Are You Chasing the Wrong Dream? How to Know What You REALLY Want

Are you chasing a bigger, more successful life because it's what you REALLY want, or because it's what you think you're supposed to want? In this throwback He Said She Said episode, Chris and I are pulling back the curtain on the conversations we've had about selling everything, retiring early, and walking away from the pressure of building businesses and personal brands. We're sharing why we've realized that a simpler life isn't necessarily a happier life for us, how I spent years feeling guilty for wanting more, and the surprising realization I had after taking a month-long vacation in Europe. Plus, Chris shares a powerful exercise to help you get crystal clear on what you actually want, whether that's building a multimillion-dollar business or creating a slower, simpler life. If you've ever questioned whether all your hard work is worth it, felt guilty about your ambition, or wondered if you're chasing the wrong version of success, this conversation will help you stop comparing your dreams to everyone else's and start building a life that genuinely fulfills YOU. Check out our Sponsors: Shopify - Ready to launch your business before Black Friday? Go to http://SHOPIFY. COM/happy to start your free trial. Monarch - Monarch breaks the debt cycle, turn endless gloom into a plan with an end date. Use code EYH at http://monarch.com to get your first year of Monarch Core half off at just $50. Northwest - Gain access to thousands of free guides, tools, and attorney-drafted documents to help you run your business with confidence at http://northwestregisteredagent.com/EarnFree Indeed - Spend less time searching, and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Get a $75 Sponsored Job credit at http://indeed.com/podcast right now and let them know you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Life At The Speed Of Play - Mark is offering our listeners TWO books for the price of one! Go tohttp://getmarksbook.com/earn Sequencing - http://Sequencing.com is offering our listeners up to 10% off your full Genome test, plus free shipping. Go to Sequencing Dot com, and use promo code EARN for 10% off. Faire - Sign up today and get 50% off your first wholesale order, up to $100 at faire.com/happy50. HIGHLIGHTS How to recognize when you're chasing someone else's version of success instead of your own. How to know if you're playing small or if a simpler life would actually make you happier. How to stop feeling guilty for wanting MORE out of your life and career. How to pursue your biggest dreams without needing everyone around you to understand them. How to let go of resentment when your friends and family don't share your ambitions. What a month-long vacation taught me about what truly makes me happy and fulfilled. A powerful exercise to get crystal clear on what you REALLY want out of life. How to figure out whether building a bigger business or creating more freedom is the right path for YOU. RESOURCES Learn how to turn podcast guesting into massive sales, ⁠⁠save your spot for the free live training HERE⁠⁠! Make your own ⁠Million Dollar Media Kit HERE! Try glōci for 40% off your first order with code HAPPY at checkout - head to getgloci.com FOLLOW Follow me: @loriharder Follow Chris: @chriswharder Follow glōci: @getgloci

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  This episode is brought to you by Shopify. Ready to launch your business before Black Friday? Go to Shopify.com/happy to start your free trial. Monarch Money, Monarch breaks the debt cycle, turning that endless gloom into a plan with an end date. Use code EYH at monarch.com to get your first year of Monarch Core half off at just $50. Northwest Registered Agent, Northwest gives you access to thousands of free guides, tools, and attorney drafted documents to help you run your business with confidence. Visit northwestregisteredagent.com/earnfree and start using free resources to build something amazing. Indeed, spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates

• 0:43Speaker 00

  who check all your boxes. They're giving Earn Your Happy a $75 sponsored job credit. Go to indeed.com/podcast right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Life at the speed of play. Mark is offering our listeners two books for the price of one. Go to getmarksbook.com/earn. Sequencing, sequencing.com is offering your listeners up to 10% off your full genome test plus free shipping. Go to sequencing.com and use promo code earn for 10% off.

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• 2:44Speaker 00

  It's fully accepting that if you're a runner, if you're a creator, like go and do those things. And instead of toggling back and forth with me going, oh, maybe I should just be happy with that. I played the movie till the end. I literally let myself go, okay, you know what? I went on that two week vacation. We went on a 30 day vacation one time to Europe and you know what happened? I literally was like, okay, well, this gave me all of the space to think of 100 ideas that I want to go do when I get home. That's who I am. I want to go teach. I want to go share.

• 3:21Speaker 01

  And we're back.

• 3:22Speaker 00

  Another episode of He Said She Said.

• 3:23Speaker 01

  Let's lift the curtain and talk about what goes through our mind honestly. We go through these phases where we want to say F it all and sell everything and just retire.

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  And just save, like, I don't know, pull back, save money, like, do, I guess it's

• 3:39Speaker 01

  Live a simple life.

• 3:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, live a simple life.

• 3:41Speaker 01

  And let me give you context to this. When I say retire and live a simple life, we could do that right now if we got rid of our entire personal brands and just had all that space. I would go grow Frello and sell it. Lori would go grow Glossy and sell it. And that's all that we would do. Why don't we just shut down the personal brands and all the work that comes with it? Because guys, it's a full time job to have the podcasts, the size that they are, the teams, the masterminds, the programs, everything. It's a full time job to have our personal brands and it's a second full time job each, me to have Frello, Lori to have

• 4:24Speaker 01

  Glossy. And sometimes we say F it. Let's not do it anymore. Let's retire. Let's create all this space. Let's just sell everything, pay cash for a nice home and have zero of the pressure. And then we play that movie to the end. And this is where this episode gets important for you. You have to know thyself and be truthful to your goals. In other words, you have to really know who you are and what you want to do and how you want to show up. Because when we play that movie to the end, let's just sell it all and retire the personal brands. We say, well, what would we do with all that space? I'd probably get kind of unhappy. I'd probably get kind of bored. I'd say, ooh, I want to bring some people together and have a great weekend

• 5:09Speaker 01

  full of business conversations. And right, as soon as we go down that, that path, as soon as we play that movie to the end, we realize we'd be right back to where we are because that's who we are at the core. Now, this is the important part. You need to know who you are at the core. You need to be honest about what your dreams are. Because some of you are pretending you want to be a multimillionaire and grow these businesses when you were just meant to be a really, really good team member and live a simple life. And that's why you're unhappy. You're falling for everybody else's advice out there that you have to grow, grow this massive multimillion dollar life and you don't to be happy. But then some of you are doing the reverse. Some of you are saying, I'm not going to start that business or I'm not going

• 5:53Speaker 01

  to go as far as I can go, or I'm not going to raise that capital, or I'm not going to do this, or I'm not going to do that. Because you think the simple life is a little bit better. And inside you're unhappy, you're unfulfilled, and you've got this big calling and maybe you're saying, well, I can't do it. Well, I've got kids right now. I gotta have more time for them. Well, I can't do it. I gotta support my husband's dream. I gotta support my wife's dream. And you're inside so unhappy because you're not being truthful about who you are and what you were meant to be. You know, my mom is a great example. My mom always had an entrepreneurial mindset. We would stay up late at night and dream up business ideas when I was a kid, literally. But she never got to pursue it because she felt like, well, I gotta support my dad who

• 6:37Speaker 01

  had a very professional career growing up and was gone a lot. I gotta raise the kids and all that. And I know on her truthful list of truthful days, she completely resents and is sad that she never built a business, hers would have been in psychology, and chased her dreams. There's going to be a day where you can no longer do it. She wasn't truthful to what she was put here to do. And you need to know and be truthful to what you were put here to do, whether that's to live a simple life, stop chasing the big one, or to live a great big unapologetic life and then stop living the simple one, damn it.

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  And it depends on who you're hanging around too. I think that for a large portion of my life, I was always apologetic for wanting more, meaning I wanted a bigger career. I wanted to do more. I wanted to fulfill on my dreams. I wanted to go and get the things. I wanted to go and create the experiences for other people. I wanted to create the businesses. I wanted to be having the bigger conversations. I wasn't feeling as fulfilled with some of the conversations that I was having with people who weren't thinking big. And I used to feel bad about that. Like, why can't I just be happy with these smaller things, these smaller conversations and just being fulfilled with what these other people are fulfilled on? And I've just had the

• 7:56Speaker 00

  realization that we are all different and we are all put here for different things. The world would not be moving in the way that it's meant to if we all did the same thing, if we all wanted to stay in a certain place or stay in our hometown or whatever it is, stay with the status quo of what you've been raised in. There are plenty of people who are meant to do that and there are plenty of people who aren't. And I think it's the ones who are the, you know, big achievers and especially, I feel like especially with women, we can sometimes feel like we always have to be apologizing. I felt like I always had to be apologizing to, you know, your family, which they never made me feel that, like they never said anything specifically.

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  It was in my head that I was supposed to be the one supporting you and having the children. And I always just felt bad that that wasn't where I was at in my twenties and thirties. And so I wish I could go back and say to myself, like, this is who you are. This is what you're meant for. Like, go and run. Let it be okay that you're not like everyone else and that it's going to take you a little bit longer to find that friend group. Doesn't mean you can't hang out with this people. It means that you can love yourself a little bit more while you're hanging out with them and let it be okay if all the conversations aren't hitting for you. Or maybe you feel like a black sheep. That's all right. It's also okay to love people where they're at and find common ground in a different way because you know that you're

• 9:20Speaker 00

  going to get your brain lit up by other entrepreneurs when you're around them. I think it's learning how to compartmentalize all of these relationships. I would have had a lot less resentment towards some of my friends and family in the past and I was creating that. I would have had a lot less resentment being able to compartmentalize what relationships went in what department for me. Like, oh, this is my home team. This is my family. They're going to support my crazy dreams. Like, they don't have to be a part of them and cheer them on, but they can absolutely accept me for where I'm at. Let me go fly and I can accept myself and let it be okay no matter what they say, that I go off and do these big dreams. And I think, you know, now especially that I'm in my 40s, and I see this now with younger generation too, but it's fully accepting

• 10:05Speaker 00

  that if you're a runner, if you're a creator, like, go and do those things. And instead of toggling back and forth with me going, oh, maybe I should just be happy with that. I played the movie till the end. I literally let myself go, okay, you know what? I went on that two week vacation. We went on a 30 day vacation one time to Europe and you know what happened?

• 10:24Speaker 01

  Bored.

• 10:25Speaker 00

  I literally was like, okay, well, this gave me all of the space to think of 100 ideas that I want to go do when I get home. And I was like, this was amazing. And now let me go do all of these ideas and now I want to write 10 books and like, that's who I am. I want to go teach. I want to go share. So even down to like letting it be okay if you're not a two week vacation person right now, if you're not a 30 day vacation person, like, if you get on vacation, I was listening to Alex Hormozi podcast, he literally went home from a trip like on day three because he's like, this isn't fun to me. Like, I want to go and do the things that are fun to me that's building businesses. And it's really learning to know yourself. Like, what do you really need right now? What feels good? And what do you want to build? What lights you up? Because life will always be stressful. Just

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  choose the stress that actually fulfills you.

• 11:14Speaker 00

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• 11:59Speaker 00

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• 13:54Speaker 00

  When I launched Glossy, my drinkable skincare brand, I was obsessed with the formula. The product was my baby, but the store part felt way more intimidating. And that's a big reason we built on Shopify in the beginning, because you really don't have to be an e-commerce expert to get up and running. And that's a big deal in the beginning of a business. And here's the biggest lesson I learned about the holidays. You do not want to be building your store in the middle of the rush. You want to be set up, you want to be tested and ready before the traffic hits. So, two things I love. First, Shopify mobile app. I'm on planes, I'm on stages, I'm here recording with you, and I can still check my inventory, help a customer, see payments right from my phone, which is so much fun. And that's the second they check out. So Shopify

• 14:39Speaker 00

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• 15:16Speaker 01

  So I've got an exercise that you can do. If you hear this, you're like, well, I don't know which one am I? Am I the one meant for a very small satisfied life? Or am I the one that's meant for the great big multimillion dollar, huge accomplishment, always chasing something life? Here's the exercise that you do. Pretend, no matter what age you are, that tomorrow you woke up and your retirement fund was fully funded. You had more than enough money to retire on a good, middle-class, totally solid, secure type of life. Didn't matter what age you lived to. What do you think you'd be doing and wanting to do 24 months after you found out your retirement

• 16:01Speaker 01

  fund was fully funded? Not the first six months, not the first year, because if you've been working hard, your natural recourse is going to be, oh, I would travel, I'd go to Europe, and I'd see the world, and I'd do this, and I'd do that, and I'd love this time, I'd love this space, and I'd do this with the kids, and I'd do that with the kids, and I'd do this hobby, and I'd learn this thing. It's natural for that to be like your first year that you think you'd do. That's why, you imagine your retirement fund being fully funded, and ask yourself, what do I honestly think I would be doing in 24 months from that point? That's your answer where you're supposed to go. If you're like Lori and I, my answer is, well, I'd start buying and reselling classic cars, and I'd buy a warehouse, and I'd put them in there, and I'd be down there every day wrenching

• 16:43Speaker 01

  on them. And I'd want a small team of people around me too, because it's kind of more fun that way. And, you know, I'd really want to get to the point where I move in, you know, five cars a month, and then 10 cars a month, and 20 cars a month, and be able to drive any of them that I wanted, and keep this thing sustainable and profitable. And honestly, I'd want to be one of the coolest, biggest hangouts and classic car resellers possibly out there, like that people could ever come by and visit, almost a destination. That's what I'd be doing 24 months after my retirement was fully funded. And so, that's how I know I'm always going to turn it into something big. It's who I am at the core. It's my DNA. I can't do anything else.

• 17:23Speaker 01

  If your answer is similar, then you know that that's who you are at the core as well. If your answer is the opposite, if it's, oh, no, I would literally still be taking classes, still be making pottery, still be doing this with the kids, still be volunteering here, still be doing that. Well, then you learned that you need to find a way to get rid of any blow, get rid of any access, and find a way to get to that retirement life as soon as possible.

• 17:51Speaker 00

  I love that.

• 17:53Speaker 01

  All right, guys. Well, hopefully that helped. When you have those moments of like, is this all worth it? Should we just sell everything? Should we just retire? Or what am I, what's my real purpose of being here, etc.? If you have those moments, hopefully these little conversations that Lori and I have help navigate you through those, because it's perfectly normal to have those. Thanks for listening, guys.

• 18:10Speaker 00

  We'll see you next week.