What Your Impulse Spending Is Trying to Tell You

Emotional spending isn’t a discipline problem — it’s a disconnection signal. In this episode, we’re rewriting the narrative around impulse purchases, Target runs, late-night checkouts, and “I deserve this” moments. Because you’re not bad with money — you’re trying to soothe stress, reward exhaustion, feel connected, or become a future version of yourself. And a budget alone can’t fix that. We break down the six most common emotional spending patterns, why self-control gets depleted when you’re burned out or lonely, and a simple pause practice that helps you identify what you actually need before you buy. This isn’t about never spending again. Joy is allowed. It’s about making sure your money is supporting your life instead of numbing it. Your homework this week: notice the urge, name the feeling, and get curious — no shame required. If you’re ready for personalized, judgment-free financial guidance, learn more about working with Shari. Shari Rash is the founder of GWA Wealth and the Host of Everyone’s Talkin’ Money. GWA Wealth is a virtual advisory firm helping women make confident, values-aligned decisions with their money. Visit GWA Wealth to explore your next step. Talkin’ Points → where your money gets smarter. Real talk, practical tips, zero guilt straight to your inbox. Sign up here. Be sure to like and follow the show on your favorite podcast app! Keep the conversation going on Instagram @everyonestalkinmoney Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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  Quick heads up, I'm hosting my first live money Q and A on Friday, February 27th at noon Eastern. It's a real, unscripted conversation where you can ask your own money questions, and it's exclusive to Talking Point's newsletter subscribers. The link to join will be sent in the newsletter, so make sure you're subscribed. Check the show notes, and I'll see you live on Friday, February 27th at noon Eastern. Three, two, one. Before we keep going, I want to invite you to something new and I'm so excited about it. I'm hosting my first live money Q and A on Friday, February 27th

• 2:06Speaker 03

  at noon Eastern. This is your chance to ask the questions that don't always make it into a podcast episode. The ones about your money, your situation, and what to do next. And as always, there's going to be no judgment, no generic advice, and no finance bro nonsense. This live Q and A is exclusive to Talkin Points newsletter subscribers, and the link to join the Q and A will be sent directly in the newsletter. So if you want access, head to the show notes and subscribe. I'd love to see you there. It's 11:47 PM. You've had the kind of day where you answered 67 emails, sat through

• 2:46Speaker 03

  three pointless meetings, and somehow still didn't get the actual work done. You're in bed scrolling, and then you see it, the perfect serum, the one that's going to fix your skin, your confidence, your entire vibe. Cart, checkout, dopamine hit, temporary relief. Or maybe it's the target run. You went in for light bulbs, you came out with a new throw blanket, a candle you didn't need, a decorative tray, and somehow spent $140. You weren't even planning to shop. You were just bored and walking around. Or the breakup purchases.

• 3:25Speaker 03

  New haircut, new wardrobe, new you. Because if you can't control the relationship, at least you can control the aesthetic. Or, I got the promotion, so I deserve a whole new work wardrobe, even though I work from home, situation. Here's what I want you to hear. We're not buying because we're dumb, shallow, or irresponsible. We're buying because something needs soothing. And the standalone advice, just stick to your budget, practice self-control, stop being so emotional about money, completely misses the point. Because what if the problem isn't the spending itself? What if it's what we're asking that spending

• 4:10Speaker 03

  to do for us?

• 4:17Speaker 03

  I'm Shari and this is Everyone's Talkin Money, the podcast where we talk about the psychology of personal finance, not just the math. Today, we're talking about the emotional spending, not to shame it, not to fix you, but to understand what it's really telling us. Because spoiler, an emotional spending isn't a you problem. It's a disconnection problem. Let's get into it. So let's start here. Emotional spending is not a character flaw. It's not evidence that you're bad with money, lack discipline, or can't get your life together. It's a coping strategy. And honestly, it's pretty effective in the short term.

• 5:00Speaker 03

  Here's what actually happens when you emotionally spend. It gives immediate relief. Buying something triggers a dopamine hit. That's real neurochemistry, not a moral failing. Your brain gets a reward. You feel a sense of control. I can make a decision. I can solve a problem. I can have something nice. And for a few minutes or a few hours, it works. The anxiety quiets. The boredom lifts. The sadness softens. That's not weakness. That's your brain doing exactly what it's designed to do, seek relief.

• 5:43Speaker 03

  But money is emotionally symbolic. We don't just buy things. We buy what those things represent. We buy comfort. The candles, the cozy blankets, the takeout when we're too tired to cook. We buy identity. The hobby gear, the aesthetic, the clothes that make us feel like the person we want to be. We buy hope. The planner that's going to make us organize. The course that's going to change our career. The workout program that's going to transform our body. And we buy status. The luxury item, the trip, the thing that signals we've made it. None of this is shallow. It's human.

• 6:28Speaker 03

  We're meaning-making creatures. Of course, we assign emotional weight to our purchases.

• 6:36Speaker 03

  But here's where it gets interesting. Emotional spending doesn't happen randomly. It spikes during specific conditions. Loneliness, boredom, stress, anxiety, burnout, seasonal depression. I mean, hello, we are in February. I think we all can feel the seasonal depression right now. Identity transitions, breakup, job changes, moves, becoming a parent, losing a parent. You notice the pattern? These are all states of disconnection. Disconnection from other people, disconnection from ourselves, disconnection from meaning, purpose, or regulation.

• 7:21Speaker 03

  The spending isn't random. It's communication. Your psyche is saying, I need something and I don't know what, but I need relief and I need it now. And spending is the fastest, most accessible option we have. So if emotional spending is a signal, what is it signaling? It's signaling disconnection. And I mean this in three specific ways. First, disconnection from others. We are living through a loneliness epidemic. I'm not trying to be dramatic. That's data. More single person ever households exist now than ever before.

• 8:04Speaker 03

  Remote work cuts us off from the casual daily connection. Pandemic aftershocks that rewired our social habits. The fact that making friends as an adult is weirdly hard and nobody talks about it. And in social media, where we're constantly comparing our real lives to everyone else's highlight reel, and you've got a recipe for feeling isolated even when you're surrounded by people. When you don't have emotional support, you look for substitutes. And shopping gives you something. A hit of novelty, a sense of control, a brief escape from the feeling of being alone.

• 8:50Speaker 03

  Next, it's a disconnection from ourself. How many of us actually know what we need in any given moment? We're so conditioned to push through, to be productive, to ignore our bodies and our emotions, that we've lost the ability to identify our own needs. We treat every negative feeling like an emergency that needs to be fixed immediately. We avoid the harder emotions: grief, disappointment, fear, because we don't have the tools or the time to process them. So instead of sitting with the discomfort, we shop our way out of it. This is how women end up spending $300 at Sephora

• 9:35Speaker 03

  when what they actually needed was a meal and a hug. And lastly, disconnection from sensory needs. Okay, this one's super specific, but it's very important. We are terrible at meeting our basic sensory needs. And I mean hunger. How many times have you been shopping when you were actually just hungry and didn't realize it? Or sleep: late-night scrolling and shopping because you're wired and can't settle. Touch: we are touch-starved. We need physical comfort and we are not getting it. Movement: bodies need to move.

• 10:18Speaker 03

  Sitting all day creates restlessness that we interpret as boredom. And regulation: we need sensory input to feel calm and grounded. When those needs aren't met, we reach for the fastest dopamine source available, which is often spending. Not because we're broken, because we're understimulated, undernourished, and under-supported.

• 10:45Speaker 03

  All right, let's get specific because emotional spending quote unquote is too vague. There are distinct types and recognizing your pattern is the first step to interrupting it. First, stress spending. I can't take one more thing. This is the version where you're so maxed out that you just buy relief. The expensive takeout because you can't face cooking. The impulse purchase because making a decision about anything feels impossible. The upgrade, the convenience, the shortcut. You're not being lazy, you're depleted, and you're spending to create breathing room. Or how about loneliness spending?

• 11:31Speaker 03

  Someone make me feel something. This is scrolling at night when the house is too quiet. Buying things that make you feel seen, noticed, connected to a trend or a community. The influencer's recommendation, the brand that makes you feel like you're part of something. You're not materialistic, you're lonely, and you're spending to feel less alone. Or how about identity spending? This is who I want to be. The running shoe for the runner you're going to become. The fancy planner for the organized person you wish you were. The cookware for the home chef version of you.

• 12:13Speaker 03

  You're not delusional, you're hopeful, and you're spending on the gap between who you are and who you want to be.

• 12:22Speaker 03

  Let's talk about boredom spending, meaning my brain needs stimulation. This is the target run because you had nothing to do. The online browsing that turns into a cart full of stuff. The just looking that becomes buying because at least it's something. You're not undisciplined, you're understimulated, and you're spending because your brain is seeking novelty.

• 12:49Speaker 03

  How about reward spending? I deserve something for surviving this week. This is your treat yourself culture on overdrive. You had a hard day, a hard week, a hard year, and damn it, you earned this. You're not entitled, you're exhausted, and you're spending because you don't have other ways to acknowledge your own effort. Or lastly, projection spending. Buying for future you. The course you'll take when you have time. The outfit for the event you don't have planned. The gear for the hobby you haven't started. You're not wasteful, you're optimistic, and you're spending on a version of your life that feels better than the one you're currently living.

• 13:36Speaker 03

  Which one of these jumped out at you? Or could it be a combination? Again, stress spending, loneliness spending, identity spending, boredom spending, reward spending, and projection spending. I'm not gonna lie, I spend those types of ways all the time. It just doesn't have to be one or none. It could be a little bit of everything depending on what's going on in your life during that time.

• 14:07Speaker 03

  So here's what I'm gonna say, something that might be controversial. Budgets don't fix emotional spending. Budgets are restrictive. It looks at what's go- what happened in your life spending wise at a certain point in time. And you look at some of those transactions, you may or may not recognize them as emotional spending, but it's like, oh, that wasn't normal, that was out of the ordinary. So I'm not gonna include that on my budget because it's not my car payment, car insurance, mortgage, rent, utilities, groceries, eating out, that like traditional budgeting tells us we have to track. But budgeting doesn't track emotional spending

• 14:51Speaker 03

  because we think we can just spreadsheet our way out of it. Budgeting and budgets is a tool, but tools only work when you're using them for the right job. If you've made a budget and you've failed at keeping your budget, you're not alone. In fact, about seventy percent of the population is right there with you. Budgets don't create community. Budgets don't soothe emotions. Budgets don't break loneliness. Budgets don't give your life meaning. And budgets don't fix burnout. But you know what a budget does do? It creates a container. It shows you where your money is going,

• 15:36Speaker 03

  and it helps you make intentional decisions. A couple of months ago, I had a podcast listener reach out to me and scheduled a meeting with me. And she was telling me, you know, I feel like I'm in, I make good money. I, I should have, I should be in a better position. Like, but my spending just seems to be a lot, but I can't pinpoint what my issue is. And I should have more saved by now, but I don't. She was kind of shitting all over the place. So I gave her an assignment. I said, I want you to look back at your last three months of transactions.

• 16:21Speaker 03

  And I want you to identify the needs and the wants. And don't look at your needs as traditional, basic necessities. Needs are things we need to live. And guess what? That can include Netflix. But once you decipher between the needs and the wants, I want you to look at the wants. And I want you to look at every transaction. And I want you to apply the emotion you were feeling during those want transactions. And she came back to me later and said, I see it. I shop.

• 17:07Speaker 03

  I eat out when I am sad.

• 17:11Speaker 03

  And I have been sad for a while. I have had some family stuff go on. I've had personal stuff go on. And I am a little bit sad. And my spending coincides with it.

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• 17:56Speaker 03

  That is so powerful that no budget can tell you that. Your budget is just gonna holler at you for spending more than what you should have. And then just expect you to course correct immediately without actually evaluating what is going on in your life. You need to see what's going on in your life and see how your money is reacting to it. See how your spending is reacting to it. If this is of interest to you, if you'd like to have a conversation with me about this, go to my website, gwawealth.com, schedule a call,

• 18:39Speaker 03

  and we can go through an exercise just like this.

• 18:46Speaker 03

  Here's something I want you to remember. Financial self-control isn't a moral virtue. It's a resource. And resources get depleted. If you're stressed, lonely, burnout, or disconnected, your self-control is already running on fumes. Adding more rules, more restrictions, more shame that budgeting can add, while not refilling your tank, it only drains yourself further. So instead of asking, "How do I actually stick to my budget better?", the better question is, "What do I actually need right now? And is spending the only way to meet the need?"

• 19:33Speaker 03

  So if budgets aren't the answer, what is? How about interrupting the pattern? Not with shame, not with restriction, but with curiosity.

• 19:47Speaker 03

  Here's the diagnostic I want you to try. Before you buy, pause and ask yourself three questions. And this is kind of like you should never go grocery shopping hungry, right? Like this is like, I'm not going to spend without asking myself these three questions. So ask yourself, what feeling am I trying to change? Not what do I want to buy, but what am I feeling right now? Am I anxious, bored, lonely, stressed, disappointed? That's a big one. Restless. Name it. Say it out loud. This is what I am feeling right now.

• 20:29Speaker 03

  What do I actually need right now? And this is where you translate the feeling into the need. If you're stressed, you need rest or relief. If you're lonely, you need connection. If you're bored, you need stimulation. If you're disappointed, you need validation. If you're burned out, you need recovery. If you're understimulated, you need novelty. The feeling tells you the need. The need tells you the solution. Is spending the only way to meet that need? Sometimes the answer is yes. And that's okay. We'll talk about that in a minute.

• 21:10Speaker 03

  But often there's other options, cheaper options, faster options, and more importantly, more effective options. This isn't about denying yourself. It's about giving yourself what you actually need instead of the fast food or empty calories version.

• 21:28Speaker 03

  I'm sure you're thinking, so Shari, what are, what are the options? I'm not saying stop spending. I am saying add options. So here are some categories of replacements to experiment with. Connection replacements. Call a friend, not to vent or complain, just to connect. Join a class or a group. Yeah, you're still spending money. But are you going to get more from joining that class than you are from buying another white t-shirt? Go where the people are. Coffee shops, libraries, bookstores, create connection.

• 22:11Speaker 03

  If you need sensory replacements, take a bath, use a weighted blanket, go for a walk, put on music that matches your mood, cook something, take your time, cut your vegetables, cut the garlic, and take pride and enjoy not only the eating of what you produced, but the process of it as well. If you need identity replacements, skill building instead of gear buying, take the free YouTube class before you buy the equipment.

• 22:47Speaker 03

  I've been wanting to get back into yoga. I used to do yoga all the time before my twins were born, and that was six and a half years ago. I haven't been on a yoga mat since then. And I keep saying, you gotta join a class, you gotta join a class. I used to do all my yoga on YouTube, and I feel like joining the class would motivate me. But then I feel like I'm so out of yoga shape that I'm going to be uncomfortable and kind of make it full of myself. I need to go back to those Youtubes and just start doing them again, because that's what I am needing right now. I need something to get my body moving, gain strength, get flexible, and, and just to rest my mind.

• 23:35Speaker 03

  If you need reward replacements, upgrade your rest, not your cart. Go to bed early, take a real day off, take a nap. I mean, talk about a reward. Celebrate with experiences, not things. When you achieve something, celebrate it. I was just talking to a client today and she's been carrying a credit card balance for years. And today she is able to pay it off. I said, pay off that credit card, you can do it. And then celebrate. And celebrating doesn't mean going out and spending more money and buying more stuff and building up the balance. But acknowledge it.

• 24:18Speaker 03

  Do something that is out of the ordinary. You know, go for an extra long walk with your dog. Go walk on the beach. Do something to reward yourself. So often we, we have these achievements and we never do anything to like sit in them and just enjoy them for a moment.

• 24:40Speaker 03

  Or how about novelty replacements? Library books, free, free museum days, thrifting, projects, rearranging your space, trying a new recipe, trying a new arts and crafts. Um, I decided that I'm only renting books from the library. I am no longer, um, buying books. One, because it's clutter and I don't need clutter. And two, if I'm really into a book, like I can burn through it in a few days. And then it's kind of gone. I rarely reread a book. So then it's just literally sitting on my bookshelf collecting dust. So I'm like, why not go to the library? Right?

• 25:20Speaker 03

  So do something that's novel, that's like a new experience, that doesn't cost that much money. And it's, it's something that you can enjoy. Again, this is not about perfection. It's about having a menu of options so that spending isn't like the only tool. It's not like the only thing you can think of doing or like the default. One more thing, I'm hosting my first live money Q and A on Friday, February 27th at noon Eastern. And this one is just for Talkin Points newsletter subscribers. And if you listen to the show and think, I wish I could ask this out loud. This is that space.

• 26:03Speaker 03

  Real questions, real answers, no judgment. The link to join will be sent in the newsletter. So make sure you're subscribed to get access. You'll find the link to subscribe to Talkin Points in the show notes and I will see you live on February 27th.

• 26:22Speaker 03

  So before we close, I need to say this. Pleasure is not a financial sin. Buying things you love isn't emotional immaturity. Investing in joy matters. If you can afford it and it genuinely enhances your life, spend the money. We can spend money, it's okay. But I want to make sure you're spending money in ways that you're truly going to enjoy and it benefits you. Not just again, like the empty calories. Is it, are you having empty spending? Where it becomes a problem is when you see these patterns. It's happening regularly and you can't stop. The secrecy, you're hiding it from your partner or yourself.

• 27:07Speaker 03

  Avoidance, you're shopping to avoid dealing with something. Debt cycle, you're going into debt to feel better temporarily. And the shame spiral, you feel terrible after every purchase. If that's you, the issue isn't the spending. It's what the spending is covering up. And that's worth exploring with a therapist, a coach, or just with yourself in a journal. Here's what I want you to take away from this episode. You don't need less emotion, you need more connection. Connection to other people, connection to yourself, connection to what you actually need. Emotional spending isn't the enemy, disconnection is. So here's your homework. For one week, just observe.

• 27:52Speaker 03

  No shame, no judgment, just notice. When you feel the urge to buy something, pause and ask. What am I actually feeling right now? What do I actually need right now? You don't have to change anything yet, just notice. Because awareness is the first step to building a life where your money supports you instead of numbing you. Thanks for being here. Please let me know how the exercise of asking yourself questions has helped you become more aware. Leave a comment, send me an email, go to the website, leave me a voicemail, send me a message. I want to hear from you. I'll talk to you next week.

• 28:43Speaker 00

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