Giggly Squad
Hosted by Hannah Berner and Paige DeSorbo
Paige let Hannah borrow her YSL windbreaker and chaos ensued.
12,776 words · 4 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
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I was thinking about how women have so many little things we have to do when we're getting home that you have to be aware of.
Like so many people have my location.
And you have to share your ETA, you have to check the route, you have to text everyone I'm home.
And if your friend like doesn't text you, oh, you got home, you're, you're calling the FBI.
Yep, yep. And we joke about it because it's so normal to us, but you're constantly paying attention. Even when you're exhausted and just want to get home, your brain still has to be on. You're like, is this guy going the right route? Am I in the right place? Who's around me? What's happening?
Yeah, there's truly no clocking out of your safety.
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Especially after being social, like I love everyone, but like.
Please, nobody speak to me.
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And that's the thing, it's not even necessarily about doing something. Sometimes it's just, you want to sit there and not speak.
And put your guard down for a second and feel safe.
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You know, we're making art here.
Sup, Giggles?
Carrie, fix the wifi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.
I mean, the day just got away from me.
My gaggle of gigglers.
Yes, phenomenal one.
Oh, my God, now my head's all big. Also, you complimented my T-shirt at the airport and I was like.
No, you were being low-key chic at the airport.
You've never said those words to describe me before. Well, let's apologize to the Academy.
Yeah, for?
This is our first, like, late episode in, like, forever.
Well, we were bamboozled, we were hoodwinked.
The Gracis on vacation, she left us for dead.
We're literally lost chickens without her. Honestly, Josephine texted me over the weekend, she was like, did you take any pictures? And I go, I knew I was forgetting.
No, Grace is on vacations texting me, be like, are you okay? And I'm like, yeah, go have fun. Go have fun. Meanwhile, I'm we're drowning. We're drowning. We're drowning. Um, we had a crazy weekend in the L in the
No, we really did. I feel like we should start from the top.
Should we just address um, windbreaker gate?
I feel like it's it's such a scene that needs to be set.
Yeah.
Because it's such a full story. Let's start on Monday. Let's take it all the way back. Monday morning, we record the pod. We do some more housekeeping things. We're having just such a good best friend day. Hannah comes back to my apartment. We're getting our nails and toes done. We're yapping.
You showed me your closet.
Hannah, I showed Hannah like new things I bought. I tried on jackets.
I was like walking her closet and I'd see something like that's cute. And then she'd tell me like a whole story about how she sourced it from some fucking Germany.
I was like, this is my dream. Come in my closet and look at my stuff.
I actually had so much. I felt like I was with my in my grandma's closet with like all her perfumes. And I was like, this is what princesses do.
Yeah, I was like, I have stuff over here and I have stuff over here. So anyway, so we're sitting there and I was like, oh, what are you wearing Saturday night? For Netflix is a joke for our performance. And Hannah goes, I really want to wear something cool. I just want to do capris and a windbreaker. And I was like, I love it. Very in, very chic, very you.
Because it's like a it's a sports show running point. So I was like.
Let's lean in, honey.
Lean into a theme.
And so she goes, I ordered a windbreaker on Fashion Nova. No hate, no shade.
No hate, no shade, no tea.
I say, love it, but we are going to be on stage.
Well, this is my thing. I think this windbreaker trend is crazy because I did buy Fashion Nova windbreakers and they're fucking cunt. And they're cool. And yeah, they don't have like a designer label on it, but I was like, I was feeling myself. But you looked at me and you said.
They get the job done.
They get the job done. But you were like Hannah. Kate Hudson, Minty Kaling, and Brenda Song are taking time out of their very important, busy days.
They've looked in their closets.
To be in our present.
Called stylist. They've picked out an outfit. Minty Kaling showed up in a Gucci matching set. So I say Hannah, I love you so much. I love where your head's at. I have a YSL windbreaker that I think will be perfect for the aesthetic you're trying to execute. I run upstairs, I get my YSL windbreaker. She tries it on. Perfect. We love it.
One thing that'll make you panic is knowing I'm unprepared and I'm gonna embarrass you. So, thinking back, it does look strategic for me to be like, I don't know what I'm gonna wear. I guess I have to wear your YSL.
I went into a full body sweat. I was immediately panicked.
You were like, I don't want to do this, but I have to do this.
It was for the greater good of America that I had to put my YSL windbreaker out there.
Now, this is so page coded, but this YSL windbreaker sold out everywhere. Like, I was thinking about like, if I were to get like, boulonnais on it, I can't just buy her another one. It's done.
No one has this color combo. Like, I can't fi- you can't find this color combo in the streets. I had to have it sourced.
Yes. It's an endangered species. Like, she had to give away like, rights to like, her firstborn.
No, truly.
To get this windbreaker.
The coveted, is how I sourced it. They got it.
But I also think the windbreaker is one thing right now that's you coded and me coded. And also, it fit me. You were so excited. You're like, you're perfect. I don't have to worry about you. Thank God.
It was perfect. And so I literally mentally checked that box. Like, okay, Hannah has an outfit. Great. We're goo- we can go to the event.
But immediately, I was scared. I was like, do you want me to take it with me? And you were like, yeah. And I'm like, you don't want to pack it? You want me, you trust me to pack it? Like, you were like, you're a grown up. Just figure it out.
I was like, take it. So, okay, I mentally checked that off my list. We get to the airport Wednesday. We're flying to LA. We're sitting, we're waiting for our plane. I'm making casual conversation.
I'm sorry, wait.
Were you not recording? That's okay.
That's okay.
That's okay. We, it's fine. You can't beat yourself up over the small things. It's okay.
We're drowning.
Okay, so anyway, so back to our story. So we're sitting in the airport where I'm making casual conversation. Where when we land in LA, Hannah is going to the Chelsea Handler live show.
But you didn't know what you were in for. I found out my Hulu special is dropping June 5th. So I was like, I have to do press when I'm in LA. And I find out the day we're there, we book a podcast in the morning, a Netflix brunch, and the show at night.
Now, look, I'm a resourceful person. And if I find an outfit that works, why risk an outfit that isn't gonna work?
We all remember the green corset of 2022.
Yeah, I'll do this all the time. Like, I'll put, I put together an outfit to get drinks the other night, and it looked good. I'm like, I'm wearing this every day this week. But then I realized, this isn't my clothes. This is Paige's
um, $35,000 windbreaker.
So then I, I was gonna do it and not tell you, but I was like, looking at you, and you were looking so sweet and nice. And I said, you know what? Let's get ahead of it. And I said, just so you know, I'm gonna be, I think I'm gonna wear the windbreaker for some other stuff.
And I go, oh, what are you wearing tonight to the Chelsea Handler show? And she goes, the YSL windbreaker. And I go, oh, okay. And then I go, well, in the morning, what are you wearing to the brunch? And she goes,
No, for Chelsea, I wore Fashion Nova.
She,
cuz I, I felt like two days was that selfish. Like, that's greedy. But I was like, is it really wearing it? It's just, I just wore it one day.
And mind you, this is my sweaty friend.
I've been using my Dove. I've been, I've been trying not to sweat.
So I'm like dying in the airport. I'm like, Hannah, you can't wear the YSL windbreaker for every single event. She's like, it's literally fine. So we go through the whole weekend, and she honestly crashes it in the YSL windbreaker.
If it works, it works. Why change the recipe?
When she did show up to the brunch in her Steve Madden tabby, like, heel, I did look her in the eye and say, you cannot wear these heels on stage. I literally won't go. So she changes her heel.
I think I'm a different person when I'm packing. So I brought Fame Sick, and I brought, I'm glad my mother died.
But not a second outfit. God forbid, God forbid, the trip we were taking for work for three different events, God forbid you brought a second outfit. Two books Hannah, you
The people who were cleaning the room like organized them somewhere, left them in the hotel. Cause I, I didn't remember that old Hannah packed books. So when I was
Wait, that's so funny. I left my pimple cream in the hotel and that's still me.
I get there and I'm, I, I take out the YSL windbreaker. I hang it up. Cause I have respect for you. And I was nervous about it. Like I was actually freaking. I kept checking it like every 10 minutes to make sure it was still there.
It's like your passport when you go on a trip. You're like, you keep like unzipping your suitcase. You're like, okay, cool.
Literally. And then I realized I'm wearing my cute capris and I go, one huge massive thing we forgot.
A thong.
So I go on Instacart.
Target. And I press thong and I'm like, I hope whatever male Instacart guy.
And then you like said the hail Mary 10 times.
Did the rosary. And I, I was like, I'm a little slut. And I sent for, also what I was like, what girl needs Target thongs right now? So then I go to the Chelsea Handler.
It's a lot of reasons.
Yeah. I had to go to the Chelsea Handler show. So I like, I was like, let go and let God. I hope the Instacart finds its way back to me.
Oh, commando to Chelsea Handler show or underwear from the day?
Oh no, I was wearing jeans. I was wearing jeans. So I was fine. I was wearing my full beat. Um, my full beat hands. Comfortable. Enjoying the last couple of days of comfort and not the invasiveness of a thong.
Dental floss.
Yes. So I get back and it's like 11:00 PM. I'm getting my spray tan and I'm like, oh, that's weird. Where's the Instacart? And I look and it says it was delivered. So I, I'm like, I'll just call downstairs. So I'm like, hey, um, is there an Instacart for Hannah Berner? And they're like, mm, um, what's it, what's it from? And I was like, I think it's Target. And they're like, mm. Let me check. And he comes back and he goes, is it underpants? And I'm like, why the fuck did you look in the, how many Target bags did you have in the hotel? And also, never say underpants again. Underpants? I go, I'm a grown up wearing a thong.
I'm a fucking little slut wearing a thong. So the guy literally comes up, the same guy who knows I ordered underpants, comes up, looks me in the eye. I said, thank you, sir. Good night.
So next time you take fun of me for having to wear the same outfit all day, know that there's a lot of stuff going on underneath.
I'm literally crying.
And like, I'm just trying to live. I'm just trying to be the best I could be. And people don't like me.
And the fact that you had to order thongs.
Paige, if I showed up at the Netflix brunch with panty lines.
Oh, I would have been more tough hide.
And because it like, it's with your windbreaker, so it's like disrespecting the windbreaker. The, the YSL outfit was perfect and I did put on really nice heels for the show. But I ended up like having this big podcast in the morning and I was like, Paige would love me to wear the YSL for that. And all these things are photographed. Then we go to the craziest Netflix brunch and they're taking photos everywhere. And the thing is with the blazer, the blazer, the windbreaker, it's not subtle. Like it's, it's the moment. So people aren't going to forget that I was wearing an orange windbreaker everywhere. So at this brunch, I run into Kate Hudson. I say, oh no. Oh no, this is my nightmare. And she's like, are you, you're doing the panel with me later,
right? And I said, and I'm like trying to cover the windbreaker. I'm like, yep. And I'm like, can't wait to see you there. Kate Hudson shows up in a gorgeous gown. I'm staying there in my windbreaker.
It's literally art. She's standing in like an art piece that she's like, oh, it's a skirt I had. I'm like, that should be in the Louvre. And Hannah's here.
In the same windbreaker she saw me in six hours ago. Tell them what my mom messaged.
So, so then I'm on the plane Friday morning, coming back to the East Coast. I get a DM from none other than Lenore Berner.
Who hasn't spoken to me unbeknownst.
Did Hannah's luggage get lost? Question mark? Why is she wearing that outfit? Question mark? I go LOL. She said she wanted to wear it. She doesn't look bad, but did she wear that two days in a row? Period. I'm confused. Period. Sorry.
Hannah, I nearly fell off my chair.
And this is why no one will ever hurt my feelings because my mom is my biggest op. My mom goes, I'm confused. Sorry.
I love how she's like, I need to first find out from Paige why this has happened. I love how she's like, she doesn't look bad. It's just like, why did you wear the same outfit from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. today?
No, she literally was that TikTok being like, I love her, but like.
But she's amazing. But like, sorry, I just.
I love her, but she like is the problem. And I'm like, no, I'm obsessed with her.
But it was cunt.
No, it totally was. Also, I spent a pretty penny on that windbreaker. Let her get out there. Let her see the town. Let her be photographed on other bodies.
Okay, that was good. Now don't body positivity me. She's like, I wanted to see different experiences. Hug in different places.
But no, I wanted to milk it for what it was worth, even though you paid for it.
Also, yeah.
We don't.
Oh, write it off.
We don't fit in the same clothes. Like, it's not normal that Paige is like, mm, I don't want to wear this. Do you want to wear it? I'd be like, no, my ass will hang out because you love a little mini, mini thing.
Right.
This was just two girls sharing clothes, just sisters. And it's so sisterly for you to be like, hey, are you gonna give me back that one breaker?
You know what's funny is because the pictures from the brunch, the same DM that I kept getting was like, why do you and Hannah look alike at the brunch? And I truly feel like we're morphing into the same person a little bit. It's almost like when you look like your dog.
Wait, okay, so Netflix is a joke festival has this brunch. You got there early. Unbeknownst to me, I thought you were gonna wait. But I was in a four hour podcast in my YSL windbreaker and I have these texts from Paige saying, where are you?
You're dead to me.
You left me for dead. I'm gonna kill you. You're dead to me. And I'm like, okay. And I realized she's been there for an hour without me.
Oh, I was gonna say, mind you, it's like 15 minutes.
I went to the Uber driver. I was like, step on it. My friend's alone. My friend's in danger.
The amount of small talk that I had to do, honestly, the only way I could describe it is I felt like I went to visit my friend's college for the weekend and this was the first Friday night party. And you were bringing me around being like, this is my friend. She goes to a different school, but like she's here for the weekend. So like, have fun.
And like, you guys have seen her around, like, yeah.
You're like, you've definitely like seen her on my Instagram, like.
Like, no, she doesn't go here, but like, she's really fun. She's my friend.
Literally, the head of Netflix was like, she doesn't even go here. And you were just in a hoodie in the back.
But it was, it was so fun because I feel like my comedy friends, my like coworkers in this other job I have.
So to like, I was also showing off. Like, I was like, Paige, look, look at all my friends. And I, I started, I got in crazy Hannah mode again.
Well, you and I are very different that when we get into a situation that's like over stimulating or like a lot of such things happening, I get more reserved and quiet and you get louder and talk. There was a moment where Hannah just yelled, women and children only.
By the way, this is the most insane brunch where like every, imagine you, you spot a celebrity, like that feeling you get. Imagine that's every time you look somewhere. So like, I look, Eddie Murphy's right there, Kevin Hart's right there, Nikki Glaser's right there. Um, Nick Kroll's right there. Uh, David Letterman's right there. Jon Stewart's right there. Like, that's just who you're with. And we had to take this big photo. And we're all trying to like, figure out where to stand. And it got kind of chaotic. And then at one point, I was just filming myself. I go, women and children only. I look back and Nick Kroll's just standing there. And I was like, hi, Nick Kroll.
No, there was a moment where I like squeezed Hannah's arm and I was like, shut up.
But I put down the, um.
The what?
The window of the car. And I was like yelling at Chelsea Handler.
Literally, I was like, stop causing a spectacle.
No, you literally were like kind of stopped. Hannah, get in the car. Hannah, get, Hannah, get in the car.
I clenched my teeth and I was like, we have to go.
You've had enough? You've had, we'll talk about this later. Take off the windbreaker. Take off the windbreaker. I feel the adrenaline hit and I was looking at you like, I couldn't control myself. Like you knew I wanted to be normal, but I was like, I was like, Paige, I've lost it.
So excited.
I got so excited to see all my friends and all these people I look up to. Did go up to Matt Rife and tell him that I have a joke about him in my upcoming special.
We don't know if he loved it or not, but.
He laughed and we'll, we'll see. We'll see. I feel like that was like a respect thing.
He laughed and then he walked away.
He was like.
I'm done here. No, the brunch was very cool. I loved my glam, so I was having a good time, which is really, that's so something unhealthy, but it's fine.
You looked so good.
Thank you, and I loved my dress.
Did you meet anyone that you were like excited to meet there? Or you were just observing?
I like was observing. I like didn't want to go up to anyone and be annoying. Obviously, I love seeing Chelsea Handler and Nikki Glaser and I love seeing the girls.
And it was so much fun.
Taylor Tomlinson said she loves our clips.
I love her.
Which we love Taylor, shout out, iconic.
But the actual, the actual event of like Mindy, Kaitlyn, Brenda Song, Kate Hudson was first of all, I am Mindy, Mindy is me. I felt like we were long lost sisters. Actually, I felt like we were friends from high school that hadn't seen each other in a minute, but it was like, like nothing had, no time had passed.
But it was also giving like, like maybe you went to different high schools, but you were the same font in that high school.
And so we were like cool with each other.
She was like, I know what it's like being prom queen 800 times. Like I know, you had to run the society of whatever. Like it's exhausting. I, I know that.
And no one gives you any credit for how beautiful you are. Like that was the vibe we were giving to each other. And I feel like Kate Hudson was so Hannah-coded in so many different situations. And let me tell you, she is the definition of whimsy. There's something about her aura that's very calming while also being, um, oh my God, I don't even know what the word is. It's not starstruck and it's not, you're not like.
Did you say starstrucked?
Starstruck? Like it wasn't, it wasn't like I was starstruck, but I was very aware that you're like,
No, I was starstruck.
This is a celebrity.
Well, you, you're a bitch because Kate Hudson, we asked her about revenge, if, how they feel about revenge. And Kate Hudson was like, we love forgiveness. And I was like, I love that Kate, I love forgiveness too. And then you called my ass out and you said Hannah Berner, you are the most vengeful person I've ever met. Stop trying to suck up to Kate Hudson and make her like you. And I said, how dare you call me out? I was about to be best friends with Kate Hudson and then you called me a fraud.
I like forgot the crowd was there cuz I was like, don't embarrass yourself in front of Kate Hudson.
But Kate Hudson, what I love about her is she's exactly how she is in every rom com. Like she's the same person.
Like if you think about meeting her, it's exactly who you want her to be.
Easy laugher, charming, little jokes under her breath. Ah, she's just so iconic. And she's nominated for an Oscar for singing last year.
Yeah. And you just wanna like, keep looking at her and like be around her. She has a very like infectious smile and personality. And Brenda Song.
Oh my god.
One of the most down to earth, very nice, just, I just felt like we were girls together.
I didn't wanna bring this up on the panel cuz it seemed like too intense, but I was like, she's been acting since she's three years old.
Like, the fact that she's as normal as she is.
She's been in a lot of stuff too.
A lot of stuff. She's had so many different lives in Hollywood. The fact that she's so fucking well rounded and cool and like, I mean beyond.
Like she was in the Facebook movie.
Oh my god, she's done everything. Also, she's married to Macaulay Culkin. I forgot about that.
I mean, she's London Tipton.
She's London fucking Tipton.
Which was always my favorite. I feel like I was like a little bit too old for that show, but I knew.
Well, you loved London Tipton.
I knew I was a London Tipton girl. I'm also a Sharpay Evans.
You wanted your name to be London Tipton.
It definitely was on my baby name list for a time, for a time.
She also wore this outfit that was both Hannah and Paige coded cuz it was like.
And she said that to us.
Yeah, which was crazy. Wait, we didn't talk about at the Netflix's joke brunch. I don't have to say that full thing every time. That's crazy.
Just say the brunch.
We met Brittany Snow.
No, you attacked her.
Oh no.
Physically and emotionally.
Oh no, in my head, we met her, but you're right. You're right.
You're right, I grabbed her by the shoulders and I told her I loved her so.
You're right, I assaulted Brittany Snow. I go, Brittany Snow came up to us and you go, no she didn't.
Unfortunately, she didn't.
No, you know what happened?
I did tell her she was my Carolyn Basette. No, because she had a very Carolyn Basette outfit on. She had like the perfect black maxi skirt and like a white button up and I was like, so chic.
Can I say what actually happened? I made eye contact with her while you were trying to pull me out of the party.
I ripped you off of me. I said, I said, stop it, it's Brittany Snow. And she locked eyes with us.
Thank god you don't do drugs. You would be a nightmare to go out with. Oh my, I'd have to leave you on the street.
I was on drugs at that party. But I go up to her, do you know what I said? I said, you're in everything right now. I'm obsessed with you. And she's like, oh my god, thank you. And I'm like, you're like Glenn Powell. And then I was like, I didn't mean that in like a, no, I didn't mean it. And then she was like, no, I know what you mean. I was like, oh, oh. And then you were like, you're Carolyn Basette. I'm like, better, that was better.
I had to come in, save.
Apparently, anything Glenn Powell wants to do, Hollywood makes. Like, that's what I meant. Like, anything she wants to be in, I'm like, make it.
Everyone's gonna watch it. She's everything. Also, her style is so fucking good now. And then you were like, Hannah, we have a live show in 30 minutes and, but I'm like, I'm wearing the same outfit. I don't need.
I know. I was like, I'm going home, washing my face, getting glam redone. Wait, I loved my LA glam.
You looked sexy. Like, you had a, like, je ne sais quoi.
No, I had a moment where I was like, should I move to LA for a couple of months? Because like, I'm really feeling this glam and like, who my style is when I'm there.
What did you think it was about the makeup? Cause like, you obviously looked like yourself, but like, was it the brow? Like, what made it more sexy?
I think it was my spray tan.
And at the end of the day.
And now we've said it.
Now we've said it. You guys know, we live and die by Revolve. When I don't want to overthink it, because there's so much going on, I go to Revolve. I find whatever event I'm going to. It has all the curator recommendations. And I order all the stuff I want to try on. And then it's, I'm so bad at returning things. Returns are so easy and shipping is so fast. Like, it really gets you out of, got me out of so many pinches and pickles.
Also, yeah, when you're like last minute, you could also know you have an event coming up and you've ordered something for it. And then you're like, I hate everything and Revolve will always come in handy because they're shipping.
No, it's just like, it's next level.
They have like a festival shop, festival shop that like, I think went off during Coachella.
Oh, my God, I'm sure. I love when they break it down to like vacation, work, festival. Cause you're like, yep, this is like my, this is what I'm doing. This is where I'm going. And I actually just wore this like black cutout dress from Revolve and it was super last minute. I had to go to a dinner. Came beautiful, fit, gorgeous, love.
I recently got shoes, because you know, you have an outfit, this has never happened to you, but you have an outfit and you're like, I did not think about the shoes and I need it.
That's never happened to me.
And they have all the brands I actually wear in one place. You don't have to go to like a bazillion websites. All the brands are there. I love my A-gold barrel jeans that I got there. I like live in them. Um, and then also randomly get like skincare sometimes.
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Gigglers, the holidays are coming and Arm and Hammer, Hardball, Cat Litter and I are making sure all my fellow cat parents are guest ready. You guys know I'm obsessed with cats. I'm a cat missionary and make sure everyone in my life has a cat and I'm doing really well at it. I foster and I'm constantly trying to help cats find homes and around the holidays, I basically want everyone I know to fall in love with a cat and take one home. But the holidays, you guys are hosting. You have your cat and you have such a to do list, you know, hiding things in closets, pretending you're clean, pulling out the snacks. One thing I do not need to add to that list is worrying about cat smell. Arm & Hammer Hardball Cat Litter keeps odors under control and forms compact clumps that make cleanup easy. So that part is already handled in the background.
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No, if I'm wearing a hat, I'm a different person. Okay, the weather totally changes how you feel and it's obviously like getting a little cooler out. And I'm a different girl in a turtleneck.
And part of rebranding is getting new clothes and that's why I love Revolve. They have everything I need to be a completely new person that no one's ever met before. Whether it's denim, such as an angled barrel jean, I'm so different when I'm wearing a barrel jean. People do respect me more.
I'm a creative director of somewhere.
Then boots with a little kitten heel or a high heel. When I'm wearing boots, I command a room.
Yeah, and don't get me started on just like a really good dinner outfit. You get me a new blazer to go out to dinner, I'm having a time.
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Just like Norma Kamali, the capris that she has are so cute for fall, so comfy, stretchy, and perfect.
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I got a spray tan at 10:30 PM after the Chelsea Handler show.
And we were getting on the plane and Hannah was like, "I have a spray tan tonight." And I was like, "Pardon?" I was like, "You didn't even tell me." And so then I was like, "Well, I'll get a spray tan too. I can be your pale weird friend."
Which I've been many times. It's not that bad.
The only place I like getting spray tans is in Los Angeles.
They don't fuck around with it.
They're artists. Like, I've yet to find a really good spray tan artist in New York City for whatever reason. I feel like everyone goes to Sugared and Bronzed in New York, and I... Not that I dislike them. I just feel like I did that in my early twenties, and they changed their formula at some point. And ever since then, I don't feel like it looks the same on my particular body.
You just Kylie Jenner-snapchatted them. Like, the fucking marketing girl's like, "Oh, man, this is a week."
No, I love them. No, I love them. I think they're great.
They are great.
I think they're great. If you're the kind of girl that's like, "I'm making an appointment. I'm going after work on a Thursday, getting ready." I don't like to leave my apartment, so I like someone to come to my house. I've yet to find someone in New York City that comes to my house that I think is good.
Love Sugared and Bronzed. I had a little incident with them where I was there... This was during, like, reality TV, and a girl was, like, in my labia lips, and she's like, "By the way, like, I love you on Summer House." And I was like, "It's intrusive." And then I got on the subway after and sweat through my entire tan. And I was like, this isn't gonna work. But I feel like LA has to be good spray tans because people around you are tan. We're New York. When you get a spray tan, everyone else is pale. So it doesn't even have to be that good. You're like, I'm glistening. Where LA, you're competing with actual tans around you. They contour.
There's something, I know that New York City is like the fashion capital or one of the fashion capitals of the world. But there's something about New York City that's like, you can be a gremlin on the street. And there's, and in other cities, sometimes it doesn't feel as accepted. And LA is one of those cities.
And not even gremlin, you can express any range of emotion you want. You can yell at people, you can cry, you could sing.
You can be in any outfit and be coming or going from anywhere. And I appreciate that. It's a Sunday and she's in full sweats and like.
Yep. Or full glam.
Or full glam.
I mean, you do photo shoots in the middle of the street in New York City and everyone's like, she's working.
That's my front yard.
That's my office. Did you get on one of those buses for a photo shoot?
Oh my God. Okay. So the Daphne summer comes out on Tuesday, actually, on the 12th. And.
That's very summer.
And so like, we were like, let's do, our vibe this summer is like, let's do like city in the summer. So we're coming up with like all these different ideas. And they're like, what if we get on one of those buses? And I'm like, okay, but we're gonna have to like buy tickets.
There's logistics.
Yeah, to like get, because you like buy tickets to get on those buses. And then you have to like do a 45 minute tour. And because I was like, how are we gonna get the pictures? So it's me, like one other girl, the photographer, we get on, we buy tickets. We get on the bus. We already like know the route. We like did it the day before to like know what to do, get on the bus.
Wait, is the tour guide like, um, no one's listening in the back? We're doing a full photo shoot.
Everyone starts getting on. There's like the sweetest families in the back row. And we're like, hey, do you mind if you move for just like one minute? I'm gonna take a quick picture and then you can sit back down, this family?
By the way, this is what she did to me on my bachelorette. Continue.
This family was so sweet. That's how I knew they were tourists. They were probably like, what a New York City moment. This random woman is gonna just have a photo shoot. They move, they move their kids. They're like watching me do the pictures. They're like, you look amazing.
They're fanning you. They start giving you notes. They're like, chin down.
They now work for Daphne.
They're getting BTS.
We get the picture. We get off before the tour starts. So we didn't even have to do the tour. But, but thank God we bought the tickets just in case because like the bus could have started moving. Um, but then we got it and it was great.
There was so much stuff. I don't wanna just quickly.
What's the word?
Skip over?
It's a couple, it's a couple of words, but.
Chelsea Handler Show. You guys don't understand my lore with Chelsea Handler. I taught tennis to her when I was younger. She doesn't remember. I was like, I've read all your books. You're my everything. Chelsea Lately made me wanna be me to men.
Wait, I didn't know you taught tennis to her when you were younger?
After college, I was teaching tennis in Shelter Island to like six-year-olds to like eighty-five-year-old men. And one of my older male clients was like, oh, Chelsea's coming to play doubles with us today. Cause she was dating Andre Boulage at the time, who had a hotel on Shelter Island.
Who the heck is Andre Boulage? You just said that like, we all know.
He's, he's a hotelier.
Oh, chic.
I've never said hotelier before. That was iconic. Chelsea fucking Handler comes in. And this was like during Chelsea Lately. And this is like, my knees went weak. I was like double faulting. I was like so nervous. It's one thing to like be with your your, the, your, the person you look up to for like a minute and meet them. I played two hours of doubles with her.
That's intimate.
It was crazy. And I, I had to pretend that I didn't know anything about her. I was like, where are you from? New Jersey.
Wait.
I love that she's from New Jersey. Like, I think New Jersey gets such a bad rep. But I genuinely do think some of the funniest people I've met in my like, personal life are from New Jersey.
And at the end, like, I was, because I was, I had no idea what I wanted to do for a living. I did not think I was gonna be in comedy. And I was just like, do you have any advice for like, women in the workforce? And she looks at me and she was like, I got lucky.
She got iconic.
And then when I met her years later, I told her about it and she was like, I must have been high. Don't, that doesn't ring any bell.
Horrible advice.
Like, I've never been to Shelter Island before.
That wasn't me. You weird freak. Here's one thing I want to say about Chelsea Handler, and I'm not even trying to like, suck these celebrities like assholes. I'm like, genuinely saying my experience. I think there in any field, no matter what you do for a living, I think there are so many women that say, I want to like, make room at the table for you, or I want to like, help you, I want to be a mentor, or whatever. Chelsea Handler is one of those people that I feel like says that stuff and actually means it. Like, anytime I've ever seen her in a public setting, I've never felt more safe to be with someone.
And it's almost in, and I know she doesn't have children, it's almost in a very maternal way. And so like, it is something to say about like, I think that women who don't have children, sometimes people can say like, really mean things to them. And I, and I think that your maternal instincts can come out in so many different ways, rather than just having children. There is something so maternal about her that is so comforting. And I feel like she genuinely means what she says. Like, when I saw her at the brunch, she literally looked at both of us and said like, my two little girls, like, I instantly healed my inner child.
I was like, Chelsea's out here, like, she's taking care of her whole family, by the way. She's, she has so many amazing friendships in her life. She also, she does have a lot of people she, she's a mom to like, the all of America. To me. I'm like, I called Kim. I was like, you're out.
Chelsea's answering my emails now. Long story short. She's like come to the show tonight and I was like this is a dream because I actually I don't think I've ever seen her like live. And I get there and I realize, oh, everyone's friends with Chelsea Handler. I walk in, immediately see Tana Mongeau.
No way.
And we're talking about podcasting.
Wait, there are so many times where I've quoted Tana Mongeau and people have like looked at me and I'm like, guys, you need to get on the internet. And the number one quote that I quote from her is whenever she.
Do you remember when DJ Khalid said he doesn't eat his wife out and then Tana Mongeau says, but you eat everything else. And so the amount of times I've said in my everyday life, but you eat everything else.
My dream for her is I want her to like come out because she had a singing career at one point. I want her to remix her most iconic things like if she made Bleach and Tone into a song, the clubs would lose their fucking mind. And I don't know why she keeps being like, it's a good idea lol. And like she's not.
Maybe there's some DJ will do it for her.
But anyway.
Back to what we were saying.
I continue to walk in.
Monica Lewinsky, what?
Monica Lewinsky is standing at the bar. I don't, you know me, I don't approach people. Unless they make eye contact or I've know them, I've met them before. I don't um cold call celebrities.
When is Monica Lewinsky gonna do like a big documentary and like, I mean, I think it's her time now. Imagine if that happened now.
I think she's done some form of documentaries and she has an amazing podcast. However, um it, she needs to have like a.
Yeah, because like I couldn't imagine in today's day and age, us looking at like a 25 year old girl in the White House being like, she tricked the president of the United States. Like that was so fucked up.
Also, remember when that was the craziest thing that happened in our government?
Whimsy and fun.
But I was with Gabby and Stuart and I go, I don't know what came over me, but I was like, we need to say hi to her. We swarm her and we just go, Monica, you're so inspirational. We love you. You're amazing. You're everything. And she was so nice. And then we left, but I was like so happy I attacked Monica Lewinsky.
I need a Ryan Murphy Monica Lewinsky show.
I need a real.
She does play Bill Clinton.
He can't play the saxophone, but he does have a nice silver.
Wait, I'm obsessed with that idea. Should we just cast it? Should we just do like a play in your backyard?
Sorry, we're busy. We're late on the podcast today. Dez forgot his lines.
You know what I think about all the time that your parents performed a play last summer and it like literally I could cry when I think about it because I think it's so sweet.
My parents didn't just perform a play. My mom ended up writing, producing, directing the play. God forbid the woman takes a break. She's retired, by the way. And I'd call her and she's like, we're rehearsing. So we're Monica Lewinsky's behind me. Tana Mojo's next to me.
We are going on so many tangents. Okay.
And then Tish Cyrus walks in. Miley Cyrus' mom. I was too nervous to say anything because again, what do I have? What am I gonna be like? What am I gonna say?
What am I saying to Tish?
What am I saying to Tish? So I left Tish alone.
We must leave Tish alone.
Also, is Tish a full name or is it a part?
Don't. Tish is tired. Do you know Tish? Wait. So Tish's other daughter Noah was dating a guy. They broke up. Tish married the guy.
Put that in your straw and drink it this morning.
These hoes ain't loyal.
Isn't that crazy? And I don't think Tish and Noah speak. And I don't know if Noah speaks to Miley because I think Miley, I think she went to the wedding. So she was kind of like, okay.
So then there's like this little after party in the lobby and there's a very tall woman in like the middle. So obviously my eyes went to her.
Maria Sharapova.
Maria Sharapova. Now...
Wait, when Hannah was telling me, like she briefly told me that she saw Maria Sharapova and I just kind of looked at her like, "Okay", and she looked back at me and she goes, "You walk in a room, Anne Hathaway's there." I'm like, "Got it, got it. Yup, okay, keep going."
Cause my friends, I guess, didn't really know Maria Sharapova and I'm freaking out and they're like, "Go talk to her, go talk to her." I said, "Uh, uh", "I'm not disrespecting Maria Sharapova also." Imagine your whole life you're watching someone and like they're your idol, um, and then you have a chance to say something to them and it doesn't go well and like 80% of my interactions don't go well. So, and that's, that you've harmed the, the image of your idol in your head forever.
That is so depressing, Hannah.
So, they were like, they literally, we had, I did have like a three minute conversation of why I wasn't gonna talk to Maria Sharapova. But my thing with some of these people is, I will meet her when I'm supposed to meet her. Like, I don't know when it'll be, but it's, it was not that time. It was not the moment.
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Oh Lance Bass was also there.
Okay.
And I ended up, you know when you're in a conversation, but like you haven't been introduced? I somehow found myself in a conversation with him, but not talking to him and trying not to acknowledge that I know him. And he, he knows, he's like, look at this millennial bitch. Like obviously she's.
Right. Lance Bass.
So I was just, I just stayed quiet the whole time.
Can I tell you something? Um, because I see a lot of people online being like, Paige thinks everyone's gay. Like not all her ex-boyfriends are gay. If it doesn't clock to you, Lance Bass was my favorite in NSYNC. Okay. So yeah, actually I do have a little knowledge on what it's like to have a crush on a gay man.
Is there a word for like the gaydar of if you're attracted to them, he's gay?
Um, I don't know, but I think I could like, put it in
numerical form if I did the appropriate research. Because what are the chances at every, and everyone was out here loving Justin Timberlake. And I thought, too straight for me. Let me have a crush on Lance Bass.
Do you know who I liked?
Who?
Yes.
Joey Fatone?
No, but he was cute.
Who did you like? Cause I would've said Lance Bass.
J C.
You did?
Yeah. Cause he was the underdog. I was like, he's the one with the good voice and Justin Timberlake is just dancing around the front. And I'm like, let J C sing. J C's the real talent here. And he was kinda quiet.
And I liked that in a man.
Yeah. Yeah. I, I liked that in a man too. But I wouldn't have seen, I would've seen you as a Justin Timberlake.
I, no, I did. I did like Justin Timberlake, but I knew that he, we weren't gonna settle down.
I was like, we're not. He's not.
We're not for each other.
Yeah. He's not gonna be like husband material where J C was husband material.
Same with Backstreet Boys, like I liked.
What was his name? Not Aaron Car- Nick Carter. And it's like, you have bad taste in men.
Nick Carter is.
Bad.
I can acknowledge that he's attractive, but he's, again, let's start calling men not marriage material.
Let's start calling out men's bad behavior and not saying that women pick badly.
Also, a lot of the time, the women aren't picking. It's the men that come to us.
They lie, and then they lie.
Lie. And then the women are told that they picked wrong.
And then you're six months in, you're like, wait, where's your, where's your personality? And he's like, oh, I changed it. This is my new one. And you're like, what? It's very scary. It's very rattling. Anyhow, since we're on like a little bit of a celebrity like gossip sesh right now, Timothy and Kylie, I can't get enough. I'm obsessed.
Oh, then like kissing at the Knicks game?
Did you see her with like her, her digital camera, just like taking pics, having, just like being a girl at a basketball game? She is me when I'm with a man at a sporting event because I'm like, I don't care. I don't give a flying fuck.
She has to go to a lot of games. Like, and she's not even watching her husband play. She's watching her husband watch other men play.
That's when you know you really love someone, when like the things that they like, that you don't care about, you get excited to watch them be excited to like have fun.
That's kind of like when Dez and I are trying to pick something to watch and he gets, he's really excited to watch something and I don't care. But I'm, I'll enjoy it because he's enjoying it. And then he's like, you can watch it without me. And I'm like, that's okay.
If you're dating a guy and you find his hobbies to be like, well, there's so much nuance in that. Say that.
Wait, I love this is the first time in the pod ever. You're like, I'm not going to say that because there's nuance to it.
There's nuance. There's nuance there. And I can't make up, I actually can't make a blanket statement, which was what I usually like to do on things that I don't know much about. Wait, my friend Katie had a baby literally yesterday and I went to send, I was like, oh, I have to send like something, something to the house for her to get home. It's a very weird feeling when your friend texts you and is like, hey, baby's here.
The eagle has landed. You're like, are they staying?
And so I'm sitting there and I'm thinking, I'm like, I'm like, what should I send to the house for the baby? And then I realized she's a small baby, my friend. Like, I'm like, so I sent her a Lola blanket. Cause I was like, no, Katie is the small baby who they just made give birth.
Lowkey, I get nervous though, cause it is like your friend introducing you to someone new and it's like, I don't know this bitch.
It's also funny because it's like, I've been friends with Katie for like over 10 years now. And she sent me a picture of her baby and in my head, I was like, I know that you love him more than me now. Another thing I just want to say to like about this past weekend, traveling to the west coast is just in itself, like a whole thing.
Trauma.
And I'm not even like saying anything, I'm just saying about traveling in general. Whether you're traveling on a train, a plane, a bus, or whatever, wherever you are in your journey. I don't think serving fish is ever appropriate, ever.
Are you talking with shrimp?
In any capacity, if you're on Delta, they're trying to push shrimp on you. If you're on JetBlue, I literally got on a JetBlue flight and they said, do you want a trout, Cristini? I said,
I literally looked at this man and I said,
does anyone want a trout, Cristini on here?
See, that's where me and you are different. I said, I've been having a boring ass day. Let's see, that's my drug of choice. I'm like a trout, Cristini in the middle of a plane where the bathroom is very far.
I just think when you're traveling in the air, inside of a tin can, there's so many variables. Why throw in one that we don't need? And that would be fish on a plane. God forbid, one trout went bad. And all it takes is one trout. And then like in my head, I'm sitting there and I was like, I haven't said the word trout since the parent trap.
And I couldn't stop thinking about it.
You know what I was thinking about with fish? This lady was telling me about how like salmon sperm facials are doing so well and everyone loves salmon sperm, salmon sperm. I'm like, what about? Other fish's sperm, like other fish, like my cum means nothing. Like, why is it just the salmon? That their cum is good for people's faces? There's so many fish out there. What about a fluke? What about a?
And like, are the salmon?
I don't know any other fish.
Are the salmon in the water just being like, hey, we're more than our sperm? Like, this is fucked up.
You're telling me swordfish doesn't have good cum?
Swordfishes are the fuckboys of the sea. A swordfish?
What are the fish that are like the flat ones?
Fluke? Oh, flounder, flounder, yeah.
No, uh, like stingray.
I feel like they have really potent sperm.
Anyway.
Speaking of celebrities, can I just say something? Justice for Rachel Zegler.
Justice for Rachel Zegler. Oh, it's Snow White. Yeah, why?
Well, I just feel like I've, we know her. And she's like, the nicest, sweetest theater kid you've ever met in your life. They were being so mean to her at the Met Gala.
I was just gonna say, we didn't even speak about the Met Gala.
And honestly, the only thing I can say about it is, I thought a lot of people looked bad. I thought more people looked bad than they looked good. I don't think. No, first of all, I thought the theme would have, when I heard the theme, I was like, oh, people are going to go really hard on this.
Structure. I wanted literally pieces of works of art, but they were just like, taking inspiration from like a painting of like a woman in a white dress.
Yeah, and I just thought like.
Or a statue.
Yeah, I just I didn't really like anyone's.
It's funny cuz people are like, I think people are trying to be too cool. They're trying to be like, I'm just taking a hint of this like Monet photo.
And like I hate to say it, but the Kardashians are just so interesting to look at.
Sorry, the Kardashians.
They just are.
Killed it. Did you see Gigi Hadid's interview?
I did not.
Paige. Paige. It was my biggest nightmare.
Wait, why?
It was my biggest nightmare. She's she's have like, she's obviously stressed out. She's at the Met. She stops to do a favor and do someone's interview. And they go, Gigi, what's your favorite piece of art?
Oh, no. That's like whenever someone's like, what's the last book you read? And you're like, I'll kill myself.
You could tell she's like, I'm not going down without a fight.
And she starts just kind of rambling.
She's like, every painting I've ever seen in my life.
She starts going, I love collecting. Collecting art is fun. I've looked at a lot of art. There's been like she's killed on it. And it's the most painful watch, but like you cannot judge this girl because what? Well, I would have just been like Michelangelo.
You know what she should have said? She should have said, my child, when my child water pains.
Really good one. I would have immediately just been like the impressionist. I don't know. Like, I don't know would have come to my head. One time I was on a date with a guy and he asked me that question and I got so nervous.
You should break up with him for that question. Like, that's a setup. That he wants you to fail. He's rooting against you.
Okay, I thought about it for years after this date. Like, it really fucked me up that I felt like so dumb. And I came to the conclusion in my own head that he was trying to make me feel dumb. Like, he didn't actually care to talk about like art. He just wanted me to feel, I actually think he wanted me to feel poor.
Yeah, cuz that's such a pretentious question.
Yeah, I was like, shut the fuck up, dude.
I don't know. I go to society six dot com and I print out something.
I don't know. Heard of chess dot com? Probably not.
She responded, been like, and what's your favorite female painter of the nineteen twenties?
I don't know, really. It like, I thought. About it for years. I don't know why it annoyed me so much.
Well, I went on a podcast and they sent questions beforehand, which I'm, I like to riff. I don't even like to look at what they're gonna ask. But I some, I saw book and I was like, that got my attention.
I started strangers.
Do you love it?
I love it.
Are you doing audio or, and I don't judge.
I'm reading, I'm reading.
The audio, her voice like is great.
Okay, maybe I'll do like a couple chapters.
Or you know what you can do? You can listen and read at the same time.
Okay, that sounds nice.
Yeah, cuz you, it flows. It flows.
I think that we should be allowed to kill one man a year.
Here's what I will say as a forewarning, if you're reading the book. If you've even had.
If you've even had a small discrepancy on like where the coffee was that morning with your partner. Do not dive into this book because I found myself looking up from the book. Looking around being like, I'll murder someone.
Because she's WASP-y and WASP-y people like don't even talk about their feelings to their like children. They're just like, you know, Winston, get out of here. She's pouring her heart and soul about her.
Privilege that these men, these rich men have, it's. Oh, it's so blood and fury. Like your blood starts boiling reading this. It's the audacity of these men. It, I can't, I can't wait to read it. Actually, I'm gonna read it uh today when I go to the pool.
So this podcast was like, do you, what's your favorite book turned into a movie? And I was like, oh my God. You lost me at book. So then I'm Googling like books to me. I was like, can't say Harry Potter.
Do I have to have read the book? Cuz I loved Gone Girl. That was a book. Everything was a book. So anyway, we're in the pod and then before that they go, what was the last thing you Googled? And I'm like, let's pull it up.
What's a movie that was, that got turned, a book that was turned to a movie? And they were like, thank you for your time.
You know what I forget is that we're New York Times bestselling authors.
Yeah, we're writers. Writers and readers are two different things. Anyway.
Oh, my God.
So we just found out that we got recordings from the live show. And by the way, this wasn't like a typical live show. It was like a full interview, which we've never done with these incredible women. So let us know if you want us to post it. We're working through the logistics if we're able to. And sorry, this episode was up late. We're really sorry.
Hannah, we're a thong.
Grace is sipping a fucking margarita right now while we are fighting for our life. No, we love you, Grace. You deserve it.
And we'll talk to you guys later. Oh, and everyone mark your calendars. June 5th. Take out your gel pens, your Sharpie, whatever you use, put it in your little journal.
And Hannah looks so good in the...
We're excited. We're good. We got approvals.
We love you guys. Bye.
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