ASHLEY ROBERTS: How I Built a Life That Works For Me | GREAT MOMENTS

We're handed a certain blueprint for life. Get the right job, find the right partner, settle down, have children and ideally, do it all by 35. But what if that blueprint isn’t for you? Ashley Roberts rose to global fame as part of the Pussycat Dolls and she has built an incredible career and a life she loves by doing things her own way. In this Great Moment, Ashley opens up about the freedom that comes from building a life that genuinely works for her. From choosing not to have children to investing her time and energy in herself, she shares why living life on her own terms has been one of the best decisions she's ever made. Listen to the full episode HERE https://open.spotify.com/episode/7GzCltajz8ETLn1MmUDCRK?si=TtDCdFOkSpuVvUDNBkDopQ! If you enjoyed the show, you can also follow us: Instagram- @greatcompanypodcast https://www.instagram.com/greatcompanypodcast/# TikTok - @greatcompanypodcast https://open.acast.com/networks/611e511b4ec6dc00134bced2/shows/65d737dfdc02e00016c413b2/episodes/www.tiktok.com/@greatcompanypodcast And if you've got thoughts, questions and comments, you can email us at: [email protected] mailto:[email protected] THE CREDITS Producer: Helen Burke Assistant Producer: Issy Weeks-Hankins Video: Jake Ji Social Media: Laura Coughlan Exec Producer: Ewan Newbigging-Lister & Jemima Rathbone Great Company is an original podcast from JamPot Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Hey, we're Nick and Jack, hosts of The Best One Yet. Behind every episode, there's research, emails, spreadsheets, and our shared Google Doc, the headline hammer.

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• 1:59Speaker 06

  Hello everyone, I'm Jamie Lang and this is Great Moments.

• 2:05Speaker 06

  Guys, welcome back to another episode of Great Moments. Hope you're having a good day. Now, we are looking back at my conversation with the incredible Ashley Roberts. Now, Ashley was a joy to talk to. She was a pussycat doll. She's funny, honest, open, and I learnt so much about her during our chat. Now, we picked one of my favourite moments to share with you. And if you like this, you'd love the full episode, okay? You can find that in the show notes, so just go and click on that, okay? So enjoy this Great Moments with Ashley Roberts.

• 2:37Speaker 06

  I started doing therapy when I was about 27 years old. And I suddenly started to realise like a lot of things.

• 2:42Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 2:42Speaker 06

  Like, I thought I was gonna get to the age of like 30 and someone was gonna open a door and go, "Come in here, here are all the secrets." And I was like, brilliant!

• 2:50Speaker 07

  I can't wait for that!

• 2:51Speaker 06

  I can't wait to...

• 2:52Speaker 07

  A few more years?

• 2:53Speaker 06

  Yeah, I can't wait to find that out. And then 30 years, I was like, fuck!

• 2:57Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 2:57Speaker 06

  Like, everyone is guessing. Everyone doesn't really know what's going on. This is everyone's first. This is everyone's... No one's had a dress rehearsal.

• 3:03Speaker 07

  No, I know, this is it!

• 3:05Speaker 06

  This is it.

• 3:06Speaker 07

  Yeah, I mean...

• 3:06Speaker 06

  And that was a scary moment.

• 3:08Speaker 07

  I think Ri Ri said like, "Fake it till you make it." Like, it's just, and it's such a sort of cheesy line, but it's true. Like, none of us have it figured out. We're all trying. But at least, I think, again, like, with doing this book and sharing it, is I want people to be open to trying new things that could help them feel better and help calm down, you know? Because anybody, even if you don't have high stress levels and a lot of anxiety, like, this kind of stuff will help you just feel good.

• 3:35Speaker 06

  Do you think being positive is a coping mechanism or a defence mechanism?

• 3:40Speaker 07

  Ooh, that's a good... It might be a bit of both, you know?

• 3:45Speaker 06

  Because I have that as well. I love the... I love being positive.

• 3:48Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 3:49Speaker 06

  I really like that. And when, actually, when... I had this in relationships in the past. When I was in relationships and people were being negative, I didn't like, I couldn't handle it. Couldn't handle that, can't handle that, don't bring that in here. And that wasn't so good, so it wouldn't allow other people to express their emotions in a relationship that well. Because I didn't.

• 4:06Speaker 07

  You didn't hold that space.

• 4:07Speaker 06

  I didn't want that space.

• 4:08Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 4:09Speaker 06

  I'd rather deny that.

• 4:10Speaker 07

  Interesting, not like you mean even at all, like if some, oh wow.

• 4:15Speaker 06

  I never ever liked it, I never liked it.

• 4:17Speaker 07

  Interesting, I wonder what that.

• 4:18Speaker 06

  And so then I, when I started doing therapy, I started to understand like how you can open up and understand these different emotions. And then I was, I started to be able to accept.

• 4:27Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 4:28Speaker 06

  Negative emotion and realizing that actually being positive all the time, you don't have to be that.

• 4:32Speaker 07

  No.

• 4:33Speaker 06

  You don't have to be all this heightened stuff the time, but actually being still and feeling the emotions is a good thing.

• 4:37Speaker 07

  Yeah, there was this study actually that like, there was a high percentage of people that would rather get electric shock than sit with their own emotions.

• 4:48Speaker 06

  What?

• 4:48Speaker 07

  Yeah, I mean, then the, and the percentage was like extremely high. So I think that just goes to show, yeah, I mean, you know, it's not necessarily fun, but that's sort of how you get through it on the other side and get growth and evolution within yourself. Being positive is a great thing, right?

• 5:05Speaker 06

  Totally.

• 5:05Speaker 07

  But, but too much of anything is probably too much.

• 5:10Speaker 06

  Do you know, when I, um, when I spoke about my darker times, which I never had done really before, and I'd opened up about like the way that I felt and things like that, it was so good to share because it made everyone perceive me differently. And they, they realized that there were, there were different sides to it.

• 5:29Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 5:29Speaker 06

  And I almost feel like this book that you're doing is gonna do that for you as well, where you show every side of yourself. And that authenticity that is coming out is, that is what's powerful.

• 5:40Speaker 07

  Well, you know, I feel like it's interesting, you and I, right? Cause like you said, when you see me, I give off light and you're the same way. Like when you're in that, when I come into your presence, I know I'm gonna get like a burst of joy. But also you were very inspiring to me going on that run and being vulnerable within that. I'm serious, cause I was like, look, like wow, like he's really opening up right now. And I was in the midst of writing this book and I was like, okay, like it's time, it's time to sort of be a full human, right? Cause we're not all just one thing, we're so complex and. Um, yeah, I feel like there's, I feel like I'm kind of maybe growing up a bit as well, just to be able to share all this, but you were a big inspiration for me during that.

• 6:24Speaker 07

  So, and look, and the thing is, is I still look at you as this big ball of joy, you know, even though.

• 6:31Speaker 06

  Same to you.

• 6:31Speaker 07

  You know what I mean? So you haven't lost that, that sparkle, if anything, is probably brighter and reaching more people.

• 6:38Speaker 06

  Dude, this is a really annoying question. I, I actually kind of hate it when people ask these things, but I'm gonna ask you, cause.

• 6:43Speaker 07

  Oh, God.

• 6:44Speaker 06

  Well, cause I think, only because I'm on that path. And I've heard you speak about it, you know, we always talk about with, there's this silly analogy that people talk about where women get concerned when they would think about having kids, right, as they, as they start to get older.

• 6:58Speaker 07

  Hmm.

• 7:00Speaker 06

  Would you at some point want to have kids?

• 7:02Speaker 07

  Um, well, I do open up a bit about this in the book. It has really never been a priority to me. I, even as a young kid, I told my mom, I'm like, I don't think I want kids. I don't really care if I get married. It wasn't like, I was the girl planning the wedding and seeing the whole like, you know, white picket fence and all that, so. And I kind of kept thinking, well, maybe when I get older, that will shift. And I'm like, has that really shifted? Uh, so, again, I mean, who knows? We, you know, every day, I think we, we gotta allow ourselves to, to exist in the possibility of waking up the next day and feeling different, although, you know, as a woman, we've got our biological clocks. But again, going back to.

• 7:45Speaker 06

  But isn't it funny, just quickly, that it's so interesting that when, because it's, it's so funny. There's weird, there's certain things in life which I find bizarre.

• 7:52Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 7:52Speaker 06

  If you said to me, do you drink? And I went, no, I don't drink, especially in English culture, they go, huh? And I, and I'm not a murderer, I just like, I just don't drink. And I think it's sort of the same in life with kids. When someone says, do you want to have kids? And you go, well, I don't, it's, people tend to go, huh?

• 8:10Speaker 07

  What? I know, right?

• 8:11Speaker 06

  Well, but you're, you're meant to, that's what you're meant to do, is that. And actually, there's no right or wrong way to do life.

• 8:19Speaker 07

  I mean, I'm gonna say two things. One, I told you I was gonna break the cycle, so there's that. Two, I love fluffy babies. I mean, like, I could have like a load of dogs and be in heaven. So I think I might just have a little fur family. And be so alright with that. I mean, and that's how I feel now. Who knows? Later down the road is two thousand twenty five. There's all kinds of of ways, but that, you know, that I I could just have a fur family and be like happy as a pig and you know what?

• 8:49Speaker 06

  Pig and shit.

• 8:49Speaker 07

  Pig and shit.

• 8:52Speaker 06

  I I heard that you said, you know, as much as you said, I want to spend my money on traveling because that's my love language.

• 8:58Speaker 07

  That's my love language. Oh, my God, get me on people like you're always on a plane. I was like, yeah, I don't have kids. I spend all my money on traveling because that's what I love to do. And I can do it because I don't have kids.

• 9:13Speaker 07

  Shimmer shake to me.

• 9:14Speaker 06

  And do you know what? I swear to God, so many people, so many people, whether they want to agree with you or not, are going, fuck, she's right. She's fricking right.

• 9:22Speaker 07

  Right?

• 9:22Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 9:23Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 9:24Speaker 06

  Hundred percent, a hundred percent.

• 9:25Speaker 07

  I want to have a margarita with a little cute, you know, man coming over and serving it to me. Sounds fabulous. I don't go to kiddie pool.

• 9:36Speaker 06

  What do you um, what do you like in a relationship?

• 9:39Speaker 07

  Ooh.

• 9:41Speaker 06

  What do you like when you're in love?

• 9:42Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, well, I mean, you know, there's been many areas of love, but I think that this current one I'm in is quite nice. It's consistent, it's kind, it's thoughtful, it's romantic, it's it's my nervous system. And honestly, I swear to you, Jamie, it's because I've been doing this work.

• 9:58Speaker 06

  Get out of here.

• 9:58Speaker 07

  I swear because there's just been a shift, even my my friends, my closest friends, I said, you know, I've got my close circle, like, they're like, Ash, like, you're different, like, something's different. And when you, again, have a shift in perspective, right, how you operate in life then shows up differently. And that's sort of.

• 10:18Speaker 06

  Because you can react differently, you you you you process things differently.

• 10:21Speaker 07

  More self-awareness of, I mean, also that, you know, I've gotten older, but my boyfriend's, you know, younger than me. And I was like, first of all, I was like, no, we'll have, you know, this is fun, but like, not going to go anywhere serious. But actually, the kind of human that he is, I was like, oh, that, like, my nervous system around you is really calm. You're consistent, transparent, um.

• 10:45Speaker 07

  Just a beautiful human. And I was like, I wanna, I wanna lean into that. Instead of the other relationships that sparked up something that was probably what was more familiar to me.

• 10:58Speaker 07

  As considered love, you know?

• 10:59Speaker 06

  Did you find in some relate when relationships seem to be hectic and chaotic and dramatic? And fiery and all that, that you're like, oh, that, this is what it should be like. This is what a relationship should be like.

• 11:12Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah. All the chemicals be going off, the bells, the whistles. And you're like, wee, just rouge flags flowing all over the place. You're like, mm mm, but you cute. But you cute.

• 11:25Speaker 06

  Waving that red flag, you're like, go over here.

• 11:27Speaker 07

  Yeah, the red flag, woo, doing a parade down the street. And I'm like, yes.

• 11:32Speaker 06

  You.

• 11:32Speaker 07

  You.

• 11:33Speaker 06

  Get out of here.

• 11:33Speaker 07

  Let's do this.

• 11:34Speaker 06

  It's, it's so right. Cause then when things are like, you're, when someone turns up and they're kind and, and it feels more still, that doesn't feel as exciting. But that is, cause, cause the way that sometimes our brains work.

• 11:45Speaker 07

  Hmm.

• 11:45Speaker 06

  That calmness and stillness feels boring. But that is what we should be after.

• 11:51Speaker 07

  Yeah, but it, in a sense, it's not boring because we laugh and we have a good time and we're creative together. And it, there's so many other beautiful nuggets that come with it. So, yeah. I, and I honestly am like, when I did lean into him is like, well, you know, not physically, or maybe physically, you know, all, all the leans. Um, I patted myself on the back. Cause I was like.

• 12:12Speaker 06

  During, during it, you went?

• 12:13Speaker 07

  Yeah, I was like, well.

• 12:15Speaker 06

  That was good.

• 12:16Speaker 07

  Yeah, I like it. You like it? I like it. We like it.

• 12:22Speaker 07

  And I was like, yes, chica. But you choosing new things. It really liked it.

• 12:29Speaker 06

  I just got, how, how much younger is he than you?

• 12:33Speaker 06

  Come on.

• 12:35Speaker 07

  He's seventeen years younger than me.

• 12:36Speaker 06

  Let's go.

• 12:37Speaker 07

  Let's go. But look at Bradley Cooper and Gigi Hadid, twenty years, nobody, nobody even like bats an eye.

• 12:43Speaker 06

  You think I give a shit? I don't, I think it's freaking great.

• 12:46Speaker 07

  I, in the beginning was a bit like, ooh, I don't know about this. But again, it was like the kind of person and human that he is, where I was like, I'm. I've, I've dated loads of guys my age and older and they be acting like thirteen year olds.

• 13:01Speaker 06

  Completely.

• 13:01Speaker 07

  Emotional intelligence is like of a five year old. So.

• 13:05Speaker 06

  Wow. What do you, what do you look for in a relationship? So what do you look for in a person?

• 13:10Speaker 07

  Um, again, like, you know, you, we want to have a good laugh. I think that's super important. You want to have fun.

• 13:16Speaker 06

  Cause you're so funny.

• 13:16Speaker 07

  And you are so funny. You are so funny. And the two of you too. I mean, I just can't. I love you guys so much. Um, yeah, it's having that playfulness, having a laugh. Um, again, knowing that you're not going to be judged for how you dress or how you operate in the world, or, you know, just being able, being able to be yourself and be fully accepted of that is, is an awesome space to exist in.

• 13:42Speaker 06

  And if someone's listening, right, to this and they are maybe in a relationship that they know isn't right, but they feel stuck, how do you get out of that?

• 13:53Speaker 07

  Well, listen, I'm not, you know, a life coach over here. That's, that's a.

• 13:56Speaker 06

  Feel like you are.

• 13:57Speaker 07

  Do you?

• 13:58Speaker 06

  Yeah, I feel like you are. Don't worry.

• 14:01Speaker 07

  Um, I mean, you know, sometimes we got to do brave things. Like, let me tell you, some of the relationships that I left were not easy ones to walk away from. But I knew in my gut it was what was needed to be done. And it was tough getting on the other side, but thank God that I did, you know? And I think if you can find that courage, that bravery within you, listen to that, act. Um, you know that it's not right for you, right? And like, come on, like, this is, this is such a gift that we're here. Like, how do you want to spend it? And I know we cause a lot of chaos ourselves. So having someone by your side that makes you feel better is, is important.

• 14:44Speaker 07

  There's a lot going on, you know, we need, we need a good, uh, ride or die partner in crime.

• 14:49Speaker 06

  Hundred percent, man. What is the bravest thing you've done?

• 14:53Speaker 07

  Oh, gosh. You know, I've done a lot of interesting things. I mean, you talk about like, I mean, I've danced with snakes and I'm fear, I'm so fearful of those things. That, that felt pretty brave.

• 15:06Speaker 06

  But deeply, what is it? What is the thing that you are just the most proud of yourself? You're like, ah, yeah. Is it this book, you think?

• 15:11Speaker 07

  I was gonna say currently, it's definitely this book. I mean, honestly, even though it's like, it's ironic because even as I'm talking about something that brings me so much peace and joy and comfort and. It's caused me a lot of like of anxiety and stress because I'm opening up about things that I haven't spoken about and I'm also putting myself out there like but the passion overrides that so much. So I'm like, all right, chica, you just got to do this. And this is the thing, like you said, none of us have it figured out. We're all just, we're all just trying, you know, and so putting one foot in front of the other, trusting the process and just showing up anyways, even when you feel a bit like, oh, I'm not quite sure if I can do this. Something, you always get something out of it. There's

• 15:55Speaker 07

  always a lesson. There's always maybe someone you meet. There's an opportunity that might come in that went before by, you know, just taking that step.

• 16:05Speaker 07

  Feel the fear and do it anyways.

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  Hey, we're Nick and Jack, hosts of the best one yet. Behind every episode, there's research, emails, spreadsheets, and our shared Google Doc, the headline hammer. With Google Workspace with Gemini, Google's AI is built right into the premium versions of tools we already use, like Gmail, Docs, and Sheets. No new tools or extra logins, just personalized AI for the way we work.

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