Pod Insights Elis James and John Robins #556 - Un-Air Conditional, 296 Johns and A Pitta Pocket or Two About this episode Our trio are on the old remote tricast today and John is, again, incredibly keen to emphasise just how well he is getting on during Operation Heatwave.
But it’s also hot hot hot broadcasting as we hear of tupperware audits and controversy in the Dads Race. Does Elis remain unbeaten?
Also, sound the Heartwarming Radio Bell as one of the team shares a delightful addition to his week.
Fancy dropping us a line? Well it’s [email protected] mailto:[email protected] if you do!
And check out the latest Adventure of Elis and John: Station to Station https://www.patreon.com/elisandjohn/posts/adventure-4-to-162382951.
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Transcript 12,854 words · 8 speakers
0:00 Speaker 00 Before we start this episode, we want to invite you along to the adventures of Alice and John.
0:04 Speaker 01 If you head over to patreon.com/ellisonjohn, you can join us on our monthly escapades, including...
0:10 Speaker 00 Miniumpicks.
0:11 Speaker 01 It's the strangest legal jump in the history of long jump.
0:14 Speaker 00 Birdwatching.
0:15 Speaker 02 My two favourite things are birds and football.
0:18 Speaker 01 And you can watch our latest episode now, where we tackle an escape room. So John is absolutely flying here. Well, Alice is there as well.
0:26 Speaker 02 Alice is there as well, Dave.
0:27 Speaker 00 We did the first three, Dave, for complete chill.
0:32 Speaker 00 So for adventures and so much more, head over to patreon.com/ellisonjohn now.
0:40 Speaker 03 75% of women who seek menopause care don't receive it. The lying awake at 3am, wondering what's happening to your body, ends now. Midi is virtual care built for women in perimenopause and menopause, with clinicians who specialise in women's health. Plus, it's covered by most major insurances. Getting started is easy. You can book your first visit with a clinician right away. Midlife needs Midi. Visit joinmidi.com to book your first visit today. That's join m-i-d-i dot com. Insurance coverage varies. Check with your plan for coverage.
1:11 Speaker 04 1965, London. The world's largest uncut diamond has been stolen from the Natural History Museum.
1:21 Speaker 04 Shortly after, a young London window cleaner is arrested.
1:24 Speaker 05 They said you're nicked, you're on a lot of travel.
1:26 Speaker 04 But was he set up? Wanted, I've led to a fall of two cops. His family say he is guilty, but of a totally different crime.
1:36 Speaker 06 You're not going to end up going to prison, are you, kidlet?
1:38 Speaker 04 I'm Jacey Long, and this is Rough Diamond. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts.
2:07 Speaker 01 Hello everyone, it's Ellis, John and Dave here on a slightly special recording because we've been off on our travels, so unable to record from London on Friday. So we're coming live from Operation Heatwave and three very different approaches in Chedlehume, South London and Buckinghamshire. Dave, wearing a cap, has only just closed his blinds, which is 10 to 4, so most of the damage is already done. Ellis, in his own words, sweating pints. JohnnyJR, cool as a cucumber.
2:42 Speaker 00 He wins again.
2:43 Speaker 01 Resting on ice, of course, because Operation Heatwave began at 7 today. There were no excuses.
2:51 Speaker 00 Downstairs with us is very cool, actually, but upstairs is, it is warmer upstairs. But yeah, you win again, you're the best.
2:59 Speaker 01 I win. I have one who's got the coolest house in a heatwave.
3:04 Speaker 07 Yeah, actually, it shows how selfless I am, John, because I did, I actually took your advice for every other room in the house, especially the kids' bedrooms, which are on the front of the house. The blinds were down, the curtains were drawn. The electric blind was down in front of the slatted blind. It's a three, it's a triple lock at the front of the house, but I just forgot to do the room that I'm in all day, which is a shame.
3:26 Speaker 01 You're also wearing a hat, Dave, which is madness inside in a heatwave.
3:31 Speaker 07 Well, I had it on earlier because I went into town and I just couldn't be bothered doing my hair and I can't take it off now. I've got thin hair, John. My hair doesn't bounce back when a cap's been on it for four hours. There's zero bounce back ability.
3:43 Speaker 01 This is a hair safe space.
3:45 Speaker 07 No, we're visualised, aren't we?
3:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, but no one cares. God, the state I used to turn up in.
3:51 Speaker 07 Oh, when someone mentioned on Instagram that I was going bald the other day, so I'm back to my cap days again.
3:56 Speaker 01 You do what any right-minded social media user does, is you track them down, you go to their house and you cover their front door in excrement.
4:07 Speaker 07 Yeah.
4:08 Speaker 01 You can't be wearing a hat in the hottest room of the house on the hottest day of the year.
4:13 Speaker 07 I'll do.
4:13 Speaker 01 It's not a fashion show.
4:14 Speaker 07 I'll run my own race, John, actually, but if you want me to, if you're gonna bully me into taking my cap off.
4:19 Speaker 00 Also, the old, the old, the, the headphones are gonna take the edge off it.
4:23 Speaker 01 You look very cool, actually.
4:25 Speaker 00 The problem is, it's, it's made your hair stick up, so you look like you're in Jedward.
4:29 Speaker 07 Great. So forty hours of me looking like Jed. Nothing wrong with Jedward. Seem like nice guys, actually.
4:34 Speaker 00 Nothing wrong with Jedward.
4:36 Speaker 01 Ellis, what's your excuse? Why is your room so hot?
4:39 Speaker 00 Because I've just, well, it just is, and I've, I've had to open the blinds because I've just done a driving theory test for an adventures app in this room. And I got asked specifically by Gareth, who does our social media and who films everything, that it needed to be well lit. So the blinds had to come up about an hour and a half ago.
4:57 Speaker 07 I wonder what, I wonder what the adventure's gonna be. Ooh.
5:03 Speaker 01 You should have pointed a lamp at your face like you were doing a driving theory test under, um.
5:08 Speaker 00 Because being investigated by the Stasi.
5:10 Speaker 01 Interrogated by the Stasi, yes.
5:12 Speaker 00 Yeah, I just, I just didn't think that would, that would read on camera.
5:16 Speaker 01 We have ways of making you indicate.
5:20 Speaker 07 Oh, do you know what I can do, John? When you'd say things like that that are great, I've got the bell with me. I've got the good radio bell with me, so.
5:28 Speaker 01 Very good. Yes, it's thirty-six today, thirty-six degrees. Um, I put my basil plant outside because it was sort of withering in the kitchen without any natural sunlight, and I think that's died.
5:44 Speaker 00 Oh, God.
5:46 Speaker 01 I am harboring, um, I hope Lou's not listening, uh, but I, I bought Lou some pond plants for ponds she's just had done in her garden. And I'm storing, you have to store them underwater, which is quite hard for big plants.
6:01 Speaker 00 Yeah.
6:02 Speaker 01 So they're in an enormous, like, bin full of water next to me for the next couple of days before I get to give them to her. Um, but yeah, otherwise just enjoying the inside and swearing as soon as I step out of the front door.
6:19 Speaker 04 Yeah.
6:20 Speaker 00 Yeah. I don't, I don't mind warm weather. The problem is if you have to do anything, it's a problem. So I don't mind sitting, like I took the kids to the park last night. It was a nice evening. We had a nice sit down in the park. Then it's great. I mean, if you've got to do anything, certainly if you've got to do anything physical, like I had to walk my daughter to the secondary school she's going to, because we went to watch their school play. And it's probably a 20 minute walk. And inside the theatre, I reckon it was 50 degrees because it's like a black box theatre with no air conditioning. And yeah, that's, so the times you can enjoy it are quite specific.
7:04 Speaker 01 Well, I, I had my session with my therapist today and I almost cancelled because I didn't want to experience the first 90 seconds of being in my car.
7:15 Speaker 00 Yeah.
7:16 Speaker 01 You know, when you like first step into a hot car and you're like, well, this is, this is death. This is what death feels like. Until you've got like run with the windows open for a bit, then close them, get the air con on. And after a couple of minutes, it's kind of bearable and then it's fine.
7:30 Speaker 00 And the seatbelt's too hot.
7:32 Speaker 01 Yes.
7:34 Speaker 00 My kids are into having a seatbelt heat.
7:36 Speaker 01 I have one of those screens that I put up, like one of those reflective screens in the windscreen. Even then, the, the steering wheel's really hot.
7:45 Speaker 00 Yes, I couldn't, yeah. It was difficult to drive the dick because the steering wheel was too hot. And you think it's not safe, is it? If every time you turn the, you turn the wheel, you go, hey, hey, say, that's not part of your theory test.
7:59 Speaker 01 I know everyone's sort of saying this, but I'm worried that I've not heard any politicians really talking about it. But there does need to be a fundamental shift in how Britain is kitted out.
8:13 Speaker 07 Well, I heard it. This was discussed on Five Live, actually, John.
8:17 Speaker 01 Oh, was it, Dave? I've heard of Five Live.
8:19 Speaker 07 Five Live, it goes right across the country, Five Live, some fantastic presenters. And they talked about the fact that I think the, all, all of them, including, have you heard of Elis James and John Robbins? They do a fantastic Friday afternoon show that confuses listeners.
8:34 Speaker 00 Yeah.
8:35 Speaker 07 And they talked about the quandary of.
8:39 Speaker 07 For the, for the amount of time across a year that these things happen, is the infrastructure worth the investment for what is essentially six to seven days across 365 days in the year? Is the, is the dilemma?
8:52 Speaker 00 That's, that's always been the argument because we're not set up for cold weather either.
8:57 Speaker 07 Yeah.
8:57 Speaker 01 Yeah, but we still celebrate Christmas knowing it's going to end. You know, we still, we still put stuff in our town centres. We still put up trees knowing that, oh, it's only a blooming week of the year. We still do it. If this is going to happen every year, which it does.
9:11 Speaker 07 Yeah.
9:12 Speaker 01 For extended periods of time, you can't just not, you know, have trains running for three weeks of the year because it's too hot.
9:20 Speaker 00 But, you know, like with the schools, my kids go to a school that has a new school building. It was built eight years ago, but there's no aircon in the school.
9:30 Speaker 01 Well, exactly. That'll have to change.
9:31 Speaker 00 It's like a greenhouse, but also it costs a fortune to run aircon in a big school.
9:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
9:36 Speaker 00 So that's an issue. I mean, it's, I think we've got off to a grumpy start. I think, I think everyone should just go to the park and take their clothes off, enjoy themselves.
9:45 Speaker 07 I'm good. I am genuinely going to do it at the end of this record.
9:48 Speaker 00 Take your clothes off.
9:48 Speaker 07 Run.
9:48 Speaker 00 Because you do that all the time, Dave.
9:50 Speaker 07 No, I don't. We've got to, we've got to put an end to nude Dave.
9:53 Speaker 00 Nude Dave.
9:55 Speaker 07 Nude Dave has to stop. And it has, and it, no, sorry. Nude Dave has stopped and it was never, it never started. But I'm just going to jump straight in the paddling pool. And the kids will love it because that'll surprise them because they won't expect dad to do it. And he's fun. He's fun today.
10:10 Speaker 01 Because dad's such an old fuddy duddy. He's always at his desk, reading his papers and doing his. Not now, William.
10:17 Speaker 00 Daddy's got to play.
10:17 Speaker 01 Father is working.
10:21 Speaker 00 Yeah, like, what was the, what was the uncle? What was the, what was the uncle called in The Famous Five? He was always working. There was Aunt Fanny and Uncle, was it Uncle Quentin?
10:32 Speaker 01 Oh yeah, it was Uncle Quentin. Yeah.
10:34 Speaker 00 Yeah, he was always working. He was quite miserable. He was a bit like Dave.
10:38 Speaker 07 Not miserable, but I am going to give it a good old splash afterwards.
10:42 Speaker 00 I'm DJing for the Super Furry Animals on Sunday and I'm incredibly nervous.
10:47 Speaker 01 What venue?
10:48 Speaker 00 At the Alexandra Palace in front of thousands of people.
10:52 Speaker 01 Holy Moses.
10:52 Speaker 00 I'm doing the whole thing. It's me, Super Furry Animals, ballydrum boy in the beataband. What a line.
11:01 Speaker 01 Are you on first of everyone?
11:03 Speaker 00 I'm, yeah, well, I'm DJing between the bands. So I'm starting the proceedings at 5pm. And then, yeah, DJ, so just, I, I am nervous because when I DJed last in Manchester with Dave, I lost the cursor.
11:17 Speaker 01 Yes, you did, didn't you? Could you, um, will you have a microphone?
11:21 Speaker 00 Uh, they've asked if I want one. I don't think I do want one.
11:23 Speaker 01 I think that's crucial that you have a microphone.
11:27 Speaker 00 Uh, why?
11:28 Speaker 01 Because just to, in a ceremonial sense to go, oh my God, give it up for the Beta Band. What an incredible set. We've got 10 minutes of bangers and then it's going to be the main act. You've got to have that kind of sense of a host. Otherwise you're just a guy shuffling on.
11:42 Speaker 00 I don't mind being a guy shuffling on. That's.
11:45 Speaker 01 No, there has to be a sense of occasion about it.
11:47 Speaker 00 I don't want a sense of occasion.
11:49 Speaker 01 Well, then they shouldn't have booked you. You shouldn't have accepted it because it's an occasion and you're a professional.
11:53 Speaker 07 No.
11:54 Speaker 00 Yes.
11:55 Speaker 07 It, it's, it is different, I think, DJing at, DJing before a band. It is rare that you hear the DJ getting on the mic before a band that has played the music.
12:06 Speaker 00 When I was, when I went to watch them in Brixton, there was no one on the mic.
12:11 Speaker 01 Oh, come on. You've got to give it a bit of agent school.
12:19 Speaker 00 No, I think, I think I'll just play great tunes. I mean, what a lineup. 18 year old me would be like, those bands never played together.
12:29 Speaker 07 Who was it? Say it again.
12:30 Speaker 00 Super Free Animals, the Beta Band and Ballydrum Boy.
12:33 Speaker 07 Oh, yes.
12:34 Speaker 00 I mean, that is, that is as good as it gets at the alley pally. And according to AcciWeather, which I've got on my phone, it's going to be slightly cooler.
12:43 Speaker 07 Oh, good.
12:44 Speaker 01 I reckon alley pally will be very well air conditioned.
12:47 Speaker 00 Or is that side?
12:49 Speaker 01 I reckon you're going to have a horrible time.
12:53 Speaker 00 No, it's gonna be slightly, it's gonna be cooler on Sunday.
12:55 Speaker 01 Okay, and it's quite high up.
12:57 Speaker 00 Yes.
12:58 Speaker 01 So you get a bit of a through breeze.
13:00 Speaker 00 Yes, yes, yes.
13:01 Speaker 07 That's exciting. What are you gonna, this is exciting. I'm like, this is like me being asked to DJ at Oasis, which would never, ever happen, and you're getting to live that dream. What are you gonna open with?
13:10 Speaker 00 Uh, I am gonna, I've, I've thought a lot about my playlist. I am gonna play a combination of soul music, psychedelia and freak beats and garage rock, a bit of post-punk, and I really like 80s hip-hop. So I'm gonna play a bit of ultra-magnetic MCs and the Jungle Brothers and Eric B and Rakim and that kind of thing. And a little bit of
13:35 Speaker 07 I didn't understand a word of that.
13:36 Speaker 00 alternative as well, because it's gonna reflect
13:40 Speaker 01 Just ask ChatGPT what you should play.
13:42 Speaker 00 It's, I'm, it's gonna reflect the kind of music that the bands like.
13:46 Speaker 01 Very nice.
13:47 Speaker 00 So, because I, I, I did that documentary about Super Free Animals for, for BBC Sounds, Radio Wales and Sex Music, a couple of months ago. And I, when I interviewed them, I said, do you want me to play anything specific? And the hoop and for the guitar, I said, you've got good taste. And that was the only no. You've got good taste. And I thought, oh.
14:08 Speaker 01 I mean, when I
14:09 Speaker 00 Can you say that again? But we're saying to my phone so I can have it as a
14:14 Speaker 01 When I warmed up for Queen, I'd have given anything to just be playing music.
14:19 Speaker 07 Yeah, that's a tough gig.
14:20 Speaker 00 You had to, you actually had to do stand-up. Did you do stand-up? Or did you just do crowd work?
14:25 Speaker 01 I forgot, I, I think I blocked most of it out. I definitely did Freddie-related cheering exercises.
14:32 Speaker 00 What, the old, oh?
14:33 Speaker 01 Yeah, I would
14:35 Speaker 00 And then they do it back. Imagine, imagine going on stage, you go, oh, and everyone's just like on their phones, drinking pints.
14:41 Speaker 01 A lot of people were quite restless and angry. So just be grateful for the fact you've got all of music at your disposal.
14:49 Speaker 00 All of music. I've got all of, all of music. I mean, I'm thinking of, yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm mixing it up. I'm gonna take people through the genres.
14:59 Speaker 01 Nice.
15:00 Speaker 00 Such as 1966 onwards.
15:03 Speaker 07 And you know how on the pulse Ellis is in terms of DJing? He got an email asking whether he want Go on.
15:11 Speaker 01 What?
15:12 Speaker 07 He got, he got an email asking whether he-
15:14 Speaker 00 Why must you, Dave?
15:16 Speaker 01 What's happening?
15:17 Speaker 00 Why must you? Because I don't understand the technical requirements, so I had to ask Dave how to respond to an email. How, why must you, Dave? Can we not just leave it there?
15:27 Speaker 07 Nah, come on, it's a bit of fun.
15:28 Speaker 00 Why must you?
15:30 Speaker 07 Oh mate, come on, no one thinks you're Calvin Harris. They know that, you know, we're all in the same boat. We give it our best shot, but we're not professional DJs, so I think it's okay to share this.
15:39 Speaker 00 Hang on, this is going up before the gigs, so we, so if I have a disaster, this looks like an awful portent. I'm not going to say it again. Why must you, Dave?
15:48 Speaker 07 He got a quick email asking, hey Al, do you need monitors? Do you need a microphone?
15:54 Speaker 00 I answered in the correct way and we can leave it there.
15:57 Speaker 07 He screen grabs it and says it to me, he sends it to me and says, Dave, what the F do I do with this?
16:05 Speaker 07 A quite basic question, do you want to be able to hear what you're playing back at you?
16:07 Speaker 00 Why must you, Dave?
16:09 Speaker 01 But you know, you know what those things are for stand up.
16:12 Speaker 00 Yeah, but I never want monitors when I, when I do stand up. I actually dislike monitors when I do stand up.
16:18 Speaker 01 Well, obviously, because it would be insane in a 30 seater Welsh pizza restaurant where you're doing your Welsh language pre-views.
16:23 Speaker 00 But when, when, when I do the, when I do bigger gigs, I always ask for the monitors to be turned off.
16:29 Speaker 01 Oh, you will, when you do your retirement tour and you do, you will want monitors big time.
16:36 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, as I, as, yeah, of course, as I become deaf with old age, yes, I will probably need monitors.
16:42 Speaker 01 Well, no, it's just because like, when you're, if you're doing the Apollo and perhaps if you evolve a style of stand up, which has large traumatic pauses in it, when the laugh comes, it hits the back of the room and comes back at you. So in order to be able to time yourself, you need monitors.
17:00 Speaker 00 Yeah.
17:01 Speaker 07 But actually- Yeah, go on.
17:03 Speaker 00 Those really big rooms, it depends on the shape, how quickly the laugh sort of goes and comes back to you. So Cheltenham Town Hall is particularly bad for that.
17:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:12 Speaker 00 Where the back of the room hears your joke about three or four seconds.
17:16 Speaker 01 It's because Cheltenham Town Hall is actually only one seat wide.
17:19 Speaker 00 Yeah, but it's a thousand seats deep.
17:20 Speaker 01 A thousand seats. So it's like performing in the world's longest corridor.
17:24 Speaker 00 Yeah, it's like, um, it sounds like the sea, the laughter at Cheltenham Town Hall. It is the, it is the oddest setup.
17:34 Speaker 00 But, um.
17:34 Speaker 01 Well, best of luck for that, Ellis. That's a big gig.
17:38 Speaker 00 Yeah. It goes wrong, I'm gonna blame Dave, even though there's nothing to do with him, but I've already got my excuses in quick. Dave will get the blame.
17:47 Speaker 07 Here are the answers. Have monitors on low, but do ask for them. Have a mic there, you don't have to use it.
17:53 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:54 Speaker 07 Have a mic there and it's a three millimetre jack into a stereo phono.
17:58 Speaker 00 Yeah, of course, of course, of course. Great. And that's what I said. Problem is, without anyone else there, everything I say will sound a little bit commercial radio.
18:08 Speaker 01 But I think that's kind of.
18:09 Speaker 00 Give it up, ballydrop boy, crumble stuff.
18:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, I think that's okay. That's nice.
18:14 Speaker 00 Oh my god. Well, we shall see.
18:17 Speaker 07 Oh, it's fun. It's, you'll have so much. Well, you'll, you'll play one track, you'll relax and you'll realise this is actually just a bit of, and also.
18:23 Speaker 00 I'll be sick on the decks.
18:25 Speaker 07 But also, and this isn't, this is a good thing, so don't see this as a negative when I say this, Ellis, but for the DJ that's in between the, the bands, people are enjoying the music, but they're also kind of half listening.
18:35 Speaker 00 I, cause, cause I'd been asked to do it before I went to watch them at Brixton. And no one's ever gone to watch a band, especially lined up like that and thought to themselves, the best bit was probably the DJ between the bands.
18:46 Speaker 07 Yeah.
18:47 Speaker 00 I don't know who that person was, but they, it was, they had a telepathic understanding with what I wanna hear before, you know, super free animals. So I, it'll be fine, it'll be fine.
18:56 Speaker 07 We should say thank you to, for everyone for coming to Crossed Wires last weekend. We did a live show, the, the first live show of the year.
19:02 Speaker 00 It was a lot of fun, Crossed Wires. I really like Sheffield.
19:07 Speaker 07 It's great.
19:08 Speaker 00 And I also really like doing that festival. It's, it's a, it's a good laugh. And as John said, to me, as we walked through Sheffield city centre on the way to the venue, because we were doing the city hall, we walked past all of the food stalls, because there's a, there's a, there's a Crossed Wires fringe and there's sort of breakout zones, all that kind of thing. And John said, I would not organise a festival like this for 10,000 billion grand. And I agreed. If Alice Levine wants to do that, that's fine, but you could not pay me enough.
19:39 Speaker 01 It takes a certain type of talent and a certain mindset to undertake something like that. And my, all my hats are off to Alice Levine and the whole team at Crosswires. Cause it's very, very well done. It's very professional. It's very slick.
19:55 Speaker 07 Well, it's done by, you know, independent production companies should celebrate each other. And it's worth mentioning Persia Phonica, who are the ones that put that on by a lovely chap called Dino who runs it. And he's doing all sorts in the podcast space. And then he's also finding time to put on a three day podcast festival amongst doing, you know, what a production company does. So it's very impressive.
20:16 Speaker 00 I mean, I wouldn't sleep for a month before Crosswires if I had to organise that.
20:22 Speaker 01 No.
20:22 Speaker 00 Just the terrible fear that I'd be like, oh yeah, of course, you know, security. Oh God, food.
20:28 Speaker 01 I forgot any toilets.
20:30 Speaker 00 Yeah.
20:31 Speaker 01 I need to, I need to find a hundred toilets in six hours.
20:35 Speaker 00 By tomorrow.
20:37 Speaker 07 I got a free round because of this podcast in the after party on Saturday night.
20:41 Speaker 01 Did you Dave?
20:42 Speaker 07 Yeah. There's, um, there's a place called Fagans, which I soon realised was kind of the cool pub that everyone goes to afterwards. So I did all my friends into the evening, the indie disco. And then went to Fagans and I got to the bar and he ordered the.
20:55 Speaker 00 He said, please sir, can I have some more?
20:58 Speaker 07 No, I said, no, I said, can I have this, that and the other. And.
21:01 Speaker 01 No Dave, that sort of works as a joke because Fagan is in Oliver Twist.
21:06 Speaker 07 Oh, it is. Sorry. I missed that. Sorry. That is good stuff. I didn't, I thought you'd lost your mind. No, that, that works really well.
21:11 Speaker 00 It's Fagan, isn't it? But yeah.
21:14 Speaker 01 I don't, that doesn't feel right.
21:16 Speaker 00 Doesn't feel good radio bell worthy. It feels, it feels a bit stepdad, but I'm glad I, I sort of, it had to get out there.
21:26 Speaker 07 Yeah, it's good. So I'm sorry I missed it. That's, that's on me. That is on me.
21:29 Speaker 00 Yeah.
21:30 Speaker 07 Um, and I went up to the bar and he said, can I just, I just need to ask, can you do one thing for me? And I went, yeah, fine. And he went like above the bar, you know, where often they have like the glasses that they don't use as often. He kind of leant up, pulled down a bell like this, pulled down a reception bell that we have on our studio table. And can you press the, can you press the good radio bell for me please?
21:48 Speaker 00 Oh, yes.
21:50 Speaker 07 So I hit the good radio bell and then he said, that's enough. You could, for that, you can have the next round on me. So that's, so I got a free round from Fagans.
21:57 Speaker 01 Do they do food, Dave?
21:58 Speaker 07 Didn't do food, no.
22:00 Speaker 01 Because you could have asked them, have you got a pitter pocket or two?
22:04 Speaker 07 It's good. Do I ring Alice? Does he get the bell for that?
22:07 Speaker 00 Yeah, go on, make him happy. God, he's double happy now. He's got the coolest house of the three of us, so he's won and he's made the best Oliver Twist joke.
22:19 Speaker 07 Lovely. Oh, we should say that the live version of that live show is coming out on this podcast feed next week.
22:29 Speaker 01 Yes, next Tuesday's episode will be our live show from Crossed Wires with several problematic elements removed.
22:37 Speaker 00 Yeah, it was a lot of swearing the first half and during the interval. John said, do we have to put this out on Tuesday or can we record some sort of bonus emergency? And Mike and Dave said, I think it can work. So do look forward to that because he thinks it can work.
22:51 Speaker 07 No, it can.
22:52 Speaker 01 It's the world's first three second podcast.
22:56 Speaker 07 It needs to be 52 minutes for the five live edits. And it has, and it's come together wonderfully, as producer Michael tells me. So it's all good.
23:04 Speaker 00 Producer, producer Michael, he tells you what you want to hear, Dave.
23:08 Speaker 07 No, he's not. He's, he tells me when things are good and things need a bit of work and this is good.
23:13 Speaker 00 Does he? He's fine.
23:14 Speaker 07 Yeah.
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23:56 Speaker 04 1965, London. The world's largest uncut diamond has been stolen from the Natural History Museum. Shortly after, a young London window cleaner is arrested.
24:09 Speaker 05 They said, you're nicked, you're in a lot of trouble.
24:11 Speaker 04 But was he set up?
24:13 Speaker 00 Fall of two cops.
24:15 Speaker 04 His family say he is guilty, but of a totally different crime.
24:20 Speaker 06 You're not going to end up going to prison, do you, kidlet?
24:23 Speaker 04 I'm Jacey Long and this is Rough Diamond. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts.
24:32 Speaker 00 Okay, well, obviously we did crossed wires, but John has been doing plenty of other things this week. So should we find out if he's won again?
25:06 Speaker 01 Well, there's been highs, there's been lows, there's been in betweens. First up devastating news for everyone who remembers the campaign to back John.
25:20 Speaker 00 The name John, you mean?
25:21 Speaker 01 The name John, yes, because they've just released the stats for names of boys in 2025. And there were over 300 more Enzos than John's last year, which has hit the John community pretty hard. We always knew we were going to have battles with your Olivers, your Mohammeds, your, your Chris's, your Michaels, your, your Davids, the big, the big ones. We never expected to be, you know, 100 places below Enzo.
25:57 Speaker 00 I can name two Enzos, both of whom were involved with boxing.
26:02 Speaker 01 Really?
26:02 Speaker 00 Enzo McEnrily, the boxer from Swansea, was world champion cruiserweight, I think. And then Enzo Calzaghe, Joe Calzaghe's dad, who was his coach and also a singer.
26:11 Speaker 01 But I was wondering, is it an increasing amount of Italians living in the UK?
26:15 Speaker 00 I don't know.
26:16 Speaker 01 Or has there been a famous Enzo this year? Did Enzo Ferrari die? Or is, what's going on there?
26:22 Speaker 00 I'm not sure. It must, it must be our growing Italian community, you would think. I can't think of any other famous Enzos apart from the ones I've just named.
26:32 Speaker 01 So despite a genuine bump while we carried out the campaign, John continues a slide down. I think it's about 174th or something.
26:41 Speaker 00 174th.
26:43 Speaker 01 And people wonder what's wrong with Britain.
26:45 Speaker 00 Yeah.
26:45 Speaker 01 People wonder why nothing works.
26:47 Speaker 00 You're not.
26:48 Speaker 01 People wonder why public services are creaking. And they're like, well, sorry, you can't keep Britain together on 296 Johns a year.
26:55 Speaker 00 You're not expecting to qualify for the World Cup if you're 174th in the FIFA World Rankings, are you? So where's Enzo in the ranking, do you know?
27:04 Speaker 01 Uh, like mid 80s?
27:06 Speaker 00 Mid 80s.
27:09 Speaker 00 I mean, that's, you know, that's cake verdi, isn't it?
27:12 Speaker 01 Well, how do you expect Britain to stand on the world stage with these kind of stats?
27:15 Speaker 00 Oh, John.
27:17 Speaker 01 How is Jackson with an X?
27:19 Speaker 00 Higher than John.
27:21 Speaker 01 Oh, higher than Enzo, top 40-ish.
27:23 Speaker 00 Is it? Well, if Jackson with an X is higher than Enzo, you need to jazz up the spelling. You know, silent G, J O H N, obviously, as discussed on the Radio X show many years ago. J O triple N.
27:40 Speaker 01 Can we pop an X in, John? We could maybe put an X inside the O.
27:48 Speaker 01 Is there an argument for that? It's not pronounced, but it's there.
27:52 Speaker 00 Yeah.
27:53 Speaker 07 I mean, you're creating whole new keyboards in that case, John.
27:56 Speaker 01 Well, it's a housed X.
27:58 Speaker 07 Yeah, that doesn't exist.
28:00 Speaker 01 Well, exactly. That's going to be front page. John, Johns have created the housed X.
28:07 Speaker 00 You could.
28:08 Speaker 01 As part of a rebrand.
28:10 Speaker 00 You could put a circumflex over the top of the John or an Mlaut or something.
28:14 Speaker 01 No, that's, that's no good. That's too traditional. It's also, you know, people are going to assume it's a foreign spelling. You need to be like, bang, John is back, he's bigger than ever, and he's got a housed X.
28:24 Speaker 00 What about S J O N?
28:27 Speaker 01 Hmm, Sinjin. People might think that's short for Sinjin. So anyway, that's a huge loss and not just a loss for me, it's a loss for the country and it's a loss for the G8.
28:37 Speaker 00 Sorry, man. Sorry.
28:39 Speaker 01 Um, I...
28:42 Speaker 00 I've just dripped onto my laptop.
28:45 Speaker 01 God. So my laptop kept, when I would close it at the end of the day,
28:53 Speaker 01 I would wake up in the morning and I would open it and the battery would be dead.
28:56 Speaker 00 Right.
28:58 Speaker 01 So I began a sort of pretty fruitless forum search for why on earth my laptop would just be draining itself overnight. As if it was sort of getting up like the toys in Toy Story and doing loads of unauthorized web searches.
29:13 Speaker 00 Yeah.
29:14 Speaker 01 Um, which is not an excuse.
29:15 Speaker 00 Sounds like you've got your excuses.
29:17 Speaker 07 Sounds like you're ready to go.
29:19 Speaker 00 My laptop, have you seen Toy Story Officer? It, it, it, it can, he, he, if you've seen Toy Story, you'd understand that he searches it, him. My laptop searches for these things to test that they're still illegal overnight when I'm asleep.
29:42 Speaker 01 No suggestion that anything was illegal.
29:44 Speaker 07 No, no, that is true. That is true.
29:49 Speaker 01 Um, so it turns out there's like a bug in WhatsApp, which means it's just constantly like checking and telling your computer not to go to sleep.
29:58 Speaker 07 Oh.
30:00 Speaker 01 So I had to do that thing where you start typing like computer experts, you know, when you go in that setting called terminal.
30:07 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah.
30:07 Speaker 07 No.
30:08 Speaker 01 Where it's all just code.
30:10 Speaker 07 Oh, yeah.
30:10 Speaker 01 And I'm thinking, I hope Claude knows what he's doing here because this is, I, I, I might be like turning the country off. I'm not sure what's happening here.
30:19 Speaker 07 Yeah.
30:20 Speaker 01 Just copying and pasting bits of code into your, it's like the back door of your computer that sort of clever people understand.
30:27 Speaker 07 Yeah.
30:27 Speaker 00 Yeah.
30:27 Speaker 01 Coding. Um. So anyway, solved the problem, but very frustrating.
30:33 Speaker 07 So what's this? Is it a loss because you're watching, because, because your computer's?
30:37 Speaker 01 I think it is a bit of a loss, actually, because I, I spent a lot of time working it out until I just thought, I'll just ask AI. And to be fair, they're very good at diagnosing computer problems.
30:46 Speaker 07 Okay. So it's Toy Story excuse for watching mucky videos.
30:50 Speaker 01 I'm not watching any mucky. I'm not going to jail and I'm not watching mucky videos. My computer was draining itself while I was.
30:58 Speaker 00 Yeah, you're not, you're not a public servant. You're not an MP. You can, you can look at what you want when you're broadcasting this show. You're a healthy man with me. You're a red blooded male.
31:10 Speaker 01 I can show you my internet history and I'll, I, I can in fact show you.
31:14 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah.
31:15 Speaker 01 That, that.
31:16 Speaker 00 And you will in a day, actually. I'll show you in one day.
31:20 Speaker 01 Actually, if I just go to activity monitor.
31:24 Speaker 00 Look at my searches. Uh, m- m- map of London. How, how to be a good citizen.
31:31 Speaker 01 A map of London's red light district.
31:35 Speaker 01 Conveniently haven't finished that sentence. So if I open and I'll send this to Michael to go on the carer.
31:42 Speaker 07 Is this gonna, is this gonna be, I know this won't be troublesome, John, but is it gonna be bleak?
31:46 Speaker 01 There's not, there's nothing bleak about it, Dave.
31:49 Speaker 00 How to get better at Wordle.
31:51 Speaker 01 Right.
31:51 Speaker 00 How to get girls to love me.
31:57 Speaker 00 After Wordle.
31:58 Speaker 01 Right. So.
32:01 Speaker 00 Am I still the best?
32:04 Speaker 01 Oh, no, it's, does it's gone because I've changed it now.
32:07 Speaker 07 Oh, that was a, I was looking forward to that.
32:09 Speaker 00 Does Hannah Gadsby have a better career than me?
32:14 Speaker 01 It depends on what metric you're measuring.
32:16 Speaker 07 Yeah, I think that's, I think that's a close call these days.
32:19 Speaker 01 So anyway, if anyone has this problem, go to activity monitor and look, there's a column which says preventing system sleep. And if you've got an app on which is stopping your system going to sleep, when you close your laptop, it doesn't go to sleep. So that may be of help.
32:39 Speaker 07 Good.
32:40 Speaker 01 Okay.
32:41 Speaker 07 But it's a loss, are we saying? Because it's a loss.
32:43 Speaker 01 It is a loss. Yeah, I felt it was a loss.
32:45 Speaker 00 Okay.
32:47 Speaker 01 I got my air con re-gassed and now-
32:50 Speaker 00 In the car?
32:51 Speaker 01 Yes, and I love doing it and I love how cold the air is coming in now and it feels good.
32:59 Speaker 00 It's a bit like I used lime scale remover on my shower head a couple of months ago.
33:05 Speaker 01 Very similar feeling.
33:06 Speaker 00 And it's like you've been given a new shower and you're in a five star hotel and you can't believe you didn't do it before and you can't believe what you were willing to put up with.
33:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:14 Speaker 00 And when it comes already cold, you realise what the car is capable of and you fall in love with your car again.
33:20 Speaker 07 I don't think John's ever fallen out of love with the Kia though, Ellis.
33:23 Speaker 01 Never, not for one second.
33:25 Speaker 07 It's unconditional. It's un-air con- uncondi- hold on.
33:29 Speaker 01 Un-air conditional.
33:30 Speaker 07 It's un-air conditional.
33:32 Speaker 01 I went to a dermatologist yesterday for the first time in my life.
33:37 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah?
33:37 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was quite interesting.
33:40 Speaker 07 Go on.
33:40 Speaker 01 It's, there's a nice feeling, like no shade on GPs, they have to be an expert on everything. They have to have a little bit of everything.
33:50 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:51 Speaker 01 Like going into a restaurant and saying, like a chicken chow mein, fry up a souffle, Sunday dinner and-
33:59 Speaker 00 Crunching a cornflakes.
34:00 Speaker 01 A citron.
34:01 Speaker 00 Yeah.
34:02 Speaker 01 So no shade on them, but when you're sat opposite someone where you go, I think I've got this, and they're just like bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. This is what you've got. This is what you need to try. This is what we'll try if that doesn't work. I've seen this loads of times.
34:16 Speaker 00 Shove this up your bum and you're done.
34:18 Speaker 01 Shove this up your bum and you're done. It just even, it just feels nice to be around expertise for something you've been very confused about.
34:28 Speaker 00 Yes.
34:30 Speaker 01 Um, so I got lots of pills, I got lots of creams. We don't necessarily know what's going to work and what's going to not work because it turns out like-
34:42 Speaker 01 People don't know a lot of stuff about skin.
34:45 Speaker 00 Oh, really?
34:47 Speaker 01 It's sort of like the bottom of the ocean in terms of scientific research. We know more about the surface of the moon, e.g. the mind, than we do about the bottom of the ocean, which is the stomach and the skin and the relationship between the two.
35:00 Speaker 07 Yeah, I agree with that. I'd agree wholeheartedly, John.
35:04 Speaker 01 And I'm no, I'm no conspiracy theorist in that I think the vast majority of things happen either by incompetence or error. I don't necessarily think there are boardrooms of the heads of government and big corporations going, you know, how do we ruin the world? Even though I'm sure that thing has gone on. But there has got to be a vested interest in not curing skin problems when the amount of ointments and salves and shampoos and face washes being sold to just kind of get you through the day would vastly outweigh if you said, look, we've come up with a cure for rosacea, eczema, dermatitis and dandruff.
35:47 Speaker 07 That is interesting.
35:48 Speaker 00 The amazing one is women's health issues, things like endometriosis. It is absolutely staggering, the lack of research and just to find that. And yet male pattern baldness, there's loads of research.
36:00 Speaker 01 Yeah, erectile dysfunction.
36:01 Speaker 00 You're like, this, this can't be right.
36:04 Speaker 01 They've literally solved baldness and losing your erection and not problems that give women crippling pain for days every month. So he did say that he, apparently the thinking is like, the 20th century was all about drugs. The 21st century is going to be all, which one are we in?
36:25 Speaker 00 21st century.
36:26 Speaker 01 It's going to be all about like the gut biome.
36:28 Speaker 00 Okay.
36:29 Speaker 01 And mapping the individual gut biome. So we can work out the impact the stuff we has on our face.
36:34 Speaker 00 Okay.
36:35 Speaker 01 Skin and health and mental health and stuff.
36:37 Speaker 00 I hope you're not like Sampson and when your skin is perfect, you'll become a bad podcaster.
36:43 Speaker 01 Well, I've podcasted with better skin. We'd have to go back through, get, Dave, get AI to correlate my podcast performance with when I've been moaning about my skin.
36:55 Speaker 07 Okay, Claude, look into it. Okay, so dream dermatologist.
36:59 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was nice.
37:01 Speaker 00 That's a big old positive.
37:02 Speaker 01 That's a positive.
37:04 Speaker 01 I did my filming with Dara, I returned to the small screen and my dressing room had a double bed in it.
37:12 Speaker 00 Where were you?
37:15 Speaker 01 We were, um, oh, Hornsey Town Hall.
37:19 Speaker 00 Oh, okay. Oh, I've never done anything there. That's my dream. The problem is I'd fall asleep before the show and you'd have to wake me up and then I would be performing, having been awake for five minutes.
37:29 Speaker 01 So they must have like rooms for visiting dignitaries, ambassadors, diplomats.
37:36 Speaker 00 Yeah.
37:36 Speaker 01 Um, so I was essentially in a really nice air-conditioned hotel room with snacks.
37:41 Speaker 00 Double bed. Did you have a nap?
37:42 Speaker 01 Yeah. I didn't really have time for a nap because people are knocking on your door a lot for sort of clothes and makeup and scripts and things.
37:49 Speaker 00 And how did it go?
37:50 Speaker 01 It was really good. I really enjoyed it. The audience is really nice. Um, some great comedians as guests. I've got to see Bridget Christie and John Kearns and hang out with them and Kerry Godliman. A lovely time with everyone.
38:02 Speaker 00 Oh, that's a good lineup.
38:04 Speaker 01 Um, so that's a positive. There is no escaping the fact that my fitness and diet have fallen off a cliff. And then once they fell off that cliff, they were picked up by a submarine driven to the bottom of the ocean and buried and then shot with a massive gun.
38:19 Speaker 00 This feels like a negative.
38:21 Speaker 01 It is a bit of a negative. I've been in so many rooms with bowls of Haribo in, which is a nice problem to have, but it is a problem.
38:31 Speaker 00 It's also because he's in Yorkshire. I can't go for a run in the morning when it's cool because I've got the kids and I can't go for a run in the evening when it's cool because I've got the kids. So I, and I'm either working the day or it's too hot. So I'm not doing a huge amount either.
38:47 Speaker 01 Yeah. I mean, my situation's pretty much the same, but because no one's gone away filming, I can do a run in the morning when it's cool and I can do a run in the evening when it's cool and I don't because I go on my phone instead.
38:59 Speaker 00 Okay. All right. So you're, well, you're exercising your thumbs.
39:04 Speaker 01 I'm exercising my thumbs, playing a lot of Boggle, getting in a lot of Duolingo.
39:07 Speaker 00 Got the fastest thumbs in Buckinghamshire.
39:10 Speaker 01 Fastest thumbs in Bucks. Um, but yeah, that's an issue that needs addressing so soon. I've got to nip it in the bud, Dave. How are you nipping it in the bud?
39:18 Speaker 07 Well, I was about to say, just if this makes you feel better, we're on the exact same journey to the bottom of the ocean.
39:25 Speaker 00 Hmm. I think we need to reframe this.
39:30 Speaker 07 It's just hard. We did so, we did so much for the marathon, John. I think we're both just now struck, because and I think then probably.
39:36 Speaker 01 It's no longer a good enough excuse.
39:38 Speaker 07 It is, and I'm not still, I'm not, I'm not still in credit from the calories that I burnt from the, from the marathon at the end of April.
39:45 Speaker 00 It's deplorable, yeah.
39:46 Speaker 01 And when I stopped doing CrossFit and started training for running, I bought myself four dumbbells, two 10 kilo, no, two 15 kilo and two 12 and a half kilo. And I'm looking at them now. They've been in my living room since last August, so nearly a year.
40:04 Speaker 00 Judgment bells.
40:05 Speaker 01 I have used them three times for a maximum of two minutes each. And they have sat there taking up prime real estate. And the minute I concede that they have to move to the cupboard under the stairs, it's an enormous loss.
40:22 Speaker 07 Yeah. But is it because I think I know what I need to do? I've got my neighbour Gareth, three doors down, we were at the kids' school picnic last Friday, and he's looking really healthy. And I said to him, you're looking great. What's going on? He's like, I'm doing, I'm down in the village. They do this HIIT workout at 6am. It's a nightmare to get up for. It's 5.40 in the morning. I've got to get up. But once I'm in, God, I've never felt so alive. And it's hard. And because it's a, it's a commitment that's just down the road. It's not far, but it's not in your living room, crucially. Because that's why you're not doing the dumbbells. It's because it's almost, it's too convenient. They're just there. You can do them whenever. Nothing's telling you to do it.
41:01 Speaker 01 If I move these dumbbells to the cupboard under the stairs, it will be the most weight training I've done in three months.
41:07 Speaker 07 Yeah, exactly.
41:08 Speaker 01 And it's, it's eight feet away from where they currently are.
41:12 Speaker 07 Get, get, sign up to some classes. I'll do the same. And then we're back on the, back on the horse. It doesn't take much.
41:18 Speaker 00 I lost the dad's race at school sports day for the first time.
41:21 Speaker 01 No.
41:22 Speaker 00 Do you know what happened?
41:24 Speaker 01 Well, you must have had a complete mental and physical collapse because you're the fastest dad.
41:28 Speaker 00 No, the guy, the guy who won, I said, oh, you're, you're faster. Who's, who's dad are you? I, I'm sorry. I've not seen you on the school run. And he went, I'm no one's dad. I'm so and so in year six's brother and he was 19.
41:43 Speaker 01 That's not fair.
41:44 Speaker 00 That's not fair. I thought it's not a siblings race. This is my day.
41:49 Speaker 01 Ellis, you still won the dad's race.
41:51 Speaker 00 This is my day.
41:53 Speaker 01 You still won it because he's not a dad.
41:55 Speaker 07 Yeah, that's, you know.
41:56 Speaker 00 19 years of age. He was born in 2007. I remember the miners' strike. Come on.
42:04 Speaker 01 I want you to make a complaint.
42:07 Speaker 00 Well, I, well, I'm, I'm not, I can't.
42:09 Speaker 01 But it's a bit like in, you know, in the Paralympics, when the people running are all running actually in different categories sometimes.
42:15 Speaker 00 Yes, yes.
42:16 Speaker 01 You're in a different category to him.
42:18 Speaker 00 Yeah, like I.
42:19 Speaker 07 That should be overturned.
42:21 Speaker 00 I remember the 1992 general election. I should be in a different category.
42:27 Speaker 01 He actually came last in the brothers' race.
42:32 Speaker 01 Is another way of putting it.
42:35 Speaker 00 Um, yeah, a lot, a lot of the older dads were like, you acquitted yourself quite well there, mate. Honestly, you, no, no shame in that. No shame in that because he's got a, you know, an electric scooter and he knows about Pokemon and other young things.
42:50 Speaker 01 Uh, final win is a really nice one and, um, will be maybe of interest to people who've read my book. But at the end of my book, I imagine a situation where I'm sort of walk. Well, it was based on a, how do I say this? At the end of my book, I imagined bumping into the GP who first told me I need to sort myself out when I was drinking.
43:17 Speaker 00 And you say, why didn't you sort my skin out? It's fine. You're a generalist.
43:21 Speaker 01 He's a generalist.
43:25 Speaker 00 And he said, one all. We'll call it quits.
43:29 Speaker 01 I imagine being able to sort of thank him and say a lot of stuff about what happened as a result of the things he said. And last week, that did actually happen in real life. I did bump into him in the streets and was able to say thank you to him. And he was very touched and also managed to, you know, I said, you know, I've actually, since we last spoke, which would be six years, five or six years ago now. I, I wrote a book and talked about what you said. Yeah, I got my card reader out and said it's, I've actually, I get given a few copies and I can.
44:09 Speaker 00 I just carry this around.
44:10 Speaker 01 Yeah, I can sell it to you actually for eight pounds off the RRP. But no, he, he, he let me know his address. So I sent him a copy of my book and a little letter saying thank you. So that was very nice.
44:22 Speaker 07 That's, that's lovely.
44:24 Speaker 00 That's a double tick there, Dave.
44:27 Speaker 07 No, I'm not gonna, I can't change the scoring system at this.
44:31 Speaker 07 But there's rules in play. But that's, isn't that funny that there's no reason why he should know about him being that person, but he's kind of such a big part of that book. You kind of just expect him to go, oh, so you're aware of the part you play. But why would he? Because
44:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:45 Speaker 07 he must have told a thousand people.
44:46 Speaker 01 And I think also, you know, we go to our doctors often when we're in trouble or in need. They give us the stuff or get us the treatment that makes us better. It's very rare that you actually go to them when you're better, because I mean, obviously they've got limited time.
45:04 Speaker 00 You'd be wasting their time. It would be, it would be a crime, really.
45:07 Speaker 01 But it's like, you know, those people who get to meet the, the fireman that saved them or the, the person who, you know, talked them down when they were feeling very low. It, it was nice to be able to actually come out the other side and, and, and meet him and chat to him.
45:21 Speaker 00 Because what's interesting is that. I mean, it's a sort of spoiler alert from your book, but he says something very powerful to you. And it's on the first page of the book, it's actually the beginning of the book. But it took quite a while for you to act on his advice, didn't it? Like, he didn't say the thing and then he went home and thought, right, I'm going to become sober. It took quite a long, you took quite a while to absorb it.
45:46 Speaker 01 Yeah. And you, you know, I guess GPs especially, but you have no idea the difference you're making outside of the difference you're sort of paid to make, which is, you know, giving people pills or creams to clear things up. But sometimes it can just be the way you speak to someone or the fact that you listen to them for an extra five minutes, or you give them a number to call for a service that you didn't have to give them. And all of these things can have enormous ripple effects. And, you know, the, the good that he's played a part in and doing around me as well and other people in my life. So very nice to be able to say that to him, though his dog was doing a poo just before I went up to him and he did have to hold the poo in a bag in his hand.
46:27 Speaker 00 Well, that makes, that makes the whole thing very real.
46:31 Speaker 01 It was very real.
46:32 Speaker 00 You thanked a doctor who had excrement in his hand.
46:35 Speaker 01 Well, via a, a bag.
46:37 Speaker 00 And, yeah.
46:38 Speaker 01 Yeah. Yeah, within a bag.
46:40 Speaker 07 Well, I'm curious, because did you ask, is it a, a male or female doctor, John?
46:46 Speaker 01 A male.
46:47 Speaker 07 Did you ask him how many other patients he's used that sort of tact with before?
46:54 Speaker 01 No, that would have been an interesting question, but it was just a sort of stolen, I was, I could tell he was eager to get to the dog, to dog poo bin, as much as he was very touched by what I was saying. It wasn't ideal timing. But I, I, I just, I didn't want to take up too much of his time. Yeah. So I just, I just said, I'd like to thank you and send you the copy of the book. And I'm three and a half years sober and what you said had a big impact. And, you know, it was just really nice.
47:23 Speaker 07 What a lovely kind of closure. To that.
47:25 Speaker 00 He will definitely go home and tell his, you know, his partner or his kids that. And also, great final chapter for the reprint.
47:35 Speaker 01 Oh, God, yeah, the paperback.
47:36 Speaker 07 Oh, my goodness. Do you have to, do you have to do more stuff? Because a lot of people do, don't they? They, they whack on a bit at the end.
47:42 Speaker 01 Yeah, they like you to, to have sort of bonus content, I suppose, for the old Papa Bravo.
47:48 Speaker 07 Bravo.
47:50 Speaker 00 You could just do loads of John wins again.
47:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, I'll just do all my wins since I've stopped drinking. It's a 143, 89 wins to losses. That's what sobriety gives you. So there you go.
48:04 Speaker 07 Okay, so what we have here in the losses column, John is now behind Enzo.
48:10 Speaker 01 Yep.
48:10 Speaker 07 And in brackets, a loss for the G8. Computer was draining itself of battery.
48:17 Speaker 00 Because of John's.
48:18 Speaker 07 In brackets, honest officer.
48:20 Speaker 00 Which the computer is doing on its own.
48:24 Speaker 07 Yeah.
48:25 Speaker 01 All of my electronic equipment comes alive at night. And they have great parties and adventures and they film them in films, a series of films that get better and better and better and better and then really worse.
48:35 Speaker 00 Yes.
48:36 Speaker 07 Okay.
48:38 Speaker 07 The wins. Regast aircon in the Kia.
48:42 Speaker 01 Oh, amen.
48:43 Speaker 07 Huge win. Dream dermatologist. Return to the small screen with a double bed in the dressing room.
48:49 Speaker 01 Yep.
48:50 Speaker 07 John's fitness journey got taken by a submarine to the bottom of the ocean.
48:54 Speaker 01 That's a loss, Dave.
48:56 Speaker 07 Oh, that is. Why have I put that in the wins? This is what happens. I've not got my Sharpie and my pad. I'm doing it on a blooming Google Doc and my head's gone. That's an absolute loss.
49:04 Speaker 01 It's whingeful thinking, Dave, that that is a win.
49:08 Speaker 07 It is, and it actually makes things a lot closer. And then the final one is bumped into the doc who, are we saying what he said to you or not?
49:17 Speaker 01 We'll leave that for readers of the book.
49:19 Speaker 07 Okay, good stuff. Bumped into a very important doctor in your life, which means it's four, three in the wins. It's a close one. But it's a win. It's a win nonetheless.
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50:40 Speaker 04 1965, London. The world's largest uncut diamond has been stolen from the Natural History Museum.
50:50 Speaker 04 Shortly after, a young London window cleaner is arrested.
50:53 Speaker 05 They said you're nicked, you're in a lot of trouble.
50:55 Speaker 04 But was he set up? Wanted, I've fled to fall of two cops. His family say he is guilty, but of a totally different crime.
51:05 Speaker 06 You're the one who ended up going to prison, don't you, kiddo?
51:07 Speaker 04 I'm Josie Long and this is Rough Diamond. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts.
51:16 Speaker 01 Right, shall we read some emails?
51:18 Speaker 07 Yeah, we should. We should.
51:21 Speaker 01 We've had some wonderful emails this week. Lots of people playing the claps game. We've got not just emails, this is from the socials.
51:31 Speaker 07 Oh, the socials are firing on all cylinders at the minute.
51:34 Speaker 00 We're so fleet footed. We reflect the fact that our listeners don't just use email to contact us.
51:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, we're so fleet footed. We are doing that for the first time. In six years.
51:47 Speaker 00 Yes.
51:48 Speaker 07 No, no.
51:48 Speaker 00 Yeah.
51:49 Speaker 07 No.
51:49 Speaker 01 There was a brief period, because we're so fleet footed, where we set up a WhatsApp community that turns out was breaking numerous privacy laws.
51:57 Speaker 00 Yes.
51:57 Speaker 01 And then we were so fleet footed that for about six weeks, we gave out a WhatsApp number.
52:02 Speaker 00 Yeah.
52:03 Speaker 01 And then we were so fleet footed that we just sort of let that, let that die, really.
52:07 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah.
52:09 Speaker 07 Yeah, we are creatures of habit.
52:11 Speaker 01 Dave, can you still get in touch with us on WhatsApp?
52:13 Speaker 07 No, God, no.
52:15 Speaker 01 No. Because our feet are so fleet. We're like Michael Flatley.
52:20 Speaker 07 No, we're not. No, there's sometimes you've just got to play to your strengths and...
52:24 Speaker 00 Yeah, and that's emails and now Instagram comments.
52:28 Speaker 07 Slide into the DMs, guys.
52:30 Speaker 01 Or the chat feature as part of the Ellis and John cinematic universe.
52:34 Speaker 00 Of course.
52:35 Speaker 01 You can leave us comments in the Patreon chat, and this is from Wilf Kay. Game set and claps is incredible. I've already been playing a game called Good Clap, Bad Clap with my year seven form group, which sometimes increases to good clap, good clap, bad clap, bad clap, and even good clap, good clap, good clap, bad clap, bad clap, bad clap. But we added the tennis element today and it was limbs.
52:59 Speaker 00 Yes.
53:00 Speaker 01 Absolute limbs in the classroom when we hit a 30 clap rally at match point.
53:06 Speaker 07 How do you deal with that? Where does that even end?
53:09 Speaker 01 That is prime time game set and claps.
53:14 Speaker 00 It's a bit like that video. Have you ever seen the video where the teacher, she's playing basketball and she gets a sort of, she shoots a hoop from about 25 yards and all the kids are going crazy. It's very, it's that kind of thing. Limbs in the classroom, I love that. And we've had a message on Instagram, last day of primary school shirt signing, a nod to a shade love of Ellis and John with a teacher. I'll never forget year five being set homework to write a conclusion to D I Robbins. And the teacher's written this feels significant on the little kid's shirt.
53:44 Speaker 01 That, I was so unexpectedly moved by that because that shirt looks exactly like a shirt I have.
53:52 Speaker 00 Yeah.
53:52 Speaker 01 Which was signed on my last day of school in 1997. And it's nice that that sort of stuff still goes on.
54:00 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
54:02 Speaker 07 I love seeing kids walking home in signed shirts.
54:05 Speaker 00 Yes.
54:06 Speaker 07 Because it just takes you back. It's quite a visceral, a visceral memory for me that last day. I remember it was a lovely day and you're in, you're in a very particular mood on the last day of school, I think. And then you see other kids that are having, living that moment that you lived 21 years ago. And I get quite emotional by seeing that because it's the, it's the start of, well, it's kind of the end of a big part of your life and the start of an incredible part. So it's nice to see.
54:30 Speaker 00 This is from the YouTube video because we're so fleet footed. We've now decided to
54:35 Speaker 07 Stop it now.
54:36 Speaker 00 Read out comments from the YouTube videos. I listened to a podcast from Questlove where they mentioned water and clapping. Funk bands used to keep a bucket of water in the studio for wetting their hands so that the claps would really pop, which is something that John did.
54:50 Speaker 07 He did.
54:52 Speaker 01 I did. I took a funk approach to game, set and claps and it served, served me well.
54:58 Speaker 00 Yeah.
54:59 Speaker 01 This is good from John. So we've had some emails which we'll come to about pant audits.
55:06 Speaker 00 Yeah.
55:08 Speaker 01 John says, Dear kernels of content and capers, after tales of mega pants and the great sock reset, I propose one area of life that benefits tremendously from similarly enthusiastic and thorough attention. Tupperware. The melange of bolognese stained, non tessellating, borrowed, stolen and saved from the Chinese takeaway with holes in the lids to avoid the prontos going floppy must all go.
55:36 Speaker 01 For a, for around 14.99 from an online retailer, you can revolutionize your Tupperware and say goodbye to Tupperware trauma, all matching, stacking and looking ready for action.
55:49 Speaker 01 Interesting.
55:50 Speaker 00 Izzy did this about six months ago.
55:52 Speaker 01 A Tupperware audit?
55:53 Speaker 00 A Tupperware audit.
55:54 Speaker 01 And you didn't tell me.
55:56 Speaker 00 No.
55:57 Speaker 01 What happened?
55:59 Speaker 00 Well, because you end up with an awful lot of boxes that can be used that are like from a takeaway Chinese, but they're, once you wash them, they start to warp and they're never as good as you hope they're going to be. Then certainly not as good as the stuff you buy. And then, but you, you'll, you'll buy Tupperware boxes that are slightly different shape to ones you already have. And then it becomes confusing with the lids and all that kind of stuff. So every now and then you need to do an audit and Izzy loves that stuff.
56:26 Speaker 01 I guess my question is where does the old Tupperware go?
56:29 Speaker 07 Exactly, exactly.
56:31 Speaker 00 Hard plastics.
56:33 Speaker 01 Well, that's not recyclable.
56:36 Speaker 00 You can take them to my, I've got a recycling centre that takes hard plastics.
56:40 Speaker 01 Does it take hard?
56:41 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, near my house.
56:43 Speaker 01 That is very good. Okay. I'll be bringing in some Tupperware for you to take to the tip for me.
56:47 Speaker 00 Okay. Right. This is from Laurie, which is hello, my beautiful flowers. First time emailer, long time listener here. I wanted to tell you about my intentions of suing the BBC for £10 million grand sterling and how you, Ellis, John and Dave played a monumental part in this. I've been listening since the Radio X days and I, along with the vast majority of listeners, don't listen to the haters, Ellis, was delighted when you revealed that Ellis will be doing a show at the Royal Albert Hall with some John and Dave magic sprinkle throughout. I therefore eagerly had my phone and laptop ready before 10am on the 26th of June and patiently waited in the queue for tickets. It was an emotional
57:29 Speaker 00 rollercoaster from excitement to anticipation to devastation. But as I got through, all the tickets were sold out. I lay on my bed for a while contemplating life before shaking myself out of my misery and going about my day. I had my work summer party later that day and I needed to get ready. I'm sure you all remember that Friday, the 26th was at the tail end of the record breaking heatwave in the UK and it was approximately a million degrees that day. I was therefore dreading the hot commute on the tube to Paddington and then on to Bristol. My suitcase packed, my make-up on, with my handheld fan ready and fully charged, I started my journey. The Tube was fairly quiet, with many people wisely avoiding public transport if they could help it. I sat down, face firmly in my handheld fan, when I noticed
58:13 Speaker 00 a man standing by the doors with a professional-looking camera, taking photos of seemingly random things in the carriage. I arrived at Pardington, which was absolute chaos, got myself on a train and heaved a sigh of relief when the aircon hit me. I decided to check my phone and clicked on my Facebook app out of habit. It was then that I saw the most bizarre sight. The first post to come up on my feed was one from the BBC News's official page. It was a story, but the record-breaking heatwave, and my face, looking utterly miserable, was staring back at me. I couldn't understand. I thought I must be hallucinating, the heatstroke had finally got to me. But no matter how much I blinked, my face was still there. I then went on to Instagram and went on to the BBC News page, and my face was also on
58:57 Speaker 00 their story. It turns out that the man with the camera on the tube had discreetly taken my photo and it was now being used by BBC News for the latest story in the UK heatwave. In other words, I was now the face of the UK heatwave.
59:10 Speaker 01 (laughing)
59:11 Speaker 00 I was initially outraged, as the photographer hadn't asked my permission and planned to sue the BBC for the biggest sum I could think of, £10 million sterling.
59:20 Speaker 01 Which is £10 billion.
59:22 Speaker 00 Yeah. However, seeing as all this started with my inability to purchase tickets to the Royal Albert Hall show, and was the catalyst to my misery, I was settled for a shout-out on my favourite podcast. I've attached the image for you all to see, and hope this brings some joy to your day. It certainly did to my family and friends. I also now see the funny side and I'm embracing my newfound fame. Left you all and hopefully see you at the next live show. Lory. P.S. For all this is sake, yes, I am Welsh. I'm from Llennelli, 31 years old and I went to a school at Strada, and yes, I am coming to your Welsh Language show at ABC in Cannington. Now then, Lory, that happened to me, amazingly.
59:55 Speaker 01 Did it? Wow.
59:58 Speaker 00 About, I was still living, we were living, it was before Izzy and I'd moved in, maybe? No, no, it was when we were in the old, the first flat, so probably 15 years ago. The BBC did a documentary about just the Tube, the London Underground network, and I was getting the Tube to a gig, I was comparing a gig, and there were terrible delays on the Victoria Line. And the voiceover, I can't remember who it was, it was something like... Commuters are becoming increasingly agitated as the Victoria Line looks like it's no closer to moving. And then there was a big zoom in on my face. I was just standing there, just looking really, really pissed off. And when it was on the telly, back in the, back in
1:00:41 Speaker 00 the days when people used to watch a lot of telly just because they had it on, because it was slightly before, you know, phones had taken over from that thing. I must have got hundreds of messages from people because I do look pretty angry. And it's a very odd feeling because obviously you can't, you don't consent to being filmed and you don't consent to being on the TV.
1:00:59 Speaker 07 What are the rules there?
1:01:00 Speaker 00 I don't know.
1:01:02 Speaker 01 It's a public place. So I think you're, I don't think there's a huge amount you can do, which is why people can wear those vile glasses, those like perv glasses, the meta glasses.
1:01:13 Speaker 07 Oh, the, oh, yeah, yeah.
1:01:15 Speaker 01 But this, I think I mentioned this before, but this happens to a friend of mine who I go on that yearly golf trip with, that he was photographed, he's a doctor and he was photographed walking along a ward. He is the red scrubs guy who you see as the sort of Getty stock photo for any story about the NHS.
1:01:33 Speaker 07 Really?
1:01:34 Speaker 01 It's just, and it's him and it's his back. It must have been used tens of thousands of times. But recently, there's a new red scrubs guy.
1:01:43 Speaker 07 Oh, he's been gutted.
1:01:44 Speaker 01 So he's been like replaced. So he's no longer the, the BBC News red scrubs guy. We have had an email from, I'm going to keep their name secret, from someone who has some involvement with Channel Four.
1:02:03 Speaker 00 Okay.
1:02:03 Speaker 01 And through their job has been able to put Beat the Internet on the Channel Four streaming homepage.
1:02:13 Speaker 07 Is that, is that all right?
1:02:14 Speaker 01 Due to a deal Channel Four have struck with UK TV to access some of their old programmes.
1:02:20 Speaker 07 Oh, fine. Okay.
1:02:21 Speaker 01 So they removed QIXL to add in Beat the Internet. And I would just like to say to this very kind listener, please reverse that decision.
1:02:33 Speaker 01 I want people to know I've bounced back.
1:02:36 Speaker 00 If it was watched by a billion people, would you get any extra bounce?
1:02:39 Speaker 01 No, not at all.
1:02:40 Speaker 00 That was a good contract.
1:02:42 Speaker 01 And I, I want to have, I have bounced back.
1:02:46 Speaker 07 Yes, you have.
1:02:47 Speaker 01 And I don't want people to think that's my current project, because though I have a fondness for it, I would probably make different decisions, um, just, just based on a change in my circumstances.
1:03:00 Speaker 00 You'd say no.
1:03:01 Speaker 01 Over the, yeah, over the, over the intervening.
1:03:05 Speaker 07 Would you?
1:03:06 Speaker 01 11 years.
1:03:07 Speaker 07 Would you, I mean, it's a, it's a good format, John. It should work. And it did work.
1:03:14 Speaker 01 It would work if you're allowed to say Google. Um, unfortunately weren't legally allowed to say Google.
1:03:21 Speaker 07 Hmm.
1:03:22 Speaker 01 So, yeah, do feel free to, to bury that, uh, in a wherever you want.
1:03:30 Speaker 00 Go and get Booze Britain Binge Nation 2. I don't mind. Work that instead.
1:03:33 Speaker 01 Booze Britain Binge Nation 2 and just, uh, you know, pop it, pop it on the back, really, really far back burner. And, um, and hey, new show with Dara O'Brien coming out at some point over the next six months.
1:03:47 Speaker 00 What channel is that on?
1:03:49 Speaker 01 Ah, yeah.
1:03:52 Speaker 00 Channels then.
1:03:54 Speaker 01 That's on the question of, the question on the lips of all of the big TV critics and I shall remain speech, name, wordless.
1:04:04 Speaker 07 Speech, name, wordless.
1:04:05 Speaker 01 Tight lipped.
1:04:06 Speaker 07 Do you not know?
1:04:07 Speaker 01 Speech, name, wordless, tight lipped. I, I shall.
1:04:12 Speaker 00 Well, you would be, you would be making it if it didn't have a channel.
1:04:16 Speaker 07 Is it on a Men and Motors?
1:04:18 Speaker 01 I, I can't remember exactly.
1:04:21 Speaker 07 You can't, I, even I know what it is, John, I think. Isn't it TLC?
1:04:27 Speaker 01 No.
1:04:28 Speaker 00 TLC, the, what, No Screws?
1:04:30 Speaker 01 No. I think it's on Dave.
1:04:34 Speaker 00 Okay.
1:04:34 Speaker 07 Okay, fine.
1:04:35 Speaker 01 It's a UK TV production.
1:04:37 Speaker 00 Great stuff.
1:04:38 Speaker 01 Um, a superb pant recycling idea.
1:04:42 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:04:43 Speaker 01 Which I've gotta say, I am going to be adopting this the next time a pair of pants wear out.
1:04:49 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:04:49 Speaker 01 This is from Tommy. Tommy says, hello gents, your recent chat about good pants and optimising your underwear rotation piqued my interest. And as such, I'd like to share the exclusive system I've been working with for the past few years. Think of me as the Stephen Bartlett of underwear.
1:05:07 Speaker 00 Okay.
1:05:08 Speaker 01 My system is simple. If I find a pair of boxers that seem like they're on their last legs, I will not dispose of them. I instead put them to one side and they become travel pants. When I'm heading away for my next trip, they become the underpants that I pack. Once they've been worn, I simply throw them into my hotel bin. This way, I've used the now disposable pants and gained valuable packing space for my return journey.
1:05:37 Speaker 00 That's good.
1:05:38 Speaker 01 When I do this, I like to think that my pants are excited to go on one last final jaunt.
1:05:43 Speaker 00 That's so John.
1:05:44 Speaker 01 To different parts of the world. As a result, I'm proud to say that I have underwear on three continents.
1:05:52 Speaker 01 In writing this out, one factor I hadn't thought through was that hotel housekeepers who undoubtedly assume I'm soiling myself for five days straight at an all-inclusive, but for me, the upside is worth it. Thanks, Tommy. Tommy, that's superb.
1:06:07 Speaker 00 It is good. I would.
1:06:08 Speaker 01 That's first class.
1:06:09 Speaker 00 I would hate for hotel cleaners to think I'd soiled myself though. Even though I'll never meet them.
1:06:17 Speaker 01 You could put them in the sort of a bin outside the front of the hotel, maybe.
1:06:21 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:06:22 Speaker 01 But I love the idea of one final hurrah for the pants and a special, a bit like going to Dignitas.
1:06:29 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:06:29 Speaker 01 Just one special last journey.
1:06:32 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:06:33 Speaker 01 But you might get to sit in a piazza or, you know, look at a lake or go to the beach or something.
1:06:40 Speaker 00 Yeah, we've all, we've all got a lifespan.
1:06:43 Speaker 07 What's the, apart from the, the one last hurrah for the pants, of course, which is a big part of this, what's the difference in doing that to just chucking them out in your own house as you, as you put them in your bin?
1:06:55 Speaker 01 Because you get to wear them, maybe.
1:06:57 Speaker 07 Yeah.
1:06:57 Speaker 01 You get to pack them and you don't have to pack them coming home. But also you get to experience a bit of quality time with them and think about all of the. You know, all of the years you've had.
1:07:07 Speaker 00 They also only take my black bin once every two weeks. So I've got to be quite careful with what I put in there. Or it gets too full. So it's quite nice to use, you know, a commercial properties.
1:07:21 Speaker 00 Bin allowance.
1:07:23 Speaker 07 Right, he's clever. I'm all in.
1:07:26 Speaker 01 Very good. Was that just about? Wrap us up, Dave.
1:07:29 Speaker 07 Yeah, that's, that's, that's just about it. I mean, is that it?
1:07:33 Speaker 01 We've had a lovely time, haven't we?
1:07:35 Speaker 07 Do you want to play you out of my drum kit?
1:07:37 Speaker 01 Yeah, go on then.
1:07:39 Speaker 01 Can you do like?
1:07:41 Speaker 07 There she blows.
1:07:42 Speaker 01 Can you do a, a song, Will, now?
1:07:45 Speaker 07 Well, no.
1:07:46 Speaker 00 Just recognise it from the beat?
1:07:48 Speaker 07 Uh, it's not quite hooked up to, to, it could do that, but I, it'd take a while. I could just give you a bit of a four bar groove.
1:07:56 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah, if you would, yeah. Can you give us quite a soulful sort of?
1:08:00 Speaker 07 I can't hear you now because I'm going to turn my headphones off. So don't slag my off.
1:08:03 Speaker 00 Funk groove, please, Dave.
1:08:05 Speaker 01 Can you do the Black Page by Frank Zappa, please?
1:08:08 Speaker 07 Okay, what's that? I, I can't hear you.
1:08:10 Speaker 01 I hope he's going to do some mellow. I've got to put the big amp on. You are? I've just got to put the big amp on that Hannah bought me for Christmas. Okay, that's good stuff.
1:08:21 Speaker 01 Can you hear this? Give me a thumbs up if you can hear this.
1:08:26 Speaker 01 I mean, you, you might as well be playing. That's more like it. Wowee. Yeah. Thumbs up.
1:08:33 Speaker 07 Can you hear that?
1:08:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:08:34 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, very good.
1:08:34 Speaker 07 Yeah, it's clear as, it's clear as a whistle, isn't it?
1:08:36 Speaker 00 It's dead to clear, Dave.
1:08:38 Speaker 07 Okay, right.
1:08:39 Speaker 01 Phil Collins, eat this.
1:09:05 Speaker 01 That's very good.
1:09:08 Speaker 01 High hands.
1:09:09 Speaker 07 There you go.
1:09:09 Speaker 01 Well done, Dave. That's brilliant.
1:09:11 Speaker 00 I love your opening and closing the hi-hat. That's, it feels very disco. Enjoyed it.
1:09:16 Speaker 07 You opened it, it's a little flair, the little open of the hi-hat.
1:09:19 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah.
1:09:20 Speaker 01 It was Roger Taylor-esque because he closes the hi-hat very quickly. That's one of his, um, one of his sort of distinctive drumming techniques.
1:09:28 Speaker 07 Oh, really? Yeah. It's, it's, it's a tricky, I mean, that was quite basic, but yeah, if you can get it, some of them get them up and down very quick. The old up and down of the hi-hats to go tight and loose. It's good stuff. I'm gonna go, after we do this, I'm gonna go and play Blink 182 as well, the small things. Because it's, it's a fun track to play.
1:09:46 Speaker 01 Dave, can you read drum music?
1:09:49 Speaker 07 No, no, no. But I also don't think I'd find that fun. What I find fun is I'll watch a YouTube tutorial or just a drummer playing one of the tracks that I think would be fun to play. And that's quite fun in itself. And you're just basically trying to copy what they're mirroring back to you. And then if you can get close to it, that's fun.
1:10:06 Speaker 01 Can I send you the video of a guy talking through Frank Zappa's The Black Page and why it's the most difficult drum track? And over the course of the explanation, he tries to learn it and it takes him four weeks. It's only about two and a half minutes long.
1:10:17 Speaker 07 Oh, yeah, definitely. Yeah, yeah.
1:10:19 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah, send me that. I'd like to watch that.
1:10:21 Speaker 07 I've actually, I've actually, I've not played it in a long time. I need to get back on the old, on the old kit because it is good fun.
1:10:27 Speaker 01 Well, if you, um, make your drumsticks really heavy, that will be your fitness regime. They were like five kilos each.
1:10:33 Speaker 07 Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Okay.
1:10:36 Speaker 01 Well, thank you everyone for listening. As we said, Tuesday's show will be us live from, well, no, not live. It was recorded live at Crosswires.
1:10:45 Speaker 07 Live and very much leashed.
1:10:47 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's not a simulcast.
1:10:49 Speaker 00 No.
1:10:50 Speaker 01 Uh, and thank you everyone for coming, but it's a bit of fun. It's a bit of, a bit of a treat, something different. And, uh, we love you all very much. Goodbye.
1:10:56 Speaker 00 Goodbye.
1:11:33 Speaker 04 1965, London. The world's largest uncut diamond has been stolen from the Natural History Museum. Shortly after, a young London window cleaner is arrested.
1:11:52 Speaker 05 They said you're nicked, you're in a lot of trouble.
1:11:54 Speaker 04 But was he set up?
1:11:55 Speaker 00 Wanted act led to fall of two cops.
1:11:58 Speaker 04 His family say he is guilty, but of a totally different crime.
1:12:03 Speaker 06 You're not going to end up going to prison, are you, kid?
1:12:05 Speaker 04 I'm Jacey Long, and this is Rough Diamond. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts.
1:12:14 Speaker 01 Thanks for listening to the show, and you can follow us on Instagram and TikTok at Ellis and John for more content.
1:12:20 Speaker 00 And you can watch highlights of every episode over on our YouTube page, at Ellis and John.
1:12:25 Speaker 01 Plus, you can find all things EJJR, including links to our Patreon, our merch, and much more by heading to ellisonjohn.com. See you next time.
Previous #555 - Consent Cushions, A Cuddle Bath and Sitting Quietly in Ghent Next #557 - Live at the Crossed Wires Festival Page updated October 29, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated