Myth of the Clean Slate

You don’t have to erase yourself to feel more alive. Nor do you have to deny your past or who you truly are. What if the secret to real transformation isn't becoming someone new, but understanding who you already are? This episode challenges the "clean slate" myth of New Year's change, revealing why treating your past as valuable data rather than baggage unlocks genuine, lasting growth. Episode Transcript https://www.goodlifeproject.com/podcast/transformation-self-compassion-authenticity Follow us on Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-life-project/id647826736 to never miss an episode. If you LOVED this episode: You can find the 1-page worksheet HERE. https://www.goodlifeproject.com/ws2026/Find all of the New Year three-part mini-series episodes https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3cy1kmpvCpdV6zAGJJamPX?si=rBW0v07dSbm9V4swUeU1cA. Check out our offerings & partners: Join My New Writing Project: Awake at the Wheel https://jonathanfields.substack.com/aboutVisit Our Sponsor Page For Great Resources & Discount Codes https://www.goodlifeproject.com/sponsors/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Jonathan Fields?

  So picture this, it's the first week of January. Your brand new planner is open, the pens are lined up, the resolutions are written, the apps are downloaded. This is the year you finally become the new you. And for a minute, it actually feels that way. You're up early, you're eating right, you're answering emails like a machine, you're working out, meditating, maybe even reading all the books you swore you'd get to last year. And you start to think, okay, maybe this is it. Maybe I finally left the old me behind. And then, almost invisibly, it starts. You miss a workout, you snap at someone you love, you doom scroll at midnight instead

• 0:45Jonathan Fields?

  of going to bed, raising my hand here by the way. You break one tiny promise to yourself, and then another, and then another, and then that shiny, hopeful phrase, "New Year, New You," it quietly turns into, "Here we go again." Same patterns, same stuck places, same you. And underneath it all, this really painful question. If I can't become the new me I keep getting sold, does that mean I'm just not fixable? Well, what if the answer actually has nothing to do with your willpower, your worth, and everything to do with a story that you've been told about what it means to start over?

• 1:26Jonathan Fields?

  So, in this episode, I want to share a very different way to close out the year and begin the next one. We're going to talk about why the whole idea of a clean slate, wipe the past, erase the old you, become someone entirely new, is not only unrealistic, but may actually be the thing that's keeping you from the kind of change that actually lasts. And we'll explore a quieter, a more powerful alternative. Seeing your past self not as a problem to toss out with last year's confetti, but as your greatest resource. Your built-in library of data and wisdom and truth about what you actually need to build a life that fits.

• 2:11Jonathan Fields?

  We'll look at how to turn this year into information instead of indictment, how to stop starting from war with yourself and how to step into the new year without trying to become someone else, but finally, walking forward as you already are. Now, as we go along, I'm going to share a bunch of really valuable questions and prompts that I think will be really valuable and insightful. I think you'll also really enjoy exploring the answers to. Feel free to just listen through the whole episode and then go back and do them later. You can pause and answer the questions along the way if you want, or we will also include a link in the show notes to a simple one pager PDF that you can download with all of the questions and prompts in it so that you can sit down and

• 2:56Jonathan Fields?

  work your way through it afterwards if that's easier for you. So excited to share this episode with you. I'm Jonathan Fields and this is Good Life Project.

• 3:12Speaker 01

  With no fees or minimums on checking accounts, it's no wonder the Capital One Bank guy is so passionate about banking with Capital One. If he were here, he wouldn't just tell you about no fees or minimums. He'd also talk about how most Capital One cafes are open seven days a week to assist with your banking needs. Yep, even on weekends. It's pretty much all he talks about, in a good way. What's in your wallet? Terms apply. See capitalone.com/bank. Capital One, N.A., Member FDIC.

• 3:42Speaker 02

  Hey, we're Nick and Jack, hosts of The Best One Yet. Behind every episode, there's research, emails, spreadsheets, and our shared Google Doc, the headline hammer. With Google Workspace with Gemini, Google's AI is built right into the premium versions of tools we already use, like Gmail, Docs, and Sheets. No new tools or extra logins, just personalized AI for the way we work. That means less time on the work around the work and more time finding the stories worth talking about. Get AI tools for work. Upgrade to Google Workspace with Gemini at goo.gle/workspacewithGemini. That's goo.gle/workspacewithGemini.

• 4:15Speaker 03

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• 4:45Jonathan Fields?

  So a bunch of years back, I had what I still think of as my sort of New Year's spreadsheet of perfection. I remember sitting down one December night with this kind of giant mug of tea, feeling that delicious mix of nostalgia and possibility. And I thought, okay, this is it. This is the year I finally get my entire life dialed in. So I opened up my laptop and I created this monstrosity. Multiple tabs, daily habits, weekly targets, monthly goals, sleep, fitness, work, relationships, creativity, money, you know, color codes, formulas, conditional formatting. If my life were a tech startup, this was my series A pitch deck.

• 5:29Jonathan Fields?

  On January 1st, I woke up feeling like a machine, actually. Crushed the workout, ate the perfect breakfast, meditated, no phone till 10 a.m., inbox handled. I was like, who is this guy? And where's he been all my life? I love him. And for a handful of days, maybe even more, I was pretty much nailing it. My spreadsheet was a sea of green cells. I would open it just to bask in my own competence. You know that feeling? And then, as it tends to do, life did that thing that life does. A project blew up, a family thing needed my full attention, sleep went sideways, my mood followed.

• 6:13Jonathan Fields?

  And all the systems, all the structure, all the carefully architected plans, they started to wobble. I'd miss one workout and then two, or stay up late answering email, which meant I'd be too tired for the morning routine. Then I'd grab something quick to eat that wasn't part of the plan. And I'd say, oh, I'll catch up on the weekend. And of course, the weekend came and did what weekends do. A few red cells showed up in that spreadsheet, and then more, and then a whole row. And here's what's important. Instead of asking the only useful question, huh, what can I learn from this? I went straight to, dude, there you go again. You're just not the kind of person who follows through like this.

• 6:59Jonathan Fields?

  Old you is back. New you was largely just a fluke. And almost overnight, it wasn't just the spreadsheet I abandoned. In a very quiet, subtle way, I abandoned myself. I mentally dragged old me out to the curb like trash and made this silent promise. Next year, I'll finally become the real version of me, the one who never falls off, the one who never struggles.

• 7:28Jonathan Fields?

  And it took me years to see that that move, trying to throw away who I've been, was actually the very thing that kept me stuck. So today, as we close the chapter on this year and really stand at the threshold of a new one, I want to offer something that runs a little counter to the whole new year, new you machine. This idea that you need a clean slate to begin again, that you've got to erase, outrun, or disown the you who didn't live up to your resolutions. I think that's a myth. And not just a myth, it's a myth that quietly fuels shame and blocks growth and it keeps you just reliving the same patterns year after year.

• 8:13Jonathan Fields?

  Now, if you've been around Good Life Project for a while, you've heard me walk through a framework I developed called success scaffolding. It's this eight-part, real-world, adaptable structure for bringing big and meaningful, sometimes even impossible seeming, goals to life. That work still stands. I still believe in the power of thoughtful scaffolding of designing your environment, your support, your mindset, your actions in ways that make change not just possible, but probable. What I'm talking about today is not goals or bad or plans don't matter or burn your frameworks. What I am talking about is this.

• 8:53Jonathan Fields?

  Even the most elegant framework, including success scaffolding, will struggle to take root if underneath it, you're still carrying this hidden belief that, quote, "old you is broken and needs to be erased." This episode lives underneath all of that. It's about the layer beneath any resolution, any goal, any scaffolding. Your relationship with the person who lived this last year. So in this conversation, we're going to explore a different way to end the year and begin the next one. One that doesn't require a perfect reinvention or some kind of wholesale upgrade to your personality. But instead, it asks you to turn toward the person

• 9:37Jonathan Fields?

  you've actually been this year and say, "Okay, let's go together." So let's start with this clean slate myth. We've all heard the phrase, maybe even said ourselves, "I just want a clean slate. This year, I'm starting from zero. New year, new me." And on the surface, it sounds great. It feels hopeful, fresh, empowering. The clean slate myth says, to truly start fresh, I need to disown who I've been. I need to wipe away the evidence of my missteps, my broken promises, all the times I didn't show up the way that I wanted to.

• 10:18Jonathan Fields?

  I need to become a fundamentally different person almost overnight. And you can see it everywhere this time of year. The marketing built on new year, new you. The 30-day boot camps that imply that you'll come out the other side as a completely different human. The social posts that quietly say, "The old you is a problem. The new you will finally be worthy." And look, I get it. It's emotionally seductive, frankly.

• 10:47Jonathan Fields?

  On some level, most of us are carrying moments from the year that we're not proud of. Like, I'm raising my hand here. There are so many moments. Choices we made out of fear, times we numbed out instead of speaking up, stuff we meant to do and didn't. The idea that we could just erase all that, hit some cosmic reset button, and step into a version of ourselves that never struggles. Of course, that sounds appealing. A clean slate, it seems like a way to escape, frankly, shame. To skip over the awkward, uncomfortable process of self-examination and jump straight to, "I'm good now." It gives us the illusion of control.

• 11:29Jonathan Fields?

  I mean, if I can just reboot hard enough, I'll never have to feel like this again. But, but here's the hidden cost. When the only version of you who is allowed to exist is new me who never messes up, then the moment February me shows up, the tired, stressed, imperfect, very human you, the whole experiment just collapses. Because now, it's not just that you slipped on a habit, or missed a workout, or raised your voice, or didn't hit a target. It's that you have, quote, "betrayed" this fantasy of who you're supposed to be. And instead of asking, "What happened here?

• 12:14Jonathan Fields?

  What is this trying to show me?", you end up asking, "What is wrong with me?" So you turn your past into an enemy. You treat your failures as, and I'm using failures in quotes there, by the way, as evidence that you are just fundamentally broken, instead of information about your life. You cut yourself off from the data, all the incredibly useful, nuanced, sometimes uncomfortable, but always valuable feedback that this year has been offering you about what drains you, about what nourishes you, or where your nervous system says, "Nope", where you come alive, what you actually need more of and less of.

• 12:57Jonathan Fields?

  The clean slate myth says, "Burn the evidence." But the evidence is exactly what we need. You also end up planting the seeds of what I call future self sabotage. Because if your story is this year, I must become a completely different person. And you may use different language, but that's fundamentally what you're saying. Then every time you act like, well, while you, it feels like proof that you have failed. You know, one off day isn't just an off day. It's a referendum on your identity. So you spiral and shame kicks in and you hide and you say, I'll try again next year.

• 13:38Jonathan Fields?

  You literally write off the entire rest of the year and the cycle repeats. Now, in the first two episodes of January, we're going to explore different ways to move forward from here. In the first episode after this, our January 1 episode called The Unresolution, we'll look at really how to begin again without turning your life into this rigid list of shoulds or perfectionist rules and what it might mean to relate to change in a more flexible, humane way. And in that second episode of the year, which is called The Year of Enough, we'll talk about stepping out of the constant sense of not enough and into a year grounded in a very different way of seeing yourself and your life.

• 14:21Jonathan Fields?

  So by the way, be sure that you're following so you do not miss any of these episodes. They build on each other and they're super powerful. Those episodes will get into the how of moving forward, setting direction and living into enough. This one today is about the who you're carrying with you as you do that. And we'll be right back after a word from our sponsors. Good Life Project is sponsored by Bombas. So there's this moment every fall here in Boulder. The morning air is crisp, the light goes golden against the mountains and something in you just wants to slow down, like soft layers and long walks and a warm mug and a good book. You know, the cozy feeling has just arrived and cozy really does start at your feet.

• 15:06Jonathan Fields?

  Bombas just launched new suede moccasins, cushy soles, a shearling lining and water resistant suede. So a little frost on the grass is And a problem, our whole family's sock drawers are basically shrines to Bombas, have been for years. Marina wool for chilly mornings, sports socks for when we get out and move, and compression socks for long travel days, which I'm actually about to have. Opening that drawer, they're just a ripe pair for whatever the day holds. But the other thing that has kept me a Bombas fan for all of these years, for every item you buy, Bombas donates an essential clothing item to someone facing housing insecurity. One purchased, one donated. Over 200 million donations and counting. So head over to

• 15:46Jonathan Fields?

  Bombas.com/goodlife and use the code GOODLIFE for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S dot com slash good life, code GOODLIFE at checkout. Good Life Project is sponsored by Sequencing. So in midlife, we start noticing some of the things our parents carried and how they're showing up in their health and their lives, and wondering what we're carrying too. Sequencing.com can help. According to Sequencing, most popular DNA tests read about a tenth of 1% of your DNA. Sequencing.com reads all 3.2 billion positions and screens for genetic variants linked to over 15,000 diseases, conditions, and traits. That can mean catching inherited risks early and understanding

• 16:29Jonathan Fields?

  how certain medications may affect you, so you can talk it through with your doctor. Just swab your cheek, mail it back, and their CLIA certified, CAP accredited US lab handles the rest. Clinical grade, not novelty grade, your DNA doesn't change, but what we know about it does, so they keep reanalyzing your genome against new research for as long as you're a member. And they never sell or share your data, ever. Right now, Sequencing.com is offering our listeners up to 10% off your full genome test plus free shipping. Go to Sequencing.com and use the promo code GOODLIFE for 10% off. That's Sequencing.com promo code GOODLIFE. That's S-E-Q-U-E-N-C-I-N-G dot com promo code GOODLIFE.

• 17:14Speaker 01

  With no fees or minimums on checking accounts, it's no wonder the Capital One Bank guy is so passionate about banking with Capital One. If he were here, he wouldn't just tell you about no fees or minimums. He'd also talk about how most Capital One cafes are open seven days a week to assist with your banking needs. Yep, even on weekends. It's pretty much all he talks about, in a good way. What's in your wallet? Terms apply. See CapitalOne.com/bank. Capital One, N.A., Member FDIC.

• 17:48Jonathan Fields?

  So let's maybe reframe this idea of failure for a moment here. Most of us have been taught explicitly or implicitly that when something doesn't go the way we hoped, it means something about who we are. We didn't stick with the habit, so we are, quote, lazy. We stayed in the relationship, so we're weak. We avoided the hard conversations, so we're coward, maybe. We fell back into the pattern, so we're hopeless. We take an event and turn it into a verdict. What if instead, we treated it just like data? A simple internal mantra that I have come back to again and again is, it's not a verdict, it's data.

• 18:31Jonathan Fields?

  When something this year didn't go the way you wanted, it doesn't automatically mean, oh, I'm bad at this, or I'm broken. It means something happened here. There's information. Let's play with this a bit now. So if you're in a place where you can write, maybe you might even grab a notebook for a moment. If not, you can just do this in your mind. And I'm going to ask you a few things. So first question, what did I actually attempt this year? And we're not just talking formal resolutions or public goals. Include the quiet hopes here. Things like, I want to feel less lonely.

• 19:15Jonathan Fields?

  I hope to take better care of my body. I meant to be more present with my kids. I wanted to be more honest at work. I thought I'd finally take that classroom, make that art, or start that thing. Let a few of those surface. So that's the first question. Again, if you want to just like hit pause here for a second, use your notes app, use a journal, whatever it is, that's great. Go ahead and just think about that. And I'll repeat it again for you. That first question was, what did I actually attempt this year? Again, not formal things, just include the more quiet hopes or aspirations. Take a beat. And then when you're ready, come back to it. Or you can just listen all the way through now, by the way, and then

• 19:57Jonathan Fields?

  just go back to the spot and revisit these questions. So let a few of those things surface. Now, second question. Where did things not go the way I hoped? And you don't need to make a long list, by the way, just maybe three to five things where you just feel some friction. Maybe you signed up for something and stopped going. By the way, I did that more than once this year. Maybe you said, I'm not going to lose my temper like that again. And you did. Or maybe you promised yourself you cut back on something, work, or spending, or scrolling, and it didn't really change. Just notice a few of those things. No need to analyze or anything yet. Now, for each of those, there's a question

• 20:42Jonathan Fields?

  that is so much more helpful than what's wrong with me, which is where we tend to go. And that question is this. Here's our third question. What might this be trying to tell me? Maybe you're, I'll meditate for 20 minutes every day at 5:00 AM. Plan lasted 11 days. So the old story says, well, I can't stick with anything. I'm not disciplined. What if the new story, what the thing is trying to tell you, if you treat it as data, might sound more like, I actually liked the meditation, but I was exhausted. My evenings were chaos. I was getting to bed late. My nervous system might need sleep more than it needs a perfect 20 minute practice right now. I realize I actually enjoy five minutes, but 20 just felt overwhelming. That is data.

• 21:30Jonathan Fields?

  Maybe you meant to say no more often or set better boundaries and yet you found yourself just saying yes to things that drained you. The old story, you might tell yourself, oh, I'm such a doormat. New story as data may go something like, like I say yes when I'm afraid of conflict. I say yes because I don't want to feel guilty. I say yes because I'm not sure who I am if I'm not being the quote helpful one. Again, that's information you can work with. It reveals values and fears and needs and patterns. It's not a character assassination. When you're in full shame mode, your brain isn't in learning mode. It's in hiding mode.

• 22:11Jonathan Fields?

  The moment you can shift from I'm terrible to, okay, ouch, that didn't go how I wanted, but what can I learn from it? You open up the possibility of change. So as you look back on this year, what if every quote failure was allowed to just be a feedback form, not a final grade?

• 22:32Jonathan Fields?

  Now, I want to zoom in on something, frankly, probably a little bit more tender here because this isn't just about how we interpret events. It's about how we relate to the versions of ourselves who lived those events. So if you imagine this past year as a room full of yous, I just love the phrase yous. It brings me back to classic movie line. The you who crushed that project, right? The, the you who lay awake at 2am anxious and scrolling, the you who lost your temper, the you who held somebody's hand in a hard moment, the you who avoided the conversation, the you who said yes when every cell in your body wanted to say no, the you

• 23:14Jonathan Fields?

  who laughed so hard you cried. Who in that room are you trying hardest not to make eye contact with?

• 23:26Jonathan Fields?

  Say it with that for a moment. Most of us have certain selves from the year that we're actively trying to push into the shadows. The overeater, the procrastinator, the conflict avoider, the people pleaser, the one who stayed too long, the one who left too soon. The clean slate myth, it says, if I can just become, quote, "new me," those versions will disappear and I'll never have to see them again. But that's not how it works. Those parts don't vanish, they just go underground. They drive the bus from the basement. They're still shaping your choices. You've just lost the opportunity to understand and integrate them.

• 24:09Jonathan Fields?

  So when I talk about an unconditional yes, I'm not talking about approving of every choice you've made. I'm not suggesting you bypass responsibility or skip repair where it's needed. What I mean is this, I will not throw any part of me away. I will not throw any part of me away. One more time, I will not throw any part of me away. I will not pretend that the versions of me who coped, who numbed, who froze, who avoided, aren't mine. I'm willing to be in relationship with all of me. Integration, it doesn't mean that you're proud of everything that you did.

• 24:52Jonathan Fields?

  It means you're willing to keep every past version of you in the family photo. And the moment you stop exiling those parts and instead turn toward them, something really powerful becomes possible. You can finally ask them what they were trying to do for you. This is sort of like one of the fundamental bases of IFS or Internal Family Systems, which is kind of like the hot child in psychotherapy these days. Right? So you can finally ask them what they were trying to do for you. Then the you who ate late last night might have been trying to soothe a loneliness you hadn't aimed yet.

• 25:33Jonathan Fields?

  The you who overworked might have been trying to feel safe in a world that felt unpredictable. The you who scrolled for hours might have been trying to turn down the volume on grief. I mean, are those always the most skillful strategies? Probably not. But when you understand the why underneath, you can start to offer yourself different options that honor the need without harming the rest of you. So I want to try a really simple, sort of a compassion practice with you. It's short. You can do it wherever you are, as long as you're not driving or doing something that needs your full attention here. If you're driving or moving, you can just listen and come back to this later. If you're able, maybe close your eyes for a moment or just soften your gaze. That's fine, too.

• 26:17Jonathan Fields?

  And bring to mind just one version of you from this year that you've been judging pretty harshly. Maybe it's the you who stayed in a situation that wasn't great. I mean, maybe it's, maybe it's the you who said something you wish you could take back. Maybe it's the you who ignored the signs your body was sending. And I have done that a bunch this year. Maybe it's the you who made a choice that still stings when you think about it. Just let that version of you sit across from you in your mind's eye. And notice what they look like. Notice the expression on their face.

• 27:00Jonathan Fields?

  Notice how tired or scared or overwhelmed they might seem. And if it feels okay, place a hand on your heart or on your chest or somewhere that feels supportive to you. Take a slow, easy breath. And silently, just in your mind, say something like, "Of course you did what you did. You were trying to get me through something hard. I might choose something differently now with what I know, but I'm not going to throw you away." And another breath.

• 27:38Jonathan Fields?

  You might add, "You're part of my story. You belong. We're on the same team."

• 27:46Jonathan Fields?

  I stay with that for just another moment. And then when you're ready, you can release the image. Let your hand rest back where it was. And if your eyes were closed, you can just open them again. Take one more breath and just settle into that.

• 28:02Jonathan Fields?

  So that simple act of turning toward instead of away is the foundation for everything that comes next. Because before we talk about how to begin again differently, before we talk about any future experiments or frameworks, we start here. "We refuse to begin the new year by declaring war on the person who lived this one." Let me say that again. "We refuse to begin the new year by declaring war on the person who lived this one." You don't build a good life on top of self-rejection. You build it with the full, messy, beautiful, sometimes painful truth of who you've actually been. So let's talk about identity for a minute. Not in the big philosophical sense, but in the

• 28:47Jonathan Fields?

  just very practical, day-to-day sense of, "What kind of person do I believe I am?" I mean, most of the loud, shiny, new year culture is obsessed with aspiration. "Next year, I will become the kind of person who does X perfectly. I will become more disciplined, more organized, more productive, more spiritual, more... everything, basically." Like, there's nothing wrong with wanting to grow. And again, there's absolutely a place for thoughtful frameworks and scaffolding that supports growth. I've spent a lot of time developing them myself and practicing them myself. But, but, when you only ask, "Who do I want to be next year?" without ever looking at who you've actually been,

• 29:27Jonathan Fields?

  you run into a problem. You risk choosing identities that are aspirational, but completely disconnected from your lived reality, based on a comparison pressure or marketing, so far from what your nervous system has experienced that they feel like a costume.

• 29:47Jonathan Fields?

  So if for years, your quiet story has been, I'm just not someone who follows through, trying to force yourself into, I'm a high-performance machine who never misses a day. That's a pretty big leap. Your brain is too smart for that. It's not gonna buy it. So instead of inventing a brand-new identity out of thin air on January 1st, I mean, what if we started by just noticing the identity that's already trying to emerge? What if, before asking, "Who will I be?", we asked, "Who have I already been in my best, truest moments this year?". So let's explore that. If you can think back over your year and look for just glimpses

• 30:29Jonathan Fields?

  of the person you want to be, not in some idealized form, but in tiny, real, human moments. I mean, maybe it was, you know, the day you had a hard conversation you'd been avoiding, and you stayed kind and honest, or the time that you chose rest over yet another hour of work, even though the to-do list was screaming at you, or the, you know, the moment that you walked away from a situation that wasn't okay. The evening that you played with your kids, or your friends, or your partner, and actually let yourself be present, or maybe it was the morning that you went for a short walk, not because you, quote, "should exercise", but because your body just wanted fresh air. Or the hour that you spent making something, writing, cooking, building, drawing. For

• 31:11Jonathan Fields?

  me, a lot of this year was metal smithing, weirdly enough, brand-new thing in my life, just because it felt good.

• 31:19Jonathan Fields?

  These moments may have been small. They might not have made your highlight reel, you might have forgotten them, but they're identity clues. They're saying, "Hey, this is also you. This is who you're becoming." So, if you like, you can even turn these into sort of like quiet identity statements. You know, things like, "I am someone who tells the truth with care", or, "I am someone who is learning to honor my limits", "I am someone who keeps coming back even after I fall off", or, um... I'm someone who cares deeply about my people. I'm someone who is slowly and perfectly listening to my body.

• 32:02Jonathan Fields?

  I'm someone who creates things even in tiny ways. I mean, notice the language here. I am someone who is learning to fill in the blank. We're not jumping straight to perfection. We're acknowledging a certain trajectory, like a direction. And as you do this, I want to be really clear. We're not designing new goals yet. We're not locking in a big plan. We're not doing new year's strategy. That's what the next couple of episodes will actually help out with in a very different way than you've heard before, along with all the tools and frameworks that we will revisit over time. Things that I've shared in past years, like success scaffolding.

• 32:45Jonathan Fields?

  Right now, we're simply noticing, who have I already been this year? In ways I feel aligned with the life I actually want. Because when you walk into the next year, holding that evidence, it just changes the conversation. You're not saying, I have to become an entirely new person. You're saying, I've already been this person in flashes. How can I keep honoring that part of me? And I'd love to offer a very simple year-end ritual that you can do with me now, or come back to later when you have more time, maybe. So if you're able, grab a notebook, grab your favorite note app, whatever it is on your phone or your device.

• 33:29Jonathan Fields?

  I've actually been kind of flipping back and forth between note apps and, and paper and pen, or actually paper and pencil lately. We spent some time in Japan over the summer, and I kind of fell in love with Japanese stationery and notebooks and super cool pencils. I'm a weird nerd and I geek out over stuff like that. So I've been slowly kind of finding my way back to. Beautiful mechanical pencils and paper. Even though I had been an electronic notes person, like I use my notes app for everything. Can't imagine how many thousands of notes I have. So maybe play around with this a little bit, like just what feels right to do a little bit of playful note taking and thought here. Right? So, and if you don't want to write this down right now,

• 34:14Jonathan Fields?

  that's completely fine. Just listen in, listen in, travel along, walk through this mentally. You can always go back for it. This isn't about creating a perfect exhaustive review of your year. It's just about taking a few minutes to relate to yourself differently. And we'll move through these, these three questions. And we'll be right back after a word from our sponsors. Good Life Project is sponsored by TinCan. So if you grew up in the seventies or eighties, you probably still remember your best friend's phone number and stretching the kitchen phone cord around the corner for privacy. Our executive producer, Lindsay, wanted that same freedom for her kids, eight and 10.

• 34:58Jonathan Fields?

  So in January, she got them a TinCan. Now friends call the house to chat, make plans and check in without borrowing her phone. They even keep a handwritten phone book next to it. I kind of love that. TinCan is the new school way for kids to talk with their friends. It's a secure landline that lets them call all their favorite people, but with parental controls to keep them protected. No screens, no algorithms, no texting, just a phone being a phone. Kids can only call or be called by people on your approved list. Calls to other TinCans and 911 are always free. And there's even an answering machine for messages that are, I'm told gloriously ridiculous. Go to tincan.com/goodlife to get $10 off your first order,

• 35:42Jonathan Fields?

  exclusive for our listeners. That's tincan.com/goodlife for $10 off. And when you use our link, you're supporting our show. Tincan.com/goodlife.

• 35:53Jonathan Fields?

  This message is brought to you by Apple Card. Ah, fall, that cozy season where we swap the swimwear for sweaters and sunnies for scarves. But before the Halloween decorations are put away or Thanksgiving table has been set, there's already holly jolly music playing in the grocery store, reminding you that the year is coming to a close. Time to kick end of year into high gear. When you use Apple Card with Apple Pay, you earn 2% daily cash back on all purchases, including food, decorations, gifts, and more. Get a head start on your end of year purchases. Apply for your Apple Card in the Wallet app on your iPhone today and start using it right away with Apple Pay. Subject to credit approval, Apple Card is issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA Salt Lake

• 36:38Jonathan Fields?

  City Branch. Terms and more at applecard.com.

• 36:45Speaker 01

  With no fees or minimums on checking accounts, it's no wonder the Capital One Bank guy is so passionate about banking with Capital One. If he were here, he wouldn't just tell you about no fees or minimums. He'd also talk about how most Capital One cafes are open seven days a week to assist with your banking needs. Yep, even on weekends, it's pretty much all he talks about, in a good way. What's in your wallet? Terms apply. See capitalone.com/bank. Capital One, N A, Member FDIC.

• 37:19Jonathan Fields?

  So, question one. What wants to be seen? What wants to be seen?

• 37:30Jonathan Fields?

  I know it's a little bit of a weird question. What wants to be seen? Take a breath.

• 37:35Jonathan Fields?

  Now, looking back over this year, what moments keep tugging at your sleeve?

• 37:43Jonathan Fields?

  There might be moments, moves, losses, wins, transitions. There might be small, quiet scenes that for some reason just keep playing in your mind's eye, or they stick with you. They could have happened almost a year ago, but they're still fresh as day when you just think about them. I'll give you a few categories that you can play with. Maybe this will help also. Maybe a moment that you're proud of?

• 38:11Jonathan Fields?

  A moment you regret?

• 38:14Jonathan Fields?

  A moment that surprised you. Maybe a moment that broke your heart. Maybe not even because something that happened to you, or maybe it's just something that you witnessed. Maybe a moment that made you feel deeply alive. And you don't have to write the whole story here. It's not about recording a verbatim, you know, like dictation of exactly what happened. Just a word or a short phrase that brings each moment to mind. It just like something that triggers you to see that scene again. So give yourself a minute here.

• 38:57Jonathan Fields?

  If you want to hit pause, totally cool. Do this and come back. Or again, you can just listen through and then come back to this place and then spend time and do it. Actually, do the exercise. So that brings us to question number two. What are these moments trying to tell you? Now, look at one or two of those moments and gently ask, what did this show me about what matters to me? Right? I'm going to share those two things again. So the big question is, what are these moments trying to tell you? Right? And now look at one or two of those.

• 39:40Jonathan Fields?

  Just pick one if you want and then gently ask about it. What did this show me about what matters to me? So we're going a layer deeper here. It's not just what happened to me, but what did this reveal to me about what matters to me? This is so important and we rarely ever do it. Maybe, maybe that regret shows you how deeply you value honesty. Maybe the proud moment, it, it shows you how much courage you actually have that you didn't think you had. Maybe that heartbreak, it reveals how important connection is to you. Or maybe that surprising moment shows you that you're more resilient than you thought. Right?

• 40:22Jonathan Fields?

  So then ask, what did this show me about what I need? Right? So the first part, what did this show me about what matters to me? And now, what did this moment show me about what I need?

• 40:37Jonathan Fields?

  So maybe you learned that you need more rest than you thought, or more boundaries, more creative time, more support. I think a lot of us could use most of those things as I'm, as we're kind of walking through this, right?

• 40:53Jonathan Fields?

  And finally, here's the final sort of sub-question here. And what did this show me about how I respond when life gets hard?

• 41:04Jonathan Fields?

  And what did this show me about how I respond when life gets hard? Which for many of us, over the last year, in some way, shape or form, it has. And there is a moment that we associate it with that shows me something about how I respond when life gets hard. And we answer this not as a judgment, not to judge how we responded, but just as information. Right? It might tell you that, oh, when life gets hard, I pull away. Or I power through and then I crash hard, which tends to be my default often. I get anxious or I reach for my phone, I reach out to one trusted person or I go into fix-it mode, right?

• 41:48Jonathan Fields?

  You can even soften the language as you write. So instead of, well, I'm terrible at XYZ, maybe just I tend to struggle when, fill in the blank. Instead of I have no willpower, maybe I get overwhelmed when, dot, dot, dot, right? Again, we're not handing down verdicts here.

• 42:10Jonathan Fields?

  We're just reading the feedback form. So, so pause and if you want, again, you know, you can just keep listening through and then go back when you're ready with your notes app or your pen and paper or pencil and notebook, whatever it may be. And really just spend some time listening, reviewing the cues here, the questions, the prompts, hitting pause and then doing the work. It's beautiful what comes up and it's beautiful the frame that we bring to it when it does. That brings us to the third sort of like meta-question here. What part of me do I want to walk into next year with? Again, what part of me do I want to walk into next year with?

• 42:54Jonathan Fields?

  So for each of those moments, especially the hard ones, you can ask, what part of me showed up here that I actually want to keep? Right? Maybe in that, in that tough conversation, the part of you that showed up, it was courage. Maybe in that regret, that moment that brought the regret when you think back on it, the part that's showing up now is your conscience, your desire to do better. Maybe in, in that loss, the part that showed up was your capacity to love. Maybe in that proud moment, the part, the part that showed up was your creativity, your persistence, your tenderness.

• 43:35Jonathan Fields?

  See, if you can just write one simple sentence, "I'm walking into next year with my blank part, fill in that part, of me that blank." Right? "I'm walking into next year with my blank, the part of me that blank." Now, here are some examples, so you get what I'm talking about. "I'm walking into next year with my courage, the part of me that told the truth even when my voice was shaking." "I'm walking into next year with my tenderness, the part of me that cried with my friend when I didn't have the answers." "I'm walking into next year with my persistence, the part of me that just kept coming back even after I fell off the plan."

• 44:22Jonathan Fields?

  "I'm walking into next year with my curiosity, the part of me that asked, 'What can I learn from this?' instead of just, 'What is wrong with me.'" You don't need to nail the perfect sentence here, by the way. This is just you acknowledging, "I'm not walking into the new year empty. I'm bringing something with me." If you want to spend more time with this, feel free to pause here, as I said, or come back later with a cup of tea, a cup of coffee, matcha, whatever it is that makes you happy, quiet corner, sit down and just create a little bit more space to actually walk through these questions. And either think through what comes

• 45:04Jonathan Fields?

  to mind, if that's your mode, write it down if that's your mode, type it out if that's your mode. Right? The invitation is to not just let this moment pass you by. So as we start to land this conversation, I kind of want to circle back to where we began. The New Year quote industry will try to sell you on this idea that you've got to become someone else, that the quote "old you" is a problem, maybe the problem, that your past is baggage, that your missteps are proof that you're behind.

• 45:44Jonathan Fields?

  Oh my, I have bought into this myth of falling behind in my own life in so many ways for so many years. And literally turning 60 this year, I'm just beginning to shed that feeling that I'm behind in my own life, and it is still a work in progress for me. So I want to offer here a different lens. You don't need a clean slate. You need an honest one. You need the you who has tried and stumbled and gotten back up. The you who has loved and lost and then loved again.

• 46:24Jonathan Fields?

  I mean, the you who has made choices that you're proud of and choices you regret and is still here listening, which tells me everything I need to know. You are not a project to be fixed in January and abandoned by February. You are a human in motion. The past yous, the ones you admire and the ones you'd rather forget, they're not the obstacle to your future, they're your greatest resource. So instead of dragging quote "old you" out to the curb this year, maybe invite them in. Ask yourself, what have you been trying to show me? What did you learn that I need to know?

• 47:07Jonathan Fields?

  How can we really walk together into this next chapter? Because the only person who can step into the year ahead is the person you are right now with the history you actually have.

• 47:21Jonathan Fields?

  So in our next episode, which airs, I believe it's actually on January 1st, next Thursday, we're going to talk about something that I call the unresolution. We'll explore what it might look like to begin again without turning your life into a rigid list of rules, or a test you either pass or fail, and how to approach change in a way that works with your humanity instead of against it. And then the week after that, we'll dive into what I call the year of enough. And that conversation, it's all about really what it means to live this coming year from a very different place internally, a sense that who you are and what you have right now can become the starting point for a rich,

• 48:03Jonathan Fields?

  a meaningful, a deeply satisfying life, rather than constantly feeling like you're behind and not enough. And all of that is meant to sit alongside the more structural, practical work that we've done over the years with things like success scaffolding, which I may share with you further in the month, or a little further into the first quarter. Right? Think of this as widening the foundation and softening the ground so that any scaffolding you build has a solid compassionate place to land as you step into this new year, because we all need more solid ground beneath our feet and compassion to wrap ourselves

• 48:42Jonathan Fields?

  in. But both of those upcoming episodes rest on this one, on your willingness right now, as you close out this year to say, I don't need to erase myself to begin again. I can start from who I actually am. And that is enough for the journey ahead. So as you move through these last days of the year, maybe skip the fantasy of the perfectly clean slate, take the real one instead, the one crowded with stories, lined with ink, smudged with tears and laughter. That's the slate that can actually carry you into a life that feels true. So thanks for being here, for listening, for doing this inner work alongside me. I'm

• 49:26Jonathan Fields?

  walking with you into this next year. And be sure to make sure that you are following along in whatever place that you get your podcasts, so you do not miss the next two episodes. You're definitely going to want to drink them in and enjoy how they'll help us all set up the year to come. And I will see you here again next week.

• 49:48Jonathan Fields?

  This episode of Good Life Project was produced by executive producers Lindsay Fox and me, Jonathan Fields. Editing help by Alejandro Ramirez and Troy Young. Christopher Carter crafted our theme music. And of course, if you haven't already done so, please go ahead and follow Good Life Project in your favorite listening app or on YouTube, too. If you found this conversation interesting or valuable and inspiring, chances are you did, because you're still listening here, do me a personal favor, a second favor, share it with just one person. I mean, if you want to share it with more, that's awesome, too, but just one person even, then invite them to talk with you about what you've both discovered to reconnect and explore ideas that really matter, because that's how we all come alive

• 50:31Jonathan Fields?

  together. Until next time, I'm Jonathan Fields, signing off for Good Life Project.

• 50:50Speaker 01

  With no fees or minimums on checking accounts, it's no wonder the Capital One Bank guy is so passionate about banking with Capital One. If he were here, he wouldn't just tell you about no fees or minimums. He'd also talk about how most Capital One cafes are open seven days a week to assist with your banking needs. Yep, even on weekends. It's pretty much all he talks about, in a good way. What's in your wallet? Terms apply. See capitalone.com/bank. Capital One, N.A., Member FDIC.

• 51:20Speaker 02

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• 51:53Speaker 01

  With no fees or minimums on checking accounts, it's no wonder the Capital One Bank guy is so passionate about banking with Capital One. If he were here, he wouldn't just tell you about no fees or minimums. He'd also talk about how most Capital One cafes are open seven days a week to assist with your banking needs. Yep, even on weekends. It's pretty much all he talks about, in a good way. What's in your wallet? Terms apply. See CapitalOne.com/Bank. Capital One, N.A., Member FDIC.

• 52:24Speaker 01

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