#567 - Bilking, A Glis Glis Stakeout and Old Uncle Yogsley

It’s a very prison-based episode today, as John reveals he might be going there for petty crime, and Elis draws parallels between Albert Camus’s prison-residing outsider Meursault and Johnny JR. Was Camus foreshadowing the life of our favourite Bristol-born broadcaster? But don’t worry, it’s not all highbrow existentialism. John discovers another self-penned story on his hard drive that involves farts (but crucially, is not ABOUT farts). Also expect answers to the questions: Can you Cymru Connect over a horse? Can you take your odd socks to a raffle? And is the sky really a neighbourhood? Transmit your thoughts to email and send them pronto to [email protected]. For lots of exclusive EJJR #content, join our Patreon at patreon.com/elisandjohn. For weekly visual highlights, head to youtube.com/@elisandjohn. For everything else, head to elisandjohn.com. The Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Before we start this episode, we want to invite you along to the adventures of Ellis and John.

• 0:04Speaker 01

  If you head over to patreon.com/ellisonjohn, you can join us on our monthly escapades, including

• 0:10Speaker 00

  Miniumpicks.

• 0:11Speaker 01

  It's the strangest legal jump in the history of long jump.

• 0:14Speaker 00

  Birdwatching.

• 0:15Speaker 02

  My two favourite things are birds and football.

• 0:18Speaker 01

  And you can watch our latest episode now, where we tackle an escape room.

• 0:22Speaker 03

  So John is absolutely flying here. Well, Ellis is there as well.

• 0:26Speaker 02

  Ellis is there as well, Dave.

• 0:27Speaker 03

  We did the first three, Dave, for complete chill.

• 0:32Speaker 00

  So for adventures and so much more, head over to patreon.com/ellisonjohn now.

• 0:40Speaker 04

  I've got big news. I switched to Verizon and got the new iPhone 18 Pro. Shh. I can keep my old phone and I also get the latest iPhone every year. Shh. Anything else? Verizon let me choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on them. Everybody listen up. Shh. Switch to Verizon and get the new iPhone 18 Pro now. No trade-in needed. And the latest iPhone every year with Simplicity Plan. Plus, choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on us. Simplicity Plan with Simplicity Pro required. Plan and device payment purchase are separate agreements with separate terms. Service plan for watch or iPad required. Additional terms apply for all offers.

• 1:10Speaker 05

  Hey, it's Hannah Burner from Giggly Squad and the holidays are around the corner, which means I'm officially entering my Hostess Hannah era with Arm & Hammer Hardball Cat Litter. You guys know I love cats and fostering, but when I'm hosting, I do not want my house smelling like cats. I want people focusing on my hosting skills. That's why I love Arm & Hammer Hardball Cat Litter. It delivers long-lasting odor control and forms compact clumps that make cleanup easy, so that's one less thing I need to worry about when people come over. Be guest-ready with Arm & Hammer Cat Litter. Find it now at Walmart or Amazon.

• 2:02Speaker 00

  Hello. Thank you very much for tuning in and downloading this episode of Ellis and John. It's intro time, and there's no way around it, it's a film trailer parody. Hit the music, please, Jenny.

• 2:24Speaker 00

  Coming soon to smaller cinemas in the streaming service you don't have, an inspirational British film.

• 2:33Speaker 03

  Hiya, Dexy, Skegsy.

• 2:35Speaker 02

  All right, Dave, where you been? You missed the shoplifting twenty Red Bulls and a load of jazz mags from the carna shop.

• 2:40Speaker 03

  I don't know, Skegsy. Don't you ever wonder if there's more to life than riding an e-scooter around the estate and doing balloons around the back of Wok to Wok?

• 2:48Speaker 02

  You're joking, aren't you? Give over soft, lad, and pass me that canister. Canister, canister, canister.

• 2:56Speaker 00

  In a world where a young man fills out a place cut between Dexy, Skegsy, and the nicer boys used to hassle Peter Schmichael's wife with, Dave Masterman is troubled, but one man sees potential.

• 3:12Speaker 01

  Uh, Masterman, the reason I asked you to stay behind is I can tell you're not like the other children in this class.

• 3:20Speaker 03

  In what way, sir?

• 3:23Speaker 01

  Your friends are all falling behind in all subjects other than fractions and some aspects of chemistry.

• 3:29Speaker 03

  Yes, sir.

• 3:30Speaker 01

  But you, I can tell you have passion. Literature.

• 3:35Speaker 03

  Well, more for audio content and clippable viral moments for the Instagram caro, but sure, literature too.

• 3:42Speaker 01

  Then let me give you this.

• 3:44Speaker 03

  A book? I don't know, sir. Reading him for me.

• 3:48Speaker 01

  Just give it a go, Masterman.

• 3:50Speaker 03

  Sure. John Robbins, Contact. Who is John Robbins?

• 3:56Speaker 01

  Who indeed, Masterman? Who indeed?

• 4:08Speaker 00

  Could one inspirational teacher and one book save Chedle Hume's most lost soul?

• 4:16Speaker 03

  Hey, Skegsy, Dexy, instead of huffing on those things, I thought we could start a book group.

• 4:22Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, Dave, why are you reading a book about a Ford Mondeo? Birds are gonna think you're dead, dead sad.

• 4:27Speaker 03

  It's not about a Ford Mondeo. It's about other things too.

• 4:30Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, like what?

• 4:31Speaker 03

  I don't know, aliens? The Prime Minister or something? I'm only two chapters in, but I can tell it'll change me life.

• 4:38Speaker 00

  From the producers of films like Dead Poet Society and Educating Rita, and with half of it somehow actually written by the guy who wrote The Thursday Murder Club, comes an inspirational story of a young man saved by literature.

• 4:52Speaker 01

  So, Masterman, how did you find the book?

• 4:55Speaker 03

  Incredible, sir. I got so many questions.

• 4:58Speaker 01

  Like what?

• 5:01Speaker 03

  Like, why does it stop after chapter two? What does the word scrutinese mean? And what happens next?

• 5:08Speaker 01

  Well, if only the author was here to tell you. Or maybe he is.

• 5:16Speaker 03

  You mean?

• 5:18Speaker 01

  Just look on top of this piano I'm playing.

• 5:22Speaker 03

  A Booker Prize? A Nobel Prize for Literature? An award for the best audiobook not read by Stephen Fry? Sir, are you?

• 5:31Speaker 01

  The one and only.

• 5:33Speaker 00

  From the same studio that brought you Ant-Man and the Wasp and some other ones, and with a soundtrack that involves Elis James playing The Sky's a Neighbourhood on the piano, comes a film that is absolute Oscar bait.

• 5:51Speaker 03

  Will you teach me how to love creative writing, Mr. Robbins? Or can I call you John?

• 5:57Speaker 01

  Only if you can teach me to love myself.

• 6:00Speaker 03

  Absolutely not.

• 6:07Speaker 00

  Becoming Dave Masterman. Coming soon.

• 6:19Speaker 00

  There you go. It's a Dead Poet Society film where John saves your life by

• 6:24Speaker 01

  I got it. It's the strangest thing you've done.

• 6:27Speaker 00

  No, the rap.

• 6:29Speaker 01

  What was the rap?

• 6:29Speaker 00

  I did a rap about six months ago.

• 6:32Speaker 01

  Oh, I blocked that out.

• 6:33Speaker 03

  No, but this was the most, this is the most, one of the most creative.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  It's a lot of levels.

• 6:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:38Speaker 00

  A lot of levels. I tell you one thing, I did waste an afternoon working out the chords to The Sky's a Neighbourhood on the hottest day of the year.

• 6:44Speaker 03

  I don't think it was a waste.

• 6:45Speaker 00

  I had to record that this morning because the house party was so loud. There was too much bleed.

• 6:50Speaker 03

  And they weren't playing The Sky's a Neighbourhood.

• 6:52Speaker 00

  They weren't. They weren't playing because all film trailers these days have an unlikely cover of a pop hit played gently on the piano in the sort of John Lewis Christmas ad style.

• 7:04Speaker 03

  It's very, very

• 7:05Speaker 00

  It's a real trope in modern film trailers. So I thought, okay, well, I need to, I need to come up with a pop song.

• 7:13Speaker 01

  I think I said a Nobel Prize for Literature instead of a Nobel Prize for Literature.

• 7:17Speaker 00

  Oh, yes, you did. So that's a typo, I think.

• 7:18Speaker 01

  We can just, it's fine. We'll just redo that.

• 7:21Speaker 00

  Yeah. So I thought, what would be the funniest one? So I thought, Sky's a Neighbourhood.

• 7:25Speaker 03

  I could hear that.

• 7:26Speaker 00

  I had to record it this morning, but the kids were awake, so I had to keep telling them to be quiet because I was working.

• 7:31Speaker 03

  And could you not, did you, was there not time to learn past the first five words? Or did you just feel that was a creative decision?

• 7:37Speaker 00

  That was a creative decision. And also, it's only ever, it's only ever the main hook that gets, that gets turned into a sort of melancholy piano cover.

• 7:49Speaker 03

  And I mean this with love and respect.

• 7:51Speaker 00

  Thanks.

• 7:52Speaker 03

  I think we're okay copyright-wise in terms of how close it might be, how close it might be to the original.

• 7:58Speaker 01

  I think Dave Grohl's got bigger fish to fry at the minute.

• 8:01Speaker 00

  Yes, he does. Yeah.

• 8:02Speaker 01

  Than an interpreted cover and the background of a fake trailer to advertise a film about an errant child who teaches an author how to love himself.

• 8:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, that doesn't exist.

• 8:13Speaker 01

  Well, third chapter of Contact coming up today.

• 8:16Speaker 03

  Great.

• 8:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:18Speaker 00

  Imagine if Dave Grohl did take us to court for that.

• 8:21Speaker 03

  He's the nicest guy in rock. He was the nicest.

• 8:24Speaker 00

  He was.

• 8:24Speaker 03

  He was. He's, yeah, he's made

• 8:26Speaker 01

  I don't know what you mean by nice.

• 8:28Speaker 00

  I had a conversation with producer Jenny last night about whether I could get away with a piano cover of The Sky's a Neighbourhood. But I think, and she was like, I think as long as it's you playing and you're not recognizably Dave Grohl, I think it'll be all right.

• 8:40Speaker 03

  And you're not, you are not Dave Grohl.

• 8:42Speaker 00

  But yeah, obviously I'm in the market for any more film trailers.

• 8:46Speaker 03

  Scores.

• 8:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:48Speaker 01

  So, Ellis, how have you been?

• 8:51Speaker 00

  Do you know what? I'm still riding the, the relief wave

• 8:56Speaker 01

  Oh, right.

• 8:57Speaker 00

  of not, of having done the Asetford. So other than that, I've not done a huge amount other than working out the chords to The Sky's a Neighbourhood on piano on the hottest day of the year. I've not had an enormously busy week. Played a lot of Three and End with my kids in the park, saw the eclipse.

• 9:13Speaker 03

  I was gonna say, did you watch the eclipse?

• 9:14Speaker 00

  Took a colander to the park.

• 9:15Speaker 03

  Did you?

• 9:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, which makes you look crazy.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  I have to admit, being a bit of a thico, I didn't understand what all of the pictures of colanders were. I thought people, it was like a joke meme. It was almost to say like, this is, this is what an eclipse looks like. But then I realised after about an hour, you could see the eclipse through the colander.

• 9:36Speaker 00

  Yes, clever.

• 9:37Speaker 01

  I just wore three pairs of sunglasses.

• 9:39Speaker 00

  Did you? Is that what you did?

• 9:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:40Speaker 03

  I think that's the guidance.

• 9:42Speaker 01

  No, it's not.

• 9:43Speaker 03

  But it's better than what? Better than two pairs?

• 9:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's better than no pairs.

• 9:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, it is. But also, did it do the job?

• 9:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:49Speaker 03

  Did it?

• 9:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:50Speaker 00

  One guy in my park took a sieve.

• 9:53Speaker 00

  That's not the same impact as a colander.

• 9:57Speaker 01

  I liked, because I remember the eclipse from 99.

• 10:01Speaker 00

  I remember that one. But it was cloudy in Wales. I watched that with dad, but it was really cloudy and a bit disappointing.

• 10:06Speaker 01

  It was a bit cloudy in Bristol and they were giving out free Bacardi breezers on Park Street in Bristol.

• 10:10Speaker 00

  Were they?

• 10:11Speaker 01

  Yeah. So if you just kept going up and down Park Street, you could get, we got like six Bacardi breezers each.

• 10:16Speaker 00

  Oh, nice.

• 10:18Speaker 01

  And we had them on Brandon Hill next to Cabot Tower. And this time, what I liked is just the air was cool for half an hour.

• 10:29Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 10:30Speaker 01

  And it'd been so hot.

• 10:32Speaker 00

  And there was that real eerie light.

• 10:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was lovely.

• 10:35Speaker 00

  Between about sort of quarter past seven and eight o'clock. So I, we, we go to play Three and In in the same park every night at about six o'clock when it's cooled down a bit.

• 10:44Speaker 01

  Lovely.

• 10:45Speaker 00

  And, and the park is usually empty apart from a couple of dog walkers, but there must have been 120 people all with colanders.

• 10:53Speaker 01

  It didn't feel quite as defining as the 99 one.

• 10:57Speaker 00

  What was 99 a hundred percent? Was that a bit better?

• 11:00Speaker 01

  Not in Bristol. It was very close to a hundred percent.

• 11:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:05Speaker 01

  But it didn't feel as, as quite as big as a cultural moment. And then obviously I was dealing with the portents, of course.

• 11:12Speaker 00

  I don't know, because.

• 11:13Speaker 01

  The ravens did eat them sen and the horses did, did chew on the old oak. Which signaled time of bad harvest, Dave.

• 11:24Speaker 00

  I did tell my son that God was eating the sun and he did freak out for a bit.

• 11:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, that's big. And the river went the wrong way.

• 11:32Speaker 03

  Right. What have I missed here?

• 11:33Speaker 01

  For the portents, Dave.

• 11:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't know what that means.

• 11:36Speaker 01

  And the chapel bell did chime backwards.

• 11:39Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. He's talking about eclipses and what sort of, you know.

• 11:42Speaker 03

  Oh, right.

• 11:43Speaker 00

  What the, how they've been regarded through history.

• 11:45Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 11:46Speaker 00

  I, 99, I remember being quite disappointed. I made more of an effort this time with, with the children. And the, the news coverage was pretty eclipse, hardcore eclipse for the day.

• 11:58Speaker 00

  It was, have you seen the pictures from Spain?

• 12:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:00Speaker 00

  It's incredible, the Spanish pictures.

• 12:02Speaker 03

  That's what you didn't have in 99, the social media to show you a skateboarder going up in front of the sun and dropping back down again. So it's quite nice though.

• 12:10Speaker 01

  The amount of bad photos there must be on iPhones right now.

• 12:13Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 12:14Speaker 01

  Like hundreds of overexposed or underexposed blurry, bad pictures of the sun.

• 12:20Speaker 00

  But there was about half an hour where it was really quite eerie and I really, it did make me feel connected to spirituality in a mad way.

• 12:29Speaker 01

  Did it?

• 12:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:30Speaker 01

  It was a lovely moment.

• 12:30Speaker 00

  You just think these have been happening, you know, the next one's in 2090, I think.

• 12:34Speaker 01

  Well, they're every year, pretty much, just at different times around the world.

• 12:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, but the next sort of good one in Britain. So I'll be 110.

• 12:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, we're not, we're not.

• 12:43Speaker 00

  Unlikely to see it.

• 12:44Speaker 01

  Hmm. There's loads that sort of touch the edges of Cornwall and like North Scotland and stuff.

• 12:51Speaker 00

  Oh, really?

• 12:51Speaker 01

  Yeah. But in terms of, you know, the London cultural media elite getting a glimpse of one, yeah, 2080. Some other parts of Britain, Ellis.

• 13:02Speaker 00

  They exist.

• 13:03Speaker 01

  That will, they'll be seeing bits of eclipse quite regularly, actually.

• 13:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:07Speaker 01

  But The Guardian don't care about that, do they, Ellis?

• 13:12Speaker 01

  The Guardian don't back Shetland.

• 13:14Speaker 00

  No, sky is an neighbourhood.

• 13:16Speaker 01

  Sky is an neighbourhood. Yes.

• 13:20Speaker 00

  But so what, did you, so did you just sit in your garden with three pairs of shades on?

• 13:24Speaker 01

  I was cooking and it's.

• 13:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, that's why it felt like less of an event because in 99 you were given free Bacardi breezers. And this, this time around, you were cooking yourself dinner with three pairs of shades on.

• 13:36Speaker 01

  I kept popping out to enjoy the cooler air and looking at it a bit, but you don't want to look at it for too long through three pairs of sunglasses.

• 13:43Speaker 00

  No. You don't.

• 13:45Speaker 01

  But no, I did, someone did lend me their eclipse glasses. It felt very far away through the eclipse glasses.

• 13:52Speaker 00

  What, the sun?

• 13:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, but as in it like, didn't feel like you were quite there.

• 13:57Speaker 03

  Do you not think?

• 13:58Speaker 01

  No.

• 13:58Speaker 03

  Oh, I loved it through the eclipse glasses.

• 14:00Speaker 00

  Where did you, they were all sold out. I couldn't get a pair of eclipse sunglasses.

• 14:03Speaker 03

  Well, I made a mistake. It's one of these things, you know, like in the morning, I just didn't think it was a big deal. And then throughout the day, things, you suddenly realise it is. So I'd just taken Lila to athletics.

• 14:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:12Speaker 03

  So Lila was doing athletics and I was on the side. I'd gone for a quick 5K, sure.

• 14:17Speaker 00

  Right.

• 14:17Speaker 03

  And then I'd, I'd come to the side and then I went on my phone. I thought, I feel really bad now because I'm just watching all my mates with their kids having a really nice moment. And I've just got Lila doing shot put in the middle of a field.

• 14:27Speaker 01

  And she's going to be like 73 the next time this happens.

• 14:31Speaker 03

  Be livid with me. So I actually went, so there was a few guys around me and this guy had like, sorry, I'll hit your microphone. He had like a little camera that then went to his iPad.

• 14:40Speaker 01

  Oh, nice.

• 14:42Speaker 03

  Yeah. So the camera, so I got on his, I got on his side.

• 14:45Speaker 00

  That's incredible.

• 14:46Speaker 03

  I was like, what were you looking at there, mate? And he was like, this is what's currently happening. I was like, wow.

• 14:50Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 14:50Speaker 03

  So then I felt bad. So I was like, I went onto the field and said to the instructor, I was like, look, can I just grab Lila for the next five? Because I think this is the kind of thing I'll regret not doing with her. So.

• 14:58Speaker 00

  I'll tell you what you'll regret. When she gets a silver medal at the Olympics.

• 15:04Speaker 03

  About five minutes of training.

• 15:05Speaker 00

  And her coach says, did you miss five minutes of training for the eclipse 15 years ago? She's like, yes. Oh, well, nice one.

• 15:12Speaker 01

  Yeah. Now you've been eclipsed by the Russians.

• 15:15Speaker 00

  Nice one. Who've been let back in.

• 15:17Speaker 01

  Yes, controversially.

• 15:18Speaker 00

  Controversially. Nice one.

• 15:20Speaker 03

  Well, I'm glad because it meant, me and Lila had a nice moment and she, there were some people with the glasses on the sidelines of the athletics. It was just a really nice communal thing, like, because we.

• 15:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, the park was full of people with colanders, which is, which will never happen again.

• 15:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was lovely. It's good stuff. Never know. Fingers crossed, 110. We might be back here the following week.

• 15:39Speaker 00

  Well, no, John would have retired for like 58 years previously.

• 15:44Speaker 01

  God, yeah.

• 15:44Speaker 00

  No, he'll, he'll come back. He's gone at 50, isn't he?

• 15:46Speaker 03

  He'll come back for the eclipse app.

• 15:48Speaker 00

  All right then. He'd be, he'd be quite ring rusty. He wouldn't have done any broadcasting 58 years.

• 15:54Speaker 03

  John looks stressed. Is he okay?

• 15:57Speaker 01

  Just don't ever do anything.

• 15:59Speaker 03

  Is it because you wiped your screen with a wet wipe?

• 16:01Speaker 00

  I updated my laptop and it is now unusable pretty much. I can't find anything anymore.

• 16:08Speaker 01

  Yeah. So now I can't do anything because I've been forced to update my operating system.

• 16:12Speaker 00

  And if you save, if you save anything on the desktop now, it just disappears forever. Or you press a button and then everything you've ever saved in the last 10 years, even on previous computers is there. And then it's, it looks like I am in crisis.

• 16:28Speaker 01

  You used to be able to use like an old OS pretty much forever. Now you get six months until they just absolutely, with respect, screw you.

• 16:39Speaker 00

  It's never that big a difference, is it? This one is the biggest difference because I had to do it for my home podcasting setup. And the next day of my life was challenging. I still don't like it.

• 16:52Speaker 01

  God.

• 16:52Speaker 00

  But John's, why, what's upset you now, John?

• 16:54Speaker 01

  Well, I've just, I mean, oh, well.

• 16:57Speaker 00

  Oh dear.

• 16:57Speaker 03

  Is this ahead of contact?

• 16:59Speaker 01

  No, I went to open my email. Why do I have to select a verification method? Just sod off. This helps make sure it's really you signing in. Okay, let's go for a text. Oh, let's verify your account. Jeez Louise. I mean, I literally can't continue with the show until I've succumbed to this. How?

• 17:22Speaker 03

  You'll, you'll get a little text, but isn't it nice how it?

• 17:25Speaker 01

  Oh, of course the text hasn't come yet. Notoriously slow.

• 17:29Speaker 03

  You're on airplane mode?

• 17:30Speaker 01

  No.

• 17:30Speaker 00

  John, do you know what John is? John is a George Herbert. He's a John Donne. He's a metaphysical poet writing on blimmin' with a pen and paper.

• 17:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:39Speaker 00

  A quill.

• 17:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:40Speaker 00

  He's 1580s. He's, he's not.

• 17:44Speaker 01

  Well, that's it.

• 17:45Speaker 00

  That's it.

• 17:46Speaker 03

  This is right.

• 17:47Speaker 00

  Programme's over now.

• 17:48Speaker 01

  Sorry, folks. I made the mistake of doing what I was forced to do by Apple.

• 17:53Speaker 00

  Shall we do the trailer again?

• 17:55Speaker 01

  No.

• 17:55Speaker 00

  Shall we just listen to Skies a Neighbourhood again? There's two versions. I'm going to re-record the second version to make it some more of a crescendo. I'll play octaves on my left hand.

• 18:03Speaker 03

  No, the crescendo work. Don't give Jenny.

• 18:05Speaker 00

  He's a nibble.

• 18:06Speaker 03

  Don't give Jenny more work on the week when Michael's off.

• 18:08Speaker 00

  I'm afraid Jenny, if Jenny wants to.

• 18:10Speaker 03

  Jenny wants to make it in this business.

• 18:12Speaker 00

  She wants to make it in this, in this biz.

• 18:14Speaker 01

  Well, don't worry, Dave. If they don't send you the code, which they haven't done, the other option is to call the customer care. Do you fancy me being on, trying to call Yahoo customer care?

• 18:25Speaker 03

  Well, after credit rating gate, absolutely. It's come down as a classic app.

• 18:29Speaker 00

  John, John's still with Yahoo because he's in an old people's home.

• 18:34Speaker 01

  I, I feel like I live in an old people's home now.

• 18:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:39Speaker 01

  Why do you have?

• 18:40Speaker 00

  John had the first email address.

• 18:42Speaker 03

  John.

• 18:43Speaker 00

  The John.

• 18:44Speaker 03

  At me dot com.

• 18:47Speaker 03

  Shall we, John?

• 18:50Speaker 03

  Cut. Shall we go to a Cymru connection?

• 18:53Speaker 01

  Oh, don't worry.

• 18:54Speaker 03

  Well done.

• 18:54Speaker 01

  We've got a security code to tell them I'm, I'm me. I'm me. Hi, I'm me.

• 19:04Speaker 00

  Shall we do our Premier League predictions, Dave?

• 19:06Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, that's nice.

• 19:06Speaker 00

  Coventry City, ninth.

• 19:09Speaker 03

  Do you still do fantasy football?

• 19:11Speaker 00

  No, I, I'm, I find it demoralising how bad I am at fantasy football.

• 19:15Speaker 03

  It stresses me out too much.

• 19:16Speaker 00

  So it stresses me out, yeah.

• 19:17Speaker 03

  I don't like giving up on stuff, but it's just, it makes me anxious.

• 19:20Speaker 00

  I was just rubbish at it.

• 19:21Speaker 03

  Hmm. And you know your stuff.

• 19:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, but it's, it's keeping an eye on sort of micro injuries.

• 19:29Speaker 03

  And then there's a Friday night kickoff and you've missed the deadline.

• 19:31Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 19:41Speaker 04

  I've got big news. I switched to Verizon and got the new iPhone 18 Pro. Shh. I can keep my old phone and I also get the latest iPhone every year. Shh. Anything else? Verizon let me choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on them. Everybody, listen up. Shh. Switch to Verizon and get the new iPhone 18 Pro now. No trade-in needed. And the latest iPhone every year with Simplicity Plan. Plus, choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on us. Simplicity Plan with Simplicity Pro required. Plan and device payment purchase are separate agreements with separate terms. Service plan for Watch or iPad required. Additional terms apply for all offers.

• 20:11Speaker 05

  Hey, it's Hannah Burner from Giggly Squad and the holidays are around the corner, which means I'm officially entering my Hostess Hannah era with Arm & Hammer Hardball Cat Litter. You guys know I love cats and fostering, but when I'm hosting, I do not want my house smelling like cats. I want people focusing on my hosting skills. That's why I love Arm & Hammer Hardball Cat Litter. It delivers long-lasting odor control and forms compact clumps that make cleanup easy so that's one less thing I need to worry about when people come over. Be guest-ready with Arm & Hammer Cat Litter. Find it now at Walmart or Amazon.

• 20:43Speaker 06

  Network freedom and flexibility. That's what you want in a healthcare plan. With a Humana Medicare Advantage PPO plan, you can see any doctor in the country who accepts Medicare, including specialists. No referrals, no kidding. Learn more at gethumana.com. See any doctor who accepts Medicare and is willing to bill Humana. Humana PPOs may not be available in all areas. Benefits and costs share may vary. Humana is a Medicare Advantage PPO organization with a Medicare contract. Enrollment in any Humana plan depends on contract renewal.

• 21:18Speaker 00

  Are we on a John Wins again?

• 21:20Speaker 01

  We're in the midst of one element of John Wins again, Dave.

• 21:24Speaker 00

  Might be a loss on the card.

• 21:25Speaker 01

  But yes, we can now. We are now good to go.

• 21:29Speaker 03

  Right, okay, let me get a piece of paper out. I've got it.

• 21:31Speaker 01

  Wripping out loud. Do you know when you feel your grip on being aware of what your tech can do? Just slipping.

• 21:41Speaker 00

  My tech...

• 21:42Speaker 01

  And you're like, I'm gonna fall or I just have to stay on this ledge for the rest of my life.

• 21:45Speaker 00

  My desktop is now unrecognizable and I was so pleased with how it was.

• 21:50Speaker 01

  Yeah. Okay. Yes, ready for John Wins again. Thank you.

• 21:54Speaker 03

  Here we go.

• 22:02Speaker 00

  John Wins again. Oh, John Wins again. John Wins again. John Wins again. Wins again. Wins again.

• 22:19Speaker 01

  Okay, it's John Wins again. Oh.

• 22:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Turned up two pretty big Waitrose I've found near me. I hadn't been there before and the Waitrose must have thought, this guy's not interested in yogurt. Wrong. I'm Mr. Yogurt. That's why I went there.

• 22:45Speaker 00

  So you can eat it now?

• 22:46Speaker 01

  Uh, that's a mix. Don't, let's not go down that rabbit hole.

• 22:50Speaker 00

  Okay, okay.

• 22:51Speaker 01

  The, I walked in to the Waitrose as Mr. Yogurt. I'm on a yogurt mission.

• 22:56Speaker 00

  Yeah. So you told the staff that you were Mr. Yogurt.

• 23:00Speaker 01

  No, head office at Waitrose had clearly thought, no one's really interested in yogurt at the minute. Let's put it all on offer and try and get some of this blooming yogurt no one wants off the shelves. In walks old Uncle Yogsley with his yogurt pot boots. And his foil cap.

• 23:21Speaker 00

  That he can lick from the inside.

• 23:22Speaker 01

  That he can lick from the inside. And he wanders down the aisle. Well, the yogurt I'm looking for is premium yogurt. It's gonna cost me.

• 23:33Speaker 01

  Deal after deal after deal.

• 23:36Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 23:36Speaker 01

  Tims, bon mamons. Did you know bon mamons did yogurt?

• 23:41Speaker 00

  No.

• 23:42Speaker 01

  Oh, they do.

• 23:42Speaker 00

  They make baby clothes, don't they?

• 23:43Speaker 01

  They do. And now it's in my mouth.

• 23:48Speaker 00

  In the store?

• 23:50Speaker 01

  I booked it, took it home and then put it in my mouth.

• 23:52Speaker 00

  Good.

• 23:53Speaker 01

  So yeah, um, sorry, Waitrose, it's 1-0 John Robbins. You thought you were safe to put deals on your premium yoghurts.

• 24:01Speaker 00

  And then Uncle Yogurt turned up.

• 24:03Speaker 01

  Uncle Yogsley.

• 24:04Speaker 03

  Uncle Yogsley won.

• 24:05Speaker 00

  Any Yo Valleys, any Onkins?

• 24:07Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. You'd like me to be walking out with Yo Valleys and Onkins. I'm bon mamons. I'm Tims. I do like Yo Valley.

• 24:17Speaker 00

  I've never actually heard of Tims.

• 24:18Speaker 01

  Oh my God.

• 24:20Speaker 00

  I like Lathal Lann, which I've only ever seen on Sailing Whales. Good yogs.

• 24:24Speaker 01

  Apparently Yo Valley is very ethically good.

• 24:27Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 24:28Speaker 01

  Their butter, their milk, their cream.

• 24:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:32Speaker 01

  And their yoghurts.

• 24:33Speaker 00

  And their guns.

• 24:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, and their firearms.

• 24:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  Yo Valley landmines. Cause they would look quite a lot like cowpats.

• 24:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, but they don't do that, do they?

• 24:48Speaker 01

  Well, we don't know for sure.

• 24:50Speaker 00

  I think we do.

• 24:50Speaker 01

  I'm pretty sure.

• 24:51Speaker 00

  I don't know for sure, actually.

• 24:52Speaker 01

  No.

• 24:53Speaker 00

  I could have, I could have an educated guess they don't.

• 24:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, but that's not, yeah, we shouldn't be asking for rights or a flag.

• 24:59Speaker 00

  Yo Valley don't do landmines.

• 25:00Speaker 01

  We're 99% sure Yo Valley don't do landmines.

• 25:03Speaker 00

  You're not gonna get hit by Yo Valley friendly fire.

• 25:05Speaker 01

  No.

• 25:05Speaker 03

  No, I think they're pretty sure it's 100%. What next?

• 25:08Speaker 01

  Petty Falou Do Do Mustard Gas.

• 25:15Speaker 01

  Okay. Have you ever heard the phrase gliss-glis multiplication?

• 25:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, you've talked about it a lot on the podcast.

• 25:24Speaker 01

  Not the multiplication, Dave.

• 25:26Speaker 00

  Oh, no. Okay, so it's now a community.

• 25:28Speaker 01

  My working theory is that the gliss have had children and they're on both sides of the roof.

• 25:35Speaker 00

  And they love a bit of incest.

• 25:37Speaker 01

  They do.

• 25:38Speaker 00

  They're at it.

• 25:39Speaker 01

  And what do the young gliss do that the grown-ups gliss don't do?

• 25:44Speaker 00

  Vape.

• 25:44Speaker 01

  Shriek.

• 25:45Speaker 00

  Shriek!

• 25:46Speaker 01

  Yes. A high-pitched shriek whilst the grown-ups scrabble around and clearly make nests out of your insulation that you can't access because they're behind the felt under the roof tiles.

• 25:59Speaker 00

  Oh, dear. Okay. So it doesn't sound like a win at this stage.

• 26:03Speaker 01

  No, it's not relaxing, Dave.

• 26:04Speaker 00

  But they can't.

• 26:05Speaker 01

  No matter how much yogurt you're eating.

• 26:08Speaker 00

  And you can't do anything about gliss-glis because they're protected.

• 26:10Speaker 01

  You can do things about gliss-glis.

• 26:12Speaker 00

  Using a Yo Valley machine gun.

• 26:14Speaker 01

  Using a Yo Valley machine gun, which is the only ethical way of dealing with them.

• 26:19Speaker 00

  The old Yo Valley Kalashnikov.

• 26:21Speaker 01

  Unfortunately, they're in a void that you can't access from the loft or the outside.

• 26:28Speaker 00

  What, without removing tiles?

• 26:29Speaker 01

  You'd have to take the roof off.

• 26:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:32Speaker 01

  Or the house off from under the roof.

• 26:35Speaker 00

  And the roof would just float.

• 26:37Speaker 01

  No, you could put the roof on RSJs.

• 26:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:40Speaker 01

  Demolish the house and then you'd be able to get to them.

• 26:43Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 26:43Speaker 01

  That would probably cost about 300 grand.

• 26:46Speaker 00

  I think more than that.

• 26:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, probably more than that. And then you got the rebuild, Dave.

• 26:49Speaker 00

  Who've you talked, who've you talked to about it? Is there a gliss-glis person in here?

• 26:53Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. He's very nice, but he is limited by physics.

• 26:57Speaker 00

  Yeah. And he's a bit of a pessimist.

• 27:00Speaker 01

  You what?

• 27:01Speaker 00

  Is he a bit of a pessimist?

• 27:02Speaker 01

  He's not a pessimist. He's a realist.

• 27:05Speaker 00

  Oh, dear.

• 27:05Speaker 01

  He's like, I can't get through wood. I can't travel through bricks. I tell you who can. Gliss-glis.

• 27:14Speaker 03

  Are they protected, I assume?

• 27:16Speaker 01

  You're not allowed to release them into the wild. They have to be...

• 27:21Speaker 00

  So where do they live?

• 27:23Speaker 01

  They live in the wild.

• 27:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:24Speaker 01

  But once you've captured them, you're not allowed to release them because they're invasive and sort of quite a destructive species.

• 27:30Speaker 00

  So what do you, what do you do once you've captured them?

• 27:32Speaker 01

  I don't ask questions like that.

• 27:34Speaker 00

  Why?

• 27:35Speaker 01

  I'd, I'll pay someone else to do that for me.

• 27:37Speaker 00

  Sounds like a job for the old Yo Valley machine gun.

• 27:41Speaker 01

  I think that you have to be calmly persuaded to die.

• 27:45Speaker 00

  To move to...

• 27:46Speaker 01

  Whilst listening to whale music and being stroked.

• 27:48Speaker 03

  Might manage to climb.

• 27:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:50Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 27:51Speaker 01

  Maybe they take them to Dignitas. I don't know. I just want them out of my roof.

• 27:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, so gliss-glis to Switzerland, Dave. Uh, John?

• 27:58Speaker 01

  I'd happily leave them be if they didn't make some of the most terrifying noises known to horror films.

• 28:05Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 28:07Speaker 01

  I went to what? Oh, I did a gliss-glis stakeout.

• 28:11Speaker 00

  Right.

• 28:12Speaker 01

  To try and...

• 28:13Speaker 00

  Have you been up there, have you?

• 28:15Speaker 01

  Well, I have been up there. You can't see anything from up there. But I was trying to find out where they got into the house because that would help us know the route. So I sat outside and looked at my house for two hours, like a police cop.

• 28:30Speaker 00

  Donuts and coffee?

• 28:31Speaker 01

  Donuts and, well, no, just vaping and my phone.

• 28:34Speaker 00

  That's good.

• 28:35Speaker 01

  But I was just looking at my phone. I was obviously looking at the house.

• 28:38Speaker 00

  So you had a podcast on or something?

• 28:39Speaker 01

  Yes. I was listening to a podcast and staring at my house. Then I was meditating.

• 28:43Speaker 00

  Have you ever seen them?

• 28:44Speaker 01

  No.

• 28:47Speaker 00

  This is a tough one.

• 28:48Speaker 03

  It's not on your mind, is it? It's definitely happening.

• 28:50Speaker 01

  Definitely not all in the mind, no.

• 28:53Speaker 00

  That would be much worse if you was imagining gliss-glis.

• 28:55Speaker 01

  But the stakeout was quite fun. I found, it's like a struggle to cope with overthinking. But when I have a, when the job is, look at your house for two hours.

• 29:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:07Speaker 01

  Sort of bizarrely clears your head.

• 29:10Speaker 00

  I'm rereading The Outsider by Cambo at the moment.

• 29:14Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. You're trying to impress a girl at sixth form?

• 29:16Speaker 00

  No, I just hadn't read it since I was about 16 and then I found, I stumbled upon my copy, which is 30 years old. He was, yeah. All, what did he say? Something like, all I've learnt about morality I've learnt from football. Anyway, I'd not read it for about 30 years and I've got about 30 pages left. And, uh, the protagonist's approach to calming himself in prison really reminded me of you.

• 29:41Speaker 01

  What does he do? I, I think about going to prison a lot.

• 29:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, there's, in the second section of the book, there is, there is a chapter where he talks about how he spends his day in prison. I was like, Camu either knew John or had imagined John, or John must have read a lot of Camu.

• 30:01Speaker 01

  What does he do?

• 30:03Speaker 03

  It's just like, um, like he's, he's like, I reckon I just tried to remember things. I think you could only have lived a day and that could last me a hundred years. Because I just, I just sit and I dwell. And suddenly it was the summer and I'd been in prison for a year.

• 30:17Speaker 01

  Well, it's funny you should say that. I'll skip ahead. Um, I played golf with Tom Rosenthal, friend of the show.

• 30:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:24Speaker 01

  And, uh, I got my fifth lowest ever score.

• 30:27Speaker 03

  Well done. Oh, you're back on the horse then?

• 30:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, Bro Katie, lowest ever handicap. Absolutely destroyed him, Dave. It was embarrassing.

• 30:34Speaker 03

  But it's about you, isn't it? It's not about who you're beating. Is that what you say in golf?

• 30:39Speaker 01

  You can only, you only cheat yourself, they say in golf.

• 30:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, but you can't absolutely hammer your opponent.

• 30:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, beat him eight and six. Um, but, uh, I then, when I went to bed to get myself to sleep, I replayed the round in my head.

• 30:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's.

• 30:53Speaker 01

  And I remembered every shot.

• 30:55Speaker 03

  Did you, you haven't killed a gun at beach, have you, John?

• 30:57Speaker 01

  No, don't think so.

• 30:59Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 30:59Speaker 01

  Though a guy, once I went swimming in the sea, first and last time, not first time, was the last time. And a guy's dog came and weeded on my then partner's handbag.

• 31:08Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 31:09Speaker 01

  Cause it wasn't on a lead and he wasn't well trained.

• 31:12Speaker 03

  Um.

• 31:13Speaker 01

  Not the dog's fault.

• 31:14Speaker 03

  This is a question, I'm sure you've, you've looked into this.

• 31:17Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 31:19Speaker 03

  You know how ants don't like the smell of peppermint, et cetera?

• 31:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:23Speaker 03

  Is there a way of making your attic very unpleasant to grisk, grisk?

• 31:26Speaker 01

  To set it on fire.

• 31:28Speaker 03

  Other than fire, that's a destructive, uh, option.

• 31:31Speaker 01

  I will ask, if the peanut butter doesn't work, I'll say, what's the next step?

• 31:36Speaker 03

  You've got to be so careful with peppermint.

• 31:38Speaker 01

  And fire.

• 31:39Speaker 03

  And fire.

• 31:40Speaker 01

  Why have you got to be careful with peppermint?

• 31:42Speaker 03

  I'm just wondering if she'll be happy with me. I think, I think she, a good friend of mine, but won't name him.

• 31:49Speaker 01

  Do you live with this good friend?

• 31:50Speaker 03

  No, I don't, I don't. Is it called Hannah? Is it your wife?

• 31:52Speaker 01

  No, let's, let's call her, let's call her, let's not call her anything. Let's not call her anything.

• 31:58Speaker 03

  And they had rats in their walls.

• 32:00Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 32:01Speaker 03

  And it was, it was horrible. They'd just moved into their new house.

• 32:04Speaker 01

  It's terrifying.

• 32:05Speaker 03

  Um.

• 32:06Speaker 01

  Rats are the worst.

• 32:06Speaker 03

  One of the, one of the people who lived in the house got the measurement of peppermint wrong. And it's meant to be a couple of, you know, pipettes of drops just around the gaff to clear. And she put like bottles worth.

• 32:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:18Speaker 03

  And they went into the house and it's a terraced house.

• 32:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:21Speaker 03

  Her, her, her partner or friend or someone who she's close to.

• 32:25Speaker 01

  This person called Dave?

• 32:26Speaker 03

  No, it's not us. I can't stress that enough.

• 32:29Speaker 01

  Right.

• 32:29Speaker 03

  He went in, his eyes just started flooding. Like he had to leave immediately. They had to clear their house, next door's house and the one in the house after that. Because it was basically deadly amounts of peppermint. You could not live in the house because they had put too much down. Killed the rats. The rats were gone.

• 32:44Speaker 01

  Cause mice don't like black pepper.

• 32:46Speaker 03

  Oh, right. No, peppermint was, was what they got.

• 32:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, but ants don't like peppermint. Cause I had ants this summer.

• 32:53Speaker 03

  Anyway, absolutely. I mean, they had to leave the house for a week and they just moved into it horrendous. So yeah, if you're ever thinking about the peppermint, just get the measurements right.

• 33:00Speaker 01

  Well, I wasn't thinking about the peppermint till now.

• 33:02Speaker 03

  It could be an option.

• 33:03Speaker 01

  Um, be down to 12.1 golf handicap.

• 33:07Speaker 03

  Oh, great.

• 33:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, so very pleased with that. Unfortunately though, interesting you're talking about prison, I'm going to prison.

• 33:14Speaker 03

  What have you done?

• 33:15Speaker 01

  I am a criminal.

• 33:17Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 33:17Speaker 01

  I am a convicted criminal and I have photographic evidence. What is my crime?

• 33:23Speaker 03

  Handsomeness.

• 33:24Speaker 01

  Thank you, Dave, but no.

• 33:26Speaker 03

  Uh, you got stuck in a box junction.

• 33:28Speaker 01

  No.

• 33:29Speaker 03

  Fifty times.

• 33:30Speaker 01

  Closer.

• 33:32Speaker 03

  Uh, you drove into an ambulance and you showed no remorse.

• 33:38Speaker 01

  No. Have you ever heard the phrase bilking?

• 33:43Speaker 03

  Hmm. No, built on, obviously.

• 33:47Speaker 01

  I got a letter. I cannot believe this has happened.

• 33:51Speaker 03

  Is this a foreign crime?

• 33:53Speaker 01

  No, it's not. I got a letter to say that I had driven off without paying for my petrol.

• 34:01Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 34:02Speaker 01

  And I was like, oh no, my car's been cloned. I was, I wasn't anywhere near Maidenhead on that date. I, I clicked the link to see the evidence. Who's walking through a shell garage shop, boulders brass?

• 34:18Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 34:18Speaker 01

  Johnny JR, having just filled up his tank.

• 34:22Speaker 03

  You just drove off?

• 34:23Speaker 01

  No, I went into the shop, went to the loo, considered a meal deal, thought better of it, then just left.

• 34:32Speaker 03

  This is.

• 34:33Speaker 01

  I know.

• 34:33Speaker 03

  There are two things that have happened in the last week.

• 34:37Speaker 01

  This is a worry.

• 34:37Speaker 03

  That show significant cognitive decline.

• 34:40Speaker 01

  I know.

• 34:40Speaker 03

  And I'm worried about myself.

• 34:42Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 34:43Speaker 03

  I've got it coming in the post.

• 34:45Speaker 01

  Now.

• 34:46Speaker 03

  But this, these are so out of character, these two things.

• 34:49Speaker 01

  In, in my defence, Your Honour, my lud.

• 34:53Speaker 03

  Taking your sister's phone to Buckinghamshire for a laugh.

• 34:56Speaker 01

  May.

• 34:56Speaker 03

  And now leaving a petrol station without having paid.

• 34:58Speaker 01

  May I please my lud's to, to plea the fifth and make a statement to the court on behalf of Messrs Robins and Robins?

• 35:08Speaker 03

  Okay. So you did it with your brother?

• 35:10Speaker 01

  This is the petrol station. I go somewhere near this petrol station quite a lot.

• 35:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:17Speaker 01

  Sometimes I go to the petrol station for petrol.

• 35:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:20Speaker 01

  Sometimes I go for lunch and sometimes I just use the loo. So I don't automatically associate being in there with buying petrol. Cause I would say I'm very rarely getting petrol. Cause it's quite expensive. I'm, I'm usually just using the facilities.

• 35:37Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 35:37Speaker 01

  And maybe buying a prawn sandwich.

• 35:39Speaker 03

  John goes to garages to shower.

• 35:41Speaker 01

  So I'm, what's happened is I've got my diesel. I've gone in, I thought I'll go to the loo, maybe I got a meal deal. By the time I come out of the loo, obviously so much has changed.

• 35:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:52Speaker 01

  I'm now thinking, do I want a meal deal today? No, I think I'm all right.

• 35:55Speaker 03

  And you're creating content in your mind.

• 35:56Speaker 01

  I'm creating content in my mind. So I think, no, just the loo today. Off I pop and just forgot to pay.

• 36:01Speaker 03

  So what happens there? I'm curious now.

• 36:03Speaker 01

  So you get sent a photographic evidence. There I am, Dave. Guilty as sin.

• 36:10Speaker 03

  He's looking great and he's gonna eat your trousers and trainers, lovely stuff.

• 36:14Speaker 01

  You get the receipt for the, so they've obviously know I'm not a hardened criminal, like pulling off at speed. Cause I've gone into the shop.

• 36:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:24Speaker 01

  I think that they know I've just forgot. So they'd send you a photo of the receipt awaiting payment. They send a photo of you, they send a photo of your car, and then you have to pay the price of the fuel. And in fairness, the reasonable fine of thirty five pounds.

• 36:40Speaker 03

  Oh, so it's like an admin charge or just fine.

• 36:42Speaker 01

  I thought it was gonna be like five hundred quid for high larceny and grand treason.

• 36:47Speaker 03

  Treat, how did you let down your country?

• 36:50Speaker 01

  Well, do you think the king wants people to bilk?

• 36:53Speaker 03

  No, but there's probably a lot of things the king doesn't want people to do.

• 36:56Speaker 01

  Exactly. And I think the king has let me off on his thirty five pound charge.

• 37:00Speaker 03

  Is this a common term? I've never heard this word before.

• 37:03Speaker 01

  It must be, yeah. If you watch traffic cops a lot, you will hear the phrase bilking. I don't think people are calling it bilking as much anymore.

• 37:10Speaker 03

  But there's billions of pound, pounds lost each year to bilkers, isn't there? I think it's quite a big thing.

• 37:15Speaker 01

  Yeah. And when petrol goes up, when the, the prices are very high at the minute, it, it does spiral.

• 37:22Speaker 03

  Okay. Wow. I think that's two crosses there because there is A, crime and B, cognitive decline. No, it's one and it's one in the same.

• 37:30Speaker 01

  So bilking is fraudulently obtaining goods or services without paying. So dining and dashing would be bilking.

• 37:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:37Speaker 01

  And like legging it from a taxi without paying a fare.

• 37:40Speaker 03

  You can't do that anymore. They love the doors. Not, not that I ever did.

• 37:44Speaker 01

  Um, next up.

• 37:46Speaker 03

  And I hate people to do.

• 37:47Speaker 01

  I saw Witch at the Hundred Club and it's one of the best gigs I've ever seen.

• 37:53Speaker 03

  What, the Zambian?

• 37:54Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 37:55Speaker 03

  Uh, psych band?

• 37:56Speaker 01

  We intend to cause havoc. They were superb. And the drummer was from Bristol and the bassist was from Bristol.

• 38:04Speaker 03

  They.

• 38:04Speaker 01

  And they, they did introduce the band and I cheered for the drummer and the bassist.

• 38:08Speaker 03

  They must be getting on a bit now.

• 38:10Speaker 01

  There's two, I think two active members from the original lineup of Witch.

• 38:14Speaker 03

  I don't know who they are.

• 38:15Speaker 01

  I cannot recommend their music enough.

• 38:18Speaker 03

  It is fantastic.

• 38:20Speaker 01

  And their new albums are superb and they played the song I like the most.

• 38:25Speaker 03

  Oh, nice. Great. Zamrock, yeah, Zambian, look, they.

• 38:29Speaker 01

  Zambian rock, yeah. In the sort of late seventies when, uh, Zambia started getting access to Western music.

• 38:35Speaker 03

  That's cool.

• 38:36Speaker 01

  And there's this combo of like African rhythms and so Jimi Hendrix cream type stuff.

• 38:43Speaker 03

  You have a lot of beef art in there. Succotyler and Freakbeaten. It's really, that album, the seventies album is the only one I've heard, is superb.

• 38:51Speaker 01

  And big shout out to their support, the Heavenly Bodes, who are a, I sent Ellis a song of theirs, actually. They're a sort of psych folk band.

• 39:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:00Speaker 01

  And they had a really nice pink t-shirt I wanted, but they didn't have it in medium.

• 39:05Speaker 03

  You get it online.

• 39:06Speaker 01

  You can't, they're limited runs, Dave.

• 39:08Speaker 03

  Get large, go down the backy route.

• 39:10Speaker 01

  I did think about that, but I panicked.

• 39:12Speaker 03

  Get down back in, mate.

• 39:13Speaker 01

  Um, that, have you got that down?

• 39:16Speaker 03

  Big time.

• 39:17Speaker 01

  Now then, you have to decide whether this is a win, Dave.

• 39:20Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 39:21Speaker 01

  I went to Izzy picnic, uh, picnic for Ellis's lovely wife Izzy.

• 39:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:27Speaker 01

  It was her birthday. Lovely time, lots of Izzy's friends. And there was a raffle.

• 39:34Speaker 01

  Uh, and what you had to do is you had to bring items to raffle. So we, we are staring down the barrel of items people don't want.

• 39:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:43Speaker 01

  Yeah. Or a, or a surplus to requirements. Um, I brought some books and some, uh, retinol eye masks.

• 39:52Speaker 03

  Which I won.

• 39:53Speaker 01

  Which Ellis won.

• 39:53Speaker 03

  Well done.

• 39:54Speaker 01

  Uh, so I did pretty well in the raffle, Dave.

• 39:57Speaker 03

  To the extent that it looked like a fix.

• 39:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:59Speaker 03

  It was really funny. Cause Betty kept drawing John's numbers out.

• 40:03Speaker 01

  Hmm. Um, but you get to decide whether this is a win or a loss, Dave, when I tell you what I won in the raffle.

• 40:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, I remember.

• 40:10Speaker 01

  Uh, a big lavender candle that smelled like you just poured lavender in your house to get rid of rats.

• 40:16Speaker 03

  Oh, lavender's nice.

• 40:18Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 40:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's not the worst thing. Well, lavender's a, lavender candle cannot be a loss. I agree.

• 40:23Speaker 01

  Some beads.

• 40:25Speaker 03

  Fantastic.

• 40:26Speaker 01

  Good for bead working.

• 40:27Speaker 03

  Just normal beads?

• 40:28Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah. Then separate prize, a bead.

• 40:32Speaker 03

  A bead?

• 40:33Speaker 01

  One bead.

• 40:34Speaker 03

  Okay, add it to the beads.

• 40:35Speaker 01

  Add it to the other beads, which are normal beads. Um, a lovely heart bracelet.

• 40:41Speaker 03

  Great. Which I made.

• 40:42Speaker 01

  Was actually really nice. Did you make that?

• 40:43Speaker 03

  No, of course not. I'm straight. Where are all these, where are all these coming from?

• 40:49Speaker 01

  From the raffle.

• 40:50Speaker 03

  From the James family.

• 40:51Speaker 01

  No, everyone has to bring items for the raffle.

• 40:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay.

• 40:55Speaker 01

  Uh, a novelty shower cap in the shape of a strawberry.

• 41:00Speaker 00

  It did look funny on his head.

• 41:01Speaker 03

  Have you got a picture of that?

• 41:03Speaker 01

  No, I don't.

• 41:03Speaker 03

  That's a shame. Okay, I'm totting these up in my head.

• 41:07Speaker 01

  Okay. A tote bag full of odd socks that I was assured were clean.

• 41:13Speaker 03

  Right, who's bringing that to the raffle?

• 41:15Speaker 00

  My friend, my friends Jane and Bruce.

• 41:16Speaker 03

  Okay, we're starting to, before we were in the wind territory, we're just starting to edge closer to the

• 41:21Speaker 01

  They might as well have bought me their recycling.

• 41:24Speaker 00

  That made me laugh so much. They smelled clean. They were just, they were a lot of odd socks.

• 41:28Speaker 01

  They had been clean.

• 41:29Speaker 03

  But was that, no disrespect.

• 41:31Speaker 00

  They were largely black.

• 41:33Speaker 03

  Was it a joke?

• 41:35Speaker 00

  I think they were just, they had just moved in. They were looking to get rid of some stuff and it was the perfect.

• 41:38Speaker 01

  They'd had a sock audit and they wanted me to bear the brunt.

• 41:41Speaker 03

  I understand sock audits, but you can't then, you can't then take your socks to a raffle, can you?

• 41:48Speaker 01

  Uh, finally, a signed photograph of Isabel Sutti.

• 41:54Speaker 03

  Who was that from?

• 41:55Speaker 00

  That's from Izzy, yeah, yeah.

• 41:56Speaker 01

  So you decide whether that was a win or not, Dave.

• 41:58Speaker 03

  It's a win, of course it's a win, because it's all free stuff. It's all free stuff.

• 42:01Speaker 01

  Because I get to spend the evening with my bead.

• 42:06Speaker 03

  Raffle win.

• 42:07Speaker 00

  Steph noticed that you didn't take all of the stuff home with you and he was absolutely disgusted.

• 42:12Speaker 01

  Was he?

• 42:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:13Speaker 01

  I gave, oh, I actually gave him the marbles I won.

• 42:16Speaker 00

  Yes, he was pleased with his marbles.

• 42:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, one marbles as well. I mean, it was like a mad amount of prizes.

• 42:22Speaker 03

  Marbles. What was it? A bag of socks?

• 42:24Speaker 01

  Bag of socks, yeah. A bag of odd socks that I was assured were clean.

• 42:29Speaker 03

  Okay, bag of odd socks. I mean, I'm putting it down as a win because I can't possibly, we can't suggest that, you know,

• 42:35Speaker 01

  Can't suggest.

• 42:36Speaker 03

  If you're bringing, if you're taking away more stuff than you're taking, I think that's got to be a win.

• 42:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:40Speaker 03

  Okay, it was three, two.

• 42:42Speaker 01

  There's more to come.

• 42:42Speaker 03

  Is there? Are you sure?

• 42:44Speaker 01

  Got my warning lights fixed, but because Kia put the sensor in the wheel bearing and you have to replace wheel bearings as a pair, it cost me £340.

• 42:52Speaker 03

  Goodness me, Kia saw you coming.

• 42:55Speaker 01

  Then, of course, there is my driving mishap yesterday, which we've covered.

• 43:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:01Speaker 01

  And the update of my new operating systems on both my phone and my Mac, which I'll let Ellis decide if that's been a seamless process.

• 43:09Speaker 00

  Well, I've not done the phone one yet because I'm scared of it. The laptop one, I did the same one as John and it has made my life far more difficult.

• 43:17Speaker 01

  Ellis, do you want the widgets on your phone and your computer to be slightly more curved at the sake of all usability?

• 43:24Speaker 00

  No.

• 43:25Speaker 01

  Then you're not going to enjoy the process. There endeth the lesson.

• 43:29Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 43:32Speaker 03

  Operating system.

• 43:35Speaker 03

  Curved edges.

• 43:38Speaker 03

  Okay, it's a huge loss week for you, John. It's rare that actually we have a cumulative loss, but it is.

• 43:43Speaker 01

  David feels it.

• 43:44Speaker 03

  It does, doesn't it?

• 43:45Speaker 01

  I've committed a crime. I've stolen my sister's phone. I've won a bead and that's a win.

• 43:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:53Speaker 01

  The gliss-glis have multiplied in a void that I can't access and are now screaming.

• 43:59Speaker 00

  It's been a bad week.

• 44:00Speaker 01

  It has been a bad week.

• 44:01Speaker 00

  I tell you what.

• 44:02Speaker 01

  But my skin's good.

• 44:03Speaker 00

  You cope with bad weeks so much better than you used to. If you were still drinking.

• 44:08Speaker 01

  Oh no, you can't have that as a win because it was very bad before then. So it's just a skin rollercoaster.

• 44:13Speaker 00

  If you were still drinking, you would be horrible company now.

• 44:16Speaker 01

  I'd be hammered.

• 44:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's lucky you're not.

• 44:19Speaker 00

  But you wouldn't be hammered on the shows.

• 44:20Speaker 01

  I wouldn't have to deal with any of this.

• 44:23Speaker 03

  Well, no, you would for 80% of your week.

• 44:25Speaker 01

  In 10 years' time.

• 44:28Speaker 00

  You'd be dead de grumper.

• 44:30Speaker 01

  There we go.

• 44:31Speaker 03

  All right, it's three, five in the losses and you've covered it there, but a couple of big wins there. Witch at 100 Club, Uncle Yogsley won, waytrays now.

• 44:39Speaker 01

  Uncle Yogsley cleaned up.

• 44:41Speaker 03

  Oh, he absolutely cleaned up. Great. Thank you, John.

• 44:52Speaker 05

  Hey, it's Hannah Burner from Giggly Squad and the holidays are around the corner, which means I'm officially entering my hostess Hannah era with Arm and Hammer Hardball Cat Litter. You guys know I love cats and fostering, but when I'm hosting, I do not want my house smelling like cats. I want people focusing on my hosting skills. That's why I love Arm and Hammer Hardball Cat Litter. It delivers long-lasting odor control and forms compact clumps that make cleanup easy. So that's one less thing I need to worry about when people come over. Be guest ready with Arm and Hammer Cat Litter. Find it now at Walmart or Amazon.

• 45:24Speaker 04

  I've got big news. I switched to Verizon and got the new iPhone 18 Pro. Shh. I can keep my old phone and I also get the latest iPhone every year. Shh, anything else? Verizon let me choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on them. Everybody listen up. Shh. Switch to Verizon and get the new iPhone 18 Pro now. No trade in needed and the latest iPhone every year with Simplicity Plan. Plus choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on us. Simplicity Plan with Simplicity Pro required. Plan and device payment purchase are separate agreements with separate terms. Service plan for watch or iPad required. Additional terms apply for all offers. Ranked number one in innovation, 12 consecutive years, Arizona State University isn't just ahead of the curve, it's creating new paths to success. Learn from notable research faculty online. That's a degree better. Explore programs at asuonline.asu.edu.

• 46:16Speaker 01

  Now then, it's time. I've got the wrong sheets.

• 46:21Speaker 03

  We shall come reconnect.

• 46:23Speaker 01

  We're only 26 minutes late to the come reconnection, Dave.

• 46:26Speaker 03

  Big week. It's, you know, it's humbling.

• 46:28Speaker 01

  That we can edit that down, can't we, Dave, in the edit?

• 46:31Speaker 03

  Well, the problem is it's a score system, John, so you can't edit too much because then.

• 46:35Speaker 01

  Speed it up.

• 46:36Speaker 03

  Just speed it up.

• 46:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, do it at 1.5.

• 46:39Speaker 03

  1.5.

• 46:40Speaker 01

  Let's return to the tenses feature in podcasting. It's time for the come reconnection.

• 46:44Speaker 07

  It's another come reconnection. Ellis thinks his tactics are sheer perfection, but his questions have one direction. Where did you go to school? Do you know Daffodil Evans? No. Come on, mate, you must do. No, we've never met at all.

• 47:13Speaker 01

  Yes, here we have it. It's, well, it's the pinnacle of this programme somehow.

• 47:21Speaker 03

  It's, yeah, it's definitely a highlight. It's definitely a flagship feature.

• 47:25Speaker 01

  Last week, in what could only be described as a nice chat, Ellis took a trip down memory lane with caller Jude, sharing stories of childhood friend Dan, who was unfortunately a connection lost to the wind.

• 47:35Speaker 00

  He sent me a message on Facebook. Very nice to hear from him. And I got a great come reconnection message. Do you want me to tell you?

• 47:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 47:47Speaker 00

  Hi, well, sorry, I'll have to translate it. Hi, I'm in a, I'm in a swimming pool in Cyprus. I'm 53.

• 47:54Speaker 00

  I heard some Welsh. I said, right, we've got 60 seconds. And yeah, done. We come reconnected in Cyprus with a, with a person who was in her late twenties. And bizarrely, I actually know the come reconnectee, the person there.

• 48:06Speaker 03

  So people are doing, this is like splinter groups of come reconnectors.

• 48:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. Guerrilla come reconnecting.

• 48:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, nice.

• 48:13Speaker 01

  However, Ellis is not here to have nice chats. Ellis is here to come reconnect. And you'd expect, Dave, with that attitude, you'd have all his notes in front of him by now, wouldn't he, after two years?

• 48:23Speaker 03

  He has got some notes. He's got Tuesday's running order.

• 48:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:27Speaker 03

  And that's it.

• 48:28Speaker 01

  He's done no prep.

• 48:29Speaker 00

  All the notes are in my mind.

• 48:32Speaker 03

  In your mind.

• 48:33Speaker 00

  Because people loved Paul Gascoigne.

• 48:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:37Speaker 00

  Because he was, he was purely an instinct-based player. Diego Maradona. You know, you want me to be James Milner and I've got no problem with James Milner at all.

• 48:47Speaker 01

  I'll be honest with you, Ellis, you have neither Gascoigne nor Maradona's stats. Okay.

• 48:53Speaker 03

  There are some good stats here. You keep reading, John. I've got, I've got a little image to show you in a second.

• 49:00Speaker 01

  He'd had a good week. He wasn't going to let it define him. "I won't let it define me," he shouted so loudly that a far less friendly, far more stinner, Bugan Beath stirred in distant Pembrokeshire. Adopting his classic failed connection pose, Ellis covered his eyes with his hands, but Ellis, even if you can't see the Bugan Beath, the Bugan Beath can still see you.

• 49:20Speaker 00

  The grave ghost.

• 49:21Speaker 03

  What is that?

• 49:22Speaker 00

  A Bugan Beath.

• 49:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:23Speaker 00

  Bugan is a sort of word for ghost or spirit.

• 49:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:27Speaker 00

  And to bathe is grave.

• 49:29Speaker 01

  Ellis's connection rate has now dropped to 46.94%, with 46 connections out of 98 attempts. Ellis, you can get to 48 if you get the next two, because then we hit the big 100. Can he turn things around today? We have a caller on the line from Wales. Caller, are you there?

• 49:46Speaker 02

  Hello, I'm here.

• 49:48Speaker 01

  What is your name?

• 49:49Speaker 02

  I'm Owain.

• 49:50Speaker 01

  Welcome, Owain. We have two Owains. Ellis, you have 60 seconds to find a mutual connection with Owain. Your time starts now.

• 49:59Speaker 00

  Agent School.

• 50:01Speaker 02

  44. I'm calling from Aberhandy.

• 50:04Speaker 00

  Aberhandy. Do you know my friend Luke Williams?

• 50:07Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 50:08Speaker 00

  Okay, that's fine. What do you do for a living?

• 50:11Speaker 02

  Um, medical affairs.

• 50:12Speaker 00

  Okay, where did you go to university if you went?

• 50:14Speaker 02

  I went to De Montfort in Leicester and then Surrey.

• 50:18Speaker 00

  You don't know my friend Katie Jones? She's a few years older than you. She went to Leicester.

• 50:22Speaker 02

  No, sorry.

• 50:23Speaker 00

  Okay, that's fine. Where do you live now?

• 50:26Speaker 02

  Just north of Oxford.

• 50:28Speaker 00

  North of Oxford. Aberhandy. So where did you go out for like nights out and stuff?

• 50:33Speaker 02

  Uh, we used to go to Cardiff and Swansea sometimes.

• 50:35Speaker 00

  Cardiff and Swansea sometimes. Okay.

• 50:40Speaker 00

  Are you a speaker?

• 50:41Speaker 02

  I am, yeah.

• 50:42Speaker 00

  Okay. Uh, did you go to like my speech at the Vodgigs and stuff in the late 90s, early 2000s?

• 50:47Speaker 02

  Do you know what? I didn't, probably not.

• 50:49Speaker 00

  Okay, that's fine. Um, I used to go out in Swansea. Where did you used to go in Swansea? What sort of nightclubs?

• 50:55Speaker 02

  Uh, Escape. Going back a bit.

• 50:58Speaker 00

  All right then, Owain, I'm probably, that's time.

• 51:01Speaker 01

  It's simply not good enough, is it, Dave?

• 51:03Speaker 03

  I know. I think that's unfair. I think this is a tricky one. There's just some weeks where it's tricky. This is tricky.

• 51:09Speaker 01

  He should have spreadsheets by now.

• 51:11Speaker 00

  Of course he should, John.

• 51:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, we know that, Dave. The crowd know that. Some of them are already filing out. They don't want to see the sun lounger. They've had enough of this.

• 51:20Speaker 00

  What did you do free rate levels?

• 51:23Speaker 02

  Biology and then toxicology masters. So I know it's a tricky one.

• 51:30Speaker 00

  You interest me, Owen.

• 51:34Speaker 02

  I think we're quite similar in ways, but.

• 51:36Speaker 01

  Do you not prepare for anything?

• 51:40Speaker 02

  Definitely not.

• 51:42Speaker 00

  So the same age, is that right?

• 51:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're.

• 51:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, we probably rubbed shoulders in, you know, Plangranog and Glanlyn and all that, but you know.

• 51:51Speaker 00

  Did you ever do the quad bikes in Plangranog?

• 51:54Speaker 02

  I did, I crashed it.

• 51:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, I crashed my quad bike. Do you remember David used to look after the?

• 52:00Speaker 02

  I can't, I can't say I do, sorry.

• 52:02Speaker 00

  Which horse did you ride in Plangranog?

• 52:06Speaker 02

  I don't remember that, to be honest.

• 52:07Speaker 00

  Can't connect over a horse. Anyway, my horse was.

• 52:10Speaker 01

  You may have ridden the same horse.

• 52:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, I rode, I rode Garmon, but there were loads.

• 52:15Speaker 01

  Do you know of any connections, caller?

• 52:17Speaker 02

  I don't know of any connections, but I know a few sort of relatively well-known people that went to the same school and stuff.

• 52:24Speaker 00

  Who are we talking?

• 52:27Speaker 02

  Sean Reese Williams, I don't know if you know her, the actress.

• 52:30Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 52:31Speaker 02

  Been in very, lots of S4C stuff, but also in things like Line of Duty.

• 52:36Speaker 00

  Yes, I don't actually know her, but I, obviously I know, I know her work, but I would have never met.

• 52:44Speaker 00

  What else, Owen? You interest me.

• 52:47Speaker 02

  Well, I was in Brecon Athletics Club.

• 52:51Speaker 02

  And, well, Colin Jackson was there, but I don't, I don't think I could say I knew him.

• 52:55Speaker 00

  And also, the only, the only time I've ever met Colin Jackson was, I got in his way in the vestibule of a train.

• 53:05Speaker 01

  And he jumped over you.

• 53:08Speaker 00

  So I wouldn't say I knew him, although I did work with his sister, his sister's an actress and I did a couple of scenes with her in a sitcom once. But again, that, that wouldn't count.

• 53:18Speaker 02

  No, just the one meeting probably.

• 53:19Speaker 00

  Brecon, you're from Brecon. Do you know my friend Gareth Gwyn?

• 53:25Speaker 02

  No, I'm afraid not.

• 53:27Speaker 00

  He lived near there, but he actually went to school in Port Talbot, which is problematic when it comes to connecting with people from Brecon. Because Gareth lets the side down.

• 53:39Speaker 02

  There was one famous person who was, I knew him through athletics, but he actually went on to be a British Irish Lion and Welsh international.

• 53:48Speaker 00

  Who's that?

• 53:49Speaker 02

  Andy Powell.

• 53:52Speaker 00

  Okay. I wouldn't, I did, I, I, he wouldn't remember me. I once did a charity event that he attended. And, but he, I, I wouldn't say I was friends with Andy Powell. I, I have shaken him by the hand. He's the one who drove the golf buggy when he was looking for a Mars bar.

• 54:09Speaker 02

  That's the one.

• 54:10Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 54:11Speaker 01

  Do you follow any sports or bands yourself?

• 54:14Speaker 02

  I'm a Nottingham Forest supporter, but I can't say I know Jonny Owen, I'm afraid.

• 54:18Speaker 00

  Do you know Fordy? James Dean Bradfield?

• 54:21Speaker 02

  No.

• 54:21Speaker 00

  He's, he's Forest.

• 54:23Speaker 02

  He does, yeah.

• 54:24Speaker 00

  Owen.

• 54:26Speaker 00

  You interest me.

• 54:28Speaker 02

  There's one other one, maybe. I'm just thinking, so I, I used to sing and stuff for Stethod and, and one of the lads from my primary school, he ended up being on the X Factor.

• 54:40Speaker 00

  Who's that?

• 54:41Speaker 02

  Rhydian, Rhydian Roberts.

• 54:43Speaker 00

  Wow. No, I don't know him. My, my, my house, not my house, but anymore, but I lived with a guy called Hayles, my best friend from school. He, he, he was a huge Rhydian Ultra. Rhydian had a good voice. He had that peroxide blonde hair. So you, you actually know Rhydian? Wow. No, I'm afraid. These are good connections, but I'm afraid I don't know any of these people. But that is very, very interesting, Owen. You've charmed me.

• 55:09Speaker 01

  Quite advanced prep would be Ellis just getting to become friends with lots of famous people. So it was increasing his connection.

• 55:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, you need to do that. The thing is, I've, I've been criticised in the past for naming famous people, but the thing with Wales is because there's no real tradition of private education. If someone's famous from your town, they tend, they almost always went to the local state school. And so you do tend, if there's a famous person from your town, and Wales is a country really of small towns, you will often have met these people.

• 55:42Speaker 01

  So there are no private schools in Wales?

• 55:44Speaker 00

  There are, but very, very far, far fewer than in Scotland or England.

• 55:48Speaker 01

  Well, thank you very much for your call, Owen.

• 55:51Speaker 00

  You've charmed me.

• 55:52Speaker 01

  You've charmed Ellis and you've interested him.

• 55:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, you've charmed me.

• 55:55Speaker 01

  But it feels like there was no connection to be had either way.

• 55:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 56:00Speaker 01

  So we will.

• 56:01Speaker 00

  Oh, I used to do, did you ever do gigs at Thea Bruchainiog?

• 56:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've seen the Blue Tons there, I remember.

• 56:09Speaker 01

  Is this a last minute?

• 56:10Speaker 00

  No, I just, I had a residency at Thea Bruchainiog. I was the compere, there was a little gig in the bar, which John did. And I remember John did an Edinburgh preview there and halfway through you just went to the toilet.

• 56:23Speaker 01

  Oh, I remember that. Yeah, I'd had too much shandy.

• 56:28Speaker 00

  You were doing it.

• 56:30Speaker 01

  Oh God, that's so bad.

• 56:32Speaker 00

  Well, it must happen. So, no, it doesn't.

• 56:35Speaker 01

  No, it doesn't, no.

• 56:36Speaker 00

  It just, just doesn't.

• 56:37Speaker 01

  With Will Hodgson.

• 56:38Speaker 00

  It was, I'd never seen it, I'd never seen it before.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  Never seen it since.

• 56:42Speaker 00

  So it was, it wasn't the main theatre.

• 56:44Speaker 01

  I feel so bad.

• 56:45Speaker 00

  It wasn't the main auditorium at Thea Bruchainiog. It was, I drove into Lampus at Thea Bruchainiog once because they couldn't afford to put the lights on because they had lost money in Icelandic banks or something.

• 56:56Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. That was around the time that the banks.

• 56:59Speaker 00

  About 2000, 2008, and the Lampus was painted black and I didn't see it. Anyway, I reversed into it.

• 57:06Speaker 01

  I had all my savings in an Icelandic bank.

• 57:08Speaker 00

  Did you?

• 57:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:09Speaker 00

  Get them back?

• 57:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:10Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 57:11Speaker 01

  Stressful.

• 57:12Speaker 00

  You were, it was the bar upstairs and you were at the far end and the toilet was near the exit.

• 57:19Speaker 01

  I remember that piss.

• 57:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, I remember, I can see the urinal cakes now, thinking this was a bad idea.

• 57:28Speaker 00

  And I remember you said, I'm sorry, I've just got to go for a wee. And everyone laughed because they thought, no, he doesn't. And then you, you had to walk past, there were about, I had about 30 people there in silence, because obviously there's no jokes.

• 57:40Speaker 03

  You didn't take your mic with you?

• 57:41Speaker 01

  No.

• 57:42Speaker 00

  No, baby monster.

• 57:44Speaker 03

  That could have been quite funny.

• 57:45Speaker 00

  And then you, the wee took a sort of normal amount of time, but when everyone's waiting for someone else to wee, it feels like a century.

• 57:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, they were weirdly tough in the second half.

• 57:54Speaker 00

  And then you came back and said, sorry, I really had to do that.

• 57:57Speaker 01

  I'd had two pints of shandy.

• 57:58Speaker 00

  And I was howling with laughter at the back because I just couldn't believe the audacity of it. It was before Skinny Love, it was an Edinburgh preview for Skinny Love in 2029.

• 58:09Speaker 01

  Oh God. Anyway, good, good, good.

• 58:11Speaker 00

  Good gig.

• 58:11Speaker 01

  Good, not old me anymore.

• 58:13Speaker 00

  No, exactly, Jenny.

• 58:14Speaker 01

  Thank you, Owen.

• 58:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, likewise, hope out.

• 58:17Speaker 01

  Thank God for development and change.

• 58:19Speaker 00

  Thank you for prompting that very funny memory. I'd totally forgotten that.

• 58:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, me too. Let's go for a break.

• 58:33Speaker 01

  So we, we'll play the made up game next week when Dave's not here, because he's on his holidays.

• 58:40Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 58:40Speaker 01

  Got a guest host.

• 58:41Speaker 00

  We have.

• 58:42Speaker 01

  Very exciting.

• 58:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, do you want a name? Do you want a name?

• 58:44Speaker 01

  Ruth Huskerson.

• 58:45Speaker 00

  Ruth Huskerson.

• 58:46Speaker 01

  What was that first go at that, Dave? Did you try and say all those one word?

• 58:51Speaker 00

  Well, I never know whether it's Ruth Husco or Ruth Huskerson.

• 58:53Speaker 01

  Ruth Huskerson.

• 58:54Speaker 00

  Because I think it's Ruth Husco on her Instagram.

• 58:55Speaker 01

  On her socials, it's Ruth Husco.

• 58:57Speaker 00

  She's very funny on socials and she.

• 59:00Speaker 01

  She's one of the funniest people I've ever met.

• 59:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, and she's on Frank Skinner's podcast and is very good on that.

• 59:07Speaker 01

  But she will be producing this show.

• 59:09Speaker 03

  She'll be.

• 59:10Speaker 00

  Which is steady hand on the tiller.

• 59:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's, and I don't think I would be able to produce a podcast.

• 59:16Speaker 00

  No.

• 59:18Speaker 00

  She'll just be cracking the whip and saying, come on, John, get on with it and all that kind of stuff. That's all Dave does. That's all I do.

• 59:24Speaker 01

  Sharing photos of Benson and Hedges Dubay covers.

• 59:29Speaker 01

  So we will have a made up game, which Ruth will host for us next week.

• 59:33Speaker 00

  She's got a fantastic accent.

• 59:36Speaker 01

  Yes, she does.

• 59:36Speaker 00

  UNESCO.

• 59:37Speaker 01

  It is UNESCO.

• 59:39Speaker 00

  Absolute UNESCO. So what are we finishing with today, John? Sure, there's only one thing to do.

• 59:44Speaker 01

  We are finishing with Contact, chapter three.

• 59:48Speaker 03

  Oh, he's gone again.

• 59:49Speaker 01

  So the story so far.

• 59:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:52Speaker 01

  Lights, suspicious lights have been seen in a farmyard.

• 59:56Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 59:58Speaker 01

  Edwards has been called early in the morning by some sod and has driven his mondeo.

• 1:00:04Speaker 00

  What's the weird use? Tossers?

• 1:00:07Speaker 01

  Driven his mondeo to the scene, which he's sure is just another blooming hoax.

• 1:00:14Speaker 01

  He meets Detective Inspector or Constable or Private Alan Carey.

• 1:00:20Speaker 00

  He's a copper.

• 1:00:21Speaker 01

  Alan Carey is straight talking and has turned Edwards's heart.

• 1:00:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, Edwards, you're a tosser. He's straight talking.

• 1:00:29Speaker 01

  Then we switch to a bunker.

• 1:00:32Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:00:32Speaker 01

  A Richmond, Richmond, Osmo, good.

• 1:00:37Speaker 00

  Richard.

• 1:00:37Speaker 01

  Richard Osman, a Richard Osman-inflected chapter.

• 1:00:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:42Speaker 01

  Where a lady is chatting to a gentleman about need to know bases. Turns out that gentleman is the Prime Minister, I think, or the woman is.

• 1:00:55Speaker 00

  We need to maybe put these in bullet points.

• 1:00:57Speaker 01

  Maybe need to put these in bullet points for me, Dave. And it feels like Edwards might be being killed. Might be the plan. So, chapter three.

• 1:01:11Speaker 00

  X-Files.

• 1:01:13Speaker 01

  Alan Carey gestured towards the end of the yard where several police vehicles were parked up. To their left was a large farmhouse, the mortar whitewashed and cracking. To their right, a broken down outhouse containing wood stacks and the usual collection of farmyard bric-a-brac and rusted machinery that seemed purposefully made to sit and rot. A doorless car on bricks, a small tractor with a metal seat, buckets, brushes, cans of paint, plastic tubs and rope.

• 1:01:43Speaker 00

  It's Dave's house.

• 1:01:46Speaker 01

  Shall we? Carey said, and they began to walk. Who lives there? Edwards asked, looking up towards the house. A devil, Carey smirked. A proper old devil by the name of Varney. He won't let us in the house without a warrant. Not that you'd want to spend much time in there. From a quick scan of the exterior, I think there's only a couple of rooms habitable. He's not happy about us being there and unafraid to let us know. Edwards pictured empty bottles and dirty plates, mould and stale air. He thought of his own home and how it was, and how it used to be before Claire. He stopped himself. Not now. He doubted he'd want Inspector Carey poking round his piles of dirty clothes and bad memories.

• 1:02:33Speaker 01

  I'd like to speak to him, Edwards said. Well, looks like you won't have much say either way. Here he comes now. Wearing unlaced boots, shirtless with no socks came the old devil. His trousers were more stain and fray than material, and they were held over its distended stomach with grubby red braces.

• 1:02:53Speaker 00

  It's Dave's house.

• 1:02:55Speaker 01

  Carey raised his hand in a wave that had no hope of reply. Mister Varne, more people. Get yourself out of here. I've said I'll have no more. Off my land and out of my hair right this moment. What hair, Edwards thought.

• 1:03:14Speaker 01

  Mister Varney, my name is Edwards. I don't give a toad's throat what your name is. Be off with ya.

• 1:03:22Speaker 01

  Edwards had heard some Norfolk accents in his time, but this one should be saved in an archive. Listen, I'm not with the police, and if you tell me what happened last night, then the quicker I can get rid of these interfering bastards.

• 1:03:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:36Speaker 03

  Whoa.

• 1:03:37Speaker 00

  Tell them, John.

• 1:03:39Speaker 01

  Edwards knew full well he could do absolutely nothing about the police, but this seemed the quickest way to information. Well, there's some sense talked at last. But I've told the same to three fellows already and one woman. One final time and we'll leave you be, Edwards lied. Well, so just after 11pm, I was locking up the barn and there was enormous bang, louder than a shotgun. I looked up yonder past the paddock and it was bright white.

• 1:04:10Speaker 01

  I can't see so well, but I thought a car had crashed and ended up with its lights pointing up. That's the best as I can say it. Better smoke, but no fire. Only reason I called was because of horses. I'd have let the buggers bleed out and driving round like that on my field, but I was close enough that a fire might have caught in the barn if it had catched a light. Anything else? Edwards asked. Well, sound a ringing, but that might have been my ears. I went back in the house and locked the door and then these buggers come and I can't get rid of them.

• 1:04:44Speaker 01

  Thank you very much. I'll see what I can do, Edwards said. And as they walked away, Varney shook his stick for good measure. He took his muttering back inside with him. At the end of the yard was a path that led past the farmhouse garden, more crap rusting and fading, heaps of soil and rubble from which grew enormous weeds.

• 1:05:04Speaker 01

  I don't think this has been a working farm for decades, Carey said. My guess is, he's the last of the family. It was all left to him and he's let it go to seed. If I know people like him, he lives off tins of cold beans and has two million in the bank.

• 1:05:17Speaker 00

  It's Dave's house.

• 1:05:23Speaker 01

  Here are the two fields. The first is what he called the paddock and the second is wild. Two old horses in the stables, the roof is just hay. As Carey opened the gate, Edwards stopped dead in his tracks. You smell it too? Carey asked. Some can't. Edwards coughed.

• 1:05:41Speaker 00

  Sbarigas.

• 1:05:43Speaker 01

  Edwards coughed. Jesus Christ. What is that? Sulfur? Zinc? We don't know, said Carey suddenly serious. And that's not the only thing we don't know. Come on, the crash site is just a little bit further up here. From nowhere out of the metallic sting in the air, a word almost came to Edwards. Aether? Empress? What was that now? Vague. Déjà vu perhaps. And though he could hardly breathe from the smell, his heart was racing.

• 1:06:19Speaker 00

  John. I like, is it Varney?

• 1:06:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:23Speaker 00

  I like Varney.

• 1:06:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's an old devil.

• 1:06:25Speaker 00

  Wasn't there Reg, was Reg Varney in the bill, wasn't it?

• 1:06:29Speaker 03

  Yeah. Was it Reg Varney? You thinking about Rebecca Vardy?

• 1:06:33Speaker 00

  I'm not thinking about Rebecca Vardy.

• 1:06:35Speaker 01

  No, it's on the buses. Reg Varney was...

• 1:06:38Speaker 03

  There was a Reg in the bill, but I don't think it was Reg Varney.

• 1:06:40Speaker 01

  Reg Varney was, I think, the actor or the character in On the Buses.

• 1:06:44Speaker 00

  Yes, he was the actor in On the Buses. He played Stan Butler.

• 1:06:49Speaker 01

  I've not based the character of Varney on him.

• 1:06:51Speaker 00

  No. Well, now I'm gonna, that's what I'm imagining.

• 1:06:54Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:06:54Speaker 01

  Wow, I mean...

• 1:06:55Speaker 00

  Very good, Dave. John?

• 1:06:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, very good. Very good.

• 1:06:59Speaker 00

  Uh, I felt very, uh, I feel quite tense. Also, the, the X-Files style bed.

• 1:07:06Speaker 01

  Does help.

• 1:07:06Speaker 00

  It does help. So thank you to Jenny for playing that in because it does, um, it does cause the heartbeat to Reese.

• 1:07:14Speaker 03

  He's Varneying on it.

• 1:07:15Speaker 01

  Who knows, Dave?

• 1:07:16Speaker 03

  Who knows? Because he must be aware.

• 1:07:18Speaker 01

  Who, who knows? Hmm, maybe he's just gonna be an annoying cog in the wheels of truth.

• 1:07:26Speaker 00

  The old devil.

• 1:07:27Speaker 01

  Wheels that the establishment would like to blow to smithereens.

• 1:07:30Speaker 00

  How long did that take you, John?

• 1:07:32Speaker 01

  Uh...

• 1:07:35Speaker 01

  Hour?

• 1:07:36Speaker 00

  It's not bad, is it?

• 1:07:36Speaker 03

  I enjoyed it.

• 1:07:37Speaker 01

  Thank you. Half an hour.

• 1:07:39Speaker 00

  Half an hour?

• 1:07:40Speaker 01

  Maybe. And then I tinkered with it on the train on the way into...

• 1:07:42Speaker 00

  You've definitely got an oven, haven't you?

• 1:07:44Speaker 01

  I don't know. I started one years ago, but a guy had really bad farts.

• 1:07:51Speaker 00

  That's a Frank Zappa song, isn't it?

• 1:07:53Speaker 03

  Did you?

• 1:07:54Speaker 01

  Well, but yeah.

• 1:07:56Speaker 00

  Why did you, why did you choose to do that?

• 1:07:58Speaker 01

  A kid's book? No.

• 1:07:59Speaker 00

  What?

• 1:08:00Speaker 01

  Because it's real.

• 1:08:00Speaker 00

  An adult's novel about farts?

• 1:08:02Speaker 01

  Not about farts, it was just an...

• 1:08:04Speaker 00

  It's not about farts, it just involves farts. Gee whiz, it's not about farts.

• 1:08:08Speaker 01

  But you know how like the thing about films is no one's ever going to the toilet?

• 1:08:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:12Speaker 01

  No one's ever got IBS.

• 1:08:14Speaker 00

  And people very rarely eat.

• 1:08:15Speaker 01

  But most people do have experiences like that.

• 1:08:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:18Speaker 01

  So I think it like, if you want to make a novel real, set it in someone's bowels.

• 1:08:23Speaker 00

  Yeah. It's like, um, Kiefer Sutherland in 24. He doesn't eat anything. Never, he never has a piss.

• 1:08:30Speaker 03

  No, that's true. What did you call it? Did you have a name?

• 1:08:33Speaker 01

  That's a good question. Oh God, no, we can't go down that route, but it's on here.

• 1:08:38Speaker 03

  It's on there again.

• 1:08:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, my novel. I'm sure my lockdown novel that was.

• 1:08:42Speaker 03

  It's lockdown?

• 1:08:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:44Speaker 03

  That's recent.

• 1:08:44Speaker 00

  But he's updated his operating system, so you won't be able to find it.

• 1:08:47Speaker 01

  No, it will do. It'll just be slightly more curved, but impossible to read.

• 1:08:51Speaker 03

  Yeah. Wow, a book about farts.

• 1:08:54Speaker 01

  Not about farts!

• 1:08:55Speaker 00

  No, it just involves them.

• 1:08:57Speaker 01

  He's got stomach issues.

• 1:08:59Speaker 03

  It's a protagonist.

• 1:09:00Speaker 00

  Dave.

• 1:09:00Speaker 03

  Okay, it's not about fart.

• 1:09:01Speaker 00

  You've completely misunderstood his fart book. Wow, Dave. Thank God you're not a critic. John writing a letter to the Times saying, well, you just didn't get it. Just Dave Masterman just doesn't get it. It involves farts, but it's not about farts.

• 1:09:18Speaker 01

  Let me see if it was in here.

• 1:09:20Speaker 03

  Oh my God, what's this gonna be called?

• 1:09:22Speaker 00

  Gas, by John Robbins.

• 1:09:26Speaker 03

  There's a good Oasis song called Gas Panic.

• 1:09:29Speaker 01

  Oh God.

• 1:09:30Speaker 00

  He's found it. Oh no, we need to...

• 1:09:32Speaker 01

  No, something different. Oh my God.

• 1:09:35Speaker 00

  What I would give, what I would pay...

• 1:09:37Speaker 01

  Awful business.

• 1:09:38Speaker 00

  To see the folders of Robbins.

• 1:09:41Speaker 01

  His entire folder called Irish poems. Irish poems I've written. Good grief.

• 1:09:49Speaker 03

  Irish poems?

• 1:09:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:51Speaker 03

  Like you do in an accent or...

• 1:09:53Speaker 01

  He writes a lot of Irish poetry.

• 1:09:54Speaker 03

  That's fine.

• 1:09:55Speaker 00

  You were big into that.

• 1:09:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:57Speaker 00

  Drunk Irish poets was John's scene at that point.

• 1:10:00Speaker 01

  Okay, so we will never open this computer again.

• 1:10:04Speaker 03

  Still land to the sea. Good. What a mixed bag. Wow.

• 1:10:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay. And Ruth might be writing the next chapter.

• 1:10:11Speaker 03

  Ruth might do a little chapter next week.

• 1:10:13Speaker 00

  Looking forward to that.

• 1:10:14Speaker 01

  So we're gonna do one, one on, one off with our guests and myself.

• 1:10:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:18Speaker 01

  Because I've got to keep a steady hand on the tiller.

• 1:10:20Speaker 03

  I don't know. I think you could just let it loose at this stage. It's like, what does an artist say? Once I've written the song, it's just the audience's then. It's not mine anymore. Is this maybe, maybe this is an instance where it's not yours?

• 1:10:29Speaker 01

  We've got to write the song.

• 1:10:30Speaker 03

  What song?

• 1:10:31Speaker 01

  We're writing the song now.

• 1:10:33Speaker 00

  But maybe, maybe it's just other people's now to keep chipping away at.

• 1:10:36Speaker 01

  But no, no musician says, well, you've just got to let the audience write the song.

• 1:10:40Speaker 03

  That's true.

• 1:10:41Speaker 00

  Do you need me to play Skies a Neighbourhood?

• 1:10:46Speaker 03

  Shall we end the episode with a blast of Skies the Neighbourhood?

• 1:10:49Speaker 00

  Yes, but yeah, the crescendo.

• 1:10:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, we say goodbye over Skies the Neighbourhood.

• 1:10:52Speaker 01

  Very good, Dave.

• 1:10:53Speaker 00

  Thank you. Goodbye.

• 1:10:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, thanks, everyone.

• 1:10:55Speaker 03

  Wait for Skies the Neighbourhood and say goodbye and thank everyone and give us the end credits.

• 1:10:58Speaker 00

  Version two, please, off.

• 1:11:00Speaker 03

  Skies a Neighbourhood.

• 1:11:06Speaker 03

  God, this feels a long time ago, doesn't it?

• 1:11:11Speaker 01

  God makes me, I can taste the Pret. When am I gonna get to eat my Pret?

• 1:11:18Speaker 03

  Great. Well, we'll see you on Fri- uh, yeah, we'll see you Friday.

• 1:11:23Speaker 03

  Ellis and John was a significant production.

• 1:11:25Speaker 01

  It was. Thank you to all the team, to Zoff and to Jenny.

• 1:11:28Speaker 03

  To Gareth, to Michael.

• 1:11:30Speaker 01

  Michael's on holiday, so he's sacked today.

• 1:11:31Speaker 03

  No, he's not Bertie. You know, we're all still a big part of it.

• 1:11:34Speaker 01

  And we'll leave you there. Bye bye.

• 1:11:37Speaker 03

  Skies a Neighbourhood. Skies a Neighbourhood. Skies a Neighbourhood. Skies a Neighbourhood.

• 1:12:04Speaker 04

  I've got big news. I switched to Verizon and got the new iPhone 18 Pro. Shh. I can keep my old phone and I also get the latest iPhone every year. Shh, anything else? Verizon let me choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on them. Everybody, listen up. Shh. Switch to Verizon and get the new iPhone 18 Pro now. No trade in needed and the latest iPhone every year with Simplicity Plan. Plus, choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on us. Simplicity Plan with Simplicity Pro required. Plan and device payment purchase are separate agreements with separate terms. Service plan for Watch or iPad required. Addition terms apply for all offers.

• 1:12:34Speaker 07

  When your workday is constantly disrupted, your workflow isn't flowing. It's come to a grinding halt. You don't need an assistant, you need superpowers. Superhuman Go, from the makers of Grammarly, is built for how you actually work. No new tabs, no switching apps, no losing your place. Go handles busy work like finding documents or summarizing email threads, so you can focus on the work only you can do. Try Superhuman Go, from the makers of Grammarly. Find out more at superhuman.com.

• 1:13:04Speaker 05

  When it comes to life insurance, annuities and long-term care solutions, how do you know you've found the right partner? When everything works in harmony? Like innovative products, long-term value and financial strength? Check out securian.com to find the partner that hits all the right notes. Insurance issued by Minnesota Life Insurance Company and Securian Life Insurance Company. For rating agency information and how our ratings compare, visit securian.com/ratings.

• 1:13:36Speaker 01

  Thanks for listening to the show and you can follow us on Instagram and TikTok at Elis and John for more content.

• 1:13:42Speaker 00

  And you can watch highlights of every episode over on our YouTube page at Elis and John.

• 1:13:47Speaker 01

  Plus, you can find all things EJJR, including links to our Patreon, our merch and much more by heading to elisandjohn.com. See you next time.