Giggling about swans, sleepovers, and school dances

Hannah almost had a hair dye disaster and Paige is prepping for an important house guest.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Hannah Berner?

  Sweater season is in full effect and Abercrombie is setting a new standard. Thanks to the quality fabrics like 100% cashmere wool blends and other natural fibers, I'm using this drop as permission to curate my entire fall wardrobe around sweaters, especially the World Net Cruise sweater. It's a classic silhouette that I can easily throw on and go or dress up for nights in the city. Outfit accordingly this season with Abercrombie. Shop in the app, online and in stores. I was thinking about how women have so many little things we have to do when we're getting home that you have to be aware of.

• 0:34Paige DeSorbo?

  Like so many people have my location.

• 0:36Hannah Berner?

  And you have to share your ETA, you have to check the route, you have to text everyone I'm home.

• 0:39Paige DeSorbo?

  And if your friend like doesn't text you, "Oh, you got home," you're, you're calling the FBI.

• 0:44Hannah Berner?

  Yep, yep. And we joke about it because it's so normal to us, but you're constantly paying attention. Even when you're exhausted and just want to get home, your brain still has to be on. You're like, is this guy going the right route? Am I in the right place? Who's around me? What's happening?

• 0:58Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, there's truly no clocking out of your safety.

• 1:01Hannah Berner?

  And that's why riding in a Waymo feels different. It's an autonomous ride with an empty driver's seat. So, once you get in, you have this private space that's actually just yours.

• 1:09Paige DeSorbo?

  And you know, I love alone time and I truly feel like it's such a luxury in a Waymo.

• 1:14Hannah Berner?

  Especially after being social. Like, I love everyone, but like...

• 1:17Paige DeSorbo?

  Please, nobody speak to me.

• 1:18Hannah Berner?

  Like, give me 20 minutes. I want music, the right temperature. There's no compromising. And you can customize the ride, put on your own music, answer texts. You ignore it all night, stare out the window. You actually have a minute where you're not thinking about everyone else.

• 1:32Paige DeSorbo?

  And that's the thing. It's not even necessarily about doing something. Sometimes it's just, you want to sit there and not speak.

• 1:39Hannah Berner?

  And put your guard down for a second and feel safe.

• 1:42Paige DeSorbo?

  Which truly women deserve.

• 1:44Hannah Berner?

  We deserve to disassociate safely for 20 minutes.

• 1:47Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, I mean, put that on a t-shirt for real.

• 1:49Hannah Berner?

  And obviously, safety is a huge part of why that feeling matters. Knowing Waymo's safer, there's something refreshing in having that space where you can just be yourself and let Waymo handle the driving.

• 1:59Paige DeSorbo?

  And we spend enough of our lives being on.

• 2:01Hannah Berner?

  Exactly.

• 2:02Paige DeSorbo?

  We don't need to be on in the car.

• 2:05Hannah Berner?

  Getting around shouldn't require so much mental energy. And if this sounds like your ideal way to get around too, download the Waymo app and use code GIGLY to get 20% off your next two rides. You can check out the full terms in the app.

• 2:17Paige DeSorbo?

  We love a discount.

• 2:18Hannah Berner?

  And if Waymo isn't in your city yet, head to waymo.com/gigly to sign up and help bring Waymo to you.

• 2:23Paige DeSorbo?

  This episode is sponsored by the new Hershey's Creme Bars in Salted Caramel and Afegato. Lately, I've been realizing that luxury doesn't have to mean some huge splurge. Sometimes it's just taking a few minutes to yourself during a busy day. I have one of these moments, oh, I don't know, every day around 2 o'clock. Whether that's making a pick-me-up coffee, or maybe I just need to scroll for a little bit on the couch. That's why I'm actually so excited about the new Hershey's Salted Caramel and Afegato Creme Bars available now. I absolutely love a treat-yourself moment in the middle of the day, and this is a classic Hershey's Milk Chocolate layered with a Salted Caramel or Afegato Creme filling.

• 3:05Paige DeSorbo?

  So, it feels a little elevated while still being your favorite Hershey's chocolate. Pick up the new Hershey's Creme Bars in Salted Caramel or Afegato wherever you shop for snacks and choose happiness with every bite.

• 3:20Paige DeSorbo?

  Sup, gigglers?

• 3:21Speaker 02

  Gary, fix the wifi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

• 3:29Speaker 02

  I mean, the day just got away from me.

• 3:33Hannah Berner?

  Did you press record?

• 3:35Paige DeSorbo?

  Yep.

• 3:35Hannah Berner?

  Okay, Grace isn't here right now, so we have to triple-check everything because if we mess up, she's gonna kill us. We're so scared right now. Hello, my, oh my god, people, I love when they send me stuff. My grilled cheese gigglers, let's go.

• 3:48Paige DeSorbo?

  I like that one. Um, I just want to do a PSA really quickly before we get into anything.

• 3:54Hannah Berner?

  Yes.

• 3:55Paige DeSorbo?

  There is, in fact, multiple registry apps.

• 3:59Hannah Berner?

  We're getting tagged up the wazoo.

• 4:02Paige DeSorbo?

  We've got wistful, wishful, we've got giftful, we've got, I mean, I've never been inundated in my DMs more over a topic.

• 4:14Hannah Berner?

  Also, people are like, Amazon wishlist, ever heard of it? Paige DeSorbo?

• 4:17Paige DeSorbo?

  No, I'm literally, I was like, I have a great idea.

• 4:20Hannah Berner?

  Your face is on the top of it.

• 4:24Hannah Berner?

  Also, can we bring back up the wazoo?

• 4:26Paige DeSorbo?

  I wasn't aware that it left.

• 4:29Hannah Berner?

  I got my hair dyed again today, but, oh, it's not the color we agreed upon.

• 4:35Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, I'm no better than a man because I didn't notice.

• 4:37Hannah Berner?

  Well, I just got like my roots, but...

• 4:39Paige DeSorbo?

  Honey, we want fire engine.

• 4:41Hannah Berner?

  So, this sounds so bougie and sorry, I have my Invisalign in. Let me know if I should take it out. But I have hair extensions that my glam team uses. I feel like I'm Erica Jane right now. And they basically were like, if you dye your hair a different red, we can't use your extensions. And they were like, if you dye your hair, you have to dye your extensions too.

• 5:03Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay.

• 5:03Hannah Berner?

  And I was like, this is too much admin for me. So, then I obviously like forgot to bring extensions. And I was like, just fucking do it normally. But I go to this place, I sit down, and what I always do is I show them the formula on my phone. I've never had an issue.

• 5:17Paige DeSorbo?

  The formula of the color?

• 5:19Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 5:20Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay. How did you get that?

• 5:22Hannah Berner?

  My girl gave it to me. I was like, if you're in a pinch, just, and it's, it honestly looks like really hard algebra. Like, they're women in STEM, all of them.

• 5:32Paige DeSorbo?

  Like, the ammonium phygalcolate, like, yeah.

• 5:35Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, and then it's like 7C8 divided by times pi.

• 5:39Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 5:39Hannah Berner?

  They look at it, they don't even take a screenshot, they're just like, got it. And I'm like, I don't think you did.

• 5:43Paige DeSorbo?

  I would trust a hairstylist to do open-heart surgery on me. Like, truly.

• 5:51Hannah Berner?

  I don't know what's in the ether with me, but this person looks at it and they go, this doesn't make sense. And I'm like, and how, every time I deal with someone, it's their first time on earth.

• 6:01Paige DeSorbo?

  You always have a thing.

• 6:03Hannah Berner?

  And I go, I'm not trying to start drama, but I'm like, I have showed this to like, maybe like nine different hairstylists, and they've all like, been like, yes, and they did it. And the guy was like, I'll be right back. Gone for 30 minutes. Comes back, he's like, you pressed Highlights. Highlights takes two hours, but you actually want a single process. Um, and that doesn't take that long, so you booked the wrong appointment. And I'm like, I'm so sorry, I didn't, I didn't know what to say. I didn't, I'm so sorry. So, he's like over me at this point. And I'm like, he's going back and forth with me. He's like, do you think it's a B instead of a C? And I was like, that's above my pay grade. Like, I'm not gonna, I also am afraid if you change one thing, like, I'm gonna come out blue. And then I'm sitting there being like, the gigglers are gonna kill me.

• 6:47Hannah Berner?

  Like, I found myself in this situation again. He's, and he was like, is it okay if I don't use Redken? And I was like, I think someone didn't use Redken before and it'll be okay. He goes, okay. He leaves and I'm like, I'm in my Botox appointment all over again. Like, the universe has put you right in the same place. Granted, it came out great, but I'm like, I didn't learn anything.

• 7:07Paige DeSorbo?

  A thing. Well, I was just gonna say, and how'd you find this place, Hannah?

• 7:12Hannah Berner?

  You know, it's actually a very well-established place, but I mean, I did like randomly book him. That was on me, that was on me. And it was like a last-second booking.

• 7:21Paige DeSorbo?

  You know, you don't have any like adrenaline-seeking parts of your personality, but sometimes you, you're like too decisive. Like, you're like, no, I'll do it right now, actually.

• 7:33Hannah Berner?

  Oh, I'm a doer, but the problem is I've never done anything weeks in advance.

• 7:37Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 7:37Hannah Berner?

  Like, I literally woke up and I was like, I have to shoot something on Friday, it's Wednesday, tomorrow I have to dye my hair. Book it now.

• 7:48Paige DeSorbo?

  You know, I could probably do it for you one time.

• 7:51Hannah Berner?

  I mean, I trusted you with my spray tan, I'll trust you with my hair.

• 7:55Paige DeSorbo?

  No, like, I feel like if I watched three tutorials on YouTube, got some boxed hair dye, I could do it.

• 8:02Hannah Berner?

  The way you said tutorial, just scratched my brain. Say it again.

• 8:05Paige DeSorbo?

  Tutorial.

• 8:06Hannah Berner?

  Tutorial. Um, shout out to Supporting Another Girl's Girl.

• 8:12Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 8:12Hannah Berner?

  Who's the girl I sent you who looks so fucking good?

• 8:15Paige DeSorbo?

  Daisy Edgar Jones.

• 8:17Hannah Berner?

  She has this new hair color they're calling Strawberry Brunette that I think is the direction I'm gonna go. Because one thing about us, if you give it a brand, I'll do it. So, Strawberry Brunette, you guys look at it, it's cute for fall.

• 8:30Paige DeSorbo?

  The gigglers should know that on Friday night, we're having a slumbie party. No, we're having an adult slumber party.

• 8:39Hannah Berner?

  Can I say the cutest thing? And like, I don't like to address that you have a boyfriend. I don't want to expose his life on this podcast, but I just have to say, one of your first arguments

• 8:51Hannah Berner?

  was that you went to his house and he didn't have snacks. And you texted me and you were like, hey, like, everything's been great with him, but there's this one thing that's like really freaking me out.

• 9:01Paige DeSorbo?

  No, freaking me out.

• 9:02Hannah Berner?

  Now, I come from a non-snack family. Like, people come over to my house and they're like, you got anything like for in-between meals? And we're like, no, there's pasta tonight.

• 9:11Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 9:12Hannah Berner?

  So, you go to his house and you're like, where's the snacks? And he's like, I don't know what you're talking about. And you trained him to make sure that when anyone walks in the house, there are snacks available for them and all different types of snacks for all times of the day.

• 9:26Paige DeSorbo?

  Different walks of life may come into my home. God forbid I've got a gluten-free girl who's looking for a meal. I need to have something to offer her.

• 9:38Hannah Berner?

  Mm-hmm. God forbid I need some protein beef jerky to go to sleep at night.

• 9:44Paige DeSorbo?

  And if we're just leaving it up to Joe, you'll get mixed nuts and a water bottle.

• 9:49Hannah Berner?

  So, I'm gonna cry. Last night, he texts the group chat, "Hey, Han, what snacks do you like?"

• 9:56Hannah Berner?

  He literally was like, Hannah's coming over. Shit, I don't have snacks. She's gonna be mad if I know of the right snacks. I'm like, Paige bullied you so hard.

• 10:05Paige DeSorbo?

  So hard. It makes them better people.

• 10:10Hannah Berner?

  But I also loved it because it seemed like he was asking for my rider.

• 10:15Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 10:15Hannah Berner?

  He's like, what do you want in your bedroom? Like, Kim DeSorbo would have a Ferrero Rocher, but I, let's not try to compete with that.

• 10:21Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, I would never try and compete with Kim DeSorbo, but I will say for you as my guest, I did book you a massage for the moment you land.

• 10:32Hannah Berner?

  You guys were, we're like a married couple that hasn't seen each other in a while.

• 10:39Paige DeSorbo?

  So, I, obviously, I'm getting like my weekly massage that I love, and she comes to my home and she walks in and I go, "We're gonna do something a little different today." And she was like, "What's going on?" And I said, "I'm not having any pain, but I feel like when I watch myself talk..."

• 10:54Hannah Berner?

  External.

• 10:58Paige DeSorbo?

  That's sad. That's so sad. Okay, so she walks in, I'm like, I feel like my jaw is like going to one side, but I don't have like TMJ, I don't have any pain.

• 11:08Hannah Berner?

  I gaslit you, I'm like, it's not.

• 11:10Paige DeSorbo?

  So whatever, she's doing the massage, she's, she puts gloves on, like she went inside my mouth. Hannah, I had an out of body experience. And then when she, she did a full head massage, neck, because she was like, I feel like your neck is really tight and that's like coming up to your jaw, whatever. When we're done, before I even opened my eyes, she goes, I can't wait to see what your face looks like, like, sit up. And she never says that. Usually she's like, and slowly get up, like go at your own time, like, no rush, whatever. She goes, sit up, I need to see your face. I sit up, she goes, oh my God, go look in the mirror, go look in the mirror. So if I'm looking a little more symmetrical today.

• 11:50Hannah Berner?

  Well, your eye got popped out.

• 11:52Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, I, I said, I do have like small orbital bone issues. And she was like, let me look at you. I actually stood in front of her naked, because she was like, I want to see where your body just naturally falls.

• 12:03Hannah Berner?

  This nipple is over here, this toe is over there.

• 12:07Hannah Berner?

  You love, but you, that's what you're like, I look at myself naked in the mirror all the time, someone else has to.

• 12:14Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm like, let me know your calculations, because I'll tell you mine, for sure. So then she said, I, she's a giggler, obviously. And she was like, I really, really wish I could get my hands on Hannah. And I'm like, well, she's truly the tightest person I know. I go, she can't touch her toes. She goes, she can't touch her. I go, her hips are a mess.

• 12:37Paige DeSorbo?

  I go, actually, she's coming on Friday night to spend the night, do you have any time available? And she was like, I will make myself available for Hannah, I gotta get in her mouth. And I was like, because she was like, her jaw tension, like I can see it when she talks.

• 12:54Hannah Berner?

  See, I love witchy people who are like, yeah, I can see from looking at you, like, you can't handle cheese.

• 13:00Paige DeSorbo?

  Speaking of witchy people, I begged Morgan Stewart to give me her, uh,

• 13:06Hannah Berner?

  Psychic?

• 13:07Paige DeSorbo?

  Psychic. She texted me and she was like, under no circumstances, can you give this name to, this is my near and dear. I feel like I'm holding like the secrets of the world.

• 13:17Hannah Berner?

  Well, LA psychics are like next level. Like Salem and LA are like similar.

• 13:23Paige DeSorbo?

  Similar auras.

• 13:24Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 13:25Paige DeSorbo?

  So anyway, I haven't emailed him back yet, because I'm like nervous.

• 13:31Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm like, wait, what if you tell me something? And I'm just like, mm, no, thank you.

• 13:35Hannah Berner?

  You love the chase of a new psychic.

• 13:38Paige DeSorbo?

  I love someone with fresh eyes on my future.

• 13:43Paige DeSorbo?

  I need fresh eyes.

• 13:44Hannah Berner?

  Let's start from scratch.

• 13:45Paige DeSorbo?

  Wait, I have something so sad to say.

• 13:48Hannah Berner?

  Oh no.

• 13:49Paige DeSorbo?

  Sweet, sweet kitty had to go for her like checkup for whatever, like her one year, whatever. And so we take her to the vet and the vet was like, okay, she's really obese. Like extraordinarily obese. And I'm like, okay, like, well, what are we talking here? She was like, not only does she need to lose four to five pounds, but we're gonna put her on a prescription food, because whatever you're doing at home, it's not working. I just look at kitty and kitty just looks at me and I'm like, you're a model.

• 14:29Hannah Berner?

  No, but do they understand that the more plump she is, the cuter she is?

• 14:33Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm like, okay, she was fatter two years ago, and you didn't have to put her on prescription food. And so I had to order it and it comes in like two days.

• 14:42Hannah Berner?

  You're like, sorry, everyone's on Ozempic nowadays, God forbid, someone just has a natural body.

• 14:48Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm like, does her stomach touch the floor when she walks? Yeah, but she likes that. No, it doesn't, but like, it's close to it.

• 14:56Hannah Berner?

  See, I thought she would have lost weight from like playing with the dog and like being mean to the dog, like that burns calories.

• 15:02Paige DeSorbo?

  She lays down and hits the dog. Like she's, no, like when I say I birthed this cat, I birthed this cat so much that like, when we are on our way to like photo shoots or any job that she's in, she yells in the car. Like she knows she's going to work, but the minute we step on set, perfect angel.

• 15:23Hannah Berner?

  She's a pleasure to work with.

• 15:25Paige DeSorbo?

  She's a pleasure to work with.

• 15:26Hannah Berner?

  She needs a matching walking pad that you guys can walk in the morning, make your calls.

• 15:33Hannah Berner?

  Call your mom. Drink her iced coffee.

• 15:36Paige DeSorbo?

  No, I think I do. I think I need to get her moving more. But like, we play every day, like she'll run, but she'll only run for like seven minutes max. She's like, okay.

• 15:48Hannah Berner?

  I do think some cats naturally have that body type. And like, let's be honest, you don't see like tiny skinny rag dolls, they're voluptuous. They're gorgeous.

• 16:00Paige DeSorbo?

  The boys are big. Like if you're getting a boy rag doll, that's a big cat.

• 16:04Hannah Berner?

  Yeah. I mean, I think she's perfect.

• 16:08Hannah Berner?

  I'm so sorry that, did she hear what they were saying about her?

• 16:11Paige DeSorbo?

  She did, right in front of her.

• 16:12Hannah Berner?

  She can hear you.

• 16:13Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah. And like she loves looking in the mirror and I haven't seen her look in the mirror in two days.

• 16:19Hannah Berner?

  It's like some people's faces look better around her.

• 16:21Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah. Did I ever tell you, like, the time I caught her just like staring at the mirror, like in the middle of the night?

• 16:27Hannah Berner?

  Naked?

• 16:29Paige DeSorbo?

  Like kitty, yeah, we gotta, like, I'm like, now I know how people feel around me. It's enough. Like you make everything about yourself.

• 16:38Hannah Berner?

  Speaking of people and sexiness.

• 16:41Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 16:42Hannah Berner?

  I don't know if it's just like the vibe, our culture right now, but like, it feels tone deaf and unnecessary to have a people's sexiest man right now.

• 16:54Paige DeSorbo?

  Yes. And this is the type of combo that I wanted to have on Giggly Squad, because what man are they even gonna pick?

• 17:04Hannah Berner?

  I've never once been like, you know what we need? To list a bunch of sexy men. I feel like no man's sexy right now. Unless you're speaking up for women's wrongs and rights.

• 17:14Paige DeSorbo?

  Is, do they pick right now? Like is now the time?

• 17:18Hannah Berner?

  I think they're like nominated, like, I just feel like it's not the right time in our society.

• 17:24Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 17:25Hannah Berner?

  To be worried about who's the sexiest man right now. I'd say none of them. No one's sexy until women feel like we can walk down the street at night.

• 17:36Paige DeSorbo?

  Did you see that video where it was like a guy went around being like, if you had, didn't have to worry about your safety at all from men, what would you do? And every woman was like, go for a walk?

• 17:48Hannah Berner?

  Walk on the West Side Highway once.

• 17:50Paige DeSorbo?

  No, like they never have to think about being kidnapped.

• 17:53Hannah Berner?

  Some girl also did a very, it's not funny, but just interesting. She was like, imagine if there's a group chat where someone said free penis.

• 18:03Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 18:04Hannah Berner?

  The girls would be like, ew.

• 18:07Paige DeSorbo?

  Did you see the video where it was like a bachelorette party and they were like, we ran into a guy who was really drunk? And we charged his phone, figured out where he was living and like made sure he was home.

• 18:22Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 18:22Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, it's really, it's a really scary, scary world, specifically for women. That's why, that's why podcasts like Giggly Squad and other female-led podcasts are really so important. Because at the end of the day, the community with each other,

• 18:43Paige DeSorbo?

  it's longevity, it's good for your soul. Like it's, like these men truly, there's so much nuance in the world that just goes right over their head. So it's like, you can't connect with a man ever on everything. You can't. You have to like pick your battles and pick your things, because it's never gonna be, it's just never gonna be the same, the way you talk to your girlfriends.

• 19:08Hannah Berner?

  And I think what I love about comedy is that you can get your point across in such a more palatable way. Where like if someone just goes on a rant online, people are like, I'm not listening to that. But if you say something so funny that leaves you thinking, like that's the genius behind it. But that's also like Giggly Squad, all we do is talk about mental health. But we don't call ourselves a mental health pod, so no one calls it that, because that would be like intense. We're like, but we're sending subliminal messages. I mean, I do say mental health moment, which is pretty in your face. But um, our, my favorite woman of STEM of the week goes to Avital Ash, who's a comedian, who had the funniest bit that I posted on my Instagram. And she's like, we should replace the word rapist with raper to sound more like murderer, killer.

• 19:51Hannah Berner?

  Instead of like artist philanthropist florist.

• 19:55Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh my God, I never thought of that.

• 19:57Hannah Berner?

  She's like, because rape is about power.

• 20:00Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, that, that is a good one.

• 20:02Hannah Berner?

  It's my entire feed right now, so I'm just, we're in the dark times. But yeah, vote people's sexiest men of the year award.

• 20:10Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, I think what's even scarier is that the younger generation of men are scarier than even our generation of men. And I thought they couldn't get scared.

• 20:19Hannah Berner?

  I thought after Mulan, everyone was gonna be like, girls are cool.

• 20:23Hannah Berner?

  After Mulan, the guys are gonna be like, she's awesome.

• 20:25Paige DeSorbo?

  I don't know. I thought maybe when we were dominating the job market, making 10 times more what men are making. And we've only been able to truly be in the workforce for like 30, 40 years, that they'd be like, oh, maybe they are equal to us. And like now that we're getting close to like baby making age, which.

• 20:42Hannah Berner?

  I love how we had to be 34 to like, be like, should we have a baby?

• 20:47Paige DeSorbo?

  I just started thinking about it yesterday. I'm like, wait, what about that mother thing everyone's talking about?

• 20:53Hannah Berner?

  Crossed my desk.

• 20:56Hannah Berner?

  And no one asked me about it.

• 20:58Paige DeSorbo?

  You cannot pressure someone to have a baby.

• 21:01Hannah Berner?

  Someone tried to pressure you to have a baby?

• 21:03Paige DeSorbo?

  I mean, I feel like a lot of people have tried to like put me in a box.

• 21:06Hannah Berner?

  I feel like we've both, we've dated different kinds of guys.

• 21:10Paige DeSorbo?

  I've dated more outwardly evil, you've dated evil that you were like, wait a minute.

• 21:17Hannah Berner?

  I've dated, I think more outwardly charming evil, but less wealthy.

• 21:23Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, and you pick your battles, you know? I hated my life at a five-star dinner, you hated your life on someone's couch.

• 21:30Hannah Berner?

  But I was laughing.

• 21:31Paige DeSorbo?

  But same.

• 21:33Hannah Berner?

  I'm in this interesting place, which I did talk about. I don't know if it was in my standup special, but I was just saying like, so many girls get mad that after you get married, people are like, are you gonna have a baby? Are you gonna have a baby?

• 21:43Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 21:44Hannah Berner?

  And I was like, that's so annoying. The second you get married, everyone thinks you're just like a baby maker.

• 21:49Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 21:50Hannah Berner?

  But then like, no one's asked me to the point that I'm like, I don't know, maybe everyone's just like super respectful nowadays, but I don't think so. I see TikToks, people ask other people about babies. I'm like, do I not look capable?

• 22:04Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah. What do you think that is? Because I-

• 22:06Hannah Berner?

  Maybe I've like, I'm so, I'm such a feminist that they're like, I, I'll, I know I'll offend her if I ask her about babies.

• 22:15Paige DeSorbo?

  I also feel like that's so like male coded and has like changed the meaning of feminist. It's like, okay, being a feminist doesn't mean you're not married and have children. Like, it, it, that's just-

• 22:30Hannah Berner?

  Very good point. Very good point.

• 22:31Paige DeSorbo?

  It's like them trying to weaponize the word feminist. It's like, look, they don't even want to bring life into the world. It's like-

• 22:38Hannah Berner?

  I think the idea of being a mother is just evolving.

• 22:41Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, it's also like, no, I don't want to have a daughter and now in 20 years have to think about her going to her college to further her education and your dumbass son attacks her. Like-

• 22:54Hannah Berner?

  Isn't it funny that no one has to educate girls not to assault boys?

• 23:00Paige DeSorbo?

  I don't know, but like at what age as a parent, do you stop calling the other kid's parents?

• 23:05Hannah Berner?

  Never.

• 23:06Paige DeSorbo?

  Because I, I, I feel like, come on, I'll call her mom. Like, I feel like I am gonna be such a like, and I'll talk to his parents vibe. Like even when they're in college, I'm like, I'm showing up at their house.

• 23:19Hannah Berner?

  This is like old school Brooklyn story, but my dad was getting beat up by this older girl at Brooklyn Tech, who was like huge. Like she'd like went through puberty already. My dad was like still skinny. And he was like scared to go to school because this girl was beating his ass. And my grandpa, it was like back then where you're like, what block does she live on? And he was like, Sixth Street. And he's like, we're going. Brings my dad, goes into the person's house. Hey, your daughter's beating the shit out of my son and I'm gonna need you to stop it.

• 23:50Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh my God.

• 23:51Hannah Berner?

  And she would like look at him in the window of the classroom and be like, you after school. Like he was really, but then he said that summer, he like worked out and like went through puberty and like showed up and he was like big and she left him.

• 24:03Paige DeSorbo?

  So your dad?

• 24:09Hannah Berner?

  And he was like, I think she had a crush on me. I'm like, whatever, whatever you do. And then I saw an old TikTok that I had posted. You know, like you just forget your old personalities.

• 24:20Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah. I've reinvented so many times. I like, I can't.

• 24:24Hannah Berner?

  Do you remember when you first heard that if you kick a guy in the balls, like it hurts him? And you were like, okay, that's the answer to all my problems.

• 24:33Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, probably like middle school was the first time I realized that like they cry if they get kicked in the balls.

• 24:39Hannah Berner?

  So I think I was like six or seven. I think I told this like two or three years ago on the pod. But my dad was like blocking me from like where I wanted to go. Like I was clearly being crazy and like wanting to go somewhere. My dad was like, you can't go there. And I just was like, okay, don't make me do it. And I just fucking kick him in the nuts and he falls down. And my mom had to give me like a whole speech about how you can't just go around kicking guys in the nuts. And I like could not comprehend it. I'm like, then why does he have nuts?

• 25:05Paige DeSorbo?

  I feel like you still can't comprehend it.

• 25:07Hannah Berner?

  If I can't kick them, why does he have a nut? Why are they swinging right in front of my face? Cause I, I will karate chop.

• 25:14Paige DeSorbo?

  Why are they so like tender and they're not inside their bodies?

• 25:18Hannah Berner?

  The whole ball thing is unnecessary.

• 25:21Paige DeSorbo?

  I feel like God has not made us mothers yet because-

• 25:25Hannah Berner?

  Let's bring God into this.

• 25:27Paige DeSorbo?

  No, let's bring him into it because sometimes he's the only answer. I feel like we are not mothers yet because the moment, not even the moment I give birth, the moment I get pregnant, I'm scared for every man around me because what? You can't bring life into this world? What is your purpose? Like you're gonna tell me anything when I just made breast milk? I just made milk from my body. I'm not even a cow. I'm not a goat. Like, and I can sustain life.

• 26:03Paige DeSorbo?

  You know, it's crazy to think about, are any, is anyone living off of breast milk? Like,

• 26:09Paige DeSorbo?

  no, that's disgusting as an adult. That's what I was gonna say.

• 26:12Hannah Berner?

  I was gonna say the, our best episodes are really early morning or at night and you guys, we're getting a night party tonight. It's a night party. Paige had a full day of shooting.

• 26:22Paige DeSorbo?

  How long do you think the, the longest woman has gone breastfeeding?

• 26:28Hannah Berner?

  I think that's a TLC show and it's like 10 years or something crazy.

• 26:33Paige DeSorbo?

  That's crazy.

• 26:35Hannah Berner?

  Gigglers, the holidays are coming in. Arm and Hammer Hardball Cat Litter and I are making sure all my fellow cat parents are guest ready. You guys know I'm obsessed with cats. I'm a cat missionary and make sure everyone in my life has a cat and I'm doing really well at it. I foster and I'm constantly trying to help cats find homes. And around the holidays, I basically want everyone I know to fall in love with a cat and take one home. But the holidays, you guys are hosting, you have your cat and you have such a to do list, you know, hiding things in closets, pretending you're clean, pulling out the snacks. One thing I do not need to add to that list is worrying about cat smell. Arm and Hammer Hardball Cat Litter keeps odors under control and forms compact clumps that make cleanup easy.

• 27:16Hannah Berner?

  So that part is already handled in the background. So then I can focus on my guests and maybe convince one of them, they need a cat. For all my fellow cat parents, be guest ready with Arm and Hammer Hardball Cat Litter. Find it now at Walmart or Amazon. One thing about me, I love a protein bar. I'm not going out into the world without my emergency protein bar. It saved me in so many situations, I can't even tell you. But when I'm eating a protein bar, it can't taste like I'm being punished, you know, for trying to eat healthy.

• 27:44Paige DeSorbo?

  That's why I'm obsessed with Stars and Honey. They basically looked at protein bars and said, hmm, why are we choosing between something that supports our goals and something we actually want to eat? Each bar has 15 grams of protein and only four grams of sugar, but the flavors are giving dessert, honey. Iced lemon cookie, mint chocolate chip, red velvet peanut butter mousse? Hello? Who even knew peanut butter could be a mousse?

• 28:08Hannah Berner?

  Because the best habits are the ones you can actually stick to. And consistency is a lot easier when your better for you snack is actually something you crave. Their standard is literally, would you still want to eat it if it weren't a protein bar? And that's the energy I need.

• 28:23Paige DeSorbo?

  Stars and Honey protein bars are now available at starsandhoney.com or Target stores nationwide. Order online or grab a box on your next Target run. I've always wanted to be more consistent with strength training, but my biggest problem is getting to the gym and thinking, okay, now what? I'll do a few exercises. I remember maybe a pull up, something I saved on Instagram, but there's never really any planning behind it. That's what I've been loving about the Ladder app. I open it and my workout is already planned for me by an expert coach. I know exactly what exercises I'm doing, how many sets, how many reps. And the in ear coaching gives me cues and motivation throughout the workout. It genuinely feels like having a personal trainer in my headphones. I love using this whenever I'm in hotels.

• 29:06Paige DeSorbo?

  I've been using it for a while now and I see and also feel myself getting stronger each day because of Ladder. I have also been eyeing their Pilates workout routines for a little while now. So that will definitely be in my next workout venture. And for less than $1 a day, you can't beat it. And I love that Ladder remembers my weights, reps and sets because I can actually see my progress instead of wondering whether what I'm doing is working. Plus you can get a new plan every week that builds on the last. Remove the guesswork with Ladder and get a real coach in your ear telling you exactly what to do for every workout. No thinking, everything planned for you. And if you have an iPhone, head to ladder.fit/giggly and take a quick quiz to find your perfect ladder plan.

• 29:48Paige DeSorbo?

  Use my link and get a free seven day trial with no credit card and $10 off your first month if you join. If your anxiety, depression, or ADHD are more often than just a rough patch, you might need more than just talk therapy or self-help tools. Talkiatory connects you with real psychiatric care so you can actually understand what's going on and get a treatment plan that works for you. Talkiatory is a 100% online psychiatric practice that provides comprehensive evaluations, diagnoses, and ongoing medication management for conditions like ADHD, anxiety, depression, and more. Unlike therapy online platforms, Talkiatory is psychiatry. You're seeing a medical provider who can diagnose mental health conditions and prescribe medication when appropriate.

• 30:33Paige DeSorbo?

  You can meet with a licensed psychiatrist who takes the time to understand what's going on, builds a personalized treatment plan and supports you over time with consistent, evidence-based care. And because you continue with the same provider, you're not starting over each visit. Your treatment can evolve with you, so you're actually making progress over time. And with more than 300,000 patients that have already found high-quality psychiatric care through Talkiatory, head to talkiatory.com/giggly to complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. That's T-A-L-K-I-A-T-R-Y.com/giggly to get matched in minutes. Talkiatory.com/giggly.

• 31:17Hannah Berner?

  Oh my god. You guys, I have so much homework for you, but I'm excited. Okay, you have to watch The Swan on Hulu.

• 31:26Paige DeSorbo?

  Watch it up.

• 31:27Hannah Berner?

  You have to watch The Widower that just came out on Netflix today. And you have to watch A Killer Story, also on Hulu. Those are three documentaries you must watch.

• 31:36Paige DeSorbo?

  I think I have a period piece that just came out on Netflix, so I'm gonna be busy.

• 31:40Hannah Berner?

  Oh, you're gonna be out for like, three weeks. Um, notes on The Swan.

• 31:46Paige DeSorbo?

  Now, I watched it with Josephine, who does not remember the show. So if you don't remember when it was on, it's certainly not gonna hit the way it will for millennials. I distinctly remember watching this show with my grandma and being fucking hyped.

• 32:04Hannah Berner?

  It was crazy. That was popcorn TV.

• 32:09Paige DeSorbo?

  In the context of what the show was supposed to be, I don't think it was like, a bad idea. Like, I understand the idea. I totally get why women heard this. It's also crazy, like, how time, just things change. Like, everyone heard about it on the radio.

• 32:26Hannah Berner?

  No, I know.

• 32:27Paige DeSorbo?

  You know, like, I just, I was like, I heard that, and I was like, oh my god, that made me feel so nostalgic, but...

• 32:32Hannah Berner?

  But you're right, it was pitched to them as a life transformation from therapy...

• 32:37Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, like, inner work, and then it's going to show, and we're gonna do some procedures that just, like, up your confidence a little. When in reality, it was, they were like, and now there's a bathing suit competition part.

• 32:51Hannah Berner?

  No, they literally lied to them and was like, you're doing a pageant. They didn't know they were doing that. Then they have to compete against each other. They didn't know they were doing that.

• 32:59Paige DeSorbo?

  They couldn't talk to their families for six months.

• 33:02Hannah Berner?

  They couldn't talk to their families. And it's all just big network money. The network was like, nah, it's not interested to hear these people, like, talk about their problems, or like, learn style, or whatever. They're like, let's see who can be hotter, and let's fucking change their faces and bodies as much as we can.

• 33:19Paige DeSorbo?

  And half the girls saw themselves for the first time and were like, what the fuck is this? Because they wouldn't let them look in the mirror.

• 33:26Hannah Berner?

  You know, it made me sick, because I'm that girl that would have been in the chair and been like, alright.

• 33:34Paige DeSorbo?

  And like, not spoken up. Well, that's, a lot of them said, they made everyone get veneers, which...

• 33:40Hannah Berner?

  Old-school veneers, too.

• 33:42Paige DeSorbo?

  Look, as someone who, like, always goes back and forth at, like, should I get a boob job? Do I want a boob job? Like, blah, blah, blah. One thing I've never...

• 33:51Paige DeSorbo?

  And these people's veneers looked insane.

• 33:54Hannah Berner?

  Not fitting in their mouths, falling out years later.

• 33:58Paige DeSorbo?

  When you have dental problems, nothing more painful. Like, to have to go to the dentist time after time because they gave you these fuck-ass veneers, I would have literally, I would have been livid.

• 34:11Hannah Berner?

  And because of the filming schedule, they basically were like, you have 10 hours with each girl to do as much as you can. And the girls just went under. One girl almost didn't make it out. But there was this one girl who happened to be older, that said, "Don't touch my nose." And they were like, "You're not gonna make it far in the competition." She goes, "I don't give a fuck, you're not touching my nose."

• 34:31Paige DeSorbo?

  And she looked beautiful.

• 34:33Hannah Berner?

  Beautiful, but that's just, like, if I did reality TV now, I'd be like, I'm not getting involved in that.

• 34:40Paige DeSorbo?

  No, it's really, it just like, preys on your insecurity. It's like a manipulative boyfriend. Because it's like, everything you thought in your head, you're like, oh, everyone does notice it. And it's like, no, they just pinpointed what you were insecure about and exploited it. It's like, if I had a nickel.

• 34:56Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, the producers do not care about your life after. They literally just care... Also, when they would get the reactions, they'd stop and be like, "Do it again, that wasn't enough. Do it again, that wasn't enough."

• 35:07Paige DeSorbo?

  When I heard that, I was like, wait, that's crazy? Because they were like, that, that ending scene, they would film for hours.

• 35:16Hannah Berner?

  But a lot of the girls were like, the plastic surgery wasn't even the worst part, even though their boobs popped and their teeth fell out, and like, their lips were fucking contorted. Because that one guy had some special procedure he was doing, like, whatever. But they were like, it was the mental assault of the reality TV being locked in.

• 35:38Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, I mean, dare I say, we, we went through something very similar this year, where we both were like, what if we just got a little Botox? Everyone's doing it, it's gonna help this, we're gonna look like this, we're gonna feel like this. And then the minute we did it, we were like, no, I loved my old face. Like, I loved my old face. Even now, sometimes when I'm eating something that's really chewy, I feel like my chin muscle, like, cramps up.

• 36:04Hannah Berner?

  I feel like I subconsciously put that in your, I witch'd you.

• 36:09Paige DeSorbo?

  I can't wait for you to get your massage, like...

• 36:12Hannah Berner?

  Am I gonna cry during it?

• 36:15Paige DeSorbo?

  Joe asked the same thing.

• 36:18Hannah Berner?

  No, because there's all these TikToks of people being like, hey, can you just touch this part?

• 36:24Paige DeSorbo?

  What the hell? I was like, no, you're not gonna cry during it.

• 36:28Hannah Berner?

  Also, I've atrophied. I have nothing left here.

• 36:32Paige DeSorbo?

  What does that mean?

• 36:34Hannah Berner?

  Like, because I haven't been able to, like, use that muscle?

• 36:37Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 36:37Hannah Berner?

  It's like, disappeared. But it's still, I didn't get to the root of whatever the issue was.

• 36:44Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, I'm gonna sit, like, next to you while you're getting your massage and just continuously ask you, like, "Do you liking it? Like, what's going on?" And then I'm gonna feed you chicken parm.

• 36:54Hannah Berner?

  Wait, no, you're gonna hold my hand, like, we're in ultrasound together. You're gonna hold my hand.

• 36:58Paige DeSorbo?

  And the best news is that Kitty will probably sleep with you.

• 37:02Hannah Berner?

  I'm so excited for our playdate. Should we go to Blockbuster and, like, get a movie?

• 37:07Paige DeSorbo?

  No, literally, the other day, I was cosplaying, like, being a mom, because me and Josephine had to get up at like, 5:00 AM and go somewhere. And then we had, like, time in between, and then, like, had a thing at night. So we got back to my, my house, and she was like, "I'm really tired." And I was like, "Why don't you go take a little nap? Kitty, and I'll wake you up when we have, like, our next thing." And she was like, "Okay." And Kitty went right with her. She wakes up, and she goes, "I'm a little hungry." And I go, "Why don't I make you a grilled cheese, doll?" And she goes, "I would love that." And I said, "Okay, pick out your chips." And, that was Kitty's face, "Pick out your pickles, because we have different types of pickles."

• 37:52Paige DeSorbo?

  And I made her a sandwich, and I loved every second of it.

• 37:55Hannah Berner?

  Because your house is a home. See, that's so funny, because if someone said that to me, I'd be like, "Do you know how to order a burrito?"

• 38:02Paige DeSorbo?

  And I said, "What can I whip up for you?"

• 38:05Hannah Berner?

  You are a caretaker.

• 38:07Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 38:07Hannah Berner?

  Except when you're on tours. For some reason, it switches.

• 38:12Paige DeSorbo?

  Because nobody wants to work these days, myself included. Wait, I was just gonna say something. Shoot, oh, that's what I was gonna say. My mom was like, "Oh my god, your birthday's coming up. What do you want?" I asked for a lacrosse.

• 38:26Hannah Berner?

  I'm gonna be so real with you, I know, I don't know what that is.

• 38:29Paige DeSorbo?

  A lacrosse? It's like, what, it's like, one of those big...

• 38:34Hannah Berner?

  Wait, is that like, a cardigan? Is that like, oh, it's like a serving platter?

• 38:39Paige DeSorbo?

  No, it's like, no, it's like a dish. It's like a, like a, like you cook in it. Like, you can put...

• 38:44Hannah Berner?

  It's like a crustacean.

• 38:45Paige DeSorbo?

  You can put your lacrosse in the oven. Like, I could do my pot roast in my lacrosse. It's just like chic to have a lacrosse.

• 38:53Hannah Berner?

  It's like, something that you, like, oh, it's like a lasagna tub.

• 38:58Paige DeSorbo?

  Totally. But it has, like, a top.

• 39:01Hannah Berner?

  What's the decor?

• 39:03Paige DeSorbo?

  I asked for the color ivory.

• 39:05Hannah Berner?

  Do you know if I asked my mom for a lacrosse, she'd call the police?

• 39:09Paige DeSorbo?

  Because I was like, "Why don't you start my collection, mother?" And she goes, "I would love that. Yes, I could do that. Okay, I'll get you one. Which one? You want the big one?" I said, "Yes."

• 39:19Hannah Berner?

  Oh my god.

• 39:20Paige DeSorbo?

  No, and really, it's really getting dark over here, and we've done such trad wifey things, and I'm like, enjoying it.

• 39:27Hannah Berner?

  No, but it's also, like, think of, in your twenties, you would, at night, be like, "Where are we going?" And now you're like, "What do I want to create?" You're an artist.

• 39:36Paige DeSorbo?

  You know, I think back all the time, because when I was in middle school and high school, I was like, "I love school dances. How am I gonna live without school dances?"

• 39:47Hannah Berner?

  I hated school dances.

• 39:49Paige DeSorbo?

  No, I'd get really upset, because I'd be like, "This is our last eighth grade dance. Like, it's just downhill from here."

• 39:55Hannah Berner?

  Did you dance at the dances?

• 39:57Paige DeSorbo?

  Yes.

• 39:59Hannah Berner?

  You never felt awkward at one of the dances?

• 40:01Paige DeSorbo?

  No, because I was letting my freak flag fly.

• 40:03Hannah Berner?

  Because you, like, had a guy that you were going with?

• 40:05Paige DeSorbo?

  I was dancing so much, I was getting in trouble. I was getting put in the corner.

• 40:10Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, you were...

• 40:11Paige DeSorbo?

  They were like, "One more time, Mr. Sorbo, and we're gonna have to call your mom."

• 40:14Hannah Berner?

  And they're like, "You don't even go here. How did you get into school dances?"

• 40:18Paige DeSorbo?

  She picked out this outfit, so call that bitch up.

• 40:21Hannah Berner?

  I just, I was like, okay, we're in a gym, and like, the guys are like, looking at us, and we'd be like, okay. And then I'm like, "I'm not dancing as well as that girl." And then I'm like, "I don't know what to do with my hands." And I'm like, "Mom, can you come pick me up?"

• 40:33Paige DeSorbo?

  No, but it's, it's just very true, because you don't ever think you'll get over something, or you, like, move past it. You don't ever think you're not gonna wanna do something. And then one day, the things that used to bring you joy just don't. And it's not sad, because you're entering into, like, a new chapter that you don't even realize. And truly, in like, the last couple of years, I really, like, I went out so much in my twenties, it's actually disgusting. But I genuinely am so happy that I don't long for it. Like, there was a time where I was like, do I long to go out?

• 41:11Hannah Berner?

  That is actually so wise of you, and I had that same realization. Sorry, I feel smarter with Invisalign. I'm like, I had that same realization, too.

• 41:18Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, well, you have a lisp.

• 41:20Hannah Berner?

  I kind of, but I'm enjoying my lisp.

• 41:23Paige DeSorbo?

  You have a protractor that you, we don't know what you're using for.

• 41:27Hannah Berner?

  Did you say protractor? Oh my god.

• 41:30Paige DeSorbo?

  Remember when you would have to get, like, notebooks, but it could only be graph paper? And I'd be like, ugh. Whenever I saw that on the list...

• 41:36Hannah Berner?

  You love nostalgia. No, I can't say nostalgia right now. Um... Oh, I was gonna say, when you're in your twenties, you're like, oh my god, like, I'm not gonna be able to do this. And you don't realize that you do change as a person to the point that you will not want to do it. And that's one thing people don't tell you, is that you will change. Like, it's not like you're thirty and five and you're like, I wanna go out, but I just keep getting hung over. It's like, no, something inside you starts being like, oh, 8:00 PM bedtime.

• 42:04Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 42:05Hannah Berner?

  Just cuddle around.

• 42:06Paige DeSorbo?

  No, you don't realize how strong you are as a woman until you're put in certain situations. And until those moments, which it happens to everyone, you you won't know until, like, you could be in a really bad situation and sometimes there's good that comes of it 'cause you're like, wait, that's how I reacted? Hell, yeah. Like, I'm strong as fuck. And it's like, you end up getting closer to yourself.

• 42:36Hannah Berner?

  Thank you, Mel Robbins.

• 42:38Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, whoa.

• 42:39Hannah Berner?

  My queen. What's going on today? Quick update about cats. I was having a nice little breakfast with Desmond and he goes,

• 42:48Paige DeSorbo?

  Yep.

• 42:49Hannah Berner?

  "You talk about me on the pod?" And I was like, what pod? I was like, I literally never talk about you on the pod. I don't talk about you. He goes, "I'm getting blown up with DMs saying, let Hannah adopt the cat."

• 43:01Paige DeSorbo?

  And sometimes we use our power for evil, and I agree with it.

• 43:04Hannah Berner?

  And I said, you know what's crazy? I swear to god, I did not tell the gigglers, this is gigglers, they see you as a barrier to my joy.

• 43:12Paige DeSorbo?

  We don't control people.

• 43:15Hannah Berner?

  I may have accidentally said that, like, you didn't think it was a good idea for me to get a cat, and they took that as a threat.

• 43:21Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 43:22Hannah Berner?

  And their hearts are in totally the right place, but um, then I obviously saw Genevieve, who now we're calling Pecan, Peanut, we have a lot of options. Um, and she was in a slow cell because she still has ringworm.

• 43:39Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, yeah. Keep her away from the other cats.

• 43:44Hannah Berner?

  But I went to volunteer at this place, and I walk in and there was like a girl standing there and she just looks, she goes, "I had a burner." Like, I forget that people might know who I am, and she must have been so freaked out. And then I was like, you wanna clean some poop with me? So me and this giggler just like cleaned poop for like,

• 44:01Paige DeSorbo?

  Wait, have you ever seen an animal that legit has worms?

• 44:05Hannah Berner?

  So, ringworm actually isn't worm, it's a fungus.

• 44:08Paige DeSorbo?

  Right, but have you ever seen animals that legit have worms?

• 44:11Hannah Berner?

  No, I don't wanna see it.

• 44:13Paige DeSorbo?

  It's disgusting.

• 44:14Hannah Berner?

  I don't wanna see it. That's why I'm not a vet. I would've become a vet if I could handle any kind of pain.

• 44:19Paige DeSorbo?

  Like, one time, we had a dog and he had worms, like, right when we got him. And I was little, and I remember like, watching the, like, it went to the bathroom and the worm was like alive in its poop. I remember turning to my dad and being like, I don't fuck with animals.

• 44:37Hannah Berner?

  It took you literally seventeen years to recover from that.

• 44:40Paige DeSorbo?

  No, I was like maybe five, and I remember looking up at my dad and being like, get it away from me. I don't give a fuck about this dog. Get it away from me.

• 44:49Hannah Berner?

  You go, I like my sparkly cute things in my room that don't poop, and I treat them as my children. Um, so Genevieve's doing well.

• 45:00Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay.

• 45:01Hannah Berner?

  You can, you guys can stop damning Des. He's,

• 45:05Hannah Berner?

  he doesn't support me, and he's not letting me adopt it, but um, he gets, he gets the memo.

• 45:11Paige DeSorbo?

  You know those pieces in your closet that you find yourself reaching for over and over again? The sweater that somehow works with everything, the jeans you know will always fit just right, and the bag you carry everywhere? Those are the pieces that earn a permanent place in your wardrobe, and that's exactly what Quince does so well. Quince takes elevated everyday essentials using premium material like Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, and premium stretch denim. The designs are timeless, thoughtfully crafted, and made to be worn again and again. Their 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters start at just $50, giving you the softness and quality you'd expect from a luxury brand without the luxury price tag. I have so many different sweaters from Quince because I love just throwing them over my shoulder, even in the summer, I think it's a chic look.

• 45:55Paige DeSorbo?

  Everything at Quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middleman, so you're paying for quality, not brand markup. Find the fall pieces you'll reach for the most at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers, or go to quince.com, get free shipping on your order, and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know that Giggly Squad sent you. It's the best way to support our show. Okay, autumn in New York is the season where we can finally start dressing again. Every single thing is an excuse to put on a look. Going to work, outfit. Leading a meeting, outfit. Getting drinks with your friends, obviously outfit.

• 46:38Paige DeSorbo?

  And as we all know, every great outfit starts from the feet up. That is why I'm currently obsessed with Allies from Sam Edelman. They're a ballet flat, but a little something extra for fall. A contrasting velvet cap toe, I have them in this gorgeous azure blue, which is like a dusty muted blue that somehow goes with everything, even Daphne's eyes. They're so cute, and I'm already envisioning my next outfit. Straight leg jeans, an oversized blazer, and a little shoulder bag, very, I just threw this on when we all know I absolutely did not. And Hannah is loving hers too. She has the Makayla, which is the Sam Edelman's take on a Mary Jane. And this season, it comes in the chicest leopard. So gorge, so easy, and exactly the kind of shoe that makes an otherwise basic outfit look like you actually tried.

• 47:22Paige DeSorbo?

  And there's so much more coming from Sam Edelman this fall beyond these two. Like the new Teigan and Tallulah pumps, plus ready-to-wear handbags, fragrances, and even a new men's collection. So basically, you can make sure both you and your man are looking good for date night. Because we're not doing all that getting dressed just to let him show up in a t-shirt. Head to samedelman.com and get 15% off with code GIGGLY15. Whenever a girl gets an idea in her head, she must execute it, and especially when it comes to interior design. Wayfair helps you create a home that stands up to real life with quality products, great value, and trusted reviews.

• 48:00Paige DeSorbo?

  I recently, on a Friday, had an idea to redo my boyfriend's entire living room, and let me tell you how quick everything came. I mean, by Tuesday, I was sending pictures and showing it off. My favorite thing and most important thing that I ordered was a living room rug. I really wanted to add some green in there, it's just very calming, and the rug came so fast, was so easy to put down, and transformed the entire space. You can shop thousands of products across every style and budget, whether you're simply replacing an appliance or transforming your home from top to bottom for the holiday season. You can use filters, custom photos, and more than 20 million verified five-star reviews to confidently find the right fit for your home.

• 48:42Paige DeSorbo?

  Find pieces made for real life and get even more value with Wayfair Rewards. Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase. Head to wayfair.com and shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home.

• 49:00Hannah Berner?

  One thing about me is with the new season, I like to have a new personality. You never have to stick to one personality, and people don't talk about it enough.

• 49:07Paige DeSorbo?

  No, if I'm wearing a hat, I'm a different person. Okay, the weather totally changes how you feel, and it's obviously like getting a little cooler out, and I'm a different girl in a turtleneck.

• 49:20Hannah Berner?

  And part of rebranding is getting new clothes, and that's why I love Revolve. They have everything I need to be a completely new person that no one's ever met before. Whether it's denim, such as an angled barrel jean, I'm so different when I'm wearing a barrel jean. People do respect me more.

• 49:38Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm a creative director of somewhere.

• 49:42Hannah Berner?

  Then boots with a little kitten heel or a high heel. When I'm wearing boots, I command a room.

• 49:47Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, and don't get me started on just like a really good dinner outfit. You get me a new blazer to go out to dinner, I'm having a time.

• 49:56Hannah Berner?

  Hmm, and then people forget that on Revolve, there's also beauty. Um, they have menswear, they have home, and they have Forward Renew, which is pre-owned luxury handbags, and you know how much we love vintage.

• 50:09Paige DeSorbo?

  I've been recently loving Helsa's stuff. I feel like the first place I go to look is Revolve. And the number one thing I love about Revolve is, order a bunch of stuff. Try it on in the comfort of your home, easiest return ever. It's the only place I shop that I don't feel bad ordering extra stuff because I'm like, I have the luxury of trying it on and having the easiest returns.

• 50:34Hannah Berner?

  And the shipping is so fast, and if you're like me and you don't know what you're doing two days from now, and then you're like, oh shit, I have a huge important dinner, use Revolve. It's so fast, and it's curated, so the website's really easy. I have been recently obsessed with, um, just like Norma Kamali. The capris that she has are so cute for fall, so comfy, stretchy, and perfect.

• 50:59Paige DeSorbo?

  Revolve also carries the brands that you genuinely know and love. There's also room for discovering things. Everything's curated, you can find new brands you love, new styles you feel like wearing. Revolve just makes shopping easier. All the brands you want, consistently updated, new arrivals, fast shipping, easy returns, and inevitably something you did not know you needed until five seconds ago. Go to revolve.com/giggly to shop our faves and use code GIGGLY for 15% off your first order. That's revolve.com/giggly, code GIGGLY for 15% off your first order. Offer available for a limited time, so don't miss out.

• 51:35Paige DeSorbo?

  Wait, we didn't even talk about me going on Chloe's pod.

• 51:38Hannah Berner?

  Wait, tell us everything. Like, I want all the details, all the like nuance.

• 51:42Paige DeSorbo?

  No, she's such a good person.

• 51:45Hannah Berner?

  But now this is like the second or third time. So you guys were like, hey, what's up? It wasn't like, uh, hi.

• 51:51Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, it was like, I literally walked in, I was like, thanks for having me. This is gonna be so fun. Like, here's what, here's how I will sum up my entire, like, morning with Chloe. When the pod was over and we were about to leave, she pulls out of her purse this big, truly. This little, like, um, like figurine of Jesus. And she goes, I want you to have this. And I go, what is this? She goes, oh, I just have like all these like mini little figurines of Jesus. And like, sometimes like I'll leave him in a bathroom if I'm somewhere. Or if like I'm with someone and I feel like, hey, like you need this, like, you might just like help someone.

• 52:34Hannah Berner?

  Wait, it's like Elf on a Shelf, but Jesus?

• 52:37Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, but it was like literally the size of like my nail. And I was like, that's, I'm sorry, that's the nicest thing.

• 52:45Hannah Berner?

  Kim Desorbo's crying somewhere.

• 52:46Paige DeSorbo?

  No, my mom was like, oh, that's nice.

• 52:50Hannah Berner?

  She's like, that's the kind of people we need in your life, okay?

• 52:53Paige DeSorbo?

  She goes, that's nice. She's close to God. It's very important. No, but I was like, that's so sweet. Like, who does that?

• 53:03Hannah Berner?

  After talking to you for an hour, I think you're gonna need this.

• 53:07Paige DeSorbo?

  And it's stronger than a therapist. I think you need Jesus.

• 53:10Hannah Berner?

  Wait, it would be so funny if she gave you Saint Anthony.

• 53:15Paige DeSorbo?

  That's my dog. That's my guy.

• 53:16Hannah Berner?

  Did you tell her we have a faith-based podcast?

• 53:18Paige DeSorbo?

  I didn't. I didn't say that.

• 53:20Hannah Berner?

  Who do you think she would like more, like if we both were on? Like, I'm not saying like, like we both were our most charming.

• 53:28Paige DeSorbo?

  That's my friend, HowDerry. Did I ask you this when you were chumming it up with Haley?

• 53:32Hannah Berner?

  You thought about it.

• 53:34Paige DeSorbo?

  But I didn't say it.

• 53:35Hannah Berner?

  Well, it's because of the Kardashians?

• 53:37Paige DeSorbo?

  No, of the Kardashians, I think that you and her would get along the most. Because I, and I said this to her, she's the funniest, by far, hands down, the funniest.

• 53:48Hannah Berner?

  Or do you think?

• 53:49Paige DeSorbo?

  Unless we're getting Rob involved, I actually think Rob is the funny. And I hate to say that, that I think a man is, but I think Rob is the funniest of, of all of them.

• 54:00Hannah Berner?

  Chloe is out there every fucking season doing the work. There's an argument that I would get along with Kim the best because Kim is like you. So like we would mesh where like Chloe likes you better because you guys are different.

• 54:16Paige DeSorbo?

  You know what? Like you walk into a room, you can feel someone's aura. Like you know.

• 54:20Hannah Berner?

  No, she's the sweetest.

• 54:21Paige DeSorbo?

  You know when someone's gonna be rude to you, or like you know when someone's like, hi. She has, and she's been famous for so long, she has zero of that. She genuinely is very down to earth. Other than like, they live in massive houses and she has a custom, she has a custom bed, Hannah? That's two king-sized beds. I said, where do you get your sheets?

• 54:50Paige DeSorbo?

  And she goes, babe, they're custom. Cause I was like, wait, you can't just stop at Target and get double king-sized sheets. I'm like, where are you getting them?

• 55:00Hannah Berner?

  Also, Chloe publicly has been through so much, and I can't even imagine privately. And she has stayed as like such a light.

• 55:11Paige DeSorbo?

  Chloe After Dark was ahead of its time. She had a radio show.

• 55:14Hannah Berner?

  Did you talk to her about Chloe After Dark?

• 55:16Paige DeSorbo?

  I didn't. I didn't.

• 55:17Hannah Berner?

  That like was fucking, oh my God.

• 55:20Paige DeSorbo?

  She was ahead of her time.

• 55:22Hannah Berner?

  Did you say that Kylie has six cats?

• 55:24Paige DeSorbo?

  Hannah, they're a family of cats.

• 55:26Hannah Berner?

  Why are they like kind of hiding this from the community? It's because it's not like brand safe?

• 55:30Paige DeSorbo?

  They basically like.

• 55:30Hannah Berner?

  To be cat girls?

• 55:31Paige DeSorbo?

  All switched over to cats.

• 55:33Hannah Berner?

  No, I feel like every cool girl is. Did you call her Chlo or Chloe?

• 55:38Paige DeSorbo?

  Chloe, I respected. I wrote her a note though, like, cause I brought her a gift.

• 55:43Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, you love a note.

• 55:45Paige DeSorbo?

  I brought her a gift when I went to do her ba, her pod. And I wrote her like a little note and I made sure I put the asterisks over her E in her name. Cause I think that's extremely important. She gave me an entire gift ba, box of all stuff for Kitty.

• 56:02Hannah Berner?

  Wait, you guys have the same love language. You just want to give each other gifts and Jesus.

• 56:07Paige DeSorbo?

  And she bedazzled, I mean, she didn't do it, but the churros that like Kitty loves, she, they were bedazzled.

• 56:13Hannah Berner?

  Shut up.

• 56:14Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, I showed Kitty when we got home.

• 56:15Hannah Berner?

  You have to get her like a vintage or like something, like a really beautiful rosary next time you see her.

• 56:22Paige DeSorbo?

  That's so smart.

• 56:24Hannah Berner?

  I do have to say, the texts you wake up with sometimes can make or break your day.

• 56:28Paige DeSorbo?

  No, truly.

• 56:29Hannah Berner?

  You ever wake up and read a text and you go, let's not do today?

• 56:32Paige DeSorbo?

  No, let's. I'm trying to think the last time, like I got, my day was ruined before I'd even gotten out of bed.

• 56:40Hannah Berner?

  You didn't say anything when two days ago I sent you like my first or second ever invisible ink text.

• 56:47Paige DeSorbo?

  What did it say?

• 56:48Hannah Berner?

  I don't remember, but.

• 56:49Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm gonna be honest, Hannah, I get a lot of invisible texts.

• 56:52Hannah Berner?

  Cause you're a vault.

• 56:54Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm rolling in invisible texts.

• 56:56Hannah Berner?

  See, I'm not a vault, so people aren't really doing.

• 56:59Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, I'm reading it. Yep, can't say that out loud.

• 57:02Hannah Berner?

  But also, this is my question. If you were subpoenaed, they're not gonna be like, well, it was invisible, so we can't use it against, with the jury.

• 57:10Paige DeSorbo?

  And even, you can un-invisible it and still screenshot it.

• 57:14Hannah Berner?

  Imagine, it's like a murder case and he's like, I'm gonna tell you right now if I did it or not. Invisible text, gotcha.

• 57:20Paige DeSorbo?

  Wait, we haven't gotcha'd in a while.

• 57:22Hannah Berner?

  Gotcha.

• 57:23Paige DeSorbo?

  No, invisible text is solely for, we don't, I don't know who you're around in this exact moment. God forbid someone looked over at your phone and saw Paige Desorbo saying the most nefarious, disgusting thing ever about someone. You never know, which it does happen.

• 57:42Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, maybe when it's like about a person.

• 57:45Paige DeSorbo?

  I've invisible'd full pictures.

• 57:49Hannah Berner?

  I didn't know you could do that.

• 57:50Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm like, wait, get a load of this one. Get a load of this.

• 57:57Hannah Berner?

  I do have to say, I made a good purchase recently, cause you know me, I don't make a lot.

• 58:01Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, no, I know.

• 58:02Hannah Berner?

  I got a new phone screen.

• 58:06Paige DeSorbo?

  Like invisibility cloak one?

• 58:08Hannah Berner?

  No, just a normal one, but I should get the invisible one.

• 58:12Paige DeSorbo?

  You gotta.

• 58:12Hannah Berner?

  But this one, I didn't realize how long I was using it, like while it was cracked. But like a fresh screen, I'm scrolling like, I feel like a gazelle in an open field.

• 58:24Paige DeSorbo?

  It's euphoric.

• 58:25Hannah Berner?

  I didn't realize how messed up my last one was.

• 58:28Paige DeSorbo?

  It's kind of like when you hurt like your thumb and you're like, whatever, I'll be fine. It's my thumb. And then you're like, holy shit, I use my thumb more than any body part. I'm like, how am I getting through the day without my goddamn thumb?

• 58:43Hannah Berner?

  Also, you know what Gen Z's, that I, I love you guys. I don't know if they're as tough as us, because back in my day, if you dropped your phone, you're not. Like, remember when you dropped your phone, it was just like.

• 58:55Paige DeSorbo?

  You're dead.

• 58:55Hannah Berner?

  You're, I've been shot. Like, everyone was like, no. And obviously you're a kid, you drop your phone like every fucking second. So like you drop your phone, it cracks, and then you had to like tell your parents, then it was like a whole ordeal.

• 59:09Paige DeSorbo?

  That was a whole ordeal.

• 59:11Hannah Berner?

  That was try, I broke my phone so many times.

• 59:14Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, I just like got out, I got a lot of stuff out, I feel like. This is so therapeutic for me.

• 59:19Hannah Berner?

  No, it's so necessary.

• 59:21Paige DeSorbo?

  Especially after a long day when like everyone annoys you.

• 59:26Hannah Berner?

  And then just to be like.

• 59:28Paige DeSorbo?

  And you know what's crazy is, cause I was in the car for an hour before this and I already vented to my mom. So I'm going on two hours of just like, and another thing I thought of.

• 59:36Hannah Berner?

  Some days I get nothing done because I'll vent to you.

• 59:39Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 59:40Hannah Berner?

  Vent to Dez.

• 59:41Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 59:41Hannah Berner?

  Vent to my mom.

• 59:42Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 59:43Hannah Berner?

  And then by the time I've done all that, a whole new crop of issues have started. I have to go talk to you again, talk to my mom, talk to Dez.

• 59:50Paige DeSorbo?

  I've wasted full days texting.

• 59:53Hannah Berner?

  And my mom's like, what'd you do today? And I'm like, you know what I did? I've been making the rounds.

• 59:58Paige DeSorbo?

  Sorry, you know the horse that's in my home that I was beating? Like, come on. No, and also like recently, me and Hannah are like, I feel like we've found such peace, the two of us. Because recently I've noticed myself calling you and telling you gossip that like, we've already talked about. I'm like, let's, like, there's nothing new, but I'm like, let's just like revisit it. Like, we don't even have new gossip to get into, sometimes.

• 1:00:27Hannah Berner?

  I mean, I'm so proud of us.

• 1:00:29Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:00:30Hannah Berner?

  But I mean, knock on wood.

• 1:00:31Paige DeSorbo?

  It's like a little boring sometimes.

• 1:00:33Hannah Berner?

  No, it's super boring.

• 1:00:34Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm like, I don't know, do some.

• 1:00:36Hannah Berner?

  I'm that creepy married person that's like, tell me about your dating life, cause I'm over here married.

• 1:00:41Paige DeSorbo?

  It's not even like dating life drama. I'm like.

• 1:00:45Hannah Berner?

  No, like when Grace, when Grace tells us she went on a date, the way we freak the fuck out, we're like, tell us everything.

• 1:00:50Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, I'm like, I want like, I want group chat drama. I want like, I need something.

• 1:00:56Hannah Berner?

  We don't have any friend group drama.

• 1:00:59Paige DeSorbo?

  What's a who, what friend group?

• 1:01:03Paige DeSorbo?

  Uh, you know what's crazy? We started out with a large friend group.

• 1:01:07Hannah Berner?

  Wait, I cried one night and everyone's like, why are you crying? Are you crying over a boy? And I'm like, no, because I'm losing all my friends.

• 1:01:16Hannah Berner?

  And they're like, welcome to your 30s. It just, the people who drop off, cause like, I, I recently saw a TikTok of all these photos of like, people hanging out, having the best time in their twenties, and it's just me with the fakest friends I've ever had.

• 1:01:31Paige DeSorbo?

  Sometimes I do feel bad. I'm like, oh wait, I don't have like that many friends or like to go out with. Like everyone's like doing their own thing. Like, I don't have a co, I guess I, what I'm saying is, I don't have a cohesive friend group where they all know each other. Do you know, like all my girlfriends don't really, like they know each other, but they're not like, it's not one big group text.

• 1:01:52Hannah Berner?

  I do have to say, the comedy community is quite nice, cause they all know each other and they do have good gossip.

• 1:01:57Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, no, the comedy community does have really good gossip. No, but sometimes I'll listen to like some of my other friends who have these like big friend groups. And either like, half of them are married, so they hang out with their husbands, or like, some of them are single, so they'll go out, whatever.

• 1:02:14Paige DeSorbo?

  Truly couldn't pay me. Like, then I'll hear those stories and I'm like, no, no, no. I, I want no part of that. It, it's some of the most insane, because here's the thing, even though you get married, that doesn't mean you are matured, that doesn't mean you figured out anything in yourself internally. So now you're just bringing along another person to witness your debauchery. So some of like friend group drama where it's like everyone's married, I'm like, mm, miss me with it. Like, I, I'd rather have no one and be with my cat and have peace than be in whatever the fuck that is.

• 1:02:51Hannah Berner?

  You've had like 40 epiphanies on this pod about your existence and it was super, super, super powerful.

• 1:02:58Paige DeSorbo?

  It's a perfect time to red light mask and settle in for the night.

• 1:03:04Hannah Berner?

  Wait, I'm gonna see you tomorrow night.

• 1:03:06Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, I'm so excited. I'm.

• 1:03:08Hannah Berner?

  I'm so excited.

• 1:03:10Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm literally gonna get to my shoot tomorrow and be like, no, I have a hard out.

• 1:03:14Hannah Berner?

  My friend's coming over.

• 1:03:15Paige DeSorbo?

  My friend's sleeping over. I can't tell you the last time I had a friend sleep over.

• 1:03:20Hannah Berner?

  No, I'm so excited. And we're gonna be like, goodnight.

• 1:03:24Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, then I was thinking, I was like, wait, should like I lay in the bed with her? Like, I'm gonna like, like, and like, like talk?

• 1:03:31Hannah Berner?

  At least we'll like watch something together and then we'll see like where we want to sleep.

• 1:03:36Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay.

• 1:03:36Hannah Berner?

  We'll just, we'll discuss. Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. Love you. Bye.

• 1:03:47Speaker 03

  Everyone knows those red Target bags, but what's inside? That's a different story for everybody. Maybe it's something new you didn't know you needed. Something that makes life a little easier? Or turns an ordinary Tuesday into something to look forward to? Because a Target bag isn't just full of things. It's full of what you need, what you love, and even what you'll love next. This fall, all that's new and uniquely you, it's in the bag, only at Target.

• 1:04:17Speaker 04

  Your care changes lives. At Fidelity, we help put that same care into your financial future. Get support through your employee benefits with free tools and resources to help you tackle debt, save, and invest with confidence. Learn more at fidelity.com/healthcare. Fidelity Brokerage Services LLC, member NYSC SIPC.