Zarna Garg

To Zarna Garg, it really can’t be that hard. Amy hangs with the stand-up comic and talks about tour life with Amy and Tina, their shared love of “Three’s Company,” and possibly one of the best personal ads ever written. Host: Amy Poehler Guests: Zoya Garg and Zarna Garg Executive Producers: Bill Simmons, Amy Poehler, and Jenna Weiss-Berman For Paper Kite Productions: Executive producer Jenna Weiss-Berman, coordinator Sam Green, and supervising producer Joel Lovell For The Ringer: Supervising producers Juliet Litman, Sean Fennessey, and Mallory Rubin; video producers Jack Wilson, Belle Roman, and Aleya Zenieris; lighting director Caroline Jannace, audio producer Kaya McMullen; video editor Drew van Steenbergen; and booker Kat Spillane Original Music: Amy Miles Introducing Visible Inner Circle: Connect accounts with anyone, share the savings. Visit https://www.visible.com/plans/inner-circle Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Amy Poehler?

  This episode is brought to you by eBay Live. Here's how it goes. First, you're watching the eBay livestream telling yourself, I'm just looking. And then boom, you see a vintage Rolex go for an absolute steal. Suddenly, a rare beanie baby pops up. Adrenaline hits and you're bidding. You might lose that first one, but you bid again and win. And that winning rush? Incredible, because you beat everyone to it. Meanwhile, on eBay Live, you don't just watch the action, you're in it. Download the eBay app to stream and shop live. eBay Live, things people love. Hi, everyone. Welcome to another episode of Good Hang. Very excited to talk to my guest, Zarna Garg. Zarna is a stand-up comedian, producer, writer, actress.

• 0:45Amy Poehler?

  I met Zarna when she came on tour with me and Tina Fey as we toured the country and I got to know her and her work. And Zarna is just so funny and sharp and honest. And she's gonna, she's gonna talk about a lot of great things today. We're gonna talk about her immigration story. We're gonna talk about her very complicated feelings about romantic love. And we're gonna talk about the fact that it's never too late to change your career and do what makes you happy. And we're gonna start this interview like we always do by talking to somebody who knows our guest and who gives me a question to ask them. And who better to talk about Zarna than her eldest daughter?

• 1:28Amy Poehler?

  The apple of her eye, the successful, beautiful, wonderful Stanford senior, Zoya. Zoya Garg is joining us and she is every mother's dream. So let's see what Zoya has to say today. Hi, Zoya, can you hear me?

• 1:44Amy Poehler?

  This episode of Good Hang is presented by Walmart. Now, everyone's talking about back-to-school outfits and we all know how expensive that can be to get the shoes and the pants and the whole thing and the shirts and all the things that you need. But Walmart has the latest back-to-school styles for boys and girls, starting at just $4. Who knew? So they've got graphic tees and joggers and colorful backpacks, Spider-Man hoodies, keychain charms, flannel shirts, flare jeans, Crocs. Flare jeans are back! I love it. Who knew? ShopWalmart.com to score their favorite back-to-school styles, starting at just $4.

• 2:31Amy Poehler?

  Wait, Zoya, you look so cute.

• 2:34Speaker 01

  Oh, thank you. I was so excited to be a part of this. Thanks so much for inviting me.

• 2:38Amy Poehler?

  Now, Zoya, you are Zarna's daughter.

• 2:41Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 2:42Amy Poehler?

  And the oldest daughter. Congratulations from one eldest daughter to another. I know that it is a hard job to be the eldest.

• 2:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, eldest daughter is really challenging.

• 2:52Amy Poehler?

  And I would, I know your mom would want me to brag for you. What dorm room are you in? At what college are you attending?

• 2:59Speaker 01

  I go to Stanford and...

• 3:01Amy Poehler?

  Incredible.

• 3:02Speaker 01

  Well, as she likes me to tell other people, I am studying computer science. But I did get to do a double major in classics, which is for me.

• 3:12Amy Poehler?

  And by the way, I don't really know what classics are. What is classics?

• 3:15Speaker 01

  Classics is any, any class from ancient Rome, Latin, completely impractical stuff, you know? Like, it's like, she likes to say I take her tuition money and I light it on fire. But, you know, it's for the arts. It's for my enrichment.

• 3:31Amy Poehler?

  Zoya, I'm gonna talk to your mom about her amazing book and us touring together. But I, I think a lot of people should be reminded of how important you were to her early success and how you motivated her. Can you just tell people how you nudged your mom into the work that she's doing now?

• 3:56Speaker 01

  When I was growing up, my mom had given up her career as a lawyer to raise me and my younger brothers. And my dad was the primary breadwinner. But when I was growing older, I noticed that she more and more really wanted to earn her own money. She was starting all these businesses, like a tomato sauce company and a toothpaste business and matchmaking, which failed miserably. Everything was just not working, essentially. And these were businesses that she bought the LLC for, made websites for, tried to learn on the internet how to sell services for. And I just noticed that the only reason anyone would buy her terrible chili was because she would make them laugh. I mean, she would stand in front of them and she would make them laugh.

• 4:39Speaker 01

  And I remember one day I had been watching, you know, like some Seinfeld clip and had grown up watching comedy and said, Mom, you should be a stand-up comedian. And she looked at me and said, that's not a job. And I was like, no, in America, people get paid to make other people laugh. And she was so confused because to her, the jobs available were to be an engineer, a lawyer, or a doctor. Um, and so I ended up making her this birthday gift where I got all these notes from her friends and family, asking them to say one thing about her. And I hadn't prompted them, but I knew that everyone was gonna comment on her personality, on her warmth, on her ability to connect with people.

• 5:23Speaker 01

  And so she got the gift, she started reading all the notes, handpicking them out, and she started to really believe in herself and she was like, fine, I will give it a shot. We ended up going to the worst comedy club in New York City. I don't even think that there's a name for it. I mean, it was awful. There was barely a stage, there was like a broken microphone, and she just stood up there in front of two or three random people and ranted about me, about her mother-in-law, about America, about STEM, everything that she had just been kind of pent up. Um, she just ranted about everything and then ultimately, uh, made the whole audience of like five people fall off their chairs with laughter. And it was just the most amazing experience.

• 6:05Speaker 01

  And, uh, ever since then, she's been the funny brown mom that just won't stop ranting about everything and anything.

• 6:12Amy Poehler?

  How many years ago was that?

• 6:13Speaker 01

  That was four years ago.

• 6:14Amy Poehler?

  It's amazing how far Zarna has come in four years. And, and I just have to point out, it's also amazing that you as a 16-year-old, number one, wanted to be around your mom, thought your mom was funny, and wanted your mom to be funny. Those things don't always...

• 6:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:31Amy Poehler?

  The way she talks about her family, I mean, to me... Why it's so relaxing to watch Zarna talk about you all? Is no matter what she says, how she jokes around about her husband or her kids, there's so much love there. You are a very tight family.

• 6:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're really close. I mean, I didn't actually know what a family business was. Everybody kept saying, "Oh, you guys are family business, you're family business." And I just, I still don't even know what that is because I think Indian people love to work really hard. And then our life kind of becomes our work. But then if you're working together on like social media skits and you're working together and selling a book and doing all these different ways to help one another, it just kind of turned into a family business without us realizing it. And I think the only reason it worked was because we're so close and we trust each other.

• 7:26Amy Poehler?

  You know, you know your mother probably better than anyone else. What question do you have for your mom today? Anything you think I should ask her that our listeners would be interested in hearing about?

• 7:39Speaker 01

  I have been so excited about this. Now, she talks all the time about how she doesn't say "I love you" to my dad. But I have caught her going on a walk with him every day. And she says that she only wants everybody to study STEM and math and science, but she is a professional writer. And so I think what you should ask her is, "Do you think you're a hypocrite?"

• 8:05Amy Poehler?

  That's such an older daughter question. That's amazing.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  I want to see her react to that because I feel very confused by this propaganda she's constantly spreading that she does not subscribe to herself. And I think it's a worthwhile question to get to the bottom of.

• 8:21Amy Poehler?

  So you're saying that when they go for their walks, do you think she's secretly saying "I love you"?

• 8:25Speaker 01

  I think that the walks are an expression of "I love you."

• 8:28Amy Poehler?

  Of course.

• 8:29Speaker 01

  But she refuses to say it out of like undying commitment to the lack of the word "love." I do think that she loves him.

• 8:39Amy Poehler?

  So when I talk to people like you, I feel really good about our future. You're so smart and poised and funny and I just...

• 8:48Amy Poehler?

  You know, I think sometimes you can tell a lot about a person by

• 8:53Amy Poehler?

  their children and how they relate to their children and it's really, really cool to see the relationship you have with your mom. It's, it's really, really special.

• 9:01Speaker 01

  Well, we're going full time together, actually, which is really exciting.

• 9:04Amy Poehler?

  What do you mean? What's happening?

• 9:06Speaker 01

  So I acted as the preorder campaign manager of her book, which we made it to the New York Times Bestseller List. I sold 10,000 preorders, which was very stressful. If you think it's stressful having Zarna as a mom, it's even more stressful to have Zarna as a boss. My god, her feedback. It's not feedback. It's just you're gonna get fired if you don't do it. So, um, wow. Um, it was very intense, but, um, we made it through such a good experience. So I'm going full time and we're gonna be building the ZG family media empire.

• 9:36Amy Poehler?

  Yes.

• 9:37Speaker 01

  So, um, that's what we're gonna be doing. I'm sure she'll have lots of thoughts about, um, you know, employing your child.

• 9:43Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 9:43Speaker 01

  And what that looks like.

• 9:46Amy Poehler?

  Are you getting paid?

• 9:48Speaker 01

  Um, you know, paid is a strong word. Um, oh, my mom's texting me, what questions you do tell her.

• 9:55Speaker 01

  She just texted me. I only have my notifications on for her because god forbid she texts me, I'm dying.

• 10:01Amy Poehler?

  Tell her Amy said to mind your own business.

• 10:06Speaker 01

  What did Amy say? Question mark, question mark. Tell me right now.

• 10:10Amy Poehler?

  She's incredible.

• 10:12Speaker 01

  She's actually not real. She's like, are you on? Did you forget? I'm like, what is wrong?

• 10:18Amy Poehler?

  Zoya, I love it.

• 10:19Speaker 01

  I'm always under threat. I'm always under threat. Somebody, I hope there's a therapist watching this podcast episode thinking, I will sign this client on for free.

• 10:29Amy Poehler?

  Zoya, when you crack and break and you rebel and you, um, do your first thing wrong, I'm so ready for it and Auntie Amy is here to take care of you. You can come live with me when you're ready, when you're ready to just, you know, go full tilt. Come, come live with me.

• 10:48Speaker 01

  But then you're also going to be under threat. You don't wanna be on her hit list, right? Like if you side with me.

• 10:54Amy Poehler?

  Zarna doesn't scare me. She doesn't scare me.

• 10:56Speaker 01

  Oh, my god. That is bad.

• 10:58Amy Poehler?

  Okay, I'm wrong. I'm wrong. She does scare me.

• 11:02Amy Poehler?

  I'm very scared. You know what? Tell her everything's going great. Tell her your question.

• 11:08Amy Poehler?

  Thank you so much for having me. You're so great, Zoe. It's so good to see you. Thank you so much. Okay, honey, take care. Bye. Thanks for your time.

• 11:17Amy Poehler?

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• 12:01Amy Poehler?

  I'm so happy you're here.

• 12:03Speaker 02

  I am so happy to be here.

• 12:05Amy Poehler?

  Zarna, I was thinking the other day about new friends, because I think, you know, we're the same age. It's never too late to make new friends. You are a new friend. We've met a couple of years ago.

• 12:15Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 12:15Amy Poehler?

  And like, I just like the idea that you just are never too old to make new friends.

• 12:19Speaker 02

  No, and you know what? The beauty of making friends at this age is you're really united on your actual interests.

• 12:26Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 12:26Speaker 02

  It's not your kids' friends, Mom. It's not your husband's whatever, whatever. It's not somebody you were related. It's really like, the two of you love doing this thing together.

• 12:37Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 12:38Speaker 02

  And then that becomes the thing that unites you.

• 12:40Amy Poehler?

  For people that don't know, Zarna is a stand-up comedian, joining us today, an actress, a writer, a producer. We're going to talk about your book, This American Woman, the hit bestselling, New York Times bestseller. We're going to talk about your new special. And I want to talk about how we started working together, because that's going to be really, yeah. And we learned, I feel like we learned a lot about each other by being on tour together.

• 13:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:06Amy Poehler?

  And we learned that we do not like to party.

• 13:08Speaker 02

  No. That's been the best part of touring with you guys. Everybody's happy to get in their pajamas and go home.

• 13:16Amy Poehler?

  We have like no interesting tour stories at all. Um, but, but I did, if it's okay, I don't usually like to like this is your life version of these things. But this, this, your book, which I had the pleasure to read and loved and told you, and it really was moving. Is it okay if we start with little Zarna first?

• 13:37Speaker 02

  I mean, yeah, whatever you, I, I'm really not gonna get emotional, I've decided.

• 13:42Amy Poehler?

  Oh, I'm gonna make you cry.

• 13:44Speaker 02

  Because I, that's not, that's not a hard thing to do. Because I'm like, it's right, the fact that Amy Poehler has read my book.

• 13:53Amy Poehler?

  Come on.

• 13:53Speaker 02

  I know, and you were like texting me in real time.

• 13:56Amy Poehler?

  I loved your book.

• 13:57Speaker 02

  As you were reading it, I was, you know, you ask, if part of writing the book is getting the blurbs from your famous friends. And it's a thing and you chase your famous friends. Anybody you ever had lunch with or ran into at the grocery store or cross paths with in Grand Central Station. You're like, remember me? And then you beg and plead them and then you and Tina just got in, they're like, yeah, we'll do it. And even then you don't expect them to actually read the thing. Like, be honest, you know what I mean? You're like, they're gonna have an assistant run it through chat G P T and give us a good line.

• 14:27Amy Poehler?

  Oh, that is a good idea.

• 14:29Speaker 02

  No, it is like, you know.

• 14:30Amy Poehler?

  Yeah, that's a good idea.

• 14:31Speaker 02

  People do that and that's, but you read every word. You were texting me through, but like, did this happen? And then that happened and I was dying. I couldn't believe that Amy Poehler has read my book.

• 14:44Amy Poehler?

  Well, look, I've read a lot of autobiographies and blurbed a lot. And this reads like a page turner. This is, your life is really, really fascinating, extreme, hopeful, at times dangerous. Very, like, a lot has happened in your life. You've had a very, um, like adventurous life and it just continues. And in fact, I was talking to Zoya.

• 15:12Amy Poehler?

  Uh, your beautiful daughter, uh, who has a good question for you. And she was saying, you say you wanna have a big life. You wanted to have a big life and you have had a big life, Zarna. So let's start with little Zarna.

• 15:23Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 15:24Amy Poehler?

  Take me back to little teeny-tiny Zarna in India. What were you like as a 10-year-old girl?

• 15:29Speaker 02

  I was always getting in trouble. This big mouth has always gotten me in trouble. In fact, that's why the book is titled This American Woman, because I had a habit of questioning people. I had a habit of being like, this doesn't make sense. And, you know, even the most obvious things that don't make sense, back where I come from, you're not allowed to say it. But I would just be like, has anybody considered the alternative? And everywhere I went, people would be like, oh, she thinks she's American. Because, you know, any woman with an opinion must have come from there, that bad place.

• 16:03Amy Poehler?

  And you were in Mumbai at that point.

• 16:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was born and raised in Mumbai, in affluence, in extreme affluence. I grew up as like the 1% of Mumbai back in the day. So I had everything. I had access to everything. I had access to Hollywood. I had access to TV shows in America, comic books, books. And, I mean, the access backfired on my parents.

• 16:26Amy Poehler?

  Wait, what do you mean?

• 16:27Speaker 02

  But because I saw and read so much, I started questioning like, why are we living like this when we could be living like that?

• 16:33Amy Poehler?

  What did you see back then, like, you know, from American culture that you remember, that you identified with, that was, at times, maybe threatening to your parents?

• 16:43Speaker 02

  I mean, the first thing was like not an obsession with marriage. I remember reading comic books and things like, books I read in India were all about young girls and who they were gonna marry and how those husbands were gonna be so nice and let them finish college and like, that's a thing.

• 17:00Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 17:01Speaker 02

  In an arranged setting, you will have the boy's mother say, no, no, we're very modern. She should finish her degree and then stay home.

• 17:11Amy Poehler?

  Right, and you, from a very early age, there was something inside you where you were thinking, this is not the right path for me?

• 17:17Speaker 02

  Well, I'm just curious. I know now, I'm curious about everything. I am even now. Like, if I have five, like, recently, I was in an airplane. We traveled so much for our work, right? And the airplane was like late, as it happens. And I just started YouTube-ing like how to fly an airplane.

• 17:35Speaker 02

  I was like, it can't be that hard. And I was very serious that like, I should look. So for hours, I was like, how do people start? You know, the curiosity has always been.

• 17:46Amy Poehler?

  But, but you're saying, you're saying something very deep, actually, because I think the reason why your life has taken its, it's like, has traveled this way is because of just that. As you looked at things and you thought, it can't be that hard.

• 17:59Speaker 02

  It can't be that hard, yeah.

• 18:01Amy Poehler?

  Okay, so you're watching, what are you, what were the kind of stuff where you're watching and listening to in India?

• 18:06Speaker 02

  Back then was Three's Company.

• 18:08Amy Poehler?

  Love.

• 18:08Speaker 02

  Come and knock on my door.

• 18:10Amy Poehler?

  Come and knock on my door.

• 18:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was like, yes, that's my life. I want the door.

• 18:16Amy Poehler?

  How funny is John Ritter in that, in that show?

• 18:18Speaker 02

  All of them, though.

• 18:19Amy Poehler?

  But.

• 18:20Speaker 02

  Janet and Suzanne Somers and the, the landlady and the whole thing. I was like, this is, why am I stuck with this situation here? You know, my life was very much.

• 18:31Amy Poehler?

  So you watched a lot of 70s sitcoms?

• 18:33Speaker 02

  Family Ties, Growing Pains, you name it, I was obsessed with all of them.

• 18:37Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 18:38Speaker 02

  And we got bootleg copies.

• 18:40Amy Poehler?

  How, how did you watch them?

• 18:41Speaker 02

  Somebody in America, some relative of some distant friend relative would record it playing on their TV.

• 18:50Speaker 02

  Now, that's how we all watched it. And people charged rent. If you wanted to watch that recording, you had to pay rent for it. So any dollar, any rupee I had back then, I spent on like, anything American I could get my hands on.

• 19:02Amy Poehler?

  Were there, during that time, who were famous Indian actors and actresses that had kind of crossed over? There probably wasn't a lot, right?

• 19:10Speaker 02

  No, none.

• 19:11Amy Poehler?

  And it was probably.

• 19:11Speaker 02

  Crossed over to Hollywood?

• 19:12Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 19:13Speaker 02

  Zero.

• 19:13Amy Poehler?

  Zero.

• 19:13Speaker 02

  No, that was not even a thing.

• 19:15Amy Poehler?

  And there's probably just tons of racist portrayals at the time.

• 19:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, but if you watched how Americans were portrayed back home, it was equally bad.

• 19:24Amy Poehler?

  How were they portrayed?

• 19:25Speaker 02

  Every American person was like a villain. There was not one good, there was not one well-intentioned American in TV back then.

• 19:33Amy Poehler?

  This seems to make a lot of sense, this makes a lot of sense to me.

• 19:36Speaker 02

  There would be like a woman who would show up and be like, you know, you don't have to get married to that old man. And then the whole country was like, oh, she's so bad.

• 19:48Speaker 02

  She's trying to save this little girl, like, she doesn't know, this man is gonna leave behind 10 goats when he dies. You know, the deal has been made.

• 20:00Amy Poehler?

  You know, growing up, we're the same age. Like, as a kid of the 70s, there was just so much stereotypical Indian representation in the US. That was how we knew Indian culture. It was just, especially in comedies that we watched and tons of non-Indian actors and actresses playing those parts. Like, it was, yeah, we didn't, we had no sense of the other side of the world.

• 20:24Speaker 02

  And you wouldn't, because also, we didn't encourage our kids to be actors or writers. So how would they play those parts?

• 20:30Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 20:31Speaker 02

  Like, you know, right now, this is a raging debate in Hollywood, that's representation and all of that, but we act like we've been doing it for 50 years, we haven't.

• 20:38Amy Poehler?

  Mm-hmm.

• 20:38Speaker 02

  This is a recent thing. So we are growing our pathways, we are growing our channels, our stories. I mean, I still, I do this, and my kids aren't allowed to do this. Absolutely not. I'm not gonna let my kids become artists and writers. Zoya has, my daughter has an article published in New York Times that is widely considered one of the best essays of all time. And her English teacher at her college tried to convince her to be a writer, and I was like, "Dad, evil woman." I was so upset.

• 21:09Amy Poehler?

  She was like that American woman in those movies.

• 21:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was like, "Oh, these American women, my dad was right."

• 21:15Amy Poehler?

  Okay, so 10-year-old Zarna is feeling pretty, like, emboldened and, you know, talking about what she believes in and, like, you know, challenging left and right and looking at things that, you know, she wants to change. And then you lose your mom at 14.

• 21:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:31Amy Poehler?

  And that is a huge blow. And you write about it so beautifully in your book. And your mom was such an important person in your life as moms are, but can you tell us a little bit about what your relationship like was like with her?

• 21:46Speaker 02

  So, when she was alive, I thought I was like her least favorite child, because she was actually very close to my sister. My whole life, I was the youngest of four. And but my mom was, you know, she was a very. Even though she was a very Indian stay-at-home mom, what you would call a stay-at-home mom, housewife here. It's that was her life. But she too must have been curious and I've pieced this together in hindsight because I didn't know then. Because since her death, so many people have come up to me and said, you know, your mom helped us get started in this business. Or in this endeavor or this career or whatever. We had no idea. See, that's a very American thing here when people do charity or they give, they talk about it.

• 22:30Speaker 02

  That's that's the thing like when I first came to America, I was shocked. They're like, this is my foundation, like this is a thing. We give so many millions of dollars. In India, my mom probably gave a lot, but she was so scared of my dad finding out. That if he found out that he would put an end to it. That it was whispered, like the women who gave like had like a little secret network. And they would like whisper to each other, but it was never openly mentioned. So we, even her kids, had no idea.

• 22:57Amy Poehler?

  Wow.

• 22:57Speaker 02

  That she was doing any of this. But she must have been like a curious person. She must have been like an entrepreneurial person, like living out. Her kind of dream through uh through these secret things that because I know now that she. Helped countless people launch their businesses. With what little money she could squirrel away from my dad.

• 23:17Amy Poehler?

  I mean, I as uh when people lose their parents young, you know, you kind of have this frozen idea of them. And it is really amazing to have more knowledge come in so you can. Fully see her as a as a woman rather than just a mom.

• 23:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:32Amy Poehler?

  Yeah, so she maybe had a little bit of a hustler energy like you.

• 23:35Speaker 02

  Hustler and she was adventurous. She loved to go swim in India. That's not a thing back then for women her age.

• 23:42Amy Poehler?

  And your dad then became. It feels like during that time, you kind of have two traumas very close together, which is you've got this, um, the loss of your mom and then your dad really being eager to, uh, to, for you to get married at a young age.

• 24:01Speaker 02

  I mean, yeah, eager, yeah, that was an ultimatum. It wasn't even like his suggestion. It was like, you're doing it.

• 24:07Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 24:08Speaker 02

  Because I think I was the youngest of four. He was himself broken. At the time, I'll be honest, it did not feel that traumatic to me.

• 24:16Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 24:16Speaker 02

  Because I thought he's gonna come around.

• 24:18Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 24:19Speaker 02

  See, sometimes I was like, let me be mature.

• 24:23Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 24:24Speaker 02

  And understand that he's shocked and that this is a moment and that we are all gonna just come back together. It's gonna take a few days or a day or two.

• 24:33Amy Poehler?

  Your 14-year-old brain was trying to make sense of that.

• 24:35Speaker 02

  Because it was so out of left field. Like, this is not something we were thinking about or talking about ever. Like, in my family, it was widely accepted that I was the curious one. I was the academic one. There was even a hint of pride at the idea that I got good grades. I really thought that in a matter of a day or two or a few days, this would all resolve.

• 24:55Amy Poehler?

  But what happened instead?

• 24:56Speaker 02

  He was very determined. I learned the hard way that he, that dads back home, they're not messing around. When they say something, they mean it. And he was very much like, no, you're either getting married or you're not living here. And because he himself had come up through really hard circumstances, he had no mercy, none. You know, sometimes people are like, but how could your dad be so harsh? Because they can't imagine it. But that's the world we come from. That's the world. He watched his siblings die in front of his eyes. That's the world he had taken himself out of. So to him, we were the most pampered brats. They're like, you have air conditioning in a car, like, shut up already.

• 25:40Amy Poehler?

  Yeah. I mean, that's what I loved about your book, is you take really deep dives in everybody in your family and you really try to, um, understand them. You really try, especially your dad.

• 25:52Speaker 02

  I never held it against him. I've never thought of him as a villain in my life. I understood it was more a clash of like two very strong-willed people. And, and it's unfortunate because he forced me to learn English. I was like, this could have all been avoided if you hadn't hired ten English tutors when I was little. Who taught me to read all these books and watch all these movies. Those things used to be my homework. Because all these English tutors would show up, my dad would line her up, be like, she will learn the language of success. And then at some point, they would run out of worksheets, so they would be like, watch an episode of Growing Pains.

• 26:35Amy Poehler?

  So you have this risk taker generous mom, you have a dad who is, has strict boundaries and cares about success. And it gets smushed into you and you're fourteen. And then you're kind of on your own in a very interesting way. What happens between like fourteen and seventeen for you?

• 26:52Speaker 02

  So I left my house when my dad said, you have to get married. I was like, I'm not doing this. And I took off with literally nothing, thinking I'll go to my best friend's house. And my best friend was very happy to have me for two days. And the second day, her mom was like, we think you should go home. And that's when it hit me. I was like, oh shit. Like, where am I gonna go? And then, even then, I'm like, oh, I have this other best friend, you know, the spare best friend?

• 27:21Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 27:21Speaker 02

  She's not your real best friend, but like, you've kind of kept her in the orbit.

• 27:25Amy Poehler?

  And suddenly she's looking really good.

• 27:26Speaker 02

  She's like, suddenly I'm like, oh my god, let me call her right now.

• 27:31Speaker 02

  Declare my love for her.

• 27:34Speaker 02

  So I did that for a few days and then like, and every day I was like, any minute now, he's gonna come and get me. Any minute, he's gonna send the driver and like, nothing. And then slowly, the friends stopped taking me in because my dad got wind of where I was going. And he was a very scary figure. He was very successful and scary at that time.

• 27:56Amy Poehler?

  What was it, what did he find his success in?

• 27:59Speaker 02

  So he built, he himself was a lawyer in India, educated himself through very difficult circumstances. But built a business selling textile machines to Europe and America. So when he made a call to them and said, you're not gonna take her in, it got real, you know? Then they were like, oh, you know, she really needs to make up. Also, most people didn't see a problem with what he was suggesting.

• 28:23Amy Poehler?

  Right.

• 28:24Speaker 02

  Most people thought I was the problem.

• 28:26Amy Poehler?

  Right.

• 28:26Speaker 02

  The parents of my friends were all like... What is her problem? Like, he's gonna find a good guy. Like, he's not. So in their eyes, the solution was find a good educated guy who's gonna let her finish school. And then, what's the issue? Mm-hmm. We're all getting married anyway. Hmm. So their parents were kind of leaning towards, anytime I showed up, it was like I could see them calling my dad and saying, "She's here." Yeah. So it, th- those options started drying up very quickly. So what, what, what happened once they dried up? Where did you go? I got really lucky in that my mom, all the people that she had helped, really poor people. People with no means, like, you know, vegetable sellers and like people with the most humble means started taking me in.

• 29:12Speaker 02

  Cause they saw me wandering around on the streets. And they knew that something was wrong because they had seen how I was. Hmm. And how I had become. I mean, those were like, I, I, it's crazy to talk about, it was a tough time. You know, like, I couldn't wash my clothes for days on end. That was one of the biggest things when you're homeless that you struggle with. It's like, I, when I was at a friend's house, I could take a shower, but I never knew what to do about the clothes. Hmm. Because, you know, how do I suddenly explain to them that there's no, you know, whereas, very complicated. But the people that she had helped, uh, started saying, "Do you want something to eat?" And even then, do you know what's crazy? In India, a lot of street food is served, is sold folded in newspapers. Hmm.

• 29:58Speaker 02

  I was more interested in the newspaper. Yeah. Even in those moments, I was like, "I'll take whatever," because I knew I would get another page. Like, I was so, that was the one thing that like killed me so hard that I lost my access to what was happening in the world. Hmm. That they would give me food and I would take all their papers from them. I'd be like, "Whatever you have left over, I'll take all of it." Hmm. Uh, they started taking me in, then my sisters, uh, in-laws, I started reaching out, fanning out into distant relatives, like whoever, anywhere. Yeah. I had a couple of teachers in my school that were very kind. They would be like, "You know, this weekend, we're not home if you wanna stay at our house." So it was really like a whole quilt. Work of solution.

• 30:42Amy Poehler?

  And during that time, did you ever think, you know what, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna fold. I'm gonna go back, I'm gonna say, fine, I'm gonna meet somebody and have an arranged marriage. Like, what stopped you from doing that?

• 30:54Speaker 02

  I really thought he would come around. I hadn't given up yet, but towards the end, I did, like a year plus into it. I was like, it's not gonna happen. So I did fold. In the end, I did go crawling back to my dad and he was very happy and I was welcome back. I'll never forget with a bottle of Coke. He was like, how's, how's your American adventure been?

• 31:17Amy Poehler?

  Wow.

• 31:17Speaker 02

  And he was gleeful, like he was saving that bottle for me because he knew I, there was no exit. So I remember, you know, and he ordered pizza, which is like, only bad people ate pizza back then. Nobody good ate pizza. So I already knew how I was like, it was gonna be icy, you know?

• 31:39Amy Poehler?

  So then, in that moment, what happens between then and when you go to your sister's house in the States?

• 31:45Speaker 02

  So he had found and kept a guy that he, in his estimation, was the right match for me, the glass parrot of India. This guy's family controlled the entire glass industry in India. And he was looking for a girl who was like 10-ish years younger than him. So that's the appropriate math in the arrangement.

• 32:06Amy Poehler?

  It still remains so.

• 32:06Speaker 02

  It still remains. Listen, this is a real way of life. Like, it sounds crazy here, but this is how people live in, in big, big countries on the other side of the world. So he didn't think, he was like, have you, he couldn't understand. He's like, have you seen who I'm matching you up with?

• 32:23Amy Poehler?

  Right.

• 32:24Speaker 02

  Wait till you see his house.

• 32:25Amy Poehler?

  Right.

• 32:26Speaker 02

  Like, in his mind, he couldn't comprehend what the issue was. And I couldn't understand why he couldn't understand that, that none of it was appealing, you know? But I did, I went and we had a whole, you know, arranged style, like meet in, what, the opposite of meet cute.

• 32:44Amy Poehler?

  You're right, there's no bumping into each other.

• 32:47Speaker 02

  No, my God, you do not touch each other, police line, do not cross.

• 32:51Amy Poehler?

  It is just, it feels like a job interview.

• 32:53Speaker 02

  His family is ten people on that side, our family is ten people. There's a broker in the middle who's like moving around with the questions. Because people know what arranged marriages are. You've heard that phrase. You don't know how arranged marriages are made. In India, it's a very open system. Everything is openly discussed. Like here, for example, you're not allowed to say that you want the most beautiful woman you can find. Or the women's are allowed to say, I want the richest guy I can find. Even though that's what she may want, you don't say it, right? In India, you just say that. You tell the broker, what's the best deal you can get?

• 33:25Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 33:26Speaker 02

  They say things like, he's wearing glasses, but she's losing her hair. This is a match.

• 33:34Speaker 02

  And the broker will sit there in front of your face and be like, she's five foot tall, but like honestly, your son, like there's another brother and that brother will inherit half of this.

• 33:45Amy Poehler?

  Right.

• 33:45Speaker 02

  So he's not all that.

• 33:46Amy Poehler?

  It's interesting because there's this transactional nature of it that I think then, here, there's this pressure for everything to feel very romantic.

• 33:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:57Amy Poehler?

  And I want to talk to you about that because you and I talk about it a lot.

• 34:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:00Amy Poehler?

  Is that there is this pressure that if something doesn't feel really organic and romantic, then it's not real.

• 34:06Speaker 02

  Real, right. And all that pressure and that the not able to talk about it, I believe, only hurts women in America. That's my theory. Because, for example, in that transactional world, both sides have access to information, for better or for worse. Here, what I find is that the guy can still see what a woman looks like. But God forbid you ask if the guy has a real job or like he's making something up. I'm like, I would like to see a tax return.

• 34:37Amy Poehler?

  I do want to get into this because Zarna did, Zarna's tried to set me up a couple of times and she's only tried to set me up with billionaires.

• 34:45Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 34:45Amy Poehler?

  With a B.

• 34:46Speaker 02

  Yes, because I told you, Amy, that is the step up, that nothing else to me has made.

• 34:52Amy Poehler?

  Zarna's only shown me pictures of billionaires.

• 34:54Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 34:55Amy Poehler?

  And also.

• 34:56Speaker 02

  Often ones who have heart disease, but that's ideas. That has to be the move for you.

• 35:03Amy Poehler?

  And you would say things like, you need someone who makes a billion dollars. And I would say, it's very hard to meet someone who ethically made a billion dollars. And you see, you'd roll your eyes, just like you did there. You'd be like, what does this have to do with anything?

• 35:17Speaker 02

  Ethics, listen, we can fix the ethics. Sometimes you're rich enough that then you whitewash the whole. You start a foundation, come on.

• 35:23Amy Poehler?

  Can you tell everyone about it?

• 35:25Speaker 02

  Good Hang Foundation, I just came up with it.

• 35:31Amy Poehler?

  Okay, so then that, the meetup doesn't work. You push against it, you disappoint your father.

• 35:37Speaker 02

  No, I actually didn't. I thought that was gonna happen. So I was like, okay, you know, and I, I got five whopping minutes with this guy alone. Because I asked for it. He didn't even care. Could you imagine? He didn't even care to like, can she speak? Nothing, I'm sitting there like a mute. And he's like, okay. But I was like, can I like talk to him? Because I now have, I'm thinking this is gonna happen.

• 35:59Amy Poehler?

  Right.

• 35:59Speaker 02

  So when I met him and for the five, I was like, what do you wanna do with your life? Like, I was like, do you really? There was a lot of glass in that house. A lot.

• 36:09Amy Poehler?

  Talk about living in a glass house.

• 36:12Speaker 02

  I was like, but it felt a little like, wow, this is a lot of glass. It could get boring.

• 36:18Speaker 02

  So I wanted to talk to him and whatever. And he was very like, you know, in that circumstance, he's the child of a very wealthy. He's, he's got control of everything. He was very much appeasing me like, oh, she has all these dumb woman questions. Let me just give her something.

• 36:33Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 36:34Speaker 02

  So I had really fully capitulated in my heart. But then my US visa came through that I had been fighting for, for two years.

• 36:43Amy Poehler?

  So interesting, the timing, right?

• 36:45Speaker 02

  The timing, I'm telling you, it was that, the next morning, I got a telegram. I grabbed my stuff and I ran. I ran out of that house so fast. I didn't say a word to anybody, I was too scared. If my dad found out, that he would like find ways to hold me back.

• 37:01Amy Poehler?

  It's such an incredible moment, like your entire life hinged on the timing of that.

• 37:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:07Amy Poehler?

  Do you think you would have come to America if you had been married?

• 37:10Speaker 02

  No, then it would have been over. I mean, I could have betrayed my dad, and I did, and, and I did. But I don't think I could have done it to a guy and his whole family. Like, you know, like, he's done nothing wrong.

• 37:22Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 37:23Speaker 02

  That guy did nothing wrong by me.

• 37:25Amy Poehler?

  Right.

• 37:25Speaker 02

  So I would not, I don't know if I would have been able to do that to him.

• 37:29Amy Poehler?

  And when you left, you really did leave, like, kind of without telling anyone you were going?

• 37:33Speaker 02

  I was so scared.

• 37:34Amy Poehler?

  Wow, Zarina, so brave.

• 37:35Speaker 02

  I only said bye to my brother, my older brother.

• 37:38Amy Poehler?

  Sheres?

• 37:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:39Amy Poehler?

  Sheres?

• 37:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:41Amy Poehler?

  Yeah, you have a very close relationship with Sheres.

• 37:43Speaker 02

  To this day, yeah.

• 37:44Amy Poehler?

  Yeah. And so you say a painful goodbye to him and you head to Ohio?

• 37:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:50Amy Poehler?

  And your sister is living there?

• 37:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, Akron, Ohio.

• 37:52Amy Poehler?

  You, how old are you when you arrive?

• 37:54Speaker 02

  Seventeen, just under.

• 37:56Amy Poehler?

  You just immediately get to work and you study, and what happens next?

• 38:00Speaker 02

  So I got to Ohio because the University of Akron, where I got my degree, agreed to take me in as a foreign student. And that, back then, foreign students were not the rage that they are today. They were so rare.

• 38:13Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 38:13Speaker 02

  But they, my sister reached out to them and said, this, my sister really loves to study. How can we make this happen? And they worked it out. And my brother-in-law, my sister's husband, himself is a doctor, has been practicing for decades in America. Very extremely cerebral, extremely, like, you know, academic.

• 38:34Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 38:34Speaker 02

  So he appreciated that quality of me so much

• 38:38Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 38:38Speaker 02

  that he was like, if you can come here, just study as much as you want. Like, he saw the merits of it. Even though he himself didn't come from a family, he's the only one in his family who got out of his life the way he did. But he saw it and saw it so deeply that the two of them, it was unbelievable. They were like, study as much as you want, what do you need, how many books? I was, like, from a world of, like, hiding and reading every newspaper to, like, in, like, the libraries in America are the size of, like,

• 39:10Speaker 02

  I mean, you can't even dream that big in India. Like, our library in India was like a little hole in the wall. If you had 20 books, you were doing well. But you would go, I would go here to the Akron Library and I would be like, oh my god, I could spend days.

• 39:25Amy Poehler?

  And you, and you loved, what else when you came to America in 17, did you like immediately love? And what were some things that you were like, what, what is this? What's going on?

• 39:35Speaker 02

  I loved that nobody was telling me what to do.

• 39:39Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 39:40Speaker 02

  That was just not, including college. Like, school and college in India is very like, the teacher will, when the teacher walks in, you stand up, you show respect. And then the teacher will be like, open this page and like, put your foot down. There's so many rules. Here, I would go to college and people are eating and drinking and their, their feet are up on the chair. And I was like, what is happening? And of course, back then, there were all these language. I remember the first time I asked a guy for a rubber. Like, you know, in India, an eraser is called a rubber.

• 40:14Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 40:14Speaker 02

  And, you know, right? Like, you're laughing, but that was a real thing. And then, when I came in 1992, I believe, the big person in the news was Jeffrey Dahmer.

• 40:26Amy Poehler?

  Oh, yeah.

• 40:27Speaker 02

  Who is from Akron.

• 40:28Amy Poehler?

  That's not a good time to go to Ohio.

• 40:29Speaker 02

  From Akron. So I remember thinking, never go to anybody's house, ever.

• 40:34Amy Poehler?

  And that still is a good thing to actually keep in mind. That is a good thing.

• 40:39Speaker 02

  But also the freedom, my god. Like, I would go, for the first time, a college professor would be like, what do you think? I remember the time somebody asked me, what do you think? And I was like, nobody's ever asked me that. Never. Even in our classes back home, you only asked the boys what they thought. The girls just sat there. You know, and then we would, then you not only had to hear whatever the stupid boy thought, but you had to applaud and be like, deep.

• 41:07Amy Poehler?

  Amazing.

• 41:08Speaker 02

  Deep, like.

• 41:09Amy Poehler?

  I mean, you and I have talked about this a lot on tour, which is that, I mean, in fact, you, you wrote a really nice thing at the end of your book about me and Tina. And I just want to read one part that I love so much, because it's exactly what, what we talked about a lot, which is, you say.

• 41:29Amy Poehler?

  You were saying what Tina and I helped taught you, which is very nice, which is like, you know, you can mix business with pleasure. You can work with your friends. And you say, aren't women amazing to live and work this way? And in 500 years, men are going to discover that you can mix your work life and personal life without ruining your family and then call it a whole renaissance.

• 41:51Speaker 02

  Because you know that's what's gonna happen.

• 41:52Amy Poehler?

  Yes, of course.

• 41:53Speaker 02

  You guys are doing it. That's actually been one of the most bittersweet thing of touring with you guys. It's so much fun to see how you guys work up close, to have that front row seat. But inside my heart, I have so much pain about it too. Like, what could I have done if I had had that Tina or Amy in my life? You know? Because it's, and this idea, you guys shattered this whole notion of business and whatever, don't mix. Men do whatever they want. They start companies with, but the women have been told, don't mix business with pleasure.

• 42:28Amy Poehler?

  Yes.

• 42:29Speaker 02

  So dumb.

• 42:29Amy Poehler?

  Well, and you're still a baby's earner. You're only five years into this. Five years. Five. Five. And you're, and you are where you are. But I know you're impatient and in all the right ways and ambitious. But I just want to, you know, you're just, you're just getting started in this business, even though you're already a vet and a pro.

• 42:52Speaker 02

  I mean, I, I don't know, I don't know any other way to do things. Because I remember somebody told me, every comic's dream is to have a sitcom. And I was like, oh, that's just telling family stories. I could do that now.

• 43:03Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 43:03Speaker 02

  And I just started building my little world with it. Like, why am I gonna wait?

• 43:07Amy Poehler?

  Before you did that, though, you became a lawyer.

• 43:10Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, don't, we can't talk about that.

• 43:12Amy Poehler?

  We don't even need to talk about it.

• 43:13Speaker 02

  It's so bad.

• 43:14Amy Poehler?

  There's some joke, like, the only thing that lawyers have in common is that no one wants to be a lawyer.

• 43:19Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 43:19Amy Poehler?

  But you were a lawyer and you were, what kind of lawyer were you?

• 43:23Speaker 02

  I was personal injury. Yeah, and I was actually, like, I loved it. I was like, that dog should have been chained.

• 43:38Amy Poehler?

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• 44:23Amy Poehler?

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• 45:07Amy Poehler?

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• 45:54Amy Poehler?

  Okay, so then, while you're being a lawyer and you're like, "Okay, maybe I should try to meet somebody." And I want to segue into how you met your husband.

• 46:04Amy Poehler?

  And I think the best way to do it is to have you read this ad.

• 46:08Speaker 02

  Oh, God. Oh, my God.

• 46:10Amy Poehler?

  I love this ad.

• 46:11Speaker 02

  That I will never live down.

• 46:12Amy Poehler?

  Zarna.

• 46:12Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 46:13Amy Poehler?

  So, in the summer of 1977, when you were 22.

• 46:17Speaker 02

  1997.

• 46:18Amy Poehler?

  Excuse me.

• 46:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, you made me nervous for a minute.

• 46:20Amy Poehler?

  Sorry. In the summer of 1997, when Zarna was 22, she put a personal ad on an Indian singles website. Will you read it, Zarna? It's so funny and so good. It's like a beautiful poem.

• 46:32Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, to some. All right, here's the ad. "To some, I am too short or too plump, too dark or too argumentative, but enough about me.

• 46:45Speaker 02

  This is what I need from you: A husband and a partner, somebody who is ambitious but not ruthless, confident but not arrogant, and humble but not timid. Most of all, he is honest. I'm on a mission to build a very successful life, and you must be ready to go with me. Only contact me if you want to get married. No friends." In all caps. "Kindly include your most recent tax returns and medical records."

• 47:15Amy Poehler?

  Zarna.

• 47:17Speaker 02

  I thought it made sense, people. In my defense, it made sense in the way I came from.

• 47:23Amy Poehler?

  You know, and also, it's so funny. It's so funny. I know it's serious, but it's also so funny. It's you in a nutshell, which is, it's direct, it's clear, it has a point of view, and it's really funny. And anyone reading that would, I think, be drawn to the wit of it.

• 47:44Speaker 02

  I mean, I don't want to brag, but hundreds of people did respond.

• 47:53Speaker 02

  They did. And back then, I was the only woman speaking for myself on the internet. So it was like, a lot of people just responded because they were so excited not to have to speak to somebody's cousin and uncle and auntie and whatever. But I do think, I mean, dating in America and marriage is like, do I love this person? Do I, is he gonna make me happy? You know, these are the things you think about, right? Like, I was like, happiness is not happening. Let's just be okay with that. It was more like, who's gonna win this war against the world that I'm fighting? Who's gonna be my best recruit? Who's gonna be my best soldier and partner? And I think a lot of immigrants see life like that.

• 48:37Speaker 02

  We see life like we're in war and we're building a team and an army. You know, and I do that now. I remind my kids every day. You do not have the luxury. You do not, you are in, you know, sometimes my kids get scared and nervous of all the things that I throw them into, which I do have a habit of throwing them into.

• 48:56Amy Poehler?

  Yeah, I mean, you entered your daughter into a beauty pageant.

• 48:58Speaker 02

  I did, I did, I did. That was more like a philosophical take because she's five foot tall and I didn't want her to think that she's not beautiful just because she's short. Because we always assume beauty queens have to be tall. So I remember calling the pageant people. I was like, what is your height requirement? And they're like, we don't have one. I said, you don't? Like, I assumed there must be a minimum. And they're like, no. I said, so can my daughter, who's five foot, apply? And then I was like, correction, can I apply for her?

• 49:28Amy Poehler?

  Okay, sorry, but I stopped you because you're right. We here believe that you're building a team and that ad is, I want you on my team. And that, and Zarna, what I love about that ad is when you say, what is it? When you say, I'm gonna have a very big life?

• 49:44Speaker 02

  I'm gonna build a successful life and you have to be ready to go with me. Yeah. I mean, I didn't, I didn't wanna lie to somebody. I think you should cast a narrow net and be like, this is what I'm doing. Why talk to the 20 other people who are gonna be like, let's have fun? Like, I don't wanna have fun.

• 50:00Amy Poehler?

  Well, you know, you were one of the few people when I was single who I could actually talk to about. Dating and being single because there's just so much weird stuff that people project on you. And like, you know, talking to married people are the absolute worst.

• 50:17Speaker 02

  The worst.

• 50:17Amy Poehler?

  And all they do is try to set you up with people they want to be with. They're like, what about so and so? And it's like, I think you want to be with so and so. But you were so, when we were touring, you were so fun and funny to talk to about it because you did, you have. Because I find this ad, you're gonna think I'm crazy, but I find that ad very romantic.

• 50:37Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 50:38Amy Poehler?

  I know, see?

• 50:39Speaker 02

  I don't know about the romance.

• 50:41Amy Poehler?

  Here's why I find it romantic, because you're advocating for yourself. You're really saying like, I'm a catch and I know myself. Do you want to come with me on this journey? But also, you're talking about like, what's ahead. You're like, I see good things ahead. You're 22 when you make that ad.

• 51:03Speaker 02

  21, actually.

• 51:04Amy Poehler?

  21, so you're not a successful touring comedian with her own sitcom. And you're not a comedian at all. You're studying to be a lawyer. There's just a lot of like, like, trust me that life is going to be grand with me. Like, that's very romantic, even though it seems very nuts and bolts. So, I love that part of you, is you have this forward-thinking, big ambitious dreams for yourself and the people that you love. Because you're a big-time dreamer, but you're a realist at the same time. Those two things are really important.

• 51:34Speaker 02

  I do the work. I do do the work. I mean, when I wrote a screenplay, my screenplay that ended up winning, I didn't just write a screenplay. I was gonna write a trilogy. And I was like, I'm gonna call Bob Iger. I had no business. I just saw his name somewhere. I was like, I should call him. He should make my trilogy. Why not?

• 51:56Speaker 02

  But that's kind of how I got up with you and Tina. I remember when I saw in the news that Tina Fey and Amy Poehler touring, instantly, I called all my agents. I don't know, I have so many agents. They never have the foresight. I don't know why.

• 52:09Amy Poehler?

  Well, on our side, Burke, Mike Berkowitz, a great agent at WME who helped book our tour, he told us about you.

• 52:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:18Amy Poehler?

  So you probably poked and then we heard and then we watched your stuff.

• 52:22Speaker 02

  It probably was in the air at the time.

• 52:25Amy Poehler?

  Yeah, and you were doing a lot of work at the time.

• 52:27Speaker 02

  I was, of course, and I still do. I'm working every night. I'm on a stage. But so I do do the work. The dream cannot just be the dream.

• 52:34Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 52:34Speaker 02

  You have to put in the work. But I actually like, I've now fully embraced that I'm a very serious type of person.

• 52:40Amy Poehler?

  And so, but, but just quickly, then you met your husband.

• 52:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:44Amy Poehler?

  And tell us about your husband.

• 52:46Speaker 02

  So he is also a very boring, serious type.

• 52:51Speaker 02

  And, and we live a very boring, serious life together. And we, we like what we do. He's a very nice guy. He understood, I think he himself came from complicated circumstances. So there was some kinship there. So I can't say, like, I can't be like, it was hot and heavy. And I don't even know what any of that means. Like, there's no making out and all that. Okay, maybe a little bit.

• 53:15Amy Poehler?

  There was a little making out in your book.

• 53:17Speaker 02

  There was a little, I know. And my kids read the book after it was written. God, my, my kids were like, Mom, you didn't warn us. I know, they're like, little warning, Mom.

• 53:30Speaker 02

  I was like, you see how I feel when I walk in and you have your little boyfriend hanging around?

• 53:34Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 53:38Speaker 02

  You think I want to see that?

• 53:39Amy Poehler?

  Yeah, no kidding.

• 53:41Speaker 02

  You'll see, Amy, your kids are a little young, but it's coming.

• 53:44Amy Poehler?

  I can't even picture it.

• 53:45Speaker 02

  Suddenly, there's a girl in like these short shorts and she's like making pancakes for your son. And you're like, what is happening?

• 53:53Amy Poehler?

  So intense, so intense.

• 53:55Speaker 02

  And, and your son in front of you is gonna be like, her pancakes are better.

• 53:59Amy Poehler?

  Okay, so it reminds me of a question that Zoya had for you.

• 54:02Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 54:02Amy Poehler?

  So, Zoya, we talked to your wonderful eldest daughter. And as the eldest, you're a baby. It's the babies, the babies. Well, in your case, Zara, you did not have it easy, but babies can sometimes have it easy.

• 54:15Speaker 02

  No, I did in many ways have it easy because they did protect me.

• 54:18Amy Poehler?

  Well, it is interesting, yeah. When, when the baby comes, there's just been another kid in the house.

• 54:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:23Amy Poehler?

  When you're the first pancake, speaking of pancakes, it's, it can, it can, it's, you know, everything gets tested out on you. Anyway, and Zoya is like... I mean, your kids are so great. Your kids are so successful, mature.

• 54:39Speaker 02

  Those are Instagram lies, Amy. Oh my god, let's do another episode. I will bring all their flaws. We will lay them out. They're so crazy. Are you kidding me? Zoya has a million meltdowns. Every day is a disaster.

• 54:53Amy Poehler?

  She's in Stanford. I told her she should party and I told her, yes. And she should party, she should fail.

• 54:59Speaker 02

  No.

• 55:00Amy Poehler?

  She doesn't have to. Who cares? Polish doesn't even matter anymore, Zarna.

• 55:05Speaker 02

  I wrote the tuition checks. I care deeply.

• 55:08Amy Poehler?

  I told her she should rebel and when she does, she can come live with Auntie Amy.

• 55:11Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 55:12Amy Poehler?

  I mean, I think she should study the classics.

• 55:15Speaker 02

  No, no, stop. I knew there was an agenda over here. Like Stanford sponsoring this episode.

• 55:23Amy Poehler?

  I mean, it was like, like she, your, your kids are so great and she's such a good girl. Anyway, her question for you was, you know, you talk about how you never say I love you to her dad, your husband.

• 55:36Speaker 02

  No, I would never.

• 55:40Amy Poehler?

  Why, why not? Why, why wouldn't you?

• 55:44Speaker 02

  It is, it is so wrong on so many levels. It is, it is would doom our marriage. He would be sure I was dying. Like, there is no other circumstance if I have.

• 55:55Amy Poehler?

  But you, but she said you walk together every day.

• 55:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, we do.

• 55:59Amy Poehler?

  So she's like, are you a hypocrite? Because that is in a way how you say I love you.

• 56:04Speaker 02

  We, okay, I knew she was gonna ask some question like this. She's like that, like she is very like, mom, you don't really mean it. She doesn't know that when we walk, they see us walking and think it's a romantic walk. It is not a romantic walk. We are going through every bill that is outstanding. We are going through, we're going through every tax statement that we didn't pay attention. Things he did, his mother's visiting, now I'm yelling at him. And he's trying to make the peace and he's like, can she stay for two weeks? And we're negotiating that down. It is not a romantic walk. We are best friends, her dad and I.

• 56:41Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 56:42Speaker 02

  Believe that we have a really good friendship.

• 56:44Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 56:44Speaker 02

  And I actually think that the friendship has stood the test of time.

• 56:47Amy Poehler?

  It has.

• 56:48Speaker 02

  I think had we been the romantic, I love you, like because we don't buy into that full romantic notion of it. And I'm more like talking to a friend. It would be like if something happened and you wanted to clear the air with Tina, you would, right?

• 57:01Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 57:02Speaker 02

  But with a spouse, you're actually more afraid.

• 57:05Amy Poehler?

  I know it's, I mean, that's what I mean about your frankness and and it is is very. It's very, I think we, I think we agree here. Clarity is kindness.

• 57:16Speaker 02

  I agree.

• 57:17Amy Poehler?

  When you're clear about yourself or what you need, I think that's a kind act. And people think that being direct is um can be like overwhelming or even rude. When in fact, if you do it without trying to hurt somebody, you're actually just expressing what you need. But we have a, we have a very like sideways way of going about that. And I've heard you give advice to people who are looking for love and it's and it's, I mean, you kind of consider yourself a matchmaker. You even wanted to be one at one point.

• 57:47Speaker 02

  I was one. I was, it was the worst business. I should not be in that business. That whole business is telling women it's not too late, when it's actually too late. It's just too, I'm sorry.

• 58:02Speaker 02

  Come with these unrealistic, you'll have a forty five year old woman who's like, I want a twenty year, eight year old hottie. Who's also a surgeon and who's also gonna inherit a billion dollars. I had to be there and be like, okay, you get to pick one thing.

• 58:15Amy Poehler?

  Right.

• 58:15Speaker 02

  You can't like.

• 58:18Amy Poehler?

  I don't think that that's the case with most women. I think most women are are very realistic. I think men are very unrealistic.

• 58:24Speaker 02

  Well, the men are, the men don't go to matchmakers. Cause they don't feel any sense of urgency.

• 58:29Amy Poehler?

  Right.

• 58:30Speaker 02

  It's the women who are like, why am I not married? You'll meet a sixty year old dude and he's like, ah, I'm thinking about it. What are you thinking about? To them, I'm like, you're gonna die. You're gonna die. I have to tell them. Like I will even tell them, like if you guys are like, by the time you're done thinking, like already a lot of your body parts are not working. I can see it.

• 58:52Speaker 02

  As a broker, it was my job to be honest and be like, anybody who's evaluating, like, you're not making enough money to cover up for all this. So what are we gonna fix here?

• 59:02Amy Poehler?

  But it's an interesting time, more than ever, because women don't really need partners. They really don't need partners.

• 59:07Speaker 02

  They don't, and they shouldn't. And honest, can I, can I have a really hot take here?

• 59:11Amy Poehler?

  Yes, please.

• 59:11Speaker 02

  That I've never had, and my daughter's gonna get shocked. I almost believe that get married young once and get divorced.

• 59:20Speaker 02

  Get married, get it out of your system.

• 59:22Amy Poehler?

  Why do you even have to get married?

• 59:22Speaker 02

  No, because get it out of your system. The women who are not married at all, sometimes romanticize it to a point, but like, married women, look at them and you're like, oh my god, it is not like.

• 59:33Amy Poehler?

  But you know that, you know that married women live shorter lives than unmarried women.

• 59:38Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 59:39Amy Poehler?

  And married men live longer.

• 59:41Speaker 02

  Well, they're taking our lives.

• 59:43Amy Poehler?

  They're taking our lives.

• 59:45Speaker 02

  Sucking it out of our bodies, like, literally. So I now think my daughter, if she, you know, I would be like, listen, get married once, few months, year or two, get it out of your system.

• 59:56Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 59:57Speaker 02

  Because the women I find who have it the hardest are the ones who never married, and who are imagining, literally imagining Prince Charming, I'm like, he farts. It smells bad. His mother is that bad. It's not a story. But get that romance out of it, and then focus on your life and build your thing.

• 1:00:17Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:18Speaker 02

  Worry about building your own life.

• 1:00:19Amy Poehler?

  It's so true. I mean, but, but it's quite revolutionary, the way you talk about motherhood, specifically, as well as marriage, because, you know, motherhood is a grind. And it is, no one talks about how tiring it is, and how boring it is, and how difficult it can be. And we're all supposed to pretend like we're having the best time in our lives, and our children are our biggest gifts and miracles, and they are, they're wonderful, wonderful miracles. And I'm so happy to have them. But, but it's just like, from one woman to another, one mother to another, one married woman to another, one divorced woman to another, when you start telling the truth on stage, and you hear it from other people, it's a huge relief. You feel really seen. And that's your comedy.

• 1:01:04Amy Poehler?

  Your comedy is really, really good jokes, but you're telling the truth about life in real time. It's why people really respond to you.

• 1:01:11Speaker 02

  I mean, I think so. I make jokes about it, and I, you know, I talk about how sixteen years of being a stay-at-home mom, I learned that I'm not into my kids.

• 1:01:21Speaker 02

  And I like the kids, but it's the job of mothering that's horrible.

• 1:01:27Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:28Speaker 02

  And I just say it now. I mean, there's no point. That's the thing. If you're gonna do the comedy, do the comedy.

• 1:01:34Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:34Speaker 02

  I do four open mics a night here. I can't do that.

• 1:01:38Amy Poehler?

  Do you still do four a night?

• 1:01:39Speaker 02

  Absolutely. I'll stop in at any club because I'm building material constantly. I'm building, I am, I'm working on my third hour, I'm working on my second book.

• 1:01:48Amy Poehler?

  Okay, and so we should talk about that because you have a special coming out in July. Tell us, it's called?

• 1:01:54Speaker 02

  Practical People Win.

• 1:01:59Speaker 02

  Why beat around the bush?

• 1:02:03Amy Poehler?

  Such a good title. Practical People Win. You had a huge special on Amazon.

• 1:02:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, One in a Billion.

• 1:02:09Amy Poehler?

  One in a Billion. And you did a movie that, what's the name of the movie?

• 1:02:13Speaker 02

  A Nice Indian Boy.

• 1:02:14Amy Poehler?

  A Nice Indian Boy. And you worked with Jonathan Groff.

• 1:02:17Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:02:18Amy Poehler?

  Tell us about him.

• 1:02:18Speaker 02

  He's my son-in-law in the movie. Yes, yes. Oh, my God. He's unbelievable. He's so gorgeous. I'm like, why are you doing this? We hang out all the time and I'm like, why are you an actor and you're singing and like, you should be in med school, John?

• 1:02:35Speaker 02

  This is a weekend job. I tell him all the time and even he's like, but you know, my plays do well.

• 1:02:44Amy Poehler?

  He's like, I'm doing okay.

• 1:02:45Speaker 02

  The poor guy has to feel like he has to justify to me because I had such an overbearing mom character in that movie that we kind of all became the character. We were together for a month and every day, you know, my director, so just so you know, our director in that movie is not only a movie director, but is also a cancer surgeon. He's an Indian guy whose mom won't let him.

• 1:03:07Amy Poehler?

  Wait, wait, wait. He's a director and a cancer surgeon?

• 1:03:10Speaker 02

  Yes, and his mom won't let him quit the medicine for the Hollywood thing. So three months of the year, he's in Boston at Harvard practicing cancer medicine. Because his mom won't let him quit. She's like, I don't trust these Hollywood people.

• 1:03:25Amy Poehler?

  She's right. The business is terrible right now.

• 1:03:27Speaker 02

  So she's, so it's a real thing. So I used to tell Jonathan, I'm like, look at him.

• 1:03:34Speaker 02

  See, he is doing it.

• 1:03:35Amy Poehler?

  She, Jonathan should do both. Jonathan, you can go to med school while you're on Broadway.

• 1:03:39Speaker 02

  Could you imagine if you're dying and Jonathan Groff walks in? That's gonna give you life right there.

• 1:03:45Amy Poehler?

  That would be so lovely.

• 1:03:45Speaker 02

  That would extend your life by a few weeks right there.

• 1:03:48Amy Poehler?

  Yeah, and he just, as he's, as he's in, you know, giving you a shot, he's just singing a lullaby to you at the same time.

• 1:03:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:55Amy Poehler?

  Sounds great.

• 1:03:56Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:03:57Amy Poehler?

  And I want to ask you about, because I loved this story and I don't think you've told it. We were texting, we've, like I said before, we've been on the road a lot. What have, what have we, what have we, what have you learned about being on the road, me and Tina?

• 1:04:11Speaker 02

  Oh, my gosh.

• 1:04:12Amy Poehler?

  I mean, we just really, we, we had, we've had a lot of fun on the road and it's because we don't like having fun on the road.

• 1:04:19Speaker 02

  Exactly. Because the pressure is not on.

• 1:04:21Amy Poehler?

  That's right.

• 1:04:22Speaker 02

  We're not trying to be cool.

• 1:04:23Amy Poehler?

  No.

• 1:04:24Speaker 02

  We're actually not, actively not trying to be cool. We're not trying to find the hotspots. We're not trying to like collaborate with like the cool people in town. So you guys have famous guests all the time in your shows and like, I don't see any like, I hope we get to see, you're more like, alright, what, you know, what do we have to meet everybody?

• 1:04:46Speaker 02

  But I appreciate that because you're there for the business that you're there for. I appreciate that you take your audience very seriously.

• 1:04:54Amy Poehler?

  As do you.

• 1:04:54Speaker 02

  The show, yeah, oh, we, that's the one thing we have in common.

• 1:04:58Amy Poehler?

  Agree.

• 1:04:58Speaker 02

  And I think as women working, that is the bar.

• 1:05:02Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:02Speaker 02

  You have to perform up here if you're gonna have a career and you know that, Tina knows that. And I love that. And then as soon as it's done, it's done.

• 1:05:09Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:09Speaker 02

  We unwind. Sometimes we text each other from our rooms in our beds.

• 1:05:15Amy Poehler?

  Totally. We're like, how fast did you get in your pajamas tonight? But you told me a story about a show you did in Dubai.

• 1:05:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:23Amy Poehler?

  And I think that that was an amazing travel story. Could you, could you tell me that, cause you were traveling during that giant flood or storm?

• 1:05:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:33Amy Poehler?

  What happened then?

• 1:05:34Speaker 02

  Uh, I, first of all, I didn't want to do the show, but Dubai Comedy Fest, I did it because... Back home, those women don't see this. Version of any woman back then. Like, I am one of one in this whole world who does what I do. Very homestyle brown people comedy, take on your mother-in-law and all. And these people had been like requesting for so long, they're please come, the women would love to see you. And I was like very torn because you know, I wasn't sure how the comedy and it's it's not America. People don't understand what America is. Here, you get up on stage, you trash your president, it's fine. You get on stage, you do that somewhere else, you're gonna end up in jail.

• 1:06:19Speaker 02

  Like, really, like, it's no joke. You really will not leave the country. So I was very had mixed feelings, but I agreed to do it and

• 1:06:28Speaker 02

  this is a huge, humongous, once-in-a-lifetime flood while I'm in the air. Twenty minutes before we're landing in Dubai, the flight gets diverted to Oman, Muscat. And we land in Muscat and we're stranded at the airport for three days because all these airplanes landed in Muscat because there was no safe place to land. And you stayed at the airport. At the airport. There was no place to go. And, and you know what, like, people knew who I was, a lot of people and word spread. So they were like, tell her to tweet, tell her to tweet, they were frustrated. Tell her to tweet that the airlines are getting... And I don't do any of that. My, my page is a very positive page. I'm not one like, oh, you, this restaurant sucks. That's not my vibe.

• 1:07:09Speaker 02

  So I kept being like, guys, I don't do that. And please, because they would shove a phone in my face and be like, make a video. So I did think that that storm was brought on by my mother-in-law.

• 1:07:22Speaker 02

  Because she does have a history of trying to destroy my career in many ways. I mean, my, my comedy special on Amazon has thousands of perfect reviews and then 12 one-stars from the same region in India. You know it's her. You know it's her. She takes people's phones and she presses it. But I was there for three days and it was and I remember texting you.

• 1:07:46Amy Poehler?

  Yes.

• 1:07:47Speaker 02

  Because you were like worried for me.

• 1:07:49Amy Poehler?

  Of course.

• 1:07:49Speaker 02

  Because you knew how stressed out I was.

• 1:07:50Amy Poehler?

  Oh, it was so stressful.

• 1:07:51Speaker 02

  And I remember at one point you were like, oh, so it sounds like you've moved to Dubai. And I'm like, what? Because at the time I was so hopeless that I was like, am I ever gonna leave? After two days, you start thinking like, is this ever gonna resolve? But your text came in to, oh, it sounds like you've moved there now. It was nice knowing you.

• 1:08:14Amy Poehler?

  And Zarn, I love the end. You write about it and you write about it in your book. You but you get on stage. You have an incredible show.

• 1:08:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:22Amy Poehler?

  Right? Like you make it with hours to go or something.

• 1:08:26Speaker 02

  Minutes.

• 1:08:27Amy Poehler?

  Minutes.

• 1:08:27Speaker 02

  It's one of the only shows that went on last year. I think three shows went on. Mine was the only one.

• 1:08:32Amy Poehler?

  And your brother joins you on stage.

• 1:08:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:35Amy Poehler?

  And that was a really powerful moment.

• 1:08:36Speaker 02

  Yeah. My brother actually joined me in Mumbai.

• 1:08:39Amy Poehler?

  Oh, in Mumbai.

• 1:08:39Speaker 02

  After Dubai, I went to Mumbai, which was very painful.

• 1:08:42Amy Poehler?

  So you went to Dubai and then you ended up in Mumbai.

• 1:08:44Speaker 02

  I was very scared of my Mumbai show. I don't like doing comedy in India. I have such, you know, it's like I have such a negative association with how people perceive me that I'm not comfortable. But I agreed to do one show. And my brother and all his friends and everybody was in the audience. And I just couldn't. I called him up on stage at the end because it's my hometown.

• 1:09:04Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:05Speaker 02

  You are, you realize what home is when you're gone and you come back. And you're like, oh, my God, I know every street.

• 1:09:12Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:12Speaker 02

  I know every store. I know every building, even thirty years later. So I called him up and, oh, my God, it was water. I couldn't even control myself. I started crying. He started, he couldn't. He started crying because he was like, what is this whole thinking, feelings thing happening? And I think it hit a chord with everybody in the audience because they all had, everybody has that somebody that they miss. Whether it's they lost them to life or death or distance or whatever. And that ending of that show became that moment of like, you know, I told, I told people in India. So here we talk about immigrants in America, right? People who come here.

• 1:09:54Speaker 02

  Indian people are used to talking about people who leave. And why they leave. And the perception back home very much is that everybody leaves for the money. That you get a good job in America, you earn in American dollars, and that's why you leave. And I remember like telling them, I I I was like, you know, in India, I'm referred to as an N R I. That's a non-resident Indian. And I said, you know, not every non-resident Indian is an asshole. Like, we didn't all just see the money and some of us actually were just trying to survive. Like, we left such, I remember weeping through the entire flight to Ohio. And some of us can't believe that we're not here yet.

• 1:10:40Speaker 02

  And I think that that's the first time they had heard that from somebody who is considered successful in America. They are much more used to American Indians coming back to India and telling them everything that's wrong with India. You need to fix these potholes, you need to be more democratic, give women more rights. They go back and they like sermonize because they're so successful, they feel like they've seen a better life. And I'm the opposite, I have so much love for India, so much pain in my heart for leaving.

• 1:11:12Speaker 02

  Not just my brother, like I went and I visited all those old fruit sellers and, I mean, they're all gone, but I met my driver. My driver, who's a character in my book, also the guy who drove me around so I could sit in air conditioning and read in peace. Uh, that was a thing in my childhood. So I remember having, making that speech and like the whole audience was in tears. We were like, we are all much more one than than we think. Whether you live there or you live here or whatever your story is, at the end of the day, the human emotions are the same. Like, I didn't wanna come here. I really thought I was gonna live in India and like make my life.

• 1:11:53Speaker 02

  I thought I would, my mom would be would be swimming with me till I was fifty years old. You know, and I met my mom's best friend, oh my god, that was the most painful. My mom's best friend. Came to the show in Mumbai.

• 1:12:10Amy Poehler?

  Wow.

• 1:12:11Speaker 02

  Amy, I was gutted. I was like, you've got forty more years of life.

• 1:12:16Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:16Speaker 02

  You know, and, and she was like, if she, if your mom was alive, she would be so proud. And I was like, oh my god, I'm not sure about that, actually. I'm not, I was like, oh. Because I remember when my horoscope, my astrologer, told my mom that this girl is gonna talk and talk and talk at my birth, my mom was terrified for me.

• 1:12:37Amy Poehler?

  Hmm.

• 1:12:38Speaker 02

  But my mom's best friend was in the show too, and she was like, it was very, oh my god, I can't.

• 1:12:44Amy Poehler?

  I, I, I want to share that you gave me this bracelet. And also, people should know, it was, it's an expensive bracelet.

• 1:12:51Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:12:52Amy Poehler?

  Zarna loves expensive things. You're always telling me to go buy fancy things. We're kind, you're kind of a pusher when it comes to shopping.

• 1:12:59Speaker 02

  Well, we, we have reasons. Like, I, I'll, I'll have a bad day and I'll be like, Amy, this was a Gucci tote level bad day.

• 1:13:06Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:07Speaker 02

  And you understand.

• 1:13:08Amy Poehler?

  And I say, I think that that makes a perfect sense.

• 1:13:11Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:13:11Amy Poehler?

  Why do we work so hard if we can't do that? But you gave me a beautiful bracelet and you told me that it, it had.

• 1:13:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:17Amy Poehler?

  Can you explain?

• 1:13:18Speaker 02

  So in India, we have a day, a religious day, that is traditionally celebrated between brothers and sisters called Rakshabandhan, where the sister ties a bracelet around the brother's wrist and promises to, to, to love him. And he in turn promises to protect her. That's how that tradition started. In the modern iteration of it, sisters tied to each other a bracelet. It's usually a modest red thread, but like, we don't play that way. We don't roll with the modest red thread situation. And I feel so grateful to have you and, okay, it's, it's Amy's podcast, so like, I don't feel as grateful about Dina.

• 1:14:03Amy Poehler?

  Yeah, just let's focus on me.

• 1:14:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, let's just focus. Tina doesn't have a podcast. Does she have a podcast?

• 1:14:08Amy Poehler?

  No.

• 1:14:08Speaker 02

  She doesn't have a podcast. Not even one. It's Amy's number one.

• 1:14:11Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:11Speaker 02

  Yeah. I feel so grateful. You guys kind of took me under your wing and I wanted to express the promise that we take very seriously back home. It's this thread that we tie and we really, it's a commitment. It's not just a thread. We, like, I'm living that commitment with my siblings. I lived with my sister for years. Could you imagine having to take in a sibling?

• 1:14:33Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:34Speaker 02

  For years? And I was outspoken even in Ohio. Like, I had my moments with my siblings everywhere.

• 1:14:40Amy Poehler?

  Of course.

• 1:14:40Speaker 02

  I still love my brother dearly and it's something like I know if anything goes sideways in my life, he will be there.

• 1:14:48Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:49Speaker 02

  On day one. So I gave you this bracelet and also I love giving. I do.

• 1:14:54Amy Poehler?

  I know, you are a giver. You're very generous, aren't you?

• 1:14:56Speaker 02

  No, but I love, giving is so much more fun than getting.

• 1:15:00Amy Poehler?

  Than getting.

• 1:15:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:01Amy Poehler?

  Well, I could talk to you forever and I have, but I want to end with a good segue that which is, we both took this like Enneagram test and we found out we were the same number. For the people who care, we are both, Zarna and I are both Enneagram eights, which is kind of rare for women, but very quickly what that means is like we're challengers. Like, if someone says, you know, this way, you have to walk this way, Zarna and I are like, what about this way?

• 1:15:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:27Amy Poehler?

  You know, we like to question authority, basically. And you've talked about it a lot, like how you kept saying, well, maybe I could do it this way, well, what about this way? Like, and we, you know, I never have to guess how you feel. And I love that, that relaxes me.

• 1:15:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:43Amy Poehler?

  Some people are different, but before we go, I wanted to read to you, if anyone who cares about this kind of fun, like personality stuff, I wanted to read to you, things that annoy an Enneagram eight.

• 1:15:56Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:15:56Amy Poehler?

  And see if you agree.

• 1:15:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:58Amy Poehler?

  Okay, because these really made me laugh.

• 1:16:00Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:16:01Amy Poehler?

  Okay. People who talk just to talk.

• 1:16:04Speaker 02

  Oh, annoying.

• 1:16:05Amy Poehler?

  The worst.

• 1:16:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, the worst.

• 1:16:07Amy Poehler?

  Like.

• 1:16:07Speaker 02

  Please don't.

• 1:16:08Amy Poehler?

  You know, like people that are like, you're on a conference call and they're like, I just also think, and it's just like, you're just talking.

• 1:16:13Speaker 02

  No, no, please don't think. Please don't think. Like, when they start that, it's like, you know.

• 1:16:18Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:19Amy Poehler?

  Fake people.

• 1:16:20Speaker 02

  Can't stand.

• 1:16:21Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:22Speaker 02

  Just say it. We don't have to agree, but I still appreciate the honesty.

• 1:16:25Amy Poehler?

  Totally agree. I, I love, I don't even, I don't have to agree with anybody. I like conflict. It makes me feel kind of alive.

• 1:16:32Speaker 02

  You do like conflict.

• 1:16:33Amy Poehler?

  I do like conflict. A little bit, a little bit. Indecisiveness.

• 1:16:38Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:16:39Amy Poehler?

  Can't, I mean, just make a plan.

• 1:16:41Speaker 02

  Please, leave the chat now.

• 1:16:43Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:43Speaker 02

  If you're gonna add ten more layers of should we go here, should we not go here? I will be like, you're out.

• 1:16:48Amy Poehler?

  Me too.

• 1:16:49Speaker 02

  I'm starting another chat.

• 1:16:50Amy Poehler?

  And I bet you're like me too, when people, when the bill comes and everyone wants to pay. It's like, please, someone just pay.

• 1:16:55Speaker 02

  Someone just pay. It's not that deep. It's, it's, it's an egg salad. Relax.

• 1:16:59Amy Poehler?

  People who need constant praise.

• 1:17:01Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 1:17:02Amy Poehler?

  That I know I love.

• 1:17:03Speaker 02

  Cannot stand it. Cannot, like, right? Like, what, grow up?

• 1:17:08Amy Poehler?

  To me, if you're doing a good job, and I love to tell people they're doing a good job, and so do you, but to me, no news is good news.

• 1:17:15Speaker 02

  Good news. And don't wait for it. Don't like, don't be fishing for it. The worst are the fishers.

• 1:17:21Amy Poehler?

  The ones that are like, I just, I guess I just was kind of sad that I didn't hear that. And you're like, oh, that you did a good job? Great job!

• 1:17:28Speaker 02

  Now, first of all, you did the job you were paid to do. So let's just say that. Because we're in a generation now, you gotta pay these people and like constantly mother them and reassure them.

• 1:17:40Amy Poehler?

  You gotta tell them good job.

• 1:17:40Speaker 02

  I'm like, you know, I don't pay people to do a bad job. Like, if you didn't do a good job, tomorrow, you're not gonna be here.

• 1:17:48Amy Poehler?

  Yeah, but you gotta tell them, yeah.

• 1:17:50Speaker 02

  You do.

• 1:17:51Amy Poehler?

  And then the last one, which I love, is asserting power in a situation where they have none. That one really struck me. When others pretend that they have power when they don't.

• 1:18:05Speaker 02

  That's so lame.

• 1:18:06Amy Poehler?

  Like, what comes up for me, and I mean, a lot of stuff comes up for me at airports, is TSA.

• 1:18:10Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, but they, you gotta play the game a little bit.

• 1:18:15Amy Poehler?

  Of course.

• 1:18:15Speaker 02

  You kinda have to.

• 1:18:16Amy Poehler?

  But here's how I play the game.

• 1:18:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:19Amy Poehler?

  I'm completely prepared.

• 1:18:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:20Amy Poehler?

  I would never go through TSA with any, I would, if, if my, if the alarm goes off, I'm fully shamed for a day. If I get, like, if I forget to take my water bottle out, I don't, I shouldn't, I don't deserve to fly. But when someone asserts power, I mean, that's actually not really true now that I think about it, because they do have power. But when someone pretends they have power and they don't.

• 1:18:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:44Amy Poehler?

  That makes me nuts.

• 1:18:46Speaker 02

  But they do it all the time. These are petty games. It drives me nuts, but I play it.

• 1:18:51Amy Poehler?

  Of course.

• 1:18:51Speaker 02

  You know, like, doctor's office, they'll be like, we don't have an appointment, we have an appointment, we don't have an appointment. I'm like, like, let's play this game for five minutes and then give me the appointment.

• 1:19:00Amy Poehler?

  Well, what are you, how are you like with doctors? Because I'm very challenging with doctors.

• 1:19:04Speaker 02

  Very, I was gonna say very bad. And now ChatGPT has made it worse.

• 1:19:08Amy Poehler?

  I'm always like, who made you the boss? And they're like, a school, I went to school.

• 1:19:15Amy Poehler?

  But as soon as they come in, I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no. And you're that way too?

• 1:19:20Speaker 02

  I'm the worst.

• 1:19:20Amy Poehler?

  And I have so many questions for them.

• 1:19:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:19:23Amy Poehler?

  And the last thing I'll ask you is, what are you listening to right now that's making you laugh? What are you watching? What do you do, what do you do to laugh? I mean, your job is comedy.

• 1:19:31Speaker 02

  The Good Hang Podcast! Rachel Dratch, you can't top that moment. I'm sorry.

• 1:19:37Amy Poehler?

  I'm so glad you were part of it.

• 1:19:38Speaker 02

  The dog, the doorbell, the Uber drive. We were all so frazzled. We were like, what is happening?

• 1:19:43Amy Poehler?

  I know.

• 1:19:44Speaker 02

  I was like, is this, is she creating it? For a minute, I was like, did she plan this? But she couldn't have.

• 1:19:49Amy Poehler?

  No, Rachel Dratch continues to be such a wonderful, not only friend and comedian, but for me, she helps my mental health. Because I used to watch Debbie Downer when I needed to just laugh. And now, now she's yet again provided a moment for me that I, like, I go back to and watch.

• 1:20:07Speaker 02

  It's gonna be one for the ages. I go back to it too.

• 1:20:10Amy Poehler?

  But do you watch com, do you watch comedy?

• 1:20:12Speaker 02

  All, yeah, all the, yeah, I do, all, I watch all the stand-up comics.

• 1:20:15Amy Poehler?

  I don't, I don't enjoy comedy.

• 1:20:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I'll move through it. And I also see them in real life a lot.

• 1:20:20Amy Poehler?

  But we do it for our jobs, so sometimes I just really don't want to watch it. Because if it's good, I'm a little bit like, oh, damn, that's good. You know? And if it's bad, it's just like, what am I doing?

• 1:20:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:30Amy Poehler?

  Yeah, but you do, you watch other comedians?

• 1:20:31Speaker 02

  I watch all of it, yeah.

• 1:20:32Amy Poehler?

  Who are you like right now? Who are you loving to watch?

• 1:20:35Speaker 02

  I mean, so many great women comics. Oh, my God, Hannah Burner.

• 1:20:38Amy Poehler?

  I know, Hannah's great.

• 1:20:39Speaker 02

  Hannah and I, you know, we have our own little thing too. And I know you have your thing. She's amazing.

• 1:20:44Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:44Speaker 02

  And it's, it's stand-up comedy, but it's like adjacent. It's got this social media angle to it, which is MySpace.

• 1:20:51Amy Poehler?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:52Speaker 02

  So I love seeing the moms who are like creating all this like weird things around stand-up comedy. Because for so long, it was dominated only by men.

• 1:21:02Amy Poehler?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:21:02Speaker 02

  And they did it their way.

• 1:21:04Amy Poehler?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:21:04Speaker 02

  Which is like the minimum effort.

• 1:21:06Amy Poehler?

  Right, 25%.

• 1:21:07Speaker 02

  Right. Just put your shirt on, not even, it's, don't even iron it, show up and just speak. But the women, like...

• 1:21:15Amy Poehler?

  Brick wall, literal brick wall.

• 1:21:19Speaker 02

  And look at this.

• 1:21:19Amy Poehler?

  No plants, no fake food, nothing.

• 1:21:21Speaker 02

  Nothing. But the women are doing like Jessica Kirsten, who's like a, you know, a friend of mine. Like, she's, she's lesbian, she's a mom of four. It's like so much interesting stuff happening in that space that, that, those are my favorites to watch.

• 1:21:37Amy Poehler?

  Awesome. Zarna, I could talk to you forever. I, I really do feel like you're such a great example of you're just, it's never, it's never too late to meet, you know?

• 1:21:48Speaker 02

  It's never too late.

• 1:21:49Amy Poehler?

  It's never too late.

• 1:21:50Speaker 02

  I like to say that if you win the day before you die, you still won.

• 1:21:55Amy Poehler?

  I love that, Zarna. And it's about winning.

• 1:21:58Speaker 02

  It's big things coming. Big things coming always. Why did I marry this guy? I told him, big things.

• 1:22:04Amy Poehler?

  Yeah. Big things are coming always, and big things are here. Thank you, Zarna Garg.

• 1:22:07Speaker 02

  Thank you, thank you, Amy Poehler.

• 1:22:12Amy Poehler?

  Well, Zarna, thank you so much. You're amazing. Your book, This American Woman, check it out. And, you know, I'm gonna take this time for this polar plunge to just plug Zarna's stuff, because Zarna would want me to do that. And, um, and all of her stuff is so great. So, check out her old special, One in a Billion, on Amazon. Check out her new special that just came out, Practical People Win. Um, check out any of the dates where she's touring, and she's so great. It is a great night out. And, of course, This American Woman, her New York bestseller, Zarna Garg, everywhere, taking over, taking over this business, as she should. So, um, thank you for joining us, Zarna. Thank you for listening to Good Hang, and we'll see you soon. Bye.

• 1:22:58Amy Poehler?

  You've been listening to Good Hang. The executive producers for this show are Bill Simmons, Jenna Weiss-Berman, and me, Amy Poehler. The show is produced by The Ringer and Paperkite. For The Ringer, production by Jack Wilson, Kat Spillane, Kyle McMullin, and Aleia Zaniris. For Paperkite, production by Sam Green, Joel Lovell, and Jenna Weiss-Berman. Original music by Amy Miles.

• 1:23:24Amy Poehler?

  This episode is brought to you by Sephora. Holiday gifting can be a tough gig. You're frantically searching, second guessing everything, and accidentally buying your dad eye cream he's never gonna use. Thankfully, Sephora is here to save us from ourselves. Whether you're shopping for a total beauty guru, or someone whose whole routine is hand soap, Sephora has the perfect gift for everyone on your list. And if you're still lost, don't panic. Their beauty advisors can guide you to safety. This holiday season, we all Sephora. Shop gifts at Sephora and give something beautiful. This episode is brought to you by Caesar. Dog parents, what do you have on the menu tonight? If you're looking to serve your favorite four-legged friend high-quality wet

• 1:24:04Amy Poehler?

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