00

  Same.

• 18:16Speaker 01

  Just smart.

• 18:16Speaker 00

  We're all athletes. We're all performers at the end of the day. You're a mom, you have a show, you have a business, you know, you're a performer, right? And so I work with corporations and I look at the corporate athlete, you know, it's the same thing, right? Like, what is your discipline, your dedication, your, how clear are you in what you're wanting to accomplish? You know, where are your big audacious goals that you're trying to get to? Same, same with everybody.

• 18:38Speaker 01

  Then how do, how do you, how do, how do you help somebody break free from that? Like their, their limited belief, like what if they don't know it themselves? So what's the process? Can you walk me through what like the process is to even begin really knowing what's in your subconscious mind?

• 18:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's, it's, it's quite insidious and for that reason, it's, it's like kind of fine surgery. You know, Michelangelo was asked, how did you create this beautiful sculpture of David out of a big piece of marble?

• 19:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:05Speaker 00

  And he said, I didn't, David was already in there. I just chipped away everything that wasn't David, right? Which is beautiful. So I think, you know, early on in life, we take big chunks off the corner, right? You can maybe just see the corner of a shoulder, but what I'm working on is sort of the, the details around the eyelids and the nostrils, right? So it's very subtle.

• 19:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:22Speaker 00

  So it's sort of brain surgery a little bit, quite literally.

• 19:24Speaker 01

  Right, literally.

• 19:25Speaker 00

  So, so the process is you're, you know, a human being, whoever I'm working with, whatever walk of life. And you know, you feel some constraints, some resistance, some frustration. There's a degree of, you're not fulfilling on your version of potential, or life isn't the way you want it. Or, you know, further down the line of imbalances, you're sick, or you have anxiety, or depression, or addiction, right? Most of my people are pretty robust. They have successful lives. They just wanna go to the next level.

• 19:53Speaker 01

  Right.

• 19:53Speaker 00

  But it runs the gamut, right? People to the point of like, I've helped people who are suicidal, you know, and help them understand they're actually not. That's just a part of their subconscious that is asking to be relinquished. So they don't wanna die, part of the software that no longer serves them wants to die. And that distinction alone has saved many lives, right?

• 20:09Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 20:10Speaker 00

  Do you see that?

• 20:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, but how do you know that? Like, what, like if someone, how do you even get into that subconscious? Do you hypnotize them? Is that how you do it?

• 20:17Speaker 00

  So I can hear it. So to finish the question, so whatever area of life they're being triggered in, and there's normally only a few because of humans. We, our details are very complex, you know, it's an uncle here and aunt, a wife, a kid, a boss. But it's all the same. It's like we kind of have family stuff, we have health body stuff, we have maybe money stuff, we have career stuff. And then maybe hobbies and passion, you know, it's like humans don't talk about too many things.

• 20:41Speaker 01

  Right, there's buckets.

• 20:42Speaker 00

  There's buckets that, you know, we all are basically committed to and attached to. So wherever the people get triggered, I use that as an access point to reverse engineer. What is it that that must be revealing about you as a human where you're not okay with something? So again, one of my quotes I love, one of my favorites is life will present you with people and circumstances to reveal where you're not free. So meaning that it's the opportunity that life is to be human is that we, you know, scurry around, doing the best we can, thinking we're trying to get somewhere. And we get pissed off, upset, triggered, hurt, whatever it is. And that's where for me, without getting too poetic and esoteric out of the gate, if we're these divine, integrous beings who are timeless and limitless.

• 21:25Speaker 00

  Meaning there's nothing that we can't handle, there's nothing we can't create. But if we get stopped by something, then that's where the subconscious is caught in some pretense or a lie. That you're not good enough, or you're not lovable, or you're not safe. So for me, this whole dimension of humanity on planet earth is because we all came here to break free from the constraints with which we arrived. So that's the, that's the process is where do you get pissed, basically where do you get pissed off? Where do you get triggered? That's gold. And if you're with someone who knows how to reverse engineer it, then you'll discover why you get triggered. Cause again, unless I say, unless it's life threatening, it's just ego threatening.

• 21:58Speaker 01

  Right.

• 21:59Speaker 00

  Most of the time it's ninety nine point nine nine nine percent, it's ego threatening. So then that's the gold, right?

• 22:03Speaker 01

  So ego threatening is what? How do you define that?

• 22:06Speaker 00

  Ego threatening meaning that something, you got upset by something.

• 22:09Speaker 01

  Right.

• 22:10Speaker 00

  You know, Jennifer got pissed off because, or she's hurt because, or she's scared because, right? There's some, the way even because we're under the, the illusion that we're at the effect of life. Oh, why are you upset? Oh, because somebody cut me off in traffic. Well, no, you're not upset because of that. Someone just cut, cut you off in traffic. You're upset because of the way you react to it. And that's all us. So we become the author of our own experience when you start to realize the power of responsibility. Most people don't want that. They wanna point fingers, you know, like I'm pissed off because my husband da da da, or my wife, or my kids, or my boss. And so then you become a victim. It's sort of a powerless way to live life.

• 22:43Speaker 01

  Very much so.

• 22:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, so I undo all of that and help people to discover their own authorship. They are, they are the genesis of their own experience.

• 22:50Speaker 01

  It must be hard. I mean, I think it's, I would imagine the, the reverse engineering of it and making people see things they, like, is it? Don't people easily just revert back to how they were? It's easy to do that, like you're saying.

• 23:03Speaker 00

  Easy and they can. And again, it's dependent a little bit on age. The older we are, the more established all of our habits, patterns, neural pathways are.

• 23:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:11Speaker 00

  So working with youngsters is sort of like, you know, the, the transformations can be instantaneous and lasting. So you need some time, like anything, like, you know, you're an athlete, so whatever sport you play, I love golf and tennis and skiing. And if someone was looking at my swing, they might have the most beautiful insight about what I'm doing. And I could maybe feel it when I'm with a coach, but then it's up to me to go and practice it. So it becomes ingrained. No different with the mind, even it's even more slippery though, it's a bit more subtle.

• 23:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:37Speaker 00

  But it's the same thing, you know, there's what I call the two main buckets of awareness of your blind spot, bringing the unconscious conscious, as Carl Jung said. And then there's a practice of this new set of eyes that you're looking through of like, oh my God, I always thought my mom was da da da, fill in the blank. And so I've communicated with her like that, but that's based on my history of her and that's not who she is today. So we sustain our images of things. And then we perpetuate because the, the ego wants to be right, even though what it's being right about are limitations, which is insane.

• 24:07Speaker 01

  Right. We wanna convince ourselves that what we think is actually true.

• 24:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:11Speaker 01

  Is that why what the words we say are so important?

• 24:14Speaker 00

  Yes, yeah.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  I was told the other day something like, even if you're saying something in jest or joking, like, you know.

• 24:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:20Speaker 01

  Oh God, I'm so dumb because I forgot that, like, your brain doesn't have a sense of humor. So they don't know you're joking if you say the word, I'm so dumb, ha ha.

• 24:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:29Speaker 01

  They just think in that word, I'm so dumb, or just becomes the loop.

• 24:35Speaker 00

  And, and it's a little bit more slippery than that because even what generates the, I'm so dumb. Cause by the time you've had a conscious thought or an expression, it's being generated from a subconscious pattern. So that statement, I'm dumb, as a way of defacing ourselves or mocking ourselves or joking. That only exists because of who you are at a deeper level to even say it in the first place.

• 24:58Speaker 01

  Right. Oh God, see this is where I get, I gotta really pay attention. Yes, okay. So say that again, so.

• 25:04Speaker 00

  This is in the snicker bar like version.

• 25:06Speaker 01

  This is not that, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. I gotta really laser focus.

• 25:10Speaker 00

  This way, so this house that we're in, beautiful house, can only exist because of the foundations. But we can't see the foundations, but nonetheless, the house could not exist if it weren't for them, nor could we build a bigger house relative to the size of foundation.

• 25:23Speaker 01

  Right.

• 25:24Speaker 00

  So think of the foundations like the subconscious.

• 25:26Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 25:26Speaker 00

  So everything that happens in this house is directly commensurate with the foundations that allow for it.

• 25:33Speaker 01

  Yes, I'm, I'm following you. Yes.

• 25:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, so likewise, someone's personality and their conscious thoughts and the words they say can only exist to the degree that their foundations of their subconscious allow.

• 25:43Speaker 01

  Right, so you can't change the foundation.

• 25:46Speaker 00

  No, well, you can because, yeah, you can. That's sort of, you know, sort of mental emotional excavation, I guess. The re-architecture. But you can, because the difference between like, you know, the concrete that's beneath us, this is based in language, which is why words are so important. Because subconscious constraints are also based in programming. So for example, the I'm not enough, which everybody can relate to.

• 26:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:09Speaker 00

  Will manifest differently depending on somebody's circumstances and their proclivities towards, you know, whatever it is, focused on relationships, focused on money. It will manifest in that way, but the I'm not enough isn't an inherent truth, it's just a constraint. It's a, but if it's been there for forty years, it's very convincing for that person. They'll say, oh, I'm so dumb, or, oh, I'm never gonna meet anyone, or. What, why, why was I trying to start a business? I'm so stupid to think that I would be successful. Those words make sense for somebody at a deeper foundational level think that they're not enough.

• 26:38Speaker 01

  Right.

• 26:39Speaker 00

  You see, so, so what I would do is hear those things, they're not truths. Like, there's no truth in saying I'm dumb, or I'm an idiot, or I'm a failure. That's not a truth. It's a statement, a declaration that reinforces a deeper narrative. If we can access that, you know, this is what I do in my masterminds or when I'm working with people, it's, it's so revelatory, it's so moving. Cause people are like, holy shit, like, I don't even know what I could do now because you're not being confined by anything anymore.

• 27:04Speaker 01

  Right. You, so you, in your work, you can actually take away that ideology at a foundational level.

• 27:11Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 27:12Speaker 01

  How? Like you're in a mastermind. Let's say I'm in your mat. Like, I like to know the nitty gritty.

• 27:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, I love that. Of your, your attention to detail.

• 27:20Speaker 01

  It's the attention, because I feel like, especially on this podcast, or like in my life, I'm sure with you too. Like, you meet a lot of different people, experts in this and experts in that.

• 27:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:29Speaker 01

  And they give you this very panoramic, big, you know, overarching ideologies. But in real life, it's really hard to kind of.

• 27:36Speaker 00

  For sure. Conceptual, yes. So, one last Saturday in my mastermind, which just started, it's a three and a half month process. We meet every two weeks on a Saturday. It's a long day. I do theory and then I coach people. So one of the women I was coaching, people from all around the world who attend, and she's in Holland. And she's a mom of two kids. And she had a question. She struggles with migraines and particularly around her cycle. And there's some sort of physiological associations. But really, what it came down to, her deep subconscious pattern was, it's all up to her. That it's not like she's thinking that. It's almost so, well, yeah, I'm a single mom. Of course, it's like, it's so commonplace for her to act that way.

• 28:15Speaker 00

  But it started when she was young and she had to drive her dad, who was an alcoholic. You know, when she's a kid, having all of this responsibility put on to her that wasn't hers to have.

• 28:24Speaker 01

  Right.

• 28:25Speaker 00

  So she, from a very young age, developed the idea that lives are in danger. You know, it's not like she's saying this, but these are her care providers and she's young.

• 28:33Speaker 01

  Right.

• 28:34Speaker 00

  So for a kid who's really dependent, she had to, it's the, the energy of resistance. If you have to, you must, you need to. These words carry weight, right? So for a kid, it's like, I literally have to keep my dad alive because he's the one paying or providing food or shelter, right?

• 28:50Speaker 01

  Right.

• 28:50Speaker 00

  But then that continues. And now it's perfect. She's fulfilling on the sentence of her subconscious, which we all do. So now she's a single mom. And now she feels like it's incumbent upon her to do everything. I understand the logic of it, but it's not a truth. So how do I undo that? You know, I take people through an exercise. So for example, I said, you know, if I cut you open, am I going to find a manufacturing label that says, you know, da, da, da, you're from Holland, it's all up to you. And she laughs and said, no, of course not. I'm like, okay, so it's not part of your hardware. So where does it exist? She's like, well, it's what I believe. Okay, great. So it's software. Software we can play with, right? I'm like, I can't change the color of your eyes. I'm not at that level yet, but.

• 29:26Speaker 01

  Yet.

• 29:30Speaker 00

  But the, the language that I could do something with. So then I said, okay, so where does it exist? She's like, well, it's in my mind. Great. What's its format? Well, it's all up to me. It's words, right? Okay, yeah. So if it's just words, is it an absolute truth? I get your, it's how you feel. I get it's what you've done, but is it a truth that it's all up to you? And she really got it. She said, no, it's not a truth. You see the shoulders drop, the physiological breathing patterns change. And it was so beautiful. And this will be coming out because we can use it as a podcast episode. And she said, oh my God, I, I don't even. Like, I've just been introduced to a world I don't even know how to explore. And it's so profound. Like, that's my, my response normally is I'm introducing you to a world

• 30:10Speaker 00

  that you're not familiar with. Because when you've lived in the world from a very young age, you know, we had a few years prior when we're just free in kids and we do whatever and we throw up on people's. We don't, we don't know we're doing anything wrong. And then suddenly we learn at one point that being us isn't enough. Like, there's something that kicks in at a very young age, the terrible twos, because we start to hear, wrong, bad, don't do this. So it's a very interesting part in the arc of a human being's personality, where suddenly we're told that who we are is no longer just unconditionally loved.

• 30:39Speaker 01

  Right.

• 30:39Speaker 00

  And then from that point forth, all we're doing is trying to get that back.

• 30:43Speaker 01

  I understand what you mean.

• 30:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:45Speaker 01

  And so it all stems from an experience or a time in your childhood that you're acting out in, in, in adulthood, I guess.

• 30:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's continued because it was so jarring. Sometimes it's really traumatic. I've helped a lot of people who've had some horrendous things happen to them, you know, the whole world of sexual abuse and.

• 31:01Speaker 01

  Right.

• 31:01Speaker 00

  Which sadly happens to a lot of kids. And now it's a parent or a child, an adult who's managing real physical sickness. Real trauma in relationships, which is still playing out the unreconciled trauma from childhood.

• 31:16Speaker 01

  Do you know, are there specific patterns that you see over and over again?

• 31:20Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 31:20Speaker 01

  Okay, what are they that?

• 31:22Speaker 00

  Well, some of the most common ones are the feeling of inadequacy, like I'm not enough. For women particularly, the feeling of insecurity, like we're not safe, you know, as a woman. Because sadly, for hundreds of years, the patriarchal has been somewhat abusive, you know, in varying degrees, right? And so, and then some sense of scarcity. They're the three main buckets that everybody has. There's something fundamentally wrong with me. I'm not safe in the world. Like, I can't just. You know, leave my house open, no worries. Like, there, there's crime out there. The world is dangerous, right?

• 31:50Speaker 01

  Right.

• 31:50Speaker 00

  And then there's never enough. Like, even I've worked with, you know, fifteen, twenty billionaires and they're still in a scarcity mindset because it's part of the human condition.

• 31:57Speaker 01

  So then how does that even stop? Like, but you were saying even earlier, even the Kobe, for example.

• 32:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:02Speaker 01

  He became really successful because of a chip on his shoulder that he had to prove, you know, he had to prove that he's not, that he is enough, right? That's what I see all the time too. I think that's a, that's, that whole thing, if you really, when I talk to a lot of people.

• 32:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:16Speaker 01

  That's kind of, when they, when you peel back the layers, that's really what kind of motivates a lot of people, right?

• 32:22Speaker 00

  It does, yeah.

• 32:23Speaker 01

  Because they're proving, they're trying to prove something to themselves subconsciously, that they are enough, that they can do it, that.

• 32:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:28Speaker 01

  You know, just that they just are relentless.

• 32:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:31Speaker 01

  That will be what it takes.

• 32:33Speaker 00

  But you just said it there in your own speaking, like they're trying to prove it to themselves.

• 32:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:37Speaker 00

  Me against me, right? It's my story of inadequacy that I think is because my dad said I'm a loser and I'll never amount to anything. But actually, that's just one thing that he said that probably took like ten seconds, but I've been carrying for a decade.

• 32:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:49Speaker 00

  Two decades, three decades. So are you fighting your dad anymore? Or is you fighting your own belief that you've actually started to own and identify at? And that's the, the old analogy of driving a car with one foot on the brake and one foot on the accelerator at the same time, which is how most people live their lives and why they get sick.

• 33:10Speaker 01

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• 34:31Speaker 01

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• 34:53Speaker 01

  Well, you said something, hold on, I want to, I want to like, hold on, I want to open this thing up.

• 34:57Speaker 00

  Your notes.

• 34:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, but that I haven't even looked at. Okay, so like, I want to, there was a line, something like, you know, you help people go from where they are to where they think they should be.

• 35:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:08Speaker 01

  Like, because I think that where we think, like, where we, where we think we should be versus where we actually are.

• 35:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:15Speaker 01

  Is why people get so frustrated and depressed and upset, because they always think they should have had a different life that they have right now.

• 35:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, and it's one of the things I do live events now, and I spoke recently at one of them, talking about how it's incredible, the amount of energy.

• 35:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:30Speaker 00

  A human being exerts and puts into trying not to be where they are.

• 35:34Speaker 01

  That's what, well, that's, I think, what social media has done though too, right?

• 35:39Speaker 00

  It certainly contributed to it. It does, social media in and of itself is not doing anything. It's just appealing to these mechanisms of, that one of the fundamental prisons where we think that the way our life is, isn't it? But, but we're getting that.

• 35:50Speaker 01

  Right.

• 35:50Speaker 00

  But you can never get there because you're never in the future. There's only the proverbial now that Eckhart Tolle's been talking about for forty years.

• 35:57Speaker 01

  Oh my god. By the way, by the only person who talks to you that has to like really listen intently to like, it's not just me, okay?

• 36:03Speaker 00

  No, no, it's okay.

• 36:04Speaker 01

  Right? Because it's like, because you're talk, the way you speak about these things, it's like you have to pay attention. You can't just like, you can't just like, you know.

• 36:12Speaker 00

  Keep the breeze.

• 36:12Speaker 01

  Yeah. No, no, you can't just like pretend I'm listening. Yeah, exactly. Like thinking about where my errands are later.

• 36:18Speaker 00

  Present with me, my dear.

• 36:19Speaker 01

  I have to be because it's like you're taking it back. But I feel like that's what we do, right? Like, no one seems to be happy with where they are. They're always seeking to for betterment. Like, that's what personal growth really is, though, right? Like, you wanna go from where you are to a better version of yourself, to a better version of yourself.

• 36:37Speaker 00

  You can. And there's, you know, I'm somebody who's utterly committed to doing, you know, the best I can with this lifetime and accessing, realizing my potential. But there's different ways by which we move, right? So most people move because of fear and lack and scarcity, right? So there's something wrong. And so the person who goes to the gym and signs up at the beginning of the year and pays their fifty to three hundred bucks a month or whatever it is, is invariably being driven by something that they are not wanting. So most people's wanting, energy of wanting, it creates time, right? If I want something, then what I'm actually saying is I don't have it. So now I create time. So now I've got some sort of future idea of what it is that I feel will fulfill on, in this case, really a sense of accomplishment or peace. Oftentimes, wanting is really, we just want relief from the suffering that we're in.

• 37:22Speaker 00

  So not wanting is usually the catalyst for wanting. So someone doesn't want to be out of shape. Someone doesn't want to be prediabetic. Somebody doesn't wanna be obese. And so they're now, well, what I'm gonna do is go to the gym and get a membership and a trainer. That's fine. They might get some results, but invariably they're being informed by what I call the negation, the not. So that wanting can get results. But invariably, they will fall by the wayside and they'll not show up after the first month or whatever it is, or they cancel the membership because it's not a creative form of desire. It's a reactive form. And when humans are reactive, we're actually holding on to something we don't want and trying to mitigate it or disprove it.

• 38:01Speaker 00

  So that's the, the, again, the slippery and insidious part of like the ego is it's like it knows relatives to society, well, I don't look good right now and I wanna be loved and accepted. That's one of the primordial imperatives of every human is I wanna be loved and accepted because it goes back to that kid who felt they weren't. And so in order to do that, what do I have to do? Because I know who I am right now isn't. Which isn't that I'm not loved and accepted by society, but I'm not loved and accepted by myself. And so then the exhausting game of trying to become who I think I need to be to garner that from outside, which will never work because you're not trying to get it from outside because everyone's playing the same game. If you think about it, it's kind of hilarious.

• 38:37Speaker 01

  Should people get high before they listen to this episode? So they could, can they can?

• 38:41Speaker 00

  I don't know if that will help, possibly.

• 38:42Speaker 01

  I hope, I think so because I feel like it, like they can to like really focus on this.

• 38:47Speaker 00

  Yeah. I mean, many people do say that they have to listen to things, you know, four or five times to really get it.

• 38:52Speaker 01

  To really get it. It makes, but it makes perfect sense, but it's just like, you're saying it so like matter-of-factly, but.

• 38:57Speaker 00

  Because it is, because it's physics, right? And I've been doing this for thirty years. So for me, it's very clear. And I think, excuse me, that's one of the reasons that people are drawn to and enamored with my work because even if they can't keep track right now because they've got their own kind of fog of their own ego, they can hear the, the inherent truth about what I'm saying. It's not even my opinion so much as it's just the mechanics of what it is to be human.

• 39:21Speaker 01

  No, it's, it's a hundred percent true.

• 39:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:23Speaker 01

  It's about the, see, I think what I, what I notice, even in my, with myself, it's not that I don't know. You know, people, I think intellectually or like just whatever, they, they know what they need to eat. They know that what they have to do. But it's in the execution that everything falls apart, right? Because life or like they rationalize it or these blind spots. And so like how, that to me is what the most interesting thing is. It's like, you can see my blind spots, right? I can see your blind spot. If I spent like time with you, like, you know, I would, I would come back and be like, oh, he has this, this, this, and this is his blind spot.

• 39:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:59Speaker 01

  Because, you know, I'm a very, then this is probably, you know, I'm a hyper, I think I'm observant and critical. I'm very critical. But does that mean if I'm a critical person that really I'm critical of myself?

• 40:09Speaker 00

  A hundred percent.

• 40:10Speaker 01

  And I'm just, you're just mirroring whatever it is that.

• 40:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's not only mirroring what you see for yourself, it's also mirroring the coping strategies that you've developed.

• 40:18Speaker 01

  Interesting.

• 40:19Speaker 00

  Yeah. So you've become very astute. Like I would, if I were to put you in a general consensus, you know, it's like a very easy label people have heard is like you're a perfectionist.

• 40:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, but only with myself. I'm not a, I'm not a perfectionist.

• 40:30Speaker 00

  That's where it all starts. Yeah, that's all it starts.

• 40:33Speaker 01

  But I've noticed everybody's like idiosyncrasies and

• 40:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:37Speaker 01

  like, not just short, I notice everything, like how someone like uses their hand and twitches their foot or how they're like looking at me or where if they're nodding and what they're thinking, like, my brain is constantly in a loop of that.

• 40:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:49Speaker 01

  So.

• 40:50Speaker 00

  So one level, you could look at that as a great asset. Like I have the same, right? So I make a distinction between being highly observant and being vigilant. They both carry the capacity to really be very present with your surroundings and be very aware. Like you've got this keen eye where you can notice, as you said, these little, these little subtleties. I notice when someone's breathing pattern changes when I'm talking to them, right?

• 41:09Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 41:10Speaker 00

  I can see different softness in their face, you know, sometimes when they've sort of let go of a constraint. But being observant, most people are observant, but from a place of previous need to survive. So their powers of observation have got this underlying current of fear and that's vigilant. So I would assert, you know, not wrong or right, that much of your capacity to see things was and maybe still is informed a little bit by fear. Where you're trying to get everything right or you're wanting to have things a certain way.

• 41:39Speaker 01

  Control, probably.

• 41:40Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 41:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:41Speaker 00

  Which again, control is a behavior, is where there's an underlying feeling of insecurity, where you, you don't, you got hurt before when things were out of your control. So now I'm not gonna be hurt again. So I'm gonna make sure that I control everything that I can. Which is really just perpetuating the previous hurt as opposed to experiencing the hurt, allowing it and then stepping into what is literally a brand new day every day.

• 42:01Speaker 01

  So like someone, how do you walk, how do you walk through life then? Are you perfect now? No.

• 42:05Speaker 00

  No, I don't even like the word. No, because again, I say, please don't become perfect. You'll have no one to relate to.

• 42:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, right.

• 42:12Speaker 00

  Right? So that's a, that's a adaptation. It's a, it's a strategy that the ego will use because the ego doesn't accept itself. I've gotten to a point where I'm just okay being me, you know, and people are gonna think whatever they wanna think. That's okay.

• 42:23Speaker 01

  That's a great place.

• 42:24Speaker 00

  Compassionate, I'm loving, I'm kind. I, I don't in any way claim to be perfect in every arena of life. I'm sure, you know, I've lost money on the stock market. I could have done better there, you know, like, am I really diligent all the time with my workouts? No, but I'm pretty damn good, you know? There's gonna be room for improvement in all areas of my life. I'm just okay with that and I'm doing the best I can. So I embrace my humanity.

• 42:45Speaker 01

  Right.

• 42:45Speaker 00

  Which actually allows me, I think, to perform even better because I don't have these limiting feelings of inadequacy or judgment and self pity and woe that a lot of people do where they beat the shit out of themselves because I should have done this. I should, I'm like, no, I'm pretty chill.

• 43:00Speaker 01

  You're pretty chill about that. It's true because you seem pretty chill when you walked in here. Much more chill than I thought you were gonna be. But then again, I barely know you, but

• 43:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:07Speaker 01

  Because you were telling about the buckets for women, where the patterns are. What are the buckets and patterns for men that you see a lot?

• 43:15Speaker 00

  Well, I said women more about the insecurity. So men, it tends to be more about performance. For women, obviously, the primordial focus is on appearance and beauty, right? These are like deep in DNA, right? The prettiest girl wins the alpha male. So this is how the, you continue the species, right? This is deep, deep, deep DNA stuff. So for men, it's more around performance, right? Like whether that be sports, sex, business, money, like, you know, that's where men struggle, right? Is that they're scared that they're not gonna be doing something well enough. And so those are just big generalizations. But sometimes men can feel scared. I mean, I've helped a lot of guys who their dad was mercurial and really angry. And so they're scared too, you know, they tend to cower if it's somebody of status or a boss or same thing. You can still have that same feeling of insecurity.

• 44:01Speaker 01

  So how do you work with someone like that to kind of get over the need to outperform and?

• 44:08Speaker 00

  But again, tracing it back to what is the underlying like root narrative in their subconscious? Like, where did that start? Where was the first time you thought that being you wasn't enough or how you had to compensate was be the best or get the A or whatever it is? And so you normally, people can remember, sometimes they forget, but when I'm having a conversation with them, they'll remember, wow, I can, you know, the first time I came home with my sister, my, my grade card and she got all As and I got a B and my dad, I could see he was really disappointed. Something super benign.

• 44:35Speaker 01

  Right.

• 44:36Speaker 00

  But nonetheless, at that moment, that child decided that I'm less than my sister or my brother. And so from that moment forward, they've tried to not be less than, which of course reinforces less than. But the way that shows up in behavioral adaptations is hardworking, perfectionist, people pleaser. You know, sort of now they've got adrenal fatigue, you know, it manifests in the physiology over time.

• 44:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:57Speaker 00

  So I would help them go back to that and say, okay, so at that moment, did it really mean that you were less than? Or did it mean you got Bs and they got As? And so you start to separate emotion from fact, right? Which is where PTSD, you know, get where people associate a moment with how they felt. Versus allowing the moment to be the moment. My dad went to work and died, right? But for years I had a story of loss, which no one would begrudge me. It made sense. Like, but I didn't lose my dad, my dad died, right? And so the story of loss impacted me. The truth of my dad dying and I can still have grief. I miss the crap out of him. I know he'd be so proud of what I've accomplished in the world. These are all still legitimate. But I'm not losing anything anymore. Otherwise, it's a part of me that's gone, right?

• 45:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, it sounds like you do a lot of reframing and self-talk.

• 45:41Speaker 00

  Reframing and the self-talk is really a dissolution process of self-talk. Like I don't solve problems. I dissolve them is what I tell people. So people's problems sit on top of the narrative that is a confining space. So I reveal the confining space and then the dissolution of that opens them up to a world of pure possibility.

• 45:58Speaker 01

  You you know, that that now it reminds me of a video I saw that I think was what came up on my feed that you did.

• 46:06Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 46:06Speaker 01

  Which was about like love and falling in love.

• 46:09Speaker 00

  Yes, that that one went crazy. That's like six point five million views or something.

• 46:12Speaker 01

  Really?

• 46:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:13Speaker 01

  Because it was so that to me, it was like, it was so the way it was worded.

• 46:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:18Speaker 01

  Was very interesting.

• 46:20Speaker 00

  Yeah. So that was someone in my live event. So I work with people in the crowd, which is really fun. People I've never met before. I don't know what they're gonna say. I've had someone who had chronic pain. I showed him he didn't to someone who was a loser and was on heroin and in jail to realize he's not a loser. I mean, really moving stuff. And that woman, yeah, she was lovely. Juliana, I think her name is. But she was saying how she was thirty nine and worried about not finding love again. And she was talking about this one big love of hers when she was twenty and you know, never feeling like she could ever revisit that. And, you know, so I was helping her see that she had collapsed love with the person, which we all do. Like, I'm in love with you in that person. And then if that person goes away, well, now I'm devastated. And so I just help people see, no,

• 47:00Speaker 00

  that person is extraordinary and you might have hopefully a lifetime with them, maybe raise a family and it's beautiful, but the love is yours. They might simply be the catalyst and the inspiration for it, just as the anger is yours, but they could be the inspiration for it. Like, you pissed me off. Well, no, they didn't said what they did and you had a reaction. So that completely changed her life and apparently millions of others where they're like, holy shit, like people who've just gone through a breakup. They're devastated. They're depressed. Like, what's the point? It's like, oh, no, I had so much love. That's me. That's, I can take that now. In theory, you can take it anywhere, but of course you're gonna have preferences of the kind of people you wanna hang out with. Like, I'm a super uber loving guy. Doesn't mean I wanna spend the rest of my life with everybody, but I'm I'm still the source of my love.

• 47:42Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, I think the way it was worded or something was something to the fact that it's not that you were in love with him.

• 47:49Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 47:50Speaker 01

  Is that you were in love with the way it made you feel.

• 47:53Speaker 00

  The version of you that you became through and with him. Yes. And that's the journey of self-revelation and self-realization. Is that life is revealing our own potentialities in all regards. It's it's not just love, although I would assert that's our predominant state.

• 48:08Speaker 01

  Right.

• 48:08Speaker 00

  But it's you get pissed off with someone, see how angry you can get. Like, it's not because of them. It's who you became through and because of them in terms of that energy, but it's still yours. And so that then introduces responsibility that most people don't want. Cause again, going back to what I said earlier, most people are at the effect of life. Well, no, I'm happy because I got good news from so so. I'm pissed off because of what my wife or husband said. I'm angry because, no. Then you're a victim of circumstance.

• 48:34Speaker 01

  Right. So you're saying that when we start putting things on the external only.

• 48:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 48:39Speaker 01

  That's not, we can't define our ourselves or our happiness or our our the or sadness based on out or outside.

• 48:47Speaker 00

  You can, but you're gonna be left unfulfilled and feeling hopeless because then that's when you become a control person, freak, whatever word people wanna use.

• 48:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:56Speaker 00

  Because you're saying, well, it's ipso facto, right? If I feel hurt or happy by my environment, I'm gonna do everything I can to control the environment so that I manage my emotions. That's an exhausting way to try and manage yourself. If I can learn to be okay with whatever's happening at peace with life, I've won.

• 49:12Speaker 01

  Right. And you have to, I guess you have to practice that.

• 49:15Speaker 00

  Well, awareness and practice are the two main buckets, as I said. Most people just aren't aware, so that's why I have compassion. I say you can't be held accountable for that which you're oblivious to. So people are judgmental of someone who's smoking cigarettes. Well, yeah, the world knows cigarettes are bad, but that person's still doing it. It's not like they're like, oh, I can't wait to have a cigarette because I know it's great for my vitality. They're still in some form of suffering and the cigarette cigarette is their mechanism of relief and now it's become a habit. But they're not aware of why, because underneath it, they feel like they're a piece of shit or nobody loves them or.

• 49:45Speaker 01

  Right.

• 49:46Speaker 00

  You know, that's the suffering. That's the real addiction is the idea of our own inadequacy is the addiction. Then whatever shows up on top of that, pick your poison.

• 49:55Speaker 01

  Right.

• 49:55Speaker 00

  Yeah. But if you can get out of that, then you're free. You can be okay with whatever. That's why my main product is freedom.

• 50:00Speaker 01

  Freedom. It makes perfect, because everyone wants to feel freedom.

• 50:03Speaker 00

  Yes, but they're under the impression freedom will come when they perfect their circumstances.

• 50:07Speaker 01

  Right. It's like, it's basically like a loop. It's an exhausting loop.

• 50:10Speaker 00

  Exhausting.

• 50:11Speaker 01

  Because I think also it's like your your behavior is a product of what your subconscious thinks.

• 50:17Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 50:17Speaker 01

  It's not just, you're not just acting willy nilly.

• 50:20Speaker 00

  No, no, no, no, no. No, that's why the quote again, Carl Jung is so beautiful because he said, until you make the unconscious, I call subconscious conscious, it will drive your life, meaning it's what's informing, but you'll call it fate.

• 50:35Speaker 01

  Right. Okay, so.

• 50:36Speaker 00

  So all behavior, like I said earlier, the words that you say are being the genesis of them are these blind spots. So we think, oh, it's just bad luck. No, it's the energetic signature that you occupy and the way that you see yourself at the deepest level that creates your energetic way of relating to everything in life. So there's no coincidence.

• 50:53Speaker 01

  Is this like frequency and vibrate?

• 50:55Speaker 00

  Everything is frequency and vibration, language, words, and even testers, right? You wanna stand the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration. Yes.

• 51:02Speaker 01

  So how can you change? And how does someone change that frequency or that energy?

• 51:06Speaker 00

  By recognizing if they're living in a prison based on linguistic, like what I call prisons, right?

• 51:11Speaker 01

  You say you have ten of them too, right?

• 51:13Speaker 00

  Yes, but it gets more complex and.

• 51:15Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 51:16Speaker 00

  Yeah. Well, because each one has got a shadow side too. So I'll give you an example. So someone who thinks they're not good enough, typically that becomes an adaptive way as a coping strategy. So if someone is in an environment where they think they're not good enough, fill in the blank because one of my baseball players, he could go four for five in a baseball game, which is amazing. He got four hits out of five at bats.

• 51:33Speaker 01

  It's amazing.

• 51:34Speaker 00

  But he was still miserable in the locker room. People don't understand why, because as a kid, his dad would always tell him, well, what happened to the fifth at bat? Right? So that's still the continuation of that feeling that he still wasn't enough. So for most people in the realm of I'm not enough at the deepest level, that will inform perfectionism, people pleasing, hard work, A-type drive. You know, that people are trying to compensate for. So if I'm not something, typically the way that the brain reacts to that is I'll try and become something. Do you see? I'm not something because that's something you want that, you wanna be good. So I'm not that. You know, again, people aren't thinking I'm not good. They're thinking all sorts of things. Why can't I get a raise? Or why am I not making enough money? Or why can't I attract a good mate? That's all on top of the feeling of inadequacy. So then it's the compensations to become good or better.

• 52:18Speaker 00

  The darker side of I'm not good enough is I am bad. And that's typically where people have grown up in a little bit more of a harsh environment where they were dismissed or they were really treated like shit or they were around an alcoholic parents and they were beaten. And so sadly, although the not good enough can still be really painful and can lead to sickness and disease and dysfunction and all sorts. Most people are at least striving to do better. Somebody who's I'm bad tends to really become the addicts and this sort of really self-defeating homeless eventually maybe like really destructive behaviors. Because you're saying I am something derogatory.

• 52:58Speaker 01

  Right.

• 52:59Speaker 00

  And so that's where it becomes, well, fuck it and the woe and then self-fulfilling prophecy of like, well, who gives a shit anyway? And that's where people can sabotage their lives to a really detrimental level.

• 53:09Speaker 01

  What's another prison that you have?

• 53:11Speaker 00

  Um, I'm not loved. A lot of people have that one.

• 53:14Speaker 01

  Really?

• 53:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, a lot of people.

• 53:15Speaker 01

  I'm not lovable? I'm not loved?

• 53:17Speaker 00

  It can be either or, you know, words can be very subtle in the way it lands for people, but it's basically the same phenomenon that I'm not accepted for who I am.

• 53:25Speaker 01

  So what would be the shadow of that?

• 53:27Speaker 00

  Um, so like, if you will think about it, well, if someone is not loved, right? So wanting to be loved is, you know, a good thing. But if if you're not loved, what would be a darker side of that?

• 53:41Speaker 01

  I'm not liked, I'm hated, or I'm not lovable.

• 53:44Speaker 00

  Well, yeah, the darker side could be still as a not, I'm not even wanted.

• 53:47Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm not wanted. Okay.

• 53:49Speaker 00

  So not loved, okay, you can stay around as a kid and it's like, but but you're not getting affection. Mum doesn't hold you. Dad doesn't tell you, love you, doesn't acknowledge you. So that's a horrible feeling. But if a parent says, you know, you were a mistake, which kids have heard, you know, or they might even hear the dad over, like I had to.

• 54:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:06Speaker 00

  And she's a therapist and these two kids, girls wanted to go through all the uh, transition bullshit, whatever, you know, and wanted to be boys and she fortunately helped them because they didn't. What they had, what had happened is they'd overheard their dad one day saying to the mom, you know, I really wish I'd had boys. Which was for him a sort of a just, who knows the context of their conversation, but those girls heard that. The interpretation is we're not wanted for who we are, but if we become boys, we'll be loved. That's how primal it is. Cause if you're not loved, you get kicked out of the gang and you don't make it, right?

• 54:36Speaker 01

  That's so interesting because especially what's going on with everything now.

• 54:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 54:42Speaker 01

  It's madness.

• 54:43Speaker 00

  Insane, yeah.

• 54:44Speaker 01

  And so these things, that's why it's, that's why it's super dangerous of what's happening in our world right now, right? Because it could be something as primal as like a comment and so subtle and no one's even thinking about that stuff.

• 54:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, but it still comes down to this primal need as a human being to be wanted, to be loved and accepted, to be safe.

• 55:02Speaker 01

  Is there an age where these things are really kind of implanted so deeply? Or like, if can you, like, for example, like seven and under is when these things really become super impactful or?

• 55:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, those formative years, because as I said, it gets really subtle. I say these are the constraints with which we arrive, you know, which is just my take. People could argue the other way around, meaning that this dimension of planet Earth, being human is we're here to reconciling, transcend these limitations. So it's not because mum said or dad said, I would assert those souls wanted to have the experience of whatever that feeling of being dismissed or not wanted is so that they could transcend it. But most people don't look at life that way. They just try and get rid of the pain, you know, and that's why we have pick your poison, right? Like alcohol, food, sex, prescription drugs, street drugs.

• 55:52Speaker 01

  Whatever.

• 55:52Speaker 00

  Whatever it is, right? And so actually, for me, the opportunity that it is to be human is go, oh, I'm a boundless, limitless, timeless soul, incarnated into this three-dimensional Mitsu with a narrative that is based in some sort of limitation. And the game is, can I break free from that? That's the game. That to me is the purpose of life, is to break free from the limitations with which we arrived.

• 56:13Speaker 01

  So when you had your, so for you, for example, you're.

• 56:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 56:16Speaker 01

  And you had your mom die and you had your father uh, die at such a young age. What was your story? Was that like, I'm alone, I'm?

• 56:25Speaker 00

  Yes, it's all up to me as well. So it's a woman I said from I'm asked around and Holland. I'm alone and also a big story of loss. Anything that's of value to me is gonna leave. So my very first girlfriend, I was like, I compensate. I was a good guy, but I was the perfect boyfriend.

• 56:41Speaker 01

  Right, you went overboard.

• 56:43Speaker 00

  But as a compensation, yeah, which eventually is, it's not gonna work, right? She, she literally said, I feel suffocated by your love.

• 56:48Speaker 01

  Right.

• 56:49Speaker 00

  And I was like, what's the fucking problem? There's so much love. But then I, when I got it, which was my awakening to my own behaviors, that holy shit. Like, yeah, it wasn't, it wasn't real. It wasn't authentic. It was real, but it wasn't true, you know?

• 56:59Speaker 01

  So then how did you course correct? Are you in a relation? Are you like, do you have?

• 57:03Speaker 00

  I saw, I could see that mechanism then. So once you see, again, it's a lie. So these prisons are lies. That's, that's, you know, that's a key part of this conversation.

• 57:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:13Speaker 00

  The I'm not enough isn't a truth, it's a lie. The I'm not loved is a lie. I'm not safe. They're all lies.

• 57:19Speaker 01

  Right.

• 57:19Speaker 00

  So that's what I'm doing is I'm helping people see that. So for example, yeah, my live event last, uh, few days ago, this girl was wanting me to help her with her business. So just some random girl, she put her hand up. I said, who wants to chat? So I want you to help me in business. Okay, da, da, da, what's going on? And it turned out that when she was young, her dad said to her, you're gonna turn out to be a loser, just like your mom and your sister, right? And so she'd held on to that. This is very articulate, successful coach. But I helped to point out that she can't actually help people because she's trying to perfect herself because she thinks she's a loser. But you see, if you hold on to a lie and then you're just trying to disprove it, all she keeps reinforcing is the lie. She said in front of everyone, it was comical. She said, she just saved me twelve grand. I was about to do this coaching program,

• 58:03Speaker 00

  which is another attempt to try to finally perfect herself. So the lies, so now she felt relief. What was so powerful, she came up to me at the end of the, when everyone was breaking chairs and leaving. She came up and said, you're not gonna believe this. Show me her phone. She said, there's a client that I've been trying to get since June of last year. They texted me literally as you and I stopped talking.

• 58:21Speaker 01

  Really?

• 58:22Speaker 00

  Cause now she was available. She was, there's nothing, she's not trying to perfect herself behind closed doors before she thinks she's ready for business. I said, one of the greatest qualities you can bring in your business is accept. Cause everyone who comes to you has got the feeling of that there's something wrong with them too. But you're the, the authority here who's desperately trying to perfect yourself.

• 58:40Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 58:41Speaker 00

  You're a disservice to the people and that's why your business is not working. She was just blown, blown away.

• 58:45Speaker 01

  So that's, so you do all these live programs, basically?

• 58:48Speaker 00

  Live events, yeah, yeah.

• 58:49Speaker 01

  Live events.

• 58:50Speaker 00

  So the mastermind is more as a online, people from all around the world, three month container. The live events are just fun where, you know, we're gonna grow. People have asked me now to travel around the world and do them. They're just really fun.

• 59:00Speaker 01

  They are. I sound, I love this. Could you basically?

• 59:02Speaker 00

  Come to one.

• 59:03Speaker 01

  I will, when's the next one?

• 59:04Speaker 00

  Uh, March twentieth.

• 59:06Speaker 01

  And do a lot of, like, where, where is it at? Here?

• 59:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, we've outgrown the space. It's, uh, I come into LA for it and there's, um, two hundred plus people. It's a good, it's a, it's intimate, but it's a good size. But now, you know, we're looking at a bigger theater for two thousand, because we sell out within twenty four hours.

• 59:21Speaker 01

  You do?

• 59:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. People flying from all around the world. There were people from, this time there's someone from Australia and all from the East Coast. And yeah, it's really flattering.

• 59:31Speaker 01

  And so what, so do you spend the entire time, you say you give them some theory?

• 59:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, I talk a little bit about whatever and then I just say, who wants to chat? So this time it was a girl who wanted me to improve her business. There's another woman who's turning fifty in a week, who, uh, doesn't have a relationship, but she wants love. And she, part of our story is, you know, she hasn't had many relationships. She's turning fifty. So I hold, I hear all the, the data I need, right?

• 59:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:53Speaker 00

  So immediately I said, what's the significance of me, you telling me that you're about to turn fifty? But there's a story about that. So why she can't have a relationship? So we undo all of that.

• 1:00:00Speaker 01

  I wanna hear it, undo it. I'm curious. Cause I'm sure there are people who are listening who are maybe turning fifty or forty and I feel like relationships is a biggie, right?

• 1:00:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:10Speaker 01

  Cause I think, I think it's harder and harder for people to meet people here, or not here, just in life.

• 1:00:15Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:00:16Speaker 01

  And with everything, with like social, it's apps, social media, now AI.

• 1:00:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:21Speaker 01

  There's so many people that I think loneliness has become a massive, uh, I think that's the real pandemic.

• 1:00:26Speaker 00

  So I'm gonna take something you said there, because I think it will probably hit a chord with people. You said it's getting harder and harder for people to meet people.

• 1:00:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:33Speaker 00

  Because they haven't met themselves.

• 1:00:35Speaker 01

  Is that, that's interesting.

• 1:00:37Speaker 00

  Do you get that?

• 1:00:38Speaker 01

  I do get that.

• 1:00:39Speaker 00

  See, it's harder for people to meet because the more you drift away from your authentic nature, the more of a facade you're carrying and the harder it is to sustain and therefore the harder it is to have intimacy into me see. So this is what, and people really wanna watch it. I have a super affordable, my, my membership program is Freedom. It's twenty nine bucks a month and all my lives are in there. You pay more to go to the live than watching them free recorded. So if someone wants to watch that.

• 1:01:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:02Speaker 00

  And there's a ninety plus hours of other content on anxiety, relationships, freeing your mind, depression, a wisdom library, like, yeah. So all the lives get put in there because not everyone can come. So it was a powerful conversation, but she sat there just beaming in joy because she realized being fifty's got nothing to do with anything. The fact that she hasn't had many relationships got nothing to do with anything. And that she stepped into a whole world of possibility where I said, by the time you come here next month, you could have had probably five suitors come up to you if you want.

• 1:01:29Speaker 01

  So what was it? If it wasn't the fifty and if it wasn't the fact that she's not, she hasn't had a lot of relationships? What was the reason why she was saying that in the first place?

• 1:01:37Speaker 00

  Because she had at a young age learned to self-soothe because her parents weren't available and so she'd become fiercely independent. And what was so funny and people cracked up because for some reason when I do my lives, I turn more into the comedian. And so she says, it's so funny, she says, I do heart centered workshops.

• 1:01:55Speaker 01

  Are you serious?

• 1:01:56Speaker 00

  So I was thinking of piss because of course I'm coming from a lovely place. I'm like, I can just see that. Okay, everybody drop into their heart, you know, and like, this is all about love. And then, and I said, and then you leave and go back to your hotel room and cry by yourself.

• 1:02:07Speaker 01

  But this is the.

• 1:02:08Speaker 00

  But that's what she did as a kid. So she, she's so scared to make herself so vulnerable, which again is, that's why I get it. It's scary. I have compassion. But that's where people haven't met themselves to love themselves. Same with a girl who's trying to perfect herself before she thinks she's a good enough coach. Now I'm like, you'll be the best coach in the world if you could just accept yourself and tell people to get over themselves. That's all they want.

• 1:02:27Speaker 01

  Well, I, I totally agree, but this is why I said it earlier about the psychologist, right? Like, I find like a lot of times, like, people are not comfortable of just being authentic, true. The word authentic is thrown around all the time, you know, like authenticity, you know? All these things. It's like great hashtags, but the truth is nobody's really comfortable in just being who they are.

• 1:02:46Speaker 00

  Being completely honest.

• 1:02:47Speaker 01

  You know, like, just, just being different. Because different is not, for whatever reason, it's not accepted. People think it's not accepted.

• 1:02:55Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:02:55Speaker 01

  But the truth is, I think the more different you are, the more actually you're actually, you're, you're, you're more likeable, not less likeable.

• 1:03:03Speaker 00

  Because it's a magnet. Like you think about, if you had this really beautiful gala, everyone's in there like black tie and it's all fancy schmancy and everyone's sipping on their champagne.

• 1:03:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:11Speaker 00

  Or whatever. And you throw in a four year old kid who's running around and he's got shit all over his face.

• 1:03:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:16Speaker 00

  Like, it's adorable and people are drawn to that because it's freedom. That's why my product's called Freedom. You know, so for me, you know, if you wanna took the world right now of like just insane amounts of mental health issues, the, the precursor to all of that is the, the absence of, uh, self-love. Cause then I'm, I'm in dis-ease with myself. So then that's just gonna spill out into the world.

• 1:03:35Speaker 01

  But I feel like also it's people just, besides self-soothing, it's distra, everything is basically a distraction now. If people are, the mental health, as you were just saying, anxiety, depression, suicide, all of it is like, is becoming worse and worse because social media, comparing yourself to some other life that doesn't even actually really even exist.

• 1:03:56Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:03:57Speaker 01

  And people are using these all and they're, they are getting, they're, they're becoming, it's becoming worse. And instead of like, and even though going on social media is why they're depressed, they're still, they can't, they can't seem to take themselves off because they need it as a distraction away from their own life.

• 1:04:15Speaker 00

  So it's fueling all of these mechanisms where fundamentally someone is just simply not at peace with themselves. So it's this exogenous form of looking for, searching for some reconciliation. If I find the right person, if I have enough money, when I get my body right, when I start my business, when I get the dream home, forget about it, then I'm gonna be awesome. But that, no, because you're awesome now. You're awesome now. Everybody is. Like literally everyone right now, I'd say everyone is a masterpiece and a work in progress.

• 1:04:43Speaker 01

  At the same time.

• 1:04:44Speaker 00

  Yes. So can you be completely at peace where you are, no matter the size waste you have? Or whatever it is you're going through, even as a sickness, with whatever your bank account says, however dysfunctional or great your relationship. Can you find peace with what is? That's the only way you can move forward to something that you might have as an aspiration. Simply for the pure exploration of what life is.

• 1:05:05Speaker 01

  I mean, I gotta, I'm gonna, I'm gonna actually listen to this podcast myself to make sure I understand, so I can like, you know, I get like the whole thing. Like, I just wanna go back to you for a second. So, because when you did that movie Heal, the documentary.

• 1:05:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:18Speaker 01

  So what was that? What were you considering? What kind of expert were you in that?

• 1:05:22Speaker 00

  That was the mind architect, but I spoke to, so part of my background is in Ayurveda, which is a healing arm of yoga. So like Chinese medicine, which itself is fascinating.

• 1:05:30Speaker 01

  Fascinating.

• 1:05:31Speaker 00

  I use that for, like, I'm still here in a three dimensional meat suit. You know, there's still things that I do to take care of myself.

• 1:05:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:37Speaker 00

  Just, but internally my terrain.

• 1:05:38Speaker 01

  A meat suit, did you call it?

• 1:05:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. Three dimensional meets it. People become misidentified, like they say, I am a certain weight. I am a certain height. No, you're not. You, because you're the you that has been consistent even when you were like three foot as a kid. And whatever way you had or lost, right? If anything can change, then that's not the real you, right? So that's an access point to realizing, oh, I've become misidentified with form. And then even the subtler form, which is the thoughts in your head. So that's where I'm helping people to disassociate from, to become free from. Like a radio station in your head, just twenty four seven, usually nonsense, right? But most people believe it.

• 1:06:15Speaker 00

  And if you can start to create a bit of space from that, like, um, you know, the, I forgot who it was Aristotle or someone said it's the mark of an intelligent mind that can entertain a thought without believing it. Right? So have the thoughts of like, I'm an idiot. I don't know. Am I? I mean, like, you know, versus just saying like a declaration, declaration of fact.

• 1:06:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:34Speaker 00

  So that's what I'm helping people understand is the power of the words that become the, they create the reality and the confines you live within.

• 1:06:41Speaker 01

  So then they have to stop act, they have to stop doing certain behaviors and saying certain things to themselves.

• 1:06:46Speaker 00

  They don't have to, but that would happen. Ideally, it would happen automatically when you realize that what's been driving your behavior isn't a truth. Right? So it's where again, I say I dissolve problems. Solution based uh world that we live in is like, okay, you have anxiety. Well, this is what you have to do. But you go and see an expert, typically they, they traffic in the world of behavior, right? Don't do this, don't do that.

• 1:07:05Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:07:06Speaker 00

  But I don't, I, I'm not interested. Behavior is a byproduct of your feelings and then your thoughts and then underneath your thoughts subconscious. So changing behavior, it might work for a while, but if you're human, you know how hard that is to freaking sustain.

• 1:07:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, because you're being driven by deeper code that has you think the thoughts you have, feel the way you feel and then make choices to act.

• 1:07:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:25Speaker 00

  So unless you undo that deeper code, which is what I'm talking about.

• 1:07:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:29Speaker 00

  Then you're gonna, if you have willpower, you'll keep up the new behaviors for a while. If you don't, just say fuck it and go back to the cigarette and that therapist was a piece of shit anyway. You'll come up with a justification.

• 1:07:37Speaker 01

  A hundred percent. And that's why willpower is that never works anyway. It's a muscle that will get tired.

• 1:07:43Speaker 00

  Especially as you get older, cause you're not gonna have the same sort of level of, you know, like tenacity or cavalier attitude of fuck you or, you know, eventually your dad's gonna die and now you've got no one else to make wrong. It's like.

• 1:07:54Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 1:07:55Speaker 00

  Flout on your face again. So that's why I wanna be informed by love and freedom versus like love and limitation, uh fear and limitation.

• 1:08:02Speaker 01

  Do you believe in like the, I, I said earlier, like the, like hypnosis or breath work or any type of like, how about like psychedelics psychedelics to get you into that?

• 1:08:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:13Speaker 01

  Place in your head.

• 1:08:14Speaker 00

  I think they'll have a place and people, whatever journey they're on and wherever they're at and the people they draw into their life, it might be appropriate. You know, I think things like breath work. I think psychedelics help because that's gonna get deeper, right? Breath work can be transformative. You can have a powerful moment, you know, especially if you're doing deep halotropic breathing.

• 1:08:31Speaker 01

  It's hard.

• 1:08:32Speaker 00

  It is hard, but a lot of people go into the crepus and they have these epiphanies and that's great. But oftentimes anything that we're doing is it's too late, right? What I'm interested in, just my own modality, is revealing these deep subconscious constraints for what they are, which is lies. When you see it for what it is, a lie, then you're never gonna be the same person. Uh, as an analogy, right? For two thousand years, we have said the world is a globe and I guess still people arguing that it's not, which is fine. That's a whole different conversation. But let's just go with it. It's a, we're on a sphere, right? But prior to that, prior to Galileo, I think he decided, or he saw that it's a sphere. Everyone thought it was flat.

• 1:09:12Speaker 00

  So that is the prison, right? The flat, cause it's a lie. But in that prison, it's appropriate for what? The fear of falling off the edge. Do you see that fear is commensurate with the perspective? So you could say, okay, well, what's your gadget for stopping people falling off? That's a solution, right? If I was Elon Musk back in the day and I had a laser bracelet that would detect how far the horizon was, I'd be a multi billionaire.

• 1:09:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, no kidding.

• 1:09:34Speaker 00

  But it would all be within a lie, cause now I, I've worked with MBA guys, so whoever, like I tell an MBA, try and fall off the planet, like, you know, and they jump high.

• 1:09:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah.

• 1:09:43Speaker 00

  Give it four seconds, they're right back, right? So, so that you start to realize, so then when you reveal the lie, the previous fear associated with it, this disappears. Do you see? So does that as an analogy help you understand? So if someone thinks they're not enough and as a, as a byproduct of that, they had Hashimoto's, which is down the line of them trying to be a perfectionist and working too hard.

• 1:10:04Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:10:04Speaker 00

  You know, and I could say, well, you know, what you need to do is some breath work, meditation is a solution, but they're still being driven by the deeper code that they're not enough.

• 1:10:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:12Speaker 00

  Once they see that for what it is, oh, my dad said da, da, da, my sister or my brother was the athlete or whatever the justification was. So does that mean like truly you're not enough? No, it's made up. Holy shit, if I'm not enough, what become, then I say in the absence of that constraint, like literally stepping out of prison. How would you feel? What become available? Oh my God, I, that's when the shoulders drop. I, I'd do anything. That's a new world. There's no, then I don't need to tell them what to do. They start to look through new ways, which will generate different behavior.

• 1:10:43Speaker 01

  And so, how, yeah, that makes, yeah, I do understand.

• 1:10:46Speaker 00

  It's like going to a different planet like Wakanda or whatever it was in Black Panther.

• 1:10:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:50Speaker 00

  You know, so you go through a portal. In this case, the portal is dissolving your constraint. You suddenly enter this world of pure love and freedom and possibility. You don't know how to navigate it like the girl from Holland, which is cool. She's like, I, I don't even know what to do here. I'm like, no, I know. That's what I say to people, even in my mastermind, I'm introducing you to a world with which you're not familiar.

• 1:11:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11:08Speaker 00

  But at least you're out of fucking hell.

• 1:11:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:11:11Speaker 00

  Now we can start to explore. Who could you be if you're not trying to disprove some feeling of inadequacy? Who could you be if you're not always worried about whether you're gonna make it or be safe? Oh, fuck, I, I don't know. I, you know, I'd be so free. I'd start my business. I'd take better care of myself. I'd probably sleep like a baby and. You know, there's all these different experiences that now become available in this new dimension.

• 1:11:32Speaker 01

  So in this, in this new dimension, but how many of the people that you work with fall back into old patterns, old routines?

• 1:11:38Speaker 00

  For sure. I mean, I don't keep track of the thousands of people, but you know, for people who are committed to my work, most of them for sure are gonna have glimpses. You know, myself included, I'm, I'm at the bow of the boat of this whole work and at least in my way of sharing and teaching it. So I can still, you know, have, you know, an old feeling of whatever it is, very short-lived now. But yeah, it takes practice and also it takes community, it takes environment, right?

• 1:12:04Speaker 01

  Community is a big one.

• 1:12:05Speaker 00

  Because if you're in a world where you're constantly being reminded of everybody's shortcomings, or you even hear your friends complaining about their marriages and their kids or their business. You, you're in the mire of like derogatory, negative comments, right? Versus in, in part of my freedom membership, there, there's a community where people support each other with the same kind of conversations. So that itself can be uplifting.

• 1:12:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:27Speaker 00

  So yes, you need uh practice, you need time, you need support, you need reinforcement. And there's, there's many layers to it. So even if somebody in my mastermind, like this woman realizes it's all up to her and now realizes it's not, it's just not up to her.

• 1:12:43Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:12:43Speaker 00

  Like, okay, maybe the predominant onus is on her, but as a choice, not like a have to. It's a very different energy. She gets to be a mom. She loves to be a mom. Do you see the difference between it's all up to me and I have to do it? That's creating suffering and resistance. So it's a choice. And when you introduce choice, you now have freedom.

• 1:13:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I know. Okay. I have a friend, like the other, oh my God, a couple of weeks ago, I was out for dinner and, and I'm like, I gotta go. I have to put my kids to bed. And he told me this whole big thing about like how he has this spiritual advisor who said to him that he, and then he relates to me, he's like, oh no, Jennifer, you can't say you have to put your kids to bed. You have to say, I get to put my kids to bed. I get, I'm like, so like this language, I find like there's a, it's, it all sounds dandy and fine, but it's, it feels very contrived and weird.

• 1:13:34Speaker 00

  It can do, yes.

• 1:13:35Speaker 01

  Right? Like, so I'm like, okay, well, I gotta leave because I get to put my children to bed or whatever.

• 1:13:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:13:41Speaker 01

  It's, it's like a whole different language you, or like language that you have to learn.

• 1:13:46Speaker 00

  It is. And if it's, if it's done that way where his spiritual counselor is telling him to, then it's just another thing for him to do, which is only gonna create more pressure.

• 1:13:54Speaker 01

  Well, if he's living, he's embodying it, but when he says it to me, it feels very like.

• 1:13:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's instructional. So there's a difference between what I call instruction and inspiration, you know, if he's saying, oh, we, no, you have to do, you have to say, well, it's still, I have to, it's still the same energy.

• 1:14:08Speaker 01

  And also now all I do is just laugh, like mock him. Yeah, I'm, I'm like, I, every time he calls me, I'm like, oh, I get to, you know, I get to like do the chores I have to do, you know, or I get to.

• 1:14:19Speaker 00

  I can't wait to do the dishes.

• 1:14:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, I get, I get to do the dishes, you know, like I.

• 1:14:23Speaker 00

  It's, it's, again, you wanna be careful that it doesn't become too fastidious in terms of, we're human, right? We're all doing the best we can. And that's where I think we can make space for a bit of comedy, a bit of compassion of like, these are good things to understand.

• 1:14:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:36Speaker 00

  So that you can have a deeper reference point of like, oh, okay, yeah, at times I'm, my kids have been a pain in my ass and I'm just gonna put them to time out or bed. You know, you're human, you're a mom, you're doing the best you can. But if you can at least revert back to at some point in your evening or the next day, I go, okay. That was an emotional reaction, totally appropriate as a human. I don't wanna live from there, cause it's tiring. I also don't wanna be that person for my kids. And maybe there's an opportunity for a conversation where they can garner a bit more responsibility about the way they behave, you know? You, you wanna just come back to it. Otherwise it's a cumulative over time.

• 1:15:08Speaker 01

  I know. I guess like, you don't know me at all. I know, I understand that. But like, I laugh about a lot of people who, and maybe that you're gonna say, cause I'm overly critical perhaps, but. About manifestation, like I'm manifesting this.

• 1:15:22Speaker 00

  The spiritual world of.

• 1:15:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, like I'm gonna woo woo, yeah, like, and I'm like the anti.

• 1:15:28Speaker 00

  Yes, you're super practical.

• 1:15:29Speaker 01

  I'm super practical.

• 1:15:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, same. I'm a Virgo.

• 1:15:31Speaker 01

  I'm a Virgo too. When's your birthday?

• 1:15:33Speaker 00

  September tenth.

• 1:15:34Speaker 01

  September sixteenth.

• 1:15:35Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 1:15:36Speaker 01

  So yeah, I'm a Vir, and I like things that are like, you know, practical, right? Like, I'm not gonna like just think myself into getting what I want, you know? I'm gonna chase what I want.

• 1:15:47Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:15:47Speaker 01

  And then, so then the, the manifestation people, like you don't chase, you wait, you, you hold space and it comes to you, but.

• 1:15:55Speaker 00

  So for me, it's always both.

• 1:15:57Speaker 01

  Okay, so how does it, where does it?

• 1:15:58Speaker 00

  It's no either or, like the brain thinks in terms of duality, good, bad, right, wrong. You know, and that's why people tend to go, well, if a relationship doesn't work, it's like, fuck it. You know, it's like, everything tends to be a bit too reactionary. And what about if it could just be both? Recognize that we're frequency based beings, you know, and that our energy does have like that girl who's talking to me in a live, her phone's off.

• 1:16:18Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:16:18Speaker 00

  She turns her phone off at the end, sees what time we finish and woo woo, you know, hey presto, abracadabra, this fucking client who she's been trying to get for seven months. Shows up. There's something in that.

• 1:16:29Speaker 01

  Yes, and I believe in that.

• 1:16:30Speaker 00

  Yeah. So she now energetically has stepped into a different iteration of herself that isn't in this world of there's something wrong with me and I have to constantly perfect myself. So the way I would phrase it, she became more available to life, which is where life then met her at a different vibration. Now, can she just sit around and go, oh, I'm at this new vibration? No, she has to reply to the person, say, great to hear from you. I'd love to work with you. And then whatever the next steps would be for this new type of person, she also has to be proactive in.

• 1:17:01Speaker 01

  Right, right. So it's a combination of both.

• 1:17:04Speaker 00

  My, my friend in college, he had a great expression, um, because I started all of this philosophizing at a very young age.

• 1:17:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:11Speaker 00

  And I would sit under a tree and talk about consciousness and it was fun as eighteen, nineteen year old punk kids.

• 1:17:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:16Speaker 00

  But he would say, you know, believe in Allah, but tie up your camels.

• 1:17:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:22Speaker 00

  Right?

• 1:17:22Speaker 01

  Right, no, I, yeah.

• 1:17:23Speaker 00

  So that to me kind of captures it, right? Like, you know, yeah, like there's a, what do you call it? God or Jesus or Mohammed or whoever or fucking Buddha. That's great. Have your dogmas. I'm not gonna poo poo you for it. And, you know, be as responsible you can be as a co-creator in life.

• 1:17:36Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:17:37Speaker 00

  So that's where the woman who's, okay, she's a single mom, but she has community and an ex and parents. You know, she's not fully alone, but she could also say, okay, maybe life will bring me some unexpected lover or a friend or a neighbor who loves kids in the next three or four weeks. You know, be open to the miracles too.

• 1:17:56Speaker 01

  A hundred percent.

• 1:17:56Speaker 00

  We tend to default to, it's all up to us and for that reason, you know, fuck life and woe is me. You know, it's like, I think it's, we make room for both.

• 1:18:04Speaker 01

  I think you can, but like you, could you see very much, you, because I was actually very nervous, but I started this podcast by saying I was a little nervous because before I met you, because I thought you were gonna be way more woo woo.

• 1:18:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:18:17Speaker 01

  You know?

• 1:18:18Speaker 00

  No, no.

• 1:18:18Speaker 01

  But you're not so woo woo. You're like, you seem to be like very much.

• 1:18:22Speaker 00

  Super down to earth. To me, you know, again, going back to the monikers at the beginning, a spiritual teacher, I'm actually more of a physicist, right?

• 1:18:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:18:29Speaker 00

  But, but my physicist, uh, lens incorporates code, right? So I'm more of a tech guy also, but even with your mind, right? Because it's programming. So that's not woo woo, because if you're living in a world where you think that you're not enough, that, that's, that's a physical piece of code.

• 1:18:45Speaker 01

  Yes, a hundred percent agree.

• 1:18:46Speaker 00

  So I could then attribute what people might think is woo woo as to why do they keep attracting a partner who's emotionally unavailable? Or maybe even a little abusive. Now, that's not woo woo, you know, they just need to move to a better city or something. Well, no. To me, it's more, no, it makes sense energetically, if the way they view themselves is less than, they're going to attract woo woo. People who will mirror that.

• 1:19:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:19:09Speaker 00

  So I'm, yeah, I'm not, I, I, I understand the whole world of vibration and quantum physics and all of that, but to me, it's very practical.

• 1:19:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:19:17Speaker 00

  It really is. It seems like miracles, like that that girl got this text or, you know, the other things that have transpired with the myriad of people that I've helped, like some woman had stage four endometriosis. Gone a couple of months after the end of the mastermind. That's not woo woo. That's, that's fricking science.

• 1:19:32Speaker 01

  But why, and why is that? Because she let go of all the?

• 1:19:36Speaker 00

  In her world, her needs don't matter. Cause she grew up as a kid where her needs weren't met. She wasn't, uh, given any attention.

• 1:19:42Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:19:42Speaker 00

  So especially as a woman, then her system's shutting down, her needs don't matter. Whatever she wants is really irrelevant.

• 1:19:47Speaker 01

  Right. So it manifests physically.

• 1:19:49Speaker 00

  And she attracted boyfriends who would never pay her the time of day or were abusive. And eventually it shows up physiologically, physiologically. Yeah. The mind and body connection is not so much a connection as it's a continuum.

• 1:20:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a continuum. I would agree with that for sure.

• 1:20:03Speaker 00

  So if you're living in a state of stress, I mean, you talk to any like real, like far, like scientist, scientist who's like, no, no, unless there's actual evidence and, you know, documented study. They're still gonna say stress is the number one cause of death, right? Or disease.

• 1:20:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, stress for sure.

• 1:20:19Speaker 00

  So what's stress? It's the way you're relating to your environment, which is based on perception.

• 1:20:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:20:24Speaker 00

  So if you can change the eyes with which you view the world, then you're gonna change your physiological response to it. That's not woo woo, that's physics.

• 1:20:29Speaker 01

  That's physics. Hold on, I think of another question. Just wanna make sure before I, hold on a minute, because I don't wanna.

• 1:20:35Speaker 00

  That's where Wayne Dyer had a great quote. He said, you know, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

• 1:20:40Speaker 01

  But I love that. Yeah.

• 1:20:42Speaker 00

  Now, is it because they change or is it because I have a new view?

• 1:20:45Speaker 01

  It's because, it's because you have a new view.

• 1:20:47Speaker 00

  Physics talks about the observer effect, you know, the, the, uh, split, uh, the electron test with the two split test, you know, like whether it's a wave or it's particles, all of the, this is all physics. So if you're the observer in a particular environment, you're gonna see the way that you see. And then you're gonna, you're going to therefore like impose your particular vantage point on a circumstance while someone else would have seen something completely different. Yet it's the same environment. Ramana Maharshi, one of the greatest spiritual teachers or in terms of legacy. He would say people would come to his ashram for satzung, which is where they'd come and listen and ask questions and he'd sit there and do his best to answer. And he said, it's like people arrive with a, a palm full of gunpowder. Some people's gunpowder is completely submerged with water.

• 1:21:32Speaker 00

  And for some other people it's damp and for some other people it's really bone dry. And he says, I'm saying the same thing to the whole group. But depending on their capacity to hear, it will elicit the kind of response they have. The person who's got completely submerged might go, ah, it's kind of interesting. I didn't get much from it. They did, but they're not aware of it yet. The person with bone dry gunpowder has the biggest epiphany. Same thing, but depending on the readiness of someone's consciousness, you're going to interact with life at that, that level.

• 1:22:01Speaker 01

  I like that. It's so true. That is so true.

• 1:22:03Speaker 00

  Yeah. So that's the beauty of like, whether we call it karma or whatever this incarnation is about, that you're gonna have to revisit the different arenas of life, those buckets we talked about. Why does a girl continue to attract a guy that's not emotionally available or was a bit abusive? She's the consistent theme. Maybe, just maybe, you know, she's got some story of like, she's not lovable or she's trash or, and so she keeps attracting guys. And circumstances to reflect that until she transcends that. She goes to a different timeline, because she's now viewing herself differently, feeling differently. And as a result, life will present new circumstances.

• 1:22:37Speaker 01

  Right, right, right, right.

• 1:22:39Speaker 00

  That's physics.

• 1:22:39Speaker 01

  She changes the pattern herself because she's otherwise living it over and over again until you learn it for yourself.

• 1:22:45Speaker 00

  Yes. And then most people live the other way around where they think, I wanna change my circumstances before I'll change.

• 1:22:51Speaker 01

  Right, but you follow yourself wherever you go.

• 1:22:53Speaker 00

  Exactly.

• 1:22:54Speaker 01

  Right?

• 1:22:54Speaker 00

  And that's called seeing is believing, which I say is also called waiting.

• 1:22:57Speaker 01

  Seeing is believing.

• 1:22:59Speaker 00

  Is also called.

• 1:23:00Speaker 01

  Called waiting. Yes. I love your little, you're like your wordsmithing or your analogies, like the word stuff. You do that all the time, huh?

• 1:23:07Speaker 00

  All the time, because it helps people to understand something that's kind of otherwise a little bit over their head. Like you said, you gotta really focus when you're talking to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:23:14Speaker 01

  Because normally, because it's not what I normally talk about, right? So, and I have to just kind of like pay attention, you know? I can't just, I can't just like interject with something because it's.

• 1:23:25Speaker 00

  Just cash this one in and just like.

• 1:23:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, I cannot, I cannot cash this one. I gotta be like.

• 1:23:29Speaker 00

  Well, good. I'm glad that you're on your, your A game.

• 1:23:31Speaker 01

  I, I have to be. I mean, it's a lot, it's a lot.

• 1:23:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:23:34Speaker 01

  I, because I know you, um, like, I'm trying to think of some, what do people ask you about, like layman's people like me?

• 1:23:43Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 1:23:43Speaker 01

  That, what's the most common question that they would ask you?

• 1:23:47Speaker 00

  Oof, I mean, they run the gamut, as you said, usually in the arena of relationships, something to do with, you know, I mean, relationships, health and wealth, you know, they're the big buckets, right? They're the real main three. So.

• 1:23:58Speaker 01

  But the main, give me one question in each that they ask the most.

• 1:24:02Speaker 00

  Um, health tends to be specific to whatever someone's dealing with, right? So, you know, why have I created or why do I have this particular sickness? And so I love to make the correlation for people between dis-ease and disease.

• 1:24:16Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:24:16Speaker 00

  So disease being the physical manifestation over time of dis-ease, which is the absence of ease. Meaning if my system's not at peace, and just again, biologically, I'm gonna be in the sympathetic part of my autonomic nervous system, meaning I'm in fight or flight, because I'm not at ease. When we're at peace, we're in the parasympathetic, which is rest and digest and rejuvenate, right? So that's just physics again. But if the way I perceive my environment is I'm like, I'm scared or I'm like under stress, then my biology has to follow that. So then dis-ease, absence of ease, well, so just even understanding that cascade, regardless of what you're dealing with.

• 1:24:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:24:51Speaker 00

  Can help people to be more responsible about, okay, in ways that I don't know how they have to manage it, whether they get out of a narcissistic, horrible relationship, or they leave a toxic job, or they just need to learn to take time and breathe and have a better sleep routine or meditate, just to imbibe ease more in your system and see what your body does. That's one.

• 1:25:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:25:10Speaker 00

  Relationships again are going to be the reflection of your relationship with yourself. So if you're in a place where you think. You're not safe, then you're always gonna see something your partner does as potentially threatening. If you think that you're not enough, you're always gonna see something your partner does as a judgment of you. You know, so it's all a mirror. The whole life and the dimension of time and space and people is all just a mirror. So again, that's the good news. There's a good news and the bad news, because most people don't wanna be that responsible.

• 1:25:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:25:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, but I'd rather blame my husband.

• 1:25:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's much easier.

• 1:25:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, exactly. Seems that, but in the long term, it's not, because you're actually slowly killing yourself. That's what I thought was really funny. The Dutch girl, the woman, you know, she said, holy shit, when she realized her mechanism for survival, which is it's all up to me, which is the white knuckling of, I've gotta make care, make take, take care of everything. She said, I realized the way that I'm surviving is actually what's killing me.

• 1:25:58Speaker 01

  Right. Is that always though, the way it is?

• 1:26:00Speaker 00

  Everyone, but it was just beautiful that she could see it unprompted by me. You know, that's what happens when the lights go on in the back room. You're like, holy shit, I've been doing this since I was a kid. And so she thinks that she's doing something from a, you know, a smart place of like, well, it's all up to me, so I'm gonna push through. But actually, that's a lie, and the mechanism she's using is what's actually her, her uncoming.

• 1:26:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, you know, it's funny, it's like, that's a blind spot though, right?

• 1:26:26Speaker 00

  It is.

• 1:26:26Speaker 01

  Like, you, right? Cause usually your best quality tends to also be your worst quality.

• 1:26:31Speaker 00

  Yes, there are two sides of the same coin, and that's why I said we can't be hard accountable for that which we're oblivious to. That's where compassion comes in, right?

• 1:26:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:26:37Speaker 00

  Because people can be very self-righteous when they see what's going on, and that doesn't help, you know, it's about just being kind and realizing everyone's doing the best they can within the limits of their awareness.

• 1:26:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:26:47Speaker 00

  So then for the wealth, for the other bucket, to finish the answer to your question, you know, most people, I'll give one example, I was talking to someone I met briefly, and she's a single mum too, and she's like trying to, she said, I'm in a great place with my kids and my energy, and I feel really good with my health, and her choices around food and da, da, da. And she said, now I'm ready to create abundance, which all sounds beautiful, you know, and that fits into the whole world of spirituality. And I said, well, therein lies your problem. And she's like, what do you mean? I said, you don't create abundance, you reveal it. Abundance is. So what we wanna do is actually, instead of trying to create it, we wanna dissolve what is your illusion that you can't access it.

• 1:27:22Speaker 01

  Jesus, I mean, I'm, I'm telling you, I need a hard drink after I speak to you. I don't even, I don't even drink. Does everybody say this to you? Uh. Like, who are you, who are you friends with? Like, who are your friends?

• 1:27:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:27:33Speaker 01

  Are your friends like you?

• 1:27:34Speaker 00

  Um, some of them are, yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't, I mean, I'm on a show with you. I wanna obviously give as much, you know, content that it's valuable to your listeners.

• 1:27:41Speaker 01

  No, I think it's amazing.

• 1:27:42Speaker 00

  But I shoot the shit, I play golf and.

• 1:27:45Speaker 01

  You're like a regular, you talk about normal things too.

• 1:27:47Speaker 00

  Of course, of course, but also understand the mechanics of how life works. And so it's fun, because then I get to create and make shit up and, and play in the world that is this rich tapestry called, you know, planet Earth.

• 1:27:58Speaker 01

  But do you have, most of your friends, like, that you hang out with, do they think that you're at your level of consciousness?

• 1:28:04Speaker 00

  Maybe not in this regard, but they have their own levels of expertise. I have friends who are great musicians or great playwrights, and you know, like, everyone's got their own different qualities.

• 1:28:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course, of course. I'm kinda teasing you, but, you know.

• 1:28:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, I, I get it, and I appreciate the compliment, but I, I, I guess I have a unique ability to understand the power of language and to, you know, discern in a very precise way, you know, making things that are otherwise profound palatable for people.

• 1:28:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:28:28Speaker 00

  Or not so.

• 1:28:29Speaker 01

  Or, or, or not palatable, like, so you're not even, you can't even say create, cause that means that you're thinking that you don't have the, it's not there in the first place.

• 1:28:37Speaker 00

  Correct. So you're under the illusion that something's missing, right? Isn't it subtle?

• 1:28:40Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:28:41Speaker 00

  It's so subtle, but it's so profound. Like, often people will say, my stuff, God, it's so, it's so simple, but it's really not easy.

• 1:28:47Speaker 01

  Exactly. Well, that's the thing, like, I'm thinking, like, okay, what am I doing to my, like, what am I doing in my life that's holding me back that I'm not even aware of?

• 1:28:56Speaker 00

  Yes, yeah.

• 1:28:57Speaker 01

  Right?

• 1:28:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, and you will be, and that's okay, you're human.

• 1:28:59Speaker 01

  Right? And like, where am I blind? Like, I think that, oh, I'm so, so, I think, oh, my EQ's so great, like, oh, but I know my blind spots, but as I'm talking to you, I'm like, I bet you, there's so many things that I have no idea.

• 1:29:11Speaker 00

  I'm fucking wrecked.

• 1:29:11Speaker 01

  I'm a total mess, a total mess, and I don't even know it.

• 1:29:15Speaker 00

  I was feeling great before Peter Crone.

• 1:29:16Speaker 01

  Exactly. I was, I felt, I, I was super confident.

• 1:29:19Speaker 00

  You're awesome. No, I can tell, and I could guess, you know, you're in the same bucket of a lot of my clientele who are high-end performers, but there's usually just this unnecessary pressure, you know, the world of have to, like, your friend will be perhaps not in that arena. If I get to, I could see that you would perhaps, you know, take that with a pinch of salt.

• 1:29:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:29:38Speaker 00

  You know, the feeling of you have to, like, you know, that you put a lot of pressure on yourself, and there might be just a little bit more room for Jennifer to have a bit more freedom, a bit more joy, not take life so seriously, you know, and to just have a bit more ease about you and allow life to contribute to you as much as I'm sure you contribute to others.

• 1:29:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's actually, I think a lot of people would probably fit into that bucket. I think you're right.

• 1:30:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:30:02Speaker 01

  I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

• 1:30:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, and I'm guessing just because of who you are, the majority of your audience is probably women, they're probably very smart women, they're probably, as you said, high, high EQ, they're movers and shakers, they probably have families, but they also have businesses, whether they're, you know, really committed, or it's a hobby, whatever, but they're dynamic women, right? Extraordinary women. And my, typically in that realm, what I see is where there's become a little bit of a, an exaggeration of the masculine qualities, of being a little bit too driven, which can, can start to ill-infiltrate the relationship. So maybe they've even attracted a man who perhaps isn't so much of a man, and he's become an extension of their children, you know, in the way that they have to manage or take care of them. So they maybe haven't made room for the softness of the feminine, you know, without getting into goddess language or any of that.

• 1:30:48Speaker 01

  No, but you're right. We, I've done a thing on, first of all, just to kinda let you know, I have a, I have a fifty-fifty split, like, a lot of my audience is men.

• 1:30:55Speaker 00

  Cool.

• 1:30:55Speaker 01

  Um, so, so that's the first thing, but I was gonna say, I've done other people's podcasts, not on this podcast so much, where I talk about that.

• 1:31:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:31:03Speaker 01

  Where I find that a lot of times, if you're a strong woman, or you're successful, it, it, it can bleed into being too ma, into masculine energy, which then is kind of like a turnoff, if you're trying to like attract.

• 1:31:16Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:31:17Speaker 01

  A very alpha type of man.

• 1:31:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:31:19Speaker 01

  And so the ba, it's a very delicate balance.

• 1:31:22Speaker 00

  It is, it's tough.

• 1:31:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:31:23Speaker 00

  Really, and I feel for both men and women, because men oftentimes, the little boy syndrome that's out there, you know, they're trying to do the best they can to compensate, which is really not being a man at all. Being more of a man is like, yeah, I struggle in this arena, you know, and just owning, owning it, right?

• 1:31:38Speaker 01

  But I think that a lot of women are single.

• 1:31:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:31:42Speaker 01

  Who are very successful.

• 1:31:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:31:44Speaker 01

  Because they, unfortunately, they're either too much in that masculine energy.

• 1:31:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:31:50Speaker 01

  But they don't see that.

• 1:31:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:31:51Speaker 01

  Right? And then they have, they put on this facade, like, oh, I don't get, I don't need a man, or I don't want a man, and that becomes their, like, playbook, that becomes their.

• 1:31:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:31:59Speaker 01

  Talk.

• 1:32:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:32:00Speaker 01

  Right? But, and the guy that they actually want, want a girl who's more feminine, and so it becomes this very, very difficult dance that happens.

• 1:32:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, I see it. And, and it's, and it's, there's no simple answer, right? It's, it comes back to choice, right? For a woman who's driven, who's intelligent, who sees the world of possibility, and this world has become so much more accessible for all of us, right? Whether it's travel, or business, or startups, or investments, you know, it's like, it's, it's fun to be able to, but it's, how can you maintain that sense of enthusiasm and drive while simultaneously embodying the softness, the approachability, and the nurturance of a woman?

• 1:32:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:32:36Speaker 00

  Right?

• 1:32:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:32:37Speaker 00

  And that's, that, I'm not saying that's easy. Equally for men, who can now also be more sensitive, like, I make my own skincare products, right? I make a sugar scrub, like, I love.

• 1:32:46Speaker 01

  Who does?

• 1:32:46Speaker 00

  I do.

• 1:32:47Speaker 01

  You do?

• 1:32:47Speaker 00

  Yeah. So I, because I like to take care of myself, right? But I'm also like, I like to be a fucking man's man, and I wanna be with a woman who's not, you know, trying to outperform me or something, you know, it's like.

• 1:32:58Speaker 01

  But like, to me, that's like, that, I think that's what happens, unfortunately.

• 1:33:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:33:02Speaker 01

  You know, it becomes competitive.

• 1:33:04Speaker 00

  Yep. And that's again, coming from fear, it's coming from fear.

• 1:33:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:33:07Speaker 00

  And I, ironically, the means by which we're trying to garner attractiveness, you know, becoming attractive to somebody, is the obstacle to it, right? So the woman oftentimes felt the need to become strong because she felt either inadequate or insecure, not safe.

• 1:33:21Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:33:22Speaker 00

  And so, okay, well, if I'm gonna make it, I need to make sure I'm financially independent, and da, da, da, da, da, and all of these things. Nothing wrong with that method, but it makes you unavailable, right? Cause now you've actually strengthened the independence, as opposed to creating, you know, some sort of companionship or a partnership.

• 1:33:39Speaker 01

  Totally.

• 1:33:39Speaker 00

  And then the boy or the man, you know, who's now trying to disprove he's like weak, or trying to become the alpha, trying to become strong, is really constantly reinforcing that he's not, which is equally unattractive to a woman.

• 1:33:51Speaker 01

  A hundred percent. That's why people who are like, who, for women anyway, you need to have a guy who's like, super, like, truly confident.

• 1:33:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:33:59Speaker 01

  Who's truly, like, it's like, that they're not, that they're not intimidated by you, that they're not, like, they don't feel like you're emasculating them because of your, whatever you have, you know? It's very difficult, it's a very delicate balance.

• 1:34:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, interesting times.

• 1:34:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:34:14Speaker 00

  So again, it comes down to awareness, it comes down to patience, it comes down to compassion with each other.

• 1:34:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:34:19Speaker 00

  You know, like, hey, I've got this strong tendency to be driven and independent as a woman, and I know that's gonna be both unattractive to you, but also maybe at times challenging.

• 1:34:28Speaker 01

  But some, I'd say, there's like, a lot of guys who actually, like, like it, and it's like, or like, rather have a girl who's like that, but there is like, a body of men who, like, that's, that's what they're not, they don't, they don't, they don't need another dude, they don't need to like, be dating another dude.

• 1:34:43Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:34:44Speaker 01

  Right? They wanna have someone who has the softness.

• 1:34:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:34:46Speaker 01

  And I, we, I talk with this all the time with, with, with people, like, all the time, because it's, it's, I know, I gotta wrap this up here.

• 1:34:53Speaker 00

  That's okay. No, but I think it's where we can have more patience and compassion with ourselves and others, that we're all doing the best we can within the limits of our awareness, and just to be aware even of your tendencies and share those, that's a form of intimacy, right?

• 1:35:04Speaker 01

  Totally.

• 1:35:05Speaker 00

  To be able to say, hey, you know, that I have this particular idiosyncrasy, and I know that could be a turnoff, but I at least wanna be open, and that, that softens it immediately, once you can talk about it.

• 1:35:15Speaker 01

  I think so. I think once anything is out in the open.

• 1:35:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:35:18Speaker 01

  It, it, like, that becomes, you become more vulnerable, that's attractive also, right?

• 1:35:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, it really is.

• 1:35:23Speaker 01

  I think so. Oh my God, well, Peter, thank you for being here. I know you're moving away. I won't say where. Is it like a secret?

• 1:35:28Speaker 00

  Yes, it is.

• 1:35:29Speaker 01

  Okay, good. Well, I'm not gonna say where it is. He's going to Mars. No, I'm sorry. Um, so I, I really do, I appreciate you coming on this before you, you leave town. When do you leave?

• 1:35:38Speaker 00

  Uh, within the next two weeks, so pretty soon. But I come back and forth. I wasn't based here, but I, I was still coming and out of LA. So I was up in the Tahoe region, as mentioned, so now.

• 1:35:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:35:47Speaker 00

  But I come in, do my live events, so if anyone wants to come to one of those, they can find that on my website.

• 1:35:51Speaker 01

  I wanna come to one of them. I wanna see you in action. I wanna see you do these things.

• 1:35:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. It'll help put it into perspective.

• 1:35:57Speaker 01

  A hundred percent it will. I would love.

• 1:35:59Speaker 00

  Cause then you experience it vicariously, the number of people who come up to see me often, like, oh my God, I could see myself in all three or four of the people you spoke to.

• 1:36:06Speaker 01

  And I can see that you're good at it, because like, you can, it, it comes naturally for you, you know, like, I think it's a gift that you probably, obviously you have, right? Like, you're, you pick up on something, and then you just kinda keep on going with it.

• 1:36:17Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 1:36:18Speaker 01

  And I'm sure you've done, I, I can imagine, you probably really helped a lot of people.

• 1:36:23Speaker 00

  Seems that way. It's certainly the people that come up to me, or, you know, stop me on the streets, or send messages, it's very, very flattering and humbling. So yeah, I'll, I'll keep at it.

• 1:36:31Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, please. I think you're, I think you're onto something there. I think, I think you're.

• 1:36:34Speaker 00

  Removing, ending, human suffering. It's, yeah, okay.

• 1:36:37Speaker 01

  I like that, and freedom, I love it all.

• 1:36:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:36:39Speaker 01

  Um, where could people find, your Instagram is the best place to see you?

• 1:36:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, on social, Peter Crone, and then my website, if they wanna join Freedom, or maybe a Mastermind.

• 1:36:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:36:47Speaker 00

  Future, that's just petercrone.com. Yeah.

• 1:36:49Speaker 01

  Wow, thank you, Peter.

• 1:36:51Speaker 00

  Thank you. A pleasure to be with you, fellow Virgo.

• 1:36:53Speaker 01

  Oh, yes, exactly. Pleasure's all mine. Thank you, bye.