Pod Insights Elis James and John Robins #554 - A Cream Spiral, Nude Dave and Dignity then Dignitas About this episode It’s an evening pre-record this week, and it would be a little bit more jazz, a little bit more Soho and a little bit more laid back…if Dave’s train hadn’t been held up by cows, and John’s stomach wasn’t in confusion mode.
And yet there’s no denying that we are totally committed to ‘keeping Britain moo-ving’ as we share treatments for tricky skin, reflect on Elis’s bed time pork pies and give yeast the big rebrand it has long-since deserved.
Finally, we feel that sense of calm as John reads Elis another parable in Common Zense, concluding that our brain is ‘just an organ with no idea what it’s doing’. Yes, totally calm. Plus, there’s a cracking Mad Dad that exposes one of our Brave Broadcasters as a Nude Dad…
Send us your vibes to [email protected] mailto:[email protected] .
And check out the latest Adventure of Elis and John: Station to Station https://www.patreon.com/elisandjohn/posts/adventure-4-to-162382951.
For lots of exclusive EJJR #content, join our Patreon at patreon.com/elisandjohn.
For weekly visual highlights, head to youtube.com/@elisandjohn.
For everything else, head to elisandjohn.com.
The Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript 12,347 words · 8 speakers
0:00 Speaker 00 Before we start this episode, we want to invite you along to the adventures of Ellis and John.
0:04 Speaker 01 If you head over to patreon.com/EllisandJohn, you can join us on our monthly escapades, including
0:10 Speaker 00 Minnie and Bix.
0:11 Speaker 01 It's the strangest legal jump in the history of long jump.
0:14 Speaker 00 Bird watching.
0:15 Speaker 02 My two favourite things are birds and football.
0:18 Speaker 01 And you can watch our latest episode now, where we tackle an escape room.
0:22 Speaker 03 So John is absolutely flying here. Well, Ellis is there as well.
0:26 Speaker 02 Ellis is there as well, Dave.
0:27 Speaker 03 We did the first three, Dave, for complete chill.
0:32 Speaker 00 So, for adventures and so much more, head over to patreon.com/EllisandJohn now.
0:40 Speaker 04 I've got big news. I switched to Verizon and got the new iPhone 18 Pro. Shh. I can keep my old phone and I also get the latest iPhone every year. Shh. Anything else? Verizon let me choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on them. Everybody, listen up. Shh. Switch to Verizon and get the new iPhone 18 Pro now. No trade-in needed. And the latest iPhone every year with Simplicity Plan. Plus, choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on us. Simplicity Plan with Simplicity Pro required. Plan and device payment purchase are separate agreements with separate terms. Service plan for watch or iPad required. Additional terms apply for all offers.
1:10 Speaker 05 Talking about guns with others might not always feel comfortable, but it could save a life. Here's a way to start a conversation. Your family is going over to your neighbour's home for dinner for the first time. How would you ask if there are any unlocked guns in the home?
1:23 Speaker 06 Hey.
1:24 Speaker 07 Hey, we're so excited for tonight. Before we come over, though, may I ask if there are any unlocked guns in your home?
1:30 Speaker 06 Our guns are stored securely, locked in a safe that the kids can't access.
1:34 Speaker 07 Awesome.
1:35 Speaker 05 Learn how to have the conversation at agree to agree.org. Brought to you by the Ad Council.
2:02 Speaker 00 Hello, thank you very much for downloading this episode of Ellis and John. And it's a slightly different atmosphere for today's recording because it's an evening session. That's right, it's just a little bit more jazz, it's a little bit more Soho, it's a little bit more laid back, Dave, would you say? Because the recording studio we're in is completely empty and the cafe is closed. So I'm gonna get hungry, Dave.
2:25 Speaker 03 It's Tuesday evening, it throws me a bit, I can't lie. I'm more than happy to be here, by the way, just to flag, more than happy, actually. But it's weird, kind of, Friday's our day, Friday is our jam. And to come in on a Tuesday and be on a four hour train because there were cows on the line and they'd lost the farmer, just puts me in a slightly different vibe to, you know, a casual two hour train journey.
2:49 Speaker 01 Was it long until he got moving?
2:51 Speaker 03 I made that joke to one of my producers today!
2:54 Speaker 01 But you didn't say it out loud, so it's my joke.
2:57 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, John got in so quick again.
2:59 Speaker 03 He did. So then they moved the cows, we were gonna have to go via Coventry at one point.
3:04 Speaker 01 Really? So the cows couldn't hear you?
3:06 Speaker 03 No, it's because the cows are on the line.
3:09 Speaker 01 Can you not just, like, edge, like, just edge the train into their bums?
3:14 Speaker 03 Clip the heel a little bit.
3:16 Speaker 01 But you could, like, if you were sort of...
3:19 Speaker 00 A gentle bump.
3:20 Speaker 01 A gentle, like, when a cyclist is just taking too long at the lights, just a gentle kind of nudge into the back.
3:26 Speaker 00 Or just a big rev.
3:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, or just a big rev.
3:29 Speaker 03 Can you rev a train? I'm not sure you can rev a train.
3:32 Speaker 00 Oh, yes, surely. Or just get the driver to hang out the window and make the noise. I mean, I've just done it.
3:38 Speaker 03 You have.
3:38 Speaker 00 Oh, there it is.
3:39 Speaker 01 I was joking about nudging the cyclist there.
3:42 Speaker 03 No, you were. But, and the cows.
3:44 Speaker 01 I sometimes...
3:46 Speaker 03 And the cows?
3:46 Speaker 01 Well, but I think the cows could, like, if you were going at one mile an hour, I mean, come on, we gotta get Britain moving.
3:54 Speaker 00 Also, cows have, cows have got, trains have got big horns.
4:01 Speaker 01 So have cows.
4:04 Speaker 00 Just give it a blast of that.
4:07 Speaker 03 Yeah.
4:08 Speaker 00 It's gonna terrify a cow, isn't it?
4:10 Speaker 01 What were they doing, Dave?
4:11 Speaker 03 I don't know, because I got a, I got a message from one of my old producers at my old place at work saying, I've cancelled my trip because there's cows on the line.
4:18 Speaker 01 Good grief.
4:19 Speaker 03 And then two hours later, he says, what are you up to? Because he had, he needed me for something. He says, I'm on the way to London. He said, did you not get my message earlier? I've had to come home because there's cows on your line. You are going to be buggered. Uh, and I said, no, well, I didn't put two and two together. Sorry, Pete, but now I am on the train. And he's good. Well, you're not going to get there. Anyway, luckily the cows then moved, they found the farmer.
4:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
4:37 Speaker 03 And then we didn't have to go via Coventry. We just had to go the usual route via Milton Keynes. And I got here and it's fine, it's fine. I'm actually fit, you know, as I get older and I have to make this bloody journey twice a week now, it seems most weeks. I'm pretty chilled about delays now. Like, because it was meant to be a two hour journey and it was three and, three and a half, three and three quarters.
4:59 Speaker 00 About, um, delays on the train, but never in the car. I find delays in the car hugely stressful if there's a crash or something.
5:06 Speaker 03 Yeah.
5:07 Speaker 01 But you can just vape and wean the passenger seat footwell.
5:11 Speaker 03 Great.
5:11 Speaker 01 It's much more pleasant being in the car.
5:13 Speaker 03 Clip cyclists' wheels.
5:15 Speaker 01 Yeah, um, but that's Dave, maybe common sense is rubbing off on you.
5:20 Speaker 03 Yeah, do you know what?
5:21 Speaker 01 The train is already delayed.
5:22 Speaker 03 Oh, for, Alice, can you have a word?
5:25 Speaker 01 The train may never arrive because, you know, you've let go.
5:29 Speaker 03 But it is there.
5:30 Speaker 01 But you've let go of the destination.
5:33 Speaker 03 No, I was holding on to the destination as the reason why I was happy to be on the train. What does that mean?
5:38 Speaker 01 Well, because you love me and Ellis so much.
5:40 Speaker 03 Yeah, because I was looking forward to coming to hang out.
5:42 Speaker 00 Yeah, I was cycling in and I thought to myself, I'm just going to start the show by saying, I love you to John and Dave.
5:48 Speaker 03 Why didn't you?
5:49 Speaker 00 I forgot, sorry. I forgot that I loved you.
5:54 Speaker 00 I was cycling through left projection. I thought, that's how I'll start. It's mine to start Friday. I'll just tell John and Dave I love them and then we can move on. There was a cyclist in Hurn Hill on a lovely bike and also the possessor of a quite frankly gorgeous body.
6:10 Speaker 00 So if you're the man who was by the lights near Brockwell Park at about 10 past four in a Savello bike, on a Savello bike, get it done.
6:19 Speaker 03 It's just like the Lonely Hearts corner of the Metro newspaper.
6:23 Speaker 00 He was gorgeous.
6:24 Speaker 03 Was he? Was it just his physique or was it, did you see his face? Did he seem like a kind man?
6:30 Speaker 00 His face was hidden really because he had shades on and a helmet. So I couldn't really get a good look on his, at his face, but his, his body was quite something.
6:38 Speaker 03 Was it?
6:40 Speaker 00 And then I cycled off.
6:42 Speaker 01 Well, I didn't expect you two to be so flustered because I'm flustered.
6:46 Speaker 00 Why are you flustered? Because you forgot to do your intro for Tuesday?
6:48 Speaker 01 Uh, no, because I ate a fancy lunch in London's happening central locations too late.
6:56 Speaker 03 Why is that flustered? It was a nice thing to do.
6:58 Speaker 01 No.
6:58 Speaker 00 Hang on, hang on, hang on, let's do the thing. But the lunch has already happened or you've already had a fancy lunch or you didn't have a fancy lunch or?
7:07 Speaker 01 No, I did have a fancy lunch, but it was too fancy for me.
7:10 Speaker 00 Okay.
7:10 Speaker 01 The flavours were too exotic and they're all churning around in my tummy and I ordered too many courses.
7:16 Speaker 03 Yeah. Well, hold on, then you got here and you had a flat, you had a brownie.
7:19 Speaker 01 I know.
7:19 Speaker 03 Did you need that?
7:21 Speaker 01 Yeah, and I went for ice cream somewhere else afterwards.
7:23 Speaker 03 Is that control?
7:24 Speaker 01 But it was a fancy rest.
7:25 Speaker 00 Are you dying? Is this it?
7:30 Speaker 00 Have you decided to say no to treatment? And you're just going to enjoy your last few weeks?
7:37 Speaker 01 Um, no.
7:39 Speaker 00 No.
7:39 Speaker 01 I'm not actually dying.
7:41 Speaker 00 No.
7:41 Speaker 03 Quite.
7:41 Speaker 00 He's living.
7:42 Speaker 01 Quite the, um, quite the opposite. I'm full of life.
7:46 Speaker 00 It's crushing it.
7:47 Speaker 01 Just with really bad skin. Uh, but.
7:50 Speaker 00 Skin's all right.
7:51 Speaker 01 Dave, I had an absolute car crash this week, but we'll get onto that later, maybe.
7:56 Speaker 00 Okay.
7:56 Speaker 01 Um, but no, I went to, uh.
7:59 Speaker 00 Looking at it, no, your skin's fine.
8:01 Speaker 01 No, it's quite bad there. You have no idea how many creams are currently on me. I'm more cream than skin right now.
8:08 Speaker 00 They're working though.
8:09 Speaker 01 Thanks. You move eight doing a big old shift.
8:11 Speaker 00 Yeah, but there's nothing more frustrating than using creams and then for them not to work.
8:16 Speaker 01 Yeah. And then you get into a situation where you're not sure which cream has made it better and worse.
8:21 Speaker 00 Yeah.
8:21 Speaker 01 So you end up in a cream spiral.
8:24 Speaker 00 Yeah.
8:24 Speaker 01 Yeah. And then someone suggests like just using natural clay. And you think I can't add something else to the mix.
8:31 Speaker 00 No, no matter how natural it is.
8:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, because I need, I need to know what my irritants are.
8:36 Speaker 00 Have you considered rolling in morning dew?
8:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
8:39 Speaker 00 Like it was the summer, so I could, you know.
8:41 Speaker 01 And then it turns out you're allergic to morning dew. And the, anyway, anyway, and breeze. So, uh, yeah, I went to this fancy restaurant. And, uh, it was sort of a modern take on Mexican fish.
8:59 Speaker 00 Okay.
8:59 Speaker 01 So there was, um, like raw mackerel in a like orange and lemon and soy and chili and sesame sauce, which every time I tasted it felt like I what couldn't understand what it was.
9:15 Speaker 00 That sounds fancy.
9:16 Speaker 01 Flavors. It was insane. Then there was monkfish on, on smoked cream sauce and spinach, which was too much.
9:26 Speaker 00 That sounds amazing though. I love that.
9:27 Speaker 01 I couldn't cope with all the different flavors.
9:29 Speaker 00 But that's your mentality.
9:31 Speaker 01 I know. It's just too rich is what I'm trying to say, but very nice. Um, and then I just thought, um, have I ever just eaten six courses too many, I think. And then I had ice cream and a brownie. So I'm in a kind of, um, sort of stomach confusion mode. And also I'm not used to eating like fancy food before doing the show. I'm used to eating eggs on toast.
9:52 Speaker 00 Yeah, but that sounds amazing. You've got to live a little, John.
9:56 Speaker 01 I am. I did. I am.
9:57 Speaker 00 Yeah, you did.
9:57 Speaker 01 That's what I was doing.
9:58 Speaker 00 Well, do you like, do you like monkfish?
10:01 Speaker 03 Hmm. I used to love it.
10:04 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah.
10:04 Speaker 03 Yeah. And then more recently.
10:07 Speaker 00 What's it done to you?
10:08 Speaker 03 I don't know. It just.
10:10 Speaker 01 Are we the Times food supplement? I think I've had monkfish maybe three times in my life.
10:16 Speaker 03 Oh, I've had it loads. We always have it in Portugal.
10:18 Speaker 01 Do you?
10:18 Speaker 03 Yes. But it's just very, it's a very meaty fish.
10:21 Speaker 01 It is a meaty fish. Yeah, just too many sort of interesting flavours.
10:26 Speaker 03 Yeah.
10:27 Speaker 01 And then I just got obsessed with having some custard. So I had a coffee that's also custard. It's called a custado.
10:36 Speaker 03 Wow. Were you with people?
10:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
10:39 Speaker 00 Were you with people?
10:42 Speaker 03 Just joking.
10:43 Speaker 00 What a question.
10:44 Speaker 03 No, because it's, it's, it's, I don't know, if this feels more acceptable, because I bet they're all chipping in as well, aren't they? They're having a bit of monkfish.
10:51 Speaker 01 Oh, big time. It was all Shersies.
10:53 Speaker 03 Yeah, great.
10:53 Speaker 00 Who are you drinking custard coffee with?
10:56 Speaker 01 A lady.
10:57 Speaker 03 Oh.
10:59 Speaker 00 Wow.
10:59 Speaker 01 So, there you go.
11:02 Speaker 03 Can I guess? Madonna.
11:04 Speaker 01 Don't, oh, God, don't. Please, God, don't.
11:09 Speaker 01 Gone red enough as it is.
11:10 Speaker 03 Holly Valance.
11:11 Speaker 01 Yes, it was. And I didn't listen to any of her political views. She's the one that's gone very right wing, hasn't she? I just asked her about Neighbours and said, I don't want to hit anything about when it finished.
11:23 Speaker 03 Just Neighbours memories.
11:24 Speaker 01 Just Neighbours, please.
11:25 Speaker 03 Just Neighbours memories.
11:26 Speaker 01 That's why I booked you.
11:27 Speaker 03 And the impact of Kiss Kiss.
11:29 Speaker 01 What's that?
11:29 Speaker 03 Her single.
11:30 Speaker 00 Her big hit.
11:30 Speaker 01 Yes. I said, I just want to talk about Neighbours, the single I've never heard of, because I want to learn about it. And that's it. And when I say booked, I meant through like a talent agency, like through her agents, like an official. It cost me six grand.
11:45 Speaker 03 Yeah, because.
11:45 Speaker 01 You can get Valance for six grand if you buy the meal as well.
11:49 Speaker 00 Because you needed company for your coffee, for your custard coffee.
11:52 Speaker 01 Yes, I did.
11:53 Speaker 03 And she's not singing Kiss Kiss as a part of the six grand package?
11:56 Speaker 01 At 12.
11:57 Speaker 03 Wow. Oui. How are you, Al?
11:59 Speaker 00 I'm all right. I'm trying to think about what I've done.
12:02 Speaker 03 We're all right. We're, you know, we can, we can keep plodding on.
12:05 Speaker 01 We can talk about my skin.
12:06 Speaker 03 Yeah, do you want to talk about your skin?
12:08 Speaker 01 Well, I think I'm allergic to histamines. Did I mention that last week?
12:13 Speaker 03 Yes. Well, you, you mentioned kimchi.
12:17 Speaker 01 Ah, it was that bloody things off. What is it called? Quadnik, which I thought was a type of Audi.
12:24 Speaker 01 Quadnik, the pink, cold hive producer. Have you had lots of Quadnik in your life? And does it bring you out in a really painful, stinging, burning face rash?
12:39 Speaker 00 What the hell is Quadnik?
12:41 Speaker 03 It's the pink, it's the pink stuff that John talked about last week.
12:45 Speaker 00 Eh?
12:45 Speaker 03 The soup, the beet, um, beetroot and...
12:49 Speaker 01 Kefir was my big era. Why do I have to keep putting this code into bloody WhatsApp? I'm not an idiot. I'm not going to forget my PIN number.
13:00 Speaker 00 What code?
13:00 Speaker 01 Every week you have to put your two-step verification code in so you don't forget it because they think you're a thicc.
13:06 Speaker 00 Oh, I've not got two-step verification.
13:08 Speaker 01 Oh, okay.
13:08 Speaker 03 Just take it off, live a little.
13:10 Speaker 00 Take it off!
13:12 Speaker 01 And what's that thing about?
13:13 Speaker 00 Let the mugger read your WhatsApps to Delta Goodrum, no Holly Valance, whichever one it was.
13:19 Speaker 03 Don't you bring Delta into this, she's a lovely woman.
13:22 Speaker 00 Which one, which one are we talking about, Holly Valance?
13:23 Speaker 03 Delta Goodrum actually sung at this year's Eurovision Song Contest.
13:27 Speaker 00 Yes.
13:28 Speaker 03 Holly Valance didn't.
13:30 Speaker 00 Yes.
13:31 Speaker 01 What's this thing now about having to have a username on WhatsApp?
13:34 Speaker 03 Oh yeah, grabbed mine. Have you grabbed yours?
13:36 Speaker 01 No, sod off!
13:37 Speaker 03 I know, what's the point?
13:38 Speaker 01 What is it, what is the world on about?
13:41 Speaker 00 Can it not just be John?
13:42 Speaker 01 No, because obviously John's taken by John1.
13:46 Speaker 00 John1?
13:47 Speaker 01 In from America, who lives in Silicon Valley and has got John.
13:51 Speaker 00 John1982?
13:52 Speaker 01 But no, all gone.
13:54 Speaker 03 Yeah, they're, they're, all the Gooduns, Masterman had gone when I tried to get Masterman.
13:57 Speaker 01 But it's so that like, ah, it makes out that it's about security, but it's not. It's about linking WhatsApp with Instagram so they have more of your information.
14:06 Speaker 03 It is.
14:07 Speaker 01 It's absolute crap, mate.
14:12 Speaker 00 Is that your opinion or Holly Valance's?
14:13 Speaker 01 Fact. No, that's Quad, what, Quad?
14:17 Speaker 03 Quadneek. Quadneek, that's Quadneek.
14:19 Speaker 00 Oh, that looks nice.
14:19 Speaker 03 Quadneek, I've got it.
14:21 Speaker 01 Well, it's nice, but my skin was that colour the next day.
14:23 Speaker 03 Did it pop an egg on it?
14:24 Speaker 01 Yeah, whack an egg on it, mate.
14:26 Speaker 03 Oh, pop an egg on it. Anything's better with an egg on it.
14:29 Speaker 00 I don't need a username on my WhatsApp. Have I just not updated it? Is that the issue?
14:34 Speaker 03 I think you've probably got little notifications.
14:35 Speaker 00 Oh dear, I win again.
14:37 Speaker 01 Well, I'm not doing it.
14:38 Speaker 03 I did it. But you don't need to use it. It's just reserved. I've got it. I've got, I've got it.
14:42 Speaker 01 What do you mean you don't need to use it?
14:44 Speaker 03 Well, they say grab it now and then if you want to use it at any point.
14:47 Speaker 01 What if you're born in a million years' time, they'll all have gone?
14:50 Speaker 03 Yeah, there's always that.
14:52 Speaker 01 So what?
14:53 Speaker 00 Oh, what will happen then is people will select usernames based on their like, what they like when they're sort of 16. So there'll be an awful lot of like Pokemon based usernames, which would be very embarrassing then when you're sort of 35.
15:09 Speaker 01 But it'll end up having to be just random numbers, like a strong password.
15:14 Speaker 03 Yes.
15:14 Speaker 01 Won't it?
15:15 Speaker 03 Yeah.
15:15 Speaker 01 Because they'll run out of things that make sense.
15:17 Speaker 03 Yes.
15:17 Speaker 00 What a shame.
15:18 Speaker 01 Johnny JR was taken too.
15:20 Speaker 00 Johnny JR?
15:21 Speaker 01 Yeah. Some Silicon Valley mega mind has got Johnny JR.
15:27 Speaker 00 Nomadic Reverie?
15:29 Speaker 01 I didn't want to link it to my Instagram because I don't want anyone, I just don't want to talk to anyone.
15:35 Speaker 03 All right.
15:35 Speaker 01 So why would I do it? I'm not sure. I do want to talk to some people.
15:39 Speaker 00 Thornbury Icon.
15:43 Speaker 01 Not bad.
15:44 Speaker 00 Yeah. What about that?
15:46 Speaker 01 Thornbury Icon, Thornbury's finest.
15:48 Speaker 00 Yeah, I was going to say Bristol's finest next, but yeah, Thornbury Icon, Bristol's finest.
15:52 Speaker 01 But also the whole point is, it's there to give to someone who can contact you, who you don't want them to have your number.
15:58 Speaker 03 Yes.
15:59 Speaker 01 So imagine like going on a date and saying, and you're not quite sure about the person. So they're like, can I have your number? And you can go, have my username instead. A, that's a bit of like awkward because you're like, I don't want to give you my number.
16:11 Speaker 00 And B, it's Thornbury Icon.
16:14 Speaker 01 It's Thornbury Icon.
16:17 Speaker 00 Yeah. Now, how about that coffee custard?
16:18 Speaker 01 Why can't things just stay the same?
16:21 Speaker 00 Yes, yes, yes, I'm with you.
16:23 Speaker 01 Yeah. So, yeah, that's, I mean, that's it. I went for a fancy lunch and my skin's been bad.
16:29 Speaker 00 Well, do you want to talk about skin? Because we've had an email about it. "Hi, John. I've suffered with red facial flare-up for the last decade or so. I'd tried everything recommended by professionals", in inverted commas, "often creams or ointments of considerable cost that offered no long-term improvements. A while ago, I was discussing gut health with a nutritionist and she suggested I may have a buildup of yeast in my gut flora".
16:51 Speaker 01 I'm not laughing at that person. I'm just laughing at the word yeast.
16:55 Speaker 00 Yeah, that caused...
16:57 Speaker 03 Yeast needs a rebrand.
16:58 Speaker 00 One hundred percent.
17:00 Speaker 01 Very good point.
17:01 Speaker 03 They've had a PR. It's not good PR for yeast these days.
17:04 Speaker 00 No, the yeast marketing board are bad.
17:06 Speaker 01 Yeah. They should do it on The Apprentice. Right. For years now, I've thought that yeast needs a rebrand and I don't want a load of tuk.
17:15 Speaker 00 Yeah.
17:15 Speaker 01 I want you to come up with a new name and a new brand strategy for yeast.
17:19 Speaker 00 Okay, mega yeast.
17:21 Speaker 01 No, that's a load of tuk. I used to sell yeast out of the back of a van. Buy for a pound, sell for two.
17:28 Speaker 00 Yeah.
17:28 Speaker 01 Is that what he sounds like?
17:29 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's actually, that's not bad.
17:32 Speaker 00 "So I may have a buildup of yeast in my gut flora that caused the facial flare-up. So, recommendation was to drink a shot of apple cider vinegar or add the said shot to a pint of water every day. Since doing this for the last few months, the improvements have been incredible. It's not very tasty, that's right, because as he puts it on salads, but you will get used to it. Nothing to lose. Try it for a month and monitor the results. Love the show. Paul. John, thoughts?"
17:57 Speaker 01 Thanks, Paul. I'm real, I'm sort of, when it comes to skin and stomachs, I'm very reluctant to sort of give any advice because it's such a vague, sensitive area that could be so many different things.
18:12 Speaker 00 Yeah.
18:12 Speaker 01 But I did, I have been in so many long chats with AI about this. It's actually quite useful. Um, about like health stuff. And I did actually look up apple cider vinegar. And the thing is, I think I've got rosacea, which is triggered by high histamine foods.
18:29 Speaker 00 I'm being cool.
18:30 Speaker 01 I'm being cool. Um, and vinegar and fermented foods are two of the big triggers which both make up our apple cider vinegar.
18:39 Speaker 00 Oh, okay.
18:40 Speaker 01 I don't think that's for me, but it may well be for others.
18:42 Speaker 00 All right then. Uh, this is in reference to something stupid I said last week. Hello, you trio of cooled cucumbers. Hearing Ellis and Dave state the obvious to their respective baristas and kitchen staff. I wanted to tell you some of the daft things I've heard in my hot job, TM. You see, I'm a glass blower.
19:02 Speaker 01 Whoa.
19:02 Speaker 00 Love that.
19:03 Speaker 01 I mean, this was us talking about people who can't protect themselves from the heat in their work.
19:08 Speaker 00 Yeah, and I went into my local coffee shop and it must have been forty degrees in there and I went, oh, is it hot working in here all day? And the lovely lady behind the counter said, yes. And I thought, I've.
19:19 Speaker 01 Cause it is hot.
19:19 Speaker 00 It is. That's, that's on me. Uh, I'm a glass blower, which makes me simultaneously incredibly cool and astonishingly warm. To give you a bit of context, the furnace runs at approximately eleven hundred degrees centigrade. There are heating chambers, officially known as glory holes, but that feels like a broadcasting minefield, run at around twelve hundred and sixty degrees centigrade. And we also have to run kilns at around five hundred and twenty-five degrees centigrade to anneal the glass to avoid thermal shock. Uh, long story short, everything's hot. And on days like today, the ambient temperature at the equipment end of the room can exceed fifty-five degrees centigrade.
20:00 Speaker 01 Hmm.
20:01 Speaker 00 No thanks.
20:01 Speaker 01 How do you spell no thanks in big letters in spray paint, Dave? Cause that's what I'm spraying on the kiln.
20:06 Speaker 00 Yeah.
20:07 Speaker 01 No thanks to you.
20:09 Speaker 00 In our studio, we often run classes with people to come and see this ancient craft in action, have a go themselves to experience the molten material. Once someone asked if we take any specific vitamins or medications to deal with the heat. It was difficult to hold a polite expression when I explained that, no, there is no magic pill that can turn our skin into a heat resistant meat casing. Or no spells in all of witchcraft that could give us the ability to carry out our high intensity work in those conditions without mentally submerging ourselves in glacial lagoons. I'll let you in on a secret though, the only thing that sustains us on these hot, hot days is pure passion for the craft. Love that.
20:45 Speaker 03 That's nice.
20:45 Speaker 00 So Lucy absolutely loves being a glass blower. Fantastic. The, um, the one incident that truly fries my fillets though, is when a lady was handling the glass with a pair of metal tweezers. Her hands slipped as she tried to dip them in water to cool them off, causing her to jab me in the hand with approximately 600 degrees centigrade metal. Ouch. Now this bit amazed me, right? Did she apologise, you ask? Did she grow aghast with shame and horror? Did she drop to her knees and plead forgiveness? No, she just laughed quite a concerning amount and mused at least it wasn't somewhere else. That woman's crazy.
21:20 Speaker 03 That's mad because she's burnt us.
21:21 Speaker 00 If you're burning a stranger with metal at 600 degrees centigrade.
21:27 Speaker 03 Can't laugh.
21:27 Speaker 00 You have to, you have to apologise.
21:30 Speaker 01 I, I wouldn't say the apology is necessary all the way down to 60 degrees.
21:35 Speaker 00 Yeah.
21:35 Speaker 01 Yeah. Under 60, you could say, well, to be fair, that's a household radiator.
21:39 Speaker 00 Yeah. Or, you know, that's a hot spoon from a cup of tea.
21:42 Speaker 01 Yes.
21:43 Speaker 00 Which, um, an ex-girlfriend of mine used to do to me all the time.
21:45 Speaker 01 Did she?
21:46 Speaker 00 Didn't really, didn't really love it.
21:48 Speaker 01 No.
21:49 Speaker 00 But.
21:49 Speaker 01 One odd bit of banter.
21:51 Speaker 03 My dad used to do it to me.
21:52 Speaker 01 A hot spoon?
21:53 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah. No, that's, it's quite traditional banter.
21:56 Speaker 03 It's good, it's good, honest humour jar. Live a little. If like he would say, um, Dave, if the spoon was going around the table to stir the, the cup of tea, as the, as he hands you the spoon, you go to hand it and he'll put it on the top of your, top of your hand and we laugh.
22:09 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah.
22:10 Speaker 01 I didn't know you came from broken homes and broken relationships.
22:13 Speaker 00 Or you take the spoon out of the cup of tea and you go, oh, sorry. And then you just press it into someone's hand.
22:17 Speaker 01 Yeah. Finally, Dave, we get him on How Do You Cope?
22:21 Speaker 01 We finally found something.
22:23 Speaker 03 The spoons all along.
22:26 Speaker 00 No, she just laughed. Absolutely amazing. I'm not sure it was intended as a threat. The glint in her eye as she looked me up and down to deliver that line, which was at least it wasn't somewhere else, definitely made it feel like one, sending air-conditioned vibes and the sweet relief of a breeze and solidarity to all of the PCDs with hot jobs, chilliest regards and comfortable wishes, Lucy. Goodness me, I don't want to be burnt.
22:49 Speaker 01 No, God, no. And it's coming back next week.
22:51 Speaker 00 Yeah, cool.
22:53 Speaker 01 Heatwave are getting to.
22:54 Speaker 00 Is it back?
22:56 Speaker 01 Yeah, another week of 30 plus.
22:57 Speaker 00 I think it might absolutely ruin my kid's sports day.
23:01 Speaker 01 Oh.
23:02 Speaker 00 Ah, this has already been cancelled.
23:03 Speaker 01 Has it?
23:04 Speaker 00 Has it?
23:05 Speaker 03 So it's been delayed for another day.
23:06 Speaker 00 Hannah's livid because it was going to be on a Thursday and Hannah has Thursdays off. And then last Thursday it got cancelled because of the heat and now it's on a Tuesday, so Hannah can't go. So she's very sad.
23:16 Speaker 03 Yeah.
23:26 Speaker 04 I've got big news. I switched to Verizon and got the new iPhone 18 Pro. Shh. I can keep my old phone and I also get the latest iPhone every year. Shh, anything else? Verizon let me choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on them. Everybody listen up. Shh. Switch to Verizon and get the new iPhone 18 Pro now. No trade-in needed. And the latest iPhone every year with Simplicity Plan. Plus, choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on us. Simplicity Plan with Simplicity Pro required. Plan and device payment purchase are separate agreements with separate terms. Service plan for Watch or iPad required. Additional terms apply for all offers.
23:56 Speaker 05 Talking about guns with others might not always feel comfortable, but it could save a life. Here's a way to start a conversation. Your family is going over to your neighbour's home for dinner for the first time. How would you ask if there are any unlocked guns in the home?
24:08 Speaker 06 Hey.
24:09 Speaker 07 Hey, we're so excited for tonight. Before we come over, though, may I ask if there are any unlocked guns in your home?
24:15 Speaker 06 Our guns are stored securely, locked in a safe that the kids can't access.
24:20 Speaker 07 Oh, awesome.
24:21 Speaker 05 Learn how to have the conversation at agree to agree.org. Brought to you by the Ad Council.
24:29 Speaker 01 We've had an email about how handsome Ellis is.
24:32 Speaker 03 Oh, okay.
24:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
24:34 Speaker 03 Yeah.
24:35 Speaker 01 And I wonder if there's a witch's curse. And Ellis gets more handsome, the worse my skin gets.
24:44 Speaker 01 And maybe, maybe he is the, I am the portrait of Ellis in the attic.
24:50 Speaker 03 Yes.
24:51 Speaker 01 But I'm fine with it because he, you know, he's looking great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, everyone needs their moment to shine. Even though if I did get an attack of the flakes whilst chatting with a music industry executive the other day.
25:05 Speaker 03 Did you?
25:06 Speaker 01 I looked in the mirror in a shop when I was trying on sunglasses and I was like, I can't believe I spoke to someone that came like this. I had to apply a lot of cream in John Lewis.
25:15 Speaker 03 They won't have noticed. That's the thing you need to remember, that no one else notices.
25:19 Speaker 01 Yes. Well, anyway, Jill gets in touch to say, I'm writing to you from across the pond in the lovely city of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I stumbled upon your podcast many months ago from a viral comery connection on Instagram, then recognised as Taskmaster favourite of mine and I've been hooked ever since. Are we going out with Jill? I've been a loyal listener for some time now, but I have branched out to watch the videos on YouTube occasionally. Today, whilst re-watching and laughing at the Charlize Theron bit, I noticed how lovely Ellis was looking. I hope this is not appropriate, but I do think that a touch of grey at his temples and in his beard are extremely dignified.
26:01 Speaker 01 Maybe it's the long torso solidarity I feel with him, but I believe he's only getting better with age.
26:07 Speaker 03 He is the bugger.
26:07 Speaker 01 Very true.
26:08 Speaker 03 He is.
26:09 Speaker 01 Cognitive decline be damned. Ellis, please never diet.
26:15 Speaker 03 What a lovely surprise. Okay, I mean, he's always gone all coy. I have gone all coy.
26:21 Speaker 00 Because physically, I was an absolute horror show in my teens. Oh, you were just very thin and indie looking, weren't you? And I remember asking a young lady out at a gig and she said, no, thank you because you're gaunt.
26:39 Speaker 00 Well, I think gaunt's kind of part of the vibe, isn't it, being an indie fan in the nineties? Yeah, but also I just, I just was very thin. But nowadays, I probably would have joined a gym. But that wasn't really an option in 1996. So I just had to live with the fact that I was extremely thin. Yeah. There was nothing really I could do about it because I was eating. Then you went through a pork pie phase and then you realised young enough that that was the wrong approach. The pork pie phase? God, I saw a photo of my pork pie phase. A kid just came up my phone the other day. Was the pork, have we ever talked about the pork pie?
27:12 Speaker 01 I did the photo I've got of Ellis's contact photo on my phone.
27:16 Speaker 00 It was actually John's influence. I'd never tried a pork pie before. Really? You got into the pork pie game? I did a gig in Bristol and I stayed at John's house and we went to the Hybri Vaults, I think. And did they sell pork pies by the bar?
27:30 Speaker 01 Yeah, with mustard.
27:31 Speaker 00 With mustard. Always got to be. And he gave me a pork pie with mustard and changed my life.
27:39 Speaker 00 And it was an absolute taste sensation. And I ate.
27:43 Speaker 01 It was pork, it was pie, it was mustard.
27:46 Speaker 00 And I ate pork pies with mustard before bed every night for about two years.
27:54 Speaker 00 It made me a right little tubby so and so. Yeah. And then I remember.
27:59 Speaker 01 But now he's a beefcake, not a pork pie.
28:01 Speaker 00 And then I remember looking at my belly hanging over my pyjama bottoms one, one evening before going to bed and thinking, something must be done. Got to kick the pork pies.
28:10 Speaker 01 I've got a photo of me from 2015 where I'm wearing a Rudolph Christmas jumper. And Rudolph's nose is sort of elongated into an ellipse.
28:23 Speaker 01 And it was like, oh God.
28:25 Speaker 00 Yeah.
28:25 Speaker 01 But this is it. This is what they talk about. This is what the, you know, when your dad's kind of going, oh, you wait till you get to my age, you think, F off dad.
28:35 Speaker 00 Yeah.
28:35 Speaker 01 I'm young, I'm mortal.
28:37 Speaker 00 But when you're gaunt, or when you have been gaunt, you think that you can eat pork pies at midnight every night for the rest of your life. And then you do get to 32 or 30 in my case, and it has a terrible impact. Jill's email meant an awful lot and I will probably print it out.
28:54 Speaker 01 Thank you, Jill.
28:55 Speaker 00 My beard's weird. I, I hadn't shaved like last week, because I, technical term, couldn't be arsed.
29:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
29:02 Speaker 00 And I thought I had alopecia. And then I looked in the mirror and realised it's not alopecia. There's just this massive white flash across my face, which I hadn't realised before.
29:12 Speaker 01 It's, no, you've got a good little spread of the, the grays. You're all right.
29:15 Speaker 00 It's in weird bits. So I don't think it looks as dignified as, as Jill would say.
29:18 Speaker 01 Oh, I think it looks very dignified. Also, your hair still looks very cool.
29:23 Speaker 00 Uh, well, it's messy because I cycled in, but um, dig, you know, dignity, that's, that's, you've got to aim for that.
29:30 Speaker 01 Hmm.
29:31 Speaker 00 As you get older, haven't you?
29:32 Speaker 01 Dignity then dignitas. That's my goal.
29:36 Speaker 00 God, John.
29:37 Speaker 01 And then repatriate the body, compost it, follow the instructions and the what three words in my will. And um, you know, spread me amongst nature.
29:48 Speaker 00 Yeah.
29:48 Speaker 01 That's great. That's what I want.
29:50 Speaker 00 It is great. It is great. It's just it's an orthodox.
29:55 Speaker 01 Yeah, I think it'll probably become, become more common.
29:57 Speaker 00 Yeah, but it's not yet. And so every time you say it, it does.
30:00 Speaker 01 It's not yet legal.
30:01 Speaker 00 No, no.
30:04 Speaker 01 Isn't that mad though? You can burn a body and release carbon into the atmosphere, but you can't compost it.
30:09 Speaker 00 Well, how long would it take to com- not to get to?
30:12 Speaker 01 I think it takes about six weeks.
30:13 Speaker 00 What? And the bones as well?
30:15 Speaker 01 Ah, don't know about the bones. Maybe they grind them up and put them in the compost. You could put fish bones in your garden.
30:21 Speaker 00 Yeah.
30:21 Speaker 01 For the flowers, but not all Johnny JR bones.
30:26 Speaker 00 Um, could I not just like chuck you into a canal or something?
30:30 Speaker 01 Uh, I wouldn't mind. I would, I mean, the dream is to just be left in the woods.
30:34 Speaker 00 Yeah.
30:35 Speaker 03 No.
30:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:36 Speaker 00 For passersby.
30:37 Speaker 01 Well, this is the problem. It would have to be a private wood.
30:39 Speaker 00 Yeah.
30:40 Speaker 01 You can do that if you leave your body to criminal science. They have places, maybe just in America.
30:46 Speaker 00 What do you mean by that?
30:48 Speaker 01 Where you, you leave your body to them and they have this enclosure where different body parts are left out in the wild so they can monitor how they decompose in order to be able to work out when they find a body, how long since it died, e.g. what larvae are at work on it.
31:09 Speaker 03 That is a bit of you.
31:10 Speaker 01 It's a bit of me.
31:11 Speaker 03 That is a bit of you. We should write that down because that could be quite useful.
31:15 Speaker 01 It is useful, but composting first.
31:17 Speaker 00 Okay. I'm trying to think what else I could do with John's body that'd be quick and, you know, have, um, be ecologically sound.
31:26 Speaker 01 Pop it in a big treehouse, really high up, like a sort of bird feeder, but with a corpse in it.
31:34 Speaker 01 They do that in some cultures.
31:36 Speaker 00 Do they?
31:36 Speaker 01 The pillars of the dead. If you're Zoroastrian, they just put your body on a big pillar and the birds pack it until it's all gone.
31:43 Speaker 03 Well, the famadiana, of course, the turning of the bones.
31:46 Speaker 01 What's that?
31:46 Speaker 03 We've talked about this.
31:47 Speaker 01 Have we?
31:48 Speaker 03 Yeah, there's a, there's a there here in the world.
31:51 Speaker 00 I wanna say Madagascar.
31:54 Speaker 01 Okay.
31:55 Speaker 00 But it's not, but it's, I don't know. Can't remember. Turning the Bones where every seven years, they unwrap the shrouds from the temple of your body.
32:02 Speaker 01 Yeah.
32:03 Speaker 00 They celebrate your body. You get, you're on their shoulders, all the family members, and then they rewrap you up again, then put you in. So every seven, every seven years, they kind of re-celebrate until there's nothing left.
32:12 Speaker 01 And I want to.
32:13 Speaker 00 The turning of the bones, famadiana.
32:14 Speaker 01 But I want to return into the soil.
32:17 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's not that.
32:18 Speaker 01 No, I don't wanna be kept for Ellis to unwrap every seven years.
32:23 Speaker 03 It's not the little present though, is it?
32:24 Speaker 01 I don't think he would enjoy it.
32:26 Speaker 00 No, I didn't. I wasn't brought up in that culture, so I would find it quite traumatic, I think.
32:32 Speaker 03 Oh yeah, it'd be crazy to do in books.
32:34 Speaker 00 Oh God, he'd be in his Magnolia Electric Company t-shirt, just around a load of decomposing bones and flesh.
32:42 Speaker 03 Oh, it's good.
32:43 Speaker 01 Lovely chats. What else have we got, eh? Well, there's news from the broader world of the Ellis and John cinematic universe because the latest adventure of Ellis and John is released today.
32:54 Speaker 00 Yes.
32:55 Speaker 01 And it's a two-parter. It's a monster.
32:59 Speaker 00 Yeah.
32:59 Speaker 01 It's Our Godfather Parts One and Two.
33:02 Speaker 00 Yeah, I loved it. I watched it yesterday and found it so entertaining. John's an absolute natural at broadcasting from behind the wheel.
33:11 Speaker 02 I thought he was going to say nightmare.
33:13 Speaker 01 A bit of both, a bit of both.
33:15 Speaker 00 Yes, a bit of both.
33:16 Speaker 02 Station to station.
33:17 Speaker 01 Yes, where Ellis and I visit some service stations and we've got a bit of a clip for you.
33:32 Speaker 01 There he is.
33:33 Speaker 02 Look at him. He's not recording in portrait, is he? After I told him to record in landscape.
33:39 Speaker 00 I don't even know if I'm filming the right bit of road. That's not clear. That's not clear.
33:45 Speaker 02 Surely not. Landscape, Ellis. Landscape. Landscape. Landscape. Yeah, there you go.
33:56 Speaker 02 Chaps, are we ready for the coffee conundrum challenge?
33:59 Speaker 00 100%.
34:00 Speaker 02 Here's what I've done. I've bought three.
34:02 Speaker 00 This is the conundrum. How can I stay dry in the rain?
34:05 Speaker 02 The more you interrupt, Ellis, the longer we are out in the rain.
34:08 Speaker 00 Okay.
34:09 Speaker 02 Okay?
34:09 Speaker 00 Thanks, Dan.
34:11 Speaker 02 Just shut your hole. Welcome to the coffee conundrum challenge, of course. I have gone and bought three mystery coffees.
34:20 Speaker 01 Are we sharing the coffee?
34:21 Speaker 02 No, you've got a coffee each.
34:22 Speaker 01 Okay, so there's six?
34:24 Speaker 02 Yeah, there's six.
34:24 Speaker 01 You put that on the company?
34:25 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah. I actually called you, John.
34:29 Speaker 00 So that's why we're not turning a profit, do we? We do this every day.
34:32 Speaker 01 But Finn versus history doesn't have to worry about any coffee supplies.
34:40 Speaker 01 Oh, I haven't even got my driving shades. Yes.
34:42 Speaker 02 Oh, look at him. Okay, you keep your hands on the steering wheel, John.
34:47 Speaker 01 Space cop, John Robbins, dark force, elite ops reporting for duty. There's a problem in Alpha Centauri quadrant. We're sending our best man.
35:01 Speaker 01 He's a rogue, he's a renegade, but he gets the job done. Can we trust him? Ha! You don't know Robbins.
35:08 Speaker 02 Why are you dressed like a scientist?
35:10 Speaker 01 I'm a space cop.
35:11 Speaker 02 Oh, sorry. Why are these just driving glasses, John?
35:15 Speaker 01 Because every girl I have ever had in my life has vetoed me from wearing them outside the car. So they are my car space cop driving glasses. Cool.
35:26 Speaker 02 Why? Because you don't let your girlfriends in your car, do you?
35:28 Speaker 01 No, because they don't let me out of the car wearing these sunglasses.
35:33 Speaker 00 It's a bit of fun.
35:35 Speaker 03 It's a bit of fun. It was, we do, we travel across the four service stations of the M25.
35:40 Speaker 00 Yeah.
35:41 Speaker 03 And we rate each one. And a lot of fun in between the rating as well. And do you know what? A lot of blooming camaraderie had in the back of the Kiesportage. I thought, I thought we all came a little bit closer together.
35:52 Speaker 00 Yeah, from when you made us taste coffee in the rain.
35:55 Speaker 03 We did have to.
35:56 Speaker 00 And I actually, oh, that would be a spoiler if I told you what I did, but I think what I did was justified, Dave.
36:01 Speaker 03 Yeah.
36:02 Speaker 00 There was a very.
36:02 Speaker 01 But he is banned from South Mims.
36:07 Speaker 03 There was a bit, John. I don't think I've really talked to you about this because it stressed me out for days.
36:11 Speaker 00 Was this when David, when John was in the toilet, when we got told off?
36:15 Speaker 03 No, we did get told off for filming.
36:17 Speaker 01 Did you? I was in the toilet for ages. I had two curries.
36:19 Speaker 00 Because he'd had two curries, so. Three coffees. And in the 40 minutes you were in the toilet, we had probably a 39 minute dressing. No way! From whom?
36:28 Speaker 03 Well, head office were there on a random day that head office were at one of the service stations because they were there to, for another media interview.
36:36 Speaker 01 Mims.
36:36 Speaker 03 Mims, yeah.
36:37 Speaker 00 Yeah, South Mims, the first one.
36:38 Speaker 03 It was fine, by the way. It was fine, but they-
36:40 Speaker 01 Did you say we emailed you?
36:41 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, but they said, okay. And did we respond? And we went, ah, you know.
36:45 Speaker 01 Tough, t- tough, t- t- tinkles. It's tough tinkles.
36:49 Speaker 03 That's what I said to them. I said, tough tinkles.
36:51 Speaker 01 Maybe you wanna respond to people making content about your brand.
36:54 Speaker 03 Yeah, well, listen, before you go into footage, John, they were fine.
36:58 Speaker 01 Okay, great. I love them.
36:59 Speaker 03 Yeah, we love them. But they were like-
37:01 Speaker 00 They were there a really long time.
37:03 Speaker 03 It was unfortunate that they were there for another media interview and they were like, oh, so you're the guys that we're chatting to? So then we kind of had to explain, no, we're not the guys that you think we are, but we are doing stuff here.
37:11 Speaker 01 Ah.
37:12 Speaker 03 Anyway, the long, long story.
37:13 Speaker 00 But we're not filming now because one of the presenters had two curry slabs and he's been in the toilet for 15 minutes.
37:22 Speaker 03 Anyway, it all got smoothed over. They were like, oh, no, it's fine.
37:25 Speaker 01 He's also probably playing boggle and scrabble and wordle.
37:28 Speaker 00 Yeah. And he refers to the women he plays scrabble with as his scrabble wives, but that's fine. It's all legit and above board.
37:34 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was one point where we all legged it in from the rain because of the coffee conundrum.
37:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
37:40 Speaker 03 And I don't know if you recall, I said to you, did I give you your car key back? And you went, no, you've got my car key. I didn't have your car key. I couldn't see your car key anywhere. I went out to the bit where we were in the rain, the car key wasn't there. So for five minutes, I thought we'd lost your car key at South Mims. Because then how do we leave South Mims?
37:56 Speaker 01 We don't leave South-
37:57 Speaker 03 We just live in South-
37:58 Speaker 01 We live in South Mims, which wouldn't, I wouldn't have minded.
38:01 Speaker 03 No, I would have-
38:03 Speaker 01 You'd have had to pay for the parking.
38:05 Speaker 03 Yes.
38:05 Speaker 00 What, forever?
38:06 Speaker 01 Yeah, because it's only free for two hours.
38:07 Speaker 03 Yeah. Anyway, it turns out Jenny had your key and she'd given it back to you, but it was terror. It was terror.
38:12 Speaker 00 Do you know what you could have done if you were me, Dave?
38:14 Speaker 03 What would you have done?
38:15 Speaker 00 Because I hate losing keys. I've air tagged my car keys. So you just could have done a find my, find my car keys and they would have beeped in Jenny's pocket and then it would have been fine.
38:26 Speaker 03 Yeah. Well, John's not got tags on his car keys.
38:29 Speaker 00 Because he's a loser.
38:31 Speaker 01 I'm not a loser. I'm the opposite of a loser. I've never lost anything, though. I don't know. I've lost something this week.
38:36 Speaker 03 He's lost something.
38:38 Speaker 01 I might have lost something this week.
38:39 Speaker 03 What was it?
38:40 Speaker 01 I can't, I can neither say nor guess. Because I haven't discovered whether it's lost yet.
38:47 Speaker 03 Okay, you've just misplaced it. It's like a credit card in the blimmin' theatre again.
38:51 Speaker 01 That was never lost.
38:53 Speaker 03 Anyway, so it is a lot of fun. It's part one because it's, there's just so much great stuff. So there is a, there is a sequel coming in a couple of weeks.
38:59 Speaker 01 So head to patreon.com forward slash EllisonJohn and also head to your favourite podcast app to check out the new significant production. Don't think so somehow.
39:10 Speaker 03 Yes.
39:11 Speaker 01 That's the name of the podcast. That's not me contradicting myself.
39:14 Speaker 03 No, currently on ep three, I listened to ep three this morning and it made me laugh out loud. Chart topping, no less.
39:21 Speaker 01 Let's have a clip, please.
39:22 Speaker 02 This is how my out of office reads. Dear Sir Madam, I am unfortunately ill dis- undisposed and not of a disposi- I am unfortunately unable to attend to this matter with immediate effect.
39:43 Speaker 02 Has one, has one noticed the summer evenings are upon us and the, has one noticed the light at this time of year? I do hope you are well. You've never put an out of office on in your life. Yeah, I have. You are constantly in my thoughts. I long, I long to be with you. Yours, yours, the war, I pray for the war's end. And if I do not make it back to England, please remember, place a single rose upon my grave. Jesus Christ. Place a single rose upon the, yours sincerely, with the utmost respect, Alastair Green, Esquire.
40:24 Speaker 02 That's my out of office reply. Yours is, Laura Lovechuck, what are you doing?
40:31 Speaker 01 Oh, good grief.
40:33 Speaker 03 It's, it's, it's a crazy app this week. It is. It's good fun.
40:38 Speaker 01 Someone sent me a message, an American friend of mine, who I posted the video and she said, who's that man who's like you but older and sadder?
40:49 Speaker 03 It's Brand New Pod with Alistair Green and Rachel Stubbs.
40:52 Speaker 01 Oh, it's so funny.
40:54 Speaker 03 It is very funny if we do say so ourselves.
40:56 Speaker 01 So, check that out on the internet.
40:58 Speaker 00 Yes, and if you're a Welsh speaker and you like stand up in July and August, you're incredibly well-served if you lived in, if you live in London. But I can't give any more details on that because Dave's told me off for it.
41:10 Speaker 03 He did, he told you off.
41:11 Speaker 00 Just go to my Instagram, go to ellisjames.co.
41:14 Speaker 03 That's not your Instagram handle?
41:16 Speaker 00 That's my website.
41:18 Speaker 03 Is it? You updated your website?
41:19 Speaker 00 I actually have to include these gigs, so I'm no longer presenting on XFM.
41:26 Speaker 03 Go and watch Alice. Go and watch Alice.
41:28 Speaker 00 Yes.
41:29 Speaker 01 Well, it feels like using a sledgehammer to crack a nut, but it turns out it's one hell of a nut.
41:36 Speaker 00 Yeah, it's a titanium nut. And my sledgehammer's made of skips.
41:45 Speaker 01 Yes, go and check out Ellis's Welsh language stand-up shows. Check out Station to Station. Check out Don't Think So Somehow because content never stops. Okay? Not on my watch. Just keep chucking it out there.
42:01 Speaker 00 It's exciting, isn't it?
42:02 Speaker 01 To the highest possible quality.
42:03 Speaker 03 Yeah, we're not chucking it out there, John.
42:05 Speaker 01 We are.
42:05 Speaker 03 No, we're passing it very carefully and conscientiously to our audience.
42:09 Speaker 01 No, we're chucking it, but like a great American footballer chucks the ball for a touchdown.
42:13 Speaker 00 Okay, yeah.
42:14 Speaker 01 And it's a really good, brand-new ball that he's just bought. Right, I think it's time for Ellis's spiritual journey to progress. We're doing quite well with Dave.
42:28 Speaker 03 Yeah, well, you know.
42:29 Speaker 01 You're much calmer.
42:30 Speaker 03 At the very least, I'm on the fence.
42:33 Speaker 01 Well, I don't, I think.
42:34 Speaker 00 Which doesn't exist.
42:37 Speaker 03 It's already broken.
42:38 Speaker 01 Dave has let go of the destination. Dave is happy when there are cows on the line or when there aren't cows on the line.
42:44 Speaker 03 Yeah, I've always had a bit of that in me. Yeah, so I am closer to John, I would say, at times than Ellis with this sort of.
42:51 Speaker 01 Sorry, I just crossed my legs and trapped my Googlies.
42:54 Speaker 03 Did you ever see the videos of someone doing that?
42:56 Speaker 01 Yeah, well, this will be on video because I just did it then. So you can release that video on the carrier if you want, me going like this.
43:02 Speaker 03 Did you ever, have you seen them?
43:03 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's really funny.
43:06 Speaker 00 That could be our viral norman.
43:08 Speaker 03 Yeah. What, John trapping his, trapping his chaps? Yeah, trapping his chaps.
43:15 Speaker 01 Now, it's time for our regular feature, common sense.
43:28 Speaker 01 There we go. Just turn your attention to the breath.
43:34 Speaker 01 Very good.
43:37 Speaker 01 Ellis, how's your breath? There's any resistance to the breath, could be a sign of bronchial problems.
43:44 Speaker 00 I haven't got any.
43:45 Speaker 01 Well, sometimes they are symptomless.
43:47 Speaker 00 Okay.
43:49 Speaker 01 Maybe you should go for a checkup. A lot of people are worried about you.
43:53 Speaker 00 Full body MOT at this stage.
43:55 Speaker 01 Yes, you cannot be too careful at this age. How's the toilet?
44:02 Speaker 00 Toilet is fine, as long as I don't eat beetroot and then it's terrifying.
44:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, but, but it's a safe terror.
44:07 Speaker 00 Yeah.
44:08 Speaker 01 Like watching a horror film.
44:09 Speaker 00 Once you've remembered.
44:10 Speaker 01 Once you've remembered to do write it on your hand.
44:14 Speaker 01 Or ideally on your thigh.
44:16 Speaker 00 Yes.
44:16 Speaker 01 Then you'll see it. Eight on the left thigh, beetroot on the right thigh.
44:22 Speaker 00 Yeah.
44:24 Speaker 03 Yes, that would be perfect. And a date below it. Yes.
44:28 Speaker 01 Or, and the same would apply for dates. Or prunes.
44:31 Speaker 00 Eight, eight beetroot Tuesday night.
44:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:35 Speaker 00 Relax.
44:36 Speaker 01 So.
44:37 Speaker 00 It's almost certainly that.
44:39 Speaker 01 If the, if the symptoms are continuing past Friday.
44:43 Speaker 00 Yeah.
44:44 Speaker 01 Make an appointment.
44:45 Speaker 00 Unless she eats more beetroot.
44:50 Speaker 01 Yeah, if you have a beetroot only, in fact, if you have a beetroot only diet, it's very wise to take breaks within, just to check.
44:59 Speaker 00 Just to check yourself out.
45:01 Speaker 01 Just to check.
45:01 Speaker 00 Absolutely.
45:04 Speaker 01 So, this week's lesson, it's a very short one this week. A monk and his students were walking in the hills. And as they turned a corner, one of the students saw an enormous boulder. And he pointed at it and said, oh, wow. That's so heavy. To which the monk replied, only if you try to lift it.
45:36 Speaker 00 Is that it?
45:37 Speaker 01 He's done his.
45:39 Speaker 00 It is heavy though, isn't it?
45:40 Speaker 01 Ah, only if you try to lift it.
45:42 Speaker 00 Okay, let's break it down. But I mean, what you're doing is irrelevant. The, the boulder will have a weight.
45:50 Speaker 01 No.
45:51 Speaker 00 Everything has a weight.
45:52 Speaker 01 Only if you try to lift it.
45:53 Speaker 00 I weigh.
45:53 Speaker 03 Only if you make it your business.
45:55 Speaker 00 I weigh seventy four kilos.
45:56 Speaker 01 Only if I try to lift you.
45:58 Speaker 00 No, I weigh seventy, I was on a weighing scale yesterday.
46:01 Speaker 01 You're not on it now.
46:01 Speaker 00 Yeah, no. If I was, it would be the same.
46:05 Speaker 01 But your rate, your weight is irrelevant unless I try and lift you.
46:08 Speaker 00 No, because I'm sitting on a big chair.
46:10 Speaker 01 So.
46:10 Speaker 00 Imagine if I was sitting on a weak chair.
46:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, but I'm not measuring you up for chairs. I'm, I'm broadcasting with you, if you can believe it.
46:20 Speaker 00 My weight's relevant all the time, to all of the things I do.
46:24 Speaker 01 Only if you're trying to lift yourself, which, in fact, maybe there's another parable. You can't lift yourself.
46:29 Speaker 00 Or run, or walk, or walk upstairs, or cycle. And also, this, this, you know, if I, if I, if I walked into the boulder by mistake, the weight of the boulder would, would hurt me.
46:41 Speaker 01 Don't walk into the boulder by mistake.
46:42 Speaker 00 What if I've had a pint?
46:46 Speaker 01 Also, if you were, if you were to walk into the boulder.
46:51 Speaker 00 I've had six pints, okay?
46:53 Speaker 01 Yeah, so if you were.
46:55 Speaker 00 Walked into the boulder.
46:56 Speaker 01 If you were to walk into the boulder.
46:58 Speaker 00 Hmm.
46:58 Speaker 01 If you focus on its weight, you're going to be in more pain than if you focus on its beauty.
47:04 Speaker 00 Oh, come on.
47:05 Speaker 01 So you could say.
47:06 Speaker 00 Don't ask me to focus on the boulder's beauty.
47:08 Speaker 01 Well, you, you could say, oh my God, that boulder's so big and so hard and so heavy and that's why I'm hurting. Or you could say, I'm really glad that the, the force of the boulder allowed me to appreciate its rough crags.
47:26 Speaker 00 And, and qualities.
47:28 Speaker 01 Yes, and qualities.
47:29 Speaker 00 It is a real shame.
47:31 Speaker 01 What?
47:32 Speaker 00 That you survived your bum ordeal. Because being in four months of anal pain has given you such balance.
47:43 Speaker 01 What do you think, Dave?
47:44 Speaker 00 I liked you when you were in agony.
47:46 Speaker 03 So it, it's saying, it, it all depends on what you focus on in life.
47:52 Speaker 01 Very much so. I think it's saying a number of things. It's, I think it's deceptively simple. It's saying, we often notice the negatives in things.
48:00 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
48:01 Speaker 01 We often, um, tell a negative story about things which are also beautiful. And also we often take on unnecessary stress.
48:12 Speaker 00 Can I shock you of the common Zense you've offered up so far?
48:16 Speaker 01 Mm hmm.
48:17 Speaker 00 Of all the ones you've proffered, that's my favourite one.
48:19 Speaker 01 Is it?
48:20 Speaker 00 Is it? That's my favourite one. The, what was the first one? Um, maybe.
48:26 Speaker 01 Maybe, yeah.
48:27 Speaker 00 Absolute guff.
48:28 Speaker 01 No, no, well, no, that's not guff at all.
48:31 Speaker 00 The third one, that's today's one.
48:33 Speaker 01 The opposite of a guff. That's a really floral burp.
48:36 Speaker 00 But today's one, the heavy boulder, or is it?
48:39 Speaker 03 Or is it?
48:40 Speaker 00 I'm only trying to lift it.
48:42 Speaker 03 No, it's not, or is it? It's not.
48:43 Speaker 00 No, no, no, sorry.
48:44 Speaker 03 Because it is heavy.
48:46 Speaker 00 It is heavy, we all know that. I quite like that one, actually.
48:49 Speaker 01 Okay, this is good.
48:51 Speaker 03 Yeah.
48:52 Speaker 01 Um, because I think so much anxiety one could see as trying to lift boulders that don't need lifting.
48:59 Speaker 00 Yes, I said to Betty last night, that is tomorrow's problem.
49:03 Speaker 01 Oh, very good.
49:05 Speaker 03 That unstresses me out.
49:06 Speaker 01 Well, it's not today's problem.
49:08 Speaker 00 Yeah, that's what I said, actually, that's not today's problem.
49:10 Speaker 01 You've got to really worry about that tomorrow.
49:12 Speaker 00 Because it was half past nine at night.
49:14 Speaker 01 I'll set the alarm, I'll get you up early.
49:16 Speaker 00 I said, that's not tonight's problem.
49:17 Speaker 01 It's not tonight's problem.
49:18 Speaker 03 Oh, that's it was better.
49:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
49:20 Speaker 00 Yeah.
49:21 Speaker 01 So there we go.
49:22 Speaker 00 Okay.
49:22 Speaker 01 Let us try to distinguish between the boulders we need to lift and the ones we don't.
49:28 Speaker 00 Mmm.
49:29 Speaker 01 And not focus on the weight, focus on the beautiful crags.
49:35 Speaker 00 Yeah, but if you do need to lift a boulder, do build up to it by doing some focus training over sort of six to 12 months.
49:42 Speaker 03 And lift with the knees.
49:44 Speaker 00 Lift with the knees.
49:45 Speaker 01 Unless you've got really bad knees.
49:47 Speaker 00 In which case, maybe get, maybe hire a J C B, but you probably need a licence.
49:51 Speaker 01 Or a forklift.
49:52 Speaker 00 Yeah.
49:52 Speaker 01 If you, or if your friends got a van.
49:54 Speaker 00 Yeah.
49:55 Speaker 01 You could maybe tow it.
49:56 Speaker 00 If you're friends with a farmer.
49:57 Speaker 01 Um, and in the olden times, they would have rolled it on logs like they did for Stonehenge.
50:03 Speaker 00 And if you've got the opportunity to go to Stonehenge, do take it, because it's fantastic.
50:07 Speaker 03 Yeah, I wouldn't mind a trip to Stonehenge.
50:09 Speaker 00 It is magical. If you don't think it's magical, you've got something wrong with you.
50:12 Speaker 03 Interesting.
50:13 Speaker 00 Do you like Stonehenge?
50:14 Speaker 01 Uh, I've driven past it probably about 19 times.
50:17 Speaker 00 Okay.
50:17 Speaker 01 Never been to it.
50:18 Speaker 00 I went on New Year's Day.
50:20 Speaker 01 Didn't know you were a shaman.
50:22 Speaker 00 Uh, I'm, I'm into henge.
50:24 Speaker 01 Wow.
50:25 Speaker 00 I think it's absolutely, I think it's mesmerising.
50:29 Speaker 01 Maybe this is the.
50:29 Speaker 00 It's 5,000 years old.
50:32 Speaker 01 Yeah.
50:32 Speaker 00 It's 3,000 years older than Christ.
50:35 Speaker 03 Yeah.
50:35 Speaker 00 Like, that's crazy to me. So there you go.
50:39 Speaker 03 Do they, no one knows how they got there?
50:41 Speaker 00 Yeah, they would have, I think they rolled them on logs and it just took absolutely ages. The blue stones come from Pembrokeshire. And I think some of the stones come from Scotland, they think they're. But yeah, amazing.
50:51 Speaker 01 I mean, they should have just used ones from nearby.
50:54 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And then, yeah, get a stone.
50:57 Speaker 01 Have you been to Avebury?
50:58 Speaker 00 No, what's that?
51:00 Speaker 01 What?
51:01 Speaker 00 Let me Google this.
51:02 Speaker 01 The stone circle in Avebury?
51:03 Speaker 00 No, I've never been there. I do like standing stones though. I've been just standing stones in, um, Pentreivon in, uh, Pembrokeshire.
51:10 Speaker 01 They're less, um, sort of constructed than, uh, the, uh, than Stonehenge.
51:15 Speaker 00 Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah. I will, I will Avebury. I like that. I can, yeah.
51:21 Speaker 01 How old is Avebury?
51:23 Speaker 00 Let's have a look at the Wikipedia. I love this music. It's a bit Titanic as well. I keep thinking of Rosenjack. Wow, 3000 B.C. for the central cove, 2900 B.C. for the inner stone circle, 2600 B.C. for the outer circle and a henge.
51:42 Speaker 01 Because they said they kept extending.
51:43 Speaker 00 Yeah, and around 2400 B.C. for the avenues. That's fantastic. I'm gonna have to Avebury as soon as I can.
51:50 Speaker 01 I guess it's much easier to get planning permission in 3000 B.C. It's much less red tape in the Neolithic era.
51:58 Speaker 00 Yeah, and if they don't spot it within the first three years, it's fine.
52:01 Speaker 01 Yeah, you can keep your henge.
52:05 Speaker 01 Like that guy who tried to build a massive house behind the hay bales. Absolutely wrong.
52:13 Speaker 01 So there we go. There'll be another lesson next week.
52:16 Speaker 00 Oh, I love it. I do enjoy it because John's very knowledgeable with it. You could only do this sort of feature if you've got a John.
52:22 Speaker 01 I'm not very knowledgeable.
52:23 Speaker 00 No, you're better than you realise.
52:25 Speaker 01 Uh, though I did listen to a very good, uh, I couldn't, I'm not sure I could do this for a future one, listen to a really good, I get a lot of Buddhist teachings on my Instagram, like little videos of Buddhist monks.
52:37 Speaker 00 I, I get a lot of brawling in the streets. Yeah.
52:42 Speaker 01 And this, um, fantastic monk said, your brain.
52:48 Speaker 01 Can't hear, can't see, can't taste, can't smell, can't touch. It literally knows nothing. It knows absolutely nothing, other than what it is told by the sensations of your body. If you think, so her point was, your brain doesn't know anything.
53:06 Speaker 03 Yeah.
53:07 Speaker 01 It only knows what it's told. So pay attention to what you are telling it. Because in and of itself.
53:13 Speaker 03 Yeah.
53:13 Speaker 01 It doesn't even know there's a world.
53:16 Speaker 03 It's an iPhone in a case, in a box.
53:17 Speaker 01 Well, it's like a hard drive doesn't know it's in a computer.
53:20 Speaker 03 Apart from the brain in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
53:24 Speaker 01 Well, this is, she didn't go into that.
53:26 Speaker 03 Because that he is, he speaks. And he's in the stomach, I think.
53:30 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
53:31 Speaker 03 Of the, of the.
53:31 Speaker 01 A crank.
53:32 Speaker 03 Of the, is it a crank? Yeah. So that's the exception to the rule. And I think Davros was a brain in Doctor Who.
53:38 Speaker 01 Possibly, again, she didn't go into that. She was sort of dealing with more, slightly more esoteric matters. But the point was, a brain is, we give it so much status as like everything about us. Like our brain is us. It's not, it's just an organ that has no idea what it's doing.
53:56 Speaker 03 Yeah. That's, that's interesting. Hmm. Yeah.
54:01 Speaker 03 Well, thank you.
54:02 Speaker 01 You're welcome.
54:11 Speaker 04 I've got big news. I switched to Verizon and got the new iPhone 18 Pro. Shh. I can keep my old phone. Can I also get the latest iPhone every year? Shh, anything else? Verizon let me choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on them. Everybody, listen up. Shh. Switch to Verizon and get the new iPhone 18 Pro now. No trade in needed. And the latest iPhone every year with Simplicity Plan. Plus, choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on us. Simplicity Plan with Simplicity Pro required. Plan and device payment purchase are separate agreements with separate terms. Service plan for Watch or iPad required. Additional terms apply for all offers.
54:41 Speaker 05 Talking about guns with others might not always feel comfortable, but it could save a life. Here's a way to start a conversation. Your family is going over to your neighbor's home for dinner for the first time. How would you ask if there are any unlocked guns in the home?
54:54 Speaker 06 Hey.
54:55 Speaker 07 Hey, we're so excited for tonight. Before we come over though, may I ask if there are any unlocked guns in your home?
55:01 Speaker 06 Our guns are stored securely, locked in a safe that the kids can't access.
55:05 Speaker 07 Oh, awesome.
55:06 Speaker 05 Learn how to have the conversation at agree to agree.org. Brought to you by the Ad Council.
55:14 Speaker 01 Shall we talk about some mad dads?
55:16 Speaker 00 Yeah, go on then.
55:17 Speaker 01 My dad, when he brought his first non-stick frying pan, kept the instructions and stuck them on the wall next to it.
55:25 Speaker 00 Actual real wooden clogs.
55:28 Speaker 01 And set about eating what must have been north of 24 egg canapes.
55:33 Speaker 00 He then proceeded to empty 40 litres or so onto the timber and strike a mad.
55:39 Speaker 01 Dads are mad. Dads are mad. Dads are mad.
55:46 Speaker 01 If you've got a mad dad, email us, Ellis and John. No, it's not.
55:53 Speaker 00 Hello at ellisonjohn.com.
55:55 Speaker 01 Huh. Who's getting the old URLs wrong now?
55:59 Speaker 00 It's a test. It's a test, John.
56:02 Speaker 01 Hello at ellisonjohn.com.
56:04 Speaker 00 Yeah.
56:04 Speaker 01 To tell us about your mad dads. And this is from Jimmy. Jimmy says, my dad is mad. When my youngest brother was in year nine, it was discovered that he was dyslexic and my parents made the decision to move him from the local state school that me and my brother attended to send him to another local school with a specialist department and facilities. It was slightly unsettling for my brother, who was 13 at the time. Oh, I want to give him a big hug, but with permission, I don't, but I'll send him £10.
56:33 Speaker 00 Yeah, okay. That's better.
56:35 Speaker 01 I would give him a hug if his parents were present.
56:38 Speaker 00 And the anonymous £10.
56:40 Speaker 01 Yes, and I'd, I'd give his dad £10 to put towards his pocket money. And he was understandably nervous the first time he invited friends home from his new school, which was to watch one of England's group games during Euro 2000. My dad likes football. He liked it enough to ensure that he and my mum left their wedding reception in time to catch match of the day.
57:00 Speaker 01 But, and here's the, here's the rub, but it is not his main sport.
57:06 Speaker 01 Like, that's acceptable if you are cricket mad and it's the final test of the Ashes and his two all.
57:12 Speaker 00 Yeah. A World Cup final, I think is sort of fine.
57:15 Speaker 01 If you're football mad.
57:16 Speaker 00 Especially if England are in it or Wales are in it or whatever.
57:19 Speaker 01 Rugby is his main sport, which was important enough for him to have insisted on a maximum six day honeymoon. So he was able to get back in time to play for Banbury second 15.
57:31 Speaker 01 I gotta say Jimmy, I'm not, I'm not batting for your dad at the minute. After all.
57:36 Speaker 00 He misses playing days when he's older though. Yeah, that's what everyone says.
57:40 Speaker 01 After all, he was being forced to miss the Saturday before for the wedding.
57:44 Speaker 00 Nightmare. Why didn't he get married in the summer?
57:46 Speaker 01 Or marry a rugby ball.
57:51 Speaker 01 Just marry rugby. So while dad was interested in the football, it was not quite enough to hold his attention for the full 90 minutes. Instead, he split his time between doing a bit of gardening and popping in to sit next to one of my brother's friends on the sofa to check the score. And ask my brother's friends how the match was going, who was playing well, et cetera. So far, so good. However, it was June and a sunny day. And as dad got hot and sweaty from the gardening, he decided the best way to moderate his temperature was to remove all of his clothes. Apart from a pair of white Y front briefs and a pair of green wellie boots. He cheerfully continued his routine of gardening mixed with trips to the sofa to chat to his youngest son's new mates.
58:30 Speaker 00 Oh my lord.
58:31 Speaker 01 Seemingly oblivious to any effect that this now lightly glistening retired social rugby player's body was having on the conversation or the mood of his son. I believe he remained oblivious until my brother told the story many years later. And while he can laugh about it now, of all of us, he seems the least likely to bring girlfriends to family functions. So perhaps there is some deeply buried residual psychological effect that remains. Jimmy on the Oxfordshire Warwickshire border. The less talked about frontier between the Midlands and the South, according to Jimmy.
59:02 Speaker 00 Okay.
59:05 Speaker 00 I mean this with love. My dad used to love embarrassing me when I was a teenager.
59:10 Speaker 01 He did, didn't he? Yeah.
59:11 Speaker 00 Loved it.
59:12 Speaker 01 Yeah.
59:12 Speaker 00 And I remember him mowing the lawn in a sort of snorkel mask.
59:17 Speaker 01 Yeah.
59:17 Speaker 00 So the neighbours were told, and he was saying it was because he had hay fever. I remember him walking into the living room and I had friends around with his pants over his trousers.
59:28 Speaker 03 But that's all quite.
59:29 Speaker 00 Because they loved it and they loved him, but he was the one who found it embarrassing. No one else did, that was the thing.
59:35 Speaker 03 That's all quite wacky, but I don't know, that's, he's just in his wife fronts.
59:39 Speaker 01 Well, I think it's, there's, sometimes there's a brand of man who would be quite fussy about dress code to certain events, but who in their own house.
59:50 Speaker 00 In the home.
59:51 Speaker 01 Yeah. They can be in pants.
59:53 Speaker 00 Complete beasts.
59:54 Speaker 01 Completely beasts.
59:56 Speaker 00 I know exactly what you mean.
59:57 Speaker 03 Hmm.
59:57 Speaker 00 Yeah. Like, I never wanted to be known as the naked family in school. Did you ever have like a family who were like naked too much?
1:00:05 Speaker 03 Well, Hannah tells me off about that. She says that I walk around the house naked.
1:00:10 Speaker 00 You're a nude dad. You're the nude dad.
1:00:13 Speaker 03 No, Hannah's had to have a serious word and I get it now.
1:00:16 Speaker 00 You were the nude dad. I'm not going to name who the nude dad was at my school, but we all knew who it was.
1:00:21 Speaker 03 No, I mean, I'm talking in the privacy of my own home with no one else in the house apart from my family.
1:00:26 Speaker 00 I would never.
1:00:27 Speaker 03 Mum, dad. No, no, no. But it was only like.
1:00:30 Speaker 00 Second cousins.
1:00:31 Speaker 03 And it was a bit of a blind spot of mine, to be fair, and Hannah, Hannah was absolutely right to go, look, I know that, I know that you don't think this is a problem because you've just got so used to me and you living in the house and, you know, didn't bat an eyelid if I was walking around naked and it was just Hannah. She's like, but the, the kids are getting to a point now where this, this will just be embarrassing for them even to know that you're doing it, even though there's no one else in the house and could actually become quite mentally scarring. And at that point I was like, yeah, okay, I understand. So I am now more conservative.
1:01:00 Speaker 01 You cup yourself.
1:01:01 Speaker 03 Just at the weekend.
1:01:03 Speaker 01 Well, I think also it's like, you don't, you don't know what is unusual until you find out. So there could be a very innocent conversation at school where it'd be like, oh, my dad, you know, spilled hot tea on himself.
1:01:19 Speaker 00 On his penis.
1:01:21 Speaker 01 Yeah. Because he was making tea in the nude in the kitchen.
1:01:24 Speaker 00 In the kitchen.
1:01:25 Speaker 01 And then your friends go.
1:01:26 Speaker 03 What?
1:01:27 Speaker 01 And then they suddenly lose it at you.
1:01:29 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:01:29 Speaker 01 And you're like, oh no. And you internalise your shame and it leads to psychosexual problems day.
1:01:34 Speaker 03 Exactly. So it was, I don't, I don't do it at all.
1:01:36 Speaker 00 I'm.
1:01:37 Speaker 03 And if I am spotted, I'll sk- sk- sk- skittle away into the toilet.
1:01:40 Speaker 00 In the summer months, I'm pants and football shirt, shorts, and that's that.
1:01:45 Speaker 03 Pants is in.
1:01:45 Speaker 01 Why not shorts and football shirt?
1:01:48 Speaker 00 No, no, no, pants and football shorts.
1:01:50 Speaker 01 Oh, I know. So you said shirt.
1:01:51 Speaker 00 Oh, right, right. No, not pants and football shirts.
1:01:53 Speaker 03 Oh yeah, I'm often topless. I think that is.
1:01:55 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, I'm also.
1:01:56 Speaker 03 Generally, yeah.
1:01:57 Speaker 00 That's fine. I quite like it, actually.
1:01:58 Speaker 03 Hmm. Yeah.
1:02:00 Speaker 01 Yeah, bodies.
1:02:02 Speaker 00 Bodies, huh?
1:02:02 Speaker 01 They're a riddle.
1:02:03 Speaker 03 Just because you're comfortable with it, you need to be prepared to understand what other people might be comfortable with.
1:02:07 Speaker 00 But when I was, uh, if I'd had the kids at an earlier age, I definitely would have been more like dad and tried to embarrass them in front of their friends more. If I'd had a kid in my twenties, I definitely would have been that dad, I think.
1:02:20 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:02:20 Speaker 00 But now I'm older, I'm just trying to be as normal as possible in front of their pals so that they come round. Whereas my dad, and I, it, my, he was, he was the most popular dad amongst all my friends.
1:02:34 Speaker 03 Oh.
1:02:34 Speaker 00 They loved, they loved my old man, my friends, but I was the one who was like, dad!
1:02:39 Speaker 01 Because he also used to give them fags and weed.
1:02:42 Speaker 00 No, but he was. I remember once, uh, them coming round to pick me up so that we could go and watch United play in the Champions League. My dad, and I was upstairs getting ready or something. Dad said, I'd like to come. And I went, oh, go on then. And he said, oh, no, this would be an ode to me. And they hid him in the boot.
1:03:01 Speaker 01 That's amazing.
1:03:02 Speaker 00 Yeah. And then he was just there in the car park and they were all hollering well after.
1:03:06 Speaker 03 But you were embarrassed, but little did you know, it was probably actually making you more popular with your mates.
1:03:10 Speaker 00 Yeah, a 100%, totally, absolutely, yeah.
1:03:12 Speaker 03 It was good for brandy and jam.
1:03:13 Speaker 01 Did he stay to watch the game?
1:03:14 Speaker 00 Yeah, no, I got really, I got really Mardy, as you would say. Now I would welcome it, but when I was like 18.
1:03:22 Speaker 01 I mean, now you would say, what are you doing in the boot? You're in your, it's like seventies, I don't think this is a good idea.
1:03:28 Speaker 00 Yeah, but there's that period when you're a teenager, when everything your parents Yes. do is really embarrassing. And it's a shame, but it does come to us all, I think.
1:03:38 Speaker 01 Well, it's an important part of, have we talked about this before?
1:03:43 Speaker 00 Probably.
1:03:43 Speaker 01 Like, part of being a teenager, that part of the reason you have those hormones that make you hate your parents is to prepare for their death.
1:03:50 Speaker 00 Oh, and I don't think we have talked about this before.
1:03:52 Speaker 01 No, but it's an important part. So like, when you're a child, if your parent goes out of the room, you might burst into tears because they're, you know, they're your whole world.
1:04:00 Speaker 00 Oh, wow.
1:04:01 Speaker 01 So those hormones are also to prepare you for leaving the house. Because imagine if you were like 25 and every time you said goodbye to your parents, you just couldn't stop crying.
1:04:11 Speaker 01 Or you're at work sobbing at your desk because you miss them out. Like, that would be very lovely. But if it, so you need to have that change in like, they are my world, to just, they are part of the world.
1:04:23 Speaker 00 Yes. And put some pants on, Dave.
1:04:28 Speaker 01 So there you go, some mad dads.
1:04:29 Speaker 00 Good.
1:04:35 Speaker 01 Well, it's goodbye from us all.
1:04:37 Speaker 00 Hmm.
1:04:38 Speaker 01 Uh, it's goodbye from Ellis, from Dave, and from me.
1:04:40 Speaker 00 From nude Dave.
1:04:41 Speaker 03 From nude Dave. I don't wanna, no, there was just a couple of times. I'm not like always bowling around the house without any clothes on.
1:04:48 Speaker 00 Kinda had to have a word. It was a problem, Dave.
1:04:51 Speaker 03 Well, we back onto a nursery, that was the other problem. So she's like, you can't be in the kitchen. You can't be in the kitchen.
1:04:57 Speaker 01 Not with the amount of downlights you've got in that ceiling.
1:05:02 Speaker 00 Oh my god, he's been on the news.
1:05:04 Speaker 01 Is that why you put the LeLandy eye up?
1:05:07 Speaker 00 Well, it kind of is.
1:05:08 Speaker 01 Stop getting criminal records.
1:05:09 Speaker 00 No, not me. Just in general, it's for privacy. But, yeah. So I don't do that anymore.
1:05:21 Speaker 01 Lord.
1:05:22 Speaker 00 Just the front of the house.
1:05:24 Speaker 01 Lordy, lordy, lordy.
1:05:25 Speaker 00 If you back onto prison, you'd be doing it all the time as a nursery. So things had to change.
1:05:30 Speaker 01 Yeah, absolutely. So we'll see you on Tuesday. Bye bye.
1:05:41 Speaker 05 Talking about guns with others might not always feel comfortable, but it could save a life. Here's a way to start a conversation. Your family is going over to your neighbour's home for dinner for the first time. How would you ask if there are any unlocked guns in the home?
1:05:54 Speaker 06 Hey.
1:05:55 Speaker 07 Hey, we're so excited for tonight. Before we come over though, may I ask if there are any unlocked guns in your home?
1:06:00 Speaker 06 Our guns are stored securely, locked in a safe that the kids can't access.
1:06:05 Speaker 07 Awesome.
1:06:06 Speaker 05 Learn how to have the conversation at agree to agree.org. Brought to you by the Ad Council.
1:06:13 Speaker 01 Thanks for listening to the show and you can follow us on Instagram and TikTok at Ellis and John for more content.
1:06:19 Speaker 00 And you can watch highlights of every episode over on our YouTube page at Ellis and John.
1:06:24 Speaker 01 Plus, you can find all things E J J R, including links to our Patreon, our merch and much more by heading to ellisonjohn.com. See you next time.
Previous #553 - The Orbit of Peel, Potentials & Tangentials and WD-Phwoarty Next #555 - Consent Cushions, A Cuddle Bath and Sitting Quietly in Ghent Page updated October 29, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated