Pod Insights Elis James and John Robins #553 - The Orbit of Peel, Potentials & Tangentials and WD-Phwoarty About this episode After doing what Status Quo failed to do, breaking America, Elis thinks it fitting to introduce the world of EJJR to those living stateside. So behold some dodgy accents, references to ‘mom’s apple tart’ and Elis, John and Dave’s personal Mount Rushmores.
But having made his name doing what he does best, Cymru Connecting, how will Elis fare with all this added pressure? Will the weight of American expectation weigh him down too much? Will the man be able to live up to the hype?
Then it’s onto a pair of all-time classics; a new big band Made Up Game jingle which gives Elis’s cognitive decline its own trumpet motif, and a tennis-based game that enters the MUG Hall of Fame before it’s even played.
Plus the latest Adventure of Elis and John is revealed! Here for more info https://www.patreon.com/elisandjohn/posts/adventure-4-to-162382951/.
Do you have a great game we can play? Have you made a musical motif for John’s post-lunch sadness? Do you have a question that just begs to be answered? You’re in luck because you can send all these things to [email protected] .
For lots of exclusive EJJR #content, join our Patreon at patreon.com/elisandjohn.
For weekly visual highlights, head to youtube.com/@elisandjohn.
For everything else, head to elisandjohn.com.
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Transcript 12,811 words · 7 speakers
0:00 Speaker 00 Before we start this episode, we want to invite you along to the adventures of Ellis and John.
0:04 Speaker 01 If you head over to patreon.com/EllisandJohn, you can join us on our monthly escapades, including...
0:10 Speaker 00 Mini golf picks.
0:11 Speaker 01 It's the strangest legal jump in the history of long jump.
0:14 Speaker 00 Bird watching. My two favourite things are birds and football.
0:18 Speaker 01 And you can watch our latest episode now, where we tackle an escape room.
0:22 Speaker 02 So John is absolutely flying here. Well, Ellis is there as well.
0:26 Speaker 00 Ellis is there as well, Dave.
0:27 Speaker 02 We did the first three, Dave, for complete chill.
0:32 Speaker 00 So, for adventures and so much more, head over to patreon.com/EllisandJohn now.
0:40 Speaker 03 Help, I sexted my boss is the podcast where manners...
0:43 Speaker 04 Meets mayhem.
0:44 Speaker 03 I'm William Hanson.
0:45 Speaker 04 I'm Jordan North.
0:46 Speaker 03 And together we take on the hilarious challenges of modern life.
0:49 Speaker 04 William's the arbiter of etiquette.
0:51 Speaker 03 And Jordan's the chaotic yin to my perfectly polished yang.
0:55 Speaker 04 So if you want laugh-out-loud stories and brutally honest moments, then you'll love Help, I Sexted My Boss.
1:01 Speaker 03 Watch and listen every Tuesday and Friday.
1:03 Speaker 04 On YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts.
1:06 Speaker 03 Just search Sexted.
1:07 Speaker 04 Be warned, it's a bit rude.
1:30 Speaker 00 Hey, howdy, partners. Yee-haw. This is a special message to our new listeners in the US of A, daddy-o. After the New York Times wrote a piece this week about comedy connecting, we're welcoming our new listeners from across the pond. So I'd just like to introduce the three of us to our new friends from New York City stateside. My name's Elis James. John. I'm from Wales, which is, which in an American context is only slightly smaller than New Hampshire, but the GDP is considerably less because of various political decisions, which I surely can't discuss dang-nabbit because of the unique way the BBC is funded.
2:10 Speaker 00 Mama, BBC neutrality, hey, that £10 a crazy in a £5 sack. If there are any top producers listening, for the first time, see the New York Times article, I would be interested in a Hollywood career, as long as the shoot today is a worker on the sitcom as he does about basketball for CBBC and Wales is fixtures in the rootin', tootin', ding-dang, doodlin Nations League. Fear not, I've always been fascinated by the US and on my Mount Rushmore of American things, I would have Homer, Marge Barton, Lisa Simpson. So let's face it, Maggie didn't bring much and my favourite American food is beef burgers. My co-host is John Robbins. John usually likes to refer to me as his under DJ, but
2:54 Speaker 00 the New York Times described him as my co-host and because the New York Times is the official paper of record, hey, John, you gotta suck it, man. This is how we do things stateside. Okay, buddy, you're gonna skin that smoke wagon or stand around whistling Dixie?
3:11 Speaker 01 I feel like I'm in It's a Wonderful Life.
3:13 Speaker 00 To the uninitiated, John is our Stephen Fry. He's our Hugh Grant. He's a quintessential Oxford-educated Englishman. If Hugh Grant was addicted to iPhone games and Piccadilly and had made an absolute fortune by monetising self-doubt. On John's Mount Rushmore of American things, he has Lou Reed, Frank Zappa, Bonnie Prince Billy and Cameron Winter and why don't you butter me and call me a biscuit? He loves good old fashioned mum's apple tart.
3:43 Speaker 01 I don't think they call it that. It's the apple pie.
3:46 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah. I love American things.
3:48 Speaker 01 I think it's pumpkin pie.
3:49 Speaker 00 Pumpkin pie, pumpkin tart, the way my mum would make.
3:54 Speaker 01 He's lost it.
3:58 Speaker 00 On to Dave.
4:01 Speaker 00 Dave is from Manchester and you know when Oasis ruined their big chance to make it really big in the US after Liam spat at the 1996 MTV Awards and changed the lyrics of the song they were performing to a champagne soup and over up your bum?
4:13 Speaker 02 Which he did do.
4:16 Speaker 00 Did he?
4:17 Speaker 02 Yeah.
4:18 Speaker 00 Champagne soup and over up your bum.
4:21 Speaker 02 It's good humour.
4:22 Speaker 00 Well, that's Dave. Dave could choose to be like Manchesterite Gonzales Lowry or Mike Atherton, but unfortunately his hobbies include doing balloons in Helford's car park, throwing trolleys into a canal and doing donuts on the rugby pitch. It was old school, even though he's 41.
4:38 Speaker 01 And drives an electric lease car.
4:41 Speaker 00 Dave decided to draw a ladies' part in his Mount Rushmore, but I think from his Radio X days that he quite likes Less Than Jake.
4:50 Speaker 02 Very good.
4:52 Speaker 00 Anyway, welcome to our American listeners, because of the New York Times article, of course.
4:57 Speaker 01 Welcome, everyone. Yes, we are broadcasting with political neutrality, which will be new to you stateside.
5:05 Speaker 00 Yeah.
5:06 Speaker 01 So if we keep our cards close to our chest, it's because were we to show our cards, our chest would be sacked.
5:12 Speaker 00 Yeah, we'd be sacked, dang nabbit.
5:14 Speaker 02 No reason again.
5:16 Speaker 00 Do you know, do you have a guess how many American listeners we've got?
5:20 Speaker 01 Um, per week?
5:22 Speaker 02 Per month?
5:23 Speaker 01 Okay, so it's divided by four.
5:25 Speaker 00 I can do it per week.
5:26 Speaker 01 Due to the confusing way that listener figures are reported.
5:30 Speaker 00 Percentages or figures?
5:31 Speaker 02 All right, last week, give me a, give me a root and two in second.
5:35 Speaker 01 So per week, I reckon we have 12,000 American listeners.
5:41 Speaker 02 You back in the guessing game, Alan?
5:42 Speaker 00 I think we've got a bit more, 20,000.
5:44 Speaker 02 Oh, this is, this is, this is a shame. Less than both of you, 7,633.
5:51 Speaker 01 I'm still pleased with that, Barry. That's the population of a really large church, maybe.
5:57 Speaker 00 How big is your church is?
5:59 Speaker 01 I bet they've got some mega churches in America.
6:01 Speaker 00 It's Edgely Park.
6:02 Speaker 01 What's that?
6:03 Speaker 00 Stockport County.
6:04 Speaker 01 Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
6:06 Speaker 00 My friend Andrew is a journalist who now lives in Washington DC. And in his, in the office of his paper, his boss went up to him, checked a copy of the New York Times on the desk, because the, the headline was something like, this radio DJ, does he know everyone in Wales? And he said,
6:26 Speaker 02 Do you know that guy? Andrew picked up a piece and went, yeah, that's my friend, daddy. So I was to hang out with him.
6:33 Speaker 01 Yes. In case you don't know, the New York Times wrote a
6:39 Speaker 02 Global profile piece.
6:40 Speaker 01 Global profile piece on an element of this show.
6:43 Speaker 02 Yes.
6:45 Speaker 01 It was pretty unbalanced in terms of its coverage.
6:48 Speaker 02 I'm actually with John on this, actually, Alice.
6:51 Speaker 01 It was Cymru connection focused to the point at which I thought it was pretty lazy journalism, I've got to say.
6:57 Speaker 02 No, no, let's be fair.
6:58 Speaker 00 Not do that.
6:59 Speaker 02 No, let's not do that.
7:00 Speaker 00 Literally the greatest achievement of my life.
7:02 Speaker 01 It's
7:03 Speaker 02 Could have been a couple of mentions.
7:04 Speaker 00 Print media. I was so
7:07 Speaker 01 Did you get a physical copy?
7:08 Speaker 00 I'm having three physical copies sent to me.
7:10 Speaker 01 Oh, that's nice.
7:11 Speaker 00 One for best, which I'm going to keep under the bed, one which I'm going to frame and one which I'm going to give to my mum.
7:15 Speaker 01 Oh, that's lovely. Yes. So it was all about the Cymru connection. And because I think America is sort of quite interested in sort of community, sort of
7:25 Speaker 00 Yes.
7:27 Speaker 01 Like, almost like they're big into like Welsh lineage and proving they're Scottish.
7:32 Speaker 00 But also if you're, if you're from a big city in America, it's crazy. In the same way that when we came up with the feature, because producer Michael grew up in London, it's insane to him. And my friend David made a good point. His dad was a teacher and so very, very popular and also very well known in the local area. He said, I've been Cymru connecting my entire life. And what it does is I will meet someone, there'll be a vague Cymru connection. And no matter how tenuous, I then have instant trust of that person.
8:04 Speaker 02 Yeah.
8:05 Speaker 00 I think, I think in this increasingly atomized world, Dave, I think that matters.
8:10 Speaker 02 It wasn't less than Jake. Jimmy Eat World was my American band.
8:13 Speaker 00 I couldn't remember which one of those.
8:14 Speaker 01 Which one of the daft bands it was?
8:16 Speaker 02 Don't you dare, actually, John.
8:17 Speaker 01 They sound daft, don't they? Can't eat the world.
8:19 Speaker 02 The Arctic Monkeys sound daft, but you know, they're quite a serious band these days.
8:24 Speaker 01 Yeah. So well done, Alice.
8:25 Speaker 00 What's a neutral milk hotel?
8:27 Speaker 02 Yeah, some of Zappa's albums come off it.
8:30 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
8:32 Speaker 00 Very few band names stand up to scrutiny.
8:35 Speaker 02 Yeah.
8:36 Speaker 00 The Beatles is a rubbish name because it's a pun because they were a beat group.
8:39 Speaker 02 Yes.
8:40 Speaker 00 That's bad.
8:41 Speaker 01 I don't think it's that bad. The Beatles is okay. What does Coldplay mean?
8:46 Speaker 00 Don't know.
8:47 Speaker 02 Coldplay, I don't know.
8:49 Speaker 00 Yeah, it's
8:49 Speaker 02 What a band, though.
8:50 Speaker 00 It's ridiculous. But you know, that's, that's the culture we're in.
8:54 Speaker 01 Also, you're going to be on Canadian radio.
8:56 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah.
8:57 Speaker 01 So it's weird in that this is actually what's gonna make us big, Dave, you and me. Yeah, if we play our cards right here. No, don't, don't, don't let him hear.
9:05 Speaker 00 Okay.
9:06 Speaker 01 But if we play our cards right, this could get us into the big time.
9:09 Speaker 00 Could it?
9:10 Speaker 01 Yeah.
9:10 Speaker 00 Madison Square Garden.
9:11 Speaker 01 We're still just paying him five quid per Cymru connection.
9:13 Speaker 00 Yeah, and he barely gets them.
9:15 Speaker 01 He barely gets them. Yeah, only per completed one.
9:17 Speaker 00 Well, imagine if, imagine if it was performance related. Hmm. What do you mean? In that if I only got paid for every Cymru connection, I'd be earning 50% of my normal salary. 47.8%. 47.8% of my salary, yeah. Yeah.
9:32 Speaker 01 So it was lovely to see Ellis's name in print and mine in print once.
9:38 Speaker 00 Yeah.
9:40 Speaker 00 You were in there though, weren't you?
9:41 Speaker 01 Yeah. Also, I saw Ellis last week. It was my big party day. Do you remember my?
9:48 Speaker 00 Oh, the BPD?
9:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, three birthday parties in one day.
9:52 Speaker 00 Yeah.
9:53 Speaker 01 As Ellis predicted, didn't make it to the third.
9:55 Speaker 00 Yeah, I was aware of that. Well, you just went home.
9:57 Speaker 01 Well, there was a, there was a travel error.
10:01 Speaker 00 Okay.
10:02 Speaker 01 Navigated to the wrong postcode.
10:04 Speaker 00 Oh, no.
10:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, so then had to get, and it was very untimely. Because I ran to a train station that was quite far away to get the most direct route. But it turns out I was getting the most direct route to a place that I didn't need to be.
10:21 Speaker 00 How far away was it from the party?
10:23 Speaker 01 Well, I could have, I could have got the tube from outside the first party, literally outside the first party, direct to the second party. Ended up running to King's Cross, then getting an overground train and then walking for 20 minutes to a place that was just a, just a street.
10:41 Speaker 00 But that's not you.
10:42 Speaker 01 I know, it's not me.
10:43 Speaker 00 We're planning this sort of thing.
10:45 Speaker 01 So it meant I didn't really have time to go to the third one. But so, Dave, I've got loads of cocaine knocking around that I didn't need. You can't put it on plants or anything, can you?
10:55 Speaker 05 No, just put it straight on, um, vintage, I think.
10:57 Speaker 01 Okay.
10:58 Speaker 05 No, don't do that, of course.
11:00 Speaker 01 But on my trip.
11:01 Speaker 05 John also doesn't have that on him.
11:03 Speaker 01 On my trip from the first party to the second one, running to the train station, who should I pass? But Elis James.
11:09 Speaker 00 Although he's party number one.
11:10 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah. Ellis was, had, was coming back from Bristol because he'd done Bristol Comedy Garden. I was heading to party number two. What was Ellis doing, Dave?
11:18 Speaker 05 What was he doing?
11:18 Speaker 01 I'm gonna go stare at a bin.
11:20 Speaker 00 I'd never seen a bin with that design before. And it really piqued my interest.
11:25 Speaker 01 And do you know what was funny is I, I was, Ellis was like, oh, sorry, I was just staring at that bin. So I've not seen a bin like that before. And I looked at the bin and was immediately fascinated by it.
11:35 Speaker 05 Yeah.
11:35 Speaker 01 What, what was he gonna, he got pictures of it?
11:37 Speaker 00 It was a pink recycling bin, I think for clothes.
11:40 Speaker 01 No, it's for electronics.
11:41 Speaker 00 That was it for electronics.
11:42 Speaker 01 So you could put laptops in the bin. Whoa, really? And like mobile phones and stuff.
11:47 Speaker 00 Yeah, that was it. So it was, I'd never seen a bin on the street for electronics before.
11:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:52 Speaker 00 And there was a list of all the electronics they would accept. And I just found it absolutely fascinating. But then I got caught.
11:57 Speaker 01 It was bigger even than that, Dave. Yeah, it was like one of those big pink bins. Like a wheelie bin? Yeah. And you put slightly your laptop in.
12:05 Speaker 00 And when John caught me, it was like I'd been caught sort of with my pants down. I became incredibly embarrassed and flustered because I was having a big stare at the bin.
12:14 Speaker 05 Yeah, it's odd, but.
12:15 Speaker 01 But in fairness, great bin.
12:16 Speaker 05 Good bin.
12:17 Speaker 01 Yeah. And interesting to know that you can, I mean, would you?
12:20 Speaker 00 Would you put your laptop in a street bin?
12:23 Speaker 05 Hmm. You wouldn't, I don't think. Because of the deed, because of the data.
12:28 Speaker 01 I would, once I'd microwaved it, I would put it in. Because you can't even take the hard drives out anymore.
12:35 Speaker 00 No.
12:35 Speaker 01 Because they're all sort of glued together.
12:38 Speaker 00 So you'd microwave.
12:39 Speaker 01 I would just keep it in the drawer with all my old hard drives until I die. Because that's what's gonna happen.
12:47 Speaker 05 Who finds them after you're dead?
12:48 Speaker 01 It doesn't matter.
12:49 Speaker 05 You won't care then.
12:50 Speaker 01 The dead have no shame.
12:52 Speaker 05 No.
12:53 Speaker 01 Which is one massive plus.
12:55 Speaker 05 Yeah, that's true.
12:56 Speaker 00 We could do, put that on a T-shirt for the Royal Albert Hall gig.
12:59 Speaker 01 The dead have no shame.
13:00 Speaker 00 Have no shame and I stayed for Ellis's set.
13:05 Speaker 01 Yes, that's, that's very good.
13:07 Speaker 05 Oh, great.
13:08 Speaker 00 It was good fun though, it was Ben Partridge's 40th. Very good group of people.
13:12 Speaker 01 Yeah, the Beans.
13:14 Speaker 05 All three in attendance.
13:16 Speaker 01 Partridge, Packer, Wozniak. To, uh, before I had to leave, we had about 10 minutes of great banter together.
13:23 Speaker 05 Yeah, yeah.
13:24 Speaker 01 And I made Mike try on my cool dude shades and then we riffed as if he was an American fighter jet pilot.
13:32 Speaker 05 Who did I see dancing on a video?
13:34 Speaker 01 Ben Partridge, BP, Brava Papa.
13:36 Speaker 05 Yeah.
13:36 Speaker 01 Bon Jamin.
13:37 Speaker 05 Was it a good night later into the evening?
13:39 Speaker 01 Did you get absolutely lashed up?
13:40 Speaker 00 No, I had, I drank lots of Murphy's.
13:42 Speaker 01 Did you?
13:43 Speaker 00 Which I actually prefer to Guinness.
13:44 Speaker 01 Whoa.
13:46 Speaker 05 That's huge.
13:47 Speaker 01 What's gonna get you sacked?
13:49 Speaker 00 And it's become more popular because stout is having a moment.
13:53 Speaker 01 Is it really?
13:54 Speaker 00 Yeah, because Olivia Rodrigo likes stout.
13:56 Speaker 01 Is that why?
13:57 Speaker 00 Kim Kardashian.
13:58 Speaker 01 Really?
13:59 Speaker 00 So Guinness, Guinness is, is like the huge drink amongst Gen Z and it's quite low in sugar and I think there are fewer calories in Guinness.
14:06 Speaker 05 Well, the amount of kind of pseudo Irish bars that are popping up around my neck of the woods now. It's, it's, it's my little village now has two Irish bars in there.
14:16 Speaker 00 Yeah.
14:16 Speaker 05 And 10 years ago, that wouldn't have even been, that had been unheard of.
14:20 Speaker 00 But yeah.
14:20 Speaker 05 They're everywhere now.
14:21 Speaker 00 But now.
14:21 Speaker 05 And it's the Guinness explosion.
14:23 Speaker 00 Everyone is drinking Guinness.
14:24 Speaker 05 Yeah, they are. Guinness is having a moment.
14:25 Speaker 00 And Guinness can't, um, sort of Guinness can't keep up the demand. So everyone's, everywhere's selling Murphy's, which I actually prefer. It's slightly weaker. And it's got coffee notes, Dave.
14:34 Speaker 05 Has it?
14:35 Speaker 00 So I had a few pints of Murphy's and it was quite good.
14:38 Speaker 05 Oh, good. Nice.
14:39 Speaker 00 And then I went home and Izzy kept asking me how the night had been and I couldn't tell because I was pissed.
14:43 Speaker 05 Right. So, yeah, he was hammered.
14:47 Speaker 00 I just kept asking her to be quiet because I couldn't concentrate.
14:51 Speaker 01 What, when she's talking to you?
14:52 Speaker 00 Yeah. So not now, but it was good. That's all he needs to know. It was good.
14:57 Speaker 01 So all our new American listeners.
15:00 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah. Pissed by the means drunk and not upset.
15:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:04 Speaker 02 Oh, yes.
15:04 Speaker 00 Sorry, there are various, obviously, cultural things that are going to get lost in translation. So I was, I was drunk and not angry.
15:12 Speaker 02 Yeah.
15:12 Speaker 00 Just for our American listeners in the US, a very stateside.
15:16 Speaker 01 So is, do you feeling more pressure now you've been immortalised by the New York Times?
15:22 Speaker 00 I never, ever, ever thought it would happen. And because I like print media, it means an awful lot, more than pretty much anything else has ever happened to me.
15:32 Speaker 01 Really?
15:33 Speaker 00 Yeah.
15:33 Speaker 02 Is it still a bit, is New York Times still big, big?
15:36 Speaker 00 Huge.
15:37 Speaker 02 Is it? Is it as big as it used to be?
15:39 Speaker 00 The website's massive.
15:40 Speaker 01 It's the only place to play Wordle. Of course it's massive.
15:44 Speaker 02 Yeah, that is true.
15:45 Speaker 00 And there's that as well.
15:46 Speaker 02 Yeah.
15:46 Speaker 00 And I think Donald Trump's taken them to court. Oh, is he? Yeah, but he's still in the BBC as well.
15:51 Speaker 01 Well, why don't we just take him to court?
15:54 Speaker 00 Donald Trump?
15:54 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:55 Speaker 00 What for?
15:55 Speaker 02 Do you want to pay the legal fees?
15:56 Speaker 01 Being, being mean. Shall I take him to court for corruption?
16:00 Speaker 00 Yeah, I'd love to see John in a room with Donald.
16:03 Speaker 01 I'd absolutely, I'd mince me of him before losing all of my money and all of my backers' money.
16:10 Speaker 00 I'm, you know, I'm not feeling a huge amount of pressure, actually.
16:12 Speaker 02 You're not? Okay. Interesting. Why not? You should be.
16:16 Speaker 00 Um, oh, yeah, I should.
16:18 Speaker 02 A stateside?
16:19 Speaker 00 Actually, I hadn't given it a thought. Yeah, now I'm, I feel completely overwhelmed with the pressure.
16:23 Speaker 01 Okay, well, let's find out if Elis James can connect with a fellow country person in just 60 seconds. In the Cymru Connection. It's another Cymru Connection. Elis thinks his tactics are sheer perfection. But his questions have one direction. Where did you go to school? Do you know David Evans? No. Come on, mate, you must do. No, we've never met at all. Now then, amazingly, it's not just the New York Times who are interested in Ellis's exploits.
17:07 Speaker 01 He has become a talking point on Radio 4. With a recent feature on More or Less, a programme about numbers and statistics, Dr Cat Phillips, the Welsh maths expert on the show, said that the chances of Ellis being able to connect with a Welsh person should be 15%. She said that 33% would be a great achievement. And Ellis, as you know, is at 47.25%. As if that wasn't enough, Nick Robinson, the BBC's political correspondent, raised the Cumru.
17:40 Speaker 00 He didn't.
17:41 Speaker 01 Raised the Cumru connection with the new First Minister for Wales.
17:45 Speaker 00 You're joking.
17:45 Speaker 01 On the programme Political Thinking. His verdicts.
17:49 Speaker 06 This morning.
17:49 Speaker 01 It should be a Welsh national sport.
17:51 Speaker 00 You're joking.
17:51 Speaker 01 But Ellis is simply too good to compete. Let's hear a clip. Have you listened to my colleagues on Radio 5 Live here at the BBC? Play the game Cumru Connection.
18:04 Speaker 06 Yes. Elis James, it's a wonderful game. The ones that I have heard, he does remarkably well. It doesn't perhaps altogether surprisingly surprise me knowing how Wales works.
18:15 Speaker 01 It's an extraordinary thing and he pulls it off a lot of the time, doesn't he?
18:18 Speaker 06 It does. They say, you know, when you meet somebody on on holiday, yeah, the question might be between two English people, what do you do? And you look for commonality in what you do as a profession, perhaps. In Wales, where are you from? And we know where that's leading.
18:34 Speaker 01 So I'm going to add a new suggestion for your first 100 days in power. That Cumru Connection should become a Welsh national sport.
18:42 Speaker 06 There we are. Elis James will be the undoubted champion. Would he be allowed to play even? I'm not sure.
18:48 Speaker 01 Yeah, sure. You can elevate him to that.
18:51 Speaker 06 He could be the judge of it all.
18:53 Speaker 01 How do you feel about that, Ellis?
18:54 Speaker 00 That's cool thinking. I didn't know about this. That is insane.
18:57 Speaker 06 Came out on Friday.
18:59 Speaker 01 And that the Welsh First Minister's accent is halfway to my favourite Welsh accent.
19:04 Speaker 00 Yeah, he's from North Wales. He grew up in, on Anglsey, I think.
19:07 Speaker 01 It's beautiful.
19:08 Speaker 06 There's a bit of.
19:09 Speaker 00 He's a Cardiff City fan, which is a bit.
19:10 Speaker 06 A bit of Gwyn in there?
19:11 Speaker 01 There is a bit of Gwyn in there, I think.
19:12 Speaker 00 No, he's a Welsh speaker from, I think it's Anglsey. But yeah, but I think he was born in Cardiff, which is why he supports Cardiff, which is a shame.
19:23 Speaker 00 Fan, did you know?
19:24 Speaker 01 That's mad. He's been briefed, Dave.
19:26 Speaker 00 Oh, he's been briefed.
19:27 Speaker 01 I don't think he has. Imagine you're like PPS coming to you in the morning.
19:31 Speaker 00 No.
19:32 Speaker 01 Or a spad and saying, right, here's what's happening on like criminality in the valleys. Here's what's happening on council tax. Oh, and can you just watch a clip of someone trying to connect with other Welsh people on Instagram? Just because you are going to get quite a lot of that today from Nick Robinson.
19:49 Speaker 00 My chest feels hot.
19:51 Speaker 01 Well, with that hot chest.
19:53 Speaker 00 The pressure now has got to me. Yeah, consider it a privilege. That was, that is absolutely baffling to me.
20:00 Speaker 01 Yeah. In light of these figures and appraisals, do we need to reassess our assessment of Ellis's ability to connect? Should we really be saying that hovering around the 47 to 49% mark is actually Champions League level connecting? Last week, Ellis failed to connect with Carla Lucy from Hendy. That took his connection rate to 47.25. What can he do this week? We have a caller on the line from Wales. What's your name, caller?
20:24 Speaker 05 Amy.
20:25 Speaker 01 Amy, Ellis has 60 seconds to find a mutual connection with you. Your time starts now.
20:30 Speaker 00 Agent's call.
20:31 Speaker 05 32 Howells in Cardiff.
20:34 Speaker 00 Where Charlotte Church went.
20:36 Speaker 05 Yes.
20:37 Speaker 00 Do you know Charlotte?
20:37 Speaker 05 I don't know her.
20:38 Speaker 00 You don't know her? Okay, what do you do for a living?
20:40 Speaker 05 I'm a manager in an iron Bevan health board.
20:43 Speaker 00 Oh, you don't have to know my daughter, not my daughter, my sister, Dunia.
20:48 Speaker 05 I'm afraid not.
20:49 Speaker 00 Okay, that's fine. If you went to university, where did you go?
20:51 Speaker 05 Cambridge.
20:53 Speaker 00 Cambridge, what did you study?
20:55 Speaker 05 Anglo-Saxon, Norse and Celtic as an undergrad.
20:58 Speaker 00 Oh, my God.
20:58 Speaker 05 And archaeological heritage and museums as a masters.
21:01 Speaker 00 Archaeological heritage museums. You don't know my friend Rodri Viney, who works for the National Museum of Wales, do you?
21:07 Speaker 05 I'm afraid not.
21:08 Speaker 00 Okay, that's fine. Which part of Cardiff did you grow up in?
21:12 Speaker 05 Penelam.
21:13 Speaker 00 Penelam. Oh, my friend Lewis lives there. Um, you work for an iron health board. Let me think about this. So he went to Howells. Let me think about this. This is annoying, you're 32.
21:30 Speaker 01 Oh. Well, there weren't a lot of questions.
21:35 Speaker 00 Know my sister. Let me think about this.
21:39 Speaker 01 Let him think about this.
21:40 Speaker 00 Think about it a lot.
21:41 Speaker 01 Yeah.
21:42 Speaker 00 Look at me like that, Dave. Oh, no, I'm looking at you with love. No, this is respect. I believe his love. This is respect. But he is poison. I get rid of him. I quit because I cannot broadcast with poison. Okay?
21:59 Speaker 01 Oh, Amy, I'm sorry to see this.
22:01 Speaker 00 It's all right.
22:03 Speaker 05 I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
22:05 Speaker 00 Don't worry about it, Amy. No, you were good.
22:06 Speaker 01 The enormous failings do not lie at your door.
22:10 Speaker 00 Where do you live, Amy?
22:12 Speaker 05 I live in Cardiff, in Adams Down. I actually emailed in because you were talking about Cornup Road and I was walking down there at that point.
22:19 Speaker 00 Oh, my God.
22:23 Speaker 00 Adams Down. Oh, I used to know a guy who lived in Adams Down, but he's moved to Prague.
22:32 Speaker 00 Do you know of any connections?
22:35 Speaker 05 I actually don't. I've got a little list of potential or tangential.
22:39 Speaker 00 Oh, give me the little get.
22:40 Speaker 01 Love that potential or tangential.
22:42 Speaker 00 I like, I like, I like your ordered thinking.
22:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
22:46 Speaker 00 Let's go.
22:46 Speaker 05 Well, shall we kick off with Carmarthenshire?
22:50 Speaker 00 Oh, okay.
22:51 Speaker 05 Um, I have a secret link to Carmarthenshire. My stepfather was a teacher at Straddy, where previous connection, Heather Lewis, was a head teacher.
23:00 Speaker 00 Yes.
23:01 Speaker 05 She left some beers at his house when I was staying there once.
23:05 Speaker 00 My mother was Creas officer there at one point.
23:07 Speaker 05 Oh.
23:08 Speaker 00 When was your dad teaching there?
23:11 Speaker 05 He, yeah, my stepdad was teaching there. Oh, he retired early, oh, twenty, twenty something?
23:18 Speaker 00 Okay. I will, how long had he, how long had your stepfather taught at Straddy?
23:25 Speaker 05 Quite a while, maybe fifteen years.
23:27 Speaker 00 Okay, he, he's probably took my friend's son. Um, but that would be very difficult to establish and is not a company connection anyway.
23:36 Speaker 05 No.
23:37 Speaker 00 If it's any consolation to you, I cycle past a school at Straddy quite recently and said, oh, in that voice. Have you got any other links?
23:48 Speaker 05 No, I'm gentrally in Carmarthenshire. Their neighbours at that point were Dwayne Peel and his family. So I have been in Dwayne Peel's orbit.
23:56 Speaker 00 You've been in the orbit of Dwayne Peel?
23:58 Speaker 05 Passing conversation.
23:59 Speaker 00 God, I know someone used to go out with him. He went to the other, he went to this, not his wife, he went to the school when he was at school, he went to this, he went to the school that we used to play at rugby. But I have only ever tweeted Dwayne Peel and got a response. I haven't actually met him.
24:15 Speaker 01 Who's Dwayne Peel?
24:16 Speaker 00 He used to play rugby for Wales as a scrub half.
24:19 Speaker 01 Oh, wow.
24:19 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, very talented player.
24:20 Speaker 01 So you've both sort of been in the Dwayne Peel orbit?
24:24 Speaker 00 Both, yes. I've, I've been in the orbit of Peel.
24:28 Speaker 01 What's next on this?
24:29 Speaker 00 I think he offered to train me how to sprint before a race at Mike Pubbins once, but I didn't take him up on the offer sadly.
24:34 Speaker 01 Okay, so there's a few, too many degrees of separation if it's to be a connection.
24:38 Speaker 00 Oh, I do like the idea of being in the orbit of Peel. Do you have any other possible connections?
24:43 Speaker 05 Possible, some people I go to the sauna with.
24:46 Speaker 00 Oh, okay.
24:49 Speaker 05 Jonathan Hill, ITV Wales news presenter.
24:52 Speaker 00 Do you know what? I did a pilot for BBC Three of a programme called The Committee Meeting and he was in the front row. And he was in all of the cutaways we used. And he, he's a great audience member. He loves a laugh, but I, I wouldn't say I know him.
25:09 Speaker 05 Next, do you want more on the list?
25:11 Speaker 00 Yes, please.
25:13 Speaker 05 Okay, these are really, really going down the pile now.
25:16 Speaker 00 That's all right.
25:17 Speaker 05 Did you know if you had any Patagonia connections, Ellie?
25:20 Speaker 00 My sister went there and burst into tears when she heard Welsh being spoken in the street, but I don't know anyone from Patagonia.
25:27 Speaker 05 That's a dead end then.
25:28 Speaker 00 Okay, who'd, what are yours, out of curiosity?
25:32 Speaker 05 Well, I went there a number of years ago and Isaias Grandis, Welsh Lunar of the Year 2011, I want to say, at his wedding in, in Wales. They had an Argentinian and a Welsh wedding.
25:48 Speaker 00 Oh, lovely, okay.
25:50 Speaker 05 And final one, which I don't think, it was academia alley, Patrick Sims-Williams in Aberystwyth. He's kind of history adjacent.
25:58 Speaker 00 Yes, no, I've, I used to, I think I used to follow him on Twitter, but I don't know him, I'm afraid. But this is, I really like the fact that you've brought.
26:09 Speaker 01 This is brilliant stuff.
26:10 Speaker 00 Potential connection. This, this is also is a new direction for the feature. There's the, it's such ordered thinking.
26:17 Speaker 02 What's it potentials and tangentials?
26:19 Speaker 00 Potentials and tangentials.
26:21 Speaker 01 Well, thank you so much, not just for your call, but also for your diligence.
26:27 Speaker 00 Yeah, absolutely.
26:28 Speaker 01 That's much appreciated. And also, I guess reassuring for you to know there were no connections.
26:32 Speaker 00 Yeah. What do you do at the Nairin Bevan Health Board?
26:35 Speaker 05 I work in planning, so that ordered thinking is probably quite useful.
26:39 Speaker 00 Yes, yes, absolutely, absolutely. Well, really nice to speak to you anyway. Thank you.
26:44 Speaker 01 Thank you very much.
26:47 Speaker 01 Okay, Ellis, how do you feel? Because America as a nation is watching you. I certainly not watching the football. Is that true? I don't know.
26:56 Speaker 02 It's not bad, actually, Joe. I think they've got more into it as it's now warmed up.
26:59 Speaker 00 True enough for it to work.
27:02 Speaker 01 That would be a great quote for my poster.
27:05 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah. Some of his jokes are true enough to work.
27:11 Speaker 00 No, I know someone who works in planning for the NHS in London. But this is, what will happen, which is what always happens, is that there will be a link and that person will contact me on Twitter or Instagram or whatever and say, actually.
27:26 Speaker 01 We should be getting like logged into one of either the call or Ellis's Facebook to see the mutual friends.
27:32 Speaker 02 Yes.
27:33 Speaker 01 That would provide proof if proof be need be.
27:35 Speaker 00 I just really loved, I love it when listeners bring something to the table.
27:41 Speaker 01 Hmm. All the potentials to the table.
27:44 Speaker 00 It's just, it's great. But anyway, yeah, I enjoyed that.
27:46 Speaker 01 Well, let's take a moment to gather ourselves before we give you some important information slash play a made up game, depending on where you're listening.
27:56 Speaker 02 Do you want to just, do you want to just say play a made up game?
28:06 Speaker 03 I've got big news. I switched to Verizon and got the new iPhone 18 Pro. Shh. I can keep my old phone and I also get the latest iPhone every year. Shh. Anything else? Verizon let me choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on them. Everybody, listen up. Shh. Switch to Verizon and get the new iPhone 18 Pro now. No trade-in needed. And the latest iPhone every year with Simplicity Plan. Plus, choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on us.
28:30 Speaker 06 Simplicity Plan with Simplicity Pro required. Plan and device payment purchase are separate agreements with separate terms. Service plan for Watch or iPad required. Additional terms apply for all offers.
28:36 Speaker 03 Help I Sexed My Boss is the podcast where manners meets mayhem. I'm William Hanson.
28:41 Speaker 04 I'm Jordan North.
28:42 Speaker 03 And together we take on the hilarious challenges of modern life.
28:45 Speaker 04 William's the arbiter of etiquette.
28:47 Speaker 03 And Jordan's the chaotic yin to my perfectly polished yang.
28:51 Speaker 04 So if you want laugh-out-loud stories and brutally honest moments, then you'll love Help I Sexed My Boss.
28:57 Speaker 03 Watch and listen every Tuesday and Friday.
28:59 Speaker 04 On YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts.
29:02 Speaker 03 Just search Sexed It.
29:03 Speaker 04 Be warned, it's a bit rude.
29:09 Speaker 01 Woo, woo, woo, woo. This is not a drill. This is not a drill. Your life is at risk.
29:18 Speaker 01 Do not, do not take your personal belongings. Exit from the emergency exits that were explained to you in the pre-flight talk. If you weren't listening.
29:30 Speaker 02 Imagine John as a pilot.
29:31 Speaker 01 If you weren't listening, it's on you. Okay?
29:35 Speaker 00 It's too late to read the little laminated card on the front of the seat.
29:40 Speaker 01 And there's too much smoke. I told you to count the rows.
29:45 Speaker 00 You put the mask on yourself before you do your kid, okay? For God's sake.
29:49 Speaker 01 Because you may not only be on your hands and knees, you may be inverted.
29:53 Speaker 00 And if you're six foot five and you're sitting in the extra legroom space, you'd better, you'd better save us all.
29:58 Speaker 02 Now it is on you.
30:01 Speaker 01 Attention vibe tasters, Ellis and John apologists and hammer legends of the Patreon. There's a new adventures episode on its way.
30:08 Speaker 02 This Friday.
30:10 Speaker 01 Or should I say, there's two new adventures episodes on their way.
30:15 Speaker 00 Because it's so meaty.
30:17 Speaker 01 Woo, not a drill, you're going to die.
30:24 Speaker 02 No one's dying. It's all a bit of lighthearted fun.
30:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's a little thing called station to station.
30:31 Speaker 02 What's that about?
30:33 Speaker 01 Dave and I had some time ago pitched to major broadcasters and radio stations and got turned down before Channel Five somehow made it with the guy from JLS.
30:42 Speaker 02 Yeah, they didn't call it station to station.
30:44 Speaker 00 Well, that's the thing you see. It's either John or the guy from JLS. He loses out on so many jobs to the guy from JLS.
30:50 Speaker 01 The weird thing is, we'd already planned this when that came out.
30:54 Speaker 02 Yeah, but I think, yeah, I mean, do you want to, should we, should we get into the music and then?
30:58 Speaker 00 No, no, no, no. Do what we should do.
31:00 Speaker 02 Go on.
31:00 Speaker 00 If the guy from JLS is gonna steal John's work.
31:04 Speaker 02 Yeah.
31:05 Speaker 00 And take food off the table for John Robbins.
31:08 Speaker 01 There was already too much food on the table, to be honest. So he's done me a favour.
31:11 Speaker 00 John, John, John should be in JLS.
31:15 Speaker 02 Imagine that.
31:16 Speaker 00 Imagine that.
31:17 Speaker 01 I have one question.
31:19 Speaker 02 What's a JLS?
31:19 Speaker 01 What's JLS?
31:20 Speaker 00 They're a boy band.
31:21 Speaker 01 What does that stand for?
31:22 Speaker 00 As in you'd have to dance a lot and sing pop songs.
31:25 Speaker 01 John loves songs.
31:26 Speaker 02 John loves services.
31:27 Speaker 01 John loves services, yeah.
31:28 Speaker 02 Made for it.
31:29 Speaker 01 So we have made, and believe me when I say this is true, an episode where Ellis and I visit every services on the M25.
31:38 Speaker 02 Hit the music.
31:49 Speaker 01 That's the difference.
31:53 Speaker 01 Dave said, oh, we've got a special bespoke bit of music. And it's the music, but with the sound of someone starting a car before it.
32:01 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's different. You need, what I meant was, you needed to have said that we're driving around service stations to then hit that music. Because if you haven't said that before, that, that sounds mad.
32:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
32:11 Speaker 02 But now it makes perfect sense.
32:13 Speaker 01 So our next Adventures of Ellis and John is out this Friday, 3rd of July at 1pm. It's the fourth episode after Pentathlon, Marathon, Birdwatch-a-thon and Station to Station.
32:24 Speaker 02 Yeah.
32:24 Speaker 00 Very nice.
32:25 Speaker 01 Ellis and John, turning you on.
32:27 Speaker 00 As we said, it's a, it's a two parter. First episode is out this Friday, the 3rd of July. The second ep will be out on Friday, the 17th of July. If you remember already, you'll be able to watch the video on Friday at 1pm. And if you're not already a member and you fancy watching, head to patreon.com/ellisonjohn to sign up. And as special Patreon content, John is going to be singing. She Makes Me Wanna, Take A Chance On Me, One Shot, The Club Is Alive, Beat Again, Everybody In Love. As well as hottest girl in the world, Hold Me Down And Give Me Life and A Billion Lights.
33:04 Speaker 01 What, that's the name of the song?
33:06 Speaker 00 No, no, they're all different JLS singles.
33:08 Speaker 01 I thought that last one was one song. What was it called?
33:11 Speaker 00 Hold Me Down And Give Me Life is a song.
33:14 Speaker 01 Okay.
33:14 Speaker 02 Is it? Well, that's what that, what does that mean?
33:17 Speaker 00 Hold Me Down And Give Me Life. Oh no, it's a double A-side, Hold Me Down And Give Me Life, the two different songs. And then Billion Lights is what, uh, John is gonna sing.
33:26 Speaker 02 Right.
33:27 Speaker 01 For when you're smoking a billion fags. So yeah, the reason this is two parts is because.
33:35 Speaker 00 Very deliberate, obviously.
33:36 Speaker 01 Oh, hugely deliberate when we realised what an overwhelming, uh, time and, uh, energy and expertise resource drain it was. To visit four services in a day with just a two-person crew.
33:49 Speaker 00 It was.
33:50 Speaker 02 We're learning.
33:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, we're learning.
33:52 Speaker 00 Harder than I anticipated.
33:54 Speaker 01 Well, it was like our, um, what was that film Werner Herzog tried to make?
34:01 Speaker 01 When they made the film about the making of it, even though the film didn't get made or something, Don Quixote. What's the name of the Werner Herzog film about the making of the film?
34:11 Speaker 02 I don't know, but I can tell you that JLS had a top 10 hit with Hottest Girl in the World, which John's going to be performing for the Patreons.
34:20 Speaker 01 What year was that?
34:21 Speaker 02 Hottest Girl in the World was released in 2012.
34:25 Speaker 01 Okay, so she still could be up there.
34:27 Speaker 02 Oh, absolutely.
34:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, 14 years old.
34:30 Speaker 02 Still a podium place.
34:31 Speaker 01 Oh, big time.
34:33 Speaker 02 My best themed?
34:34 Speaker 01 No.
34:38 Speaker 01 It's called Bridge of the Nostalgia.
34:40 Speaker 02 Burden of Dreams. No. Ah, Fitzcarraldo.
34:44 Speaker 01 Fitzcarraldo, that's it, yeah. So, yeah, sign up at patreon.com forward slash Ellis and John to check out Station to Station.
34:53 Speaker 02 I've seen some rushes.
34:54 Speaker 01 Have you?
34:55 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's fun. He's still with us, Werner Herzog, is he?
34:58 Speaker 01 Yeah, I think, of course, yeah. He's just started an Instagram account.
35:01 Speaker 02 Oh, really?
35:02 Speaker 01 Yeah.
35:02 Speaker 02 Oh, lovely. Who's doing that?
35:04 Speaker 01 Him, I think.
35:05 Speaker 02 Yeah?
35:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
35:06 Speaker 02 I'm gonna give that a follow.
35:07 Speaker 01 Oh, he's very like, he's modern and with it.
35:10 Speaker 02 Oh, that's good.
35:10 Speaker 01 He knows his onions.
35:12 Speaker 02 So, yeah, it's our first two-parter.
35:15 Speaker 01 Yes.
35:15 Speaker 02 With one hell of a cliffhanger halfway through.
35:17 Speaker 01 Last two-parter.
35:20 Speaker 02 I would never say never.
35:21 Speaker 01 Okay.
35:22 Speaker 02 I didn't realise that how much it would take out of us going to that many service stations. Yes, it was a challenge.
35:32 Speaker 01 It was a challenge, but a very fun challenge.
35:34 Speaker 02 It was, there's good stuff, there's good stuff from in the cars, there's good stuff from at the services, and we're not giving too much away.
35:41 Speaker 02 No, no, we'll leave that. There's some fun visuals of how John records himself at points, is all I'll say, which is very funny to watch.
35:48 Speaker 01 So, yeah, thanks very much to everyone who's signed up on my Patreon. We do on our Patreon.
35:53 Speaker 02 Bloody hell, did you hear that? Did you hear that, Ellis?
35:56 Speaker 01 Well, who's been doing all the behind the scenes stuff, Dave? Come on.
35:59 Speaker 02 Well, I was gonna do one this week, but it was 37 degrees.
36:03 Speaker 01 Too hot for it.
36:03 Speaker 02 Too hot for me.
36:05 Speaker 01 But yes, thank you everyone who's signed up on our Patreon.
36:09 Speaker 02 It's actually the Patreons Patreon, actually. It's theirs, really, isn't it?
36:14 Speaker 01 All right, well, they can do all the videos, though, and I'll watch them.
36:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's been great fun so far and we're gonna continue to make content until we blow and well die.
36:26 Speaker 02 Good, great, that's on record.
36:29 Speaker 01 Or my retirement, whichever comes first.
36:33 Speaker 02 Patreon.com slash Alison John.
36:35 Speaker 01 And as a treat, I believe we can let you hear a clip of me reviewing South Mims.
36:40 Speaker 02 Here we go.
36:41 Speaker 01 What a surprise South Mims has been, what a revelation. And I wasn't expecting to be giving scores like these early on. Around me, KFC, Burger King, Taco Bell, The Good Breakfast, Subway, Pret, Little Waitrose. That's already a high score, due to personally the access to the Pret and the Subway, the Burger King, the Pizza Express, that took my breath away. I'm struggling to say what I would add to this. So, first up, choice, I've gotta give it a nine.
37:16 Speaker 02 Oh.
37:17 Speaker 01 We giving away the scores.
37:18 Speaker 02 Sprinkles, sprinkles.
37:20 Speaker 01 Show a bit of leg.
37:21 Speaker 02 Just show a bit of leg.
37:24 Speaker 01 You're wearing suspenders.
37:26 Speaker 02 I mean, that's one score of many, because it was a bloody long day.
37:30 Speaker 01 Oh yeah, it was a 12 hour shift.
37:32 Speaker 02 I had to drive home after that.
37:33 Speaker 01 And it's a good job.
37:34 Speaker 00 And you had to go to another services.
37:35 Speaker 02 I had to stop off at bloody what's the one halfway down the...
37:37 Speaker 01 Norton Keynes.
37:38 Speaker 02 Norton Keynes, which is fine, but when it's your fifth of the day, it's hell.
37:42 Speaker 01 It's a good job our employees don't have a union. So, check that out.
37:48 Speaker 02 Yes.
37:48 Speaker 00 Absolutely. And if you're a Welsh speaker in London, for god's sake, come to my London gigs, especially Stanley Hall's.
37:54 Speaker 02 Hijack the ring fence.
37:54 Speaker 00 I will always do that, Dave, but only when I've got Welsh language gigs in London to plug.
37:59 Speaker 02 All right, fine, and we're doing Crossed Wires this Saturday, tickets still available?
38:02 Speaker 00 Are there?
38:03 Speaker 02 Yeah, a couple.
38:04 Speaker 00 Okay.
38:08 Speaker 01 Okay, I think it's time for us to play a made up game. Would we like a new jingle? 100 million percent.
38:17 Speaker 00 From Matt or from someone else?
38:19 Speaker 02 No, Matt's, I mean, there's more in the tank from Matt, as we know. Matt isn't done yet.
38:22 Speaker 00 Okay.
38:23 Speaker 02 Matt's written us a whole album of made up games jingles.
38:26 Speaker 01 But we've got to let other voices shine.
38:28 Speaker 02 Yeah, absolutely.
38:28 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
38:29 Speaker 02 So we have a new jingle from Sam Everie and the Sam Everie Big Band.
38:33 Speaker 01 Oh, love it.
38:34 Speaker 02 Yeah. This is from Sam. Hello, chaps. I hope this email finds you all well. My name is Sam. I'm a drummer and bandleader based in London. I run the Sam Everie Big Band, a 17-piece jazz orchestra made up of some of the finest young musicians in the country.
38:48 Speaker 00 But he's worried about the split.
38:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, 17 ways.
38:52 Speaker 02 But you're doing it for the love of it. It's for the craft, isn't it?
38:54 Speaker 00 Yeah.
38:54 Speaker 02 Yeah. We've performed sold-out shows in amazing venues like the Ronnie Scottz Jazz Club, Pizza Express Jazz Club.
39:01 Speaker 00 Oh, they went on Dean Street.
39:02 Speaker 02 And a venue we're fairly familiar with, the Royal Albert Hall.
39:06 Speaker 01 Hello to you, sir.
39:08 Speaker 02 Hello to you, sir. And much like you kings of content, we've also focused on the slightly silly. We perform my original arrangements of iconic songs people know and love, transforming songs you wouldn't expect to hear in a jazz club into swinging traditional jazz classics.
39:22 Speaker 01 Ooh.
39:23 Speaker 02 We had some spare... Thanks, John.
39:25 Speaker 00 You weren't quite sure which direction to take your "oo" in.
39:29 Speaker 01 I've not made that noise before.
39:30 Speaker 02 No. We had some spare time in a recent recording session, so I put together a new, original, big band-style, made-up games jingle for you. It features 12... This is an amazing effort. It features 12 outstanding musicians and will hopefully bring a bit of 50s glitz and glam pizzazz to this week's game. So don your best suits and we'll transport you back to that big Hollywood game show sound. I hope you enjoy. Thanks for the content. The podcast continues to provide a nourishing escape from the chaos of the real world. Keep up the excellent work. Sam?
40:03 Speaker 01 Sam, I would like you to send me a dossier into some of Frank Zappa's most complex time signatures, please, and what they mean from a jazz perspective.
40:14 Speaker 02 Yeah. Optional, though, is that?
40:17 Speaker 01 No, it's mandatory, but there's a long time. You can, you can take as many days as you like, but no more than seven.
40:24 Speaker 00 My friend, the jazz drummer Dave Ohm, would be able to do that for you.
40:28 Speaker 01 Yes, I would like that, please. I would like him to tell me about the song "The Black Page".
40:34 Speaker 00 All right, I'll tell, I'll, I'll text Dave.
40:36 Speaker 01 I like that.
40:38 Speaker 01 Are we ready for Sam?
40:38 Speaker 00 Do you actually like the song?
40:40 Speaker 01 Yeah, I love the song, but I like it when people who understand music talk to me about Frank Sapp.
40:44 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah, that.
40:45 Speaker 01 It makes me feel good.
40:46 Speaker 00 Yeah.
40:46 Speaker 01 Are you ready?
40:47 Speaker 00 Yep.
40:47 Speaker 01 Sam, take it away.
40:49 Speaker 06 Ladies and gentlemen, it's Tuesday afternoon, which means it's time for... Made up games. John Robbins and Alice James. It's time to play. We've asked the public to make a game. This isn't a bit about friends rugby league. We're trying to work down the Pembrokeshire scene. Before we have a shame, well, you know exactly what time it is.
41:17 Speaker 06 So when there's cognitive declining.
41:23 Speaker 06 And if your bone procedures got you whining.
41:28 Speaker 06 You know it's time for a made up game. John Robbins and Alice James. You never know which way the guessing is gonna go. So take it away, Mr. Chris, Mr. Dave, because it's time to play a made up game.
41:49 Speaker 01 That could have been the theme tune for the TV show.
41:52 Speaker 00 Yeah.
41:53 Speaker 01 That is Saturday night. That is Grandma, Son, Grandchild, all watching the same programme.
42:00 Speaker 00 Yeah, absolutely. It's accessible.
42:01 Speaker 01 It's Bruce Forsyth, isn't it? It's Brucey.
42:03 Speaker 00 It's multi-generational. Wow, Sam. I cannot believe that my cognitive decline now has its own unique exclusive trumpet motif. But another little flourish is after those two moments.
42:14 Speaker 01 So good.
42:15 Speaker 00 Yeah, great, Dave.
42:18 Speaker 01 So it really lets you just settle into what you just said.
42:21 Speaker 00 When I go and see the specialist and the specialist says, how long have you had concerns? Well, I've had a jingle made.
42:26 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was a saxophone flourish.
42:30 Speaker 02 Oh, good grief. That was great. I, um, I'm never not impressed by the level of, the level of quality to the made up games jingles. Do send your own in. [email protected] . Let's get to today's made up game. It's a silly one. There's no guessing involved.
42:50 Speaker 00 Well, good, because I'd just walk out.
42:51 Speaker 02 You'd walk out, yeah, fine.
42:52 Speaker 00 I'm confident enough to just leave the show.
42:55 Speaker 02 No, you're not.
42:55 Speaker 00 Yes, I am, Dave.
42:57 Speaker 02 Okay.
42:57 Speaker 00 If you make me guess, so help me God, I will walk out and then because it's 35 degrees, according to my watch, I'd walk back in again because of the air con.
43:05 Speaker 02 Yeah.
43:05 Speaker 01 Or just stay in the cafe. And we'd have to say goodbye to you on the way out.
43:09 Speaker 00 And it would be incredibly awkward and unprofessional.
43:13 Speaker 02 Are you still here, Al? Yeah, I am, actually.
43:14 Speaker 00 Yes, I am. I've seen how hot it is outside.
43:16 Speaker 01 Just catching up on some emails, using the wifi and having some of the cucumber flavoured water from the communal pot.
43:23 Speaker 00 Yeah, that's good water, actually. Fair, fair enough. Stop staring at me. That's what I say.
43:29 Speaker 02 Scores, scores on the doors. John's comeback march continues. Oh dear.
43:34 Speaker 01 Why is that, oh dear?
43:35 Speaker 02 No, oh dear for Ellis.
43:37 Speaker 01 Yeah, but you said it as like a neutral oh dear for all of us.
43:40 Speaker 02 Oh yeah, but I am, I am the neutral and I want to see the comeback because you're trouncing him, John.
43:44 Speaker 01 Well, I'm having the comeback.
43:45 Speaker 02 No, but in the grand scheme.
43:46 Speaker 00 Play the cognitive decline jingle.
43:48 Speaker 02 The grand scheme of things, you're trouncing him.
43:50 Speaker 01 I've had some problems with my Scrabble wives recently.
43:54 Speaker 02 Oh, have you?
43:54 Speaker 01 Because, you know, obviously Scrabble goes in sort of peaks and troughs and you do have games where things don't go so well, but I have maybe rather too eagerly fired off messages going, how the hell are you beating me? And they're like, come on, mate.
44:11 Speaker 02 Are these strangers or are these people you know?
44:12 Speaker 01 People I know.
44:13 Speaker 02 Okay. I don't know if that's worse or better. Scores on the doors. John's, John's comeback march continues.
44:22 Speaker 02 And we're over the moon. After winning last week's game of impressions, are a privilege. The score stands at 40, love in the third set, does it?
44:30 Speaker 01 Wow.
44:30 Speaker 02 Oh, Ellis. Ellis, leading one game to love. John, leading two sets to love overall. That's the trounce.
44:38 Speaker 02 This week's game comes in from Mark in Norwich. Dear Elis, John, producer Dave, I've listened to your podcast for a long time and I feel like it's time to contribute with a made up game. With Wimbledon kicking off this week, of course, it's called game, set and claps. What do you mind, I've seen it, John?
44:57 Speaker 02 The rules are simple. One of Ellis or John will serve with a clap. They will then alternate back and forth with what they believe to be good claps until someone messes up and delivers a bad clap.
45:08 Speaker 01 This is great.
45:10 Speaker 02 This is good. Yeah, it's very good. Now.
45:13 Speaker 00 Just single claps.
45:14 Speaker 02 Can I finish the rules, please?
45:16 Speaker 00 Yeah.
45:16 Speaker 02 And then you can ask as many questions as you want.
45:19 Speaker 01 Can I just say that on the podcast I did with Richard Osman and Maisie Adam?
45:24 Speaker 02 Yeah.
45:25 Speaker 01 We had to do like sync claps and twice they looked to me as if like, wow, I didn't know I was in the same room as the world clapping champion.
45:35 Speaker 00 Of a top clapper.
45:35 Speaker 02 These are big words going into a game that's all about clapping.
45:38 Speaker 01 Ellis has got a very strong clapping game and a very strong clicking game.
45:42 Speaker 00 Oh yeah, my fingers click so good.
45:43 Speaker 02 That's not, that's not, that's got nothing to do with it.
45:45 Speaker 00 I don't know. You can take that away from me as well, thanks.
45:49 Speaker 02 The rules are simple. Either Ellis or John will serve with a clap.
45:54 Speaker 01 Yeah.
45:54 Speaker 02 They will then alternate back and forth with good claps until someone messes up and delivers a bad clap.
45:59 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:00 Speaker 02 What is a good clap?
46:01 Speaker 01 Hmm.
46:01 Speaker 02 It's not all about volume, but more about the pitch, the resonance, that mini pop you get when perfectly catching a pocket of air in your palm.
46:09 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:10 Speaker 02 Any bad claps will be called fault by producer Dave.
46:13 Speaker 00 Go do it in the Wimbledon style though.
46:15 Speaker 02 Fault! Fault! Fault!
46:18 Speaker 00 Yeah, you're good at that.
46:19 Speaker 02 Fault!
46:19 Speaker 00 Oh wow, that is good. It's a unique, they don't say they hello the T.
46:23 Speaker 02 If you're as good as your claps that you are at your faults, you're in for a successful game here, Ellis. With the points awarded to the preceding good clapper.
46:30 Speaker 01 Hmm.
46:31 Speaker 02 Now, this is interesting and let's work out whether we want to keep this in. If Ellis or John believes a clap was bad, they have the option of not returning with a clap of their own. If they do return the clap, then they've accepted it as a good enough clap.
46:46 Speaker 01 But you're also calling fault.
46:48 Speaker 02 I am calling, but I suppose you're, you're, you're almost letting the ball drop out by not returning the clap.
46:54 Speaker 01 But if you haven't called fault. Then what happens if I don't return Ellis's clap?
47:00 Speaker 02 If you don't return Ellis's clap, what would happen is, I mean, it would be down to me to this-
47:04 Speaker 01 Has to go to VAR.
47:05 Speaker 02 Yeah, but-
47:07 Speaker 01 I think there's got to be, there's got to be trust in the umpire.
47:10 Speaker 02 Trust the umpire.
47:11 Speaker 00 Can I John McEnroe it?
47:12 Speaker 02 Uh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. At any point you want. Okay, so yeah, this will be down to me. It's down to the-
47:20 Speaker 01 If I win, if I win, can I Pat Cash it and climb over all of the, the, uh, the shelves into Rodrigo and Jenny's area and stand on the table with all the expensive equipment?
47:31 Speaker 02 Yeah.
47:31 Speaker 00 Yes.
47:31 Speaker 02 I'd actually quite like to see that.
47:33 Speaker 01 Okay, cool.
47:34 Speaker 02 Um, oh, was Pat Cash the original climber?
47:37 Speaker 00 Wimbledon 87, when he won Wimbledon. He was the first booked to do it. He was sexy.
47:42 Speaker 02 He was sexy, as it goes.
47:43 Speaker 01 Still is.
47:44 Speaker 00 And he still is, and he's cut his hair and he looks better for it.
47:47 Speaker 02 But he looked good with his longer hair back in the day.
47:49 Speaker 00 But it was called an 80s Australian look.
47:51 Speaker 02 Yeah. Right. The scoring is obviously done in tennis style and the aim is to win one game.
47:57 Speaker 01 Yeah, nice.
47:58 Speaker 02 Uh, serves will alternate between Ellis and John and if a player faults on the serve, they get a second serve, of course. So if you do fall- That's really good.
48:07 Speaker 02 Uh, and then Mark's put, I hope this works. Let's. Um, you've got headbands to put on, of course.
48:12 Speaker 01 My hair's mad, I'd be mad today.
48:14 Speaker 02 Well, you won't be able to see it now with your little headband on.
48:15 Speaker 01 But I'm wearing a hat.
48:16 Speaker 02 They're quite fluffy.
48:18 Speaker 01 I've already weirdly got Ellis and John headband in my house.
48:21 Speaker 02 Have you?
48:22 Speaker 01 Previous incarnation. Okay. I'm not going to play with glasses like Martina Navratilova.
48:29 Speaker 02 You could do it if you wanted.
48:33 Speaker 02 Oh, your hair's got a good length of the minute for a, for a headband, Ellis. Yeah, it's just draping over.
48:38 Speaker 01 Okay.
48:39 Speaker 02 It's quite nice.
48:40 Speaker 01 How's mine then, Dave?
48:41 Speaker 02 Yeah, yours is good.
48:43 Speaker 00 You look, you look like Gary Rhodes.
48:45 Speaker 01 I do?
48:47 Speaker 02 With a headband on?
48:48 Speaker 00 Yeah.
48:49 Speaker 02 Because why would Gary Rhodes be wearing a headband?
48:52 Speaker 00 Cheffing.
48:52 Speaker 02 Anyone got a coin?
48:54 Speaker 01 Uh, yes, I do, actually.
48:54 Speaker 02 Because they would do that in tennis, I think, wouldn't they?
48:56 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
48:57 Speaker 02 I'm just going to take a quick picture of you, John, not because you don't look cool, just because it's just, just because it's nice to take pictures of people.
49:08 Speaker 02 Yeah. Is it crisscross that they had the really tall hair?
49:12 Speaker 01 There we go. Yeah, I do need a haircut, but it's too hot.
49:15 Speaker 02 It's too hot.
49:16 Speaker 01 Okay. Heads or tails, Ellis?
49:17 Speaker 02 Heads or tails, sir, first.
49:18 Speaker 00 Tails for Wales, Confunny Gomri, please.
49:21 Speaker 01 It is tails for Wales.
49:22 Speaker 00 Uh, I'd like to start then.
49:25 Speaker 02 Okay, so, I mean, you know, give it a bit of pace, but you do need to be, I need to be kind of trying to judge in between the sounds as well.
49:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
49:33 Speaker 02 So, you know, don't be like flying back and forth, it'll get a bit messy. And my call is final.
49:38 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
49:39 Speaker 02 Okay.
49:41 Speaker 00 Have you got any weightlifters chalk? Because my hands are sweating, so they eat with.
49:45 Speaker 02 No, in that case, all our hands are sweating, so it's fine. Okay, I need a, do you know what? I need a pen and paper, actually, for the scoring of this. Okay.
49:55 Speaker 02 Game, set, claps. Let's play.
50:00 Speaker 02 Ball!
50:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
50:01 Speaker 00 Bad one.
50:02 Speaker 01 But he gets second serve.
50:09 Speaker 02 Ball!
50:09 Speaker 01 Yeah, that was bad. I missed. Okay.
50:12 Speaker 00 We do a lot of sync claps, so we do, I do one before the What Time podcast. My, my clapping's usually good. Was that the level of sync clap you're doing at Spotify?
50:22 Speaker 01 I missed, I missed, I knew that.
50:23 Speaker 00 The pressure is mad.
50:25 Speaker 01 Came off, came off the frame of the rest.
50:27 Speaker 00 What's this game called?
50:29 Speaker 02 Game, set and claps.
50:31 Speaker 01 Okay, so it's my serve now.
50:33 Speaker 02 So it's 15 love.
50:34 Speaker 00 How much you can tick my head?
50:34 Speaker 02 John to serve. And play.
50:52 Speaker 02 Ball!
50:53 Speaker 01 Oh, really?
50:54 Speaker 02 Yeah, that was a bit lighter. Yeah, that was lighter. That was lighter.
50:59 Speaker 01 Great rally, though.
51:00 Speaker 00 My heart's racing.
51:01 Speaker 01 Yeah, that was amazing.
51:02 Speaker 00 Hang on. Yeah, my heart rates up. Just checking my watch.
51:05 Speaker 01 That was a good rally, though.
51:06 Speaker 00 This is what Wimbledon is like for the players.
51:08 Speaker 01 This is a great game.
51:09 Speaker 02 But it wasn't bad, but the thing is, once you both get into your rhythm, I've got to be listening out for the slightest.
51:15 Speaker 00 My heart rate's gone from 66 to 80 because of the stress of the game.
51:19 Speaker 02 And I'm closing my, I'm finding it easier if I close my eyes, actually, too.
51:22 Speaker 01 I actually want wet hands.
51:23 Speaker 02 He's wet his hands.
51:24 Speaker 00 You've wet your hands. That's absolutely huge at this level.
51:30 Speaker 00 That's huge. This is proper like death or glory stuff now.
51:35 Speaker 02 Do you want to wet your hands, Ellis?
51:37 Speaker 00 No, no, no. I'm gonna stick with what I done in training. You never do anything near one race day.
51:43 Speaker 02 No, that's like John taking on new gels on the day of the marathon. That's mad.
51:47 Speaker 00 He didn't do that.
51:48 Speaker 02 No, he didn't, but that's, it's the equivalent. It's the equivalent. It's 30 love to Ellis. Okay, Ellis to serve.
51:55 Speaker 00 Yeah?
51:55 Speaker 02 Yep.
51:56 Speaker 00 Okay.
52:00 Speaker 02 Oh! Sorry, I'm not saying words now. Oh!
52:04 Speaker 00 Ow!
52:05 Speaker 02 Not oh.
52:06 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, bad.
52:06 Speaker 02 They don't get, oh!
52:08 Speaker 00 Also, he's got an absolutely piercing 1000 yard stare for this game.
52:14 Speaker 02 I see, I'm not watching.
52:15 Speaker 00 It's so off putting.
52:18 Speaker 00 Have you ever clapped with someone staring at you like they're trying to look through your soul? He's wetting his hands again. God, I can't hear him. He sounds like a vet.
52:27 Speaker 02 Right.
52:28 Speaker 00 He sounds like he's about to birth a cow.
52:31 Speaker 02 Well, they're damp. Come on, you can't, you can't wait till my hands dry out. It's gamesmanship. Okay, it's 3015. John to serve. Play!
53:00 Speaker 02 Oh! Wow.
53:06 Speaker 02 This is one of the best things I've ever been involved in.
53:08 Speaker 00 There was about quarter of a second.
53:12 Speaker 02 You gotta slow down. I've been so hard for you.
53:13 Speaker 00 There was about a quarter of a second before my hand hit the other hand.
53:16 Speaker 02 Yeah.
53:17 Speaker 00 I thought, you've gone in too high, mate.
53:19 Speaker 02 Do you, you even knew?
53:20 Speaker 00 And then.
53:20 Speaker 02 Yeah. Oh!
53:21 Speaker 00 And I was like, you've done it. This is, this is, this is game setting claps at the highest level.
53:28 Speaker 02 I think we just play this game forever, do we, at this stage?
53:32 Speaker 02 Uh, it's 30 all. Wow, on a hot day as well, the crowd needed this. Because they've come a long way. They're all hammered on pims.
53:39 Speaker 00 It is 30 all.
53:40 Speaker 02 It is 30 all, yeah. Ellis to serve. Play!
53:50 Speaker 02 Full!
53:51 Speaker 00 No chance.
53:52 Speaker 02 That was, that was close.
53:54 Speaker 01 I think your one before that was actually a little bit close.
53:57 Speaker 02 Yeah, they were, they were all a little bit close. You weren't full at any point. But they were just, they were just skirting over the net. You know, a couple of them hit the net.
54:05 Speaker 00 That's good tennis. You can't return those.
54:09 Speaker 02 It's hard, do you know what? I mean, it's so close because once you both get into your rhythm.
54:13 Speaker 01 At this standard, it's so.
54:15 Speaker 02 At this level, it's the cup, it's the final.
54:17 Speaker 00 Imagine changing a clap at this stage.
54:19 Speaker 02 Centre court.
54:21 Speaker 01 Oh yeah, that would be very risky to involve that cupping.
54:24 Speaker 00 Yeah, the cupping hand.
54:26 Speaker 01 Because when you get the air pocket, it's huge.
54:29 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah.
54:29 Speaker 02 Also, as you say, in case any, you know, bias insinuations here, I've got my eyes closed. It's actually quite hard to tell who's clapping at which point, so I am going off the sound because I closed my eyes to concentrate.
54:40 Speaker 00 Dave has been paid off.
54:42 Speaker 02 I've not, I swear.
54:43 Speaker 01 No, I agree with all your calls, even mine.
54:45 Speaker 02 I think my calls have been quite, you know, there's been pretty decent stuff. But it is 40-30 to John. It's Ellis to serve, not very young.
54:55 Speaker 00 No, I think I served last time.
54:56 Speaker 02 Oh, did he? Is it John? Sorry, God, imagine the umpire getting that wrong. It's John to serve, championship point. A black!
55:33 Speaker 02 Oh!
55:36 Speaker 01 I think that was a fault.
55:37 Speaker 00 Yeah, I accept that.
55:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
55:39 Speaker 00 But... At this level, you cannot afford to make a mistake.
55:44 Speaker 02 No, but his were all so full. That was like forehand back, forehand back.
55:50 Speaker 01 It was a nice rhythm as well. It was ding ding.
55:53 Speaker 02 It was, I felt like I was watching tennis in my mind.
55:56 Speaker 00 The rhythm is nerve wracking because once you feel in the rhythm.
56:00 Speaker 02 Yeah.
56:01 Speaker 00 Any deviation and it knocks you off your game.
56:04 Speaker 02 Yeah, well, John wins.
56:05 Speaker 01 That's why it helped me to stare at you constantly because I'm not actually thinking about my hands.
56:10 Speaker 00 Oh, I was doing the opposite. I wasn't staring at you because of your piercing gaze. I was, I was staring at my hands. What an amazing game.
56:18 Speaker 01 That's Hall of Famer.
56:20 Speaker 02 Mark.
56:20 Speaker 00 That's one of the best games we've ever had, I think.
56:22 Speaker 01 If you're listening, Channel 4, nice one.
56:25 Speaker 02 Yeah, well done.
56:26 Speaker 01 You could, you could have had a cultural moment.
56:29 Speaker 02 You've really cocked up there.
56:30 Speaker 00 And you haven't had a cultural moment for years.
56:33 Speaker 01 Well, 24 hours in police custody is really good and Taskmaster.
56:37 Speaker 00 And Last Leg. Yeah, but they bought, but they bought Taskmaster and, and Last Leg has been on since 2012.
56:43 Speaker 02 Is it? God, that's depressing.
56:45 Speaker 00 Yeah.
56:45 Speaker 01 No, it's exciting.
56:47 Speaker 02 Fantastic news for them. So, yeah, no, I'm gonna stick with it, Dave. I just mean, the passage of time is depressing.
56:55 Speaker 01 Yes, that's true.
56:56 Speaker 02 Not the show.
56:56 Speaker 01 Yeah.
56:57 Speaker 02 Show's fantastic.
56:58 Speaker 01 Because it's closer to the Vietnam War and the start of the Last Leg is to today.
57:05 Speaker 00 But listen, you know.
57:05 Speaker 01 And Nirvana hadn't been around for 20 years before Macaulay Culkin turned 40.
57:11 Speaker 00 But like, I loved Peep Show, but um, why not replace it with Game Set and Claps?
57:19 Speaker 01 Oh, who sent that in?
57:20 Speaker 02 Mark.
57:22 Speaker 01 Mark, I am going to send you a signed copy of a photo of Elis James via Elis James's house in his own handwriting.
57:29 Speaker 00 I'm gonna send you 500 bottles of sherry.
57:34 Speaker 02 Great, that'll make a...
57:35 Speaker 00 What a game!
57:35 Speaker 02 We play that every... We should play it every open.
57:38 Speaker 01 We should do that.
57:39 Speaker 00 Do that live.
57:40 Speaker 01 We should do that at the Royal Albert Hall.
57:42 Speaker 02 Oh my god!
57:43 Speaker 01 Can you imagine with those acoustics?
57:45 Speaker 02 Oh wow!
57:47 Speaker 01 And also...
57:48 Speaker 00 That has never been done at the Royal Albert Hall before.
57:50 Speaker 01 Like standing.
57:51 Speaker 02 Yeah.
57:51 Speaker 01 Because you could be like...
57:55 Speaker 02 No, no, no. You're messing with the form now, because John's pretending to serve with it.
57:59 Speaker 01 But you know, it's... I've made two mistakes there.
58:02 Speaker 02 Well, yeah, exactly.
58:02 Speaker 00 Yeah.
58:03 Speaker 02 It makes it... Oh no, he's trying to go over arm serve with the claps! And that's terrible, he hit his M4 arm.
58:09 Speaker 01 Because that can be a bit of fun.
58:11 Speaker 02 Yeah.
58:12 Speaker 01 Everyone's going to be playing that at home for the rest of their lives.
58:15 Speaker 02 That is a game you play at home.
58:17 Speaker 01 Also, it does hurt your hands a little bit.
58:19 Speaker 00 But that's fine, I don't mind playing through the pain.
58:21 Speaker 02 For the cause, for the cause. Unfortunately, that was an unfortunate loss, it was so tight. It's hard to call.
58:26 Speaker 01 I won every point after I wetted my hands.
58:28 Speaker 00 He did. Good point. So what we can do at the Royal Albert Hall, we'll bring on a ceremonial water trough.
58:35 Speaker 02 Yeah.
58:35 Speaker 01 Well, I might have changed a lube by then.
58:39 Speaker 02 No, that wouldn't help. I think that would make them just slide off each other.
58:42 Speaker 01 I wouldn't, no, actually, Dave, because I'm a very good Christian.
58:46 Speaker 02 You're allowed to use lube for other things, aren't you?
58:49 Speaker 01 Also, you can use it for sex as well, and that's fine.
58:53 Speaker 00 It's just, it's short for lubrication, you can lubricate all sorts of stuff.
58:57 Speaker 01 Your car.
58:58 Speaker 02 Yeah, your little hooks on your swings outside.
59:00 Speaker 01 Yeah, your doors.
59:01 Speaker 02 Yeah, WD-40 is a type of lube.
59:03 Speaker 01 But you can't use that for sex. Absolutely really need to emphasise that.
59:10 Speaker 00 Can't stress that enough.
59:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
59:12 Speaker 02 No.
59:13 Speaker 00 For god's sake, keep the WD-40 out of the bedroom.
59:15 Speaker 01 Oh, keep it in the garage, and if you have sex in the garage, put it in another room until you're finished, and then pop it back in.
59:21 Speaker 02 They've missed a trick, though. Just getting into that game would have been a fun PR stunt.
59:26 Speaker 00 No.
59:27 Speaker 02 Why not? That's good!
59:29 Speaker 00 Should we put some WD-40 on?
59:31 Speaker 01 WD-40?
59:46 Speaker 02 They've missed a trick.
59:48 Speaker 01 They have. They have missed an unexpected trick that none of them would have seen coming.
59:54 Speaker 02 Maybe it has been brought up in a meeting in the past and they've all gone, "Clive, are you mad?"
59:57 Speaker 01 Yeah, I would love to chat to the guy who brought it up.
1:00:00 Speaker 02 Yeah, WD40.
1:00:10 Speaker 04 Help, I sexted my boss is the podcast where manners meets mayhem.
1:00:14 Speaker 03 I'm William Hanson.
1:00:15 Speaker 04 I'm Jordan North.
1:00:16 Speaker 03 And together we take on the hilarious challenges of modern life.
1:00:19 Speaker 04 William's the arbiter of etiquette.
1:00:21 Speaker 03 And Jordan's the chaotic yin to my perfectly polished yang.
1:00:25 Speaker 04 So if you want laugh out loud stories and brutally honest moments, then you'll love Help, I Sexted My Boss.
1:00:31 Speaker 03 Watch and listen every Tuesday and Friday.
1:00:33 Speaker 04 On YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts.
1:00:36 Speaker 03 Just search Sexted.
1:00:37 Speaker 04 Be warned, it's a bit rude.
1:00:43 Speaker 02 There's your made up game. Where are we at in the grand scheme of things?
1:00:47 Speaker 01 Well, I...
1:00:49 Speaker 02 I mean, there isn't Ask Us Anything, but I feel that's quite a strong way to bow out. Although are we a bit short due to the ring fence?
1:00:54 Speaker 01 No, we ask us anything, Dave. People want to know our thoughts. Also, I've got a good answer for the first one.
1:01:00 Speaker 02 Oh, have you seen him? Oh, have you seen him? Okay, right. Ask, and we get to play the house remix, of course. So here we go. This is where you can send any questions to Ellis and John.
1:01:09 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:01:10 Speaker 02 Hello at ellisonjohn.com. And here is the fantastic jingle that we have for it.
1:01:50 Speaker 01 Fantastic. You can ask us anything, we will answer it. What have we got, Dave?
1:01:55 Speaker 02 From Ryan.
1:01:57 Speaker 00 What's the best business ID you've ever had? That's easy, WD40.
1:02:03 Speaker 02 Yo, my boys.
1:02:04 Speaker 01 Ah, yo.
1:02:05 Speaker 02 Yo. Whilst working on my friend's stag do, I got to thinking about designing the perfect day. Then for some reason, I thought about you, Todgers. Then I thought, I wonder what Ellis and John's perfect days would look like. So my cue to you, to you, the you, the both is,
1:02:22 Speaker 02 how would you design the perfect day for each other? So John designs Ellis's and vice versa.
1:02:29 Speaker 00 Well, I've got to say, my stag is in the top three days of my life.
1:02:35 Speaker 02 So he's kind of already done it. Fair play.
1:02:37 Speaker 00 And I, if John were to get married, I could not compete with how perfect it was.
1:02:42 Speaker 02 Huge.
1:02:43 Speaker 00 If the effort you went into. It was honestly perfect from start to finish. The only, I suppose, element of luck was that the weather was good. If it had hammered down with rain, we'd have had to have done something different.
1:02:57 Speaker 01 My love language is acts of service.
1:02:59 Speaker 00 Yeah, I know.
1:03:01 Speaker 01 It's just a shame it's not being pleasant company.
1:03:05 Speaker 00 Yeah, I was on my bike the other day and I realised that. I was cycling through Tulse Hill and I thought, John loves doing kind things for his friends.
1:03:12 Speaker 02 Give me a task.
1:03:14 Speaker 00 I thought you were going to go, John's terrible company.
1:03:18 Speaker 02 Okay, well, let's go from John to Ellis first. John, what is Ellis's perfect day?
1:03:23 Speaker 00 You can just repeat the stag.
1:03:24 Speaker 01 So given the stag activities are aside.
1:03:28 Speaker 02 Park that.
1:03:29 Speaker 01 So my perfect day for Ellis, I was thinking it would be a breakfast of cockles on Barafundle Beach.
1:03:34 Speaker 02 Oh my God, he's done it again.
1:03:36 Speaker 01 But Ellis isn't good in the morning, so it's a brunch of cockles on Barafundle Beach.
1:03:42 Speaker 02 He knows the lad.
1:03:43 Speaker 01 Then driven to St Fagans in a nineties car with nineties MOT certificates in the glove box.
1:03:52 Speaker 02 Nineties ink.
1:03:53 Speaker 01 Nineties ink. Where he is able to take a group of, a small group of schoolchildren and some friends around St Fagans. And teach them about sort of Welsh history. Then 5pm kickoff, it's the Swans.
1:04:09 Speaker 02 Oh, great.
1:04:09 Speaker 01 With the smells of beer urine, sweat and frying onions. And then all off to Club Ewolbach in the evening for an Eros Childs solo set.
1:04:19 Speaker 02 Would be good.
1:04:20 Speaker 00 That's a day and a half, that, isn't it?
1:04:22 Speaker 02 I mean, that's, that's right up there, isn't it?
1:04:25 Speaker 01 And at any point during the day, he gets to hold up a red card and get half an hour on his phone.
1:04:32 Speaker 01 If he's tired.
1:04:34 Speaker 02 Okay, okay. I mean, yeah.
1:04:37 Speaker 00 I mean, but this is not a competition, so.
1:04:39 Speaker 01 No, no, no.
1:04:39 Speaker 00 Okay, John's day, I could na-, he's sort of, his 10 closest pals are in the Alps.
1:04:47 Speaker 02 Hmm, yeah.
1:04:49 Speaker 00 And I'm trying to work out if, how I would involve music.
1:04:57 Speaker 00 You know, because the gig would be maybe like a private gig or something.
1:05:00 Speaker 02 It's BPB, isn't it?
1:05:01 Speaker 00 So you don't have other people getting on his nerves.
1:05:05 Speaker 02 Oh, right.
1:05:06 Speaker 00 So food is a big deal because John loves to cook, so I can't work out if you get in a chef like Al's kitchen to sort of make everyone a curry.
1:05:14 Speaker 02 I think, oh god.
1:05:15 Speaker 00 Or if John wants to cook himself. But if he's cooking himself, that's obviously time consuming.
1:05:19 Speaker 02 But two birds, one stone. Everyone's out there. Surprise him on the Saturday night. Who barges through the door, just so they're about to start thinking about food? George Egg.
1:05:30 Speaker 01 Oh, lovely.
1:05:32 Speaker 02 And then you've got George, not only is he a surprise guest that you didn't think could make it, he's now cooking you a blooming.
1:05:37 Speaker 00 Yeah, and. And John likes surprises, so it would be, he'd have thought that John, George couldn't make it.
1:05:42 Speaker 02 Yes.
1:05:42 Speaker 00 And then suddenly he's there and he's making food.
1:05:45 Speaker 01 Also, it'd be lovely to go around an Alpine market with George Egg.
1:05:48 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:05:49 Speaker 01 And he'd be buying all the different things and talking about the different flavours. That would be lovely.
1:05:52 Speaker 00 But the weather's absolutely perfect.
1:05:54 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:05:55 Speaker 00 That's the thing. So it's not too hot, it's not too cold. And the, the sort of, the, the place they're staying has got air conditioning if it's on the warm side.
1:06:04 Speaker 02 Vaping permitted.
1:06:06 Speaker 00 Vaping's encouraged. So people who don't vape are made to vape.
1:06:12 Speaker 01 A vaping day in the Alps with Bonnie Prince Billy and George Eggs, fantastic. Also, Bonnie Prince Billy has got two songs with mountain in the title and one of which starts with the line, if I could F a mountain.
1:06:26 Speaker 02 What's the next line?
1:06:27 Speaker 01 Lord, I would F a mountain and I would do it with a woman in the valley.
1:06:31 Speaker 02 Lord, I would F them.
1:06:35 Speaker 02 Okay.
1:06:37 Speaker 02 How'd you, oh, it's not worth interrogating it too much, is it?
1:06:41 Speaker 00 Yeah, and then at the end, he Fs the mountain in front of everyone and we've all got to clap. We've all got to clap encouragement.
1:06:46 Speaker 01 But just with his eyes.
1:06:49 Speaker 02 Yes. Otherwise it's a bit salt burn, isn't it? You've got to be careful.
1:06:53 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's not tawdry at any, at any level. Very nice question. Thank you, Ryan.
1:06:59 Speaker 02 Good. Do you want another quick one? All right, this is from Bjorn. What was the naughtiest thing you did at school?
1:07:06 Speaker 01 Ooh, that you got found out for or that you didn't?
1:07:10 Speaker 02 Not necessarily, no. I think it probably sends a better message if you got found out for it.
1:07:17 Speaker 00 Oh, I know what the biggest punishment I got at school was.
1:07:20 Speaker 02 Okay, that's a good.
1:07:21 Speaker 00 Our head teacher retired and he'd been the head teacher since before I was born. So we had a big, and he'd been there when the school had been established because it used to be a boys' grammar school. And then it became a Welsh medium secondary school. And so we had a big assembly to laud him for his achievements. And I stood next to a funny friend who made me giggle throughout. And even though really it was his fault, as the giggler.
1:07:48 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah.
1:07:49 Speaker 00 I was the one who got in trouble and I was made to hold the door open and do dinner duty in the queue for the canteen for like 12 weeks.
1:08:00 Speaker 02 Did you? Oh my, what, just for giggling?
1:08:02 Speaker 00 I'd giggle throughout the thing. Like, I wasn't really listening to the assembly, but the.
1:08:06 Speaker 01 You once caned me for having a chalk penis drawn on my back. Ask yourself two questions now and why.
1:08:13 Speaker 00 But the deputy head went absolutely ballistic.
1:08:18 Speaker 00 And and then what I did, I sort of got round it was I took a book.
1:08:23 Speaker 01 Took a doorstop.
1:08:24 Speaker 00 So then, because so I I was holding the door open because we had, there was a different queue if you wanted a cold lunch. And so, because I was, because I was reading a book, it looked like I wasn't being really punished. After about ten days, she let me off. And I did wear a skirt to school on the last day. And again, she went absolutely ballistic.
1:08:42 Speaker 01 Yes, I was aware of that one.
1:08:42 Speaker 00 Threatened to expel me.
1:08:43 Speaker 01 Wow.
1:08:44 Speaker 00 Yeah. And I said, but I've been accepted to university. She said, well, wait, wait until Cardiff University, find out about this.
1:08:52 Speaker 01 But wasn't the skirt wearing in solidarity with, wasn't there something to do with because girls weren't allowed to?
1:08:57 Speaker 00 Yeah, but you know, she wasn't willing to accept that argument. John Naughty, Naughty John.
1:09:03 Speaker 01 Um, well.
1:09:05 Speaker 00 I stabbed a girl in the bum with a pencil when I was about six.
1:09:08 Speaker 01 Okay, that's a roller coaster.
1:09:12 Speaker 01 A new twist at every word.
1:09:14 Speaker 02 Oh, and then there's this, I don't worry about it. But then there's this thing where I just stabbed a girl in the bum.
1:09:18 Speaker 00 I mean, that was in, that was not, I wasn't in, that was an infant's, so I wasn't even a junior school. But I remember getting told off a lot, but she'd been mean to me. So I thought, I'm going to show her. Yeah.
1:09:28 Speaker 01 Well, in terms of like teachers, I was, I was unbearably well behaved to the point which I remember every single occasion I got told off. But in terms of actual naughty stuff, I mean, just smoking on school property, brackets general for four years.
1:09:44 Speaker 00 Wow.
1:09:45 Speaker 01 So like, smoking out, smoking like on the sixth form site, going for cigarettes down the alleyway at lower school.
1:09:56 Speaker 01 In terms of actual naughtiness, uh, we once got a class detention for someone who was like, people were being disruptive. And the teacher said, right, that's it. You're all in detention.
1:10:08 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:10:09 Speaker 01 And then I forgot about that because I'd never had a detention before.
1:10:14 Speaker 00 And you hadn't done anything wrong.
1:10:15 Speaker 01 Yeah. So I didn't turn up at the class detention. So I got an individual detention. That was the only time I ever got a detention.
1:10:20 Speaker 00 That's incredibly unfair.
1:10:22 Speaker 02 I'm surprised you forgot. I'd have thought that'd be etched into your brain to go to because it's so unusual.
1:10:27 Speaker 01 We got it because you would go up to sixth form, which is a different site for drama.
1:10:32 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:10:33 Speaker 01 So we were often like, you'd get something and then it was almost like you were stepping into a different world. Because it was all the grown up kids and you were in uniform and that. So you would sort of have a laugh on the way back and smoke more fags.
1:10:44 Speaker 00 You didn't have detention in our school.
1:10:46 Speaker 02 I, yeah.
1:10:47 Speaker 00 No, but I think it's because it was a rural school. We had kids coming from thirty plus miles away.
1:10:52 Speaker 02 Right.
1:10:52 Speaker 00 So I think it would have been unworkable. And you couldn't really do it just for the town kids, could you? It had to be everyone. So we didn't do it.
1:10:58 Speaker 01 I once, I would sometimes weave into my homework slightly sort of risky references. So I remember once one of the teachers was dating one of the other teachers and they're now very happily married with a wonderful family.
1:11:12 Speaker 00 That's lovely.
1:11:13 Speaker 01 But I put in my French homework, something about them being together on a date. And she got, she got very upset about that.
1:11:21 Speaker 00 Oh, did she?
1:11:22 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:11:22 Speaker 00 The most upset I saw a teacher was in RE, in about nineteen ninety six, Casio brought out a watch where it was a remote control for a telly.
1:11:33 Speaker 01 Hmm.
1:11:34 Speaker 00 Do you remember this?
1:11:34 Speaker 02 Yeah, I remember that. Yeah. Yeah.
1:11:35 Speaker 00 And we were trying to watch a video about the Hindu faith or something. And one of the boys was pausing it and rewinding it and fast forwarding it. And she thought it was an active god and burst into tears. Because she, obviously she wasn't doing it, but the video was just, and then she'd walk up to the video to press play again. And then he'd press it just before she got to the video.
1:12:00 Speaker 01 Good grief.
1:12:01 Speaker 00 So it was, it was like she was being haunted.
1:12:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:12:04 Speaker 00 And like the Estave Pluile, whatever that would be in English, was haunted and she got very upset.
1:12:09 Speaker 01 That's like in Matilda.
1:12:11 Speaker 00 Yeah, I remember, I remember thinking, I remember thinking, this is, this is too much.
1:12:16 Speaker 02 This is next level. Great. Good answers. Good, good AUA.
1:12:20 Speaker 00 I'd be a terrible teacher.
1:12:22 Speaker 02 Yeah, I would be. Hannah's just an amazing job in it. But yeah, it's hard.
1:12:25 Speaker 01 It is very hard.
1:12:26 Speaker 02 Very hard job.
1:12:28 Speaker 01 Um, so thank you, everyone. We'll be back with you again next week.
1:12:39 Speaker 03 Help I sexted my boss is the podcast where manners meets mayhem. I'm William Hanson.
1:12:43 Speaker 04 I'm Jordan North.
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1:12:49 Speaker 03 And Jordan's the chaotic yin to my perfectly polished yang.
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Previous #552 - Gloop, Love Bees and It’s Me Or The Lathe Next #554 - A Cream Spiral, Nude Dave and Dignity then Dignitas Page updated October 29, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated