Giggly Squad
Hosted by Hannah Berner and Paige DeSorbo
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11,040 words · 4 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
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I was thinking about how women have so many little things we have to do when we're getting home that you have to be aware of.
Like, so many people have my location.
And you have to share your ETA, you have to check the route, you have to text everyone I'm home.
And if your friend, like, doesn't text you, "Oh, you got home," you're calling the FBI.
Yep, yep. And we joke about it because it's so normal to us, but you're constantly paying attention. And even when you're exhausted and just want to get home, your brain still has to be on. You're like, is this guy going the right route? Am I in the right place? Who's around me? What's happening?
Yeah, there's truly no clocking out of your safety.
And that's why riding in a Waymo feels different. It's an autonomous ride with an empty driver's seat, so once you get in, you have this private space that's actually just yours.
And you know, I love alone time and I truly feel like it's such a luxury in a Waymo.
Especially after being social. Like, I love everyone, but like...
Please, nobody speak to me.
Like, give me 20 minutes. I want music, the right temperature. There's no compromising. And you can customize the ride, put on your own music, answer texts you ignored all night, stare out the window. You actually have a minute where you're not thinking about everyone else.
And that's the thing, it's not even necessarily about doing something. Sometimes it's just, you want to sit there and not speak.
And put your guard down for a second and feel safe.
Which truly women deserve.
We deserve to disassociate safely for 20 minutes.
Yeah, I mean, put that on a T-shirt for real.
And obviously, safety is a huge part of why that feeling matters. Knowing Waymo's safer, there's something refreshing in having that space where you can just be yourself and let Waymo handle the driving.
And we spend enough of our lives being on.
Exactly.
We don't need to be on in the car.
Getting around shouldn't require so much mental energy. And if this sounds like your ideal way to get around too, download the Waymo app and use code GIGLY to get 20% off your next two rides. You can check out the full terms in the app.
We love a discount.
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which I think we can all appreciate. Start your search with cars.com. Where to next?
Sup, gigglers?
Carrie, fix the wifi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.
I mean, the day just got away from me.
You guys, I have to have an emergency press conference right now. I can't believe this is happening. I cannot.
No, I.
Believe.
I'm in shock.
I've been going through something. And it's not funny. And it's.
And it's not funny. It hasn't been funny. I haven't laughed about it once.
Paige has been getting a kick out of my life, which you know what? If that's the one joy that we get out of this, I'll just let it, I'll let it go, I'll let it fly.
I'll let, I'll let it go. This is me now. This is me.
This is the equivalent of like your friend mispronounces a word forever for the rest of your guys.
And it's not funny. So.
Okay, so so start from the top.
Let's start from the beginning.
Yeah.
And one thing I do want to say about Giggly Squad is we'd love to say that we live and we learn, but we don't.
We don't.
We don't learn from each other's mistakes. We don't learn from our own mistakes.
And this is supposed to be a forum where we talk about our shared experiences so that other people can relate or not relate and we learn collectively. And as the hosts of this show, we haven't learned a goddamn.
Not a goddamn thing.
Now, one thing about the gigglers is they know me better than anyone, better than my own, almost my own mother who betrayed me last week.
Also, the hardest part about this was not telling the gigglers like every second of the story. It actually was driving me insane.
We had a call about it.
We had a little call about it. We had to cut like moments of the past two pods where I like started talking about it, but we've, I'm like, I can't hold it in anymore.
Two weeks ago, I innocently went to get Maseter Dysport. For my TMJ.
You guys know me. I don't do botox. I however, have gotten master botox twice. You guys know that. And I went to a new place. Was it a Groupon? No. But was it, would I probably done more research if it was Groupon?
Was it under the umbrella of Groupon? Some would say it had the same energy.
Was it convenient? And I didn't look up anything? Yes. So I get there and I'm like, I'd love to get some botox. And the lady was like. What did you get last time? And I was like, whoa, I'm not a woman in STEM. Like, I don't, I have no idea what happened.
Pull up my chart, cuz I don't know.
And she was like, we don't do charts here. And I was like, of course you don't. No, but she was like, is it Disport? Is it Zeoman? Is it, I was like, I literally have no idea. I'm not a Botox girly. I just, I clench my teeth really bad and I wake up with headaches sometimes. Cuz, you know, I'm a woman of the arts and I-
Yeah, God forbid someone has a little anxiety around here.
A little trauma. And I, some people have it in their hips. I do too, but it's also in my jaw. And I did not know there were risks to this procedure. I've never heard of a risk. I didn't even know this could happen. So she uses Disport and she was kinda messing around a little too long back there. Like, you know, when they're like making it, I guess? And I remember something in my soul was like, get out of here.
You had a gut feeling.
Thirty-four years old, the people pleaser in me, she's so strong. Even though no one's really pleased with me. She's still working hard. And I remember thinking like, what could go wrong? She's just like, what? Your masters are a little too weak, whatever. She puts it in, we're great, we're K King, thank you so much, love you, bye. I'm going to the US Open golf a couple of days later. By the way, I'm great. Living life, actually, one of the highest moments of my life, probably. Things are going well.
Nice.
My friendships are great, my family's healthy and great, besides grandpa. And everything is working. My career's doing well. And I was like, we're gonna have a spectacular summer. We truly are. And I wake up that morning and I try to smile and it feels kinda tight. And I thought I had like dry skin or something. And I, so I put lotion on, like, maybe I have dry skin.
It's so weird. So then I, I do this interview and I'm like, still feeling kinda weird. And then I'm like, oh my God. Is it possible that the poison that was injected in my face is now gonna ruin my face?
Would this be the repercussions of my own-
My own actions?
In real time?
And it's a very humbling experience.
No, so then two days go by, I call Paige. She's like, what was your experience?
I was just in shock that you would just do this on a whim, go to like a new place randomly.
Does that shock you?
Kind of, because like I, you want to know what? I look at you as my shepherd. Like you're leading and so once you've gone astray, I'm like.
But I'm not leading you in any beauty type stuff.
No, but you do lead in like.
Sanity, yeah.
Don't do that. That's, that's wrong.
I was arguably getting a medical procedure done.
It was not cosmetic. It was literally medical and I did not know this. I literally did not know this could happen. So I call Paige. Actually, it was really funny.
Do the smile. Let's like really take a look see and a gander at what we're dealing with.
This is as much as I could smile, you guys.
And don't screenshot that Paige. So how dare you?
I swear to God.
And also you guys, don't make me the face of Botox mishaps. I, I love my natural face. I love my natural movements. And I remember telling the lady, I was like, by the way, I do on camera stuff because I'm humble, you know? I'm not like, by the way, my podcast is, you know, very popular.
They don't care.
I said, it's on camera. I really need my face to move. She's like, yeah, it's Botox. It just, it, this word helps with the tension of your jaw. So I call the lady who did it and she's like, hey, how you all doing? And I was like, I'm kind of freaking out. The smile is kind of shorter than it should be. It's a bit wonky.
It's not for me, love. It's not for me.
So she, sweet, sweet, sweet girl. First she was like, it's gonna get better. Don't worry. Like it'll get better.
And let me just preface, we would never shame the girls who did this to us.
Also, a girl's never done anything wrong. It was our choice. So this sweet girl, it was her birthday.
But she, in the beginning, it actually wasn't this bad. I just was like, I feel like something's off. And she was like, yeah, don't worry, just like, smile a lot, or whatever. And I was like, cool, cool, cool. So then, I told her, just, in like, two weeks, you think it'll be better because, um,
I actually have a huge
Job.
Job coming up in Toronto that I'm super excited about. And she was like, why didn't you tell me that?
She was like, two weeks, it's gonna peak, babe.
But also, I was like, sorry, I didn't give you my resume. Like, I don't know, like, you should always assume the person's face.
Needs to work. Yeah, is important in this, in this equation, yeah.
And she was like, so it's a day? I'm like, it's three weeks of a gig. So she starts freaking out.
It's the last person you want freaking out.
I'm basically like, what can I do? And she's like, try to smile a lot. So then I go to a girl in West Hampton. And she's like, look, and I've looked all over online. She's like, you have to wait it out, but I will try to put saline solution in your face. So then I go and get saline solution injected all in my face.
Yeah, did that help?
I don't think so.
Okay.
Now, mind you, intermittently,
I'm getting FaceTimes where Hannah is giving me different facts. At one point, she says, "Did you know that that's scientifically studied? If you can't smile, you will go into a depression."
Okay, so guys, this is the mental fatigue.
At one point, at one point, she goes, "I went back to the podcast when this happened to you, and I listened more closely." I go, "Okay, good to know when I was going through something. You were like, yeah, yeah, you're vain, get over it."
So I go to Pilates.
Just trying to live a normal life.
And I was kind of in hiding in West Hampton, but I go to Pilates, and my Pilates instructor's laughing at me, but I'm like, whatever. So I'm about to start my Pilates class, and the girl next to me is like, "Pssst, ooh, that was hard for me."
I just, I just lost a muscle, something just like fell off. I go, she goes, and I was like, and I was like, hey, and she's like, I'm a giggler. And I'm like, nice to meet you.
And then I looked in the mirror, cause it looked like I was looking at her like, you fucking freak. Like, why would you talk to me? So we're like about to start and I'm like, by the way, I just got weird, uh, Masteter botox. I can't smile. I'm not being rude. I swear. And she's like, no problem, no problem. After the show, a bunch of, after the show.
No problem, you fucking bitch.
No, I'm literally like, nice to meet you. Thanks for listening to my podcast.
And this is what's insane is I'm low key, the smileiest person ever. Like I would get-
The smileiest.
I would get made fun of as a kid for like, always giggling, always smiling. To the point that like, I smile too much. I've never been more aware. I love a mercy smile, a fake laugh.
You're a nervous smiler.
I'm a nervous laugher. I smile and laugh for everything. So then after the class, a bunch of gigglers came up to me and I'm trying to navigate it. But in my head, I can't process what they're saying, cause I'm thinking that they think that I'm being like, not cool with them.
A freak.
A freak. So then I tell all of them, but now I'm like, I'm, I feel like Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls. I'm like, I, I can't stop talking about it. So like everyone is, I'm like, by the way, I even, and then the blind instructors threw me in the sauna. And I'm just like in the sauna, just like alone with my thoughts, Googling it. And people are like, this happened to me and I couldn't smile for six months and I was in the darkest place in my life.
It's really, it is, it's very humbling.
I try not to look at the comments really ever, because I don't like- When comments like affect our creativity, but um.
Right.
I was like, let me just check the giggly YouTube to see if people are on to me.
And there was one person that was like, literally no shade, no tea, love Hannah. Something's going on. Someone responded was like, no shade, no tea, don't speak about women's bodies. She's probably going through something. It could be anxiety. Like she's going through really hard times.
Like you just froze your face in anxiety. Like you're so nervous, you can't move.
But someone was so sweet. They were like, please, you don't know what Hannah's going through or why. And I said, period.
And that's valid.
There was more things like, guys, this is fucking weird. And then I'm, I'm a talker. Like when something's worrisome to me or I'm stressed about something, I need to talk about it. So I'm, I feel like this is therapeutic for me because I've been, I've been hiding because I've been trying to fix it.
And I also leave tonight.
For one of the bigger gigs of my life. For three weeks in Toronto, hosting a TV show. Now, are there a ton of comedians who don't smile? Yes. A lot of male comedians, some stern female comedians. Are there a lot of celebs who get too much botox and their face doesn't move? Yes.
I have to navigate. The next three weeks. The good news is I think after three weeks. It'll loosen up a little bit. I have a very high metabolism.
Yes, you do.
I do. I'm.
And we know that you have short-term muscles. What are they?
I have spasm switch muscles.
Spasm switch muscles.
Also, there's levels to this because now you guys realize I went to see my mom because I was in a dark place. And thank God for my family this weekend, they literally.
Wait till my dad hears about this.
Gary's gonna fucking kill me. But low key, like I look so good m- mugging.
Yeah. I did point out at one point, I was like, you're, you're.
Occupation is comedian, just throwing that out there. So like, smiling is a prerequisite and part of the gig.
Unless you're sarcastic.
And some would say I'm funnier when I when I don't laugh in my own jokes, which you know is my favorite thing to do.
Yeah, I mean, that's why I wake up in the morning.
Well, it's the only thing I do. But it is getting better, I think.
Do you think it's better as from the last pod we did?
So the other night, I think I worded it as it's different.
It's not as your lip, your top lip at one point was really going up.
Yeah, it was going really high.
Yeah, it's definitely widened, which makes me think that these, their muscles are kind of like
chilling out a little bit because we want it to be wider.
Sorry, I'm so depressed right now. I just, I actually was like,
just breathe. And this is the thing. When stuff like this happens to you in your life, it's not about what happens to you, it's how you react to it. And have I reacted to it great? No.
Have I been pushing people away because I can't stop talking about it? And have I been up all night on Reddit trying to find people who have experienced the same thing and actually not finding that many situations? This is extremely rare what's happening to me. I don't know why it happened to me. But then I think big picture, I don't have cancer.
I thought you were gonna say, I don't have kids. It's like, okay. That took a turn.
Butter is alive.
Yep.
I still have my brain. I'm tan right now.
And it's, this is temporary?
Yes.
Wait, tell them what your mom said.
She was like, are you okay? And I'm like, this is me smiling.
Oh, no, she goes, maybe don't, maybe don't smile.
Just don't smile. But it also makes me realize how like, I feel like if I was a man, this wouldn't affect me as much. I feel like men go, I was even watching some like male basketball podcasts and like none of them smile. They all just kind of like talk shit and like no one's, they don't really laugh at each other that much. And I'm like, I just have to pretend I'm like a male podcaster.
They don't have as much criticism.
Well, women are always, it's like, smile, smile, be pleasant, smile. But I'm also interacting with like Uber drivers and
Everyday life.
Everyday life. And I'm like buying something at the store and I'm like, they think I'm a bitch.
Bitch.
The good news is my speech is like improving.
Me and Hannah were straight up role playing last night because I was like, okay, give me a monologue and I won't look at you and let me see if it sounds different. And you sounded great.
Thank you. When I enunciate and speak slower.
So anyway, the reason I went to hang out with my parents this last weekend was for emotional support and thank God they were there for me. They were amazing. But that's why my mom was like, maybe you come watch me do the national anthem. And I was like, I need to get out of the house. Like I have to stop ruminating about this. And that's why when I was running and going through all that torture, there was like other levels to it that I was upset about. Mind you, I posted the photo of the 5K. My mom tricked me into running, which we'll post on the YouTube or Apple video, if you get it. Everyone was mad about my shoes.
Oh, honey, I didn't even see them.
Everyone was mad about my shoes. They were my Coco golf tennis shoes that I wore because I thought we were walking to the race. Also, yes, I was holding two Arizona iced teas and a banana because they were free.
Who's mad about two Arizona iced teas and a banana? That sounds like anytime someone says Arizona iced tea, I'm in.
Yeah, I'm come, yeah.
Arizona iced tea, I've never had a bad time. Never finished one. Do you know how fucking big some of them are?
Mass, they're huge.
Like bazookas.
So um, that's why I also look so miserable because I can't smile. So it was like, it was a lot, but I do have to say, even though I've made fun of my mom so much, she's been my rock in all of this. And Lenore has been very, very great about it. Like, because you know when you're, you don't want to stress other people out, you know?
See, when I was going through this, I was like, everyone should be at the same exact stress level I'm at because this is a code red, people. We have a serious problem on our hands.
This is emergency press conference code red. I need the gigglers' love and support more than ever right now.
You know when they say like, like something bad happens to your life and like the world just keeps spinning and like people just keep going about their days? That's how I felt. I was like, guys, how are you waking up and going to work? I can't move my mouth.
No, it's crazy also, and that's have like a high thought, but like how you can experience life so differently. Like, my life right now is literally just me navigating my smile. And it's all I care about. That's all I think about. When I talk to someone, I look at their smile. And you guys, I, it's like when you have a cold and you're like, I would give anything to be able to breathe through my nostril right now.
That's how I feel. I'm like, if I could smile again, I, I don't care. But then I-
It's humbling and it puts life into perspective. I truly think it was like a sign from God to both of us, like, don't do it. I told you not to do it. You guys went and did it. And, and it's not for you. I don't think it's for us because I think there is this larger plan that we are like amazing actresses and we must be able to move our face.
We must.
We have to have expression.
We must. Also, I, I was afraid I'd put a hex on myself because the Knicks won.
Sometimes I feel like people like siphon my energy and they get the outcome that I actually deserve.
This is like out of some karmic shit you did because you know I've been clean.
Okay, so now I'm getting blamed for your karma? Okay, because I don't have enough of my own to deal with?
No, we are fully connected right now. We're both on our periods. Like, we are the same thing.
Hannah and I also literally, Hannah got her period last night and I got mine this morning.
So this is insane. Guys, I got, for the first time ever, I got my period on a red eye. What does that mean?
Nothing.
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They're so cute, and I'm already envisioning my next outfit. Straight leg jeans, an oversized blazer, and a little shoulder bag. Very, I just threw this on when we all know I absolutely did not. And Hannah is loving hers too. She has the Michaela, which is the Sam Edelman's take on a Mary Jane. And this season, it comes in the chicest leopard. So gorge, so easy, and exactly the kind of shoe that makes an otherwise basic outfit look like you actually tried. And there's so much more coming from Sam Edelman this fall beyond these two. Like the new Teigan and Tallulah pumps, plus ready-to-wear handbags, fragrances, and even a new men's collection. So basically, you can make sure both you and your man are looking good for date night, because we're not doing all that getting dressed just to let him show up in a t-shirt.
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Wait, I went to my astrologer today.
Did you talk to them?
What'd they say about my smile?
Oh yeah, you're a fuck.
He started it out saying, "Everyone goes into nine-year cycles. The hardest years are year two and year seven. You are currently in your year seven." And I was like, "Perfect."
But I feel like you've been having a good year.
I feel like I have been too. And he was like, "But I'd rather you be in your bad year now because it's like, it's like coming, it's almost over because next year is like the best, most amazing year for you." And I was like, "Amazing." And he was like, "Your manifestation powers next year are off the charts."
He recorded it and he sends it to you and I'll put his name in our newsletter. It was transformational. It was one of the best readings because I haven't had a reading with him in six years. He goes, "The last time I talked to you was 2020." And I was like, "Which is crazy because it feels like yesterday." And everything he said in that reading like happened. He was like, "How motivated were you like months after we talked?" And I was like, "My career completely changed." And I broke up with my boyfriend. But he was like, "It was one of the most transformational things that you needed to go with, go through to like get this motivation."
Did you learn anything else new?
I learned that, um, what did I learn?
You actually, $500 later.
I have to re-listen because you like blackout when you're doing it because it's so much information. Here's the thing, sometimes when you're going to like psychics or mediums or astrologers, you have to like come up with your own questions and whether you're doing it for like 30 minutes or an hour, this guy ta- I'm not kidding, this guy talked for one full hour. He was like, "Stop me at any time if you have questions."
Is he also like a medium or he's just reading your chart?
Astrologer, he's reading my chart.
Astrologer.
I'm trying to think of like certain, he just said like certain things about my-
Not one thing about me. Nothing about partnerships, nothing about business partnerships, nothing about giggles, nothing about smiles.
Um.
Disport.
Yeah, he did say that like next year because it's my manifestation year. It's just like everything I've ever want, which is like giggly squad. He did say things about like giggly squad this year. I'm gonna have to offline about something. I have to re-listen because I blacked out during it and.
Sorry, I put you on the spot. I put you on the spot. Also, it's HIPAA. Like, that was crazy of me.
Also, you know, like that was a doctor's appointment.
That was insane.
Like, we talked about my fertility and like.
He said that there was one unique thing in my chart because he was like, yeah, typically I can see when motherhood, like where there's a gap in a chart that would mean like that's when you're starting to have kids. He was like, because motherhood is like such a strong part of your existence and like your chart, you can start, you have free range to start and stop whenever you want because once you start, it's your whole life. Like, it's your.
Oh, I'm gonna cry.
He was like, it's actually the first time you ever feel fulfilled.
No, I'm gonna, wait, that's the saddest thing I've ever heard.
He also said, it's the first time I ever feel like my love is going to like something worthy of it. And I'm like, so Scorpio.
You're so, no, I'm gonna cry. You're gonna love your baby so much. Not as much as Daphne, but like, you will.
You will.
So anyway, there's that. He did say there were three different spots where I could get married and one was in 10 years and I was like, clip. Goodbye.
Bye, bye. I, um, I actually want to book him and he'll be like, can you please stop asking me about how long Disport lasts?
He does like, what's going on this year? What's happening this like next three months? And then like what's happening next year for you?
Anyways, I honestly feel like I have a huge monkey off my back just telling the gigglers I feel lighter than ever, but I need everyone, I've turned to religion. I've turned fully to religion. I need everyone to pray to Saint Anthony.
You wanna know what it is?
To find my smile.
It's your karma from last pod when you said you were agnostic and God said, oh, really? I think you'll be praying to me soon, bitch.
No, I'm fully religious. I'm Mormon. I believe in Joseph White, or whatever, Salamanders. I believe in it all, and I need, I need the power of prayer. I need the nuns, the sister nuns. Hi sisters, hi sister, and you're so good at that sister, please, please pray. Are nuns allowed to get Botox?
I'm sure there, I'm sure there's nothing in the Bible against it. But it seems like a material item that they wouldn't care about. I saw this video today, and it was this mom asking her daughter a question, and I want to see like what your initial answer is to it, because I had my initial answer while I was watching it. And she asked her, if a guy came up to you and asked to, asked you for help lifting something into his car, what would you say?
A stranger?
Yeah, what's your initial thought?
Hell no.
Nope.
When he says, hey, can you help me lift this into my car?
Well, okay, there's a lot of scenarios. When, in New York City, if a man like even says like, can I have the time or whatever, I'm like, no, thank you. Should I just say, no, thank you? Like, I don't want to be kidnapped.
Okay, say, let's say it's not New York City, walking down the street, because you're right, that is like...
So this is like a neighborhood thing?
Let's say you're in a parking lot?
I say, so sorry, I'm running late.
So sorry, I'm running late.
So sorry, I'm running late, also just broke my hand.
Okay, that's so funny.
My hand's broken, sorry.
My first, I think the little girl said, like, you don't have arms that work?
Oh, period, slay.
But my initial reaction was, I just froze my eggs, I can't lift anything.
That was the first thing I thought. Sorry, I have a doctor's note, actually, and I can't...
Sorry, I'm, I just got my period on a red eye.
Um, also, I'll be so real with you, I would, I would help him. Cause I'm like, not cool. Like, I would be like, sure. And then I'd be like, we'd be like, I'd be like, is there a head in that bag? And then I'd be like, can we just help the sun giggly squad? It's gonna be so crazy.
But you, I think maybe you're helping because you didn't grow up in the suburbs where you didn't have to think. No, you grew up in New York City. What am I saying? You had way more dangers.
Oh, no, danger's everywhere. I, if it, I would try to get the vibe, but also like, I'll fight. Like, I'd be like, I'd love to, I'd love to fight this man right now.
Well, because when I saw the video, I was, I had a, a memory of my mom used to do that to me all the time when I was younger. Like, if we ever went- Yes. If we ever went shopping, just the two of us, which like, that was all the time. But if we like, left the mall and the sun was down and we were walking to our car, before we would leave the mall, she would get her keys out, put them in between her finger and say, "Okay, you have to be alert." I mean, this started from like, five years old. "You have to be alert when you're in a parking lot." You ca- like, you have to, I mean, this was before phones.
This definitely didn't like, help your anxiety though, but continue. She's, she's-
You know, you take on the nervous system of your mother. And let me tell you, parking lots are not good for us.
She became fully Wolverine, Kim Wolverine.
She goes, "If someone comes up to you, you say, absolutely not." Like, she would grab my hand, like, with her other hand, and she'd be like, "You just have to get to the car. You open the door. You don't talk to any-" Like, it was very much a routine.
There's a crazy story about my papa in Brooklyn in like, the 50s, I guess. And there's a story about, he said he was walking down the subway and some guy was walking up, and he didn't like how the guy was looking at him. Like, he felt like the guy was gonna like, rob him or something.
Do something?
So he broke his nose. And I, I was like, Papa, I feel like there were steps. Like, what if the guy actually like, what if he got weird botox in his eye and that's why he looked at you? Like, and he was like, "Well, I didn't wanna find out." I'm like, is that-
The other day, I'm in Albany, I'm going on a walk in a park. My parents walk in a park. I'm with my mom, my brother's girlfriend were like walking all next to each other. This guy, there's also like buildings around this park that are like convention center or like some like random whatever. This guy like is coming around the corner from one of the buildings, but he's walking at me with a swift pace. And I couldn't see his hand and his hand looked weird and I like was looking over my shoulder like every two seconds. Cause I didn't, he was like really coming close, whatever passes me and like keeps going. And I just like looked around and I was like, guys, did anyone else think he was coming to stab me?
Also, I love that you're like, he was trying to stab me, like not all you guys, like don't be jealous.
What guy? I go, that guy looked like he was coming up from behind me and was gonna stab me in the side.
Eyes and ears. Stay alert.
The only person that came to my defense, who was behind me was my brother, who said, I saw that guy, I was watching him. I said, cause he looked like he had a knife.
I do think that growing up in New York City, there's so many crazy people running around, like, like just with knives all the time. That you're just kind of like.
They're just wielding them.
Wielding knives at, you know, 7am on a Tuesday in Times Square. And you're just kind of like, just stay alert.
And, but I've gotten myself in a lot of stupid situations.
One more thing that I just remembered about my astrologist. He said that your three signs also have attached like
child, teenager, adult. And this was like when people say like, oh, I have an old soul, that like really does mean something like you could legit have an old soul. All three of mine are adult. And he was like, you really don't like nonsense. He would, and he also said like, there's no part of me that's like a baby. So like, I'm never a crybaby. If there's any time where I'm like feeling bad for myself or feel like a baby, I snap out of it immediately because I'm like, get over it.
I'm kind of obsessed with you being born and you're like, I don't do that wah wah wah shit.
Well, he goes, were you really mature as a child? And I was like, I literally was like, I'm not playing outside, that's for kids. I have business to do.
I'm a businesswoman. I literally created a fake company.
You're like, sorry, don't do choice time. I have meetings.
I was like, I'm not playing house. I have a board meeting in the living room. Get it to get like, what? It was called teeter totter company. And I ran it. Like I.
That's so funny. That's so interesting. Yeah, that's so, so interesting. Like, cause like, some people will always identify as children.
Yeah. And I don't.
Do you know what's weird? And this isn't a brag, because I really think like we, me and you both need to cry more. I haven't cried once during this experience. I think more because I, I deal with self hate more than sadness. So I've more just been angry at myself. I've just been like, you stupid, stupid dumb bitch.
Host of the podcast Giggly Squad deals with self hate.
Guess it's not all giggles.
Well, no one wants to admit it's a mental health pod because we don't market it that way. We don't market it that way because that'll scare people because everyone, no one wants to talk about their mental health. We're out here doing it.
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I did see something that upset me. We were talking about Javier Bardem.
He's shooting a movie like Making Out with Kate Hudson all over New York City right now. I don't know how actors do it.
Let's talk about it.
Like, if I was Penelope Cruz and I saw Kate Hudson, who we love, by the way, my other bestie, all over my husband, pretending to be in love, I'm like, you guys are all in fake relationships. You're all cheaters, you're all in open relationships and just being like, "Oh, I'm just pretending to make out with him. It's not real. I'm just pretending." If I had a nickel. And you know me, I'm a trustworthy person. I'm not, I don't think everyone's cheating. Like, I always believe people. Absolutely not. Yeah, how would you deal with your man having three weeks where he's just like in love with Kate Hudson, making out, kissing?
No.
And he goes, babe, this is my job.
Let's do roleplay.
I'm literally getting emotional and annoyed.
Babe, babe, I've been, I went to, I went to France to study acting to get this role with this amazing director. I, and I need to, yeah, it happens to be Kate. Kate and I are friends. Kate and I are just friends.
When I say I think all people are cheating, I don't really mean that. I do, I think there are more professions that lead and lend itself to cheating. Like, okay, if you're a professional athlete, nine times out of 10, I kind of think you're cheating or you have cheated or whatever. If you're an A-list actor, yeah, I think that like maybe you probably have also. I think it has to be something that, it's such a unique situation that has to be talked about way before you get married. I mean, the only thing is, is that they're both actors. So they both have this brain and have been in situations where they have to do this. So I don't think they see it. Here's the other thing. We've never been in a situation where we've been in a movie or a television show
where we're making out with someone. I, just like everything else, I imagine that it becomes so mundane and analytical in terms of the shot and works.
I think they're a bunch of little freaks.
See, I don't, I think in some situations, yes, but I think the majority of the time, it is really work.
Like if he came home every night being like, oh, fucking Kate, she's so annoying.
I actually think that's a red flag.
Oh, he's overcompensating.
Coming home and complaining about someone, I actually don't like that.
I'm playing chess, checkers, you're playing chess.
I'm like, wait, she's like this much in your head that you like have feelings of dislike toward her? You should feel nothing.
Ooh, you're, you should feel nothing, period.
You should feel nothing for this person. Yeah. No, my man is not coming home from work and telling me some story about some woman that like is.
I think we're both correct in this and that.
Yeah, as always.
It's just if.
Because there's been multiple movies that people fall in love, like Brad and Angelina. Also, I did like one shoot with like a male model for tennis. And we had to like be like smiling at each other and like there was like five minutes and I was like, is that my husband?
That's the equivalent of like an airport crush.
It's like, because in the moment and it's gonna be over soon and I don't actually have to know this person because he is probably a loser freak, but like right now, he's hot and he's my husband in the airport.
But that's why you cheat because you're like, I have a full family at home. This guy seems fun. Also Paige, you did all those like romantic covers for like novels. Did you ever have like, I mean, I know you're like 16, but like were there other teenage boys that you had to like take photos with?
You know what? No, I never did any modeling with boys.
That was in your contract. Kim put that in the contract.
No, yeah. Oh, you know what? There used to be this one store, I don't even know if it's a store still. It was called Bob's, like department store?
Bob's, not Bob's Discount Furniture.
No, different because it sold clothes. And I remember I had like a week long shoot in New York and there was a boy my age. I have no idea what his name is. I could never even tell you what I looked like. But of course I had a crush on him. Yeah, of course. We had to hold hands. I had never held hands before. I said, yeah.
And you're mine now.
Yeah. And then I grew up and I said that in a scene. Do you think Penelope Cruz is at home being like, she's blonde, Kate's blonde, so he's not?
I know for a fact that Penelope Cruz is actually acting right now and in like a romance of her own that she's acting. Like they're both doing the same thing. That's their job.
You know the character of the person that you're marrying. You know deep down in your gut if they're gonna cheat on you or not, I feel like. And I also feel like you know, maybe because I'm just crazy intuition wise, you know.
When something's off.
I just also think people in Hollywood are inherently like super insecure because they have to have, they have to be famous and have people think they're amazing. So like that doesn't bode well for like having a relationship where the person's constantly making out with other A-list actresses or actors.
I love the word bode.
Actually, I'm obsessed that I said that. I've never said that before in my life.
No, like I'm sick. I love that. Like bode well. It's just like.
That could be the name of your son, Bode.
Bode?
Wait, you know what? I want you to name your daughter. And you know what it is, but you won't do it.
What?
Ryan.
Oh, that's a middle name.
I want a girl named Ryan. I know. And so it goes so well for your family.
I like the name like Stevie and Scotty and like Frankie for girls, but I don't want them to have to be like, my name's Francine, but call me Frankie. Like I'm really obsessed with them not having to waste like those seconds of their life constantly.
You know what I think about a lot? We're at the age now where like our friends are naming kids. We're thinking about kids' names. Like kids are around. We're at, we're at the age. When I was younger, I would always think like, oh my God, when it, when it's time for me to name my kids, am I not going to be able to pick this name? Because I know someone this name. And like now I'm at the age and I'm like, yeah, I could never name a baby that. Because I cringe at just the like sound of it.
No, it's bad because especially when you've like dated a bunch of guys, they ruin every baby name for you.
Because then next thing you know, you're like, okay, now it reminds me of the guy who used to yell at his grandma. Like now, like I can't just enjoy the name.
There was a baby name that I thought was so cute and I like always loved this name. And I don't know, I was like dating someone and I like went through his phone or something. And he was like texting a girl with this name. And I was like, I was like, and they ruined my baby. I remember being so pissed. I was like, no, cuz I and then I was like, no, I'll forget about it. I'll forget about it.
I didn't forget.
I didn't forget. Also, I date guys with names that I like. Like, I don't date guys with weird ass names. So like, literally every good name I've fucking, I fucked.
Well, wha- what are we supposed to just be out here changing men's names?
Well, but then it's like, what if I have a son and then that guy's like, wow. She's obsessed with me. She named my son, her son, after me.
I'm trying to think if I've ever na- dated someone with like a weird name.
Oh.
Do you know I dated someone one time named Desmond?
Yeah. How have you never told me that?
I feel like I have. I was in college.
Wait, did you date my husband? Is this where you're dropping on me?
But he was Irish. I dated for like a summer. Like, when I tell you it was like the girliest college summer fling ever. It was like
Did he have an Irish accent?
No, but he had like blue eyes, brown hair. He would like come to the door and like ring the doorbell to pick me up for dinner.
Oh, my god.
It was like a real summer fling. I think I was like twenty.
So cute.
Anyway.
Why is Cannes every week?
Like, what's every week? All of a sudden, I, one day I woke up and everyone was just like
In Cannes.
You didn't come to Cannes. I'm like, where, where, where did every, where, what's everyone do? Surely, not everyone needs to be there.
Also, it's not like next door. These, I'm like, you guys going across the world for a panel? This is a lot. This is a lot. You could do virtual, you know? You could do a Zoom.
I feel like I see something about Cannes and I'm just like, no.
No, but also Cannes, they just had the film festival. Now they're doing like an advertising festival.
Everything's a festival.
There's a lot of festivals, which are better than parades, I will say.
I just want to end here because I have been doing some like thoughts and reflection and If there's one thing about me, I like to acknowledge when I've changed my minds because I think it's important to let women know that it's okay to change your mind. That's what growing and expanding and that's what life is all about. And so I do think that there are certain situations where it is okay to say one thing and do the other. And I think there are situations where it's okay to be hypocritical. The more I think about it, the more I really put some thought into it, I actually kind of love that Taylor Swift's getting married at Madison Square Garden.
I thought you were gonna say you're getting botox.
Wait, so it's official. She's getting married there.
No, I mean, I think so. That's like what the chatter has been.
Why not? Have some whimsy?
She's in the heart of New York City, arguably the best city in the entire fucking world. The energy just alone on that day will be so insane. I feel like that's like good karma. Madison Square Garden, she's performed there. It was probably a major highlight of her career, the first time she ever sold out Madison Square Garden. It's iconic. People from all over the fucking world know what Madison Square Garden is. The security detail would be so top notch, not a single paparazzi would be able to get a photo or even get close to getting into the building. I think that's probably a massive peace of mind for her.
Surely she has to think about people trying to like legit come and like
What are they gonna do about the ice rink?
Now, that I don't know. And then the other thing is she is a billionaire, so she has the capacity to hire
Do anything she wants.
Do anything. She could make it look like a literal, completely different place in there.
She better invite the whole Knicks team.
I think she will.
That's the other thing people are like, she's inviting a thousand people. I kind of feel like that might be like a lie. I actually think it will be like a normal sized wedding.
I heard that there's a lot of people being invited, like.
Really?
It's gonna be like a crazy spectacle and I think, good for her, like lean in, have fun, do your thing, like.
I'm exhausted. Like I, like I'm exhausted.
I love how like halfway through, she's like, we should have just eloped. This is kind of fucking crazy.
Yeah. I mean, just personally, the older I get, if I like, think about like what my wedding could potentially be, I do feel like it gets chiller and chiller.
Oh, for sure. For sure. You're like, let's do a brunch.
Like, I really do just think about my outfits. As long as I have enough things to change outfits, then I'm like, I don't really.
Your wedding day is gonna be you doing a photo shoot for three fucking hours, different backgrounds.
I do have some type of cape idea that like, I'm like, where am I making this work? I have been ruminating on a cape for like years now.
No, you're gonna have to do a reveal. It's gonna be a whole thing. And then when the party actually starts, no one's gonna know where you are. People are gonna be like, hey, where's Paige?
And I do want this one certain drone shot.
Yeah. You're gonna get the shot and you're gonna get out of there and then you're gonna.
Yeah, they're like, guys, go home. This is weird.
Then you're gonna find it, you're gonna post, it's gonna be iconic and you're like, amazing, we got the shot. And your husband's like, we didn't even say I do.
He's like, you skipped the whole ceremony, babe. She's like, we're good. We're good.
Okay, so here's what we're doing for the weekend. We're just like wishing Hannah well. We're like, make, we're just like, we're sending good vibes, positive energy.
I honestly like, I could right now, just thinking like, having the gigglers know what I'm going through makes me feel less alone, because I felt really alone this last week, besides my mom who betrayed me and you and my husband and my cat, who butter never smiles and everyone, I mean, people talk shit about butter though. But also one quick announcement too, to make me feel better, Dez.
Dez's Hulu special drops.
Oh, yes.
Drops today.
I'm going to bring that up.
On Friday. Go watch Dez's special. If you feel weird watching just like a man get another man that you know in your life, um, it could be your dad, it could be like, probably, yeah, if you have a boyfriend, if you don't have a boyfriend, like, good, good job. Um, a man you met once, just like, send him the link. I don't know. But, um, everyone watch it and message him and tell him your favorite jokes, because we support one man in the arts in this family.
I DMed Dez, but I didn't know what to say, so I just did the hands up emoji.
He probably loved it. Two Scorpios trying to show affection.
Yeah, I was just like, good job.
Good job over there. Um, I love you guys. Thank you for not, for giggling.
Thank you for taking the time.
Thank you for taking the time at our emergency press conference, and we'll keep you posted, and things are gonna get better. Life, life can be hard sometimes. Bye.
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Hey, it's Hannah and Paige. Thank you so much for tuning into Giggly Squad every week.
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