Leading Neuroscientist: Turn Anxiety and Anger Into Peace and Power | Ethan Kross

Ever feel like your emotions are running the show? Learn breakthrough tools from Ethan Kross, PhD, leading expert on emotion regulation and author of Shift: Managing Your Emotions - So They Don't Manage You. https://amzn.to/42Go9CE Discover potent "sensory shifters," attention deployment tactics, and a step-by-step process to master your emotional world once and for all. You can find Ethan at: Website https://www.ethankross.com/ | Instagram https://www.instagram.com/ethankross | Episode Transcript https://www.goodlifeproject.com/podcast/leading-neuroscientist-turn-anxiety-and-anger-into-peace-and-power-ethan-kross If you LOVED this episode you’ll also love the conversations we had with Ethan https://episodes.fm/647826736/episode/Z2lkOi8vYXJ0MTktZXBpc29kZS1sb2NhdG9yL1YwL21NOTFfVmg2QWFNVjhiT0MzOFZ0b2dnb3NCNGo4cF9RUlo2ZVBJNmhrWTQ in an earlier conversation about overcoming mental chatter. Check out our offerings & partners: Join My New Writing Project: Awake at the Wheel https://jonathanfields.substack.com/aboutVisit Our Sponsor Page For Great Resources & Discount Codes https://www.goodlifeproject.com/sponsors/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

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• 0:00Speaker 00

  We have a range of different emotions we experience like for a reason.

• 0:05Jonathan Fields?

  Ethan Kross is a leading expert on controlling our inner voice and transforming mental chatter. He's the bestselling author of Chatter and his new book Shift reveals groundbreaking tools for mastering your emotions. What do emotions actually do for us?

• 0:21Speaker 00

  Different emotions are like loading up different software programs within us to help us deal with specific situations we encounter. The problem is that sometimes those emotions get experienced too intensely or for too long and that's really when you need to... You know, music is probably the sensory modality that is used most. Why do you listen to music?

• 0:45Jonathan Fields?

  Because of the way it makes me feel.

• 0:46Speaker 00

  It's interesting. It's not used nearly as often as you would think. So, research shows that...

• 0:54Jonathan Fields?

  Hey there. Before we dive into today's show, one quick thing. If you haven't yet followed the show, it would mean the world to me if you took just two seconds to tap the follow button on whatever app you're listening in. It helps us grow our Good Life Project community and continue creating the best possible show we can for you. And it ensures you'll never miss an episode. Now, on to the show. I'm Jonathan Fields and this is Good Life Project.

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• 1:56Jonathan Fields?

  Good Life Project is sponsored by Stio. So I am not in the studio today. I'm actually out on the trail and the Rockies at about 6,000 feet above sea level and boulder. The leaves are exploding with color and it's just stunning out. And yes, I'm wearing my favorite Stio hat. And just last night I was wearing one of my favorite Stio jackets, which if you know me is not unusual. I wear the hat almost every day and my Stio jackets pretty much live on me all fall and winter. There's even a Stio shop back in town practically in my backyard. Here is why I love them. Stio is designed and tested in Jackson Hole at the base of the Tetons by locals who ski and bike and hike and climb and fish there pretty much every day. They have been at it since 2011, so they know warmth and they also know style.

• 2:41Jonathan Fields?

  Everything I have from them, it works great. It holds up in every condition and also looks awesome. And their hometown down is 800 filled down, but it feels more like just your favorite hoodie than a puffy. And ski season is almost here, so gear up now the way that the locals do. Go to stio.com/goodlife for 20% off your order. That's S-T-I-O dot com slash good life. Stio dot com slash good life. Stio, designed and tested in Jackson Hole. Good Life Project is supported by Ernesta rugs. So a small confession, our front porch has been the most neglected corner of our homes since we moved in. It's the first thing anyone steps onto and it's been kind of greeting people with a sad too small mat. Ernesta sent me their samples and now they're making us a rug.

• 3:26Jonathan Fields?

  And the cool thing is for $10, you get five oversized 12 by 12 samples. So you see the colors at real scale in your own space before you even get it. So we lived with all five colors for a few days and cool morning light and golden afternoon light. And we're sure to be ross on the sky, but Caldwell just kind of kept quietly winning. The thing you're certain about isn't always the thing that fits. And because Ernesta rugs are custom size, cut to the ins, the one we ordered is made to our exact six and a half feet by nine feet space, not close enough. Visit ernesta.com and order five samples for only $10 and you'll get $50 toward any rug of your choice. That's E-R-N-E-S-T-A dot com.

• 4:09Jonathan Fields?

  Excited to explore the world of emotions with you. You and I touched base a couple of years back now, when your last book, Chatter, came out, talking about one very particular way that our minds do interesting things to us. In your new exploration, it's really more of a broad exploration of how emotions work within us, how they affect us, and how we, quote, regulate them, how we work with them, how we allow our emotions to work with us. One of my curiosities has always been, why do we emote? Because nothing lasts in the human condition unless it serves a very particular role. What do emotions actually do for us?

• 4:47Speaker 00

  So, I'm a proponent of the belief that all emotions are adaptive when they are experienced in the right proportions, not too intensely and not too long. And when I say all emotions, I really mean all emotions. And I think that's an important message to share with people, in part because I fundamentally believe it to be true, but it also is a liberating message. One myth that I often come across is this idea that to live a good life is to live a life free of negative experiences, of negative emotions. We could go through some of the big negative emotions we have. They serve a really useful function in our lives. Take anxiety.

• 5:29Speaker 00

  I call this in my book, "The Boogeyman Emotion of Modern Day Times." So many of us, right? We think about anxiety and instantly we think to ourselves, "Oh, my God, it's the last thing I want to feel."

• 5:42Speaker 00

  When I think about experiences I've had giving talks, I've given hundreds, maybe thousands of talks over the course of my career. If I think about the one or two that didn't go so well, they're the talks where I didn't experience any butterflies in my stomach a couple of days before, no anxiety whatsoever. What does anxiety do? It alerts us to an important goal that we have that is ahead of us, and it mobilizes resources within us to help us prepare for that goal. So anxiety, just a little bit, that can be really useful for motivating an appropriate kind of response. Take anger as another example. We often think of anger as a toxic emotion.

• 6:26Speaker 00

  And when do we experience anger? We experience anger when we encode some kind of transgression of our worldview. Like, something now has gone wrong. This is not the way I expect things to go. But there's an opportunity for me to correct the situation, for me to right the ship. So my daughter, let's say, one of my youngest daughters, they know they're not supposed to ride their bike. She knows she's not supposed to ride her bike without her helmet. If she rides her bike without a helmet, I might experience some anger in her presence. Express that anger to her so she can see it. And that serves a function. It is, this is a very important situation that I care about,

• 7:09Speaker 00

  the safety of my kid, most important thing in the world, right? And now I'm displaying this emotion that is communicating to her that what she did was incorrect. And hopefully, that's having downstream effects on her behavior. We evolve this capacity to emote for a reason. Different emotions are like loading up different software programs within us to help us deal with specific situations we encounter. The problem is that sometimes those emotions get experienced too intensely or for too long. And that's really when you need to know how to regulate them, which is what most of my work is focused on and my book deals with. But, you know, if you experience anger

• 7:52Speaker 00

  or anxiety or sadness or envy or guilt at times, welcome to the human condition, my friend. We all do. And reframing those experiences as helpful,

• 8:07Speaker 00

  I think, can be a tremendous boon to our daily lives.

• 8:11Jonathan Fields?

  Yeah, I mean, I've always been curious about that. You know, there are some sort of Eastern philosophical teachings around non-attachment, non-grasping.

• 8:22Jonathan Fields?

  And, and part of those teachings, and this may be my, part of this may be my filtering, my overlay, is a non-grasping to feeling a certain way, to a lot of what we would identify as emotion. You know, the ability to just notice that a certain thing is happening and coming up, allowing yourself to feel it, and then allowing it to just move through you and not hold on to anything, so that you return to a state of, you know, what's often considered just sort of emptiness, a void, which I equate to a state that, that exists sort of like without emotion. And it's always been teed up as a bit of an aspiration to me, and I've never quite been able to wrap my head around that, in part because I think for the typical person, it's

• 9:07Jonathan Fields?

  largely an impossible thing to ever experience, but also because I can't imagine wanting a life devoid of emotion. I mean, sure, you know, like, maybe a little less anxiety, a little less angst, a little less, you know, of that side of it, but at the same time, you know, there's so much, like, as you described, like, each one of these things is sort of a function that allows us to experience life in a richer way. And then the other side of the emotional spectrum, we are like, oh, more, but even all of, you know, like, the default, like, you know, like, the diversity of emotions that we can experience. If I even try to imagine a life without them, both the highs and the lows, that doesn't feel like a life that I want to be in.

• 9:47Speaker 00

  I agree. I'm very familiar with that argument, that kind of shooting for that even keel, and this homeostatic's point where you let yourself experience something and let it slide by. Sometimes I wanna immerse the hell out of an emotional experience when I am feeling joy out of something that just went really well for my family, or my students, or me, like, immersing in that, that's the stuff that sometimes makes life worth living. I was out to dinner with some close friends, my wife and I and some close friends the other day. We were laughing and sharing stories, and it was a fundamentally emotional experience.

• 10:28Speaker 00

  And it's one that stands out in my mind right now. I remembered even though it happened several days ago, like those are the moments that I want more of. I crave those. And so I think what we're talking about is a different view or goal that we're giving people, but as you for how to relate to their emotions and their emotional lives. When I experience a negative emotion, I don't just notice it necessarily and let it go away. That can work for some people. One big theme of my book is if the way in which you are handling your emotions is working really well for you, keep doing it, right? If it ain't broke, don't fix it. For most of us, the statistics and common experience would

• 11:10Speaker 00

  suggest there is some room for improvement, if not a great deal. What works for me, and this has been a real game changer for me, when I experience a little bit of anxiety, I reinterpret that as I lean into it. Well, this is my body. This is evolution gearing me up to deal with the situation at hand. Right? This is an adaptive response. It shows I care and it's allowing me to focus in on what I have to do. So I'm reframing this negative experience in positive terms now that can be really energizing. So I'm not thinking, oh, what's wrong with me that I'm having this experience? I'm thinking, this

• 11:51Speaker 00

  is what's right with me. Reframing them in those terms can serve a helpful function.

• 11:56Jonathan Fields?

  I mean, that makes a lot of sense to me. So when you use the phrase emotional regulation, what are we actually talking about here?

• 12:02Speaker 00

  So we're talking about being able to turn the volume up or down on the emotions you're experiencing, or shorten or lengthen the amount of time we stay in those experiences. So intensity, up or down, and duration, shorter or longer. And how we want to get in there and skillfully deal with our emotions or regulate them is going to depend entirely on what our goals are, right? So if you want to have the goal of maximizing this experience of joy, But maybe have it confined to the moment because you have to go and meet with a client in 10 minutes. Like then it's about just amplifying up, but not also extending it.

• 12:46Speaker 00

  And you could play that game for all of the different states that we experience. But that is fundamentally what emotional regulation is about. It is about harnessing tools that exist within us and all around us. I mean, in our relationships with other people, in our physical spaces, in the cultures that we belong to, utilizing those tools to allow us to achieve the emotion goals that we have.

• 13:14Jonathan Fields?

  So, and I want to get into some of those tools. But the question that's lingering is you lay there as like, okay, yes, and to what end?

• 13:23Speaker 00

  Well, you know, different emotions have different consequences that we just discussed, like for our lives. If you find, for example, that an emotion is getting tweaked, I'm going to give you two different kinds of examples. Let's say an emotion anxiety is not being experienced in proportion. It's too intense and it's lasting way too long. That can be enormously disruptive, right? We're now having difficulty concentrating, difficulty sleeping, we're taking it out on our partner, and maybe we're getting some gastric distress as well. The end there, the, the purpose of regulation there is to constrain that anxiety response, reduce its intensity and reduce how long it's lasting. We may not want to eliminate it altogether.

• 14:08Speaker 00

  If it's anxiety about something really important, you may want to still keep some vigilance active, but we need this to be a more proportional response. So that's one end. Let's go to the opposite end of the spectrum, not about reducing intensity and duration, but amplifying it. The time I mentioned earlier, when I didn't prepare for a presentation because I had no butterflies beforehand. That's an example where it probably would behoove me to be able to turn up a little bit of anxiety or a little bit of that anxious arousal. To get me motivated, right, to actually practice the presentation to be able to perform well.

• 14:52Speaker 00

  So that would be an example of an instance where you'd want to turn on a negative response. Now, we're just talking about negative responses. We could also have the same conversation for all sorts of positive experiences too. But the idea is that these emotions have implications for really everything that matters. Our ability to think and feel, our relationships and our health. And so we want to make sure that we're experiencing emotions in ways that lead to the ideal outcomes in those different domains.

• 15:19Jonathan Fields?

  And the ideal outcome is going to be unique to the context, to the person, to the moment, to the circumstance. We do seem to still hold on so fiercely to this desire to like, if you're like, oh, hey, listen, we can look at each one of these emotions and we can adjust the amplitude and the duration to make it optimal for our experience. I would imagine there's going to be a tendency for everyone to say, okay, so I know Ethan says that anxiety has a certain use. It's important to us and anger has a certain use and sadness has a certain use. But really, if I actually have the ability to reduce the amplitude and the duration of these, why not just reduce them all the way? How is that actually going to be destructive to my life?

• 16:04Speaker 00

  Well, let's use the example of pain because it's a kind of emotional response. And I think it powerfully answers your question and makes a point. There are certain people that are born into this world and they're incapable of experiencing physical pain. If you look at those people's lives, what you find is that they're not very good lives. Those people end up usually dying early. They die early because they put their hand in the fire accidentally and there's no cue that tells them to pull it away. They start itching the mosquito bite and the scab that forms and they keep doing it, right? Because there's no cue to say, stop, you now have an open wound that can become infected.

• 16:44Speaker 00

  What makes these different negative emotions functional is the fact that they hurt at some level, right? That hurt, that subjective experience of distress that accompanies different emotional responses is what is grabbing our attention and telling us to pay attention to this situation in a very particular way that the emotion is driving. And so if you were to just get rid of those negative emotions altogether, the prediction would be, and even some data like I just discussed, is that this would probably not be a very successful life that you would live. And so it's going to be really hard to ever test

• 17:26Speaker 00

  that idea because guess what? You can't get rid of every negative emotion. It is hardwired into us, this capacity to experience it. And so I think the more we can wrap our head around that, the easier it becomes to really embrace this notion that there's a role that negative emotions have in our lives. They're giving us information, information about the circumstances that we're in, that we can use to live better lives. Let's take envy as another example. Like envy, we usually think of as, isn't that the seventh deadly sin? Something like that, yeah. Right? It's like, you know, it's not a good one. Envy can lead us to, if experienced

• 18:10Speaker 00

  it too intensely too long, lead to some negative outcomes. But you know what it can also do? It can be unbelievably motivating, right? If you see someone who is outperforming you or outachieving you in some way, that can have a motivating effect, a motivating consequence to lead you to strive harder to reach the goals that you have. So these emotional experiences, these negative experiences can be easily reframed in how we think about them in ways that I personally find exceptionally liberating. Because if you're telling me that, hey, Ethan, like, you really shouldn't be experiencing any anger, any sadness, any envy, like name

• 18:53Speaker 00

  your favorite negative emotion, and then I experience those states, we all experience these emotions for a reason.

• 19:02Jonathan Fields?

  And we'll be right back after a word from our sponsors. Good Life Project is sponsored by Talkiiatry. So you know that moment when you finally say, "Okay, I need some help"? That takes courage. And then you start calling psychiatrists and hear, "We're not taking new patients," or "Our next opening is months away." Talkiiatry exists to change that. Unlike therapy-only platforms, Talkiiatry is psychiatry. It's a 100% online practice where a medical provider can diagnose conditions like anxiety, ADHD, depression, and more, and prescribe medication when it's appropriate. All 800-plus clinicians are in-network with major insurers. Take a short assessment, get matched, and have your first visit in days, not months. More than 300,000

• 19:46Jonathan Fields?

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• 20:31Jonathan Fields?

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• 21:16Jonathan Fields?

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• 21:59Jonathan Fields?

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• 22:16Jonathan Fields?

  You know, I think part of what you're speaking to here is our capacity to be intentional about the way that we live our lives, to make decisions that are in some way beneficial to us and to others around us. It's like, I think we love to think of ourselves as these, like, we're rational beings, like, we make intelligent, rational choices. And yet, as you described, emotion carries information. That information is actually really important for us to make good decisions, even if we don't like the feeling that goes along with it. So it's like, if we strip away the emotion, and by doing that, we also strip away the information, then it kind of sabotages our ability to then make decisions and take actions

• 22:59Jonathan Fields?

  in a way that actually would allow us to live the lives that we want to live. Does that make sense?

• 23:03Speaker 00

  It does. And I think it also makes it much more challenging for us to live the lives we want to live because it compounds the negative experience. So take an example that happens. True story with my oldest daughter several years ago. She had one of her first really evaluative moments in school with a big test, and it was stressful. And she started experiencing some real anxiety about it. And she didn't understand what it was. What's happening? What's wrong with me? Right? Oh, sweetie, there's nothing wrong with you. This is your body doing exactly what it's supposed to be doing to help prepare you for the exam tomorrow to say, hey, we have a little bit more studying to do.

• 23:45Speaker 00

  That instantly changed the way she was relating to this experience she was having. This is not something that is wrong with me. This is how human beings work. Clearly, if anxiety is too extreme, too long, then we really want to intervene. But in the right proportions, this simple reframe often helps bring down the intensity of that response. You said something else that I want to just engage in because I think it's really important. You raise this notion of having some agency with respect to the way that we relate to our emotions and our emotional lives. I think it's a really important point to harp on for a moment because one of the most

• 24:28Speaker 00

  eye-opening experiences I had doing research was coming across an article, and I tell this story in my book, that looked at people's beliefs about whether they can actually control their emotions. And the researchers basically surveyed a large group of adolescents and asked them a series of questions about, do you think you can control your emotions? And about 40% of the sample said, no, I don't think I can control my emotions. That, to me, is astounding for a variety of reasons. The first of which is if you don't think you can control your emotions, why would you take any steps to ever do so?

• 25:14Speaker 00

  Right? Like, if I don't think there's anything I can do to lose 10 pounds or lower my blood pressure or improve my cholesterol levels, like, I'm not going to change the way I diet or exercise, right? Because why bother? Those are often effortful, take time, right? If I do think I can do it, then that should motivate me to take some action. And yet, 40% of this sample did not think they could control their emotions. So as I break down in the book, there is good reason for that, and I think it's worth just very quickly sharing with listeners.

• 25:52Speaker 00

  There are facets of our emotions that we can't control and parts of our emotional experience that we can. We cannot control when an emotion is going to be automatically triggered, right? Like, I was just in New York and I was in a cab. It was not a pleasant sensory experience. There was like heavy sense of body odor. You can relate. You lived in New York. This happens at times. Lovely driver, but wow. Instantly, there was a negative experience, a negative emotional response, a sensory mediated response was triggered. I have no control over that. What I do have control over is how I engage

• 26:33Speaker 00

  with that emotion. Do I reframe it? Do I divert my attention elsewhere? Do I try to have another kind of sensory experience, sniff some perfume or cologne to combat it? All sorts of things we can do to channel that emotional response in different directions, to increase or decrease its amplitude or duration. So you can't control those automatically triggered feelings that are just part and parcel of living our lives, but you can control the trajectory of those experiences. I think that too can be a really liberating idea for people to just noodle on because sometimes, I mean, let me ask you, Jonathan,

• 27:18Speaker 00

  do you ever have a dark thought?

• 27:19Jonathan Fields?

  Never, of course.

• 27:21Speaker 00

  Never? I mean, like-

• 27:22Jonathan Fields?

  I had one back in 87, but-

• 27:24Speaker 00

  Back in it. You're a saint, a total saint. Well, I'll tell you though, that if that were true, which of course I know it is not, you would be an anomaly. I do this exercise with my classes when I hear a mission. I did this just a few months ago. I asked about 60 students anonymously to indicate whether they had experienced a really dark thought over the past week and then to tell me what those thoughts were anonymously, type it into a computer program that would allow me to then see these thoughts. Everyone has these dark thoughts and they are really heavy. Sometimes they're about violence towards others, towards the self, dark sexual thoughts, like you name it, we saw it there.

• 28:08Speaker 00

  This mind of ours sometimes generates those dark thoughts and the feelings that accompany them. And that's a universal. So if you understand that, hey, if you experience a dark thought at times, like it doesn't mean you're a bad human being. It means you're a human being and it's part of the way your brain is just working. It sometimes produces these wacky, dark thoughts. But if you act on those thoughts, then that's a different story because there are ways of engaging with them or not.

• 28:41Jonathan Fields?

  Yeah, I mean, it's such an important point. I'm glad you teased that out. It's almost like the way that so many of us react to anxiety, creating a spiral. It's like something happens, it makes us anxious. And then we basically start thinking about our own anxiety. And we create this spin cycle where we shame ourselves for feeling this way. We shouldn't feel this way. There's something horribly wrong. How can I not let go of this? And we keep giving fuel to this feeling based on our beliefs about what it's actually telling us or whether it's good or bad, or whether it's normal or abnormal. It's interesting to hear you describe the role of our beliefs about our emotions and how they contribute to the amplitude and the duration potentially of those emotions.

• 29:23Speaker 00

  Well, there's a reason why the second chapter of the book, Before I Talk About Any Tools, deals with precisely this issue of beliefs. Because it is the starting point. My advisory member in graduate school, one of the first things he taught me was, "Look, we can break down emotion regulation into two parts. Really simple. There's your motivation. Do you think you can do it? Do you want to do it?" And then the tools that exist to help you achieve those goals. If you're not motivated, like we just said before, you're not going to use any of that. You can know all the different, let's use physical exercise as an analogy here. I could know how to use every machine in the gym.

• 30:06Speaker 00

  If I'm not motivated to lose weight, if I don't think I can do it, I'm not going to avail myself of those tools. The flip side, though, is I can be super motivated to get fit. But if I don't know how any of those tools, those machines work, not only am I going to be unsuccessful in achieving that goal, I may actually harm myself. Right? I may like, try to like, you know, I don't know, I'm going to make something up here. But like bench press with my neck and sprain something or, you know, whatever. That was probably not the best example. I had the open terrain there to do something funny. You need both. You need the beliefs that you can do this.

• 30:46Speaker 00

  And science compellingly shows that we possess this capacity to manage a trajectory of our emotional responses. We have like sophisticated brain networks that evolved to help us do this, to transform our emotional experience by redirecting our attention on or away from what's driving those emotions, to reframing those experiences, to transporting ourselves in time, to allowing us to find the right people to talk to. It's remarkable, the array of tools we possess to be able to modulate our emotions. And so just conveying that to folks, I think, is just really important.

• 31:28Jonathan Fields?

  That makes a lot of sense to me. My question that brings up for me then is if we take that 40% of people that you described, who answered like, I actually don't believe that I have the ability to, in any meaningful way, control my emotions. How do we bridge the gap, the belief gap? Because, you know, as you described, there are a whole bunch of tools. You lay out a whole bunch of tools that we're going to drop into shortly that are really effective and that are highly accessible and often don't cost anything. Like, these are things that people can do. But if you're in that 40%, somebody's listening to this right now and they're saying like, Like I've been feeling this way. I've been flying off the handle. I've been deeping into this, you know, like since, literally for as long as I can remember, I've done all the different things. I've tried X, Y, and Z. And I'm just at a point where I literally

• 32:12Jonathan Fields?

  do not believe that it is possible for me to in any way, shape, or form, regulate my emotions anymore. And then you're sitting there on the other side of conversation saying, I'm sitting on top of a vault of tools that I know will help you. What's the shortest path between that profound disbelief and somebody even believing just enough so that they're willing to try one of them to let their own experience start convincing them? Or is that in fact, the thing that starts to open the vault for them?

• 32:48Speaker 00

  Well, two, two answers to that very good question. So first of all, I think it's not that the 40% who say they can't control their emotions are wrong. You know, I think people focus on different aspects, facets of our emotional experience when they're asked, answering that question. So the people who are sometimes like, you can't control an emotion, they're really focusing on this emotional trigger. I can't control the emotions I experience when I'm walking down the street and you know, someone insults me or I smell something that's aversive. Like I can't, I have no control over that. How can you make the claim that I do? Whereas the people who are saying you can control your emotions, they're the ones who are thinking about, well, you know, if I'm in the smelly cab,

• 33:33Speaker 00

  I can do this. I can pinch my nose. Or see the person who just gave me a scowl and think, oh, well, maybe they're having a bad day. Like, maybe they, you know, just got some really bad news. So I think it's not that one person is right, one group of people is right and the other is wrong. It's that we're focusing on different parts of our emotional experience. Let's say it's, there's some skeptics that fall through the cracks and still don't believe there's anything they can do to manage their emotions. Give them a piece of chocolate.

• 34:07Speaker 00

  Put on some, you know, Bon Jovi or Adele. Have him sniff some perfume. What's the shortest way to showing that we can have some agency and our ability to modulate our emotional experience? Activate the senses. Part of the way that our senses operate is through emotion. I mean, why do you listen to music, Jonathan? What's your favorite kind of music?

• 34:31Jonathan Fields?

  Probably classic rock.

• 34:34Speaker 00

  Classic rock. Why do you listen to it?

• 34:37Jonathan Fields?

  Because of the way it makes me feel.

• 34:38Speaker 00

  The way it makes you feel.

• 34:39Jonathan Fields?

  Faster access to a feeling for me than

• 34:42Speaker 00

  That's right.

• 34:43Jonathan Fields?

  than the right music.

• 34:44Speaker 00

  That's right. And if you ask people this, which many researchers have, about 96 or so percent will say exactly what you said. So why do you listen to music? I like the way it makes me feel. So you want to fast track to showing you can change your emotions around? Like, that's how you do it. I have songs on my phone that are designated for different kinds of moods. Like, I can get pumped up really fast. Some of it is cliche and it'll make listeners think much less of me. I'll share it nonetheless. If you want to pump me up, like, you go into some rock and roll, even verging on even some... I'm a big Yankees fan. One of my favorite players of all time, a guy by the name of Mariano Rivera, who you know, doubt. Are you a baseball fan?

• 35:29Speaker 00

  Anyway, this guy really comes

• 35:30Jonathan Fields?

  I know who Mariano was.

• 35:31Speaker 00

  Greatest closer of all time. So if the team was down or was up and the manager wanted to just end the game with a win, they put him in. And he always approached the mound to mentality's enter the sandman. You put that up, I feel like I'm ready to conquer the world. And I have songs like that that can get me going. And I have songs that can bring me down. One very powerful way that people can just experience some agency with respect to our emotional lives. Now, those effects, fleeting, right after the music goes off, our emotions often return to where they were before, but nonetheless, they demonstrate There are things you can do to push those emotions out.

• 36:15Jonathan Fields?

  And it's certainly, it's one of the levers that I throw pretty regularly in my own life when I want to feel a particular way. And interestingly, it's also, you know, I will listen, you know, like if I go like, if I'm listening to U2 from the eighties or the nineties, it gives me a very particular feeling and, you know, it's lost in, you know, some sort of transcendent type of moment or experience. But I might also listen to Leonard Cohen because I actually want to feel a certain kind of deep melancholy. Because I may just be in a space where I'm just like, you know, I really wanted, like, I want to drop into my heart for a moment. And it's powerful. Like, so it works on both ends of the spectrum.

• 36:55Speaker 00

  Totally. Let's talk about that. That's another great example of how negative emotions can have some functionalities. We tend to experience sadness when we experience some loss that we can't replace, right? Like, we lose someone we love, or we screw up in a way that we cannot fix. When we experience sadness, a few things happen. First, there's this kind of slowing down of our physiology. There's also this motivation to withdraw and be introspective, to turn our attention inward. Why? To make sense and meaning out of this new circumstance that we're finding ourselves in. Like, something happened. We cannot fix this situation. We can't replace the loss.

• 37:39Speaker 00

  We gotta now reframe how we're thinking about ourselves and the world around us to make sense of this new reality. So we need some time to do that introspective work. But, and I love this feature of sadness, you know, go to, when you're in that kind of darkish state, right? You're not feeling great and you're withdrawing, that could be dangerous if you pull too far away. So what does evolution end doubt us with? A sad facial expression that is like a lifeline that broadcasts to those around us. Hey, don't leave this person alone. Check up on them. You know, some people use this to their benefit and yes, daughters, I'm talking to you.

• 38:22Speaker 00

  Like my daughters, if I'm sometimes upset, they'll just put on the sad face. You know, it's like an exaggerated lower lip gets her. And even though I know it's being deliberate, it still instantly melts me. And that's because we are social species. We are highly attuned to the emotions of other people. So there's a functionality to sadness and you can use music to go deeper into that state. So there's this effect called the emotional congruency effect, which is when we are experiencing certain emotional states, we often seek out experiences to match those states. So when we're in a sad mood, we're going to want to listen to some sad music. Nothing wrong with that.

• 39:04Speaker 00

  If you're feeling sad and you don't want to feel sad anymore, that is a cue that, hey, maybe you shouldn't listen to the Leonard Cohen and you should go, you know, listen to Journey instead.

• 39:15Jonathan Fields?

  I mean, it's interesting also as you're describing that, I'm thinking of the phrase, a good cry, you know? And it's interesting that phrase exists, you know? Because you're kind of saying, okay, so there's actually, like, there are times where you just feel heavy or sad and you're carrying something. And there's something in us that knows that if we just push it, if we just move into the point where we have this physiological response, like crying, that it also, it creates a release mechanism that almost gives us access to then move out of it, to process our way through it. And then like move into that state of like, you know, like, I feel differently now. But it's like we had to tip ourselves into it almost to get that extra physiological response

• 40:00Jonathan Fields?

  to sort of release us into a better place. Sense and all?

• 40:04Speaker 00

  It makes total sense to me. And it makes me want to ask you, how does having that insight change the way you experience sadness? Does it make it a more acceptable experience to have?

• 40:20Jonathan Fields?

  I'll answer from my perspective. I don't necessarily shy away from the hard experiences or emotions. So it doesn't sort of meaningfully change the way I would process it because I'm okay going there, actually.

• 40:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:33Jonathan Fields?

  And I'm okay crying. I'm okay actually feeling all the feels because I also feel like to try and regulate them to the point where I'm not feeling them. It doesn't mean that whatever the stimulus that evoked them in the first place is not in some way going to find its way out in my body. And often that is through other emotions that are equally hard or through physiological harm. You know, as you described earlier in our conversation, maybe it's going to show up in GI distress, maybe it's going to show up in pain, maybe it's going to show up in inflammation or an illness. And that has happened in my past and probably will happen again. I think what I've tried to learn over time is that I actually

• 41:17Jonathan Fields?

  need, in order to be healthy physiologically, psychologically, but also physically, I actually need to feel all these things. I need to own them and I need to fully feel them because they're not going to just go away. They're just going to find another way through me. And oftentimes that way is going to be much more destructive.

• 41:37Speaker 00

  Yeah. So that attitude, a very evolved one. And it's, I would describe it as you through a, I mean, it would be interesting to learn how you got to this point and when you did, based on what kinds of experiences, but you're working with the machine that is you rather than against it. When we talk about these sayings that, you know, suggest to people that you should aspire to never experience negative emotions, or another one of my favorite directives, always be in the moment, or never avoid pain, always approach it. Like, these are impossible directives. We're

• 42:20Speaker 00

  giving people goals and we're telling them they're really important, that they cannot possibly accomplish. And that, I think, is a huge problem because you are setting people up for failure from the very beginning, when there are better goals to have. And I realize better can sound judgy, but I'm saying this based on what I know of how emotions work, like. They can be useful in the right dosages. So I think your view is enlightened.

• 42:49Jonathan Fields?

  Yeah. So let's drop into what we kind of, we backed our way into actually the early part of a conversation around what you describe as shifts. Like these are like mechanisms or tools to be able to actually in some way navigate the amplitude and the duration of these things that we're feeling so that we can experience them, but also experience them in a way that actually feels better to us. That feels like, okay, what like I can deal with this. I'm okay with this. And maybe I can even find value in it. You talk about in the early part of this, you kind of divide into shifting from the inside out as the starting point.

• 43:22Speaker 00

  Right.

• 43:23Jonathan Fields?

  Sensory shifters is, you know, is this huge mechanism. We talked about it in the context of music, but just more broadly, describe to me, what is a sensory shifter?

• 43:33Speaker 00

  A sensory shifter is when you are activating your senses, which have these powerful connections, neurologically speaking, to emotion networks in our brain. You're strategically activating your senses to generate a desired emotional response. So in English, what do I mean? You want to feel happy? You are firing up music that makes you feel happy. You want to feel a little bit more sedated and calm? You're putting on maybe some classical music or the music that helps you achieve those goals. Music is probably the sensory modality that is used most often for these regulatory purposes, though it's interesting, it's not

• 44:17Speaker 00

  used nearly as often as you would think. So research shows that most people, like almost at ceiling, 96, 97% of people when asked across studies, why are you listening to music? They say they like the way it makes them feel. But if you then look at what they do to manage their emotions when they're experiencing really big ones.

• 44:39Speaker 00

  10 to 30% avail themselves of that sensory modality. We all have this kind of experience of listening to music. Like, I was just at a concert a couple of weeks ago, and I was like, oh, my God. People have paid collectively millions of dollars to just have their emotions be regulated for three or four hours. This was just an emotion regulation event. Everyone's happy for most of it. There were a couple of sad songs that were played. But I talk about this in the book. Like, even for me, as someone who has studied emotion for 25 years, like, I have often lost sight of, earlier in my life, of the role that the senses play in impacting our emotions, that they are a tool that can be strategically levered.

• 45:24Speaker 00

  Like, when I go into the car now, I look at the dashboard and I don't see, you know, I guess we wouldn't call it a radio, but we call it a device for activating playlists. Like, I see an emotion regulation tool that I can move my emotions around and everyone in that car, depending on what channels I select, right? What playlist, what songs I put up there. And so it's a tool that's right there. It is so easy to use, and I don't think we use it frequently enough. Another, just to give you one more powerful sensory tool, is touch. You know, an affectionate embrace has been shown to generate positive feelings pretty automatically.

• 46:06Speaker 00

  If it's an unwanted embrace, it actually leads to the opposite regulatory outcomes, right? It can lead to a kind of cringe, get away from me. Touch is the first sense to develop. We are a tactile species. And so if I'm not having a great day, and, you know, my wife comes over and, you know, just kind of gives me a hug or rubs my back, like, there's an automatic regulatory effect that has. And it's one that I can leverage as well to help other people. You know, and clearly, we need to give all the caveats about, you want to do this judiciously. You don't want to haphazard. Touch people at work like that would not be a good thing, but let's not kid ourselves. We're a tactile species, right? And so you can leverage that sensory modality as well.

• 46:51Speaker 00

  So those are just two examples, but we see similar data linked with the other sensory modalities, vision, hearing, scent as well. These are all gateways for relatively effortlessly shifting our emotions. And I threw in that relatively effortlessly there for a reason. We know that human beings, we don't like to do things that are hard. This is true for all of us. There's a law of least effort that characterizes us. And there's good reason for this. We have limited resources. We're always trying to preserve our cognitive or thinking resources. And so the easier something is to do, the more likely you are to do it.

• 47:35Speaker 00

  These sensory modalities aren't necessarily going to help us fix the giant problems we experience, but they can nudge us in the right emotional directions. Being aware of that, I think, is really important.

• 47:47Jonathan Fields?

  Yeah, that makes a lot of sense to me. And I feel like the speed of action for the sensory shifters is it can often be so fast. You know, that maybe it's just like the match that just kind of like immediately starts to shift us into something and maybe then we have to do some work to sustain it or to change or to add.

• 48:05Speaker 00

  Exactly.

• 48:06Jonathan Fields?

  To it. Yeah. And we'll be right back after a word from our sponsors.

• 48:12Jonathan Fields?

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• 48:55Jonathan Fields?

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• 49:03Jonathan Fields?

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• 49:48Jonathan Fields?

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• 50:29Jonathan Fields?

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• 51:11Jonathan Fields?

  One of the other shifters that you talk about under this category of inside out is also attention, which I've always been so fascinated between the relationship between attention and emotion and what we feel. You brought up earlier in the conversation, pain and attention have always had a really strong relationship to me. And I learned years ago, a million years ago, I owned a yoga studio in Hills Kitchen, New York. And I also had migraines. I had migraines my entire adult life. I had to teach a class, you know, like so it's 6:30, 50 people are piling into a room. They just had a hard day. It's my job to show up and give them everything that I can for 90 minutes. And there were times where I would show up and you're like, I've got a raging headache and I don't know how I'm gonna do this. I step into the room

• 51:54Jonathan Fields?

  and I sit down and everybody's just sitting there. And all of a sudden, my attention shifts from me to these 50 other beings who I'm in service of in the moment that we're in together. And for the 90 minutes, the pain drops away. And then when the last person leaves the room, it comes back, you know? And so I really began to explore like the relationship between attention and felt experience, like whether it's physiological or emotional, psychological. And you know, you speak to this, and I think it's such a powerful lever for us.

• 52:26Speaker 00

  Oh, absolutely. I mean, attention is determining what's getting into our brains, right? Like it's what we are, how we are. It's like that is our spotlight. And what you put the spotlight on is that what you are going to then focus on. And what's interesting about attention is that it's often talked about in very non nuanced ways. We've learned a couple of things that over the past few decades about attention and emotion that suggests that maxim is not true. So here's what we know. We know that chronically avoiding problems. So if you have this rule that you should always avoid things, this is not good. This can lead

• 53:08Speaker 00

  to negative outcomes and does over time. But at the same token, like chronically attending to every source of pain possible, probably not a good idea either. And probably going to elicit lots of mental chatter too, if you're just always zooming in on the problems that are in front of you. What seems to be the most effective strategy is being able to be strategic in how we deploy our attention, being flexible. Being able to engage with negative feelings at times when it's useful and productive, like when we do need to solve a problem and work through it and learn from our experiences. Focusing on the problem, wielding our attention to it can be very helpful.

• 53:50Speaker 00

  But at other times, sometimes getting some mental space away from the problem can be really helpful. Because what it allows to happen, let's say I distract, like you did. You distracted by focusing on other people. If we're dealing with an emotional experience, time often tempers our emotional reactions. Like, you know, we often say time heals all wounds. It's a pretty powerful effect that time has on many of the emotional trials and tribulations that we experience. And so you getting some time away from a problem? It is remarkable how when you then come back to that problem later, sometimes it's just not even there. And in other cases, it's there, but in a less intense form where we can engage with it more effectively.

• 54:35Speaker 00

  I'll give you an example from my own life. You know, just last night, there was something that, you know, it was very, it was a long day and I didn't have probably as many resources cognitively as I do when I first wake up and I'm fresh. And I thought about something and it was beginning to get me anxious, like, oh my God, did I screw this up? And for a little bit, I started to focus on it, to really get to the bottom of it, to see if I had screwed up. And I found that the more I focused in on it and zoomed in, the bigger the problem seemed to be. And then I purposely, taking a page out of my book, no pun intended, I diverted. I positively distracted.

• 55:14Speaker 00

  I strategically avoided and said to myself, I'm not going to come back to this until tomorrow. And so I engaged in a positive set of distractions. I played with my kids. I watched some funny clips on social media, which consumed my attention. I talked to my wife. And lo and behold, guess what happened this morning when I woke up, Jonathan?

• 55:35Jonathan Fields?

  It was magically dealable. We're done.

• 55:38Speaker 00

  It was gone. It wasn't even there. Whereas 12 hours earlier, it felt like one of the biggest problems I had ever encountered. And so that's an example of the power of being able to strategically divert our attention on or away from things can be really useful. Now, we don't tend to teach people how to strategically deploy our attention. We just give them these maxims, work through it, don't avoid. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard over the course of my life and career, you should never avoid talking about this or focus on this. Always confront the problem head on. Sometimes confronting is really good. Other times, move away from a little bit and come back to it.

• 56:22Speaker 00

  That kind of flexibility seems to be the name of the game. And so there are these like rules that I try to flesh out in the book of when to avoid, when to approach, when to go back and forth, that we've learned from the science over time. And I think that learning about what those contingencies, what those rules are, it almost gives us a playbook for how to steer our attentional spotlight in ways that can be productive.

• 56:44Jonathan Fields?

  So I agree with that. And I think that having those rules, having that sort of like basic guidelines that say, okay, like here's, I have a better sense for when to step in or when to step out. I want to switch out into some of the more external things that you explore as well. And you described this as shifting from the outside in. And one of the things that you talked about is physical environments. I thought this was really fascinating because I'm somebody who's also really strongly affected by both my immediate physical environment and also geographically where I am. And have found that they have a really strong effect on whatever I'm feeling in any given moment in time. And this kind of combines with the internal because it's oftentimes when you shift your physical environment, you're also probably making a change in your attention.

• 57:27Jonathan Fields?

  It's in the sense is it's hard to kind of tease this out and just control for only one of these. So if I'm stressed about something and I'm getting a little anxious about it, I actually need to get up, I need to get out of my office and I need to be outside. And you know, the change in the physical space around me often is really powerful. At least for me, it tends to be fairly immediate and very.

• 57:48Speaker 00

  Oh, well, you're not alone either. I mean, this is a very powerful shifter. And there are a couple of different ways it works. You already described one set of properties that characterize it. Like when you change your space. Your inputs are different, so your attention is focused on different things. Your sensations are different, too. One of the most popular spaces that can have emotionally restorative effects for people is going out in nature. Well, when you go out in nature, now all of a sudden, you're not necessarily looking at a computer screen, but you're looking at your surroundings. You have sights and smells and sounds that are often pleasant. You can sometimes also be in a place that is filled with grandeur that makes you feel,

• 58:32Speaker 00

  wow, this life seems a little bit bigger than just me. These trees have been here for hundreds of years, and I'm worried about this little episode that didn't go well with a guest. So they can help also shift your perspective, which is another internal shifter we haven't talked about. Places also have a meaning to us in a deeper sense, almost. So Jonathan, where are you from?

• 58:56Jonathan Fields?

  New York.

• 58:57Speaker 00

  Originally?

• 58:58Jonathan Fields?

  Yep.

• 58:58Speaker 00

  Long Island.

• 58:59Jonathan Fields?

  Little island, a water town called Port Washington.

• 59:02Speaker 00

  Okay, Port Washington. Did you like where you grew up or not like where you grew up?

• 59:06Jonathan Fields?

  Loved it, yeah.

• 59:06Speaker 00

  Loved it. And so I bet that if we were to magically drop you back into Port Washington, you would instantly be filled with positive, warm feelings. Is that a fair thing to say?

• 59:20Jonathan Fields?

  Probably, except for a few, like days of middle school.

• 59:23Speaker 00

  Right. Well, I'm saying right now, if you took you back.

• 59:25Jonathan Fields?

  Yeah, right now, though. You'd feel pretty good.

• 59:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think middle school would not elicit positive feelings for most of us. We often talk about the attachments that we form to other people, right? We develop these kind of secure attachments to our partners, hopefully, our parents, hopefully, where they become a source of emotional salvation and strength for us, right? Their mere presence makes us feel better. Well, what we also know is people develop attachments to places. And so if you know what places you are positively attached to, maybe it's the place you grew up, maybe it's green spaces, simply being in those spaces can elicit positive feelings. Now, we can also develop-

• 1:00:12Speaker 00

  Negative attachments to places as well, in the same way that we can develop negative attachments to people. So I grew up not too far from you in Port Washington, maybe, I don't know, an hour drive away in Brooklyn, New York. And the neighborhood that I grew up in was a neighborhood that I never really loved. It was a rough and tumble place with fights and muggings and things like that. And I was always on guard. If you put me there now, I would have a negative response. I say this because I think it can be useful to think about, what are the places in your immediate and broader environment that you have those positive attachments to? If you can like, think about what those are really

• 1:00:56Speaker 00

  carefully, you could be proactive in how you visit those spaces when you may be struggling. So here in Ann Arbor, I could tell you it's the Arboretum, it's the law school quad, it's Huron Park. These are places where I go to them, I instantly feel better. So changing your space is one way that you can leverage your surroundings to help you achieve the emotional states you want to achieve. The other thing you can do is if you can't change your space, which we can't often do for various reasons, you can modify the space that you are in. And that's another way that you can shift your emotions. You can modify

• 1:01:37Speaker 00

  your space to activate emotional responses that you desire. For example, on the sides of me and flanking the computer, you can't see, there are picture frames all around me. They're just not back there. I don't look behind me very often. There are picture frames of people I love. And research shows that glancing at those picture frames, that instantly activates thoughts, memories of those individuals, and it activates positive emotional states that can help repair negative responses. So I've modified my space to surround myself with cues that are capable of helping me repair when I'm struggling. Pictures of plants or real plants also have been like with other kinds of positive responses. So those

• 1:02:21Speaker 00

  are ways that you can modify your space to activate a desirable response.

• 1:02:27Speaker 00

  You can also modify your space to eliminate the activation of undesirable emotional responses. And the story that I give somewhat tongue in cheek in the book, but it's true for me. Coming from New York, I don't know if the same is true for you, but my weakness is pizza. And the colder it is, the better. And it doesn't matter what my cholesterol looks like or what time of the early morning it is. If I see that slice in the fridge, it is activating an emotional response that is going to drive me to consume it. And then I'm going to feel terrible as a result.

• 1:03:04Speaker 00

  And so if we have a party and we have people over and I've got a couple of extra pizza pies and they go in the fridge, one thing I can do to eliminate the likelihood that I'm going to be tempted and undesirable emotional response? Give the pizza away, right? Get, modify my space so I'm not actually triggered by it. People who are struggling with addiction are often told not to visit old haunts because the mere sight of those places can activate these undesirable responses. So this is a way now of structuring our physical spaces to help us achieve our regulatory goals.

• 1:03:46Jonathan Fields?

  Yeah, that makes so much sense. And I imagine that for a lot of folks, even things as simple as lighting and temperature make a real difference. I know for me, lighting is actually is a huge thing. If I'm kind of getting a little ornery and cranky and I'm like, oh, wait a minute, the sunset, it's actually really dark in my studio. I mean, just turn on the lights and it's like, oh, wow. The world is better.

• 1:04:10Speaker 00

  Light is huge, temperatures is huge. And these are also sensory experience. And so it's all connected. And you know, like my hope is with this book is to break these down into bite sized bits so that people understand how you can be really strategic in pulling these different shifters to push you in the directions you want, because they can have really positive effects.

• 1:04:36Jonathan Fields?

  Yeah, I mean, no doubt. You. Under that same outside in, you also explore relationships and the broader culture and the impact that this has. And you also drop into, as you wrap up a conversation, you drop into a conversation around like, how can we actually, how can we take the decision making process out of a lot of these things? So it's like this, these go-tos just become our go-tos. These shifts become like the lever set. We don't have to take our time and think and then make happen, but they're just like, this is what happens. Like when I feel X, I do Y. I feel like, you know, if we can get to that place, not with all of them and not with all of our emotions, but like if we can at least start to dip into creating the rituals and the habits where you just kind of, you don't have to think about it. You just, oh, I'm feeling

• 1:05:21Jonathan Fields?

  this. Like, here are the two things. It's like that, it takes one major friction point away. And, and we're so, yeah, like the slightest bit of friction seems to derail people so easily. I'm raising my hand right here. Like, it's just, if you can remove those friction points and almost like automate the process of like, this is what I know to do now. It can be transformative.

• 1:05:44Speaker 00

  Well, and we can, you know, so I talk about, there are these technologies, these simple steps that we can take to make emotion regulation automatic. And I lay this out in the book, right? You, it's called whoop, like, you know, there it is. Right? It's actually, you know that song?

• 1:06:01Jonathan Fields?

  Of course I do. You're referring to Kevin Udine's work instead.

• 1:06:04Speaker 00

  Yes, exactly. I was disheartened because when I, the song, you know, I was so excited to use that in a very cheesy way as a subheader in the book, but the actual song is titled WOMP with an M, not just whoop.

• 1:06:17Jonathan Fields?

  I'm kidding.

• 1:06:18Speaker 00

  Yeah. So people often ask me, do I ever struggle with emotions? You know, I run a lab. I've spent 25 years studying this. I'm an authority in this area. And, you know, I usually pause. Of course I sometimes struggle with my emotions. Like sometimes they can get the best of me. But here is where I really excel. And it is a testament to the value, both of the tools that I talk about, and this issue of how to make the, the usage of those tools reflexive, automatic. I'm, I'm really good at the moment I detect an undesirable emotional response brewing and becoming too big, I know exactly which tools I'm going to go for. So there are like two or three things I do instantly.

• 1:07:04Speaker 00

  Forty percent of the time, fifty percent of the time, that's it. It helps me deal with the situation on back on track. Another twenty percent of the time, I've got to layer on a few additional tools. And, you know, fifteen percent more, a few others. And then that five percent of the time where like, I don't know what the hell to do. But the idea here is I have plans that I activate to help me reach the desirable end states that I seek to attain. And more often than not, that helps. And it turns out like these ways that we know to make emotion regulation automatic. These are frameworks that people in many other industries use to be successful. This is one of the most successful organizations in the world at what they do.

• 1:07:47Speaker 00

  And the way they do it is ahead of time, they think about, all right, what's my desired outcome? What are the potential obstacles I might encounter? Now let me come up with plans to address those different potential obstacles. If this happens, then I'll do this. If this happens, then I'll do that. If this happens, I do this and it doesn't work, then I'll do that. You do that enough times, you don't have to think about what to do. If some calamity strikes, you know exactly what to do and you do it automatically. That is the opportunity that I think exists for everyone.

• 1:08:22Jonathan Fields?

  Makes so much sense. And by the way, you just walked us through that when you first shared, whoop, whoop is actually an acronym, acronym, W O P, which is shorthand for wish, outcome, obstacle, plan, which is an approach that you just described, and there's also really interesting research around goal achievement with this technique. And it's like when you actually identify the potential obstacles in advance, you kind of know. And oftentimes, they're the internal obstacles, the emotions, the feelings that pop up, the gremlins. And you're like, if this happens, this is my plan. When you do that in advance. It's so much more likely to actually happen and it won't derail you.

• 1:08:58Speaker 00

  Exactly.

• 1:08:59Jonathan Fields?

  You can feel it and move through it because you know what to do in advance. You don't have to sit there trying to figure it out when you're then presently dealing with the emotion itself and how it's affecting you.

• 1:09:09Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 1:09:09Jonathan Fields?

  I think the final point here I wanted to ask you about, and I think it's probably become pretty evident here, is that, you know, while you list out a whole bunch of different go-tos, you know, like internal and external shifts that we can all explore, that there's no universal diet of tools here. There's no universal thing that says, you know, like, for every person that's feeling this, this is the thing to do, that, you know, that we are all the unique individual beasties. And we kind of need to figure our own way through it. Like, we can look at the toolbox, but we've got to try on, like, all the different things and see what works for us.

• 1:09:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, that's exactly the point to end on. There are no one-size-fits-all solutions. And anyone who tells you that there are, you should run the other way because that is not the way we work. And the science powerfully demonstrates that that is not true. Lee recently, this paper accepted, we've been working on it for a while. It summarized the results of these two large studies that we did during the COVID pandemic, where we basically tracked people for several weeks. It was a nationally representative study where we looked at, how are you feeling? How much anxiety are you feeling on this day? And what tools did you use to manage the anxiety? And we asked people, like, 20 different tools.

• 1:10:22Speaker 00

  What we found is that there was remarkable variability, not only between people and the tools that benefited them. So the three things that worked really good for you may have been entirely different from the four things that worked really well for me on a particular day. But even within the same person over time, the three things that worked for me on day one were quite different from the four things that worked for me on day five. Now, we don't yet know how to prescribe tools to people. You do these six things. And then when Tammy comes to me and tells me about her circumstances and who she is, I can prescribe these three things.

• 1:11:03Speaker 00

  What we, where we have gotten is we know what a lot of the tools are. There are dozens of them and we understand how they work. We've profiled how they work pretty well. And so the real opportunity that exists for folks, as you just described, is start, start playing, start self experimenting with these tools to find the ones that work best for you. If you find one that works, keep using it. Layer on another one. See how that helps matters. The beauty of these tools is that they're not just cheap. They are free. I guess you have to maybe subscribe to, well, this is a free download, right? I mean, or to get the book for free from your library. You gotta find the tools, right? Minimal cost there.

• 1:11:46Speaker 00

  This is not like taking a powerful medicine that is loaded with side effects, right? The cost to trying these are pretty minimal. So give it a shot. If it works, keep doing it. If not, shift to something else.

• 1:11:58Jonathan Fields?

  Love that. It feels like a great place for us to wrap up as well. Come full circle. So I'll ask it again in this container of Good Life Project. If I offer up the phrase to live a good life, what comes up?

• 1:12:12Speaker 00

  Purpose, relationships, contentment. Having purpose and meaning to drive you, having wonderful people to surround yourselves with that contribute to that purpose and being content with what you have because there's always more that can be attained.

• 1:12:32Jonathan Fields?

  Thank you.

• 1:12:35Jonathan Fields?

  Hey, before you leave, if you loved this episode, safe bet you will also love the conversation we had with Ethan in an earlier episode about overcoming mental chatter. You'll find a link to that episode in the show notes. This episode of Good Life Project was produced by executive producers Lindsay Fox and me, Jonathan Fields. Editing help by Troy Young. Christopher Carter crafted our theme music and special thanks to Shelley Del Bliss for her research on this episode. And of course, if you haven't already done so, please go ahead and follow Good Life Project in your favorite listening app or on YouTube too. If you found this conversation interesting or valuable and inspiring. Chances are you did, because you're still listening here. Do me a personal favor, a seven second favor. Share it with just one person.

• 1:13:20Jonathan Fields?

  I mean, if you want to share it with more, that's awesome, too. But just one person even, then invite them to talk with you about what you've both discovered, to reconnect and explore ideas that really matter. Because that's how we all come alive together. Until next time, I'm Jonathan Fields, signing off for Good Life Project. Today's episode is sponsored by NerdWallet Wealth Partners. Making more money doesn't come with instructions. Nobody hands you a manual that says, "Congrats on the raise. Here's what that does to your taxes." That's where NerdWallet Wealth Partners comes in. They're a financial advisory firm built for high earners in their 30s and 40s. The first thing they do with every client is create a financial plan. It's basically a roadmap from where you are today to where you want to be.

• 1:14:04Jonathan Fields?

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• 1:15:44Speaker 06

  Hey, we're Nick and Jack, hosts of The Best One Yet. Behind every episode, there's research, emails, spreadsheets, and our shared Google Doc, the headline hammer. With Google Workspace with Gemini, Google's AI is built right into the premium versions of tools we already use, like Gmail, Docs, and Sheets. No new tools or extra logins, just personalized AI for the way we work. That means less time on the work around the work and more time finding the stories worth talking about. Get AI tools for work. Upgrade to Google Workspace with Gemini at goo.gle/workspacewithgemini. That's goo.gle/workspacewithgemini.