ROB BECKETT: I’m a Chinese Takeaway & a Pint - If You Don’t Like It, Don’t Come Again

Rob Beckett burst onto the comedy scene 15 years ago. Since then, he’s become one of the UK’s most successful and popular comedians - from his sell-out stand up tours to his hit podcast Parenting Hell, Rob & Romesh Vs and now, Celebrity Traitors. I'd been trying to get Rob on the show for years, so finally sitting down with him for a proper laugh was a real pinch-me moment. Behind the jokes is a comedian who's found his voice, stopped worrying about what other people think, and uses it to give us all a bit of light relief from the doom and gloom in the world. In this conversation, Rob shares: Being told he was stupid by a teacher and how it stayed with himHow he found his voice as a comedianThe moment on Rob vs Romesh he realised he was burnt outHow having kids holds a mirror up to your own childhoodA surprise message from his wife, Lou This conversation is a reminder that the best version of yourself is usually the one where you stop trying to be anything else. Rob Beckett is Great Company. Watch the brand new series of Tempting Fortune on All 4 HERE https://www.channel4.com/programmes/tempting-fortune Rob & Romesh Vs series nine airs on Sky this Autumn If you enjoyed the show, you can also follow us: Instagram - @greatcompanypodcast TikTok - @greatcompanypodcast Jamie - @jamielaing And if you've got thoughts, questions and comments, you can email us at: [email protected] mailto:[email protected] THE CREDITS Producer: Helen Burke & Aminah Brunt Assistant Producer: Issy Weeks-Hankins Video: Josh Bennett Senior Social Media Manager: Laura Coughlan Audio: Rafi Amsili Geovannetti Shot on Sony Cinema Line cameras FX6, FX2 with Sony G-Master lenses 16-35GM, 24-70GM Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  I've definitely had that sort of burnout. Went viral and I've never felt sadder. Imposter syndrome, poverty mindset, it was all just done from worry and panic.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  What happens when you reach your limit?

• 0:10Speaker 00

  This is, I'll let this one off because you're nice. I cannot stand cameras, zoomed in shots, crying.

• 0:16Speaker 01

  Eat shit.

• 0:19Speaker 00

  Shug a heel, get back on the desk. Just gotta review some thumbnails.

• 0:26Speaker 00

  Ironically, that'll be the thumbnail. Hello, I'm Rob Beckett and I'm in great company. Well, you've got massive teeth, ain't ya? Have I? Didn't realise, mate.

• 0:33Speaker 02

  You never fail to live the very funny Mr. Rob Beckett.

• 0:36Speaker 00

  I love doing stand up. I'm providing a service. I'm a Chinese takeaway in a pint. Do you know what I mean? It's 30 quid. If they don't like it, don't come again. If they do like it, come back.

• 0:43Speaker 01

  How do you find your voice?

• 0:44Speaker 00

  Essentially, your comic voice is you, but without any worry or preconceptions about what you should or shouldn't be doing. But it takes a long time to lose that. At the age of like 15 to 18, I was very insular, very shy, very anxious. Like if I dropped a glass, I'd like cry. Just sort of, I've done something wrong, so a bit like that.

• 1:00Speaker 01

  You've had a stutter?

• 1:01Speaker 00

  I had to go to speech therapy as a kid. I would just talk with no gaps. And like that, like sort of physically. It was all just like churned out so they helped me like try and slow down and enunciate.

• 1:13Speaker 01

  Shag Mary Roy, Josh Widdicombe, Ramesh Ranganathan, Tom Davis. Tom Davis is quite a big unit.

• 1:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'd figure I'd shag him. I wouldn't let him shag me.

• 1:20Speaker 01

  Would be missionary.

• 1:21Speaker 00

  Any way I could get in. Just a step ladder and passion.

• 1:25Speaker 01

  Who are you marrying?

• 1:26Speaker 00

  Uh, what? I know.

• 1:31Speaker 03

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• 2:04Speaker 01

  Hey guys, welcome back to Great Company. We've got Rob Beckett on the show. I've been trying to get Rob on the show for about seven years, even though this show isn't seven years old. But I've been trying to do a podcast with him for seven years. Rob, one of the biggest comedians in the UK, has his TV show, Rob vs Ramesh. Before we start, I want to ask a quick thing about you guys' incredible community. What do you want to see more of? Let us know, it could be guests, it could be content, it could be more of me, it could be anything at all. Let us know in the comments because we want to hear what you would like. And also, if you can click that subscribe button before we start, that'd be amazing. Okay, here we go. Enjoy this wild episode of Great Company with Rob Beckett.

• 2:41Speaker 00

  Okay, I'm just assessing, we've got the stiff back chair.

• 2:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, nice.

• 2:43Speaker 00

  To make you uncomfortable.

• 2:46Speaker 00

  Can see, I know what you're up to.

• 2:47Speaker 01

  Wait, wait, but your one's professional, what are you talking about?

• 2:49Speaker 00

  Nah, it's not. We haven't got this kind of setup. This is basically Stephen Bartlett with a smile.

• 2:56Speaker 00

  Is that what you put on the top of the tagline?

• 2:58Speaker 01

  That's our tagline.

• 2:59Speaker 00

  I can imagine him around a big conference table, candy kittens everywhere. Right, guys, what's next? We've done the wedding one, we've done the kid one, but now I need one that's just me. Because I, I need more of me. Anyway, what are we talking about?

• 3:17Speaker 00

  That would be all right, this would be good.

• 3:18Speaker 01

  Well, you have your new golf channel. So, and firstly, speaking of, you do everything.

• 3:24Speaker 00

  What's that?

• 3:25Speaker 01

  As in you have a show with you and Ramesh. You have your podcast, you do your stand up.

• 3:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:30Speaker 01

  You do a radio show.

• 3:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, to be fair, I have.

• 3:33Speaker 01

  You're about to do Traitors, you also just started a new golf channel.

• 3:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, to be fair, I should be frank. You're doing a. Stones and glass house, is that, is that the sound? Yeah, no, um, yeah, no, I'm busy, I'm pretty busy.

• 3:44Speaker 01

  Why did you start the golf channel?

• 3:46Speaker 00

  Golf channel because I wanted to get better at golf. And I thought, if I do that, I'll be forced to do it because I've got a commitment to put an episode out. Then also I thought, well, if I am going to do it as a hobby, I might as well try and monetise it.

• 4:00Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 4:01Speaker 00

  It's quite hard to do that on YouTube.

• 4:02Speaker 01

  Are you monetising at the moment?

• 4:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, but I'm definitely making a lot.

• 4:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:06Speaker 00

  I need a sponsor, if anyone wants to sponsor it. Does Candy Kittens want to sponsor it?

• 4:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, maybe.

• 4:10Speaker 00

  I basically, I just, I don't even care if it earns that much money because I just want to play golf. But I can't make, I can't be making a lot.

• 4:18Speaker 00

  I can't go from shows that are profitable.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:20Speaker 00

  To make, it's a terrible business move. No, like, okay, Rob, you've spent 15 years being a stand up comedian, do you want to do a tour? No, I want to, you know, lose a grand a month on playing golf.

• 4:30Speaker 01

  But who, how do you get people on? Because that, you have to go and play golf with you.

• 4:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's why so far.

• 4:35Speaker 01

  That's a lot.

• 4:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, but so far, the people that have appeared on the show have been my dad and my brother.

• 4:39Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 4:40Speaker 00

  And Tom Davis, so.

• 4:41Speaker 01

  I know Tom Davis.

• 4:42Speaker 00

  It's not like I've got, you know, Will Arnett now.

• 4:45Speaker 01

  So, so who's going to be, who'd be your top guest to get on?

• 4:49Speaker 01

  Who would you really love? If they said yes, who would you be like, that's great?

• 4:52Speaker 00

  Who would you love to play golf with?

• 4:53Speaker 01

  Stanley Tucci, you'd love that.

• 4:55Speaker 00

  No.

• 4:56Speaker 01

  You'd love that.

• 4:58Speaker 00

  Can I be honest?

• 4:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:59Speaker 00

  I like Stanley, but he's a bit everywhere and he always looks like he's got the ump. Do you know what I mean? So Stanley comes in slightly with the ump.

• 5:08Speaker 00

  Do you know what I mean? He was like.

• 5:11Speaker 00

  He always looks like he's slightly annoyed with everyone. But Holly Willoughby wheeled him out on the first one before she spoke to the girl who has loads of sex. That was, that was. That was punchy.

• 5:22Speaker 01

  Punchy.

• 5:23Speaker 00

  The problem is.

• 5:24Speaker 01

  You're doing it for the clicks.

• 5:25Speaker 00

  This whole industry is clicks and views and people get.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  I'm not doing it for the clicks.

• 5:31Speaker 00

  Well, you know, you're doing it because of trauma.

• 5:35Speaker 00

  You can't rest. So if you're not going to rest, it's much better to do this than drink and drugs. This is the thing, this is why there was way more drug addicts and alcoholics back in the day in showbiz.

• 5:47Speaker 01

  Because.

• 5:47Speaker 00

  They couldn't do their own podcasts.

• 5:49Speaker 01

  So they were waiting for the next.

• 5:50Speaker 00

  They're waiting for the next job. Imagine you, if you, if you weren't in control of your own diary, imagine you waiting.

• 5:57Speaker 01

  But you're a little bit like me.

• 5:58Speaker 00

  Well, yes, I'm very similar to you. But we get on well.

• 6:00Speaker 01

  We get on really well and also.

• 6:02Speaker 00

  Same energy, different backgrounds.

• 6:03Speaker 01

  You have that desperation as well to like, you, you need to work, you need to do something. You need to keep going, going, going the entire time and you can't stop. And I think you flip flap between wanting to stop, but then also keep going.

• 6:14Speaker 00

  Like I was giving you a bit of grief, but it's because I say a lot myself and you. But I'm in the transitional point of trying to calm down with work.

• 6:21Speaker 01

  It's just so much shit.

• 6:22Speaker 00

  I can't help it because I sort of get excited about something and then I agree to do it. And before you know it, I'm doing it. But I think I'm trying to make sure that I'm doing it for fun and enjoyment as opposed to must do this. Because if I don't do something, I'm, no, worthless and it's all going to go wrong. You know, that's sort of fear and worry. So I'm trying to do it through joy and fun as opposed to fear and worry.

• 6:42Speaker 01

  It's like one of those things that I keep trying to train my mind to do. The reason why I do this, right, is because I genuinely love it.

• 6:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:48Speaker 01

  I love sitting and chatting to people, it's the best thing in the world. Like sitting with you today, how, this is like seven years in the making for me to sit with you on my podcast and like chat to you.

• 6:58Speaker 00

  Really?

• 6:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, not really.

• 7:02Speaker 00

  Wow. And this is it, yeah.

• 7:04Speaker 01

  This is it.

• 7:04Speaker 00

  How's it feel?

• 7:05Speaker 01

  It feels, isn't it? I do climax.

• 7:08Speaker 00

  Fine, actually.

• 7:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're right.

• 7:09Speaker 00

  But, but. No, but to be fair, because when I first saw you, you used to do Made in Chelsea.

• 7:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:14Speaker 00

  Obviously a reality show, you had to get that sort of version of you out the way. And we did bits and bobs together and you used to turn up on stuff, but all anyone spoke to you about was money or Chelsea and then. So you've, you've done really well with the business of Candy Kittens. You've proved you're a good businessman.

• 7:28Speaker 01

  Thanks for that.

• 7:28Speaker 00

  And then you've also, you're really good at this.

• 7:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's selling it.

• 7:31Speaker 00

  Am I sitting with my agent?

• 7:32Speaker 01

  You've got an agent.

• 7:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:34Speaker 01

  You're sounding like, it's really good, you've actually, listen, the plan was to do this.

• 7:38Speaker 00

  It's actually, we've done quite well with it. On paper, it shouldn't work.

• 7:43Speaker 00

  This boy from absolute privilege in Chelsea now has got his sweet factory in Marlerbone. Oh, golf. I should hate you. Do you know what I mean? I should really hate, actually reading, saying more things out loud about you, I can't believe I'm here. In what, a gilet? Flea Sheila?

• 8:00Speaker 01

  I have a new stylist.

• 8:02Speaker 00

  You've got a new stylist?

• 8:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, he got me this.

• 8:04Speaker 00

  All right.

• 8:05Speaker 01

  You're wearing a golf top.

• 8:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, I am actually, yeah.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  No, my point is, I love, I love doing this, right? But I try and separate doing stuff because I'm competitive and I want to be successful. And I want to be driven by the love and joy of stuff.

• 8:19Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 8:20Speaker 01

  Rather than looking at the numbers and what's doing well and if that's succeeded, I want to separate those two.

• 8:25Speaker 00

  So you're, you're sort of powered by a little bit of panic and worry.

• 8:28Speaker 01

  Hundred percent.

• 8:29Speaker 00

  And wanting to prove that it's going well and you're a success.

• 8:31Speaker 01

  I think so.

• 8:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, which is fine.

• 8:33Speaker 01

  But do you have that?

• 8:34Speaker 00

  Totally, I have that as well. For me though, when I started, I was bad at everything, wasn't good at anything, right? At school, really bad, dyslexic at school, didn't find out until I was older. So when I started in comedy, I realised, oh, you're not bad at this. And if you follow this track, because I used to like look at who won all the new act competitions. You know, it was like Russell Howard and Kevin Bridges. I was like, oh, and then I was on a par with them at that age. Like if I do that, do that, and then I should do that. And then I thought, right, well, if I just work really hard, I can get there. And then for about, when I started, I was 23, I'm 40 now. So for the first 12 years, I gigged five, six nights a week, sometimes two or three times. One, because I felt it made me feel really good because I was good at something.

• 9:13Speaker 01

  You're getting the validation from.

• 9:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, exactly. So I always felt like I was rubbish at stuff, all of a sudden I'm good at stuff.

• 9:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:18Speaker 00

  So that was great because I felt unbelievable because especially at the beginning, every gig you got better really. And it was like a big like marketing, it's like when you start running.

• 9:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:27Speaker 00

  When you first, you're terrible at running, right? And you, you can do about a minute, but then after a couple of months, you can sort of run for half an hour. You feel unbelievable, but then it plateaus, doesn't it?

• 9:35Speaker 01

  A little bit.

• 9:35Speaker 00

  You know, it's not much fun. So it was like that with comedy. And then I sort of did that and then I come from no money. So then, oh, hang on, I can get security here that I've never had as a kid. So if I work really hard and do loads of tours, I can get some money in so I feel safe. Then married, kids, wow, okay, I need more money to feel safe because there's other people. So you do that, you do that and that, and then you build up. But my problem was, once I sort of got the money, I still felt scared.

• 10:00Speaker 01

  Thought you were going to lose it?

• 10:03Speaker 00

  Maybe lose it, but maybe it wasn't enough or I just don't know, I just felt, I just felt worried and I didn't feel good. But then all my self-worth was wrapped up in how the gig went. So if the gig went well, I thought I was amazing. If it went bad, I thought like I was crap.

• 10:16Speaker 01

  Right, even though, even though there were so many gigs before that went really well, one gig would make you straight away go, well, that's it.

• 10:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, because it's sort of, you know, because everyone also, you know, that kind of thing, which I've got into, go like, just be in the moment. But like, if you're being booed off the stage, right, I'm in that moment. They're all booing and shouting, you're shit. So in this moment, I feel, feel quite shit. So for me, what helped was separating my self-worth from work and normal life. So that helped. And now what I'm trying to do now, I've taken a bit of time off. I've got not, not much on in the, the autumn is, and I'm trying to float along and enjoy my life without it being so, got to do this, got to do that, got to do this. But that's difficult because, you know, I do my golf channel and I'm enjoying it. But it's sort of a little bit of a fun project. But part of me will still be like, hang on, I've put that out and I've only got 20,000 subscribers and Jamie's got loads.

• 11:07Speaker 00

  And Jamie just interviewed someone and all of a sudden that's 500,000 views and all, and, and he's got all people doing it. So that, and I have to go, well, no, no, why are you doing it? If there was an extra zero on that view, would it make me feel much better? Obviously the money would go up, but I'm in a position now where that's not as crucial as it was.

• 11:24Speaker 01

  Yeah. So then what am I after?

• 11:25Speaker 00

  So what is it I'm chasing here? If I take time off, every morning I'll have a battle with that wolf at the door that says, everyone else is improving, everyone else is being better, everyone else is getting more views or selling more tickets or all that. And I have to try and process that thought to sort of relax and enjoy the day. So that's where, where I'm at in the middle. Because what I used to do was just work, work, work, work, work. And in that way, the voice of coming of like, you're not enough, you're not doing enough. But yeah, I can, cause I'm, I'm doing this now.

• 11:51Speaker 01

  I'm going to play you something.

• 11:52Speaker 00

  Is it my own voice?

• 11:54Speaker 01

  No, this can, you'll know the voice because what you're talking about is basically what this person is talking about.

• 11:58Speaker 04

  Hello, um, right.

• 12:00Speaker 00

  Oh, it's my wife.

• 12:02Speaker 04

  The best thing about Rob, the thing I love most about him is how selfless he is. He will always, always, always, always put the girls and me above himself and what he wants to do or what he wants or needs. He's got such a like commitment to family, um, and our like unit, he has absolutely got us.

• 12:25Speaker 01

  Go to pause it there. So that's from your wife.

• 12:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, Luke.

• 12:28Speaker 01

  So that's the best thing about you.

• 12:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:30Speaker 01

  Which sounds obvious, but the amount you work, the amount that you do, fearful maybe of losing whatever it is, you do it all because of your family.

• 12:38Speaker 00

  True, but then that, that was a detriment at the start because I would over, over prioritize that. I've got to do this kids, got to do that, provide them this shelter, this money or safety. But then that's the, the, the, the switching point is going, well, that's sort of when's enough? So that can actually be there for them. There's a stage where the, any sort of extra money or security is great, but you being there when they finish school is more important than that. So that's the, the transition I'm trying to do at the moment, but.

• 13:05Speaker 01

  Cause then she goes on to say this, cause we're going to talk about this.

• 13:08Speaker 04

  The worst thing is.

• 13:11Speaker 00

  She'll be good at this bit.

• 13:13Speaker 04

  I mean, it kind of goes hand in hand with the best thing, actually. He will always put us first and he will, like I say, to his detriment, sometimes he's turned down career opportunities before, because it would have meant too much time away or, you know, all of the above. At the same time as, as that, he will sometimes work has been a lot and he's been away quite a lot. So then he'll go, I'm not going to work for a year. I'm going to take a whole year off. I'm not going to tour, I'm not going to do anything, I'm going to be at home. We've been repeating this pattern the last 10 years, say, since the girls have been born. And I can see the exact moment that, that, that it starts that kind of need for some sort of creative outlet.

• 13:53Speaker 04

  And if we're being honest, attention that just cannot, cannot be satisfied by three people in your kitchen. And he's like, hey guys, look at this, look at this, look at me, look at me. And we're like, girl, stop it. Um, I'm like, do we have to do this again? Just take some time off, give yourself a little break. And then when you feel ready or you want to make people laugh, just go and do it. This is not any sort of retiring from comedy. This is not Rebecca leaves comedy. Um, anyway, I'm rambling, this is very long, I'm actually losing my voice. Um, so yeah, I hope you're well, I hope this was all right.

• 14:32Speaker 01

  She's amazing.

• 14:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, I love her.

• 14:33Speaker 01

  She's great. But do you, does that resonate with you?

• 14:35Speaker 00

  I could never just completely like retire like Lee Evans did and do nothing. I don't think I could ever just pull the drawbridge up. Cause I do, I love doing the podcast with Josh, love working with Ramesh and that kind of stuff. And I will always love stand-up and want to do gigs. I'm just taking a step back a bit. If you look at my diary now, there's, there's barely anything in it really, like, like there was last year. Cause I was away for 180 nights that year when I was talking about that, which is insane. Cause obviously I do all this stuff in the day in the podcast, but then touring in the evening. So I'm like a, a ball of energy, I, I have to let it out. I have to go and do a gig. If I did nothing all week, I'd be mad. But what I need to do is a couple of gigs a week in London, not put on a massive tour. You know what I mean?

• 15:14Speaker 01

  What happens when you reach your limit?

• 15:16Speaker 00

  Well, I've, I've definitely had that sort of burnout and exhaustion before. I had therapy at the start of lockdown in 2020, which really helped. Cause I just, I was just so like that, I was just, I was doing all those things we've been talking about, but with no understanding why. I was just getting so ratty when anyone comes to me in public or, and I had no time for anyone. I just was miserable basically. And I, I was working with Ramesh, it was an amazing gig. We went over to South Africa to film a show about the cricket and then went on a safari. I flew business class, but there was a problem with my seats, so they put me in first class, staying at a five-star hotel. Went to the first day of filming, which was watch the cricket, England versus South Africa. And then someone gave me a pint, I went on the big screen, downed it. And then basically the whole stadium went mental, went viral. Producers come up to me, brilliant, we've got the opening of the show, right?

• 16:01Speaker 00

  And I've never felt sadder. And I was like, this should be the per, nothing here, this is perfect. This is what you're working on. But it was just because I just said, I was so exhausted because it was all just done from worry and panic. It wasn't, I've done that brilliant. It's all like, oh God, what next, what next? And it was just too long of going a hundred miles an hour. So lockdown was quite helpful for me because it enforced my biggest fear, which is what if it all stops? And it did stop. I had a big tour for the whole year booked in. All the gigs got pulled, nothing in my diary, no money coming in. And at that point, I had, I earned well, but I hadn't earned well enough to not work. If you know what I mean? And I had a mortgage and a, a new house and kids, so we're young. And so it started doing the therapy and that's where I sort of understood a lot more about myself.

• 16:44Speaker 00

  And it's helped me sort of manage sort of a way forward. Cause it was, you know, imposter syndrome, poverty mindset, where you've, you've got no money, you think the, the tap's going to be turned off. But as you know, there's loads of it everywhere if you keep your eyes open. Um, and all these different things, but then, you know, and I wrote a, a book about it called A Class Act where I spoke about that. And then, and I know it'll give you a lot of grief, but I had those things going on. But in my world, in a working class upbringing, like sending your kids to boarding school is child cruelty, essentially. That, that would be spoken about that, like dropping your kid off at six or seven to boarding school is the worst possible thing you could do with your child. Whereas the world you came from, it was the best opportunity for your child, toughen you up, give you all these things. So it's a really complicated thing.

• 17:26Speaker 00

  And I had a real chip on my shoulder against sort of people from privilege. And especially in comedy, because there's a lot of that Oxbridge stuff. But then as I met them all and actually met the person, I realised, me and you were not in control over what hand we were dealt. We're only in control over how we deal with it going forward. And it made me understand that these people have got their own problems. Where I'll be worried about no money, but then you've been dropped off at a boarding school and left to your own devices.

• 17:52Speaker 01

  And then you get trauma from that, right?

• 17:53Speaker 00

  Exactly. And then everyone ultimately has got their own little things that happen to them, big or small, that they are trying to work through, through life. Which helped me be a bit more patient with people. Cause when people argue with me now, I sort of just breathe and go, right. And I enjoy trying to work out what their problem is.

• 18:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:10Speaker 00

  Rather than me just slagging them off.

• 18:12Speaker 01

  Do you know what's interesting? Beginning of lockdown for me, mate, was something happened to me where I also, maybe it's because I was like driving forward, forward, forward. But mine was different, right? Mine, mine was, um.

• 18:23Speaker 00

  What stage were you at then? Cause you've really blown up in the last five years or so, I'd say media wise, your, your sweet business was always going great guns.

• 18:31Speaker 01

  It was always good, doing well.

• 18:32Speaker 00

  There was a point, sorry to interrupt, where like, you know, I'd see you on eight out of 10 cats and stuff like that. But I could feel you were frustrated because you were getting gigs, but they were gigs of being the, you made in Chelsea bloke.

• 18:42Speaker 01

  A hundred percent.

• 18:42Speaker 00

  And no one took you serious as a presenter, which is all you wanted to be really.

• 18:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember I did a, it was maybe like eight, I don't know what it was, it was something. And I, it was Jimmy Carr was hosting it. And I remember coming to the show and Jimmy Carr saying, oh, you're still here. Like that, because he was all, it was almost like he was surprised that he was like, oh, it was actually a flattering way. It was actually flattering because he was like, oh, you're still turning up.

• 19:04Speaker 00

  Well, really it's a conveyor belt of on those shows, who's the current reality star that we can bring on to.

• 19:09Speaker 01

  Have fun with, take the piss out of them and then go, and it gets us views.

• 19:12Speaker 00

  Have fun with is a loose term, isn't it? Especially back in the day.

• 19:14Speaker 01

  But I, so I was in a frustrated place.

• 19:18Speaker 00

  Jamie Laing this week, Jedward next week.

• 19:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. And then Gemma Collins. But I was in a space where I'd just been to the Channel Four upfronts. And because you were, when you're in your algorithm, like you only, you only experience what you're experiencing.

• 19:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:31Speaker 01

  So in my world, I was quite top dog.

• 19:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:34Speaker 01

  Cause I was doing Made in Chelsea and I was quite top dog in it.

• 19:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:37Speaker 01

  When you step into the world that you want to become top dog in, you realise you're at the bottom of the pile.

• 19:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:42Speaker 01

  And so I suddenly realised as a bottom of the pile, not only that, I wasn't even.

• 19:46Speaker 00

  You weren't bottom of the pile as a presenter, you were just.

• 19:48Speaker 01

  I just was, I wasn't even respected. So I, so that was challenging for me. And so going into lockdown when everything stopped, it was suddenly like this realisation that I had done Made in Chelsea for a long time. I wasn't, I was, I'd just stopped doing that. I don't, I, I just became maybe slowed down, maybe driving towards something super anxious. And also I became depressed. And then I didn't want to admit to myself that I became depressed because I was meant to be this happy-go-lucky.

• 20:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:10Speaker 01

  Like guy. And so then for so long, I just couldn't admit it. And that's when I started going into therapy as well to make it, and therapy for me changed my life.

• 20:17Speaker 00

  Well, yeah. So the first time I went was when I first did I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here as a presenter. That was years ago, the, the spin off show.

• 20:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 20:25Speaker 00

  So it was with me, Laura Whitmore and Joe Swash. I took over from Russell Kane, who was really popular on it. And then it was when Twitter first started and I was getting absolutely hammered on that. So that sent me mad. So I did therapy through the NHS that time. And then I went back in in 2020 and it like totally, and that was, I paid for that privately and I was very fortunate to be able to do that. But it massively helped me sort of build a sort of way to deal with it all, you know?

• 20:51Speaker 01

  When you started comedy, right? Apparently you were, you didn't tell your parents or anyone because you were embarrassed you were doing it. Is that true?

• 20:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. Cause it was, I love my family growing up, but it was quite a harsh, I've got four brothers. South East London, working class kind of banter. And my dad's older as well. So my dad's 82 now. So he was, he was like in his mid 40s when he had kids. So he was quite an old dad for when I was young. So obviously then it's another generation of, you know, that kind of, that level of sort of quite harsh banter. So I was like, I don't want anyone to know because I'll just get banned for it. Also as well, there's a, there was a big thing at the time where if you did comedy, they'd do things at competitions where whoever got the loudest cheer won the night.

• 21:36Speaker 00

  And a lot of people took their mates. And I didn't want anyone to know because I wanted to know if I was good or not. Cause I thought if I can win that without having a group of people, then I know I'm good at it.

• 21:44Speaker 01

  Competitive.

• 21:45Speaker 00

  One, competitive, but also I'm very, I've always, I'm very quite direct and quite like direct feedback where I don't want my, I don't want you to go, that was great.

• 21:53Speaker 01

  I don't want to fake it, yeah.

• 21:54Speaker 00

  I can either do it or I can't. If I can do it, I'll go full steam ahead. But yeah, when I was first started, I was ruthlessly competitive and ambitious to the point where I would, I'd look at that league tape, almost like on Wikipedia, what was Russell Howard doing at that age? Or what was Peter Kay trying to either match or supersede? But that was just a egoic way to keep the relentlessness going.

• 22:16Speaker 01

  Probably I did that.

• 22:16Speaker 00

  To create a false narrative of something I want to achieve, but actually ultimately.

• 22:19Speaker 01

  I used to do that. I used to look at other people's career. I, yeah. But I did, I, I remember looking at like James Corden's career.

• 22:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:25Speaker 01

  And seeing what he was doing in like his twenties.

• 22:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:28Speaker 01

  To see where he was at as well, because it's a competitive thing.

• 22:31Speaker 00

  But the thing is, in order to, you need to, you need that kind of energy, whether it's positive or negative, to get through that point. Cause it is hard. And if you want to be good at comedy, you do have to do what I did and gig every single night for 10 years to learn the craft and learn the skill. But you, but that, that, that energy can't last forever. Cause it will burn you out. When I started off, I needed the, I was a rocket trying to go through, you know, you know, when your rocket takes off, it has those burners that go mad, doesn't it?

• 23:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:01Speaker 00

  And then once it gets through the atmosphere, they fall off and you orbit and float.

• 23:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:05Speaker 00

  I, I, I'm trying to get rid of those burners, but you need them at the start. So I never look back on anything I've done where I go, oh, you wasted so much time doing all those gigs or working that hard. And, you know, and saying yes to everything. Cause it was necessary to get to the point I'm at now where I'm a very privileged position where I can take my foot off the gas a little bit. But it just needs to be balanced out slightly where you can't continue with that. And you, and you can't use that negative energy of like, I used to be like, I've got to beat them. I've got to do that. But it's helpful, but not, not forever.

• 23:31Speaker 01

  Can you remember your first ever gig?

• 23:33Speaker 00

  Uh, yes.

• 23:35Speaker 01

  Where was it?

• 23:35Speaker 00

  Up the creek in Greenwich.

• 23:37Speaker 01

  Nervous?

• 23:38Speaker 00

  Yeah. So I met my mate for a beer. Cause I was like, I've agreed to do this, but I don't know what I'm doing. So I wrote out, it's the only time I've ever written out a set. It was dreadful, but I like typed it out and I had two pints and went up and did it. And all I can remember is the lights being too bright. But it went fine. It was, you know, it wasn't awful.

• 23:54Speaker 01

  It takes, it takes a different individual to get up on stage just with their mate, having had a couple of pints and go and do comedy.

• 24:02Speaker 00

  I, I was obsessed with comedy and I used to, I used to record it off a VHS TV combi onto a MIDI, MIDI disc player. This is aging me.

• 24:10Speaker 01

  And then listen to it?

• 24:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, to go to bed. So I listened to comedy to go to bed.

• 24:13Speaker 01

  Who were you listening to?

• 24:14Speaker 00

  Oh, so I, my parents loved comedy. So I had all their Dave Allen and Jimmy Todd Buck and Les Dawson. More of them was, yep. And then my brother was a bit older. So we had all the Eddie Izzard stuff and then Billy Connolly. And then I really got into Eddie Murphy, Richard Pryor. And then it was just all the comedy I could get basically. Alan Davis and then Peter Kay come out when I was about 12. So I was obsessed with it. And then I went to comedy clubs, loads and loads. But it just got to the point where I was watching the gigs and I could work out the punchline from the person. And I was like, I can do that.

• 24:44Speaker 01

  But you were funny, you're naturally funny. You get comedians who, who would be in a situation and then afterwards go, oh, I should have said that. And that's why they're good at writing, right? So they're great on stage and saying that stuff on stage. But then you get just funny people. You are just funny.

• 24:57Speaker 00

  Well, look, I totally agree with, not just with me, but in general, there's those types of people like Alan Carr, Tom Allen.

• 25:04Speaker 01

  Just funny.

• 25:04Speaker 00

  Just funny, just really funny. Romic is the same, like, but then there's two types of comedians, funny ones and not funny ones.

• 25:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's it. Yeah.

• 25:12Speaker 00

  Who's not funny?

• 25:12Speaker 01

  What's that?

• 25:13Speaker 00

  Who's not funny? The ones that spend ages writing it all down.

• 25:17Speaker 00

  Shouldn't be that hard. Being a comedian, you don't have to be funny to be a comedian.

• 25:21Speaker 01

  No.

• 25:21Speaker 00

  You can work out.

• 25:22Speaker 01

  What is funny?

• 25:23Speaker 00

  You can work out persona, you can work out how to put the words together, you can work out what, and, and you can put that out there and you can be a comedian.

• 25:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:28Speaker 00

  But then some people are just funny. And it's the same way as people, some people are sexy. Some people walk in a room and you're like, oh my God, like male or female, you just go, fucking hell. What is, it's like, it's unbelievable. Yeah.

• 25:38Speaker 01

  And it's those people, those guys who whisper to people in clubs, what are they whispering?

• 25:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:42Speaker 01

  And then suddenly they're passing their, it's like, what are you whispering?

• 25:44Speaker 00

  Is that a bit, there's, there's nothing we can do about that. We just have to be.

• 25:49Speaker 01

  Hey, how are you?

• 25:50Speaker 00

  You look like an extra from Oliver.

• 25:53Speaker 00

  I've got my chain, eh? Wanna buy a watch? But so I, and it's the same with being athletic. Like obviously you can train and do that. But I met Dina Asher Smith on Jonathan Ross. She walked past. It was like fucking like a cheater. She, every muscle was twitching. Like she was just like, and the way she sat, like you're saying bolt. And it was like meeting a superhero. Like they're just different. And it's the same with funny. Some people, you can learn to put stuff together. It's also, some people can try and be sexy with what they will, when they look. But you can either have it or you don't. And then you hone it in clubs to get better at it.

• 26:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. But then the difference is that I, I think like naivety is our biggest weapon, right? So when you're, when you're so tuned into stuff, because you were listening to comedy and you knew about comedy and you knew people and Billy Connolly, all these people, how do you find your voice? How do you make sure you're not, because you must have started by copying people because you thought, oh, he's funny or she's funny. Or what they did is funny. So I'm going to use that. So finding your voice is hard, right?

• 26:44Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. So they, they always say you need to find what your comic voice is, but essentially your comic voice is you, but without any worry or preconceptions about what you should or shouldn't be doing.

• 26:52Speaker 01

  Explain that because.

• 26:53Speaker 00

  Well, when you get up on stage, you're worried. But you're, you've got an ego, you, you don't want to look vulnerable. But you can't be a really funny comedian and worry about what people think about you. But it takes a long time to lose that. Because we all do it. And I still do to a degree, but I'm at a stage of not giving a shit now, which is alarming. For some of my, I feel like I should be 85 in an old people's home. The amount, I just cannot care. I honestly, an absolute, but like not just with like randoms, like my own family now. Cause when it was the World Cup, I got a ticket to the World Cup final, right?

• 27:25Speaker 01

  Oh my God.

• 27:26Speaker 00

  If England got through. I put on my Instagram stories, I fly tomorrow morning if we win, right? I was also supposed to be going to my mum's birthday meal that afternoon, right? On the Sunday. I was also seeing her next Thursday, by the way.

• 27:36Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 27:37Speaker 00

  And this meal was with like 20, 30 people of families. It weren't just like, right. Anyway, we didn't get through, get to the meal. My mum goes, was you really gonna go to the World Cup final on my birthday meal? Yeah. Yeah. She, but it's my mum, I went, I went, I'm seeing you Thursday. But 10 years ago, I'd have been like, oh my God, I'm such a bad son. No, I'm not. I'm a normal human.

• 27:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know.

• 27:57Speaker 00

  And she's insane. You're at, you had loads of birthdays. You're 72. This is the fucking World Cup final. Let me have an afternoon off.

• 28:06Speaker 01

  Mate, you.

• 28:06Speaker 00

  Anyway, we had a lovely time at the cafe at the wakeboarding centre.

• 28:10Speaker 01

  The wakeboarding?

• 28:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 28:11Speaker 01

  You went for a Christmas, for a birthday meal?

• 28:13Speaker 00

  You went wakeboarding? No, no, no. We just sat in the cafe, watched an Ed Sheeran tribute act while they wakeboarded around us.

• 28:19Speaker 00

  My parents are men. I invited them the other day.

• 28:21Speaker 01

  Who picked that? Your mum?

• 28:22Speaker 00

  My mum and dad, they're mad. So they would go, they always go.

• 28:24Speaker 01

  A wakeboard centre?

• 28:25Speaker 00

  They love going to Spain, right? So they always go Spain for like six, seven weeks.

• 28:28Speaker 01

  Nice whereabouts. Give me, I'll need a location.

• 28:30Speaker 00

  Um, near Mercia, right? Yeah, of course you have.

• 28:32Speaker 01

  Doesn't matter.

• 28:33Speaker 00

  My parents are not going on the same holidays as you. You, you, you will never have heard of anywhere they've gone. All right? So I said, they were, well, we want to see the girls, we want to see the girls and all this. I was like, all right, okay. Well, on Friday, the girls are doing like at the summer camp where at the end of it, after four days, they do a big show. 4:30, come up and watch. Now we can't, I was like, for me, if I was a grandparent, that's like the ultimate little thing. You just turn up, you see them do a show.

• 28:58Speaker 01

  Great.

• 28:59Speaker 00

  Bit of Pizza Express after, you're done.

• 29:01Speaker 01

  Lovely.

• 29:01Speaker 00

  Now we can't, we're like, well, what are you doing? We're going around Karen and Paul's house for dinner, then going to watch an Elvis impersonator at the casino in Margate.

• 29:10Speaker 00

  These, these kids are going to be eight and 10 once on this trip. It's like a once, it's down that, they're gonna get to 15 and not give a fuck about you.

• 29:19Speaker 00

  Do you know what I mean?

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• 29:57Speaker 01

  When did you, when did you meet Lou?

• 29:59Speaker 00

  Met Lou when I was 22, I think, 20, yeah, 22 in an office in London, doing admin at an events company.

• 30:07Speaker 01

  And what, you started fancying it?

• 30:10Speaker 00

  What's going on here?

• 30:11Speaker 01

  Just tell me, tell me, it's sweet. You're talking about your wife, it's lovely.

• 30:15Speaker 00

  Well, you know, yeah.

• 30:16Speaker 01

  Look at you closing up. Closing up, what's going on here?

• 30:22Speaker 00

  What do you want to know about it?

• 30:23Speaker 01

  I want to know, like.

• 30:24Speaker 00

  No, so we were friends in an office job and then basically she was leaving to go and study to be a teacher and I left the job to go and be a comedian. Then we sort of started going out.

• 30:32Speaker 01

  Did you?

• 30:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:33Speaker 01

  And then when did you propose?

• 30:37Speaker 00

  Can you remember the date? Couple of, nah.

• 30:40Speaker 00

  Couple of years after?

• 30:43Speaker 00

  I don't know.

• 30:44Speaker 01

  I love it.

• 30:44Speaker 00

  It's a busy period.

• 30:47Speaker 00

  No, I remember though, I proposed, when I did propose though, I proposed to her in the door chest, in afternoon tea.

• 30:53Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 30:54Speaker 00

  In the promenade bit.

• 30:55Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 30:56Speaker 00

  And then I booked a room.

• 30:57Speaker 01

  That's quite busy.

• 30:58Speaker 00

  What's that?

• 30:59Speaker 01

  It's quite a busy place to propose.

• 31:02Speaker 00

  Fairly, but I mean, central, central London, what do we, just in a room, locker, broom cupboard, I mean, how quiet do you want it? I got down on one knee and she went, yeah, and get up. But I packed a bag for her, but she still to this day takes a piss out of what I packed in that bag, but I thought it was fine because it was a surprise that we were staying over.

• 31:20Speaker 01

  When you proposed, when you proposed, it's like the most nerve wracking thing in the world.

• 31:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, I felt I got there way too early, felt well sweaty and was well stressed. And yeah, no, it's, well, yeah, it is. I mean, it'd be weird if it wasn't, if you didn't care, you've got to worry.

• 31:32Speaker 01

  Like two things for me that no one prepared me for that were like nerve wracking. One was proposing, the other one was when you have your first kid. That, that moment.

• 31:38Speaker 00

  You weren't prepared for that. You didn't think that'd be a big thing.

• 31:40Speaker 01

  I knew it would be a big thing.

• 31:41Speaker 00

  Just like a product launch, was it?

• 31:44Speaker 00

  They've released mini watermelon sours. I've dealt with a big event before. I went on GMB, then we did a live launch at Selfridges. I know pressure.

• 31:53Speaker 01

  Like that for me was, I didn't realise it was going to be that intense.

• 31:56Speaker 00

  What, baby arriving? It is.

• 31:58Speaker 01

  It's insane. It's insane.

• 32:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:02Speaker 01

  Like I can't, I couldn't believe it was what was going on.

• 32:05Speaker 00

  So I was 29 when we had our first, first kid and I was like proper, like if you think I work a lot now, back then it was seven days a week, non-stop. So the, but a normal way of working would be like, I'm doing this this morning and I've got interviews all afternoon because I'm promoting a new TV show. I'm doing it in the process of calming down my workload.

• 32:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:26Speaker 00

  Where I went to Malaysia to film for two weeks for Tempting Fortune, but we'll get into that in a minute. But that's part of me winding down.

• 32:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:32Speaker 00

  Just popped to Malaysia.

• 32:34Speaker 01

  And winding down, just taking another TV show.

• 32:36Speaker 00

  I know, so, but I would normally, like this afternoon, I'm finished at three. Back then I'll be like, right, then book another podcast in the afternoon, then gig in the evening and get, you know, it was like that, non-stop. So I was 29, so we had the baby and then I was back working, say work, and I was doing Taskmaster, when the baby was like five days old, rolling around in goo, have you seen that clip of me rolling around in goose poo?

• 32:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:54Speaker 00

  To a microwave.

• 32:55Speaker 01

  That was, baby was five days old.

• 32:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, we had, me and Lou had a great argument at Christmas. Because I'd basically come home from work and then be in charge of the baby. And we were both saying like, it's so intense, we've got like this three month hold and there's no time alone, you know, none of our own time, you know, and Lou was like, well, you get, you get your own time. I was like, what do you mean? She went, well, you go to Chiswick every day and they give you a car. I was like, yeah. She went, so that's like an hour and a half there, an hour and a half back. So you get free time. I went, it's not free time, I know I'm alone, but I don't think that should be, you know, filed under social and hobbies.

• 33:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, but it is quite nice that.

• 33:27Speaker 00

  Well, I mean, it was nice, but it's like, what a mad set of situations where that is deemed as, well, he's, you know, he's been in that cab all week.

• 33:35Speaker 01

  Savvy says the same to me. She's like, when I go to work, she's like, you have a nice, you go to work in the morning.

• 33:39Speaker 00

  But this is easier than having a baby at home.

• 33:41Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 33:42Speaker 00

  So much easier. But I don't want to worry you.

• 33:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:45Speaker 00

  The baby don't move yet.

• 33:48Speaker 01

  Don't, it's, it comes hard.

• 33:49Speaker 00

  So it's like, you know, imagine if you've got a sort of like, you know, there's like a bomb, right? You've got to try and.

• 33:57Speaker 01

  This is a good analogy, I like this. I've got a bomb.

• 34:00Speaker 00

  You've got a bomb that you need to defuse, right? So you concentrate.

• 34:02Speaker 01

  Where am I? What situation am I in?

• 34:04Speaker 00

  In your house.

• 34:05Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 34:05Speaker 00

  And that's the baby, right? And that's, you've got, and it's just there and you've got all the stuff around it.

• 34:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:09Speaker 00

  Now, put that bomb on a drone.

• 34:14Speaker 00

  Hold on, let me use another example. It's got, it's got quite dark in the current political climate.

• 34:20Speaker 01

  Put that bomb on a drone. Okay, let's start again.

• 34:24Speaker 00

  Put that bomb.

• 34:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:26Speaker 00

  On a dog.

• 34:28Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 34:28Speaker 00

  Sounds bad.

• 34:29Speaker 01

  What breed, just so I get it.

• 34:30Speaker 00

  Okay, not that, I go.

• 34:32Speaker 01

  Okay, go again. Like a Ridgeback.

• 34:36Speaker 00

  Put that bomb on a remote controlled car.

• 34:39Speaker 01

  Nice, again.

• 34:40Speaker 00

  That someone you can't see is in charge of and they'll defuse it. That's what it's like having a toddler and then.

• 34:49Speaker 01

  I think you got it wrong, a bomb.

• 34:52Speaker 00

  Put a baby on a remote controlled car, but it's like, when they start moving, it's horrendous and because you've got to stop them from hurting themselves, you know. My brother's at that stage, he's six foot four. The man's back is an absolute, you'll be all right, but his back, where he's crouching down is an absolute bit.

• 35:10Speaker 01

  Was it hard to go, what is the, the jump going from one to two?

• 35:12Speaker 00

  I think one's more intense, first of all, because it's totally new. And then the second one, we, we had two under two, which was quite hardcore. Have the actual baby stuff was easier with the second one because you're used to it, but you're, it's just two to deal with. So if one wakes up and then goes back to sleep, the other one wakes up, it's like, you're saying to me that your baby was up till three last night, but then the other one can just wake up at four and then you're up all night. Now, mine are eight and 10 and like, because they're so close in age, it's brilliant. They really get on, they play and it's so much, now I'm just going out of a little mate.

• 35:41Speaker 01

  But I was scared to have kids, right? I was like terrified for loads of reasons, but then I'm so happy.

• 35:46Speaker 00

  What reasons?

• 35:47Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 35:49Speaker 01

  I, well, prone to anxiety, so I thought it would make me anxious for whatever reason, because I wasn't in control of my own destiny, because then I had something to look after.

• 35:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:56Speaker 01

  So I'd feel trapped. I went to boarding school, I think that made me feel trapped. So whenever I feel trapped, I'm a bit like, oh God, let me out. That, didn't know if I could achieve what I wanted to achieve because it would hold me back, all the things.

• 36:07Speaker 00

  What do you want to achieve?

• 36:08Speaker 01

  Well, I have two goals in life.

• 36:11Speaker 00

  Go on.

• 36:12Speaker 01

  You going to hit them?

• 36:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 36:14Speaker 01

  I want to, I want to buy back my Vitties.

• 36:18Speaker 00

  I'm going to tell you now, how hollow that'll feel.

• 36:21Speaker 01

  Okay, no, no, this is, this is, sorry, this is, shut up.

• 36:25Speaker 00

  You will not give a shit. Oh, my granddaddy invented a fucking biscuit, leave off, mate.

• 36:30Speaker 01

  Right, listen, these are, these are professional dreams. These are professional dreams.

• 36:33Speaker 00

  Okay, yeah, yeah.

• 36:34Speaker 01

  Okay, can you say, hear me out?

• 36:35Speaker 00

  How much is McVitties?

• 36:36Speaker 01

  It's a lot.

• 36:37Speaker 00

  How much?

• 36:37Speaker 01

  Well, it's probably 300 million, 253 million.

• 36:40Speaker 00

  Is there an argument that if you are showing your hand this early, they're going to just increase the price because they know that as a personal.

• 36:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, but whatever, they, they're not even going to see this.

• 36:48Speaker 00

  I'm just trying to help you do it, mate.

• 36:50Speaker 01

  Second one, you ready?

• 36:51Speaker 00

  If I were you, I'd start slagging them off, drive the price down.

• 36:54Speaker 01

  Second one.

• 36:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 36:56Speaker 01

  Hosting the Oscars. Those are my two professional, like, things that I want to do, right? So, so before, when I was having a kid, I thought all of that would stop straight away, but having a kid is, for me, has been the greatest, like, door opening to life ever. It's made me realise what life is really about, it's made me kinder.

• 37:14Speaker 00

  Do you have a cliche bell here?

• 37:16Speaker 01

  What's it done to you?

• 37:18Speaker 00

  I still want to talk about you, actually.

• 37:20Speaker 01

  No, come on.

• 37:21Speaker 00

  And these dreams.

• 37:21Speaker 01

  Come on, tell me.

• 37:23Speaker 00

  So what's it done to me?

• 37:24Speaker 01

  What is it actually, come on, the truth thing, what has it done to you?

• 37:26Speaker 00

  I think, so the biggest thing that, I think all those things are true.

• 37:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:30Speaker 00

  That you've said.

• 37:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:31Speaker 00

  But I think everyone half expects that because, you know, you expect to be a bit kinder because you have to think about other people other than yourself. They're all quite, you know, common, common things that happen. For me, it, it, I didn't expect, it was a bit of a surprise at how much it holds a mirror up to your own childhood.

• 37:49Speaker 01

  Ooh, here we go.

• 37:50Speaker 00

  I found that like, I would, it made me evaluate my childhood more by having children because when my kids were having any sort of issue, oh, not even issues, but stuff was going on, like holidays or problems at school or this or that, I'd go, well, hang on, you automatically go, well, what happened, what was going on for me at that age?

• 38:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:08Speaker 00

  And also like, because I get to 10 and go, can I have YouTube or can I walk to the shop? I'm like, hang on, so what did I do at that age? And then it's really interesting because when you marry up, and it's not always negative, it's not always positive, but you do sell, and it gives you a chance for self-reflection because ultimately what happens as you as a kid, you know, formulates into what you become as an adult.

• 38:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, totally.

• 38:28Speaker 00

  You know, so that, that for me was the biggest sort of surprise, oh wow. And it sort of made me sort of reflect on myself a lot more.

• 38:34Speaker 01

  So what did it make you realise about your own childhood?

• 38:36Speaker 00

  I'm quite hypervigilant.

• 38:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:38Speaker 00

  Quite a hypervigilant aware, looking around for like, and one, just because that's my nature. Two, also I'm sort of a little look around for threats kind of thing, where I had a lovely childhood, but there wasn't loads of money. There was look, there was definitely people much more, more worse off than us.

• 38:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:53Speaker 00

  But it was definitely people that had it much more comfortable and there wasn't a worry about money at the end of the month and stuff like that. But then it wasn't just money, there was other stuff that went on, I don't want to go into, but there was a lot of grief and stuff like that, it's hard thing. So if stuff happens to you like that as a kid, where it's a bit, bit not as smooth sailing, you are looking out for threats all the time. And then also I had dyslexia at school, but I didn't get diagnosed about a year, two years ago, so I didn't know I had it. Did you know you had it at school?

• 39:21Speaker 01

  So I was told like you, I was stupid.

• 39:23Speaker 00

  I didn't, I've never said I was told I was stupid, you're just assuming that. No, I'm joking. But yeah, I was told I was stupid and I thought I was stupid and, but I wasn't, I've just got a different way of working. So again, that makes you. Hyper aware because I'm like, all right, I can't connect with this teacher here. So I need to take in everything else to try and work out how to get through this lesson. And also how to work with other people and sort of pick up on stuff. So.

• 39:45Speaker 01

  But did you, but Rob, did you, what I did is that when, I remember my English teacher said to me, I said, why can't I spell? And he said, I said, I think I've got dyslexia or this thing. He said, no, you're just stupid. That's what he said to me. So, and it was kind of a jokey thing, but it stuck with me, right? And, but I.

• 40:01Speaker 00

  I had the same at my first primary school teacher's parents evening thing. I remember them saying to my mum, and also my mum fed it back to me or to people, but in a way of dismissing it. And they said this about him, that's not true. And she moved my school. So she proactively protected me from that. But hearing it out loud still made me feel like an important person. Thought that way, said, oh, Rob's never gonna be a high flyer. That would be in my head.

• 40:24Speaker 01

  It's funny because when, when I was told that, I remember in the lesson, like at the beginning, you'll just like ignore it. But slowly by slowly, when you're not getting the grades, you're not, you slowly by slowly start to believe it. So I, I generally thought by the end that I just wasn't smart. I wasn't good. Then when I came out of school, it was like same as you trying to figure out what I was good at. Because I thought I was bad at everything. That's why I did Made in Chelsea, because I was like, oh, this is gonna be a route that I'm, think I'll be okay at. I don't really, I'm not gonna be good at.

• 40:49Speaker 00

  It gave you an identity that wasn't the sort of loud, energetic, dyslexic kid at school. You were just pushed by the TV that's really good company and then you can go down that route. But yeah, I, I, I found it, um, that's found it very challenging. Cause I was told I was no good at anything and I tried my best at all the exams and just got deeply average like Cs and Ds. But I was grafting on that.

• 41:11Speaker 01

  You were working hard.

• 41:12Speaker 00

  Really hard to try and keep up and try and get grades and stuff like that.

• 41:15Speaker 01

  Were you popular?

• 41:17Speaker 00

  I was very good. And that's what a teacher said at school. I was very good at being friends with everyone, but never too far in. So like, I'd be pally with the naughty kids and can chat to them, but I'd never end up being naughty with them. And then also I was chatting with the nerdy kids or I could chat to everyone quite comfortably, but never be too far in one group and sort of float around. But then from the age of like 15 to 18, I was very insular, very shy. Like I was very anxious. I'd like, if I dropped a glass, I'd like cry.

• 41:45Speaker 01

  Really?

• 41:46Speaker 00

  Just, oh, just sort of, I've done something wrong. So a bit like that.

• 41:49Speaker 01

  Cause you're hyper aware of like, you're, you're, you're being hyper.

• 41:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, I remember stuff as well. Like I'd feel bad. I'd always drink water because I felt if I ordered like a Coke at a restaurant, that would be expensive. And then my dad would have to work more. Cause I knew my dad was a cab driver. So he had to work, he like, he'd get X amount an hour. And he used to come home with cash. We'd count the cash. And I remember looking at going, oh, hang on. So if that Coke's three quid or two quid, and my dad come home with like, he'll have to work an extra hour or so to do that. So I felt a real responsi-, and that, that pressure wasn't put on me by my parents. But I just felt that. You know what I mean? I was sort of aware of that kind of stuff. So that stressed me out, I think a little bit. So I was a ver-, wasn't very confident. Also, South East London's very geezer-y, very like, it was the garage scene as well at the time, which I weren't really into.

• 42:35Speaker 00

  So I was quite sheltered for like three or four years. And then when I went to university in Canterbury, that's when I went out a bit more and started socializing and drinking. That I really got my confidence up there than I did in South East London.

• 42:46Speaker 01

  Because, because you were, you were, found your people, right?

• 42:49Speaker 00

  Found my people also. Just a bit scared of going out. There's always fights and, you know, I remember my car got nicked when I was 17 and great like. So it's like, there was a lot of worry of like nights out and drinking and fighting and being a bit rough and ready. And I, I just stayed in, but also it was fun standing up. My, my family are all funny. My brothers, my mum and dad. We had like a nice uni, cause I remember mates sort of going down the park and trying to stay in the park overnight, all night. When they were like 15, I was like, no, I don't wanna do that. And then.

• 43:16Speaker 01

  Well, it's like a challenge.

• 43:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:17Speaker 01

  See if they were gonna get like.

• 43:18Speaker 00

  But then I suppose if their parents were out a lot and that, but my parents were always in and we'd watch TV and had a laugh. So it was quite a warm place to be. I think as well, I'm quite good at, um, reading the energies of people, which I think is something that I naturally got. And I've sort of honed that in comedy clubs where I can walk into a room of people and I'm, I can, can't explain, but I'll be aware of what that kind of vibe is in that room.

• 43:42Speaker 01

  Try and explain that to me.

• 43:43Speaker 00

  If I meet a group of people, I'll be able to hone in pretty soon what the, what the dynamic is between the group. What would need to be said for me to slip in, fine, and just be part of it. But also how I can manipulate that in either to tell stories to be funny. And then I've honed that on a wider scale. So if I, if I do a comedy club, I can walk out. That's why I don't really have a set routine of jokes.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:03Speaker 00

  I've got an arsenal of ideas and jokes that then are positioned and put in the right places depending on what that room needs.

• 44:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:11Speaker 00

  But I can go out and the first few lines from hearing the reactions, I, I, and asking a few questions and a few things. I'll be able to work out what's gonna work for that room and then I'll adapt my material to it. But that is exhausted if you carry that on into your personal life. Cause then every dinner, I can be sat there and I can work, I, I'll be able to pick up on a couple that have had an argument.

• 44:31Speaker 01

  Get out of here.

• 44:32Speaker 00

  Earlier on and stuff like that slightly, but I, I've always been able to do that. But I thought most people could do that. But after a while, it gets a bit wearing because then what I'll do is know that, oh God, these, I'll try and subconsciously sometimes repair that or try and bring the mood up.

• 44:46Speaker 01

  Cause you're feeling the energy. So you're like an empath in a way. So you understand people's emotions.

• 44:50Speaker 00

  Cause then if it has an impact on me, so I will try and then resolve that and change the energy, but then that's quite a time. But I've never heard empath before.

• 44:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:57Speaker 00

  Is that a thing?

• 44:57Speaker 01

  It is a thing.

• 44:58Speaker 00

  Is that a buzzword? Oh, that's gonna be all over this.

• 45:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:01Speaker 00

  I can see it now. Rob Beckett's all on empath. I would have just found out what an empath is. And that's gonna be the, all written all over it, isn't it? Me like that. Rob Beckett unleashes on being an empath.

• 45:12Speaker 01

  But, but that, cause before you said to me, you, you, you're a bit stressed, but, cause I am stressed at the moment. But you could read that straight away on me, which is quite a unique, I'm pretty good at reading people, but that's going a step deeper to actually knowing I am stressed. And you're not saying it because you know I have a kid maybe or that I've got a lot going on.

• 45:28Speaker 00

  I, I, I know how busy you are. I know, we're very similar as well, which helps, makes it a bit easier. But I just think I've been through that of having two kids. And like you say, it is a bit of a cliche and I said it earlier, but like my kids and Lou are so much more fun, important, impactful. And it, nothing I do, and I love doing stand up, but nothing compares to that feeling. So example, one of my daughters was really scared of sleepovers and I really was helping her try and Lou was as well, like coaching her through going on the first ever school sleepover thing. She was petrified of it and was working through it. I spoke about it on my podcast. And then she came out and she did it. And cause we reframed it as a challenge. She was scared. I went, do you wanna do it or not? Went, cause if you don't wanna do it, don't do it. If you do wanna do it, then you're gonna have to just sort of bite down and get on with it.

• 46:12Speaker 00

  Cause if you wanna do it, it's a challenge. But anyways, we had a chat about it. She did do it. She came out and like hugged me and was like, I did it, I did it. That feeling for me, it like, it was like a different rare, it was like another doorway open to like, yeah, it's great. You go out, you do a few jokes, you get around applause and laugh. But you know, ultimately I love doing stand up. I'm providing a service. I'm a Chinese takeaway and a pint. Do you know what I mean? It's 30 quid. If they don't like it, don't come again. If they do like it, come back. Most of them won't even, even fucking register it. It'll just be something that happened that night.

• 46:39Speaker 01

  I'm a Chinese takeaway and a pint.

• 46:42Speaker 00

  I'm a form of entertainment. I'm a, I'm a distraction from the fact that we're all gonna die and everyone we've ever known's gonna die. But let's not worry about that. Let's go watch the geezer with a big teeth for an hour. You know what I mean?

• 46:55Speaker 01

  Your good mates, Ramesh, Tom Davis, Josh Whittaker. Like what I love, I think about comedy as well, is I see it the whole time, is that you find your gang. And it's one of the only industries that it feels like people really look out for each other, even though you're competitive. You're all selling tickets, but you're, you're there for each other.

• 47:11Speaker 00

  That's a more of a unique thing to our generation of comedians.

• 47:14Speaker 01

  Really?

• 47:15Speaker 00

  So we came through quite a nice time where basically we came through when there was loads of panel shows. So the generation before us, the sort of Frankie Boyle, Mock the Week generation were a bit more, there was a reputation on those panel shows to be really harsh, everyone talking over each other. But that's because in their defence, there was only a couple of shows, Have I Got News For You, Mock the Week, Live at the Apollo. And then if you got on there, you blew up. So everyone was desperate to get there and desperate to stay there. When we came through, like me, James Acaster, Joe Lysit, Ramesh, Catherine Ryan, that kind of group. There was loads of stuff where we could like practise and go on all the different panel shows and come up together. And we've been a really supportive group.

• 47:51Speaker 01

  It's just, it's really great to see. If you talked to like a Joel Dom or Catherine Ryan.

• 47:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:55Speaker 01

  They're so, always so nice, like complimentary. Of course they would be, but like, you're all selling tickets. So it should be competitive, but it's just not.

• 48:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, but then I, the way I look at it is like, we're all doing the same thing, right? And if, well, if one of us does well, we all do well kind of thing. You know what I mean? Because if people love comedy and see really good comedy, they wanna watch more really good comedy. My favourite thing is laughing.

• 48:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:18Speaker 00

  And being, and being funny and being with funny people.

• 48:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:21Speaker 00

  Cause I think if you're with someone really funny, you add a bit, they add a bit. When me and Ramesh go and do our filming and stuff, like it's probably funnier off camera than on, just us floating about. And it's like, I, I, I wanna be around more people on that. I don't wanna do the Rob Beckett show, which is just me talking to other people. I like, I like collaborating. I like doing, doing the thing with Josh. I love that. I've worked with Tom Allen quite a lot. I've done golf stuff with Tom Davis, do Ramesh. I love being with other people and, and, and collaborating. Cause then I'm like, why have access to the funniest people in the world, but not be with them to work?

• 48:53Speaker 01

  And if you were friends, if you had to pick the funniest, who would you say is like, you're just like, they're the funniest?

• 48:57Speaker 00

  I mean, it's, it's, they're all at a top, top level, but it's just in certain moments, everyone like, there's a, you know, Tom Davis, there's a clip of Tom Davis playing golf where he, he keeps missing it. He goes mental, that kills me. Tom Allen is one of the funniest people that's ever lived. But when he, but when he's had a drink.

• 49:13Speaker 01

  Tom Allen is so funny.

• 49:14Speaker 00

  But once he's had a couple of wines and he, cause he's so lovely, but once he's had a couple of wines and he's got the ump and he goes on someone, it's so funny. Cause you're not used to it. Well, Alan Carr just walks around. He's like, he's like, are you even real? You're that fun. Ramesh, like occasionally pick on something and just absolutely. Lloyd Griffiths is hilarious. Griffiths is so funny. So they're all like have little moments, but I love it. I love being around them and hanging out with them.

• 49:36Speaker 01

  You got your new Channel 4 show?

• 49:37Speaker 00

  Yes. Thank you. Tempting Fortune.

• 49:40Speaker 01

  Here we go.

• 49:41Speaker 00

  September 22nd.

• 49:42Speaker 01

  Let's go mate. You shot in Malaysia?

• 49:43Speaker 00

  Shot in Langkawi, Malaysia.

• 49:45Speaker 01

  Lovely.

• 49:46Speaker 00

  Very nice.

• 49:46Speaker 01

  Very nice.

• 49:47Speaker 00

  Nice little gig, that one.

• 49:48Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 49:49Speaker 00

  Two weeks in Malaysia.

• 49:50Speaker 01

  So tell us what it's about.

• 49:51Speaker 00

  So it's basically like a venture reality show where you can win money.

• 49:54Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 49:55Speaker 00

  Twelve people.

• 49:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:57Speaker 00

  Dropped on this island, Langkawi, Malaysia.

• 49:59Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 50:00Speaker 00

  Three hundred grand in the prize pot.

• 50:01Speaker 01

  Let's freaking go.

• 50:02Speaker 00

  They split it twelve ways. They've just got to do these treks through this forest and beaches and the water. But along the way are temptations. So.

• 50:10Speaker 01

  Like what?

• 50:12Speaker 00

  I'm gonna tell you.

• 50:12Speaker 01

  I can't wait.

• 50:13Speaker 00

  Imagine if I left it there.

• 50:13Speaker 01

  I think that'd be.

• 50:14Speaker 00

  And that's the show.

• 50:15Speaker 01

  Then they're.

• 50:15Speaker 00

  But I might go and watch it.

• 50:16Speaker 01

  Well, ah, that's a good idea, yeah.

• 50:18Speaker 00

  So it'll be like, so they're in basic camp with just like rice and beans and rations. It's a terrible camp. And then all of a sudden, they go past like a shop that sells camping equipment. But to get a nice bed, it's like two grand.

• 50:29Speaker 01

  The money goes down.

• 50:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:30Speaker 01

  What a clever format.

• 50:30Speaker 00

  Some people do it, some people don't. They will argue. Oh, I'm hungry. What's that? A Greg's Built in the Jungle. Yeah.

• 50:36Speaker 01

  Sausage roll?

• 50:37Speaker 00

  Yeah. Two hundred and fifty quid. I'm making these prices up, but you get the gist. So they're really overpriced items. So we've got like a drive-through KFC. But what they're all done on is stuff that they know that the contestants like.

• 50:49Speaker 01

  What would you be, what would you be tempted for?

• 50:50Speaker 00

  To be fair, the food, you need, you need the energy, but probably be like a cold sugary drink. Cause it's so, you're so dehydrated and you're dying where, look, I can't do a KFC above 28 degrees.

• 51:02Speaker 01

  No.

• 51:03Speaker 00

  Can you? You can't be eating fried chicken with the sun on your head.

• 51:05Speaker 01

  You don't want.

• 51:06Speaker 00

  But they were starving, so they were doing it. So the cold, there was also, they built a shop, like a ninety-nine pound store rather than ninety-nine p. And I was in there and they were coming in there, but they're just so dirty and smelly. And they're all like, oh, and they all, they all kick off slightly and then they work out who's done what. So it's really, it's a really good show. They don't know what's coming up. And then like, some of them really do take the piss. You could do a candy kitten store, the next series.

• 51:27Speaker 01

  I might do that.

• 51:27Speaker 00

  That'd be great. You could come out and do it.

• 51:29Speaker 01

  I would love that.

• 51:30Speaker 00

  That'd be good, wouldn't it? We'd get Jamie Laing.

• 51:31Speaker 01

  I would love that.

• 51:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:33Speaker 01

  Let's do that.

• 51:33Speaker 00

  Squeeze that into your diary. Please do, because I do get a bit bored out there.

• 51:37Speaker 01

  You're kidding me. I'd love that. I would love that.

• 51:40Speaker 00

  That'd be good. Do a graze stand.

• 51:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:42Speaker 00

  Anyone want it?

• 51:43Speaker 01

  No.

• 51:44Speaker 00

  They'd love it. They would love it.

• 51:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've got no idea. Yeah, we would, yeah.

• 51:48Speaker 00

  Well, that is the danger. Imagine you're up there with all your sweets. And they're going, I'm all right.

• 51:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm right.

• 51:54Speaker 00

  Just loading your suitcase back.

• 51:57Speaker 01

  Oh, fuck it. What's that about?

• 51:58Speaker 00

  But it's a really good show. It's on Channel Four, um, twenty-second of September. And I'm the host, so I just sort of go in and wind them up looking all fresh-faced and clean.

• 52:08Speaker 00

  This is, I'll let this one off because you're nice.

• 52:10Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 52:10Speaker 00

  No self-improvement. High performance or Stephen Bartlett optimizing podcast. Eat shit. I don't wanna be optimized. I wanna do as little as possible for as much money as possible and go on holiday. That's all I wanna do. Is that, is that too much? That's my goal.

• 52:30Speaker 01

  So you'd never get up at 5am and have an ice bath?

• 52:32Speaker 00

  No, no.

• 52:33Speaker 01

  You wouldn't? Get up at 5am and have an ice bath. You don't eat a whoop in the morning?

• 52:37Speaker 00

  Eat a whoop in the morning. Chug a hew, get back on the desk. Just gotta review some thumbnails.

• 52:46Speaker 00

  Ironically, that'll be the thumbnail. Isn't it? Well, that's the thing. We do our podcast, but I can't be bothered with all the fucking.

• 52:53Speaker 01

  But do you think that's the success of your podcast? The fact that you're, that actually you don't care?

• 52:58Speaker 00

  Well, I do care. I care about, I care about the audience. I care about having fun. I care about what we talk about. But I, I can't be bothered to get into an arms race of cameras, zoomed in shots, crying, numb, you know what I mean? I just, I find it exhausting and I just think it's too much.

• 53:16Speaker 01

  And, and also your podcast is still one of the top ones.

• 53:18Speaker 00

  It does all right.

• 53:19Speaker 01

  It does really well. Two hundred and fifty million downloads.

• 53:22Speaker 00

  I think it's more than that now.

• 53:23Speaker 01

  Fuck, it's, oh, someone's counting.

• 53:24Speaker 00

  I know.

• 53:26Speaker 01

  Whoa, someone's counting.

• 53:27Speaker 00

  We had to do it for the.

• 53:28Speaker 01

  Oh, no, no, no.

• 53:29Speaker 00

  Pressure release.

• 53:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay.

• 53:30Speaker 00

  Rich, is it? Rich? By the end of the, the year, five hundred million.

• 53:33Speaker 01

  Get the.

• 53:34Speaker 00

  Yeah. To be serious, that podcast, I love it. Me and Josh, I actually look, one of the only things I would properly look forward to of catching up with Josh. And the audience are so good. It's, um, like it's a proper little community. And they do these small business shout-outs that we do at the end. And then they do really well and stuff like that. But it's been so nice because it, it. You see, one of the only things I've done that purely came out of truth, organically. Where sometimes you go, that'd be a good idea for a show. We just were doing it because we needed to talk to someone about having kids that were young during lockdown.

• 54:07Speaker 01

  Also, you must have been, during that time, were you having a bit of a tricky moment as well where it came out?

• 54:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, so I, I enjoyed it because it gave me a way to sort of not do therapy, but be honest with an audience. Where before I was giving everyone the Rob Beckett of like on TV and people used to think I was a bit dim and a bit South East London because I was a month, the week not knowing all the politicians were. But it enabled me to show that maybe I'm not academically smart, but I do have opinions and I care about my family and kids. I'm not just like, oi, oi, you know, that kind of thing. So I love it. And the way we can talk to each other really honestly. And because we're so different, I feel like other people that listen can connect with it. But I love it. And I just love, the audience are incredible.

• 54:40Speaker 01

  What's the best thing about working with Josh?

• 54:42Speaker 00

  One, he's, he's genuinely a really kind and caring person. And so funny and really collaboratively funny. So he's not desperately trying to outdo each other. We sort of collaborate and, you know, he has a go at me. Sometimes I'll go have a go at him, but we're proper friends and it's not, there's no edge to it. And he's also really hardworking and commits to it. And we both really put the F in because with anything like this is consistency. We've done two episodes a week now for six years, non-stop pumping that out. And, and I think you have to, and then because the audience rely on it. And like, they get the ump if he's not there. But, um, yeah, he's, he's just, he's just, it's just easy. It's a bit like, a working relationship is a bit like a, you know, an actual relationship with a partner. It just needs to be easy.

• 55:27Speaker 00

  When you're young, you feel like it needs to be crazy and volatile and this and that.

• 55:30Speaker 01

  Dramatic.

• 55:31Speaker 00

  No, it's just ag.

• 55:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:32Speaker 00

  It just needs to be easy and everyone's relaxed and comfortable and, and can do it. And, and like that, we, you know, I love, I love doing it with him. It's great.

• 55:39Speaker 01

  You know what? The, the, people may not understand that. It's when you, comedians who are generous with their laughter, is when you, when I used to do panel shows.

• 55:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 55:45Speaker 01

  Used to go on, used to know the comedians that would allow you to have space. They would make you funny. And then there are other comedians who just wanna be funny themselves. And you're a bit like, you can't join in on the joke because they're just being funny.

• 55:57Speaker 00

  But that's an insecurity from them because they're panicking.

• 56:00Speaker 01

  Right.

• 56:01Speaker 00

  You know, so they're just like, oh, they, they feel like what they're doing is not enough. So it's like, and, and then it comes from a place of panic and like, oh, I'm not getting nothing, not a. But it presents as like, listen to me, I'm more important than you. But yeah, you get that a lot in the panel show. That doesn't just happen to like, people that have come from, you know, reality shows. It's like as comedians, there's a lot of that going on.

• 56:19Speaker 01

  Who, who's the hardest person you had to interview?

• 56:21Speaker 00

  George Foreman was an absolute legend, but I'd say. Now, do you know what? No, Connor Ben was quite difficult. Forty minutes in, he asked if we had kids. And I felt like, what, what kind of pervert would have a parenting podcast without children?

• 56:42Speaker 03

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• 57:15Speaker 01

  I wanna play a quick game with you before we start.

• 57:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, no worries.

• 57:17Speaker 01

  You ready for this? It's called How Well Does Rob Beckett Know Rob Beckett?

• 57:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 57:21Speaker 01

  You ready?

• 57:22Speaker 00

  I'll be honest with you, I'm not really across much of my own career.

• 57:24Speaker 01

  Okay. Where was your first stand-up show?

• 57:27Speaker 00

  Uh, up the creek in Greenwich.

• 57:28Speaker 01

  There you go. What was your first ever job?

• 57:31Speaker 00

  I've worked at a flower market in, um, Columbia Road Flower Market, fourteen.

• 57:35Speaker 01

  What, really? Do you have to call out to people?

• 57:38Speaker 00

  Yes, my, it was my brother had a stall up there and then I, I was selling compost on a separate bit.

• 57:43Speaker 01

  Nice. How much are we earning?

• 57:46Speaker 00

  I think I've got thirty quid a day.

• 57:48Speaker 01

  Not bad.

• 57:48Speaker 00

  Well, you're getting picked up at 4am to go to a flower market to sell fucking horse shit. What was your first job?

• 57:57Speaker 01

  No, I did my first.

• 57:59Speaker 00

  What was your first job?

• 57:59Speaker 01

  I was, I was, worked in Byron Restaurant.

• 58:02Speaker 00

  A Byron Restaurant?

• 58:02Speaker 01

  No, a Byron Restaurant.

• 58:04Speaker 00

  A burger bar?

• 58:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, a burger thing. And I was front of house.

• 58:06Speaker 00

  Oh, right. Okay. Nice. Maitre D.

• 58:09Speaker 01

  Mm.

• 58:09Speaker 00

  Where was that store?

• 58:10Speaker 01

  On Kensington High Street.

• 58:11Speaker 00

  Of course it was.

• 58:14Speaker 01

  What is the full title of your memoir?

• 58:19Speaker 00

  Memoir.

• 58:21Speaker 01

  That's horrible. A class act.

• 58:24Speaker 00

  Yeah. Yeah. There's a longer bit. Sorry about class.

• 58:29Speaker 01

  There's a longer bit.

• 58:30Speaker 00

  Yeah. Well, it's sort of like working class, living in a middle-class world or something.

• 58:35Speaker 01

  Class act. Life is, life as a working class man in a middle-class world.

• 58:38Speaker 00

  There you go. I've not read it.

• 58:40Speaker 01

  Where did you have your?

• 58:40Speaker 00

  I have read it and I wrote it. Fully, actually. Have you got a book out?

• 58:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:44Speaker 00

  Did you write it?

• 58:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:46Speaker 00

  Properly?

• 58:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:47Speaker 00

  So look them in the eye.

• 58:48Speaker 01

  I am. I'm trying to see it behind you. I can't see it. It's not up there. I did. I wrote it.

• 58:52Speaker 00

  I, I hate celebrities who don't write their own books.

• 58:54Speaker 01

  Well, I, I helped, I, I wrote it. I wrote them the chapters and then someone re-edited to make it sound nicer.

• 59:02Speaker 00

  Okay, I'll let you off with that. You have, you can have an editor.

• 59:04Speaker 01

  I had an editor.

• 59:05Speaker 00

  You didn't just go for four coffees and then they put a book?

• 59:07Speaker 01

  No, no. I was like writing it and then sending it and then editing it coming back.

• 59:11Speaker 00

  Are you a big reader? You've read many of Anton de Becc's wartime dance books? Or Walked in the Blitz or something like that.

• 59:18Speaker 01

  Walked in the Blitz. Where did you have your sixteenth birthday?

• 59:22Speaker 00

  Crayford Dog Track.

• 59:24Speaker 01

  Who came?

• 59:25Speaker 00

  Um, the dog first. Um, no, uh, all my family. No, yeah, so have you ever been to the Greyhound race?

• 59:36Speaker 01

  I have been Swindon.

• 59:37Speaker 00

  Swindon, yeah.

• 59:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've been there.

• 59:38Speaker 00

  We, yeah, I don't know why, but it was, yeah, because you couldn't even bet or drink, but it was quite a good fun actually. But yeah, it was a bit of a mad place for a sixteen.

• 59:45Speaker 01

  How many comedy competitions did you win in two thousand and nine?

• 59:49Speaker 00

  Oh, I've won a music, um, one called a music moves, one red in new act of the year. Four? Three or four?

• 59:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, four.

• 59:57Speaker 00

  Four?

• 59:58Speaker 01

  Unbelievable. What was the name of your second stand-up tour?

• 1:00:01Speaker 00

  I'd one called Rob Beckett Live. But everyone used to call it Rob Beckett Live.

• 1:00:05Speaker 01

  It's Rob Beckett Live. Why would you name that? Why would you do that?

• 1:00:08Speaker 00

  Just for a bit of fun in PR, just for this. Then everyone talks about it. Because if you go, you've got a new tour out, you throw it away. But now, all of a sudden, we're in deep.

• 1:00:16Speaker 01

  We're in deep?

• 1:00:16Speaker 00

  Yeah. Hence I wore a giraffe costume to the Brits. Sold out the tour in a week.

• 1:00:21Speaker 01

  Fuck off.

• 1:00:22Speaker 00

  Yeah. Because it was front page news. Like all, all the Brits coverage.

• 1:00:26Speaker 01

  Sorry, sorry. You're market, you're genius. That's marketing genius.

• 1:00:30Speaker 00

  That's marketing genius, yeah. But basically, no one cares about a forty-year-old bloke going to the Brits, but if you're in a giraffe suit, they'll all look. Is it called Wallop?

• 1:00:37Speaker 01

  No, Mouth of the South.

• 1:00:38Speaker 00

  Mouth of the South. Was it?

• 1:00:39Speaker 01

  Uh, what year did you marry your wife, Lou?

• 1:00:42Speaker 00

  Uh-uh. Twenty seventeen?

• 1:00:46Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:00:46Speaker 00

  Oh, sixteen?

• 1:00:48Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:00:48Speaker 00

  Fourteen?

• 1:00:49Speaker 01

  Fifteen.

• 1:00:49Speaker 00

  Fuck. Shit. Do you know, we both forgot our wedding anniversary last year, ten years.

• 1:00:55Speaker 01

  Did you really?

• 1:00:55Speaker 00

  I remember it nine. P M. Luckily, we went happy anniversary, Lou.

• 1:00:59Speaker 01

  Which celebrity did you film with in your first episode of Rob and Romesh?

• 1:01:02Speaker 00

  Usain, no, Anthony Joshua.

• 1:01:04Speaker 01

  Usain Bolt, you said it. You went on Mock the Week in 2013. Who were you on the team with?

• 1:01:09Speaker 00

  Andy Parsons?

• 1:01:10Speaker 01

  Nope.

• 1:01:10Speaker 00

  Ah, Hugh Dennis?

• 1:01:12Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:01:12Speaker 00

  And Ed Byrne?

• 1:01:14Speaker 01

  Nope. Chris Addison.

• 1:01:17Speaker 01

  You performed a stand-up gig at Romesh's dad's pub. What was the name of the pub?

• 1:01:20Speaker 00

  I don't know, but it was a shit hole.

• 1:01:23Speaker 00

  Cages above the system.

• 1:01:24Speaker 01

  Also, before we last, before we last thing.

• 1:01:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, before we last thing.

• 1:01:28Speaker 01

  Before the last thing.

• 1:01:29Speaker 00

  Right, okay.

• 1:01:30Speaker 01

  Because Lou sent us a message.

• 1:01:32Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:01:32Speaker 01

  Can you say the best thing about Lou?

• 1:01:33Speaker 00

  We've done that. We always ask this kind of show and it's hard when you put someone on the spot on it. Best thing about Lou is she, when she's like fully herself and like fully embracing herself without worry of anything, which she does a lot now. But like, because like, she's so fun, bit weird, bit odd, but commits 100%. So I love the way she commits 100% to everything. So she's being the mum at home. She's into that. She's writing her books. She's into that. If we're going to Disney, she's into that. We went to see Taylor Swift. She handmade outfits for the girls, like, and just put stones on all parts. Because she's just in. My daughter wanted a guitar and a glittery one like Taylor Swift. She like hand put the gems on.

• 1:02:14Speaker 00

  So like, when she commits something, she is all in. I love that energy and that sort of relentlessness and that sort of like, and it's, and it's just, she's so much fun. The thing that we really connect over is we are a proper unit, all going for the same thing together, and we communicate well and agree on that. But yeah, when she's all in, it's great fun. Outfits for Disney, the lot.

• 1:02:33Speaker 01

  Rob, can I just say, man, we've had, we've had a joke.

• 1:02:38Speaker 01

  Man, you're the best.

• 1:02:39Speaker 00

  Thanks, man. I've really enjoyed this.

• 1:02:41Speaker 01

  Mate, I've loved every second. We have eight quickfire questions. You ready?

• 1:02:44Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, absolutely.

• 1:02:45Speaker 01

  Okay, what's the single phrase that makes you smile or cheers you up?

• 1:02:47Speaker 00

  Rob, they've cancelled the corporate because it's last minute, you're getting full pay. Thank you very much, Rich.

• 1:02:57Speaker 00

  No, but like any job, like if you got phoned up by someone said.

• 1:03:00Speaker 01

  Mate, unbelievable.

• 1:03:01Speaker 00

  You don't have to go to work today, but you're getting the full pay because it's.

• 1:03:03Speaker 01

  Great, yeah.

• 1:03:04Speaker 00

  That really makes me smile.

• 1:03:06Speaker 01

  Best compliment anyone's ever given you?

• 1:03:08Speaker 00

  Dan Nightingale gave me a comment, you know, the guy from Have a Word podcast, brilliant comedian. I was very new. I'd just done 10 minutes at a gig. I was like, open spot. And he said to me, you're really good. You'll be a professional. This will be your job. And to hear someone that I respected say that, I was like, because that felt like a whole nother dimension opened where, oh my God, I'm going to do this as my job. So that was the best compliment anyone's ever given me, I'd say, because it meant most at the time, especially.

• 1:03:33Speaker 01

  Love that. What scares you most about yourself?

• 1:03:35Speaker 00

  My energy can sometimes lead me to saying yes to too many things, which then leads to being a bit exhausted. So I have to keep, keep an eye on that.

• 1:03:42Speaker 01

  When was the last time you cried?

• 1:03:44Speaker 00

  Uh, I cry a lot.

• 1:03:46Speaker 01

  Do you?

• 1:03:46Speaker 00

  I nearly cried yesterday, not yesterday, the day before. I was at a mini golf for my kids and there was a like nine-year-old girl that come over with her mum and they were telling, oh, she really likes you. Sorry, I shouldn't have let her watch it. Last one laughing. She was a bit young for it, but she was your favourite. She wanted to say hello. And then the girl sort of got a bit panicked and then started like, oh yeah. And then because she couldn't get her words out, she got a bit upset. She made me upset because I had to go to speech therapy as a kid. And I had that sometimes. So when I saw her doing it, so that made me well up a bit.

• 1:04:14Speaker 01

  Sorry, can we start the podcast again? We haven't spoken about.

• 1:04:17Speaker 00

  What's that?

• 1:04:18Speaker 01

  We haven't spoken about this speech therapy.

• 1:04:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:20Speaker 01

  You had a stutter?

• 1:04:21Speaker 00

  It was a bit stutter, but also too many words at once. And my mum used to say I sounded Welsh, different generation. But I would just talk with no gaps. And, and like that, like sort of physically. And like, it was all just like churned out. So they helped me like try and slow down and enunciate.

• 1:04:40Speaker 01

  That's made me feel emotional, that, that sweet little girl, because you, you felt what you.

• 1:04:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, and that happens a lot with young kids that I feel a lot, feel a bit vulnerable. I'm gone. So it's good actually, because if I do get upset, it, it, it's an indication that I'm in a good place.

• 1:04:54Speaker 01

  That is awesome.

• 1:04:55Speaker 00

  Because I'm connecting to that emotion, not batting down the hatches. Let's focus.

• 1:04:59Speaker 01

  What do you say that?

• 1:05:00Speaker 00

  Well, the problem is I have to try and not completely burst into tears because that's even more embarrassing and stressful for the child.

• 1:05:05Speaker 01

  So do you get that lump?

• 1:05:06Speaker 00

  Because then she's made me cry.

• 1:05:07Speaker 01

  Do you get the lump in your throat?

• 1:05:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, like that. No, a little bit. And my eyes could well up a bit. And I just sort of said, oh, don't worry. It's all right. And then I, I started talking a bit more like, what's your name? What are you doing? Speaking to the mum. And I said, oh, it's okay. I, I, when I was younger, I had to go to speech therapy because sometimes I couldn't get my words out and get embarrassed, but it's totally normal. And then I had a photo where I'm just like. Both welled up.

• 1:05:28Speaker 01

  Quite overwhelming for a nine-year-old to see Rob Beckett crying.

• 1:05:32Speaker 00

  I do want to met Rob Beckett.

• 1:05:36Speaker 01

  Yeah. What's something you can't let go of?

• 1:05:38Speaker 00

  I've still got a little bit inside of me of if someone tells me I can't do something, I'll have to prove them wrong.

• 1:05:44Speaker 01

  Love that.

• 1:05:45Speaker 00

  So there's a little bit of that toxicity in me with the golf because I'm rubbish at golf at the moment. Part of me is like, I'm going to can't wait.

• 1:05:51Speaker 01

  Can you get it?

• 1:05:52Speaker 00

  Make them internet comments eat shit. But I know I don't really actually care, but it, it sometimes creeps up.

• 1:05:58Speaker 01

  What's your guilty pleasure?

• 1:06:00Speaker 00

  The doom scrolling has to stop.

• 1:06:02Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 1:06:02Speaker 00

  I'm so addicted. And it's not even a guilty pleasure. It's not even a pleasure. It's just more of a zoner. It's like drugs.

• 1:06:07Speaker 01

  I don't know what, I'm the same.

• 1:06:08Speaker 00

  But let's contribute another clip to it.

• 1:06:10Speaker 01

  Is it TikTok?

• 1:06:11Speaker 00

  Yes, I've deleted that. But then I just end up on like, it's sort of like drugs, isn't it?

• 1:06:15Speaker 01

  You end up on a phone.

• 1:06:16Speaker 00

  You start on TikTok, which is your not, your main dealer, but then all of a sudden you're on YouTube shorts down a back alley of some bloke you just met at a festival. So I, I, I need to get off that. And because my kids are getting to the age where they need phones, me and Lou are going to make a conscious decision.

• 1:06:31Speaker 01

  You've got to.

• 1:06:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, because we can't give them a phone and go, don't do that. And then we do that. So that's my, that's, that's got to get sorted.

• 1:06:36Speaker 01

  Biggest turn off?

• 1:06:38Speaker 00

  What in like?

• 1:06:39Speaker 01

  Life.

• 1:06:39Speaker 00

  Just life in general. People, people making other people feel small, in whatever way that is, whether it's like bully boy, old school ways or that when they try and, I just can't.

• 1:06:51Speaker 01

  Can't do it.

• 1:06:51Speaker 00

  I can't. It just makes me rear up. And I'll get defensive.

• 1:06:54Speaker 01

  And then you would go for them?

• 1:06:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, just that thing of that power, when people got a bit of power and they wield it, I just like, no, it's, it's horrible. But unfortunately, from doing therapy, now I understand why they do it and I have to feel sorry for them. And it really ruins the fun, doesn't it, of slagging them off? There's no fun slagging them off anymore because you can understand their trauma. Well, you just want to go, aren't they a wanker? And list all the reasons why they're a wanker. Because that is still fun.

• 1:07:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:23Speaker 00

  So I still.

• 1:07:23Speaker 01

  And you can still be a nice person.

• 1:07:25Speaker 00

  Yes, true.

• 1:07:26Speaker 01

  What's your biggest turn on?

• 1:07:27Speaker 00

  Honesty. Just people just being straight up. I don't mind if it's good news, bad news. I can't deal with anyone.

• 1:07:33Speaker 01

  Just tell me what it is. Boom.

• 1:07:34Speaker 00

  Just tell me what it is and let's move on. Any of that, you know, it's not for me. Can't do it. And I'll, I'll call it out quick and then, yeah.

• 1:07:40Speaker 01

  What do you like most about yourself?

• 1:07:42Speaker 00

  Most about myself is the effort I've put in to trying to fix things about me that I find challenging and committing to that.

• 1:07:51Speaker 01

  That's a great answer. It's a great way to end. Oh, bonus one.

• 1:07:54Speaker 00

  But you won't.

• 1:07:56Speaker 01

  Bonus, bonus shag, marry, avoid.

• 1:07:59Speaker 00

  Shag, okay. So you're nicking off Holly Willoughby now, eh?

• 1:08:02Speaker 01

  Yeah. And does she do that?

• 1:08:03Speaker 00

  Well, she did that and no one wanted to shag me. Romesh and Josh Whittaker. Imagine that. I don't mind if it's like David Gandy and David Beckham. But imagine not, no one wanted to shag you and the options are Romesh and Josh.

• 1:08:15Speaker 01

  Who didn't? Who, who did she ask?

• 1:08:16Speaker 00

  Fucking hell.

• 1:08:17Speaker 01

  Who did she ask?

• 1:08:18Speaker 00

  Oh, Catherine Ryan was asking her on her podcast.

• 1:08:20Speaker 01

  And she didn't want to shag you?

• 1:08:21Speaker 00

  Don't think so, no.

• 1:08:22Speaker 01

  Shag, marry, avoid, Josh Whittaker, Romesh Ranganathan, Tom Davis. Tom Davis is quite a big unit to.

• 1:08:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'd figure I'd shag him.

• 1:08:30Speaker 00

  Not, I wouldn't let him shag me.

• 1:08:31Speaker 01

  Would it be missionary?

• 1:08:32Speaker 00

  Well, any way I could get in. Just step ladder and, a step ladder and, and passion.

• 1:08:38Speaker 01

  Would there be foreplay before there would be?

• 1:08:40Speaker 00

  No, I just had to get that done. That would very much, so let's just get that done and move on with our day.

• 1:08:46Speaker 01

  Okay, who are you marrying?

• 1:08:47Speaker 00

  I'd probably marry Romesh and avoid Josh because I think if we were married and did the podcast, that's too much. It's too much. So I'll marry Rom, avoid Josh because I'm already seeing him a lot. And then I'll take Tom.

• 1:09:00Speaker 01

  Rob Beckett, you're a fucking legend. Rob Beckett, man. Thanks, guys. Right, I can give you a hug, right?

• 1:09:06Speaker 00

  Cheers, mate.