Giggly Squad
Hosted by Hannah Berner and Paige DeSorbo
Paige made a life changing discovery and Hannah is a sex therapist. subscribe to our newsletter shop merch
13,454 words · 5 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
Okay, remember when I told you how excited I was about Lululemon dropping their fall collection on September 8? Well, the collection is finally here and I just got my hands on a few pieces and let's just say these will be in my rotation on repeat. I got the Groove Yoga Bra and the High Rise Matching Short. They're so buttery soft. They have laser cut pocket openings for optional and removable cups, which I love that because sometimes I don't want to have a bra insert when I'm working out, but sometimes I do. Performance never compromises style at Lululemon. I love their vintage-inspired styles and everything comes in such an assortment of colors. So if you don't want to stick to black, which is my traditional go-to, you can explore other colors. Like, I love a burgundy workout set. New styles from Lululemon's fall collection are here.
Popular colors go fast, so be on the lookout for those drops. And if something doesn't work out for you, free returns always. That's lululemon.com, lululemon.com.
This episode is sponsored by Cars.com. I feel like your car says a lot about you. It's transportation, storage, and honestly, kind of a personality test. Maybe you need something for weekend road trips, something you can actually parallel park in the city, or just enough trunk space for an emergency outfit and backup shoes. Personally, I like options and I'm very specific. So this is where Cars.com comes in. Cars.com has the tools that make your car shopping way less overwhelming. With more than 200 advanced search filters, you can narrow things down based on what actually matters to you. Deal badges help show how fairly a vehicle is priced, so you can browse with more confidence and fewer chaotic tabs open, which I think we can all appreciate. Start your search with Cars.com. Where to next?
I was thinking about how women have so many little things we have to do when we're getting home that you have to be aware of.
Like, so many people have my location.
And you have to share your ETA, you have to check the route, you have to text everyone I'm home.
And if your friend, like, doesn't text you, "Oh, you got home," you're calling the FBI.
Yep, yep. And we joke about it because it's so normal to us, but you're constantly paying attention. Even when you're exhausted and just want to get home, your brain still has to be on. You're like, is this guy going the right route? Am I in the right place? Who's around me? What's happening?
Yeah, there's truly no clocking out of your safety.
And that's why riding in a Waymo feels different. It's an autonomous ride with an empty driver's seat, so once you get in, you have this private space that's actually just yours.
And you know, I love alone time and I truly feel like it's such a luxury in a Waymo.
Especially after being social. Like, I love everyone, but like...
Please, nobody speak to me.
Like, give me 20 minutes. I want music, the right temperature. There's no compromising. And you can customize the ride, put on your own music, answer texts you ignored all night, stare out the window. You actually have a minute where you're not thinking about everyone else.
And that's the thing. It's not even necessarily about doing something. Sometimes it's just, you want to sit there and not speak.
And put your guard down for a second and feel safe.
Which truly women deserve.
We deserve to disassociate safely for 20 minutes.
Yeah, I mean, put that on a t-shirt, for real.
And obviously, safety is a huge part of why that feeling matters. Knowing Waymo's safer, there's something refreshing in having that space where you can just be yourself and let Waymo handle the driving.
And we spend enough of our lives being on.
Exactly.
We don't need to be on in the car.
Getting around shouldn't require so much mental energy. And if this sounds like your ideal way to get around too, download the Waymo app and use code GIGLY to get 20% off your next two rides. You could check out the full terms in the app.
We love a discount.
And if Waymo isn't in your city yet, head to waymo.com/gigly to sign up and help bring Waymo to you.
Sup, gigglers?
Carry a fixture wifi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.
I mean, the day just got away from me.
What's up, my grisly gigglers? We're back. Two episodes a week is like, I'm in a K-hole. I'm in a giggly K-hole.
I'm gonna be honest, at first I was like, are we gonna be able to do it? We have crazy schedules. We're tired. We're like...
We have so many excuses for anything.
And it's, I don't know how we weren't doing. I have so much to say.
I have so mu- we would forget things. So by the time it was a week, I'd be starting from zero.
Let me start.
Oh, you begin.
You haven't said anything about my god-awful hair color.
Cause it's made up in your head.
Hannah, this top layer is black.
You're no better than a man. You really aren't.
She goes, I'm a dark, dark, dark brown and this is light black.
I'm a chestnut.
You're a chestnut.
I'm chestnut under here.
Yeah.
And here is black.
Why don't you just embrace your Megan Fox moment? You look like a Kardashian.
Okay, fine.
I have some hot takes.
Okay.
I'm so sick.
And tired.
And tired of motherfuckers when I'm in a public restroom.
Oh my god. We're changing the name of this podcast to just Hannah shits.
My life is in the bathroom.
Hannah talks about and also her shitting.
My life is just one trip to the bathroom with breaks in between. Now, just, this is just a gripe I have that I need the public to know about. What is with people trying to break the fucking door down when it's clearly locked? Like, you know, there's two types of people. When you, you don't know if it's open or not.
Is this multiple stalls?
Multiple stalls, this is also when it's just like, you're in a coffee shop and there's one bathroom. When you go to check if it's locked or not, you don't need to fucking, like, have a full-time kidnapping situation. Just lightly press it up and down.
So you're saying the initial door they're banging on, not your stall door?
Not, but even the stall door, when they try to open it, it's like, they, they like aggressively, like, if I push it hard enough, it'll pop open. Like, just lightly push and you'll know if it's locked or not. I'm sitting there in a hostage situation, someone banging the door down, and it's like, clearly it's locked.
Put your leg up to like keep the door?
Yeah, that never happens to you, where you're, you're just having a peaceful poop and out of nowhere, you're getting assaulted by someone trying to open the door. What ever happened to a light tap?
That's never happened to me.
Well, you don't go to public restrooms.
No, I have, but I'm not in there long enough, I feel like, for people to be like, what's going on in there?
So you're saying that I'm actually, no, but I feel like I'll get in.
They've called the manager at this point, they're like, someone, something's going on in there.
Someone's trapped, but I, I feel like I have bad luck where I'll be like, okay, this is my one time of solace during the day, going in this restroom, locking the door at peace, and immediately someone's knocking, and I'm like, I just got here.
Okay, actually.
And now I'm on the countdown.
I have a quick bathroom thing that might change your whole life. I got a new toilet. This toilet has a bidet. It has a dryer. The seat is heated.
It wipes your ass for you.
It essentially does.
I don't think I can go back. I can only go to the bathroom in this one specific toilet. And that's it.
Well, they do say not using a bidet or not using like a wipe is like flossing without brushing your teeth.
Well, now I'm like,
why aren't these in everyone's home? This is disgusting.
Cause we're not Japan. Cause America is behind.
Started on my squatty potty. That's like my favorite.
You still have the squatty potty?
Of course. I've had it for like six years. We go to the bathroom differently.
Let me just tell you that. I've lit a candle.
Yes, yes.
I've had, I have classical music.
Put your phone on do not disturb.
Like Owen, like God.
What a great way to start Friday episode. You were talking about something earlier and I want to bring it back up because I had something to say about it.
Yes.
And it was Harry Styles.
What was your question?
Well, I said, what do we think about Harry Styles? Cause I have some Gen Z correspondents that tell me what's going on. He's coming back to MSG. Tickets are like a thousand dollars each.
I did an Amazon Live yesterday and I had a girl write in like, oh my God, are you gonna get tickets to Harry Styles? And I was like, no. I didn't even know Harry Styles tickets went on sale.
I didn't know, does he have new music?
I have no idea.
Oh, he has a new album. This is the thing, we weren't One Direction girls.
I'm not a fan.
He's there just in Timberlake before, just in Timberlake is what he is now.
There's no one in the world I'm a fan enough of to stand in a queue.
Okay, are you British now?
No, because like when you go, like if you go on and you buy a Giggly Squad ticket, you're getting a Giggly Squad ticket.
You're not fighting the other people. Like I've never gone on, I've never set a timer like Ticketmaster is putting these on now. Let me go stand in the queue like virtually and wait. What do I look like?
You know what I do respect, though? That he's like, yeah, I'll go on tour, but I'm only doing it in one place. You come to me.
I actually, I think that's so efficient.
It's so fuckboy of him, though, be like, come to my house or don't. Send me an Uber at least.
My thing, though, is like with him dating Zoe Kravitz. I would, I wouldn't have seen the jump from Channing Tatum to Harry Styles, but also none of my boyfriends have ever looked similar or even act.
Look exactly the same.
Oh, my. Oh, my gosh. Wait, I've actually never.
I want over 6'2" with blue eyes and I'm done. We're good.
I've never mentally looked at them all in a lineup, but yeah, mine is like.
All over the place. And I mean, the range you have, babe. It's incredible.
If you put mine all in a line, you'd be like, what weird circus.
Similar, definitely not sense of humor. Definitely not intelligence. Definitely not height. Definitely not.
You know what I've reverted back to? The type of guys I dated in high school, which were my favorite kind.
You bring it up every day. You go, good morning to you and to my favorite boyfriend that I dated in high school. Well, honest, that's like in TikTok where they're like, who was your crush when you were little? And who's your current boyfriend?
What I've gone back to. My crush when I was little, like, the first time I had like an experience where I was like, I think I want to have sex with this guy was in the movie, um, 10 Things I Hate About You. And it's not Heath Ledger. It's the other guy.
Who's like the asshole, but he has like dark hair. What is his name?
See, I'm Heath Ledger. That's why we're best friends.
And that's, that I would say was like my first sexual awakening.
The guy in Bring It On, who was the brother? First of all.
No, I thought he was gay. At a young age, I go, you're gay.
And you know why you're not obsessed with Harry Styles? Cause he wears a scarf.
Do you wanna know why I didn't like that guy? He wrote her a song.
You hate that? Okay, he had a guitar.
And then she played it in her room. I was like, okay, unrealistic. This is disgusting.
All my boyfriends are exactly the same, except some are more narcissistic than others. And I just had to find like, a guy who had enough ego deaths.
Very different personalities. None of your boyfriends have had the same personalities.
Well, one thing I'm proud of women for is when they like, have a gorgeous man and they're like, yeah, but he's boring. See, I could stay with a gorgeous man for years, cause I entertain myself. I just kind of need him to physically be there. I'm no better than a man. I'm just like, you are an accessory to me. Cause I'm overwhelmed with what's going on with me. I don't need your own life coming into mine.
My thing was, you would've thought I was trying to go into therapy for college with the type of men I've dated. And I feel like now, I'm like, what's best for my cortisol? And that's how I'm picking.
I feel like there needs to be a cortisol check when you're dating a guy. And if it goes over it, it's just women instead, it's just science. You can't date him, cause your unregulated nervous system. Your twenties, you're like, always unregulated, but by your thirties, you're like, we need to regulate something.
I'm waking up in the middle of the night, thinking about something in my thirties, I gotta get out of there.
I hate to say this, but like, if I'm not eating, at first it's fun. At first you're like, we're detoxing.
But if, if I can't eat, that's a serious problem. That's when my mom pulls me aside and she's like, you didn't eat your bolognese? The hen I know, would've had seconds, thirds and fourths. The second I can't eat a pasta, cause there's a man in my life that's making me nauseous.
I need to get rid of him.
See, when that hits, I'm like, let me stay one more year. Really get this body right. He's just gotta not respond two more times and I'm at my cool way.
Can I say one more thing about men?
I had this epiphany with actually Ally on the road. No men or assistants. No straight men. If you wanted an assistant and a straight man walked in the room, you'd be like,
No.
Oh, I'm looking for someone to help me. Men don't help you.
One time when I was like, looking for assistance, I like, gave a criteria and they were like, okay Paige, that's illegal. We can't, there can't be an age range, you can't say one gender. I'm like,
She's like, I'm just looking for a Gemini.
I'm like, no one over thirty, gross.
I want them young and scared. But the truth is, like, if you think about it, like, there's no male assistants. I guess, like, I'm thinking about, like, WME, the agency there are, and you're always like, okay, well, we're missing a lot of details in that email.
I don't know if I ever get emails from a guy assistant.
I'd, I'd love the stats of how many male assistants there are and also how quick they get promoted.
I was just gonna say how quick they rise to, like, being an agent compared to the girls.
I mean, a gay man assistant is great, except I feel like he was judging me all the time.
Yeah, I could see that. I almost hired a gay-
Which I could use.
Guy assistant, yeah. Um, wait, I saw something on Page Six, which, like, I rarely go on Page Six, but sometimes I like to have a little, a little goss, but like, I don't believe truly anything I read on there.
It's more like, what are people's PR pushing?
Yeah, it's more like fan fiction. It's more like, oh, that was a fun story to come up with, or like, something. Sometimes I've read, like, full stories about myself and I've been like, when did that happen? But anyway, so I go on Page Six, because I was really looking for, like, more Victoria Beckham stuff, because I can't get enough.
This is definitely not true, but there's an article that says Nicola's dad, who is a billionaire, gives her $1 million a month as her allowance.
I have so much respect.
I just don't think it would be true. And then, like, the rest of the article is, like, the Beckhams did not foresee, like, their son signing a prenup. They thought, like, it would obviously be the other way around. But I'm just thinking, like, what would you do, what could one do with a million dollars a month?
I'm gonna say it, not to be, like, too optimistic about life, but more money, more problems.
Yeah, totally.
Like, I had a friend who was really rich, and her family was always fighting because, like, so-and-so got gifted a Lexus, and she got gifted an Audi, and, and like, this is what they're fighting about.
And, um, to do a metaphor, I don't know why I was thinking about this before I go to, I went to sleep, but how-
Wow, I can't wait to-
I was thinking.
Last night?
Yeah, last night. I was in a K-hole. I was thinking about the perspective of life. Marilyn Monroe.
Just a light, just a light evening topic.
If you think of light, cute things as you go to sleep, you're fucking adorable.
I've been reading my book.
Well, yeah.
I'm different.
Cause you're like trying to run away from something.
I'm cosplaying. There's something, I haven't figured out what it is yet.
You're pretending.
I'm avoiding something.
You're like, if I just try to learn how to read in this moment, I won't remember all, everything I regret in my entire life. So I was thinking about two types of people.
Some person might get a diamond ring. And another person, as a gift.
And another person, fully thought of this, might get gifted a rock. And how the person who got the ring might have.
There's no way you sat up in bed.
I swear to God, that's what I was thinking about.
Set the scene though. Was the TV on and this was just like an inside thought? Or were you like trying to fall asleep and you're like this, like, did something spark this idea?
I feel like sometimes when I go to sleep, I envision like I'm talking to you on Giggly Squad. Do you ever like workout bits? And I'm like, was like thinking about like what inspirational thing I'd want to say on Giggly Squad.
I've never had an original experience, ever.
Well, cause when I say something funny, I immediately put it in the perspective of me telling you on Giggly Squad.
Do you know that I bought a shower notepad? Because there's so many times in the shower, I'm like, I've gotta tell Hannah this, but immediately you step out, you forget.
And then you like have self hatred and then you go on a spiral. So I was thinking about when someone gets a ring, first of all, they might, might not like who gave them the ring. They might've wanted a different shape ring. They might not like the kind of ring, they, they wanted a, a lab and they got not, whatever. But how sometimes people will get a rock and they love the person who gave it to them. And the rock is actually meaningful for some reason. And there's like an inside joke or a meaningful thing in how some people are happier with a rock than a ring.
Not me.
And that was Mel Robbins.
My mom always said, actually, I don't know if my mom said this. I heard a quote like years ago that I always remembered. I think I like heard it in college. That was, "I rather love on a bike than cry in a limo." And I always thought, "Not me."
Your mom also said, "Don't marry for money or you're gonna..."
You'll work for it every day.
Work for it every day.
Which is true. I've also never been in this situation in America.
Because I also think I would do that as well. I'm exhausted. I did not foresee this for myself. I'm actually pissed at my own confidence, okay? I really got myself in a pickle a lot of times. I could be in a house right now and like, I don't even want to talk about it.
There's a lot of different houses you could have been in.
There's so many different houses I could be in right now. And you want to know where I am? Here.
Here.
But you want to know what? I'm peaceful.
I'm your rock.
I'm your ugly little rock. My rock that I'm like, "I wanted a diamond."
Do you know how many comments I've seen like on the internet of like, Paige and Hannah like aren't really friends? Like, you want to know what people don't realize about us and our friendship? And our personalities in general? Yeah, maybe we have different interests. Maybe Hannah comes looking like a sex therapist sometimes. "Where are your glasses? Put your glasses on." He can't see without his glasses. Um, I'm obsessed. No, Hannah, when she sat down, literally leaned over to me and it felt like she was gonna be like, "So you're not orgasming? That's a problem."
So what are you thinking about when he's on top?
That's actually a phenomenal question and sometimes a lot of stuff.
Also, there's normalized more men going on top.
Why are women going on top? Like, we already, income tax, anyway, continue.
I honestly think we've done such a good job because one thing the internet loves is pitting women against each other. And I think-
Oh, I remember, I was gonna say, sorry.
If I just say pitting women against each other, you're like, "Yeah, I'm clocked in."
People don't realize that we have such similar personalities-
-in terms of like, our core values and our, at our core stance, I would say our mantra for living is, "I don't care."
Oh.
Like, we don't care.
Our, the depth of our friendship, we are literally the same.
Yeah, so like, if we were to even get in a fight about something, it'd have, we'd have to try really hard to care.
Because I get really nice messages about us sometimes, and they're like, "Oh, that's called like unconditional love," where like, even if you're upset at each other, you know it's coming from a, it's not coming from a bad place.
Right.
Um, also, this is a little controversial, but people know us from our friendship from a reality TV show. And I'm just gonna tell a story. And I might get in trouble, but I just want to tell a story.
There was a situation where, like, you have to realize that-
I know all your stories, but I get ready, like-
I know, you know, you could tell the story.
You're kidding, that did not happen, like, you were there.
On reality TV, like, friendships are part of the storyline. Friendship breaks up support the storyline. They want to see who's closer to who, whatever.
Let me just give you a day in the life of shooting a reality TV show. There was an episode where one of the girls, who I loved, um, was sobbing about something.
And me and you were distraught, and we were like, "We have to comfort her."
We both go run to comfort her. A producer literally puts his arm in front of me, like, tackles me, and he said, "No, let Paige handle this." And I'm like-
I remember that.
"But that's my good friend, and I want to be there." And I realize now, like, oh, they want to show like two people being closer than someone else. And in the moment, you feel like helpless, or you feel like, "Okay, this might look, people might-" Right now be mad at me that I'm not like comforting someone. But um, what you see on those shows is what they want you to see. And the friendships on those shows.
That's so true. I keep forgetting that that's our.
Origin story.
Our origin story.
Yeah, you have to understand like the root of it.
Where things come from.
Where when people see us, know us just from Giggly Squad, they're like, they're best friends.
Also, I think there's a lot of politics that I wasn't always good at with reality TV of like keeping people sweet. Where like, you just like, get along with them for the sake of it.
So that's my like two cents on friendships.
Um, and us.
This episode is sponsored by the new Hershey's Creme Bars in Salted Caramel and Afegato. Lately, I've been realizing that luxury doesn't have to mean some huge splurge. Sometimes it's just taking a few minutes to yourself during a busy day. I have one of these moments, oh, I don't know, every day around two o'clock. Whether that's making a pick me up coffee, or maybe I just need to scroll for a little bit on the couch. That's why I'm actually so excited about the new Hershey's Salted Caramel and Afegato Creme Bars available now. I absolutely love a treat yourself moment in the middle of the day. And this is a classic Hershey's Milk Chocolate layered with a Salted Caramel or Afegato Creme filling.
So it feels a little elevated while still being your favorite Hershey's chocolate. Pick up the new Hershey's Creme Bars in Salted Caramel or Afegato wherever you shop for snacks and choose happiness with every bite. Okay, autumn in New York is the season where we can finally start dressing again. Every single thing is an excuse to put on a look. Going to work, outfit. Leading a meeting, outfit. Getting drinks with your friends, obviously outfit. And as we all know, every great outfit starts from the feet up. That is why I'm currently obsessed with Allies from Sam Edelman. They're a ballet flat, but a little something extra for fall. A contrasting velvet cap toe, I have them in this gorgeous azure blue, which is like a dusty muted blue that somehow goes with everything, even Daphne's eyes.
They're so cute and I'm already envisioning my next outfit. Straight leg jeans and oversized blazer and a little shoulder bag. Very, I just threw this on when we all know I absolutely did not. And Hannah is loving hers too. She has the Michaela, which is the Sam Edelman's take on a Mary Jane. And this season it comes in the chicest leopard, so gorge, so easy, and exactly the kind of shoe that makes an otherwise basic outfit look like you actually tried. And there's so much more coming from Sam Edelman this fall beyond these two. Like the new Teigan and Tallulah pumps, plus ready to wear handbags, fragrances, and even a new men's collection. So basically, you can make sure both you and your man are looking good for date night because we're not doing all that getting dressed just to let him show up in a
t-shirt. Head to samedelman.com and get 15% off with code GIGGLY15. Can we talk about the difference between a home that's furnished and a home that's intentional? Because if you're still living with a mattress on the floor at 25, that's crazy. And Cozy is here to help. Bed frames, sofas, rugs, shelves, tables. Cozy has everything and it all comes in boxes directly to your door. Cozy furniture is modular, so the piece you buy for your current place can reconfigure to fit your next one. And you can always add as your space and taste evolves. You can swap covers when you want to change and they go right in the wash whenever you spill something. If you have no clue where to start, they offer free one-on-one design consultations
so a real person can help you plan your space. No fees. So transform your living space today with Cozy. That's C-O-Z-E-Y.com. Make yourself at home. Giggly Squad, as we know, is a sports podcast, but it's also a mental health podcast. And if you've ever had intrusive thoughts, you're not alone. For millions of people, it's not just anxiety, that's OCD, and most of them have no idea. Real OCD is persistent, unwanted intrusive thoughts that feel totally out of character along with mental or physical behaviors you feel driven to do to get relief. And these thoughts can feel very real, which makes them so upsetting. OCD is highly treatable with the right kind of specialized therapy.
It needs ERP, Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy, proven to be the most effective treatment. NoCD is the world's leading provider of OCD treatment covered by insurance for Over 138 million Americans. Licensed therapists specialize in ERP therapy in live face-to-face virtual sessions with support between sessions. So you're never facing OCD alone. If you're struggling with OCD or unrelenting intrusive thoughts, NoCD can help. Book a free 15-minute call to get started at learn.noCD.com/giggly.
This is what it's like living with a man. He was drinking water and it went down the wrong pipe. Went on for two hours, like to the point that I started laughing because like he was choking to death. And I was like, can you order Uber Eats like right before you choke to death? I just have like one more thing I want to add to it. But but then I started feeling bad for him because people don't talk about how traumatizing something going down the wrong pipe is because you're choking to death.
But everyone knows you're not going to die.
So no one helps you, but you're still fully choking to death.
What was the two hours of like when you say it lasted for two hours? Like he was clearing his throat for two hours or he was just talking about how he almost died.
It was clearing his throat like it was like like you know when you just can't get it out?
Somewhere right now, not fully recovered.
Yeah, I'm like, I can't help. And also like he's fine, but he's not.
You know what's crazy too is that like women, women just obviously we have a higher pain tolerance. That's why we bear children, you know, like that. I don't know how anyone can even like argue that. It's like, okay, but we push a watermelon out of something that's the size of a peanut.
Mine is smaller, but yeah.
And then the peanut grow to get like that alone is scientific.
I do have to say though, stubbing your toe, I've been shot.
You know what I was gonna, that's funny that you say that because I was gonna say, and I'm obviously getting a C-section. What fucking world?
What?
Are you allowed to be like, give me a C-section?
I mean, actually, I don't know.
I don't know, check the amendments.
I actually have no fucking idea. Um, I have heard like a lot of women say, um, that they've asked for C-sections and their doctors have been like, no.
Cause it is like, you're cutting your abs in half.
Yes, but then I did have a girlfriend say, um, my gynecologist had a C-section. All the gynecologists in that group had a C-section. I'm getting a C-section.
Hmm.
Now, I think it's just like a longer, obvious recovery. And like, you do have a scar. I just don't, I know in myself, I'm not built. I don't have the hips for it.
Wait, did I tell you on stage, I've been talking about like, should I have a baby? And I talk about like, how you're like, freeze your eggs, whatever.
Like a little.
And someone raises their hand, I'm like, who thinks I should have kids? And normally they're like, you'd be a great mom, or like, it's, it's good material. This girl said the most genius thing. She goes, your long torso can handle it.
Oh, well, you also have good hips.
I have good hips. I have a lot of space. Like, I think I might be one of those girls who like, have two abs on top. I think I have to get abs first, but like.
Wait, that actually just made me scared.
I started to get worried about you.
Cause I have the shortest torso in America.
You have the shortest torso, long gorgeous legs. Where's the baby gonna go?
Imagine I had twins.
Do you?
Imagine.
Do you want me to surrogate for you? Cause I'll have room. I'll have your baby and my baby. Could you make, could that happen? That would be so fucking cute.
I feel like that like, could happen. Anyway, we're not gonna get into it.
We're not gonna get into the science of it all.
I didn't think about that. Like, yeah, you probably will carry, you'll be more comfortable than I will be.
I mean, we'll see, you never know, but I do know, like, I have, I just know I'm gonna fucking punt it out at me. Like, I'm like, it's like an athlete. Like, I'm ready to just, I love how we're nowhere near pregnant, by the way.
I would've cried the whole time. I was like, I actually just. I can't do it. I don't wanna do it.
And people get scared about like having the baby, but then I also feel like it'll feel like puking. Like, you know, when you're like, it's gonna suck, but it's gonna feel so fucking good after.
You're just like, pull the trigger.
You can rally.
Just get it out.
Pop it out and rally.
Wait, I do feel like, last thing about babies, because it's just like a hypothetical. I do feel like you will be in the room when I give birth and you'll be like, okay, we don't even know this girl yet, though. Like, we have to be careful. Like, we don't really even know.
Immediately, I'm gonna be like, do you think she likes me? Do you think he likes me?
You're gonna be like, so are you guys closer than we are?
Like, I don't, she give you a weird look. I go, she's kind of making it all about her right now and like, you just had a really traumatizing time and she's trying to like cry.
Put a bow on her and you're like, so you're already kissing her. Got it.
Wait, why? I just envision you putting a bow on like one hair at the top of your baby's head and being like, perfect.
Yeah, I will. I've already thought about like the mini little butterfly clips that I could do like a little ponytail with.
Because I'm gonna bedazzle it.
I can't believe you couldn't notice my hair. I can't even look at myself in the face.
There is like lighting happening in the room.
No, this, no, it's my hair. That's what, it looks crazy.
Well, whatever you look, doesn't look worse.
Like, it doesn't look bad. Like, you don't, I'm not like, whoa, that's bad.
Oh, okay, I am bad. Okay, what were you gonna say? I cut you off.
Okay, so I don't wanna compare our cats, because they're both perfect.
But Butter is a little more slender.
As like Butter's tiny. She's the runt of the litter and Butter.
Butter's a model. Daphne's an actress.
Yes. But Daphne also, I would love to see her shaven, because she's probably like, actually, actually, I mean.
So you want her mom to get a pixie cut? You wanna shave my daughter? It's feel, it's, it's, I get what people on the internet are saying. You hate me.
She has so much fluff.
She's a little fluffer nutter.
To see what her real body.
Yeah, like when I pet her, I don't feel her body. It's crazy. We're butter, like you're immediately like, and that's your rib.
Um, so Butterball, one of her favorite things to do, which Daphne would love to do if she could.
She hides in little.
She hides in little places. Like, remember Daphne was hiding and like you see her entire like bottom half of her body from under the table? It's so cute. She's, thinks she's slick. So today, um, we got a new like cabinet for the bathroom. And I was looking for my toothbrush. I opened one of the drawers, butter comes flying out. I don't know how she got, how the hell did she get in the drawer?
She can open cabinet? Like she can open things?
You ever like have one of those bathroom cabinets where when you open it, there's like a hole in the, underneath, there's like a hole somewhere?
She slithered away in. She scared the shit out of me. I scared the shit out of her. We both went. We both yelled. Dez is like, what's going on? I'm busy choking to death. We had a crazy morning. But like at any time, your cat could be like in the fridge. Like people don't talk about that enough with having cats. Like they literally see a room and they're like, I will find the one hiding. People always think they lose their cat.
Honestly, not Daphne.
No, well, poor girl can't.
One, she can't fit in that crevice. She, maybe she'd like to, but she's like.
Cats can contort their bodies. She's, she's designer. So like you don't contort it.
It's like trying to put a burkin like in a suitcase and crumbling it up.
You're not gonna smoosh it.
You can't smoosh it.
You'll hurt the leather.
Yeah, that's how Daphne is. I was just gonna say, I don't know why I'm asking you this, which is such a mean way to start this sentence.
Give it to me.
But I feel like I'm always like looking for new jeans.
You go, this is more just towards the ether. This isn't towards you. Actually, don't answer this.
Like, no matter what day of the week it is, no matter what season it is, I'm always like, I have no pants.
And like, I hate my, I always hate my jeans. Even if I see a girl wearing a pair of jeans and I'm like, yes, that's exactly what I'm looking for.
With the outfit.
And you order those jeans, then I get them and I'm like, I fucking hate these jeans.
Well, depending on your body type, it's a whole thing. Also, I don't know about you, but when I shop, I shop for tops. Shopping for pants is like a like, that's like getting new shoes. Not new shoes. That's like getting a new house.
Yeah, no, it's a big commitment.
Yeah, like trying on pants. Also, I feel like I don't want as many pants as I have tops.
Here's what I also do. I feel like I'm always ordering pants. I'm trying them on and I'm returning them.
Yeah, because I feel like you can deal with kind of an uncomfy top, but if your pants are uncomfortable, like you can't run.
I'm just, I'm having, I'm just having a pant problem.
Well, my-
What brand jeans are your go-to?
So I love Abercrombie and Fitch. I love Madwell for just like good jeans. They're not too stiff. Like, I can't always fit into like vintage stiff jeans. I'm obsessed-
That's what I'm looking for. I'm looking for like a stiff comfy jean.
It's not going past my thighs. I love Aegold. A Goldie? I love their, um, barrel jean.
I'm obsessed with their barrel jean. Everyone compliments me on it. I don't know if it's just like-
Do you want to know the jeans I've been wearing the most?
I have these like black jeans from Mango.
Great.
It actually pisses me off because I'm like, these were the least expensive of all the jeans that I'm looking at. I have a pair, I don't know why I did this. I literally got bullied into buying a pair of Kate jeans.
Mm-hmm.
I hate them. They're, I, first of all, I don't have a torso, so anything that goes like above my belly button, I'm like-
It's on your nipple.
Yeah, I'm like, okay, so Kate jeans are- The whole outfit like I guess I'll put a bandeau on like I look ridiculous.
I cannot with expensive things that are worse than cheap things like it makes me.
Annoys me the most is I bought them. I put them on and I was like, yeah, no. And then I had people being like, no, you're gonna wear them so. No, they're like the perfect jean. You have to keep them. And then I kept these jeans and I'm like, this was the biggest waste of money. And this was two years ago. And I still look at these jeans and I'm like, fuck you.
That's like when someone pressures you to order something like expensive on the menu and they're like, it's so worth it. It's what they're known for. And then you get it and it tastes like shit and you're like, I just want the cheeseburger. I just want the cheeseburger. Why did I get this pasta that has all this weird shit in it?
When in doubt, I'm ordering a grilled cheese sandwich.
You'd never go wrong.
If you're ever, one of my biggest feelings that I hate is when you're hungry, but you don't know what to eat.
Never happens to me, but yeah.
Wait, really?
I'm like a pregnant woman. I know every time what I want.
You're never like walking around the kitchen at like seven PM and you're like, what do I even feel like?
Well, I've never been in a kitchen. First of all, um, no, I always know. It's like my, it's like my.
Your superpower.
That's my superpower. Like, I also wanted to make an app. That's like, you know, you go into Uber Eats and either you want like one specific dish. Like you're like, I need eggplant parmesan. But I want like to see all the eggplant parmesans, not just like the random restaurants, but also put in like, do you want? Do you want savory? Do you want vegetable? Like put more general things and then it like gives you like more specific recommendations. Cause like deciding what you're gonna eat every day gives people a lot of anxiety.
Okay, I low key wish that like when you went on Uber Eats, you could have friends and then you could see what they were eating.
Oh my God, like I want to be an Uber Eats influencer.
I think they should do.
Be like.
How many times are you like, okay, same thing with like Netflix. I wish I could go on to my Netflix and I could have friends. And I could just see what they were watching. So I could be like, oh my God, I didn't eat, I forgot about that.
An app, see, we like to come up with business ideas on this. Maybe it's like an app of like called Taste where it's everyone's taste.
I have the logo, it's it's in the works right now. Just definitely.
And it's your taste for all genres.
So it's all in one place. So then you see like what people are eating and everything can like what you're listening to, what you're eating. What? Yeah, what you're watching and.
Wait, we might have to cut this out because we need to trademark.
We need to do this.
Wait, that's a brilliant idea.
Well, because also, let's be honest, word of mouth is what works, not people like. Not a television commercial. You're not suddenly going to be like, oh, I need to eat that tonight.
Unless it's Kinder chocolate, then absolutely.
Which, by the way, still waiting for my shipment.
I'm like, I better have a fucking a year's supply of Kinder because I love that shit. Remember how I was talking about with your closet, how there's all these clothes that you like, but you never wear? And I don't know what to do with them because they're starting to build up. Someone had genius advice. She was like. If you're on the fence, force yourself to try it on and you'll know. Because you know that stuff that you're just like, it's always there, it looks cute.
All my pants. Like getting dressed in the morning, I'm like, okay, I have great jackets. I have really cool tops. I can accessorize this with cool belts. And then I get to the bottom half and I'm like, what are we doing here?
See, my toxic trait is I'll wear a jean for weeks, the same jean.
Yeah, yeah, I can.
And you just rotate the top.
Picture your favorite pair of jeans in my head.
Yeah, but also. This is why I love a set, you love a set. It helps you come up with the whole outfit and I love monochromatic stuff. Which leads me to another thought. I was thinking about Kim Kardashian's skims.
I'm always thinking about her.
And like honestly, she's beyond crushing it. Like if she was a man.
Wait, do you know that I downloaded and bought the subscription to Masterclass? Just because I wanted to listen to hers. But they have so many.
Yeah, Amy Poehler has one.
They have so many really good ones. I actually think it's worth the subscription if you're. Like want to better your, or you want to like learn about a specific thing.
If you want to better yourself, not really. No, but what does she talk about on it? Because she could talk about so many things.
But I mean, I just have this
Do you know what people don't call out, which is iconic and you and me, we would love this?
Kanye had Yeezy, right?
And if you remember like the fashion shows, it was very like monochromatic and like
He had like crazy shoes. She definitely like learned from being with him like
Oh, that's like the whole lore thing. Yeah.
Well, cause Skims is literally like if Yeezy was mainstream, successful and for women.
Well, she talks, she's talked about that before.
How it inspired her.
That like when they started dating, he 100% did a whole overhaul of her style.
And that like she wasn't taken seriously by any like major fashion, um, like publications like Vogue. Like Vogue would never put her on the cover. Like the first time she was on the cover was with him.
Um, so I think, and she had a video the other day or something. I don't know where she was and she was wearing an outfit. And she was like, wearing Yeezy heels from years ago. And she was like, they truly are the best shoes.
So he definitely.
I definitely think.
Like influenced.
If your man isn't good for you, at least look through what he's done in his life and pull anything you can learn from it. And then use it against him later.
I'm trying to think if I've dated anyone that they've influenced any part of like my style.
You thought I was gonna say of my life?
Yeah. Wait, so you, have you ever changed your style though, based on the vibe? Cause a lot of celebrities will, you know, like Bel Haddid is when, is when with like the alligator hunter. No, that's Londo Ray. Bel Haddid was with the cowboy.
Was with the cowboy.
They just broke up.
She definite, oh, did they?
Oh my God. Okay. Because I was gonna say, the last like three paparazzi pictures, I was like, these are great outfits. Where the fuck have you been?
Also, she's working. She's back working. I don't want to blame the man. I don't want to blame the man.
Maybe she was like stuck in a rodeo somewhere. I was like, what are we doing?
The only time a man's ever like kind of tried to inspire my style is when they'll see like a sexy dress or a sexy top. And they're like, why don't you wear that? And I'm like, cause I don't want to and it's not comfortable.
The only time a man has inspired my style is I was in my early twenties and I had a guy being like, don't wear that, wear this, like you should wear. And then I realized I was in fact in an abusive relationship.
You're like, okay, this is a paper bag over my head. What do you mean, wear this?
The first couple of months, I was like, okay, yeah, I like this maxi dress. I can wear this.
I love turtleneck sweaters.
Four months in, my mom goes, you look ridiculous.
You look like a clown.
What are you wearing?
Did you see the tweet that made me think of you? When people go, who is this clown is the best thing to say? Because first of all, you're calling someone a clown, but then you're also saying they're not even famous enough to be a well-known clown. You say, who is this clown?
Just like as an insult that anyone?
I feel like you've said that before.
I've definitely said that to a guy before, like. I do know that I've, I have influenced every single guy I've dated's style in like a nice way. That's like, I like doing that stuff and so, and I have ideas and I really never got that much pushback. I mean, a couple of times where they were like.
That's my favorite sandal.
Yeah, like I hate you. And I'm like, okay, but you look better. Like hate me all the way to a photo shoot.
Hate me all the way to the photo shoot. Hate me after the reviews come in, okay?
No, truly hate me after the reviews.
I think I have to be a little more subtle because I'm not like Mrs. Fashion. Also, I'm not like passionate about men's fashion.
Okay, but if I dated you and you, and I said, hey, um, do you think this joke is funny? And you gave me your literal opinion and you were like, no, I would take that as, okay, well, she knows.
Also, speaking of dating me, there's also a lore of the internet that is convinced that like we are lesbian lovers, but like in a non-sexual marriage and like a lot of lesbians just listen to our pod as a lesbian podcast. They're like, it's our favorite lesbian podcast.
Thank God.
And I said, that is actually what we've been trying to put out there.
What we've set out to do.
Yes. So in terms of fashion, Dez, as you guys know, he's lived a long life before me.
He's had a lot of influences and he has a way about him and it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks.
Also, you have to do it subtly.
Now Dez famously loves wearing suits when he performs.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he looks so handsome in them, but this is like what he's been doing for a long time.
That's his thing.
I did get rid of some of his, he had like a floral shirt that was annoying me that somehow got out of the rotation. I don't know how. Maybe my mom got rid of it. I don't know.
I actually feel like I know what floral shirt you're talking about. Was it navy blue?
Yeah, there's also a purple one. He loved it. Cause that was him having fun, you know? But recently, as you guys know, I love Lululemon and I just was like, let's go to Lululemon and do. Their men's stuff is amazing. So he grabbed some stuff.
I love a man in a jogger.
Oh, yes. And then there was like this, this adorable gagler helping him shop. And I was like, Dez, you want me to help you pick things? He's like, I got this. I'm like, okay. So I looked at the gagler and I was like, you got this for me? And he was like, don't worry babe. So he like held his hand through the whole thing. And Dez has naturally like a good sense of style. He just got stuck in this like, I wear tuxedos on stage. So if you look at his most recent videos, he's wearing the best Lululemon bomber jacket. People have been commenting like, Dez, you look so good, da, da, da. And I, he's gonna, if he hears this, he's gonna be like, you know, this is all me. I was working hard in the background.
You were the puppet.
I'm gardening, I'm gardening. Finally, it's become a flower. So I think I'm, I'm similar to you, just less like to his face.
But and also he does ask my opinion about stuff and he can tell when I don't like love something and he'll take it into consideration.
The only thing that stops me from doing that sometimes with boyfriends is because I'm like, this is like a little sinister. In my head, I'm like, I'm obviously getting out of here at some point. Um, and the fact that you're gonna take this on with you when I gave you this like confidence annoys me.
Yep.
You know?
Where I'm like, I almost don't want to teach you all my tricks because you're gonna act like they are yours, which I've seen happen so many times.
But you also don't want him to use it against other women in the future to trick them that he's the kind of guy that he isn't just because he's wearing that kind of shirt that you put him in.
I don't know what you just said, but I fricking concur.
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I had an embarrassing plane moment.
What happened?
Oh my god, I was flying Alaska.
Flying Alaska?
Out of Seattle, Alaska's like very popular.
No way.
And it was when all the flights were getting cancelled, so I booked an Alaska flight and I felt like so good, I'm gonna get into New York.
No, it's so you to be like flying in the eye of the storm.
Yeah, and I'm like, give me a fucking, I find an aisle seat, I'm in. So I go to the lady at the desk, the security, and she's like, "We don't have you down for this flight. Did it get cancelled?" And I'm like, "I don't know, I didn't get notified." And I'm like, "Here's my ticket, I have a ticket." And she's like, "It's not coming up in my system."
Thirty minutes until boarding, right? So I have to walk all the way to the Alaska desk, it's chaos. And I'm waiting in a line, and you know when like, you're like, "I'm gonna miss this flight." Find another lady who's just walking around, and I'm like, "I have a, I have a ticket, I don't know why I can't get on."
I've cried at Newark before.
The two times I cry are sports documentaries and airplanes. At an airport, cuz in that moment, you feel like people are sabotaging you, you're like, "I have a ticket, she didn't let me in."
I almost missed my flight to Fiji, and I was there like three hours prior, just because I couldn't find the gate.
Why do I feel like I'm so strong dealing with adversity, like anything can happen to me, and I'm like, "I'll overcome this." But like, one thing goes wrong at the airport, and I'm like, "I'm never gonna see my mom again."
No one's around, no one works at the airport.
They have this thing where at some point, they're just like, "Yeah, you can't get on." Like, there's, there's bigger rules there.
There are times where they're like, "This is actually above my pay grade, so I have no idea."
They're always like, "Yeah."
They're like, "I wanna help you, but I can't."
The computer says no, like, that's what they, they're always like, "No, you're on..."
That's like the time my tree said the website blocked me from ever ordering from there, and I, and they said, "Sorry, you're in the system that you can't order from here." And so I got on the internet immediately.
You have amazing taste.
In their DMs, and I'm like, "Why can't I order from there? Like, I've never even returned something to you guys." And they're like, "Sorry, sometimes it just randomly goes and our name will go in the system, and it gets blocked." And I'm like, "Okay, can you go in the system and unblock it?" And they're like, "No." And I'm like, "But you're the system."
You're the system.
Anyway, I can order from there now, it lasted like six months.
Um, so I, this lady walks me back to the same security.
And she's like, "Let's try it again." And I'm like, "This is not gonna work, it's like ten minutes till boarding." And suddenly it works. And I'm like, "So was I gonna miss the flight cuz of someone's system?" Anyway, I digress. I get on, and I have like thirty minutes, and I'm like, "You know what I'm gonna do?" I'm trying to cancel a health insurance to go to a new health insurance because as you guys know where when you have your
There's a lot of health insurance lore in the burner Bishop home
Also, we like, yeah, we have to pay for, we have to find our own insurance. I don't know, actually. I don't know.
We have to get it. We have to have it. We have to pay for it.
So I call and I'm like, I have to cancel. And they were like, oh, you can't cancel through us. You have to cancel through New York State of Health. I was like, okay. Call New York State of Health.
Oh, you're doing this whilst on the plane?
On the plane. Because you know when like, you're like, if I do it, if I do it on the plane, it's like productive. Where like, if I do it during my free time, I'm like, this is ruining my life.
So I'm like, I'm already crying at the airport. I might as well just double down.
Wait, I think the same way. I mean, if I'm gonna be doing something miserable, why not add it?
Pile it on, babe.
Like, anytime someone's like, do you want to do that meeting too? I'm like, you know what? Add it to that day because I'm gonna want to kill myself all day.
No, it's, it's like staying up late where it's like, it's already 2 a.m. What's 3 a.m.?
Wait, people don't talk about that.
And they're like, oh, you have to go to the small business person. I say, great. They send me to her. She goes, we don't have you in our system. You have to go to our individual people. I'm like, you know, when you finally speak up and you're like, by the way, like I have been put to like four different people. Are you sure? They're like, I'm sure. You're back to the original person. I'm losing my mind. And finally they're like, we can't find you in our system. So like, it's, it's like when you put in your password and it doesn't work and then you, you try to do a new password and they're like, is the password, is the old password? That's a little, I'm like, guys, clearly I have it because I'm getting charged every month. I want to get out of it. So I finally just hang up because we're about to take off. And the guy next to me is like, sorry about that.
And I was like, I am so sorry. Because I was trying to speak low, but he's like, health insurance is a motherfucker, right? And I'm like, I'm so sorry. You just heard me in my darkest hour. Like, I never want anyone to hear me on a customer service call with health insurance. Like, I am depleted. I am beaten down. I have no belief in myself or the world. And then we ended up kind of bonding. And what I love about when men talk to me at the airport, they don't ask you questions about themselves.
What do you mean?
Like, you know, sometimes you get stuck in like a conversation with like a random mom.
And she's, you know, where are you from?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it's nice, but you're tired.
This man starts talking to me and I'm like, oh no, I'm gonna have to get into a conversation.
Talked about himself for 10 minutes and then left me alone. I said, men are amazing.
And that's some of my best dates.
I take back, I take back everything I said about men. He started talking about his job, never asked me what I did once. Never asked me what I did once. And for the first time, I was like, thank God it's a man, because I was not in the mood to get into it.
Because a woman would have been like, what are you dealing with?
Immediately.
Because they're like, maybe I could help.
A hundred percent. This man talked at me for 10 minutes. And I said, I'd rather be on the phone with customer service, but this is fine.
And you were thankful.
Grateful for their lack of interest. He probably was like, there's no way this girl has a job. I just heard her trying to cancel health insurance. There's no way she's capable of anything. He was like bragging to me about his job too. I was like, okay. He also asked me what to do in New York City. I blanked. What do you tell people?
Hannah?
I blanked.
I literally, people will DM me.
Also the snowstorm, I was like, stay inside.
Girls will always DM me like, what's a fun place for me to go to my, for my birthday? I'm like, I don't know. I haven't known a fun place in five years.
I'm a girl. Normally I'd be like, okay, like go thrifting the Lower East Side, walk around Tribeca, Soho, West Village. I said that to him and he was like, okay. He's like a four-year-old like engineer.
No, I'm so bad. And if anyone ever asks me that, like in my real life, I'm like, why don't you text my friend, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah? Like, she always knows.
Do you have a restaurant that you recommend? No, there's too many.
There's so ma- I mean, yes, my favorite restaurant of all time in New York City is Bar Pity.
But that's not a restaurant you're like getting dressed up and like going. That's just... I don't know. Like you can go and sit, you can wear sweats.
Also, what's fun about New York is when you're like walking around, you get starving and you pop into a place.
That you've literally never seen of or heard of.
Opened up yesterday. But what I say, what I like to say about New York is that, because there's so many places, it's so competitive. That if it lasts more than a year, like, it's good.
I've been to a lot of really horrible places that are just like nightlife places.
Oh, yeah.
That you're, that I've gone back to in my 30s and I've been like, how did you guys stay open? Like, this is disgusting.
Cause it's all vibes and aura.
Also, everything now, I feel like every new restaurant is like, we do bar food, but in a cool way. And I'm like, just shut up. Just give me a regular burger, you freak.
Hot take, cause I've, I, in my older years, I've had more of these like dinner meeting things, you know?
Events.
Event, well, but it's like, you go, there's a table and it's like, these aren't your best friends. These are like coworkers.
You do way more of those than I do.
I shouldn't, because I go to dinner, I'm hungry.
It's a dinner. I don't care if there's people that it's work related. It's a fucking dinner. And they love to play dumb, like they'd never eaten dinner before and been like, should we just share some things?
You know, like my anxiety works in such mysterious ways.
Yeah, you're never hungry during these things.
I could be hungry all day and know I'm going to dinner at 7:00 PM. Right when I sit down at that table, I'm magically on Ozempic. I'm like, I actually haven't thought about a carb in two weeks. Like, there's something in me that I physically cannot eat. And there are so many times where I've gone out to dinner, like, and been like, I'm just gonna wrap it up and eat it at home.
Well, that's why, like, when we did reality TV, if you rewind to the dinner portion, I'm stress eating. I'm shoving my face and I'm also like, if I'm chewing, I don't have to come with a fast comeback, you know what I mean? You're, you haven't touched your gnocchi.
No, I like can't.
Haven't touched it.
I don't know why.
But you let me eat it, which is why.
And once I have an alcoholic beverage, that's it, then all, then I'm like, no, I can't eat. Just give me another drink.
And you're also like a little nauseous.
Well, my baseline is always a little nauseous.
So yeah, people do this, let's share. And I'm like, first of all, sharing is intimate. Like, I barely share with my husband and now I'm, I have to like, find the social norms of sharing food with strangers. So, and, and I'm very aware of like not being rude, but I'm also aware that I'm fucking starving and we're all just talking. So I'm the person that's like, are you guys eating that art choke in front of you?
No, there are times where I'm like, yeah, we'll do it for the table, but get two orders, because this one's mine. Like, I'm eating all of what's on this one plate.
And I love going off with apps. Order a ton of apps, but in terms of my dinner.
And I know if people are like, I don't know what I want. That's a you problem.
No, I, we're very compatible to go out to dinner because I don't eat. You've eaten yours and then some of mine.
I
And we're great.
I hate when someone is not free with offering their food. That's the thing.
We'll share, but once I know I have
Have you shared with me?
Well, because you can't keep up.
I'll look over to have a bite and it's all gone. I'm like, how did you even do that?
So on the road with Ally, she likes to like, ask what I'm ordering from room service. You're so jealous right now. Look at your face.
Yeah, I am.
You wouldn't have been jealous this last week?
No, because you want to know, you guys like get ready and you go out to dinner. Never once.
That was one off day.
No, I feel like you were dressed twice. I saw you.
Paige was mad that I wore makeup going out to eat with Ally once.
Because I'm just like, when have we ever?
It was Aspen. Like, that would have been disrespectful if I show up to dinner the way I normally look.
Saying at that hotel.
Yes, there was like nuances to it. I would never just put makeup on for dinner. That's fucking insane.
There were nuances.
There were nuances. But you were mad. You go, what did I dress up for?
Normalize people not knowing the whole story and you not explaining it to them, to them, just being like, there are nuances.
Context is important.
You wouldn't get the nuances?
And I'm not explaining it to you.
Final thing.
I want to discuss traitors.
Can you not go off about Colton this time?
I don't know.
Even though all your points are 100% valid. I was just thinking about me and you on traitors. And how I don't understand the strategy.
There is none.
Because this is the thing, if you really wanted me to fucking find a traitor, which by the way, I would be a faithful and I'd be a traitor killer. And I would sit there and instead of just like, everyone just looking at each other, being like, where are you from? Looking at each other. I go, no, we're all going around, tell me your name, your sign, and why you're not a traitor. Like, put people under the fucking light, you know, like, everyone's too polite about it. I want to be like, explain yourself. And don't blink when you do it. Look at me in the eye. Like, I want people being challenged.
My thing is, because we're from reality TV, it's hard for me, even with like Dancing with the Stars.
It's hard for me to be like, oh yeah, that's 100% what happened and all those people are safe. Like, in my head.
You think it's rigged?
In my head, there's a producer that went up and said, you're picking so and so.
Everyone will follow you. We've also told this person to pick them.
Well, also, when you see in traitors where it starts with like one person being like, is it Portia? And then the next second, everyone's like, it's fucking Portia.
Okay, but then, on the other side of the coin, in my head, I'm a producer. I don't want Portia leaving that early because she's such good TV. So then, but they did have Lisa Renner. So it's like.
They had explosive, good TV. But I just can't, like, same thing on last season.
Donna Kelsey, apparently, because I was posting like that I was sobbing, like, Donna Kelsey made me emotional, just her being like, I want to be here longer, but whatever. And then people were like, you dumb ass. Like, clearly she agreed to do one episode.
I was done, I was like, why would you vote the nice old lady off? And then they played it that everyone was just like, Donna, you're a traitor. They made her a traitor. Like, everyone knew. It was so fake.
That was like, she loved the show, she wanted to be on it, but they were like, hey, you can't actually do this show.
Taylor Swift was also probably like, let's not, like.
No, she probably.
In the van immediately, they were like, so what's Taylor like?
That's also like so crazy. But yeah, it was definitely like she had a one-episode contract.
I would never let my mom go on a reality TV show, even though I did before, like it would.
That's a different type though.
If they made one fucking thing look bad, I would lose it. I would lose, imagine your mom, I mean horrible. I mean, we could imagine. But the whole time I was like, leave.
There were so many times where like Summer House wanted to film certain things with my family and like my mom was like, no.
The biggest, the biggest regret I have is first season, putting my family on, because I didn't know. Final thought about my dad. I'm, you know, doing stand-up comedy, having fun, and there's always occasional man that'll be like, does your dad know you say that stuff on stage? Like, how do your parents feel?
And I'm always like, I am my dad.
I'm my dad.
Like, I'm just being my dad. I'm half, 50% is my dad, and that what you're seeing on stage is my dad. I've said actual jokes that he's said on stage.
And now I come from like a little bit more of like a conservative.
You were gonna say coof.
No, conservative parents in terms of like, you don't talk about that, you don't say that, blah, blah, blah. And even people will say to my dad, like, wow, she really, and my dad will go right, like, oh, really?
They don't say that to the male comics.
Or, yeah, and it's even like reality TV, it's like, there was like a time where people were like, so Paige does OnlyFans? And my, my dad was like, no. But anyhow.
We love you guys. Thank you so much for giggling with us. And I think our Netflix thing with Mindy Kaling and Kate Hudson.
Tickets.
And Brenda Song. You can buy tickets, it might be sold out, but double check, okay? Netflix is a joke festival. We love you guys. Bye.
It's me, your gutters. Everything is totally fine. There's just a lot of debris up here, and I've been managing it mostly on my own. I just thought you could find someone on Angie to clean me up. I could really use it.
Your gutters have waited long enough. Find a pro at Angie.com.
Page updated October 31, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated