10 Steps to Unshakable Confidence | New Beginnings Pt 3

In this third episode of the "New Beginnings" series, we dive deep into strategies for building confidence to take bold action and say yes to opportunities in life - both big and small. What confidence really means and how it differs from self-esteemWhy confidence looks different across different areas of your life10 proven strategies to build confidence in all areas of your lifeA powerful reframe around confidence and bravery from Brené Brown This power-packed episode provides a roadmap for building unshakeable confidence so you can show up boldly as your authentic self - even when you're feeling unsure or afraid. Episode Transcript https://www.goodlifeproject.com/podcast/10-steps-to-unshakable-confidence-new-beginnings-pt-3 If you LOVED this episode: You can find the 1-page worksheet HERE. https://www.goodlifeproject.com/nb/Find all of the New Beginnings: Redesigning Your Life in 2025 https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6pudF9a02aNVOryBnfc3eq?si=BqLH6kLJT6aK6CvzcfwUoQ episodes. Check out our offerings & partners: Join My New Writing Project: Awake at the Wheel https://jonathanfields.substack.com/aboutVisit Our Sponsor Page For Great Resources & Discount Codes https://www.goodlifeproject.com/sponsors/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

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• 0:02Jonathan Fields?

  So here's my question. Do you ever wish you were more confident? Like you could just walk up to that person at a gathering or a party or event and introduce yourself and maybe go for a raise or a new job or make art or become a creator or write a book, dance like nobody's watching? Maybe you want to speak in front of people and feel good or start taking exercise or yoga classes or go to the gym as a total newbie who is unfit and doesn't really know how to begin or anything else that scares you, but also holds incredible potential on the other side of action? Well, that's what we're diving into in today's episode

• 0:44Jonathan Fields?

  three of our special January series, New Beginnings: Redesigning Your Life in 2025. So over the past two weeks, we have laid a foundation for an incredible year ahead. We started by creating a roadmap to guide your personal growth with a focus on your good life buckets and had to do a little something to fill them on a regular basis. And then we zoomed in to set bold, ambitious, yet achievable goals and focused on how to actually achieve them by tapping the power of something I call success scaffolding. Now, if you missed those first two episodes in this five-part New Beginning series, be sure to listen to them after this. You don't have to listen in order, by the way, but they

• 1:26Jonathan Fields?

  do complement each other. Today, we are going to deep dive into something that just so often stops us from doing so many of the things that we want to do in life, both big and small, like the big things, but also the little micro moments every day. And that is how to build confidence to say yes to all those big and little things that can, at the end of the day, change your life, even if they're the tiny ones. I mean, if you start to do that a little bit every day. They add up to a big difference in the way you live and feel your life. So we'll explore what confidence really is, how it's different from that other thing called self-esteem, which a lot of people are suspect of.

• 2:09Jonathan Fields?

  Then I'll share 10 proven strategies to build your confidence in all the different areas of your life. And by the way, we'll also explain why the different areas of your life are different when it comes to confidence. So you can strengthen your confidence muscle and take bold action toward the life that you've envisioned in 2025 and beyond. And I'll also wrap by sharing a powerful reframe around confidence and bravery that I learned from Brene Brown. I guess it's over a decade ago now. By the end of this episode, you will not only really help believe in your ability to act, even when you don't know how things will end. And there's a little bit of scariness or risk involved. You'll have the tools to do it.

• 2:52Jonathan Fields?

  So excited to share this confidence deep dive with you. I'm Jonathan Fields and this is Good Life Project.

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• 3:38Jonathan Fields?

  Good Life Project is sponsored by Steel. So I am not in the studio today. I'm actually out on the trail and the Rockies at about 6,000 feet above sea level and boulder. The leaves are exploding with color and it's just stunning out. And yes, I'm wearing my favorite Steel hat. And just last night, I was wearing one of my favorite Steel jackets, which if you know me is not unusual. I wear the hat almost every day and my Steel jackets pretty much live on me all fall and winter. There's even a Stio shop back in town practically in my backyard. Here is why I love them. Stio is designed and tested in Jackson Hole at the base of the Tetons by locals who ski and bike and hike and climb and fish there pretty much every day. They have been at it since 2011, so they know warmth and they also know style.

• 4:23Jonathan Fields?

  Everything I have from them, it works great. It holds up in every condition and also looks awesome. And their hometown down is 800 filled down, but it feels more like just your favorite hoodie than a puffy. And ski season is almost here, so gear up now the way that the locals do. Go to stio.com/goodlife for 20% off your order. That's S T I O dot com slash good life. Stio.com/goodlife. Stio, designed and tested in Jackson Hole. Good Life Project is supported by Ernesto rugs. So a small confession, our front porch has been the most neglected corner of our homes since we moved in. It's the first thing anyone steps onto and it's been kind of greeting people with a sad, too small mat. Ernesto sent me their samples and now they're making us a rug.

• 5:08Jonathan Fields?

  And the cool thing is for $10, you get five oversized 12 by 12 samples. So you see the colors at real scale in your own space before you even get it. So we lived with all five colors for a few days and cool morning light and golden afternoon light. And we're sure to be roasting the sky, but Caldwell just kind of kept quietly winning. The thing you're certain about isn't always the thing that fits. And because Ernesto rugs are custom sized, cut to the ins. The one we ordered is made to our exact six and a half feet by nine feet space, not close enough. Visit ernesto.com and order five samples for only $10 and you'll get $50 toward any rug of your choice. That's E R N E S T A dot com.

• 5:51Jonathan Fields?

  Hey, so I'm super excited to dive into the world of confidence. There's so much mythology around this area. So many of us deal with it, even if we don't deal with it in one area of life, we often deal with it in another, often in an area that we don't tell anyone else about or are willing to sort of like publicly admit to. But before we get to how to build confidence or unconfident action, let's tackle an age old question. What is the difference between confidence and self-esteem? I mean, are they just the same thing? Do you need to have one or both? And how do they play into living your best, most fulfilling life? So let's get into it.

• 6:36Jonathan Fields?

  First, let's define these two ideas because understanding the distinction between confidence and self-esteem can be a real game changer. Confidence and self-esteem, think of them as kind of like siblings. They're related, but not identical twins. And sometimes they get along really well and sometimes they don't get along really well. They, little bit of friction there. So let's break it down. Confidence is all about your ability or your belief in your ability to perform a specific task or succeed in a particular situation. It's kind of like saying, you know, I've practiced this presentation a dozen times. So I'm confident I can nail it.

• 7:20Jonathan Fields?

  Or you know what, I've actually, I've completed a 10K before, so I'm confident I can do it again. Confidence tends to live in specific domains. It's tied to skills and experience. Now, self-esteem, on the other hand, this is more about your overall sense of self-worth. It's about how much you value yourself as a person, independent of what you can do or accomplish. Kind of like having this deep, unshakable belief that you're worthy of love and respect just because you exist. The fact of your birth gave you that. It's not tied to any particular skill or achievement.

• 8:06Jonathan Fields?

  Self-esteem is more about being rather than doing.

• 8:11Jonathan Fields?

  So let's maybe talk about a couple of stories to illustrate this. A few years ago, I remember bumping into someone, let's call him Michael. And Michael was this incredibly successful entrepreneur, super confident when it came to pitching investors and running board meetings and negotiating deals and even leading teams and like tracking product and getting things to market, all the yada yada that goes into that world. He could walk into a room and command attention like nobody's business. But here's the thing, when we started talking about his personal life, he opened up about feeling unworthy of deep and meaningful relationships. And he told me, yeah, you know, I'm great at the work thing.

• 8:57Jonathan Fields?

  I'm just not good enough as a person. It might had confidence in specific skills and in one very specific domain of his life. But he struggled more broadly with his self-esteem. That's not uncommon, by the way. High confidence and low self-esteem can and often do coexist. The two aren't necessarily connected. Let's maybe look at a different example here on the flip side.

• 9:27Jonathan Fields?

  I also knew someone else, let's call her Sarah. So Sarah had this amazing sense of self-worth. You know, she'd say things like, oh, I know I'm a good person. I know I'm deeply rooted in generosity and love and honesty and truth and integrity. I know I'm worthy of love and respect. You know, all those types of things that so many of us have trouble saying, me included. But when it came to trying new things where there was some risk involved, there were some stakes involved, she didn't know how it was gonna end. Like, starting a hustle on the side or, you know, a side gig or wanting to do something.

• 10:11Jonathan Fields?

  I think she was actually working on trying to develop the skills of playing an instrument. And she would just freeze up, you know, she'd think, what if I'm terrible at it? What if I fail? What if this doesn't go well? So she was kind of the opposite case of Michael. She had high self-esteem. This just generalized feeling about her own self-worth and worthiness of love and respect and dignity and all the stuff. But she had low confidence in certain specific areas or domains of her life or pursuits, tax, right? And here's the thing, that's okay too. Both confidence and self-esteem, they're not fixed pictures where you just have what you have and that's the way it is.

• 10:56Jonathan Fields?

  They are both works in progress. They both can be built and nurtured. So here's where it gets interesting also. Confidence and self-esteem can influence each other. They're not the same though. I think you're starting to realize that. For example, succeeding at something can boost your confidence, which might spill over and give your self-esteem a little nudge. And the reverse is true. If you've got a solid foundation of self-esteem, you might be more willing to try new things, even if your confidence in that particular thing or domain isn't there yet, simply because you know your worth isn't tied to whether you succeed or fail.

• 11:40Jonathan Fields?

  So I wanted to tease out that distinction and the relationship between the two, along with the fact that they're not the same, but they do influence each other because oftentimes I think we confuse them or we conflate them into the same thing and they're not. But I want to now really refocus the rest of the conversation on confidence, on what this thing is. And I'm going to walk through a series of 10 different strategies, right? So we'll do a deeper dive here. This is where things get pretty interesting because there's actually a lot of research to draw upon and confidence, unlike self-esteem, is highly situational and skill-based.

• 12:22Jonathan Fields?

  That means you can actively work on it in specific areas of your life. So let's explore these 10 different strategies to do just that. I'll walk through them one at a time here. And again, as I mentioned earlier, after we go through these strategies, I'm also going to give you a bit of a contrarian reframe on the whole notion of confidence or maybe a mindset shift and how to look at it differently. So let's start out with the first one. We call these mastery experiences. So oftentimes, the most effective way to build confidence is through repeated success in a specific area.

• 13:04Jonathan Fields?

  Psychologist Albert Pandora called these mastery experiences. So think of it this way. Each time you achieve a goal, even a small one, this could literally be walking up to a person at a coffee shop and sitting down next to them and asking, you know, like, hey, do you like that book that you're reading? Right? So it can be itty bitty. We're not talking about big things here. I mean, it can be big, but it doesn't have to be. But each time you say, okay, here's this thing. Right? It's kind of scary. There's some level of stakes in that example I just gave. There's what we would call social stakes. Right? It's not really a big deal if the person blows you off or doesn't answer you or gives you sort of like a short answer

• 13:49Jonathan Fields?

  that says, I'm not really interested in the conversation. Right? Your life isn't going to be rattled. You may feel a little uncomfortable for the next couple of seconds before you start doom scrolling on your phone or doing whatever it is to distract you and pretend that just didn't happen. But at the end of the day, the stakes are pretty low there. Right? But we feel them as really high. We blow them out of proportion oftentimes. Right? But the little things over time, when we do them, when we actually try them, they can make a really big difference when we just keep saying yes to these mastery experiences. Each time you say, here's a little thing. I want to take an action, big or small. And then we succeed at it. Your confidence grows.

• 14:34Jonathan Fields?

  So this is sometimes shorthanded as what people might call the confidence competence loop. Right? You want to do a thing. You don't necessarily know how to do it. So you try to do it the first time. Maybe you're not that good at it. You fumble and stumble, you're uncomfortable, and you don't get the response you want. So then you try again, you know, slightly different approach. Mm hmm. Okay, a little bit better. And you loop through this. And over time, you build the skill, the competence. And that competence then develops confidence. Right? And it's based often on repeatedly looping through these mastery experiences.

• 15:14Jonathan Fields?

  So maybe a bigger picture example here of mastery experiences and how they can impact your confidence. Let's say you're terrified of public speaking. And by the way, if you are, you're not alone. This is reportedly still the number one fear of the typical person. I remember years ago, looking at a chart that listed sort of like the top 10 fears of the average person. Number four was fear of death and number one was fear of speaking. That tells you how freaked out so many people are of speaking in front of other people. So how would we approach this from a mastery experience standpoint in order to help improve our confidence? Right?

• 15:56Jonathan Fields?

  Well, we might say, okay, let me start by speaking to a small supportive group. Oftentimes, we call these, let me speak to a handful of friendlies, where we know we kind of can't fail. And then we do that, and we know like, no matter what happens, we stumble, we fumble, everyone's there rooting for us. It's just a couple of people who are our people. Right? So we start out that way, where we're lowering the stakes and we're lowering the potential for social anxiety. And each successful attempt then, so we do that, and maybe we do it a couple of times. And then we tell those friends, hey, why don't you maybe invite a friend next time? So now we have a small group of friendlies.

• 16:39Jonathan Fields?

  Each one of them is inviting one other person who you're going to assume is relatively friendly too, because they're a friend of your friendlies. And so you're slow, but you're slowly building the size of the room. And then you're like, oh, I actually feel pretty good here, too. I've just had another mastery experience where I'm not only repeating the thing and building my skill of doing it better, but I'm also being able to do it in front of a group of people where they're saying, yeah, like, that's pretty good. So each successful attempt reinforces your belief that you can do it. That belief that you can do it starts to build your confidence.

• 17:21Jonathan Fields?

  So that's mastery experiences, the first strategy, right? How can I have a or create or step into a minor or major mastery experience?

• 17:34Jonathan Fields?

  Strategy number two. Preparation and practice. Oftentimes, confidence comes down to how prepared you feel. So, studies have shown that practice not only improves skill, but also can reduce anxiety and boost confidence. This makes a lot of sense to us, right? So, you know, when I was a gymnast, a million years ago in high school, I trained year round to be a competitive gymnast for the better part of the first 18 years of my life. Right? And then, on a weekly basis, we would have meets and, you know, the bleachers in the gym would be filled, or we'd be, you know, in, quote, "enemy territory" in another person's

• 18:19Jonathan Fields?

  gym, and so, like, the crowd there would not be, they're supporting us. And my specialty, I was a bars person, so it was high bar and P bars or parallel bars. Right? So, basically, I had a routine in my head, and I would have about 60 seconds to step up to the piece of equipment. The moment my hands touch it, the world would vanish away, and I would do this set of skills, one after another. And what I knew was that there was a direct correlation between my preparation and practice, and not just my ability to do the skill at a high level, but how anxious I was, how

• 19:03Jonathan Fields?

  confident I was, as I stepped to the piece of equipment to do it. Right? So, preparation and practice, we think of it as being able to build skill, but what we don't often think about is that they're also really important in our ability to build confidence as we step into wanting to be able to do that skill in a way where there's a high chance of success. Right?

• 19:31Jonathan Fields?

  Zoom up to create an example in sort of like a modern day situation before, say, you have a big presentation, right? You could 20 minutes before jot down a whole bunch of things that you want to talk about. And maybe some people are actually good with that because they have developed the skill of being able to almost freestyle or improv or presentation for years or decades. So they actually know that they have the skill to be able to do it on the fly. Most people are not that person. Most people are actually pretty terrified of that experience, or they've done it just enough to be okay, but probably not really good or great. So we spend a lot of time, right?

• 20:12Jonathan Fields?

  Instead, before a big presentation, we write down the details of what we want to make happen and we create our deck, whatever it is we're going to do. And then we rehearse and we do this multiple times. Maybe it's in front of a mirror, maybe it's with friends, maybe it's just repeating it to yourself. In the early days of speaking especially, you know, I would often rehearse by creating a pretty detailed outline of what I want to talk about. And then I would basically just create, distill it down to a single piece of paper. I'd put it on a wall, I'd be in my room and I would just use that to jog my memory as I would play around with different ideas and styling and stories and ways that I was going to share when I was speaking.

• 20:56Jonathan Fields?

  And in fact, every time I recreate a new topic to speak about, which I'm actually in the process of doing for this year, then I go through a whole new process of preparation and practice because I'm pretty comfortable with a lot of my presentation skills now, but it's a whole new body of work or a whole new big idea or concept and stories. And that I need to really find my way through to be able to do it, not just have the skill of doing it well, but to feel confident that when I step out to do it, it will come and it will be delivered and it will show up in a way that makes me feel good before I walk on the stage. So familiarity with your materials in that scenario and practice through repetition

• 21:40Jonathan Fields?

  can have a big impact, not just on your skill or competence, but on your confidence and state of mind. That brings us to our third strategy. So so far we've covered mastery experiences, preparation and practice. Number three here, modeling or social learning. So what we know is that watching someone else successfully perform a task that we also would love to be able to do at a high level can increase our belief in our own ability to pull it off. This is called vicarious experience.

• 22:22Jonathan Fields?

  So modeling or social learning through vicarious experience can be incredibly effective at helping us to develop the confidence. There's a bit of a proviso here though. Modeling or social learning, when the person that you are looking to or watching is not in any way, shape or form similar to you, can not only help you build the skills that you need to do it, but it can also not be a super effective way for you to feel more confident in your belief, in your own ability to do the same thing. So why is this?

• 23:04Jonathan Fields?

  Well, you know, so if I look at somebody who is, let's say, a world-class athlete, you know, a skier, downhill skier. Well, actually, I'm a snowboarder. So let's use snowboarding as an example. I look at a world-class, an Olympic snowboarder, right? And they're snowboarding in a halfpipe in the Olympics, doing these incredible things in the halfpipe and catching air and, you know, spinning around and landing and defying gravity, right?

• 23:41Jonathan Fields?

  Now, I'm a 58-year-old guy and I'm watching somebody who is, you know, a 24-year-old person and the peak of everything, right? If I'm watching that person successfully perform some sort of move in a half-bike on a mountain, right? Does it make sense that me, sitting here at my desk, watching that video on YouTube, or even sitting on the sidelines at the actual event, watching them do it, right? Am I gonna be odd? Yes. Am I gonna be like, "Ah, that's super cool. I wish I could do that"? Yes. Am I going to think to myself, because they have just been able to do it,

• 24:23Jonathan Fields?

  I now believe that I will be able to do that even with enough practice? Not a chance in the world. They, their lives, their abilities, their gifts, their talent, their support, their training, their skills, everything are so profoundly different from me, my life, my body, my circumstances, that I can't easily transfer in and say, "They're the analog. There's enough that's similar about them so that if they can do it, well, so could I. So now I feel more confident about it." Right? There's just a massive disconnect there. So the one thing that you want to really be careful of when we talk about modeling

• 25:05Jonathan Fields?

  or social learning is that you pick an exemplar or an avatar of somebody who has enough similarity to you so that your observation of them doing a thing that you wish you could do and that you want to do at the level you want to do it is compelling enough to make you say, "You know what? They could do it. I could do it." So maybe, for example, if you're learning to play piano, right? You're a total newbie and you're watching somebody else, right? Who's similar age, sort of like similar amount of time in their life. They can practice 15, 20 minutes a day.

• 25:49Jonathan Fields?

  Because an adult would have kids and a job. And they were similar skill level. But maybe they're six months down the road from you and you're watching what they're doing, right? And you're like, oh, wow. You know, they're actually able to play this song that I can't play right now, but you know, they seem similar enough to me and have similar enough lifestyles and abilities and skills and talent that I could totally see that, you know, six months from now, or if I just keep practicing, I keep doing those actions that I'm confident that I would be able to do too. And so modeling and social learning can be really powerful as a confidence builder. Just be really careful

• 26:33Jonathan Fields?

  who you pick to model. That brings us to strategy number four, positive feedback. And we'll be right back after a word from our sponsors. Good Life Project is sponsored by Talkiatry. So you know that moment when you finally say, okay, I need some help? That takes courage. And then you start calling psychiatrists and hear, we're not taking new patients, or our next opening is months away. Talkiatry exists to change that. Unlike therapy only platforms, Talkiatry is psychiatry. It's a 100% online practice where a medical provider can diagnose conditions like anxiety, ADHD,

• 27:14Jonathan Fields?

  depression, and more, and prescribe medication when it's appropriate. All 800-plus clinicians are in-network with major insurers. Take a short assessment, get matched, and have your first visit in days, not months. More than 300,000 patients have already found care through Talkiatry. So head to talkiatry.com/goodlife to complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. That's T-A-L-K-I-A-T-R-Y.com/goodlife to get matched in minutes. Talkiatry.com/goodlife. Good Life Project is sponsored by Quince. So these days, I tend to want fewer things made well. That's how I'm thinking about gifts this year, and it's why Quince is on

• 27:56Jonathan Fields?

  my list. So Quince makes elevated everyday essentials from premium materials like Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, and stretch denim at $50. To eighty percent less than similar brands. Cashmere sweaters that start at just fifty dollars. They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen. Our executive producer Lindsay actually just ordered their organic cotton denim chore jacket in indigo blue. Her verdict, dreamy and soft. She also grabbed Quince's bees oil wood conditioner. It's made in the USA from beeswax and mineral oil. It's food safe and it's lovely on cutting boards and bowls. And I actually just got the yummiest button down from Quince, which is great as the weather gets cooler. So give the gift of quality this holiday season.

• 28:39Jonathan Fields?

  Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and three hundred sixty five day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about us, let them know it was Good Life Project. It's the best way to support the show. Good Life Project is supported by Kachava. So I used to think being salty was reserved for bad moods and pretzels. But lately I have come to realize that a little salty edge actually makes life and especially dessert way more interesting. Any pastry chef will tell you that a pinch of salt isn't there to ruin the party. It's there to make the sweet parts just really shine, which is exactly what Kachava pulled off with their new salted caramel. First sip, I actually laughed.

• 29:22Jonathan Fields?

  It's that good, rich caramel, a little salty edge and none of the sugary drawbacks. And it's still the Kachava that I count on. Two scoops for complete nutrition with plant based protein, fiber, greens and so much more. No artificial flavors, colors or sweeteners, no fillers, no nonsense, which if you're feeling a little salty yourself is kind of the point. Embrace your salty side. Go to kachava.com and use the code GOODLIFE for fifteen percent off your order. That's kachava, K A C H A V A dot com, code GOODLIFE.

• 29:58Jonathan Fields?

  So constructive feedback, when we're looking to build confidence in any particular domain of life, remember we said confidence is domain specific. You can be super confident in one area and super not confident in another, right? So constructive feedback can be super helpful here. Research shows that receiving encouragement, especially from someone you trust, can significantly boost confidence, right? So that little part there, though, is the key, especially from someone you trust. So if you are, you know, working on a drawing

• 30:43Jonathan Fields?

  and you're trying to get better at it, and you're in a class, maybe, and at the end of the class, there's going to be, all the students get together and you do a show, a class show, and you invite all your friends, and they invite all their friends, and you put up your three best things up on the wall, and everybody's kind of coming and celebrating and checking out what you've done, right? So you really want to improve. You know, you're taking this, maybe it's a semester-long class or a month-long class, maybe you're in school, or maybe this is just, this is your fun thing, adult ed on the side, but you really want, you want to feel confident about your abilities here, and confident that you can stand up next to your work, and feel really good about

• 31:25Jonathan Fields?

  it as people observe it, right? So, part of that is you're working and you want feedback so that you can get better. You want input, but you want input from somebody who actually knows how to help you improve. So often, we don't do that. We just ask any random person, "Hey, what do you think?"

• 31:49Jonathan Fields?

  You know, you write something, you put it on social media and then you get all this feedback, you know, and you have no idea whether people are actually qualified to give you feedback that is constructive versus just socially compliant with what they think the norms are when they're telling you what they think you want to hear, or outright destructive, or you know, like malignant in the way that they're actually responding to you. So constructive feedback is and can be super important in helping us build confidence. Positive feedback, right? This is a strategy here, but super important that we solicit

• 32:30Jonathan Fields?

  that feedback from someone that we trust, both to have the insight, the skill, the wisdom to know what they're talking about to help us improve, and also the benevolent state of mind to want us to improve and not just be saying things to potentially take us down. So if you're trying to improve at a sport, you know, maybe it's a coach who provides specific actionable feedback that can make a huge difference. If you're at work and you're trying to just get better at presentations, right? Maybe you're going to find somebody there who's awesome at it. Maybe that's your boss or your colleague. And ask them, hey, can I like run a couple of lines by you? Can you take a quick look

• 33:11Jonathan Fields?

  at what I'm doing here? And ask their feedback, right? Positive feedback, but just beware who you're asking for it because that can either build or dismantle confidence if it's the wrong person. That brings us to strategy number five. That is reframing failure. So confidence isn't about never failing. It's about seeing failure or reframing failure as a part of a learning process. Studies show that people who view setbacks as opportunities to grow tend to not only grow and develop the skills needed to develop competence that

• 33:56Jonathan Fields?

  leads to confidence, but they also just have a mindset that makes them more confident trying because they believe that their actions will lead to change and to growth, not that they will lead to futility. Carol Dweck became pretty famous in the world of positive psychology and also in the business world, and then in the education world. She wrote a book called Mindset, based on her work, where she coined the phrase "growth mindset" that so many people have used now. You've probably heard the phrase yourself, right? And this is about reframing any challenge, any adversity, which can lead to failures.

• 34:39Jonathan Fields?

  Like, let's say you're trying to learn how to... you're taking a test, right? And you end up, you know, it's a math test, or you're coding, and you're unable to do this thing, or you code it really poorly, right? And you get a really bad response, right? There are two ways to look at this. One is, well, I guess I just don't have the talent, or the skill, or the ability, and I've hit the edge of what is my lot. You know, like, this is just not what I'm capable of doing. That would be what Dweck would call a fixed mindset. That there's... you've got what you've got, and when you hit the edge of it, you're just busted. You know?

• 35:20Jonathan Fields?

  And it is incredibly futile and confidence destroying for so many people. It's also wrong. That is not how human beings function. The opposite is this thing called the growth mindset, where the frame is, okay, so I did something. It didn't work the way I wanted it to work and hoped it worked. But, you know what? This was just a learning experience, too. What can I learn from this? I'm going to work with the assumption that I can do it again differently and better. So what can I learn from this, so that I can iterate again and grow from it? And, you know, keep my skills growing, keep my abilities growing, keep my ability to deliver the outcomes that I want, growing.

• 36:05Jonathan Fields?

  Right? So reframing failure, not as saying, oh, like, yeah, like, this was just a total bust, or I suck, I'm not good enough, it's not good enough, it never will be, as saying, meh, you know what? Kind of a bummer. Didn't work the way I hoped it would work. But I'm also, like, look, I'm along a learning journey here. And honestly, everything that we do in life, from the moment we open our eyes to the moment we take our last breath, is one big learning journey. So if we frame it that way, even things that we quote, "think we should be good at," say like, okay, so I'm not where I need to be right now. But the cool thing is, I can be. I can learn, pretty much anything I want to learn. I can

• 36:47Jonathan Fields?

  develop skills that I don't have now. I just need to practice and do all the things. Right? Reframing that failure as a learning and growth opportunity can be huge at helping you build the confidence needed to keep taking action. So instead of thinking, I'm terrible at this, just reframe it as, huh, you know, didn't work out the way I wanted. I'm learning. And the cool thing is, every mistake is filled with data. And that data, that information, can be used to help me improve. So the next time I step up to do this thing, I'll be better, and then better, and then better, and then better. So this then helps actually

• 37:30Jonathan Fields?

  fuel us to go back to that first strategy, the mastery experiences. It helps us say yes to dropping back into mastery experiences, which let us develop the confidence and eventually potentially the mastery, to let us not just be able to deliver on the outcome, but feel confident that we can on a consistent basis. So reframing failure, starting to probably see that some of these things feed into the others, the strategies, you kind of, you piggyback with them, and they work together, and they have almost like a compound interest effect, when you start to use multiple ones together. That brings us to strategy number

• 38:14Jonathan Fields?

  six, and that is visualization techniques.

• 38:19Jonathan Fields?

  So visualization, or what some people call mental rehearsal, has been shown to improve confidence and performance. Athletes often use this technique to imagine themselves succeeding. There is a phenomenon called mirror neurons in the brain, where we know that visualizing doing a particular thing actually makes our brain feel like we're doing the thing. Athletes, musicians, artists, performers of any kind, speakers, often practice the thing, not by doing it, but by closing their eyes or open, whichever is your preference,

• 39:03Jonathan Fields?

  and literally imagining themselves doing the thing, and doing it at the highest level, and it performing, and it all unfolding, and the way that they dream of it unfolding. And what we now know is that there are signs behind this that says it primes the brain to believe and reinforce the neural pathways as if you were actually doing the thing.

• 39:26Jonathan Fields?

  And that starts to make us not just more skilled at it, but more confident that we can. So going all the way back to, since I shared I was a gymnast as a kid, one of the things I did was I practiced a ton. Like, I trained year round to be good, in part because I wanted to be good. I wanted to feel confident when I stepped up to the bars, in part because my specialties were kind of dangerous, and if I peeled off, it was not fun and often ended in injury. But the other thing that I did was visualization. So, and there was one event that I did for a number of years that was not my strongest event, but it was kind of the easiest to imagine myself doing.

• 40:10Jonathan Fields?

  But what I would often do... Is there was a limit to how much I could physically practice without my body just kind of being a wreck. So I would often practice in season two to like three hours a day and then work out outside of that. Off season, I'd probably do like a couple of hours a week to stay in tune. But in season in particular, I couldn't physically do the practice enough times without it wearing on my body so much that would actually be detracting from my ability to perform at the level I wanted to. So I started complementing my physical practice with visualized practices.

• 40:54Jonathan Fields?

  And I would close my eyes and I would imagine myself from the very beginning, like I would imagine literally my hands covered in chalk with these old leather grips on them, touching the bar. And the minute I touch it, I would literally imagine myself moving through every single beat of my routine, every move, every breath, until I would do my dismount and feel my feet land on the mat. And I would imagine a perfect routine and a perfect dismount and a perfect landing. Right? Did that mean that I always did that as a skill? No. But what I learned was that the act of visualization really helped me feel more confident that

• 41:38Jonathan Fields?

  I would be able to perform at a higher level. And I do believe that it let me do that, especially when there were times where I actually didn't have the time or the ability to physically practice and prepare as much as I wanted to. If there were finals or if I just wasn't feeling great or if we were traveling or something like that. So this is a huge technique in confidence building and skill building in athletics and performance and art and things like that. But we can do it anytime on a day to day basis. Before a job interview, you can close your eyes, picture yourself walking in confidently, answering the questions with ease and just.

• 42:23Jonathan Fields?

  Having this amazing, rich, story-driven conversation and developing a deep connection, laughing and feeling like, wow, I really showed up and did my best and it landed really well and leaving on a high note, right? We can literally close our eyes and visualize that experience. Not only does it help us feel more at peace, but it helps us feel more confident that we will be able to actually show up and deliver on that visualized experience and make it more likely that we actually will. So that brings us to strategy number seven, and that is physicality or body language.

• 43:08Jonathan Fields?

  So your body can influence your mind. In fact, longtime podcast community members know that I have said so many times over the years that the age-old distinction that we used to make between body and mind actually is a complete and utter fallacy. There is no difference. Your mind and your body are one seamless feedback mechanism. And in fact, there's a really strong argument to say that they are not two distinct things at all. So they're not even a feedback mechanism because you can't feedback from one thing that is the very same thing. But your mind and your body influence each other back and forth.

• 43:49Jonathan Fields?

  Research shows that adopting certain body positions or stances, the way that we hold ourselves can either make us feel more or less confident. You know, body language is a real thing. So if we're sitting kind of collapsed with our shoulders down and our head forward and our chin down and our arms wrapped around ourselves. You know, pretty safe bet that we're not feeling great about ourselves. Our physical stance, our physical body positioning often represents our psychological stance. And that is true of confidence, too. Now, there was a body of research around something called power posing a number of years back.

• 44:34Jonathan Fields?

  And that research has been explored. Some people still strongly support elements of the research. Some people don't. So I don't even think we need to go into that, though, because what we do know is in general that your body language doesn't just transmit information to other people, but it literally transmits information to you, to your own brain, to your own state of mind. You know, oftentimes, if you're kind of bummed out, kind of tired, kind of worn out, kind of depressed, you're going to slump down, you're going to feel, your, your physical body will reflect that. But what we don't realize is that there's a reverse pattern, too, that the state of our physical body can actually send signals up to our brain,

• 45:19Jonathan Fields?

  telling it whether to feel alive, energized, confident or not, or dejected, tired, unconfident. So just really think about that. Think about how you're carrying yourself physically. Are you carrying yourself into a situation? You know, if you're wanting to approach somebody at, you're at a, a small party at a friend's house, right, and there are maybe 20 people there, and you know some of them, and you know, this is great and fun. And then you see somebody off to the side that you really don't know, and you're like, huh, that person looks kind of cool and interesting. I would love to know more about them. But you're kind of nervous. But, but you're like, you know what? I'm just going to walk up to them and approach and like, and, and take a flyer and see how it goes.

• 46:04Jonathan Fields?

  And you kind of walk up to them, right? And you walk up and you're kind of shuffling, and your head is kind of down, and you're fidgeting, and you're playing with your fingers, and your shoulders are rolled in. As you're walking up to them, right? Okay, so as we know, you are sending a social signal to that person if they see you coming. That transmits a whole bunch of things that you don't necessarily want to be transmitting. And we are aware of that. What we don't know is that we're sending those very same signals to our own brains about how confident we really are and how we feel about ourselves. So rather than just sort of like readjusting and saying, you know what?

• 46:42Jonathan Fields?

  I'm gonna just kind of stand tall and relax and breathe a little bit and drop my shoulders a little bit and take a few long, deep breaths and calm and relaxed. And that that physical signaling actually helps us feel psychologically more confident along the way. That brings us to our eighth strategy, gradual exposure. This is about starting small and building up. This is a technique that comes from therapy, often CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. Sometimes in that domain, it's known as exposure therapy. And it helps you gradually face fears and gain confidence.

• 47:23Jonathan Fields?

  And the idea here is really pretty straightforward, that rather than saying yes to the whole big thing upfront, something big and scary, we kind of say, well, what if we chunk it down a little bit and say yes to just a small version of it where the stakes are low? Right? So example, if networking events scare you, by the way, I hate that word networking. I don't know why. It's just, it feels so transactional to me. Can we change it to something like if, you know, like events where you get to know other cool humans rather than networking events? Let's say, you know, if these types of events, if they scare you, if they make you feel unconfident, you know, and the thought of just walking into a room and there are, you

• 48:06Jonathan Fields?

  know, like 100 people or 500 people or 1,000 people all there and your job is to go and quote, "network, work the room," right? That is not me. That has never been me. It will never be me. I am introverted. I am sensitive. So I have had to learn a different way to approach it. And a lot of times, the way that I've done it and start to feel more confident even walking into those bigger rooms is by gradual exposure, starting small. And then instead of saying, "I'm here to work the room," I sort of say, okay, what if I pick out a single person? And maybe two people in a low pressure setting before I even go there.

• 48:50Jonathan Fields?

  And then I build that from there. So instead, before that event, you know, or if I know that I'm going to need to attend those on a regular basis, then I find smaller groups, you know? Maybe it's a local meetup where I know about 10 people meet on a regular basis, who are in my industry, who talk about cool, interesting things. And maybe I'll go to that and I'll say, okay, so now I'm going to a small, much more intimate place. And the only thing is to talk to the person next to me for two minutes and see how that feels. Low pressure setting, the stakes are low. I know this is really just skill building and practice for me, rather than showing up somewhere where the expectation is I'm going to make things happen. And it's big and it's a lot of people and the stakes are high. So gradual exposure, what is your version of that? Right?

• 49:35Jonathan Fields?

  What is this small version of that where you can start by small, tiny little chunked pieces of it? Where the stakes are low, there's low pressure. That brings us to strategy number nine.

• 49:51Jonathan Fields?

  I don't know exactly how to phrase this, I'm just going to call it self-talk. Right? And you may think of this as chatter, as the way you talk to yourself. But what we know is that your inner dialogue actually really matters. Pay attention to your inner dialogue. We want to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts. This doesn't mean delusional Pollyanna type of things. You know, if affirmations are something that feels good to you and you like doing them and it works and it makes you feel confident, awesome. But what we're really looking at here is study success, that positive self-talk can significantly enhance confidence. So a simple example, instead of saying,

• 50:36Jonathan Fields?

  You know, there's this thing, um, uh, I'm really gonna mess this up. Right? So what we're telling ourselves in advance is that we are not competent. We are not confident. We are not capable. We are not skilled. And that the thing that we want to happen, we are going to mess up. Right? That kind of increases the likelihood that all those things are actually gonna happen. Because we're spinning ourselves into a space of disbelief, disempowerment, and lack of confidence, rather than saying, okay, for that exact same experience, you know what? I've worked really hard. I've prepared really hard. I have practiced.

• 51:20Jonathan Fields?

  I've rehearsed. I got this down. I have got this and it's gonna go well. Right? Going into that now, we primed our brain to reinforce the fact that we do have the skill. We have practiced enough times so that we know this really well. We are capable of doing it. We are competent at doing it. And that helps us feel confident. And that competence plus confidence allows us to walk in feeling better. And increasing the likelihood we'll actually be able to deliver on the outcome that we want. And that becomes this, again, reinforcing dynamic, because that then becomes a mastery experience that we talked about.

• 52:04Jonathan Fields?

  The strategy number one, that helps us build more skills and feel more confident and create that upward spiral of confidence. That brings us, friends, to number 10. Seek support.

• 52:19Jonathan Fields?

  And we'll be right back after a word from our sponsors.

• 52:24Jonathan Fields?

  Your Life Project is sponsored by Vinted. So here's a question that I have been sitting with. How many things in your closet were bought for, let's say, a version of you who never quite showed up? Maybe it's the tailored jacket for the dinners you were gonna go to, or someday pieces with the tag still on them. They're lovely clothes. They're just not yours anymore. That's where Vinted comes in. So Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app where everyday people sell the clothes that they're not wearing to people who actually will. Listening on Vinted is quick and simple. You take a few photos, write a short description, and you're done. Once something sells, Vinted creates the prepaid shipping label for you. There are also no seller fees on Vinted, so whatever your piece sells for, you keep. What I love about that is how it turns letting

• 53:08Jonathan Fields?

  go into something that actually feels good. You get more room, a little extra money, and maybe a closet that reflects who you are right now. So see what's hiding in your closet. You might be surprised how much you can earn with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free and start listing with no seller fees, so you keep everything you earn. This message is brought to you by Apple Card. Ah, fall, that cozy season where we swap the swimwear for sweaters and sunnies for scarves. But before the Halloween decorations are put away or Thanksgiving table has been set, there's already holly jolly music playing in the grocery store, reminding you that the year is coming to a close. Time to kick end of year into high

• 53:49Jonathan Fields?

  gear. When you use Apple Card with Apple Pay, you earn 2% daily cash back on all purchases, including food, decorations, gifts, and more. Get a head start on your end of year purchases. Apply for your Apple Card in the Wallet app on your iPhone today and start using it right away with Apple Pay. Subject to credit approval. Apple Card is issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA, Salt Lake City Branch. Terms and more at applecard.com. Good Life Project is sponsored by Bumbus. So my wife Stephanie has been one of the great gift givers in our family, and her secret is that the best gifts often aren't the flashy ones. They're the ones that people reach for on any given day without even thinking about

• 54:31Jonathan Fields?

  it. That's why so much of my list ends up at Bumbus. Fuzzy Sunday slippers for the friend who lives in sweatpants from November to March, merino wool and cashmere blend socks for anyone who runs cold. That would be me, by the way. Ski and running socks for the ones who refuse to slow down. Also me, by the way. And water-resistant suede booties. So cushy. My executive producer, Lindsay, actually more or less lives in hers. And here's what else makes It a good life kind of gift for every item you purchase. Bombas donates an essential clothing item to someone facing housing insecurity. One purchased, one donated over 200 million donations and counting. So every gift you give is really two. So head over to bombas.com/goodlife and use the code goodlife for 20% off your first purchase.

• 55:16Jonathan Fields?

  That's B O M B A S dot com slash good life code good life at checkout. Surround yourself with people who believe in you. Research shows that having a supportive community boosts confidence and resilience. So don't do this alone. Share with your friends, share with a trusted group of people, share with people who are trying to do the same thing as you and working as a peer group and champions and cheerleaders. If you remember back from our last episode two in our new beginning series, where I talked about this thing we call success scalding. I talked about the six roles of people who can really be there to support you in achieving something big.

• 55:58Jonathan Fields?

  Those people or any one of those groups of people can also be amazing support just on a day to day basis for day to day stuff to help you build confidence in what you're doing. So share what you want to do with a trusted friend or a mentor who can cheer you on, remind you of your progress and the fact that you've got this and it's going to be okay. So these strategies, these 10 strategies all contribute to something often called the confidence loop. It's one of the simplest, yet most powerful frameworks in confidence building. Basically says that action leads to results, which leads to belief, which fuels more action. It's this self reinforcing cycle and the 10 strategies that we just talked about.

• 56:41Jonathan Fields?

  They're basically designed to help get you into action and keep you continuing to take action that is needed to build proof that you are competent enough to feel confident in whatever domain or task or challenge you're focusing on. Before I wrap, though, I want to share a bit of a contrarian, but maybe helpful perspective on confidence. I actually call it the confidence paradox. It's focused on a very specific mindset. So if you've heard all 10 strategies we just explored and you're still thinking, "I don't know, dude, that sounds scary to me still." Maybe here's a different take that will resonate. So often, we keep telling ourselves, "You know, I'm not confident enough to do the things I really want,

• 57:21Jonathan Fields?

  but that scare me even when I kind of know they're really not all that risky. And if I succeeded, the possibility on the other side of fear is so exponentially bigger than the hot few seconds or minutes of discomfort I might experience that, you know, like, I kind of know, like, it makes sense to try." What if this was all an illusion? What if confidence was actually more fake than real? And waiting for it to magically arrive was actually stopping us from living truly amazing lives? What if, in fact, even if that magical state of confidence arrived, it was actually not the asset or ally we thought it would be, but was rather a sign of an unwillingness to grow,

• 58:06Jonathan Fields?

  to take meaningful risks that could lead to a better life, better relationships, better work experiences, and more? What if, in fact, it was the very willingness to live, to make decisions, to take actions when you not only were not confident, but literally could not be confident, given your circumstances? That was the real power move in life? What if cultivating the skill of unconfident action was the unlock key for so much? And chasing confidence was really just kind of a bit of a distraction that kept you from doing all the amazing things you dream of doing and creating all the awesome things you'd love to bring to life and becoming who you deeply yearn to be?

• 58:47Jonathan Fields?

  I have experienced this so many times when I was in a situation where I was going to launch a book, or start a podcast, or show up at an event. And there was no way that I could actually know if this would succeed or fail, or if I had the ability to make it succeed or fail until I did it. So here's what I know. The only way to be 100% confident about anything is if you've already done it or someone else has. And at that point, the stakes are so low, it just doesn't matter anymore. It's the moments you're not confident, but find a way to do it anyway, that hold the greatest opportunity for growth, for connection, and for impact.

• 59:29Jonathan Fields?

  So what if we reframe the whole concept of confidence as simply bravery? Or willingness to act when you don't know, or can't know how things will unfold? This is a take that I first learned from Brene Brown, who champions bravery over competence. Because the truth is, when something genuinely matters, you are rarely able to have certainty or perfect information before committing and acting. So what if instead, we learn just how to be brave? How to, especially when it comes to taking that first step, in a scenario that we don't and can't know how it ends, to say, you know what? I'm gonna take the step. And all the 10 strategies above, by the way, they're designed to help you do that.

• 1:00:10Jonathan Fields?

  The 10 strategies we talked about, they help really set you up to take that first step in, so that eventually, your own competence becomes the reinforcer for your confidence. But the reframing from confidence to bravery, a willingness to take unconfident action, can be the mindset shift that we also need to help us start doing the things needed to first be brave, and then just maybe, as our bravery proves our competence, become confident. Confidence isn't something you wait for. It is something you build. It grows through action, through community, through bravery and mindset. So this week, my invitation is to take one small action towards something you would love to make happen.

• 1:00:55Jonathan Fields?

  Play with those 10 different strategies. And remember, as with all of the sessions in this five-part New Beginning series, we will have a cheat sheet with all the key elements, including the 10 strategies here that you can download for free. There's a link in the show note to just be able to do that. You'll get it instantly if you want. So go ahead and do that and then pick something where you don't know if it'll work or how other people involved might respond, yet it holds the potential to not only open a beautiful door for you, but also leave you changed. Next week, we'll dive into how to sustain motivation and momentum throughout the year by building a set of good life habits in part four of this Good Life Project New Beginning series. So stay tuned.

• 1:01:39Jonathan Fields?

  And if you haven't listened to the first two parts of this January series, crafting your 2025 roadmap and achieving big, meaningful goals, go ahead and check those episodes out now. Thanks so much for joining me today. You are capable of so much more than you realize. Let's make 2025 your year to make life happen on an entirely different level. Take care. This episode of Good Life Project was produced by executive producers Lindsay Fox and me, Jonathan Fields. Editing help by Alejandro Ramirez. Christopher Carter crafted our theme music and special thanks to Shelley Dell for her research on this episode. And of course, if you haven't already done so, please go ahead and follow Good Life

• 1:02:23Jonathan Fields?

  Project in your favorite listening app. And if you found this conversation interesting or inspiring or valuable, and chances are you did, since you're still listening here, would you do me a personal favor, a seven second favor, and share it? Maybe on social or by text or by email, even just with one person. Just copy the link from the app you're using and tell those you know, those you love, those you want to help navigate this thing called life a little better so we can all do it better together with more ease and more joy. Tell them to listen, then even invite them to talk about what you've both discovered. Because when podcasts become conversations and conversations become action, that's how we all come alive together. Until next time, I'm Jonathan Fields, signing off for Good Life Project.

• 1:03:31Jonathan Fields?

  Today's episode is sponsored by NerdWallet Wealth Partners. Are you on track for financial independence? If you're on track, the same way you're getting back to the gym, as in, maybe next year, then this one's for you. NerdWallet Wealth Partners offers free tools for high earners who'd like an actual answer instead of a vibe. Like their calculator that estimates if you're on track for financial independence. Plug in a few numbers to see how your savings path may support your goals. Think of it as a fitness test that you can take sitting down. Or their wealth building checklist for high earners. It's a step-by-step guide for prioritizing your dollars once you're making six figures. And if you still have questions, you can connect with one of their financial advisors who specializes in working with high earners in their 30s and 40s. Good news, this is one workout you can actually finish.

• 1:04:15Jonathan Fields?

  Find out more at nerdwalletwealthpartners.com/good. NerdWallet Wealth Partners LLC is an SEC-registered investment advisor. Registration as an investment advisor does not imply a certain level of skill or training, nor does it constitute an endorsement by any securities regulator. Please see nerdwalletwealthpartners.com for disclosures and important information.

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