Giggly Squad
Hosted by Hannah Berner and Paige DeSorbo
Paige has come back to life unlike Hannah's smile. subscribe to our newsletter
12,011 words · 6 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
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Sup, gigglers?
Gary, fix the wifi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.
I mean, the day just got away from me.
Hello, my gallivanting gigglers.
Great.
Well, we're happy because Paige's E. coli has ran through her body.
What is E. coli? I thought you had to like bite a cow in the ass to get E. coli.
I've lived seven lives since I freaking met you. Okay, let me just start from the very beginning, okay? Let me just do like a full story time. So we get like the true details happening. Sunday night, I go out to dinner, I have some meatballs, okay? Monday, we record the pod.
Yeah.
My Monday evening, your Monday morning, okay?
And I'm feeling like a little queasy, but not enough to not do Giggly Squad. Like, I was like, I can do Giggly Squad. Right when we ended Giggly Squad, it was like my body was like, you fulfilled your obligation. We now are shutting down, okay? I've truly been in the same spot since you guys left me.
Been right here. I never moved, I never.
Then I get a picture sent to me of you attached to an IV that looked like it was attached to a Pellegrino bottle. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on in Italy right now?
So Monday night, I'm puking my brains out all night. I'm, I'm shitting myself. Hannah, I'm sitting on the toilet, shitting. I'm bending over and puking in the bidet, okay? I, it was, I, in my head, I was like, so convenient. This is the most convenient thing I've actually ever encountered in my life. Thank God I own a pajama brand because the amount of pajamas I went through.
Sweating through it?
No, I shit myself. No, I shit myself.
I had to throw my pajama pants away. I go, I own the company. Throw them out. Throw them out. And it wasn't like, because I couldn't get to the bathroom. It was like, I was going to throw up and then all of a sudden I started.
Every orifice was exploding.
So I wake up Tuesday morning and I'm just like, I think I've died. I think I died and I'm, I'm on my way to heaven. I call a doctor, doctor comes, I tell him, well, actually my brother's girlfriend Amanda, thank fucking god she's here because she's just like been translating everything because she speaks like fluent.
I was gonna say, how do you say, um, puke out of the mouth?
I'm like, Amanda, can you tell him, uh, it was like a lime green?
Wait, so you, you're so close with her right now.
Me and Amanda are like this, okay? So, so the doctor comes and everyone in Italy, it's just like so funny. First of all, there's no HIPAA in Italy. The whole hotel knew I was sick.
Everyone knew.
Well, they could hear it.
Everyone was going, everyone was going up to my parents, how is she? Is she okay? One of the waiters came in, like, like I had ordered room service and I was like up and he goes, you're up from bed. Oh my god, you're up. I was like.
One thing about Italians is they're gonna gossip.
They're gonna talk. No, they're gonna talk about it.
Also, because they want to know why you're not eating their food. Like, that's the drama.
So I say, I think I ate a meatball that wasn't cooked. No. The doctor was like, impossible.
Impossible. Never been done before in Italy.
No, there was not the food.
I was like, okay, it might have been the food. He was like, no, it wasn't. He writes me a prescription to get like an IV and then he wrote me a prescription for-
Girl is insane, delusional, making up things.
Hysteria needs a lobotomy.
I love that you came for the meatball and they go, get her out.
They were like, what? No. He actually made a face like, you're stupid. Like, no, it wasn't the food. Maybe it was your stomach. How about you look inside? Cause it wasn't us. And I was like, okay, I mean, it is a hundred degrees here. I highly doubt they're storing the, all the meat products correctly. But who am I? Okay. I digress.
But a woman in STEM.
So then the nurse comes, okay. Just the loveliest woman on the planet, but I'm laying there and I'm like, this is some makeshift IV if I've ever seen it. She's like, I need, I need a hanger. I go, for what?
I literally like-
Whenever a nurse says, I need a hanger, get the fuck out of there.
So then she like hangs it up on the thing. And then I was like, obviously nervous for her to put the needle in. Cause I'm like, wait, what if she's not, she was the best nurse I've ever had put a needle in my arm ever. I take down the IV. I'm like, I'm like, okay. But I'm like fully incapacitated, like all of Tuesday. I'm like dead. Next day, Wednesday, I have her come do another IV because like the biggest death was the dehydration. Then, on my like fourth round of broth and rice from room service, one of the waiters says, talk about gossip. One of the waiter goes, the whole hotel, sick, vomit.
I go, everyone in the hotel is vomiting? He goes, on the first floor, there's a couple of kids that had it. And I go, what?
I literally, I felt, because on the last pod, it was like, I have baby fever. The universe was like, bitch, you thought.
Not yet.
No, you don't. No, actually, you don't.
Wait, so the doctor was right. It wasn't the meatball.
Yeah. No, it wasn't the meatball. It, I had like a legit stomach virus.
Kids get everyone sick.
No, I literally.
You cared so much about trying to eat everything in Italy and we were all rooting for you. So the fact that this happened, like.
I haven't had cheese in four days.
No, like, you don't deserve that. You don't deserve that.
I haven't had cappuccino.
Not even a prosciutto.
No, nothing. I've literally, last night I went out to dinner and I was like, I'm so sorry, but can I just have pasta and butter? And he was like, um, yes, I guess.
Also, you were posting all your outfit videos. You were so happy and then you just went silent.
And then like, then like my Scorpio brain, like, I'm literally knee deep in the toilet, like vomiting. And I'm like, someone put a goddamn hex on me. Like, someone literally put a spell on me.
You're going through your Rolodex of people that are on your shit list.
Who could it have been? But joke's on them because I'm so snatched. I feel great.
You're hydrated.
I'm hydrated. I look better than ever and no, now I'm really taking on the world, but I haven't had any gelato. I can't believe I haven't eaten. This is the longest I've ever gone without cheese, I think, my whole life.
And it's like, and my body's finally functioning.
Yeah, and I feel great. I, this is the first day that I'm literally out of bed. Like, I went to breakfast and went to the pool.
I was worried that like, I was gonna have to navigate somehow doing an episode with my fucking flat ass smile. Um, without you, but everything worked out.
Leave you like that.
Yeah, you, we would just do live from the toilet. It's Paige Justorbo, Saturday night.
I was gonna have you send me voice notes of you in the bathroom. You know, that's the darkest time of your life when you're like alone vomiting. That's when you see God, I think.
No, I, I literally said, this is how people in other countries die. They get a parasite of some weird shit and then they die. I mean, it was like 5 a.m. I think like Tuesday morning and I was like, can you get my mom?
Can you get my affairs in order?
Can you please call my mom? And so my mom had to come to my room. And my mom, like typical my mother, she goes, well, you throw up so dramatically. She's like, you throw your whole body into it. She's like, I've thrown up three times in my life. Like, you're so annoying.
She goes, have you ever thought about not doing that? Stop.
No, she was like, seriously, just throw up like a normal person. My stomach muscles are so sore from legitimately like contracting to like.
You know, maybe you had an exorcism.
No, honestly, I was like, okay, clean out all the toxins and the demons and whatever I've been holding on to. Cut it out. I'm truly, I truly, there's nothing left in me.
You're a blank slate.
Well, I got nervous because I was like, am I like at this point pooping out my organs? Because there's just no way. There's no way.
What's coming out at this point?
Every hour on the hour, I was throwing up and going to the bathroom.
Were you like left to fend for yourself for most of this? Or was there always someone like patting your rack?
No, my whole family, it was as if I was literally dying. Like there were even people in the hallway when my parents were like going to breakfast, like, how is she? Like the whole, my whole floor now. Everybody knew about it.
They had yellow tape all around your door.
I went to breakfast this morning and they were like, oh my god, like, sit down, like, we're so happy to see you. I was like, does everyone know?
But you love the attention a little. You're like, it's me.
No, I did.
I'm the girl everyone's been talking about. It's hard to be the it girl of this hotel.
But also, there was a part of me that was like, I feel like the universe was like, you know what? I've never stayed in bed on a vacation and I feel like this vacation is so long that I, it was actually nice to just like, I couldn't go out and do anything. So like, I've never just enjoyed a hotel room the way I did the past four days.
And enjoy is a strong word, but.
Strong word.
She's like, I saw every corner of the room. The room was spinning at one point.
It's so funny, because I'm also living in a hotel, like, what's the Eloise? I feel like Eloise.
Where like, everyone knows me now. I go down, I'm like, you know my order, the usual.
Some of the best, like, chicken broth and rice I've ever had in my life.
Well, they probably use orzo.
That was so Italian. When you say orzo, you have to use your wrist.
Well, no, they use what they use for risotto. So it's not like.
Yes.
Is that orzo?
Kind of.
Yeah, kind of. It's not like your classic jasmine rice, you know?
Which I do love.
Well.
Anyway, hi, how are you?
Good. You know, divas have been going down. Um, my smile update. This is gonna sound crazy, and if you're watching the YouTube, I can feel like a millimeter of the edges. Like, it's so embarrassing, but like, okay, I'm gonna try to do it.
I see it. No, I see it and I'm not gaslighting you.
Okay, it's literally huge for me. But when I tell you, if you just watch that, you're like, it's not good. It's not good.
No, like, you're gonna go through phases.
The good thing is, I feel like I can talk. Like, there were a couple of episodes of Giggly Squad, I was like, I sound like I have a dick in my mouth.
Take the dick out of your mouth.
Hey, do me a favor, okay? Take the dick out of your mouth. That's an amazing insult. Hey, do me a quick favor for a second. Take the dick out of your mouth and talk to me like an adult.
You love that.
I'm saying that, I love.
You got jacked up on that. You go, add that to the repertoire.
Here's an idea, take that dick out of your mouth.
Well, that's my question, because you're not doing reality TV right now. Where are you putting all your good insults? Because I feel like, like, where are we putting it to your brother?
Thank you so much for asking.
Because I know you have a side of you that's like, we need to let this out in an artistic form.
Okay, one of the most amazing things about going on a vacation, especially with your sibling and their significant others and your significant other, is they can see what your sibling dynamic is. And Gary said something so heinously mean to me the other day, to the point where I don't even remember what it was, because I started laughing hysterically. And his girlfriend was like, Gary, that was so mean. And he was like, that's her love language. She loved it. Look how she's laughing.
She's so happy.
So a lot of my insults have been going about people, but just to my mom and dad.
Yeah, okay.
And when my dad says, whoa Paige.
That was harsh. That's when I know I have to really rein it in, because he's like psychopath final boss. And he doesn't like the word cunt. So if I throw in like, and that fucking cunt, he goes, no.
He goes, that's where, that's where I put the foot down.
Yeah, that's where he draws the line.
See, I explained to my parents that culturally in England, it's like a filler word, and they've gotten over that. But also, I'm not throwing around cunt all the time. Only when
Do it once in a while, it's very therapeutic.
Yeah, it hits better when you like, save it for important times. Um, oh my god, it's so funny with the brothers. I also think peo- talking shit about people, there's nothing that bonds you more with your brother's significant other than talking shit about your brother. And I know like, that sounds fucked up, but like, me sitting in a car with my brother's wife, being like, you know how he does that? And her agreeing, it's like, the best feeling in the world. And it's true love, like, it's true family connection.
I have this running joke with Amanda that like, when they first started dating, I like pulled her aside and I was like, get out. You can get out, right?
I'm like, run.
Do you ever root for her? Like, root for her while she's fighting with him? Like, you're like, come on, girl?
Literally, last night, he like, said something to her, and I like, looked at him, and I was like, what the fuck did you just say to her? Like, I, like, no, now, it's kind of crazy because legally, I've had to be on his side for thirty-three years. And now, I, I, I'm not, I'm on her side. And like, on vacation, like, sometimes he'll say things to her that like, he would say to me, and she'll be like, I'm not your sister. And he's like, right, yeah, I can't say that to you.
You could talk to her like that, don't talk to me like that, period.
I've been reading the YouTube comments. The comments are so funny, because I've been posting updates on Instagram with my smile, and it's people being like, oh my god, it looks better. Like, I'm like, day twenty-seven, everyone's like, it looks better. And then the next comment will be like, it's really, really, really bad. And then the next one will be like, day thirty, it'll come back. Like, it's so funny seeing everyone's different reactions to it, but overall, everyone's laughing. But one girl sent the nicest message. And she basically was like, Hannah, um, seeing you on last Giggly Squad episode, stop covering your mouth and just like, letting it go, made me feel, it was like empowering, it made me feel more confident about my own insecurities. Like, basically, like, if you could own
being that fucked up, and like, normalizing it, I could own my shit. And I was like, okay, if that's what I bring to this planet, that's what I bring. But now, look at me, I'm like, this is me now, bitch. Take it or leave it.
Yeah, this is, you know, wait, the photo you posted of you and Dez, and then you were like, wait, why is my smile?
Okay, so there's a Dez's special for international gigglers and whatever. It's on YouTube right now, so you should watch it on YouTube. So I posted to promote it and I took a wedding photo. And he's mid-sentence of something, so his mouth looks like, yeah. Um, literally my smile.
No, it was exactly your smile.
He calls it my snarl.
How is the show going?
Oh, my god.
How is Canada? You're like, you're Canadian.
I'm so fully Canadian. I've also been like such a foodie. I've gone to a bunch of different restaurants because Dez came to visit.
Oh, I was gonna say with who?
No. When I'm alone, I get so scared. Like, I won't even go to the pool. Like, I'm so scared. But, um.
Wait, really?
Look, even like shopping, I don't like shopping alone because like you walk in and it's just like, also with my smile, it's honestly added to my social anxiety because I'm like, I don't want to disappoint people. Like, you walk and greeting really gets me anxious right now. Actually, like, I was very depressed for like two weeks. Like, I wasn't even calling Grace. I know.
Oh, my gosh.
Because I was like, I don't want to bring negative energy to her.
I don't want to burden people with my face.
No, actually, you'd be surprised how many like friends I have that I just didn't want to tell because I didn't want to ruin their day.
Yeah, that's really considerate of you, but you wouldn't be ruining anyone's day.
I know.
You have to let it out. You have to, this is a perfect example of depression. You have to get it out.
Yeah, you can't just sit with it like a secret. It gets stronger when you keep it in.
Yeah, you have to tell everyone.
But you know, the show, I can't wait for the show to come out. I don't know when it's coming out, but it's really a great show and like production's been so cool with me.
And we've like really leaned into this character, but also a lot of, now I'm like obsessed with people's smile. Like, I watch something and I'm like, that person doesn't smile a lot. I'm like, oh, my god, that person has a beautiful smile. Like, literally yesterday, this girl was like doing something, she's like smiling in front of me. I was like, are you trying to hurt my feelings? I was like, team, no smiling and making eye contact with me. Cause it ruins my fucking day.
No, it's a lesson in being grateful because that's how I feel about like being able to eat cheese right now. I'm like, remember last week when I was just chowing down on creams and different milks? And frozen milks and different aged palms? Like that was so, that was so nice, wasn't it? And like every time I go to my family, like maybe I'll just try a little cheese. They're all at the same time like, no.
But that makes me wanna be naughty and do it. That makes me wanna take it back to my room and just be like, they don't know I'm gonna fucking eat this shit.
Well, last night I got back to my room and my brother texted me and he was like, I got, I ordered two pizzas. And I was like.
Oh, he's literally the devil on your shoulder. Gary's like, wanna get crazy tonight? I won't tell anybody.
Such an older brother. He's like, wants to stuff me full of cheese.
It's like, you're his Barbie doll that just wants to put Sharpie all over. Burn it.
The other day, okay, so the way like our rooms are set up, like we're three in a row. Like my parents, me, then Gary. And like the balcony is like low enough that like if you stood on a chair, you can see over. But you have to like get up on a chair. So every time I go out on my balcony and my dad hears me, he jumps up on a chair and like looks over at me. Well, the other day when I was really sick, I needed them to come in and like change my sheets because I was just like disgusting. So I went and I sat, but I couldn't go anywhere. So I like just went and sat out on the balcony while they were like cleaning my room.
And the woman had come outside because she was wiping down the like sliding glass door. And she doesn't.
It got on the sliding glass door.
No, she was just, no.
She was just spraying all over.
She was just lysol-ing everything. She was just really helping me out. Okay?
Wait, Italians love cleaning. You know she was. She was having a field day.
She brought me extra blankets and pillows. Like she knew that I was like sick. So my mom was out there with me and she like, my brother on the other side didn't know that the cleaning woman had come outside and so he jumped up on the chair and he had a um,
you know, those like things that help men put their shoes on.
Okay, yeah.
Like, like the, what are they called?
I have no idea, but like men are so weak. You need something to help you get your shoe on.
A shoe horn. It's called a shoe horn.
Oh yeah, shoe horn.
It's like help them put on like dress shoes, whatever. They truly like, oh, the patriarchy can't even bend.
Yeah, let's study endometriosis. Okay?
But my brother pops over his head with the shoe horn like.
By the way, he's turning 40 soon. Continue.
It's a grown man physically threatening people.
And, and the cleaning woman like jumps back like, what the fuck?
She was like, don't go into the disorbo's room. It's very scary in there.
My brother was like, sorry. And my mom goes, no, we're all family. It's okay. And I go, it's okay that your son was gonna beat me with a shoe horn?
No, it's a lot of therapy going on here.
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Well, final notes about the Masseter massacre, which is the new thing going around is, um, oh yeah, yahoo.com wrote an article and said comedian says her donkey smile is because of-
What? When the fuck did we say donkey?
Never said, never said donkey smile.
Also, what does a donkey smile look like?
Okay, well.
No, but I read it and I was like, I'm being misquoted. I've never, then I was like, did I say donkey? Cause you know, sometimes you're like, things get taken out of context. I've never said, I would never say I have a donkey smile.
I've also never said the word donkey.
I've never smiled donkey together. Also, I would never shame a donkey. Like animals are perfect.
And like, in what context? Like are we, are we talking about donkeys?
No, literally leave donkeys out of it. So anyway, they just gaslit me to say that I called my, just say I look like a donkey. Don't make it like I'm telling myself I look like a donkey.
Who wrote it?
Someone at Yahoo.
Not a giggler.
No, no, no giggler, never. Um, also everyone was worried about your like gangly insist. And did you see like all the responses about what to do?
So many responses. I think the number one response was like, it's a five to 10 minute procedure. It's honestly not that big of a deal.
That's not the number one response I saw.
Oh, what was yours?
People were saying to hit it with a bible.
Oh, yeah. That one I knew, I knew that one. That's why I-
To get his bible and hit you with it.
He's gonna literally grab his shoehorn and be like, I'd love to, I've been waiting for you to ask. No, I knew that was like, one of the things to do, but I don't wanna do that.
You don't wanna do surgery on yourself?
Well, everyone was like, it will come back if you do that. And even if you go and get it drained, most likely it comes back. They said the only way to like, really ensure it doesn't is to like, get the procedure. I think I would just go and get it drained.
Are we like, becoming those girls in their 30s who were just talking about like, back pain and like, sis?
Okay, well, we're growing with the gigglers. We're all the same age and like, this is what we're going through. We're just talking about it. And this is how you get endometriosis, research money, by continuing to talk about it.
Yes, yes.
I don't know what I'm gonna do with this thing, cuz now she's like, a part of me, you know? But someone did say, stress and anxiety contribute to these.
I know, I'm, it's kind of, you can like accessorize it. Maybe you could bedazzle it or something.
Yeah, maybe I could build it a little home.
Get in an outfit, a matching set.
Put a little eyes and a mouth on it.
Be like, hold on, I have to talk to my giggling sis.
What up, gang?
There they are, they're coming.
So stupid. I really miss you. I feel like-
No, I miss you so much.
Like, I feel like I have so much, but like, I need to see you in person.
You were dead, but like, so I didn't, I was just like, being like, it'll be okay. Like, I didn't know what to say, but I also, I didn't wanna bother you cuz you were dead, but then I also didn't wanna like- Make you think I forgot you were dying?
Honestly, nobody bothered me while I was dead because I haven't been this, I haven't been this sick since truly like college, high school. I was so sick that I didn't even know where my phone was for the past week because I truly couldn't, I couldn't even look at my screen. I was so-
Did you just say I jinxed us a couple of episodes ago before the Masseter massacre and your E. coli? I, I basically was like, being in your 30s is great because when something bad happens to you in your twenties, you're like, this is the first time it's happening. Like, I'm so scared my life is over. But in your 30s, you're like, I've dealt with this. I'll be okay. And then things that have never happened to us, like the smile situation. I'm like, I've never come across, this has never come across my desk. I don't know how to handle this. I think this is the end for me. So the universe loves to fuck with us and be like, oh, you think you know?
No, I couldn't believe I said I had baby fever and then-
You almost died from a baby.
The hotel, like, Mater D was like, a bunch of kids brought it in. And I was like, those motherfuckers. Also, there's a lot of people from Australia here.
Oh.
Um.
No.
Which is crazy. Yeah, I keep saying, no, but because I feel like that flight is insane unless they live in America.
Hmm, but it's funny. It's funny to see what vacation spots people love, like the British go-to or the Australian versus the Americans.
But Australians, I feel like are good vibes and they love to like have a good time.
Well, I think the gaggle of Australian kids is who gave me this dire disease.
Well, you are now in a full beef with a bunch of six year olds.
I've been, well, here's the thing, because I got to the pool today and I go, which one of you little?
Slimy.
Knee biters.
Little rats. Yeah. Gave me a fucking virus. No, truly, there were. Because the number one thing I thought, there's like a lot of old people at our pool, I feel like. I was like, if someone over the age of seventy five is getting this, that's it, you're done. I don't know how you're coming back from it. Because it was, I, I mean, I thought I was going to heaven at one point.
Oh, God.
Anyhow.
Well, the good news, I know I'm healing a little bit because, or maybe I'm just.
In terms of what?
Just because, not my mouth, but just because I'm like, maybe it's just because I'm bored in hotel, but I've been like, watching some reality TV.
What have you been watching?
Well, I sent you this like long voice note about Rhode Island. Did you listen?
You did?
Oh, my God, I sent you like.
When did you send it?
It was during your death spiral.
Oh, then you know what?
Because I was like, she's, I want her to wake up in the morning and just have like my opinions, but I've been watching.
Wait, no, you didn't.
Or maybe you watched it during a blackout.
No, I feel like I would have remembered pressing play. Are you sure it's sent?
Or maybe I sent it to the wrong person and they're like, why is Hannah telling me?
I got your screenshot pictures.
It was before that.
Okay, anyway, keep going.
Anyway, we're just trying to figure out our communication. So, but, okay, with Rhode Island.
I love the accent so much. And I have to say, Alicia is one of the funniest personalities to ever grace our screens. And she truly isn't, is not trying to be funny, which I think is the most magical part about it. When everything she says hits and her being like, I love Osama, I love a fig, I love a cracker.
I love, I love a horse.
I love a horse. I love a horse.
You find out she's allergic to horses and she goes, isn't that sad?
That's so sad.
Because I love a horse.
Cause she, she never laughs at her jokes. She just says it. She, Billy, Billy, Billy.
It's just her personality.
She's incredible.
You've had her pizza.
Pizza mama?
Remember? Yes. Remember Lucio brought us pizza to Radio City from Rhode Island?
That was Pizza Mama?
That was, yes, I'm pretty sure.
Oh, so she's a CEO?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was her place. That, that's where it was from. I don't, I also could have made that up, but we'll have to ask Lucio.
Wow.
But I'm pretty sure you've had it.
But yeah, people are like getting in fights and like, it's just so, nothing makes sense because of like edits. So like, you just don't know.
Anyone's actual stance. Like, it's just so crazy.
There is a world where Gagely Squad in 10 to 20 years turns into just a reality TV recap pod because watching a reality show as an old, old. Oh my God. Why did I just do that to myself?
As a former.
As a former reality person, you can tell when it's, the problem is bigger and they can't show it on TV because it won't, it's too much. It won't make sense. And like, there's a moment where you're like, but what's the real fight about?
What was the reason?
Reason? They're just saying yes to everything. Even the reunion where they're like, Rula, why would you go on a reality show when your husband is mid affair?
And the guy, the husband was kind of like, I don't know.
I find them, I find that archetype of people like, because I would put them in the same, obviously it's not the same thing because Jen Shaw literally scammed like so many people and old people, which I think is disgusting, but I'd put them in the same archetype of person where I'm, where it's like,
we put.
Obviously, people were gonna find out about this. Like, why would you? How could you go on a reality show doing something so horrible? And also illegal, in Jen's case, and think that no one was gonna pick up on it?
I could be wrong, but I feel like Rula and them, at one point, you have to look at like the little things people say. Towards the end, he was basically like, the husband was like, well, we're the stars of the show. And him saying that made me realize, like, oh, they got the opportunity to do reality TV. They wanna be famous. There were indiscretions, but she was like, we'll handle it. Also, I love saying indiscretions. They love, they, they use different words for, when she goes, they were echoes. They were echoes. That's what, um, Liz says. They have different words for like, just, he fucking cheated, you know what I mean? But, um,
Isn't it crazy how, no, they talk about their husbands cheating like it's the 1950s. He stepped out.
He stepped out. Yes, he stepped out. Like, he tripped.
I'm like, at, looking at the TV, I'm like, no, he fucked someone else. Like, what are you talking about?
If you wanna stay with your man, cuz like, that's fine, but I think what was frustrating people was that she was trying to play dumb when she's not dumb.
She's not dumb at all. She's extremely smart.
Extremely smart. And she kept being like, just trusting him. And I know it's cuz you want to trust him and you have a family with him. But they really thought that they could go on the show and just like deny, deny, deny. But Joellen, who by the way, everyone calls her evil.
I love her.
She calls herself evil. And then Liz tries to be like, they just don't show the evil stuff. Um, but like, she hasn't really done anything evil besides, like, be like a dog with a bone when it comes to a guy cheating. But by the way, like, guys now are allowed to cheat and no one cares.
No one cares. They're like, well,
Did she deserve it?
She was annoying, probably.
Yeah, she like, did she smirk weird when he talked?
Did you think about like what she was like to live with?
Oh, my god, yeah.
It's okay.
Of course, he should've cheated on her. The girl that he Fully had paperwork with.
Also, Rhode Island is a very interesting cast because they've all known each other for so long.
That's why it's good.
Yeah, think about like your high school friends or your college friends. If you guys were all about to film a show, in your head, you would think like, okay, she's gonna be like this kind of character because that's how she is and she's gonna be like this. So I think they all went into it the way they think of each other. So like, everyone's gonna hate Jo Ellen because we hate Jo Ellen. But then they're on the show and America's watching and they're like, well, we love this woman. She was never homeless. She was never homeless. Oh my gosh, she was never homeless. I do love Liz though. Like, I like all of them.
Liz announced she's gone. Because I think Liz was gonna kill someone. Like Liz was like, I don't wanna have to kill someone on this show and that's why I'm not gonna be here.
It is also like your first season of reality television, it's such a blur because you're, then obviously when it comes out, you're like, wait, what? Like, I can't believe I did that. And it is intrusive. It's extremely intrusive and not everyone, once you get a taste of it, not everyone wants to keep doing it. So I like, I kind of respect her decision or she's like, I did it. I like experienced it. Like so fun. It's kind of similar to like a Jenna Lyons where she's like, yeah, I liked it, but I don't like it enough to be like a full cast member where you have that much access to me.
Well, also you don't know, you don't know what's gonna define you. Out of like all the hours that you film, you don't know what moment people are gonna be like, and that's who she is.
And Liz actually was really good. And then I think Liz had one of these, when people would fight with her, she would take it very personally because she was like, I've known you since you were born. Since you were born. I saw you come out of your mother's vagina and you are gonna attack me on TV. Like, that's the thing. It's when you confront someone on a reality show, you're not just confronting them. You're deciding, I want America to see this accusation of you. And it makes it so much deeper.
Yeah. And I feel like if you're on a reality show and you're the type of person to be like, Oh, I don't think of the cameras. Like, I just feel like you're lying.
No, you're a hundred percent lying.
Really? You're not, you don't think of the person, the guy standing in front of you with the massive camera? Like, you don't think about him?
I mean, you definitely can't control everything, because you can't be on top of it all the time, because it's too hard. Like, you'll forget, like, to control yourself, I think. When you film for so long, at some point, you're like, I need to let out my opinion.
I think that they were a phenomenal cast, and they did a phenomenal job as a first season.
Phenomenal.
Show, I would say probably the best housewife franchise in years.
Phenomenal, because it's like their own culture, and also, you know why? They were good. They make up fast. Like, when Alicia freaked out on Rosie, um, because Rosie was trying to stir the pot, and then Rosie was like, hey, I'm really sorry. She was like, I love ya. After she was like, "Welcome to Rhode Island, bitch!" Like, but that's what makes a good show, to be like, like, if they stayed mad at each other the rest of the show, that's boring.
So boring. Get over it.
But the thing is, come season two and season three, people get really jealous and egos of who's doing well, who's not, so things get really dark.
And people get blinded by anger, and then they do do things that are life-ruining or life-altering, and because these are their real friends, like, I could see it being even harder, like, they've known them for so long.
Also, we have a reality TV update. Leila, from Mormon Wives, has come out as bisexual.
I get one stomach virus, and I lose all track of the Mormon Wives.
Wait, they're, it's insane right now, the Mormon Wives, online.
What are they doing? What are they doing?
Oh, it's cra- it's cra- well, also, I can't, like, follow court shit, but like, Dakota and Taylor have like a live stream going of like, uh, what's it called when you like ask questions? A discon-
Deposition.
I don't understand what a deposition is, because they're like, you don't have to answer any questions if you don't want to. Why would you answer any questions? If they're gonna use it against you.
I don't know.
And ask Gary. Actually, don't. I don't. He's busy like trying to hit people with a shoehorn.
No, but.
Gary's busy.
No, that Dakota guy is real deranged. Like, he's real scary. He's on another level. He's doing really scary things, like timing the, timing the videos he posts of her. You can see in, he just posted some video of her and she is very clearly like postpartum and she's begging him to just like stop. Like you can feel the frustration in her and that's like the craziest level of abuse that I like, I, I feel so bad for her.
It's reactive abuse, which actually they do take advantage of with reality TV where sometimes they just show people's reactions and not what they're reacting to, but that's just me raising awareness.
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Taylor is fighting with all the other girls right now.
About what?
All the other girls are mad at her. I think she had said like, I'm the founder of Mom Talk. And then Whitney Levitt comes into the chat and is basically like founders, like multiple people founded it. And then Whitney's filming with all the other girls. And then Taylor posts basically like, how could you, how could you from outside the club? You can't even get in. And it's all these texts of opportunities she had that she said no to and the other girl said yes to. And then the internet's divided because they're like, is that a flex that you like, didn't want to do gigs? And the other girls did it like, I don't know. It's, it's just, so Mom Talk is in chaos.
Well, let's call a spade a spade. Maybe.
Multiple of them founded Mom Talk. They got a show because of Taylor.
Yeah, yeah.
That's the only reason, the only reason they're on TV is because Taylor had an affair.
But again, this is what happens with reality TV. It gets to the point where it's like just egos, like who, who gets the credit? Who gets the credit and who deserves what? But you're right about Dakota, like, the first scene when they were in that restaurant and he goes, "I couldn't believe you messaged me." Like, I could just tell that he was a famer.
Like, he's just a fan that like, got in.
He is fa- he is the biggest fa- he's not even a fan because I feel like that's a compliment. He wants to be her.
He wants to be the founder of Mom Talk.
He's like a good enough looking guy-
He wants to be the bachelor.
That she messaged him and he basically was like, "This is my, she's my, like, um, what do they call it? Silver spoon."
I don't know if that's...
I mean, I guess you could use that in that context, but I don't think that is traditionally-
I actually blacked out. What did I say?
Well, typically the saying is like, "They were born with a silver spoon in their mouth." Like, they were born with like a leg up. They were born-
Third base.
Wealthy. But I guess actually you could say, "She's my silver spoon."
I digress.
I actually, I actually kind of like that. That's actually like, yeah, throw a new spin on it.
Take that dick out of your mouth and that silver spoon.
Do me a favor, take that dick out of your mouth and put in this silver spoon. From rags to riches.
No, like, and you guys, we're not high right now. Um-
Wait, do you want to hear something really sad?
The owner of the gelato shop in town passed away, so they shut down the gelato shop. And there's a sign in the window. All I could think about was your grandpa. I don't know why. And in the sign in the window, it said, "Closed due to mourning." And I was like, oh.
No, Italians are so good at processing their emotions. G. Angelo wouldn't have wanted us to continue without him for the week. Why did I turn into Long Island? G. Angelo, none of it.
Isn't that so sad?
Well, Italians love putting up a closed sign.
They love be back later.
Taking a day off.
They're taking a day off.
See ya. BRB.
Well, I send my condolences to the gelato, the gelato king. But anyway, no easy way to segue, but Leila had her first orgasm.
Oh, okay.
Which is so funny, but no, she had her orgasm, but she also, she's bi. So basically like men just weren't doing it for her. And everyone was like pointing finger at her, like you have to like figure out how to orgasm. And she's like, I can't with a man. And then one day she woke up and she was like, oh, because I like women.
Yeah, I was gonna say.
She has a girlfriend.
She couldn't do it with a vibrator like before.
Maybe she, I think she was, but she like wasn't, it wasn't happening with men. So she has like a hot girlfriend with tattoos.
Yeah, yeah, I love that for her.
I'm like so, I'm so happy for her.
And if I could, I would.
And if I could.
If I could, I would.
I would.
I would, but I can't.
Then on my TikTok, something came up, I don't know why I get all these TikToks about guys on the DL. Maybe it's because I was on the DL in a past life. If you don't know what that means, it means straight men who are gay on the down low. And this guy speaks as like a former DL man. And he's like this gorgeous guy who like is straight passing. And he's like, hey, as a former DL man, I just want you to know that guys on the DL tend to go for like really traditional, beautiful women. Like, so we think, we just think about it like, kind of like a gay guy, we're like, that's gorgeous. I'd rather be around that. And he's like, really traditional, beautiful women end up with guys on the DL a lot. And I was like, I have this in this page.
But you know all these like girls on Instagram who are gorgeous? And then they have these gorgeous boyfriends and then you click on the boyfriend and you hear him talk and you're like, why would?
No, the amount of times I've like followed a girl for years and I've never looked at their husband and then I've just randomly given a gander. I'm like, I think that man is gay.
Well, because in photos, they look so good together.
Yeah, I'm like a gorgeous couple.
Because they're face tuning each other.
There's actually a girl on the internet. I don't even know what her name is like on TikTok. That's like a crazy girl, like a crazy like, you should not go to school and just like get married. Like one of those girls, I don't even know. But she like fights with people on the internet and then like they showed a picture of her husband. They know they showed a video of her husband like, and it was so blatantly obvious that he, it was just like sad. I'm like, they get, these girls get brainwashed.
But then part of me, like my feelings were hurt because I was like, oh, so I'm not good looking enough for a DL gay to fuck with me?
Have you never dated someone where you've like been out with them and you're like, taken a minute where you're like, I think you might be gay?
Never. The only gay guy that I ever dabbled with, I never hooked up with him, was one of these guys who was like too masculine, like he was over like so masculine. And then when I heard that he might be messing around with men like a year later, I just talked to him for a couple of months. I was like, oh.
That makes sense. That's a different.
That's a different kind of DL.
Trauma response.
That's like guys in the military who were like super buff and tatted up. And just the most masculine guy ever. And then you find out he's not a DL. So he, he really tricked me. Some of these guys are not out here even trying to trick girls.
Yeah, I like them to put it all out on the table.
They're like, don't a stomp that last season Prada shoe on me, honey.
And I'm like, let's get married.
Wait, I have to tell you guys Paige and I like pitched this like show concept where like Paige falls in love with a guy who pretends to be gay, or who is actually gay and she finds out later. And these people gave us notes and they were like, but that's isn't like, it's not realistic. And we were like, this is based on a biography. This is based on real life, on the ground journalism.
One of the writers was like, we just feel like Paige is too smart and she'd catch on. And me and Hannah, and we're like, ah, actually, we don't think that.
They go Paige is way too smart to fall for something like that. I'm like, this is happening to girls every single day. This is an epidemic that we have to talk about.
All over America, women are getting tricked, okay?
But then it's like, is it better sometimes to just be with a DL guy who like, understands your fashion and like, likes to gossip with you and is good looking?
Well, no, okay, no, I think that that's the whole argument of like lavender marriages. I think lavender marriages,
work.
I get those. I understand if you want to have children and this is your friend and you're, and they're gay, whatever.
It's also, it's kind of like an arranged marriage where if like two people earnestly believe this is what they want, it can work.
Like if the, if the guy's like, this is what I want to be for me, it works.
Anyway.
Anyway, I have a, a sports update since this is a sports podcast and you guys have all been waiting for the sports updates.
Is the, is the cups?
I'm officially into the World Cup.
Why did I just say that? Wait, you are? I was just gonna say, is it still going on?
Dez came over and was like, we're watching the World Cup. And I was like, okay. And I like made him explain shit to me. And then like now I'm, I'm like all in. It's so annoying. Like I was watching it alone last night. But um.
Oh, I hate when you do stuff like that.
I have like a weird like hyper fixation with it.
You get so into randoms.
I know, now I'm in a K-hole. Now my whole feed is like men kicking and falling.
And now you have to look them all up. Okay, give me, what's the deal with the guy with all the goddamn Birkins?
Oh, so it looks like he has lip filler, but he's just, he's just from um Switzerland. So like men are just beautiful in Switzerland. They just have like high cheekbones and huge lips and just like, he's like six, five, huge.
Blue eyes, yeah.
Um, can't even look right at him like, ah. So he's, yeah, he's just really good and has a good personality and he's talented and he's winning. But soccer is just, I mean, I don't really have any insight. I just didn't understand why. Every play, they don't just like, someone kicks the ball towards the goal and then they all jump and like, have a chance to get it in. Cause like, it's so fucking hard to get a goal. I'm like, why are we not just like, I feel like percentage wise, just kick it near the goal and see what happens. And Dez is like, no, they have to set up the play. They have to set up the play. I'm like, yeah, but they could be setting up the play all fucking game. And someone like hits it off their ankle and it goes in the other goal.
Also, why the fuck would America create football and call it football? When the entire world was using the term football for soccer, like.
Well, that's like us using inches in Fahrenheit.
Yeah, but, but.
No, actually, the end.
That's a point.
But like, football was created in what? Like, the 50s?
Yeah, like, football was already a thing, like, call it... Call something like-
Yeah, like soccer was, yeah, like, the game of soccer was already a thing. So when they created American football, and they're like, "What should we call it?" They were, they were, a bunch of idiots got together and was like, "Why don't we steal the name of a sport that's already being played?" Like, why didn't anyone stop them?
Yeah, like, who was at the head of the meeting that day?
Also, foot and ball, in American, they don't ever kick it.
Mm-hmm. They kick it, they have a kick, but they have like a kicker, that-
Why wouldn't it be called handball?
That's a thing, too. That's a separate thing. We'll come up with another thing, but you know, it made me think comparing the two.
No, American football should have been called soccer.
And football, and soccer should have been called football.
Possibly.
Because what the hell is soccer?
The branding is all over the place.
It's all over the place, and it's because it's all the men, all the men do it.
Yeah, because men don't, straight men don't know branding, that's for sure. But with soccer, the men, like, they want to get called, fouls called, so they like flop, like, they get hit slightly and they do the whole like rolling around like a fish on the ground.
They're your cat when you're away for a while, and you come home. They just fall in front of you, like-
Or like a toddler, they're like a toddler where like, they fall and you're looking at them like, "Are you gonna cry? Are you gonna cry?" And they look around to see, if no ref calls a whistle, they just get up and keep going.
Oh, they're sick.
They're sick. They're liars and cheaters.
No, they're, no, they're really sick.
But it's funny, because football, yeah, they have pads and stuff, but football, American football, so fucking complicated. They're getting hit with each other's helmets, like, rammed every play, and these are six, eight guys that, rammed, get right back up, run back to the play, and then soccer, someone's like, kinda like, hits another guy's shin, and they act like they're hit by a car. When I got hit by a car, I had less reaction.
American football is like truly modern day like gladiators.
Yeah, which, and it's not right. It's not right because yes, he did get up immediately and go back to the line, but his brain is bleeding and he can't spell.
But he might murder someone in five to 10 years.
In five to 10 years, there is a 50% chance someone's gonna get murdered.
The men don't have a good enough track record that we're taking this many chances with them.
Also, what's crazy is like if he murders someone, he's still will probably just get like a three day suspension.
Isn't it crazy really that like men commit 90% of violent crimes? Like, is that like, we don't say that enough, just every day.
That was in my first special, when I talk about gun violence.
Yeah, doing the work of the people, yeah. Because that's just a crazy statistic, 90%.
If only women were allowed to have guns, gun violence would be down 80%. Because occasionally we'd have a slip up.
Look, I thought it was on sale, it wasn't on sale.
You said it was on sale, now you're saying it's not on sale.
I want to return this, I can't find the receipt.
You're saying just in-store credit? Well, now I need to pull out my gun.
There's a seance sale going on and I feel like things are getting sold out.
You guys, thank you so much for giggling with us. Thank you for all your support during this difficult time that both of us have been navigating. You are a rock. We love you so much. And also, we may have some merch dropping soon.
See ya.
Love you so much. Bye.
A dark night, a quiet house, but inside, danger was lurking.
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What she didn't know is that online, there lurked an even bigger.
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Learn more. Xfinity. Imagine that. Restrictions apply. Not available in all areas. Xfinity Internet and compatible equipment required. Hey, it's Hannah and Paige. Thank you so much for tuning into Giggly Squad every week.
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Page updated October 29, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated