Should You Date Someone You Don't Want to Marry?

Should you date for the resume, not the ring? We are discussing the case for the "entry level boyfriend" ie. dating people for the relationship experience, rather than discarding every person who isn’t marriage material. We’re chatting about the things you can only learn about yourself in relationships, whether “dating with intention” has made people too picky, the myth that breakups are failures, what the legal age of marriage should be, and our own experiences with entry level boyfriends. Before we get into the topic, we’re catching up on Rayna finally selling her house and Ashley’s moving nightmare. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for more. Thank you to our partners this week: Storyworth: Get up to $20 off at https://storyworth.com/gge Skims: Shop our favorite loungewear and pajamas at https://skims.com. Article: Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at https//:article.com/gge. Columbia: Get your hands on an Amaze Puff Jacket at https://columbia.com. Nutrafol: Get $15 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping at https://nutrafol.com with code GGE15. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Rayna Greenberg?

  If you want partnership and someone to do stuff with and have sex with and all of that, and you're in your twenties and they're not perfect, who cares?

• 0:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  This podcast is a Dear Media production.

• 0:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Hi, guys.

• 0:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Hi, guys.

• 0:28Rayna Greenberg?

  Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat.

• 0:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Welcome back.

• 0:31Rayna Greenberg?

  We're together.

• 0:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  We're together.

• 0:32Rayna Greenberg?

  I have not.

• 0:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's November.

• 0:34Rayna Greenberg?

  So you will have heard the snack episode a couple of days ago, which obviously like we were together too, but that we're recording this first. And I haven't seen you in seven weeks.

• 0:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  No.

• 0:44Rayna Greenberg?

  I think the last time I saw you was September 6th.

• 0:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  What? Where were we?

• 0:49Rayna Greenberg?

  We were in the Hamptons for Labor Day.

• 0:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's the last time I saw you?

• 0:52Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, dude. I brought this up the other day and you were like, you know, we talk all the time. I was like, this is like months and months. And we are just like.

• 1:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, it's not.

• 1:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes, it is. Okay. So it was just nice. I like picked you up at your house this morning and I like got to see your house the first time. And then we're gonna finish recording and like go into your house and I'll see Shashank. And I'll see Shashank. I forgot his name. That's how long.

• 1:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's how long it's been. Well, it is again, November 2nd that we are recording this. So that means a couple of things. One, I have been married for a year.

• 1:24Rayna Greenberg?

  Mazel.

• 1:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  So we'll talk about it next week. I'll share my feelings on being married for one year.

• 1:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Stay tuned to see if she liked it, you guys.

• 1:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Stay tuned to see if I'm still married. No, just kidding. But I have a lot to say, but we'll just hold it next week. Today, we have a lot really to talk about. And we are gonna see you guys this week in New York, this Sunday.

• 1:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 1:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  So the 8th, we have a show at the Stand West, formerly Chelsea Music Hall for the New York Comedy Fest. And we're so excited.

• 1:53Rayna Greenberg?

  So we'll see you guys there on Sunday evening.

• 1:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes. Okay.

• 1:57Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. We'll thank our partners and then we'll get into the episode, you guys. Thank you to Skims. Shop our favorite loungewear pajamas at skims.com and Article. Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at article.com/gge.

• 2:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  And thank you to Columbia. Get your hands on an Amaze Puff Jacket at columbia.com. And thank you to Story Worth. Get up to $20 off at storyworth.com/gge. And Nutriful, get $15 off your first month subscription and free shipping at nutrafol.com with code GGE15. Okay, where to even start?

• 2:30Rayna Greenberg?

  I feel like you just said like, are you okay? I feel like my body is like returning to like regular cortisol levels. Like you guys, I landed in LA yesterday and I have had like spreadsheets on spreadsheets. And I was like, if like one thing is out of place. So I sold my house. I'm really excited. I went into Ask Girl this morning and the owners take the keys tomorrow morning. But I've had a lot of furniture at the house. So, because I was coming back here to stay. It's sort of a long story. I thought I'd rent it furnished. It was a crazy idea. So I got up at 5:00 in the morning. I flew here. I junk removal come yesterday. I had to pack up everything in the house again. And then the movers came this morning and you and I have four episodes over two days. Four. And I still wanted to like enjoy my time here. I haven't seen you in two months. So I wanted to like enjoy this. And so I've just been like, I mean, I don't have a partner.

• 3:15Rayna Greenberg?

  So I do this by myself and I just have like lists on lists on lists. And like you have had so many times in your life where you were like getting married, you're on Tory from your special. And like you didn't let me down with the podcast. You didn't say like, I can't edit this episode. So I was like, I can't let work slip. And it's just been like a lot. I've also had to sell my car and it's just been like a lot. So now the movers have come, they have taken everything and gotten it out of my house. And it's just like a huge weight off. And it's just so nice to like sit here in the Dear Media studio with like you and Carolina and just like, oh, record this episode.

• 3:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm so glad. I mean, we've just both really been in the trenches with the moves and all these things. Like there was a point where I was like at a peak, not the peak, the peak was October 15th. We'll talk about it. But where I was in a really stressful time and I was like, I want to help you, but I can't. Like I have my own shit going on, you know, because I feel like you and I are usually like, I need support. I need help. Can you help me with this? Like I was like, I want to help with planning Vegas. I literally can't. I'm so like underwater too. You know? And so we have obviously recording and doing the podcast is our priority. That's our job. But there's just been times where I'm like, I can't offer her my services.

• 4:26Rayna Greenberg?

  This morning, you like made me burst into tears and like, I just was like, I have to leave the house before the movers are finished. And like, I can't find anybody last minute to come over here. Like our friends have jobs, kids, like nobody can just pop over Monday at noon to sign off for the movers. And I was like, I don't know what to do. And like, I need to sell my car and the car title didn't come. And you like, you sent me like a five minute voice note with just some advice. And it was like, simple advice. You really can close out them. They'll lock the house up for you. And like, we just, we decided together that I'm gonna get a parking space and I'm gonna come back here a lot. But I like burst into tears. I was like, to have like a person just be like, do this. I was just like, I have just like shouldered this by myself for so long. I've been so stressed about it.

• 5:06Rayna Greenberg?

  And like, yeah, planning Vegas and the last show, the tour and like, you and I have 20 friends coming with us and I don't want to let us down. And to have somebody just be like, do this thing. It like, I don't know, it made me so emotional to be like, oh, I have like.

• 5:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  A support system.

• 5:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, a support system in the world that like, that I trust. Like, I wouldn't have even thought like I could close out with the movers and then leave.

• 5:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, yeah, you were just like, I don't know what to do. I have to be here. I was like, you don't have to be. I'm the person to ask because I did this days ago. They'll close out whatever you want. And you gotta hope they finish the job, but you know that they would.

• 5:39Rayna Greenberg?

  They've been wonderful.

• 5:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  And there's nothing in the house for them to take, you know, just tell them to close the door and they leave.

• 5:45Rayna Greenberg?

  That's it. And I, it was just, it's nice to have people in your life who's like opinions you trust and respect and people and like do stuff.

• 5:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  That feeling when you're like, I have the answer. Like when.

• 5:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Because Raina and I really lean on each other a lot for advice. Like real life, I need your help with this. I need you to help me decide what I want to do. Help me navigate this. And I, most of the time do feel like I have something to offer and hopefully vice versa. But that feeling when you're like, I know, I got this one. I actually know this answer. And you're gonna do what I'm saying you're gonna do. It's like, I'm gonna tell you what to do. You're gonna do it. It feels so good.

• 6:28Rayna Greenberg?

  It was like our friend that voiced it to us about a narcissistic family member. And I was like, oh, I got you.

• 6:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  I got this. Yeah.

• 6:33Rayna Greenberg?

  I was like, I don't even need to finish this voice note, fucking masterclass over here.

• 6:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  But it's, it was a, it's been a wild month and both of us in tandem dealing with these like home situations and.

• 6:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, yours has been a fucking nightmare.

• 6:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, mine's been a nightmare.

• 6:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Mine's been a little more run of the mill.

• 6:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, but we're, we're, we're through it.

• 6:52Rayna Greenberg?

  Sitting here, we are really through it. I mean, it's over. You and I are gonna, we're gonna lock the house up and then go watch. Nobody wants this.

• 7:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, yeah.

• 7:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Which we will have recorded about last week.

• 7:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes. Yeah. So I told you guys I would share about my move. And I'm gonna share what happened on moving day. What has led up to it is it has just been a nightmare from the start. So from the moment that we were told we had to move, it has been super rocky. We didn't want to move. We actually didn't really legally have to. We did anyway. I'm kind of dealing with some stuff from the landlord, from the Realtor. It really was a month of me feeling so stressed, so pissed, so bullied, so taken advantage of. And I'm still kind of dealing with it and deciding what ultimately I'm gonna do.

• 7:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  And that's why I don't really want to talk about everything right now. I'll share all these details eventually because I want you guys to hear this fucking story. But at the end of the day, we moved. It was all good. We're in our new house, but it was really rough. And I have had these moments again, from September 15th to October 15th, where I was just like, I can't believe this is like happening in the way these people are making me feel like we have to leave this house. We never planned. We planned our life around this. And then the original house I told you guys about, I was like, I'm moving this house in this dream house. It's not the house we live in. That's a totally different story. A long story, but another house. We had to find another house. So this one is great. We love it. The location's incredible. Raina saw this morning.

• 8:26Rayna Greenberg?

  She is inching towards me and I left.

• 8:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I got closer to you.

• 8:30Rayna Greenberg?

  I picked you up this morning. You are a four minute drive from my house.

• 8:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  But anyway, so the one I mentioned, it's, wasn't that one, but we love it. It's fine. So in the midst of all this, in the midst of all this drama, landlord, Realtor, me, just legal stuff, right? We're gonna move. October 15th is the day. We had hired a moving company to do a partial pack. We packed our own kitchen. We packed a lot of our stuff, boxes all over the house. I mean, threw so much out, sold stuff, hauling stuff to the trash, junk removal, like so much just physical labor. It feels good to purge, I will say, but we didn't want to do this. So we're like resentful also.

• 9:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally.

• 9:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  You know? And so we're, we're doing all that. We did a lot, but we still have the movers coming. So October 15th, they're gonna come. That's the day we, everybody agreed on. They're gonna do the move that day. It's a Thursday. I wish it would have been a weekend. It wasn't. I don't want to get into it. Shashank had to work. So I'm on my own. So we wake up in the morning, 8:00 AM, moving day. Let's go. Ready to be in the new house, whatever. Power goes out. No power. I'm like, please, God, let this be the neighborhood, the building, not just our fucking house. Because we're transferring our power. Nope. Instead of transferring the power, Con Ed turned it off. Whoopsie.

• 9:38Rayna Greenberg?

  You sent me that text.

• 9:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Cut the lights off. What are, that's not even a thing you're supposed to do, by the way. It's supposed to just transfer. You're not supposed to turn people's power off. People have like medications and like.

• 9:49Rayna Greenberg?

  You could.

• 9:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  You're not supposed to.

• 9:51Rayna Greenberg?

  I didn't know you could. And also, you see, you sent me that text and I was like, this is the worst thing I've ever heard. I can't believe the movers are coming and she.

• 9:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Ha.

• 9:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Can't shower, doesn't have power. Like I, but okay, it's fine. LA is bright and sunny. It's fine.

• 10:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  The sun is shining. Get through it. We have business managers. They're so wonderful, so lovely. They call Con Ed, what the fuck are you guys doing? Uh, whoopsie. We cut her power off. It'll be back in an hour. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. So this is, Shashank takes a cold shower. Cold shower on moving day. Takes the cold shower. And the movers are supposed to come between nine and 10. The wifi is supposed to be at the new house to set that up after 10. So like, I can meet the movers and I'm gonna run over there. It's like a mile apart. I can do all this. Not ideal. In the past, I've had like Tessa has helped with that situation where you're like, you gotta be with the movers, but the wifi, this and that, whatever.

• 10:43Rayna Greenberg?

  I've done it a bunch. Yeah.

• 10:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  The wifi, we're, we're here. We're at the new house. I'm like, I can't leave because I'm waiting on the movers. Ha, ha, ha. So Shashank, Shashank has to go over to the new house to meet the wifi guy. Frontier Fiber guys, can't recommend enough. People, I will never get Spectrum, but I can recommend Frontier for your internet. So he has to go to work late. He calls them. He's like, I'm coming in late. I gotta deal with this stuff. And so the movers are supposed to show up between nine and 10. I'm in the dark. No power. And 10 o'clock rolls around. I'm like, that's weird. I haven't heard from anybody. So weird. You usually hear from the dispatch in the morning, maybe the day before. So I booked this through my guy in New York. A big nationwide moving company, you guys, huge, some would say, one of the top five.

• 11:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Big three.

• 11:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. So, so I text him and I'm like, what there is, it's weird that they're not here yet. It's 10 o'clock. He's like, I'm into it. He calls me and I'm like, oh no. He calls me. He's like, Ashley, I can't even believe what I'm about to say to you. I'm going to shorten his name. We'll call him G. G, just say it. He said, they're not coming.

• 12:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Um, what? I almost fell to the floor. What do you, what do you mean they're not coming? He said, I said, how can this happen? Who's this ever happened to in the history? This isn't Craigslist movers who rented a truck. This is a huge company.

• 12:17Rayna Greenberg?

  You text me. I was like, she's gonna kill herself.

• 12:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  I was like, and the no power, no wifi. My head is spinning. Our shit's ready to go. And I'm not in a situation to ask the landlord to stay another day.

• 12:29Rayna Greenberg?

  No, you are not.

• 12:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  They're saying like, it's booked for tomorrow. They got the day wrong. That's the story I hear in the morning. And I'm like, okay. I said, G, they're coming tomorrow and it's gonna be free. This is crazy. This is absolutely crazy. This is happening right now. And I've worked with you guys so many times. I've spent so many thousands of dollars. They've done all my moves for years now in New York, in LA.

• 12:56Rayna Greenberg?

  A lot for me too.

• 12:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. And so I was like, I need the highest person up at this company. And I'm speaking nicely to him, like, you know, whatever. I was like, I need the highest person in the company to call me and tell me that they're coming tomorrow and it's gonna be, I'm not paying a dime. I got a call from this woman. She is based in LA. She is not apologetic. She said, yeah, sorry, we're gonna refund you. We can't do the move today and we can't do the move tomorrow. And the soonest we could probably get this move is gonna be next week. So you're probably need to find somebody else.

• 13:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Um, Rosa, what are you saying to me? I feel like I was gonna throw up.

• 13:34Rayna Greenberg?

  I was like, she's not gonna make it. Like, she's not. I really.

• 13:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Also, just like, didn't know. No power and no wifi. And I don't really have strong 5G at the house, so I couldn't get really, the hotspot wasn't working. And so I'm like, I don't even know how to navigate this. And I just want to jump in and say, like, I'm not gonna name the moving company. If you want to DM me, I'll tell you who it is. You want to go back to 2019 and see that I collabed with them? And there's a picture of Dewey in the box. You can see who it is. I really have a nice personal relationship with the guy in New York. I could recommend them to move you in New York. I could absolutely not recommend them to move you in LA. Also, you're probably like, Asha, doesn't your brother have a moving company? Yes, he does. He runs the branch of Black Tie Moving in Delaware. They do moves all over the country, but they're really only based in their certain hubs. They have like 10. They're based out of Nashville. If I was moving all the way across the country to Nashville, to Delaware, he would do it.

• 14:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  But they don't do local LA moves. But if you guys are in a city that Black Tie services, Black Tie Moving is gonna be your go-to. So I want to recommend them. So again, so back to this woman. She's just like, yeah, fuck you. Bye. So I'm like, I don't know what to do here. Truly the most shocking and horrific customer experience I've ever, I was like, do you know me? Like, is this personal? I felt like it was personal. I felt like she was like, I don't like you and I canceled your move. That's how the tone was on the phone.

• 14:45Rayna Greenberg?

  And it's not just like, go ahead and do it tomorrow. Like, when I think about, because I do it every year, the amount that goes into moving and how much you've like built up to this moment, you're like, finally, all the work I've done is culminating today and we're done.

• 14:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  But also like legally, you have to be out of this place. Like, what if this happened in New York where someone's moving in the next day? Most likely. I mean, sometimes you gotta paint and stuff, but like, you gotta turn it around.

• 15:12Rayna Greenberg?

  I moved out today. My people are taking the house tonight.

• 15:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  Tonight, they take the house over.

• 15:17Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes, that's the thing. My movers were an hour late this morning. They were phenomenal, by the way. I could not recommend them enough. But I was like, I, I'm not gonna be able to handle this.

• 15:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  So I'm on the phone with G again, and he was like, Asha, I'm beside myself. He was like, you, you and I have a relationship. I can't believe this is happening. I was like, I cannot believe the way she spoke to me. He was like, I don't even understand what's happening in LA. Like shit's going wrong and I can't really explain it. He was like, I'm gonna try to connect you with another company and see if we can work this out. So I'm like, I need to go over to the other house to get the wifi to be in the light, you know? So I go out to my car and then I was reminded that I put my car out on the street at 8:00 AM to save space for the movers to like block off a couple of spaces for them, like with my car. Parking ticket.

• 16:00Rayna Greenberg?

  You didn't even tell me this.

• 16:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Park, parking ticket in the midst of all this.

• 16:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  To save the space for the movers that never came. I was like, I'm gonna laugh or scream. So I just laughed. So I went over to the new house, all hands on deck, the possibility that G hooked me up with our business managers. Everybody is like trying to figure this out. You were like work, roadway, got back to it. Like, everybody really was like trying, I was like, I have to move tomorrow. Like, if I can't move today, it has to be tomorrow. We can't keep extending this. This is actually so crazy. Like, our bedding was put away. Like, where are we even gonna sleep tonight? Like, we don't have power. No power.

• 16:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Also, I told you to go stay at my house and I'm like, you didn't, right?

• 16:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  No.

• 16:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 16:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, no, no.

• 16:36Rayna Greenberg?

  I fucked all over that bed, like the night before.

• 16:41Rayna Greenberg?

  She can't be in this bed.

• 16:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  In the midst of this, I get the most insane email from my landlord that would make you guys just die. And when I share this story, you will lose your mind. When I tell this story, people gasp. This part of the story, the email that she sends me in the midst of all this, before I had another move booked, will make you, you will lose your breath. It will take your breath away. This was, I feel like my head's gonna explode. It felt like my head, like I could feel a headache like all over my head. In that moment, I was like, October 15th, 2026 will go down. It was like the, one of the worst days of my entire life. So the moving company recommended by G finally does come through and they're called Move Happy. I can recommend them in LA. They've been around since the 90s. They were available the next day. The power did not come back on until 3:00 PM. So I just want to say that. So supposed to be 10:00 AM, didn't come back on until 3:00 PM.

• 17:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  The neighbor gave us their wifi. Things were like, okay, we can survive in the house another night. We brought our bedding out of the box it was in, put our sheets back on the bed and we did sleep there that night. And they did move us the next day and everything went smoothly and we did it and they were wonderful. Again, Move Happy, I can't recommend them enough. If you want to hear the other company, you can DM me. I'll let you know. And then Black Tie Moving, of course. Right? And we'll talk about roadways. These are moving racks. But I will say, one of the craziest things is I had an event that was on the 16th, again, the day that we did move at Allison Olivia. I had been to the store earlier in the week. They styled me for it. I bought an outfit. Paris Hilton was hosting it. All these people were gonna be there. You know, I love this Allison Olivia. I'd like have an outfit for it. It was our friend Taylor's 40th birthday. I was like, I'm not missing this event.

• 18:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  So when I thought I was moving on the 15th, I was like, I will make an event on the 16th. It feels a little crazy, but I can do it. So I was like, I'm not missing this event. And like, this is just like why I, I love Shashank so much too. Like, he was like, I don't want you to miss either, even though like, that's a crazy thing to try to do. So the span of the hour from 4:00 to 5:00 PM, this event starts at 5:00. We're gonna be there a little bit late. From 4:00 to 5:00 PM, the movers are in the new house. They're, have an hour or two to go. They're putting beds together. They're still in the house. Shashank gets home at 4:00. I was like, one of us has to go over to the old house. My outfit is still there. My makeup is still there. I left some stuff there. I just need to grab it. I was like, do you want to do it? You want me to do it? He's like, I'm gonna go do it. I'm like, okay. So he goes to the house. The movers are still in the house. I'm directing them everywhere where to go. Like, I'm the one that kind of needs to stay at the new house.

• 18:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  So he goes over, he gets my stuff. He gets back at 4:45. We're supposed to leave at 5:00. Taylor's at the house. I take a cold shower, hot water, something was wrong with that. So I take an ice cold shower. I couldn't wash my hair, slicked back greasy ponytail, put on this $1,000 fucking outfit and I get ready to go. And as the moving truck pulls away at 5:20 PM, the Uber pulls up to go to this event and we made it to the event. And I was like, I'm the baddest bitch on the planet. I should be president. I should run the world. I can't believe what I have been able to accomplish over these last two days. And like, I'm gonna go to a fancy event and I deserve it.

• 19:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  And that was that. And then, you know, the next couple of days, we got things settled and we're feeling finally very settled. And again, it's one of these things of all the people that kind of step up in the moment and like support you and everything from our neighbor giving us their wifi passwords, like our business managers, like Ruby, who like cleans our house, just being there, being like, whatever you need, I got you. She's helping me get everything set up in the new house. Like, those people mean the world. When you get let down by other people. I can't believe what you went through. I truly can't believe it. I have just never felt so exhausted and tired of my life. Like, just everything that goes into a move. I mean, even when you have movers that are gonna pack some of your stuff for you, you know, like, we could have never done the whole house on our own, but we did a lot. And it just was like, so exhausting on top of like, all the

• 20:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  stress and the cancelling and like, all that the power and the parking ticket, like, it just, I was like, what did I do to deserve this?

• 20:22Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know. And I tell you, like, I've moved every year for like, five years. And like, this is the most nightmare scenario I've ever heard in my life. I mean,

• 20:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  movers?

• 20:30Rayna Greenberg?

  It's stressful, and I do it over and over again. But like, it's nothing like this.

• 20:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Canceling. Huge company. That I've spent so much money, like, I'm like, I am not the one. This is crazy. So, anyway, you know, these things happen and they make for a good story. Let me know if this has ever happened to you guys in the comments. Have you ever had movers cancel on you? I said, gee, how often does this happen? He was like, it does not happen in New York, but it happens in other cities, like, one in a thousand, maybe. I'm like, I'm so lucky. So lucky.

• 21:01Rayna Greenberg?

  I wonder if you feel like this too. Like, the last few days, I've had these moments where I'm like, I don't know how I'm gonna handle this. Like, I am smart. I've worked really hard my whole life. I have plenty of money. I can handle it. I'm really capable. Like, I'm one of the most high functioning people I know. And I do this all by myself. And I'm like, pretty proud of me. And I've been like, I'm not gonna survive this. Like, you tell yourself, like, I can do this. I'm high functioning. I've handled harder shit, worse shit on my own. But like, in the moment, you're like, I don't know where like, the light at the end of the tunnel is. Like, I can't handle this.

• 21:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I was a little hungover for, on October 15th, because of the Nobody Wants This premiere party the night before. So, I went to a party the night before, because I didn't want to miss that either. When I was telling people at the party, I was moving the next day, they were like, what are you doing? Also, ha, I didn't move the next day.

• 21:48Rayna Greenberg?

  You actually are stronger than I am in those senses. Like, you also flew back from Paris that day and like, went to a barbecue. I just would never.

• 21:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  I just don't want to miss out.

• 21:57Rayna Greenberg?

  You have, I mean, you're just stronger. I couldn't do it. Like, I got back from my tour on Friday morning, and like, our friend and publicist had like, planned all this stuff. I was gonna go to this event for Entrepreneur and Page Six, and I was like, I can't get out of bed.

• 22:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  If I feel actually sick, that's one thing. But I have realized about myself, I knew this before, but especially over the last couple of weeks, that I really do feel like a body of motion stays in motion. Like, it just, once it gets rolling, it is just like, you just keep going until your body physically gives out, and you will crash eventually, and you will get sick. But like, I was like, I can just keep going and like, stay in motion, and just like, not stop. And I like to live my life that way, too. I don't like to sit around and like, be bored. But I will say, you have these moments. And I had this moment on the 15th, where I was like, I have to go eat something. So I walked over to the Whole Foods, I walked over to get a tuna cotto. And I see this

• 22:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  girl I know, and I know her dog, and her dog and Azul get along. And she was with this other girl who had her dog, and the three of them, it's a picture that I posted on my Instagram. And I don't know, I was like, you guys don't understand, I've been having like, the worst day. And they were just so nice. And then we just sat there on the ground, three women and our dogs. And I just felt like, so emotional. And I was like, you don't know what this, like, this is like, one nice moment I've had today. And just women and dogs, and you have like, healed me in this like, five minutes. And I texted her afterwards, and I'm like, Tracy, I'm sorry, like, unloaded on you and your friend in the park. But I just like, really needed this moment of like, lightness from what I've been dealing with.

• 23:31Rayna Greenberg?

  No, you do, you need it. And like, I was just like, thank God I'm in LA while this is happening. Because like, I'm staying in a hotel, because I can't stay at my house, because it's a mess. And there's nothing there. I'm just like, it's scary. And I like, pulled up to the hotel yesterday, and I was like, can somebody just like, watch my car, so I can put my stuff in the room, and then I'll move the car. And this woman was like, I got you. Like, the front desk girl was like, I got you, I'll stand out front, I'm making sure the valet guys don't like, get upset about the being there. And like, this morning at Air One, the girl that made my coffee was just like, I love your outfit, enjoy your coffee. And she looked at my breakfast, she was like, this looks so good. And I was like, thank God for women and people in LA being so nice.

• 24:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  And people want to help. When people can help, they want to help. And so, I think it's always just a good reminder. And I obviously like, felt so supported by you, like, from afar, but also by Shashank. And like, also, I know this sounds like, it's a shitty thing that happened, but I just have to remind you guys, like, what I was dealing with on the other side, like, with the like, landlord, all that stuff on top of it, was just like, made it so much worse. And I'm kind of still dealing with that. So, it's just been really rough. And like, we're gonna get through it. And we have like, resources and people around us. And I feel really grateful for all of that. I don't want to sit here and complain about my life. It's more just like, sharing a funny, crazy story.

• 24:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, it's just like, I don't want to do this. I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to be in this position. I wasn't trying to move. This was not my dream.

• 24:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. So, anyway, that's what happened.

• 24:57Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, I'm glad to be here with you. And I'm glad that we're like, through this. And this has been like, really rough. And I'm like, the end of this day is so funny to me, because like, I'm gonna drive back to my house with you, I'm gonna lock it up for the last time, and then I'm gonna drive to your house, and I'm gonna go inside for the first time, and see Shashank. And I just, like, this day is like, the perfect ending to like, all of this.

• 25:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, how are you feeling?

• 25:20Rayna Greenberg?

  I feel sad, and I feel glad. You know, I mean, that house was, I mean, I bought it, I like, closed on it. Oh my God, Ashley, I closed it on November 2nd.

• 25:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:29Rayna Greenberg?

  It was this week, exactly two years ago, the day after the election, after Trump won, I went and signed the paperwork for my house. Me and the lady at the office were sobbing together.

• 25:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, right.

• 25:39Rayna Greenberg?

  And Tessa came over, really crying in my house. But yeah, I mean, this house was like, my dream, and I put everything into it. And I was so proud of it. And I don't know, I changed my mind. And I had a new dream. But like, I feel really positive about the future. There's like, this family that's moving in there, and they have little kids. And I'm excited, they have like, a beautiful home to live in. And I feel excited about my, I mean, I couldn't be happier in New York every day. I walk around, I'm like, I can't believe I get to live here, this is amazing. And my decision to like, come back here all the time, like, I was like, thinking about the Super Bowl, and I'm gonna come out for that. And then like, I'm just gonna stay for a few weeks. And like, I'm gonna really enjoy like, this actually being a little more bi-coastal. And I feel, you know, it's the end of an era for me. But like, I feel like it was the right decision. So ultimately, I feel good.

• 26:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. How do you feel? I'm glad to hear you say that you want to come back here more, and you're happy here. I mean, this is a great place to live. I don't know. I don't know what the future holds for us. We were just with my, all my college friends, I'll talk about that next week, some crazy shit happened on that trip too. And we were in Atlanta, seeing those friends, like, everybody wants to know what the plan is. And they know we were talking about moving back to New York. And we just don't know. Well, we're just hanging now. We have a new house, we're gonna enjoy it, we're gonna fully decorate it and make it our own. There's really no other way I'd want to do it. I don't want to treat it like it's temporary. I want to feel like it's lived in. And there's part of me that's like, what are we doing? You know, I haven't gonna buy all this stuff for this house, we're only gonna be here a year. But I'm like, we probably won't. We don't know.

• 27:02Rayna Greenberg?

  I know better.

• 27:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  But yeah, I'm just, I'm glad you're gonna be through it with your house. And you'll come back, and you'll figure out where you want to stay. And I think you and I navigated this really well the past few months. But I think we know what it looks like going forward. And I just think we're gonna be in both New York and LA a lot.

• 27:20Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, so I feel good about it.

• 27:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's on that.

• 27:23Rayna Greenberg?

  That's the story, guys.

• 27:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. Well, I'm feeling a little chilly.

• 27:28Rayna Greenberg?

  Are you?

• 27:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think we might want to warm you up. So if you guys are watching, these are Columbia Amaze Puff Jackets. We are both in the long ones, of course. They have them in short, medium, and long. I'm in the Sedona Sage color. Rain is in the black.

• 27:43Rayna Greenberg?

  In the black. It's just, you know, sometimes I look at puffy coats, and I'm like, they're so unstylish. And like, this one, it's just like, the perfect amount of puff. You know what I mean? Sometimes you look like the Michelin Man. And this one is like, the perfect amount of puff. Like, it still looks stylish, even though it's like, functional.

• 28:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  So, yeah, really finding the right puffer. This is how to do it. We love these. We talked about them last year as well. And I had the dark stone color, which is kind of like, an off-white ivory color that I wore at an Eagles game, that was so freezing, that just kept me so warm and feeling cute. And this is the jacket I'm gonna wear. I guess I'm going on Eagles game this year. I don't know, I feel less excited than ever. But I guess I will be wearing this. And it does have a little Eagles green to it. It's got that like, grayish color. Yes, this is perfect. So, go birds. And we just love it. You don't have to choose between a puffer that looks good and one that actually keeps you warm. So, it has 650 fill-down insulation, which is the same warmth and more as those overpriced ones. Again, the prices are really affordable for what you get. You can layer

• 28:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  underneath. So, I recommend getting your regular size, if you want to wear sweaters and whatnot under it, and have a more roomier fit. But this is actually a size smaller than my one last year. So, I went with the extra small, and it has a little more snug fit. You can really do both, depending on the fit that you want. So, we just really love them. I love the cropped ones, too. I love the medium length, but we really love these long ones.

• 29:05Rayna Greenberg?

  Also, I've been thinking, like, so every day in New York, I take my walks, like, through the West Village, I walk like, six miles a day. And I've been like, getting a little anxious, like, as it gets colder, like, what am I gonna do? And like, now I have a coat. Like, it's just, I've been like, it's just too cold, and I can't do it. But now I have a coat to do with it.

• 29:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  And they're so warm, but they're not too big, where you can bring it in a restaurant. Like, you know when you show up in New York to dinner, and you have a puffer, and they're like, where are you even gonna put that?

• 29:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Also, I'm packing this. Like, I'm putting this in a suitcase. And it will fit in a suitcase, unlike stuff that you have to like, vacuum seal to get it into your suitcase.

• 29:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  I have a down jacket. I've finally since given it away, because I've kept it for years, never wore it. It's gotta be 30 pounds. Could never have packed it, could never brought it into a restaurant. Yeah, but it's like, still the right, like, thickness that you want and for the look, but it does like, fold up easily. And so, we just love it. We love the performance aspect. It has thumb holes and all kinds of pockets. And again, we're just really, really obsessed with it. So, you guys don't really need a different puffer for every version of winter. You just need one that looks great and does its job. One puffer all season, the Columbia Amaze Puff. So you can visit columbia.com to get your hands on an Amaze Puff jacket. It's tough on cold, soft on you.

• 30:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. And what a perfect episode to talk about this after our moving rant article. Ashley is redecorating her house. Obviously, I just moved. And I love Article and their furniture. They make it effortless to create a stylish, long-lasting home at an unbeatable price. So, When I lived in LA, I really had like a coastal boho type of look. And now that I live in New York, I wanted something like a little bit mixed in with that and mid-century modern. So I had like a mix of styles and Article really has everything. The quality is fantastic. And since it's going to be colder and colder, maybe it's a nice time to spruce up your bedroom, stay in bed, stay cozy. I love the beds that they do. And they have headboards that they sell individually. So if you just want to like spruce up your headboard game or a whole

• 31:04Rayna Greenberg?

  bed, I love this Lenia, L E N I A, panel bed. They have it in walnut. A lot of the stuff that you don't actually have different colors and different fabrics. So like a lot of the sofas have both like leather and velvet and you can shop around and see different things. And if you're curious about how to style things, they have so many photos online and on their Instagram of how people paired things together and curated everything. And just in terms of the quality, the packaging is meticulous, the weight and feel of the products is great. And then it comes mostly assembled, but I've had really great experiences with their shipping and their assembly. So they ship to the US and Canada. Their support is fantastic. It's really important to Ashley and I to work with companies that have great support. So they're available seven days a week and they have a 30 day satisfaction guarantee. So you can shop with confidence knowing if you're not completely in love

• 31:48Rayna Greenberg?

  with the furniture, you can easily return it. So check out what they have. They have so many different styles and options. Article is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. To claim, visit article.com/gge and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout. That's article.com/gge for $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more.

• 32:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. And Nutriful, this is a product I use for my hair. I've used it for years. I truly cannot imagine my life without it. If you guys are dealing with anything with your hair, thinning, shedding, any sort of issues, postpartum, just general aging, or you're not exactly sure what's happening, Nutriful is going to target the root causes and take a proactive approach to help you see improved hair growth, decrease shedding, visible thickness, all while taking Nutriful. We really love Nutriful so, so much. And the Nutriful Women's Formula has since been upgraded to its most advanced version yet. It's 100% vegan, biotin free, and comes in a smaller capsule size to make your daily routine easier. So if you were like, I tried Nutriful and those capsules were a little

• 32:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  big, they're a little smaller, uh, cause you're gonna take four of them a day. But it's just an easy part of your daily routine. I take it on the road with me. I never skip a day. Nutriful is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand, and it's the number one hair growth supplement brand personally used by dermatologists, which is very telling, of course. We just love this. It really works. In a clinical study, 100% of women felt an improvement in hair strength after three months and experienced more scalp coverage after six months of taking Nutriful. You're really gonna feel the difference. I feel it in my nails, too. My nails are so strong and they can grow so long. And of course, in your hair as well. So whether you're starting your hair health journey or you've been taking Nutriful for years, this update means you can now get their most

• 33:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  advanced support. Yet, again, that is the vegan formula I mentioned. You can see thicker, stronger, faster growing hair with less shedding in just three to six months. Now Nutriful is offering our listeners $15 off your first month subscription and free shipping when you visit nutrafol.com and enter promo code GGE15. That's nutrafol.com, spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L dot com, promo code GGE15 for $15 off. Be sure to use our code to support our show.

• 33:58Rayna Greenberg?

  So we're talking about entry level boyfriends today.

• 34:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Do you like entry level boyfriend or starter boyfriend better?

• 34:05Rayna Greenberg?

  Obviously, I like starter boyfriend.

• 34:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  I like entry level. It was so funny.

• 34:08Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, it threw me because I was like, what does that mean?

• 34:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. Yeah. So there was an article by Sadie Kargman in The Cut that has since taken off. And it was titled, "The Case For The Entry Level Boyfriend. Gen Z Women Are Skipping A Crucial Step Learning How To Actually Be In A Relationship." And she is basically talking about younger women who don't want to date somebody they don't see as husband material. So they're not dating at all. She interviewed someone that said, "It's easier for me to turn people over faster and figure out logistically what I want. I'm more into being single until I can find someone that I'd actually consider marrying," which is not wrong. Also, like, there's so much to be said for being single. I've been single much more often than I've been in a relationship. And I can't stress enough before we start

• 34:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  this conversation that you do not need to be in a relationship. I've had a few boyfriends in my life and I'm married now. You know, like, I was always the single girl, but I was in enough relationships and dated enough people to know how to be in one.

• 35:10Rayna Greenberg?

  This is on my mind a lot, the way that we date today and, you know, how we evaluate a first date, will we go on a second date, and how you and I have contributed to this messaging of saying to women, like, if you don't see a future with somebody, don't go out again. But I think about my twenties and my early thirties and like, the quote unquote starter relationships that I had where I didn't necessarily see a future with somebody, but I gave it a chance. And one of the quotes from this article was, "While previous generations may have had a series of relationships from serious to casual, Gen Z only wants to commit if a guy checks every box on our future husband wish list." And I think there's a lot of rhetoric, including from us. It says, like, does this person possess the qualities that you want to move forward? And I guess it depends on what your goals are. Mine are different than

• 35:52Rayna Greenberg?

  other people. I don't, I don't want children. So I, I have a different, I have no time clock. So I have the freedom to do things that necessarily other people don't. My goals in my twenties were different. I wanted children, I thought, back then. Um, but I did have a series of dating situations, situationships, and casual relationships that I was in. And I never thought to myself in the beginning, like, is this husband material? Do they check every box? I think I was just able to more so be like, I enjoyed this experience. Would I do it again? But there was so much less information out there that said, like, this is a red flag. This is a deal breaker. Draw this boundary. That language didn't exist for us. I didn't think about those things. I didn't even know that language. So it wouldn't have like crossed my mind.

• 36:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right. I mean, I just think in your twenties, stop even caring about if someone checks all your husband boxes. Just date, be in a relationship, have fun. Like, it's a time to figure out what you want and what you don't want, how to manage conflict, how to compromise, figure out what you want in bed. You know, this is a practice makes perfect type of thing. I mean, like, she is a quote that says, "After all, we live in tiny apartments before our dream home. We take an assistant position in our first step to the corporate ladder. When it comes to dating, we also need to practice to make perfect." In terms of just like, you can't compare human relationships to, to jobs or homes, but it's all part of

• 37:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  life and building your quote unquote, "perfect" life. So it does compare in that way. Like, you do need to figure out what you want, what you don't want, who you are. And she writes about the strategy of just really trying to find someone that checks all the boxes, that it's not really serving us. She said, "I've watched my friends cycle through situationships. I gave them no experience in communicating, compromising, fighting, apologizing, and showing up, and ultimately left them no closer to their soulmate. They're skipping a crucial step in their dating lives, learning how to actually be in a relationship." And that's the thing, too, when you just briefly date somebody or just meet somebody and then discard them, you're not really getting any of the relationship experience.

• 37:55Rayna Greenberg?

  There are so many things that I thought about myself and my conflict management and my skills communicating that are so different when you get into a relationship. Friends are not the same. Your parents are not the same. Business partners are not the same. Like, you think certain things about yourself and how you're gonna handle yourself. And you give other people advice about how to handle themselves. And all of that goes out the window when it's a person that you have handed like your heart over to. And I have seen some of my worst qualities come out in relationships. We all have, that we are more stubborn with that person than we ever have been. We're more intolerant than we never have been. Like, we have different stipulations for them that we have for anybody else. And even with like, you're the closest person in the world to me, but I have different

• 38:37Rayna Greenberg?

  standards for you than I do a romantic partner. And without ever getting into a relationship, you don't actually know how you're gonna navigate those things and those landmines. Cause I have learned things about myself in romantic relationships that I was just like, I didn't even know I was like that. Like, I can stonewall with friends where like, somebody will upset me and hurt me and I won't say anything. But like, I will stonewall so bad in a romantic relationship. And that can be sort of fine with your friends here and there, that they're like, ah, I think something's kind of going on. But like, I'll give it a week or two and she'll be fine. Like, you can't really do that with your romantic partner. You actually have to find a way to like, talk to them and push through. And I just think you learn so much more about yourself.

• 39:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  You do. I mean, again, as someone who has been single most of her life, really thinks it's important to be single, find yourself, be independent, find your career, your friends, build the life. Has never been a person that's always in a relationship, next really like jumps from relationship to relationship. You do learn so much about yourself in romantic relationships. There is so much growth. And to your point, you are totally different. And so if you never learn those things, and quote unquote, work on some things, maybe you need to. Cause again, a lot of your trauma and your insecurities can come up only in a romantic relationship. You don't know how you are based on how you might be with your friends and family. So then this person comes along that could be a really good

• 40:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  match for you and you're not ready. Cause you haven't really known how you are. And I, I think about this woman who, she was on Love Is Blind UK, Yasmin, the, uh, who never had a boyfriend. She was the one of the vital ego, the like skin. Um, and I think that played into her confidence, too. I bring that up just because I think she felt like maybe she was insecure about it. And so she had never had a boyfriend. I think those two were tied in. But I was like, this is a crime to put her on this show. Never had a boyfriend and now she's engaged on television. And even just outside of being on television, it doesn't matter. I think she was like 30, 32. It doesn't, doesn't matter if you've never had a boyfriend in your thirties. That's okay. You gotta get one before you get engaged.

• 40:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, it just made me sad for that, for no other reason that she was like, all of a sudden, she's gonna, again, it's a TV show, you know how I feel about it. But like, be engaged, think she's gonna get married, never having been in a relationship. You've gotta go through it.

• 41:02Rayna Greenberg?

  You just, you think so many things about yourself. I did. Um, about how I handle conflict and what, how I can compromise with somebody and what I'm willing to do and not do. And you give so much advice. And then like, you're in a relationship with another person that you, you can't control them. This is like, uh, this is not a control group. I mean, this is just like another person that has free agency. And you're like, I have to find a way to meld my life with you. I have to find a way to get along with your friends and your family. And like, this is a totally different experience. And sure, you can have your first boyfriend and marry that person. My brother and sister-in-law did. Right. Yeah. They thankfully grew in the same direction and grew up together. And I think you meet somebody in your early twenties, you have no idea what that person's gonna

• 41:43Rayna Greenberg?

  turn out to be like. But like, I am so glad for all those experiences, because nothing has ever taught me more about myself and how impossible I can be. Or...

• 41:55Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, I think you think I'm really easygoing and I am with my friends. But a romantic partner, I just, I mean, I think I'm a great partner, but I'd show up differently.

• 42:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, you do. Yeah. But you've had to kind of figure out where that comes from and why you do that and how you can correct it and catch it before it happens. And the way you learn those things is to be in the relationships.

• 42:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Mm hmm.

• 42:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I also think you just, if you don't want to be bothered, don't be bothered. But if you want partnership and someone to do stuff with and have sex with and all of that, and you're in your twenties and they're not perfect, who cares?

• 42:28Rayna Greenberg?

  This is not a case for being in a relationship. I don't give a shit. I'm single and I really enjoy it currently, but this is a case for like, just give some things a chance. Give the lighter stuff a chance. Give the easier stuff a chance. Situationships are not relationships. You're not in a relationship. Like, see where things go. And I'm curious to like, unpack this to you, like, the difference between dating intentionally and demanding certainty in the beginning. And I think we all want to go into a relationship saying like, these are my, these are my boundaries. This is what I want. I want to have kids by a certain age, be married by a certain age. But like, we don't really give people anymore the chance to like, become who they're going to be. And how many of us can look back on experiences with current partners and say, oh, after the first date, I never would have gotten out with him again. But you did.

• 43:13Rayna Greenberg?

  And like, you saw a different side of that person. And if you completely cut people off all the time after the first or second experience with them, like, you could be missing out, I guess. And this is also not a case for continuing to date somebody that you're lukewarm on or leading somebody on.

• 43:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  For sure. But also to your point, how many times have you looked back at someone you dated at 25, 35, whatever, and been like, oh, my God, who was she? I can't believe I reacted like that or overreacted like that. Or I can't believe I let them get away with that and treat me like that. Both things. Like, I can't believe how irrational and crazy I was, or I can't believe I was such a pushover. Like, whatever it is, whatever end of the spectrum, you know? So, I just, I mean, by personal experience, I feel like the guys I dated in my twenties, with the exception of one, marrying them really wasn't on my radar. Like, I just think of these guys, I wasn't even really thinking like that. I don't know. I was like, worried about my career. And yeah, maybe it was on my mind

• 44:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  because I thought I wanted to get married then. And as it turns out, I did actually want to.

• 44:18Rayna Greenberg?

  You and I, I think both were not raised by mothers that were like, you gotta get the husband. Like, I have girlfriends that were raised by people like that, that at 22 or 23, were like, I would never date somebody that doesn't have this income level, didn't have a degree from this college, doesn't like, live in this city and have these goals. No one raised you or I to be like that. And I'm, I'm grateful for it because I wouldn't be sitting here today. Like, all these crazy and bad and good experiences I had in my twenties and thirties, like, made me exactly who I am today. And I'm like, so grateful for that. And I think about my sister-in-law's life all the time and how she found my brother and the love of her life and this perfect relationship at 21, 22 years old. And she never had to go through all the stuff I had to go through. And I think all the time, like,

• 45:02Rayna Greenberg?

  would I trade that? I mean, I'm happy for her and the experience she's had and what a great life. But I am happy with my experience. And all the heartbreak made me who I am today. All the funny stories made us comedians. I mean, where would we be without all the dog shit in our twenties?

• 45:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  And the heartbreak, too.

• 45:18Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 45:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, I think that there really are exceptions to every role. And everybody's built differently. And I think of my brother and sister-in-law as well. And she is younger than him and got, got married younger. And you're a brother and sister-in-law. And it's just, I do think it can, it can work. It does work when people get married young. But I also feel like you shouldn't legally be allowed to get married under the age of 27. And I would say 30, but you guys are going to push back on that. I want to say 30, but you guys will push back. So I'm going to go with 27. You're too young. You don't know what you want. Your Saturn hasn't returned yet. And so I think before 27, just date

• 46:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  to date and stop thinking about this. And then after you turn 27, you can start bringing your list out.

• 46:10Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, I wonder how our lives would have been if we were raised by mothers that were just like, get the guy, get the husband, get your MRS degree in college, like, find that guy. We just were raised by such different people. I mean, our moms both were like, let her cook. Like, for me, it was like, find a career, live in the city you want, to have the experiences you want to have. And like, this will come later. And I had like, plenty of relationships that were really painful and ended. And I still look back on that and I'm happy for those experiences. And this article touches on that a little bit. Like, if a relationship ends, was it not worthwhile? Was this a worthless experience? And I think so many of us are like, I don't want to be in a situation that was a failure. But like, I was with somebody through my twenties who I was engaged to and then ended

• 46:53Rayna Greenberg?

  up breaking up with. He broke up with me, just to be clear. And I learned so much from that relationship. I learned how to be treated well. Not at the end. He treated me real bad. But I learned how to accept love and kindness and commitment and somebody who was going to like, support me. And I learned so much about like, what I want, what I don't want. And that was, that's a huge success to me, even though in the end, it was so terrible. And that's probably, you know, what we're optimizing for is to not get into those situations where you're like, on the first date, I gotta make sure if I'm going to marry this guy or not, otherwise I'm out. And it's like, but you could have a really lovely three or four years with somebody. And like, that's not worthless.

• 47:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Not at all. Not at all. It's like, part of the process. Same with jobs. Again, there's differences here. And a bad, bad relationship, a toxic relationship can be abusive and, you know, worst case scenario, you know, you won't survive it, whatever. Like, that goes without saying. But like, outside of that, outside of real abuse, it's not that different than having a job you don't love that brought you to the job you do love. And again, the shitty apartment that brought you to the, the dream home you live in or will eventually live in. Like, these things are building blocks and build character and help you figure out who you are. Like, it feels crazy to only date marriage material in your twenties.

• 48:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  And it's still, you find somebody who treats you well, you know, and you never know. Someone you think isn't, could be. But I don't know. I think of this friend of ours, I remember she dated this guy and remember, he was a waiter at Carbone. And he was like, hot and they had fun together. And she knew he was never going to be her husband, not just because he was a waiter at Carbone. He made great money. They just didn't have, they didn't have the same type of, he didn't have a passport. You know, like, she wants to travel the world. Like, they, the way they wanted to live their lives weren't the same. But they had a relationship. They dated, they had fun, they went out, they spent all their time like, in New York City. And it was worthwhile to her. I'm sure she learned things about herself and what she wants, what she doesn't want, all those things. I just, we all have examples like

• 49:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  that. And again, there's on the other side of like, would you want someone to be thinking about you this way? Would you want someone to think of you as a starter girlfriend or an entry level girlfriend? No. But I wrote this down that I don't think we need to think about it like that. I feel, no one wants to be like, this is my starter boyfriend. This is my entry level boyfriend. Like, I think over all this article, the notion is good. It's stop writing people off who don't check everything on your list, especially when you're in your twenties. Because by the time you're 30, you should legally be allowed to get engaged. That list will change.

• 49:33Rayna Greenberg?

  I actually find the substance of the article and the title to be sort of mismatched a little bit. Because the idea of a starter boyfriend is that you're just practicing on this person and you're going to throw them out. And that's actually not the content of the article.

• 49:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Exactly, exactly. It's a little clickbaity.

• 49:47Rayna Greenberg?

  The article, to me, is like, give people a chance. And I would want to be evaluated like that. I would want to go on a date with somebody and like, they would say, okay, my idea of somebody is maybe not that she was this age or this profession, that she's going to get on stage and talk about me. But like, I'm going to give her a chance. I'm the best. So are you. But like, I wouldn't want somebody to write me off for one little thing on a first date. I don't have the perfect relationship with my family. And I would hate for somebody to go on a date with me and say like, I have this idea of somebody's family and this is the only thing I'm willing to accept. I would hate for somebody to write me off because of that. So, yeah, I would want to be a starter girlfriend in that sense.

• 50:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I think that's not the way we want to think about people that we're in romantic relationships about. And to your point, like, again, that's why the title's like, a little bit misleading. I'm sure people just read the title and went to the comments section and didn't actually read the article, which is, you know, a sign of the literacy crisis for one. But If you really feel like you're with somebody that you know you're probably not gonna marry, and you know they don't feel the same, and you know they want to marry you, and you feel that, I mean, then you have to assess that when it happens. Because I do think there could be a woman, maybe that's like triggered by this. She's like, I don't want someone to treat me like this. And it's like, well, you would hope that if you really made it clear to someone you were dating, that you wanted to be committed to them, and you really saw a future with them, and they didn't feel the same, that they would break it off, you would hope.

• 51:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, that's a situationship, which is not a relationship, and those are really painful, and they feel like relationships.

• 51:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I don't know, I mean, like, you're actually, you're actually in the relationship. You just are like, maybe this isn't my husband or my wife.

• 51:23Rayna Greenberg?

  I do want to like, give people a little grace. Like, I feel like I evaluate this very differently in my twenties and thirties.

• 51:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 51:28Rayna Greenberg?

  Thirties is a woman, especially if you want children. I do think it's more important and imperative and timely to be like, could I have any future with this person? And also in your twenties, you meet people, and like, I met my ex-fiance. He was 23. Like, there was no reason to think at that age, he wasn't gonna grow and become a totally different person, and flourish, and be more successful, and become just a more actualized adult. That is different at 35. You meet somebody at 35, they are pretty close to what they are gonna be as a person. And so I think you can evaluate people a little quicker.

• 52:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, but do it or don't, in your thirties too. You just dated somebody that you knew that was not gonna be your husband, and you had a nice time, and you let yourself have fun, and be treated well, and have good sex, and have some companionship. And then you did realize that you weren't aligned, and he wanted more out of it, and you ended it. But I don't know, whether you want to get married or not, I'm always unsure. Like, you are 40, and you did just date somebody that you knew wasn't husband material, and that's okay too. And like, we do that in our, it's, again, it's whatever you want to do.

• 52:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  But it's like, you also don't have to turn 30 and start only dating marriage material too, to our point.

• 52:52Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, when I met him, I thought he was. And I thought, I mean, this person makes all the sense in the world to me. He's such a wonderful person. And then I just, I got to the point where I felt like our personalities were compatible, and I wanted to treat him the way that I would want to be treated, which is that I was honest with him. But I, again, I mean, I can't say it enough, I don't want kids, I'm on a different timeline. I don't know if I want to get married. If I met somebody and they were wonderful, and they wanted to get married, I'd get married, sure. Yeah. In the meantime, I'm single, I like being single, but I like companionship. And, you know, this week has been really hard. And you have been like, so wonderful and helpful, but you're not like, living in the house with me, in the bed with me. And like, to have somebody today deal with the car would have been nice. To have somebody like, book a place to put my car, and deal with the movers, like, that would have been really nice.

• 53:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Companionship is really important to me, it's great. But, yeah, I can evaluate things a little more differently. But I remember when I was like, 28, whenever my ex and I broke up, and I said to my mom, I said, I'm really sad that nobody that I'm with will ever get to see me grow up again. He saw me grow up. Like, he saw me through my twenties, go from working in restaurants, to having this like, really, I felt, important job at a big corporate company. And I said to her, like, I'm just sad nobody will ever know me that way again. And I remember my mom said that like, dating in your thirties is nice because people are more actualized, and they are grown up, and you can make better, quicker decisions. And I thought that was like, good advice. But in your twenties, man, let it rip. Just, yeah, just try on different hats, try different people.

• 54:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 54:21Rayna Greenberg?

  You never know.

• 54:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, and this is not the exact topic, but if you're on this like, intentional, checks-the-boxes-only-husband-material track in your thirties, you can also divert from it. I mean, I slept with a 23-year-old two weeks before I got together with Shashank. He knows this isn't my special. Like, and I was on like, I'm finding my husband this year. And I did, and I still fucked around and found out. And you can just, you can get off the path and come back on. You know, I think this is part of the TikTok-ification of everything. Stay the course, write people off so quickly, don't do this.

• 55:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, don't, you know, keep the blinders on, do you find your person? And you just don't have to. You can date an entry-level boyfriend, have starter boyfriend, you can fuck a 23-year-old when you're 39, trying to find your husband. You can do whatever, and it doesn't mean that it's all for nothing. And it's like, when you're on a diet, and you're like, oh, I had one giant slice of cake, I blew it, I guess I'll just throw the whole diet out the window. You don't have to.

• 55:31Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, at the beginning of this year, I was sleeping with one of the worst people I've ever met in my whole life. And that was some of the best sex I've ever had. And I am not sad for that experience.

• 55:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 55:42Rayna Greenberg?

  You know, I learned some crazy things in the bedroom that I can take with me into my next relationship.

• 55:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  He ruined your life for a period of time, but at least now you know how to tie someone up.

• 55:54Rayna Greenberg?

  At least I have those videos of him jerking off.

• 55:58Rayna Greenberg?

  If I ever want to ruin his life, no, I would never. Those are just for me.

• 56:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, and it's, I mean, you just, you'll get back on the track, you know? And don't beat yourself up, that's just kind of an aside, you know? Because I feel like sometimes women are like, what am I doing? I'm trying to find a husband, and why did I just like, do this thing with this guy? You know, like, I have this friend of mine, and she is like, around our age, and she wants to find somebody. And she recently was just like, going on dates with this 23-year-old, and now they're not anymore. But it was, you know, probably a few weeks, a month of her time, and she's like,

• 56:27Rayna Greenberg?

  Clean the pipes out.

• 56:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, right, she was like, he took me on some fun dates, we had fun, yeah.

• 56:31Rayna Greenberg?

  Also, I do think sometimes it is practicing. I think sometimes like, we're like, well, I want to find my partner, but I haven't been out there for a long time. And it's like, okay to actually have starter relation, not relationship, starter dates in the beginning here.

• 56:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. Okay, well, let's just talk about our remaining partners, and then we will wrap up this topic with you guys. I am telling you about Story Worth. I was like, what time of year is it? We're coming into the holidays. You know, we talk about Story Worth around like, Mother's Day, Father's Day, holiday season, because it is the actual best gift for a family member, a loved one, a parent, a grandparent, if you still have those, lucky you. I mean, whatever you want to get this for, it's incredible. Brandon and I've done it for our parents. And what you do is you are going to purchase Story Worth, and then they are going to send the family member, let's just say it's your mom, questions each week that spark memories they may not have thought of. And they can do it via email or text. They make it super easy for them, whatever format they want to do. It might be like, what was your favorite toys as a child?

• 57:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  What are you most proud of? What was your first job? How'd you spend your 30th birthday? What was your engagement like? Things about having children, stories about you, stories you may not know. And again, like I mentioned, the emails and texts, but there are four ways for them to tell their stories, including many over the phone. So they can write their answer back over email. This is what my parents did, I think, for the most part, they used the email. Or they can call it in over the phone. Story Worth can even ask follow-up questions and turn the conversation into a story. Or you can join them on a family call to share memories together. This is crazy. This is a way to make your family member feel like they're famous. You're being interviewed, you have to call in and give your answers. Like, what a fun experience that they do it that way now, and that's kind of newer. So more ways doesn't mean it's more complicated. Every method is super easy for storytellers of any age with no apps or passwords.

• 58:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  So can't stress it enough, like, if you're hearing this, you're like, my grandparents aren't gonna be able to handle that. They can, we promise you, it's super, super easy. And then after a year, Story Worth is going to compile your loved one's stories and photos into a beautiful keepsake hardcover book. This book is incredible. It's not like your photo book you may have seen before. It's really a beautiful book that you're gonna want to keep. You can make copies for everyone in the family. It is a treasure your family will keep for generations. And you can create a custom collaborative celebration book for a big milestone. Give yourself a chance to reflect with journals, or stay connected all year with a monthly family newsletter. So they really have so many offerings to really keep the family together and share these stories. We love it, they printed over a million books. They have more than 50,000 five-star reviews, and we're just obsessed with this. It's such an amazing gift.

• 58:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  So you can give your loved ones a unique keepsake you'll all cherish for years. Story Worth, right now, save up to $20 during Story Worth's holiday sale when you go to storyworth.com/gge. That's storyworth.com/gge to save up to $20 on your order.

• 59:11Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, and speaking of one of my favorite things, Skims pajamas. I live my life in them. The Soft Lounge Sleep Set, I have in four colors. I love it so much. Also, I just love to look like cute around the house, you guys. And it's just like, cold out in New York, and it's nice, it's cozy season. These are the softest pajamas. I love the set, I just think it looks like so nice, and it's held up for years. I washed them, they've really held up, and the quality is fantastic.

• 59:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  You wash them.

• 59:38Rayna Greenberg?

  I wash them, you guys.

• 59:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  And you know, Raina does not care about her laundry. So you're just washing them, high spin cycle, roughing them up.

• 59:47Rayna Greenberg?

  I do.

• 59:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  You're washing them like you're washing with your bedding and your towels.

• 59:50Rayna Greenberg?

  As hard as possible.

• 59:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 59:51Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, my God, of course.

• 59:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  They're just as soft.

• 59:52Rayna Greenberg?

  And they're very soft, but I love all their loungewear and their sleepwear. I love the sets. They have robes and they have stuff if you want for holidays. This is my favorite gift. My favorite gift is always robes and pajamas for people. If you don't know what to get somebody, get somebody something cozy. They have all these different holiday patterns and colors, and they have stuff that's good for women, men, kids, and pets. I mean, pet gifts. So check out Skims. I just love their loungewear so much. Shop our favorite loungewear and pajamas at skims.com. And after you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows. And if you're looking for the perfect gifts for everyone on your list, the Skims Holiday Shop is now open at skims.com.

• 1:00:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, so we were back into it, and you wrote something on this outline that I really loved. And it's about treating marriage as the only outcome that validates a relationship. And I think that that's kind of what we've been getting at. But there's all these other things that come out of a relationship, like companionship, great sex, feeling loved, having fun, sharing a meaningful year or two of your life. Like, I don't know. I look back on even like my most toxic relationship, and I was like, I still had really great memories. I still had a person to share these things with. It was still meaningful and valuable on top of all the lessons I learned about myself. And I love the end of this article

• 1:01:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  where she writes, here's my challenge to my fellow young women. Call him your boyfriend. Don't banish a man who doesn't check all your boxes into booty call land. Date someone you like. Commit to getting to know him and give yourself permission to have the hard conversations if it doesn't work out. The point of dating isn't just to find your soulmate, but to learn what it takes to build a relationship worth keeping. That's the beauty of an entry level boyfriend. They're never going to become your husband, but hopefully they can teach you how to recognize him. And I think that's the thing, too. We talk about this with dating. I think we talked about this with Eli Rallo so many years ago. And it's like, if you go on 10 dates and the 10th person is your partner, all those nine people before were leading you to your partner because he wasn't going to be the first one.

• 1:01:53Rayna Greenberg?

  I try to never let something that made me happy make me feel regretful. And even if it ended to me, that is not a failure because I learned so much about myself. And in relationships, even the fights I've had with partners, like I've heard things about myself, I've learned things about myself that have made me a better friend, a better business partner, a better daughter. And there are things that like other people won't say to you about who you are and the way that you are. And to have had years of love, companionship, happiness, sex, trips, great memories, like those things are important. And so many of us, yes, evaluate a relationship's success over like, did you get married? But marriage is not the finish line, and marriage can be really hard. And there's many years, we live a long time. So just getting married does not mean it's over.

• 1:02:36Rayna Greenberg?

  It just means you found the person you want to have hard times and good times, work on things with. But yeah, I've never obviously been married, but my relationships, I'm so happy for them. I've like been with so many men that I'm like, man, I learned a lot from you about myself.

• 1:02:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I also think it's really tough to have a husband checklist for a man in his 20s.

• 1:03:00Rayna Greenberg?

  That's what I'm saying. Who the fuck are they?

• 1:03:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I think it takes the pressure off when you're dating, too. And I am going to safely assume that plenty of people have had this, this is not my husband approach, and dated someone with that pressure off and not evaluating every single thing that they do and every dollar in their bank account and every situation they react to and everything they plan or don't plan by the husband's standards. And they relax a little and they marry that person. You could very well marry this person because you're not holding them to these standards.

• 1:03:36Rayna Greenberg?

  I think being a millennial is like the best thing in the world, but like the amount of information that we have today is the double edged sword because, yes, we have so much information about how we should be treated and language that we should use that do make us better communicators and better people. And I think that's really important. I think it's important that women have been taught how to have standards and how to have the language to communicate that. That's the most important thing. But it was just an easier time back in the day.

• 1:03:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Because I didn't have everybody on TikTok yelling at me to like break up with him and draw a boundary. And I could just date with like a little lower, like less information. It just made it a little easier.

• 1:04:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:11Rayna Greenberg?

  Times were easier.

• 1:04:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  In terms of has dating intentionally made us demand that certainty too early? I think that's the main question. Someone being intentional to me is that they like you, they are putting in effort, you aren't confused, you know, you're going to see them again. You know, you can count on them to show up. And that's really it. I mean, so what else are we really looking for? Like, why does it have to be every single box on the husband list, I guess?

• 1:04:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Like our friend in particular that you're talking about dating the waiter, like if she said to me, I want to have kids tomorrow and I want to get married. She is in a different country every month. She isn't just like, I love to travel. She's like, I'm actually for work also in a different country every month. It would be unrealistic to date a person that didn't even have a passport, somebody who had to work at their job five days a week, no flexibility. That to me is not intentional dating. If she said to us, I want to have kids tomorrow, then I would say to her, you're not dating with the intentionality of

• 1:05:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 1:05:14Rayna Greenberg?

  finding a father for your children. You're just not. Outside of that, just give yourself a little bit of grace.

• 1:05:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. I think about the couple on Love is Blind with the Blake wants to live on the boat. And I mean, I don't know by the time this airs, like what will have happened because there's going to be fresh episodes, but like, what a disaster. That's the guy you date in your 20s, by the way. You date the guy that wants to live on a boat in your 20s, and you can still be a baddie, you still own a home and have two cars. I mean, most women in their 20s don't, you know, you grow up and you gain those things. But it's just like, that's the boat looking for marriage in their 30s, the person you don't date. But date them in your 20s. Date the guy from the boat.

• 1:05:54Rayna Greenberg?

  The nurse who's dating the anti-vaxxer who thinks that when we get abortions six months and he has MS, he's drinking raw milk. That's, that's not somebody that you get engaged to if you're in the medical field. You just have too much information.

• 1:06:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. But again, like if you want to fuck a Republican in your 20s, find.

• 1:06:14Rayna Greenberg?

  It happened to me.

• 1:06:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  I did.

• 1:06:15Rayna Greenberg?

  It happened to me.

• 1:06:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  I did.

• 1:06:17Rayna Greenberg?

  And in my 30s, honestly.

• 1:06:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  This is right. And this is my, that's the 23 year old I talked about. Like after we had sex, we got in a fight about gun control. This is my special. Like I was like, who knew? Who knew I would be out here talking about Fox News in the bedroom? But it happens.

• 1:06:32Rayna Greenberg?

  I did.

• 1:06:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I found my husband two weeks later. What can happen to you? So yeah, I just, I love this conversation and, you know, these articles really spark a lot of thought. And I hope they help people take the pressure off and understand that these experiences build character and help you grow and help you become the person you want to be in your quote unquote forever relationship and then also find that person.

• 1:06:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. Well, we cannot wait to see you guys in New York this Sunday at our show, Sunday, November 8th for the New York Comedy Fest. Girls Got You podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I'm AshS on Instagram and TikTok. Raina's Rayna Greenberg, RainaGreenberg.com for her remaining tour dates. Two left, three, no, four. You guys will see.

• 1:07:20Rayna Greenberg?

  Two.

• 1:07:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:20Rayna Greenberg?

  Two.

• 1:07:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  And you can watch full video on Spotify and YouTube. Share this episode with a friend. Have fun out there dating and we will see you Thursday.

• 1:07:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Have a good week, guys.

• 1:07:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Bye.