2025 Dating Trends: Unseriousness, AI, and More

What is dating going to look like this year? We're diving into the reported trends for 2025, from AI clones to platonic romance to "Date With Me" to parents being involved, and more. We're also sharing our predictions and what our listeners think the landscape is going to be like. Before we get into the topic, we have a studio (and Rayna home) update, are sharing how we navigated a business challenge, and Ashley has a relationship announcement. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for more. Thank you to our partners this week: Fay Nutrition: See a registered dietitian for as little as $0 a month at https://faynutrition.com/GGE. Article: Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at http://article.com/gge. Addyi: Learn more at https://addyi.com. Bilt: Get points by paying rent at https://joinbilt.com/GGE. Skims: Shop Skims best intimates collection at https://skims.com and in stores. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Rayna Greenberg?

  I think there's just been a pushback against bad behavior. And I think women are just like, if you're not going to take this seriously, I can't take you seriously. And I'm going to do whatever I feel like doing.

• 0:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  This podcast is a Dear Media production.

• 0:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Hi, guys.

• 0:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Hi, guys.

• 0:28Rayna Greenberg?

  Welcome back to another episode of Girls Got to Eat.

• 0:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's February. Longest January in the history of Januaries.

• 0:36Rayna Greenberg?

  I talked to you the other day, like, how is this still happening?

• 0:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  I was like, it's January 56th. Like, this is the longest month.

• 0:43Rayna Greenberg?

  It just won't end.

• 0:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  It did not. Every day felt like a week long. Like, something happened in every day.

• 0:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  That, I think, was the worst January in history of time.

• 0:55Rayna Greenberg?

  Of my time.

• 0:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Especially for, well, for America, but California people, like, every...

• 1:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Insane. I always, like, do my resolutions for the year. I like to go somewhere special, manifest, and write my list. And every day, I was like, tomorrow, I'll feel like doing that. Tomorrow, surely, something terrible will not happen. And every day, something's happening.

• 1:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  So February is a special month. It is when we started the podcast. So we were coming up on our Girls Got to Eat anniversary. It is when I adopted my first dog, Dewey, on February 4th. And there was just all these times in my life where, like, I got this one dream job one year in February.

• 1:32Rayna Greenberg?

  And moved to New York?

• 1:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Moved to, yes, moved to New York. There's a good bunch. I always forget. Every year, I forget, like, these monumental things.

• 1:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Those are pretty big. Moved to New York, started the podcast, got Dewey.

• 1:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. And then, again, that job. And it just was this thing.

• 1:46Rayna Greenberg?

  February's your thing.

• 1:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  So February's my thing, so.

• 1:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Big month.

• 1:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I'll talk about, you know, something exciting that's... Happening technically January 31st, but we'll be-

• 1:53Rayna Greenberg?

  We'll call it Feb.

• 1:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, we'll call it Feb. We'll just run it forward to Feb.

• 1:57Rayna Greenberg?

  We're done with January. I'm fucking done with this. Fuck this month, okay? Fuck this whole month. Anyways, let's take our partners.

• 2:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 2:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Thanks to Article. Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at article.com/gge. And Skims, shop Skims Best Intimates Collection at skims.com and in stores.

• 2:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  And thank you to Addy. Learn more at addyi.com. And Bilt, get points by paying rent at joinbilt.com/gge. And Fay Nutrition. See a registered dietitian for as little as $0 a month at faynutrition.com/gge.

• 2:30Rayna Greenberg?

  You know what is happening in February is Valentine's Day.

• 2:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yay!

• 2:33Rayna Greenberg?

  So Ashley and I own a sexual wellness brand. It's called Vibes Only. It is the most beautiful, high-end packaging of sex toys I've ever seen. It's a variety unlike I've never seen. We have toys for solo, couples, we have lube, we have oral enhancers, we have all of it. We've come out with the incredible line for Valentine's Day. We really do. We have a massage candle.

• 2:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  We have a cleanup come towel.

• 2:55Rayna Greenberg?

  We have it all.

• 2:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Cleaner. Yeah, we have it all.

• 2:57Rayna Greenberg?

  Except a pillow.

• 2:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Look out 2025.

• 3:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes. Okay. So we've come up with a huge line of stuff. We have five new products for you guys for Valentine's Day. You can always shop this at vibesonly.com. Go out, get your sex toys.

• 3:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  So top seller, which I'm just so excited about because it really is the newest and most innovative toy that we launched with this Valentine's drop, and it is the Bond Band. And I encourage you guys to go watch this video on Instagram. It's on Vibes Only and I collabed it, and it is so funny. We love it. Raina has a cameo. Raina's dick has a cameo.

• 3:31Rayna Greenberg?

  If I had a dick, that's what it would be.

• 3:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's what it would be. It would be gold.

• 3:33Rayna Greenberg?

  A gold member.

• 3:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes. And it just shows how to put it on and use it. And so people, but people understand it. You know, you're gonna put this on the penis and it is gonna vibrate on your clitoris, and you're just gonna turn it on and then you're gonna hop on, and it is gonna stimulate both parties. It's adjustable. It is truly one size fits all, like any size dick that you can imagine. Like, we've tested this on like- Full eggplants, you know, like it will fit. Or if you've got teeny tiny little thing, it'll fit too.

• 3:58Rayna Greenberg?

  The bigger or the smaller, the better.

• 3:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, the bigger or the smaller. And that's really it. And you know, I just don't want to overcomplicate it. And someone wrote in comments like, are the strings going to irritate me? A, no, they're the super soft silicone that we always use, but they're not gonna, just you'll see, it's fine. You know, like I've used this a bunch, like I think you've never used a toy that looks like this before and you're like, what's going to happen with the, it's, you're going to be great. You're going to love it.

• 4:19Rayna Greenberg?

  It's our adjustable cock tie. We also have a cock ring, our Richard, our other best seller. We have a new color for you guys. That's a beautiful like turquoise color. It's our first blue toy. We have a cherry red Rayna, which is our Airpulse vibe. It's our number one best seller. If you want an Airpulse vibrator. And then the Lucy, which we are so proud of, it's our bullet vibrator with three attachments. And so it's basically four vibrators in one. We redesigned it for Valentine's Day and there's a nipple play attachment for the first time ever. So there's four different new toys to shop. I can't hype this enough. This is the most beautiful packaging in the entire sex toy world. So if you're like, I want to be proud to gift something to my partner or to myself, this, this is it.

• 4:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, and the raspberry cream suck and blow gel is blowing off the shelves, you guys. We, it's so funny, like we can only do so much market research to know what flavor every single buyer is going to want. And I mean, the dill pickle, which was a joke, sold out in a day. The raspberry cream is like crushing. So get it before it's gone.

• 5:19Rayna Greenberg?

  People like those fruity flavors. And we have three on the site right now. We have red velvet, we have sugar cookie and the raspberry cream. So get that on any body part, lick it off.

• 5:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  But it's like, it's that perfect mix between like fruity and refreshing and kind of that decadent dessert. But it's not too heavy. It's still light and refreshing and oh God, it's so good. But get it now, seriously. Cause once that's gone.

• 5:41Rayna Greenberg?

  We don't know. They're all limited edition.

• 5:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, you never know.

• 5:44Rayna Greenberg?

  VibesOnly.com, shop for Valentine's Day. We're so excited to be in your hearts and your body parts and your bedrooms.

• 5:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. Couple more things. One, go birds. And two, on a, on a personal note, I will be announcing my tour a week from today. If you guys are listening. So on February 10th, the day after the Eagles win the Super Bowl, I will announce my tour. I have a lot of dates, more than I did last time.

• 6:10Rayna Greenberg?

  You're going to look gatekeeping with me about it.

• 6:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Name a city, I'll tell you if I'm going there.

• 6:15Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't want to, I don't play this game, I should know this.

• 6:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, just let's play it.

• 6:18Rayna Greenberg?

  Phoenix?

• 6:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 6:20Rayna Greenberg?

  Salt Lake?

• 6:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 6:21Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm trying to do South, Minneapolis?

• 6:25Rayna Greenberg?

  You don't know yet. Chicago?

• 6:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 6:27Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, Miami?

• 6:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 6:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Tampa?

• 6:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 6:31Rayna Greenberg?

  Philly?

• 6:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Listen, when I announce a city-

• 6:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Maybe you don't want to play this game.

• 6:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  And if you don't see your city on there, there could be a reason. Maybe I have some cities I might want to shoot this special in. You know, so it's very, obviously it was-

• 6:46Rayna Greenberg?

  Or she hates you.

• 6:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  It was straight, yes. Obviously I don't want to Philly. I'm like, can't wear the Kelly green enough.

• 6:51Rayna Greenberg?

  Texas isn't here, it's like, well. You know what you did?

• 6:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  You guys know what you did.

• 6:57Rayna Greenberg?

  No, we love our Texas listeners, all of our girlies.

• 6:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  All right, just name like two more.

• 7:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Denver?

• 7:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 7:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Did I say Salt Lake? I said Salt Lake earlier. I'm trying to think like, what are the things that I actually know about because I haven't been looped into these conversations?

• 7:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Throw in a California city.

• 7:10Rayna Greenberg?

  San Francisco.

• 7:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, we can stop playing. No, it is, I am.

• 7:14Rayna Greenberg?

  San Diego.

• 7:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 7:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 7:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  You've named a lot of them, so I'm announcing all those next week. Right now, I'm sure we'll come to some.

• 7:20Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, we'll say.

• 7:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know.

• 7:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, why not?

• 7:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  We'll do girls trips, yeah, so, and there's more than I just named. And then again, it's like, some of my favorite cities, if you don't see them, there's might be a reason why, whatever. So, the 10th, I'll do that, and excited to see you guys. And we just wanted to say, I mean, it's really been a month since the fires here in LA. And I really feel like, especially with the news cycle and everything that's happened since, like, the rest of the country is probably not thinking about this. The way, and that's no shade, just the way that people in LA still are. And, you know, I have been volunteering, I volunteer with an organization called One Voice LA, which they've done a lot of work. I volunteered at like, a donation and distribution center, and that really felt good to do. And you can talk about it, but we like, adopted a family.

• 8:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, and we were just trying to figure out how we could be more impactful to one person's life. And Ashley and I adopted this family, they're a couple, they have two daughters. They had started a dog training business, they were out of town and lost everything. So Ashley and I fulfilled their Amazon wish lists, and it's just been really nice to, they've been texting with me and just thanking me, and their daughters got like, new shoes for school and new outfits, and- It felt really nice to just do something for someone and know that it really had a big impact on them. And if you feel inspired to do that, go to GoFundMe. There's lists on lists on lists of people that need stuff. And $5 is really meaningful. That's all that most people can afford, and that's really meaningful.

• 8:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I have a highlight. If you want to steal these GoFundMes, for the most part, I assume, still exist. And this girl named April, she came to me through a listener, and hers is there as well. And I've talked to her personally. I talked to her about her story. And she went through a pretty painful divorce. And she was just kind of starting to get back on her feet and start a new career. And this happened, you know, and she lost everything. She was obviously able to make it out with her pets. She has a cute little dog. And so she is someone, if you feel so inclined, you know, that I really want to want to help her out. And I posted her, and a lot of people donated, and I donated to her as well. And so she's somebody that's just, she's on my highlights, if you want to check her out. And we talked about this last week, but if you're feeling a lot of despair, and for whatever reason, you know, and you're like, I feel like I got to do

• 9:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  something, like volunteering, it really makes you feel so good. This isn't like a hot take, but anyone in any community can volunteer. And you feel like that sense of community when you're doing it, you know, like like-minded people who want to help. And you're being one of the helpers. We always talk about, you know, they say, go find the helpers. And something like Meals on Wheels. I mean, I kind of remembered, I used to do Meals on Wheels back in Atlanta. And, you know, I was looking up the Meals on Wheels on the West Side that I might start that up again, too. And, you know, if you have the time and the commitment to do like a Big Brother, Big Sister thing, or even just like, I remember Atlanta, it was like Trees Atlanta. And like, I remember like, one of the leaders of that organization being like, people meet here and like, date. Because it's like, you're also finding people that want to give back and be a part of the community as well. And so if you're feeling that like, God, what can I do, like, that will make you feel better,

• 10:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  and you're contributing to your community. And so I just think that's really important.

• 10:16Rayna Greenberg?

  Remember when we first met, and we did God's Love We Deliver?

• 10:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my God, yes.

• 10:19Rayna Greenberg?

  So God's Love We Deliver, it's an organization in New York City, and they cook meals for people that are just terminally ill, can't really leave the house, and they deliver it. And I worked with them for so many years with different restaurant groups I worked at. And I organized this like, volunteer day, and you came. I barely knew you. It was so cute.

• 10:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my gosh. I'm going to put it on YouTube. There is a picture of Raina and I volunteering, like, serving up these meals. Maybe like our second photo we ever took together. The first one was at Prince Street Pizza, or the first one was in Aruba. But you, like, first five photos of us was like volunteering, our old faces.

• 10:51Rayna Greenberg?

  You came, I was like, oh, she showed up. Like, I didn't know, you're a new friend.

• 10:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know.

• 10:55Rayna Greenberg?

  That was cute.

• 10:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  I remember, I was flying out that afternoon and my flight kept getting delayed. It started to snow. While we were in there doing our thing, it started to snow. And my flight to Miami kept getting delayed. I was gonna go see that guy with the stuffed animals.

• 11:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Wait, that's crazy.

• 11:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, like, I remember that day, I was just on kind of a high, because I was like, gonna go visit him. And I was like, I'll go volunteer with this new friend. And then, like, I stayed longer than I needed to, because like, my flight was just getting, like, delayed. I got there late at night, he took me to some, like, comp restaurant, whatever.

• 11:21Rayna Greenberg?

  We bonded over it. It was real, that's why we became friends. So, yeah, it's just, I agree, if you're feeling any sense of despair about anything, just, it's a really nice thing to just dedicate a few hours of your day to somebody else.

• 11:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  And just that, like, what can I do? And it's like, if we're talking about politics, you can always make calls and do things. But like, if you're like, okay, just in general, like, what can I do to kind of feel better? And feel like I'm contributing to the world in a positive way? I just think there's, the options are endless, so.

• 11:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, okay, well, big February for us. We will finally be moving into our new studio. I am so excited. I mean, full transparency, it's been in my house for years. I moved and I said I could be at my house and I changed my mind. And it wasn't great. Ashley was really cool about it, you guys. I was like, oh, I don't want to hear anymore. For a myriad of reasons, but I don't really want people having my address, so.

• 12:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, I mean, it was, we had a garage before. We had a big garage space. It was gonna be in a bedroom. Like, it wasn't gonna be ideal, but you.

• 12:16Rayna Greenberg?

  I waited.

• 12:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  You waited too long. But listen, Raina, listen, this was, Raina and I worked through this together. It just threw things out of whack. And you're allowed to make decisions, but we relied on something and then it kind of blew up. But it is one of those things, if it all worked out, because the space that we found wouldn't have been available back then. And, you know, like, these things all work out the way they're supposed to work out. I love that we've been able to be here at Gravitas. They've done so right by us. And it's just been a really wonderful experience. This is a private club in Beverly Hills. We encourage you guys to check it out. gravitasclub.com, they have membership opportunities.

• 12:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  And it's just stunningly gorgeous and it's been nice like I'll look back on the journey as like it happened the way it was supposed to even though we had some tense moments.

• 12:55Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, it is a real testament to our business partnership. I mean, I promised you we would put it at my house and you were like, I don't know that you really want it there. I mean, it was upstairs in like, you have to walk past my bedroom and I kept thinking like, I like it at home. I like having everybody there and as I renovated, I just kept feeling like, I don't think I want people up there, like strangers, guests in our house, people bring their assistants and their publicists.

• 13:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's also, it's just too small.

• 13:17Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, it was also too small.

• 13:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I mean, you know, I don't blame you. I mean, you bought your dream house and you don't want to put the podcast studio in your, one of your, you know, extra bedrooms. You shouldn't have to.

• 13:27Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 13:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm gonna turn it into a closet now.

• 13:29Rayna Greenberg?

  You thought you were going to. I really didn't think I was going to and I had said to Ashley, like, I, I hate this. This is not the type of business partner I want to be to you. Like, I made a lot of promises to you and I'm reneging on them now and you were a lot cooler than I thought you were gonna be.

• 13:43Rayna Greenberg?

  But, I mean, it's just, it's hard when someone tells you something and like, you, you weren't like over the moon, but you were pretty cool about it.

• 13:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't have anybody in my life that I really, like, I don't blow up anymore. I've passed that point. I mean, I guess I could always be activated enough to do it, but it's just like to look at someone and be like, yeah, this sucks. I don't know what to tell you. Like, I'm kinda mad. But we'll get over it. We'll get through it.

• 14:12Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 14:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't, I don't, I don't know. I wish you would have handled this. I don't know what to say. You're looking at someone, you're like, yeah, I'm pissed at you.

• 14:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  But we'll figure it out.

• 14:26Rayna Greenberg?

  We were sitting downstairs at the Standard. We were meeting at the Standard for drinks and you let me sit in that lobby by myself for like 30 minutes and I was so mad and I was like, what am I gonna say something to her about it and then tell her we're not putting the studio in my house?

• 14:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  I was upstairs working on our business.

• 14:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I was like, we can't mention this. And, yeah, and then we got back and these fires started, so I didn't have a chance to look at studio spaces and I promised that this would be like my thing and I'll find it. And so anyways, we finally found this incredible space. They have an event space, so hopefully we'll work on events there and we move in and we'll launch our first episode there on our seven year anniversary.

• 14:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, oh, my God, I could cry. Also, I mean, I will say, like, we say this all the time here, a lot to change your mind. I mean, your decision did affect our business, but we worked it out, and you took responsibility and managed it all, you know, like, we've been different places. I mean, you guys have known, we've been, we've been all over the place, and I'm glad we finally found this place here, that the sound is good, and the video looks good, and, you know, better than some of the previous, and we just, we worked it out. And so, the timing worked out, and you just took responsibility, and we're like, I'll do this, and you did it.

• 15:29Rayna Greenberg?

  So, the movers come, and then wallpaper people come, and I'm gonna organize it, and the hope is that you just walk in, and it's set up, and we're ready to go.

• 15:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, I'll be there.

• 15:36Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't need you there. It's a two-person job.

• 15:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  You and Tessa?

• 15:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Me and Tessa.

• 15:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, but...

• 15:44Rayna Greenberg?

  It's like 16 boxes total, like, little furniture, so it's not that much.

• 15:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's just a little bit.

• 15:48Rayna Greenberg?

  And this is my fucking dream. I love this. There's nothing I love more than a project.

• 15:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, and it's, we can't wait for you guys to see it. So, we're, we're really excited. But, speaking of moving...

• 15:57Rayna Greenberg?

  It's even bigger moving update, you guys. I wasn't sure if you were gonna announce this, I'm excited.

• 16:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  So, my fiance is moving in with me. This is the third. He will have come on the Friday before, so not quite February 1st, but January 31st. We'll call it February. And I couldn't be more excited. I mean, it's one of those things that we knew that this would happen, and it was just a matter of when, and, I don't know, I go back and forth of this same kind of thing, like, it always works out how it's supposed to. We talked about it being before the end of '24, but then we were on the East Coast all of December, and we did Boston and New York, and he was there, and it's like, how much would that have sucked if he had to be in LA with a new job, and he wouldn't have been there, and like, the holidays with our families and stuff. So, it just actually worked out so perfectly. And I also kind of thought, I was like, I would have liked him here when the fires were happening, just

• 16:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  for, like, to someone to be with, and the support, but I just, I don't know, I liked that you and I were able to spend that week together. Like, we wouldn't have been able to do that, just me and you. And I just think that was, like, really nice for our friendship. I don't know, it's like, emotional. Like, if he was here, then we wouldn't have done that. And it was like, a tough thing that the city experienced, and so, and you and I, obviously, were feeling some type of way, and we did a whole episode on it, and we, you know, were able to, to get away and spend the week together, just the two of us, and I think that, that was really nice, too.

• 17:13Rayna Greenberg?

  It was our last hurrah.

• 17:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  Just like at the buzzer, we lived together for a week. So I feel like it's perfect timing and you know, I have always said on this podcast, I'm on record saying that I feel like when you go from long distance to moving in together, you're skipping a step, which is dating while you live in the same city or being engaged. And I understand that and I still stand by that and I was happy to skip the step, you know, I think a lot of that is like when it's too soon, you know, and also everybody's different. Couples meet long distance, they date for six months, they move in, they are married forever. Like it just, it's couple to couple, person to person. You know, if I had a rule about it, I guess I think you should be together a year before you move in, in any city, long distance or not. But you know, whatever works out for you. And

• 18:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  a year ago, you and I have been together like 20 months, you know, coming up on two years. A year ago this time, like we were very much obviously in love, committed in a great relationship and the goal was, would be to live in the same city, but we would have moved in together probably a year ago. You know, I think it's like, I'm in a house that I feel like has enough space. It feels like his home already, you know, just like the way that I feel like I'm at home when I've been in his apartment, now former apartment in Boston. It just feels right. You know, I can't deny that I've had doubts about this. I'm still the same person who said I wasn't sure if I wanted to live with somebody, but I have changed since I've met him. And I've thought about it a lot. I've talked to him about it. He's been so understanding and it's not just like, it's not concerns. It's

• 18:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  just like, there's reasons why I thought I didn't want, I want to do this, you know, and it has nothing to do with the way that I feel about you or, or how much I love you and I want to live with him, you know, I feel really excited. Like I'm 100% confident and excited. And I don't know if I want to use the language, like it just took me a minute to get there. I think it is just the right time. I think we've been together, you know, again, like I said, coming up on two years, I know him in and out, I'm going to marry him and I've been with him a lot and I know what it's like to live with him and this is what is right. And I like know it and I don't have any, any doubts.

• 19:18Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't think it took you a long time to get here. I'm glad that you feel like that. That's a beautiful statement and sentiment. But I don't think it took you a long time. I think it took you like a, it's not four years. It took you like a normal, healthy amount of time.

• 19:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, I think, I don't know, everybody's different. Typically. What we've seen is that women are usually ready to move in first and guys aren't and they drag their feet a little and I just like knew I wanted to marry this man early on. It just was like the living together of it all. And we've talked about this on so many different episodes, but I just don't have those concerns anymore. I want to be with him and be in our home and do it. And so I'm ready for it, you know?

• 19:57Rayna Greenberg?

  You're gonna live with a boy for the first time?

• 20:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  It is crazy that women want to live with men.

• 20:04Rayna Greenberg?

  I every, I've lived with three men.

• 20:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's psychotic.

• 20:07Rayna Greenberg?

  I've literally been, I've lived with three men in my life. I don't know that it really enhanced my life all that much. I mean, I'm so anal retentive about like pushing in chairs and cleaning up and I, I have many times dialed it back for a partner because I, you can't helicopter a person. I don't want to treat my partner like they're my child. That's not sexy. But like, it is a lot of self-talk of like, just don't fucking say something about everything. It's really hard for me.

• 20:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 20:34Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't like wet towels. I don't like dishes. I don't like chairs being pulled out. Like I will, my dad says I follow him around the house pushing in chairs and cleaning up dishes. And I'm like, maybe that's a hint for you to push a chair in. But there's so much good, obviously, that comes with living with somebody. And I think that like, it removes the stress that you have of when am I going to see you? What's the next date? What are the plans? Are you going to be around for XYZ thing? It's just, it makes you feel so much more calm.

• 21:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. I mean, I lived with an ex, short-lived, you know, like, we broke up, but I wouldn't say it was because we moved in together. I think that was, the writing was on the wall. But I don't know. I always have to ask people, like, what are you scared of? You know, like, I remember kind of early on in this relationship, I was talking to friends that are of ours that are married. And I was like, I don't know. I just, it's like, I don't want him to see me when I'm like, in like, a really bad mood, or when I'm just wanting to be alone. And my, my friend was like, but he will eventually. I'm like, says who?

• 21:30Rayna Greenberg?

  We don't move together.

• 21:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  You don't have to. You can be slim apart forever. We did a whole episode on it with Kelly Coyne. You guys loved it. This couples that live apart together, but I don't know. It's kind of weird too, because again, I haven't lived with anybody in a really long time. And like, I feel like I was reminded when we spent that week together, like, it's so nice. It's so nice to just like chill with someone and

• 21:51Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 21:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  put on a movie and wake up together. Not that I was waking up next to you, but I just, I'm excited about all the things, you know? And again, I can't stress it enough. I think the size of your home matters a lot. I know this isn't like I have such a huge home, but I say this to say that my previous home, which I loved so much. It was so gorgeous in West Hollywood. I wouldn't have lived there with him. There just wasn't enough space. And I wouldn't have been like, we'll make it work. I just know better. I, it wouldn't have been like, we got to hold off. You have to get your own place or we'll find a new place together. There is not enough room. We're going to be on top of each other. We're going to be frustrated and annoyed. And that's just what it is.

• 22:27Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know how I did it in New York. I did it in a studio apartment. You asked me the other day. We were lunch with another friend of ours and you're like, just hypothetically, like, what do you do when you're just like, I can't be around people. I'm in a bad mood. And I was like, I went to the bathroom. Like I, there was no escaping this person. And like you said, I didn't want my partners to see me when I'm the nastiest, when I'm in the worst mood, when I'm like the most upset. And it's like, where do you go? Because this is your home. This should be your safe space. And you're like, I don't want you to see me like this.

• 22:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, that's such, but we were talking to a friend right now. Her partner's just dealing with a lot of anxiety and his job. And it's like, understandably so. And it's like, how do you not absorb your partner's mood? And maybe we'll kind of dive into this at a later date. But regardless of the living together, I'm so thrilled for him to move here. I mean, we're going to get married here. We're planning our wedding. I'll keep you guys in the loop on that. And I'm just, I love him. I want to be with him, you know, as much as possible and have our California era together and have him be able to do stuff for us that.

• 23:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  That we may need around your house or the studio.

• 23:28Rayna Greenberg?

  I know, I had to get tested to come over help me flip this table over yesterday. Also, I was giving her these lamps. I don't want her to just come over to move a table. But I was like, Sparkle Eyes can come do this for me now.

• 23:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, we have an on-call Task Rabbit, but I, he's neat and tidy and I don't, and I am, and I'm getting more so every year. Like, how does it work when one person is really neat and tidy and the other person is not?

• 23:51Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know. I feel like both people have to compromise a little bit, but like when you're both so far on the ends of the spectrum.

• 23:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  The socks are everywhere.

• 23:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Just like, I don't know, you could compromise a little bit, but it is so hard to get even towards the middle.

• 24:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 24:04Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm like, my house, I don't make other people feel uncomfortable, but it is, it's always clean. I do the dishes before I go to bed.

• 24:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, same.

• 24:10Rayna Greenberg?

  I tidy up 15, 20 minutes of tidying every night before I go to bed.

• 24:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Every single night.

• 24:14Rayna Greenberg?

  I put shoes away, I hang coats up, like, I, I can't imagine a world where I'm not doing this.

• 24:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  If I wake up and I haven't folded my blankets on the couch, I'm like, who is she? Was I wasted? Like, I tidy up every single night. Like, I come downstairs, it looks a certain way.

• 24:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Me too, and it makes my, I do it because it makes my mornings better, because I like to come downstairs, I have my routine, and I write my to-do lists, I drink my coffee. I don't want to start my day cleaning, but like, if somebody just like, left their shit around. I mean, listen, life is about compromise. You should say to yourself, like, there's trade-offs to everything. Like, I live alone, but I don't want somebody to hang out with every single day. And that is really nice. It is nice to be like, in the same room, not engaging with each other sometimes. Just like, you were working and I was reading a book. It's just like, nice to be in the same room as a person.

• 25:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I love to be around people. I need to stop lying to myself.

• 25:03Rayna Greenberg?

  What?

• 25:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know I'm like an independent woman.

• 25:06Rayna Greenberg?

  No, what you like to do is be in a room full of people on your phone. That is your favorite thing in the world.

• 25:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's called parallel play.

• 25:12Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. You love when everyone's around you and you are on Instagram.

• 25:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Shut up.

• 25:18Rayna Greenberg?

  That's your best life.

• 25:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  That is some bullshit.

• 25:21Rayna Greenberg?

  I am not that friend at a dinner, like, on my phone.

• 25:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, but you, when like we go home with your family.

• 25:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  But you do like to be around people a lot.

• 25:29Rayna Greenberg?

  I know.

• 25:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  I always have.

• 25:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 25:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  If I haven't talked to someone in three hours, I'm like, Is my, did I lose my voice? Like, I'm like, is my throat scratchy? Like, it doesn't feel natural to me.

• 25:38Rayna Greenberg?

  You know, I'm always on those long phone calls.

• 25:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 25:40Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm never not on a phone call.

• 25:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  I've started to realize how much I really do want that, you know?

• 25:46Rayna Greenberg?

  Mm-hmm. Also, I just think as you get older, like, your priorities change. This isn't like a hot take. I just don't go out as much. I like less alcohol-based activities. I don't want to party as much. It'd be nice to just have the social scene at my house.

• 25:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, and I see a lot of content around, you know, people who like want, want this so badly, you know, like, not my specific life, but, you know, want a partner, want to move in, want to be engaged, want to get married, and have someone to have dinner with every night and not be alone. And it is really nice, it is really special, but, you know, when you're alone and you're cooking dinner for yourself and you're single, like, just enjoy those times and like, they're not going to last forever. Like, I'm about to live with someone forever now.

• 26:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, my god.

• 26:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  So, that's an interesting thought.

• 26:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  And that's what marriage is. I'm happy to do it, but like, those days are over and I am, and I am excited to enter the next phase of my life. That this, I couldn't be more excited, but like, to the single women, who was most of my life also, like, those moments when you are like, cook yourself dinner, pour yourself a glass of wine, watch whatever you want on TV, do whatever the fuck you want by yourself, be alone with yourself, masturbate, whatever you do, like, just enjoy it. Because you will find the person and you will live with someone until the end of time and you won't get those times back. And so, just try to enjoy it rather than being like, I hate that I'm alone. I hate that I don't have someone to share this dinner with, you know?

• 27:22Rayna Greenberg?

  That's my life. I mean, I just, I like being, I like my own company. I like being in my own thoughts. I like to write my to-do list and make little projects and just like, I have a lot of phone calls, like, every day I just call somebody and it's just, it's nice to enjoy it. And I've had a lot of time with other people, like you said, and both are good. And it's good to just not beat yourself up when you are alone. Just enjoy it. You are really holding on to that cock ring.

• 27:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  I just, it is, I love it. It's your emotional support cocktail. Well, I realize even when I watch back sometimes, I always, I play with my hair tie too. I think I like to fidget.

• 27:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I fidget with my rings, my hair.

• 27:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I think I just like to have a thing in my hand.

• 27:57Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 27:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  This is perfect.

• 27:58Rayna Greenberg?

  It's a cock ring.

• 27:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. This is unused, by the way, you guys. Can you imagine? It's got pussy juice on it.

• 28:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  It will this weekend.

• 28:07Rayna Greenberg?

  One time you had to use something in the gear. I used something in the washing gear too.

• 28:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right. Yeah, we talked about it. We did both test that vibrator. Cause we were on a tight deadline.

• 28:18Rayna Greenberg?

  Right.

• 28:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  And the crazy part was that we had to test that vibrator. It was a very specific type of like stimulation on your clit and we both hated it. So we did that for nothing. Remember we were like, we both hated it.

• 28:27Rayna Greenberg?

  Traumatized ourselves.

• 28:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, I think we bonded.

• 28:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. All right. Well, I'm really excited for all the stuff that you and I have coming up. It'll be great.

• 28:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  February, baby. Okay, let's talk about a few partners and then we'll dive back in. I am telling you guys about a new partner and this is Faye Nutrition. So this is going to appeal to anyone who promised themselves they'd eat better in 2025. And if you happen to be not really accomplishing those goals, there's nothing wrong with that, but there's also nothing wrong with getting help to meet your goals. If you feel overwhelmed by quote unquote diet culture, you have no idea which things may actually work to achieve those health goals and you're struggling with that. Really, this is like a great place to start. So we are so excited to be partnering with Faye. If your relationship with food could use an upgrade, Faye is a revolutionary platform that connects you with your own personal registered dietitian,

• 29:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  making expert nutrition guidance accessible and affordable. So whatever you're looking for, help losing weight, improving your general health, managing a health condition, Faye has a dietitian that's right for you. And the best part, all dietitians on Faye accept insurance. Again, this is the best part. They accept insurance. If you have it with over 700 plus insurance plans accepted. So a lot of people will pay $0 out of pocket. It's having your own personal dietitian. They work with you one-on-one. They create a customized program for you. They focus on clinically proven methods to improve your relationship with food and instill positive long-term habits. And it works. 93% of Faye clients reported an improved relationship with food and 85% reached their target weight. Of course, we do the research for you guys ahead of time. So super easy to sign up. Huge network of registered dietitians. Finding someone that specializes

• 29:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  in your needs is going to be easy and we love that they accept insurance. And then they specialize in over 30 areas, including weight loss, sports nutrition, women's health, like PCOS and postpartum, gut health, eating disorders, and many more. And they offer virtual and in-person sessions. You can customize your experience. And we just think this will be great. I mean, again, if you're feeling overwhelmed with any of this stuff, this is a great place to start. Just check it out. You can achieve last year's results with the help of a registered dietitian through FAY. Listeners of Girls Gotta Eat can qualify to see a registered dietitian for as little as $0.00 by visiting faynutrition.com/gge. That's faynutrition.com/gge. One last time, that's faynutrition.com/gge. And again, F-A-Y. And make sure you use our URL so they know we sent you, faynutrition.com/gge.

• 30:44Rayna Greenberg?

  And I'm telling you guys about Article. I just moved into my place. I am having like the time of my life decorating like room by room by room. But even if you have lived near your place for a long time, maybe you just want to like spruce it up. Article is a great website to do that on. They have a curated collection of tons of different styles. So I live near the beach. I'm more of like a coastal boho girly, but they have mid-century modern. They have Scandi-inspired pieces. Or maybe you guys want to just improve a single room. So they have lamps, they have rugs, they have headboards, which I think is like a great way to just improve. Like you don't have to buy any bed frame, just a headboard.

• 31:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  Best headboards in the game. Do not at me.

• 31:21Rayna Greenberg?

  I love this one, this Ralph velvet headboard. And I love this color. They have this like plush Pacific rust.

• 31:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  The green?

• 31:29Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm very into rust right now. I'm very into greens. And the whole like-

• 31:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Changes your whole bedroom.

• 31:33Rayna Greenberg?

  All white vibe is kind of going away and people are leaning into color. So my entree into the color world, rust.

• 31:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  I love it. And again, I still think I'm always going to want like light colored like walls, for example. I just don't think I'm ever going to be like a burgundy wall girly. So I'm like, I still like neutrals and lights for the actual paint colors. And then that's where you get those splashes of color, your rust and your green.

• 31:55Rayna Greenberg?

  I got some rust pillows recently. So they have fast and affordable shipping and assembly. I love their delivery experience. They were so communicative. You can track them on the way to you. They have great customer support and they have 30-day satisfaction guarantee. So lots to work with here and just beautiful stuff on the site for a great price. Article is offering our listeners $50.00 off your first purchase of $100.00 or more. To claim, visit article.com/gge and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout. That's article.com/gge for $50.00 off your first purchase of $100.00 or more.

• 32:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  I just thought about your Frankenstein table. Okay, we'll talk about it.

• 32:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  PSA for anyone who rents. If you haven't heard of Bilt, you are going to thank us. Earning points on rent is now a reality. When you pay your rent through Bilt, you don't even need to check with your landlord. I love that. To start earning points that you can use towards flights, hotel stays, fitness classes, and even your next rent payment. So we will break this down for you. We talk about this all the time. We really, really love this. And again, if you are renting, literally no reason not to do this. There is no cost to join Bilt. And as a member, you'll earn valuable points on rent and on your everyday spending. Bilt points can be transferred to your favorite hotels and airlines, even the ones you haven't even heard of. There are over 500 airlines, I can't name more than 10, and 700,000 hotels and properties around the world. You can redeem your Bilt points towards. Points can also be redeemed towards a future rent payment and

• 33:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  unique experiences that only Bilt members can access. That feels like you're robbing a bank. You're like, I'm earning points that I'm then going to put towards the next rent payment? So if you're not earning points on rent, our question is, why not? Start earning points on rent you're already paying by going to joinbilt.com/gge. That's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T.com/gge. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you. Joinbilt.com/gge to start earning points on your rent payments today. So just really quick, for Raina, I mean, you should show a picture of it, but what happened?

• 33:47Rayna Greenberg?

  It looks beautiful. Well, I got this, I got this table, which was so beautiful and perfect. And it came, yes, coffee table, and it came in two pieces and the top came, like the top of the table. And the legs never arrived. And the company was like, sorry, it's out of stock and we're never restocking it until the end of time. It's just gone. And I was like, what am I supposed to do with fucking top of this table? And they're like, we don't know, keep it. It's just a giant block of wood. And it's so heavy, you can't, Tessa and I really struggled to just move this, this tabletop. And then I ordered this other table on Etsy, which arrived and it was too small. And like, you guys would think that I just measured it. And I thought I did. I thought I wanted a smaller table. I didn't. It is unlike me. And the table came and I was like, well, fuck, this is too small. So what I did was I took the legs from the Etsy table and I put it on to the

• 34:31Rayna Greenberg?

  tabletop that I bought online. And then I was like, how do I do this? And I, I had to like, go to the hardware store and buy like L-shaped brackets. And a new drill and like figure out like screw length. I was at the hardware store forever. Tessa had to come over and help me. I had to figure out how to use a, what is it? Deets? A Deets drill? DeWalt? DeWalt.

• 34:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, DeWalt.

• 34:48Rayna Greenberg?

  DeWalt drill.

• 34:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, I know the name.

• 34:50Rayna Greenberg?

  I bought like an expensive drill. Your brother had to FaceTime me to explain to me how to use it, which was the sweetest thing in the world. Cause it's, listen, it's a high-tech drill.

• 34:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 34:58Rayna Greenberg?

  Drill bit in.

• 34:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  I have a tiny little pink drill from Target.

• 35:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, that's cute.

• 35:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  I have a girl drill.

• 35:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I needed to like drill holes into wood.

• 35:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right? I did not know you did all this. You got brackets?

• 35:10Rayna Greenberg?

  I got six brackets. Tessa is like, yes, she did. I got 12 L-shaped brackets and I drilled all the holes, 32 holes, and I attached the legs to the table.

• 35:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Now I'm even more impressed. We'll put the Franken table on.

• 35:24Rayna Greenberg?

  It is two different wood tones.

• 35:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  The legs are dark, but it looks cool.

• 35:28Rayna Greenberg?

  So I built a table. I'm really proud of it. And Tessa had to come over and help me flip it over yesterday. It was really so heavy.

• 35:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, seriously? Oh, you couldn't even fl- it's that heavy?

• 35:35Rayna Greenberg?

  I can't move it. I can't, we, the two of us could not flip it. We were like, how do we get up under it? Like, I think there is a like piece of steel in the middle of the wood. I don't, I've never experienced anything that's heavy.

• 35:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right. Like, why would it be so heavy?

• 35:49Rayna Greenberg?

  It's inexplicably, the two, Tessa, you can't tell by looking at her, cause she's just like so cute, but she is monster strength. She's so strong.

• 35:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  So let's, when my fiance moves here, let's have them arm wrestle and then we'll see who's the stronger one, who's gonna be the first call.

• 36:05Rayna Greenberg?

  And then a furniture lifting competition after that. I mean, when I, I got surgery last year. Tessa was helping me move some stuff in and out of the house. And like, the stuff I absolutely need somebody to help me with, she's just doing by herself. I also have a small wingspan, but she really was helpful anyways. The table's great. I'm really proud of it.

• 36:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  I love it.

• 36:23Rayna Greenberg?

  And your brother was great. And I just, I was like, I don't know how this drill works. And I went down the list of people I know and my dad and my brother never ever came to mind for one second. And then your dad came to mind, but I was like, that'd be weird if I called your dad.

• 36:39Rayna Greenberg?

  I've never even FaceTimed with him. I texted your brother a photo and I was like, I can't find these attachments.

• 36:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 36:46Rayna Greenberg?

  And he FaceTimed.

• 36:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, I, it's surprising because my brother wouldn't be my first call. It would be Rob. And I'm like, Rob might be hearing this right now and is upset he didn't get the gig.

• 36:56Rayna Greenberg?

  So Rob's my friend.

• 36:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Rob literally is a construction company.

• 36:58Rayna Greenberg?

  I put Rob on the phone with my contractors the other day.

• 37:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, yes.

• 37:03Rayna Greenberg?

  I came downstairs in my kitchen. He was walking around with his shirt off. He was just like, I made a list of the stuff that you need to do at your house.

• 37:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  We were in a group chat. There was four of us, me, Raina, Taylor, and Jackie. And I wasn't paying attention to the chat. We were like, meeting up with Rob.

• 37:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Meeting up with Rob for dinner. And then I was like, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. And Raina goes, oh, are you taking a tit pic? And I was like, what? And I just kind of went about my way. And then I realized that in the chat, everyone had sent a picture of their tits.

• 37:31Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, Jackie was in bed covering her boobs. I've seen Jackie naked.

• 37:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, then I've seen myself naked.

• 37:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes. And I went to Catalina with her and she never put a shirt on.

• 37:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 37:40Rayna Greenberg?

  And then Taylor also, and then I just, I took a whole boob out. And then I thought you were going to the bathroom to like, send a tit pic.

• 37:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I didn't see it. And I was like, oh, well, now I'm back at the table. It's too late. So we made Rob.

• 37:51Rayna Greenberg?

  Show his nipples. I think you got off easy and I'm still waiting for your tit pic. I was like, I'll send both of mine.

• 37:58Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, okay. So you sent me this article. I'm excited for this because the article is New York Times Dating Predictions for 2025. And you and I have talked for years. Every year, we pull our listeners, like, what are your dating goals for the year or for the summer? And I think you and I have like, a lot of research about like, what dating trends have been over the last like, seven years. And I really have seen a shift just from our listeners reporting like, what they're looking for, what they're willing to deal with. And everything from like, I want to get off the apps. I'm going to prioritize me to like, this year, I'm just seeing a lot of like, I don't want to date.

• 38:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 38:31Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm all set.

• 38:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  First of all, it was rude. We weren't included.

• 38:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Matthew Hussey was included.

• 38:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Esther Perel, obviously. This is how I saw the article, was on her Instagram.

• 38:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 38:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, people, listen, we just should have been included. You know I have a love hate with New York Times. This is probably not going to help us get included, but this falls into the hate.

• 38:48Rayna Greenberg?

  The New York Times?

• 38:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, but I was gonna see if you had any contributions just to kick it off.

• 38:52Rayna Greenberg?

  Contributions?

• 38:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, what would you have said at the trends for 2025?

• 38:55Rayna Greenberg?

  I, I think this started in 2024. I think it will see us through into 2025. I mean, it's not a hot take that people are getting off dating apps, but I think people want activity focused ways to, to meet people. So I think people, run clubs were so huge in 2024. Volunteering, mountain biking, ew. But I think people are finding, finding people through hobbies and just saying yes to a lot of things more often than maybe just going the, the dating app route, which I believe in and I think it's a means to an end, of course. But I'm seeing a lot of people prioritize their own happiness, I guess. If you're like, I'll join a run club and hopefully I meet somebody that has my hobbies and interests.

• 39:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 39:34Rayna Greenberg?

  So that was one for me.

• 39:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think women stop, like women stopping dating men. I mean, women dating women. I, I mean, every year it's more and more. I mean, and you just see it. Obviously, we talked about the 4B movement and just stopping dating altogether for straight women. But you hear women say this and then they really do it. Like, they're really, like, we see it at our shows all the time. I mean, when we would crowdsource emails, it happens all the time. I mean, women who just thought they were straight dated men their whole lives. Or like, I can't with them and I'm going with girls. And they do that shit. AI, of course, we'll talk about it. It's just like, you can't ignore it. I just, we'll talk about AI. And then, you know, sex toys and pleasure, more prioritized than ever.

• 40:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  I swear, my friends, our friends have been asking for vibrators more. Like, last night Brooke was like, you got any vibes holding, laying around? And I gave her the Red Raina sample that we kind of redo because of the buttons. I was like, this is fresh. No, I was like, this is, this is legit. We just had to change one thing. No one's used it. And then Taylor, another friend, who, she did something really great for me and I wanted to thank her. And so I gave her a Debbie.

• 40:45Rayna Greenberg?

  My favorite toy that we sell, it's our AirPulse vibrators with the big hole.

• 40:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  And she texted me, Ashley, this fucking Debbie has healed me of 2025.

• 40:56Rayna Greenberg?

  It's I masturbate with that and I blackout legitimately. Like if I want like a longer session, I don't use it.

• 41:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, so we talked about the new collection up top, but this is like a classic. And it is like the best suction vibe out there. Although Debbie and the Raina, it just depends on what your, they're different shapes. You know, Raina obviously has more uses, but the Debbie is like suction only and it's the absolute best.

• 41:20Rayna Greenberg?

  We want to unpack this New York Times Dating Trends article, but Bumble also did this study and I wanted to read you something from it. And of course, Bumble, I mean, who doesn't have better research about what women are looking for? And they did a whole trend, you guys can look it up. I would just Google Bumble's 2025 Dating Trend Report. You guys can read the whole thing, there's lots of stats, but their 2024 trend saw singles rejecting the constant strive for perfection, discarding outdated timelines and placing more value on emotional vulnerability and shared values. So even like run clubs, things like that. 2025 is expected to be a transitional year with women very clear about what they want and need, what they are no longer willing to tolerate when it comes to dating and relationships. And I think never have we seen it be so prevalent that I am just not willing to tolerate this.

• 42:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Ideal, whether it's, you know, maybe I'll try dating my own gender, maybe I'll stop dating. And we were talking about this with Tessa and I want to have like a larger discussion, but like people just, women taking dating a little less seriously and being lighter about it because they aren't being treated seriously. And you know, the whole women in men's field, you know, gets me all riled up because it's so preposterous that women would ever behave the way men behave every single day to just disrespect you. And I think that like, we've seen a breaking point where people are just like, if I'm not going to be taken seriously, I'm not going to take this seriously, I'm just going to be light, for better or for worse, lighter about it.

• 42:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I mean, while we're here, you know, before we dive into the New York Times article, we can talk about this and just the, what is it, date with me trend? Kind of like a get ready with me and like putting your dating experiences out there on the internet, which that's, people have mixed feelings on that, you know, like if you want to talk about like, I'm a TikToker or I'm an influencer and I'm going to go on these 10 dates and I'm going to bring you guys along on the journey. I mean, people are going to eat that up, you know, like you're doing the Lord's work. Like it's real entertainment, but you have to wonder like, are you going to find somebody that way? Because anyone, men and women, no one wants to be like part of a bit. You know, no one wants to feel like you're just playing games and. But at the same time, I'm like, if that's how you feel you've always been treated and you're like, this is how I'm gonna do this to make it fun for me, then you are well within your right to do that.

• 43:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally. And we talked to Serena Kerrigan this summer about it, and she really started this whole, like during COVID of dating, like, how many dates she gone, like?

• 43:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 43:30Rayna Greenberg?

  50 first dates or something?

• 43:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 43:32Rayna Greenberg?

  And yeah, however you feel like you can lighten up the experience and enjoy it, I really empower people to do that. Cause I mean, we've all been on those dates where you just come home and you just fucking cry and you're just like, this is what's out there. Like, I will go back to my ex. I will go back to anything instead of having to do this ever again. And so if that is what makes it more enjoyable for you and you make a commitment to the internet, to your social media following, and you're like, I will go on 20 days, I'm gonna talk about it. Whatever makes it lighter and easier for you. And I think so many, I don't wanna like keep bragging on that. I've had really wonderful experiences with men, as have you. I've had great relationships with people that treated me wonderfully. But, you know, I think you hit a breaking point where you have enough people say they're gonna check in with you and they never do and say they're gonna text you and they're not intentional. And then you're just like, well, I'm just gonna talk about this then.

• 44:16Rayna Greenberg?

  And that, that's what comedy is. That's what podcasting is.

• 44:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right, yes.

• 44:20Rayna Greenberg?

  It's like, you and I, I mean, how many times have we had like a bad experience and we get to walk on stage and talk about it? I mean, it's the most therapeutic thing in the entire world.

• 44:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. And if you are not a public person, you can do this within your friend group. I mean, Tessa was saying she just has seen more people gamifying dating because it's so unserious. And it's like, if it's like a thing in your friend group, you got a little, like, I don't know.

• 44:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Excel spreadsheet.

• 44:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, you put your, you do your PowerPoint nights, you know, like, the people on the other end of that, that are your dating, don't have to know you're doing this. Also, who cares if they do? I'm just saying, like, if you're like, I don't feel comfortable putting it out there to the world and like, the guy that I go on a date with, then he looks me up on Instagram and sees that like, I'm gamifying dating to my following, he might be turned off about it. Again, you do you. But you can do this amongst your friends and make it more fun that way and just feel supported. Like, I think that sounds fun as hell. Like, doing it as a group, like a fantasy football league or like a book club, but make it dating.

• 45:20Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, you and I've seen this for a lot of years from our listeners. People just do it privately. They create PowerPoints, like shared PowerPoint presentations and shared Excel spreadsheets and they list out the guys they date or the women that they date. And, you know, they write them or like, what's the date like? And they make little notes and like, like you said, it's the way to keep it private, but still funny and feel like you have community. I mean, there is nothing more fun than when somebody blows into brunch and they're like, I got a date story.

• 45:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 45:43Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, I just haven't been dating as much. I miss those stories.

• 45:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know. So we like that, you know? Do what you want. Who cares? Like, whatever makes it feel better for you. And I would direct you guys back, especially if you're, you know, our Gen Z listeners, to Eli Rallo's episode. I loved everything she said. I love her so much. She's engaged now and I just love following her story. I don't think she was engaged when she came on. Again, Eli Rallo, and I just loved all her things about dating, like the way you hype yourself up and the way you, your mindset going into dating. And I think of her as someone like, I mean, I love her advice now as a 41-year-old woman, but especially if I was younger in my twenties and even thirties to kind of the stuff that she said. So, which all kind of goes along with this.

• 46:27Rayna Greenberg?

  I think that was exactly one year ago. I think it was February. I think I was wearing the shirt.

• 46:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, right. We were at Spotify.

• 46:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 46:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  We really have been all over the place.

• 46:33Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, we really have. I like how Tessa phrased it. It is so unserious. Like, I do think people's timelines have shifted and I don't think people are like barreling towards marriage and children by the time they're 25 as much as they used to be. I think people just have given themselves more time. But I think there's just been a pushback against bad behavior. And I think women are just like, if you're not going to take this seriously, I can't take you seriously. And I'm going to do whatever I feel like doing.

• 46:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Amen. Okay, can we go into the New York Times?

• 47:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 47:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. Again, this was, they interviewed a bunch of experts. We'll cite all of them. And Rain and I can just ping pong them back and forth. But the first one in this article is the rise of the offline lover. And this is just basically that it's attractive, that someone is more grounded, steady, balanced, down-to-earth and not really online. Like, it says, "suggests that you haven't checked Instagram in months. You had me at logged off." And this was Lakshmi Ren.

• 47:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Renjarajan, I'm sorry, I'm gonna butcher that. I'm trying my best.

• 47:31Rayna Greenberg?

  She's the host of the podcast, The Later Dater, today.

• 47:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, so Lakshmi, I like this. And, you know, I do think that for years, past few years, I feel like saying he doesn't have Instagram is a green flag. And we didn't used to really say that. Like, I was chatting with a friend the other day, and she was talking about this guy. She started dating, and she was just saying, like, the pictures on his dating profile were so bad, and he posts on Instagram like, once a year. I was like, keep her.

• 47:56Rayna Greenberg?

  That sounds incredible to me. I used to think, we used to be like, that's a real red flag, they're liars. Now, I'm like, I love it. And you might need to date a little older, if that's what you want. Like, I think that, like, sometimes I'll be scrolling TikTok, and I'll just see a guy being like, putting his fit online, or like, just talking about his day. And I'm like, I don't know. It's certainly not a turn on for me. And I know that I'm hyper online. I put out, I put out two podcast episodes a week. I certainly think what I have to say is very important. But, I don't know. For me, somebody who's, this is a little hypocritical, I just don't love it. I would love a guy who's like, I love a guy who's not online.

• 48:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  You can be as hypocritical as you want. I would never date a man without tattoos. I have zero tattoos. I've said it before. Like, you could, whatever you prefer. Like, again, there's, women can do stuff that they don't want their partner to do. You know, like, women can do get ready with me's, and post their outfits and their selfies, and not want their partner to do that. And that's okay. You know, like, men can do stuff that might be more traditionally masculine. They don't want their female partner to do it. You know, like, I don't know. It's just like, I guess this is really gendered, but it's just, that's okay. Like, you can be like, I do this, but I don't want you to. That's fine. But, I also think it's fine. I mean, we know guys who post a ton, and that's, I mean, you know, I'm thinking of guy friends, they're great guys. They post a ton, and their partners like it, and they get a lot of dates. And it's just one of those things

• 49:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  of, like, we get both sides of it. The offline thing is, like, really gained some steam.

• 49:19Rayna Greenberg?

  I think you just find people where you're at. You know, like, I know who you're talking about, but we have a guy friend, he's hyper online, and his wife likes it. And that's how they are together, and it seems like a fun thing to do together. And I have dialed back how much I share over the last couple of years, and how much I put out on Instagram stories, and

• 49:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  I am just trying to be a little more private and I'd like to be with somebody that is a little more private too, that doesn't think like, let me film this every second.

• 49:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 49:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  And yeah, I just, at this age, not for me.

• 49:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  So I'd like to find an old man, 41 plus.

• 49:52Rayna Greenberg?

  Also, I don't think we said the actual name of this article. It is Platonic Romances and AI Clones 2025 Dating Predictions.

• 49:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, yeah, I definitely did not.

• 50:00Rayna Greenberg?

  10 Experts Share What They Think Will Happen in the World of Dating Relationships and Romance in the New Year. So if you guys are looking for it, it came out on January 3rd. Okay, so the next one is Non-Monogamy and Perimenopausal Pride.

• 50:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  We've talked about non-monogamy at length. I don't know that we need to dive into that, but I feel really passionate about this perimenopause type stuff and, you know, that's gonna hit for me, I don't know, in the next five-ish years. And no one is talking about this. Caroline Bedino mentioned it. We had her on recently. She's in her 50s and, you know, this is something that happens to women years before they hit menopause and it really can take over your life. And this article says, "I think some women, specifically moms in perimenopause, will start to vocalize their profound disinterest in sex and the disappearance of their libido without shame or apologies, but with frankness, maybe even with humor and ideally self-acceptance." Alyssa Shalasky, the editor of Sex Diaries at The Cut, oh, we love Sex Diaries. And I want to do an episode on this, but we can kind of move on for now.

• 50:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  But one thing I found, this was on The Cut, and this was an article, and someone was doing research into perimenopause, and she said, "The head of the Menopause Society told me that there has not been a single comprehensive medical study on perimenopausal women, literally nothing." I asked her, repeating her words back, she said, "Nothing." And this can really fuck with you. I mean, like, in terms of your sex drive and your hormones all over the place, and you can gain weight in your belly is something that happens to a lot of women, and we'd never really been told about it.

• 51:24Rayna Greenberg?

  There just isn't that much information about women's bodies and what happens to them. There's not that much research about it, and I could talk about this forever. It's like, we create life, and yet there is such little information out there about what we go through. I never heard of perimenopause in my entire life. I never heard my mom discuss it. Like, we all have moms. I never heard my mom talk about it.

• 51:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 51:43Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, no shit, when your body starts changing, you are getting hot flashes, you have crazy hormones, you don't feel as sexy as you used to.

• 51:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 51:50Rayna Greenberg?

  You have some belly fat. Yeah, you don't want to fuck your husband.

• 51:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 51:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Or your boyfriend, or your girlfriend, whatever. But like, yeah, no shit, I've never heard this in my whole life.

• 51:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know. I just, I texted my mom, like, when did you go through this? Most things that have happened to me have been pretty in line with my mom. When it comes to just like menstrual hormonal aging, everything, you know? And she was like, oh, I think like 47, you know? It's just like, oh, my God, I feel like I'm just like counting down already. Like staring down the barrel of a gun.

• 52:19Rayna Greenberg?

  But I like that people are talking about this. I'd never heard this word before. And like so much of women's sex drive relates to how did your day go? How's work going? How do you feel about yourself? You know, what's going on in my house right now? And so I think it's great to be like, I don't feel like being sexy right now.

• 52:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, so anyway, I've, I see a full episode in the future.

• 52:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. The non-monogamy thing is interesting. I mean, I think it also goes into Tess's like, it's not so serious. It's like, well, if you don't want to be in a committed relationship with me, I'm gonna be fucking.

• 52:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I wasn't dismissing it. I'm just like, I think we've covered it a lot. And we had the founder of Feel, dating app on and yeah, people have been out here.

• 52:57Rayna Greenberg?

  People have been out here. And I, I think because people's timelines are longer today, it's just, there's no rush to be in like a long-term monogamous relationship.

• 53:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  So the next thing says fewer dates and more hookups. And it comes from Anwar White, a dating and relationship coach. It says, when President Trump comes into office, I think dating is going to take a hit because the economy is going to change. Inflation is going to continue. Things are going to become more expensive. It might take some time, but it means people are going to tighten up their wallets. Men are not going to be taking women out as they used to. This is a bit more heteronormative prediction, but you can relate it to all kinds of pairings. There's going to be less discretionary income, which means that there's going to be less of a dating culture and more of a hookup culture. So this is just economical. I mean, this is just proof, no matter who's in power, the way that the economy is. I obviously think the world is going to change drastically. And we can talk a little about, a little bit more about this because the politics stuff came up with our audience in this article as well.

• 53:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  But just with the economy in general, like there's a direct correlation to how much people spend.

• 53:54Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I think that any election cycle is tumultuous. A lot of things happen in like the markets and people can't predict their life. And this has just been, I mean, every hour, there's just like a new thing happening in the administration.

• 54:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 54:06Rayna Greenberg?

  We saw this thing on Instagram was like a video from Wolf of Wall Street, the clip where they're on his yacht and they're getting like crushed by the tsunami every second. Tsunami, waves.

• 54:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Storm.

• 54:17Rayna Greenberg?

  And what was the quote? How did they write it? Like just dealing with like the decisions of this administration this January?

• 54:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Just dealing with it.

• 54:24Rayna Greenberg?

  I think it's hard to think about dating on top of it. You're like, there's so much change, so much is happening in the, in the world politically. Like, do I want to go talk to a stranger?

• 54:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 54:34Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know what they think and feel. I don't want to be insulted. I don't want to get into this conversation.

• 54:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 54:40Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know how you don't talk about this on a date. And I've been thinking about that a lot because I have a matchmaker and I have Amy Chan that I'm working with. And I think about like going on dates with people and I'm like, I don't really need this to come up. I don't need to talk about this continuously on like a first date. But then I'm like, well, if it doesn't come up, how is that?

• 54:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, but when it comes up and you're aligned.

• 54:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh.

• 55:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, oh my God. That feel, that rush of a hot liberal man. Oh my, and you don't, and you're not sure.

• 55:10Rayna Greenberg?

  When you're not sure.

• 55:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  They look a little conservative.

• 55:13Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 55:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  When they, they come out of nowhere.

• 55:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, oh my gosh.

• 55:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  You're like, I have to go to the bathroom. Well, then we'll just go right into this and we can, we can skip the other one or we can circle back to it. I hate to skip that one because it's Esther Burrell. But it says less dating across party lines. And this is Hannah Orinstein.

• 55:29Rayna Greenberg?

  I think she's actually interviewed us before.

• 55:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think so. I recognize the name. She's an editor at Bustle and the author of Meant to be Mine. And I believe this is, this came up with our audience too overwhelmingly, just as it, but she writes, as a new presidential administration takes power, political views will be make or break for many singles, especially among straight people. Women aged 18 to 29 favored Kamala Harris by 38 points, while men in the same age group preferred Trump by 13 points, 51 point difference. From reproductive rights to men feeling disillusioned about their prospects for success, so much of this election revolved around gender. There's no way that won't impact dating. And then she says, already some conservative men are hiding or downplaying their views in order to appeal to women, which we've always said that. And such a question we always got was like, does moderate just mean conservative? And they're just trying to, Tessa is nodding, like her head's about to fall off from the corner.

• 56:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  It doesn't mean they just want to be able to date women since more women skew. Liberal.

• 56:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Uh huh. As long as they're open to learning, hearing, changing. I don't want you to lie to me. I mean, if you genuinely mean like, I am moderate, but I am open to other views.

• 56:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, if you're moderate.

• 56:31Rayna Greenberg?

  If I'm, if I'm really actually moderate. If a, if a person I'm going on a date with is really actually, but they're like,

• 56:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, who'd you vote for?

• 56:39Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm open to other ideas.

• 56:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Who'd you vote for?

• 56:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 56:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, listen, this country is going to change drastically, right? So that's the plan. This is not, this is just the plan of the president.

• 56:50Rayna Greenberg?

  That's the project.

• 56:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right? So that's the project. Yeah. So people are going to feel one way or the other. If you are liking the direction the country is going in, you feel passionately about it. You cannot date someone who is resisting that. That's not going to work. I, I think there are people out there that just don't care. I, I, and that's, they can date people on, in their same mindset or someone that's more passionate. But like, if you were a progressive woman, for example, who cares about women's rights, bodily autonomy, LGBT rights, immigrants, democracy, the climate, et cetera. You cannot date a man who's MAGA or who doesn't care about that. Like, it, it's not going to work and it, that's overwhelmingly what our audience said.

• 57:31Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. And you and I have been doing this podcast through multiple administrations. And during the last time Donald Trump was president, we got so many messages that said like, I don't know if I can date my partner, if they voted differently than me, or if they're, you know, along different party lines. And we heard that for four years. And then that kind of stopped, at least with our listenership, when Joe Biden became the president. And I felt like things kind of calmed down. We didn't really get those type of messages anymore. Like, I don't, I don't know if I can date my partner, if they voted for somebody else. And this feels like the things that are happening in this country now are so inflammatory. They're, they're so much more inflammatory than they ever were. I mean, if somebody that is not affected by this, it's, it doesn't make them upset. Somebody that's not inflamed by this, somebody that's just like, I don't know. You know, how much damage can be done in four years?

• 58:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Maybe we could be friends. We can't date. And I don't even know. Like you said, I'm struggling with friends. So this, we can't date.

• 58:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  This is not, he voted for Mitt Romney. He's a Bush guy.

• 58:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's like, it's different now. There's no denying that.

• 58:28Rayna Greenberg?

  All right. So expecting more from apps. Esther Perel, she is just, that's my mom. She's a psychotherapist. She's the host of the podcast, Where Should I Begin? She's been on our show several times. She said our expectations for life partners are at an all time high. This is really something she talks about all the time. But she said, I predict in the year ahead, people will expect apps to deliver greater connections in real life. Dating bears a disturbing resemblance to the hiring process. To remain useful, the best apps will elicit playfulness, spontaneity and curiosity. Dating has become too isolated for the rest of our lives. And I predict that daters will seek ways to integrate dating into existing circles instead.

• 59:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Can you interpret that?

• 59:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. I mean, I think.

• 59:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know why I couldn't really grasp it.

• 59:05Rayna Greenberg?

  So she's saying like, they're asking apps to just like facilitate a better environment. And Hinge has been a long time sponsor of this podcast, and I do think they do a good job. This is not like, they didn't sponsor this. I just, I think they do a good job of like sparking conversation and trying to like build a deeper meaning or playfulness. I don't, I don't know what I'm seeing on apps that could be all that different at this point.

• 59:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, now I'm kind of remembering what she said in our podcast. And if you guys have not listened to our Esther Perel episodes, oh my God, what are you doing? Stop right now. Fuck this episode. Go listen. No, I'm just kidding.

• 59:37Rayna Greenberg?

  June of 2021 and the summer of 2023.

• 59:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 59:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Maybe July.

• 59:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. So in the summer of 2023 episode, she mentioned the integrating dating into your existing circles instead. And like bringing someone out with your friends, you know, and like having them not be this like isolated job interview. Just being like, hey, come meet up. Here's where I'll be. And we even talked about it on an episode with Jared where it's like, it's almost manufacturing that. Organic meeting in the wild.

• 1:00:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Mm hmm. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I like that. All right, well, let's thank our last couple of partners and then we'll round out this list.

• 1:00:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, Raina, let me ask you a question. How would you feel if you lost your libido?

• 1:00:20Rayna Greenberg?

  My sex drive, is that like a serious question? I'd never recover.

• 1:00:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know, right? Well, the fact is, millions of premenopausal women are frustrated because they lost their libido. But we are here to let you know that there's a treatment called ADDY that is clinically proven to boost libido in certain premenopausal women. And this isn't some sketchy gas station pill. It's FDA approved. Talk to your doctor to see if ADDY is right for you. And again, it is clinically proven.

• 1:00:45Rayna Greenberg?

  I love that women have this option.

• 1:00:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Same. You can go learn more at addyi.com. That is A-D-D-Y-I dot com.

• 1:00:54Speaker 02

  ADDY, or flibanserin, is for premenopausal women with acquired generalized hypoactive sexual desire disorder, HSDD, who have not had problems with low sexual desire in the past, who have low sexual desire no matter the type of sexual activity, the situation, or the sexual partner. The low sexual desire is troubling to them and is not due to a medical or mental health problem, problems in the relationship, or medicine or other drug use. ADDY is not for use in men or to enhance sexual performance. Your risk of severe low blood pressure and fainting is increased if you drink one to two standard alcoholic drinks close in time to your ADDY dose. Wait at least two hours after drinking before taking ADDY at bedtime. Your risk of severe low blood pressure and fainting is also increased if you take certain prescriptions, over the counter or herbal medications, or have liver problems. Low blood pressure and fainting can happen when you take ADDY, even if you don't drink alcohol or take other medicines. Do not take if you are allergic to any of the ingredients in ADDY.

• 1:01:39Speaker 02

  Allergic reactions may include hives, itching, or trouble breathing. Sleepiness, sometimes serious, can occur. Common side effects include dizziness, nausea, tiredness, difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, and dry mouth. See full PI and medication guide, including boxed warning, at addyi.com/PI, or call 844-PINK-PILL.

• 1:01:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  ADDY. That is A-D-D-Y-I dot com.

• 1:02:00Rayna Greenberg?

  And you know, I have been raving about all my SKIMS bras and underwear since I got them. My entire drawer is filled with it. There's tons to choose from, and of course, they have great lingerie and loungewear. But I love the Fits Everybody collection. So. They have great boy shorts, which I wear around the house, T-shirt bras and plunge bras. I love the T-shirt bra. It's an underwire bra and I like to sleep in a bra. I mean, I have bigger boobs and I really attribute like the perkiness of them to having slept in a bra and I wear a bra a lot. And if you're like, I don't feel comfortable wearing a bra all the time, this is the one that I really love. The underwire is super comfy. I'm just not in a rush to like take it off. And they have tons of colors. They're super inclusive with sizing. There's tons to choose

• 1:02:41Rayna Greenberg?

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• 1:03:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, can I tell you my favorite one?

• 1:03:14Rayna Greenberg?

  What?

• 1:03:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Parent-funded dating app subscription.

• 1:03:17Rayna Greenberg?

  I laughed out loud when I saw this.

• 1:03:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  So, Nandini Malaji, a matchmaker and co-founder of Sitch, which is a dating concierge app, says, "I predict parents paying for their child's dating services. We've had moms DM us." So, okay, she's talking about it from like a matchmaker point of view, but we've had moms DM us or fill out profiles for their children. Because of that, we're actually allowing parents or grandparents to purchase setups as gifts. That's pretty much it. Like, I just think it's so funny to like have your parents be harassing you. Like, when are you gonna meet someone? When are you gonna settle down? It's like you pay for it.

• 1:03:49Rayna Greenberg?

  So, listen, every time I'm on the phone with my dad, he's just like, "How many dates lately?" I was on the phone with him that I was crying. I was just like, all I did was cry in January, but we're leaving that in January. I was on the phone with him and he's like, "How are you?" And I was like, "The fires and Donald Trump and..." I was just crying and he's like, "You got any dates?" And I was like, "Do I seem like I am in a mental state to go on... Would you wanna go on a date with me right now? Do you wanna be on the phone with me right now?"

• 1:04:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's so funny.

• 1:04:13Rayna Greenberg?

  A stranger's gonna deal with this?

• 1:04:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh my God. It's like, have you not been listening?

• 1:04:17Rayna Greenberg?

  Right. I just, he keeps just being like, "Well, you just gotta, you know, keep on, keep it on." And I'm like, "This is not helpful. This is antagonistic to me."

• 1:04:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Is what he's really saying, like, "You need to get laid." Do you think that's the underlying thing? Like, do you think that's...

• 1:04:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Maybe he's just like, you're bumming me out and I would like you to find someone else to talk to about this. He's like, I have limited number of days left on this earth. I'm 78 and I'd like to enjoy it.

• 1:04:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  I just think it's really funny. If your parents are breathing down your neck, they need to pay for that premium subscription.

• 1:04:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally.

• 1:04:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, get you all those roses, get your premium Raya, whatever, your matchmaker. You, matchmakers are expensive. You pay for it.

• 1:04:55Rayna Greenberg?

  When am I gonna get grandkids? It's like that, book the flight. I'll go right now.

• 1:04:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's like, you handle it then.

• 1:04:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, you take care of it.

• 1:05:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  You're retired. What else are you doing?

• 1:05:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Write this profile.

• 1:05:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  You're gonna die soon. You can't take that money with you.

• 1:05:06Rayna Greenberg?

  You write this profile.

• 1:05:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, I am thinking of how broke I was in my early, mid 20s. Like, I think I would ask my mom to help out and I think she would have loved to do it.

• 1:05:16Rayna Greenberg?

  You think she would have been a part of it, though? She would've been like, Ashley, I need to be involved in this.

• 1:05:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, I just think that's really funny. And if you guys are listening and your parents are paying for your dating apps, please let us know. I'm loving this. Like, leave a comment on YouTube.

• 1:05:27Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, it's so true. Like, how many of us dread going home for like holidays and family visits? Cause everybody's like, so are you dating anybody? And like, you can just be like, if you care so much.

• 1:05:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Put your money where your mouth is.

• 1:05:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, but if, if your parents pay your phone bill.

• 1:05:42Rayna Greenberg?

  They're like, I already paid for you to do it?

• 1:05:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  It just depends on how your setup is. Cause it depends on if your credit card is in there. Cause if you pay with, okay, if you pay with Apple Pay for an app, you, then that's your credit card, I think, unless you're using your parents' credit card. But like, some stuff, if it goes on the phone bill, your parents are paying. Like, I don't know, right? It just depends on what you got going on.

• 1:06:03Rayna Greenberg?

  I think Apple, you put a credit card in for all Apple payments and that's separate than the phone bill. I'm pretty sure.

• 1:06:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Cause I'm just saying, like, parents seem like, oh, we're already paying for this.

• 1:06:13Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, prioritizing platonic romance.

• 1:06:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  So I think this is just like, it says, whether it's hot yoga or Pilates, pasta making, girls' trips, movie dates, basically just like women are opting out of dating boys and going out with the girls. This is Lauren Nappier, a beauty and lifestyle expert and the founder of The Spinster, a lifestyle brand. I love that, The Spinster. And I as a one. I think this is how we live our life. There's nothing new.

• 1:06:36Rayna Greenberg?

  I forget who we were talking to, and you have to remind me if this was on the podcast, but we were talking to somebody about like, when you say like, I really want to date, and somebody says, well, why? And it's like, well, I want companionship. It's like, why? Because I want to be with people. And it's like, but the answer to that could be this, right? Like, so many people want to date because you want people around, you want somebody to do activities with, you just don't want to feel so alone in this world. It's, we all are better when we feel less alone in this world, but like, this can be the answer to it. Like, just schedule a lot of classes, a lot of dates with friends, potlucks. I mean, nobody's better at it than you are of like, I have nothing going on, let's plan a trip, let's book a reservation, let's do a class. I mean, if it wasn't for you, I'd have no social.

• 1:07:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  Thanks.

• 1:07:16Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, you're just, you're always the one that's like, driving towards like, let's make a plan this week.

• 1:07:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  And those things fill your cup. And you can do stuff that's very quote unquote, date-like with your girlfriend, or with whoever, you know, your guy friend, your gay friend, your sister, you know, a lot of times you can just bring your dog. It's just kind of, you don't need a partner to do those things. We've always just said this.

• 1:07:39Rayna Greenberg?

  It really fills my cup to just have one social interaction per day. And like, I have

• 1:07:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like one meaningful?

• 1:07:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, like I'll, I meet a friend, I meet a list at the farmer's market all the time on Saturdays. And it's 30 minutes, we just like, get a coffee, we sit by the water, we hang out, I get like, my shit there, and then I go home. But like, to have that meaningful interaction with somebody that I care about, and then I can go about my day. And I feel like I've done something with another person, you feel less like lonely. And so many of us do just want to date because we feel alone. And if you can fill your time with something else, then it might even just open you up to wanting to date, or you might be like, I don't need this at all.

• 1:08:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Mm-hmm. I also love that you do more like, micro hangs, I think. Like, not everything needs to be a orchestrated night out, or a brunch reservation. Like, it can be a 30-minute coffee, and a chat, you know, a yap sesh, it can be a walk. I think you're really good about that. And sometimes it impromptu happens. You're like, I took a walk with this person.

• 1:08:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Jackie shows up at my house every day. Yeah, Jackie's just like, I have your, I have your location, and I know, I know you're in there.

• 1:08:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, you should just show up at your friend's house. I'm ready to yap. I just think it doesn't need to be like a three hour time commitment. It can be in the middle of your day. I mean, I remember this one time Alyssa did, this was like when we first became friends with those girls and she, it was like a Tuesday or Wednesday. She was like, who wants to come over to the pool? Just an hour. I mean, everybody had to get back to work. Like it was a nice, warm day. Obviously in West Hollywood, it was probably 50 degrees over on the west side. And we went over there and just in the middle of the day. I mean, some of us had to like do stuff on our phone for work, but just being with your girlfriends and like, you know, getting a little vitamin D. I was like, that was therapy.

• 1:09:09Rayna Greenberg?

  You and I also always invite friends to just like sit with us at Soho House and it doesn't have to be that. But like if you just go work somewhere in a workspace and invite a friend to just sit near you.

• 1:09:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know. I did that with Taylor. Like we both, we went and went to zinc and just worked and like we caught up for a little bit. We ordered coffees and then we sat there and headphones in and worked. And I was like, ah, I like this. It's my favorite thing to do.

• 1:09:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Jackie never there earlier in the day.

• 1:09:33Rayna Greenberg?

  But I do, I do like working in, I like going out of the house and working and it just fills it.

• 1:09:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Get out of the house.

• 1:09:40Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, I don't need like a three hour dinner all the time. I'm not trying to eat that much. I have been really good with the dinner reservations lately.

• 1:09:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, Rainy's been crushing it.

• 1:09:46Rayna Greenberg?

  Thank you.

• 1:09:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  We had an amazing. One Hungry Jew is back, baby.

• 1:09:49Rayna Greenberg?

  Back, baby. We went to a great new Indian restaurant, Fator, right?

• 1:09:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Fator, yeah, let's hype these places.

• 1:09:53Rayna Greenberg?

  In Santa Monica. I mean, some of the best Indian food I've ever had in a gorgeous restaurant, one of the most beautiful bars. And then literally directly across the street, Orla, which is a Michael Mina restaurant. It says it's Egyptian, but like very approachable, just Mediterranean. We had shawarma, we had hummus. I mean, it was so gorgeous and delicious.

• 1:10:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  And Rainy will probably never go back and I will be there every week.

• 1:10:13Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  I like to go to the same places and you always want to go to somewhere new. Like I love going back to places. I like going to places all the time. They feel like home. But Fator is going to be a go-to. These are also really close to where I live, but. That was it. Like sometimes people try to do elevated anything, elevated Indian, Asian, whatever it is. And it feels too try hard and like, I don't, what's the word? Too fancy? It's like too much going on. And this was like elevated, but. So good.

• 1:10:38Rayna Greenberg?

  That chicken shawarma was one of the best dishes I've ever had. I think about it every day. And then we went to Mel's Diner this weekend, which I was like, let me just toss this out to you guys. Cause it's a little touristy. The one on Sunset Boulevard in West Hollywood is like, I mean, it looks like a movie set. It's like a true like 50s diner. There's one in Santa Monica and I was like, just trust me, you guys, it's really good. I could take out from there. It's good.

• 1:11:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, we were gonna go to somewhere else and I checked the AQI and I was like, no, air quality is above 50. I'm not going indoor or outdoor. We gotta sit inside. And you guys were like, yeah, we do.

• 1:11:08Rayna Greenberg?

  I have a diner for you.

• 1:11:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  It was so good. It's a vibe.

• 1:11:12Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, it's really fun.

• 1:11:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, AI. Matthew Hussey entered the chat and he said that many men will continue to struggle. Period. Just kidding. To find their feet in dating as they come across women who are financially better off, higher earners with bigger job titles. Women will increasingly find themselves intimidating men who are disconnected. He says in quotes, intimidating men who are disconnected from their value in the marketplace. This is also stuff Scott Galloway talks about. It says, AI will become your ultimate wingman. More people will be using AI to write their profiles, edit photos and write entire dialogues for them on dating apps. Some will even use AI clones to do the whole thing for them. What in the Black Mirror is that? What do you mean? Do you know what that means? Others will use AI dating coaches to practice chats before a date, help them come up with conversation topics

• 1:11:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  and suggest pre-planned date ideas in their cities. And that's Matthew Hussey. He's been on the podcast three times now.

• 1:12:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Three times. I mean, I, we have the same hairdresser, Mary Kate O'Connor. I'm obsessed with her. Benjamin Sloan. I love her. I think it's really interesting and you might, you're, not you, but the plural, you initially might be like, oh my God, that's like so tryhard with AI. But like, I think that we've talked about this before, like, if you really want a partner, why should we not put as much energy and resources into dating and finding a partner as you would to finding a job? And like, if you're like, I'm not good on dates and I don't know how to like, have small talk and ask questions, like, if AI is gonna help you to like, coach you and like, pitch you conversation topics, like, how many times have you just been on a date with somebody and you're like, they can't fucking talk? They have nothing to say. But like, that doesn't mean that they're idiots and they have nothing to say. It's just dating is uncomfortable. It makes people nervous.

• 1:12:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  You reframe that for me a little bit, which I appreciate. I think that, yes, like, practicing for a date questions, like if you're not a great conversationalist. I guess I think like, it feels risky to rely on AI to lure someone in and then they have to meet the real you, you know, like you're chatting with someone's AI version, their AI bot, and then you meet them and they're nothing like that person. So yes, I guess you can look at this different ways. I think we benefit a lot from AI and also think there's a lot of risks associated with it. But to your point, I do like that. Like, I love the thought of a man, for example, because they're the ones that don't ask questions on dates typically, to be like, what should I ask on a date? It's, I feel like some people could look at that and be like, oh my God, that's so cringe. I think it's cute.

• 1:13:23Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, it could be both, right? It is a little cringe, but it's like, I think admitting like, this is my pitfall and I'm not good at this, and let me find resources to be better at it is great. And like, I think the dating app conversations are so weird and awkward and uncomfortable, they just are. And if somebody wants to like, chat GPT, like, this girl said this thing to me and what's a great response back? Like, what's the harm in it?

• 1:13:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  I guess. I think it's just like, make sure it feels aligned with something you would say.

• 1:13:50Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally.

• 1:13:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Because then again, it's just, you're being catfished.

• 1:13:54Rayna Greenberg?

  So he said something else that I want to say I think I've seen as a trend. So women will increasingly find themselves quote unquote intimidating men who are disconnected from their value in the marketplace, meaning more and more women make more money, they're more successful, they are in positions of power, and it is quote unquote intimidating to men. But I think when we started the podcast and for a few years, we would get more messages and say like, do men feel intimidated by my money, my job, my success? And I think I just see it less and less. And I think instead of women worrying that it is intimidating men, I think women are like, if this intimidates you, I find that unattractive.

• 1:14:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. And it's weird because it's like, you want to say not everything's political, but then again, everything actually is. And so it's just like, the men that feel that way, and women are taking their jobs, and women are getting too powerful, and they don't have any value anymore, voted a certain type of way, and the men that feel comfortable with a woman in power voted for a woman to be in power. And so I think it's also A filter there. You know?

• 1:14:53Rayna Greenberg?

  I think you and I have seen a real evolution. Like, people used to ask us all the time, like, do you worry that this podcast and your success is gonna stop you from dating people? And I, a part of me did always worry that. And now, there is nothing more attractive to me than somebody that thinks that what we do and our success is so sexy. And there is nothing less attractive to me than somebody that is intimidated by that, that's put off by that. I just, I don't find it attractive, and I don't even worry for one second that it's gonna bother somebody. Because if it bothers you, I'm not attracted to you.

• 1:15:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  You're not for me, yeah.

• 1:15:23Rayna Greenberg?

  And I really have seen a shift in that, and so many women being like, yeah, I do make more money than my male counterparts. Yeah, I am more successful, and that's sexy to me. And if you can't fit in to that, then I would rather just be alone.

• 1:15:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  And we have had lots of discussions about this over the years of like, it's not about sometimes the money or the job, it's like how you interact with the person. Like, yeah, I can see a world in which a man, for example, is like, okay, she makes all this money, and she's super successful, and she's a real ballbuster, and she makes me feel emasculated, and she ma, you know, it's like, but that doesn't have to be the way it is. It's like, you can also be a woman who makes more, is more successful, and treats your partner with a lot of respect, lets him do his thing, looks up to him, feels inspired by him, like, lets him handle some of the more masculine things, and doesn't ever make them feel like

• 1:16:17Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally.

• 1:16:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  emasculated. I don't know, it's just it's the way that the relationship works and how you treat people.

• 1:16:21Rayna Greenberg?

  It is a weird stereotype of like, if this, then that. If I make more money than him, then I'm gonna emasculate him. It's like, not really. And how many people have I known, they don't work, they're a mother, and they completely emasculate their husbands, and it's not linked to how much money you make?

• 1:16:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's so true. Yeah, I think of on Love is Blind. Nick and Hannah.

• 1:16:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Hannah didn't have a job.

• 1:16:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, I guess she did better than him in the world, but not by much.

• 1:16:45Rayna Greenberg?

  She was like, what are you contributing, Nick? What are you doing to pay the bills, Nick? She didn't have a job. She was unemployed. I've never seen somebody base on a man so hard.

• 1:16:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  So yeah, it doesn't matter. You can treat men like shit if you're broke.

• 1:17:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:04Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, honestly, like the meanest girl I ever met, I grew up with her, I would watch her just red circles red her husband. I don't even think she even had a job ever, not for one day in her life. She didn't need a job or money to treat men like shit.

• 1:17:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, the next one is long distance will be more popular, so I'm off trend now. And it's just what it is. I mean, it was Steph Dag, a standup comedian, the host of the hot and single digital dating show. I like what she says. She says, people in coastal cities kind of like having the freedom of their own lives and the sexiness of a Parisian crush who they can text all day. She puts in parentheses, my only will to live. Phone calls will have a massive resurgence because everyone is getting hand cramps from textinitis and phone sex is actually better than sex in the physical realm. I think technology, it's easier than ever to do it, so why not look outside your city? Like, that's really it. It's like, why not? I did it, you've done it, we've can't hype it enough. It's just you don't have to date people in your 10 mile radius.

• 1:18:01Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, I've done a lot of long distance relationships. I think there's a lot to be said about anticipation and that like newness being prolonged as much as possible and long phone conversations. I mean, I've just had multiple long distance relationships with men where like I will have three hour phone calls with them and that's really intimate and special and you can't just like watch a TV show and disassociate.

• 1:18:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  And having multiple people, like having all your bros in different area codes. I mean, like she says, this Parisian crush, you know, just someone to like text and flirt with. We have a friend that has all these lovers.

• 1:18:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Lovers in so many different countries.

• 1:18:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean.

• 1:18:35Rayna Greenberg?

  She's so low key about it. She's like, I'm in Tokyo this week. I have a lover there. He's 25.

• 1:18:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  The Tokyo lover is my favorite.

• 1:18:43Rayna Greenberg?

  He came out of nowhere. He was like 23 or something. He's 40. Lover. Okay. And then last but not least, setting up friends on dates. So that comes from Maxine Williams, the founder of We Met I R L. It's a speed dating event in New York City. She said she thinks 2025 will be a big year for leaning more into community, mutual friends and social networks for dating. She brings in, obviously, political and societal changes. I predict that stability and deeper connections will become central in romantic relationships. I see lots of potential for bringing back blind dates and people relying more on real life vetting before going on dates. I'm also seeing a rise in like matchmakers and things like that. And people just want to date within their community, you know?

• 1:19:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  They just want to be vetted. I mean, I, more than ever.

• 1:19:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 1:19:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Is he MAGA? I'm just, I mean, that's what it came up. Like, you want to know? Or, I mean, I guess if you're on the other side of it, you know, is he a liberal? You know, I don't know.

• 1:19:39Rayna Greenberg?

  I think people really feel like that, too. I think that, like, MAGA women would rather die than date a liberal man.

• 1:19:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  So, I mean, I get it. Not personally, but. Oh, my God. No, I mean, I don't know. Is he a fuckboy? Like, what's, is he run around the city? You know, just ghosting women left and right? I mean, people just want to be vetted. I mean, and everybody wants to set someone up. And Tessa mentioned this earlier. We were talking to her before we started recording about the gamifying and the taking it not so seriously and kind of passing someone on. And I mentioned this very early on, where I went on a date with a guy who I really thought was great, and he just wasn't a love match, and I thought he would really vibe with Merrill. And I set them up, and they ended up going out, and it didn't really work out. But I'm all about that life.

• 1:20:20Rayna Greenberg?

  You dated a guy when I was?

• 1:20:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, yeah, exactly.

• 1:20:21Rayna Greenberg?

  He just sent me a voice note. We're gonna play it in the car.

• 1:20:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my God, I can't wait.

• 1:20:25Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know what it says.

• 1:20:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, right. We talked about it on the podcast, didn't we? Yeah, so it's just, oh, we did a whole episode.

• 1:20:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Did your friend's ex?

• 1:20:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  She did your friend's ex, yeah.

• 1:20:31Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:20:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, and we talked about it on a more casual level of like, if someone's not a match for you, but they might be a match for your friend, and then they're pre-vetted.

• 1:20:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. I just, I love when somebody can just say to you, like, just give me three sentences about them. You know, like, are they a piece of shit? What do they date like? What's their attitude like? I dated a guy in the spring that one of my close friends, Lindsay, was like, close with. And she was just like, I've always wanted you guys to date. I think he's great. And just like a nice, soft intro.

• 1:20:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:57Rayna Greenberg?

  You know?

• 1:20:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. And then if they aren't who your friend said they were. That's their fault.

• 1:21:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Then you have somebody to blame.

• 1:21:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, you have somebody to blame.

• 1:21:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Maybe you like conflict.

• 1:21:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  You don't have to blame yourself.

• 1:21:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, it's their fault. Maybe you want to practice conflict, that's really nice. Fight with your friends.

• 1:21:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Practice fighting. Okay, I just have a few from our audience. We asked our audience, do you see any dating trend predictions for 2025? Again, we've kind of mentioned this throughout. A lot of it was like the political stuff. But here might be my personal favorite. She writes, I feel like guys might be more emotionally available. I know, call me crazy.

• 1:21:33Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, this year.

• 1:21:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  The fact that she wrote in like an asterisk, I know, call me crazy. I'm delulu.

• 1:21:40Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, I am seeing it. Even on the dates I've gone on, I mean, I think that it's a little bit of an overcorrection. I mean, I've gone on dates with men, they just want to share all their feelings and thoughts. And you're like, okay, do less, but I don't want to shit on them because I do think they're trying. And I think that like a lot of men, this is like a first swing at it for them, being a little more emotionally available.

• 1:21:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  The first swing.

• 1:22:00Rayna Greenberg?

  I like men getting vasectomies so they can brag about being snipped on the apps. That's, that's great, you know, with the current climate. And then I'll read one more that I really liked. She said, honestly, and I know it's cringe, but wellness dates, cold plunges, sauna, gym, and then food. And I love that. I love that. If that's, I mean, that goes with the whole like just do, be with people to do your hobbies. And if like that, that date would be a nightmare for me. A cold plunge, not for me.

• 1:22:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:25Rayna Greenberg?

  But if you find a person that likes that, then that's great. I mean, a lot of our audience just said less, less dating, more speed dating, less dating apps. A lot of speed dating, which Tessa goes to speed dating events.

• 1:22:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think if you meet someone speed dating, I think it's great, but I think if you also do that and feel really discouraged, you're not alone. You know what I mean? Like I just, I hear people being like, that was, I hated that. And then I've heard people be like, that was fun.

• 1:22:49Rayna Greenberg?

  You gotta be really in a good place mentally to go to speedy dating.

• 1:22:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Here's what I think. If I were to guess, I don't think too many couples are coming out of the speed dating, but I think it's amazing practice. Like I think you need to pat yourself on the back. That is like running uphill. I mean, you are practicing, you are training. And so I think if you go into with that mindset, because I just don't, I've never heard of a relationship coming out of it, literally not once. Never of all the people we've ever asked, how'd you meet, never once was speed dating. But like, that's your training.

• 1:23:18Rayna Greenberg?

  In dating, like you. You've got to remove some of the choices. And when you're in a room full of competition, I don't know that that brings out the best in people. I think it makes women specifically feel insecure. It's intimidating. But if you can cut your teeth on it, you're having, if you're having a good day.

• 1:23:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, like, I think that's another thing. Go with your friend and just make light of it and practice your flirting.

• 1:23:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Make sure she's less hot than you.

• 1:23:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Where else can you go practice flirting in a bunch? What'd you say?

• 1:23:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Make sure she's less hot than you.

• 1:23:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Rain and I could never go together because we're equal.

• 1:23:54Rayna Greenberg?

  Nobody wants me, one person wants you.

• 1:23:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Stop it. That was so mean.

• 1:23:59Rayna Greenberg?

  No, everybody wants me.

• 1:24:06Rayna Greenberg?

  We're equally hot.

• 1:24:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. Okay. Someone wrote, "Less dating, more patating."

• 1:24:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then in parentheses.

• 1:24:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Couch, like couch-serving?

• 1:24:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, that's funny. And then in parentheses, "Making potato-based dishes." I'm obsessed. We're going to end it there. Less dating, more patating. And I want to know what dishes. Like fries, roasted, au gratin, mashed.

• 1:24:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Grilled shrimp, fried shrimp. I will say this, this episode, it really made me reflect just on how many years we've done this show and like the evolution of our listeners and what women have accepted and what they no longer accept and what they prioritize. And we do this every year. And I've seen more of an evolution from like, you know, I want more men that are this, that, to like, I just want to prioritize me. And I think that that is like the trend of just like demanding to be treated better. And I think it is making men better too. And I think they are trying. But it's just, it's been really interesting to watch this for the better part of a decade.

• 1:25:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally. And, you know, a lot of the same every year. And we really always love your input, but a lot of different too, you know? Especially 2021, spit in my mouth.

• 1:25:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes. I started that trend too.

• 1:25:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  The horniest out of COVID here.

• 1:25:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  And this year, yeah, I mean, one of them says, "Let's just all be more gay."

• 1:25:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Let's.

• 1:25:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  But yeah, so we appreciate you guys weighing in as always.

• 1:25:33Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. Well, the next time you guys see us in clips and on YouTube, we will be in our new studio. And if you're new here, great to have you. If you've been here all this time, happy to keep having you.

• 1:25:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, vibesonly.com. Get those-

• 1:25:47Rayna Greenberg?

  You really held that for the whole episode.

• 1:25:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  The whole time. This is my emotional support cock ring. So get the emotional support cock ring and the Lucy Love Kit, the raspberry cream, suck and blow gel while it lasts, all of that. And of course, all the toys that Debbie, that's going to fix your 2025 at vibesonly.com, girlsgottaeat.com, girlsgottaeatpodcast on Instagram and TikTok. I'm Ash Hess, Raina is Rayna Greenberg. Subscribe on YouTube and share this episode with a friend and we will see you Thursday.

• 1:26:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Have a good couple of days, guys.

• 1:26:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Go Birds.