Pod Insights Elis James and John Robins #558 - Drip Feeding Dross, Dave Kanchelskis and Oiling The Engine of Love About this episode John, Dave and Calvin Harris are with you today to discuss all things DJ’ing. Incidentally, Calvin Harris can only DJ when there’s another wifi connection. If there isn’t then he rings his indie disco mate and the air turns blue.
As well as hearing about all the hottest dance gigs, Dave drops an absolute bombshell within seconds of starting the record. Something he’s held back for years amidst the oceans of dross that this show has covered.
Also, John deigns to tell Elis’s hero about his lovemaking backdrop, and ring the poem bell! Because Dave must reflect on a dual possibility moment that the vast majority wish wasn’t being referenced. There’s also some bold male behaviour floating around from a man whose clothes are all disposable and another who reuses calendars.
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Transcript 12,994 words · 6 speakers
0:00 Speaker 00 Before we start this episode, we want to invite you along to the adventures of Ellis and John.
0:04 Speaker 01 If you head over to patreon.com/EllisandJohn, you can join us on our monthly escapades, including...
0:10 Speaker 00 Miniumpicks.
0:11 Speaker 01 It's the strangest legal jump in the history of long jump.
0:14 Speaker 00 Birdwatching.
0:15 Speaker 02 My two favourite things are birds and football.
0:18 Speaker 01 And you can watch our latest episode now, where we tackle an escape room.
0:22 Speaker 02 So John is absolutely flying here. Well, Ellis is there as well. Ellis is there as well, Dave. We did the first three, Dave, for complete chill.
0:32 Speaker 00 So for adventures and so much more, head over to patreon.com/EllisandJohn now.
0:40 Speaker 03 Hello, this is Suzy Ruffal.
0:41 Speaker 04 And Maisie Adam.
0:42 Speaker 03 And together we host Big Kick Energy. Hey Mais, what is it?
0:45 Speaker 04 Only the best podcast ever.
0:47 Speaker 03 Yeah.
0:48 Speaker 04 A comedy entertainment podcast with a focus on all things women's football, all things hilarious, all things friendship. It's a laugh is what it is, Ruffal.
0:57 Speaker 03 Yeah, and a fair bit of gossiping, too.
0:59 Speaker 04 Oh, and a lovely bit of gossip. Chow down on the gossip.
1:02 Speaker 03 Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. You can listen wherever you get your podcasts. Just need to search Big Kick Energy.
1:07 Speaker 04 Grab a knife and fork and tuck in, baby.
1:33 Speaker 01 Well, hello everyone. It's John Robbins here. And it's a very special show today because I'm joined as usual by Dave Masterman. And opposite me is Calvin Harris.
1:46 Speaker 01 And he's still wearing his deck shoes from a top celeb Ibiza DJ set where he was paid 400 grand. Madonna was there.
1:57 Speaker 00 Yes, she was.
1:58 Speaker 01 And so was...
1:59 Speaker 00 Drinking bitter.
2:00 Speaker 01 Yeah. So it was all the top celebs. It was Madonna, Barack Obama.
2:05 Speaker 00 Yeah. Michael Burke.
2:07 Speaker 01 Michael Burke. He's still with us?
2:10 Speaker 00 He's still with us. I did, um... House of Games with Michael Burke.
2:13 Speaker 01 Yes, you did.
2:14 Speaker 00 Did you? Yes, I did, yeah. His knowledge of the geography of the Middle East is unparalleled. His knowledge of all pop culture leaves a lot to be desired.
2:24 Speaker 01 It is paralleled.
2:25 Speaker 00 Yes.
2:26 Speaker 01 That is paralleled.
2:27 Speaker 00 It is paralleled.
2:28 Speaker 01 So Madonna, the Obamas.
2:30 Speaker 00 Michael Burke.
2:31 Speaker 01 Michael Burke and.
2:32 Speaker 00 Cole Parker. Cole Palmer, I mean, sorry. Cole Parker.
2:36 Speaker 02 He's gone.
2:37 Speaker 00 Paul Parker.
2:38 Speaker 01 Paul Parker. Going the Coles and the Falls.
2:41 Speaker 00 Paul Parker and Paul Cole Palmer, they were all there.
2:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, nice. Poor Cole Palmer.
2:46 Speaker 00 Paul Parker played for Man United in 1990s.
2:49 Speaker 01 And Aston Villa?
2:50 Speaker 00 I don't think so.
2:52 Speaker 02 No, I don't think so.
2:53 Speaker 01 I think he did.
2:54 Speaker 00 Did he?
2:54 Speaker 01 If you Google him, you're to football heads.
2:57 Speaker 00 Football heads, did he? Paul Parker for Villa, I don't remember that. And Cole Palmer currently plays for Chelsea and England.
3:03 Speaker 01 So they were all there. You had a lovely time.
3:05 Speaker 00 I did a lovely time. Did he, Dave?
3:07 Speaker 02 Never played for Aston Villa.
3:09 Speaker 00 Who did he play for? Man United?
3:11 Speaker 02 Uh, spells at Fulham.
3:14 Speaker 00 Okay.
3:15 Speaker 02 Queen's Park Rangers.
3:16 Speaker 00 Yes, I was gonna say QPR.
3:17 Speaker 02 And Manchester United.
3:18 Speaker 00 And England, obviously.
3:20 Speaker 02 And England, yeah, absolutely. He lived round the corner from me, Paul Parker.
3:23 Speaker 00 Did he?
3:24 Speaker 02 He lived on the footballers, the footballers estate.
3:26 Speaker 00 Are you a millionaire, Dave?
3:28 Speaker 02 I live in an area where millionaires do live. I am absolutely not and far from it. But Bramall has pockets of communities where, especially in the late 90s, a lot of Manchester United lived in Bramall. So I was in Peter Schmeichel's house once. Because.
3:45 Speaker 00 Weird.
3:46 Speaker 02 Yeah, because Casper's my age and by association, because it's not a massive village. Like, I ended up playing football with Casper on a road.
3:53 Speaker 00 You're joking. But he's a professional, he's now a professional footballer.
3:56 Speaker 02 Yeah, but he wasn't at the age of eight. I wasn't like playing with him when he was like 22 on the streets.
4:01 Speaker 00 But he must, that's absolutely, how have you not told me that?
4:04 Speaker 02 I don't know. It was, it's, yeah, Bramall's a bit of a weird place for that. But so, yeah, there was one day where I think it was Casper Schmeichel, Alex Bruce.
4:10 Speaker 00 What, Steve Bruce's son?
4:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, me and my friend Dan.
4:13 Speaker 01 Dave, how was, how have we sat through some of the garbage we've had to sit through on this show?
4:18 Speaker 00 With the greatest of respect.
4:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, with the greatest of respect.
4:20 Speaker 00 With the greatest.
4:21 Speaker 01 The alley-oop dross, the hellish trudge.
4:25 Speaker 01 Through the bottom of the barrel on this show. And you could just pull that out.
4:30 Speaker 00 I've got to say, with diminished respect, what's happened to you, Dave?
4:34 Speaker 01 What do you mean? It's not a massive story.
4:36 Speaker 00 That's absolutely mega.
4:38 Speaker 01 Yeah. How did, how did we get to that after a brief history of French rugby league?
4:45 Speaker 00 Yeah, that's my fault. But I didn't know that Dave was rubbing shoulders with the-
4:50 Speaker 01 And I've talked some absolute dribble on this show.
4:52 Speaker 02 Oh, you bang, you bang right on at points, yeah. No, well, to be fair, and it shows how much you two listen, I have mentioned in the past that Bramall was full of Manchester United footballers at one point.
5:01 Speaker 00 That's not the same thing as being friends with Steve Bruce's son and Peter Schmeichel's son and going to Peter Schmeichel's house.
5:07 Speaker 02 Well, I was, it was the first time I was ever introduced to a staircase that, you know, goes up and goes out both ways and then kind of goes round the landing.
5:15 Speaker 01 Oh, like a sort of flirty.
5:17 Speaker 02 Yeah, that was the first time in Schmeichel's house that I saw one of those. And I thought, I am, I am mixing with, I'm mixing with different people today.
5:24 Speaker 00 Did you meet Peter Schmeichel?
5:25 Speaker 02 Peter wasn't there, I don't think.
5:28 Speaker 00 What, what did, what did Casper Schmeichel's mum make of you?
5:31 Speaker 01 Did she make you sandwiches and stuff? Did she make you sandwiches and give you squash and things?
5:36 Speaker 02 Oh, it was a long- No, it was, it was fleeting. I think we just nipped in for whatever reason. And then we were back out on the mean streets.
5:43 Speaker 01 So you could pick up a hundred grand to get sweets.
5:46 Speaker 02 And then we were back out on the mean streets of Bramall.
5:48 Speaker 00 Did she dislike you because you're rough, Dave?
5:50 Speaker 02 No.
5:51 Speaker 00 I don't want you hanging out with him, Casper.
5:54 Speaker 02 Hey, Casper, come out to play. And then I think we all went and played football. Shall you go on the rub, Casper? We all went and played football on the car park of the governor's house pub.
6:02 Speaker 01 Did you ask him how much pocket money he got?
6:03 Speaker 02 No, I didn't, because he's got to play it cool. You've got to play it cool. You've got to, you've got to make it feel like you're just like them. So he didn't know who I was. I could have been the, I could have been the son of Andre Kanchelskis, if, if for all he knew.
6:15 Speaker 01 Dave Kanchelskis.
6:16 Speaker 02 Dave Kanchelskis.
6:23 Speaker 01 Hi, nice to meet you, Casper. I'm Dave Kanchelskis. I can't tell you who my father is. I like to keep a low profile, that's why they call me Dave.
6:34 Speaker 00 Was he, was he absolutely amazing, Caspish Michael?
6:37 Speaker 02 It was, I remember more Alex Bruce. He added such a class about him.
6:41 Speaker 00 Did he?
6:41 Speaker 02 Yeah, even back then, I think he was more of an attacking player.
6:45 Speaker 00 Than his dad?
6:46 Speaker 02 Than his dad, well than him as well, because he ended up being a defender, Alex Bruce. So I think he then dropped back in later years.
6:51 Speaker 00 Did he go to Steve Bruce's house?
6:53 Speaker 02 Well, it was the same estate, so I would have looked at it, at the very least. Because I, yeah.
6:59 Speaker 00 Dave, I'm seeing you in a completely different light now.
7:02 Speaker 02 Why? It's not a big deal.
7:03 Speaker 00 It is, it is a big deal. It's hard to meet footballers.
7:07 Speaker 02 It is, yeah.
7:07 Speaker 00 It's almost impossible to go to their houses.
7:10 Speaker 02 There are, it's not really the hotspot, it's kind of moved more out to Alderley Edge now.
7:14 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah.
7:14 Speaker 02 Is, is where the football and, and yeah, Alderley Edge and Limb and those sorts of areas. But Bramall back in the day was a hotspot.
7:21 Speaker 00 Steve Dripfredus Dross for 12 years. And we stuck with it and now we get to the good stuff.
7:29 Speaker 01 Is this our final show?
7:30 Speaker 02 Yeah, well, it's a wait. Until the final chapter to really, you know, reveal all the big, the big celebs. Anyway.
7:36 Speaker 01 Anyway, aside from the point, Ellis, you're DJ extraordinaire. How was the show?
7:41 Speaker 00 For the Super furry animals, the beta band and badly drawn boy in Alexandra Palace yesterday.
7:48 Speaker 02 Wow.
7:49 Speaker 00 What a lineup.
7:52 Speaker 02 Yes.
7:52 Speaker 00 Three of my favourites. The beta band, I saw them in Cardiff in 1999. Memorable for two reasons.
8:01 Speaker 00 At the time, probably the best gig I'd ever seen in my life. It's still in the top five. The other reason is I ate a burger after the show and had the worst food poisoning I've ever had. So it's memorable for two reasons. I remember biting into the burger, thinking, that's very cold.
8:17 Speaker 02 Oh no.
8:18 Speaker 01 Oh mate.
8:19 Speaker 00 And then, because I hadn't eaten, continuing to eat it, then halfway through thinking, I probably should check this. Holding under a, a street lamp and thinking, that's not edible.
8:27 Speaker 01 To warm it up?
8:29 Speaker 00 That's right.
8:31 Speaker 01 I won't do it.
8:31 Speaker 00 Throwing it in the bin, thinking, maybe I've got away with it. That and then suffering five days of torment.
8:36 Speaker 02 Five days?
8:37 Speaker 00 It was extremely bad.
8:39 Speaker 02 But it was yesterday?
8:40 Speaker 00 No, no, no, I'm talking when I saw the Peter Band in nineteen ninety nine.
8:43 Speaker 02 Oh, good lord. Okay, right, right, right.
8:45 Speaker 00 A dodgy burger yesterday. I was the, I was the very, very grateful recipient of backstage catering.
8:51 Speaker 02 Oh, lovely.
8:51 Speaker 00 Which was fantastic, right? May I add?
8:54 Speaker 02 Yeah.
8:54 Speaker 00 So, Badly Drawn Boy, fantastic.
8:57 Speaker 02 I love Badly Drawn Boy.
8:59 Speaker 00 He's such a nice guy as well, Dave.
9:00 Speaker 02 Is he?
9:00 Speaker 00 He's such a, well, we interviewed him, um, one of the first guests on How Do You Cop, actually. And he remembered, which I was really, I was very taken aback by that, but he's a lovely bloke. Peter Band, unbelievable. I think Izzy's got cognitive decline, because I sent Izzy a picture of the Peter Band on stage. And she said, oh, wow, is that you? Why are you, why are you DJing in a pink boiler suit? I was like, what are you on about? That's not me. I'm your husband.
9:32 Speaker 02 I'm the one that looks like the guy you live with.
9:35 Speaker 00 I'm the one who looks like me who's not in the photo.
9:37 Speaker 02 Yeah.
9:38 Speaker 00 And the guy in the pink boiler suit is, is playing the piano. And she was like, oh, yeah, sorry. I thought, I thought that was you. I was like, you've got a lot on, Izzy. Because that's really, that's such a weird thing to say.
9:49 Speaker 02 Yeah.
9:49 Speaker 00 Oh, wow, you DJing in a pink boiler suit? No.
9:54 Speaker 00 Um, it went as well as it could have gone.
9:58 Speaker 02 Okay.
9:59 Speaker 00 Um, but, and we'll talk about the positives on Tuesday, because it really was an amazing. I was so elated when I got home, I couldn't sleep. I just sort of sat on the sofa thinking, I've done it, I've done it.
10:12 Speaker 02 So is this the negatives hour?
10:13 Speaker 00 This is the negatives hour. I'm going to apologize to Dave because, right, I'd done a lot of prep. So I'd even written out the teams I was going to play in what order.
10:20 Speaker 02 Yeah.
10:21 Speaker 00 I downloaded them all onto my laptop in the week. I'd been, I was using a thing called DJ Pro.
10:28 Speaker 02 Yeah.
10:28 Speaker 00 Which Dave, um.
10:30 Speaker 02 We use All My Friends.
10:31 Speaker 00 And we use it all my friends. I had made a couple of mistakes at the last All My Friends. So I'd, I'd actually.
10:36 Speaker 02 Oh, you lost your cursor?
10:37 Speaker 00 I, when I lost the cursor, yeah. So I'd, I'd actually practised with it during the week. So whenever I got a minute, I would just, I was, I was just like queuing tracks and stuff. And I sort of felt quite good and I downloaded everything. I was like, well, this, this, this, this, this, this is going to be okay, I think.
10:52 Speaker 02 It shows where he puts yesterday in comparison to when he does All My Friends, because I don't think you practise for All My Friends.
10:58 Speaker 00 No, I couldn't care less.
11:01 Speaker 01 Practicing midweek for last night.
11:03 Speaker 00 Yeah, I could not, I could not care less and I'm desperate of you to know that, Dave.
11:10 Speaker 00 It's a chore, Dave.
11:12 Speaker 01 It's a chore in Manchester.
11:13 Speaker 00 It's a chore in Manchester, from which you benefit more than me.
11:18 Speaker 01 It's true, it's true.
11:19 Speaker 00 So, uh, so I was like, okay. And also because, because I love those three groups, I thought, I, I think I know what the, what the punters are gonna want, because they'll have very similar taste in music to me. So I sort of felt quite good.
11:29 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:29 Speaker 00 So even though I downloaded everything, I downloaded, I downloaded 75 different songs. I had so something for all different, all possible connotations. And then at about, I'd taken my son to a birthday party. So I, I got him home because Izzy was away.
11:45 Speaker 01 And you'd accidentally swapped your playlist with just Crazy Frog to play to him. And that's all you had for the whole gig.
11:52 Speaker 00 I had Crazy Frog and K-pop, even hunters. Loads of 60s psych and garage rock. So I was like, okay, I feel all right. I thought, I'm just gonna have a little, another little practice and then we can, and then I can go to Auntie Ali Pali. I thought, I wonder what DJ Pro's like if you don't have access to wifi, out of curiosity. And I realised on the day that it doesn't work.
12:14 Speaker 01 No, yeah, yeah.
12:15 Speaker 00 And I, I thought, hang on, this, this can't be right because I've downloaded everything onto my computer. I own it. I, it is locally stored on my laptop. I did that last week. So I thought, this, this must be a mistake. And it's not a mistake. So then I Googled it and realised it's not a mistake. I thought, okay, I can't do it.
12:35 Speaker 01 Could you tethered from your phone?
12:37 Speaker 00 Yes, obviously that's, that's the first, that was my first, I thought, okay, well, I'll tether. Cause I've, I've tethered at Dancing with Dave, I've tethered at Scared to Dance, right, which is the other one I do. But I thought, it's a huge gig outdoors.
12:47 Speaker 01 He cares more about this one, remember?
12:49 Speaker 00 Yes. Yes, Steve. Are you insane? I'm not scared to dance because I love that one. Dave, you're the one.
12:56 Speaker 01 With respect.
12:57 Speaker 00 With the respect, that is bottom of the list, right?
13:00 Speaker 01 Oh my god. Wow.
13:02 Speaker 00 So I thought, okay, because I've been to the alley party once. I went to watch the Manics and Suede last year, but I was trying to remember if I had signal.
13:08 Speaker 01 So you could just play them off iTunes?
13:12 Speaker 00 Yeah. Eventually I thought, okay, I could do a bit because I'm very clunky. Because that's what I used to do at Dancing with Dave, with respect, and it sounded bad.
13:18 Speaker 02 Yeah, the gig night you hate. Yeah, carry on.
13:22 Speaker 00 So then I'm thinking, okay, we'll tell them on my phone. But then I'm thinking, well, there's 10,000 people all on their phones. And most of them are going to be going on their phones, doing the bands. So if the signal is compromised, it's going to be during my bit when I need 5G. So I'd emailed the guy who's looking after it during the week. I was like, is there wifi on stage? He went, no, there is backstage, but not on stage. I was like, okay.
13:46 Speaker 01 Have you got a very long lead?
13:48 Speaker 00 Yeah. I don't know what to do now. So I Googled it for a while. I thought, okay, I'll just buy everything. I'll just buy. It's 10 o'clock. I'll buy everything. Have you tried using iTunes in the last five years?
13:58 Speaker 01 Why do you have to buy everything?
13:59 Speaker 00 Because bizarrely, if, if you go into locally stored music on DJ Pro, which I did, there were like seven songs that I'd bought on iTunes six years ago, so before I'd switched to app music, that were able, that I was able to use and accessible. I was like, okay, well, I'll just have to buy another 67 songs. I thought, but you can't, you can't do it anymore. You can download it from app music, but my computer's too modern to buy iTunes. So I managed to do it with one track and then that wasn't showing up. At which point I called Dave, who was up a ladder.
14:37 Speaker 02 I was cutting a hedge.
14:38 Speaker 00 And the air turned blue.
14:43 Speaker 00 Dave, I might not care about your night, but I said some things to you that I don't mean. I do apologize.
14:50 Speaker 01 So we had a chat.
14:51 Speaker 00 Some of the things I said to you, Dave, were unacceptable.
14:54 Speaker 02 And I was happy to have.
14:54 Speaker 01 Can you give us some edited examples?
14:56 Speaker 00 You [bleep] Dave. Why did you tell me to use this?
15:00 Speaker 02 No, it works and it does work offline.
15:02 Speaker 00 And we, and, no.
15:05 Speaker 02 If you can download your tracks to your desktop, it could, it should work absolutely fine.
15:10 Speaker 00 We tried that and that was, that was, that wasn't working.
15:13 Speaker 01 So could you have used a different DJing software?
15:16 Speaker 00 I mean.
15:17 Speaker 01 It's a lot to learn.
15:18 Speaker 00 It's a lot to learn.
15:19 Speaker 01 So what's the net result?
15:20 Speaker 00 I had to, cause I, well, the net result was, um, I was so, cause I could have used Apple Music, it just would have sounded very clunky. But I was trying not to do that. And I also, I was so disappointed that the thing I'd practised, it wasn't going to go according to plan. I kind of, my head completely went. So at 1pm, Betty said, when do I get breakfast, dad?
15:41 Speaker 02 Oh, no.
15:43 Speaker 00 I went, oh yeah, of course, my daughter.
15:47 Speaker 00 I said, right, you can have breakfast now. What do you want? And she said, just toast is fine. I said, can you do it then? So in the end.
15:57 Speaker 01 You sang the songs?
15:58 Speaker 00 No, no, no. I thought, I sort of, I drove there and I'd come, I, I was at peace with the idea that it was going to sound a little bit clunky. Because I'm not beat matching or any of that kind of stuff. I'm just playing songs that are in keeping with the musicians that are playing. So I sort of drove, I drove to the show, kind of at peace with it, but very disappointed. And, oh, that was the other thing I did. I joined Reddit and my first post was on the DJ Pro forum.
16:28 Speaker 02 Did you post on the forum?
16:29 Speaker 00 I did, never done it before.
16:31 Speaker 02 He really does care.
16:32 Speaker 00 Half of the responses were trying to be helpful. Hey man, have you tried hot spotting your phone? The other half were criticizing me for not having 250 CDs.
16:40 Speaker 02 Finally, the CDs are back.
16:42 Speaker 00 I was like, cheers, helter skelter 69, but I can't get, the gig's in two hours. I got rid of my CDs 10 years ago. And I, I actually deleted the post because every time I got a notification, there's a 50. Fifty chances whether it's going to be genuinely helpful and suggest hot spotting or like just poison.
17:04 Speaker 02 But people are very passive aggressive on Reddit as well.
17:06 Speaker 00 My god, yeah, I'd never posted on there before.
17:08 Speaker 02 Making it clear that they're better than you and that you should just know more.
17:12 Speaker 00 One of them said, with the greatest of respect, and I'm not throwing shade, but being a pro DJ and wifi should not be in the same sentence.
17:22 Speaker 02 Wow.
17:23 Speaker 01 Well, that's the software's fault.
17:25 Speaker 00 Yes.
17:26 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's not your problem.
17:27 Speaker 00 Why should you need wifi to use software when it's all locally stored on your computer? I don't know. But anyway, so I got there and I was thinking, just play the tunes if it sounds cranky, people aren't really going to notice. And I went up to Claire, who I'd been talking to all week, and I said, out of curiosity, here's their wifi on stage. She went, yeah. And I was like, great.
17:50 Speaker 02 Oh, I bet. The relief at that point.
17:52 Speaker 00 But I hadn't, I hadn't eaten anything. So I was very hungry. And I had to eat a raw carrot in front of Damon Goff.
17:59 Speaker 02 Damon Goff, no.
18:01 Speaker 00 It was the only thing I could think of to take with me that was portable because my bread had gone off because it was, because it's so hot, it had gone mouldy, even though I'd only bought it like two days before. So because I was too embarrassed to eat a raw carrot in front of Damon Goff, I tried to eat it sensitiously like I was taking drugs.
18:17 Speaker 02 Well, I've seen a lot of things on Instagram and a lot of messages that came to me as well, actually, some people that listen to this podcast that said, Ellis is doing a fantastic job.
18:25 Speaker 00 That's very kind.
18:26 Speaker 02 And I saw a couple of videos as well saying, look at Ellis, he's doing great. And I saw a couple of pictures. So it seems like you went, it went well. However, we should probably get the review of the person that I would imagine probably meant most to you at the gig last night.
18:39 Speaker 00 What do you mean?
18:40 Speaker 02 So we introduce Griff Reese from Super Furry Animals to pop onto the show just to let us know how it went from his perspective. Hi Griff.
18:47 Speaker 05 Hiya.
18:48 Speaker 00 Shumai.
18:50 Speaker 05 Shumai.
18:53 Speaker 05 It's the back of the roof.
18:56 Speaker 00 Okay, Grif's saying he's not feeling great because he was celebrating after the show.
19:00 Speaker 01 Well, I don't speak Welsh, but I do speak hangover.
19:04 Speaker 01 Is that what I'm picking up, Grif?
19:07 Speaker 05 Um, I got disposed of in a car parking car there for about 8am.
19:16 Speaker 01 You got disposed of in a car parking car?
19:18 Speaker 05 Out of a tour bus.
19:20 Speaker 01 Oh.
19:21 Speaker 05 And, uh, yeah, just dealing with the aftermath.
19:26 Speaker 00 Is there a dog backing in the background?
19:28 Speaker 05 Yeah, a dog, dogs excited.
19:31 Speaker 00 Okay.
19:32 Speaker 05 For the podcast.
19:33 Speaker 02 So, Grif, how did, from your perspective, because Ellis was very much looking forward to last night? And it seems like, because he's, he's in a good mood today, I think he, he thought it went really well. So how was it for yourself and how was it for everyone else there?
19:45 Speaker 05 Yeah, we, we were a bit worried at first because the backstage was about five miles from the stage.
19:53 Speaker 00 Yeah.
19:54 Speaker 05 And then in a, in the alley pally building on top of the hill and then the stage was in the park, outdoors, miles away.
20:05 Speaker 05 Um, and unfortunately there's a bar in, in the hall. They turned it into like a food hall and there's a big bar and they were blasting music. That someone had a playlist in the bar and they were like playing, you know, S Club 7 and Meatloaf.
20:25 Speaker 01 Quite good.
20:26 Speaker 05 And someone said, is that, is that Ellis?
20:31 Speaker 01 Well, Dave has played S Club 7 and I have played Meatloaf in the past.
20:36 Speaker 00 They played, they played Three Lions at one point and Kito, the bassist went, is that Ellis?
20:42 Speaker 00 I didn't expect him to play three. He's played it more than once.
20:49 Speaker 00 I thought the Ellis I know.
20:50 Speaker 02 Yeah.
20:51 Speaker 00 No, I was done, I was done. Down on stage, so I was playing a different collection of tunes, Griff.
20:57 Speaker 05 Yeah, I didn't know the backstory. I didn't realise the pain and the sweat.
21:04 Speaker 01 But Griff, obviously Ellis was spending the day backstage, a lot of his heroes. Did he disgrace himself at all? Did he handle himself well? Crucially, did his voice go very high?
21:16 Speaker 05 Well, the backstage was so complicated. It was massive. I can find it. I was walking. I walked eight kilometres or something indoors yesterday.
21:31 Speaker 00 Yeah.
21:33 Speaker 05 I didn't see badly, Rambo. I saw his gig, but I didn't run into him.
21:39 Speaker 05 Saw the pizza band briefly in the corridor.
21:43 Speaker 00 Yeah, I didn't see them either.
21:45 Speaker 02 Because Griff, I think, so Ellis, the one thing that you were kind of, there was a dilemma before about what type of music do you play? In between live bands being on stage. Do you think he kind of got that balance right in between the acts, Griff? From the couple of tracks that you caught?
22:00 Speaker 05 Yeah, and you know, it was a two hour set. It wasn't like messing around.
22:04 Speaker 00 Yeah.
22:05 Speaker 05 You had to play for two hours and we, you know, heard Gwenna and Young MC. We had Young MC just before we went on, which is a favourite in Superferries. So, you know, it was magic.
22:20 Speaker 00 Yeah, I hadn't, I hadn't realised you liked Young MC. I didn't, I didn't realise that. So I played that just before you went on. Because I think it's an absolute banger. So that was good. I also played Finger Popping by a Contina Turner, which is.
22:33 Speaker 00 It's a slightly obscure, but absolute banger. It is the most immediate pop song. So I played that a little bit as well. So I was, yeah, I was, I, I wouldn't say I was confident, but I was looking forward to the challenge. And I, I think it went all right actually, Griff. And also I'd like to thank your. Raudies for being incredibly patient with me because I am quite technophobic.
22:58 Speaker 05 Yeah, well, yeah, it's the story of my life.
23:02 Speaker 01 Now, Griff, I have a complex relationship with your voice because listening to you talk, your accent is one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced hourly. However, when I was at university, if ever I was being intimate with a co-student, I would put on Rock Action by Mogwai. So your voice has been the melodic soundtrack to quite a great deal of lovemaking in the early 2000s.
23:38 Speaker 01 So I just want to say thanks.
23:41 Speaker 01 Because it's a very, you know, very beautiful album and certainly has the mood that, you know, just helps, helps oil the engine of love.
23:51 Speaker 00 Oil the engine.
23:54 Speaker 05 Wow.
23:59 Speaker 05 Conversation.
24:00 Speaker 00 Oh, dimson, you had it to you there.
24:03 Speaker 05 Wow.
24:05 Speaker 00 Yeah, well, well, Dioclet, thank you. Thank you very much.
24:08 Speaker 01 Thanks and sorry.
24:09 Speaker 00 For providing, A, giving me the opportunity of a lifetime and B, providing the soundtrack to all of John's formative lovemaking.
24:18 Speaker 01 So 2000, 2006.
24:21 Speaker 00 Right, okay. Six years, six years with.
24:24 Speaker 01 When did Rock Action come out? Maybe it was 2001.
24:26 Speaker 00 What happened? What happened? It is a great record. What happened in 2006, out of curiosity?
24:36 Speaker 01 Probably just Meatloaf then.
24:41 Speaker 00 That out of Hell one and two?
24:42 Speaker 01 Yeah, probably two.
24:44 Speaker 00 Okay, right.
24:45 Speaker 01 More haunting.
24:46 Speaker 05 I was wondering if you played Bonnie Tyler?
24:49 Speaker 00 Do you know what? I considered playing Bonnie Tyler, but it was sort of, it would be, it would have been such a gear change from the like garage rock and post-punk. I thought he would have come across as a little bit weird. I only, I only thought about that just before bringing you on, but thought it was a bit of a strange decision. But now I slightly regret it because there were a lot of Welsh people, there were a lot of Welsh people in the crowd and I think they were actually desperate for a bit of Bonnie.
25:14 Speaker 00 But not to worry.
25:14 Speaker 01 Well, thank you so much for joining us, Griff, and we wish you all the best in your recuperation from the fantastic show, Ali Pally, last night. And any more plans for Super Furry gigs coming up?
25:29 Speaker 05 Yeah, we've got six gigs in the next month or so. We're on Dublin and Glasgow.
25:38 Speaker 00 Oh, nice.
25:39 Speaker 05 And other places.
25:44 Speaker 01 And that information is all online, isn't it, Dave? It is all online, yes.
25:49 Speaker 00 It's all available.
25:50 Speaker 01 Great stuff.
25:51 Speaker 00 Nice one. Do you hear it, Griff?
25:53 Speaker 05 Chris Moore.
26:04 Speaker 03 Hello, this is Suzy Ruffel.
26:05 Speaker 04 And Maisy Adam.
26:06 Speaker 03 And together we host Big Kick Energy. Hey, Mais, what is it?
26:09 Speaker 04 Only the best podcast ever.
26:10 Speaker 03 Yes.
26:11 Speaker 04 A comedy entertainment podcast with a focus on all things women's football, all things hilarious, all things friendship. It's a laugh is what it is, Ruffel.
26:21 Speaker 03 Yeah, and a fair bit of gossiping, too.
26:23 Speaker 04 Oh, and a lovely bit of gossip. Chow down on the gossip.
26:25 Speaker 03 Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. You can listen wherever you get your podcasts. Just need to search Big Kick Energy.
26:31 Speaker 04 Grab a knife and fork and tuck in, baby.
26:37 Speaker 01 There you go. That's a nice little bookend to a wonderful 24 Hours.
26:40 Speaker 00 I've gone red now. It's like I've been making love in the 2000s.
26:44 Speaker 01 Tell me everything about his voice. It's beautiful. It should be in a gallery.
26:49 Speaker 00 He is from, he's got a sort of typical North West Walian Gwynedd accent because he's from Bethesda. So it's a very, very Welsh speaking part of Wales. Probably the most, other than Canaveral, probably the most Welsh speaking.
27:01 Speaker 01 So that's.
27:02 Speaker 00 So Welsh is his first language.
27:03 Speaker 01 Not far from Anglesey?
27:05 Speaker 00 Yeah, not far from Anglesey at all, yeah.
27:07 Speaker 01 But that's got to be high on the list of underrepresented accents in the British media.
27:11 Speaker 00 Absolutely. But there is.
27:14 Speaker 01 Imagine if he was reading the news. You'd feel so calm and enchanted.
27:19 Speaker 00 You would. But.
27:21 Speaker 02 It's incredible voice.
27:23 Speaker 00 Let me finish. Let me just find this.
27:26 Speaker 02 So did he sing on all of Rock Action then?
27:28 Speaker 01 No, just on two tracks.
27:29 Speaker 02 Right.
27:30 Speaker 00 But it is underrepresented in the media, but there's an amazing film that Robin went to see in the cinema a couple of weeks ago. It's having incredible reviews called Effie Oblene, which has got subtitles and that's the accent you hear a lot in that film.
27:44 Speaker 01 Oh, but the accent in speaking Welsh.
27:47 Speaker 00 Speaking Welsh and the film is subtitled.
27:49 Speaker 01 So would I get his accent if he was speaking Welsh as well?
27:53 Speaker 00 Yeah, definitely. Yeah. No, it's very, it's very different to mine, but it's.
27:57 Speaker 01 Oh, imagine if Ellis had that voice, Dave.
27:59 Speaker 00 I mean, I can put it on.
28:00 Speaker 01 I would, I don't think I'd ever speak. I would just listen.
28:03 Speaker 00 Oh, that's a nice.
28:04 Speaker 01 It's beautiful.
28:05 Speaker 00 Oh, it is. It is very nice. He's very lucky. I met his sister last night. That was very nice as well.
28:09 Speaker 01 Oh, she got the same accent?
28:10 Speaker 00 Yeah. Yeah, they all do from that neck of the woods. You should move to Bethesda. It's beautiful, Bethesda.
28:16 Speaker 02 But he's got, what's nice is he's got a pace of voice that just makes you listen so intently to, to what he's saying. It's a very, it's, yeah, you could, I could just lose myself in it and.
28:27 Speaker 01 Well, beautiful. Well, well done to you. Well done.
28:31 Speaker 00 And we'll be talking more about the positives on the Tuesday show as well.
28:34 Speaker 02 Great.
28:35 Speaker 00 Really was a fantastic day and Dave, I apologize.
28:38 Speaker 01 Good. I say you bloody well should. Was he really rude to you, Dave?
28:42 Speaker 00 No, just today. I just think he's been quite rude to be honest.
28:46 Speaker 02 I go to the efforts of getting his favourite lead singer of his favourite band.
28:49 Speaker 00 I didn't know. I didn't know you'd done that. I must admit, I'm sorry.
28:53 Speaker 01 Teaching him to use a piece of software with one major flaw.
28:56 Speaker 02 You can use it locally. I used, I used it locally at home. You've got to.
29:01 Speaker 00 Show me.
29:02 Speaker 02 You've got to make sure. I think, yeah, the difference being, I think the challenge that you had was getting it from Apple Music into some sort of folder.
29:10 Speaker 00 Spotify either.
29:12 Speaker 02 No.
29:13 Speaker 00 So how, how?
29:15 Speaker 02 I don't, I'm not on Apple Music, so I don't know.
29:16 Speaker 00 But you are on Spotify.
29:18 Speaker 02 You definitely can't get it off locally from Spotify. You are right.
29:21 Speaker 00 Then, yeah. But that's fine. Anyway, if, if you're one of the people on Reddit who was nasty to me, then, you know, have a big think. If anyone DJ pro can let me know how to use it offline, please do email the show on hello at ellisonjohn.com.
29:37 Speaker 01 Did you say on Reddit, I'm Elis James?
29:40 Speaker 00 No.
29:40 Speaker 01 And I'm DJing for Super Ferry Animals?
29:42 Speaker 00 No, I didn't.
29:45 Speaker 00 I was anonymous.
29:47 Speaker 01 What's your, what's your Reddit handle?
29:49 Speaker 00 Oh, no, I had to come up with a new one. I'd, I'd never.
29:51 Speaker 02 You just get given an anonymous one, I think.
29:53 Speaker 00 Yeah, lots of numbers, but I will never be on that forum again.
29:58 Speaker 01 Well, let's read some of your emails. Um, Ellis, do you want to start us off?
30:04 Speaker 00 Yes.
30:05 Speaker 02 Can I just turn your magnet round, Al, whilst we're just having a little break?
30:09 Speaker 01 Well, I'll start us off. This is an email from Nick from Battersea. And this is on the topic of, you know, we had an email from a guy who takes his sort of, um, worst pair of pants on holiday.
30:23 Speaker 00 And puts them in the bin, yeah.
30:24 Speaker 01 Yeah, to then dispose of on holiday.
30:26 Speaker 00 Yeah.
30:27 Speaker 01 Uh, yeah. Well, this is Nick's take. Nick says, Dear Radio's equivalent of cooling mint juleps, uh, which I think is an American cocktail.
30:38 Speaker 00 Okay.
30:38 Speaker 01 On the veranda. The Travel Pants Guy, though admirable, is an amateur. On reaching retirement, I'm 60, two months ago, I went on a six week trip around the US, travelling through the country on Amtrak trains. I don't know what that means.
30:56 Speaker 00 It's the American Rail Network.
30:58 Speaker 01 Okay.
30:58 Speaker 00 But I've, I don't think they're as big into trains as we are in the UK.
31:03 Speaker 01 Well, I think the rail network is, from what I know, quite sparse, just because the country is so massive.
31:11 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah.
31:12 Speaker 01 It's always best to pack light when on long distance trains, as you often arrive at stations early in the morning in dodgy areas, where wheeling luggage would single you out as mobile mugging cash points. So for this trip, I just took a small backpack. Everything inside it, other than a fresh outfit for the flight home, was disposable, à la Travel Pants Guy. Five pairs of already hulled pants. If you're wondering, they're washed en route as needed before being disposed of to make them last for six weeks. One pair of homemade capri shorts, cut from old jeans. Six pairs of hulled socks, four saggy t-shirts, and one smart, though no longer smart shirt, all of which were very old and disposed of
31:56 Speaker 01 during the trip. My family is always aghast at my travel packing, but it makes total sense. The crowning glory.
32:03 Speaker 00 Sometimes, even if things do make sense, doesn't mean you should do them.
32:07 Speaker 01 This is sort of, this is in the Venn diagram of efficiency and mad dads, I think.
32:12 Speaker 00 Yes, absolutely.
32:14 Speaker 01 The crown in glory was an old bucket hat that I'd had for 30 years and was literally in shreds. When I left it on a bench in New York before coming home, I was genuinely in tears. A quick tip, you never ever leave your old clothes in hotel bins. I leave them on benches for others less fortunate to take ownership of them, even after years of my use. That way, my old clothes live on, even the bucket hat, but not the pants.
32:39 Speaker 00 I was gonna say.
32:40 Speaker 01 That would be going too far. Literally, everything else I pack is also disposable. I collect old toothbrushes, half-used toiletries.
32:48 Speaker 00 What's he mean by that? I collect old toothbrushes.
32:52 Speaker 01 I guess I've got probably six old toothbrushes in my house, which I would use for cleaning now. But maybe if I was this.
32:59 Speaker 00 Cleaning what?
33:00 Speaker 01 Uh, like trainers. Yeah, like polishing up.
33:02 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah.
33:03 Speaker 01 Or, um, my coffee grinder.
33:06 Speaker 00 Yeah. For my sunburn.
33:08 Speaker 01 Bits out. I collect old toothbrushes, half-used toiletries, old sunglasses, et cetera, through the year before a trip, and even old phone charging cables, so that all can be chucked as needed. What, I don't, that I don't understand.
33:23 Speaker 00 I would love to see this guy's house.
33:25 Speaker 01 If a phone charging.
33:26 Speaker 00 I would love it.
33:27 Speaker 01 If a phone charging cable doesn't work, you throw it out.
33:30 Speaker 00 Yeah.
33:31 Speaker 01 If it does work, you keep it.
33:32 Speaker 00 Yeah. There's, it's an either or.
33:34 Speaker 01 Yeah, what's happening there? Maybe it's one that needs a bit of wiggling, but then I wouldn't want to take that on holiday.
33:39 Speaker 00 No, the problem with the wigglers is that eventually the wiggling stops working, but you never know when else it's gonna happen.
33:46 Speaker 01 As well as getting immense and smug satisfaction from travelling light for six weeks, this also gradually.
33:51 Speaker 00 I think it's worth it. It's not, it's not a big enough win, I don't think.
33:56 Speaker 01 This also gradually frees up space for new purchases and souvenirs to take home. Oh, yeah, okay. There is one downside to all of this.
34:04 Speaker 00 Oh, yes.
34:04 Speaker 01 I, I tend to look quite dishevelled.
34:07 Speaker 00 No way.
34:08 Speaker 01 Travelling in my old clothes and sometimes people are wary of talking to me. Particularly on long distance trains where they're trapped with you for up to 58 hours at a time.
34:20 Speaker 00 Oh my god.
34:21 Speaker 01 That is longer than to, that is from here to Sydney and back and then back to Sydney on a plane.
34:27 Speaker 00 Yeah. My friend Matt John, that's my nickname for him because I think this is Matt, went to Kazakhstan without flying.
34:34 Speaker 02 Oh, yes.
34:35 Speaker 00 So he used, you know, buses and trains to get to Kazakhstan, which is the ninth biggest country on earth geographically in terms of size. And one of the train journeys was it was a 44 hour leg.
34:49 Speaker 01 You'd need a lot of moist wipes to get through that, wouldn't you?
34:53 Speaker 00 Yeah.
34:54 Speaker 01 Though once I explain I'm a slightly eccentric Brit and all my clothes are disposable, that tends to break the ice. In any case, looking to Sherwood is a small price to pay for being a world-class old clothes disposer and light traveller. Keep up the fabulous work, Nick from Battersea.
35:12 Speaker 00 But what, my local recycling centre has a clothes recycling bin.
35:18 Speaker 01 Yeah.
35:19 Speaker 00 So I just don't know what he's winning.
35:21 Speaker 01 Well, he's travelling progressively lighter as he goes.
35:24 Speaker 02 Yeah.
35:25 Speaker 00 Yeah, fine.
35:26 Speaker 02 He makes a good point on, look, if the, if it's, if it's catching the eye of potential thieves because you've got a big, you know, fancy suitcase with you. So he's packing lights, which is a little backpack on his back.
35:37 Speaker 00 Yeah, he doesn't look like a muggable person, I suppose, if all of his clothes have got holes in them.
35:41 Speaker 01 But I don't quite understand how you save space on the way out because you'd either take six worn saggy old t-shirts or six nice new ones.
35:51 Speaker 00 Absolutely.
35:52 Speaker 01 And, you know, so, but I guess it's freeing up space for your bag on the way home.
35:58 Speaker 00 He's also gonna look, but why would you want an empty bag on the way home?
36:00 Speaker 02 Well, he's not, it's not gonna be empty because he's stockpiling new stuff on the way. So he's saying he's getting, you know.
36:04 Speaker 00 Yeah, and souvenirs.
36:05 Speaker 02 Souvenirs and stuff and other.
36:07 Speaker 01 I would like to hear from his family.
36:09 Speaker 00 He also is gonna look very different in his holiday photos.
36:14 Speaker 01 Yes.
36:16 Speaker 00 If he's on the holiday of a lifetime in America, every photo.
36:20 Speaker 01 Holes in all his clothes.
36:21 Speaker 00 Exactly.
36:22 Speaker 01 Wiggling his cable into his iPhone.
36:25 Speaker 00 Yeah.
36:26 Speaker 01 Very good.
36:27 Speaker 00 Yeah, it's good. This is a cracker. Hello, you fabulous yeoman of content. I've only been a recent convert to your podcast. I've been begun listening in April of this year and I'm about 200 episodes down towards episode one. I'm working backwards from the most recent one. Wow, that's good effort. Listening to the high levels of bum slash bum procedure content as and as someone with ulcerative colitis, I was inspired to write in about a joke I made during my first colonoscopy. Before colonoscopies, you're required to drink DEFCON 1 fizzy laxatives in order to clear the runways for the scope. After drinking, there's a silly bang for the bowel.
37:01 Speaker 01 I've, I've had that.
37:02 Speaker 00 Yeah, you're supposed to then not.
37:04 Speaker 01 Yeah, it works. It's, it worked better than anything I've ever used before in my life.
37:10 Speaker 00 It's the most efficient thing that's definitely working in the way it should on earth. Yeah. Can you, can you not go far? Would it be risky to go far?
37:17 Speaker 01 You can't go far.
37:20 Speaker 00 It's like there's a tap of touch to you and someone else is in charge of it.
37:23 Speaker 01 Yeah. And they can't hear you when you tell them that you're not ready to water the garden yet.
37:31 Speaker 01 And if you say, there's actually a hosepipe ban in this area, they flick the Vs and say, I don't listen to water companies.
37:38 Speaker 00 Yeah. And then you just pray.
37:41 Speaker 01 Yeah.
37:41 Speaker 00 Okay. After drinking, there's a silly bang for the bowel, you're supposed to then not eat until after the procedure. Now, I'm a diabetic. I need to have calories. I also have a feverish appetite as it is, so going 10 hours sans food would be a death sentence. Backing the NHS guidance and discovering that small amounts of ice cream are permitted, I decided to devour an entire tub of Ben and Jerry's before going to bed with insulin adjusted accordingly. After turning up the Queen's Medical Centre in Nottingham at 6am and answering the questions from the nurse, I disrobed and was re-robed in a hospital gown.
38:12 Speaker 01 Now, hang on. I've done this exact procedure.
38:15 Speaker 00 Yeah.
38:16 Speaker 01 And I have, I'm not diabetic, but I have a similarly voracious appetite. If you, you eat your dinner, then you have it, then, you know, you stand back.
38:29 Speaker 01 You could just tell your family to go and stay in a local hotel.
38:31 Speaker 00 Yeah.
38:32 Speaker 01 And then you go to bed.
38:33 Speaker 00 Yeah, call the police.
38:34 Speaker 01 And then you wake up and it's nine, eight, seven, six AM.
38:38 Speaker 00 Yeah.
38:38 Speaker 01 And you've got the procedure.
38:39 Speaker 00 Yes.
38:40 Speaker 01 Most of those 10 hours are asleep.
38:43 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, but still, right. So then the hour was upon us and I was put onto the gurney, given one to do toots of gas and air and my bowel was then on the big screen. It was a medium audience.
38:54 Speaker 02 What does that mean? What does that mean?
38:56 Speaker 00 With one doctor giving the probe, four nurses there for the assisted work and patient checking, and eight to 10 medical students observing, annotating and trying to blend into the background as best as they could.
39:07 Speaker 02 That's a lot.
39:08 Speaker 00 So that's 15 people.
39:09 Speaker 01 Whenever I imagine that scene, like all of this, because there's 10 people observing, I always imagine them like kind of jostling to get a view.
39:18 Speaker 00 Yeah, with clipboards.
39:18 Speaker 01 Yeah, like at a press conference. Mr. James, Mr. James.
39:23 Speaker 00 Mr. Robbins, Mr. Robbins, yeah. As the doctor made the first difficult turn inside me, a piece of bum rubbish floated past the screen. My immediate response, crack a joke. I wish you'd told me you were coming, I would have hoovered, was the line I landed on.
39:36 Speaker 02 Hmm.
39:38 Speaker 00 This is the bit that got me. Silence. You've gotta laugh.
39:43 Speaker 02 You've gotta, just to let him feel better.
39:44 Speaker 00 Yeah. Bar the gentle beeping of the machinery and slow wheezes of the air being pumped into me, not even a chuckle occurred. Five of the medical students began writing after my joke happened. I left with some shame, but it has now become one of my go-to anecdotes and is even used as material by friends.
40:03 Speaker 00 Please keep up your fabulous content creation. Your joy's been an incredible discovery despite the fact you're journeyman in the podcast field. All the best, Tom from Bristol. I'm a very good polite laffer.
40:15 Speaker 02 Hmm. Oh, yeah, I am. Very generous.
40:17 Speaker 00 Yeah, you've got to be. Just oil's the wheels of, you know, social interaction.
40:22 Speaker 01 Would you remember to be a polite laffer if you were observing a colonoscopy?
40:27 Speaker 00 I would have done it if I was the doctor. If I was observing, I wouldn't because I wouldn't, I wouldn't be sure if it was my place.
40:33 Speaker 02 Absolutely. Because a lot of them would be trainee apprentices and stuff.
40:36 Speaker 01 They were probably taking their lead from the doctor.
40:38 Speaker 00 Yeah.
40:39 Speaker 02 Yeah.
40:39 Speaker 00 But I think the doctor to relax the patient has got to go.
40:46 Speaker 00 That's what it takes. It's an acknowledgement, isn't it?
40:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
40:50 Speaker 00 And proof that the joke hasn't failed. It's all you want.
40:53 Speaker 01 Now, we had an email last week from someone who'd unwittingly become the face of the heatwave, when a photo of them appeared on the BBC News website, holding a fan. And we've had a couple of people get in touch. So if you've ever unwittingly become the face of something, do let us know. This is from Shaun. You may have to read the start of it, Ellis.
41:15 Speaker 00 Oh, Shaun, you mean, the one, that one?
41:17 Speaker 01 Shaun, sorry.
41:18 Speaker 00 Yeah, okay. Shmae f wyrw fleg o gennys tigh i ddol. So W W W is W W W, like on the start of a website. That's how you say it in Welsh. Otherwise you'd be going, ooh, ooh, ooh. So W W W is triple W's. Welshman, wise man, worker bee.
41:37 Speaker 01 Ah, with the triple W's.
41:38 Speaker 00 Yeah, with the triple W's. I like that. Following on from the face of the heatwave slash tube slash red scrubs guy chat, here's an image of me that's been announced by the London Welsh Centre website for what is now over a decade. The image is from Wales's phenomenal Euro 2016 campaign, specifically our semi-final loss to Portugal. Given this was a 2-0 defeat, I've no idea what I'm celebrating in the image, especially as nobody else around me seems to be reacting in remotely the same way. All I can think of is that as a centre back myself, I must have been celebrating a robust James Collins tackle, header or clearance. I am forever grateful that the camera caught this moment as opposed to my ill-fated attempt at leading an Icelandic thunderclap at some point during the night. Why didn't anybody join in? Anyway, it was quite funny to revisit the centre in 2021
42:22 Speaker 00 and 2024 and be recognised as the website's what's on guy on both occasions by different members of staff. I have no idea who took the photo, but if anyone at the London Welsh Centre is listening, please keep using it. Absolutely love the show. And Ellis, please also consider this email a come get me plea for a company connection, as I think it'd be a good one. Diwch wawr, Shaun from Ridan Man slash Almenford.
42:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, so Shaun is the face of the what's on page.
42:48 Speaker 00 Yes.
42:48 Speaker 01 On the London Welsh Centre website.
42:50 Speaker 00 He is, you know, there's probably 30 people in that photo, but he's the only one celebrating, but the camera's focused on him. It's quite interesting.
42:56 Speaker 01 Yeah. And this is from Dots. This is extraordinary. Hello, you fanciful little flaneurs. On hearing about your listeners' bewilderment at finding herself the face of the last heatwave, I was suddenly transported out of my sweaty London flat and into the altogether cooler climes of rural Northern Ireland in the mid 2010s. Waiting at the bus stop on my way to school one morning, I looked up to see a massive photo of my own feet plastered across the side of a passing lorry. It took me a few seconds to ascertain that I was genuinely seeing this, rather than having a stroke, and I managed to whip out my phone to take a picture just before the lorry drove away.
43:33 Speaker 01 So what's in Dots's picture is like a low-sided loading lorry, like the sort you get outside Juicens, and it's got a crane on the back for moving sort of builders' bags of rubble and stones. And it says Concrete Ideas on the side, so obviously a concrete company, and there's two pairs of feet, one wearing sandals and one wearing Converse, and it cuts off at the ankle. And Dots continues, "I subsequently worked out that the photo had been taken when I was walking along a newly paved street whilst on holiday in a town at the opposite end of the country, and that it had been taken to advertise the work of the makers of the paving slabs.
44:15 Speaker 01 I was surgically attached to the rather unusual pair of Converse that I was wearing at the time, and the contrast between them and the sandaled feet of my father, who was walking next to me, was what enabled me to identify the feet as my own." That is crazy. "Not as wide a reach as the BBC News website, but the size and physical proximity of a paving slab lorry was still rather jarring. Perhaps we all band together and demand our respective royalties. Cheers, Dots." What are the rules? I don't know anymore. If you're in a public place, I'm pretty sure you have to sign a, you have to sign a release document if you're like the focus of the thing.
45:00 Speaker 01 So say someone, I think if someone comes up to you as like a vox pop. Yeah. To camera, I think maybe you have to sign a release document, you certainly have to give permission, but I think if you're. If you're speaking, absolutely. As long as you're not doing it in a harassing way. Yeah. I think, so you can't like necessarily, I don't, I'm not sure about this actually. Well, when I was the face of.
45:21 Speaker 00 Disgruntled commuters on the Victoria Line.
45:24 Speaker 01 Yeah.
45:25 Speaker 00 Which was back, I got like dozens of messages from people I'd not spoken to for years who would just happen to be watching the programme. Because I was on the way to a gig and I was late and the tube was very badly delayed. I must, I must have been looking more annoyed than everyone else because the camera zoomed in on my face. And obviously I didn't know that. I didn't know there was a camera crew there and they didn't ask my permission. And suddenly, six months later, I was on prime time BBC One. It's quite a weird feeling.
45:56 Speaker 01 I think maybe you are allowed to film people in a public place, but like if anyone, if I ever looked across and someone was filming with those pervert specs, the new sort of high-tech specs.
46:05 Speaker 00 Yeah.
46:06 Speaker 01 I think I would immediately just snap them.
46:09 Speaker 00 I'd love to see that.
46:10 Speaker 01 I would, I think I would do that and I think I would be justified and 99% of the population who aren't perverts would say yes.
46:16 Speaker 00 Yeah.
46:16 Speaker 01 Good.
46:17 Speaker 00 The, uh, the phrase you're meant to use there is not a court in the land.
46:21 Speaker 01 Yes, there's not a court in the land, Dave.
46:23 Speaker 00 In the land.
46:24 Speaker 02 You've got to be careful because those.
46:26 Speaker 01 Dave, there's not a court in the land.
46:28 Speaker 00 Do you know what I mean? There's not a court in the land, Dave.
46:30 Speaker 02 That, I think you'll find there could be a court in the land.
46:32 Speaker 01 There's not a court in the land, Dave, that would send this good fellow down.
46:37 Speaker 00 For snapping some perv glasses, I'd give you a grand.
46:40 Speaker 01 Thanks, man. And I'd give it back to the person whose glasses are just broken.
46:43 Speaker 00 And then we'd sort of be quits.
46:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:46 Speaker 00 But I've paid for it, even though it's your act.
46:48 Speaker 01 Hmm. Well, you got to enjoy the act.
46:50 Speaker 00 Yeah, for a thousand pounds.
46:52 Speaker 02 But those specs are quite useful for people who have, uh, reading problems or eyesight issues as well. So they are actually being used in a very, uh, positive way at points.
47:00 Speaker 01 Sure, but why are those people filming me?
47:03 Speaker 02 No, you're absolutely right. You're right. But, but that's not broad, because as much as we can call them pervert specs.
47:08 Speaker 01 When they're filming.
47:09 Speaker 02 When they're filming, but when they're, when they're being worn by perverts.
47:12 Speaker 01 When they're, when they're being worn without being filmed, they're accessibility ones.
47:18 Speaker 01 Which I fully support being waived by anyone who needs them.
47:22 Speaker 00 What I do get is, so where, so you wear the specs, like I've got spectacles on now.
47:27 Speaker 01 Yeah.
47:28 Speaker 00 And I'm, I can film out like a, like a camera phone.
47:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
47:31 Speaker 02 He's got many cameras in them.
47:32 Speaker 00 Have they? I did not know that.
47:34 Speaker 01 And they've got a tiny little light which you can cover up with gaffer tape if you're a pervert.
47:40 Speaker 00 Dear.
47:41 Speaker 02 But again, they are also doing good at points.
47:44 Speaker 01 They are.
47:44 Speaker 02 At points.
47:45 Speaker 01 But at what cost, Dave?
47:47 Speaker 00 You've always said that pervs drive tech, haven't you, Dave? It's always been your...
47:51 Speaker 01 Well, in many ways, they do.
47:52 Speaker 00 Yeah.
47:52 Speaker 01 Hence VHS.
47:59 Speaker 00 Yeah.
48:00 Speaker 01 Yeah. I mean, it's a bit like space travel.
48:03 Speaker 00 Hmm.
48:03 Speaker 01 People say, why, why are we going to the moon? In the same way that they say, why do we have so much pornography? The fact is that both NASA and the porn industry, that tech filters down to us, the user.
48:17 Speaker 00 Same with war. War drives tech.
48:19 Speaker 01 Thermos flasks, inertia reel seat belts and VHS.
48:24 Speaker 00 Yeah.
48:25 Speaker 01 And we say, thanks NASA and thanks pornography.
48:27 Speaker 00 Because Betamax was better than VHS, but the porn industry blooming love VHS, Dave.
48:32 Speaker 01 Yeah.
48:33 Speaker 02 And that's still...
48:34 Speaker 01 Very horny scenes.
48:41 Speaker 00 That's why Betamax...
48:43 Speaker 01 Visibly hot.
48:45 Speaker 02 Commercialising someone's likeness generally requires a signed model release form. If you publish or use the photo without their permission, they can object and potentially take legal action.
48:53 Speaker 00 I mean, also...
48:55 Speaker 01 There's not a court in the land, Dave.
48:57 Speaker 00 Dots wouldn't... I don't think anyone else would recognise Dot's feet from that photo.
49:02 Speaker 01 But you could say, you're using my feet to advertise without my permission.
49:06 Speaker 00 Yeah, and I should, yeah.
49:07 Speaker 01 I should be remunerated.
49:08 Speaker 00 Yes, absolutely.
49:09 Speaker 02 But also, what if, if they, if they catch you on a...
49:11 Speaker 00 Because there are feet models up there.
49:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, big time.
49:13 Speaker 02 Let's say you're on a tube and you get a quick picture taken that ends up somewhere. What if you weren't really meant to be on that tube? What if you were on your way to a mistress's house or something? Then it ruins your family life and things like that.
49:25 Speaker 01 Well, this is what they say when you're doing warm up for TV shows. They say, do bear in mind that if you're in the audience, you're being captured on camera. Because there have been situations where people have taken their fancy man or fancy lady to say, I'm going to treat you to two and a half hours of pure and adulterated Noel Edmonds.
49:42 Speaker 00 Yeah.
49:43 Speaker 01 And then they're on the blooming telly.
49:45 Speaker 00 I'd go.
49:45 Speaker 01 And their partner homes going, who's that mistress or master of yours?
49:49 Speaker 00 It's the kiss come at Coldplay.
49:51 Speaker 02 It is. I mean, that's the, yeah, the ultimate, isn't it, really?
49:53 Speaker 00 It's the ultimate.
50:03 Speaker 02 When it comes to life insurance, annuities.
50:06 Speaker 00 And long-term care solutions. How do you know you've found the right partner? When everything works in harmony? Like innovative products, long-term value, and financial strength? Check out Securian.com to find the partner that hits all the right notes. Insurance issued by Minnesota Life Insurance Company and Securian Life Insurance Company. For rating agency information and how our ratings compare, visit Securian.com/ratings.
50:33 Speaker 03 Hello, this is Suzy Ruffel.
50:34 Speaker 04 And Maisy Adams.
50:35 Speaker 03 And together we host Big Kick Energy. Hey Mais, what is it?
50:38 Speaker 04 Only the best podcast ever.
50:39 Speaker 03 Yeah.
50:40 Speaker 04 A comedy entertainment podcast with a focus on all things women's football, all things hilarious, all things friendship. It's a laugh is what it is, Ruffel.
50:50 Speaker 03 Yeah, and a fair bit of gossiping, too.
50:51 Speaker 04 Oh, and a lovely bit of gossip. Chow down on the gossip.
50:56 Speaker 03 You can listen wherever you get your podcasts. Just need to search Big Kick Energy.
51:00 Speaker 04 Grab a knife and fork and tuck in, baby.
51:06 Speaker 01 Right, let's stop talking about rude sex. And say-
51:11 Speaker 02 I love that the two words Griff said was just wow twice when John said that he's made love to his music.
51:17 Speaker 00 Imagine it. You've made a record with Mogwai, and so many of them met before has told you that. What else do you say?
51:24 Speaker 02 You say wow twice.
51:26 Speaker 01 You say thank you very much. I'm glad it was of use.
51:29 Speaker 00 That's what we-
51:29 Speaker 01 It's also a superb album in its own right.
51:31 Speaker 00 That's what we were intending in the studio.
51:34 Speaker 01 Yeah. Now, we don't know where England are in the World Cup because this is being recorded before the semi-final.
51:43 Speaker 02 Yes.
51:44 Speaker 01 I've actually got a bone to ask with you.
51:48 Speaker 00 No.
51:49 Speaker 01 No, it is because it's not a bone to pick with you, but I do need to ask you something.
51:53 Speaker 00 Okay, that's fine. You've got a question bone.
51:54 Speaker 01 I've got a question bone. I haven't watched a single kick of this World Cup so far.
51:59 Speaker 00 Fair play.
52:00 Speaker 01 Right? England are now potentially in a semi-final.
52:05 Speaker 00 So when we record-
52:05 Speaker 02 Potentially in the final.
52:06 Speaker 01 Potentially in the final.
52:07 Speaker 00 Or we might be knocked out by this one.
52:08 Speaker 01 We don't know whether they-
52:09 Speaker 00 We don't know because we're recording on Monday.
52:10 Speaker 01 No, they are in the semi-final.
52:11 Speaker 00 That's happening on Wednesday.
52:12 Speaker 01 So they're potentially in the final. They're definitely in the semi-final.
52:15 Speaker 00 But when this goes out, it'll be one or the other.
52:16 Speaker 01 Yeah. Now, my problem is with the World Cup and FIFA and Donald Trump. It's not with England. I obviously want England to do well.
52:24 Speaker 00 Goodness, no, I don't.
52:25 Speaker 01 I'm not angry at our 12 lions, minus one, but not unless he's the manager, as they call them.
52:33 Speaker 00 What an-
52:33 Speaker 01 What does that mean?
52:35 Speaker 00 Okay.
52:36 Speaker 01 So.
52:37 Speaker 00 I suppose Thomas Tuchel is an employed lion.
52:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
52:40 Speaker 00 He's German.
52:41 Speaker 01 So I want England to win.
52:42 Speaker 00 Yeah.
52:43 Speaker 02 Well, yeah.
52:44 Speaker 01 But me not having watched a single kick seems to have played quite a large part in their progress.
52:51 Speaker 00 Yes.
52:52 Speaker 01 So say they win the semi.
52:54 Speaker 02 Yeah.
52:54 Speaker 00 You're then not allowed to watch the final.
52:56 Speaker 01 Well, this is the thing, but I'm going to a party that I've just found up is a World Cup final party.
53:01 Speaker 00 Oh.
53:02 Speaker 02 What, on Sunday?
53:03 Speaker 01 On Sunday.
53:05 Speaker 02 I don't believe in all that. Just watch the blooming game.
53:08 Speaker 01 But I don't really want to.
53:09 Speaker 02 Oh, okay. Well, that's different. That's your choice.
53:12 Speaker 01 I want England to win. I just don't want to watch it.
53:15 Speaker 02 Well, it sounds like you don't have to because you don't want to.
53:18 Speaker 01 But I've got to go to the party and I don't want to be the guy who goes, oh, actually, everyone, I'm going to turn my face away from the screen.
53:25 Speaker 00 I'll just sit in your car.
53:27 Speaker 01 Yeah. No, I would have done that for segments anyway.
53:30 Speaker 00 Just go along.
53:31 Speaker 01 Calm down.
53:32 Speaker 00 But kind of feign a little bit of interest because you're there. You don't want to be rude. You don't want to make other people feel awkward, but just chat to someone else.
53:38 Speaker 01 But is it bad luck if I see a live kick because I've not seen a live kick?
53:41 Speaker 02 I don't believe in any of that nonsense, to be honest.
53:43 Speaker 01 What if I see a live kick and we lose a hundred million bill?
53:47 Speaker 00 Please, please have a look.
53:49 Speaker 01 Oh, okay.
53:50 Speaker 00 That would be fantastic.
53:51 Speaker 01 So would you, I'm not trying to get you into trouble here. Say it's Spain, England in the final. You would be, would you be actively supporting Spain? Or would you have an eye on Spain?
54:03 Speaker 02 He's actively supporting Spain. He doesn't need to. I can answer that for him.
54:09 Speaker 00 Hmm.
54:12 Speaker 02 And this is fine, by the way. You're fine to say that.
54:14 Speaker 00 I would say that I support Wales and let's leave it at that.
54:17 Speaker 02 He supports Wales. There we go.
54:19 Speaker 00 I am jealous of England's success.
54:23 Speaker 02 I've not won anything yet.
54:24 Speaker 00 I would like to get to semi, to a semi final, Dave.
54:26 Speaker 02 You've got to a semi.
54:28 Speaker 00 This time, I would like to be at a World Cup.
54:31 Speaker 02 Yeah.
54:32 Speaker 00 Which we have done twice. I'd like to do it. I'd like to do more of it.
54:36 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's good fun. It is nice.
54:37 Speaker 01 But you surely would be just as jealous of Spain?
54:43 Speaker 00 Uh, no, because I don't live next, I don't live in Spain and I didn't grow up.
54:46 Speaker 02 You're not Portuguese.
54:47 Speaker 00 No, and I didn't grow up next door to Spain.
54:49 Speaker 02 So I bet the Portuguese are rooting for England.
54:53 Speaker 00 I don't know, actually. That's an interesting, that's an interesting question. I'm not sure.
54:57 Speaker 01 So anyway, if England have reached the final, or if they haven't, or if we're trying to cover both bases.
55:04 Speaker 00 Yeah.
55:04 Speaker 01 Here is a poem from Dave that he will write later this week and drop into the podcast.
55:11 Speaker 02 We don't need to say. Yeah, yeah, we know we do need to say that. So do we want a poem either? Am I writing a sad poem if we're out as well? Or is it just a rousing poem if we're in the final?
55:21 Speaker 01 I think you should write a poem that somehow manages to cover both eventualities in one poem.
55:26 Speaker 02 It's impossible. Okay, I'll give that a go. Okay, so.
55:30 Speaker 00 That's very funny. The, the, the cover all bases poem.
55:34 Speaker 01 Yeah, imagine if the charge of the light brigade had been written in advance and he'd not know whether they'd won or not.
55:40 Speaker 00 No.
55:42 Speaker 02 Cover all bases.
55:42 Speaker 01 So half a league, half a league, half a league onward into the valley of death.
55:46 Speaker 00 Maybe.
55:48 Speaker 01 Or winning, rode the six hundred.
55:51 Speaker 02 A lot of maybes in there, a lot of this or that. Understood.
55:54 Speaker 00 You could use the word perhaps.
55:56 Speaker 01 Yeah.
55:56 Speaker 02 Absolutely, yeah.
55:57 Speaker 00 Possibly.
55:58 Speaker 01 Yeah.
55:59 Speaker 00 You never know.
56:00 Speaker 01 Perchance.
56:01 Speaker 02 Perchance. Let me write these down, actually. I'll get all these in.
56:03 Speaker 01 Perchance, perhaps, maybe.
56:06 Speaker 02 Perchance.
56:08 Speaker 01 On the other hand.
56:14 Speaker 02 On the other, on the other hand. Yeah.
56:21 Speaker 01 Impossible to say.
56:23 Speaker 02 Impossible to say. Who knows?
56:24 Speaker 01 Who knows?
56:27 Speaker 02 It isn't, it isn't.
56:28 Speaker 01 It isn't, it isn't. Swings and roundabouts.
56:31 Speaker 02 Yeah.
56:34 Speaker 00 That'll do.
56:35 Speaker 01 Yeah.
56:35 Speaker 00 Otherwise it's a lot.
56:36 Speaker 01 But some things will be true. Still be a game of two halves, well, four quarters.
56:39 Speaker 00 Four quarters, six.
56:40 Speaker 01 Two quarters of extra time.
56:42 Speaker 00 Possibly a game of four quarters and two halves.
56:44 Speaker 01 But as Ellis knows all too well, the ball is still round, Dave.
56:47 Speaker 02 Always.
56:48 Speaker 01 No matter what, Donald Trump and Gianni Infantino, as I call him, Gianni Infantile.
56:56 Speaker 00 I was.
56:57 Speaker 02 Oh, ouch.
56:57 Speaker 00 Infantilo.
56:59 Speaker 01 No, Infantino, infant, infant.
57:03 Speaker 00 It's Infantino, isn't it?
57:05 Speaker 01 Do you know what Michael called Griff Reese earlier? Grief Reese.
57:12 Speaker 01 I was coming back into the studio and he was talking to Zoff, so Ellis didn't hear him. Well, we might have a grief risk.
57:19 Speaker 00 The great thing is, if I'd heard that, I wouldn't have known who he meant. And I'd be like, I wonder who grief Reese is? He might be a cyclist. He might be doing the Tour de France.
57:27 Speaker 01 So here's Dave's poem.
57:32 Speaker 02 Do we dare to ponder the American dream? Or is it already a nightmare? Are we striding the path to victory? Or are we on the road to nowhere? Sixty-four teams stepped over the line. We're down to the last men standing. A summer of drama, it's certainly been and may continue to be demanding. Thomas prowling the sidelines, Jude, the man of the hour. This could be our moment, depending on recent results, or perhaps it's all turned sour. The drama of Mexico, the heat of Miami, and something will have happened in Atlanta. Perhaps we soared past Messi and Co. Perhaps we finished at a canter.
58:16 Speaker 02 Were goals scored? Did boys become men? Did we win or lose by a fraction? The swings and roundabouts of the beautiful game, the result, but a mere distraction. Perchance, did Kane save the day? Possibly, did Declan pull the strings? On the other hand, did our Argentinian friends have plans for greater things? So whether this is or was, our year or not, triumph was only a suggestion. To win or to lose, to stay or to leave, that is, or was until recently, the question.
58:51 Speaker 02 Maybe this was our time, maybe the dream grows dimmer. But when all's said and done, and we're able to reflect,
59:00 Speaker 02 perhaps football was the winner.
59:06 Speaker 02 Maybe. Wow, what a cover all bases poem that was.
59:12 Speaker 01 Now then, diddly Dave. Are we having a little bit of a ring fence section here? We should do a ring fence jingle. Oh dear.
59:22 Speaker 00 Oh, it's me.
59:23 Speaker 01 Dave is sacked.
59:25 Speaker 02 Pick up the kids. Now is that a problem? Given I'm 200 miles away. No, it's not. Hannah's off. Hannah's it's. No, Hannah's. Hannah's broken up for the summer. She's picking up the kids. It's fine.
59:37 Speaker 00 Yeah, our kids don't break up on Friday.
59:40 Speaker 02 Uh, no, our kids don't break up for two weeks, but Hannah, secondary school, broke up on Friday.
59:46 Speaker 00 Did they? Okay.
59:47 Speaker 02 Yeah.
59:47 Speaker 01 Dave, we should do a jingle that's like this. Ring fenced for the Patreon. Ring fenced for the Patreon. Do it like a big crowd.
59:57 Speaker 02 Yeah.
59:58 Speaker 01 Ring fenced for the Patreon. Ring fenced for the Patreon.
1:00:04 Speaker 02 Or just naturally get into it so it feels like it's part of the podcast.
1:00:07 Speaker 01 Content if you pay your squids. Content if you pay your squids.
1:00:12 Speaker 02 No, don't be. No, it's just, it's just good stuff, isn't it? It was a big announcement.
1:00:16 Speaker 00 Paywall for some extra stuff.
1:00:19 Speaker 01 Paywall for some extra stuff.
1:00:23 Speaker 00 Paywall.
1:00:24 Speaker 02 Do you know what me and Michael said this morning? We said, do you know what we should probably do? Just stop mentioning the ring fence and just kind of naturally get into it. So it's there, but it's, but then we've just done three different melodies about it.
1:00:35 Speaker 00 Jingles. Paywall for some extra stuff.
1:00:40 Speaker 02 It's just nice, isn't it?
1:00:41 Speaker 01 So part two of Station to Station, our epic trip, clockwise around the M25, visiting all four services and reviewing them. Why did we do it? Because no one asked.
1:00:56 Speaker 01 Is now online. Here's a clip.
1:01:00 Speaker 00 Right, you're about to see a man have his big moment. John incredibly has allowed me to drive the Sportage. He said he would a couple of days ago, but as this moment's got nearer and nearer, the more anxious and agitated he's become. When he gave me the keys, he actually went grey.
1:01:17 Speaker 00 Anyway, we're driving to Clackit Lane. I think it's fine because I passed my driving test almost 28 years ago. But he really is among just I'm drew in there. So let's get cracking.
1:01:30 Speaker 01 What did we think of Thorac?
1:01:32 Speaker 00 I thought the vibe was extremely negative.
1:01:35 Speaker 01 Did you just stall, then? Did you just stall?
1:01:38 Speaker 00 Well, no, because clearly not. I'm about to restart the car.
1:01:41 Speaker 01 It was close. It was, it was very close. Firm stall. Well, it wasn't.
1:01:46 Speaker 00 Because I'm about to restart the car.
1:01:47 Speaker 01 No, but it restarts when you put the clutch in.
1:01:49 Speaker 00 It doesn't?
1:01:50 Speaker 01 Yeah, it does. You, you stalled the bugger.
1:01:52 Speaker 00 I would say that I was approaching stall.
1:01:54 Speaker 01 You stalled then. We've got it on camera, Dave. Can I have a slow motion replay of that?
1:02:03 Speaker 00 Why did this bit have to make the trailer, Dave?
1:02:08 Speaker 01 Because it's fun. Wow. So there you go. An insight into part two of Station to Station, our latest Ellis and John cinematic universe release.
1:02:18 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:02:19 Speaker 01 That's now available to Patreon subscribers and we do hope you enjoy it.
1:02:23 Speaker 00 Yes. And if you live in London and you speak Welsh.
1:02:27 Speaker 01 Oh, my goodness.
1:02:28 Speaker 00 Please, Dave, let me.
1:02:32 Speaker 00 23rd of July. I'm, I'm doing too many that aren't at the London Welsh Centre because I should have taken advantage of their excellent mailing list. 23rd of July at ABC, 26th of July at Stanley Hall in South Norwood, which is a festival and there's lots of amazing stuff happening because Daniel Kitson's organised it. Lots of great acts, including friend of the show Sally A B, she's performing and a lot of other people.
1:02:55 Speaker 01 Does she perform in English? Because she's bilingual.
1:02:57 Speaker 00 She's performing in English. She has never.
1:02:59 Speaker 01 That was a clever move.
1:03:01 Speaker 00 She has never performed stand up in French, which is crazy. And I asked her the other day, I said, why not? And she was like, I'm too nervous. I can't compute that.
1:03:11 Speaker 01 Wow.
1:03:12 Speaker 00 Straighter, straight, straighter second language. Yeah.
1:03:15 Speaker 01 What's the stand up scene like in France? Is it thriving?
1:03:18 Speaker 00 Well, Sally is great. She would boss it.
1:03:20 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:03:21 Speaker 00 But I, I once, Izzy and I were in Paris and on New Year's Eve about 15 years ago and we watched.
1:03:31 Speaker 00 It was like an equivalent of Houtenani, Live at the Apollo and France's Got Talent, all in one. That was like their big, whatever their equivalent to BBC One is, sort of show that was going up from like 10pm until midnight. Have I told this?
1:03:46 Speaker 01 No, but I'm just imagining Cirque du Clou, Circus of Clowns, from knowing me, knowing you.
1:03:51 Speaker 00 Right, okay.
1:03:52 Speaker 01 That's what I have in my head when you say what's the French stuff. There was that kind of stuff. Lots of people squirting water in each other's faces.
1:03:58 Speaker 00 Yeah, so like the David Schneider, they play that. So it was, yeah, it was, it was, it was in a theatre that would be the equivalent of the Apollo, sort of like the Batte Clan or something. And it was a really crazy mix of like dancing dogs, you know, a sort of a choir and, and a guy doing stand up. And Celia said, I know exactly what you mean. Like, I know what sort of programme this was. And Izzy did A Level French and she was able to translate it. And she was translating the stand up. And it was basically, when I am with my, my mistress, I'm like, oh, mon
1:04:42 Speaker 00 chéri, mon chéri, oh, j'adore, j'adore, mon chéri. When I'm with my wife, I'm like,
1:04:49 Speaker 00 where is my wallet?
1:04:54 Speaker 00 And he absolutely smashed it.
1:04:57 Speaker 01 Wow.
1:04:58 Speaker 00 You know, when you're watching people laughing at a joke in a sort of language you don't understand, it's like a culture that's different to yours, but people are crying when laughter. I was like, of course, of course, he's, he's the best comic in France because he's on at five to midnight on New Year's Eve.
1:05:14 Speaker 01 There is an English language gig in Paris, I think.
1:05:16 Speaker 00 There've been quite a few over the years. I got booked for the Paris gig.
1:05:19 Speaker 01 Did you?
1:05:20 Speaker 00 Yeah. Anyway, first and second of August, third, it'll land at Welsh Centre, third of August, back at ABC in Kennington. Please let your mates know, and let them come.
1:05:31 Speaker 01 Good stuff. Right then, let's finish the show with a mad dad. My dad, when he brought his first non-stick frying pan, kept the instructions and stuck them on the wall next to it.
1:05:44 Speaker 00 Actual, real wooden clogs.
1:05:47 Speaker 01 And set about eating what must have been north of 24 egg canapes.
1:05:52 Speaker 00 He then proceeded to empty 40 litres or so. Went on to the timber and strike a mad dad.
1:05:59 Speaker 01 That's a mad.
1:06:00 Speaker 00 That's a mad. That's a mad.
1:06:06 Speaker 00 Okay. This caught my eye a couple of weeks ago, and I've been looking forward to an opportunity to read it out, so, because I think this is brilliant. To my three gentle giants of broadcasting, I'm emailing in response to your chat in episode 516, but the Alice and John calendar had eventually been fit for reuse in over a hundred years. My late dad would have absolutely loved that concept, not for environmental reasons, but because it would have validated a system he'd already perfected. In his role as a travelling salesman, he carried a pocket diary everywhere, appointments, contacts, reminders, the location of every decent motorway service station in the north of England.
1:06:47 Speaker 00 But as a thrifty Bradfordian of Pwer Yorkshire stock, he refused to buy a new diary every year. This is huge for me, I love this one. Instead, he would use the same one for four consecutive years. His method: year one in blue biro, year two in red, year three in black, year four in green. He'd simply adjust the date number as required and carry on. A meeting on the 12th would quietly become the 13th, if the calendar demanded it. Administrative jazz. Stingy, perhaps, mad unquestionably.
1:07:25 Speaker 00 He's no longer with us and we miss him enormously though. I suspect a big diary does not. All the best, Ben from Telford.
1:07:32 Speaker 01 So is he crossing out the day and rewriting it? Or is he crossing out the date and rewriting it?
1:07:39 Speaker 00 It must be the date, mustn't it? Because the date is-
1:07:42 Speaker 01 Well, no, because it always has to start on January the 1st. Because if it starts on a Monday that's January the 6th, you're going to miss the first five days of the year.
1:07:53 Speaker 00 Yes. What I do and I would love, I'd love a follow up from Ben.
1:07:58 Speaker 01 So then you're going to write 365 new days every year?
1:08:02 Speaker 00 Because he did this for years. Each diary lasted four years, so he's making himself a saving over the course of a lifetime.
1:08:10 Speaker 01 Of potentially, you know, six or seven quid.
1:08:13 Speaker 00 But I would love to know how many times he got him in trouble and how many missed appointments there were.
1:08:18 Speaker 01 I'd love to see a photo of a page.
1:08:20 Speaker 00 And I'd love to see a photo of a page because I think I could last with that system for a week before missing something really important. Yeah. It's just so confusing.
1:08:32 Speaker 01 You know how, have you seen the clip of Rory Stewart discussing how he's found his grandmother's diary?
1:08:38 Speaker 00 Yes.
1:08:38 Speaker 01 And this is sort of very-
1:08:40 Speaker 00 It's quite racy, isn't it, I think?
1:08:41 Speaker 01 But very interesting insight into the life of a young woman in the 1920s.
1:08:45 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:08:46 Speaker 01 I think this is Ellis's version of that. He wants to see 80s ink.
1:08:51 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:08:51 Speaker 01 Describing the motorway services of the north.
1:08:54 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:08:55 Speaker 01 But also different contacts at different sort of haulage companies.
1:08:58 Speaker 00 Yeah. But also it's just, it must have looked incredible, all the different colours.
1:09:06 Speaker 01 You've got to be a Nigel Neathead to do that.
1:09:09 Speaker 00 And-
1:09:09 Speaker 01 You can't be a Simon Scrollop.
1:09:11 Speaker 00 Year one must be blissful.
1:09:14 Speaker 01 But would you know you were going to do it for the next four years? So would you take that into account when writing year one? So would you keep it to a quarter of the page?
1:09:22 Speaker 00 Yeah, but at least then, January the 10th is definitely January the 10th.
1:09:27 Speaker 01 Yeah. Oh, it's the easiest year without a doubt.
1:09:29 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the only, that's the only easy year.
1:09:32 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:09:33 Speaker 00 January, the second year is, is difficult. Year four-
1:09:40 Speaker 01 I'd love it would be very 80s of him if he'd gone through, you know, those machines where you type, like a label maker.
1:09:47 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:09:47 Speaker 01 With a specific font and you could sort of type and glue it over the top.
1:09:52 Speaker 00 I would just love to see one. You know, football commentators, you know, they sell their notes before big games.
1:09:57 Speaker 01 Do they?
1:09:58 Speaker 00 Yeah. So Clive Tilson, especially, he's got a very distinct form of handwriting. So he writes these really elaborate, thorough set of notes for each international fixtures.
1:10:08 Speaker 01 And sells them?
1:10:09 Speaker 00 Yeah. So, I don't know, when England beat Germany 5-1, for instance, he will have notes from that game and he'll have little things to say in fact about each player.
1:10:19 Speaker 01 Sells them afterwards?
1:10:20 Speaker 00 Yes. Yeah.
1:10:20 Speaker 01 I thought you meant sells them before to other commentators.
1:10:23 Speaker 00 Because obviously, you know, your writing doesn't change once you're an adult. They've got a very kind of recognisable look to them.
1:10:31 Speaker 01 Hmm.
1:10:32 Speaker 00 But yeah, just must, I mean, I would really like to see Ben from Telford's dad's diary.
1:10:38 Speaker 01 Well, if you've got a mad dad or mum, let us know. Hello at ellisonjohn.com. And we're very thankful for all of your correspondence and we will see you next week. Goodbye.
1:10:58 Speaker 03 BJ's 42% off thank you celebration is how we say thanks for 42 years. Get 42% off ground beef, chicken, drumsticks, potatoes and more through October 31st at BJ's Wholesale Club. Terms apply. Visit BJ's.com for details. Not a member? Join today. Hello, this is Susie Ruffel.
1:11:14 Speaker 04 And Maisie Adam.
1:11:15 Speaker 03 And together we host Big Kick Energy. Hey Mais, what is it?
1:11:18 Speaker 04 Only the best podcast ever.
1:11:20 Speaker 03 Yes.
1:11:20 Speaker 04 A comedy entertainment podcast with a focus on all things women's football, all things hilarious, all things friendship. It's a laugh is what it is, Ruffel.
1:11:30 Speaker 03 Yeah, and a fair bit of gossiping too.
1:11:32 Speaker 04 Oh, and a lovely bit of gossip. Chow down on the gossip.
1:11:35 Speaker 03 Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. You can listen wherever you get your podcasts. You just need to search Big Kick Energy.
1:11:40 Speaker 04 Grab a knife and fork and tuck in, baby.
1:11:45 Speaker 01 Thanks for listening to the show and you can follow us on Instagram and TikTok at ellisonjohn for more content.
1:11:51 Speaker 00 And you can watch highlights of every episode over on our YouTube page at ellisonjohn.
1:11:56 Speaker 01 Plus, you can find all things EJJR, including links to our Patreon, our merch and much more by heading to ellisonjohn.com. See you next time.
Previous #557 - Live at the Crossed Wires Festival Next #559 - Here We Hit It, The Calmru Connection and Darwin’s Flatmate Dave Page updated October 29, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated