Imagine The Falklands But With Less Going On | Napoleon’s Final Exile (10/10)

In our final part of our epic Napoleonic Wars series, we find Napoleon fat, smelly and trapped in the house. The Napoleonic Wars (Part Ten) This episode of Fin vs History is brought to you by Surfshark. Secure your privacy with Surfshark! Enter coupon code FVH for an extra 4 months at ⁠https://surfshark.com/fvh⁠ The show for people who like history but don't care what actually happened.  For weekly bonus episodes, ad-free listening and early access to series, become a Truther and sign up to the Patreon ⁠⁠patreon.com/fintaylor⁠ Chapters: 00:00 - Go Home 07:34 - Bloodbath 10:10 - Come On Ethel! 14:51 - Too Fat For The Barrel 18:26 - Napileseon Bumsfallenapart 24:23 - Fool’s Mate 29:11 - The Long Game 35:50 - That’s A Furrowed Brow 38:11 - Hitler’s Memoirs 40:09 - Big T*ts 43:50 - Hitler and Napoleon 48:43 - Napoleon’s Penis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  So good, so good, so good.

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• 1:04Speaker 04

  Well, viewers, it's part 10 of the Napoleonic Wars series. Your distended prostates that have been hanging out the back of yourself since episode six. It's time to quietly fold them back in.

• 1:17Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's sort of like when Prince Charles folded up the British flag in Hong Kong.

• 1:22Speaker 04

  Very similar.

• 1:24Speaker 05

  Can we get the footage, please, of the handover of Hong Kong, please?

• 1:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:29Speaker 05

  All empires must fall is one of the lessons of history.

• 1:32Speaker 04

  It is, including this podcast series. This today, it's.

• 1:36Speaker 05

  It's the great, it's the great mistake that many men make in history, thinking that they can last forever.

• 1:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, but we had to, the story has come to an end. This is the final part. This is our viewers now watching their prostates being rolled back in.

• 1:50Speaker 05

  With the flag, there's a bit where there's like a folded up flag.

• 1:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's almost like a repatriation ceremony for a dead troop, actually. Fireworks going, prostates being taken down.

• 2:01Speaker 05

  Bellowing in the wind.

• 2:02Speaker 04

  A lovely speech. We've had a great time, haven't we? We've had a beautiful time. What a great 10 episode there's been. I've had the best time.

• 2:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:08Speaker 04

  Talking about Napoleonic Wars. But now we must hand the series over to the Chinese. It is their series now. They will manage it. The Napo-ri-onic.

• 2:19Speaker 04

  Napo-ri-onic, it's hard to say. It's hard to say, but they've earned it. It's theirs now. It's theirs now. To recap, Napoleon has finally been defeated on the battlefield decisively.

• 2:32Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:32Speaker 04

  Waterloo was where Wellington saw him off. There are 50,000 human casualties.

• 2:39Speaker 05

  Is it named after that ABBA song?

• 2:41Speaker 04

  It is, ABBA was first. That's why they called it Waterloo. Again.

• 2:45Speaker 05

  It's his favorite. It was Wellington's favorite song, right?

• 2:48Speaker 04

  It was his favorite song. Again, very hard for the Chinese to say Waterloo. I don't know what they're going to do with this series now that they own it. The Napo-ri-onic Wars, Werington at Wal-teroo.

• 2:59Speaker 05

  I think other names, he might have called it Radioactive or Summer by Calvin Harris were the other options.

• 3:05Speaker 04

  For the battle, yes, those were the other options.

• 3:06Speaker 05

  But he decided that Waterloo was.

• 3:08Speaker 04

  Mamma Mia was another that was in there as well. But he went for Waterloo, that is his favorite song.

• 3:12Speaker 05

  Bangarang was an option.

• 3:14Speaker 04

  It's probably the gayest thing about Wellington was he was a huge ABBA fan. And you know what? We're just, you can tell that we're just circling the plug hole here. We're just, we're trying to postpone handing the series over to the Chinese, but the prostates are being rolled up now.

• 3:25Speaker 05

  An awkward goodbye.

• 3:26Speaker 04

  The flagpoles are bare and the series is in the hands. Chris Patton has now left.

• 3:34Speaker 04

  And in the rain, God, Prince Charles looks good. Anyway, more importantly, 50,000 human casualties, 10,000 dead horses. How many horses die in the Napoleonic Wars total, Charlie? Just scores on the doors. Nay their name. Bodies have been looted.

• 3:50Speaker 05

  Let's go to the cricket pavilion and see the scores on the doors, please.

• 3:52Speaker 04

  Scores on the doors, how many horses?

• 3:54Speaker 05

  I didn't know there was that many horses.

• 3:55Speaker 04

  Roughly 1.5 million to 2 million. Well.

• 4:00Speaker 05

  That's completely insane.

• 4:01Speaker 04

  That's a horse to cast, as far as I'm concerned.

• 4:05Speaker 04

  This is a sad day. Napoleon has been defeated now. Waterloo, the battle itself only lasted nine hours, yet it destroys 20 years of work.

• 4:16Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:16Speaker 04

  Of conquest. The school shooter has finally been asked to leave the school.

• 4:22Speaker 05

  I don't think the school shooter gets asked to leave.

• 4:25Speaker 04

  Well, this one does, that's what's fascinating.

• 4:26Speaker 05

  That's what's funny is the FBI says, could you please?

• 4:29Speaker 04

  Okay, put your gun down and go home and think about what you've done. Because there's a quarter million, there's 2 million dead horses in that school.

• 4:36Speaker 05

  He got satisfied his attention for that.

• 4:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, we're gonna have to have a big chat about this when you, when you go in tomorrow.

• 4:41Speaker 05

  Yeah. Why'd you get suspended? Killed 300 kids at school with an AR-15.

• 4:47Speaker 04

  Yeah. Couldn't get the drum.

• 4:49Speaker 05

  It's fucking bullshit.

• 4:50Speaker 04

  It's fucking bullshit. Couldn't get the drama class, though. Thought they were all trees. Got absolutely murked. Now, on the 18th of June, 1815, the day of Waterloo, Napoleon abandons the battlefield, trots back to Paris.

• 5:02Speaker 05

  As he loves to do.

• 5:03Speaker 04

  He loves abandoning the battlefield. And now he expected to find his ministers preparing for yet another campaign. And yet he finds politicians preparing to remove him from power. First thing he does after Waterloo, arrives back at 8:00 AM, he demands a bath. A scolding hot bath because he hadn't slept in days and he was suffering, as we, as we know, a decisive bout of piles.

• 5:28Speaker 05

  In the way that you'd talk about World War II potentially being the Hobbs Spornian view of World War II being a battle of factories.

• 5:34Speaker 04

  Yes, yeah.

• 5:35Speaker 05

  Could you argue the Napoleonic Wars was a battle of hemorrhoids?

• 5:38Speaker 04

  I would say that, I would say it's a hemorrhoid struggle.

• 5:40Speaker 05

  Hemorrhoidian struggle.

• 5:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, you'd have to say this is really 20 years where piles is at the, piles has never been more important.

• 5:47Speaker 05

  Yes, it was Napoleon's piles and Wellington's distinct lack of piles.

• 5:50Speaker 04

  Yes, because he was a straight man who'd never fiddled down there. He'd only ever cleaned, he'd used his bum as it was intended.

• 5:57Speaker 05

  As a spell.

• 5:58Speaker 04

  To expel.

• 5:59Speaker 05

  Not to welcome.

• 6:00Speaker 04

  To invite.

• 6:03Speaker 04

  Okay. Invite only was Wellington's asshole and he was never asked for anyone.

• 6:08Speaker 05

  No one protects their southern border more than.

• 6:11Speaker 04

  If only Wellington was alive today, to be honest, our southern border would be clean and it would be.

• 6:16Speaker 05

  No Argie would have even, would even know what it looks like.

• 6:19Speaker 04

  They wouldn't have fucking tried it. Anyway, Napoleon quite often was having baths instead of sleeping. He found baths a sort of replacement for sleep.

• 6:27Speaker 05

  This is when, this is one of the most Napoleonic things about Charlie, actually, is you have a.

• 6:30Speaker 04

  You're a big bath guy.

• 6:31Speaker 05

  You're a deep lover of baths.

• 6:32Speaker 06

  I showed you my bath.

• 6:32Speaker 05

  I've seen your bath. I was surprised about how lovely your domestic life seemed.

• 6:36Speaker 06

  That's what everyone says.

• 6:37Speaker 05

  It's a clean flat, your, your room seemed kind of clean. It made me more suspicious and then on the way back, it kind of made me kind of angry because.

• 6:44Speaker 06

  Why?

• 6:45Speaker 05

  It sort of implies that you sort of live a relatively peaceful life and then on the way here.

• 6:49Speaker 06

  It goes wrong.

• 6:50Speaker 05

  You just start deciding to, you know, you paint the Joker mask on and you come in here with a state of anarchy.

• 6:56Speaker 06

  Every man's home is his castle.

• 6:58Speaker 05

  Right. But and then, but his workplace is his latrine, like what's.

• 7:02Speaker 06

  Yes, and my work is my toilet.

• 7:04Speaker 05

  I guess that's what upsets me.

• 7:05Speaker 04

  Every man's home is his castle and every man's work is his toilet. Now, Napoleon had not slept in days and to treat his piles, which had, we can say, lost him Waterloo. He was given leeches.

• 7:19Speaker 05

  Yes, so now, now run me through that as a man who knows more about piles than me.

• 7:23Speaker 04

  I, I would say.

• 7:25Speaker 05

  Piles correspondent, Finn Taylor.

• 7:26Speaker 04

  Papa, yep, yep. Hello, hi, hello, I'm just, I'm standing outside my own asshole here and as you can see, it's completely fucked.

• 7:33Speaker 05

  It's a bloodbath.

• 7:33Speaker 04

  It's a bloodbath. We've done 10 episodes of Napoleon and I'm hanging out the back of myself. I'm trying to roll the flag back in. It's like a cartoon tongue at the moment. But I imagine what leeches do is that you put leeches on, on the hemorrhoids themselves to try and bleed out the piles, to try and make it less taut, saggy a piles. To drain, to drain the trapped blood, relieve pressure.

• 7:59Speaker 06

  Are the leeches like this is fucking disgusting.

• 8:01Speaker 04

  No, they're like, they're like, I've had worse Mondays, fucking hell.

• 8:02Speaker 05

  They're loving it.

• 8:03Speaker 06

  They're indifferent between.

• 8:05Speaker 05

  Thirsty Thursdays for the leeches, right?

• 8:07Speaker 04

  It's happy hour for the leechers down there.

• 8:11Speaker 04

  It's fucking ladies' night down on the, down on the piles.

• 8:13Speaker 05

  You see all those city traders all up on the street corner outside pubs, that's where all the leeches are.

• 8:18Speaker 04

  It's Soho at 5 o'clock. This is fucking brilliant, absolutely brilliant. Sun's out, we're all standing around drinking pints. Yeah, so anyway.

• 8:27Speaker 05

  There's a schooner scorer, leech. He's rating a pile.

• 8:31Speaker 04

  This is hemorrhoid scorer, I'm here outside of Finn Taylor's piles and we're gonna have 60 seconds for the perfect piles. Let's go. Yeah. By this point, the French people's fascination with Napoleon is starting to ebb.

• 8:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:46Speaker 04

  Because what once was their great emperor, who had given France an empire, had dominated continental Europe. And you know.

• 8:54Speaker 05

  Made France a brief superstate.

• 8:56Speaker 04

  Yes, exactly. Well, he had sort of, we haven't really talked about this. He is, he claims that he was trying to basically unite Europe, but he wasn't really. He was, he was trying to make Europe.

• 9:06Speaker 05

  He was trying to make the EU.

• 9:07Speaker 04

  He did make the first EU. That's his, kind of his legacy. And however, at this point, he's just a chubby, smelly man who, with piles, who can't win a battle. The coalition armies, the 7th coalition under Nick Clegg, they have arrived at the gates of Paris and pressure is mounting for Napoleon to abdicate for a second time. Now, there was a guy called Marquis de Lafayette, who had fought in the American Revolution.

• 9:31Speaker 05

  A big player in the American Revolution.

• 9:33Speaker 04

  Big player. He's back in France, is he? And he's saying that France must not be dragged into another dictatorship. And Lafayette declares the liberty of the nation is in danger. Because obviously, I suppose you have the American Revolution and the French Revolution and they go in very different paths.

• 9:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 9:49Speaker 06

  In what sense?

• 9:50Speaker 04

  Well, no, the American Revolution, that, you know.

• 9:54Speaker 06

  What do you mean by that?

• 9:54Speaker 04

  Is it Washington's actually an incredible, you know, he's one of the very seismic figure in that he gets power and then relinquishes it. Which is unlike basically anyone in history.

• 10:04Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's kind of the defining act of American politics.

• 10:08Speaker 04

  Whereas French Revolution, it just descends into a bloodbath.

• 10:12Speaker 05

  20 years of bloodbath and then Napoleon.

• 10:14Speaker 04

  And then a military dictator, basically.

• 10:16Speaker 05

  And then the king back for a bit, then the fat king back.

• 10:18Speaker 04

  The fattest king ever comes back.

• 10:20Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's a complete mess.

• 10:21Speaker 04

  It's a very, but it's also, you can see the two different, the two different way the countries go, can't you?

• 10:25Speaker 05

  A top historian got asked if the French Revolution was a success and he responded in one of the drollest ways possible. He said, it's too early to tell. I mean, that's good stuff.

• 10:36Speaker 04

  But that's a very droll, that's a very droll comment, isn't it? Yeah. That's Gandhi being asked about democracy, isn't it?

• 10:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 10:43Speaker 04

  And it's like, oh, what do you think about civilization? You know, can't, can't wait to see it, can't wait to see, love, love you down the place, can't wait to see when it's finished.

• 10:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 10:50Speaker 04

  Walking into Manchester, real Beethoven brother stuff.

• 10:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 10:53Speaker 04

  What is it, Charlie?

• 10:54Speaker 06

  And interestingly, something I picked up on is that if.

• 10:55Speaker 05

  Okay, go on, Charlie.

• 10:56Speaker 06

  If Napoleon had been wearing boots in the same manner that Wellington had been, then we'd be wearing nappies on our feet.

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• 11:33Speaker 03

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• 11:48Speaker 04

  So Napoleon briefly considers trying to dissolve the Constitutional Assembly by force. However, his closest advisers said, no, there's going to be another coup. It's over, mate. Okay. And so the chamber passes another resolution to basically say Napoleon's fucked.

• 12:06Speaker 05

  So like Charlie, they throw that coup into the toilet.

• 12:08Speaker 04

  Exactly. Yes, exactly. Yep. Cooing in his hands, throwing it in the toilet. And he realizes quite quickly, I mean, this is, this is days, this is only a day after really he gets back, that he doesn't have the support. And so on the 22nd of June, 1815, Napoleon abdicates for the second and final time. He proclaims his four-year-old son, Emperor Napoleon II, right? See what you're doing there. Okay. I see what you're doing there. He's four, okay? Is he really going to rule as emperor? Now, he then gets quite sad, obviously. He goes to the estate of his late wife, Josephine, the one with the black gums.

• 12:49Speaker 04

  And he just goes into her room and like huffs her panties and cries. I mean, he, yeah, he basically locked himself in her room for three days and just smells all her stuff, I think.

• 13:00Speaker 05

  He's asking everyone if he's a good boss.

• 13:01Speaker 04

  Yeah. Do you like working for me? Did we have good times? Did I make you laugh?

• 13:08Speaker 04

  And he's just huffing her pants, weeping. It's a tragic end, you know, and I guess it's the, I'm always thinking with the similarities with Hitler, you know, Napoleon tries to kill himself after, what was it, Leipzig? No, after his first abdication, before Elbe, he tries to kill himself. But I'm just thinking if Hitler had lived, you know, would he have been, would we have exiled him, you know? Interesting. Would we, would he be sort of rattling around, huffing on pants?

• 13:39Speaker 05

  I just, I just, I've been thinking a lot about, sorry to bring it back to Hitler.

• 13:43Speaker 04

  Please.

• 13:44Speaker 05

  But I've been thinking a lot about.

• 13:45Speaker 04

  Let's just, let's just stop, stop following the prostate back in for a second. Just leave that little tongue out.

• 13:51Speaker 05

  I do think there's a cinematic option.

• 13:55Speaker 05

  I do think, you know, have you seen the documentary Searching for Sugar Man?

• 13:58Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 13:59Speaker 05

  I do think there's a, there's an option that we find out Hitler's still alive.

• 14:02Speaker 04

  And he's Sugar Man.

• 14:05Speaker 04

  And he's number one in Colombia.

• 14:07Speaker 05

  Well, he's 128 years old. How old would Hitler be if he's still alive? Because there's still a chance.

• 14:11Speaker 04

  1889, 1900.

• 14:13Speaker 06

  That's a Coke Katinga.

• 14:15Speaker 04

  He'd be 100 and, he'd be the longest, he'd be the longest living man in the world. He would be, you know what, he'd be 137 years old and he's the only person I would wish to take over from Ethel Caterham, who is, I think.

• 14:30Speaker 05

  She's, she's leading.

• 14:31Speaker 04

  I think she's winning now. I think Ethel is now the oldest living woman.

• 14:34Speaker 05

  Hashtag come on Ethel.

• 14:35Speaker 04

  Come on Ethel.

• 14:36Speaker 05

  Let's get that trending.

• 14:37Speaker 04

  Give her a facial. Spap on Ethel.

• 14:40Speaker 05

  We need to moisturize that face.

• 14:41Speaker 04

  She does, yeah, but she looks like a cliff, so.

• 14:46Speaker 05

  She looks like the White Close to Dover.

• 14:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's beautiful. That's a face that stopped a thousand small boats.

• 14:50Speaker 05

  Yeah. But what I'm saying is probably the way I'd most like to see Hitler come back. So we're trying to think, what's the most dramatic way? You maybe want a documentary with talking heads about the life of Hitler. And then you're watching it as you watch any documentary about Hitler, and you're just adding it to the pile. Maybe this time it's different. And then there's that dramatic talking head, much like in the Scorsese documentary, when they end each episode by introducing one of the key players in his life, be it DiCaprio or De Niro. At the end of the part one, you see this old 137-year-old man with this old tash, he's got tattoos all over him. And he sits down and he's fiddling with the mic and it says Adolf Hitler and then it ends.

• 15:33Speaker 05

  I think that would be the best way for Hitler to come back.

• 15:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, it'd be absolutely brilliant if he was just.

• 15:38Speaker 05

  And Netflix talking head.

• 15:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:40Speaker 06

  How old's stillborn Hitler now?

• 15:43Speaker 05

  Stillborn Hitler, he would be in his 90s.

• 15:45Speaker 04

  No, no, but stillborn Hitler, we must, stillborn Hitler is not someone's name.

• 15:49Speaker 05

  Yeah. I mean, probably in the records, the name is stillborn.

• 15:52Speaker 04

  We need to give people context. I mean, that's been a long, you pulled that out from a month, months ago. That was Gaylord Hitler's relative who died at birth.

• 16:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, Dr. Gaylord Hitler, who has no relation to Hitler, but has an unfortunate name.

• 16:05Speaker 04

  Yes. One of his relatives was stillborn, but Charlie thinks that means he was called stillborn Hitler, which is, as we said, probably the only first name you could give a Hitler for us to think, well, that's a bit weird. Why have you named it that? I mean, the second name is a problem, we'll get to that, but stillborn.

• 16:21Speaker 05

  I don't know what that shortens down to either, stillie.

• 16:24Speaker 04

  Anyway.

• 16:25Speaker 05

  Sorry.

• 16:26Speaker 04

  Napoleon is depressed, he's huffing Josephine's pants. And his reflex, okay, is to try and escape to the United States. He says, he envisions a new life, I shall become a farmer on the banks of the Ohio.

• 16:40Speaker 05

  I don't, I don't, I wouldn't buy that for a second.

• 16:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, really?

• 16:43Speaker 05

  You can't be, he couldn't settle down like that.

• 16:46Speaker 04

  No, no, no. This guy's impossible. You'd need to imprison him. He can't, he can't.

• 16:49Speaker 05

  I mean, there's an interesting counterfactual. Would he have, if he'd settled in America, would he have lived long enough to see the American Civil War?

• 16:56Speaker 04

  Hmm. Well, he would have been, I mean, he, you know, the piles was an indicator of a serious gastro.

• 17:02Speaker 05

  Civil War was that 50, 1850?

• 17:04Speaker 04

  60, 65 is the record.

• 17:05Speaker 05

  Right. So that would be really an old Napoleon, but he probably wouldn't survive because he would be in his 90s.

• 17:11Speaker 04

  Who would he have fought for? Because in 1802, Napoleon reestablished slavery in French colonies. So, you know.

• 17:18Speaker 05

  But you would have loved to see him have one more run out.

• 17:21Speaker 04

  Oh, an 80-year-old Napoleon.

• 17:22Speaker 05

  In American Civil War, a new, a new kind of blank slate.

• 17:25Speaker 04

  Or is it like, is it like Hitler in Brazil? Is Napoleon just there?

• 17:29Speaker 05

  Loving it.

• 17:30Speaker 04

  Fetch moi un Coke Katinga, you know, just.

• 17:34Speaker 05

  Regrets, I've had a few.

• 17:36Speaker 04

  Lounge singer.

• 17:37Speaker 05

  But then again, too few to mention.

• 17:40Speaker 04

  So now he goes to the port of Rochefort, where two frigates are ready to carry him across the Atlantic. Frigate, yeah, but the British Navy.

• 17:50Speaker 05

  A British frigate.

• 17:51Speaker 04

  Is anticipating his move. There's a heavy blockade, a suffocating blockade, patrolling the French coast, inspecting every vessel. And so Napoleon is trying to think, he's in a circle, trying to pitch these increasingly mad escape plots. They want to force him into a barrel, but he's fat and got piles, so they can't. Yes. You know, he's trying to get, he's trying to get in the barrel and then he's like, I've got to go face down. But then the lid's shutting on my piles, that's going to be sore.

• 18:19Speaker 05

  It's very much like, yeah, have you seen this recent, was it about two days ago? Trump got put into a suitcase pretty much.

• 18:26Speaker 04

  Really?

• 18:26Speaker 05

  Well, I don't, I'm like, he got.

• 18:28Speaker 06

  I think there was a threat from a guy with a kind of RPG.

• 18:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:31Speaker 05

  And then BBC did tell on Trump, though. I don't know why, why they're telling around the tricks, though. Because it basically, he got into Air Force One and then he had a secret way out. And went in like, looked like a suitcase luggage hole and they went into another plane.

• 18:45Speaker 06

  I guess he's just showing them, it's like a kind of fuck you.

• 18:49Speaker 05

  Yeah, but I didn't want to keep that secret.

• 18:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, but he can't. He needs to know.

• 18:53Speaker 06

  He's also boasting about all the threats he gets, I guess.

• 18:56Speaker 04

  Yeah. He also needs you to know that he.

• 18:58Speaker 06

  But imagine taking him out, being the Iranian guy to take him out with an RPG on the airport.

• 19:03Speaker 04

  Is that what was going to happen?

• 19:04Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 19:04Speaker 05

  It wouldn't be in the airport.

• 19:06Speaker 06

  No, he's like off the, he's in like that little kind of charm, you know, the little fields next to airports?

• 19:10Speaker 05

  Right, right.

• 19:10Speaker 06

  I always want to go in there, but they never let me. But like going and standing there.

• 19:14Speaker 04

  Like the final scene of Heat?

• 19:15Speaker 06

  Yeah, RPGing Trump from there.

• 19:17Speaker 05

  Yes, very much so.

• 19:17Speaker 06

  Yeah. And then sitting back on a little bollard.

• 19:20Speaker 05

  Loving it, lighting it up.

• 19:21Speaker 04

  I don't reckon you'd sit back. I reckon you'd run. Oh, just on a chair.

• 19:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, police sirens are coming.

• 19:27Speaker 04

  I did it. I did it.

• 19:28Speaker 05

  In a way, you know.

• 19:29Speaker 04

  Now, his brother Joseph looks very like Napoleon, so he offers to swap clothes and stay behind and be captured while Napoleon slips on a ship. But Napoleon refuses and says, no. You know, don't, don't take, don't take the rap for me. Then the, they try to, he basically tries to.

• 19:47Speaker 05

  He's trying to think about his mythic end though, isn't he? Constantly. He's trying to think narratively.

• 19:52Speaker 04

  Well, it's the romantic era, isn't it? So, you know, the idea that he is, lives too long. So that he's just a fat guy stuck on a rock with his piles, nursing his piles for company is not romantic. You know, Nelson's death is romantic.

• 20:06Speaker 06

  Napoleon.

• 20:07Speaker 04

  Napoleon. Terrific.

• 20:10Speaker 06

  Napoleon bum is apart.

• 20:12Speaker 04

  Ah, I, yeah. I was like, oh no, I was like, oh no, stop because you've nailed it and you've gone too far. But actually, Napoleon's bum's apart, bum's falling apart. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's really good, Charlie.

• 20:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's good.

• 20:29Speaker 04

  So anyway, basically at some point, the escape schemes don't really work. He's worried he's going to get executed, but about a month after Waterloo, he walks aboard the HMS Bellerophon and surrenders himself to Captain Maitland. And he compares himself to the Athenian general Themistocles. Do you know who that is?

• 20:50Speaker 05

  No, I don't actually.

• 20:50Speaker 04

  I've got no idea who that is. That's quite a smug face. Is that Captain Maitland there? Yeah, he's got a bit of a Beethoven's brother. It's not, it's not Emily Maitlis, it's not Emily Maitlis.

• 20:59Speaker 06

  How would he surrender, how would he surrender himself to Emily?

• 21:02Speaker 05

  That is a very smug man.

• 21:03Speaker 04

  How would I surrender to Emily Maitlis? I'd just be naked on, I'd just, I'm all, just Emily, just whatever you want. I'll do, I'll do whatever you want.

• 21:10Speaker 06

  Are you covered in cum or poo? What did we say last time?

• 21:12Speaker 05

  Um, what did we say last time?

• 21:14Speaker 06

  I think it was poo.

• 21:15Speaker 04

  No, no, she's watching us poo ourselves and then we're getting off and her going, yeah, it's absolutely disgusting.

• 21:20Speaker 05

  And we're embarrassed, but loving it.

• 21:22Speaker 04

  But loving it. Yeah.

• 21:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, God, he's smirking.

• 21:24Speaker 04

  He's very smirking. I mean, we're looking at a photo of Captain Maitland now. He's absolutely chuffed with himself. He's got on the podium. Oh, there we are. Oh, look at the cat dragged in. Napoleon'sian, that's what he's just said. He's just thought of Napoleon'sian, he's just thought of Napoleon'sian bum's falling apart and he's going. Oh, he'll hate that. That's really going to eat away at him. Napoleon'sian bum's apart. But the British, essentially, they get him on board and then they, they, he goes back to Britain, is it Plymouth? Yeah, the ship anchors off Plymouth and then basically it becomes a fucking tourist attraction. Like thousands of people come and just look at him and he's just kind of like.

• 22:01Speaker 05

  Is Michael Jackson visiting Fulham, isn't it?

• 22:03Speaker 04

  Yes, very similar. So Napoleon basically becomes a tourist attraction. He walked out on the deck at 6pm every day, waved at the crowds. People sold telescopes, commemorative souvenirs, refreshments. And he's looking through, he's looking at the crowds through a spyglass and he's zeroing in like.

• 22:20Speaker 05

  On cleavages.

• 22:21Speaker 04

  Like World Cup camera directors. He's just zooming in on fit women. He's just like.

• 22:28Speaker 04

  And so he's loving it, you know, the ship surgeon kept a journal and recorded that Napoleon became transfixed by a general's daughter in the crowd. He said to the British officers, I never beheld women with such beautiful bosoms. Well, that's nice, isn't it?

• 22:42Speaker 05

  They're growing big down in the southwest.

• 22:44Speaker 04

  Milky British women, lollipping along the coast. And again, this is, you know, this is before, chubby funsters. Yeah.

• 22:54Speaker 04

  This is before the British seaside becomes the intense cavalry charge of women on mobility scooters with a single crutch.

• 23:02Speaker 05

  Pre mobility scooters. Pre mobility scooter.

• 23:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, we should place this, actually. This is 1815.

• 23:07Speaker 05

  This is before the first mobility scooter.

• 23:09Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 23:10Speaker 05

  And is it?

• 23:11Speaker 04

  But it is after a proto mobility scooter that Henry VIII was designed, was given in Hampton Court, where they would haul him along police. So there was, there was, there was an indoor mobility scooter, essentially, but the, the external mobility scooter was not invented. Yes, Charlie.

• 23:29Speaker 06

  Can you ever see yourself getting one of these when you're older?

• 23:31Speaker 05

  I mean, probably as a young man, it's actually hard to imagine, but I think that's probably a lot of hubris to that. And there's a sort of, there's a invincibility of youth that you haven't really considered.

• 23:42Speaker 04

  I'd rather be one of those old blokes who clearly needs one, has no, does like two fake hips and like inches at a time. I'd rather be that.

• 23:50Speaker 05

  Well, when you look kind of like you're kooky.

• 23:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:52Speaker 05

  Random.

• 23:53Speaker 04

  Random, who's this guy?

• 23:56Speaker 05

  And even though your personality is not random, your walk begs, begs to differ.

• 24:00Speaker 04

  Yes, I have a random, I'd like a sort of silly random hip gate rather than be on a mobility scooter, but.

• 24:07Speaker 05

  You want to like crypt walking, basically.

• 24:09Speaker 04

  Basically, yeah.

• 24:10Speaker 05

  I want to, so I want to end up, you know, the, when the people do the green screen and they have to be apes and they got the two crutches, you know, there's like with the bobbles on, that's how I want to travel, but without the, the green screen.

• 24:21Speaker 04

  Right.

• 24:22Speaker 05

  So I got two crutches and I run forward on all fours.

• 24:25Speaker 04

  Like Andy Serkis. Yes.

• 24:30Speaker 04

  Now, Napoleon has been kept off of Britain. He.

• 24:36Speaker 04

  So that's old people, is it? That's how you want to travel.

• 24:38Speaker 05

  It's this guy, it's this guy, yeah.

• 24:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 24:40Speaker 05

  Yeah, so you got his little crutches in his hands. That's kind of, I want some of these to be moved.

• 24:46Speaker 04

  Now, the Prussians.

• 24:47Speaker 05

  When I stand, I'm, I'm still, it's just when I, when I move, I immediately go.

• 24:51Speaker 04

  So someone go grandpa, you go, yeah.

• 24:56Speaker 04

  Now, the Prussians want to execute Napoleon, but Wellington is against this.

• 25:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:00Speaker 04

  Because he says, again, Wellington is an arch conservative. He does not like killing the men at the top. He says, I was determined that if the sovereigns wished to put him to death, they should appoint an executioner, which should not be me. So they don't, he's asking for asylum. I mean, this is ridiculous.

• 25:15Speaker 05

  He's an asylum seeker.

• 25:16Speaker 04

  Ridiculous asylum seeker, you know? You're, you're not a woman or a child, you're clearly of military age. You're Napoleon.

• 25:22Speaker 05

  I mean, this is the longest, long line to asylum hotels, isn't it?

• 25:26Speaker 04

  Well, yes.

• 25:27Speaker 05

  An asylum seeker being kept in the local area, causing a ruckus.

• 25:29Speaker 04

  Yes, it is. And there are people looking at this ship going, fucking hell, this is a four star accommodation for Napoleon.

• 25:34Speaker 05

  And also he is pervin' on them and there's a bit of sexual harassment actually going on for asylum seeker.

• 25:39Speaker 04

  And he's a terrorist. I mean, this is the first asylum hotel.

• 25:43Speaker 05

  This is GB News sort of stuff.

• 25:44Speaker 04

  This really is, this is the, the long road to GB News. He's asking for asylum. No, you're literally Hitler.

• 25:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:51Speaker 04

  So what the British do, and this, this is a real victory of empire, you know, the, the British, they go, we've got this fucking rock.

• 26:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:00Speaker 04

  2,000 miles off the coast of Africa, we have an island called Saint Helena, which the Portuguese had discovered a few hundred years before. And now it's now a trading post, basically to re, to wet the ships as they go to India.

• 26:14Speaker 04

  And we're going to go, we're going to fucking send you there and you're just going to, it's the ultimate exile. It's basically just ejecting you into space.

• 26:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:21Speaker 04

  Basically in the middle of nowhere. And this is why as Britain, you've got to have these islands.

• 26:27Speaker 05

  Is it still British?

• 26:27Speaker 04

  It's yet another, it's yet more evidence, you know, the Falklands, the Chagos Islands, San Diego, Garcia.

• 26:35Speaker 05

  Rise up the Jagosians.

• 26:36Speaker 04

  Shout out the Jagosians, Diego Garcia. This is why you have to have these islands for naughty boys who you don't want to give asylum to in the UK. It is still British, well, thank God.

• 26:48Speaker 05

  Thank God.

• 26:48Speaker 04

  Rejoice. Okay, prostates back out. Yeah, prostates are flying, prostates are still flying in Saint Helena. Now, Napoleon is stunned by this news that he's going to be sent to Saint Helena. He says, this is worse than an iron cage. He's transferred to HMS Northumberland, there's a 10 week voyage.

• 27:07Speaker 05

  Because he genuinely thinks that he'll be given a cottage in like the Cotswolds.

• 27:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:11Speaker 05

  And he'll be able to just chill. Like I do, he, it must be completely delusional thinking that, but he seems convinced that he'll just be given.

• 27:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:18Speaker 05

  Like an Amaze draw house, basically.

• 27:22Speaker 04

  They are ordered to refer to Napoleon as General Bonaparte. This really annoys him.

• 27:27Speaker 05

  General Bums falling apart.

• 27:28Speaker 04

  General Bums falling apart. Sorry, General Napilesian Bums falling apart. And he hates this.

• 27:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 27:34Speaker 04

  So Napoleon plays chess on board.

• 27:37Speaker 05

  This is interesting, I thought.

• 27:38Speaker 04

  And that, but Napoleon is notoriously terrible. And so the French, his French companions, because he's going with like three or four of his closest aides, they don't really know where they're going. And then when they get there, they're like, oh, fucking hell, this is far, man.

• 27:52Speaker 05

  What I like about him being terrible at chess is it sort of undermines chess as well, because I think people who play chess will think, well, actually I'm practicing myself because that actually means I'm a great strategic man. And when it comes to practical applications, because I know chess, I like how this shows that there's actually probably no causal link.

• 28:07Speaker 04

  It's got nothing to do with it. It's just a really, really nerdy game. So, yeah, 20, about 20, 20 people of his personal, he's got an entourage with him.

• 28:16Speaker 05

  He's got like the So Solid crew, get a picture of the So Solid crew up, please.

• 28:19Speaker 04

  But his French companions are terrified of upsetting his ego, so they intentionally let him win so he never loses a game. But it is, it is weird. This is Napoleon and his entourage on board. But it is weird that someone would be that good on the battlefield and that bad at chess. But then I think Napoleon would have been good at poker because really Napoleon, Napoleon conflict is about getting someone to do something so you can defeat them how you want to.

• 28:42Speaker 05

  Well, chess does that.

• 28:44Speaker 04

  Is, is it?

• 28:45Speaker 05

  Yeah, you're, you're, you're trying to get them to make a mistake or go off to take a piece so you can take a piece.

• 28:50Speaker 04

  I just think it's so boring.

• 28:53Speaker 06

  What's the way you can lose really quick? Fools mate.

• 28:55Speaker 04

  That's the way you, yes, the way you did. Charlie got Fools Mate against, was it, is it, you losing two moves?

• 29:01Speaker 06

  Yeah, to an eight year old.

• 29:02Speaker 04

  To an eight year old, yeah.

• 29:04Speaker 06

  I was really upset. How quick is it? Fools mate. I was like, I didn't even realise we'd really started.

• 29:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:14Speaker 05

  Eight year old.

• 29:15Speaker 06

  Two moves.

• 29:16Speaker 04

  Two moves, yeah. What was your first move?

• 29:19Speaker 06

  I don't know.

• 29:21Speaker 05

  It must be, there's only very few ways you can do that.

• 29:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:24Speaker 05

  So it must be.

• 29:24Speaker 06

  I just left everyone vulnerable.

• 29:28Speaker 05

  This is Charlie's, Charlie's tactical brain working.

• 29:32Speaker 04

  Now, there were so many rats on board the ship that 140 chickens got slaughtered by these huge rats. How big can rats get on ships? Because also I think there's rats on Saint Helena as well, and they end up like taking his organs.

• 29:45Speaker 06

  Half a metre apparently.

• 29:47Speaker 04

  That's, that's very big, isn't it?

• 29:48Speaker 06

  Look at the fucking state of that one.

• 29:51Speaker 06

  That's Napoleon. He kind of looks like Napoleon.

• 29:53Speaker 04

  So he arrives in Saint Helena and he thinks, fuck it, fuck, this is shit. I mean, this is even, this is a place, the Saint, Saint Helens would go on holiday to the Falklands. That's how depressing it is.

• 30:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, right, right.

• 30:07Speaker 04

  Okay. So he's like, I wish I'd stayed in Egypt, this is shit.

• 30:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:11Speaker 04

  And then the British Parliament passes a law to basically ensure they can legally hold him indefinitely.

• 30:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:18Speaker 04

  So it's similar to the Blair after 9/11.

• 30:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:21Speaker 04

  It's like, we've just got to detain you without trial. Now, Napoleon in 1815 is 46 and while he's on Saint Helena, he makes best friends with a 13 year old girl called Betsy Balcom.

• 30:35Speaker 05

  There's not a lot to do though.

• 30:36Speaker 04

  No, and he's far away. And, you know, I suppose this is geographically, would this be Southeast Asia for him?

• 30:45Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, my Betsy's island.

• 30:47Speaker 04

  Maybe.

• 30:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:48Speaker 04

  He stays in her family's garden pavilion while his residence is being built and he flirts with the girl in French because she's fluent.

• 30:56Speaker 05

  Well, he's having his kitchen redone, so you've got to sleep with, in a 13 year old girl's bed until, sorry, the kitchen's been redone, your feet sticking out the end.

• 31:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, sorry, I'm having some work done, so I'm a paedophile for a bit. They spent afternoons playing Blind Man's Buff, bantering.

• 31:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 31:12Speaker 04

  No, Betsy, Betsy is.

• 31:13Speaker 06

  Blind Man's Bluff.

• 31:14Speaker 04

  Sorry?

• 31:14Speaker 06

  Bluff.

• 31:16Speaker 04

  Blind Man's Buff, yeah.

• 31:17Speaker 06

  Bluff.

• 31:18Speaker 04

  Blind Man's Bluff.

• 31:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, they're either playing blind man's bluff or 13 year olds muff. I don't know which way it is, but anyway. Betsy insists the fondness was paternal, but rumours of a forbidden island romance captivate Europe.

• 31:33Speaker 05

  Does he do the blind man thing so he has plausible deniability of her age?

• 31:37Speaker 04

  Clever, very clever, very clever. Yeah.

• 31:41Speaker 05

  Your honour, I couldn't see her, I couldn't possibly know.

• 31:43Speaker 04

  That's a good point. Could you just see if there's been any cases of paedophilia where blindness has been, has got them off. Your honour, I thought, I thought she was 16, I can't see. She said she was 16, that's all I've got to go on.

• 31:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, you'd have to do a long game with the blindness though.

• 31:56Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 31:57Speaker 05

  You've got to really be seeding that early.

• 31:59Speaker 04

  Well, you've got to.

• 31:59Speaker 05

  Like when you try and get off work with the, with an illness and you start coughing a couple of days before, you start sowing the seeds.

• 32:05Speaker 04

  You've got to be using disabled toilets and you've got to be waiting for people knocking and you've got to get out there.

• 32:09Speaker 05

  You've got to be, when people are speaking to you, you've got to be looking like this.

• 32:11Speaker 04

  What I do, what I do, if I'm in a disabled toilet and there's someone coming in and when I go out, I'm just like, I'm like that, I feel them, oh sorry.

• 32:19Speaker 05

  Well, you groped them.

• 32:20Speaker 04

  I groped them as well.

• 32:21Speaker 05

  Two crimes in one, you're getting away with murder.

• 32:24Speaker 04

  I wouldn't, well, I wouldn't just, I wouldn't be, I wouldn't be groping you if I was, didn't see.

• 32:28Speaker 05

  Colin Boone.

• 32:30Speaker 04

  Colin Boone from Salisbury, sorry, this is crucial, there's multiple legal cases. Sorry, this is crucial, a crucial tangent. Multiple documented legal cases where individuals accused of child sexual abuse.

• 32:41Speaker 05

  Allegedly.

• 32:42Speaker 04

  Were registered blind and attempted to use their visual impairment as a defence.

• 32:46Speaker 05

  Right, so they're registered on the blind offenders.

• 32:48Speaker 04

  The blind register, which of course cancels out the sex offenders register. Anthony Webb.

• 32:52Speaker 05

  Doing the door, knocking on people's doors takes a lot longer than the blind register. You're knocking a lot of people's garden fences.

• 32:59Speaker 04

  Just shout, just turn around, turn around the other way. Excuse me, I've got to let you know that I'm registered blind. Who are you talking to, mate? Anthony Webb, an 81 year old former Paralympian judo instructor from Cornwall.

• 33:12Speaker 05

  Okay, I mean, that's, that's triple B though, right?

• 33:15Speaker 04

  On the bingo card there, I was thinking those were history fans.

• 33:18Speaker 05

  A Cornish, a Cornish sense though.

• 33:21Speaker 04

  Yeah. Claims that the inappropriate touching, this is during his trial at Truro Court, was entirely accidental due to his blindness. The jury rejects the defence, convicts him on six counts of indecent assault.

• 33:33Speaker 05

  But is he, is he, is it inappropriate touching because he's destroying this kid at judo?

• 33:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, that's not inappropriate.

• 33:38Speaker 05

  I mean, that's just a, it's a martial art.

• 33:40Speaker 04

  Colin Boone, 61 year old from Salisbury. Police seize 26 digital devices containing hundreds of, that's a lot of digital devices.

• 33:49Speaker 05

  Yeah, I bet it was more than hundreds in there.

• 33:50Speaker 04

  Yeah. The, he said, I can't have looked at them or consumed them because I'm blind. However, digital forensic evidence proves the images had been consistently saved in his device over a 10 year period.

• 34:01Speaker 05

  Interesting.

• 34:02Speaker 04

  And he pleads guilty.

• 34:03Speaker 05

  Well, I imagine also you could catch out some blind people if they had sort of maybe child porn, literary erotica and it was in Braille. That's the kind of, that's interesting legal grey area.

• 34:14Speaker 04

  It's a, yeah, if there's, yeah, Braille child porn, you know, because it's just dots, isn't it? Who's being hurt?

• 34:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, exactly.

• 34:24Speaker 04

  You know?

• 34:25Speaker 06

  Let's platform Andrew Shaw.

• 34:27Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 34:28Speaker 04

  Let's platform him. Right, we're just, we're just, with the opposite of no platforming, we are platforming.

• 34:34Speaker 05

  Yes, platforming.

• 34:35Speaker 04

  Blind paedophiles. Andrew Shaw appeared before Blackpool Magistrates Court. It's an absolute tour of the British paedophiles, isn't it? Cornwall, Salisbury, Blackpool. He was facing charges of possessing 71 obscene images of children on his computer. He was registered blind.

• 34:52Speaker 05

  Very low.

• 34:53Speaker 04

  And had a guide dog.

• 34:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, but what I say, 71 is a very rare case. It's nearly always, over 10,000 images, it's nearly always about two or three terabytes. It's always more child porn than you could ever watch in a lifetime. That's always what stands out. 71 is, you never have 71.

• 35:08Speaker 04

  Do you know what I say about child porn? Less is more.

• 35:09Speaker 05

  And this is, this is a very tasteful paedophile. To have, no, you, I'll tell you what, genuinely.

• 35:17Speaker 04

  This is a collector.

• 35:18Speaker 05

  We've been, you know, I'd say that we're sort of maybe experts in this field. We've been covering paedo.

• 35:21Speaker 04

  Uh, I'm not an expert in child porn and I'll have to distance myself from that claim straight away.

• 35:25Speaker 05

  I mean, in, we talk a lot about paedo.

• 35:27Speaker 04

  I'm an amateur.

• 35:28Speaker 05

  Amateur child pornographer.

• 35:31Speaker 04

  I'm an amateur child porn collector.

• 35:32Speaker 05

  I'm just saying that we, we cover these cases more than most people do.

• 35:37Speaker 04

  Quality over quantity, that's what I've always said about child porn.

• 35:39Speaker 05

  But 71, what, I'm looking at this, what a, what a old money tasteful paedophile that is.

• 35:45Speaker 04

  Wow. Well, it's, it's not, it's not, it's rare that you get a graceful child, child pornographer, but Andrew Shaw, you know, tasteful man that he is.

• 35:53Speaker 05

  It's like when you're buying kitchen appliances, invest a lot of money into them so you won't have to rebuy them. Get a good toaster, it will last you 10, 15 years.

• 36:00Speaker 04

  So Andrew Shaw, registered blind, had a guide dog. He had his defence lawyer argue that his severe lack of vision made it difficult for him to determine the age of the individuals in the images, suggesting he believed he was downloading images of 16 year olds or adults.

• 36:13Speaker 05

  Interesting that he didn't go higher than 16.

• 36:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:16Speaker 05

  It's interesting that it was right on the line.

• 36:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, because he's clearly can see well enough.

• 36:19Speaker 05

  Yes. So he's like, I thought they were barely legal teens, not illegal teens.

• 36:23Speaker 04

  But then why is that a category? Why is barely legal a category? You know, it should just be, it should just be legal or illegal, you know?

• 36:29Speaker 05

  Fuck, with the guide dogs.

• 36:31Speaker 04

  Implies that he's there like, what's that? And he's looking at the dog like, can you bark three times if she's under 50? With a stick, like, what's, how old is that kid?

• 36:42Speaker 05

  I tell you what, in his, in the innocent comment, the 71 images does speak to his innocence. It implies he's got a lot of images across the gamut of legality and only 71 dip into the illegality. Because that's very, you know, un paedophile like.

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• 37:23Speaker 03

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• 37:37Speaker 04

  So anyway, Napoleon's on an island in the South Atlantic looking at child porn. That's how he spends his exile.

• 37:44Speaker 05

  He's blind, he's reading child porn in Braille.

• 37:46Speaker 04

  He's reading Braille child porn, which is fine, because no one's really getting hurt there. Anyway, his permanent residence, Longwood, is a decaying farmhouse. He thinks it's like living in a grave before death. There are 2,000 soldiers and sailors stationed on St Helena. I mean, the jobs this man has created.

• 38:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, who's, well, who's paying for it is what?

• 38:06Speaker 04

  It's the British state, again, you know?

• 38:08Speaker 05

  This is what's a Bibby stop home. This is the Bibby stop home, right?

• 38:12Speaker 04

  I don't know what that is.

• 38:13Speaker 05

  You know, that, that fucking prison ship they built for immigrants?

• 38:16Speaker 04

  Oh, right.

• 38:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:18Speaker 06

  It's kind of horrendous, they're like a hotel on the boat.

• 38:20Speaker 04

  On the floating hotel, right, okay. So naval patrols are constantly circling the island, sentries watching every road. There are curpuses for how far he could ride without an escort. He also supposedly, he's trapped with these three other French couples and.

• 38:37Speaker 05

  It's like Couples Holiday.

• 38:38Speaker 04

  It's basically a polycule.

• 38:39Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:40Speaker 04

  And it was rumoured that he was sleeping with one of the, with the Albin de Montalon. And then Count Montalon tolerates the affair because Napoleon's showering the couple with money. How's he still got money?

• 38:51Speaker 05

  Where's the money? What's the?

• 38:52Speaker 04

  I don't know. But Albina eventually gives birth to a daughter on the island named Helen Napoleon and the garrison believes that it's his illegitimate child. He's still, still slinging it about. There's still threesomes going on.

• 39:07Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 39:08Speaker 04

  Right at the end here.

• 39:09Speaker 05

  There's still cuckoldry going on this island.

• 39:10Speaker 04

  What is it, Charlie?

• 39:11Speaker 06

  They're swinging. Is it like a swingers?

• 39:12Speaker 05

  It feels like, I mean, there's not much to do.

• 39:14Speaker 06

  Your mate was swinging the other day, wasn't he?

• 39:15Speaker 04

  Uh, he was, he was asked, he was asked, he became apparent over the course of the evening that he was, he was in the presence of swingers, yeah. He was being very pressurised to get into the hot tub.

• 39:25Speaker 05

  Yes, a hand on his leg.

• 39:26Speaker 06

  And he liked that?

• 39:27Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no.

• 39:28Speaker 05

  He also had to stay the night.

• 39:29Speaker 04

  He had to stay the night, but in his own, in his own room.

• 39:32Speaker 06

  I see.

• 39:33Speaker 04

  Yeah. They live, they walk amongst us, swingers, and they're as dangerous.

• 39:38Speaker 05

  They swing amongst us.

• 39:39Speaker 04

  They swing amongst us. So there's a man called General Hudson Low, who is responsible for.

• 39:46Speaker 05

  It's a great furrowed brow there.

• 39:47Speaker 04

  Yep, that's a furrowed brow, that's who you want to guard someone on an island. He's responsible for, look, keeping St Helena there, he's the governor. He insists on enforcing every instruction sent from London. So they quarrel over who can visit him. Napoleon takes up gardening, which is nice, but then Low won't let him grow onions.

• 40:06Speaker 05

  Oh, really?

• 40:07Speaker 04

  Because what happens when Napoleon eats onions? He invades.

• 40:12Speaker 05

  He invades, of course.

• 40:13Speaker 04

  Onions are a crucial part of this war machine, as we have learnt during this series. He thinks that he might be communicating in code due to green being the new, being the republican colour.

• 40:24Speaker 05

  Right.

• 40:24Speaker 04

  So he thinks he's trimming bushes to, it's like a semaphore.

• 40:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 40:28Speaker 04

  Anyway, Napoleon, as sort of a psychological warfare with Lo, starts to neglect his own hygiene routines.

• 40:36Speaker 05

  What, is it protest?

• 40:37Speaker 04

  Yes, dirty protest. He doesn't shave.

• 40:40Speaker 05

  So Bobby sands it.

• 40:40Speaker 04

  He doesn't wash or change his clothes. He takes boiling hot sulphur baths, so he'd sit in a tub for four hours at a time.

• 40:48Speaker 05

  Stinking egg bath.

• 40:49Speaker 04

  In water that smells of rotten egg.

• 40:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 40:51Speaker 04

  He looks a bit like Adam Kay at the end, Napoleon, I think.

• 40:55Speaker 05

  Yeah, yes, I do see it.

• 40:57Speaker 04

  Adam Kay really looks like Napoleon.

• 40:58Speaker 05

  Old Napoleon, dying Napoleon.

• 40:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, he looks like Napoleon at the end. And so now there is a scheme to make Napoleon emperor of South America, because at this time, South America is throwing off the Spanish.

• 41:11Speaker 05

  Yoke.

• 41:12Speaker 04

  Yoke, I think.

• 41:13Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 41:14Speaker 04

  This is the age of them all becoming independent countries.

• 41:17Speaker 05

  Latin freedom.

• 41:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, and so a ship is sent to rescue him, but it got there.

• 41:22Speaker 05

  Really? From who?

• 41:22Speaker 04

  From, oh, I don't know, Argentina, Brazil, maybe.

• 41:27Speaker 05

  What, Napoleon ended up in Brazil as well?

• 41:29Speaker 04

  I know, it's where they all go. So the plan was to rescue him from Longwood, take him to South America and then unite ex- Spanish and Portuguese colonies into a new Napoleonic empire in South America. But it gets there too late and he's died by this point. So how does he die, Napoleon? Basically, what?

• 41:46Speaker 06

  Rabbits.

• 41:47Speaker 04

  It's not rabbits. Before he dies, he essentially just writes his memoirs. And this is where, he makes his own myth here, because he's basically.

• 41:57Speaker 05

  So he writes his spare, a pretari spare.

• 42:00Speaker 04

  Yes, this is. And again, it's Hitler writes a manifesto, he doesn't write a retrospective.

• 42:06Speaker 05

  We've been stolen from us, has been Hitler's.

• 42:08Speaker 04

  We've been robbed of Hitler's memoirs, you know? I'm bidding for them.

• 42:12Speaker 05

  We've got his objectives, we don't know how much, you know, the what went well, even better if, analysis.

• 42:18Speaker 04

  Yes, yes and no, what am I going to change?

• 42:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:22Speaker 04

  So he basically reconstructs his victories, he portrays himself as an Enlightenment dictator.

• 42:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:28Speaker 04

  And something I forgot to mention, you know, when he goes to Egypt 30 years previously, and he calls himself Ali Bonaparte, he would also meet Islamic clerics dressed in like eight different versions of their religious dress.

• 42:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:44Speaker 04

  So there's a, there's a scene in a book I read where he's got like two turbans on.

• 42:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:48Speaker 04

  And he's like, I get it.

• 42:49Speaker 05

  Don't worry.

• 42:50Speaker 04

  Brother.

• 42:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:51Speaker 04

  Salam aleikum. My name, call me Ali Bonaparte, you know, he really thinks he is at the cutting edge of Enlightenment progressivism. And so this is what he paints himself as, this misunderstood genius, you know, he's not defeated by superior enemies, he's been betrayed by fortune, but his health is in terminal decline, his piles are raging, he has a persistent cough, he basically has stomach cancer.

• 43:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:17Speaker 04

  Oedema in his legs, that's swollen water, isn't it?

• 43:20Speaker 05

  It has terrible medical advice seemingly on this island.

• 43:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, this is horrendous. So he basically has a four inch cancerous tumour eating through his stomach lining.

• 43:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:30Speaker 04

  By late April 1821, he is violently vomiting, dark, thick fluid. By May 1821, his bowels have completely failed.

• 43:38Speaker 05

  His bowels have failed.

• 43:39Speaker 04

  His bowels have failed.

• 43:41Speaker 05

  My bowels, they failed.

• 43:42Speaker 04

  Are you regular? I'm failed.

• 43:44Speaker 05

  My bowels have failed.

• 43:45Speaker 04

  They failed today.

• 43:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:47Speaker 04

  And he's passing completely black, tarry stools, which is evidence that his gastrointestinal tract is hemorrhaging.

• 43:53Speaker 05

  Right.

• 43:54Speaker 04

  Doctors believe his stomach issues are caused by a sluggish bowel, not a failing one.

• 43:59Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 44:00Speaker 04

  So to cure him, they give him a 600mg dose of heavy metal.

• 44:05Speaker 05

  Which has mercury in it, I believe.

• 44:07Speaker 04

  No, not Metallica.

• 44:09Speaker 05

  Ah!

• 44:11Speaker 04

  So they give him, which is toxic, with a neumatic, and basically this, all this does is rip apart his remaining stomach tissue and gives him mercury poisoning. So he has agonising, non-stop hiccups, and dehydration that causes his organs to shut down. Then in a desperate attempt to draw out the bad humours from his brain, they shave his head and then crush a paste made of crushed Spanish fly beetles to his scalp, to burn his skin, creates all these blisters. So he's basically like.

• 44:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's bad advice from the doctors.

• 44:45Speaker 04

  It's bad medicine, really. So in his final days, he's in his bed and he's in the sitting room because the light's nicer there, and supposedly his last words are France, the army, the head of the army, Josephine.

• 44:59Speaker 05

  It's not the most romantic.

• 45:00Speaker 04

  No.

• 45:00Speaker 05

  Just listing things.

• 45:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, and May the 5th, 1821, he dies aged 51. I think it was like.

• 45:09Speaker 05

  Is he doing a Shag Mary kill at the end?

• 45:11Speaker 04

  No, it's, it's Wales Gulf Madrid.

• 45:15Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:15Speaker 04

  Gareth Bale, France, the army, the head of the army, Josephine. And so he dies aged 51, then there's an autopsy the next day.

• 45:24Speaker 05

  He dies young, and I was surprised how little time he actually spent on the island, there's only six years in the end.

• 45:28Speaker 04

  Six years, yeah. And the next day, an autopsy is performed and the doctors are shocked by the state of his body, and he said, they said that he'd lost all of his body hair and that he was very soft and had the body of a woman.

• 45:40Speaker 05

  Slagging him off?

• 45:40Speaker 04

  No muscles. They think because of all the treatment or something, that he had a hormonal issue, or the cancer had caused his hormones.

• 45:48Speaker 05

  So he got a bit of estrogen.

• 45:49Speaker 04

  He had big tits, I think, yeah, big tits at the end, bald with big tits, like Gail Porter. Napoleon requests that his heart be cut out and sent to his son. Now, we should talk about, his son is Napoleon II, but they doesn't do anything. His nephew will become Emperor Napoleon III.

• 46:11Speaker 05

  He does a lot.

• 46:11Speaker 04

  Who is a huge figure in the mid 19th century. And we will get into when at some point we delve into the beef tartare of the Franco-Prussian war. But interestingly, I was doing some research last night, always do your own research, and there is still a contested house, Imperial House of France. So every, yeah, this, this is him, this is the current leader of the House of Bonaparte.

• 46:43Speaker 05

  Interesting.

• 46:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, look, he's just like a fucking banker.

• 46:46Speaker 05

  Is he successful?

• 46:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think so. But so he's the current, he's the great, great, great, great grandnephew of Napoleon.

• 46:53Speaker 05

  Have a lot of them made a play for power?

• 46:56Speaker 04

  Well, I don't know, but there is, so he would be known as Napoleon VIII, this guy. This just like, he looks like he just works in Canary War.

• 47:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:04Speaker 04

  But after his death, you get Bonapartism.

• 47:07Speaker 05

  Right.

• 47:08Speaker 04

  Bump fall in the partism.

• 47:09Speaker 05

  Isn't right.

• 47:10Speaker 04

  Which is the belief.

• 47:12Speaker 06

  Bump fall in the part autism.

• 47:13Speaker 04

  Bump fall in the part autism, which is an autism about your piles.

• 47:17Speaker 05

  Right.

• 47:17Speaker 04

  But no, it's the belief in that France should have a, essentially a strong.

• 47:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, strong man.

• 47:22Speaker 04

  Strong man above the political fray. And so Macron actually is sort of.

• 47:29Speaker 05

  Of anyone in Europe.

• 47:30Speaker 04

  There's elements of Bonaparte to him.

• 47:33Speaker 05

  He seems to be of any leader in modern Europe who's not like a snivelling civil servant, basically. He's the only one who has a sense of history as a leader.

• 47:40Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 47:41Speaker 05

  Or his own place in it.

• 47:42Speaker 04

  Again, it's that mythopедophile, or mythopedia, whatever it's called.

• 47:48Speaker 05

  Yeah, he's the only one with mythopedia in it.

• 47:49Speaker 04

  He's making himself a mythic paedophile. But then he's also, you know, on Marsh, when that came to power, it was a new party, it completely, poleaxes the political system, I'm above it all, I'm new, I'm centrist, you know, Brigitte Macron, you know, Josephine.

• 48:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, Joseph.

• 48:04Speaker 04

  Joseph, sorry, Joseph. Brian Macron, as she should be known. And so when Napoleon dies, they basically are like, well, he's buried, we're going to bury him here, because you can't send him back. And then at some point in the mid 19th century, is it another king or is it Napoleon III? One of the, one of the kings before Napoleon III negotiates the transfer of his remains, and then they give him a massive state funeral in France in the 1840s, I think. And he is buried in this incredible tomb in Paris. Is it in Les Inns Anvalides or whatever? And it's like six layers of.

• 48:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:43Speaker 04

  Can we get the photo? Hey?

• 48:44Speaker 06

  Nougat, gum.

• 48:47Speaker 05

  No, it's not like a double decker.

• 48:50Speaker 04

  No.

• 48:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, there we go.

• 48:51Speaker 04

  There we go, this is Napoleon's tomb, and it's designed in a way that you're only, you're either looking up at him or you're looking down at him, but you're never on his level.

• 48:58Speaker 05

  Interesting.

• 48:59Speaker 04

  Yeah. There's six concentric coffins, so like Russian dolls, so there's, the first one's tin, then mahogany, then lead, then a second layer of lead, then ebony and then oak.

• 49:09Speaker 05

  Oh, come.

• 49:10Speaker 04

  Hey?

• 49:10Speaker 05

  Do you know why? It's got like a nuclear bunker.

• 49:13Speaker 04

  I don't really know why there's six of them coffins, but on the circle around, there's all the names of his famous campaigns, like Austerlitz and Borodino and all this stuff. And then famously, the famous photo is that in 1940, when Adolf Hitler had taken France, he goes to Paris, he looks down on Napoleon's tomb, he takes his hat off as a mark of respect, and he calls it the proudest moment of my life.

• 49:39Speaker 05

  And he says, I think he says at this time, on my gravestone, they were not on my rank, because my first and last name will be iconic enough, basically.

• 49:48Speaker 04

  And he's, is he wrong?

• 49:49Speaker 05

  And he's dead right.

• 49:50Speaker 04

  He's dead right.

• 49:52Speaker 05

  Hitler sees it like a beach ball again.

• 49:53Speaker 04

  Yeah. On my WhatsApp, when Hitler's come out in the Times, seeing it like a beach ball still, nailing it.

• 50:00Speaker 05

  Can we do Pelé Maradona headers, please? So there's a, there's a nice moment where, obviously they played in different eras.

• 50:06Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 50:06Speaker 05

  But they have a lot of respect, this is what I kind of, you kind of want between Napoleon and Hitler.

• 50:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:11Speaker 05

  This is all like a TV show, that they're old guys and they respect each other, but then just for old time's sake, you can't really see them, this is what you want, really? A bit of this.

• 50:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, great, Napoleon and Hitler. The two goats, just showboating.

• 50:32Speaker 06

  Wow, that's very impressive.

• 50:33Speaker 04

  It is, it's good.

• 50:34Speaker 05

  Well, they're good at football.

• 50:34Speaker 04

  Well, they're very good, you know, two goes.

• 50:38Speaker 04

  Now, during the autopsy, allegedly Napoleon's doctor slices off Napoleon's penis, gives it to a French piece to smuggle off the island. It becomes a historical artifact, who buys it and says it looks like a mummified eel. It remains in a private collection to this day, and there is, and I was going to ask, there is a Wikipedia article called Napoleon's penis, okay? Which, now I want to know, how many other penises have their own Wikipedia articles?

• 51:07Speaker 05

  We've got Rasputin.

• 51:08Speaker 04

  Rasputin's penis, Napoleon's penis. What other historical figures have a Wikipedia?

• 51:13Speaker 05

  Can we chat GPT that, please?

• 51:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, please, this is crucial.

• 51:15Speaker 05

  Because, to be honest, not being a world leader and getting a penis Wikipedia article is arguably more impressive.

• 51:21Speaker 04

  Hmm, yeah, well, that says something about your penis.

• 51:23Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 51:24Speaker 04

  You know.

• 51:24Speaker 06

  Napoleon, blue whales.

• 51:27Speaker 04

  Right.

• 51:28Speaker 05

  So maybe not.

• 51:29Speaker 04

  I guess this is, we've reached the end of the Napoleon story. He is dead, he is buried, Hitler is looking down on him. His penis is in the hands of a private collector. What else is that man collecting? We don't know.

• 51:41Speaker 05

  But that's still out there, that penis.

• 51:43Speaker 04

  It's still out there.

• 51:44Speaker 05

  If you're listening, send a picture in, please.

• 51:45Speaker 04

  I'd love to, I'd love to, we'd love to have it in the studio, actually. Along with any other historic penises. So to sum up, I mean, how do we, Napoleon in France is quite an interesting question, because they sort of, he's kind of completely rehabilitated almost. I mean, they kind of, they think of, they basically love him in a way.

• 52:08Speaker 05

  Well, he's very un-French. He's very un-revolutionary in many ways. They haven't really, apart from maybe you could argue like de Gaulle, they haven't really had big political figures that are sort of dominating in that way.

• 52:21Speaker 04

  No.

• 52:21Speaker 05

  In the modern era, it seems to be, it's quite like anti-Dats type of nationalism. But I guess for anyone who wants to restate that, like, what's Marine Le Pen's view of Napoleon? Are they, do they co-opt, does the right co-opt Napoleon into their mythos?

• 52:37Speaker 04

  I think there's sort of a Napoleonic tradition, isn't there? But the whole notion of empire, Napoleon sort of starts in France.

• 52:44Speaker 05

  He's Napoleon as a foundation for good modern France, praising his efforts to, you know, build lasting national institutions.

• 52:49Speaker 04

  Strong, yeah, strong, strong centralisation, yeah.

• 52:52Speaker 05

  Mixed critical effects, all right. So, yeah, it's left and right, really.

• 52:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:56Speaker 05

  It's Churchill, right?

• 52:58Speaker 04

  I guess so, I guess it's Churchill, or, or maybe it's someone more like Oliver Cromwell.

• 53:04Speaker 05

  Yes, I mean, yeah.

• 53:05Speaker 04

  Well, in that you'd look, you know.

• 53:06Speaker 05

  They really separate the wheat from the chaff with Cromwell.

• 53:08Speaker 04

  Yes, but I suppose, what we actually did, Napoleon is kind of, this is similar, he was slaughtered sacred cows.

• 53:15Speaker 05

  Right. Don't call that Irish people.

• 53:17Speaker 04

  I'm sorry, sorry.

• 53:21Speaker 04

  Cromwell was robust, robust against the sacred cows. But I suppose the main thing Napoleon has given us and given me is the Napoleonic Wars, which I still, now they're at the end, maintain.

• 53:35Speaker 05

  Box office.

• 53:35Speaker 04

  Is absolute box office. It is a 19th century space opera of colour, of smoke, of military tactics that I can understand, and I could have done if I was there.

• 53:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 53:48Speaker 04

  It's, you know, the warfare from this point onwards.

• 53:51Speaker 05

  Loses a bit of class.

• 53:52Speaker 04

  Loses a bit of class, you know, the Gatling gun will be invented at some point soon in the 19th century. Wars, you know, this is the beginning.

• 54:00Speaker 05

  Sort of like a war fleshlight, isn't it?

• 54:01Speaker 04

  A bit like that, you know, it's like you don't have to work as much.

• 54:04Speaker 05

  It's the, it's the quickshot launcher.

• 54:06Speaker 04

  Yes, the quickshot launcher, otherwise known as the Gatling gun, is invented and wreaks havoc in third world countries, much as the quickshot launcher does today.

• 54:13Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 54:14Speaker 04

  But this is also the dawning of the Pax Britannica, because after Waterloo, 1815, there is not another battle on the mainland European continent until the Franco-Prussian War, there's the Unification of Italy.

• 54:29Speaker 05

  There's Crimean War.

• 54:30Speaker 04

  The Crimean Wars, I wouldn't say is on the continent.

• 54:31Speaker 05

  Right.

• 54:32Speaker 04

  But basically, the European powers don't really all fight again until 1914.

• 54:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 54:37Speaker 04

  Which.

• 54:37Speaker 05

  It creates a world order that's not broken till 1914, basically.

• 54:40Speaker 04

  Yes, and.

• 54:42Speaker 05

  And France, like, we haven't gone into the Franco-Prussian War, but we are going to do a series on it. I don't know a lot about it, but it seems pretty traumatising for the French.

• 54:49Speaker 04

  Franco-Prussian War is awesome, because it's basically the Napoleonic Wars, but with trains and friend of the pod, off over on Bismarck.

• 54:58Speaker 05

  Okay, right.

• 54:59Speaker 04

  So we will get into the Franco-Prussian War at some point.

• 55:02Speaker 05

  And the Prussian success of Waterloo is what makes then the dominating German state, which will eventually lead.

• 55:08Speaker 04

  Which eventually leads to Germany.

• 55:09Speaker 05

  Franco-Prussian War, World War One, World War Two.

• 55:11Speaker 04

  Hitler. So this has been the Napoleonic Wars.

• 55:15Speaker 05

  Yeah, go on, Charlie.

• 55:16Speaker 04

  The prostates are folded, the flags are down, Charlie.

• 55:20Speaker 05

  Charlie's trying to get one in under the line.

• 55:21Speaker 04

  What, I was going to ask you, Charlie, what, we're at the end of a 10-part series.

• 55:25Speaker 05

  What country is Napoleon from?

• 55:27Speaker 04

  With, no, with our Patreon's bonus, five bonus, this is the biggest series we've ever done, I think. What have you learnt?

• 55:35Speaker 06

  Well, I think what's really interesting with Napoleon is that, you know, he curated his own image through paintings and memoirs, you know, so it's maybe an allegory for how we today curate our own images using social media and AI. And it, you know, it brings up interesting questions about.

• 55:51Speaker 04

  What are you reading?

• 55:52Speaker 06

  About truth.

• 55:53Speaker 04

  What are you reading?

• 55:54Speaker 05

  What are you reading?

• 55:55Speaker 06

  Very interesting questions about truth, and ultimately, there is no truth, it's always a kind of curation.

• 55:59Speaker 04

  You're reading, what are you reading?

• 56:00Speaker 05

  What are you reading, Charlie?

• 56:01Speaker 06

  My, nothing, this is, well, this is my truth.

• 56:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 56:08Speaker 05

  What does that say?

• 56:10Speaker 04

  What does that say?

• 56:11Speaker 06

  Because I just think it's truth.

• 56:12Speaker 04

  Does that say circumcising the mandem?

• 56:13Speaker 05

  So stop circumcising the mandem as a t-shirt.

• 56:19Speaker 05

  Now, why is that related to Napoleon?

• 56:21Speaker 06

  It's very true. You know, you have to live by codes, and mine is that we should stop circumcising the mandem.

• 56:27Speaker 05

  Well, that's the Charleyonic code.

• 56:29Speaker 04

  That's right, so this has been a 10-part series, and what we'd like you to take away from it is to please stop circumcising the mandem, okay? From all of us here, a serious note to end on this historic series. Listeners, I hope you've had a great time, I've absolutely loved it.

• 56:43Speaker 05

  It's been brilliant.

• 56:43Speaker 04

  But next week, the door will be open, the women will be allowed back in.

• 56:46Speaker 05

  The pigs will be out of the shit.

• 56:48Speaker 04

  Pigs are out of the shit, we'll be a pigs out of shit again, I don't know where we'll be, but I hope you've enjoyed it. Sign up to the Patreon for early access and a whole host of goodies. I mean, the archive of stuff in there now.

• 56:58Speaker 05

  Archive smells.

• 56:59Speaker 04

  Astonishing, the Bodleian Library in there, it's astonishing. £3 a month, that's all it is.

• 57:05Speaker 06

  Body odour in library, all right.

• 57:07Speaker 04

  We've got to go before Charlie does another pun. Stop circumcising the mandem, this has been the Napoleonic Wars, we'll see you again soon.

• 57:13Speaker 05

  Goodbye.