Libtard Aliens Farming Diabetics For Piss | The History of Medicine (Part 1)

This episode of Fin vs History is brought to you by Hexclad. Find your forever cookware @hexclad and get 15% off at www.hexclad.co.uk/FVH ! Offer excludes bundles and other items already on sale. #hexcladpartner #sponsored If it doubt, put a dock leaf on it. The History Of Medicine (Part 1) The show for people who like history but don't care what actually happened. For weekly bonus episodes, ad-free listening and early access to series, become a Truther and sign up to the Patreon patreon.com/fintaylor This episode of Fin vs History is also brought to you by Surfshark. Secure your privacy with Surfshark! Enter coupon code FVH for an extra 4 months at https://surfshark.com/fvh Chapters: 00:00 - Women In Stem 02:35 - Dock Leaves 07:00 - He’s Completely F*cked 11:15 - The First Cold 15:01 - Faeces (Other) 17:52 - Sperm, Poo, Vagina 22:42 - The Shipman Amendment 24:55 - The Diabetic Harvest 28:25 - Enough Is Enough 30:23 - Woo Woo Stuff 34:14 - Bryan Johnson 37:48 - Chinese Medicine 44:14 - Miracle Village 48:40 - It’s Just Crowd Work Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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  So good, so good, so good.

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• 1:18Speaker 04

  Welcome once again to Fin vs History. Beside me is Horatio Gould. Hello. Today we're discussing the history of medicine. It is a long journey, the long road to Brian Johnson. Via several friends of the pod, Messrs Mangalay, Shipman and Letby. The gang of three, the heretic doctors.

• 1:40Speaker 05

  We happy few.

• 1:42Speaker 04

  They're like the new atheists, aren't they?

• 1:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:45Speaker 04

  Mangalay, Shipman and Letby. Yeah, they're doing things differently. Mangalay, Shipers and Letby.

• 1:53Speaker 05

  Shout out Letby for, you know, women in STEM sort of stuff.

• 1:57Speaker 04

  Listen, you know, if you're asking women to get into STEM, you know, care for what you wish for. You know, do we hold her up or do we take her down? I mean, make your mind up. Do you want them to be working in doctors or not?

• 2:09Speaker 05

  Are you big, are you a tall, you a hypochondriac to any sort?

• 2:13Speaker 04

  Uh, no.

• 2:14Speaker 05

  No.

• 2:14Speaker 04

  No.

• 2:14Speaker 05

  Nor am I.

• 2:15Speaker 04

  Absolutely not.

• 2:15Speaker 05

  Charlie, you a hypochondriac?

• 2:17Speaker 06

  I don't think I've been sick in like 10 years.

• 2:19Speaker 04

  What are you talking about? You answered the phone to the GP on this podcast. You've got, what did you have, what did you go to the GP for the other day?

• 2:28Speaker 05

  Check and he was, he had a body of a 20 year old.

• 2:30Speaker 06

  That's what I'm talking about. I'm very, I'm a kind of, I'm worried about being ill, but I haven't been ill in 10 years.

• 2:35Speaker 05

  It's quite a sturdy podcast, actually, on that front. None of us really get.

• 2:39Speaker 04

  Well, no, but we're all, we are all men who just have unexplained diarrhea and get on with life.

• 2:44Speaker 05

  Yeah. Cause we were talking about this earlier, actually. Yeah, it's one of our producers has gluten intolerance and I almost definitely have gluten intolerance. But I do think it's, it's an option.

• 2:54Speaker 04

  I mean, I've been eating sriracha for every day for about, you know, 12 years.

• 2:58Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:58Speaker 04

  And my assholes just got to deal with it.

• 3:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:00Speaker 04

  That's what I've said.

• 3:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, I do think there's a level where it's, you can, if you just, if you speak it into existence.

• 3:06Speaker 04

  It's microdosing.

• 3:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:07Speaker 04

  Except it's not micro, I'm just, I'm dosing heavily on hot sauce.

• 3:11Speaker 05

  Before gluten intolerance, yeah, you just, you just have diarrhea now.

• 3:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, deal with it.

• 3:14Speaker 05

  And every time you have diarrhea, you should be like, that's strange. You shouldn't be like, oh, that's a sequence of events.

• 3:19Speaker 04

  Tuesday, another Tuesday morning.

• 3:21Speaker 06

  It's like, if anything, it's better.

• 3:22Speaker 04

  Well, it's a big, big sign of respect in some cultures. France, India, can't start a business meeting until you've shut yourself in France, I believe. But we're not talking about business, we're talking about medicine.

• 3:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:34Speaker 04

  And it's, it's a fascinating topic. I, I didn't know quite how advanced we were quite so long ago. We'll be, it'll be a big sweep, this one.

• 3:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:45Speaker 04

  Now you've, you've got a nurse in the family, am I right?

• 3:47Speaker 05

  Yes, I've got many, many medical.

• 3:49Speaker 04

  Many medicals, really?

• 3:50Speaker 05

  Many, in both mine and BB's family, it's filled with doctors.

• 3:53Speaker 04

  Really?

• 3:53Speaker 05

  Yeah, on both sides.

• 3:54Speaker 04

  And are they, are they of the new atheist type? Are they a Mangalay, Shipman or a Letby?

• 4:00Speaker 05

  Maybe my cousin's a bit of a Letby.

• 4:02Speaker 04

  Really?

• 4:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, just sort of.

• 4:03Speaker 04

  Cousins a bit of a Letby?

• 4:04Speaker 05

  Just hitting babies for six.

• 4:06Speaker 04

  Cambodia cricket stuff.

• 4:07Speaker 05

  One is a, is a very good child psychiatrist who does think a lot of this mental health stuff is complete bollocks.

• 4:14Speaker 04

  Oh, good.

• 4:14Speaker 05

  That's nice to hear.

• 4:15Speaker 04

  Child psychiatrist who thinks it's all bollocks. In what, what, the autism stuff?

• 4:20Speaker 05

  No, just over diagnosing stuff, you know, things like that. And he also, he, he's a, he's a very good man, but he, he did get flown out to do family psychiatry for unbelievably wealthy Swiss family, like succession stuff.

• 4:36Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 4:37Speaker 05

  And in his spare bedroom, there was just an original Rembrandt while he's staying over there. That's, that's good stuff as well.

• 4:42Speaker 04

  What's the problem then?

• 4:43Speaker 05

  There's no problem there.

• 4:44Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 4:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:46Speaker 04

  The family are clearly fine and they got Rembrandt in the spare room.

• 4:48Speaker 05

  Yeah, come on guys.

• 4:50Speaker 04

  Right, let's get into it now. We are, warning, we're going into prehistory.

• 4:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:59Speaker 04

  Now historians have concluded that in the prehistoric era, there were, there was a form of medicinal understanding, which I still kind of think might be complete bollocks.

• 5:11Speaker 05

  But there would be, wouldn't there? If you, the animals have medicinal understandings of sorts, right?

• 5:16Speaker 04

  Do they?

• 5:17Speaker 05

  If you have a broken leg, they know not to.

• 5:18Speaker 04

  They just kill you, leave the weakest behind, right?

• 5:22Speaker 05

  Cause if you're a caveman and you've broken your leg, you're not going to run on it. You will, there will be some level of understanding, do you think? Or is that just, I'm looking at that with the modern understanding of medicine, don't you think? When you say Charlie, you'd like, you'd know.

• 5:33Speaker 06

  I would know, yeah. Dock leaves, you just put a dock leaf on it.

• 5:36Speaker 04

  Hmm, dock leaf for a broken leg, is it?

• 5:39Speaker 06

  Enough dock leaves, yeah, maybe.

• 5:41Speaker 05

  Enough, you didn't do a shit ton of dock leaves.

• 5:43Speaker 04

  Yeah. Yeah, well, that's true, actually. I can imagine what going on a country walk with Charlie. Someone breaks their leg and he goes, no, no, no, hang on guys, hang on. We just need more dock leaves, more, more, ripping up whole plants.

• 5:53Speaker 05

  Someone suicidal, he's just rubbing them on his head.

• 5:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, don't do it.

• 5:59Speaker 05

  I do like dock leaves as a save all problem.

• 6:01Speaker 06

  What I try and do sometimes, if I do hurt myself is, is it possible to override the pain? Like if you break your leg and you really want.

• 6:07Speaker 04

  Didn't you fucking pour a fried egg boiling pan on your head?

• 6:11Speaker 06

  I hit my head into a, into a boiling egg pan.

• 6:13Speaker 04

  When you say you haven't been ill for 10 years, I mean, you.

• 6:15Speaker 06

  I'm not ill, I'm just hurt.

• 6:17Speaker 05

  That's injuries.

• 6:18Speaker 04

  You're hurt, sorry, okay, that's different, is it?

• 6:19Speaker 06

  I keep hurting myself.

• 6:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 6:20Speaker 06

  But I was thinking.

• 6:21Speaker 05

  That's occupational hazard of being thick as shit.

• 6:25Speaker 04

  You're headbutting a frying pan while it's on, anyway.

• 6:31Speaker 06

  If you, if you really wanted to, can you override pain? If you break your leg and you're just like, my mum is in that house and she's getting like battered.

• 6:41Speaker 04

  What?

• 6:43Speaker 05

  Your mum's getting battered?

• 6:44Speaker 06

  My mum's getting battered in that house.

• 6:45Speaker 05

  Was it just loads of guys just kicking your mum?

• 6:47Speaker 06

  Yeah, and I've broken my leg, can I override the pain to save her?

• 6:49Speaker 05

  Yeah, there's a level of adrenaline, that's what adrenaline is, right?

• 6:52Speaker 04

  Yes, and, and also I remember speaking to, for some reason, our Christmas party, I was speaking to a cameraman who'd worked on one of our specials, who said that he did, he did ice plunges for like five minutes and he could hold his breath underwater for like five, seven minutes.

• 7:06Speaker 05

  Right.

• 7:07Speaker 04

  And he was just like, yeah, you just fucking, you just, it's all up here.

• 7:10Speaker 05

  Well, it's not all up here, is it?

• 7:11Speaker 04

  And I went, is it, it's not though, because some of it's in here.

• 7:13Speaker 05

  Some of it is definitely in here.

• 7:16Speaker 04

  I think you could.

• 7:16Speaker 05

  It's not a mental block, not.

• 7:17Speaker 04

  You can think yourself into just drowning.

• 7:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:20Speaker 04

  Like you're an idiot. So yeah, I'm sure there is a part of that where you just go.

• 7:25Speaker 05

  But there's all those made up stories about granny's having adrenaline lifting up cars and stuff. You know, those stories that didn't really, people always bring that up, don't they?

• 7:34Speaker 04

  I've not heard it.

• 7:35Speaker 05

  When you get like a mad adrenaline, adrenaline can give you insane strength.

• 7:39Speaker 04

  Power, yes.

• 7:39Speaker 05

  So like if a kid's trapped under a car and you have this insane adrenaline, people can have huge feats of strength, which I don't fully believe.

• 7:46Speaker 04

  Now supposedly early humans would close deep gashes and cuts using ants. So what they would do.

• 7:54Speaker 05

  Not that sort of gash, Charlie.

• 7:55Speaker 04

  And, and no, in no society is closing gash a synonym for sex, all right?

• 8:02Speaker 05

  I think it is.

• 8:03Speaker 04

  What, like fucking Glengarry Glen Gash, always be closing gash? Now what they'd do, we're looking at a photo now, is that they, they would get like ants, right? And they basically shove them in the cut and get the ant to like clamp.

• 8:19Speaker 05

  And then they rip its body off.

• 8:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, so leaving the head, just kind of almost like a stitch there. So, and they found this in bodies that are what, five, 6,000 years old supposedly.

• 8:30Speaker 05

  That's, that's clever.

• 8:31Speaker 06

  How are they still about?

• 8:32Speaker 04

  Hey?

• 8:32Speaker 06

  How are the bodies still about?

• 8:33Speaker 04

  Well, so there's a, there's a guy called, is it Otzi, the Iceman?

• 8:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:36Speaker 04

  Who is found in maybe Germany, a lot of this stuff is in Germany, I think, or Turkey. Anyway, so he lived at around, they think 3,200 B.C.

• 8:46Speaker 05

  So that's Stonehenge time.

• 8:47Speaker 04

  Is it?

• 8:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:48Speaker 04

  Well, when they started Stonehenge or when they finished it?

• 8:50Speaker 05

  I think.

• 8:51Speaker 04

  Remember it took a thousand years.

• 8:52Speaker 05

  I think it was when they finished it.

• 8:55Speaker 04

  Right, what is it, Charlie?

• 8:55Speaker 06

  If you saw that guy serving you like a burger.

• 8:58Speaker 05

  Burger, right? At a festival.

• 9:00Speaker 06

  At a festival.

• 9:01Speaker 04

  I can picture that, I can picture that, yeah.

• 9:03Speaker 06

  There are guys like that. I was with some guys like that last weekend.

• 9:06Speaker 05

  I saw a guy like that coming on the tube today.

• 9:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, they're called homeless people, Charlie, what's your point?

• 9:11Speaker 06

  No, he just, I can imagine him with like a rolly and a little hula hoop.

• 9:17Speaker 05

  I'd have this guy on the tube yesterday, coming back from this podcast, who was sitting down on the tube and he just whispered saying, kind of a little bit of change.

• 9:25Speaker 04

  I like that.

• 9:26Speaker 05

  It's an interesting.

• 9:26Speaker 04

  I like that.

• 9:27Speaker 05

  I don't know why more homeless people don't do that because the announcing to the carriage.

• 9:31Speaker 04

  It's street theatre and I don't want any part of it.

• 9:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, but I'm sat down next to someone on my phone.

• 9:36Speaker 04

  Sit down, shake my hand, you want any money?

• 9:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, do you, yeah.

• 9:38Speaker 04

  Do you want, yeah, I do actually. Do you want some? Now, Otzi the Iceman, right? So he was basically, he'd been perfectly preserved. Cause I was asking a question about this, because I read this last night, I thought it is bollocks, there's no way they know this.

• 9:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 9:53Speaker 04

  So they found that he was buried with a little prehistoric medical kit, which had a kind of birch polypor fungus to treat Lyme disease. Cause he'd been basically frozen in a glacier for 5,000 years. So when they uncovered him, his entire like soft tissue organs were all still intact.

• 10:12Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 10:13Speaker 04

  They then got genetics on it and they found traces of what, it's the oldest known form of Lyme disease. They then found slow berries, which were supposed to ease dizziness.

• 10:26Speaker 05

  Right.

• 10:27Speaker 04

  And like moss, which was a type of antiseptic. So that's him there, yeah. So they, they found him perfectly preserved.

• 10:35Speaker 05

  Well, he's not perfect.

• 10:36Speaker 04

  Well, no, I mean, he's fucked, isn't he? He's completely fucked. He's not on the tube sitting down asking for money. What's that I smell? Cooking? It's a new sponsor. Holy shit.

• 10:49Speaker 05

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  Okay, go on.

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  These are basically for idiots. These are stainless steel pans for idiots, which you are, we know you are because you listen to this show.

• 11:06Speaker 05

  And you can smash yourself in the head with them to try and make yourself cleverer as well.

• 11:09Speaker 04

  If you're like Charlie, it's basically very hard to put a fried egg on your head using this, okay? A dishwasher safe, that's huge. Because stainless steel pans aren't really, these are dishwasher safe.

• 11:18Speaker 05

  They have thought of kind of everything.

• 11:19Speaker 04

  They're oven safe up to 480 degrees. Use an oven glove, you idiots, to touch it again. I quite often bang myself doing that.

• 11:26Speaker 05

  I'm gonna keep this.

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  Yeah, I got the Pew trimmer, so you get these. I've also already got pans at home. But they come with a lifetime warranty, so these are the last pans you will need to buy.

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  No homo, but it does sound like the perfect pan.

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  Cooking.

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  Cook.

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• 13:06Speaker 04

  So, so yeah, even cavemen were kind of aware, they were foraging for berries and herbs and shit.

• 13:14Speaker 05

  But that's, that doesn't surprise you, right? Does that surprise you?

• 13:18Speaker 04

  I don't know, this is a bit.

• 13:20Speaker 05

  We've been like transitioning from monkeys for like a million years.

• 13:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:24Speaker 05

  And this is only like 5,000 years ago. You'd think that we'd.

• 13:27Speaker 04

  I guess so, I guess so.

• 13:28Speaker 05

  So it actually has not moved that far.

• 13:29Speaker 04

  No.

• 13:30Speaker 05

  In that time period.

• 13:31Speaker 04

  But do you reckon there was a.

• 13:32Speaker 05

  Took 10 million years to think of berries.

• 13:35Speaker 04

  Do you reckon there was a prehistoric like shipment who would give you the wrong berry?

• 13:41Speaker 04

  And then be like.

• 13:46Speaker 04

  And then close his eyes and his family are like, I swear he was fine at this home visit.

• 13:51Speaker 05

  I don't know where shipment syndrome comes into.

• 13:53Speaker 04

  Will we be talking about shipment on the Patreon?

• 13:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, we will do. I don't know if that's, is that an evolution in the scale? Is he a sort of?

• 13:58Speaker 04

  He's the level beyond me, certainly.

• 13:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:00Speaker 04

  The kind serial killer. Pour one out for shippers, wherever you're listening, pour your drink out.

• 14:06Speaker 05

  Key worker.

• 14:07Speaker 04

  Key worker. I'm banging my pots for shippers. Now, trepanation, which is what we did to Emily Davidson after she tried to suck off the king's horse.

• 14:15Speaker 05

  What's that?

• 14:16Speaker 04

  Just crack a hole in her head to let the blood out, the pressure out. That, that's one of the oldest forms of surgery.

• 14:22Speaker 05

  Right.

• 14:22Speaker 04

  So drilling a hole in the head of an alive person to let out some pressure.

• 14:28Speaker 05

  If you've got a migraine, it sort of makes sense. If you've got splitting headaches, it makes sense that you'd instinctively just like fucking.

• 14:34Speaker 04

  So some neolithic burial sites, as many as 30% of the skulls show evidence of this.

• 14:38Speaker 05

  Right.

• 14:39Speaker 04

  And the, is it the Incas? They were, they were the, the main guys.

• 14:42Speaker 05

  Right.

• 14:42Speaker 04

  Supposedly. And again, I don't really know how they fucking know this. By the 1400s, Inca surgeons had achieved an 80% survival rate. How on earth do they know that?

• 14:51Speaker 05

  Well, I guess that's when the Spanish arrived, right?

• 14:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:54Speaker 05

  So I don't, maybe there's something there.

• 14:55Speaker 04

  I don't, I don't know. I throw, I throw doubt on those. But when humans start settling, when agriculture begins.

• 15:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:06Speaker 04

  This is where your sniffly noses start because we start living with animals.

• 15:11Speaker 05

  So before then, are we not getting a lot of diseases then?

• 15:14Speaker 04

  No.

• 15:14Speaker 05

  We're sort of chilling out.

• 15:15Speaker 04

  No, it's mainly broken bones. It's when we start living with livestock, living with pets, using animals, domesticating animals. The first cold, Charlie, do you know where the first cold comes from?

• 15:27Speaker 06

  Pigs.

• 15:28Speaker 04

  Camel.

• 15:29Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 15:30Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 15:32Speaker 04

  A camel was the first animal to give us a cold, but the camel had got it from a bat. Bats are always the problem. Bats are fucked. I think personally, let's kill all bats.

• 15:42Speaker 05

  Right, might as well.

• 15:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, but I'm, I'm thinking.

• 15:45Speaker 05

  They're added, does it bring me joy?

• 15:47Speaker 04

  No. Declutter bats. I'm thinking on the macro level. Doctors today are thinking on the micro. What's wrong with you? I'm thinking, we're getting all this from bats, so just kill them all.

• 15:58Speaker 06

  They are amazing. Look at that, what the fuck?

• 16:00Speaker 04

  No, it's not. Look, is that his balls? That's crazy.

• 16:05Speaker 06

  It's like a fox.

• 16:05Speaker 05

  They're so evil.

• 16:07Speaker 04

  Can you zoom in on his ball? That's insane.

• 16:09Speaker 06

  Crazy.

• 16:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:12Speaker 06

  You know what else I think is mad? Wait, hang on.

• 16:14Speaker 05

  With like a sort of leather matrix, sort of cape.

• 16:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's all, they're awful.

• 16:19Speaker 05

  They are awful.

• 16:19Speaker 06

  You know what I think is the most amazing one though? Is kangaroos.

• 16:23Speaker 04

  Wow. Yeah, you've said this before.

• 16:25Speaker 06

  They're unbelievable.

• 16:26Speaker 05

  Right. Is there anything more?

• 16:27Speaker 06

  They're all shredded. I always think about, I just think about them when I'm, usually when I'm in.

• 16:36Speaker 06

  Nothing, nothing.

• 16:38Speaker 05

  Right, that's quite rare.

• 16:39Speaker 04

  Very rare.

• 16:40Speaker 05

  It's rare that he's.

• 16:41Speaker 06

  Let's focus on the bat, on the bat knob.

• 16:44Speaker 05

  It's like he's, he's evolving.

• 16:46Speaker 04

  He is, he's evolved before our eyes.

• 16:49Speaker 06

  That is crazy.

• 16:50Speaker 05

  That's nothing.

• 16:51Speaker 06

  If your boy had that boy, what would you say?

• 16:52Speaker 04

  If my boy was hanging upside down with a, with a, with balls that were the same colour as his face, but not his body. And he had leather balls. Yeah, I'd have some questions.

• 17:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 17:05Speaker 04

  Because that's not coming from my side of the family.

• 17:06Speaker 05

  Charlie doesn't really want the answer, he just wants to say the question.

• 17:09Speaker 04

  He just wants a question. Yeah, yeah.

• 17:11Speaker 05

  He has no care about the answer.

• 17:12Speaker 04

  No, not at all.

• 17:13Speaker 06

  Thank you for answering that.

• 17:16Speaker 05

  So that's it. But it's interesting that animals is, so I sort of have hay fever in the summer and then a sort of low level permanent cold in the winter.

• 17:22Speaker 04

  You're chronically ill though.

• 17:25Speaker 04

  I've heard on this podcast, you're the most chronically ill.

• 17:27Speaker 05

  Definitely, 100%. I've got, I've, yeah, I've got.

• 17:30Speaker 04

  You're buying fibre powder.

• 17:31Speaker 05

  Yes, I am. And I'm on, I'm on Reddit forums for chronically ill people.

• 17:34Speaker 04

  Now, listen, don't get me wrong. I'm subscribed to an olive oil company and Dr Sarah is seeing my right.

• 17:38Speaker 05

  I don't know if that's chronically ill.

• 17:39Speaker 04

  No, it's not. It's not chronically ill, but it's.

• 17:41Speaker 05

  I'm relating to you on that.

• 17:42Speaker 04

  No, I'm not. I'm just saying it's my own fad that I've signed up for.

• 17:45Speaker 05

  But I've, I've always got the sniffles.

• 17:46Speaker 04

  Shout out Dr Sarah.

• 17:47Speaker 05

  And is that always?

• 17:49Speaker 06

  Brian Sarah.

• 17:50Speaker 05

  Dr Brian Sarah.

• 17:51Speaker 04

  Not to Brian Sarah.

• 17:54Speaker 04

  Sorry, you've always got the sniffles?

• 17:55Speaker 05

  Yeah. So is that, is that because there's animals in our society, basically?

• 17:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think you've got to stop fucking camels would be my, would be my prescription. Yeah, it's influenza, which we get from pigs and ducks and then domestic pets, they think it starts like cough, coughs and stuff. But now we're just bags of these animal viruses, right?

• 18:14Speaker 05

  So even if we got rid of all animals, and maybe they'd eventually go, or is it they're now just fizzing around now, they're just gonna keep?

• 18:21Speaker 04

  Well, they keep adapting, don't they? To get weaker supposedly. Anyway, ancient Egypt, obviously you've, they're doing some stuff. They find a 15 foot surgical text, which is what we say would be the earliest clinical observations. So infected wounds or eyes are smeared with crocodile dung, fly droppings, pelican fat and other feces.

• 18:43Speaker 05

  Other feces. They're not even gonna even list it because it's.

• 18:48Speaker 04

  Box other. Feces brackets other.

• 18:52Speaker 05

  Don't, don't other my feces.

• 18:54Speaker 04

  Can you please?

• 18:54Speaker 05

  I feel very othered.

• 18:55Speaker 04

  Can you send to my feces in this story, please? Yeah?

• 19:00Speaker 04

  Okay, I don't like how you keep othering my feces. Yeah? My feces are not meant to be on the margins.

• 19:05Speaker 05

  But once again, as we say many times in this podcast, it's about trial and error. It's very easy in hindsight to say it's ridiculous to just smear shit on someone's eyes, but they don't know.

• 19:16Speaker 04

  Well.

• 19:16Speaker 05

  We had the benefit of thousands of years hindsight.

• 19:19Speaker 04

  What I do quite like about this is right, is that Egyptian contraception was to mix fresh crocodile dung with fermented sour milk, insert that into the vagina and that was your contraceptive.

• 19:29Speaker 05

  Is that to stop people fucking you because you've got shit up your fanny?

• 19:32Speaker 04

  Well, no, as we know, it's a beef Wellington, right? So it's an early ancient Egyptian beef Wellington.

• 19:38Speaker 05

  Charlie was so excited to say something and then as soon as you said it, it was like.

• 19:42Speaker 04

  But what I quite, what I find funny is that.

• 19:47Speaker 04

  It's like, it's like a concert and they just play the song he wants.

• 19:50Speaker 05

  I hope they do. They're not gonna, oh, fuck.

• 19:53Speaker 04

  It's beef Wellington.

• 19:57Speaker 04

  But what I quite find, what I find funny about this is that Egypt, so someone comes to a doctor in Egypt and goes, my eye hurts. He's like, yeah, you want cow shit. And then someone else is like, yeah, I need to stop getting pregnant. He's like, yeah, I'll do cow shit again. There's an eye who's found a lot of crocodile shit and is just smearing it.

• 20:10Speaker 05

  What, he's trying to get rid of it?

• 20:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, well, I want some crocodile shit, all that.

• 20:15Speaker 05

  Trying to shift it. So what's it? Is this them showing shit up the fannies?

• 20:19Speaker 04

  Crocodile shit up the fanny. Now, what is it about crocodile shit that makes it so deadly to male sperm?

• 20:30Speaker 04

  Can you Google, why is crocodile dung?

• 20:33Speaker 05

  Well, did it, I don't think it worked.

• 20:35Speaker 06

  Any sperm against a poo would have no chance.

• 20:36Speaker 05

  I don't think it's specifically crocodile.

• 20:38Speaker 04

  What do you mean, any sperm against a poo? It's not rock, paper, scissors.

• 20:41Speaker 05

  Sperm, poo, vagina.

• 20:44Speaker 06

  Pooh's winning every time.

• 20:45Speaker 04

  Well, no, I don't think it is.

• 20:47Speaker 06

  Sperm versus poo.

• 20:48Speaker 04

  Charlie, can you Google, what properties does crocodile dung have?

• 20:52Speaker 06

  It's shit.

• 20:54Speaker 05

  I think, I think I agree with Charlie here.

• 20:56Speaker 04

  No, no, because why?

• 20:58Speaker 05

  It is just any shit.

• 21:00Speaker 04

  Why, give the, no, no.

• 21:01Speaker 05

  I don't think it's specific.

• 21:02Speaker 06

  My poor cum, please.

• 21:03Speaker 04

  Give the Egyptians some credit.

• 21:05Speaker 05

  My poor cum.

• 21:06Speaker 04

  Give the Egyptians some credit. They could have used any number of shit, but they supposedly found crocodile dung to have the right property.

• 21:14Speaker 04

  Because it is alkaline, thank you. Now, Charlie, your, your shits are acidic, I'll tell you that right now.

• 21:21Speaker 05

  Can you, can you go for different animal shits on the alkaline to acidic scale?

• 21:26Speaker 04

  Please, this is a science episode. We must find out a, when you want a whiskey.

• 21:30Speaker 05

  I digress, you were right, there is a specific.

• 21:32Speaker 04

  Thank you, a surprisingly wide range on the pH scale. Most livestock manure leans alkaline, while carnivore waste, dog or cat poo, leans acidic. There you go.

• 21:43Speaker 05

  So when women are trying to get the pH balance of their fannies.

• 21:46Speaker 04

  Don't get pooed, or you could offset it with some poo.

• 21:49Speaker 05

  No, but it's the right sort of poo, don't be getting.

• 21:52Speaker 04

  That's exactly it. Ladies, if you're listening, good health tip.

• 21:55Speaker 05

  Do not be putting chicken shit up your fanny, it's acidic. You need something a bit more like crocodile, or if you can't find a crocodile, sheep or goat.

• 22:04Speaker 04

  Goat, goat will do it, goat poo, which is also the worst smelling, that is a good contraceptive.

• 22:09Speaker 05

  What's wrong with get, what is the whole thing with the pH balance of the fanny? Do you know about this?

• 22:13Speaker 04

  Sorry?

• 22:14Speaker 05

  Do you know about the pH balance of the fanny? What's all going on there?

• 22:17Speaker 04

  Well, I believe women.

• 22:18Speaker 05

  Why are they seasoning it? Why is it like?

• 22:21Speaker 04

  I believe it's, it's a natural bread factory down there, right?

• 22:23Speaker 05

  Is it like fat, acid, heat? That it's like, trying to make an umami sort of?

• 22:27Speaker 04

  No, it's a bakery down there, right? And that this yeast is involved if it gets too wrong.

• 22:31Speaker 05

  Wait, oh, so if it's acidic, you make sourdough?

• 22:33Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 22:34Speaker 05

  Right.

• 22:34Speaker 04

  Well, women have a sourdough starter down there.

• 22:39Speaker 04

  You know, and it's like, it's always going.

• 22:41Speaker 05

  Right.

• 22:41Speaker 04

  It's perpetual stew, right? So sourdough starts with the back of the fridge they haven't touched for, since lockdown. Right, that's what's going on down there. Unless you manage your pH, I, in my understanding.

• 22:51Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 22:51Speaker 04

  There you go, there's a feminist bakes sourdough bread using her own vaginal yeast.

• 22:55Speaker 05

  That'll show them.

• 22:55Speaker 04

  That'll show them.

• 22:56Speaker 05

  Now, what mess, now when they say feminist, I mean, because that sort of sounds like a porn title.

• 23:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:06Speaker 05

  When you say feminist, is that, was she doing that on the side? Or is that part of her political activism?

• 23:12Speaker 04

  This is what a feminist tastes like, he's got pants on down there.

• 23:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't, I mean, listen, activism's gone a long way.

• 23:19Speaker 05

  But then you also wonder why people are kind of, have stereotypes about feminist-owned bookshops, bakeries. It's because you're doing this sort of stuff. You, you, we come and we don't know what you're doing.

• 23:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:29Speaker 05

  We know that you're going to be making stuff out of your fanny.

• 23:31Speaker 04

  You're making a point out of it.

• 23:32Speaker 05

  At any opportunity.

• 23:33Speaker 04

  Because I just want, I just want a loaf of bread, love.

• 23:38Speaker 04

  You know?

• 23:39Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:39Speaker 06

  If it was certified and not going to make you ill, do you think that would take off in the country? If they went on Dragon's Den and said, I've got plum bread, would you?

• 23:48Speaker 05

  It would take off, but I think you could, and think about Gwyneth, Gwyneth Paltrow's pussy candles.

• 23:53Speaker 04

  I would say the guys that are into it, I would be suspicious of.

• 23:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:56Speaker 06

  Is Peter Jones investing in plum bread?

• 23:58Speaker 05

  Well, I think you could do it as a, you could go undercover as plum bread to catch out the kind of guys who'd buy it. And so then you want, you go on Dragon's Den, you sell it, and then everyone who buys it, you're rest.

• 24:07Speaker 06

  Duncan Bannaty is definitely going for plum bread.

• 24:09Speaker 04

  I'm not buying Deborah Meaden's plum bread, I'll tell you that now. I'm not buying it. I, I think.

• 24:16Speaker 05

  I don't care how cheap you make it, I'm not buying it.

• 24:18Speaker 04

  Look how budgeted it is, right? I can tell from her face, it'll be too acidic for my taste.

• 24:22Speaker 05

  Who's plum bread would you, would you not mind?

• 24:24Speaker 04

  Sorry, would I buy?

• 24:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, I mean, guess mateless, you'd buy mateless as plum bread.

• 24:28Speaker 04

  Fuck me, I'd drink it, I'd blend it.

• 24:31Speaker 05

  Blend it?

• 24:32Speaker 04

  I'd blend.

• 24:32Speaker 05

  Bread sauce?

• 24:34Speaker 04

  Porridge. I'd make porridge out of mateless.

• 24:39Speaker 04

  Fucking hell.

• 24:40Speaker 05

  Should we try and get, do a petition for House of Commons? Force, force mateless to make plum bread.

• 24:45Speaker 04

  We've got to stop talking about vaginal pH.

• 24:47Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 24:48Speaker 04

  So, ancient Egyptians, they're shoving crocodile dung up fannies.

• 24:53Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 24:53Speaker 04

  You know, so like, what are the Greeks doing, okay? The Greeks, Hippocrates, is that how you say Hippocrates?

• 25:00Speaker 05

  When we're talking about like innovations of medicine, you're starting a pretty low ebb at the moment. It's quite easy to be the next bullet point in this story, I feel.

• 25:06Speaker 04

  That is true. Well, yes, because you've gone from berries to just crocodile poo. And then, you know, the first genius that we encounter is a guy who realizes that maybe crocodile poo isn't the silver bullet for literally all human ailments that they think it is. It, you know, is the, what's that, is there something better than the cure? Is the disease, is the cure a bit worse than the disease?

• 25:26Speaker 05

  Right.

• 25:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, is the disease better than the cure? You know, if you, if you're shoving crocodile shit up your fanny.

• 25:31Speaker 05

  You've got other things to worry about.

• 25:33Speaker 04

  Exactly. So the first, there's the Greek god.

• 25:35Speaker 05

  But it is interesting that it would work as a contraceptive now.

• 25:39Speaker 04

  Well, yeah, in the same way that just smearing poo of yourself.

• 25:43Speaker 04

  Someone that wants to fuck you.

• 25:44Speaker 05

  So, yeah.

• 25:45Speaker 04

  But the, so there's an ancient Greek god of healing called Aslepios. And he is where we get the symbol, which I think is now only really in GTA, of a, of a rod wrapped in a snake. Because snakes would slither through the temples because they symbolize rebirth by shedding their skin. Anyway, let's get to Hippocrates, because he's the first proper doctor in ancient Greece. That's where we get the Hippocratic, Hippocratic oath.

• 26:12Speaker 05

  Yeah. Don't kill people.

• 26:14Speaker 04

  Don't, well, you know, unless you've got a lot of diamorphine and you think, I'm in Greater Manchester, a lot of these people need to be put down, you know?

• 26:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, so I guess, do you think Shipman pitched an amendment to the Hippocratic oath?

• 26:27Speaker 04

  The first amendment, the Shipman amendment. You know, why aren't constitutions of constitution being amended, aren't they? You know, they're not finished.

• 26:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's true.

• 26:35Speaker 04

  I'm glad they didn't finish, because Hippocrates never lived in Greater Manchester. You know, have you been to Stockport?

• 26:42Speaker 05

  I might, I don't think so.

• 26:43Speaker 04

  It's tough, it's tough out there.

• 26:45Speaker 05

  And what, do you have a lot of sympathy for Shipman?

• 26:47Speaker 04

  I was walking around thinking, you know, well, I get it, actually, you know, I get it. Sometimes I'll walk around regional high streets and I think, fuck it, Shipman could do a lot of, do a lot of good here. Yeah, Hippocrates.

• 26:57Speaker 05

  I wish he was alive today.

• 26:58Speaker 04

  My shit, my doctor, yeah. Hippocrates, so he publishes a sort of, like a big, what, a big fucking book about being a doctor, does he? I don't know.

• 27:09Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 27:10Speaker 04

  This is about 400 B.C., he writes this.

• 27:13Speaker 05

  Do no harm.

• 27:14Speaker 04

  Do no harm.

• 27:15Speaker 05

  But first, do no harm.

• 27:16Speaker 04

  But first, do no harm. But fir, unlike the Egyptian oath, which is, but first, crocodile shit.

• 27:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 27:22Speaker 04

  Smear that on your fanny, that's the first thing you do, okay?

• 27:24Speaker 05

  But also, do you think Shipman listens to this, but first, do no harm? And then second, kill them.

• 27:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:30Speaker 05

  Because it's a step by step, right?

• 27:33Speaker 04

  Exactly, yeah. Well, he doesn't, he doesn't kill them out the gate.

• 27:35Speaker 05

  Exactly.

• 27:36Speaker 04

  He gets to know them, gets to know them, home visits, you know, earns their trust. Sidles into the will, you know, but fifth, kill them in their sleep.

• 27:46Speaker 05

  And accuse them of being heroin addicts, which is kind of awesome.

• 27:48Speaker 04

  Is that what he did?

• 27:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 27:49Speaker 04

  Awesome. We'll be talking about shippers on the Patreon, we must save ourselves. So Hippocratic physicians, these are Greek doctors who I guess are following in the Hippocratic way. They would like, they would taste a patient's urine in order to check for symptoms of a disease. So if it was very sweet, it would indicate diabetes.

• 28:10Speaker 05

  Do they know about diabetes? That feels quite advanced for this.

• 28:12Speaker 04

  No, but I mean, I guess, I guess they don't know.

• 28:15Speaker 05

  What do they think it is?

• 28:16Speaker 04

  That's a good point.

• 28:16Speaker 05

  Is there like a Greek head gamble doing a show about it?

• 28:19Speaker 04

  No, because diabetes only really gets, you, you weren't living much past like infancy if you were diabetic until probably 100 years ago. Because they didn't discover insulin until about 100, 100 odd years ago or something.

• 28:30Speaker 05

  And it, does the piss test still work?

• 28:33Speaker 04

  Yes, absolutely, but we've moved on from it.

• 28:36Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 28:37Speaker 04

  Diabetics nowadays.

• 28:38Speaker 05

  Sweet piss. If you were going to drink someone's piss, would you rather they be diabetic?

• 28:43Speaker 04

  Well, no, well, you would need to be a diabetic in a state of having a high, high, high blood sugar. So in, on the verge of ketosis.

• 28:52Speaker 05

  If you're talking from a taste perspective, that's probably.

• 28:54Speaker 04

  Yes, if you're taking your morality out of it, the best tasting piss will be a diabetic on the brink of disaster. It would taste like.

• 29:01Speaker 05

  It's like honey or sugar water.

• 29:02Speaker 04

  Uncontrolled diabetic urine tastes like honey, yeah.

• 29:05Speaker 05

  I mean, that's a nice little, that's a, that's a delicacy.

• 29:08Speaker 04

  It is a delicacy. It's, I guess, if, were, were we, you know, were we conquered by an alien species who farmed us?

• 29:15Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 29:16Speaker 04

  As we farm the cows.

• 29:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 29:18Speaker 04

  They would maybe harvest diabetics on the verge of death.

• 29:23Speaker 05

  For their sweet honey water piss.

• 29:25Speaker 04

  And then, like, blue head libtard aliens would be like, hey, guys, that's really cruel on the diabetics. Because actually, you're making them really stressed and dying.

• 29:38Speaker 05

  They agree with six arms.

• 29:40Speaker 04

  Six arms, they still got the fringe and a big septum piercing. Uh, actually, guys, I think diabetic.

• 29:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, because nowadays, obviously, those, those cunts are going on about prawns and how it's cruel. But I'm like, I don't, I don't have any sentient sympathy for prawns. They're, they're bugs, fuck them off.

• 30:01Speaker 05

  I liken this example, even though they're trying to defend humans as a species and you.

• 30:06Speaker 04

  I'm still the alien scientist.

• 30:08Speaker 05

  You're still going, you libtard cock, as you're being farmed for your piss.

• 30:13Speaker 04

  I'm not diabetic though, I'm not diabetic.

• 30:16Speaker 05

  If you're the one saving me, I'd rather be farmed.

• 30:18Speaker 04

  But I guess what, maybe they'd be pushing us into states of type two, they'd be force feeding us.

• 30:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, if you were, if you were trying to McDonald's it.

• 30:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, so Hippocrates is tasting piss, they would also smell a patient's breath or lick their ear wax to try and judge the internal.

• 30:33Speaker 05

  Okay, now it's getting a.

• 30:34Speaker 04

  A bit sexy.

• 30:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:36Speaker 04

  But it's Greece, isn't it?

• 30:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:37Speaker 04

  You know, and this is all about the humors and stuff, which we, I think we've dealt with before.

• 30:41Speaker 05

  Would they be called doctors, but they're probably seen as healers at this point. But it does feel weird, you're going to your GP, but it's an old guy who's licking your ears, drinking your piss.

• 30:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:50Speaker 05

  It does feel like, it feels like a very different experience to going to the GP now.

• 30:55Speaker 04

  Well, yes, you know, you're not, you're not.

• 30:56Speaker 05

  You feel a bit, I'm going to go check with that old guy who's going to start just.

• 30:59Speaker 04

  Just piss emilia, just.

• 31:03Speaker 04

  Just Tom Gilby in your piss.

• 31:07Speaker 04

  No, what is it, Charlie?

• 31:08Speaker 06

  How far would you let them, because in the environment of being seen by a GP or a health professional, I think I'm much more likely to let them do what, kind of whatever they want to me.

• 31:18Speaker 05

  Do what you want.

• 31:19Speaker 06

  Sort of, I mean, how far would you let them, at what point are you like, enough is enough?

• 31:22Speaker 05

  Well, this is, this is. This is white coat syndrome, it's not a syndrome, is it?

• 31:28Speaker 04

  It's the Milgram experiment, isn't it?

• 31:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's about how much we trust.

• 31:30Speaker 04

  Authority figures.

• 31:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, trust people with white lab coats to tell you anything.

• 31:34Speaker 04

  It's why people who steal carburetors or whatever from cars are always wearing high vis. Because you don't question someone working on a car if they're wearing high vis.

• 31:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, if we do a new Milgram experiment, then how, how close can we get before they eat your anus?

• 31:50Speaker 04

  Dentist jailed for molesting patient, a dentist who molested a patient, and three years in prison today, gave his victim an injection of sedative and then honked on her boobs. I'm only laughing because Molly, the researcher, did that behind the screen.

• 32:06Speaker 05

  I mean, yeah, there's, there's a level of like, you know, of all, all the possibilities, it does feel like a relatively harmless crime.

• 32:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:14Speaker 05

  That she doesn't know about it.

• 32:15Speaker 04

  No.

• 32:15Speaker 05

  Maybe he gives her money off.

• 32:17Speaker 04

  Right, I'm going to take your wisdom teeth out, when you wake up, your tits might be a bit sore.

• 32:21Speaker 05

  She woke up mid-grope, well, that's.

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• 33:07Speaker 04

  That's, well, yeah, you blame the anaesthetist, that's the dental nurse's fault.

• 33:13Speaker 04

  So dissection comes from the Latin disicale, which means cut to pieces. Now, the Greeks performed this, but there was a Roman guy who was the main goat of dissection, a gal, Galen.

• 33:25Speaker 05

  They really get into it.

• 33:25Speaker 04

  Galen of Pergamum, the titan of Roman medicine. Now, in ancient Rome, cutting open a human corpse was illegal, but he bypasses this law by doing it on animals, pigs and goats. And he would do this kind of magic trick where he would cut open a pig and he'd slice the, the larynx of a live squealing pig. And then it would silence the pig, but the pig would still be alive and breathing, proving that the voice was controlled by the,

• 33:54Speaker 04

  the brain rather than the heart.

• 33:58Speaker 04

  This becomes dogma and so the Catholic Church see no need for further experimentation, which means the Church is forbidden, forbids dissection for the next 1300 years.

• 34:07Speaker 05

  Well, they're like, we completed dissection.

• 34:09Speaker 04

  We've got it.

• 34:09Speaker 05

  Right.

• 34:09Speaker 04

  We've got it now.

• 34:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:11Speaker 04

  Which is probably why it's things like that, that I guess usher in the dark ages. Because they just think they've absolutely cracked it.

• 34:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, pig, voice, eh, done. Before we carry on with the timeline, let's go into what other parts of the world were doing at this time. Because obviously you've got traditional eastern medicines, which are, you know, to our minds are all bollocks. But at this point, western medicine's bollocks.

• 34:38Speaker 05

  Right, catnip to white women though, this stuff.

• 34:40Speaker 04

  Still to this day.

• 34:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:41Speaker 04

  They can't get enough of it, this is female medicine.

• 34:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:44Speaker 04

  So you have shamans in what would be, what, the Mesoamerican point. These are kind of, they're wearing, they're wearing sort of trilbies and they have like bum bags and they're basically rapists, but they convince women that they're healers. You know, you meet a shaman now, loads of.

• 35:01Speaker 05

  Oh, you think it's like a Russell Rand sort of thing?

• 35:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, totally, totally. And they, they know lots and lots of long words and a woman says no, but they go, but what does that mean in the macro sense? You know, they can talk themselves into.

• 35:11Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 35:11Speaker 04

  A lot of trouble. So they believe that illness is a soul theft or demonic possession. So they would use a sort of surgery where they would use sleight of hand to pretend that they were reaching into a patient's abdomen. So they, I think they do this in Indiana Jones, they go in, they, they pretend that they're doing this and then they lift up like some animal entrails and go, oh, as if they pulled out their guts, but it's all theatre. And then they kind of throw that away as if they're banishing the.

• 35:37Speaker 05

  Is that like, that feels like quite woo woo, that's like embodying your trauma, right?

• 35:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:44Speaker 05

  And saying goodbye to it.

• 35:44Speaker 04

  Like a voodoo doll kind of thing. That, that materializes the diseases they've just removed kind of thing. And they oft, shamans often sacrifice guinea pigs because they thought they'd absorb a patient's illness.

• 35:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 35:56Speaker 04

  Which is quite brutal, isn't it? Then you get ayahuasca, obviously, which is, I mean, that's a very old tradition.

• 36:03Speaker 05

  So what, that is more like, that's health of the mind, I guess, or is that like?

• 36:07Speaker 04

  Ego death, more of the soul, isn't it? It purges you of trauma, I think, is the point.

• 36:14Speaker 04

  Now.

• 36:14Speaker 05

  When was, when, when was ayahuasca started? Is it just Amazonian? Yeah, because I, I am interested in doing it, but I would want to do it in, I'm not doing it in Croydon.

• 36:23Speaker 04

  Yes, no, no, I think you'd have to go to a forest to do it.

• 36:26Speaker 06

  It's a lot of bollocks, even if you're doing it in South America at this point, just loads of like rich Americans.

• 36:30Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:30Speaker 06

  You may not do it in Croydon, do it near like.

• 36:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, just do it easy.

• 36:34Speaker 04

  Do it in Box Park in Croydon.

• 36:38Speaker 05

  What, everyone chucking the pints?

• 36:39Speaker 04

  Chucking the pints.

• 36:42Speaker 05

  You wouldn't do ayahuasca, would you?

• 36:43Speaker 06

  No.

• 36:44Speaker 05

  Not interested?

• 36:45Speaker 06

  Not massively, I mean, if somebody gives it to me, I might do it, but I'm not going to go and seek it out.

• 36:49Speaker 04

  Now, ancient India, of course, has a big system of medicine called Ayurveda, more than 3000 years old, still, still widely practiced today, and there are five tenants of it. What is it, like earth, fire, wind and diarrhoea?

• 37:08Speaker 05

  Right.

• 37:10Speaker 04

  So this is the thing that Steve Jobs got mixed up in. You remember this? Steve Jobs got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, but, which is normally like instant death, you're dead in two months. He was one of the 5% of pancreatic cancers that are very slow moving, where like instant surgery would basically save him. But he goes, nah, brother, I've got beads for a door.

• 37:34Speaker 05

  Oh, so he like does the Gandhi, Gandhi.

• 37:37Speaker 04

  He treats.

• 37:37Speaker 05

  Himself like Gandhi treats his wife.

• 37:39Speaker 04

  Gandhi treats his wife, exactly. You should never treat yourself like Gandhi treats his wife. So he then, he starts, he eats only fruit, fruit only diet, smoothies, eating ginger. And then nine months later, he's like, I, I, I still feel quite bad actually. And the doctor's like, well, yeah, it's fed to your liver now, so.

• 37:58Speaker 05

  Does he then go for western medicine, but it's too late?

• 38:00Speaker 04

  He then has surgery, but it's too late and he's completely riddled with tumors.

• 38:02Speaker 05

  God damn.

• 38:04Speaker 04

  So, you know, in the rock, paper, scissors.

• 38:06Speaker 05

  He only eats fruit, it says.

• 38:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:07Speaker 05

  Do you hear about, go fruitarian dies, check this out. So there's this, like a biohacking guy who believes that.

• 38:14Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm, I'm, I'll tell you what, I'm gobbling.

• 38:17Speaker 05

  Not, not them, go on to someone else.

• 38:18Speaker 04

  I'm gobbling up articles like this.

• 38:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, I love this stuff.

• 38:20Speaker 04

  I love this stuff.

• 38:21Speaker 05

  Well, there's this story, basically this like guy who just said that the, the healthiest way to live was to only eat fruit. And he'd always show, and his body was just like, the skin was hanging off him.

• 38:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:31Speaker 05

  And he just like collapsed dead at 60. And it's always nice when someone does a big.

• 38:35Speaker 04

  A big swing.

• 38:36Speaker 05

  Big swing and a big diet and they, you know.

• 38:38Speaker 04

  Nature just takes it out of them.

• 38:39Speaker 05

  You see what's happened to Brian Johnson?

• 38:42Speaker 04

  He's got a disease, isn't he?

• 38:43Speaker 05

  Brian Johnson disease.

• 38:44Speaker 04

  He's got autoimmune disease.

• 38:45Speaker 05

  Which, to be honest, I wasn't ready for him to go down this quick with something, do you know what I mean? I thought it would be a little longer.

• 38:53Speaker 04

  So let's go into what it is, come on, this, because this is a huge thing. This is the guy that's on the vanguard of health.

• 39:00Speaker 05

  This is mentally the healthiest guy ever.

• 39:01Speaker 04

  Yeah. I mean, this is a guy who is.

• 39:03Speaker 05

  He's setting himself up for hubris, but I did not think it would happen this quickly.

• 39:07Speaker 04

  Sure, he's got autoimmune gastritis and this is a man who is racing his 18 year old son's erections. I mean, this is unthinkable.

• 39:13Speaker 05

  He's racing his come with his.

• 39:15Speaker 04

  He's, he's, he's genuinely jerk racing with his son, you know?

• 39:18Speaker 05

  He's playing soggy biscuit with his son and then putting it under the microscope to see who's got quicker swimmers.

• 39:22Speaker 04

  I mean, I mean, this guy is at the, if he's falling down, what hope is there for all of us?

• 39:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, I mean, that, that kind of bummed me out, to be honest.

• 39:29Speaker 04

  This guy has got years of erection data.

• 39:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 39:31Speaker 04

  Yeah? My stomach is eating itself, he writes. But he doesn't eat, he eats all his meals before 11, eats like mushrooms and shit, eats algae.

• 39:41Speaker 05

  Does this mean he might not even hit like 90 or something? Because if he's not, if he's not topping 100, then it's, the whole thing's fucked.

• 39:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 39:48Speaker 05

  He has to top 100 at least.

• 39:49Speaker 04

  If Ethel Caterham, who I imagine is just eating, who by the way, we should say is currently.

• 39:55Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 39:56Speaker 04

  Top of the leaderboard.

• 39:57Speaker 05

  Shout out Ethel.

• 39:57Speaker 04

  At time of recording, don't die before this goes out, Ethel.

• 40:00Speaker 05

  Well, I think in the way that when someone's running the London, London Marathon and there's everyone waiting with water at different points, we need to do that with Ethel.

• 40:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:07Speaker 05

  So people should be going round with custard, keeping it going.

• 40:09Speaker 04

  On my olive oil.

• 40:10Speaker 05

  Yeah, keep going, she's an athlete.

• 40:12Speaker 04

  If Dr Sarah, if you're listening, please send.

• 40:14Speaker 05

  Dr Brian Sarah.

• 40:15Speaker 04

  Not Dr Brian Sarah, Dr Sarah Brewer, okay? The Cambridge educated crank, my words, please send your olive oil, that's obviously definitely made in Burton, please send it to Ethel Caterham.

• 40:25Speaker 05

  Pump her full of it.

• 40:26Speaker 04

  Pump her full of it, yeah, and give us some friends. Not me though, I don't like talking to old people, they creep me out.

• 40:35Speaker 04

  Cat homes are depressing. So, Brian Johnson, his stomach is eating itself. Well, yeah. You're right, it is bummed. I kind of thought like.

• 40:46Speaker 05

  I thought we'd go on for a bit longer.

• 40:47Speaker 04

  But then also, you do see, I remember seeing like, you see like a ripped 80 year olds every now and then.

• 40:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 40:53Speaker 04

  And you're like, that's a bit, ah, shouldn't I, nah, don't know about that.

• 40:57Speaker 05

  Dude puzzles, mate.

• 40:58Speaker 04

  Yeah. What?

• 40:59Speaker 06

  Why do you think he's so unlikable, Brian Johnson?

• 41:02Speaker 05

  I think everyone's come around to him a little bit.

• 41:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:05Speaker 06

  I haven't at all.

• 41:06Speaker 05

  You don't like him?

• 41:07Speaker 06

  No.

• 41:08Speaker 05

  I think it's just, it's good that one guy's doing it and also.

• 41:10Speaker 06

  There's a nastiness.

• 41:12Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 41:12Speaker 06

  There's a kind of, there's a sort of serious exclusive nastiness to him.

• 41:17Speaker 04

  There's a more, there's a moralizing to it.

• 41:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:19Speaker 04

  He is doing his research into endometriosis, which is when women won't stop going on about their period pains. It's a male problem where, which is very popular for women this, because it's like, yeah, I would like you to just stop them going on about it.

• 41:33Speaker 05

  Start doing improv troops, stuff about it, you know?

• 41:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think the Edinburgh Award this year went to an improv troupe talking about endometriosis.

• 41:44Speaker 05

  But yeah, he's, people throw at Brian Johnson that he's a millionaire and not everyone can live like this, but it's fine. I want one of the millionaires doing this.

• 41:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:51Speaker 05

  This is what a millionaire should be doing, is finding shit out. And I am just interested to see how long he, we're all just interested to see how long he lives.

• 41:57Speaker 04

  Side note, ladies, if you're listening, if you're listening and you've got endometriosis, crocodile dung.

• 42:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:04Speaker 04

  Anyway, shove it up there, see what happens. Yep. The old cures are the best. Now, Chinese medicine, traditional Chinese medicine, still practiced to this day, every, in most big shopping centres, there'll be just one Chinese medicine shop that no one goes in. This operates on the belief that the human body is a reflection of the universe governed by the balance of ying and yang. Right? So it says there's like a vital life energy called qi that flows through you. And so what they, they will, I don't know what they do to like, find out what, how, what your qi is. What do they do? They smell your breath or something. But then they, acupuncture, acupuncture does actually do something.

• 42:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:44Speaker 04

  Because it's small, uh, small injuries stimulate your body's dopamine and anti-inflammatory responses. So it is pain relief in a way, but if you're, if you're using that to cure cancer, rather than.

• 42:57Speaker 05

  Right.

• 42:58Speaker 04

  Rather than manage pain, then, you know, you fucked it basically. So there is something to it, but how the, there's no, you know, all that chi stuff's all bollocks.

• 43:07Speaker 05

  Is that Tai Chi as well, the fucking?

• 43:09Speaker 04

  Maybe.

• 43:10Speaker 05

  Stand, no.

• 43:11Speaker 04

  Maybe? No. I think chi is just a common word, isn't it? What is it?

• 43:15Speaker 06

  I tried to read a book about chi, it's called Tao Te Ching. Uh, I was going through, I was trying to like read my first books, but they're all, it's all kind of.

• 43:22Speaker 04

  My first book? How old were you?

• 43:25Speaker 06

  20.

• 43:25Speaker 04

  Right.

• 43:26Speaker 06

  Um, but it's just too hard.

• 43:27Speaker 04

  Quite a big swing, first book, Tao Te Chi.

• 43:30Speaker 06

  It was Kintsugi's Kingdom, then Tao Te Ching.

• 43:32Speaker 05

  Oh, actually, you just, yeah, you, you realise you liked eastern, you know?

• 43:36Speaker 06

  But now I read.

• 43:36Speaker 05

  Literature.

• 43:38Speaker 06

  What have I been reading? I'm still reading the softcore book.

• 43:40Speaker 05

  How far along are you in that?

• 43:41Speaker 06

  Nearly at the end.

• 43:42Speaker 04

  Which book is this?

• 43:42Speaker 06

  It's called Softcore. It's about a, it's actually a really amazing book. It's about a.

• 43:46Speaker 05

  It's a nuts bag.

• 43:47Speaker 06

  Sex worker. No, it's not. It's a, it's a story of a sex worker in San Francisco who loses her boyfriend Dino. And she's trying to find him, but it's just about how, the most interesting takeaway is that kinks aren't always sexy. Actually, sometimes they're very relaxing and needed for people to calm down.

• 44:06Speaker 05

  Did that help you understand some of your sexual preferences?

• 44:09Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 44:09Speaker 04

  Sorry, what is in, um, oh, no, no.

• 44:12Speaker 05

  Anxiety kinks.

• 44:13Speaker 04

  Right. So is in, uh, do you mind, do you mind if we do some poo play? Not in a sexy way. I just have had a stressful day at work. Is that, is that what you mean?

• 44:20Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 44:21Speaker 05

  I guess, I guess me and Finn are not particularly kinky people, so it's quite hard to, to empathise with that. I'm not part of the kink community.

• 44:28Speaker 06

  That's why you're so stressed.

• 44:28Speaker 04

  Kink, kinks, no, kinks give me anxiety.

• 44:32Speaker 05

  Yeah. Do you think we'd be less highly strung if we were into poo play?

• 44:36Speaker 04

  If I came in and the last, the night before, I'd beef Wellington to my wife, I think I'd, I'd, I think I'd be very different around the office.

• 44:43Speaker 05

  Because I think people would know, I'd just, yeah, I'm able to make eye contact.

• 44:46Speaker 04

  They can smell it on me and, you know.

• 44:48Speaker 05

  But maybe, maybe we're wrong.

• 44:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:50Speaker 05

  Maybe it's very soothing.

• 44:51Speaker 04

  The other thing I think is that if I like that and it opens a gate, I'm, I'm not working again, am I? I'm just gonna sit in the house doing that.

• 44:58Speaker 06

  Pooing in the mandor.

• 45:00Speaker 05

  Well, it's just more like, what's the toilet now?

• 45:03Speaker 04

  It's a waste as well, it is. You know, every time on the toilet, being like, I could, I could be fucking, I could be doing it. My wife's fanny, no?

• 45:12Speaker 04

  What am I doing? What are we doing?

• 45:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't want my libido to be regulated by the same system as my bowels.

• 45:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:20Speaker 04

  Okay? And I do think if yours is, you should be ashamed of it.

• 45:24Speaker 06

  Mine is not.

• 45:25Speaker 04

  No, I'm not saying it is, but I'm saying I think kink shaming is.

• 45:27Speaker 05

  You're a big believer in shame.

• 45:29Speaker 04

  Yes. I think shame, I think shame is a regulatory force in the universe like the Chinese think chi is. I think shame stops people from doing things like that poo smear in a, in a supermarket. He has no shame. Okay? Shame is a good force. It's, it's, you know, there's a balance, moderation.

• 45:46Speaker 06

  Maybe guilt is good, shame is bad.

• 45:48Speaker 05

  Interesting.

• 45:48Speaker 04

  Not what, no.

• 45:50Speaker 06

  Guilt, because shame is often inwards, whereas guilt is like, if you hurt somebody, you should feel bad if you hurt other people.

• 45:55Speaker 05

  Guilt is not being a psychopath.

• 45:56Speaker 06

  Shitting all over your house and then.

• 45:58Speaker 05

  Brilliant.

• 45:59Speaker 06

  I guess it's not good.

• 46:01Speaker 05

  Be the prime minister.

• 46:02Speaker 06

  What I'm saying is basically shame often hurts you rather than, and nobody else.

• 46:06Speaker 05

  It's societal pressure, right?

• 46:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 46:09Speaker 05

  It's enforced guilt, right?

• 46:10Speaker 04

  Some societal pressure is good.

• 46:12Speaker 06

  If it, as long as you're not hurting anyone else, I don't see the massive issue.

• 46:15Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 46:16Speaker 05

  I think there should just be like shame cities that people can go to and be shameful.

• 46:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, they were called churches and we've killed God, so now.

• 46:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, but I mean, it's more like you can.

• 46:25Speaker 04

  Now everyone's a paedophile. That's the history of the Western world. And Andy Burnham's taking it all out of jail.

• 46:29Speaker 05

  Where you're not judged, but that shouldn't be everywhere.

• 46:31Speaker 04

  It's called Burgheim. That's the logical endpoint of no shame.

• 46:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:36Speaker 04

  Is you're queuing to get into a fucking warehouse or when you're naked on a leash being walked by a nun.

• 46:42Speaker 05

  I mean, it doesn't sound, you know?

• 46:44Speaker 04

  Anyway.

• 46:45Speaker 05

  Sex offenders' village?

• 46:47Speaker 04

  It's what? Miracle Village is a small isolated community in rural South Florida, primarily inhabited by registered sex offenders. Oh my God.

• 46:55Speaker 05

  How have we not discovered this?

• 46:56Speaker 04

  Is it too late to change my tour dates?

• 47:00Speaker 04

  I'll be playing the theatre in Miracle Village, Palm Beach County, near Pahokee.

• 47:06Speaker 05

  Sorry, I'm like sugarcane fields.

• 47:07Speaker 04

  The enclave was created specifically to address the severe housing challenges facing individuals on sex practice. Is that it? Wow.

• 47:14Speaker 05

  Pedoville?

• 47:17Speaker 06

  Monster.

• 47:18Speaker 05

  It looks like Michael Jackson. What's he doing?

• 47:20Speaker 06

  He's having a monster.

• 47:21Speaker 04

  Well, he's having the time of his life. 2009, formed by a Christian ministry, the village was built on a former agricultural housing site, miles away from schools, parks or designated bus stops.

• 47:31Speaker 05

  So there's no schools in this village.

• 47:32Speaker 04

  Listen, why are we, why is King Charles building that fucking new town? Right?

• 47:37Speaker 05

  Well, yeah, that.

• 47:38Speaker 04

  He should, we should make Brit, I mean, we'd have Pedopolis in Britain, you know?

• 47:43Speaker 05

  It'd be a global centre.

• 47:45Speaker 04

  It'd be like Singapore.

• 47:49Speaker 04

  Pedopolis on Thames. Why are we not, you know, fucking build that? That would, everyone would sign up to live there, you know?

• 47:57Speaker 05

  How many people live there?

• 47:58Speaker 04

  How many people live in, um.

• 48:00Speaker 05

  Miracle Village.

• 48:01Speaker 04

  In Miracle, Miracle, why is it called Miracle Village?

• 48:04Speaker 05

  What are you gonna call it?

• 48:05Speaker 04

  Happy ending.

• 48:07Speaker 06

  200.

• 48:08Speaker 04

  No, you call it Pedestown.

• 48:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, exactly. That's what I mean. To be fair, Miracle Village, I get, but it's not an easy one to name.

• 48:14Speaker 04

  Miracle Village.

• 48:15Speaker 05

  You're trying to, you're trying to like.

• 48:16Speaker 04

  So hang on.

• 48:17Speaker 06

  80 of them aren't pedos.

• 48:20Speaker 05

  What's going on there?

• 48:20Speaker 04

  Hmm, what's going on there?

• 48:22Speaker 05

  Is it, is it the cheap rent? Can we look at, um, rent for Miracle Village?

• 48:29Speaker 05

  Because rent's high, the cost of living is really.

• 48:31Speaker 04

  Very easy to get planning permission in Miracle Village. There you go. Target audience is 62 or older. It's just a kind of retirement village.

• 48:38Speaker 06

  Pedos on the way out.

• 48:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:40Speaker 05

  Yeah, so they're retired from paedophilia.

• 48:41Speaker 04

  Yes, yeah.

• 48:42Speaker 05

  They, yeah, their jersey's up in the rafters.

• 48:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, Bournemouth, but for pedos, which is Bournemouth, basically.

• 48:48Speaker 05

  Still quite expensive. So I guess it's not like a huge.

• 48:52Speaker 04

  Where do they, are there jobs? Is there an economy? Is there a local economy? Is there a shop in Miracle Village?

• 48:57Speaker 06

  Why is no one just, why is no one attacking Miracle Village? Why is no one going down there?

• 49:01Speaker 04

  They've taken themselves away from, you know, risk areas.

• 49:05Speaker 06

  It's the perfect place to go and just like unleash out.

• 49:07Speaker 05

  I guess, yeah, if you, if you really want to just batter up pedos, then just.

• 49:11Speaker 04

  No, you'll be outnumbered. You'll be outnumbered by the neighbourhood watch community, you know? The fucking 120.

• 49:16Speaker 06

  Also being attacked by 120 pedos would be crazy.

• 49:20Speaker 04

  This is such a mess. Yeah, you'd love it.

• 49:22Speaker 05

  But like, do you think there's like a level of like, because society judges pedos more than they judge anyone, do there's a level of once you're in Miracle Village?

• 49:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're right. You're right. That's a disgrace, isn't it? We're so judgy at pedos. Let's get rid of shame.

• 49:36Speaker 05

  No, but I mean, in Miracle Village, is there a level of freedom, they feel, of not being judged?

• 49:42Speaker 04

  Must be.

• 49:42Speaker 05

  There must be like a, a level of calm.

• 49:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:45Speaker 05

  I don't know why just here in Miracle Village, I now sympathise with the paedophiles. It's nice that they can do that.

• 49:50Speaker 04

  In Miracle Village, I can be who I want to be.

• 49:53Speaker 05

  But part of me is like, it's.

• 49:54Speaker 04

  I don't have to hide.

• 49:55Speaker 06

  No, but they can't really, because they can't really be pedos. They're just pedos without a cause. They're just like fucking.

• 49:59Speaker 05

  The pedo without a cause, the Charlie.

• 50:03Speaker 04

  This is a place where you're not constantly looking over your shoulder, wondering if the police are gonna knock on your door because you're standing too close to a school bus stop.

• 50:10Speaker 04

  Without this place, I'd be living under a bridge somewhere in Miami. Yeah, that's the thing, you know? If you're standing near a school bus stop, because there are so many school bus stops, get rid of the bus stops.

• 50:20Speaker 05

  Now, this is an interesting question. Would you have a fake school so they could feel?

• 50:24Speaker 04

  Well, this is what they do in Japan.

• 50:26Speaker 05

  With the child sex dolls.

• 50:27Speaker 04

  Child sex dolls.

• 50:28Speaker 05

  And this is the big argument.

• 50:29Speaker 04

  Patrons, new petition, send a box of child sex dolls to Miracle Village in Florida.

• 50:34Speaker 05

  What's your genuine view on that? Because it's a interesting moral dilemma, right?

• 50:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:37Speaker 05

  Should they, should people be able to enact evil to stop them doing it to people, actual people?

• 50:41Speaker 04

  I would say it's, it's, uh, it's personally a bit rich for my personal blood.

• 50:46Speaker 05

  What's sending?

• 50:46Speaker 04

  No, no, no, having a child sex doll.

• 50:48Speaker 05

  It's the only issue I care about. It's the one political issue that I will always bring up and the only thing I have an opinion on.

• 50:55Speaker 04

  Personally, I would say that child sex dolls, I find icky, but I think they're better than child porn. So I think a paedophile having a child sex doll.

• 51:05Speaker 05

  Yes, yeah.

• 51:06Speaker 04

  I'm, I would think.

• 51:07Speaker 05

  You're super four.

• 51:09Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 51:09Speaker 05

  You're a mate, you, you really, that's the main thing you care about.

• 51:12Speaker 04

  I will stand, I have a resentment saying child sex dolls for paedos.

• 51:17Speaker 05

  You're weirdly into it.

• 51:18Speaker 04

  I'm weirdly into it. We do have to carry on the story because we've been, I mean, Miracle Village has been a long, a long detour, but it takes quite a while to get there.

• 51:26Speaker 05

  Yes, it does.

• 51:27Speaker 04

  So it's going to the middle of nowhere. Right, let's get back to the dissection and anatomy in the Renaissance. That's when it really kicks off. Da Vinci starts knocking about because.

• 51:38Speaker 05

  He's drawing people doing fucking star jumps.

• 51:39Speaker 04

  The Catholic Church suddenly started allowing dissection again in thirteen fifteen. So Da Vinci secretly dissects more than thirty human bodies in morgues between fourteen eighteen fifteen fifteen and produces over two hundred and forty anatomical drawings. He studies the heart's chambers and valves. This is crazy. I didn't realise Da Vinci did all this. I mean, he's doing helicopters, he's doing the fucking.

• 52:01Speaker 05

  He's the polymath, right?

• 52:02Speaker 04

  He is the polymath, isn't he? And he planned to publish a big anatomy book, but he died before he could. Now, interestingly, in the sixteenth century, you had barber surgeons.

• 52:15Speaker 05

  What, because they, they?

• 52:17Speaker 04

  In that a surgeon was someone who was a barber.

• 52:20Speaker 05

  In the same way that you have like key cutter cobblers.

• 52:22Speaker 04

  Yes, exactly. Timsons. You'd go there, have a haircut and you go, actually, while you're there, could you just do some open heart surgery? So Henry the Eighth.

• 52:32Speaker 05

  Short back inside to my heart, please.

• 52:34Speaker 04

  Allows the company of barber surgeon to dissect the bodies of four executed criminals, criminals each year. And so this is when anatomy theatres start coming up.

• 52:44Speaker 05

  We talked a lot about this in the Burke and Hare.

• 52:45Speaker 04

  Burke and Hare series. Patron, yes. These events are sort of theatrical, crowds are talking, eating, sometimes fighting. And there was once a duel during a dissection.

• 52:55Speaker 05

  So like a jongler's sort of crowd.

• 52:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, it does, okay. Which they, I mean, they are public dissections, aren't they? It's just crowd work. That's what that is now, isn't it? Is comedian destroys front row, you know, in this day and age.

• 53:06Speaker 05

  Dissects their job.

• 53:07Speaker 04

  Does, yeah, yeah. Course on a paedophile and then everyone claps. Now, university doctors refuse to get their hands dirty, so they get their barber surgeons, because those were seen as, I guess this is where Britain's a bit like the Indian caste system, in that it's like, those jobs are not for doctors, they're for barber surgeons. And this is why a barber pole is red and white, because the white stripe symbolises the clean bandages and the red stripe represents blood. And so, and the pole itself symbolises the wooden staff patients would grip during bloodletting.

• 53:39Speaker 05

  Christ.

• 53:40Speaker 04

  So that's why barbers are like that. Isn't that interesting?

• 53:42Speaker 05

  It is interesting.

• 53:43Speaker 04

  Really interesting. The things we learn on this podcast. Barbers, why barbers have that thing? Miracle Village exists, you know?

• 53:50Speaker 05

  So the, the reason it's that shape is because that's what people would hold on to as they're having their blood drained out of them.

• 53:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:55Speaker 05

  Because it would.

• 53:56Speaker 06

  How honest are you with your barber if you don't like what they've done?

• 54:00Speaker 04

  I wouldn't, I just wouldn't go there again.

• 54:02Speaker 06

  But would you be like, thank you so much?

• 54:04Speaker 04

  No, I'd just be like, oh, thanks. Yeah, thanks, mate.

• 54:06Speaker 05

  There's nothing to be gained. I mean, you can make them go back and do more, but if they've gone too far, there's nothing you can get.

• 54:11Speaker 04

  But when you find a barber you treasure, you just never let him go.

• 54:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 54:14Speaker 04

  Shout out Spencer and Broccoli.

• 54:16Speaker 05

  That's good.

• 54:16Speaker 04

  He's my guy.

• 54:17Speaker 06

  I just do it in the bath.

• 54:18Speaker 05

  Ian.

• 54:18Speaker 04

  What?

• 54:19Speaker 06

  I just, I cut my own hair in the bath. I am my own barber.

• 54:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:22Speaker 05

  But you also went to a barber?

• 54:26Speaker 06

  Before Covid, I think.

• 54:27Speaker 05

  Really?

• 54:28Speaker 06

  Just me or my mates who do it.

• 54:31Speaker 06

  And I like it that way.

• 54:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, when you could tell, yeah. So you're just buzzing it.

• 54:35Speaker 04

  But my, my, my mum gave my dad a haircut during Covid that made him look like Himmler. And it was very funny on the WhatsApp chat.

• 54:41Speaker 05

  Was that, was he, was she trying to?

• 54:44Speaker 04

  No, that's not her thing. It's not her thing.

• 54:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, my, yeah, my dad did look like that.

• 54:50Speaker 05

  That's, yeah. He's holding on to that hairline for dear lives, Himmler.

• 54:55Speaker 04

  So this is, this is Islamic Golden Age alchemy, right? So alchemists were seeking to transform ordinary metals into gold to create the so-called philosopher's stone, which would be the key, the grant eternal life.

• 55:09Speaker 05

  In Harry Potter, yeah.

• 55:10Speaker 04

  But also, but that's why that, that's called that. Philosopher's Stone was a, was a concept, a Muslim concept before Harry Potter.

• 55:17Speaker 05

  So it's about Islam?

• 55:18Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 55:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 55:19Speaker 04

  It's J K Rowling's attack on Islam. It's Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. So they, they're searching for magical substances. So Brian Johnson is searching for the philosopher's stone. But he's got, his stomach's eating himself and he's fucked it up. That's what he says to his son. He's like, no, can you get a hard on?

• 55:35Speaker 05

  Yeah, please.

• 55:36Speaker 04

  I'm looking for the philosopher's stone. But in looking for it, they develop laboratory techniques like distillation, et cetera. And now, to talk about alchemy, there's a guy called Henning Brandt, who boils around five and a half thousand litres of urine in his quest to make gold. He, by doing this, he accidentally discovers phosphorus, which is this glowing element, seems so mysterious, it was briefly thought to possess magical powers. Now, how did he use the phosphorus? That's what I want to know. Did he use it in anything? What do we use phosphorus for now? Just glowing stuff?

• 56:10Speaker 06

  Welding, I think.

• 56:11Speaker 04

  Welding, he says.

• 56:13Speaker 05

  He says. I mean, it's a good pull from you, Charlie.

• 56:16Speaker 04

  But yeah, boiling, boiling piss. How has he got five and a half thousand? It would make gold less special if, if you could revert engineer.

• 56:24Speaker 05

  It's boiled piss.

• 56:25Speaker 04

  Industrial uses. How do you use phosphorus? Flame retardants. Oh, it's fertiliser, isn't it?

• 56:31Speaker 06

  Glass or steel.

• 56:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:33Speaker 06

  Bones and teeth.

• 56:35Speaker 04

  So there you go. So before the seventeenth century, they're still going on this belief that Gallen, the Roman, had found that blood was continuously produced by the liver and then consumed by the body. But in sixteen twenty eight, English physician William Harvey overturns the idea by demonstrating at the heart.

• 56:53Speaker 03

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• 57:23Speaker 04

  Art is actually a pump. And so he makes this set of illustrations that are thought to be the oldest in the world. And they consist of like real human veins, arteries and nerves preserved on wooden boards. That's an Italian guy called Giovanni Leone.

• 57:41Speaker 04

  Right, anyway, I think we'll probably have to leave this episode here. In our next episode, we will get into the Victorian medicine.

• 57:48Speaker 05

  There we go.

• 57:49Speaker 04

  Phrenology, we will encounter friends of the pod, Mengele, Shipman and Letby once more. We will get into biohacking.

• 57:57Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 57:57Speaker 04

  And the story of AIDS. What a, what a time that'll be. On the Patreon this week, we are discussing friend of the pod Harold Shipman. It's a big one. I'm pumped. For three pounds a month, you can sign up and get early access and some of our fruitier, our fruitier takes on the Patreon.

• 58:16Speaker 05

  For sure. Blazes off.

• 58:18Speaker 04

  The blazes come off and the takes get really hot. See you there. If not, we'll see you on Thursday for part two of the medicine story. Goodbye from all of us here.

• 58:26Speaker 05

  Goodbye.