Giggling about fraud, facetune, and jazz brunch

Paige was almost conned into a jazz brunch and Hannah is never running a marathon.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Paige DeSorbo?

  This podcast is supported by Planned Parenthood Federation of America. You know that one friend who's always there and actually does the thing they say they'll do? This is that, but healthcare. At Planned Parenthood Health Centers, providers, staff, and volunteers still show up even under relentless attacks every day to make sure patients can get the care they need. They'll keep showing up no matter what, and now they're asking you to join them. Make a gift of any size at PlannedParenthood.org/defend. Okay, so I have this thing, and in my brain, I categorize it as small luxuries I can't live without. So whether that's like a really big scented candle, a really good moisturizer that's maybe a little expensive but changes my life, or cozy robes.

• 0:44Paige DeSorbo?

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• 1:29Paige DeSorbo?

  My Quarter Pounder with Cheese. The Quarter Pounder with Cheese uses 100% fresh beef cooked right when you order. No artificial flavors, colors, fillers, or preservatives. It's hand-topped with onions and two slices of cheese arranged in a star for that cheesy goodness in every bite. And lastly, perfectly placed pickles side by side. I absolutely love McDonald's, and for a limited time only, prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California, and for delivery. Fresh beef not available in Alaska and Hawaii. Offer not valid for delivery.

• 2:06Paige DeSorbo?

  Sup, gigglers?

• 2:07Speaker 01

  Gary, fix the wifi.

• 2:08Paige DeSorbo?

  Manifest that shit.

• 2:10Speaker 01

  We can't be managed.

• 2:15Speaker 01

  I mean, the day just got away from me.

• 2:20Hannah Berner?

  Hello, my gargoyle gigglers.

• 2:23Paige DeSorbo?

  We could do gargling gigglers, because all I've been doing is gargling with salt water.

• 2:26Hannah Berner?

  As it works?

• 2:27Paige DeSorbo?

  It's nature's healer.

• 2:29Hannah Berner?

  You actually seem like so not sick right now.

• 2:32Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm definitely on the mend.

• 2:34Hannah Berner?

  Definitely mentally sick, but physically, you're glowing.

• 2:38Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, I did my makeup because my mom's like, you know,

• 2:43Paige DeSorbo?

  sometimes you get on the pod and it looks like I'm like...

• 2:46Hannah Berner?

  Sometimes.

• 2:47Paige DeSorbo?

  Like I'm being my natural self.

• 2:50Hannah Berner?

  Also, when I see you, like, obviously, you're beautiful, but I see your aura, which is black.

• 2:58Paige DeSorbo?

  Do you want to know something diabolical that Joe did to me last night? And like, I need to raise awareness for the girls at home.

• 3:03Hannah Berner?

  What do you do?

• 3:04Paige DeSorbo?

  So like...

• 3:05Hannah Berner?

  When he's supposed to be studying fancy football, what do he do?

• 3:09Paige DeSorbo?

  So I love a microwave quesadilla. It's, she's who I am, but sometimes I want a gourmet one. Just a regular cheese, only cheese, no meat quesadilla. I order one.

• 3:21Hannah Berner?

  In the La Croisette?

• 3:22Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, like, I'm like, I need some real influence here. So I order a quesadilla, I open it, it smells phenomenal. It's just like, really. And he goes, wow, that smells really good. And I go, I know, do you want to take a bite? And as I'm biting, I say, do you want to take a bite? And he goes, and he comes over and he goes, let me just smell it again. Smells it, and he goes, I can't, I shouldn't. As I'm eating it, don't ever look at me while I'm eating something and say, I really should've.

• 3:54Hannah Berner?

  Look, you wanted to be with an athletic, like, fit guy. This is the dark parts. These are the dark arts of it.

• 4:03Paige DeSorbo?

  I dropped my quesadilla.

• 4:06Paige DeSorbo?

  I look at him and I go, how much longer are you gonna be like this? Because if it's a forever thing, I gotta make arrangements.

• 4:14Hannah Berner?

  Look, on a first date, you should have asked, do you know what macros are? And if he says yes, you have to factor that into your decision-making.

• 4:22Paige DeSorbo?

  But like, that's the thing, he's not like adding protein to things. He's not like...

• 4:27Hannah Berner?

  Not telling you he is. Actually, I feel like he has, and you just haven't realized it.

• 4:32Paige DeSorbo?

  Do you think he has?

• 4:33Hannah Berner?

  Yes.

• 4:34Paige DeSorbo?

  Behind my back.

• 4:35Hannah Berner?

  You said he only does like meat and rice.

• 4:37Paige DeSorbo?

  He wouldn't dare touch rice. Rice is like a cheat meal. He, this man does no carbs, no carbs. He's doing meat and cheese and like yogurt.

• 4:48Hannah Berner?

  This is, it could have been heroin. Let him eat some protein.

• 4:52Paige DeSorbo?

  At least he'd like nap with me.

• 4:55Hannah Berner?

  At least he could have a fucking...

• 4:57Paige DeSorbo?

  At least he could have a hang.

• 4:58Hannah Berner?

  A post-carb load hang is so euphoric.

• 5:03Paige DeSorbo?

  But like, I don't subscribe to...

• 5:07Hannah Berner?

  Counting calories.

• 5:09Paige DeSorbo?

  I don't know, I guess like dieting in general.

• 5:11Hannah Berner?

  It's not an Italian thing for...

• 5:12Paige DeSorbo?

  I mean, yeah, there are days where I'm like, okay, let me eat a little bit healthier this week because I haven't had a vegetable in two weeks. But I'm not like, I'm never, here's what it is, I'm never depriving myself of a craving. Like, I wake up in the morning and I'm like, oh, my God, I haven't had a cinnamon roll in how long? I'm having a cinnamon roll later.

• 5:31Hannah Berner?

  But this is a good discussion, because I've said, I don't want to ever date a guy who's like too picky with foods.

• 5:37Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay.

• 5:37Hannah Berner?

  Like, I don't...

• 5:38Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, don't come over to my house.

• 5:39Hannah Berner?

  I don't want to be going to like a Thai restaurant and him being like, I don't eat this, or like, like, we have to be eating everything and anything. I wouldn't go so far as when the waiter comes and says, are there allergies at the table? If you have more than one, we're not gonna fucking...

• 5:54Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, if you have allergies at the table.

• 6:01Paige DeSorbo?

  Grow up, get an EpiPen. You're ruining everyone's time.

• 6:05Hannah Berner?

  Salt shaker, EpiPen, figure it out.

• 6:07Paige DeSorbo?

  You're literally ruining everyone's night.

• 6:08Hannah Berner?

  No, like, put the meat to the side.

• 6:11Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, the, his argument to me is, he eats way more than me. What are you talking about? He's eating more than me, but I'm just eating different bad stuff. Like, I don't think we've ever... Does he ever get dessert when we go out to dinner? Like, does he ever try the dessert? See, I'm so consumed with myself, I have to start.

• 6:32Hannah Berner?

  You're realizing you're living with someone. Like, you just realized it yesterday. You're like, there's another man eating when I eat.

• 6:38Paige DeSorbo?

  Eating from my refrigerator, get out of here.

• 6:41Hannah Berner?

  It comes to the point where though, like, it's just none of your business, what he does.

• 6:45Paige DeSorbo?

  Right.

• 6:46Hannah Berner?

  Look, I defend, I'm a Joe defender.

• 6:47Paige DeSorbo?

  You are. You're Joe's number one stan.

• 6:50Hannah Berner?

  I'm rooting for Joe, I'm Joe's number one fan.

• 6:53Hannah Berner?

  I, I see the vision with your relationship, and I want it to come to fruition.

• 6:58Paige DeSorbo?

  Totally, totally.

• 7:00Hannah Berner?

  He has his own stuff going on.

• 7:02Paige DeSorbo?

  And you want to know what? I should actually look at the bright side of things, because I went from like men who wanted to smash cake in my face at our wedding to Joe being like, we don't need a cake.

• 7:12Paige DeSorbo?

  Don't actually even bring a cake around him.

• 7:14Hannah Berner?

  Pick your poison.

• 7:15Paige DeSorbo?

  No, choose your battle. Choose your battle, and I actually do think I'd take the latter.

• 7:20Hannah Berner?

  I dated a crazy, like, fitness buff that was like counting calories and stuff, and it did make me feel bad about myself.

• 7:28Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, I don't think people talk enough about, like, men also have eating disorders. Like, if it was a girl, and one of my girlfriends, I'd be, oh, my God, like, I think something's going on, like, we need to talk. But with him, I was like, I don't know what's happening, because no one ever talks about... This is, this is why they have the male loneliness epidemic. They're never talking about things with each other.

• 7:48Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, you just saying no to a quesadilla, that could be super loaded, and I don't know what that means.

• 7:53Paige DeSorbo?

  Now, I have to do extra work to see if you're eating at night?

• 7:57Hannah Berner?

  Like, do you have severe family trauma, or are you just not in the mood for a quesadilla?

• 8:00Paige DeSorbo?

  Now, I'm turning the furball toward the refrigerator just to see what happens.

• 8:05Hannah Berner?

  No, men do have eating issues as well. As someone who's now like deep in the gym community, since I launched a fitness channel, um, I...

• 8:14Paige DeSorbo?

  You're Jane Fonda of this podcast.

• 8:18Paige DeSorbo?

  You're fighting the good fight.

• 8:19Hannah Berner?

  I'm the most out of shape Jane Fonda there ever was, but I start, I'm getting these gym videos, and there's a whole male, like, influencers of like, what is it called when they become really, really muscular?

• 8:34Paige DeSorbo?

  Bodybuilders?

• 8:35Hannah Berner?

  Bodybuilding, yeah. So like, people are like referencing their favorite bodybuilders, but these men are like...

• 8:43Paige DeSorbo?

  I have mine, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

• 8:44Hannah Berner?

  Yes, yes. And everyone like admires him, but everyone's using steroids.

• 8:52Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 8:52Hannah Berner?

  Which means they like talk openly, like how their back is just like full of acne.

• 8:56Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 8:57Hannah Berner?

  How they're like angry.

• 8:58Paige DeSorbo?

  I know what the girls are doing. They're getting hyaluronic acid butt injections. I have sources, I have girls, all the girls are getting away with saying, I'm not on Ozempic, I'm on some, this other thing, I don't even know, some like peptide or something.

• 9:19Hannah Berner?

  Okay.

• 9:20Paige DeSorbo?

  And then they're losing so much weight, and then they're getting hyaluronic butt injections.

• 9:24Hannah Berner?

  Is that filler?

• 9:26Paige DeSorbo?

  I, no, no. It's like, well, hyaluronic acid, like when you put it on your face, it's...

• 9:34Hannah Berner?

  Plumps.

• 9:35Paige DeSorbo?

  Something with the moisture, like it makes all the moisture go to the hyaluronic acid, so like the moisture in your face plumps your skin up.

• 9:43Hannah Berner?

  Woman of the week.

• 9:45Paige DeSorbo?

  Actually, I do pay attention, I do listen, I do study.

• 9:48Hannah Berner?

  Only when it's regards to beauty.

• 9:50Paige DeSorbo?

  And so, in your butt, it does the same thing, and so it makes it like plumper. Now, I don't know how long that lasts, if they're like going, maybe like every couple of months.

• 10:01Hannah Berner?

  Imagine, it's the thing where all the water weight just goes to your...

• 10:04Paige DeSorbo?

  It's essentially that.

• 10:05Hannah Berner?

  Your booty.

• 10:06Paige DeSorbo?

  It's all the water will be attracted to that, those places in your butt, so your butt looks plumper. But I don't know, there's something with the butt.

• 10:14Hannah Berner?

  At this point, I'm like, babe, just use Facetune, like...

• 10:18Paige DeSorbo?

  No, literally, now I'm back, I'm on Facetune.

• 10:20Hannah Berner?

  Let's go old school.

• 10:22Paige DeSorbo?

  Let's go back.

• 10:22Hannah Berner?

  Don't inject yourself with stuff.

• 10:24Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, in my brain, and not that I'm a doctor or a scientist, but in my girly brain, I think, and one slip and that gets in your bloodstream, you're done. You're done.

• 10:37Hannah Berner?

  You know, I've retired the needle.

• 10:43Hannah Berner?

  And anytime they're like, there's a 2% chance that you could like have sepsis. I'm like, that'll happen to me.

• 10:48Paige DeSorbo?

  Did you see that? That like Instagram clip or somewhere where someone was like,

• 10:53Paige DeSorbo?

  "The reason that Giggly Squad does so well is because..." And it was like this whole formula. And I was like, "Do we do that?" And then someone, this, that guy.

• 11:01Hannah Berner?

  Wait, I just saw that video.

• 11:03Paige DeSorbo?

  He's like, "They don't do anything."

• 11:05Hannah Berner?

  This guy was laughing. He's like, "I love all these people that think Giggly Squad have a strategy." And he goes, "These bitches are just talking and they have no idea what they're talking about."

• 11:13Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, one of my favorite things on TikTok is when we as women take something so not serious, but we speak about it in an extremely serious way.

• 11:21Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 11:22Paige DeSorbo?

  So like, there are a lot of videos of like, "And this is why these influencers do better than this and they have it." And I really don't believe in any of that shit.

• 11:31Hannah Berner?

  I 100% agree. Cause people be like, "If you want to get famous, do A, B, C, and D." And like, if you just had to read a book or like, "Check off a couple of boxes to be successful in something, everyone would be successful."

• 11:42Paige DeSorbo?

  Right. Like, no one's making these videos. Well, I guess like being an athlete, I guess is like kind of different, but not really.

• 11:48Hannah Berner?

  I'm a failed athlete. I tried really hard.

• 11:50Paige DeSorbo?

  Same.

• 11:50Hannah Berner?

  Why would you bring that up?

• 11:51Paige DeSorbo?

  I don't know. I'm sorry.

• 11:52Hannah Berner?

  No, why would I bring that up?

• 11:53Paige DeSorbo?

  You told me everybody hated my birthday.

• 11:55Hannah Berner?

  Wait, speaking of, we're going to a brunch after this. Are you still coming?

• 12:00Paige DeSorbo?

  I don't know.

• 12:01Hannah Berner?

  You don't know? Well, I just need to get you informed. It's a jazz brunch.

• 12:04Paige DeSorbo?

  I have a lot of phlegm. I'm not going.

• 12:10Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm not going. That, why would you say? You should've said that while I was in the car.

• 12:16Hannah Berner?

  You texted me saying, "Do you want to go to brunch?" I saw it was a jazz brunch, jazz brunch. Was like, "What if..." I'm not lying. I'm just not telling her. Also, I wore my bathing suit in case we do the pool after.

• 12:27Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm really not well enough.

• 12:28Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 12:29Paige DeSorbo?

  To see your mom and your mom's on planes and your mom's going to see the kids and that. And I don't want to get her sick.

• 12:34Hannah Berner?

  Okay. I love how suddenly you've become sick in this moment. You should, after your whole speech about how she's so much better, she's like,

• 12:41Paige DeSorbo?

  And I hear, I feel a hankering of a UTI.

• 12:45Hannah Berner?

  I texted you. I said, "I'm wearing my bathing suit underneath." And you just wrote, "Laughed my ass off."

• 12:48Paige DeSorbo?

  Lm. Dude, does anyone say that anymore? What if, what are you saying back in text message when you're not responding, but you're like, "Ha, ha, I acknowledge that that was funny."

• 12:56Hannah Berner?

  I do lolol, but no one else does.

• 12:59Paige DeSorbo?

  Sometimes I do lolol. Or sometimes I do lo, l, l, l, l, l, l.

• 13:05Hannah Berner?

  You're good at that.

• 13:05Paige DeSorbo?

  Or just a ha, ha, ha.

• 13:06Hannah Berner?

  And those are all very different.

• 13:08Paige DeSorbo?

  Very different.

• 13:09Hannah Berner?

  Very different.

• 13:10Paige DeSorbo?

  But I don't see anyone say lmao. And I will forever say lmao.

• 13:13Hannah Berner?

  Why did you laugh? Do you not wear your bathing suit underneath when you go somewhere? When you know you might swim?

• 13:18Paige DeSorbo?

  No, because I'm not eight years old.

• 13:22Hannah Berner?

  A camera.

• 13:23Paige DeSorbo?

  Also, it might look like I-

• 13:24Hannah Berner?

  This is an Amazon bathing suit. So cute.

• 13:26Paige DeSorbo?

  That is really cute. And you can wear it as a bodysuit. And it might look like I have a slicked back hair, but really, right now, I'm hair oiling and pre, have my pre-wash in.

• 13:35Hannah Berner?

  I don't have the capacity for that right now.

• 13:37Paige DeSorbo?

  So, the amount of DMs I got of girls being like, "Oh, my teeth hurt too when I get sick." I thought it was just me. And then I had the doctors come in.

• 13:46Hannah Berner?

  Oh, yeah. I actually got some of those.

• 13:48Paige DeSorbo?

  And they said that I must have enlarged sinuses. I said, "Don't you ever say that, dude."

• 13:56Hannah Berner?

  The word enlarged.

• 13:57Paige DeSorbo?

  I was like, "Are you fucking..." While my boyfriend's over here not eating cheese quesadillas, now I have enlarged sinuses, you fucking bitch? No, they were very sweet women.

• 14:08Hannah Berner?

  I'm a tiny little specimen. Wait, do you know what makes me feel so fucking dainty? And I never feel dainty.

• 14:15Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 14:16Hannah Berner?

  When I'm at the airport and I go to wash my hands and it doesn't pick up on my hands. And you're like, "Oh my God, am I just too tiny for this?"

• 14:23Paige DeSorbo?

  Nothing to do with food or like-

• 14:25Hannah Berner?

  No, because then I'm looking at everyone else and it's working. I'm like, "Oh no, I'm too little."

• 14:29Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm invisible.

• 14:30Hannah Berner?

  I'm frail. I'm like, I can't. I'm like moving it all around. I'm like, "Oh, I'm just, I'm so, you can't even see me."

• 14:38Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah. No, I like that too.

• 14:39Hannah Berner?

  But also do, do you feel, or is it just me, where like, "Every time I go, the automatic water doesn't work." Like, I always pick the one that doesn't work.

• 14:47Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah. And I'm not a fan. I saw one video one time that said like, "The automatic air is like rancid," or something. Just like, it was, it basically was like, "It's just blowing bacteria at you." So now those freak me out. So I'm like, "Bring back an old school paper towel."

• 15:08Hannah Berner?

  I was just laughing at my bidet experience because I realized like, because I didn't know there was a stop button, you guys. I kept just pressing it again and it was becoming more powerful. And I almost catapulted myself out of the toilet. Oh, I was-

• 15:21Paige DeSorbo?

  I wish bidets were more like, an American thing.

• 15:26Hannah Berner?

  I know that-

• 15:26Paige DeSorbo?

  Which is like every home and it came with a bidet.

• 15:29Hannah Berner?

  There was a company called Tushy. They might still be around, but they were like, they gave you an attachment.

• 15:34Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 15:34Hannah Berner?

  But like, I didn't have a boyfriend at the time to attach it.

• 15:36Paige DeSorbo?

  I feel like that's a good thing.

• 15:38Hannah Berner?

  And I didn't know you like that.

• 15:38Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 15:39Hannah Berner?

  Cause you would've come over with your pink, oh, drill.

• 15:44Paige DeSorbo?

  A hundred percent.

• 15:45Hannah Berner?

  And a full matching drill outfit.

• 15:47Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm, I don't know how people don't have a toolbox at home. Like, I'm always whipping out my measuring tape. Like, I have to like nail something.

• 15:56Hannah Berner?

  I'm a quitter. Anything that is like longer than a paragraph, I'm like, "We're not making it happen."

• 16:00Paige DeSorbo?

  Like, what did I measure the other day?

• 16:03Paige DeSorbo?

  I had to measure the wall for something. I go, "Hold on, let me get my measuring tape."

• 16:10Hannah Berner?

  Oh, God.

• 16:12Hannah Berner?

  Oh, also, speaking of what we're wearing, the hallway out here to get to the studio, squeaky. Cause I wear these shoes all the time. They're not squeaky.

• 16:23Paige DeSorbo?

  You just pulled up a rubber reel.

• 16:27Hannah Berner?

  He's right.

• 16:28Paige DeSorbo?

  Those are quite literally, those look like the sandals you get in the hospital when they're like, "And now it's time to shower." And you're like, "But both my legs are broken." Like, that is an insane shoe to just, to gaslight the fuck out of us. Are you kidding?

• 16:44Hannah Berner?

  Someone check the floor, because my shoes are squeaky.

• 16:47Paige DeSorbo?

  That looks like a pool toy. Pull that, pull that baby back up. This is, oh my- I've never even-

• 16:55Hannah Berner?

  The producers are like, "Can you not put your dirty ass squeaky shoe?"

• 16:58Paige DeSorbo?

  That's part of a razor scooter.

• 16:59Hannah Berner?

  This is the nicest stretch I've had in years.

• 17:02Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, that actually looks good. That feels nice. That looks like it feels nice.

• 17:04Hannah Berner?

  My mom made me go to Pilates two times in a row. She's a military operation.

• 17:10Paige DeSorbo?

  No, I hate when they do that.

• 17:12Hannah Berner?

  I hate, I hate that. She leaves today, thank God.

• 17:20Paige DeSorbo?

  She's someone though, that like is genuinely healthy.

• 17:24Hannah Berner?

  She's a healthy human.

• 17:26Paige DeSorbo?

  And like eats normal health things without being like a psychopath about it.

• 17:31Hannah Berner?

  We should get Joe to spend a week with her. She would fix him in a week.

• 17:35Paige DeSorbo?

  They would get on the amount of walks those two would go up. They'd walk a marathon.

• 17:40Hannah Berner?

  Well, I said to my-

• 17:41Paige DeSorbo?

  We didn't talk about the marathon.

• 17:43Hannah Berner?

  Oh, yeah. I don't, it's none of my business. None of my business. Wait, we didn't talk about Grace side texting me saying, "You should run the marathon next year."

• 17:53Paige DeSorbo?

  Grace Thompson?

• 17:54Hannah Berner?

  Grace Battle Thompson. I said, "After the Moncola event."

• 17:59Paige DeSorbo?

  A girl passed away.

• 18:01Hannah Berner?

  No, I know.

• 18:02Paige DeSorbo?

  No, you're not running the marathon.

• 18:03Hannah Berner?

  I'm not running the mar- I said Grace.

• 18:05Paige DeSorbo?

  No.

• 18:06Hannah Berner?

  For all we know, my, my-

• 18:07Paige DeSorbo?

  Wait, I didn't know that the marathon, the term marathon, I don't know why I put it in quotes. It's a real word.

• 18:15Hannah Berner?

  The word.

• 18:17Paige DeSorbo?

  Allegedly.

• 18:17Hannah Berner?

  You know the saying, marathon people.

• 18:20Paige DeSorbo?

  Did you know that the story of a marathon started in Greece, like however fucking many years ago? Because they would like, send messages back and forth to towns. And the town of Marathon was like 26.2 miles away from this other town. And the guy that was running the messages back and forth ran it and died. So then they started like doing marathons in his honor.

• 18:47Hannah Berner?

  It would be so funny if that was like a fake TikTok you're just repeating.

• 18:49Paige DeSorbo?

  No, that's, I think it's a real thing.

• 18:51Hannah Berner?

  And the guy died?

• 18:52Paige DeSorbo?

  And the guy died. I mean, this would be back in like, 1342. Like, I don't know what-

• 18:58Hannah Berner?

  He died from natural causes years later?

• 18:59Paige DeSorbo?

  No, he died like after he delivered the message and then he died. And they were like-

• 19:04Hannah Berner?

  I just found my new hobby. I want to put Grace on full blast right now because I need to find the text.

• 19:10Paige DeSorbo?

  No, that's insane. And I don't subscribe to marathon running. It's bad for your knees. Your body can- Go into shock.

• 19:17Hannah Berner?

  Yep. I thought that she was texting me asking if she should do the marathon, to which I said, I don't feel comfortable with that for you.

• 19:24Paige DeSorbo?

  No, I don't feel comfortable with that.

• 19:25Hannah Berner?

  To which she responded like, no, I'm talking about you.

• 19:29Paige DeSorbo?

  I think you can be a runner and I think you can train to run long periods of time. I don't think there's in any situation you need to run a marathon. It scares me.

• 19:38Hannah Berner?

  So she wrote, we're running the marathon next year.

• 19:41Paige DeSorbo?

  No.

• 19:41Hannah Berner?

  I thought she meant she was having coffee with her friend. So I thought it was like some 25 year old girls.

• 19:46Paige DeSorbo?

  You're like, leave me out of this.

• 19:47Hannah Berner?

  Yeah. So I write quarter life crisis.

• 19:49Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 19:49Hannah Berner?

  Cause I was like, you guys are doing whatever.

• 19:51Paige DeSorbo?

  Right.

• 19:52Hannah Berner?

  I do think it's okay to run the marathon once. Cause like you're having a moment.

• 19:56Paige DeSorbo?

  Sure.

• 19:56Hannah Berner?

  So I said quarter life crisis. She goes, no, you and me. To which I wrote, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then she didn't respond. So either she's like plotting right now, but I don't, I think she thinks it'd be funny for me, but like, it's not funny.

• 20:11Paige DeSorbo?

  It's not funny.

• 20:12Hannah Berner?

  It's not funny.

• 20:13Paige DeSorbo?

  No, because I'd actually be genuinely worried. Have you ever gone and like cheered on?

• 20:17Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 20:18Paige DeSorbo?

  You have.

• 20:19Hannah Berner?

  I, it is like a good vibe, but like.

• 20:20Paige DeSorbo?

  Totally.

• 20:21Hannah Berner?

  I always say in life, like if you feel a little envy towards someone, like that means that's what you want to do. And I've never once been cheering the marathon and saw someone running being like, I wish that was me.

• 20:32Paige DeSorbo?

  Never.

• 20:33Hannah Berner?

  I wish that was me out there running.

• 20:34Paige DeSorbo?

  Never.

• 20:35Hannah Berner?

  And everyone was cheering me on.

• 20:36Paige DeSorbo?

  I've never felt envious of anyone running anywhere. I've never felt envious of any type of athlete.

• 20:42Hannah Berner?

  See, I do, like I will see like a WNBA girl and I'll be like, in another life, if I had like not nubs for fingers and I was tall, I would love to dunk on a bitch.

• 20:52Paige DeSorbo?

  The only time I've felt envy in a sports arena is when there's a female coach and she's in a pantsuit. And I've, I've thought.

• 21:01Hannah Berner?

  And she's telling people what they're doing wrong.

• 21:02Paige DeSorbo?

  I thought. I could hold a clipboard, yell at someone in a heel and people listen to me. Hell yeah.

• 21:11Hannah Berner?

  And then the men are normally refs, so you're fighting with the refs.

• 21:14Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, yeah.

• 21:15Hannah Berner?

  Just free male fighting.

• 21:16Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah. I'm like, I could think of so many good, like, oh, you don't, oh, you don't have eyes today?

• 21:20Hannah Berner?

  I could literally see, be like, girls come together and you're just doodling on the clipboard.

• 21:25Paige DeSorbo?

  Like those hearts that like connect.

• 21:27Hannah Berner?

  And random men's last names, like Paige Williams, fake signatures.

• 21:34Paige DeSorbo?

  Shout out to all the female coaches.

• 21:35Hannah Berner?

  Yeah. You're doing graffiti.

• 21:37Paige DeSorbo?

  What about that one girl? That's like the only female coach in all of hockey. She looks like Nikki Glaser.

• 21:41Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 21:42Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 21:42Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 21:43Paige DeSorbo?

  I don't know what she wears, but I'm going to look up, I'm going to see what she wears this year.

• 21:46Hannah Berner?

  That is so iconic, but tennis, you never saw like a girl in a really cute outfit and just like, she's like a superhero out there.

• 21:56Paige DeSorbo?

  Not my genre, not my brand.

• 21:58Hannah Berner?

  Even like the hockey girls, you ever see a hockey girl come up and she takes, she takes off her helmet and then her hair is like gorgeous and it's like, she's multifaceted.

• 22:08Hannah Berner?

  That's literally, that's literally my dream to be like, score a goal and then be like, and she's gorgeous.

• 22:14Paige DeSorbo?

  Maybe one time in my life, a figure skater, but no.

• 22:18Hannah Berner?

  Low key at the end of Mean Girls, when she's like hitting everyone with the field hockey stick. I was like, okay, I fuck with her now.

• 22:23Paige DeSorbo?

  No.

• 22:26Paige DeSorbo?

  If anything, I thought about Karen becoming the meteorologist. No.

• 22:30Hannah Berner?

  Wait, you never saw Bend It Like Beckham? And when she kicked it and it had the curve and then all the girls were like, you're the best. You never wanted to be that.

• 22:37Paige DeSorbo?

  No, I thought they could have a real, they could have a real different wardrobe on the set. That's what I thought. Even the gymnastics movie that like I loved, uh, Stick It. No.

• 22:47Hannah Berner?

  Wait, do you know that people say that I remind them of the girl in Stick It?

• 22:51Paige DeSorbo?

  Do you know that a lot of lesbians say that that was their sexual awakening, that movie?

• 22:55Hannah Berner?

  Oh my God.

• 22:56Paige DeSorbo?

  Which I could kind of see because I remember thinking she was a different brand of girl that I had ever seen in a movie before. Like I feel like I was very used to Princess Diaries and what a girl wants. And it's very overly girly and she wasn't.

• 23:12Hannah Berner?

  But athletics is a spectrum where I'm trying to see where I lose you. You're okay with dan- like you want to be on dance team? Like you like cheerleading?

• 23:20Paige DeSorbo?

  Yes.

• 23:22Hannah Berner?

  See, that's where, that's where I dropped off. Yeah, that's actually a whole different genre.

• 23:27Paige DeSorbo?

  I don't want to be on the dance team, but I want to watch them.

• 23:29Hannah Berner?

  See cheerleading, I was like, I'm not cheering men chasing their dreams.

• 23:33Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay, let me, okay, let me stop you there. Let me stop you there.

• 23:37Hannah Berner?

  We weren't doing like competitions and stuff.

• 23:39Paige DeSorbo?

  Because I would, I would say that cheerleading is just as much, if not, I don't want to say more, but like, if you, have you ever gone to a legit cheerleading competition?

• 23:54Hannah Berner?

  I watch on ESPN. It's insane.

• 23:56Paige DeSorbo?

  Are nuts.

• 23:57Hannah Berner?

  I mean, it should be illegal.

• 23:59Paige DeSorbo?

  Because the dance, they're triple threat. The, I can't even get into it. The dancing, the gymnastics, the timing, and then the fact that they are throwing humans in the air, catching them. No one's breaking their necks. Like it truly is insane to see.

• 24:16Hannah Berner?

  We're so different because like when I see a girl on a red carpet, I'm like, oh, she had to do three hours of glam and like, I hope she likes the photo and like, that looks uncomfortable and like, when is she going to be able to sit down? But when I see like a basketball girl, like sitting on the sidelines, like naturally just like gorgeous and like focused on winning the game. I'm like, that's fucking sick. Like that's who I want to be.

• 24:37Paige DeSorbo?

  Like there was a red carpet, I think last night that I was like watching.

• 24:40Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, that was stressing me out.

• 24:41Paige DeSorbo?

  And I, I immediately switched over to Pinterest and said, what is my next red carpet? What are my vibes?

• 24:49Hannah Berner?

  Everyone was doing cutouts and this one girl had the cutout of the butt.

• 24:54Paige DeSorbo?

  Did you see the picture of you with bangs?

• 24:56Hannah Berner?

  Well, I don't support AI.

• 25:00Hannah Berner?

  So I will not comment.

• 25:02Paige DeSorbo?

  Make it. We didn't make it.

• 25:03Hannah Berner?

  Yeah. My DMs are flooded. Like everything I'm posting, people go, this is funny. Would be better with bangs.

• 25:08Paige DeSorbo?

  Hannah, you looked beautiful. It, it kind of like, it kind of framed your whole face. I think you should do it.

• 25:17Hannah Berner?

  Do you respect me more?

• 25:18Paige DeSorbo?

  I think the fashion community would.

• 25:22Paige DeSorbo?

  I think you should do it right before MSG.

• 25:25Hannah Berner?

  We do it on stage at MSG.

• 25:27Paige DeSorbo?

  I think you should.

• 25:28Hannah Berner?

  Oh my God. You know, like those master classes.

• 25:30Paige DeSorbo?

  Mitchell out.

• 25:31Hannah Berner?

  We bring Mitchell out like a masterclass of how to cut bangs.

• 25:34Paige DeSorbo?

  No, can I just let you know that MSG has actually turned into like a really scary place.

• 25:38Hannah Berner?

  I'm getting calls from people's, other people.

• 25:42Paige DeSorbo?

  Other people's people.

• 25:43Hannah Berner?

  People's people.

• 25:44Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 25:44Hannah Berner?

  To be like, how do we get on stage?

• 25:46Paige DeSorbo?

  I haven't had a time slot at MSG.

• 25:49Hannah Berner?

  Two drinks at her birthday party when, you guys, I wanted to be there. I physically couldn't. I was in Miami and shit went awry. She promised everyone five minutes at MSG.

• 25:59Paige DeSorbo?

  I go, what's your talent? Yeah, sure.

• 26:02Hannah Berner?

  But you had a full audition and girls were coming in, doing the Irish jig and you were like, okay, I think Hannah will like that.

• 26:08Paige DeSorbo?

  clarinet starts from six to 6:05. No, it's turning into a variety show.

• 26:14Hannah Berner?

  It is going to be a variety show. We just like, you guys, we have to be sticklers. Also Nana needs time. I talked to Nana today and I said, she's always like.

• 26:23Paige DeSorbo?

  We'll, we always have to give Nana something to live for. That's what giggly squad is to give Nana something to live for.

• 26:30Hannah Berner?

  I said, how are you? She goes, still kicking, but who knows for how long?

• 26:35Hannah Berner?

  And I said, can you, can you kick till February? Because MSG, she goes, oh, I hope I look good for MSG. What am I going to wear? Oh, okay. I'll, I'll, I'll stay going till MSG.

• 26:47Paige DeSorbo?

  I need to see Hannah how to do Pinterest. I feel like she'd love it.

• 26:52Paige DeSorbo?

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• 27:32Paige DeSorbo?

  And all you have to do is see thicker, fuller hair. Get ready for thicker, fuller hair. Start your free online visit today at hers.com/giggly for personalized hair. That's F O R H E R S dot com slash giggly for hers.com slash giggly. Individual results may vary. Featured products include compounded drug products, which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness or quality. Prescription required. Prices vary based on product and subscription plan. See website for full details, restrictions and important safety information.

• 28:06Hannah Berner?

  We have to give credit where credit's due.

• 28:09Paige DeSorbo?

  And that's to Quince.

• 28:10Hannah Berner?

  We really love Quince. Everyone in our family loves Quince and it's priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands, which is what I get a high off of. I get a kick off of.

• 28:21Paige DeSorbo?

  And the holiday season is coming. If you don't know what to buy, someone truly just go to Quince. I actually gifted myself recently all new bath towels. Cause after a couple of years, you're like, gross, I gotta get new bath towels.

• 28:32Hannah Berner?

  What did you like about them?

• 28:33Paige DeSorbo?

  They're so big, like they're.

• 28:37Hannah Berner?

  And they're like

• 28:38Paige DeSorbo?

  Thick. Yeah. And they're like, yeah, I'll put me and my whole family in this towel.

• 28:43Hannah Berner?

  I need new towels. I'm gonna buy them. They also work directly with ethical factories and cut the middlemen. So that's how they're able to have such affordable and high quality. They have a hundred percent Mongolian cashmere sweaters.

• 28:54Paige DeSorbo?

  I have a navy blue one. It's always with me because it's small enough that like you can throw it in your bag, but it is warm enough that you don't need another piece.

• 29:03Hannah Berner?

  They also have really cool rugs.

• 29:05Paige DeSorbo?

  Hmm.

• 29:05Hannah Berner?

  I know. Check out their rugs.

• 29:07Paige DeSorbo?

  Yes, I should.

• 29:07Hannah Berner?

  And they have really good like leather bags and jewelry. Like literally anything you want is at Quince.

• 29:13Paige DeSorbo?

  Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada and the UK. And when Quince asks you where you heard about them, let them know the Giggly Squad sent you and support our show. As you guys know, I just redid my boyfriend's living room because I just felt a hankering and I needed to. And the holidays are coming up. What if people want to come over? How am I going to be festive when I don't feel festive? And his accent color is green, which perfect for the holidays. That's why I love Wayfair. Wayfair delivers high quality, customer trusted products for your home so you can host and celebrate without stress. You can shop thousands of products across every style and budget.

• 29:54Paige DeSorbo?

  And products are even hand vetted by product specialists using a 10 point quality inspection. Use Wayfair's helpful tools like filters, customer photos, and more than 25 million verified five star reviews to confidently find what your home needs for the holidays. I love getting just extra things for the holidays. Like get a red pillow. Why not? When refreshing your home this holiday season, Wayfair delivers exactly what you need. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's Wayfair, W A Y F A I R dot com. Everyone knows this is a sports podcast, but it's also a mental health podcast. And if there's one thing you need to know about mental health, it's that everything is connected to your gut microbiome. Things like your immunity and of course your digestion.

• 30:38Paige DeSorbo?

  If you're in the market for digestive support, which aren't we always? Ritual has your back, or rather your biome. Ritual is a three in one powerhouse of clinically studied pre, pro, and post biotics to support a balanced gut microbiome with daily use. With just one mint scented capsule for bloat, gut, and regularity support. It's vegan friendly, formulated without GMOs, major allergens, or animal products. I love taking Ritual Symbiotic Plus because it truly just starts your day off on the right foot. Like you wake up, you do what you have to do for your skincare. You take your Ritual Symbiotic Plus and truly you can conquer the day. I like to take it in the morning because it just, I like to get in my morning routines. I feel like they're the most important routines of my day.

• 31:22Paige DeSorbo?

  Ritual Symbiotic Plus is not just a probiotic, it's truly a way of life. When you take it consistently, not only are you going consistently, but you can definitely feel the connection between your gut and your mental health. Support a balanced gut microbiome with Ritual Symbiotic Plus. Get early access to Ritual's Black Friday sale for 40% off your first order when you visit ritual.com/giggly. That's ritual.com/giggly for 40% off your first month. These statements have not been evaluated by Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

• 32:01Paige DeSorbo?

  Wait, we have to talk about Lois.

• 32:03Hannah Berner?

  Like, did you watch the whole video? I was sobbing.

• 32:06Paige DeSorbo?

  So Hannah's sister in law is about to have her third baby and I was like seeing.

• 32:09Hannah Berner?

  Like she's gonna pop.

• 32:10Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, I was like watching one of her TikToks and I was like, oh my God, I gotta send her pajamas before this baby walks out of her body.

• 32:18Paige DeSorbo?

  They don't know what they're having, right?

• 32:19Hannah Berner?

  No, they like to be surprised. They're, they're fun.

• 32:22Paige DeSorbo?

  So whatever, I sent her a bunch of Hannah's stuff, but then I sent her the one top that like the girls have been saying is easy for breastfeeding. And.

• 32:30Hannah Berner?

  Oh yeah, because it's just one bow and it's open.

• 32:32Paige DeSorbo?

  And then it's open. And so Jeannie took a video of it, like trying this stuff on, and then she pans to Lois. Like, what do you think? And Lois is like, I love it.

• 32:43Hannah Berner?

  She goes, I like the bow.

• 32:45Paige DeSorbo?

  She goes, can you wear this actually forever and ever and ever and never take it off?

• 32:48Hannah Berner?

  And she goes, I want to wear it because I want to show my stomach a little.

• 32:52Paige DeSorbo?

  And she knew showing her stomach a little was like crazy. So she like looked at her mom like, that'd be crazy, but like I'd look so good. And that if my daughter doesn't come out being like, oh, look at that bow. Like then I'm going to be like, not my daughter.

• 33:07Hannah Berner?

  I didn't know what a bow was until like three years ago.

• 33:10Paige DeSorbo?

  No, like.

• 33:11Hannah Berner?

  The fact that she looked at it and knew, yeah, it's literally innate talent.

• 33:16Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 33:16Hannah Berner?

  That she, and also I FaceTimed her this morning and she said, change your outfit to me because I was wearing my pajamas. I said, Lois, it's 7:30 AM. I'm sorry, I don't have a full fit.

• 33:24Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 33:24Hannah Berner?

  She's like, when you talk to me on the phone, you need a fit.

• 33:27Paige DeSorbo?

  I can't wait for Lois to get a phone.

• 33:30Hannah Berner?

  Do you know how many times I want to send her a meme? And I have to send it to Jeannie to show her. It's like exhausting. I'm like, let me just text Lois.

• 33:36Paige DeSorbo?

  No, I really need my brother to have a child so I can like hang.

• 33:41Hannah Berner?

  She asked me, she's like, Hannah, when are you having a baby? And I was like, um, I don't know. What should I name it? And she was like, Lois.

• 33:52Hannah Berner?

  I was like, period of self-love. Like, I love you. And then I said, well, if I have a kid, like who's going to watch it? And she like looked at me, I'm like, would you babysit? And she was like, yeah, because she loves being like a mom.

• 34:06Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 34:06Hannah Berner?

  And I said, how much will you charge? And she said, $28.

• 34:11Paige DeSorbo?

  A fair price.

• 34:12Hannah Berner?

  Fair price.

• 34:12Paige DeSorbo?

  A fair shake. A family discount.

• 34:14Hannah Berner?

  When I was growing up, it was like 15 an hour, but it's gone up to 28 an hour.

• 34:17Paige DeSorbo?

  I never babysat.

• 34:18Hannah Berner?

  Oh yeah, we've.

• 34:19Paige DeSorbo?

  We've had this.

• 34:20Hannah Berner?

  We've had this conversation because mom saw you and they were like.

• 34:22Paige DeSorbo?

  They were like, she's the perfect babysitter. And I'm like, fuck you and your kids.

• 34:26Hannah Berner?

  I could see you running the baby, babysitting.

• 34:28Paige DeSorbo?

  Ring.

• 34:29Hannah Berner?

  Ring.

• 34:30Paige DeSorbo?

  This sounds so cynical, but like other people's kids and dogs, I don't care.

• 34:36Paige DeSorbo?

  I don't care.

• 34:37Hannah Berner?

  But for some reason, other people's cats slash just any cat ever.

• 34:41Paige DeSorbo?

  Queen. I love everyone's cats. You want to know what it is probably? Now having a cat for three years, I don't consider having a cat having a pet. Like, yes, you're in control of your dog, any type of breed. You're in control of like your hamster. I don't know what other, what people have.

• 35:03Hannah Berner?

  My cat's in control of me.

• 35:05Paige DeSorbo?

  My cat is her own independent being. I mean, she pays taxes for God's sakes.

• 35:12Hannah Berner?

  Daphne has paid taxes.

• 35:14Paige DeSorbo?

  So like when I call her and she doesn't come, I'm not like offended. I'm like, she's busy. She's doing things.

• 35:20Hannah Berner?

  One thing that sucks about these celebrity interviews is it's become a thing where people ask like cats or dogs? And I hate when they do that, especially with celebrities I like, because now I'm like, oh no, if they say they hate cats, like I can't respect them anymore.

• 35:32Paige DeSorbo?

  You've never held a cat's face in your hand and just been like squeeze it till it popped off? Like, and it's just they have really bad PR because dogs love everyone and cats choose who they love.

• 35:47Hannah Berner?

  Dogs don't love everyone.

• 35:50Hannah Berner?

  Who started spreading that rumor?

• 35:51Paige DeSorbo?

  It needs to be a safe space that like.

• 35:53Hannah Berner?

  He did another thing.

• 35:54Paige DeSorbo?

  So sometimes.

• 35:55Hannah Berner?

  Does he know how to listen to podcasts?

• 35:56Paige DeSorbo?

  No, but the other day he was like, maybe I should tune into Giggly Squad. And I was like, don't ever do that. It's not for you. This is my personal diary.

• 36:04Hannah Berner?

  You're like, okay, privacy.

• 36:06Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm like, oh, just go through my phone. Why don't you?

• 36:08Hannah Berner?

  You're like, yes, do I go through your phone? Yes, but you're not going through my phone. And that's Giggly Squad.

• 36:12Paige DeSorbo?

  That is literally.

• 36:14Hannah Berner?

  That's just a safety hazard.

• 36:15Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, that's just gun control for America.

• 36:19Paige DeSorbo?

  Going through men's phone is like, that's, it should be in the constitution. You have to make sure they're not doing anything insane.

• 36:29Hannah Berner?

  A bunch of men aren't allowed to have their own phones.

• 36:31Paige DeSorbo?

  They shouldn't. It should be monitored by.

• 36:33Hannah Berner?

  Looks what happens. Look what happens.

• 36:36Paige DeSorbo?

  No, men's phone should be monitored by the government. What Ruby just saying.

• 36:40Hannah Berner?

  Oh, you're talking about Joe with dogs.

• 36:43Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay. So one of my biggest pet peeves and not like, not for myself, because I consider myself a pretty easygoing person. But like when I'm in public, I am weary of the other people around. Cause I don't, I don't know how they're going to react to things. So Joe will have.

• 37:00Hannah Berner?

  You're such a fucking empath.

• 37:02Paige DeSorbo?

  Thanks. I'm just trying to not get into a fight publicly.

• 37:04Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 37:04Paige DeSorbo?

  You know, like in the middle of a CVS. So Joe will like bring the dog places and on the leash. And the dog will like go up to some people and then like lick the bottom of their leg. And I'm like, oh my God, pull the dog back. And he'll look at me and be like, everyone loves this dog. And I'm like, not everyone loves this dog. You don't know that though. What if that person is allergic to dogs?

• 37:28Hannah Berner?

  What if you don't want to get licked?

• 37:29Paige DeSorbo?

  Then I find myself.

• 37:30Hannah Berner?

  On a Tuesday.

• 37:31Paige DeSorbo?

  Then I find myself being on like the opposite side, being like, no, me for example. If your dog came up to me at a coffee shop, licked my leg, I'd look at you and being like, get your dog away from me.

• 37:43Hannah Berner?

  A hundred percent. And I do want to say there are gigglers with dogs and we love animals in general and we love those gigglers too. They just haven't had a cat yet.

• 37:51Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 37:52Hannah Berner?

  Like people message me and be like, sorry, I have a dog. Don't apologize.

• 37:54Paige DeSorbo?

  No, don't apologize. You're on a journey.

• 37:56Hannah Berner?

  You're honest. We all start somewhere. I don't judge anyone for where they are.

• 38:02Paige DeSorbo?

  It's not where you came from, it's where you're going. Don't be ashamed of your past. It's making you who you are. And we're here for it. We're glad we caught you at the beginning of the journey.

• 38:12Hannah Berner?

  Someone was actually complaining that she was on her phone and this guy had his dog off leash. Now I don't fuck with the dogs off leash. Not that I don't trust your.

• 38:23Paige DeSorbo?

  Call the police. Get a grip.

• 38:26Hannah Berner?

  As someone who used to foster pit bulls, who some of them had behavioral issues with other dogs, which I get like.

• 38:33Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, I think having your dog off leash, leash, you're very trusting of random people.

• 38:37Hannah Berner?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 38:38Paige DeSorbo?

  It's not about you, your own trusting your own dog.

• 38:41Hannah Berner?

  I trust that you think you're, that your dog is safe. What if my dog isn't and your dog loosely comes up to my dog?

• 38:48Paige DeSorbo?

  And now my dog has to eat it.

• 38:49Hannah Berner?

  And yeah. Now my dog just had breakfast.

• 38:51Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 38:52Hannah Berner?

  So this woman said, there's a dog off leash, comes running at her and she's on her phone. So she just kind of ignores it because she's like, I don't want, I don't want to engage in whatever's about to happen right now. Like.

• 39:04Paige DeSorbo?

  Sorry, I don't have time to speak with you.

• 39:08Hannah Berner?

  And the owner made like a snide remark.

• 39:10Paige DeSorbo?

  The dog coming up like.

• 39:14Paige DeSorbo?

  We're here to talk about your car's warranty.

• 39:18Hannah Berner?

  Do you care about global warming?

• 39:19Paige DeSorbo?

  The dog what?

• 39:20Hannah Berner?

  The dog comes up and she ignores the dog because she's like on the phone and didn't sign up to like.

• 39:26Paige DeSorbo?

  Hold on, should we answer it's my dad?

• 39:27Hannah Berner?

  Oh my God. Tell him I talked about him. Oh wait, no, I didn't.

• 39:31Paige DeSorbo?

  Dad?

• 39:31Speaker 03

  It's cash home. It's cash home.

• 39:33Hannah Berner?

  Oh, speak of the devil.

• 39:35Paige DeSorbo?

  Speak of the devil. I'm doing Giggly Squad.

• 39:38Hannah Berner?

  Do you have anything to say, Gary, to the community?

• 39:41Speaker 03

  I got a lot to say.

• 39:44Paige DeSorbo?

  Zip it up.

• 39:46Paige DeSorbo?

  No, we can't. That's a lie.

• 39:47Speaker 03

  Number one.

• 39:51Hannah Berner?

  Oh, Gary has the giggles.

• 39:52Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay, goodbye.

• 39:53Hannah Berner?

  Love you, Gary. Me and him chatted yesterday on the phone. No, that was crazy. He called you to say, where's Cash?

• 39:59Paige DeSorbo?

  That was the, no, that was the first thing. I'm not being, I'm not exaggerating. That's the first thing he said to me.

• 40:06Hannah Berner?

  The universe is so weird. Anyway, so this dog comes running at her. She, I think ignoring a dog is very polite.

• 40:12Paige DeSorbo?

  Totally.

• 40:12Hannah Berner?

  Like, she didn't kick your dog.

• 40:16Hannah Berner?

  And some of them are right at your shin.

• 40:18Paige DeSorbo?

  Rolling on the ground with your dog that I don't know.

• 40:21Hannah Berner?

  She just continues walking like, excuse me, pardon me. And he, the guy makes a remark.

• 40:25Paige DeSorbo?

  I don't want to be Mormon. Thank you.

• 40:30Paige DeSorbo?

  Sorry, I believe in Halloween. Everyone can celebrate.

• 40:33Hannah Berner?

  I've witnessed Jehovah, whatever you need. So the guy made a comment like, oh, someone's like, doesn't.

• 40:38Paige DeSorbo?

  I've witnessed Jehovah.

• 40:42Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm all good. I already witnessed him. Thank you so much.

• 40:46Hannah Berner?

  Witnessed in my book. Love that for you. Um, like, I forget what the guy said, actually, but he said something like, oh, you're not gonna pet my dog? Like, he put her, he gaslit her to be like, she's a bitch, when she's like, I didn't ask for any of this right now. Like, I'm just trying to get from point A to point B. And she's on the phone!

• 41:03Paige DeSorbo?

  And what if your dog has fleas?

• 41:05Hannah Berner?

  It's like, let's say there was a toddler, and a toddler ran up to you while you're on the phone. You'd be like, uh, no, mom's on the phone. Mom's, mom's on the phone.

• 41:15Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, and the same rhetoric, and you're lucky I didn't kick it.

• 41:18Hannah Berner?

  If my dog ran up to someone while they were on the phone, I would say sorry. I would say sorry. So there's like a different dynamic of people, and some people, they love their dogs so much, they're like, that was, in his culture, that was an honor.

• 41:31Paige DeSorbo?

  Like, it's a bit entitled, and it's a bit misogynistic. And if hating cats is misogynistic, then maybe loving dogs is too. And hey, we're just the messengers. We're just the marathon runner.

• 41:44Hannah Berner?

  I feel like if Grace went through every episode and cut up all of our, like, cat-dog conversation, we'd be at about

• 41:52Paige DeSorbo?

  Eight hours.

• 41:52Hannah Berner?

  Eight hours, for sure.

• 41:54Paige DeSorbo?

  It's important rhetoric that we're speaking of.

• 41:57Hannah Berner?

  We always get to the same place.

• 41:58Paige DeSorbo?

  There's a deeper meaning.

• 41:59Hannah Berner?

  But there was an interview where they were like, yeah, dogs are cats, and I'm watching, I'm like, I want to enjoy this person's movies, like, please, just say, like, even say I like both.

• 42:07Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:08Hannah Berner?

  Even don't stand for anything, and I'm okay with that.

• 42:10Paige DeSorbo?

  I like both. I just live with both a cat and a dog, and I can tell you unanimously who's more annoying.

• 42:18Hannah Berner?

  The woman said, like, it's actually not comparable, because dogs are pets and cats are humans.

• 42:22Paige DeSorbo?

  Like, cats could have ran for governor in this election. They just didn't want to. They were busy. But they could have.

• 42:29Hannah Berner?

  Also, if you look at a cat, you, they're not gonna mishandle something. You could just tell they're gonna be thoughtful. They're gonna, they're gonna ask permission. But, one thing I really love about Asia is, like, they fuck with cats. Like,

• 42:43Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 42:43Hannah Berner?

  It's crazy, because America just is a community that doesn't fuck with cats. I was, like, walking, and there's all these, like, cat cafes, and then, like, cat, like, hotels to, like, leave your cat when you're gone. Cat grooming. We don't have that in America. Cat healthcare.

• 42:57Paige DeSorbo?

  In Asia, your cat checks into a hotel on its own, gets a room.

• 43:02Hannah Berner?

  And they have all these, everything, like, cat toys. Like, cats are, like, famous in Asia.

• 43:06Paige DeSorbo?

  I love that.

• 43:07Hannah Berner?

  They're a big deal

• 43:08Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 43:08Hannah Berner?

  overseas. So, like, America just hasn't, like, discovered it.

• 43:11Paige DeSorbo?

  Just hasn't caught up yet.

• 43:12Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, they haven't caught up. So, anyway, just our

• 43:15Paige DeSorbo?

  Anyhow, that was just a quick little

• 43:17Hannah Berner?

  lobbying for cats.

• 43:18Paige DeSorbo?

  I love when we do episodes on Sundays, because I feel like it starts my week off right. There's nothing I love more than getting inside of an SUV. I need to be high up. I need legroom.

• 43:31Hannah Berner?

  Luxury.

• 43:32Paige DeSorbo?

  And when I get into an SUV, I also want it to be an award-winning SUV.

• 43:36Hannah Berner?

  Oh, yeah. I'm not, being in an SUV that never won an award before, that's crazy. Do I not love myself?

• 43:41Paige DeSorbo?

  Truly. And that's why Hyundai is a brand that we trust, because not only have they won the award for America's best SUV in 2026, but they've also won it five times in six years.

• 43:53Hannah Berner?

  And one thing about me, if I'm gonna be in an SUV, it needs to have consistency. And that is the result I'm looking for.

• 43:59Paige DeSorbo?

  The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life, so if you are feeling like it's time for an SUV, this is the SUV you need, because the Santa Fe Hybrid is also fully capable and ready for adventure, and also the Palisade Hybrid. So, you have multiple SUVs to pick from. Another thing I want to bring up about Hyundai, their interior. I also need a luxurious interior. That's where the Palisade does come in, because they have premium capability and class-leading interior space. And anytime someone says "class-leading interior," I'm in.

• 44:31Hannah Berner?

  Yep.

• 44:31Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm doing it.

• 44:32Hannah Berner?

  Also, I love a hybrid. Gas, electric, either one. Which, you don't have to pick one.

• 44:38Paige DeSorbo?

  View US News Best Cars at cars.usnews.com and call 562-314-4603 for complete details. Every single one of my group chats has a person who runs. You know the one, suspiciously cheerful about it, and I've come around. They're right. Running is freeing. It's cathartic. It surprises you with something good every time. It's your body reminding you, you can do more than you give it credit for.

• 45:03Hannah Berner?

  That's why I love the new Peloton TreadFlex. Peloton's the latest treadmill that makes the joy of running a lot more accessible. The new Peloton TreadFlex is movable and foldable, designed to fit your life, even if you don't think it can. Nobody has a home gym. Everyone has a corner. Run, walk, or hike when you need to, and roll it away when you don't. It's perfect as the weather's starting to get colder.

• 45:25Paige DeSorbo?

  I love that you can roll it away when you're done with it, and classes with expert instructors who also feel like you're besties, and programs at all levels that keep you moving. Call yourself a runner if you're just starting, or race training from 5K all the way to a marathon. Peloton meets you where you are, so you move on your own terms. That's what running gives back. Let yourself run. Explore the new Peloton TreadFlex at onepeloton.com. This season, celebrate with the ones you know by heart with a gift that says it all. Because the best gifts don't just look beautiful, they mean something too. When someone gives you a gift and you just know they really know you, there's no describing that feeling, and it's one of the best feelings ever.

• 46:07Paige DeSorbo?

  From engraveable pieces to festive charms to lab-grown diamonds, Pandora's jewelry is made for the ones who really inspire you and the ones that you really know. Give them a piece that says exactly what words can. Pandora, more than a gift. Shop new styles in-store or online at pandora.net. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Do you ever think about a situation in which you could permanently delete it from your brain? It could be an awkward interaction with a coworker from years ago. I keep replaying this irrational worry, I'll get stuck in an elevator forever. I think these kinds of thoughts get trapped in a loop in your mind, and it's hard to get rid of them sometimes. That's why BetterHelp therapists can help you clear your thoughts that are taking up way too much of your mental space.

• 46:51Paige DeSorbo?

  And with insurance, many members pay $15 or less, some pay $0. BetterHelp therapists are fully licensed in the US with at least three years and 1,000 hours of hands-on experience. When it comes to matching with a therapist, BetterHelp does the initial work for you. Just take a short questionnaire to help identify your needs. And if you're not happy with your match, which sometimes happens, switch to a different therapist at any time from BetterHelp's tailored recommendations. BetterHelp is now in-network with more than 125 health plans, with many copays as low as $15 for eligible members. And if you don't have eligible insurance or live outside the US, you can still get 20% off your first month.

• 47:33Paige DeSorbo?

  Sign up and get 20% off at betterhelp.com/giggly squad. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash giggly squad.

• 47:46Hannah Berner?

  I have drama.

• 47:47Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 47:47Hannah Berner?

  Dane Cook documentary came out.

• 47:49Paige DeSorbo?

  Ooh, I saw a commercial for it, that he, like, asked his brother to do it, and the brother said yes, and then, like, last minute said no.

• 47:59Hannah Berner?

  Oh, I didn't know that part.

• 48:00Paige DeSorbo?

  Because he was like, I'm gonna be the one interviewing you. And he was like, but we're gonna talk about everything, not just you stealing all my money.

• 48:06Hannah Berner?

  So for people who don't know, Dane Cook was, like, the biggest thing ever.

• 48:10Paige DeSorbo?

  Dane Cook's stand-up special at MSG in the Circle.

• 48:14Hannah Berner?

  Wait, is that at MSG?

• 48:15Paige DeSorbo?

  I think so.

• 48:16Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 48:16Paige DeSorbo?

  In the Circle stage was, I think, the first stand-up I've ever watched.

• 48:21Hannah Berner?

  I think so, too. We were, like, 13-year-old girls at the time, and he did the double fuck you, and

• 48:27Paige DeSorbo?

  My CDs are in his car.

• 48:28Hannah Berner?

  My CDs are in his car. Yeah, it was, it was iconic.

• 48:30Paige DeSorbo?

  That's an iconic stand-up.

• 48:32Hannah Berner?

  And he talked about coming up, where, like, he was trying to do some acting, and then he's like, Hollywood doesn't need me. I'm just, like, a regular dude. Like, it's not working.

• 48:40Paige DeSorbo?

  Good luck, Chuck, is, I think, a hilarious movie.

• 48:42Hannah Berner?

  But this was before.

• 48:43Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 48:43Hannah Berner?

  And then, he discovered MySpace, and that's where he started to pop off. And then he put out, people back then put out comedy albums. So he put out a comedy album that was, like, ranking with Beyoncé, and he starts blowing up. And finally, it was a big deal back then

• 48:59Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 48:59Hannah Berner?

  to get a special. So HBO finally was like, we're gonna get you the special. And he films a special, Hollywood comes calling. He's with Jessica Alba. He's with Jessica Simpson. All the hottest Jessicas you've ever heard of. He did all those movies.

• 49:13Paige DeSorbo?

  What was the 2000s if you weren't named Jessica?

• 49:16Hannah Berner?

  If you weren't named Jessica, you were ugly piece of shit. Sorry. Sorry. And it wasn't Jess, or Jessie. It was Jessica.

• 49:22Paige DeSorbo?

  Jessica.

• 49:23Hannah Berner?

  Yeah. They were gorgeous, like, otherworldly. And then he even had, like, a serious movie with Kevin Costner. Like, he was the comic of the moment. And he was making tens of millions of dollars. In the meantime, his brother wanted to be a cop.

• 49:42Paige DeSorbo?

  If I had to date a grandpa, it would be a Kevin Costner.

• 49:46Hannah Berner?

  Hot.

• 49:46Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay, keep going.

• 49:47Hannah Berner?

  Hot. Very hot. I love that for you.

• 49:49Paige DeSorbo?

  Thanks.

• 49:50Hannah Berner?

  That's your Zaddy of the week.

• 49:54Hannah Berner?

  I need to stop doing that.

• 49:57Hannah Berner?

  Kevin, no, Kevin Costner's hot.

• 49:58Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, a hot for an old guy. I mean, he's old.

• 50:02Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 50:03Paige DeSorbo?

  It's gotta be my, like, it's gotta be, sorry, I was gonna say, it's gotta be my parents' age, but then I remember they listened to this. It's sad. I didn't mean that. But he's gotta be, like, 65.

• 50:12Hannah Berner?

  Maybe. I'm so into him for you. Does he have a dog?

• 50:16Paige DeSorbo?

  No, he loves blondes.

• 50:18Hannah Berner?

  Does he?

• 50:18Paige DeSorbo?

  I looked into it a couple years ago.

• 50:22Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, this would be

• 50:23Hannah Berner?

  Oh, you've done full research into Kevin Costner. You've married him and divorced him in your head already. So, um, his brother wanted to be a cop. Didn't pass the test.

• 50:34Paige DeSorbo?

  Who are we talking about again? Oh, Dink.

• 50:36Hannah Berner?

  Dink's brother. Also, like, I never heard of anyone not passing the cop test, but

• 50:41Paige DeSorbo?

  But if you didn't pass, then maybe

• 50:43Hannah Berner?

  Maybe that's not your journey. But so the next step, like, he still wanted to be in law enforcement. Um, so he became a corrections officer.

• 50:50Paige DeSorbo?

  I don't like this pipeline. I don't like that pipeline.

• 50:53Hannah Berner?

  I don't like it either. And he's, he's one of these guys that's really, everyone just said he's so nice. I don't trust that at all. Like, so polite, so sweet.

• 51:03Paige DeSorbo?

  I've never met a nice man.

• 51:04Hannah Berner?

  Why do I say polite like that? I was like, he's polite, he's sweet, he, he loves the Bible. He was just like a really sweet, but like inauthentic kind of character.

• 51:12Paige DeSorbo?

  Like he puts on like, I'm a nice guy. I'm just a nice guy. Yeah.

• 51:16Hannah Berner?

  He went on a date and she said he kept calling me miss. Like, it was weird. I don't like that at all. That's, call the police. So he's a corrections officer while

• 51:25Hannah Berner?

  I was gonna say Dan. Sorry, Dane. Also, what is a Dane? Okay, anyway.

• 51:29Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 51:30Hannah Berner?

  So Dane is, it's Dane Cook. I can't just say Dane. I don't know who that is.

• 51:34Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, I agree.

• 51:34Hannah Berner?

  So Dane Cook is like trying to become a comic. He's a corrections officer. He gets in a horrible act, like, he gets attacked by an inmate. Blood everywhere, gets a concussion, and Dane is like, I don't want you doing this anymore. I'm gonna put you on my payroll, even though it's tight. I'm gonna pay you good money. I want you to be safe. Come on tour with me and just like, manage my money.

• 51:55Paige DeSorbo?

  Great.

• 51:56Hannah Berner?

  But this guy's not coming from like, I mean, couldn't, didn't pass the police test.

• 52:00Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 52:01Hannah Berner?

  I don't know if there are numbers involved, but still, not great on paper. And I guess it was like, pay my taxes, or like, at least connect with people who know how to pay my taxes, pay my bills, just keep an eye on stuff.

• 52:13Paige DeSorbo?

  Like a manager who's doing admin, he was, yeah, okay.

• 52:16Hannah Berner?

  Keep an eye on stuff. Like, nothing too crazy. He's not like, trading stocks, but keep an eye on my money, because you're my brother. And come on tour with me. And he does say his brother, like, instilled confidence in him when he was low on tour.

• 52:28Paige DeSorbo?

  He's younger than Dane. He's older than Dane.

• 52:30Hannah Berner?

  He's older than Dane.

• 52:31Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, it's, that's, and that's a tough dynamic, I feel.

• 52:35Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, because he looked up to him. And, and he was like, this is great. Me and my brother are traveling the world. And he really was like, my brother was a part of my success, to an extent. So then, when you're on tour, like, life, you get it, life pauses.

• 52:49Paige DeSorbo?

  You're in a time warp.

• 52:51Hannah Berner?

  So meanwhile, Dane realizes that his brother is buying houses. Like, he had a house, then he bought another house in Maine. Meanwhile, Dane doesn't have a house.

• 53:01Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay.

• 53:01Hannah Berner?

  So Dane is busy working, while the other guy's like

• 53:04Paige DeSorbo?

  On vacation.

• 53:05Hannah Berner?

  On vacation. So finally, everything settles for a second, and Dane's like, I want to buy this house on, in the hills in Hollywood. And he said he's standing with his brother, they're looking out in this big mansion, and he looks at him like, can I do it? Like, can I afford this?

• 53:21Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 53:21Hannah Berner?

  And the brother was like, yes, like, you deserve this. Like, this, let's get you a great home. It gets to the point where Dane finally is like, oh, I need like, a real money manager to like, work on investing and stuff. And the money manager is like, great. So this was like back in the day, he was like, can you send the file cabinet?

• 53:41Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 53:42Hannah Berner?

  Back then.

• 53:43Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, like the paper fi- yeah.

• 53:45Hannah Berner?

  They literally were like, we need you to mail the cabinet with all the papers in it.

• 53:49Paige DeSorbo?

  Yep.

• 53:50Hannah Berner?

  And his brother was like, okay, but his brother calls him and he's like, I don't fucking like these guys. And Dane's like, what's, what's wrong?

• 53:56Paige DeSorbo?

  Like, he doesn't trust them.

• 53:57Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, he's like, they're top industry, like, this is important. And the brother's like, I don't trust them. And Dane's like, I need you to calm down. This is, like, not controversial.

• 54:06Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 54:07Hannah Berner?

  And the brother's acting fucking weird, but he's like, okay, I'll send them the file cabinet.

• 54:12Hannah Berner?

  Which is so funny to envision. Like, how did, anyway, I'd be like, I don't know how to send mail, so we're not gonna get it. So the guy's like, where is, where are these files? And it's like, one week, two week, three week. And then finally, Dane's brother stops responding.

• 54:26Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, he goes to his own brother?

• 54:28Hannah Berner?

  He goes to his own brother. So Dane starts to get like, bad anxiety, like he's

• 54:32Paige DeSorbo?

  How do you get, did he get this house?

• 54:35Hannah Berner?

  Not yet. So in the middle of the night, Dane's like waking up, he's like, something's fucking off. And he real-

• 54:40Paige DeSorbo?

  That's when you know, if you ever, if you wake up in the middle of the night, honestly, I think back to like being little, did you ever watch Madeline?

• 54:50Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 54:50Paige DeSorbo?

  Remember when the, the

• 54:53Hannah Berner?

  If you go like this, oh, in the middle of the night.

• 54:56Paige DeSorbo?

  What was her name? Miss Clavel? Like, the teacher? And she would wake up in the middle of the night because something was not right? I think of that every time I wake up in the middle of the night, and I'm like, yes, something's not right, but, and it, I'm right, that it's not right, and you have to

• 55:10Hannah Berner?

  Your subconscious woke you up.

• 55:11Paige DeSorbo?

  You're a witch.

• 55:12Hannah Berner?

  You're a witch. So he's waking up in the middle of the night, and he decides to go to the bank. But he's so millennial with it. They're like, hey, what's your like codes? And he's like, I don't know, I want to see my money.

• 55:23Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 55:23Hannah Berner?

  So his brother sent him some like identification. The woman's like, none of that identification is coming up on my thing, but I know who you are.

• 55:31Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 55:32Hannah Berner?

  And I do have your accounts up, but I like, can't show you them without you giving me like the correct passwords, and you're not.

• 55:37Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 55:38Hannah Berner?

  And she goes, but I'm gonna go to the bathroom for 10 minutes, and then I'm gonna come back.

• 55:43Paige DeSorbo?

  Stop.

• 55:44Hannah Berner?

  Because she's

• 55:44Paige DeSorbo?

  I've always wanted something like this to happen to me. Not someone stealing my money, but I've always wanted someone to be like, and I'm gonna look away. Like, I wanted to be in a situation where I'm like, I need that address.

• 55:56Hannah Berner?

  That's what I always think whenever there's like a problem, like customer service wise, when I'm like, hey, but instead they're like, no, we can't help you, and they hang up. So he goes and looks, and she has four accounts up or something. Zero dollars, zero dollars, and something with like a hundred grand in it. But like, he's made like tens of millions of dollars. So he's like, oh, fuck. And then his brother is on the run. Like, he's like in a car somewhere, just on the run. And, but also within this time, Dane's mother passed away, and his father passed away of cancer within this year. And he just found out his brother's left him for dead and taken all he's worth. So

• 56:40Paige DeSorbo?

  No other siblings? Just the two of them?

• 56:43Hannah Berner?

  There are, there are like two other step siblings, but like, it's diabolical, and I fell asleep at that part.

• 56:51Paige DeSorbo?

  What year did this all happen? Like, 2000, this had to have been like 2005?

• 56:55Hannah Berner?

  Early 2000s. So I do tend to fall asleep at like the most intense parts.

• 56:59Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, so you'll finish it tonight.

• 57:01Hannah Berner?

  So I'll finish it tonight. I'm assuming, because like, that, it must have emotionally like really fucked him up, but I know he got the FBI involved. And he gets a call from his brother, like full Oscar-worthy acting, being like, Dane, what did you do? Why is the FBI coming for me? What's happening? What did you do to me? Like, literally

• 57:19Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 57:20Hannah Berner?

  Gaslighting him.

• 57:21Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 57:21Hannah Berner?

  And then there's drama because they don't know if the wife was involved or not.

• 57:26Paige DeSorbo?

  His wife?

• 57:26Hannah Berner?

  Dane's brother's wife.

• 57:28Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, yeah, she was the brains.

• 57:29Hannah Berner?

  Well, she's

• 57:30Paige DeSorbo?

  If I had to take a gander, the woman was the brains.

• 57:33Hannah Berner?

  So she does the interview, and she's just like, I didn't know anything, even though it was like going into her business LLC. They went into her house in Maine and opened

• 57:44Paige DeSorbo?

  A Picasso.

• 57:47Hannah Berner?

  No, they opened the lock, and it was hundreds of thousands of dollars in the wall, and she's like, where did that come from?

• 57:53Paige DeSorbo?

  In the wall?

• 57:54Hannah Berner?

  She was like, that's, that's crazy.

• 57:56Paige DeSorbo?

  That's suspicious.

• 57:56Hannah Berner?

  That's suspicious.

• 58:01Hannah Berner?

  Imagine a woman not knowing something in her home.

• 58:03Paige DeSorbo?

  The butler opens the door, and you're like, yeah.

• 58:06Hannah Berner?

  That's the thing, I would love to believe that she was innocent and just trusting her husband, but like, we know this guy's not the sharpest tool in the shed.

• 58:13Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 58:13Hannah Berner?

  Also, she claimed that she was a witch. So I was like, she, yeah.

• 58:19Paige DeSorbo?

  She took all that money. She put it in the wall.

• 58:24Hannah Berner?

  So anyway

• 58:25Paige DeSorbo?

  Wow, what is this on?

• 58:26Hannah Berner?

  It just got on Netflix.

• 58:28Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh my god, I need to watch.

• 58:29Hannah Berner?

  It's called Funny Money. So

• 58:31Paige DeSorbo?

  And so I would assume they don't, I would assume they still don't speak. Yeah, because he said that he asked him to do the interview.

• 58:36Hannah Berner?

  And Hollywood is just the wild, wild west, where like, when you start getting successful, like, you're not part of a company where they're like, yeah, now you got a promotion, and this is what happens. Like, you're just on your own, and people are competitive, so they don't tell you, like, thank god we have each other.

• 58:52Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 58:52Hannah Berner?

  As in, like, this business, because a lot of people are just on their own being, and getting, taken advantage of.

• 58:59Paige DeSorbo?

  No, I could so see how people get like swindled and tricked, because like, if someone from, I don't know, and I'm like, JP Morgan calls you and says something, like, who am I to be like, no, you're wrong? You know, like, it's, takes a lot of

• 59:13Hannah Berner?

  I fully, like, I got scammed the other week, because I was donating to fake cat

• 59:18Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 59:18Hannah Berner?

  causes. And then, this, someone called me like from Amex or something, and I was on like a five-minute conversation with them.

• 59:25Paige DeSorbo?

  Wait, this happened to me this week too. Someone from my bank called me, and I was like, I don't believe you. And she was like, finally, she goes, okay, then call the actual number of the bank, and then it will connect you to my department. Like, I can't tell you how much to prove.

• 59:42Hannah Berner?

  I was getting scammed.

• 59:43Paige DeSorbo?

  I don't think I was.

• 59:44Hannah Berner?

  You go, try again, motherfucker, you're not gonna get me this time.

• 59:48Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, yeah, Tracy, sure, that's your name. She goes, yep, that's, that is my name.

• 59:53Hannah Berner?

  I don't want to do this job.

• 59:55Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, okay. I go, send me an email, then. She goes, I actually can't do that, but I can, and I'm like

• 1:00:01Hannah Berner?

  No, but that's why scams are, so I, my mom was with me, and she's like, who are you talking to? And I'm looking, I'm like, I don't know who this is. And the guy was like, someone took, um, he was trying to say there was fraud on my card.

• 1:00:12Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:12Hannah Berner?

  And you know, sometimes that hap- and I had like, something had happened earlier that made me worried, so they were like, someone made a purchase in Indianapolis, was that you? So I just responded, I was like, no, it wasn't me. And they're like, okay, and this is, and so he just like gets you on it. And my mom walks in, and she's like, hang up on that person. And then I'm like alone with her, and she's like, what do you do when I'm not around? And I'm like, I don't know. I don't know.

• 1:00:37Paige DeSorbo?

  No, I'm gonna get scammed as an old person.

• 1:00:39Hannah Berner?

  Well, with AI, like, it's gonna be

• 1:00:43Paige DeSorbo?

  No, I like have been on TikTok recently, and I've like clicked the com- And they're like, I'm so mad. This is AI. And I'm like, oh, my god.

• 1:00:49Hannah Berner?

  Also, it's bad if someone would do something like really fu- like a really cute cat will do something and someone goes, this is AI. And I'm like, but that wasn't like, give proper credit.

• 1:00:58Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah. And I'm like, get that.

• 1:00:59Hannah Berner?

  Oh, my god. Side note, just random. Do you know Leonard Skinner isn't a person, it's a band?

• 1:01:05Paige DeSorbo?

  Did I know that? No.

• 1:01:06Hannah Berner?

  Did you know, did you know Leonard Skinner?

• 1:01:08Paige DeSorbo?

  I've heard the.

• 1:01:09Hannah Berner?

  I thought that was, I thought that was a man.

• 1:01:11Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, I thought that was a guy.

• 1:01:12Hannah Berner?

  That was a guy with a cowboy hat.

• 1:01:14Paige DeSorbo?

  I thought that was Leonard.

• 1:01:19Hannah Berner?

  That's all lying.

• 1:01:21Paige DeSorbo?

  When it comes to that genre of like Leonard Skinner.

• 1:01:26Hannah Berner?

  When you have to say the name in an accent. Leonard Skinner.

• 1:01:30Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, that like kiss, there's like one more that.

• 1:01:35Hannah Berner?

  Motley Crue.

• 1:01:36Paige DeSorbo?

  Sure. That I'm like, not my, not my business.

• 1:01:40Hannah Berner?

  The thing that made it my business was Rock of Love. But like, it's still not my business.

• 1:01:44Paige DeSorbo?

  Bret Michaels.

• 1:01:45Hannah Berner?

  Bret Michaels was in one of those, I think.

• 1:01:48Paige DeSorbo?

  Again, like, not my business, not my genre, not my.

• 1:01:55Hannah Berner?

  I'm sorry, I don't need, men yelling, men yelling is not a genre of music.

• 1:01:58Paige DeSorbo?

  No, I could just call up any ex-boyfriend. Like, not a genre.

• 1:02:08Paige DeSorbo?

  If I put my mind to it, like.

• 1:02:11Hannah Berner?

  I've never been like, you know, make this more enjoyable if there was a man with a microphone yelling.

• 1:02:15Paige DeSorbo?

  Screaming at me.

• 1:02:16Hannah Berner?

  His emotions, but then I'm like.

• 1:02:19Paige DeSorbo?

  In a, in a way for you guys to wear makeup and act like it's.

• 1:02:23Hannah Berner?

  There's no reason to wear eyeliner in any of these shows.

• 1:02:26Paige DeSorbo?

  No.

• 1:02:27Hannah Berner?

  I was on a history TikTok that said that back in the day, pink was a masculine color. Cause it was like, it started with red. Cause red was like powerful and then it was like washed out red became like cool. And then.

• 1:02:38Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, and using my marathon TikTok was fake? This sounds like the fakest facts I've ever.

• 1:02:45Hannah Berner?

  Like colonial men, like.

• 1:02:46Paige DeSorbo?

  Were wearing pink.

• 1:02:47Hannah Berner?

  Wearing pink.

• 1:02:47Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay, and they were also wearing wigs and white makeup.

• 1:02:50Hannah Berner?

  It really makes sense. But then they said, somehow it got switched, but it's all marketing. It's like the diamond industry. Someone was like, you need to buy diamonds. And the reason like blue and pink have genders to them is because the baby industry was like, we have to make people buy more clothes. If they have a different gender. No, you can't trust anyone anymore.

• 1:03:11Paige DeSorbo?

  No, you can't trust anyone.

• 1:03:13Hannah Berner?

  I'm literally looking behind my back all day. I'm like, oh.

• 1:03:16Paige DeSorbo?

  That is really.

• 1:03:19Hannah Berner?

  Do you know how to spell Leonard Skinner? It's crazy. Can I read it to you? L Y.

• 1:03:27Hannah Berner?

  I'm out. I'm out. Check, please.

• 1:03:30Paige DeSorbo?

  Did you ever make it in like the spelling bee in like middle school?

• 1:03:34Hannah Berner?

  I did, but I remember like.

• 1:03:37Paige DeSorbo?

  How far, how far.

• 1:03:39Hannah Berner?

  I was like, smart.

• 1:03:40Paige DeSorbo?

  Like they took you out of the classroom, put you on stage.

• 1:03:43Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, oh, yeah.

• 1:03:44Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, you made it out of the classroom?

• 1:03:46Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, babe. I'm a reformer. I'm getting on the stage. But I remember like, I don't think I won it all. And I remember the word was like. Actually, I think I lost on like government or something, because I didn't do the N.

• 1:03:57Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, well, that's a trick one.

• 1:03:58Hannah Berner?

  To this day, like I remember when I lost from a young age.

• 1:04:02Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:02Hannah Berner?

  Like, I was like, how do I show my face in school again? I lost in the semifinals. Like, everyone's talking about me. And I'm like, I go home and my dad's like, how was your day? And I'm like, I don't fucking talk about it.

• 1:04:13Paige DeSorbo?

  It was like the one time I would be sitting in the audience, like watching people on stage and like. I feel like I was experiencing anxiety then and didn't know it. Like, I would have a relief being in the audience.

• 1:04:27Hannah Berner?

  That's how I feel watching a marathon.

• 1:04:29Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, thinking, thank god I don't have to get up there and spell in front of people.

• 1:04:33Hannah Berner?

  But spelling bees.

• 1:04:34Paige DeSorbo?

  Sometimes I would purposely be sick on spelling bee day.

• 1:04:37Hannah Berner?

  Spelling bees, like, they had a time where they were really popular on TV.

• 1:04:42Paige DeSorbo?

  Yes, remember they would like, cover them on ESPN. Remember Kiki Palmer's Akilah the Bee?

• 1:04:47Hannah Berner?

  Yes. Yeah, it was like cool to be like, what is the origin of that word?

• 1:04:52Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:53Hannah Berner?

  And I don't even know where one studies that. What's the origin of that word?

• 1:04:57Paige DeSorbo?

  It to the stage and I was like, pretending to be sick that day.

• 1:05:01Hannah Berner?

  I was, I just did well because I was competitive and focused, but I wasn't actually like.

• 1:05:05Paige DeSorbo?

  I think I can distinctly remember in like sixth grade being like, mom, it's like spelling bee day. I have to stay home.

• 1:05:10Hannah Berner?

  I did, I have to confess something.

• 1:05:13Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:15Hannah Berner?

  Of, I was like a really great older sister, possibly the best older sister. Um, I don't know if he would say the same. But the way I would bully him, my little brother, is like, he actually, when he was young, wasn't good at spelling. And like, I would, when, you know, when you need a backseat with your sibling, like, it's like, you're locked in, like, we're gonna fuck around.

• 1:05:35Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:35Hannah Berner?

  Like, I can.

• 1:05:36Paige DeSorbo?

  Gary always got to sit in the front, but whatever.

• 1:05:40Hannah Berner?

  So we'd be in the back and I'm like, he can't go anywhere. I can annoy the shit out of him. So I remember eating chips one day and him being like, can I have a chip? And I was like, spell school.

• 1:05:49Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, my god. The way I would have slapped you.

• 1:05:55Hannah Berner?

  He's literally fighting for his life and I'm like, spell scissors.

• 1:06:00Hannah Berner?

  And look, now is he a very successful, smart man? Yes. And would I like take full credit? But looking back, I'm like, that was fucked up.

• 1:06:06Paige DeSorbo?

  Do you remember when we were little, there were those commercials for Hooked on Phonics?

• 1:06:11Hannah Berner?

  You should have been the star of that.

• 1:06:12Paige DeSorbo?

  My brother would be like, hey, page your commercials on. I'd be like, he would call me Hooked on Phonics.

• 1:06:20Hannah Berner?

  Whatever happened to the one eight seven seven cars for kids? Where are those kids now?

• 1:06:26Paige DeSorbo?

  They're somewhere. That's, somebody dressed up as them for Halloween, actually.

• 1:06:32Paige DeSorbo?

  And they were like all singing the song.

• 1:06:34Hannah Berner?

  Someone was like, can we stop saying, I hate gay Halloween and just let gay people be gay?

• 1:06:44Hannah Berner?

  Any final thoughts?

• 1:06:45Paige DeSorbo?

  Any final thoughts?

• 1:06:46Hannah Berner?

  To leave people with for the week ahead.

• 1:06:49Paige DeSorbo?

  You know.

• 1:06:50Hannah Berner?

  Can I just?

• 1:06:51Paige DeSorbo?

  Can I just say?

• 1:06:52Hannah Berner?

  Yeah. I, I think we're, we should lean into pencil skirts.

• 1:06:57Paige DeSorbo?

  What chapstick are you wearing right now? Is this the best your lips have ever looked?

• 1:07:03Hannah Berner?

  You guys, let me give you my formula right now. I'm using Lovely.

• 1:07:10Hannah Berner?

  Wonder Skin Lip. It's a dye.

• 1:07:15Paige DeSorbo?

  Never heard of her.

• 1:07:16Hannah Berner?

  Wonder Skin Lip, um, what's called when it dyes your lips?

• 1:07:20Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, uh, yeah.

• 1:07:22Hannah Berner?

  Thank you. Wonder Skin Lip Stain Shade Lovely.

• 1:07:25Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay.

• 1:07:26Hannah Berner?

  And then.

• 1:07:27Paige DeSorbo?

  You're in the lip stain game?

• 1:07:29Hannah Berner?

  Look, I've been bullied, harassed online for so long.

• 1:07:34Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, they look great.

• 1:07:35Hannah Berner?

  Thank you. And then I put, they have lip liner stain and I use the shade. Fuck, I don't want to get it wrong, but like whimsical or something, I'll put in the newsletter.

• 1:07:43Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:44Hannah Berner?

  And then I put some.

• 1:07:45Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, so.

• 1:07:46Hannah Berner?

  Chapstick on top.

• 1:07:47Paige DeSorbo?

  It looks like you just have chapstick on, like.

• 1:07:49Hannah Berner?

  That was my goal.

• 1:07:50Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:51Hannah Berner?

  Cause you know in the morning, you don't want to look like you have lipstick on?

• 1:07:53Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh.

• 1:07:54Hannah Berner?

  No, you look great. You don't look like you, I feel like. You don't look like you have lipstick on. Yours looks beautiful and natural. I feel like I look chalky.

• 1:08:04Paige DeSorbo?

  No, you don't, but your lips look really good right now.

• 1:08:06Hannah Berner?

  Thank you.

• 1:08:06Paige DeSorbo?

  And that's what I'd like to leave the gigglers with for the week.

• 1:08:10Hannah Berner?

  Thank you. Love you guys. Talk to you later. I'm gonna go swimming in my bathing suit. Bye.

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