Pod Insights Elis James and John Robins #543 - Lovely Pen, The Lumley Route and Unchopped for 15 Years About this episode It’s a show that asks more questions than it answers. For starters, could Elis and John host Strictly? How are the boys related to classic board game Guess Who? And can you spell catastrophe without top rate cash?
These amuse-bouches are followed up with meatier questions: why was John interviewed at a law firm? Why has Elis been under London’s strongest thumbs? And why is Dave telling a man called Ed that he’s ready to take his trousers off?
Most of these are answered, plus find out what John had erroneously left unchopped for 15 years, and Elis takes us down a whole new route in the nation’s favourite 60-second Welsh-based acquaintances game, The Cymru Connection.
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Transcript 12,031 words · 7 speakers
0:00 Speaker 00 Before we start this episode, we want to invite you along to the adventures of Alice and John.
0:04 Speaker 01 If you head over to patreon.com/ellisonjohn, you can join us on our monthly escapades, including...
0:10 Speaker 00 Miniumpicks.
0:11 Speaker 01 It's the strangest legal jump in the history of long jump.
0:14 Speaker 00 Birdwatching.
0:15 Speaker 02 My two favourite things are birds and football.
0:18 Speaker 01 And you can watch our latest episode now, where we tackle an escape room.
0:22 Speaker 03 So John is absolutely flying here. Well, Alice is there as well.
0:26 Speaker 02 Alice is there as well, Dave.
0:27 Speaker 03 We did the first three, Dave, for complete chill.
0:32 Speaker 00 So for adventures and so much more, head over to patreon.com/ellisonjohn now.
0:40 Speaker 02 Hey, we're Nick and Jack, hosts of The Best One Yet. Behind every episode, there's research, emails, spreadsheets and our shared Google Doc, the Headline Hammer. With Google Workspace with Gemini, Google's AI is built right into the premium versions of tools we already use, like Gmail, Docs and Sheets. No new tools or extra logins, just personalised AI for the way we work. That means less time on the work around the work and more time finding the stories worth talking about. Get AI tools for work. Upgrade to Google Workspace with Gemini at goo.gle/workspacewithGemini. That's goo.gle/workspacewithGemini.
1:13 Speaker 04 At Humana, our Medicare Advantage plans are easy to understand and easy on your wallet, like offering more benefits than you'd get from original Medicare alone, and including dental, vision and hearing coverage in every plan. And the best part is, every plan has a $0 or low monthly plan premium, which makes it easier to save too. So this Medicare planning season, plan well with Humana. Learn more at gethumana.com. Humana is a Medicare Advantage HMO and PPO organisation with a Medicare contract. Enrollment in any Humana plan depends on contract renewal.
2:02 Speaker 01 Hello everyone. I woke unusually late this morning, having been up through the night in my summer house slash media hub, hosting a multi-zoom between the International Monetary Fund, cabinet officials and the outdoors retailer Millet's. And whilst the British political landscape and international monetary affairs remain complex, I did secure a 20% discount on a new pair of Merrell Moab Speed 2 hiking boots. But it had taken its toll and the clock was inching towards 9am. My PA Sam stepped into my room cautiously. "Morning Sam", I said. "What's on the agenda?"
2:40 Speaker 01 "Sorry to rush you, gorge", she looked at the clock. Now striking nine. "Mr. Robbins, but Britain needs you now." "Britain has needed me for decades, Sam. I'm here to serve." "No, Matt Britain needs you. He's got himself in a heck of a flap." "Ah, the BBC in crisis again. The Cosworth is outside, ready to go." "Okay, good. I'll shower. Do you have my efficiency shake?" "Yes", she said with a smile and handed it to me. "Where would I be without you, Sam?", and I took a deep gulp. For moments like this, my efficiency shake was a godsend. Two scoops of protein powder, one of creatine, a slice
3:23 Speaker 01 of buttered toast, Vegemite, raspberry jam, a bar, banana and two fried eggs. Just the ticket. Half an hour later, I was rushed into the BBC Director General's office and his PA briefed me. "He's been up all night with Olaf, the Belarusian Guess Who Grandmaster. I don't think he's slept." "Trying to keep the mind occupied, no doubt. I'll handle this." I entered his office.
3:53 Speaker 01 Richard is gone. Claire is gone. Eric no longer wears a hat. Britain rocks in his chair, wide-eyed. But Eric is a sailor. Eric is clean-shaven. Eric has short blonde hair. Get with the programme, Matt. They updated it in 2018. Eric is a sailor no more.
4:15 Speaker 00 Where's all that from?
4:17 Speaker 01 Eric is clean-shaven. Eric has short, black hair. Eric, Eric look like sort of millennial who does yoga, uses the word "boundaries" four times in his field profile, and is polyamorous as a cover for never considering the feelings of others.
4:36 Speaker 01 And Maria? Maria with her long brown hair and green beret. Maria's dead, I said calmly. Matt, things change. People change. Guess who had to change? Robbins, thank god you're here. Catastrophe. It's the only word for it. Well, you can't spell catastrophe without top-rate cash. What's the deal? A million grand for you and Ellis to host Strictly. And Dave too, but he's upstairs.
5:09 Speaker 00 I don't know, in the Davatorium?
5:11 Speaker 01 I know what's happened here. Someone has sent you footage of Ellis's performance at the Pontypool Distant Pod Show.
5:19 Speaker 00 What do you know about that?
5:21 Speaker 01 Yes, his French rugby league rumba moved me to tears. How someone could make a subject so boring, not only tender but sensual. I was speechless. I was moved. John, I was horny.
5:36 Speaker 01 And what of Dave? Have you seen? Yes, I've seen the body cam footage. His laughing gas foxtrot has gone viral. Even the arresting officer was impressed. Yes, I think he'd have got done for intent to supply if it wasn't for that. John, Strictly needs you. The country needs you. Everyone knows you're the best dancer in the world. Matt, I hear you. I can hold space for your panic, but we're not the men for this job. Please, John, please. Matt, the world has moved on. The BBC has moved on. Ellis, Dave and I are in many
6:16 Speaker 01 ways like old Guess Who. We're Richard, Claire and Maria's beret. Ellis likes sport, he likes history, he likes the history of sport and the sport of history. And Dave, you think moving Five Live to Salford is what's propping up the northern powerhouse? No, it's his fleet of a thousand mopeds delivering Eckes from Bury to Handforth. And me, I've got the IMF on my back and Starmer at my door. You need fresh blood, new ideas. We have a cinematic universe now. We've moved on. But a million grand, John. Matt, in our next video, we visit a bic factory and I ask one of the staff what the biggest pen is.
7:00 Speaker 01 That's worth more than a million grand. That's priceless. Oh, wow. Sounds amazing. When does it drop? Well, I could tell you, but we'd have to cut this from the Sounds podcast. And what of Strictly? Where do I turn? Who will present it? Guess Who, I said. And handed him a slip of paper with three names written on it. Josh Widdecombe, Emma Willis and Johannes Radivi.
7:29 Speaker 00 Very nice, John. Wow, the origins. Although I must admit, obviously, we talked at length in this podcast about how much Tim Davie liked Calippos. And then that broadened out to more general sort of freezer treats. It does make me wonder how many director generals we will survive on this show. Because now, obviously, Britain's into, I mean, it's games, isn't it?
7:53 Speaker 01 He's his board games.
7:54 Speaker 00 Games, board games, brackets, general. He's a big game head. And I do often wonder when Britain goes, will it be, will we have gone first? Will we've been sacked for insubordination?
8:05 Speaker 01 Was Davie the DG when we first were on Five Live? I don't think he was.
8:11 Speaker 00 I don't think he was, actually. Oh, my God, we're the great, we're the cockroaches of broadcasting. We keep surviving.
8:16 Speaker 01 We survived three DGs, Dave.
8:18 Speaker 00 Look it up, Dave.
8:19 Speaker 01 And how many prime ministers since we started at X? That would be terrifying.
8:25 Speaker 00 Well, it's only 14, so it would have been David Cameron. Yeah, Cameron and Clegg, and then Cameron. Oh, my God.
8:35 Speaker 00 As Director General in 2020. So who's before that? It was, um. Tony Hawk. Oh.
8:43 Speaker 01 Tony Hawk.
8:45 Speaker 00 No. Skateboard.
8:48 Speaker 01 Doing all these all the way down the stairs.
8:51 Speaker 00 Go down well, I imagine.
8:53 Speaker 01 So what Prime Ministers have we survived? Cameron, May, Johnson, Truss, Sunak, Starmer.
8:59 Speaker 00 TBC.
9:00 Speaker 01 Six.
9:01 Speaker 00 Yeah. Is that it? It feels like it could be more than that.
9:04 Speaker 01 Could be. Chuck a couple more Tories in. They won't notice. They might have been. Oh, uh, no, that is.
9:11 Speaker 00 We're the great survivors. Yeah. That's really, that, that's, that's gladdened my heart. Has it?
9:21 Speaker 01 Has it?
9:21 Speaker 00 You can rely, we are, we are more reliable than the Prime Minister.
9:25 Speaker 01 I'm gonna say we come under slightly less scrutiny.
9:28 Speaker 00 No.
9:29 Speaker 01 Really?
9:30 Speaker 00 I've been on the Reddit page. Yeah, you don't see the emails popping in.
9:34 Speaker 01 No, that's true.
9:35 Speaker 00 No, it's, uh, what a run, what a run. That's, that's, that's good. That's, I'm very, very pleased with that. But anyway, how are you, Dave? I'm all good. How are you, John?
9:47 Speaker 01 Well, what a week it's been in many ways. Um, I got a new bed.
9:53 Speaker 00 Did you?
9:54 Speaker 01 Yeah, and I realised something slightly embarrassing.
9:56 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah.
9:57 Speaker 01 So when the bed arrived, I couldn't get the drawers open.
10:04 Speaker 00 Why not?
10:05 Speaker 01 Oh, because it's got two under bed drawers.
10:08 Speaker 00 Yeah.
10:08 Speaker 01 So, so I thought.
10:09 Speaker 00 Or too close to the wall or something, or?
10:11 Speaker 01 No, just the drawers wouldn't open.
10:12 Speaker 00 Oh, right, okay.
10:13 Speaker 01 So I thought, bloody heck, bloody heck, can't open them in drawers. And then I realised that divan bedbases have like a flap of material.
10:24 Speaker 00 Yeah.
10:25 Speaker 01 And that material is sort of stapled to the bottom to hold them in place.
10:30 Speaker 00 Understood.
10:31 Speaker 01 A bit like when on a suit, your pockets are sewn up.
10:33 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah.
10:35 Speaker 01 And I realised on my previous bed, I'd had those flaps trailing out like along the floor because I thought they were.
10:43 Speaker 00 Decorative.
10:44 Speaker 01 I thought they were decorative.
10:45 Speaker 00 The skirt thing that goes around the side.
10:47 Speaker 03 Side of a bed, like a big, long valance.
10:50 Speaker 01 Well, like, no, because they come down. You're, I think you're meant to chop them off.
10:55 Speaker 03 Are you? Well, it's not making that clear.
10:57 Speaker 00 And you done left them unchopped?
10:58 Speaker 01 Yeah, for 15 years.
10:59 Speaker 00 So what was the state of them by the end?
11:03 Speaker 01 Um, afraid and tatty.
11:06 Speaker 00 Yeah.
11:06 Speaker 01 But I thought maybe you folded them into the drawer to sit on top of your towels or whatever. But I did feel a little bit of a silly goose, I must say.
11:15 Speaker 00 Oh, yes. Weird that. It's really strange. Occasionally, even when you're in your 40s, the three of us are, there'd be something that everyone else worked out 25 years ago and you didn't.
11:25 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:26 Speaker 00 And it's just, it's quite embarrassing.
11:28 Speaker 01 Uh, also I got, uh, I was doing, I was speaking at a law firm.
11:34 Speaker 03 Were you? This is scripted intro again.
11:35 Speaker 00 Were you doing, were you doing a corporate event?
11:37 Speaker 01 Uh, I was doing an engagement at a law firm.
11:41 Speaker 03 Hold on, don't just fly past that.
11:43 Speaker 00 Did you jam your thumb in a window like I did before I did the Admiral Insurance Staff General meeting?
11:47 Speaker 01 No, um.
11:48 Speaker 03 Were you there for comedy or there for law?
11:50 Speaker 00 Had you bled on your suit and towels in bed?
11:52 Speaker 01 Uh, no, I was just there to inspire the next generation of solicitors, barristers, lawyers.
11:59 Speaker 00 So which, you were booked as a practical joke. What was, what was, what was going on here?
12:05 Speaker 03 Did they want a 10, uh, did they want a tight 10 from a comedian or did they get you there for your gravitas in?
12:10 Speaker 01 Good question, Dave. Was it my gravitas or was it my comedy?
12:15 Speaker 00 Have you had any feedback from this event?
12:17 Speaker 01 Yeah, they were pleased.
12:19 Speaker 00 Did this go through our agent?
12:20 Speaker 01 Yes.
12:21 Speaker 00 And what did they say about it?
12:23 Speaker 01 They said they were pleased.
12:24 Speaker 00 You've been booked by a mean person with a hidden agenda.
12:29 Speaker 01 No, um, I just went to be interviewed in front of a lot of the top.
12:33 Speaker 00 Interviewed?
12:36 Speaker 00 In front of a load of, what, KCs?
12:38 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
12:39 Speaker 00 But what, what did they make of it?
12:41 Speaker 01 They asked me. I didn't invite myself.
12:44 Speaker 00 Were people like leaving halfway through and?
12:46 Speaker 01 No, people were joined from all over the world on, um, like Zoom.
12:50 Speaker 00 Like a big Zoom?
12:51 Speaker 01 Like clients, corporate clients.
12:53 Speaker 03 Cause you're good with your tax stuff. Are you good in, are you big in law?
12:57 Speaker 00 Are you? Big in the law scene?
12:59 Speaker 01 I have, I offer fresh takes.
13:01 Speaker 00 Do you?
13:02 Speaker 01 So.
13:03 Speaker 00 On the British legal system. First I've heard of it. Fresh takes on, on justice.
13:12 Speaker 01 I said, guys, the law is an ass. Next question.
13:18 Speaker 00 Oh, we should do a Patreon special from the old Bailey. John will turn up and be like, hey, John.
13:22 Speaker 01 Well, I could get us in now because I'm, you know, I'm a big mover and shaker amongst judges and magistrates.
13:28 Speaker 00 Absolutely bonkers to me.
13:30 Speaker 03 Was it part of your book tour?
13:32 Speaker 01 It was adjacent to that.
13:33 Speaker 00 Okay, okay, start, okay.
13:36 Speaker 01 It was, I was being interviewed about my book.
13:38 Speaker 00 Fine.
13:38 Speaker 01 Um, in front of, you know.
13:40 Speaker 00 A load of solicitors and lawyers and caseys and barristers.
13:44 Speaker 01 Uh, a lawyer.
13:45 Speaker 00 Hmm.
13:46 Speaker 01 Because I offer a different angle into the British legal system.
13:52 Speaker 00 Someone with a forensic mind.
13:55 Speaker 01 Yes.
13:55 Speaker 00 Interviewed you about your old book.
13:57 Speaker 01 Yeah.
13:58 Speaker 00 I would implode with nerves if I was going to be interrogated by a solicitor or a barrister.
14:03 Speaker 01 They weren't trying to like find me guilty.
14:08 Speaker 01 I wasn't being cross-examined.
14:10 Speaker 00 Why did you say I would have paid a hundred thousand million grand to watch this?
14:15 Speaker 01 Would you? I think the video is probably available. I could get hold of it privately.
14:18 Speaker 00 Well, I will be watching that tonight.
14:21 Speaker 01 Um, but anyway, in the little room that they, little, they turned into a green room for me. It was obviously one of their meeting rooms where they sort of talk about, I don't know.
14:33 Speaker 00 Cases.
14:33 Speaker 01 Cases, yeah. They had a tap, right? You know, an instant hot water tap?
14:39 Speaker 00 Yes.
14:40 Speaker 01 This was an instant espresso, americano, filter coffee, tea and hot chocolate tap.
14:48 Speaker 00 I've never seen one of those.
14:49 Speaker 01 I know.
14:49 Speaker 03 What, over a sink?
14:50 Speaker 00 Like it's just a normal tap.
14:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, well, there's not even a sink.
14:53 Speaker 00 Machine then, because obviously a bean to cut a machine.
14:56 Speaker 01 Workings of the building somehow.
14:58 Speaker 00 Fill, what, what happens when you run out of coffee beans?
15:01 Speaker 01 All automatic somehow. I mean, I'm sure someone somewhere is filling up coffee beans, but it's literally one tap.
15:07 Speaker 00 That's ma- amazing.
15:08 Speaker 01 And loads of cups and you, there's a little like iPad and you just press what you want and it comes out.
15:14 Speaker 00 That's nuts.
15:16 Speaker 01 And there was a drawer full of pens.
15:18 Speaker 00 They still lose, did you?
15:19 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:21 Speaker 03 Not as impressive.
15:23 Speaker 01 They're really good pens though.
15:24 Speaker 00 They still 10 pens from the old Bailey.
15:27 Speaker 01 A selection of really nice tea bags. And I just took a few of them.
15:32 Speaker 03 Yeah.
15:32 Speaker 00 Oh, wow.
15:33 Speaker 01 And a notebook.
15:36 Speaker 00 That's hilarious.
15:38 Speaker 03 It's like when Ross goes to hotel rooms.
15:39 Speaker 01 Yes, I did think of Ross. Yeah, great day.
15:44 Speaker 03 But I suppose that tap, it's just, that's because you would see a machine that would do that.
15:48 Speaker 00 Why are you writing your signature with your new pen, John?
15:50 Speaker 01 Because it's such, have a go on that pen.
15:52 Speaker 03 You can tell it's good. It's got, you can look at the weight, look at the grip, look at the lovely matte black. What are you writing, Alice?
16:01 Speaker 00 I wrote lovely pen.
16:02 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:03 Speaker 00 Very, very nice.
16:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
16:05 Speaker 00 I'd love to watch John being cross-examined.
16:09 Speaker 03 Yeah.
16:09 Speaker 00 Yeah. Like Bill Clinton during the Monica Lewinsky line, uh, trial, that would be so funny to me. I had my very first massage on Monday.
16:17 Speaker 01 What the hell are you talking about?
16:21 Speaker 00 I'd, I'd injured myself and been to a physio and been manipulated.
16:25 Speaker 01 Okay.
16:26 Speaker 00 But I'd never had the let's oil him up and massage him massage.
16:29 Speaker 01 So are we talking, um, hot, smooth pebbles on the back and whale music? Are we talking sports massage that is actually one of the most painful experiences of your life?
16:39 Speaker 00 Painful sports massage.
16:41 Speaker 01 I love them.
16:42 Speaker 00 I'd never had one before. It is a very intimate experience.
16:46 Speaker 03 Yeah.
16:47 Speaker 01 Yeah, it can be.
16:48 Speaker 03 Oh, what, what, go on.
16:49 Speaker 00 Well, in the, he's sort of, he just.
16:51 Speaker 01 Where did you find this person?
16:53 Speaker 00 I mean, Izzy's now banned from him, I think, because he's got the strongest thumbs in London. It's like he was trying to pop spots in my hamstrings.
17:02 Speaker 01 Oh, goodness.
17:04 Speaker 00 And I, yeah, so like I said, I, I hurt my knee a couple of years ago, went to physio then, and I, I hurt my back and I went to physio and they sort of moved me up and down. But I never had one of these where he was, where I was oiled up. So he just gives you a towel and then says, right, take your clothes off.
17:18 Speaker 01 But you had your shorts on.
17:19 Speaker 00 I did have, I had football shirts, shorts on. I had sort of 2018 to 2020 Wales Nations League home shorts.
17:25 Speaker 01 Can I recommend a short for this exact experience?
17:28 Speaker 00 Yeah, absolutely.
17:29 Speaker 01 Is the double layered running short with Lycra insides.
17:32 Speaker 03 Which are all the rage of the minute.
17:34 Speaker 01 Because it keeps all of the family together.
17:38 Speaker 00 Yeah. I've got a, I've got a, I've got an anecdote about keeping the family. Together in this scenario, but I don't know if it's suitable for the show.
17:46 Speaker 01 Let's go on, we're in now.
17:47 Speaker 00 Shall I tell you a minute? Okay, when I, when I had, when I hurt my knee, uh, I went to a physio and he was manipulating me and he was, he was a very gruff Australian guy. And he was, he was, he looked a bit thoughtful. And then after a while, he went, listen, mate, there's no easy way of saying this. I need you to cup your balls and move them out of the way.
18:14 Speaker 00 And I said, okay, I will.
18:16 Speaker 01 Wow.
18:17 Speaker 00 But there was none of that from this bloke with the strongest thumbs in London.
18:20 Speaker 01 So are you getting it for a specific condition or just general sort of vibe down?
18:24 Speaker 00 Day after I'd run the half marathon. So I thought, cause you did it after your marathon, I thought it'd be a good idea.
18:30 Speaker 01 I did not. Did they come to your house with one of those tables?
18:33 Speaker 00 No, I, it's like not far from where I live. So I went up there. But, um, it's, it's very weird because obviously you've got your head in the little hole.
18:41 Speaker 01 Yeah.
18:41 Speaker 00 So you can't, you can't, you can't see what's going on. It's like, I was, I was just being rubbed by a man. I could just hear him like grunting and sniffing.
18:52 Speaker 01 You would, you would hope, so when I get mine done, they're sort of.
18:56 Speaker 00 Sniffing and occasionally giggling.
18:58 Speaker 01 So they're talking you through, she's talking me through what, so she'll be saying like, your adductor on this side is tight.
19:05 Speaker 00 No, this man was more silent than space.
19:08 Speaker 01 You don't want that.
19:10 Speaker 00 I may as well have it done on Mars.
19:11 Speaker 01 But I have great, I have great chats with my masseuse about different muscle groups.
19:18 Speaker 00 I eventually, after about half an hour, I did say, I, I, I was going down there.
19:22 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
19:23 Speaker 00 And he said, uh, that's fine.
19:27 Speaker 01 Okay, this guy sounds distinctly odd.
19:30 Speaker 00 Oh, he's not legit.
19:31 Speaker 01 Oh, right. Did you feel better afterwards?
19:33 Speaker 00 I did, yeah. I felt, I felt great actually. It's just, it is hearing the, the sighing and the sniffing and the giggling and the,
19:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:40 Speaker 00 When you, when you, when your head is in a big.
19:41 Speaker 01 I don't think that's standard. The giggling certainly not.
19:43 Speaker 00 You shouldn't be giggling. That's unprofessional. Yeah. I went to, cause I had one done just before the marathon. Cause my calf had just started to play up, which is still bad. I've not run since.
19:51 Speaker 01 Now you don't want to get them too, I know you didn't do this, but you don't want to get them too close to a marathon.
19:56 Speaker 03 No, I was 10 days out.
19:58 Speaker 01 Yeah, you wouldn't want to get them in sort of three, two or three days before.
20:01 Speaker 03 No, but he, um, he said, right, I didn't go, yeah, is it best to, cause yeah, I, in these circumstances, I kind of want to prove that I'm really relaxed about this. It's just a body. It's fine. So I might just take up my trousers, like quite forth, right? Cause I was just in jeans.
20:15 Speaker 01 Yeah, you have to take off your jeans if you're getting a sports massage after a marathon.
20:21 Speaker 03 But like, rather than him having to say to me, could you just, um, I was like, I, I'll, I'll play the confident role here. I'll take up my trousers for you, Ed.
20:28 Speaker 01 Okay.
20:29 Speaker 03 So my trousers weren't. You said that? Yeah. You said, I'll take my trousers off for you, Ed, before a massage. Yeah, because you don't want him to, you don't want him to be the one thinking, when do I ask him to take them? This is part of his job, isn't it?
20:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, he would just say, pop your trousers and shoes and socks over there.
20:44 Speaker 03 Yeah, so I just took the lead.
20:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
20:46 Speaker 03 I just did it. I just said, I'll, I'll take care of this.
20:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
20:49 Speaker 03 Off they came. Obviously lying on my front. It was only later that night. Cause then I'm just in my boxers, cause I hadn't taken any sports shorts with me, which would have been wise.
20:57 Speaker 01 Hmm.
20:58 Speaker 03 And because it was the calf, I was on my front a lot.
21:00 Speaker 01 Yeah.
21:01 Speaker 03 And it was only then, when I got home, I realised they had actually perished quite a bit at the back.
21:05 Speaker 01 Oh, damn.
21:06 Speaker 03 Of the boxing shorts. So I'm not entirely sure. I mean, that's no good, is it?
21:11 Speaker 01 It's no good. You have to dress for a massage. People don't know this.
21:15 Speaker 03 No. So for half an hour, poor guy, I mean.
21:18 Speaker 01 Ah, staring right into the eye of a storm.
21:21 Speaker 03 Into the theatre of conflict. So they went in the bin.
21:24 Speaker 01 Yes.
21:24 Speaker 03 But he's got, it's a good lesson. It's a good lesson.
21:26 Speaker 01 You got a binum, you got a binum.
21:27 Speaker 03 You got a binum, but also if you're gonna go for a massage, just check the stuff that you think is fine. Cause sometimes it might not be.
21:34 Speaker 01 Here's my cue, and I do think I've asked this before, but take for example, the threadbare pant.
21:40 Speaker 03 That's what I was wearing.
21:40 Speaker 01 What do you do with them?
21:42 Speaker 03 Yes.
21:43 Speaker 01 I want, I want a recycling bin at the, say at the local tip, that's for unusable clothes.
21:50 Speaker 03 Yeah.
21:50 Speaker 01 Not stuff that goes to charity, not stuff that gets mended. Like this is, this has got to go.
21:55 Speaker 03 Like bad mugs.
21:56 Speaker 01 But yeah, this has got to be shredded and reformed into, I don't know, a surfboard or something.
22:03 Speaker 03 Yeah, good point, because I've definitely got pants that are unusable and unwearable, but I don't really know what to do with them.
22:10 Speaker 01 Hmm. I mean, mine just go in the bin. I don't feel great.
22:14 Speaker 03 No.
22:15 Speaker 01 So there you go. It's pants, it's pens, it's massages.
22:28 Speaker 02 Hey, we're Nick and Jack, hosts of The Best One Yet.
22:30 Speaker 05 Behind every episode, there's research, emails, spreadsheets, and our shared Google Doc, the headline hammer.
22:36 Speaker 02 With Google Workspace with Gemini, Google's AI is built right into the premium versions of tools we already use, like Gmail, Docs, and Sheets. No new tools or extra logins, just personalized AI for the way we work.
22:47 Speaker 05 That means less time on the work around the work and more time finding the stories worth talking about.
22:51 Speaker 02 Get AI tools for work. Upgrade to Google Workspace with Gemini at go.o.gle/workspacewithGemini.
22:58 Speaker 05 That's go.o.gle/workspacewithGemini.
23:01 Speaker 04 At Humana, our Medicare Advantage plans are easy to understand and easy on your wallet, like offering more benefits than you'd get from original Medicare alone, and including dental, vision, and hearing coverage in every plan. And the best part is, every plan has a $0 or low monthly plan premium, which makes it easier to save, too. So this Medicare planning season, plan well with Humana. Learn more at gethumana.com. Humana is a Medicare Advantage, HMO and PPO organization with a Medicare contract. Enrollment in any Humana plan depends on contract renewal.
23:34 Speaker 01 It's come reconnecting. That's what this show is. What did you describe this show as the other day? It was one of the clips on social media. You said it's French Rugby League.
23:45 Speaker 00 Dogging.
23:46 Speaker 01 Sadness and alcoholism.
23:48 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah, yeah, the big four.
23:52 Speaker 01 So with just 60 seconds on the clock, can Elis James make a connection with a fellow Welsh?
23:59 Speaker 00 Pearly person.
24:00 Speaker 01 I was thinking Whalian. Would you say Whalian?
24:02 Speaker 00 Yes, South Whalian, North Whalian.
24:04 Speaker 01 But would you just say Whalian?
24:05 Speaker 00 No, you'd say Welsh person.
24:07 Speaker 01 So there's no one word. So there's no one word for like Brit or Australian?
24:13 Speaker 00 Oh, I know. I mean, some people, I don't use, we would say Taff, I suppose. But I've always thought that's a real Cardiff thing.
24:20 Speaker 03 But what's the English version of that?
24:22 Speaker 01 Brit.
24:23 Speaker 00 Yeah, but that's a British person. It's not an English thing.
24:25 Speaker 01 Yeah, but there's a word for one British person is a Brit. I'm a Brit.
24:29 Speaker 00 I suppose, but you've got Scott.
24:31 Speaker 01 Yes, but there's no, I'm a Welsh.
24:35 Speaker 00 I wouldn't say there's one for England either.
24:37 Speaker 03 And that's the same as Welsh person, really.
24:38 Speaker 01 No, it's two separate words.
24:40 Speaker 00 Englishman.
24:41 Speaker 03 So England hasn't got an either?
24:43 Speaker 00 No. I'm with Ali.
24:45 Speaker 01 Englander.
24:46 Speaker 00 Yeah, that's not, no one says that.
24:47 Speaker 01 But it's a word. I'm just asking. I'm having a go. Is there a one word word for a singular Welsh person?
24:55 Speaker 00 Oh, there's cymruin Welsh.
24:58 Speaker 01 Thank you.
24:58 Speaker 00 Which means Welsh person, or cymryce, which means Welsh woman.
25:02 Speaker 01 With just 60 seconds on the clock, can Elis James make a connection with a fellow cymry or cymryce?
25:07 Speaker 00 Yeah, well done.
25:09 Speaker 01 It's time to find, we could have called this Cymryce with me.
25:12 Speaker 00 I was too late for that at this stage.
25:14 Speaker 01 It's time to find out in the Cymru Connection.
25:16 Speaker 06 It's another Cymru Connection. Ellis thinks his tactics are sheer perfection. But his questions have one direction. Where did you go to school? Do you know Dafid Evans? No, come on mate, you must do. No, we've never met at all.
25:46 Speaker 01 Ellis's failure to connect with caller Adam last week means the elusive 50% has moved further away from Ellis's grip. We hoped, we prayed, we believed. But maybe we believe too much. Maybe Ellis is destined to be a 46 to 48% player for the rest of his career.
26:02 Speaker 00 Look at this.
26:03 Speaker 01 And that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. Maybe we all just need to shift our expectations down a few notches.
26:10 Speaker 00 No.
26:11 Speaker 01 His connection rate now stands at 48.28%. Let's see what Ellis can do today. We have a caller on the line from Wales. What's your name, caller?
26:21 Speaker 00 Holly.
26:21 Speaker 01 Ellis, you have 60 seconds to find a mutual connection with our caller Holly. Your time starts now.
26:28 Speaker 00 Agent School. 36 Cardiff High School. Cardiff High School 36. You don't have Charlotte Church, do you? No. Okay, that's fine. What do you do for a living? I'm a business.
26:41 Speaker 06 Business Development Manager in the property sector.
26:43 Speaker 00 Okay, if you went to university, where did you go?
26:45 Speaker 06 Southampton and Cardiff.
26:47 Speaker 00 Oh Southampton, what did you study?
26:49 Speaker 06 Law.
26:50 Speaker 00 Okay, um, where do you live now?
26:53 Speaker 06 Uh, South London.
26:55 Speaker 00 South London, okay. Where in South London?
26:58 Speaker 06 Uh, Stockwell.
26:59 Speaker 00 Oh, do you know Joanna Lumley?
27:02 Speaker 06 I don't know.
27:03 Speaker 00 Um, okay, uh, what?
27:09 Speaker 00 What part of Cardiff did you grow up in?
27:11 Speaker 06 Roth.
27:12 Speaker 00 In Roth, oh my god, do you know Ruth Jones?
27:17 Speaker 06 I don't, I know where she lives, I know, yeah.
27:19 Speaker 00 Everyone knows where she lives. Um.
27:28 Speaker 01 That felt poor. Going down the Lumley route was a surprise to me.
27:36 Speaker 00 I know, I just read an article about her quite recently.
27:38 Speaker 01 But do you know Joanna Lumley? So what's going on there?
27:41 Speaker 00 I was just curious.
27:43 Speaker 01 Now's not the time for that.
27:45 Speaker 00 No.
27:47 Speaker 01 Grew up in Roth in the nineties and you got nothing?
27:51 Speaker 00 Is Roth near you? I lived in Roth, actually. I lived in Roth for a few years, but a long time ago.
27:57 Speaker 01 Nineties is a long time ago.
27:59 Speaker 00 Uh, I wasn't living there in the nineties, I was living there in the mid two thousands. Thirty-six, you would have been born in nineteen ninety. I'm trying to think if I know any teachers at Cardiff High, I don't think I do. It's a good school, Cardiff High, isn't it?
28:17 Speaker 06 I think I have a link from school with you.
28:19 Speaker 00 Oh, do you? Thirty-six Cardiff High, what's the link then?
28:23 Speaker 06 Uh, Robin Morgan, the comedian.
28:25 Speaker 00 Oh my god, did he go to Cardiff High?
28:27 Speaker 06 Yeah, we went to primary school, we went to secondary school together.
28:30 Speaker 00 Drive mad later.
28:32 Speaker 01 Hmm.
28:33 Speaker 00 Oh.
28:35 Speaker 01 Would you have, should you have known that? Because if not.
28:37 Speaker 00 I just knew he'd gone to school in Cardiff. I, I, but I didn't know Robin had gone to Cardiff High, but he is about.
28:46 Speaker 03 That age, of course, I should have settled.
28:49 Speaker 01 So what we need from you, Alice, in the week is agent school of every Welsh comedian.
28:55 Speaker 00 Yeah, good shout.
28:57 Speaker 01 I think that would help.
28:59 Speaker 00 Well, he's not even got his little pieces of paper.
29:01 Speaker 03 He's got nothing, Dave.
29:02 Speaker 00 So he'll write that down and then leave it on the shelf.
29:04 Speaker 01 Yeah, he will.
29:04 Speaker 00 Probably.
29:05 Speaker 01 He will.
29:06 Speaker 00 Um, so you were in primary and secondary school with Robbie, were you?
29:09 Speaker 06 Yes, yeah, he's a lovely guy.
29:10 Speaker 00 He is lovely. I've known him for a very long time, actually. In fact, I compared one of his very first gigs.
29:15 Speaker 01 What about Roeth in the nineties or two thousands? When were you there?
29:20 Speaker 06 Um, yeah, from the nineties up until the two, into the mid twenty teens. Um, but yeah, I mean,
29:29 Speaker 06 whether they're, I passed you in the streets, go into university.
29:32 Speaker 00 I lived on Connaught Road. I lived on, um, I lived on Michael Aspel's old street, believe it or not. Michael Aspel, uh, used to work for, you're probably, you're probably too young to remember David Morgan, the department store.
29:47 Speaker 06 Yes, of course. Yeah.
29:48 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah. He worked there and then he got offered a ridge job for the BBC and they wouldn't give him the time off, so he quit. He lived in Cardiff and he lived, I watched, I once watched a documentary about Michael Aspel's life story for some reason. And it, um, yeah, he lived a few doors down from where I'd lived in the fifties. But I'm frustrated there, but that's not your fault.
30:11 Speaker 06 I'm sorry.
30:13 Speaker 00 Don't worry about it. Well, thank you very much for calling, anyway.
30:15 Speaker 01 Thank you, Holly.
30:16 Speaker 06 Thank you. Thank you.
30:18 Speaker 01 And we will work out the impact on the stats for next week.
30:25 Speaker 03 Yeah, we will.
30:26 Speaker 00 I mean, it's only going one way.
30:27 Speaker 01 It's only going one way.
30:30 Speaker 01 Okay.
30:30 Speaker 00 Uh, not an easy one. Not an easy one.
30:32 Speaker 01 Well, I'm, no.
30:34 Speaker 00 No. John, you disagree.
30:35 Speaker 01 Not close.
30:37 Speaker 00 Do you know what, Dave? You've been very kind to me there, but that's the game.
30:40 Speaker 03 That's the game.
30:41 Speaker 00 Don't hate the player. You know, it's just if I got, if I'd lost four nil in a Champions League final, I was like, oh, it was hard tonight. Well, it's the Champions League final.
30:49 Speaker 03 That's where you are.
30:50 Speaker 00 That's what the game is. You've got to beat Paris Saint-Germain. You've got to beat Real Madrid. You've got to beat the big teams. This is the game. There are 3.2 million Welsh people. And I've claimed that in 60 seconds, I can find a link with any one of them.
31:04 Speaker 03 Well, we kind of forced you into it initially.
31:06 Speaker 00 Yeah, you did, actually. Yeah, yeah. I never claimed, I might have claimed it.
31:09 Speaker 03 No, there was, oh, there was definitely an insinuation, but it's, um.
31:13 Speaker 00 This is the game.
31:14 Speaker 03 This is the game. And I like this attitude. Don't you like this attitude, Melis?
31:17 Speaker 00 I'm gonna.
31:18 Speaker 03 A bit of pragmatism.
31:19 Speaker 00 Own it. Yeah. I do an incredible thing every week. I am extraordinary.
31:28 Speaker 03 You are.
31:28 Speaker 01 But by now, you should have like a multi-screen sort of spreadsheet bonanza where you're going.
31:34 Speaker 00 Oh, no, no, you would. You would. But you haven't found joy in anything. Ever. You even said that on a podcast I listened to in part of the John Robbins content bonanza that's existed over the last three weeks. I've listened to them all. You're not even looking, you're not even looking for joy.
31:50 Speaker 01 I'm not, no. Just peace.
31:52 Speaker 00 You're looking for a sort of peace and balance.
31:54 Speaker 01 Have you listened to my Talk90s to me?
31:56 Speaker 00 Not yet.
31:56 Speaker 01 I really enjoyed that with Miranda Sawyer.
31:59 Speaker 00 She's brilliant. She's amazing. I've seen the clips.
32:01 Speaker 01 Clips are not the content.
32:03 Speaker 00 No, I know.
32:03 Speaker 01 You've got to dig a little deeper.
32:04 Speaker 00 I know. No, that's a great podcast. No, I listen to the comedians comedians do Goldsmith, Walking the Dog. If John is on it, I will always listen.
32:14 Speaker 03 Have you listened to Crushed?
32:15 Speaker 00 Uh, no, I haven't actually.
32:17 Speaker 03 I've listened to Crushed.
32:17 Speaker 01 Have you? Did you like it?
32:19 Speaker 03 I did like it. Uh, you mentioned, so you don't enjoy the feeling of longing and I really enjoy the feeling of longing.
32:26 Speaker 01 You're absolutely out of your mind.
32:27 Speaker 03 Yeah, I quite like it.
32:29 Speaker 00 What do you mean, enjoy the feeling of longing?
32:31 Speaker 03 Well, like when it's.
32:32 Speaker 00 Something you can't get.
32:33 Speaker 03 Well, there's a girl that you fancy at high school. I quite like that kind of that romanticising of this person that you can't. I know. It's the whole point of Crush though, isn't it? I'm talking in the context of Crushed, the podcast.
32:45 Speaker 01 Do you remember when you met Izzy and she went, and you went to Australia?
32:48 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah.
32:48 Speaker 01 Do you remember that that was the worst feeling you've ever had?
32:51 Speaker 00 Yeah, I was on fire for three months.
32:52 Speaker 01 Dave likes that.
32:54 Speaker 03 No, I just don't, no, there is something, I know, there is something I quite like about it, that the unrequited love.
33:00 Speaker 01 It's like you weigh a thousand kilos.
33:02 Speaker 03 Yeah, you do. I love it. I loved it. Love, but also at the same time hated it. It's a very odd feeling. There was something I can't have almost.
33:08 Speaker 00 Dave, this is the most complex set of ideas you've ever expressed.
33:11 Speaker 03 Yeah. No, it is actually.
33:13 Speaker 00 Oh my god.
33:14 Speaker 01 When Ellis met Izzy, he had to go to Australia very soon afterwards.
33:18 Speaker 00 Well, what happened was we met, we met and then we had one date, which went very well. And then she went to do the Sydney Arts Festival for two weeks. And then she came back and we had a couple of days and then I went to do all the Australian comedy festivals. I was gone for three and a half months.
33:32 Speaker 01 Oh god.
33:32 Speaker 00 Horrendous.
33:33 Speaker 03 No, but you were with Izzy.
33:35 Speaker 00 Yeah, we decided we were together before she went to Sydney Arts Festival.
33:37 Speaker 03 So that's, that's different. The thing that I enjoyed was kind of almost the, the, the wallowing of not quite having someone that you'd have quite liked. So like the daydreaming of thinking about the girl and stuff.
33:47 Speaker 00 No, my dream was, when I was a teenager was I fancy X. I tell X and X says, yeah, that's a great idea. I fancy you back. And then I'm happy.
33:55 Speaker 03 Is that how it always went for you?
33:56 Speaker 00 No, that was the point. It never went like that.
33:59 Speaker 03 Yeah. Okay.
34:00 Speaker 00 Girls would say, no, thank you. You're poison. And I thought, oh. And then, you know, I returned to the football stickers.
34:08 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause with football stickers, the longing can be, um.
34:14 Speaker 00 Well, it goes when you get given your pocket money.
34:16 Speaker 01 Yeah, when you get the shiny.
34:17 Speaker 00 Cause you go to WH Smiths.
34:18 Speaker 01 Or when you swap Paul Parker, who somehow have 13 Paul Parkers.
34:23 Speaker 03 Your football references are hilarious.
34:26 Speaker 01 But that's when I was collecting stickers. It was Paul Parker.
34:29 Speaker 03 Very funny. He used to live around the corner from me, Paul Parker.
34:31 Speaker 01 Did he really?
34:32 Speaker 03 Yeah, back in the day, all the United players lived on like a little cul-de-sac that.
34:35 Speaker 01 Was he a Paul Parker?
34:40 Speaker 00 Oh my god.
34:41 Speaker 01 He was always on the curb.
34:43 Speaker 00 Dave, your episode of Crushed would be crazy.
34:46 Speaker 03 I don't think I'm in the minority that much. That Welsh, you're in your teenage, I'm not talking like.
34:50 Speaker 00 No, I think you can romanticise it when you're older.
34:54 Speaker 01 Especially when this worked out so well for you.
34:56 Speaker 00 It worked out for you.
34:57 Speaker 03 Well, there's girls that I, you know, didn't get or that, you know, you get ghosted by whatever and you end up, you know, having those moments. But there was a little Palmer that kind of quite liked that. I don't know, that lights it.
35:08 Speaker 00 No, no, I just, just felt like I was in a sort of black pool of boiling oil.
35:12 Speaker 03 It's great.
35:14 Speaker 01 Equidistant between two black holes. Awful, awful.
35:19 Speaker 03 Get me on crushed.
35:20 Speaker 00 Yeah.
35:21 Speaker 01 Or give Margaret Kayborn Smith a call.
35:23 Speaker 03 But I think Margaret kind of agreed with me because she said, wasn't, isn't there something quite?
35:26 Speaker 01 Yeah, because she's, because maybe because you and her are more normal with your feelings, whereas I've just like could not, don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever want to go back to that.
35:36 Speaker 00 I love Margaret, but I would never, ever, I could not bear to talk about my crushes on them.
35:42 Speaker 03 I could do it all day long.
35:43 Speaker 00 Public platform.
35:43 Speaker 03 I'd tell Hannah not to listen, but I could do it all day long.
35:46 Speaker 00 God, all my crushes, it's just embarrassing.
35:49 Speaker 01 Yeah. I don't think it's embarrassing. I just think it's so heavy in your heart when you're just like.
35:56 Speaker 00 Oh, come on, John. I was never going to get with Betty Buthroid.
36:01 Speaker 00 She was the Speaker of the House, for God's sake. She had so much on her plate.
36:04 Speaker 03 It was an early crush that I had from someone who I spotted over the room at the disco that I went to, Centrepoint Disco, which was like the disco to be at when you're 10 years old.
36:13 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah.
36:14 Speaker 03 But she, we never spoke to each other, but then I'd started to, I became obsessed with her for like three months. So then I started to do some digging and figured out I knew where she lived. And I said to my mum, I was like, can I take a Valentine's present round to this girl that she's got no idea who I am, but I know where she lives? My mum was like, yeah, good idea. Let's go.
36:32 Speaker 01 But that is cute.
36:33 Speaker 03 Oh, I don't, that's, so what?
36:35 Speaker 01 At ten, that's cute.
36:37 Speaker 03 Yeah, but she answered the door. There's a guy there who she doesn't know from Adam.
36:39 Speaker 01 You're not a guy. You're 10 years old.
36:41 Speaker 03 No, no, but it's not like we had like a little thing and I've gone to try and win her after dancing with her at the disco.
36:46 Speaker 01 A little thing?
36:46 Speaker 03 Well, like a little dance at the disco. But this is just a stranger at the door. So what's she expected to do? She was like, thanks for this teddy bear.
36:54 Speaker 00 I once got caught in a game of kiss chase at primary school in the rain. And before I'd left, before I'd left the house to go to primary school, mum had drilled into me that I had to have my hood up because it was going to rain all day.
37:11 Speaker 00 She must have said 40 times, remember to have your hood up. I've seen the forecast, it's going to rain all day.
37:17 Speaker 01 Concerns for the young men's welfare has really changed over the years, hasn't it?
37:22 Speaker 00 Well, no, I'd have been maybe six because it was, I remember, so we moved schools, we were in year three, so it was before that.
37:28 Speaker 03 Yeah.
37:29 Speaker 00 So I'd have been five or six. And I remember she kissed me on the hood and I remember thinking, I hate the rain. Even in the summer it rains because it's in Pembrokeshire. For God's sake. But yeah, I suppose I could tell anecdote on crush.
37:43 Speaker 03 Yeah.
37:44 Speaker 00 But other than that, too, um, too exposing.
37:49 Speaker 03 Oh, my God.
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39:03 Speaker 01 So it's time to play a made up game and returning on probation is producer Michael, whose error, whose enormous error has sent shockwaves through the made up game community. And also Dave's very biased tie break has caused quite a deal of offence, Dave.
39:23 Speaker 03 Do you know what I find offensive?
39:26 Speaker 01 Correctness.
39:27 Speaker 03 No, do you know what I find offensive?
39:28 Speaker 01 Neatness in pop.
39:29 Speaker 03 One of our best producers, Michael Dale, took a long weekend off to help his mum move house. Halfway through that long weekend, he thought, I'll just stick on the podcast that I produce, that I actually really enjoy working on, but they have my back and respect me. I know that for a fact.
39:45 Speaker 00 Maybe my mum can listen to it.
39:46 Speaker 03 Yeah, mum, why don't you listen to this podcast that I produce? And it's so nice how much they love me working on this. And he tunes in and he finds that you fired him live on the podcast.
39:57 Speaker 01 I should apologize to Michael. Michael, your sacking should have been in writing. And it should have been on your desk before the podcast went out. And that's my, that's on me.
40:05 Speaker 03 That's on you. That is on you. Paper trail.
40:08 Speaker 01 Especially if it's signed with a legal pen. If you write anything with that pen, Ellis, it becomes law.
40:16 Speaker 00 Becomes law.
40:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
40:18 Speaker 00 I've only written lovely pen with it.
40:22 Speaker 03 Michael's back in the hot seat and it's good to have him here. Silent from these two.
40:28 Speaker 00 No, I like the guy. I wish him well in all his future endeavours. Yeah. And also, you know, I won because it was a big mistake. So I keep him on board.
40:39 Speaker 01 Ellis is Celtic in this.
40:41 Speaker 03 Yeah. Oh, that was heartbreaking, wasn't it?
40:43 Speaker 01 It was heartbreaking.
40:44 Speaker 03 I keep not meaning to do that. And it's, it's just a, it's an unfortunate play on words, but it was sad, wasn't it?
40:50 Speaker 01 It was sad, yeah.
40:52 Speaker 03 We have a new jingle from Etienne. I love the name Etienne.
40:57 Speaker 01 There's a band called Saint Etienne.
41:00 Speaker 00 Who I think split up last year, did they?
41:02 Speaker 01 They were big in the late 90s.
41:04 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
41:04 Speaker 01 What was their big hit?
41:05 Speaker 03 Only Love Can Break Your Heart.
41:07 Speaker 01 I thought that was Neil Young.
41:08 Speaker 03 I think they covered it.
41:10 Speaker 01 Well, was that their big hit?
41:11 Speaker 03 There was two. What was the other Saint Etienne one?
41:14 Speaker 00 They had an, they had, and obviously a famous French football team.
41:18 Speaker 03 I think that was their main one. But of course, I'm sure they had loads of great hits. It's just the one that I'm aware of. Hello, darling little bobbers. I've been pining for your old made up games jingle. The OG Darren changed the rules from way back when. So here's my attempt at recapturing that joie de vivre, that jubilance and ignorance of youth. As it turns out, it's hard to, it's hard. Ah, yes. As it turns out, it's hard to the point of being an actual job to write a 30 second jingle. So it's slightly longer than I'd hoped. Hey, we're not, we're never asking to limit it to 30 seconds.
41:53 Speaker 00 No.
41:54 Speaker 03 Do what you gotta do. So this is from Etienne and I assume it's going to be a faithful rendition of one of our old jingles. Let's hear it.
42:53 Speaker 00 It's very, it's a very obvious answer.
42:59 Speaker 01 Wow, wee, that's sensational.
43:01 Speaker 00 It's January 1969.
43:03 Speaker 01 That, the start of that reminded me of Our House by Crosby, Stills and Nash and Young, which always makes me cry because it's so beautiful. And it's about Steve, it's about Stephen Stills or Graham Nash's relationship with Joni Mitchell.
43:16 Speaker 03 Oh, really?
43:16 Speaker 01 Yeah. Oh, my God.
43:17 Speaker 03 But there's a bit of a queen in there, obviously.
43:18 Speaker 00 And it reminds me of the Halifax advert.
43:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
43:21 Speaker 00 Yeah.
43:24 Speaker 03 That was nice, actually. Uh, thank you, Etienne. Scores on the doors. After Ellis's win in Jingles on Buzzers, passed without controversy last week, the scores now stand at 40-15 to Ellis in the first game of the third set. Don't call it the comeback. Uh, can he clinch that first game? Can you, Ellis?
43:45 Speaker 00 Oh, no.
43:46 Speaker 03 That's the, that's the confidence of the man right there. Back yourself, man.
43:50 Speaker 00 Okay.
43:51 Speaker 03 Yes.
43:52 Speaker 00 No.
43:52 Speaker 03 No. This week's game comes in from Shaun in Lincoln. Hello, my parasocial pals. I've devised a made up game which will test your knowledge and your nerve. I've called it herring on the side of caution.
44:08 Speaker 03 Which I like. Producer Dave will list 10 items from a certain category. But here comes a twist. Some of those items will be red herrings, i.e. they won't fit the category.
44:20 Speaker 01 Okay.
44:21 Speaker 03 Or they won't be the correct answers to the category. Before reading out the items, Dave will tell you how many things within the category are red herrings.
44:29 Speaker 01 Okay, so this is a little bit adjacent to code words, code names. Okay.
44:37 Speaker 03 Uh, he will then list the 10 items.
44:38 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
44:39 Speaker 03 Ellis and John, listen to this bit carefully. Ellis and John will take it in turns to bid on how many of the items they think are red herrings.
44:47 Speaker 01 I thought you just told us that.
44:48 Speaker 03 Yeah, how many items you think you can get from the red herrings.
44:52 Speaker 00 So you could say there are five red herrings, but I- Can only get three S.
44:55 Speaker 01 Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
44:57 Speaker 03 So if there are four red herrings in the list and Ellis reckons he can get two, he can open the bidding at two. If John fancies it for three,
45:04 Speaker 01 Yeah.
45:04 Speaker 03 he can go up to three.
45:06 Speaker 01 You know what would help, but it's too late to organise, is little printouts of the items.
45:14 Speaker 00 Yeah. Do what would help, but it's too late to organise, if we did this at Wembley Stadium.
45:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's true.
45:20 Speaker 03 And they've got a printer.
45:21 Speaker 00 Because I'm a big player and they've got a printer there.
45:23 Speaker 01 It's not too late to organise us doing it there, it's too late to organise anyone watching. We could just do it on Wembley Way.
45:29 Speaker 03 That's expensive. Oh, yeah, outside, yeah. I don't think, I wonder if you need permission.
45:33 Speaker 00 Next week, we'll do it on Wembley Way.
45:34 Speaker 01 Okay, let's do round one.
45:35 Speaker 03 Okay, so are we happy with the rules? I think we are, actually. Um, here we go, a few more rules. If a player names an incorrect item in their answer, i.e. something that isn't a red headed, a red herring, the opposing player can steal all the points at stake by naming just one more thing.
45:54 Speaker 01 Sure, sure, sure.
45:55 Speaker 03 So if they nick one of the right answers at the previous player who had, you know, claimed he could play the game, but didn't get, woof, they get all the points.
46:02 Speaker 01 Cool.
46:03 Speaker 03 Potentially five rounds, but let's see how we get on.
46:06 Speaker 01 Okay, and you get a point for each item you name.
46:09 Speaker 03 Points are cumulative. You get a point for each item you name. But you need to get all the ones that you claim you will get, obviously.
46:14 Speaker 01 What if we both say all of them?
46:16 Speaker 03 Well, within a flip-flop, so the person who gets in there first gets to play it, gets to give it a go. Enjoy. Shaun in Lincoln. Round one, best picture Oscar winners.
46:28 Speaker 01 Oh, I see. So you're given the category?
46:30 Speaker 03 Yeah.
46:31 Speaker 01 Okay.
46:31 Speaker 03 And then you're going to be given the answers.
46:32 Speaker 01 You should have to guess the category as well.
46:34 Speaker 03 Okay.
46:35 Speaker 01 But anyway, it's fine.
46:36 Speaker 03 Too late for that.
46:36 Speaker 00 On Wembley Way.
46:39 Speaker 03 So print out Swembly Way.
46:40 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:41 Speaker 03 Guess the category for future. Red herrings.
46:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:45 Speaker 03 Four.
46:46 Speaker 01 Okay.
46:48 Speaker 03 Titanic.
46:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:50 Speaker 03 The Deer Hunter.
46:51 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:52 Speaker 03 Citizen Kane.
46:53 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:54 Speaker 03 Braveheart.
46:55 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:56 Speaker 03 Taxi Driver.
46:57 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:58 Speaker 03 Shawshank Redemption.
47:00 Speaker 01 Yeah.
47:01 Speaker 03 Chariots of Fire.
47:03 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
47:04 Speaker 03 The Social Network.
47:06 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
47:07 Speaker 03 Crouching Tiger.
47:11 Speaker 01 And?
47:11 Speaker 03 Hidden Dragon.
47:13 Speaker 01 That's, that's the same film.
47:14 Speaker 03 Oh, sorry.
47:19 Speaker 03 I have had a real shocker this record.
47:21 Speaker 01 You've got cognitive decline, Dave.
47:23 Speaker 03 69 seconds in a bloody minute. It's because they're all separated by commas. But there's a comma in the title.
47:34 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
47:37 Speaker 03 Crouch and Tiger, Hidden Dragon, of course, the same film. And the sound of music.
47:44 Speaker 01 Okay.
47:45 Speaker 03 Oh, dearie me.
47:50 Speaker 03 Have a little think. How many do you think you can spot there in terms of the red herrings? Now, of course, you then need to back that up by naming what the red herrings are. So you've got to, there's got to be a confidence to it.
48:00 Speaker 00 I've never really taken much interest in the Oscars, I must admit.
48:05 Speaker 03 No, I'd be terrible at this.
48:06 Speaker 00 So these are all wild stabs.
48:09 Speaker 03 What was the fourth one? Braveheart?
48:12 Speaker 01 Yeah.
48:13 Speaker 03 Well, Ellis, do you want to go first?
48:15 Speaker 00 Well, I'll let John finish his scribbling first.
48:18 Speaker 01 I'm done.
48:18 Speaker 03 You finish your scribbling, John.
48:20 Speaker 00 I'm going to go for three.
48:21 Speaker 03 He's gone for three.
48:23 Speaker 01 I'm going to let Ellis name them.
48:24 Speaker 03 Yeah, interesting. Okay, well, hey. Here we go. So you've got to name all three. Obviously, if one is incorrect, I will, I will say that one is incorrect. Then, John, well, I'll say that you've not got it right. And then, John, you just have to steal one of the remaining red herrings. Ellis?
48:40 Speaker 00 Braveheart.
48:42 Speaker 03 Incorrect.
48:43 Speaker 00 So it won Best Picture?
48:45 Speaker 03 Correct.
48:46 Speaker 00 Goodbye.
48:50 Speaker 03 So, I mean, John, you've got all four to go off.
48:55 Speaker 01 I'm going to say Taxi Driver.
48:58 Speaker 03 Incorrect. Sugar.
49:00 Speaker 01 Well, Scorsese had never won a, he won his first, ah, Best Director, yeah, hell, Dave. You live in hell with me.
49:10 Speaker 03 Why am I down there with you? No, I can be. I've had a bad record. I have had a bad record.
49:15 Speaker 01 He won Best Director for the ambulance film that I can't even remember because he never won before.
49:22 Speaker 03 Have you watched his new documentary?
49:23 Speaker 00 No.
49:24 Speaker 03 It's quite good.
49:24 Speaker 01 So it's Nil Pois.
49:25 Speaker 03 It's Nil Pois. Do you wanna hear the red herrings?
49:27 Speaker 00 Call it.
49:28 Speaker 01 Shawshank Redemption is a red herring.
49:30 Speaker 03 Citizen Kane, Shawshank.
49:31 Speaker 00 Didn't win Best Picture?
49:32 Speaker 01 No, it was a bit of a flop at the cinema.
49:34 Speaker 00 I didn't know, that's hilarious, I didn't know that.
49:36 Speaker 03 Uh, Social Network.
49:37 Speaker 00 Oh, sugar.
49:38 Speaker 03 Crouching Tiger and Hidden Dragon.
49:40 Speaker 01 So I thought that Citizen Kane Taxi Driver, Shawshank Redemption and Crouching Tiger were the red herrings. And I said the only one, I got wrong.
49:49 Speaker 00 Oh, gosh.
49:50 Speaker 03 So you were clo- yeah.
49:51 Speaker 00 Yeah. So Social Network didn't win, did it?
49:53 Speaker 03 Uh, Social Network did not win, no.
49:55 Speaker 00 So I was right in that one, and Shawshank Redemption didn't win?
49:57 Speaker 03 No?
49:57 Speaker 00 No, I didn't think that had won.
49:58 Speaker 03 Yes, that you'd have been right with that.
49:59 Speaker 00 It was a bit of a sleeper hit, the Shawshank Redemption.
50:01 Speaker 01 VHS.
50:02 Speaker 00 Yeah.
50:02 Speaker 03 Yeah.
50:02 Speaker 01 Big VHS hit.
50:03 Speaker 00 Oh, okay.
50:04 Speaker 03 Okay. I said that one the other day, I got laughed out of the room.
50:07 Speaker 00 No, at the time.
50:08 Speaker 01 You're right.
50:09 Speaker 03 Yeah.
50:10 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
50:10 Speaker 00 You are right. And then it was one of those things that would you get lent to people and then by, by the time of, I was thinking about 994, but 996 was massive.
50:19 Speaker 03 Yes.
50:19 Speaker 00 But it wasn't particularly good at the box office.
50:21 Speaker 03 The indication. It's nil-nil. Round two.
50:26 Speaker 00 Actually, I remember Braveheart winning it and it being on the news because of the Scottish angle.
50:32 Speaker 03 Summer Olympi- you alright, John?
50:34 Speaker 01 Yeah, I'm just checking the bu- the box office and for Social, uh, for Shawshank Redemption, it wasn't that big.
50:40 Speaker 00 Okay, Dave, let's go.
50:41 Speaker 03 Summer Olympic sports as of 2024.
50:45 Speaker 00 Oh, blimey. Don't anyone see my screen? So just that particular Olympics?
50:49 Speaker 03 Yes.
50:50 Speaker 00 Okay.
50:51 Speaker 03 Table tennis.
50:53 Speaker 00 How many returns?
50:55 Speaker 03 Five. My head's gone. Five. Table tennis, mixed martial arts, taekwondo, netball, climbing, squash, triathlon.
51:14 Speaker 01 Try what to do?
51:18 Speaker 01 Triathlon, that again.
51:19 Speaker 03 It's a triathlon.
51:22 Speaker 01 I'm gonna say triathlon as a red herring.
51:24 Speaker 00 Try a lot of lothon.
51:28 Speaker 03 Triathlon.
51:29 Speaker 01 Yep.
51:30 Speaker 03 Lawn bowls.
51:33 Speaker 03 Darts. And trampolining. Five red herrings.
51:40 Speaker 03 Of the Summer Olympics in 2024. John, when you're ready, no rush, we'll come to you first for your bid, please.
51:49 Speaker 01 I will say four.
51:51 Speaker 03 John's gone for four out of five.
51:53 Speaker 00 I'll let him do it.
51:53 Speaker 03 He's gonna let him do it. They all switcheroo from the first round. Okay, John, you need to name all four red herrings to win the points. Off you pop.
52:02 Speaker 01 Darts.
52:04 Speaker 03 Correct.
52:06 Speaker 01 MMA.
52:07 Speaker 03 Mixed martial arts, correct.
52:09 Speaker 01 Lawn bowls.
52:11 Speaker 03 Lawn bowls, correct. One more.
52:14 Speaker 01 Trampolining.
52:15 Speaker 03 Trampolining is incorrect.
52:17 Speaker 01 You're kidding me.
52:19 Speaker 03 I wouldn't and I shouldn't.
52:20 Speaker 00 Okay.
52:22 Speaker 03 So, Ellis, you just need to name one of the red herrings to nick four points.
52:26 Speaker 00 Climbing.
52:28 Speaker 03 It's incorrect.
52:31 Speaker 01 I watched the climbing.
52:32 Speaker 00 Oh, did you?
52:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was great.
52:34 Speaker 00 Sugar. I had MMA, I had trampolining, I had lawn bowls and I had darts.
52:39 Speaker 01 Taekwondo?
52:40 Speaker 03 No, that was one.
52:41 Speaker 01 What is it then?
52:42 Speaker 03 MMA, netball, squash, lawn bowls, darts.
52:45 Speaker 01 Netball's not in the Olympics.
52:48 Speaker 03 Netball's not in the Olympics.
52:50 Speaker 00 I'm absolutely amazed at that.
52:52 Speaker 01 Dave, that's not true.
52:54 Speaker 00 I'm absolutely amazed. So my five were MMA.
52:57 Speaker 03 We can't sack it for two weeks in a row, can we?
53:00 Speaker 00 Lawn bowls, darts and trampolining. I'm absolutely staggered.
53:04 Speaker 03 John's Googling.
53:05 Speaker 00 That one of them is netball.
53:07 Speaker 03 Tell you what, Michael is looking very relaxed over there, so I think he's absolutely fine with this. He's sleeping well at night, knowing that netball wasn't in the Summer Olympics.
53:15 Speaker 01 Netball has never been played at the Summer Olympics.
53:17 Speaker 00 That is amazing to me.
53:21 Speaker 01 It's recognised by the International Olympic Committee since 1995.
53:25 Speaker 03 Yeah.
53:26 Speaker 01 That is absolutely insane.
53:28 Speaker 00 How long has climbing been?
53:29 Speaker 03 Olympic event.
53:30 Speaker 01 You can't have trampolining if you don't have netball. Who's in charge of this mess? Get Seb Coe on here, that is stupid.
53:37 Speaker 03 How long has climbing been an Olympic event?
53:39 Speaker 01 I played netball at school.
53:41 Speaker 03 That doesn't mean that it should be an Olympic event, though.
53:44 Speaker 01 It's played in every school, it's not obscure.
53:46 Speaker 03 I agreed with that.
53:48 Speaker 01 Good grief. Wow.
53:51 Speaker 03 Um, do you want a little apology to Michael?
53:53 Speaker 01 I'm not, I didn't accuse Michael of anything.
53:56 Speaker 03 You've checked the veracity.
53:57 Speaker 01 Yeah, because I couldn't believe it.
53:59 Speaker 03 Well, I'll apologize on John's behalf, Michael.
54:01 Speaker 01 And then I'll apologize to me on your behalf, Dave. I'm sorry, John.
54:06 Speaker 03 Sorry about John, Michael. Sorry about John. Uh, it's nil-nil.
54:13 Speaker 01 It's a tough game.
54:14 Speaker 03 It is a tough game, absolutely, but you've both been close.
54:16 Speaker 01 Yeah, I love it.
54:17 Speaker 03 It's, um, it's, yeah, it's not, it's. I would have got four of those. I'm really annoyed. Okay. Round three. Top 10 companies in the Fortune Global 500 for 2025, based on revenue.
54:34 Speaker 01 Okay. 2025.
54:37 Speaker 03 Yeah.
54:38 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Revenue.
54:39 Speaker 03 Revenue.
54:40 Speaker 01 Okay.
54:43 Speaker 03 Red herrings. Five.
54:47 Speaker 03 Amazon.
54:49 Speaker 01 Yep.
54:51 Speaker 03 Microsoft.
54:54 Speaker 01 Yep.
54:55 Speaker 03 Apple.
54:56 Speaker 01 Yep.
54:57 Speaker 03 Berkshire Hathaway.
55:00 Speaker 03 This is a bit of John this round, isn't it, I think?
55:03 Speaker 01 Hmm.
55:04 Speaker 03 Alphabet.
55:05 Speaker 01 Hmm.
55:07 Speaker 03 China National Petroleum. Volkswagen.
55:13 Speaker 03 JP Morgan Chase.
55:16 Speaker 03 Walmart.
55:18 Speaker 01 Revenue.
55:19 Speaker 03 Shhh. Shell.
55:22 Speaker 01 That is interesting. Revenue.
55:24 Speaker 03 It's the old rev. It's the old rev. Five. There's five RHs in there.
55:31 Speaker 01 Revenue.
55:34 Speaker 00 Oh, the problem is they are all mass, obviously well done, they're all massive companies.
55:39 Speaker 03 Well done to them.
55:40 Speaker 00 So if you'd told me that there were no red herrings.
55:44 Speaker 03 Yeah.
55:44 Speaker 00 I could believe you.
55:46 Speaker 03 Yeah.
55:47 Speaker 00 But there's five and so I'm surprised. Okay.
55:53 Speaker 03 Now, before we start guessing, do we want to keep this as a three-rounder or do we want to go to five rounds? Because after this, there'll be, I imagine, one person who would want that and one person who wouldn't.
56:06 Speaker 00 Three rounds.
56:09 Speaker 00 This is the hardest round.
56:11 Speaker 03 Yeah, it is.
56:13 Speaker 00 These are all companies that I would think were in the top 10. So five red herrings, I find difficult to believe.
56:18 Speaker 03 And you're not across their accounting, you're not across their revenue.
56:22 Speaker 00 Not for 2025.
56:27 Speaker 01 So it's Alice to go first.
56:29 Speaker 03 We'll agree to three-round it, okay?
56:33 Speaker 00 Two.
56:33 Speaker 03 Two. That's interesting, isn't it, John? Because it's, that's gettable even with a bit of guesswork.
56:42 Speaker 01 Um, I'll go three then.
56:44 Speaker 03 Oh, he's done it! He's gone for it! But then, of course, Alice still can only win it by then nicking one of the previous ones if he doesn't get it. John, please name.
56:57 Speaker 03 Oh, you can bid back, of course. Do you want to bid back?
56:59 Speaker 00 No.
56:59 Speaker 03 No, there's no chance.
57:01 Speaker 00 There are only two I'm vaguely comf-, I mean, they're all so big, so I don't.
57:06 Speaker 03 Yeah, of course, you could have bidded above John's three. But John, he's asked you to play, so let's play. Three red herrings out of the five John is confident with.
57:23 Speaker 01 Volkswagen.
57:25 Speaker 03 Correct.
57:26 Speaker 00 That was one of mine, semi.
57:31 Speaker 03 It's tense, I'm nervous.
57:33 Speaker 01 JP Morgan Chase.
57:34 Speaker 03 Correct.
57:35 Speaker 00 That was one of mine, that's a lie.
57:37 Speaker 03 Can't keep saying that, Alice, you should have just played the game.
57:42 Speaker 03 The final one to win, this is to win the game, John, 3-0.
57:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
57:48 Speaker 00 Huge.
57:49 Speaker 01 China National Petroleum.
57:50 Speaker 03 Incorrect.
57:54 Speaker 03 Oh no. Ellis, you've got it. But this is the man who only could confidently go for two. So I don't think Ellis has got.
58:04 Speaker 01 I've not even bloody circled that.
58:06 Speaker 00 I am gonna go for the one that I haven't heard of, the only one I haven't heard of.
58:11 Speaker 03 To win the game.
58:12 Speaker 00 To win the game. Berkshire Hathaway.
58:14 Speaker 03 Oh, it's incorrect.
58:16 Speaker 00 What is it?
58:16 Speaker 01 It's the biggest investment company in the world. It's Warren Buffett's company.
58:20 Speaker 00 Oh, I thought that. I thought, hmm. Because Alphabet is Google, isn't it?
58:25 Speaker 03 Alphabet is a red herring.
58:27 Speaker 00 And I was looking for Nvidia.
58:29 Speaker 03 No, it's not there.
58:31 Speaker 01 I had circled Berkshire Hathaway, Volkswagen, JP Morgan, Walmart and Shell.
58:37 Speaker 03 Okay, so Shell, JP Morgan, Volkswagen, the other two are Microsoft and Alphabet.
58:42 Speaker 01 Hang me out to dry on a wet day.
58:46 Speaker 00 Alphabet who own Google?
58:49 Speaker 03 Yeah.
58:50 Speaker 00 I'm staggered.
58:52 Speaker 03 I just think, yeah.
58:52 Speaker 01 Microsoft.
58:54 Speaker 03 Yeah.
58:54 Speaker 01 Revenue.
58:55 Speaker 03 Microsoft are 22nd, Alphabet are 13th.
58:59 Speaker 01 Wow, Xenos.
59:00 Speaker 03 Wow, Xenos.
59:01 Speaker 01 So what's the top 10, please, in order?
59:02 Speaker 00 I Googled the top 10 biggest companies yesterday, but of it not the revenue, just in terms of,
59:08 Speaker 01 Your investment portfolio.
59:11 Speaker 00 Like, just in terms of net value.
59:13 Speaker 03 Yeah.
59:14 Speaker 01 What, what, what? But there's been mad changes since last year in like AI and stuff.
59:19 Speaker 03 Have you got the top 10 there, Michael? I do, I've just given you a tiebreaker. I've got that, yeah.
59:24 Speaker 01 Oh, okay.
59:25 Speaker 03 Do you want the top 10?
59:26 Speaker 00 Yeah.
59:27 Speaker 01 Yes, please.
59:27 Speaker 00 Just out of interest.
59:29 Speaker 01 John Robbins Industries for one.
59:32 Speaker 00 Significant productions.
59:33 Speaker 01 Thirst to Getan Inc., significant productions.
59:36 Speaker 00 Let's go then, Dave.
59:37 Speaker 03 From 10, Berkshire Hathaway, CVS Health.
59:43 Speaker 00 Do you know that one?
59:43 Speaker 01 That would have been a good one to chuck in there as a red herring.
59:47 Speaker 03 Apple, United Health Group.
59:49 Speaker 00 Oh, I've got shares in them.
59:50 Speaker 03 Sinopec Group or Sinopec Group. China National Petroleum, Saudi Aramco, State Grid is three, Amazon's two, Walmart is Walmart's one.
1:00:02 Speaker 00 Walmart's the biggest in terms of.
1:00:03 Speaker 03 Revenue.
1:00:04 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:00:06 Speaker 01 Revs.
1:00:08 Speaker 01 People always need shopping.
1:00:10 Speaker 03 So we go to tie break.
1:00:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:00:13 Speaker 03 You happy?
1:00:14 Speaker 00 If you make me guess, I'll just walk out and I will come back. I've got plans for this evening anyway.
1:00:18 Speaker 03 I mean, we can play another round or we can tie break, Ellis, because I know you're in a rush, which might just force your hand on whether you're willing to
1:00:23 Speaker 00 Is it a guess?
1:00:24 Speaker 03 Come out of retirement. It's a tie break. Yes, it's closest to the pin, Ellis.
1:00:29 Speaker 03 Which is
1:00:29 Speaker 01 Wow, look at the confusion in the brain. He can get away quickly.
1:00:34 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:00:35 Speaker 00 So do I get away quickly and go to
1:00:37 Speaker 03 Come out of retirement.
1:00:38 Speaker 00 Extremely important engagement or do I humiliate myself again?
1:00:43 Speaker 03 But this could be the, this could be the comeback story.
1:00:46 Speaker 01 This is for the, this is game point.
1:00:48 Speaker 03 Yes.
1:00:50 Speaker 01 Oh, don't sound
1:00:50 Speaker 03 Well, you know, that's the pressure that he doesn't need.
1:00:52 Speaker 00 Whatever.
1:00:53 Speaker 03 Whatever. Are you up for tie break? It's the quicker way.
1:00:57 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:00:58 Speaker 03 So we end three rounds at nil nil. Tie break. Walmart is the top of the list. I think John knows what's coming. What was their revenue in 2025?
1:01:13 Speaker 03 Great tie break. Great tie break from producer Michael.
1:01:18 Speaker 03 Ellis has scribbled and he's scribbled quick. John's having a little think, so we'll wait for John to scribble.
1:01:25 Speaker 03 Oh, round four was fun. We should do that in our own time, Michael, maybe tomorrow or something.
1:01:33 Speaker 00 Can I, I had to Google Walmart for something else and it's the one figure I remember, but I don't remember what the figure related to. So my guess is that figure, but I, I can't tell you if it's right or not.
1:01:51 Speaker 00 So there was a figure on the webpage I read.
1:01:54 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:01:54 Speaker 00 But I can't remember what the web, what the webpage related to. Because of my cognitive decline.
1:01:59 Speaker 03 Okay.
1:02:00 Speaker 01 Hmm, that is tough.
1:02:02 Speaker 03 Yeah, in dollars.
1:02:04 Speaker 01 That is tough.
1:02:06 Speaker 00 In dollars, of course.
1:02:07 Speaker 01 Good grief, that's a tough question.
1:02:10 Speaker 03 It's been a tough game from Shaun.
1:02:14 Speaker 01 Okay, I am not confident at all on this guess by orders of magnitude.
1:02:22 Speaker 03 Walmart is top of the list.
1:02:25 Speaker 03 Uh, in terms of companies in the Fortune Global 500 for revenue from 2025. What was their revenue? Elis James?
1:02:34 Speaker 00 Six hundred million dollars.
1:02:35 Speaker 03 Six hundred million dollars. John?
1:02:37 Speaker 01 I've gone 20 billion.
1:02:39 Speaker 03 He's gone 20 billion.
1:02:42 Speaker 03 Ellis is back in the guessing game. It's 680 million dollars. That, was that the figure you Googled?
1:02:52 Speaker 00 The figure I read was 600 million, but that might be this year's revenue.
1:02:56 Speaker 03 Oh yeah, you're close. So that would have been the figure that you'd seen. Ah, you're guessing again.
1:03:00 Speaker 00 It's shocking, but I like guessing.
1:03:02 Speaker 03 You like guessing?
1:03:02 Speaker 00 I've guessed correctly twice in the last two weeks.
1:03:06 Speaker 00 Okay, that felt nice.
1:03:08 Speaker 03 Hey, you win the game.
1:03:09 Speaker 00 There's quite an interesting article I read about the sort of share price and revenue, very different things.
1:03:16 Speaker 01 Because I'm thinking in my head, well, Elon Musk's worth 750 billion.
1:03:21 Speaker 00 And they're everywhere.
1:03:21 Speaker 01 But that's share price, not, that's value, not revenue.
1:03:27 Speaker 03 Yes.
1:03:28 Speaker 01 And then I just tried to imagine how many supermarkets there were. So yeah, I was mega out.
1:03:33 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:03:35 Speaker 00 But that's a bit of luck. That's not good guessing. That's me.
1:03:37 Speaker 03 Oh, there's a hand up from Michael. Oh no.
1:03:40 Speaker 06 Well, this is what I'm confused about. This might be 680.
1:03:46 Speaker 03 Oh no, oh no.
1:03:47 Speaker 00 It can't, it can't.
1:03:49 Speaker 06 680.
1:03:50 Speaker 00 Is it a B?
1:03:51 Speaker 06 985 million.
1:03:54 Speaker 06 So does that mean?
1:03:57 Speaker 01 How do you sack somebody who no longer works for you?
1:04:00 Speaker 06 I can't work out if that means billion.
1:04:02 Speaker 00 Why did you have to put your hand up, mate?
1:04:06 Speaker 01 Yeah, revenue of 681 billion.
1:04:11 Speaker 01 So you were out.
1:04:12 Speaker 00 But yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:04:13 Speaker 01 By a magnitude of 100, 100 times.
1:04:20 Speaker 00 Well, I thought, that's what I said. I thought that was the, but obviously I misread the figure.
1:04:24 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
1:04:26 Speaker 00 That's absolutely crushing. I want, I would like Michael to walk into Locknet.
1:04:30 Speaker 03 No, that's an easy mistake to make. So. That's how it's written on the website. But actually, just to be clear for the listener in case, and I hate to repeat it, Michael. I don't want to have to repeat it.
1:04:43 Speaker 01 I mean, I'm out by, I'm out by a magnitude of 30. I was originally going to say 100 billion. And then I thought, if that's wrong, that's going to be so embarrassing.
1:04:53 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah. So actually, it's, it's, as we've just found out.
1:04:57 Speaker 00 It felt small, but I read that article.
1:04:59 Speaker 03 The way that the website was written, it looked like it was seeing 680 million. It's actually 680 billion, um, which does put John closer to the, oh, this feels, this feels tough on a whole lot of this at this stage.
1:05:12 Speaker 01 Imagine if Michael hadn't put his hand up. The DMs I'm getting in the week.
1:05:17 Speaker 03 The DMs, yeah, absolutely. So it's worth, it's worth drawing a line under it.
1:05:21 Speaker 01 Very honest from Michael.
1:05:22 Speaker 03 Very honest from our former employee.
1:05:24 Speaker 00 It felt small, but I had misread an article yesterday and that will do that to you.
1:05:28 Speaker 01 Distant Pod makes 600 million a year.
1:05:33 Speaker 00 I'm absolutely crushed. I'm in a cube. I'm in a cube in a scrapyard. I used to be at Ford Focus and I'm, I've been crushed into a cube.
1:05:46 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:05:47 Speaker 00 And my cube has now been put in landfill.
1:05:50 Speaker 03 But it's just a game.
1:05:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:05:52 Speaker 03 It's just a game and we're, we're all enjoying ourselves.
1:05:55 Speaker 00 I love my life.
1:05:55 Speaker 01 I mean, I'm embarrassed too about my guess.
1:05:58 Speaker 03 Oh, everyone's embarrassed at this stage.
1:05:59 Speaker 00 Well, the thing is, if I'd read that article, I wouldn't have guessed that.
1:06:02 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:06:02 Speaker 00 I just thought, I've actually got some insider trading knowledge here. Oh dear.
1:06:08 Speaker 03 We're all a little bit flat, I think, off the back of that.
1:06:11 Speaker 00 And I've just turned my running order, my running sheet over and I've just written the word lovely pen. And now it feels like it's mocking.
1:06:19 Speaker 01 Do you know what, Ellis? You keep that blue pen.
1:06:20 Speaker 03 Oh, that's nice.
1:06:22 Speaker 01 I've got 11 more of them, which I stole a handful from, from a lawyer's drawer.
1:06:26 Speaker 00 Thanks, man.
1:06:27 Speaker 01 Because I am classy.
1:06:29 Speaker 00 Thanks, man.
1:06:31 Speaker 03 Oh, do we end like this? Do we end like this? Or do we zhuzh it up a bit?
1:06:36 Speaker 01 I think Ellis has got to be in White City in about 10 minutes.
1:06:42 Speaker 00 Tough one, tough one to take. I'm going.
1:06:45 Speaker 01 I mean, you do have to leave now.
1:06:47 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:06:50 Speaker 01 Why don't you, it's amazing when you tell him that and he doesn't leave.
1:06:53 Speaker 03 He can't.
1:06:54 Speaker 00 You ever been crushed? You ever saw the crushed man leave?
1:06:57 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:06:59 Speaker 00 Okay, thanks.
1:07:00 Speaker 03 That's all right. We're back on Friday. Oh, we're back on Friday.
1:07:05 Speaker 00 Can I use a really big swear word, Dave?
1:07:07 Speaker 03 Yeah, afterwards.
1:07:08 Speaker 00 On to Michael.
1:07:09 Speaker 03 No, don't you swear at Michael. This is, that was an easy mistake. Under the pressure of the game, Michael looked at a website and saw the word million.
1:07:17 Speaker 00 And under the pressure of an idle Google, I did the same yesterday.
1:07:21 Speaker 03 So, draw a line under that. The good news is on Friday, we'll announce our next Adventures Escapade for the cinematic universe.
1:07:31 Speaker 03 And it's a good one. It's already in the can and it's lots of fun.
1:07:33 Speaker 00 But you get it already if you're in the 600 billion pound tier.
1:07:39 Speaker 01 Imagine if Walmart signed up to our Patreon and invested all of their revenue for one year. We'd be doing all right. We would. Do you know what? I'd give a percentage of it to charity.
1:07:49 Speaker 03 Would you?
1:07:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:07:50 Speaker 03 Good, good.
1:07:51 Speaker 00 Me too. Right, some exciting news. One of the greatest bands of all time have reformed and they're doing a tour. They're on tour at the moment and they're playing, continuing to play gigs in the summer. I am, of course, talking about the Super furry animals. When we're recording this, I'm off to watch this evening at the Brixton Academy. I can't wait.
1:08:09 Speaker 01 I drew Ellis a diagram of the queue.
1:08:11 Speaker 00 Yes, he did. Because the queuing system has changed at the Brixton Academy. I was lucky enough to meet the furries when they were recording a session for Who Stevens on Six Music a couple of weeks ago, and I've made a documentary about them, and they are the absolute best. Now.
1:08:25 Speaker 03 Are they bigger than Gorkies on your mind?
1:08:28 Speaker 00 A difficult question. They're on a par, I would say. They're equal fifty fifty the same.
1:08:36 Speaker 03 I've really got into them because we made it for you and for BBC Radio Wales and BBC Sounds, where you can listen to it now. And the Super Furies are great.
1:08:45 Speaker 00 So good. And all their records are different. And they just never made anything bad.
1:08:49 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:08:50 Speaker 00 And neither has Griffries. Like his solo work. They've all done solo work and stuff since the Furies split up. They haven't released albums since two thousand and nine. But his solo work's all amazing. It was an absolute pleasure to go back and deep dive into records I've loved for a very long time. I saw them the summer Fuzzy Logic came out in nineteen ninety six. It was my first big gig and it was my first big night out, actually, in June nineteen ninety six. At Goyle Rockknappan in Fostrassol in West Wales. An amazing, amazing group. So if you are a fan already, I'm sure there's a lot in it for you. And if you are unaware of the Super Furry Animals,
1:09:28 Speaker 00 then what a great primer to an amazing band. So I'm about to change your life. Anyway, it is available on BBC Sounds right now. Search Furies at thirty.
1:09:36 Speaker 03 Okay, bye bye.
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1:10:09 Speaker 02 Get AI tools for work. Upgrade to Google Workspace with Gemini at goo.gle/workspacewithGemini.
1:10:16 Speaker 05 That's goo.gle/workspacewithGemini.
1:10:19 Speaker 04 At Humana, our Medicare Advantage plans are easy to understand and easy on your wallet. Like offering more benefits than you'd get from original Medicare alone, and including dental, vision, and hearing coverage in every plan. And the best part is, every plan has a zero dollar or low monthly plan premium, which makes it easier to save too. So this Medicare planning season, plan well with Humana. Learn more at gethumana.com. Humana is a Medicare Advantage, HMO and PPO organisation with a Medicare contract. Enrollment in any Humana plan depends on contract renewal.
1:10:51 Speaker 01 Thanks for listening to the show and you can follow us on Instagram and TikTok at Ellis and John for more content.
1:10:57 Speaker 00 And you can watch highlights of every episode over on our YouTube page at Ellis and John.
1:11:02 Speaker 01 Plus, you can find all things E J J R, including links to our Patreon, our merch and much more by heading to ellisonjohn.com. See you next time.
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