Golden Grahams Are For Satanists | “A Dingo Ate My Baby!” (Part 1)

She was so fit, she must have killed her baby. "A Dingo Ate My Baby!” (Part 1) For weekly bonus episodes, ad-free listening and early access to series, become a Truther and sign up to the Patreon patreon.com/fintaylor This episode of Fin vs History is brought to you by Surfshark. Secure your privacy with Surfshark! Enter coupon code FVH for an extra 4 months at ⁠surfshark.com/fvh⁠ Chapters: 00:00 - Australian History 08:12 - Golden Nuggets 11:58 - What is a Dingo? 19:08 - Where’s the Baby Love? 25:19 - Peel it like an Orange 31:49 - Strutting into the Court Room 38:05 - Tough on Tourism 41:56 - A Second Inquest Has Hit Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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• 1:44Speaker 05

  Welcome back to Finn vs. History. Joining me is Horatio Gould.

• 1:47Speaker 06

  A dingo ate me out.

• 1:48Speaker 05

  Oh, fuck. We're back in Australia, and this story is absolutely insane.

• 1:53Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:54Speaker 05

  Now, Australian history is obviously a bit of an oxymoron.

• 1:57Speaker 06

  Sure. Hence why we're doing a story called A Dingo Ate My Baby.

• 2:00Speaker 05

  A Dingo Ate My Baby.

• 2:01Speaker 06

  It's not really the English Civil War. It's not Cromwell. It's not the Tudors.

• 2:04Speaker 05

  It's 19, you know, we did Captain Cook.

• 2:06Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 2:06Speaker 05

  The next thing that happens in Australia is.

• 2:08Speaker 06

  A dingo eats a baby.

• 2:09Speaker 05

  A dingo eats a baby in 1980. We're talking about the case of Lindy Chamberlain.

• 2:13Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 2:14Speaker 05

  Azaria Chamberlain.

• 2:16Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 2:16Speaker 05

  And a dingo who is as yet unnamed.

• 2:19Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 2:20Speaker 05

  This is sort of Australia's first media, sort of mass media trial, I guess. It's imagine if OJ Simpson had been the father of Madeleine McCann.

• 2:32Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 2:32Speaker 05

  And that's kind of what we're dealing with here.

• 2:34Speaker 06

  Madeline McCangaroo.

• 2:34Speaker 05

  Madeline McCangaroo.

• 2:35Speaker 06

  That's sort of the vibe.

• 2:36Speaker 05

  Madeline McCangaroo. Now, obviously, you know, people are always asking us to do Australian history. There's not much. I will, if you will allow me, I will summarize it now, sonically.

• 2:46Speaker 06

  I'll let you Barbie.

• 2:50Speaker 06

  That's 20,000 years.

• 2:51Speaker 05

  Thousands of years.

• 2:53Speaker 05

  Look, I found a new bin. Oh, no, no, fucking, no, fucking, a dingo ate my baby. Get your hands off my penis. That's when good neighbors, a chicken bounding over.

• 3:08Speaker 05

  But I'm not spending any more time on it. That's Australian history, sort of summed up, really.

• 3:13Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 3:13Speaker 05

  And we're just focusing in on that middle section there. If you caught that.

• 3:17Speaker 06

  If you zoom in.

• 3:18Speaker 05

  If you zoom in, you hear, "A dingo ate my baby."

• 3:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 3:21Speaker 05

  Which is what we're dealing with now.

• 3:22Speaker 06

  Sandwich between the didgeridoos.

• 3:24Speaker 05

  Yeah. Which, you know, we will maybe do didgeridoo at some point. It's tough, though, but they didn't write anything down.

• 3:30Speaker 06

  They just sucked each other off.

• 3:32Speaker 05

  Did they?

• 3:32Speaker 06

  Oral history.

• 3:33Speaker 05

  Right, sorry, sorry.

• 3:34Speaker 06

  Did they?

• 3:36Speaker 05

  Someone probably did, probably did.

• 3:37Speaker 06

  Probably did happen.

• 3:38Speaker 05

  Yeah. Although they were, they were a very unadvanced people's first contact, so maybe they hadn't even got to blowjobs yet.

• 3:45Speaker 06

  I don't know. I think that's one of the first things you learn.

• 3:46Speaker 05

  Do you think? Before writing?

• 3:47Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 3:48Speaker 05

  Yeah. Take your dick out, take your dick out your mouth and start writing stuff down. So, we're in Australia in 1980. That's not today, although that's pretty much the same. The haircuts are the same.

• 3:59Speaker 06

  Well, watch the documentary, because Australia's always a bit behind. It does feel like 1970. Just the aesthetics is 70. It's just there's that lag.

• 4:07Speaker 05

  There is, yes, there's a satellite delay.

• 4:08Speaker 06

  I was watching it thinking it was the 70s.

• 4:10Speaker 05

  But no, it's 1980.

• 4:11Speaker 06

  So it's flares, it's fucking, you know, sideburns and stuff like that.

• 4:14Speaker 05

  And also, all the officials are in hot pants, which is absolutely hilarious.

• 4:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 4:20Speaker 05

  We're not just in Australia, we are in the most probably toxic part of Australia.

• 4:25Speaker 06

  The furthest from the sea.

• 4:26Speaker 05

  Yes, and the closest to the sun.

• 4:28Speaker 06

  Yes. It's kind of the last place white people should ever be.

• 4:32Speaker 05

  Genuinely.

• 4:32Speaker 06

  Is Alice Springs, Uluru, the centre of Australia.

• 4:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:36Speaker 06

  It's the most dried out white people get.

• 4:38Speaker 05

  Raisins.

• 4:39Speaker 06

  Yeah, I think dehydrated white people, that's when they get angry, that's when they get naughty.

• 4:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, exactly.

• 4:43Speaker 06

  The more dehydrated and dried out and sunburnt they are, the naughtier they get.

• 4:46Speaker 05

  And really, this is a story about white men in hot pants who are so dried out that they cannot believe a dog would eat a baby.

• 4:52Speaker 06

  Right now, we're in South London and it's pouring down with rain. This is what we're meant to be doing.

• 4:56Speaker 05

  Yes, exactly. We're meant to be in suits inside on a sofa podcasting. We're not meant to be outdoors in Ayers Rock or Uluru in hot pants.

• 5:05Speaker 06

  Chasing after dinghy.

• 5:07Speaker 05

  Chasing after dinghies. Dinghies?

• 5:11Speaker 05

  That's a dingo noise.

• 5:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, thanks, Charlie.

• 5:13Speaker 05

  Part of the, part of the problem is that the word dingo is too cute for what is a bloodthirsty animal.

• 5:20Speaker 06

  But it is maybe the perfect word to say in Australian accents, so there is that.

• 5:23Speaker 05

  There is that.

• 5:24Speaker 06

  Dingo.

• 5:24Speaker 05

  No, fucking dinghy.

• 5:28Speaker 05

  This is, I mean, this is history. This is, it's absolutely bananas. For my generation, you know, I knew the phrase, "A dingo ate my baby." It was kind of a punchline in The Simpsons. Let's deal with the characters in this story. First of all, Lindy Chamberlain, okay? The first thing to say is that she's quite attractive, which is important.

• 5:45Speaker 06

  Is that the first?

• 5:46Speaker 05

  That is the first thing to say.

• 5:47Speaker 06

  That's kind of the first thing anyone in Australia says.

• 5:49Speaker 05

  I'm doing this from the perspective of the Australian.

• 5:51Speaker 06

  Oh, she's a sort?

• 5:52Speaker 05

  Not now, not now. But she's been through a lot.

• 5:55Speaker 06

  She has been through a lot.

• 5:56Speaker 05

  She has been through a lot. She looks a bit like Eddie Izzard now.

• 5:58Speaker 06

  She's been traumatized out of being a badie, basically.

• 6:00Speaker 05

  She looks like trans Eddie Izzard. What's Eddie Izzard's new name? Eddie Izzard? It's not, I think it's Edwina. I think it maybe it's Sarah. Suzie. Suzie.

• 6:09Speaker 06

  Suzie, fuck.

• 6:11Speaker 05

  We are, yes, Lindy is quite attractive and she is crucially a Seventh Day Adventist.

• 6:17Speaker 06

  She could get a rote, rote.

• 6:18Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 6:19Speaker 06

  That's Australian for riding and shagging, it's roding.

• 6:22Speaker 05

  Oh, rooting around in there.

• 6:24Speaker 06

  Oh, she's a sort?

• 6:25Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:25Speaker 06

  That's, yeah.

• 6:26Speaker 05

  I fucking root her.

• 6:29Speaker 05

  So, yeah, she's an attractive Seventh Day Adventist, born in New Zealand, but basically lives in Australia her whole life. Her father is a pastor. That's not a pastor, it's not, you know, pasta.

• 6:41Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 6:41Speaker 05

  It's a religious.

• 6:42Speaker 06

  Dad was not a linguini.

• 6:44Speaker 05

  No, not, no, there's no Italian in the story. And her husband, Michael.

• 6:48Speaker 06

  This is white bread, this. This is really, it's not cut with any Southern European, this is.

• 6:52Speaker 05

  This is gluten.

• 6:53Speaker 06

  This is real, real white stuff.

• 6:55Speaker 05

  White bread with margarine on it.

• 6:57Speaker 06

  This is pure Protestant.

• 6:59Speaker 05

  Shall we talk about Seventh Day Adventists?

• 7:01Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 7:01Speaker 05

  Because this is, again, she's attractive, which is crucial, but she's also part of this, I mean, it's not really that wacky, but it's still Protestant.

• 7:10Speaker 06

  It's kind of like one of those myriad of bizarre Protestant faiths that spring up in America. It's akin to Mormonism. It's like, it's one of those fucking, why are we, why are you just making yourself slightly different?

• 7:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:23Speaker 06

  I believe the Seventh Day Adventist Church believe that there is going to be, not only is there definitely going to be a second coming of Christ, but there's going to be a point. He's going to come twice in one night.

• 7:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:36Speaker 06

  There's going to be a point where the Catholic Church and the US government are going to come together and ban.

• 7:42Speaker 05

  Sunday worship.

• 7:43Speaker 06

  Worship on any day but Sunday.

• 7:45Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 7:45Speaker 06

  So the only true believers will worship on a Saturday, so that's why that they're always worshiping the Sabbath on a Saturday to show, so they know that they are true believers.

• 7:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:57Speaker 06

  And that when that comes, they need to fight for that. They also have an insane view on diet.

• 8:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, so they're basically.

• 8:03Speaker 06

  The most Protestant view of diet I've seen.

• 8:05Speaker 05

  They're teetotal, they're vegetarian, and they also believe that even black pepper and mustard is too much.

• 8:12Speaker 06

  Because I think black pepper will stimulate you being like horny. Basically, if you have black pepper in your food, it's going to be like an ayahuasca, Sarah, if me, that turns into an orgy.

• 8:20Speaker 05

  I can't, yeah, exactly.

• 8:21Speaker 06

  I mean, that is, even for us, that is Protestant.

• 8:24Speaker 05

  No, I respect that. I respect that. I think, yeah.

• 8:26Speaker 06

  Not having pepper because it might turn into an orgy.

• 8:29Speaker 05

  It's not the Sabbath. The black pepper is for the Sabbath, okay? That's when I relax.

• 8:33Speaker 06

  Yeah, no vinegar, heavy spices. But to be fair, what's interesting, obviously, something that's thrown a lot at white Protestants is they have the worst food in the world and it's very bland.

• 8:42Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 8:42Speaker 06

  But you look at them, they're in incredible shape, you know? And if you, if you have that, and also, it is a Protestant part of me, you know, I'm a big advocate for gut health.

• 8:51Speaker 05

  Fiber powder.

• 8:52Speaker 06

  Yeah. So maybe stop thinking about your taste buds and stop thinking about your gut health, you know? There is an argument for it.

• 8:57Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 8:57Speaker 06

  Because all these people with delicious food, you're fat fucks a lot, yeah?

• 9:00Speaker 05

  Well, exactly. And the Greek, the Greek belly, you know, the Greek pot belly.

• 9:04Speaker 06

  Yes, you're living a life, but then what, it's fucking, you're waking up in the middle of the night, it's painful.

• 9:09Speaker 05

  You know, you're going, Spanish are eating at 10 and they're going to sleep straight away. The heartburn.

• 9:14Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 9:14Speaker 05

  You know?

• 9:14Speaker 06

  And the reason why she is such an attractive woman potentially is because she's in great shape.

• 9:19Speaker 05

  She is in great shape.

• 9:20Speaker 06

  She's had three kids.

• 9:21Speaker 05

  She's had three kids.

• 9:21Speaker 06

  It's because she only eats like, I don't know.

• 9:24Speaker 05

  She eats more, yeah.

• 9:24Speaker 06

  Yeah, unseasoned food.

• 9:25Speaker 05

  Yes, exactly.

• 9:26Speaker 06

  And it means you won't stuff your face because the food tastes horrible.

• 9:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, so you, there's a sort of natural portion control baked into how bland the diet is.

• 9:34Speaker 06

  Yeah. But also, one more thing on the Seventh Day Adventists, which I thought was really interesting. I was, I was doing some research on it and can you look up the Seventh Day Adventists and cornflakes? So I believe one of the Adventists invented cornflakes as part of the bland diet. He basically wanted, Dr. John Harvey Kellogg. Kellogg was an Adventist from Shits, from Battle Creek, Michigan, and it was all part of his very like healthy and tame sort of living, right?

• 10:02Speaker 05

  So they wouldn't, so they wouldn't wank? That's the research just put wank. Why do cornflakes stop you wanking? Well, I don't know about you, but after a fry-up, I can't stop cranking that hog. It's to make it bland. It's to, so you don't arouse your base passions.

• 10:17Speaker 06

  And so cornflakes, I guess, as a breakfast is very, does not arouse your base.

• 10:20Speaker 05

  I don't want a jacket after a bowl of cornflakes. It feels sad.

• 10:23Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 10:23Speaker 05

  You know?

• 10:24Speaker 06

  But that is the first modern breakfast cereal.

• 10:27Speaker 05

  But after a burrito bowl, I'm absolutely, I'm horny as shit.

• 10:30Speaker 06

  So I guess if you had like a Golden Nuggets, that's not Adventist sort of stuff. That's horny shit.

• 10:36Speaker 05

  That's, Charlie has Golden Nuggets, don't you? I love Golden Nuggets. Yeah, your base passions are quite inflated.

• 10:40Speaker 06

  What are your favorite cereals?

• 10:43Speaker 06

  Nuggets, Cookie Crisp. Cookie Crisp, unreal.

• 10:47Speaker 05

  That's not, that's not Seventh Day Adventist stuff.

• 10:48Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's not Seventh Day Adventist. That's horny stuff. Weetabix with honey. So I guess Special K is coming from the Adventist tradition, right?

• 10:55Speaker 05

  It is, yeah.

• 10:56Speaker 06

  That kind of slimming.

• 10:57Speaker 05

  Size, yeah.

• 10:58Speaker 06

  Exactly.

• 10:58Speaker 05

  Just eating cereal.

• 10:59Speaker 06

  But they invent modern day breakfast cereals. It's kind of, these kind of anti-wank breakfast people.

• 11:05Speaker 05

  I did not realise that cornflakes were anti-wank. They don't say that on the box.

• 11:08Speaker 06

  No, they don't.

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• 12:38Speaker 05

  What is it, Charlie?

• 12:38Speaker 06

  Do these different denominations think that the other denominations are going to hell?

• 12:43Speaker 05

  So actually the.

• 12:44Speaker 06

  These are the Adventists. These guys are quite chill, I feel.

• 12:46Speaker 05

  Well, it's funny. They say that they don't believe there's going to be eternal suffering. They think everyone who doesn't believe is going to be destroyed in a lake of fire, which is kind of like potato potato.

• 12:53Speaker 06

  Quick suffering.

• 12:53Speaker 05

  I guess quick suffering, yeah.

• 12:54Speaker 06

  There's a big difference between like 10 minutes suffering and forever.

• 12:57Speaker 05

  That's true. But also they do, they do think that their death is going to be like unconscious and then they'll be wake up when Christ comes again.

• 13:04Speaker 06

  Okay, nice. When he comes again.

• 13:05Speaker 05

  Ah, yeah.

• 13:07Speaker 06

  We spent a lot on their religion. Let's get into the story.

• 13:10Speaker 05

  It is important. Now, so Lindy and Michael Chamberlain, the people, vegetarians who don't eat black pepper.

• 13:15Speaker 06

  Yep.

• 13:16Speaker 05

  They are on a road trip to Uluru, which is, this time it's called Ayers Rock, which is a big rock, which is, you know, this is Australian landmark.

• 13:24Speaker 06

  Uluru is a very sacred rock to the indigenous people.

• 13:27Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 13:28Speaker 06

  And Australians said, I'll just call it.

• 13:29Speaker 05

  Call it fucking Ayers Rock.

• 13:30Speaker 06

  Name it after a bloke.

• 13:31Speaker 05

  Yeah. So it's a big red rock, which is kind of the only real landmark in Australia. They don't have like an Eiffel Tower or anything. There's no, there's no beauty really. It's just a fucking, there's a big red rock there.

• 13:43Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 13:44Speaker 05

  And so they, they go camping there in August 1980. Now, shall we place this?

• 13:48Speaker 06

  Hmm, August 1980.

• 13:50Speaker 05

  August 1980. So it is.

• 13:52Speaker 06

  After the gravediggers.

• 13:55Speaker 05

  Strike, it is, yeah.

• 13:56Speaker 06

  And it's before.

• 13:59Speaker 05

  The Falklands.

• 13:59Speaker 06

  Before the Falklands, yeah.

• 14:01Speaker 05

  That's lovely, lovely cushion. Thatcher's first term we're in. So the Chamberlains arrive at the campground. They have, I think, like an eight-year-old, a four-year-old. And then a nine-week-old baby girl.

• 14:13Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 14:13Speaker 05

  Who they have caught, a six-year-old, a four-year-old and a nine-week-old baby girl.

• 14:16Speaker 06

  How old is Lindy at this point?

• 14:17Speaker 05

  Lindy.

• 14:18Speaker 06

  Thirty?

• 14:18Speaker 05

  She's looking good for whatever age she is. She is attractive.

• 14:20Speaker 06

  Well, not if she's 12.

• 14:21Speaker 05

  Sorry?

• 14:22Speaker 06

  Not if she's 12.

• 14:23Speaker 05

  She looks astonishing for 12. Very advanced for 12.

• 14:25Speaker 06

  Yeah, advanced, but yeah. She's aged terribly, I feel.

• 14:27Speaker 05

  Uh, yes, no, fair enough, yeah. Um, she's an absolute honey trap if she's 12. That's what I'm saying. But I believe she's 30, seeing as she has a six-year-old.

• 14:36Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 14:37Speaker 05

  Uh, she's a six-year-old, a four-year-old and then.

• 14:39Speaker 06

  She's Charlie's age.

• 14:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:40Speaker 06

  I'm 30.

• 14:41Speaker 05

  Yes. So.

• 14:43Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's what.

• 14:43Speaker 05

  Azariah is the daughter they had prayed for. Azariah had been born nine weeks earlier. Now, the name Azariah means blessed of God in Hebrew, because they had been, finally got this daughter they'd wanted. Right. That is important. It's the height of the tourist season. There are several families camping at Uluru. And crucially, there are also dingos wandering around circling the camp. Okay. Now, let's go into what a dingo is. A dingo is not a dog. It's an apex.

• 15:13Speaker 06

  Looks like a cute dog.

• 15:13Speaker 05

  It looks like a dog, sounds like a dog. It's an apex predator.

• 15:17Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 15:18Speaker 05

  So because.

• 15:18Speaker 06

  But it's still fundamentally a dog, though.

• 15:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's a bad dog.

• 15:22Speaker 06

  It's a naughty dog.

• 15:22Speaker 05

  It's a naughty dog.

• 15:23Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 15:24Speaker 05

  It's, it's, it's a canine.

• 15:26Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 15:26Speaker 05

  A sort of leaner XL bully.

• 15:28Speaker 06

  It sort of thinks it's a lion, though, because it's got, it's the apex predator.

• 15:31Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 15:32Speaker 06

  So it's got a lot of confidence and entitlement.

• 15:34Speaker 05

  Because Australia is completely, you know, marooned from anything, these dogs basically don't domesticate in the way that other dogs do. So they become essentially wolves. Um, now, at this point in 1980, people think dingos are cute, and this is important.

• 15:49Speaker 06

  I think dingos are cute.

• 15:50Speaker 05

  They are cute.

• 15:50Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 15:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:51Speaker 06

  Sexy fucking dog.

• 15:52Speaker 05

  Sorry?

• 15:53Speaker 06

  What?

• 15:53Speaker 05

  That's, that's Lindy you're talking about. Most white Australians basically think dingos are dogs or kind of, sort of, you know, irritating pests rather than a threat to human life.

• 16:04Speaker 06

  There's that great clash between white of the white Protestants and the indigenous people of Australia, who just view the world so differently.

• 16:11Speaker 05

  Mushrooms.

• 16:11Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 16:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, to give them their 80th century terminology.

• 16:14Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 16:15Speaker 05

  Captain Cook discovers Australia, meets some indigenous, he thinks, well, those are some mushrooms. I'll write those down as mushrooms.

• 16:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 16:20Speaker 05

  The Aboriginal Australians, they know what a dingo is.

• 16:23Speaker 06

  Well, they probably view it as something that's a bit, maybe a bit more spiritual and holy and an interpretation of some sort of Mother Nature. But the white people's view is just a massive rat.

• 16:32Speaker 05

  They're not eating cornflakes, put it that way, Aboriginals. So, you know, they're aroused in the morning by whatever they. What do Aboriginals eat for breakfast? Charlie, can we find out what sort of Aboriginal breakfast is?

• 16:40Speaker 06

  Bush tucker.

• 16:41Speaker 05

  What's that meat?

• 16:42Speaker 06

  Which is native Australian ingredients with modern morning meals. But you know, the Bush tucker trials, I imagine, it's based on that.

• 16:50Speaker 05

  Oh, it's bugs then. They're probably maybe eating bugs and eggs.

• 16:52Speaker 06

  Kangaroo dick.

• 16:53Speaker 05

  Kangaroo.

• 16:54Speaker 06

  There's kangaroo sausage, one of those.

• 16:56Speaker 05

  There you go.

• 16:56Speaker 06

  Bloody hell.

• 16:57Speaker 05

  So dingos are highly intelligent and they're carnivorous and they have a bite force comparable to a much larger canine like a wolf. Okay.

• 17:04Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 17:05Speaker 05

  Uh, and they are circling the camp. All right. I'm just painting a story.

• 17:08Speaker 06

  And they're not scared of humans.

• 17:09Speaker 05

  No, and they, they do, uh, there were several reports of dingos harassing children in the area before 1980.

• 17:16Speaker 06

  So there's just the period of time when Saville's harassing children in the UK?

• 17:19Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 17:20Speaker 06

  I guess we have, don't have, um, we don't have an apex predator.

• 17:23Speaker 05

  A DJ, fuck my baby. That's the British version of this story.

• 17:29Speaker 06

  But we don't have apex natural predators.

• 17:31Speaker 05

  We have just a James Saville.

• 17:32Speaker 06

  We instead have a BBC radio presenter.

• 17:35Speaker 05

  Yes, we do.

• 17:35Speaker 06

  That's a sort of our, that's when you're in a tent with a baby camping in the forest, you've got to watch out for sorts of.

• 17:40Speaker 05

  Yes, exactly. Radio, radio presenters. Um, but that's, you know, that's why Australia's just slightly off, isn't it? It's just not quite, it's like Britain, but it's a bit off.

• 17:48Speaker 06

  Bit off, yeah.

• 17:48Speaker 05

  Slightly off, you know. We have male predators.

• 17:51Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 17:51Speaker 05

  They have apex predators.

• 17:53Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 17:54Speaker 05

  Now, most dingo attacks happen in Queensland. Um, and they actually, there's a, they actually had built the largest continual fence in the world.

• 18:02Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 18:03Speaker 05

  Which I didn't know.

• 18:04Speaker 06

  It's longer than the Great Wall of China.

• 18:05Speaker 05

  Longer than the Great Wall of China. This is to keep the agricultural land in southeastern Australia free of dingos. Okay. Now, there is a ranger who's crucial to this story. The ranger around by Uluru is called Derek Ruff.

• 18:19Speaker 05

  So he can obviously speak to the dingo.

• 18:23Speaker 06

  I came bounding over.

• 18:27Speaker 05

  Yes, that's Derek Ruff. Uh, he, now he knows the local population of dingos are scavengers, hunters and opportunists. Okay. And they have been known to see unattended babies as a viable food source.

• 18:40Speaker 06

  And they've been staring at babies sort of like Italian stare at women in public. There's been a lot of things that were, because even with Azariah the day before.

• 18:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 18:48Speaker 06

  A dingo was literally just staring at. Yeah.

• 18:52Speaker 05

  Oi.

• 18:53Speaker 06

  Oi.

• 18:53Speaker 05

  Mi bella, chao bella, chao bella.

• 18:57Speaker 05

  So, 7pm on the 17th of August 1980, Lindy and Michael, they join other holidaymakers around the communal barbecue. They're probably singing kumbaya or some bollocks. They're cooking dinner. And then 8pm, Lindy settles her four-year-old and the nine-week-old in a family tent before going back to the barbecue. Azariah, the nine-week-old, is wearing a jumpsuit and a small knitted matinee jacket.

• 19:20Speaker 06

  Right. Is that what you're wearing on tour?

• 19:22Speaker 05

  That is what I'm wearing, a knitted matinee jacket, yeah. And a short time later, Azariah cries out. So Lindy goes, right, I'll just go and check on the baby. She goes back to the tent and she sees a dingo emerging from the tent. And she goes, oh, the fucking dingo's woken up the baby. Shoo! And shoo's the dingo away. Then she goes into the tent and can't see Azariah anywhere. So she then panics and starts screaming, a dingo's got my baby!

• 19:46Speaker 06

  The iconic words.

• 19:47Speaker 05

  The iconic words. She tells a camper that a dingo, a dog's taken my baby. Have you got a fucking torch? When the person asked whether she'd seen the animal carrying the baby, says, no, I couldn't see the head.

• 19:58Speaker 06

  Hmm.

• 19:58Speaker 05

  But it was definitely an animal leaving the tent, but I couldn't quite see what was in his mouth. They then start searching immediately. Campers hear her screams, come and help. Um, they look through bushes and rocks.

• 20:10Speaker 06

  They get Aboriginal trackers, I believe.

• 20:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think a bit later they get, um, 8:25, uh, Ruff arrives and he searches the scrub. Uh, and he comes across a mark in the ground where it appears something had been placed down. Okay. So there's maybe an interpretation gathering that the dingos stopped and put the baby down before picking it up and carrying on. Uh, now, there's a large pool of blood in the tent. Again, it's all, it's all kind of pointing in one direction here.

• 20:36Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 20:36Speaker 05

  Several dingos had been photographed by campers in the hours before Azariah disappeared. Okay, so they are around. And then another camper later recalls hearing a dingo growling. And police arrive at around 8:35pm to take control of the search, but there is still no sign of Azariah. So after two hours, there is no baby, no body and no dingo. Okay, so you're right. They cry, they, they get on the indigenous trackers.

• 21:03Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 21:03Speaker 05

  Okay, who are.

• 21:04Speaker 06

  The Ray Mears.

• 21:05Speaker 05

  The, yes.

• 21:06Speaker 06

  It's like, like the search for Ralmo when they had to get Ray Mears in.

• 21:09Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 21:09Speaker 06

  He's a British indigenous tracker.

• 21:11Speaker 05

  He is.

• 21:12Speaker 06

  The rare, the rare British indigenous tracker.

• 21:14Speaker 05

  And so they know the landscape and, I mean, the tracking is kind of insane what they're able to do. What's the story? In the 60s, someone had basically, there's a tracker called, is it Uncle Jimmy James? So that's, his name's Uncle Jimmy James and he, he tracks a criminal through the, just the bush for 12 miles or something, just basically based on like pebbles movement and scratches in the earth.

• 21:36Speaker 06

  Crazy.

• 21:36Speaker 05

  So the trackers find impressions suggesting that a load had been carried and periodically put down before being picked up again. Daisy Walkabout, another tracker, um, I imagine she founded the bars. She reports seeing the tracks of a wild dingo around the tent, seeing it had circled before moving away. They can also elaborate on whether someone is like carrying something, running in fear or casually strolling. So they're expert trackers. But because they're indigenous, and this is the 80s, a lot of the white Australians are like, nah. Basically, by the morning, news of the disappearance got out, and this is Australia where nothing really happens. So this is immediately front page news.

• 22:14Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:14Speaker 05

  A nine week old baby has vanished from the tent to Ayers Rock, and the mother says it's a dingo that's taken her.

• 22:19Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:20Speaker 05

  Now, immediately, people were like, did it, though?

• 22:25Speaker 06

  Did it, love?

• 22:26Speaker 05

  You don't eat black pepper.

• 22:27Speaker 06

  Where's the bloke, love?

• 22:27Speaker 05

  Where's the bloke? Where's the baby, love?

• 22:30Speaker 06

  Where's the baby, love?

• 22:30Speaker 05

  Where's the baby, love? So it becomes a national obsession, okay? And this, it says it's a tabloid editor's dream. I don't really know if it is.

• 22:39Speaker 06

  Why?

• 22:40Speaker 05

  Well.

• 22:41Speaker 06

  A dingo eating a baby?

• 22:42Speaker 05

  I guess it is.

• 22:43Speaker 06

  Dingo eats a MILF baby?

• 22:44Speaker 05

  I guess a dingo eating a MILF's baby is, yeah, a MILF who doesn't eat black pepper.

• 22:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:48Speaker 05

  So Australian media instantly starts sensationalising Lindy as a killer, right?

• 22:54Speaker 06

  It's very Amanda Knox sort of vibe, where it's like, the, the, the public are getting turned on and angry and confused.

• 23:00Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 23:01Speaker 06

  So they're just kind of like, I think you did it. I think you did it. Oh, do it again.

• 23:04Speaker 05

  Yeah. Um, I think the problem is that Australia never had like a witch, a witch period like we did in Europe.

• 23:09Speaker 06

  Yes, they didn't get it out of their system.

• 23:10Speaker 05

  They didn't get it out of their system.

• 23:11Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 23:12Speaker 05

  Like, we clearly have.

• 23:13Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 23:14Speaker 05

  And so this is maybe a sort of.

• 23:16Speaker 06

  I'm feeling horny, let's burn that woman.

• 23:17Speaker 05

  Exactly. Yeah. So part of the reason this becomes such a big story is that they are Seventh Day Adventists. Uh, now, rumors start circulating that they practice blood rituals and child sacrifice.

• 23:30Speaker 06

  When they're actually just into fucking bland breakfast.

• 23:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, but that's, again, this is the Australian culture. Is if you don't eat black pepper, you know, then you're not enjoying yourself enough. And that, that, that's got, that energy's got to go out somewhere.

• 23:42Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 23:42Speaker 05

  Child sacrifice.

• 23:43Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 23:43Speaker 05

  Um, you know, every yin has a yang.

• 23:45Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 23:46Speaker 05

  Any male nursery teachers, always pedophiles.

• 23:49Speaker 06

  Always.

• 23:49Speaker 05

  Always.

• 23:50Speaker 06

  Male gynecologists, rapists.

• 23:53Speaker 05

  Rapists.

• 23:53Speaker 06

  Perfect crime.

• 23:56Speaker 05

  So, anyone who doesn't eat black pepper, child sacrifice. Now, the story's spread that Azariah, actually, the name Azariah means sacrifice in the wilderness.

• 24:05Speaker 06

  Doesn't at all.

• 24:05Speaker 05

  Doesn't, it doesn't at all. It means blessed by God. One story claimed that the chamberlain possessed a Bible, which was, had like earmarked with a passage about a woman killing a man, supposedly providing a blueprint for the murder. Another one claimed there was a little coffin in the garage. Now, what is it, Charlie?

• 24:21Speaker 06

  Wouldn't it be a lot easier for her just to lob the baby out into the, into the bush?

• 24:25Speaker 05

  Just chuck it?

• 24:26Speaker 06

  Just lob it, yeah.

• 24:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 24:27Speaker 06

  If you, if it's a sex sacrificial baby thing, I think it's maybe less dramatic if you're, uh.

• 24:34Speaker 05

  It's quite Australian, though. Oh, fuck off!

• 24:36Speaker 06

  Yeah, if you're trying to boom around the baby.

• 24:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 24:38Speaker 06

  So it's meant to be sexy? Well, this is what people, there's no one knows. We don't know what's going on. We can't know. Do you know? I wasn't there.

• 24:44Speaker 05

  I'm, I, she is sexy, I will say.

• 24:47Speaker 06

  So I think she should be put away.

• 24:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 24:49Speaker 06

  Because we can't have that.

• 24:49Speaker 05

  We can't have that, yeah. You can't be a mother and be that sexy.

• 24:52Speaker 06

  No.

• 24:52Speaker 05

  No.

• 24:52Speaker 06

  You're a whore, you're a whore or a mother, which one are you?

• 24:55Speaker 05

  Yeah, pick, pick one, all right? Fucking, are you a whore or your mum?

• 25:00Speaker 06

  This is the Australian prosecution.

• 25:01Speaker 05

  This is the Australian, yeah, this is the Australian, this is the problem. This is how they view women in Australia, particularly in the Northern Territory. We are, you know, this is, this is toxic male, like, ground zero.

• 25:11Speaker 06

  Yeah. That's where my cousin gunman is.

• 25:13Speaker 05

  Your cousin what?

• 25:14Speaker 06

  Gunman.

• 25:15Speaker 05

  Gunman?

• 25:15Speaker 06

  He's not called gunman. He's a gunman who lives up in Australia.

• 25:18Speaker 05

  He lives in the Northern Territory?

• 25:19Speaker 06

  Is he? He is a sort of firefighter bushman who lives up in the very north. He like, does, does work near the Tiwi Islands, like, way up in the Northern Territory.

• 25:26Speaker 05

  Near Darwin?

• 25:27Speaker 06

  Way up, yeah. Near Darwin? Yeah, gunning down pigs and donkeys and camels.

• 25:31Speaker 05

  Gunning down pigs?

• 25:32Speaker 06

  Yeah, there's like, there's like. There's so many feral. There's two million pigs or something wild in Australia? Wild hogs, wild hogs? Wild hogs, wild donkeys.

• 25:39Speaker 05

  And they just, he just, he guns them down?

• 25:40Speaker 06

  He's a trained pig gunman. They do that in Texas, they have.

• 25:43Speaker 05

  I've seen the videos.

• 25:44Speaker 06

  They do the helicopter tours.

• 25:45Speaker 05

  Can you do that on a stag?

• 25:47Speaker 06

  I mean, it would be, if you need to get rid of them.

• 25:49Speaker 05

  Like Apocalypse Now, just helicopter gunning pigs would be fucking awesome.

• 25:53Speaker 06

  There's like, 3.5 to 5 million feral pigs, 2 million to 5 million feral donkeys in one. There's more wild camels in Australia than Saudi Arabia.

• 26:02Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 26:03Speaker 06

  So he's just up there, just gunning them.

• 26:04Speaker 05

  Just gunning them down.

• 26:05Speaker 06

  Out there right now.

• 26:06Speaker 05

  Right.

• 26:07Speaker 06

  Gunning down pigs. Is that his day job? That is his day job. He's nine to five? Yeah.

• 26:10Speaker 05

  Because for some of us, that's just a hobby.

• 26:11Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 26:12Speaker 05

  Gunning down pigs.

• 26:12Speaker 06

  So is it just like, Monday to Friday, he clocks in, guns down pigs for, guns down pigs for 10 hours, then goes home, breaks for lunch? Yeah, goes for a swim. Really? Sounds pretty nice, in a way. There's something to it. You wouldn't like gunning, killing animals, I don't think. I think I'll get used to it after a couple of weeks.

• 26:30Speaker 05

  I think, I think there's a difference between, you know, the respect maybe a Tuscan farmer has for a, a, a cat, like a cow, where they, you know, they rear it, and they, um, when it gets too old, they sort of lead it into the abattoir, they kill it themselves, they butcher it, and then.

• 26:46Speaker 06

  The milk turns into, they turn it into pecorino, Parmesan, maybe.

• 26:48Speaker 05

  You've seen that chef's table about the, the Tuscan farmer, who has like a restaurant, like, you see, you know, the love he has for the animal, butchering all parts, and then giving it, you know, presenting it, he runs a restaurant.

• 26:59Speaker 06

  He sucks the cow off, he's sucked off by his mother.

• 27:01Speaker 05

  Exactly. It's the circle of life. There's a difference between that, and then just an Australian, uh, machine gunning a crowd of pigs, five days a week.

• 27:11Speaker 06

  This is Charlie's family. He's kind of, he shouldn't really be behind the pod. He should be gunning down pigs.

• 27:15Speaker 05

  He should be, yeah.

• 27:16Speaker 06

  Or should he be running with the pigs, trying to avoid being gunned down?

• 27:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 27:20Speaker 06

  Like, I, I, I, imagine, imagine, uh, 5 million feral Charlies.

• 27:25Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 27:25Speaker 06

  Imagine, imagine if they were all wild in the.

• 27:28Speaker 05

  In the bush.

• 27:29Speaker 06

  And you just have to, you have to cull the population because they're, they're a very invasive species.

• 27:33Speaker 05

  Yes, they won't stop fucking and rutting each other.

• 27:35Speaker 06

  So, that'd be amazing on a helicopter, just gunning down 5 million Charlies.

• 27:44Speaker 05

  What have you got here?

• 27:45Speaker 06

  This is him the other day, he's found a koala in the road. Is he gonna kill that as well? He's not gonna gun down the koala. It's too easy.

• 27:53Speaker 05

  What's he like to challenge?

• 27:54Speaker 06

  He likes to challenge.

• 27:54Speaker 05

  Do you like machine gunning a?

• 27:55Speaker 06

  Yeah, feral pigs are sort of darting. There's something to it. So has he taken you on a, on a? No, he sends me a lot of videos, and I have to sort of send him back, like, me having a fucking, like, latte. Well, do you not feel like a real man? It makes me feel like a little boy.

• 28:08Speaker 05

  Well, yeah, he's basically D-Day gunning pigs. I mean, he's, he's like, normally landings, except they're all just hogs running up. I mean, that does sound like a job, to be fair.

• 28:17Speaker 06

  Yeah, fair play.

• 28:18Speaker 05

  Anyway, another weird thing, okay, is that they find that there was a black outfit made by Lindy that Azariah was wearing, okay? So it was a little kind of black dress.

• 28:31Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's a little bit, not inappropriate, it's a bit, I don't know.

• 28:35Speaker 05

  It is a bit.

• 28:36Speaker 06

  A bit sexy.

• 28:36Speaker 05

  It is a bit sexy.

• 28:37Speaker 06

  It's like baby lingerie.

• 28:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, it is a bit. And the baby'd worn it previously, and it's black with like, red shoes.

• 28:42Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 28:43Speaker 05

  Um, and she goes, well, people either loved it or hated it. And the rumor spreads that Lindy always dresses her baby in black.

• 28:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 28:49Speaker 05

  They all think that, uh, it's, that she's belonged to a cult, that she's an unnatural mother. And this is the key moment, okay? On the 24th of August, a week after this appearance, Azariah's bloodstained jumpsuit is discovered near the base of Uluru, and Lindy gets interviewed, right? They show her the fact that they've discovered the jumpsuit, and they say, isn't it weird that there's no, like, uh, claw marks on the jumpsuit? And she goes, no, not really. I mean, not having watched wild dingoes feed on kettle and things like that, they use their feet like hands and pull back the skin and just peel it like an orange.

• 29:22Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's just a bit like.

• 29:24Speaker 05

  All right.

• 29:25Speaker 06

  Right.

• 29:25Speaker 05

  Right, so you're, you're discussing your baby being peeled like an orange.

• 29:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 29:29Speaker 05

  By a wild dog. That happened a week ago, and you're kind of just like, just saying that.

• 29:33Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 29:34Speaker 05

  We should just play the interview, Charlie. Can you find the interview, Molly? Uh, it is, it is, it is weird.

• 29:40Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 29:47Speaker 05

  It is a weird interview, and it goes, it sort of strikes to the heart of what is a grieving mother meant to look like?

• 29:54Speaker 06

  Well, every, a bad mum, societally.

• 29:57Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 29:57Speaker 06

  Everyone has an opinion on bad mums.

• 29:59Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 29:59Speaker 06

  That feels like the kind of no-no. And so it seems everyone can have strong opinions on whether you're a good mother or not.

• 30:05Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 30:05Speaker 06

  Societally.

• 30:06Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 30:07Speaker 06

  But this kind of, their view of faith is why they have this weird stoic view.

• 30:11Speaker 05

  Court flags.

• 30:12Speaker 06

  It is sort of like that, because they believe that God will save them.

• 30:16Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 30:16Speaker 06

  And so you're, there is a sort of peace that comes with that.

• 30:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:20Speaker 06

  I think if you don't have a belief in a god, that's where you become much more hysterical when the child dies.

• 30:24Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 30:24Speaker 06

  Because this is all you have. But if you have a sense of faith, as parents who have lost a kid, they are sort of remarkably stoic.

• 30:30Speaker 05

  God give us and it takes us away.

• 30:32Speaker 06

  Yeah, peels like an orange. If God wants my baby peeled like an orange, he wants my baby peeled like an orange.

• 30:36Speaker 05

  Anyway, oh, these court flags are nice.

• 30:41Speaker 05

  I mean, as, you know, as a, as a society, we, we are very far, far away from this level of mental robustness.

• 30:46Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 30:47Speaker 05

  You know?

• 30:47Speaker 06

  So imagine they're against Frosties. Frosties, that's fucking.

• 30:53Speaker 05

  You know, Professor Wito's fucking, Auto-Ross, he's like, ah, and they're going down the cereal aisle, just tutting at the Frosties, going, oh, fucking, sinners.

• 31:02Speaker 06

  Sinners.

• 31:02Speaker 05

  Sinners.

• 31:02Speaker 06

  Godless.

• 31:03Speaker 05

  Godless Frosties.

• 31:05Speaker 06

  A hundred days of sodden down the cereal aisles.

• 31:07Speaker 05

  Fucking roscicles. You're gonna burn in hell!

• 31:13Speaker 05

  Golden Grahams, what are you, sex cult?

• 31:22Speaker 05

  Fucking cinnamon gryms depravity.

• 31:26Speaker 05

  So she carries on saying that Azariah must have lost a considerable amount of blood, meaning that the baby would have been lighter to carry for the dingo. So again, it's just, it's quite.

• 31:39Speaker 06

  Yeah, you empty out all the blood and then it's like.

• 31:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 31:41Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's like when you're, sometimes you're carrying a water bottle.

• 31:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 31:44Speaker 06

  You empty it out because it's easy to carry if you know you can fill it up later.

• 31:46Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 31:47Speaker 06

  There's a great logic to it, but it is your child has just been killed by.

• 31:49Speaker 05

  A week ago. I mean, there is a slight.

• 31:52Speaker 06

  Yeah, you just rip his head off and you pour the blood out.

• 31:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, it'd be like a fucking orange and then you just pour the blood out and then you can probably carry it off. I don't know.

• 32:01Speaker 05

  I mean, and this, you know, comes into the discussion of what should a grieving mother look like? Everyone goes, well, not that. Firstly, you're attractive.

• 32:07Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 32:07Speaker 05

  Um, and you're not crying.

• 32:09Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 32:09Speaker 05

  Uh, I want to have sex with you and you're not sad enough.

• 32:12Speaker 06

  So grieving mothers should be kind of ugly and sad?

• 32:14Speaker 05

  Yes, definitely. They should definitely be ugly and sad. They should be ugly crying.

• 32:19Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 32:19Speaker 05

  And, um, they should be, they should not be caring for their figure because they're so sad. You know, this is what the Australian public are thinking. She looks composed and cold when speaking publicly. Now, instead of seeing this as a possible trauma response, everyone goes, no, I bet she fucking did it. And so everyone's now like scrutinising.

• 32:36Speaker 06

  It's the playbook. It's Amanda Knox. It's, uh.

• 32:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:39Speaker 06

  The McCanns.

• 32:40Speaker 05

  Yeah, no, because.

• 32:41Speaker 06

  We just love to see it. We'd love to see a mum saying, I can't believe my baby just died and being like. Nah, you did it. You fucking did it.

• 32:48Speaker 05

  You bet you know it. Yeah. You, you wanted to go out for tap ass and you drugged her. But Amanda McCann goes missing. What's, uh, what's Kate McCann doing? Is she crying enough?

• 32:57Speaker 06

  Yeah, no, she cried a lot actually.

• 32:59Speaker 05

  Too much.

• 32:59Speaker 06

  But then people, no, people said she cried too much because she said it was like a performance.

• 33:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:03Speaker 06

  Which is very funny.

• 33:04Speaker 05

  It is funny.

• 33:05Speaker 06

  It's funny being really sad and be like, well, why, what's this performance?

• 33:08Speaker 05

  Chill out, love. It's just a baby.

• 33:11Speaker 05

  She was only four, all right? She wasn't even in school yet.

• 33:14Speaker 06

  Yeah, I tell you, we just, the opportunity to fucking.

• 33:17Speaker 05

  The needle you have to thread as a mother who's lost your kid publicly.

• 33:20Speaker 06

  It's just because I guess everyone has their own relationship with their own mother and they're just sort of taking it out. There's just something weird going on.

• 33:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, there is. You're projecting.

• 33:26Speaker 06

  Yeah. I think there's, there's often a dissatisfaction with your own mother that you would sort of project onto other mums.

• 33:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, my mother was too fit and wouldn't cry, wouldn't cry enough. So I don't know. I think you killed her.

• 33:40Speaker 04

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• 35:08Speaker 06

  That was, that was kind of the evidence.

• 35:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 35:10Speaker 06

  That's what people come forward because there wasn't really any evidence. It would just be, well, my mum was fit, so you did it.

• 35:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, you did it. Try and do your best impression of what a grieving mother should look like. Who's Australian. Yeah. And quite sexy. Yeah.

• 35:22Speaker 06

  Like this.

• 35:25Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 35:26Speaker 05

  Oh, I reckon a fucking dingo took it.

• 35:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, mate. A dingo took it. All right.

• 35:33Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 35:33Speaker 05

  Yeah. No, you keep looking.

• 35:35Speaker 06

  No, my baby's alive on opposite day.

• 35:39Speaker 05

  Yeah. How should a grieving mother look? It's, well, um.

• 35:41Speaker 06

  One less mouth to fade. That mean the cornflakes will last a bit longer.

• 35:48Speaker 05

  I'll save some money on the grocery bill.

• 35:53Speaker 05

  Oh, I can now, I can buy those smaller packs of cornflakes. I'm not spying golden nuggets. I'm not a fucking sex cunt.

• 36:00Speaker 06

  Look, look, let a thousand blossoms bloom.

• 36:04Speaker 05

  Um, let a thousand.

• 36:05Speaker 06

  Because every day in North Queensland, a baby gets eaten by a dingo.

• 36:09Speaker 05

  No, it'd be, let a thousand bowls of cornflakes bloom, but I'm not buying golden nuggets.

• 36:19Speaker 05

  Uh, now, there is an inquest, there's an inquest that's opened in Alice Springs on the 15th of December, 1980, with coroner Dennis Barrett. Now, please find the footage of Dennis Barrett walking into court because he is wearing a short sleeve shirt, a tie and hot pants. Okay? This is Australian, uh, smart casual.

• 36:44Speaker 06

  This is trying to get, um, kind of Atlantic European culture into the middle of Australia. It doesn't quite work.

• 36:51Speaker 05

  It does not work. There's footage of him just strolling in, you know, before the court's now in session and he just shakes in with these really high-waisted hot pants.

• 37:00Speaker 06

  Reno 911 sort of vibe.

• 37:01Speaker 05

  Yeah. He, uh, opens the inquiry. They get evidence from witnesses, the police, trackers and forensic experts. And on the 20th of February, 1981, Dennis Barrett delivers his findings. Uh, and he gets his remarks to be broadcast live on television, which is the first time TV is allowed into an Australian courtroom because he is so, uh, concerned. Yeah. Is there any snippet of it there? He will walk in now. Yeah, here he goes.

• 37:31Speaker 06

  Was he wearing shorts?

• 37:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, let's literally end where the desk is.

• 37:33Speaker 06

  No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

• 37:35Speaker 05

  I'm not joking.

• 37:36Speaker 06

  Serious.

• 37:36Speaker 05

  In, in, in the documentary we watched, there's a reverse shot where he walks in and you see that they end above. They end like by the thigh.

• 37:46Speaker 06

  That's awesome.

• 37:47Speaker 05

  Anyway, so, um, tight, tight shorts. Okay. So, uh, he struts into the courtroom.

• 37:56Speaker 05

  Court is now in session. And again, he's a straight Australian man. He's a public official wearing hot pants. You know, so it's one thing, you're a grieving mother, your child's been mauled by a dog and then you have to face this media circus. And then this horny man walks in. All rise for the right honourable Dennis Barrett. His fucking hot pants.

• 38:18Speaker 05

  So he obviously wants it to be broadcast live on television because he wants people to see his legs, you know, he's got them out. He's got the pins out.

• 38:23Speaker 06

  Have you got them?

• 38:24Speaker 05

  Two million Australians are treating him going, fucking hell, Dennis got the pins out for the inquiry, you know? This is again, this is the largest TV audience in Australia since the moon landing.

• 38:34Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 38:34Speaker 05

  Okay. Uh, and Dennis is there in his hot pants. You know, it's very different from a British inquiry.

• 38:39Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 38:40Speaker 05

  There's no hot pants.

• 38:41Speaker 06

  It's the opposite of hot pants.

• 38:42Speaker 05

  It is.

• 38:42Speaker 06

  You wear a burka.

• 38:43Speaker 05

  Wear a burka, please. Full suit. Dennis Barrett concludes that Azariah had been taken from the family tent and killed by a dingo. Okay? Which is obviously, uh, what happened.

• 38:54Speaker 06

  Yes, pretty clearly.

• 38:55Speaker 05

  He says, there's no evidence that Lindy, Michael, or any of the, any Chamberlain family member is responsible for the death. And he says, you have not only suffered the loss of your beloved child. He's wearing hot pants. You have not only suffered the loss of your beloved child.

• 39:08Speaker 06

  He's put his leg on the table like.

• 39:11Speaker 05

  He's got his socks pulled up his shins and he's wearing brogues.

• 39:14Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 39:15Speaker 05

  You have not only suffered the loss of your beloved child, the most tragic circumstances.

• 39:19Speaker 06

  So he puts one foot up for that and then what's the next quote?

• 39:22Speaker 05

  But you've been subjected to months.

• 39:23Speaker 06

  And then he puts the other one up. But he's, he's balancing on the table and it's just pure strength of his thighs.

• 39:30Speaker 05

  But this is what he says. Not only have you suffered the loss of your beloved child in the most tragic circumstances, but you've all been subjected to months of innuendo. So I think that's really bottom of the list. That's not, you know.

• 39:41Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 39:42Speaker 05

  Adding insult to injury. It's not.

• 39:43Speaker 06

  Well, maybe in this community, maybe, maybe there's nothing worse.

• 39:47Speaker 05

  Yeah. A dingo ate my baby. Oh, I'll bet you did. Is that what's going on?

• 39:51Speaker 06

  Dingo ate your pussy. It's not really innuendo.

• 39:54Speaker 05

  No, it's not really innuendo, is it?

• 39:57Speaker 05

  But again, this is Australian, Australian humour.

• 39:59Speaker 06

  There was a huge, almost comedy industrial complex around this, right?

• 40:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, we'll get to that.

• 40:04Speaker 06

  Yeah. So from the start, it's.

• 40:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 40:07Speaker 06

  It's just a meme, basically.

• 40:08Speaker 05

  Yeah. But you've all been subjected to months of innuendo, suspicion and probably the most malicious gossip ever witnessed in this country. Now, that's the coroner Barrett addressing the Chamberlains whilst wearing hot pants. But Dennis's conclusion contains this strange twist because he finds that after the dingo had taken the baby, her body had been removed from the animal and disposed of by an unknown person or persons. So according to Dennis, somebody had apparently interfered with the body, although there is literally no evidence for this because they haven't found the body or the dingo. No, all they've got is the jumpsuit.

• 40:42Speaker 06

  And they're, they're killing dingos and ripping their bellies open.

• 40:46Speaker 05

  Are they?

• 40:46Speaker 06

  They're looking.

• 40:47Speaker 05

  They're looking for it.

• 40:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 40:49Speaker 05

  Additionally, Barrett states Azariah does not mean and never has men sacrifice in the wilderness.

• 40:55Speaker 06

  Right.

• 40:55Speaker 05

  Now, if you excuse me, I've got a very busy day ahead. And he'll stand up in his hot pants.

• 41:01Speaker 06

  He's got high heels on.

• 41:02Speaker 05

  Yeah. I've got karaoke to get to, all right? It's Drag Race down at the Working Men's Club.

• 41:12Speaker 05

  So, this, as with all media trials, it does not satisfy half the nation who think that she did it.

• 41:18Speaker 02

  Bitch.

• 41:19Speaker 05

  Bitch. Fucking whore. They think that she did it. Now, this is, again, very, very strange, but you have to remember this is the Northern Territory. It's where Charlie's cousin guns down pigs for a living. It's the driest white people ever get.

• 41:35Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 41:35Speaker 05

  The coroners.

• 41:36Speaker 06

  The dustiest.

• 41:37Speaker 05

  The coroners are wearing hot pants, but not in a gay way, in a deeply masculine, straight, official way.

• 41:43Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 41:43Speaker 05

  Government business, hot pants.

• 41:48Speaker 05

  He's a civil servant.

• 41:50Speaker 06

  His wife had to iron his hot pants.

• 41:53Speaker 05

  I'm sorry, my wife denied my hot pants this morning. I'm slightly out of killer. A good woman, you marry a good woman, she bakes your breakfast, cornflakes, then she irons your hot pants and you get on with your day. I mean, imagine, you know, the Hutton Inquiry.

• 42:09Speaker 05

  The Chilcot Inquiry. Delivered.

• 42:11Speaker 06

  Well, did you see the bottom half of the Chilcot?

• 42:14Speaker 05

  You're right, I didn't. I did not know what Chilcot was wearing. What is Chilcot wearing when he gave that damning inquiry?

• 42:20Speaker 06

  Could have been Ask Us Chaps.

• 42:21Speaker 05

  Could have been Ask Us Chaps. We don't know. I mean, it's probably, those rooms look quite hot.

• 42:25Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 42:27Speaker 05

  Behind that podium. Behind that podium, so John Chilcot is wearing hot pants. Anyway, so the Northern Territory Police, right, they remain unconvinced. Now, this is probably the biggest, like, if you were writing this as a script, you'd think this is the biggest leap, this is the biggest gap. It's like, why are they not satisfied with the inquiry?

• 42:47Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 42:48Speaker 05

  Now, part of it is because the Northern Territory, they are looked down upon by the rest of Australia.

• 42:54Speaker 06

  Because they gun down pigs.

• 42:55Speaker 05

  Because they gun down pigs. And I will say, they are looked down on, and I will say rightly so.

• 42:59Speaker 06

  Are they looked down on?

• 43:00Speaker 02

  Is it like how people look down on the south of Italy?

• 43:02Speaker 05

  Yes. Or northern Italians do. Or how we look down on the seaside, regional seaside towns of the north.

• 43:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 43:08Speaker 05

  You know.

• 43:09Speaker 06

  They're rednecks. They're bogans.

• 43:10Speaker 05

  Bogans, rednecks. So they would say, well, these fucking, you know, hoity-toity, hoi polloi, fucking New South Wales cunts coming over here saying, dingos don't fucking eat babies, can.

• 43:21Speaker 06

  Yeah. They're also trying to get independence. Northern Territory was trying to get independence from Australia.

• 43:26Speaker 05

  Christ.

• 43:27Speaker 06

  So there was like a lot of, and they're trying to build an economy strong enough to leave, and it was all going to be built on tourism. And this is obviously terrible for tourism. And there was a lot of discussion with this first investigation about mishandling from the Northern Territory Police. So they're trying to go back at that. So it's a million things. It's basically bad PR for Northern Territory, and they're taking out on this bitch.

• 43:50Speaker 05

  Yes, there's a conspiracy theory that it's actually all a tourism board cover up.

• 43:54Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 43:55Speaker 05

  Because this is bad news. The police remain unconvinced and hostile towards the Chamberlain, so they carry on investigating them. Gradually, this search for a missing baby becomes a murder investigation. After the inquest, okay, police start raiding the Chamberlain's home. They are trying to reconstruct a murder that no one, you know, there's no body or murder weapon, no eyewitnesses. So they then go through.

• 44:20Speaker 06

  It's fan fiction.

• 44:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, basically. They go through their stuff in the house, they find stuff that's got nothing relevant to it. Now, several investigators and forensic experts are dissatisfied with the first inquest. And so Kenneth Brown, right, the scientist who had given evidence at the first inquest, he believes his work had been called into question. So what he does is he sends Azariah's clothing to Professor James Cameron, okay? Not the director of the Titanic. It's a British forensic expert, okay?

• 44:49Speaker 06

  What's that? What's that, Charlie?

• 44:50Speaker 02

  That's a police officer stealing a woman's underwear.

• 44:53Speaker 06

  When did that come out?

• 44:55Speaker 02

  That was in the UK, I think.

• 44:57Speaker 06

  Go on. Oh, he sees it. So he's seen it, he checks around.

• 45:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:01Speaker 06

  When did he decide? He's also picking the pant that he thinks is the sexiest.

• 45:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:06Speaker 06

  Or half those later?

• 45:07Speaker 05

  Well, listen.

• 45:08Speaker 02

  I'll be on the beat.

• 45:09Speaker 05

  Listen, the police work very hard, you know. Is it too much to ask? Do they have a little treat for themselves after their hard day's work?

• 45:15Speaker 06

  It's true.

• 45:16Speaker 05

  You know?

• 45:16Speaker 06

  Blue lives matter.

• 45:17Speaker 05

  She's clearly, you know, is that woman alive or dead?

• 45:21Speaker 06

  Doesn't matter.

• 45:21Speaker 02

  Sorry?

• 45:22Speaker 05

  It's a woman whose pants they are. Is she alive or dead?

• 45:24Speaker 02

  She is alive.

• 45:26Speaker 05

  Right, okay.

• 45:27Speaker 02

  She's doing well. What's wrong? Is it better if she's dead?

• 45:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, because she's not using them.

• 45:32Speaker 06

  Yeah. I meant, my pants seem to disappear at will.

• 45:37Speaker 06

  I often don't know where my pants have gone.

• 45:39Speaker 05

  Right. Is your house regularly being searched by the police?

• 45:45Speaker 05

  Again, that is, as we always say, that's a very male, it's a one-way street, that. Women are not stealing men's pants. Oh, Skidmark.

• 45:54Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 45:58Speaker 05

  Looking for treks.

• 46:00Speaker 06

  Yeah, they're like indigenous treks.

• 46:03Speaker 05

  Oh, I'm not going to shit himself a bit on Wednesday.

• 46:07Speaker 05

  You can see because of the pooey sediment on the back of his pants.

• 46:13Speaker 05

  Now.

• 46:18Speaker 05

  These indigenous female trackers going through my washing basket. Stay out of there, oh yeah? That information is private.

• 46:26Speaker 05

  So, they send Azariah's clothing to Professor James Cameron, who is a British forensic expert, okay? The Australians go, well, let's get the Brits involved.

• 46:33Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 46:33Speaker 05

  And Cameron concludes, okay, that this is all wrong, okay? And that actually, because there's blood all around the neck of the jumpsuit, and it's not ripped in any way, he would like to propose a new theory that Lindy Chamberlain cut the baby's head off with scissors.

• 46:52Speaker 06

  With scissors, yeah.

• 46:53Speaker 05

  Right? That's his theory. And he's a forensic expert, it must be said. He's a professor. Molly's saying slit throat, not decap. That's because she's Australian, she can't not abbreviate stuff. Oh, you got fucking decapped, mate.

• 47:05Speaker 06

  You can have a decap, cappuccino.

• 47:07Speaker 05

  Fucking arse is fucking decapping people. So James Cameron, Professor James Cameron, his conclusions, combined with pressure from the police and the Northern Territory Government, lead to the first inquest being quashed almost immediately. I mean, this is like months afterwards.

• 47:24Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 47:25Speaker 05

  Weeks even, okay? So, then we get to February 1982, a second inquest reaches its conclusion. So bear in mind that the first inquest had been, what, December 81? Oh, no, 1980. Then, in February 1982, the second inquest formally charges Lindy Chamberlain with murder, and Michael, her husband, is charged as an accessory after the fact. What will now follow will become the most notorious trial in Australian history. The trial of Lindy Chamberlain, basically Australia's own OJ story.

• 48:02Speaker 06

  But it's also, it's an interesting story about kind of mass psychology and how if you introduce theories, they can sort of develop ground just by being introduced.

• 48:12Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 48:13Speaker 06

  And how you can sort of, people can misremember things. It's kind of amazing to see that if someone suggests something, it can completely change your remembering of events, basically.

• 48:20Speaker 05

  So we will deal with that trial in our next episode, where we will be joined by certainly one of my favourite comedians, the Australian Damian Power. An unbelievable comedian who was.

• 48:31Speaker 06

  He's got like a million specials on YouTube that are very, very funny.

• 48:34Speaker 05

  He is over here briefly, and so we had to get him on to discuss this. What's this? This is dingo biting a tourist. It's un-bathing.

• 48:42Speaker 02

  It can happen.

• 48:43Speaker 05

  Hey?

• 48:43Speaker 02

  It can happen.

• 48:44Speaker 05

  Thank you, Charlie. That's already on the Patreon. We have £3 a month, you get instant access, and you also get a bonus episode every week. We will see you then for the continuation of this wild Australian tale. Until then, goodbye.

• 48:59Speaker 06

  Goodbye.

• 49:00Speaker 05

  See you later. Now, get fucked, car.

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