#558 - Drip Feeding Dross, Dave Kanchelskis and Oiling The Engine of Love

John, Dave and Calvin Harris are with you today to discuss all things DJ’ing. Incidentally, Calvin Harris can only DJ when there’s another wifi connection. If there isn’t then he rings his indie disco mate and the air turns blue. As well as hearing about all the hottest dance gigs, Dave drops an absolute bombshell within seconds of starting the record. Something he’s held back for years amidst the oceans of dross that this show has covered. Also, John deigns to tell Elis’s hero about his lovemaking backdrop, and ring the poem bell! Because Dave must reflect on a dual possibility moment that the vast majority wish wasn’t being referenced. There’s also some bold male behaviour floating around from a man whose clothes are all disposable and another who reuses calendars. Got something for us? Have you ever asked a question on Reddit? Well get it in to [email protected] mailto:[email protected] For lots of exclusive EJJR #content, join our Patreon at patreon.com/elisandjohn. For weekly visual highlights, head to youtube.com/@elisandjohn. For everything else, head to elisandjohn.com. The Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Before we start this episode, we want to invite you along to the adventures of Ellis and John.

• 0:04Speaker 01

  If you head over to patreon.com/EllisandJohn, you can join us on our monthly escapades, including...

• 0:10Speaker 00

  Miniumpicks.

• 0:11Speaker 01

  It's the strangest legal jump in the history of long jump.

• 0:14Speaker 00

  Birdwatching.

• 0:15Speaker 02

  My two favourite things are birds and football.

• 0:18Speaker 01

  And you can watch our latest episode now, where we tackle an escape room.

• 0:22Speaker 02

  So John is absolutely flying here. Well, Ellis is there as well. Ellis is there as well, Dave. We did the first three, Dave, for complete chill.

• 0:32Speaker 00

  So for adventures and so much more, head over to patreon.com/EllisandJohn now.

• 0:40Speaker 03

  Hello, this is Suzy Ruffal.

• 0:41Speaker 04

  And Maisie Adam.

• 0:42Speaker 03

  And together we host Big Kick Energy. Hey Mais, what is it?

• 0:45Speaker 04

  Only the best podcast ever.

• 0:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 0:48Speaker 04

  A comedy entertainment podcast with a focus on all things women's football, all things hilarious, all things friendship. It's a laugh is what it is, Ruffal.

• 0:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, and a fair bit of gossiping, too.

• 0:59Speaker 04

  Oh, and a lovely bit of gossip. Chow down on the gossip.

• 1:02Speaker 03

  Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. You can listen wherever you get your podcasts. Just need to search Big Kick Energy.

• 1:07Speaker 04

  Grab a knife and fork and tuck in, baby.

• 1:33Speaker 01

  Well, hello everyone. It's John Robbins here. And it's a very special show today because I'm joined as usual by Dave Masterman. And opposite me is Calvin Harris.

• 1:46Speaker 01

  And he's still wearing his deck shoes from a top celeb Ibiza DJ set where he was paid 400 grand. Madonna was there.

• 1:57Speaker 00

  Yes, she was.

• 1:58Speaker 01

  And so was...

• 1:59Speaker 00

  Drinking bitter.

• 2:00Speaker 01

  Yeah. So it was all the top celebs. It was Madonna, Barack Obama.

• 2:05Speaker 00

  Yeah. Michael Burke.

• 2:07Speaker 01

  Michael Burke. He's still with us?

• 2:10Speaker 00

  He's still with us. I did, um... House of Games with Michael Burke.

• 2:13Speaker 01

  Yes, you did.

• 2:14Speaker 00

  Did you? Yes, I did, yeah. His knowledge of the geography of the Middle East is unparalleled. His knowledge of all pop culture leaves a lot to be desired.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  It is paralleled.

• 2:25Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  That is paralleled.

• 2:27Speaker 00

  It is paralleled.

• 2:28Speaker 01

  So Madonna, the Obamas.

• 2:30Speaker 00

  Michael Burke.

• 2:31Speaker 01

  Michael Burke and.

• 2:32Speaker 00

  Cole Parker. Cole Palmer, I mean, sorry. Cole Parker.

• 2:36Speaker 02

  He's gone.

• 2:37Speaker 00

  Paul Parker.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  Paul Parker. Going the Coles and the Falls.

• 2:41Speaker 00

  Paul Parker and Paul Cole Palmer, they were all there.

• 2:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, nice. Poor Cole Palmer.

• 2:46Speaker 00

  Paul Parker played for Man United in 1990s.

• 2:49Speaker 01

  And Aston Villa?

• 2:50Speaker 00

  I don't think so.

• 2:52Speaker 02

  No, I don't think so.

• 2:53Speaker 01

  I think he did.

• 2:54Speaker 00

  Did he?

• 2:54Speaker 01

  If you Google him, you're to football heads.

• 2:57Speaker 00

  Football heads, did he? Paul Parker for Villa, I don't remember that. And Cole Palmer currently plays for Chelsea and England.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  So they were all there. You had a lovely time.

• 3:05Speaker 00

  I did a lovely time. Did he, Dave?

• 3:07Speaker 02

  Never played for Aston Villa.

• 3:09Speaker 00

  Who did he play for? Man United?

• 3:11Speaker 02

  Uh, spells at Fulham.

• 3:14Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 3:15Speaker 02

  Queen's Park Rangers.

• 3:16Speaker 00

  Yes, I was gonna say QPR.

• 3:17Speaker 02

  And Manchester United.

• 3:18Speaker 00

  And England, obviously.

• 3:20Speaker 02

  And England, yeah, absolutely. He lived round the corner from me, Paul Parker.

• 3:23Speaker 00

  Did he?

• 3:24Speaker 02

  He lived on the footballers, the footballers estate.

• 3:26Speaker 00

  Are you a millionaire, Dave?

• 3:28Speaker 02

  I live in an area where millionaires do live. I am absolutely not and far from it. But Bramall has pockets of communities where, especially in the late 90s, a lot of Manchester United lived in Bramall. So I was in Peter Schmeichel's house once. Because.

• 3:45Speaker 00

  Weird.

• 3:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, because Casper's my age and by association, because it's not a massive village. Like, I ended up playing football with Casper on a road.

• 3:53Speaker 00

  You're joking. But he's a professional, he's now a professional footballer.

• 3:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, but he wasn't at the age of eight. I wasn't like playing with him when he was like 22 on the streets.

• 4:01Speaker 00

  But he must, that's absolutely, how have you not told me that?

• 4:04Speaker 02

  I don't know. It was, it's, yeah, Bramall's a bit of a weird place for that. But so, yeah, there was one day where I think it was Casper Schmeichel, Alex Bruce.

• 4:10Speaker 00

  What, Steve Bruce's son?

• 4:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, me and my friend Dan.

• 4:13Speaker 01

  Dave, how was, how have we sat through some of the garbage we've had to sit through on this show?

• 4:18Speaker 00

  With the greatest of respect.

• 4:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, with the greatest of respect.

• 4:20Speaker 00

  With the greatest.

• 4:21Speaker 01

  The alley-oop dross, the hellish trudge.

• 4:25Speaker 01

  Through the bottom of the barrel on this show. And you could just pull that out.

• 4:30Speaker 00

  I've got to say, with diminished respect, what's happened to you, Dave?

• 4:34Speaker 01

  What do you mean? It's not a massive story.

• 4:36Speaker 00

  That's absolutely mega.

• 4:38Speaker 01

  Yeah. How did, how did we get to that after a brief history of French rugby league?

• 4:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's my fault. But I didn't know that Dave was rubbing shoulders with the-

• 4:50Speaker 01

  And I've talked some absolute dribble on this show.

• 4:52Speaker 02

  Oh, you bang, you bang right on at points, yeah. No, well, to be fair, and it shows how much you two listen, I have mentioned in the past that Bramall was full of Manchester United footballers at one point.

• 5:01Speaker 00

  That's not the same thing as being friends with Steve Bruce's son and Peter Schmeichel's son and going to Peter Schmeichel's house.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  Well, I was, it was the first time I was ever introduced to a staircase that, you know, goes up and goes out both ways and then kind of goes round the landing.

• 5:15Speaker 01

  Oh, like a sort of flirty.

• 5:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, that was the first time in Schmeichel's house that I saw one of those. And I thought, I am, I am mixing with, I'm mixing with different people today.

• 5:24Speaker 00

  Did you meet Peter Schmeichel?

• 5:25Speaker 02

  Peter wasn't there, I don't think.

• 5:28Speaker 00

  What, what did, what did Casper Schmeichel's mum make of you?

• 5:31Speaker 01

  Did she make you sandwiches and stuff? Did she make you sandwiches and give you squash and things?

• 5:36Speaker 02

  Oh, it was a long- No, it was, it was fleeting. I think we just nipped in for whatever reason. And then we were back out on the mean streets.

• 5:43Speaker 01

  So you could pick up a hundred grand to get sweets.

• 5:46Speaker 02

  And then we were back out on the mean streets of Bramall.

• 5:48Speaker 00

  Did she dislike you because you're rough, Dave?

• 5:50Speaker 02

  No.

• 5:51Speaker 00

  I don't want you hanging out with him, Casper.

• 5:54Speaker 02

  Hey, Casper, come out to play. And then I think we all went and played football. Shall you go on the rub, Casper? We all went and played football on the car park of the governor's house pub.

• 6:02Speaker 01

  Did you ask him how much pocket money he got?

• 6:03Speaker 02

  No, I didn't, because he's got to play it cool. You've got to play it cool. You've got to, you've got to make it feel like you're just like them. So he didn't know who I was. I could have been the, I could have been the son of Andre Kanchelskis, if, if for all he knew.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  Dave Kanchelskis.

• 6:16Speaker 02

  Dave Kanchelskis.

• 6:23Speaker 01

  Hi, nice to meet you, Casper. I'm Dave Kanchelskis. I can't tell you who my father is. I like to keep a low profile, that's why they call me Dave.

• 6:34Speaker 00

  Was he, was he absolutely amazing, Caspish Michael?

• 6:37Speaker 02

  It was, I remember more Alex Bruce. He added such a class about him.

• 6:41Speaker 00

  Did he?

• 6:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, even back then, I think he was more of an attacking player.

• 6:45Speaker 00

  Than his dad?

• 6:46Speaker 02

  Than his dad, well than him as well, because he ended up being a defender, Alex Bruce. So I think he then dropped back in later years.

• 6:51Speaker 00

  Did he go to Steve Bruce's house?

• 6:53Speaker 02

  Well, it was the same estate, so I would have looked at it, at the very least. Because I, yeah.

• 6:59Speaker 00

  Dave, I'm seeing you in a completely different light now.

• 7:02Speaker 02

  Why? It's not a big deal.

• 7:03Speaker 00

  It is, it is a big deal. It's hard to meet footballers.

• 7:07Speaker 02

  It is, yeah.

• 7:07Speaker 00

  It's almost impossible to go to their houses.

• 7:10Speaker 02

  There are, it's not really the hotspot, it's kind of moved more out to Alderley Edge now.

• 7:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:14Speaker 02

  Is, is where the football and, and yeah, Alderley Edge and Limb and those sorts of areas. But Bramall back in the day was a hotspot.

• 7:21Speaker 00

  Steve Dripfredus Dross for 12 years. And we stuck with it and now we get to the good stuff.

• 7:29Speaker 01

  Is this our final show?

• 7:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, it's a wait. Until the final chapter to really, you know, reveal all the big, the big celebs. Anyway.

• 7:36Speaker 01

  Anyway, aside from the point, Ellis, you're DJ extraordinaire. How was the show?

• 7:41Speaker 00

  For the Super furry animals, the beta band and badly drawn boy in Alexandra Palace yesterday.

• 7:48Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 7:49Speaker 00

  What a lineup.

• 7:52Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 7:52Speaker 00

  Three of my favourites. The beta band, I saw them in Cardiff in 1999. Memorable for two reasons.

• 8:01Speaker 00

  At the time, probably the best gig I'd ever seen in my life. It's still in the top five. The other reason is I ate a burger after the show and had the worst food poisoning I've ever had. So it's memorable for two reasons. I remember biting into the burger, thinking, that's very cold.

• 8:17Speaker 02

  Oh no.

• 8:18Speaker 01

  Oh mate.

• 8:19Speaker 00

  And then, because I hadn't eaten, continuing to eat it, then halfway through thinking, I probably should check this. Holding under a, a street lamp and thinking, that's not edible.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  To warm it up?

• 8:29Speaker 00

  That's right.

• 8:31Speaker 01

  I won't do it.

• 8:31Speaker 00

  Throwing it in the bin, thinking, maybe I've got away with it. That and then suffering five days of torment.

• 8:36Speaker 02

  Five days?

• 8:37Speaker 00

  It was extremely bad.

• 8:39Speaker 02

  But it was yesterday?

• 8:40Speaker 00

  No, no, no, I'm talking when I saw the Peter Band in nineteen ninety nine.

• 8:43Speaker 02

  Oh, good lord. Okay, right, right, right.

• 8:45Speaker 00

  A dodgy burger yesterday. I was the, I was the very, very grateful recipient of backstage catering.

• 8:51Speaker 02

  Oh, lovely.

• 8:51Speaker 00

  Which was fantastic, right? May I add?

• 8:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:54Speaker 00

  So, Badly Drawn Boy, fantastic.

• 8:57Speaker 02

  I love Badly Drawn Boy.

• 8:59Speaker 00

  He's such a nice guy as well, Dave.

• 9:00Speaker 02

  Is he?

• 9:00Speaker 00

  He's such a, well, we interviewed him, um, one of the first guests on How Do You Cop, actually. And he remembered, which I was really, I was very taken aback by that, but he's a lovely bloke. Peter Band, unbelievable. I think Izzy's got cognitive decline, because I sent Izzy a picture of the Peter Band on stage. And she said, oh, wow, is that you? Why are you, why are you DJing in a pink boiler suit? I was like, what are you on about? That's not me. I'm your husband.

• 9:32Speaker 02

  I'm the one that looks like the guy you live with.

• 9:35Speaker 00

  I'm the one who looks like me who's not in the photo.

• 9:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:38Speaker 00

  And the guy in the pink boiler suit is, is playing the piano. And she was like, oh, yeah, sorry. I thought, I thought that was you. I was like, you've got a lot on, Izzy. Because that's really, that's such a weird thing to say.

• 9:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:49Speaker 00

  Oh, wow, you DJing in a pink boiler suit? No.

• 9:54Speaker 00

  Um, it went as well as it could have gone.

• 9:58Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 9:59Speaker 00

  Um, but, and we'll talk about the positives on Tuesday, because it really was an amazing. I was so elated when I got home, I couldn't sleep. I just sort of sat on the sofa thinking, I've done it, I've done it.

• 10:12Speaker 02

  So is this the negatives hour?

• 10:13Speaker 00

  This is the negatives hour. I'm going to apologize to Dave because, right, I'd done a lot of prep. So I'd even written out the teams I was going to play in what order.

• 10:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:21Speaker 00

  I downloaded them all onto my laptop in the week. I'd been, I was using a thing called DJ Pro.

• 10:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:28Speaker 00

  Which Dave, um.

• 10:30Speaker 02

  We use All My Friends.

• 10:31Speaker 00

  And we use it all my friends. I had made a couple of mistakes at the last All My Friends. So I'd, I'd actually.

• 10:36Speaker 02

  Oh, you lost your cursor?

• 10:37Speaker 00

  I, when I lost the cursor, yeah. So I'd, I'd actually practised with it during the week. So whenever I got a minute, I would just, I was, I was just like queuing tracks and stuff. And I sort of felt quite good and I downloaded everything. I was like, well, this, this, this, this, this, this is going to be okay, I think.

• 10:52Speaker 02

  It shows where he puts yesterday in comparison to when he does All My Friends, because I don't think you practise for All My Friends.

• 10:58Speaker 00

  No, I couldn't care less.

• 11:01Speaker 01

  Practicing midweek for last night.

• 11:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, I could not, I could not care less and I'm desperate of you to know that, Dave.

• 11:10Speaker 00

  It's a chore, Dave.

• 11:12Speaker 01

  It's a chore in Manchester.

• 11:13Speaker 00

  It's a chore in Manchester, from which you benefit more than me.

• 11:18Speaker 01

  It's true, it's true.

• 11:19Speaker 00

  So, uh, so I was like, okay. And also because, because I love those three groups, I thought, I, I think I know what the, what the punters are gonna want, because they'll have very similar taste in music to me. So I sort of felt quite good.

• 11:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:29Speaker 00

  So even though I downloaded everything, I downloaded, I downloaded 75 different songs. I had so something for all different, all possible connotations. And then at about, I'd taken my son to a birthday party. So I, I got him home because Izzy was away.

• 11:45Speaker 01

  And you'd accidentally swapped your playlist with just Crazy Frog to play to him. And that's all you had for the whole gig.

• 11:52Speaker 00

  I had Crazy Frog and K-pop, even hunters. Loads of 60s psych and garage rock. So I was like, okay, I feel all right. I thought, I'm just gonna have a little, another little practice and then we can, and then I can go to Auntie Ali Pali. I thought, I wonder what DJ Pro's like if you don't have access to wifi, out of curiosity. And I realised on the day that it doesn't work.

• 12:14Speaker 01

  No, yeah, yeah.

• 12:15Speaker 00

  And I, I thought, hang on, this, this can't be right because I've downloaded everything onto my computer. I own it. I, it is locally stored on my laptop. I did that last week. So I thought, this, this must be a mistake. And it's not a mistake. So then I Googled it and realised it's not a mistake. I thought, okay, I can't do it.

• 12:35Speaker 01

  Could you tethered from your phone?

• 12:37Speaker 00

  Yes, obviously that's, that's the first, that was my first, I thought, okay, well, I'll tether. Cause I've, I've tethered at Dancing with Dave, I've tethered at Scared to Dance, right, which is the other one I do. But I thought, it's a huge gig outdoors.

• 12:47Speaker 01

  He cares more about this one, remember?

• 12:49Speaker 00

  Yes. Yes, Steve. Are you insane? I'm not scared to dance because I love that one. Dave, you're the one.

• 12:56Speaker 01

  With respect.

• 12:57Speaker 00

  With the respect, that is bottom of the list, right?

• 13:00Speaker 01

  Oh my god. Wow.

• 13:02Speaker 00

  So I thought, okay, because I've been to the alley party once. I went to watch the Manics and Suede last year, but I was trying to remember if I had signal.

• 13:08Speaker 01

  So you could just play them off iTunes?

• 13:12Speaker 00

  Yeah. Eventually I thought, okay, I could do a bit because I'm very clunky. Because that's what I used to do at Dancing with Dave, with respect, and it sounded bad.

• 13:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, the gig night you hate. Yeah, carry on.

• 13:22Speaker 00

  So then I'm thinking, okay, we'll tell them on my phone. But then I'm thinking, well, there's 10,000 people all on their phones. And most of them are going to be going on their phones, doing the bands. So if the signal is compromised, it's going to be during my bit when I need 5G. So I'd emailed the guy who's looking after it during the week. I was like, is there wifi on stage? He went, no, there is backstage, but not on stage. I was like, okay.

• 13:46Speaker 01

  Have you got a very long lead?

• 13:48Speaker 00

  Yeah. I don't know what to do now. So I Googled it for a while. I thought, okay, I'll just buy everything. I'll just buy. It's 10 o'clock. I'll buy everything. Have you tried using iTunes in the last five years?

• 13:58Speaker 01

  Why do you have to buy everything?

• 13:59Speaker 00

  Because bizarrely, if, if you go into locally stored music on DJ Pro, which I did, there were like seven songs that I'd bought on iTunes six years ago, so before I'd switched to app music, that were able, that I was able to use and accessible. I was like, okay, well, I'll just have to buy another 67 songs. I thought, but you can't, you can't do it anymore. You can download it from app music, but my computer's too modern to buy iTunes. So I managed to do it with one track and then that wasn't showing up. At which point I called Dave, who was up a ladder.

• 14:37Speaker 02

  I was cutting a hedge.

• 14:38Speaker 00

  And the air turned blue.

• 14:43Speaker 00

  Dave, I might not care about your night, but I said some things to you that I don't mean. I do apologize.

• 14:50Speaker 01

  So we had a chat.

• 14:51Speaker 00

  Some of the things I said to you, Dave, were unacceptable.

• 14:54Speaker 02

  And I was happy to have.

• 14:54Speaker 01

  Can you give us some edited examples?

• 14:56Speaker 00

  You [bleep] Dave. Why did you tell me to use this?

• 15:00Speaker 02

  No, it works and it does work offline.

• 15:02Speaker 00

  And we, and, no.

• 15:05Speaker 02

  If you can download your tracks to your desktop, it could, it should work absolutely fine.

• 15:10Speaker 00

  We tried that and that was, that was, that wasn't working.

• 15:13Speaker 01

  So could you have used a different DJing software?

• 15:16Speaker 00

  I mean.

• 15:17Speaker 01

  It's a lot to learn.

• 15:18Speaker 00

  It's a lot to learn.

• 15:19Speaker 01

  So what's the net result?

• 15:20Speaker 00

  I had to, cause I, well, the net result was, um, I was so, cause I could have used Apple Music, it just would have sounded very clunky. But I was trying not to do that. And I also, I was so disappointed that the thing I'd practised, it wasn't going to go according to plan. I kind of, my head completely went. So at 1pm, Betty said, when do I get breakfast, dad?

• 15:41Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 15:43Speaker 00

  I went, oh yeah, of course, my daughter.

• 15:47Speaker 00

  I said, right, you can have breakfast now. What do you want? And she said, just toast is fine. I said, can you do it then? So in the end.

• 15:57Speaker 01

  You sang the songs?

• 15:58Speaker 00

  No, no, no. I thought, I sort of, I drove there and I'd come, I, I was at peace with the idea that it was going to sound a little bit clunky. Because I'm not beat matching or any of that kind of stuff. I'm just playing songs that are in keeping with the musicians that are playing. So I sort of drove, I drove to the show, kind of at peace with it, but very disappointed. And, oh, that was the other thing I did. I joined Reddit and my first post was on the DJ Pro forum.

• 16:28Speaker 02

  Did you post on the forum?

• 16:29Speaker 00

  I did, never done it before.

• 16:31Speaker 02

  He really does care.

• 16:32Speaker 00

  Half of the responses were trying to be helpful. Hey man, have you tried hot spotting your phone? The other half were criticizing me for not having 250 CDs.

• 16:40Speaker 02

  Finally, the CDs are back.

• 16:42Speaker 00

  I was like, cheers, helter skelter 69, but I can't get, the gig's in two hours. I got rid of my CDs 10 years ago. And I, I actually deleted the post because every time I got a notification, there's a 50. Fifty chances whether it's going to be genuinely helpful and suggest hot spotting or like just poison.

• 17:04Speaker 02

  But people are very passive aggressive on Reddit as well.

• 17:06Speaker 00

  My god, yeah, I'd never posted on there before.

• 17:08Speaker 02

  Making it clear that they're better than you and that you should just know more.

• 17:12Speaker 00

  One of them said, with the greatest of respect, and I'm not throwing shade, but being a pro DJ and wifi should not be in the same sentence.

• 17:22Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 17:23Speaker 01

  Well, that's the software's fault.

• 17:25Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 17:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's not your problem.

• 17:27Speaker 00

  Why should you need wifi to use software when it's all locally stored on your computer? I don't know. But anyway, so I got there and I was thinking, just play the tunes if it sounds cranky, people aren't really going to notice. And I went up to Claire, who I'd been talking to all week, and I said, out of curiosity, here's their wifi on stage. She went, yeah. And I was like, great.

• 17:50Speaker 02

  Oh, I bet. The relief at that point.

• 17:52Speaker 00

  But I hadn't, I hadn't eaten anything. So I was very hungry. And I had to eat a raw carrot in front of Damon Goff.

• 17:59Speaker 02

  Damon Goff, no.

• 18:01Speaker 00

  It was the only thing I could think of to take with me that was portable because my bread had gone off because it was, because it's so hot, it had gone mouldy, even though I'd only bought it like two days before. So because I was too embarrassed to eat a raw carrot in front of Damon Goff, I tried to eat it sensitiously like I was taking drugs.

• 18:17Speaker 02

  Well, I've seen a lot of things on Instagram and a lot of messages that came to me as well, actually, some people that listen to this podcast that said, Ellis is doing a fantastic job.

• 18:25Speaker 00

  That's very kind.

• 18:26Speaker 02

  And I saw a couple of videos as well saying, look at Ellis, he's doing great. And I saw a couple of pictures. So it seems like you went, it went well. However, we should probably get the review of the person that I would imagine probably meant most to you at the gig last night.

• 18:39Speaker 00

  What do you mean?

• 18:40Speaker 02

  So we introduce Griff Reese from Super Furry Animals to pop onto the show just to let us know how it went from his perspective. Hi Griff.

• 18:47Speaker 05

  Hiya.

• 18:48Speaker 00

  Shumai.

• 18:50Speaker 05

  Shumai.

• 18:53Speaker 05

  It's the back of the roof.

• 18:56Speaker 00

  Okay, Grif's saying he's not feeling great because he was celebrating after the show.

• 19:00Speaker 01

  Well, I don't speak Welsh, but I do speak hangover.

• 19:04Speaker 01

  Is that what I'm picking up, Grif?

• 19:07Speaker 05

  Um, I got disposed of in a car parking car there for about 8am.

• 19:16Speaker 01

  You got disposed of in a car parking car?

• 19:18Speaker 05

  Out of a tour bus.

• 19:20Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 19:21Speaker 05

  And, uh, yeah, just dealing with the aftermath.

• 19:26Speaker 00

  Is there a dog backing in the background?

• 19:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, a dog, dogs excited.

• 19:31Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 19:32Speaker 05

  For the podcast.

• 19:33Speaker 02

  So, Grif, how did, from your perspective, because Ellis was very much looking forward to last night? And it seems like, because he's, he's in a good mood today, I think he, he thought it went really well. So how was it for yourself and how was it for everyone else there?

• 19:45Speaker 05

  Yeah, we, we were a bit worried at first because the backstage was about five miles from the stage.

• 19:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:54Speaker 05

  And then in a, in the alley pally building on top of the hill and then the stage was in the park, outdoors, miles away.

• 20:05Speaker 05

  Um, and unfortunately there's a bar in, in the hall. They turned it into like a food hall and there's a big bar and they were blasting music. That someone had a playlist in the bar and they were like playing, you know, S Club 7 and Meatloaf.

• 20:25Speaker 01

  Quite good.

• 20:26Speaker 05

  And someone said, is that, is that Ellis?

• 20:31Speaker 01

  Well, Dave has played S Club 7 and I have played Meatloaf in the past.

• 20:36Speaker 00

  They played, they played Three Lions at one point and Kito, the bassist went, is that Ellis?

• 20:42Speaker 00

  I didn't expect him to play three. He's played it more than once.

• 20:49Speaker 00

  I thought the Ellis I know.

• 20:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:51Speaker 00

  No, I was done, I was done. Down on stage, so I was playing a different collection of tunes, Griff.

• 20:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, I didn't know the backstory. I didn't realise the pain and the sweat.

• 21:04Speaker 01

  But Griff, obviously Ellis was spending the day backstage, a lot of his heroes. Did he disgrace himself at all? Did he handle himself well? Crucially, did his voice go very high?

• 21:16Speaker 05

  Well, the backstage was so complicated. It was massive. I can find it. I was walking. I walked eight kilometres or something indoors yesterday.

• 21:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:33Speaker 05

  I didn't see badly, Rambo. I saw his gig, but I didn't run into him.

• 21:39Speaker 05

  Saw the pizza band briefly in the corridor.

• 21:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, I didn't see them either.

• 21:45Speaker 02

  Because Griff, I think, so Ellis, the one thing that you were kind of, there was a dilemma before about what type of music do you play? In between live bands being on stage. Do you think he kind of got that balance right in between the acts, Griff? From the couple of tracks that you caught?

• 22:00Speaker 05

  Yeah, and you know, it was a two hour set. It wasn't like messing around.

• 22:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:05Speaker 05

  You had to play for two hours and we, you know, heard Gwenna and Young MC. We had Young MC just before we went on, which is a favourite in Superferries. So, you know, it was magic.

• 22:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, I hadn't, I hadn't realised you liked Young MC. I didn't, I didn't realise that. So I played that just before you went on. Because I think it's an absolute banger. So that was good. I also played Finger Popping by a Contina Turner, which is.

• 22:33Speaker 00

  It's a slightly obscure, but absolute banger. It is the most immediate pop song. So I played that a little bit as well. So I was, yeah, I was, I, I wouldn't say I was confident, but I was looking forward to the challenge. And I, I think it went all right actually, Griff. And also I'd like to thank your. Raudies for being incredibly patient with me because I am quite technophobic.

• 22:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, yeah, it's the story of my life.

• 23:02Speaker 01

  Now, Griff, I have a complex relationship with your voice because listening to you talk, your accent is one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced hourly. However, when I was at university, if ever I was being intimate with a co-student, I would put on Rock Action by Mogwai. So your voice has been the melodic soundtrack to quite a great deal of lovemaking in the early 2000s.

• 23:38Speaker 01

  So I just want to say thanks.

• 23:41Speaker 01

  Because it's a very, you know, very beautiful album and certainly has the mood that, you know, just helps, helps oil the engine of love.

• 23:51Speaker 00

  Oil the engine.

• 23:54Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 23:59Speaker 05

  Conversation.

• 24:00Speaker 00

  Oh, dimson, you had it to you there.

• 24:03Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 24:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, well, Dioclet, thank you. Thank you very much.

• 24:08Speaker 01

  Thanks and sorry.

• 24:09Speaker 00

  For providing, A, giving me the opportunity of a lifetime and B, providing the soundtrack to all of John's formative lovemaking.

• 24:18Speaker 01

  So 2000, 2006.

• 24:21Speaker 00

  Right, okay. Six years, six years with.

• 24:24Speaker 01

  When did Rock Action come out? Maybe it was 2001.

• 24:26Speaker 00

  What happened? What happened? It is a great record. What happened in 2006, out of curiosity?

• 24:36Speaker 01

  Probably just Meatloaf then.

• 24:41Speaker 00

  That out of Hell one and two?

• 24:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, probably two.

• 24:44Speaker 00

  Okay, right.

• 24:45Speaker 01

  More haunting.

• 24:46Speaker 05

  I was wondering if you played Bonnie Tyler?

• 24:49Speaker 00

  Do you know what? I considered playing Bonnie Tyler, but it was sort of, it would be, it would have been such a gear change from the like garage rock and post-punk. I thought he would have come across as a little bit weird. I only, I only thought about that just before bringing you on, but thought it was a bit of a strange decision. But now I slightly regret it because there were a lot of Welsh people, there were a lot of Welsh people in the crowd and I think they were actually desperate for a bit of Bonnie.

• 25:14Speaker 00

  But not to worry.

• 25:14Speaker 01

  Well, thank you so much for joining us, Griff, and we wish you all the best in your recuperation from the fantastic show, Ali Pally, last night. And any more plans for Super Furry gigs coming up?

• 25:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, we've got six gigs in the next month or so. We're on Dublin and Glasgow.

• 25:38Speaker 00

  Oh, nice.

• 25:39Speaker 05

  And other places.

• 25:44Speaker 01

  And that information is all online, isn't it, Dave? It is all online, yes.

• 25:49Speaker 00

  It's all available.

• 25:50Speaker 01

  Great stuff.

• 25:51Speaker 00

  Nice one. Do you hear it, Griff?

• 25:53Speaker 05

  Chris Moore.

• 26:04Speaker 03

  Hello, this is Suzy Ruffel.

• 26:05Speaker 04

  And Maisy Adam.

• 26:06Speaker 03

  And together we host Big Kick Energy. Hey, Mais, what is it?

• 26:09Speaker 04

  Only the best podcast ever.

• 26:10Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 26:11Speaker 04

  A comedy entertainment podcast with a focus on all things women's football, all things hilarious, all things friendship. It's a laugh is what it is, Ruffel.

• 26:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, and a fair bit of gossiping, too.

• 26:23Speaker 04

  Oh, and a lovely bit of gossip. Chow down on the gossip.

• 26:25Speaker 03

  Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. You can listen wherever you get your podcasts. Just need to search Big Kick Energy.

• 26:31Speaker 04

  Grab a knife and fork and tuck in, baby.

• 26:37Speaker 01

  There you go. That's a nice little bookend to a wonderful 24 Hours.

• 26:40Speaker 00

  I've gone red now. It's like I've been making love in the 2000s.

• 26:44Speaker 01

  Tell me everything about his voice. It's beautiful. It should be in a gallery.

• 26:49Speaker 00

  He is from, he's got a sort of typical North West Walian Gwynedd accent because he's from Bethesda. So it's a very, very Welsh speaking part of Wales. Probably the most, other than Canaveral, probably the most Welsh speaking.

• 27:01Speaker 01

  So that's.

• 27:02Speaker 00

  So Welsh is his first language.

• 27:03Speaker 01

  Not far from Anglesey?

• 27:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, not far from Anglesey at all, yeah.

• 27:07Speaker 01

  But that's got to be high on the list of underrepresented accents in the British media.

• 27:11Speaker 00

  Absolutely. But there is.

• 27:14Speaker 01

  Imagine if he was reading the news. You'd feel so calm and enchanted.

• 27:19Speaker 00

  You would. But.

• 27:21Speaker 02

  It's incredible voice.

• 27:23Speaker 00

  Let me finish. Let me just find this.

• 27:26Speaker 02

  So did he sing on all of Rock Action then?

• 27:28Speaker 01

  No, just on two tracks.

• 27:29Speaker 02

  Right.

• 27:30Speaker 00

  But it is underrepresented in the media, but there's an amazing film that Robin went to see in the cinema a couple of weeks ago. It's having incredible reviews called Effie Oblene, which has got subtitles and that's the accent you hear a lot in that film.

• 27:44Speaker 01

  Oh, but the accent in speaking Welsh.

• 27:47Speaker 00

  Speaking Welsh and the film is subtitled.

• 27:49Speaker 01

  So would I get his accent if he was speaking Welsh as well?

• 27:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, definitely. Yeah. No, it's very, it's very different to mine, but it's.

• 27:57Speaker 01

  Oh, imagine if Ellis had that voice, Dave.

• 27:59Speaker 00

  I mean, I can put it on.

• 28:00Speaker 01

  I would, I don't think I'd ever speak. I would just listen.

• 28:03Speaker 00

  Oh, that's a nice.

• 28:04Speaker 01

  It's beautiful.

• 28:05Speaker 00

  Oh, it is. It is very nice. He's very lucky. I met his sister last night. That was very nice as well.

• 28:09Speaker 01

  Oh, she got the same accent?

• 28:10Speaker 00

  Yeah. Yeah, they all do from that neck of the woods. You should move to Bethesda. It's beautiful, Bethesda.

• 28:16Speaker 02

  But he's got, what's nice is he's got a pace of voice that just makes you listen so intently to, to what he's saying. It's a very, it's, yeah, you could, I could just lose myself in it and.

• 28:27Speaker 01

  Well, beautiful. Well, well done to you. Well done.

• 28:31Speaker 00

  And we'll be talking more about the positives on the Tuesday show as well.

• 28:34Speaker 02

  Great.

• 28:35Speaker 00

  Really was a fantastic day and Dave, I apologize.

• 28:38Speaker 01

  Good. I say you bloody well should. Was he really rude to you, Dave?

• 28:42Speaker 00

  No, just today. I just think he's been quite rude to be honest.

• 28:46Speaker 02

  I go to the efforts of getting his favourite lead singer of his favourite band.

• 28:49Speaker 00

  I didn't know. I didn't know you'd done that. I must admit, I'm sorry.

• 28:53Speaker 01

  Teaching him to use a piece of software with one major flaw.

• 28:56Speaker 02

  You can use it locally. I used, I used it locally at home. You've got to.

• 29:01Speaker 00

  Show me.

• 29:02Speaker 02

  You've got to make sure. I think, yeah, the difference being, I think the challenge that you had was getting it from Apple Music into some sort of folder.

• 29:10Speaker 00

  Spotify either.

• 29:12Speaker 02

  No.

• 29:13Speaker 00

  So how, how?

• 29:15Speaker 02

  I don't, I'm not on Apple Music, so I don't know.

• 29:16Speaker 00

  But you are on Spotify.

• 29:18Speaker 02

  You definitely can't get it off locally from Spotify. You are right.

• 29:21Speaker 00

  Then, yeah. But that's fine. Anyway, if, if you're one of the people on Reddit who was nasty to me, then, you know, have a big think. If anyone DJ pro can let me know how to use it offline, please do email the show on hello at ellisonjohn.com.

• 29:37Speaker 01

  Did you say on Reddit, I'm Elis James?

• 29:40Speaker 00

  No.

• 29:40Speaker 01

  And I'm DJing for Super Ferry Animals?

• 29:42Speaker 00

  No, I didn't.

• 29:45Speaker 00

  I was anonymous.

• 29:47Speaker 01

  What's your, what's your Reddit handle?

• 29:49Speaker 00

  Oh, no, I had to come up with a new one. I'd, I'd never.

• 29:51Speaker 02

  You just get given an anonymous one, I think.

• 29:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, lots of numbers, but I will never be on that forum again.

• 29:58Speaker 01

  Well, let's read some of your emails. Um, Ellis, do you want to start us off?

• 30:04Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 30:05Speaker 02

  Can I just turn your magnet round, Al, whilst we're just having a little break?

• 30:09Speaker 01

  Well, I'll start us off. This is an email from Nick from Battersea. And this is on the topic of, you know, we had an email from a guy who takes his sort of, um, worst pair of pants on holiday.

• 30:23Speaker 00

  And puts them in the bin, yeah.

• 30:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, to then dispose of on holiday.

• 30:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:27Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah. Well, this is Nick's take. Nick says, Dear Radio's equivalent of cooling mint juleps, uh, which I think is an American cocktail.

• 30:38Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 30:38Speaker 01

  On the veranda. The Travel Pants Guy, though admirable, is an amateur. On reaching retirement, I'm 60, two months ago, I went on a six week trip around the US, travelling through the country on Amtrak trains. I don't know what that means.

• 30:56Speaker 00

  It's the American Rail Network.

• 30:58Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 30:58Speaker 00

  But I've, I don't think they're as big into trains as we are in the UK.

• 31:03Speaker 01

  Well, I think the rail network is, from what I know, quite sparse, just because the country is so massive.

• 31:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 31:12Speaker 01

  It's always best to pack light when on long distance trains, as you often arrive at stations early in the morning in dodgy areas, where wheeling luggage would single you out as mobile mugging cash points. So for this trip, I just took a small backpack. Everything inside it, other than a fresh outfit for the flight home, was disposable, à la Travel Pants Guy. Five pairs of already hulled pants. If you're wondering, they're washed en route as needed before being disposed of to make them last for six weeks. One pair of homemade capri shorts, cut from old jeans. Six pairs of hulled socks, four saggy t-shirts, and one smart, though no longer smart shirt, all of which were very old and disposed of

• 31:56Speaker 01

  during the trip. My family is always aghast at my travel packing, but it makes total sense. The crowning glory.

• 32:03Speaker 00

  Sometimes, even if things do make sense, doesn't mean you should do them.

• 32:07Speaker 01

  This is sort of, this is in the Venn diagram of efficiency and mad dads, I think.

• 32:12Speaker 00

  Yes, absolutely.

• 32:14Speaker 01

  The crown in glory was an old bucket hat that I'd had for 30 years and was literally in shreds. When I left it on a bench in New York before coming home, I was genuinely in tears. A quick tip, you never ever leave your old clothes in hotel bins. I leave them on benches for others less fortunate to take ownership of them, even after years of my use. That way, my old clothes live on, even the bucket hat, but not the pants.

• 32:39Speaker 00

  I was gonna say.

• 32:40Speaker 01

  That would be going too far. Literally, everything else I pack is also disposable. I collect old toothbrushes, half-used toiletries.

• 32:48Speaker 00

  What's he mean by that? I collect old toothbrushes.

• 32:52Speaker 01

  I guess I've got probably six old toothbrushes in my house, which I would use for cleaning now. But maybe if I was this.

• 32:59Speaker 00

  Cleaning what?

• 33:00Speaker 01

  Uh, like trainers. Yeah, like polishing up.

• 33:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:03Speaker 01

  Or, um, my coffee grinder.

• 33:06Speaker 00

  Yeah. For my sunburn.

• 33:08Speaker 01

  Bits out. I collect old toothbrushes, half-used toiletries, old sunglasses, et cetera, through the year before a trip, and even old phone charging cables, so that all can be chucked as needed. What, I don't, that I don't understand.

• 33:23Speaker 00

  I would love to see this guy's house.

• 33:25Speaker 01

  If a phone charging.

• 33:26Speaker 00

  I would love it.

• 33:27Speaker 01

  If a phone charging cable doesn't work, you throw it out.

• 33:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:31Speaker 01

  If it does work, you keep it.

• 33:32Speaker 00

  Yeah. There's, it's an either or.

• 33:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, what's happening there? Maybe it's one that needs a bit of wiggling, but then I wouldn't want to take that on holiday.

• 33:39Speaker 00

  No, the problem with the wigglers is that eventually the wiggling stops working, but you never know when else it's gonna happen.

• 33:46Speaker 01

  As well as getting immense and smug satisfaction from travelling light for six weeks, this also gradually.

• 33:51Speaker 00

  I think it's worth it. It's not, it's not a big enough win, I don't think.

• 33:56Speaker 01

  This also gradually frees up space for new purchases and souvenirs to take home. Oh, yeah, okay. There is one downside to all of this.

• 34:04Speaker 00

  Oh, yes.

• 34:04Speaker 01

  I, I tend to look quite dishevelled.

• 34:07Speaker 00

  No way.

• 34:08Speaker 01

  Travelling in my old clothes and sometimes people are wary of talking to me. Particularly on long distance trains where they're trapped with you for up to 58 hours at a time.

• 34:20Speaker 00

  Oh my god.

• 34:21Speaker 01

  That is longer than to, that is from here to Sydney and back and then back to Sydney on a plane.

• 34:27Speaker 00

  Yeah. My friend Matt John, that's my nickname for him because I think this is Matt, went to Kazakhstan without flying.

• 34:34Speaker 02

  Oh, yes.

• 34:35Speaker 00

  So he used, you know, buses and trains to get to Kazakhstan, which is the ninth biggest country on earth geographically in terms of size. And one of the train journeys was it was a 44 hour leg.

• 34:49Speaker 01

  You'd need a lot of moist wipes to get through that, wouldn't you?

• 34:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:54Speaker 01

  Though once I explain I'm a slightly eccentric Brit and all my clothes are disposable, that tends to break the ice. In any case, looking to Sherwood is a small price to pay for being a world-class old clothes disposer and light traveller. Keep up the fabulous work, Nick from Battersea.

• 35:12Speaker 00

  But what, my local recycling centre has a clothes recycling bin.

• 35:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:19Speaker 00

  So I just don't know what he's winning.

• 35:21Speaker 01

  Well, he's travelling progressively lighter as he goes.

• 35:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, fine.

• 35:26Speaker 02

  He makes a good point on, look, if the, if it's, if it's catching the eye of potential thieves because you've got a big, you know, fancy suitcase with you. So he's packing lights, which is a little backpack on his back.

• 35:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, he doesn't look like a muggable person, I suppose, if all of his clothes have got holes in them.

• 35:41Speaker 01

  But I don't quite understand how you save space on the way out because you'd either take six worn saggy old t-shirts or six nice new ones.

• 35:51Speaker 00

  Absolutely.

• 35:52Speaker 01

  And, you know, so, but I guess it's freeing up space for your bag on the way home.

• 35:58Speaker 00

  He's also gonna look, but why would you want an empty bag on the way home?

• 36:00Speaker 02

  Well, he's not, it's not gonna be empty because he's stockpiling new stuff on the way. So he's saying he's getting, you know.

• 36:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, and souvenirs.

• 36:05Speaker 02

  Souvenirs and stuff and other.

• 36:07Speaker 01

  I would like to hear from his family.

• 36:09Speaker 00

  He also is gonna look very different in his holiday photos.

• 36:14Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 36:16Speaker 00

  If he's on the holiday of a lifetime in America, every photo.

• 36:20Speaker 01

  Holes in all his clothes.

• 36:21Speaker 00

  Exactly.

• 36:22Speaker 01

  Wiggling his cable into his iPhone.

• 36:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 36:26Speaker 01

  Very good.

• 36:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's good. This is a cracker. Hello, you fabulous yeoman of content. I've only been a recent convert to your podcast. I've been begun listening in April of this year and I'm about 200 episodes down towards episode one. I'm working backwards from the most recent one. Wow, that's good effort. Listening to the high levels of bum slash bum procedure content as and as someone with ulcerative colitis, I was inspired to write in about a joke I made during my first colonoscopy. Before colonoscopies, you're required to drink DEFCON 1 fizzy laxatives in order to clear the runways for the scope. After drinking, there's a silly bang for the bowel.

• 37:01Speaker 01

  I've, I've had that.

• 37:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're supposed to then not.

• 37:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, it works. It's, it worked better than anything I've ever used before in my life.

• 37:10Speaker 00

  It's the most efficient thing that's definitely working in the way it should on earth. Yeah. Can you, can you not go far? Would it be risky to go far?

• 37:17Speaker 01

  You can't go far.

• 37:20Speaker 00

  It's like there's a tap of touch to you and someone else is in charge of it.

• 37:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. And they can't hear you when you tell them that you're not ready to water the garden yet.

• 37:31Speaker 01

  And if you say, there's actually a hosepipe ban in this area, they flick the Vs and say, I don't listen to water companies.

• 37:38Speaker 00

  Yeah. And then you just pray.

• 37:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:41Speaker 00

  Okay. After drinking, there's a silly bang for the bowel, you're supposed to then not eat until after the procedure. Now, I'm a diabetic. I need to have calories. I also have a feverish appetite as it is, so going 10 hours sans food would be a death sentence. Backing the NHS guidance and discovering that small amounts of ice cream are permitted, I decided to devour an entire tub of Ben and Jerry's before going to bed with insulin adjusted accordingly. After turning up the Queen's Medical Centre in Nottingham at 6am and answering the questions from the nurse, I disrobed and was re-robed in a hospital gown.

• 38:12Speaker 01

  Now, hang on. I've done this exact procedure.

• 38:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:16Speaker 01

  And I have, I'm not diabetic, but I have a similarly voracious appetite. If you, you eat your dinner, then you have it, then, you know, you stand back.

• 38:29Speaker 01

  You could just tell your family to go and stay in a local hotel.

• 38:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:32Speaker 01

  And then you go to bed.

• 38:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, call the police.

• 38:34Speaker 01

  And then you wake up and it's nine, eight, seven, six AM.

• 38:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:38Speaker 01

  And you've got the procedure.

• 38:39Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  Most of those 10 hours are asleep.

• 38:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, but still, right. So then the hour was upon us and I was put onto the gurney, given one to do toots of gas and air and my bowel was then on the big screen. It was a medium audience.

• 38:54Speaker 02

  What does that mean? What does that mean?

• 38:56Speaker 00

  With one doctor giving the probe, four nurses there for the assisted work and patient checking, and eight to 10 medical students observing, annotating and trying to blend into the background as best as they could.

• 39:07Speaker 02

  That's a lot.

• 39:08Speaker 00

  So that's 15 people.

• 39:09Speaker 01

  Whenever I imagine that scene, like all of this, because there's 10 people observing, I always imagine them like kind of jostling to get a view.

• 39:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, with clipboards.

• 39:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, like at a press conference. Mr. James, Mr. James.

• 39:23Speaker 00

  Mr. Robbins, Mr. Robbins, yeah. As the doctor made the first difficult turn inside me, a piece of bum rubbish floated past the screen. My immediate response, crack a joke. I wish you'd told me you were coming, I would have hoovered, was the line I landed on.

• 39:36Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 39:38Speaker 00

  This is the bit that got me. Silence. You've gotta laugh.

• 39:43Speaker 02

  You've gotta, just to let him feel better.

• 39:44Speaker 00

  Yeah. Bar the gentle beeping of the machinery and slow wheezes of the air being pumped into me, not even a chuckle occurred. Five of the medical students began writing after my joke happened. I left with some shame, but it has now become one of my go-to anecdotes and is even used as material by friends.

• 40:03Speaker 00

  Please keep up your fabulous content creation. Your joy's been an incredible discovery despite the fact you're journeyman in the podcast field. All the best, Tom from Bristol. I'm a very good polite laffer.

• 40:15Speaker 02

  Hmm. Oh, yeah, I am. Very generous.

• 40:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, you've got to be. Just oil's the wheels of, you know, social interaction.

• 40:22Speaker 01

  Would you remember to be a polite laffer if you were observing a colonoscopy?

• 40:27Speaker 00

  I would have done it if I was the doctor. If I was observing, I wouldn't because I wouldn't, I wouldn't be sure if it was my place.

• 40:33Speaker 02

  Absolutely. Because a lot of them would be trainee apprentices and stuff.

• 40:36Speaker 01

  They were probably taking their lead from the doctor.

• 40:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:39Speaker 00

  But I think the doctor to relax the patient has got to go.

• 40:46Speaker 00

  That's what it takes. It's an acknowledgement, isn't it?

• 40:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:50Speaker 00

  And proof that the joke hasn't failed. It's all you want.

• 40:53Speaker 01

  Now, we had an email last week from someone who'd unwittingly become the face of the heatwave, when a photo of them appeared on the BBC News website, holding a fan. And we've had a couple of people get in touch. So if you've ever unwittingly become the face of something, do let us know. This is from Shaun. You may have to read the start of it, Ellis.

• 41:15Speaker 00

  Oh, Shaun, you mean, the one, that one?

• 41:17Speaker 01

  Shaun, sorry.

• 41:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay. Shmae f wyrw fleg o gennys tigh i ddol. So W W W is W W W, like on the start of a website. That's how you say it in Welsh. Otherwise you'd be going, ooh, ooh, ooh. So W W W is triple W's. Welshman, wise man, worker bee.

• 41:37Speaker 01

  Ah, with the triple W's.

• 41:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, with the triple W's. I like that. Following on from the face of the heatwave slash tube slash red scrubs guy chat, here's an image of me that's been announced by the London Welsh Centre website for what is now over a decade. The image is from Wales's phenomenal Euro 2016 campaign, specifically our semi-final loss to Portugal. Given this was a 2-0 defeat, I've no idea what I'm celebrating in the image, especially as nobody else around me seems to be reacting in remotely the same way. All I can think of is that as a centre back myself, I must have been celebrating a robust James Collins tackle, header or clearance. I am forever grateful that the camera caught this moment as opposed to my ill-fated attempt at leading an Icelandic thunderclap at some point during the night. Why didn't anybody join in? Anyway, it was quite funny to revisit the centre in 2021

• 42:22Speaker 00

  and 2024 and be recognised as the website's what's on guy on both occasions by different members of staff. I have no idea who took the photo, but if anyone at the London Welsh Centre is listening, please keep using it. Absolutely love the show. And Ellis, please also consider this email a come get me plea for a company connection, as I think it'd be a good one. Diwch wawr, Shaun from Ridan Man slash Almenford.

• 42:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, so Shaun is the face of the what's on page.

• 42:48Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 42:48Speaker 01

  On the London Welsh Centre website.

• 42:50Speaker 00

  He is, you know, there's probably 30 people in that photo, but he's the only one celebrating, but the camera's focused on him. It's quite interesting.

• 42:56Speaker 01

  Yeah. And this is from Dots. This is extraordinary. Hello, you fanciful little flaneurs. On hearing about your listeners' bewilderment at finding herself the face of the last heatwave, I was suddenly transported out of my sweaty London flat and into the altogether cooler climes of rural Northern Ireland in the mid 2010s. Waiting at the bus stop on my way to school one morning, I looked up to see a massive photo of my own feet plastered across the side of a passing lorry. It took me a few seconds to ascertain that I was genuinely seeing this, rather than having a stroke, and I managed to whip out my phone to take a picture just before the lorry drove away.

• 43:33Speaker 01

  So what's in Dots's picture is like a low-sided loading lorry, like the sort you get outside Juicens, and it's got a crane on the back for moving sort of builders' bags of rubble and stones. And it says Concrete Ideas on the side, so obviously a concrete company, and there's two pairs of feet, one wearing sandals and one wearing Converse, and it cuts off at the ankle. And Dots continues, "I subsequently worked out that the photo had been taken when I was walking along a newly paved street whilst on holiday in a town at the opposite end of the country, and that it had been taken to advertise the work of the makers of the paving slabs.

• 44:15Speaker 01

  I was surgically attached to the rather unusual pair of Converse that I was wearing at the time, and the contrast between them and the sandaled feet of my father, who was walking next to me, was what enabled me to identify the feet as my own." That is crazy. "Not as wide a reach as the BBC News website, but the size and physical proximity of a paving slab lorry was still rather jarring. Perhaps we all band together and demand our respective royalties. Cheers, Dots." What are the rules? I don't know anymore. If you're in a public place, I'm pretty sure you have to sign a, you have to sign a release document if you're like the focus of the thing.

• 45:00Speaker 01

  So say someone, I think if someone comes up to you as like a vox pop. Yeah. To camera, I think maybe you have to sign a release document, you certainly have to give permission, but I think if you're. If you're speaking, absolutely. As long as you're not doing it in a harassing way. Yeah. I think, so you can't like necessarily, I don't, I'm not sure about this actually. Well, when I was the face of.

• 45:21Speaker 00

  Disgruntled commuters on the Victoria Line.

• 45:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:25Speaker 00

  Which was back, I got like dozens of messages from people I'd not spoken to for years who would just happen to be watching the programme. Because I was on the way to a gig and I was late and the tube was very badly delayed. I must, I must have been looking more annoyed than everyone else because the camera zoomed in on my face. And obviously I didn't know that. I didn't know there was a camera crew there and they didn't ask my permission. And suddenly, six months later, I was on prime time BBC One. It's quite a weird feeling.

• 45:56Speaker 01

  I think maybe you are allowed to film people in a public place, but like if anyone, if I ever looked across and someone was filming with those pervert specs, the new sort of high-tech specs.

• 46:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:06Speaker 01

  I think I would immediately just snap them.

• 46:09Speaker 00

  I'd love to see that.

• 46:10Speaker 01

  I would, I think I would do that and I think I would be justified and 99% of the population who aren't perverts would say yes.

• 46:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:16Speaker 01

  Good.

• 46:17Speaker 00

  The, uh, the phrase you're meant to use there is not a court in the land.

• 46:21Speaker 01

  Yes, there's not a court in the land, Dave.

• 46:23Speaker 00

  In the land.

• 46:24Speaker 02

  You've got to be careful because those.

• 46:26Speaker 01

  Dave, there's not a court in the land.

• 46:28Speaker 00

  Do you know what I mean? There's not a court in the land, Dave.

• 46:30Speaker 02

  That, I think you'll find there could be a court in the land.

• 46:32Speaker 01

  There's not a court in the land, Dave, that would send this good fellow down.

• 46:37Speaker 00

  For snapping some perv glasses, I'd give you a grand.

• 46:40Speaker 01

  Thanks, man. And I'd give it back to the person whose glasses are just broken.

• 46:43Speaker 00

  And then we'd sort of be quits.

• 46:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:46Speaker 00

  But I've paid for it, even though it's your act.

• 46:48Speaker 01

  Hmm. Well, you got to enjoy the act.

• 46:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, for a thousand pounds.

• 46:52Speaker 02

  But those specs are quite useful for people who have, uh, reading problems or eyesight issues as well. So they are actually being used in a very, uh, positive way at points.

• 47:00Speaker 01

  Sure, but why are those people filming me?

• 47:03Speaker 02

  No, you're absolutely right. You're right. But, but that's not broad, because as much as we can call them pervert specs.

• 47:08Speaker 01

  When they're filming.

• 47:09Speaker 02

  When they're filming, but when they're, when they're being worn by perverts.

• 47:12Speaker 01

  When they're, when they're being worn without being filmed, they're accessibility ones.

• 47:18Speaker 01

  Which I fully support being waived by anyone who needs them.

• 47:22Speaker 00

  What I do get is, so where, so you wear the specs, like I've got spectacles on now.

• 47:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:28Speaker 00

  And I'm, I can film out like a, like a camera phone.

• 47:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:31Speaker 02

  He's got many cameras in them.

• 47:32Speaker 00

  Have they? I did not know that.

• 47:34Speaker 01

  And they've got a tiny little light which you can cover up with gaffer tape if you're a pervert.

• 47:40Speaker 00

  Dear.

• 47:41Speaker 02

  But again, they are also doing good at points.

• 47:44Speaker 01

  They are.

• 47:44Speaker 02

  At points.

• 47:45Speaker 01

  But at what cost, Dave?

• 47:47Speaker 00

  You've always said that pervs drive tech, haven't you, Dave? It's always been your...

• 47:51Speaker 01

  Well, in many ways, they do.

• 47:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:52Speaker 01

  Hence VHS.

• 47:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 48:00Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, it's a bit like space travel.

• 48:03Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 48:03Speaker 01

  People say, why, why are we going to the moon? In the same way that they say, why do we have so much pornography? The fact is that both NASA and the porn industry, that tech filters down to us, the user.

• 48:17Speaker 00

  Same with war. War drives tech.

• 48:19Speaker 01

  Thermos flasks, inertia reel seat belts and VHS.

• 48:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 48:25Speaker 01

  And we say, thanks NASA and thanks pornography.

• 48:27Speaker 00

  Because Betamax was better than VHS, but the porn industry blooming love VHS, Dave.

• 48:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:33Speaker 02

  And that's still...

• 48:34Speaker 01

  Very horny scenes.

• 48:41Speaker 00

  That's why Betamax...

• 48:43Speaker 01

  Visibly hot.

• 48:45Speaker 02

  Commercialising someone's likeness generally requires a signed model release form. If you publish or use the photo without their permission, they can object and potentially take legal action.

• 48:53Speaker 00

  I mean, also...

• 48:55Speaker 01

  There's not a court in the land, Dave.

• 48:57Speaker 00

  Dots wouldn't... I don't think anyone else would recognise Dot's feet from that photo.

• 49:02Speaker 01

  But you could say, you're using my feet to advertise without my permission.

• 49:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, and I should, yeah.

• 49:07Speaker 01

  I should be remunerated.

• 49:08Speaker 00

  Yes, absolutely.

• 49:09Speaker 02

  But also, what if, if they, if they catch you on a...

• 49:11Speaker 00

  Because there are feet models up there.

• 49:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, big time.

• 49:13Speaker 02

  Let's say you're on a tube and you get a quick picture taken that ends up somewhere. What if you weren't really meant to be on that tube? What if you were on your way to a mistress's house or something? Then it ruins your family life and things like that.

• 49:25Speaker 01

  Well, this is what they say when you're doing warm up for TV shows. They say, do bear in mind that if you're in the audience, you're being captured on camera. Because there have been situations where people have taken their fancy man or fancy lady to say, I'm going to treat you to two and a half hours of pure and adulterated Noel Edmonds.

• 49:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:43Speaker 01

  And then they're on the blooming telly.

• 49:45Speaker 00

  I'd go.

• 49:45Speaker 01

  And their partner homes going, who's that mistress or master of yours?

• 49:49Speaker 00

  It's the kiss come at Coldplay.

• 49:51Speaker 02

  It is. I mean, that's the, yeah, the ultimate, isn't it, really?

• 49:53Speaker 00

  It's the ultimate.

• 50:03Speaker 02

  When it comes to life insurance, annuities.

• 50:06Speaker 00

  And long-term care solutions. How do you know you've found the right partner? When everything works in harmony? Like innovative products, long-term value, and financial strength? Check out Securian.com to find the partner that hits all the right notes. Insurance issued by Minnesota Life Insurance Company and Securian Life Insurance Company. For rating agency information and how our ratings compare, visit Securian.com/ratings.

• 50:33Speaker 03

  Hello, this is Suzy Ruffel.

• 50:34Speaker 04

  And Maisy Adams.

• 50:35Speaker 03

  And together we host Big Kick Energy. Hey Mais, what is it?

• 50:38Speaker 04

  Only the best podcast ever.

• 50:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:40Speaker 04

  A comedy entertainment podcast with a focus on all things women's football, all things hilarious, all things friendship. It's a laugh is what it is, Ruffel.

• 50:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, and a fair bit of gossiping, too.

• 50:51Speaker 04

  Oh, and a lovely bit of gossip. Chow down on the gossip.

• 50:56Speaker 03

  You can listen wherever you get your podcasts. Just need to search Big Kick Energy.

• 51:00Speaker 04

  Grab a knife and fork and tuck in, baby.

• 51:06Speaker 01

  Right, let's stop talking about rude sex. And say-

• 51:11Speaker 02

  I love that the two words Griff said was just wow twice when John said that he's made love to his music.

• 51:17Speaker 00

  Imagine it. You've made a record with Mogwai, and so many of them met before has told you that. What else do you say?

• 51:24Speaker 02

  You say wow twice.

• 51:26Speaker 01

  You say thank you very much. I'm glad it was of use.

• 51:29Speaker 00

  That's what we-

• 51:29Speaker 01

  It's also a superb album in its own right.

• 51:31Speaker 00

  That's what we were intending in the studio.

• 51:34Speaker 01

  Yeah. Now, we don't know where England are in the World Cup because this is being recorded before the semi-final.

• 51:43Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 51:44Speaker 01

  I've actually got a bone to ask with you.

• 51:48Speaker 00

  No.

• 51:49Speaker 01

  No, it is because it's not a bone to pick with you, but I do need to ask you something.

• 51:53Speaker 00

  Okay, that's fine. You've got a question bone.

• 51:54Speaker 01

  I've got a question bone. I haven't watched a single kick of this World Cup so far.

• 51:59Speaker 00

  Fair play.

• 52:00Speaker 01

  Right? England are now potentially in a semi-final.

• 52:05Speaker 00

  So when we record-

• 52:05Speaker 02

  Potentially in the final.

• 52:06Speaker 01

  Potentially in the final.

• 52:07Speaker 00

  Or we might be knocked out by this one.

• 52:08Speaker 01

  We don't know whether they-

• 52:09Speaker 00

  We don't know because we're recording on Monday.

• 52:10Speaker 01

  No, they are in the semi-final.

• 52:11Speaker 00

  That's happening on Wednesday.

• 52:12Speaker 01

  So they're potentially in the final. They're definitely in the semi-final.

• 52:15Speaker 00

  But when this goes out, it'll be one or the other.

• 52:16Speaker 01

  Yeah. Now, my problem is with the World Cup and FIFA and Donald Trump. It's not with England. I obviously want England to do well.

• 52:24Speaker 00

  Goodness, no, I don't.

• 52:25Speaker 01

  I'm not angry at our 12 lions, minus one, but not unless he's the manager, as they call them.

• 52:33Speaker 00

  What an-

• 52:33Speaker 01

  What does that mean?

• 52:35Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 52:36Speaker 01

  So.

• 52:37Speaker 00

  I suppose Thomas Tuchel is an employed lion.

• 52:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:40Speaker 00

  He's German.

• 52:41Speaker 01

  So I want England to win.

• 52:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:43Speaker 02

  Well, yeah.

• 52:44Speaker 01

  But me not having watched a single kick seems to have played quite a large part in their progress.

• 52:51Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 52:52Speaker 01

  So say they win the semi.

• 52:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:54Speaker 00

  You're then not allowed to watch the final.

• 52:56Speaker 01

  Well, this is the thing, but I'm going to a party that I've just found up is a World Cup final party.

• 53:01Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 53:02Speaker 02

  What, on Sunday?

• 53:03Speaker 01

  On Sunday.

• 53:05Speaker 02

  I don't believe in all that. Just watch the blooming game.

• 53:08Speaker 01

  But I don't really want to.

• 53:09Speaker 02

  Oh, okay. Well, that's different. That's your choice.

• 53:12Speaker 01

  I want England to win. I just don't want to watch it.

• 53:15Speaker 02

  Well, it sounds like you don't have to because you don't want to.

• 53:18Speaker 01

  But I've got to go to the party and I don't want to be the guy who goes, oh, actually, everyone, I'm going to turn my face away from the screen.

• 53:25Speaker 00

  I'll just sit in your car.

• 53:27Speaker 01

  Yeah. No, I would have done that for segments anyway.

• 53:30Speaker 00

  Just go along.

• 53:31Speaker 01

  Calm down.

• 53:32Speaker 00

  But kind of feign a little bit of interest because you're there. You don't want to be rude. You don't want to make other people feel awkward, but just chat to someone else.

• 53:38Speaker 01

  But is it bad luck if I see a live kick because I've not seen a live kick?

• 53:41Speaker 02

  I don't believe in any of that nonsense, to be honest.

• 53:43Speaker 01

  What if I see a live kick and we lose a hundred million bill?

• 53:47Speaker 00

  Please, please have a look.

• 53:49Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 53:50Speaker 00

  That would be fantastic.

• 53:51Speaker 01

  So would you, I'm not trying to get you into trouble here. Say it's Spain, England in the final. You would be, would you be actively supporting Spain? Or would you have an eye on Spain?

• 54:03Speaker 02

  He's actively supporting Spain. He doesn't need to. I can answer that for him.

• 54:09Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 54:12Speaker 02

  And this is fine, by the way. You're fine to say that.

• 54:14Speaker 00

  I would say that I support Wales and let's leave it at that.

• 54:17Speaker 02

  He supports Wales. There we go.

• 54:19Speaker 00

  I am jealous of England's success.

• 54:23Speaker 02

  I've not won anything yet.

• 54:24Speaker 00

  I would like to get to semi, to a semi final, Dave.

• 54:26Speaker 02

  You've got to a semi.

• 54:28Speaker 00

  This time, I would like to be at a World Cup.

• 54:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:32Speaker 00

  Which we have done twice. I'd like to do it. I'd like to do more of it.

• 54:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's good fun. It is nice.

• 54:37Speaker 01

  But you surely would be just as jealous of Spain?

• 54:43Speaker 00

  Uh, no, because I don't live next, I don't live in Spain and I didn't grow up.

• 54:46Speaker 02

  You're not Portuguese.

• 54:47Speaker 00

  No, and I didn't grow up next door to Spain.

• 54:49Speaker 02

  So I bet the Portuguese are rooting for England.

• 54:53Speaker 00

  I don't know, actually. That's an interesting, that's an interesting question. I'm not sure.

• 54:57Speaker 01

  So anyway, if England have reached the final, or if they haven't, or if we're trying to cover both bases.

• 55:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 55:04Speaker 01

  Here is a poem from Dave that he will write later this week and drop into the podcast.

• 55:11Speaker 02

  We don't need to say. Yeah, yeah, we know we do need to say that. So do we want a poem either? Am I writing a sad poem if we're out as well? Or is it just a rousing poem if we're in the final?

• 55:21Speaker 01

  I think you should write a poem that somehow manages to cover both eventualities in one poem.

• 55:26Speaker 02

  It's impossible. Okay, I'll give that a go. Okay, so.

• 55:30Speaker 00

  That's very funny. The, the, the cover all bases poem.

• 55:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, imagine if the charge of the light brigade had been written in advance and he'd not know whether they'd won or not.

• 55:40Speaker 00

  No.

• 55:42Speaker 02

  Cover all bases.

• 55:42Speaker 01

  So half a league, half a league, half a league onward into the valley of death.

• 55:46Speaker 00

  Maybe.

• 55:48Speaker 01

  Or winning, rode the six hundred.

• 55:51Speaker 02

  A lot of maybes in there, a lot of this or that. Understood.

• 55:54Speaker 00

  You could use the word perhaps.

• 55:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:56Speaker 02

  Absolutely, yeah.

• 55:57Speaker 00

  Possibly.

• 55:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:59Speaker 00

  You never know.

• 56:00Speaker 01

  Perchance.

• 56:01Speaker 02

  Perchance. Let me write these down, actually. I'll get all these in.

• 56:03Speaker 01

  Perchance, perhaps, maybe.

• 56:06Speaker 02

  Perchance.

• 56:08Speaker 01

  On the other hand.

• 56:14Speaker 02

  On the other, on the other hand. Yeah.

• 56:21Speaker 01

  Impossible to say.

• 56:23Speaker 02

  Impossible to say. Who knows?

• 56:24Speaker 01

  Who knows?

• 56:27Speaker 02

  It isn't, it isn't.

• 56:28Speaker 01

  It isn't, it isn't. Swings and roundabouts.

• 56:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:34Speaker 00

  That'll do.

• 56:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:35Speaker 00

  Otherwise it's a lot.

• 56:36Speaker 01

  But some things will be true. Still be a game of two halves, well, four quarters.

• 56:39Speaker 00

  Four quarters, six.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  Two quarters of extra time.

• 56:42Speaker 00

  Possibly a game of four quarters and two halves.

• 56:44Speaker 01

  But as Ellis knows all too well, the ball is still round, Dave.

• 56:47Speaker 02

  Always.

• 56:48Speaker 01

  No matter what, Donald Trump and Gianni Infantino, as I call him, Gianni Infantile.

• 56:56Speaker 00

  I was.

• 56:57Speaker 02

  Oh, ouch.

• 56:57Speaker 00

  Infantilo.

• 56:59Speaker 01

  No, Infantino, infant, infant.

• 57:03Speaker 00

  It's Infantino, isn't it?

• 57:05Speaker 01

  Do you know what Michael called Griff Reese earlier? Grief Reese.

• 57:12Speaker 01

  I was coming back into the studio and he was talking to Zoff, so Ellis didn't hear him. Well, we might have a grief risk.

• 57:19Speaker 00

  The great thing is, if I'd heard that, I wouldn't have known who he meant. And I'd be like, I wonder who grief Reese is? He might be a cyclist. He might be doing the Tour de France.

• 57:27Speaker 01

  So here's Dave's poem.

• 57:32Speaker 02

  Do we dare to ponder the American dream? Or is it already a nightmare? Are we striding the path to victory? Or are we on the road to nowhere? Sixty-four teams stepped over the line. We're down to the last men standing. A summer of drama, it's certainly been and may continue to be demanding. Thomas prowling the sidelines, Jude, the man of the hour. This could be our moment, depending on recent results, or perhaps it's all turned sour. The drama of Mexico, the heat of Miami, and something will have happened in Atlanta. Perhaps we soared past Messi and Co. Perhaps we finished at a canter.

• 58:16Speaker 02

  Were goals scored? Did boys become men? Did we win or lose by a fraction? The swings and roundabouts of the beautiful game, the result, but a mere distraction. Perchance, did Kane save the day? Possibly, did Declan pull the strings? On the other hand, did our Argentinian friends have plans for greater things? So whether this is or was, our year or not, triumph was only a suggestion. To win or to lose, to stay or to leave, that is, or was until recently, the question.

• 58:51Speaker 02

  Maybe this was our time, maybe the dream grows dimmer. But when all's said and done, and we're able to reflect,

• 59:00Speaker 02

  perhaps football was the winner.

• 59:06Speaker 02

  Maybe. Wow, what a cover all bases poem that was.

• 59:12Speaker 01

  Now then, diddly Dave. Are we having a little bit of a ring fence section here? We should do a ring fence jingle. Oh dear.

• 59:22Speaker 00

  Oh, it's me.

• 59:23Speaker 01

  Dave is sacked.

• 59:25Speaker 02

  Pick up the kids. Now is that a problem? Given I'm 200 miles away. No, it's not. Hannah's off. Hannah's it's. No, Hannah's. Hannah's broken up for the summer. She's picking up the kids. It's fine.

• 59:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, our kids don't break up on Friday.

• 59:40Speaker 02

  Uh, no, our kids don't break up for two weeks, but Hannah, secondary school, broke up on Friday.

• 59:46Speaker 00

  Did they? Okay.

• 59:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:47Speaker 01

  Dave, we should do a jingle that's like this. Ring fenced for the Patreon. Ring fenced for the Patreon. Do it like a big crowd.

• 59:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:58Speaker 01

  Ring fenced for the Patreon. Ring fenced for the Patreon.

• 1:00:04Speaker 02

  Or just naturally get into it so it feels like it's part of the podcast.

• 1:00:07Speaker 01

  Content if you pay your squids. Content if you pay your squids.

• 1:00:12Speaker 02

  No, don't be. No, it's just, it's just good stuff, isn't it? It was a big announcement.

• 1:00:16Speaker 00

  Paywall for some extra stuff.

• 1:00:19Speaker 01

  Paywall for some extra stuff.

• 1:00:23Speaker 00

  Paywall.

• 1:00:24Speaker 02

  Do you know what me and Michael said this morning? We said, do you know what we should probably do? Just stop mentioning the ring fence and just kind of naturally get into it. So it's there, but it's, but then we've just done three different melodies about it.

• 1:00:35Speaker 00

  Jingles. Paywall for some extra stuff.

• 1:00:40Speaker 02

  It's just nice, isn't it?

• 1:00:41Speaker 01

  So part two of Station to Station, our epic trip, clockwise around the M25, visiting all four services and reviewing them. Why did we do it? Because no one asked.

• 1:00:56Speaker 01

  Is now online. Here's a clip.

• 1:01:00Speaker 00

  Right, you're about to see a man have his big moment. John incredibly has allowed me to drive the Sportage. He said he would a couple of days ago, but as this moment's got nearer and nearer, the more anxious and agitated he's become. When he gave me the keys, he actually went grey.

• 1:01:17Speaker 00

  Anyway, we're driving to Clackit Lane. I think it's fine because I passed my driving test almost 28 years ago. But he really is among just I'm drew in there. So let's get cracking.

• 1:01:30Speaker 01

  What did we think of Thorac?

• 1:01:32Speaker 00

  I thought the vibe was extremely negative.

• 1:01:35Speaker 01

  Did you just stall, then? Did you just stall?

• 1:01:38Speaker 00

  Well, no, because clearly not. I'm about to restart the car.

• 1:01:41Speaker 01

  It was close. It was, it was very close. Firm stall. Well, it wasn't.

• 1:01:46Speaker 00

  Because I'm about to restart the car.

• 1:01:47Speaker 01

  No, but it restarts when you put the clutch in.

• 1:01:49Speaker 00

  It doesn't?

• 1:01:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, it does. You, you stalled the bugger.

• 1:01:52Speaker 00

  I would say that I was approaching stall.

• 1:01:54Speaker 01

  You stalled then. We've got it on camera, Dave. Can I have a slow motion replay of that?

• 1:02:03Speaker 00

  Why did this bit have to make the trailer, Dave?

• 1:02:08Speaker 01

  Because it's fun. Wow. So there you go. An insight into part two of Station to Station, our latest Ellis and John cinematic universe release.

• 1:02:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:19Speaker 01

  That's now available to Patreon subscribers and we do hope you enjoy it.

• 1:02:23Speaker 00

  Yes. And if you live in London and you speak Welsh.

• 1:02:27Speaker 01

  Oh, my goodness.

• 1:02:28Speaker 00

  Please, Dave, let me.

• 1:02:32Speaker 00

  23rd of July. I'm, I'm doing too many that aren't at the London Welsh Centre because I should have taken advantage of their excellent mailing list. 23rd of July at ABC, 26th of July at Stanley Hall in South Norwood, which is a festival and there's lots of amazing stuff happening because Daniel Kitson's organised it. Lots of great acts, including friend of the show Sally A B, she's performing and a lot of other people.

• 1:02:55Speaker 01

  Does she perform in English? Because she's bilingual.

• 1:02:57Speaker 00

  She's performing in English. She has never.

• 1:02:59Speaker 01

  That was a clever move.

• 1:03:01Speaker 00

  She has never performed stand up in French, which is crazy. And I asked her the other day, I said, why not? And she was like, I'm too nervous. I can't compute that.

• 1:03:11Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:03:12Speaker 00

  Straighter, straight, straighter second language. Yeah.

• 1:03:15Speaker 01

  What's the stand up scene like in France? Is it thriving?

• 1:03:18Speaker 00

  Well, Sally is great. She would boss it.

• 1:03:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:21Speaker 00

  But I, I once, Izzy and I were in Paris and on New Year's Eve about 15 years ago and we watched.

• 1:03:31Speaker 00

  It was like an equivalent of Houtenani, Live at the Apollo and France's Got Talent, all in one. That was like their big, whatever their equivalent to BBC One is, sort of show that was going up from like 10pm until midnight. Have I told this?

• 1:03:46Speaker 01

  No, but I'm just imagining Cirque du Clou, Circus of Clowns, from knowing me, knowing you.

• 1:03:51Speaker 00

  Right, okay.

• 1:03:52Speaker 01

  That's what I have in my head when you say what's the French stuff. There was that kind of stuff. Lots of people squirting water in each other's faces.

• 1:03:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, so like the David Schneider, they play that. So it was, yeah, it was, it was, it was in a theatre that would be the equivalent of the Apollo, sort of like the Batte Clan or something. And it was a really crazy mix of like dancing dogs, you know, a sort of a choir and, and a guy doing stand up. And Celia said, I know exactly what you mean. Like, I know what sort of programme this was. And Izzy did A Level French and she was able to translate it. And she was translating the stand up. And it was basically, when I am with my, my mistress, I'm like, oh, mon

• 1:04:42Speaker 00

  chéri, mon chéri, oh, j'adore, j'adore, mon chéri. When I'm with my wife, I'm like,

• 1:04:49Speaker 00

  where is my wallet?

• 1:04:54Speaker 00

  And he absolutely smashed it.

• 1:04:57Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:04:58Speaker 00

  You know, when you're watching people laughing at a joke in a sort of language you don't understand, it's like a culture that's different to yours, but people are crying when laughter. I was like, of course, of course, he's, he's the best comic in France because he's on at five to midnight on New Year's Eve.

• 1:05:14Speaker 01

  There is an English language gig in Paris, I think.

• 1:05:16Speaker 00

  There've been quite a few over the years. I got booked for the Paris gig.

• 1:05:19Speaker 01

  Did you?

• 1:05:20Speaker 00

  Yeah. Anyway, first and second of August, third, it'll land at Welsh Centre, third of August, back at ABC in Kennington. Please let your mates know, and let them come.

• 1:05:31Speaker 01

  Good stuff. Right then, let's finish the show with a mad dad. My dad, when he brought his first non-stick frying pan, kept the instructions and stuck them on the wall next to it.

• 1:05:44Speaker 00

  Actual, real wooden clogs.

• 1:05:47Speaker 01

  And set about eating what must have been north of 24 egg canapes.

• 1:05:52Speaker 00

  He then proceeded to empty 40 litres or so. Went on to the timber and strike a mad dad.

• 1:05:59Speaker 01

  That's a mad.

• 1:06:00Speaker 00

  That's a mad. That's a mad.

• 1:06:06Speaker 00

  Okay. This caught my eye a couple of weeks ago, and I've been looking forward to an opportunity to read it out, so, because I think this is brilliant. To my three gentle giants of broadcasting, I'm emailing in response to your chat in episode 516, but the Alice and John calendar had eventually been fit for reuse in over a hundred years. My late dad would have absolutely loved that concept, not for environmental reasons, but because it would have validated a system he'd already perfected. In his role as a travelling salesman, he carried a pocket diary everywhere, appointments, contacts, reminders, the location of every decent motorway service station in the north of England.

• 1:06:47Speaker 00

  But as a thrifty Bradfordian of Pwer Yorkshire stock, he refused to buy a new diary every year. This is huge for me, I love this one. Instead, he would use the same one for four consecutive years. His method: year one in blue biro, year two in red, year three in black, year four in green. He'd simply adjust the date number as required and carry on. A meeting on the 12th would quietly become the 13th, if the calendar demanded it. Administrative jazz. Stingy, perhaps, mad unquestionably.

• 1:07:25Speaker 00

  He's no longer with us and we miss him enormously though. I suspect a big diary does not. All the best, Ben from Telford.

• 1:07:32Speaker 01

  So is he crossing out the day and rewriting it? Or is he crossing out the date and rewriting it?

• 1:07:39Speaker 00

  It must be the date, mustn't it? Because the date is-

• 1:07:42Speaker 01

  Well, no, because it always has to start on January the 1st. Because if it starts on a Monday that's January the 6th, you're going to miss the first five days of the year.

• 1:07:53Speaker 00

  Yes. What I do and I would love, I'd love a follow up from Ben.

• 1:07:58Speaker 01

  So then you're going to write 365 new days every year?

• 1:08:02Speaker 00

  Because he did this for years. Each diary lasted four years, so he's making himself a saving over the course of a lifetime.

• 1:08:10Speaker 01

  Of potentially, you know, six or seven quid.

• 1:08:13Speaker 00

  But I would love to know how many times he got him in trouble and how many missed appointments there were.

• 1:08:18Speaker 01

  I'd love to see a photo of a page.

• 1:08:20Speaker 00

  And I'd love to see a photo of a page because I think I could last with that system for a week before missing something really important. Yeah. It's just so confusing.

• 1:08:32Speaker 01

  You know how, have you seen the clip of Rory Stewart discussing how he's found his grandmother's diary?

• 1:08:38Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:08:38Speaker 01

  And this is sort of very-

• 1:08:40Speaker 00

  It's quite racy, isn't it, I think?

• 1:08:41Speaker 01

  But very interesting insight into the life of a young woman in the 1920s.

• 1:08:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:46Speaker 01

  I think this is Ellis's version of that. He wants to see 80s ink.

• 1:08:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:51Speaker 01

  Describing the motorway services of the north.

• 1:08:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:55Speaker 01

  But also different contacts at different sort of haulage companies.

• 1:08:58Speaker 00

  Yeah. But also it's just, it must have looked incredible, all the different colours.

• 1:09:06Speaker 01

  You've got to be a Nigel Neathead to do that.

• 1:09:09Speaker 00

  And-

• 1:09:09Speaker 01

  You can't be a Simon Scrollop.

• 1:09:11Speaker 00

  Year one must be blissful.

• 1:09:14Speaker 01

  But would you know you were going to do it for the next four years? So would you take that into account when writing year one? So would you keep it to a quarter of the page?

• 1:09:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, but at least then, January the 10th is definitely January the 10th.

• 1:09:27Speaker 01

  Yeah. Oh, it's the easiest year without a doubt.

• 1:09:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the only, that's the only easy year.

• 1:09:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:33Speaker 00

  January, the second year is, is difficult. Year four-

• 1:09:40Speaker 01

  I'd love it would be very 80s of him if he'd gone through, you know, those machines where you type, like a label maker.

• 1:09:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:09:47Speaker 01

  With a specific font and you could sort of type and glue it over the top.

• 1:09:52Speaker 00

  I would just love to see one. You know, football commentators, you know, they sell their notes before big games.

• 1:09:57Speaker 01

  Do they?

• 1:09:58Speaker 00

  Yeah. So Clive Tilson, especially, he's got a very distinct form of handwriting. So he writes these really elaborate, thorough set of notes for each international fixtures.

• 1:10:08Speaker 01

  And sells them?

• 1:10:09Speaker 00

  Yeah. So, I don't know, when England beat Germany 5-1, for instance, he will have notes from that game and he'll have little things to say in fact about each player.

• 1:10:19Speaker 01

  Sells them afterwards?

• 1:10:20Speaker 00

  Yes. Yeah.

• 1:10:20Speaker 01

  I thought you meant sells them before to other commentators.

• 1:10:23Speaker 00

  Because obviously, you know, your writing doesn't change once you're an adult. They've got a very kind of recognisable look to them.

• 1:10:31Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:10:32Speaker 00

  But yeah, just must, I mean, I would really like to see Ben from Telford's dad's diary.

• 1:10:38Speaker 01

  Well, if you've got a mad dad or mum, let us know. Hello at ellisonjohn.com. And we're very thankful for all of your correspondence and we will see you next week. Goodbye.

• 1:10:58Speaker 03

  BJ's 42% off thank you celebration is how we say thanks for 42 years. Get 42% off ground beef, chicken, drumsticks, potatoes and more through October 31st at BJ's Wholesale Club. Terms apply. Visit BJ's.com for details. Not a member? Join today. Hello, this is Susie Ruffel.

• 1:11:14Speaker 04

  And Maisie Adam.

• 1:11:15Speaker 03

  And together we host Big Kick Energy. Hey Mais, what is it?

• 1:11:18Speaker 04

  Only the best podcast ever.

• 1:11:20Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:11:20Speaker 04

  A comedy entertainment podcast with a focus on all things women's football, all things hilarious, all things friendship. It's a laugh is what it is, Ruffel.

• 1:11:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, and a fair bit of gossiping too.

• 1:11:32Speaker 04

  Oh, and a lovely bit of gossip. Chow down on the gossip.

• 1:11:35Speaker 03

  Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. You can listen wherever you get your podcasts. You just need to search Big Kick Energy.

• 1:11:40Speaker 04

  Grab a knife and fork and tuck in, baby.

• 1:11:45Speaker 01

  Thanks for listening to the show and you can follow us on Instagram and TikTok at ellisonjohn for more content.

• 1:11:51Speaker 00

  And you can watch highlights of every episode over on our YouTube page at ellisonjohn.

• 1:11:56Speaker 01

  Plus, you can find all things EJJR, including links to our Patreon, our merch and much more by heading to ellisonjohn.com. See you next time.