TBT: Tonesa Welch - First Lady of BMF

Throwback Thursday This week, Bunnie welcomes Tonesa Welch, the First Lady of BMF, for an unfiltered look at her life story. From her upbringing in Detroit to her involvement in the drug trade and her relationship with H, Tonesa doesn’t hold back. She opens up about enduring abuse, betrayal, and prison—and how she rebuilt herself on the other side. The conversation turns deeply personal as Tonesa reflects on grief, resilience, and her ongoing work in prison reform. Watch Full Episodes & More: YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@Dumbblondepod

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Bunnie XO?

  12 celebrities, one don and cold, hard cash from the producers of Traitors comes The Mob, a new Hulu original series now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+ and this unique new reality competition show hosted by the iconic Parker Posey. What up, girl? 12 celebrity contestants are about to become members of a powerful family for two weeks in a lavish Italian villa. They'll shake down and hustle to win a share of up to $250,000 and every good mob needs a don. Whoever they choose to lead them will have absolute power deciding who stays and who gets taken out. Who makes money and who walks away with nothing? In a game of power where loyalty and trust are the currency,

• 0:42Bunnie XO?

  will the most powerful reality contestant in TV history be able to keep the family happy? And if they're overthrown by the mob, who's gonna step up and become the new don? Let the games begin. Watch The Mob, now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+. For bundle subscribers, terms apply. I'll be tuning in. Is this thing on?

• 1:00Speaker 01

  Bonnie, who used to be a former sex worker and now hosts the podcast Dumb Blonde.

• 1:04Bunnie XO?

  Most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and shit. And I was like, I want to be super hot, make a lot of fucking money and be a rock star's wife. That was my goal as a child and here we are.

• 1:15Bunnie XO?

  What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Today, I am really excited about this podcast, especially because we're doing it during Mob Wife March. But this is something a little different, someone who has a different story. But it's so amazing and it's so cool and I just really admire this woman. She's a motivational speaker, producer and director, survivor, mother, boss, and the first lady of BMF, Miss Honisa Welch.

• 1:40Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:42Bunnie XO?

  Did I do okay?

• 1:43Speaker 02

  You did okay. Thank you.

• 1:46Bunnie XO?

  I'm so happy to have you here.

• 1:48Speaker 02

  Thank you. Thanks for, I'm honored. Thanks for having me. Thanks for asking me to be here. You're beautiful.

• 1:54Bunnie XO?

  Oh, so are you. You walked in, I was like, she is so cute. She's sort of like this tiny little package, like you are just so cute.

• 2:00Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 2:01Bunnie XO?

  So, okay, so for people who don't know who you are, you are the first lady of BMF. And I don't know if anybody that listens to my podcast is a BMF fan. I'm sure they are. I know my husband is. Jelly is a BMF fan. Like he has made me watch every season and all that stuff, but... Besides that show, there's a real story behind that TV show and it's your story and it's your story to tell and that's why I want you on the podcast.

• 2:30Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 2:30Bunnie XO?

  So, we're gonna start from like, the very beginning. Detroit, baby, right?

• 2:36Speaker 02

  Detroit, yes.

• 2:37Bunnie XO?

  So, where did you grow up?

• 2:39Speaker 02

  I grew up in Detroit, Michigan, on the west side of Detroit, you know, middle-class family, grew up with my three brothers, my mom and my stepdad, normal, middle-class family, hey.

• 2:51Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:52Speaker 02

  Didn't think that enough, just, hey, I'm living that lo- normal, innocent life, you know?

• 2:56Bunnie XO?

  Yes.

• 2:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:57Bunnie XO?

  Never any drugs, sex and rock and roll? It was just like...

• 3:01Speaker 02

  None of that, yeah. Come from a household, my mom was adopted, but still the sweetest mother ever, once she got her children, no drugs in the house, um, no violence, none of that I seen, you know? Everything seemed pretty normal, what happened to me, I don't know.

• 3:17Bunnie XO?

  You know, I, I, I completely understand it because I was, uh, very attracted to the street life too. I ran away from home at fourteen and started supporting myself, so, your story really resonated with me because, you know, we both kinda came from similar backgrounds and then just to go out and live completely opposite of how we were raised is wild, but sometimes we just have a journey to fulfill and that's why we came here, you know? So, moving on from that, you know, you're, I think, uh, you got pregnant around eighteen, can you take me on that journey?

• 3:47Speaker 02

  I got pregnant at eighteen, I had my first son at nineteen, and that was from my high school, well, my high school sweetheart, well, he's always out of school, but, uh, we started dating when I was fifteen years old. Uh, he was in his last year of high school, and then, he was my boyfriend from then on, college kid, smart, never got into trouble, anything, you know, just, hey.

• 4:12Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 4:13Speaker 02

  I just knew I was attracted to this older boy and he got out of school and he would still come pick me up after school, but dated him all through high school.

• 4:22Bunnie XO?

  Oh, and then you guys ended up having a baby together?

• 4:24Speaker 02

  Then we had a baby.

• 4:25Bunnie XO?

  Which is your first son?

• 4:26Speaker 02

  He went on to college, followed him for a minute and be like, and then, yeah.

• 4:30Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, and then she was like, no, I'm gonna do my, do my thug doze.

• 4:33Speaker 02

  Do my thug, yeah.

• 4:34Bunnie XO?

  And then, what is your oldest son's name? I forget.

• 4:36Speaker 02

  Marlon.

• 4:37Bunnie XO?

  Marlon, okay. And then, so, take me on this journey of when you were nineteen, you went to, what was the name of the club?

• 4:45Speaker 02

  The Rooster Town.

• 4:47Bunnie XO?

  The Rooster Town, which was like a popular venue.

• 4:50Speaker 02

  It was a popular venue in Detroit, but it was popular for more of the people on the east side of Detroit. I don't know if you have any viewers that's from Detroit, know about the east side versus the west side, but it was a east side club. And I was nineteen years old, had never been to a club like that. I don't think I ever went to a club. That was probably my first time going to a club.

• 5:12Bunnie XO?

  Yes.

• 5:12Speaker 02

  And I went near, it was like I went and I always say like a revolving door. You know how you go through a revolving door? I felt like my whole, when I reflect on my life, I think about, wow, you went in as one person, but once you, the night ended, you came out as a different person, the way I seen things.

• 5:31Bunnie XO?

  And why do you think that was? Was it just like the glitz and the glamour?

• 5:34Speaker 02

  It was the glitz and the glamour. It was beautiful, you know, in my eyes, it was beautiful. Might not be right, but to me, it was beautiful. The people looked amazing, you know? I was this girl from, like I said, the west side of Detroit, grew up, went to high school, dated one guy all the way through high school. It was a different world to me. When I seen him, I'm like, whoa, I want to be a part of this.

• 5:58Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 5:58Speaker 02

  You know, I don't belong over here. I want to be a part of this. Everybody looked amazing, from the jewels to the hair, to the clothes. And I always call myself like a fashionable person when I was like going up through school and stuff like that. So, but seeing that fashion there, you know, in Detroit, you feel like we're very fashionable, but seeing that fashion, I wanted to be a part of that, you know? Just turned me right out.

• 6:24Bunnie XO?

  Right?

• 6:25Speaker 02

  Right out, this is where I need to be.

• 6:28Bunnie XO?

  Mama got, little mama got turned out.

• 6:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:30Bunnie XO?

  Um, so after going to that club, how long after that did you meet Harold?

• 6:36Speaker 02

  I met him and he was at the club.

• 6:38Bunnie XO?

  In the club that night?

• 6:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, he was from the east side and Harold is, they call him H. In Detroit, they call him H. And he was known to be like... Very fashionable, you know, um, so just looking at him also, he was like, he was young and most of the people there were a little older than him. But he was older than me, but they were older than him and that was his crowd, his group of people that he hung out with. And so he kind of stood out to me because of what he had on. But, you know, then he, uh, he caught my eye. We caught each other's eyes. But I was still young and very impressionable and I was like, wow, okay.

• 7:17Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, just seeing him, you know, like, everything he had on from the jewels, from the clothes, you know, it was just something different than I was used to.

• 7:27Bunnie XO?

  Did he pursue you immediately?

• 7:28Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, yes.

• 7:29Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, he was like.

• 7:30Speaker 02

  Something that I never had seen before. He didn't give up, yeah.

• 7:35Bunnie XO?

  And whenever he, and in the sh- in the movie, um, that you have, you, The Lady of BMF on BET Plus, you guys can watch it anytime, um, it shows like Carol going to your dad's house and to your parents' house to pick you up and your dad just does not like him. Stepdad, correct?

• 7:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:52Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, your stepdad just did not like him. And could he tell that he was not good for you?

• 7:57Speaker 02

  He could tell right away, but you know, we don't want to listen to our parents.

• 8:00Bunnie XO?

  Ever.

• 8:00Speaker 02

  I didn't.

• 8:01Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, they don't know anything.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  Like, you don't know anything. You don't know, you know, so yeah, right away. It was kind of like, uh-uh.

• 8:07Bunnie XO?

  Can you take me on this relationship with H and this journey?

• 8:11Speaker 02

  Um, at first it was very, you know, very exciting. He, uh, took me out a lot. He treated me very nice. Um, he bought me things right away. You know, um, you didn't have to wait, you know, I'd have to wait on my little check or my mom to buy me things. You know how when you're in high school, your mom shops for you? We were very close and we would go shopping every weekend. But with him, it was like, he wanted me immediately to look, play the part, you know, look the part.

• 8:42Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 8:42Speaker 02

  So immediately he started buying me things, you know?

• 8:45Bunnie XO?

  Do you think it was kind of like a form of grooming you?

• 8:48Speaker 02

  I don't, I don't know, you know, when you think of grooming, you're thinking like a pimp grooming his.

• 8:54Bunnie XO?

  Right, no, I mean like grooming you for the lifestyle.

• 8:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, basically, I think so, yeah, he could have been, you know, I don't think if maybe he thought in his head. But um, I think, I really know that when he first, he was very attracted to me and he just wanted, you know, it's always a guy from the east side, probably wanted a girl from the west side and I was different from probably the girls that he usually had been dating. I still had an innocence about me, even though I had a child, you know? I still felt like I had that and getting with him, he knew that. And he, like you said, maybe so, well, probably was a grooming, you know?

• 9:32Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, so he's buying you all these gifts, you guys officially are together. What happens after you guys get together?

• 9:41Speaker 02

  Oh, we just, I felt like it was just a whirlwind romance and we, you know, I'm excited about his lifestyle, I'm excited about the people that he's hanging with. I'm doing that now, I had started um, like the shopping, the cars, you know, the trips and things like that, and then after that, I wanted to be, become a part of his world, whatever he was doing, I wanted to be a part of that.

• 10:08Bunnie XO?

  When you talk about his lifestyle, what do you mean?

• 10:10Speaker 02

  He was in, into selling drugs, you know, so.

• 10:13Bunnie XO?

  What was he selling, heroin?

• 10:14Speaker 02

  Um, heroin at first and then it wa, it came, um, cocaine then next, yeah.

• 10:20Bunnie XO?

  Isn't it wild to think back, um, because I too dated, you know, drug dealers back in the day and um, you're around all of these drugs at such a young age, you're touching them, you're literally inhaling the fumes, packaging them, and it's like you are so, we have like not a care in the world at that age.

• 10:38Speaker 02

  Not a care.

• 10:39Bunnie XO?

  I won't even be in the same room as drugs now.

• 10:40Speaker 02

  Now, but now I don't wanna be around the same type of people.

• 10:44Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 10:44Speaker 02

  But then it was the excitement, it was like.

• 10:47Bunnie XO?

  It's the na, of the naivety, I guess.

• 10:49Speaker 02

  The very na, yeah, because I think of the laws now, I, when I, you know, I do a lot about into prison reform, understanding the laws and things, and I'll be like, God, I could have been one of those people that got caught up. And still would have been in prison, because it is people that I know that we're fighting for now, that been in prison for thirty years, that has done less than me. You know, so when I think back about it, I'm around all these drugs, immediately having no fear. It was because you don't understand, you're very naive, you're ignorant to what could happen to you. All you thinking about was the excitement. I was very excited about it all. It made me feel just as powerful that, you know, as he did.

• 11:30Speaker 02

  Like, I looked at him as, you know, he moved rooms, and I wanted to move rooms too. I wanted people to, hey, look at me. Look at me too, you know? Just boss mentality. Boss mentality, right, you know? And that's what came with it. It came with the boss mentality, the status, you know? We're in a city like Detroit, and I wanted to be a part of that. And it just, I had no fear, like you said, no fear. Yeah, no fear. So, when did, did you start moving drugs for him? You know, my, I don't, people like for him, like, we were, I think we were more so a partnership. Right. You know, wasn't for him, like, he would send me out and then I would go do, you know? Like, hey, you go take this one, you take this bag, you do this. I wanted to be his partner.

• 12:14Speaker 02

  No matter what he wanted me to do, you know, no, you stay here, you do this. No, I want to be right there with you. I can do this too. I always thought that, you know, I was talking to my brother, um, not too long ago, and he said, I don't know what it was, and he was, he's older than me. And he said, I don't know what it was, even when you were a little girl, you always had that kind of, like, street mentality. I just didn't realize it. You know, probably even when I was playing, you know, in school or playing with my young, my, um, people in my neighborhood, like, even when I was in high school, I didn't really want to hang with the high school people. I wanted to be, because I had the older boyfriend, I wanted to be with the older crowd, you know? That's where my head was, like, oh, y'all too young for me, I want to do this, you know?

• 12:59Speaker 02

  I'm grown. I'm grown. I always felt grown. I always felt like I had to take on the responsibilities of everyone else. You know, even though I had the three brothers, they were older, I always thought I was the big mom of the house. You know, even for my mom and dad now, this is how this gonna go, you know, running the household. So, I wanted, took that out into the streets with me.

• 13:22Bunnie XO?

  So you guys were moving weight for the east side and then you guys, you convinced him to start expanding it to the west side?

• 13:28Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 13:29Bunnie XO?

  Can you take me on that journey?

• 13:30Speaker 02

  I don't know why I said that. I just, I was like, why are we stuck over here on the east side when there's a lot more players on the west side?

• 13:39Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 13:39Speaker 02

  And he thought about it because he didn't, you know, east side people at that time, they didn't, you know, they didn't, we didn't coexist with one another. You know, the east side's on the east side and the west side's on the west side. But I felt like I'm your connection now to the east side. Um, I was popular because of myself and my brothers, even though they wasn't in the street, they were just, you know, my one brother always gave the parties and my other brother was just the handsome, had all the girls. And so we were kind of popular, so I knew that if you came over there, I could find the people for you. And I knew that they would spend the money. And, and to me back then, we were the wealthier side of, um, Michigan or Detroit.

• 14:23Speaker 02

  Even though it might not been, because you do have some amazing east side, beautiful pockets and beautiful homes. But it always seemed like to me the west side was the more people that had the money, you know? And so I said, let's go over there.

• 14:38Bunnie XO?

  She's like, let's go over here.

• 14:40Speaker 03

  Let's expand, baby.

• 14:41Bunnie XO?

  Come over here, baby. So everything wasn't always flowers and butterflies though. H also became.

• 14:49Speaker 02

  Very abusive.

• 14:50Bunnie XO?

  Can you take me on that journey?

• 14:52Speaker 02

  Um, you know, uh, I, I really can't remember, like, you know, it was later on. The more power, the more drugs, the more money, then the more violence, you know? Um, and just started happening, you know? And you, when you look back, you'd be like, wow, this is, you know, you thought it was one time and then you look up, it's. You know, repeatedly it's happened more and more often. You know, you think it's like, okay, maybe he was high, or maybe he was frustrated, or maybe something was going on. But later on in life, I realized that, you know, this is how he grew up. And now he's, he's a grown man, taking out what happened to him on me, you know?

• 15:35Bunnie XO?

  It was a cycle?

• 15:36Speaker 02

  It was a cycle. And I was, you know, you stay, you think, you know, try to fix this person, or you think because um, they make you feel like I love you, you know, nobody else love you, I take care of you. You know, I felt like I can't go anywhere if I, if I left, that he probably would kill me or do something, you know? Because it got to that point, it got very violent, you know?

• 16:01Bunnie XO?

  What happens next? He comes home, he uh, puts his hand on, hands on you one, one more time, and what happens in that scenario?

• 16:10Speaker 02

  You know, um, it got to the point, like, why am I doing this? Because I was, I always knew I was a strong person. And I don't know what it was about him that, in the beginning I allowed it, or why was I, you know, fearing him? And I thought about it, I'm like, okay,

• 16:29Speaker 02

  that's enough, you know? You, you have these sons around here, they're watching this. You have to protect yourself. You know, I'm out here protecting everybody else, watching his back, you gotta protect yourself. So I really waited. I knew he was gonna come home this one time. And I said, okay, I'm prepare myself. You know, I had, in my mind, I thought like, I'm gonna kill him tonight. I didn't think about the consequences of it. I just knew that he was gonna come home, and that was gonna be the last time he put his hands on me. And so it happened exactly like I thought. He was gonna come home, he was gonna, you know, be violent, jump on me.

• 17:12Speaker 02

  And I had already put the knife under my pillow. And I just waited, I pretended I was asleep. And I waited, and that's when I stabbed him. I really I really wanted to, like I said, I really wanted to kill him. I was fed up. You know, I'm glad I didn't because even when they arrested me and I went to the county jail. And that's back then, that was when the person had to press charges on you for the, um, for it to stick.

• 17:42Bunnie XO?

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• 18:24Bunnie XO?

  Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com.

• 18:35Speaker 03

  Wayfair, every style, every home. Attention all new and existing members of the W D N C. I'm Melanie Sanders and this is the We Do Not Care Club Podcast. We got to midlife and realized we just simply do not care much anymore. Now we gotta help each other make sense of hot flashes, dry coochie, chin hair, trifling families, brain fog, and bat wings. We are not alone and we will be heard. So come join the W D N C. Follow and listen to the We Do Not Care Club Podcast with Melanie Sanders, wherever you get your podcasts.

• 19:08Speaker 02

  So you didn't press charges, but I realized when I was in the county jail and the officers were saying, you better, bitch, you better hope not, I'm sorry. But there was a bitch, you better hope you didn't kill him, you better hope you didn't kill him. And as I'm laying in my bunk, I thought about it. Why don't you just leave? You, why don't you just leave? What if he is dead? Cause I didn't know what happened. I knew the police came, they took him away, but you don't hear anything else.

• 19:32Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 19:33Speaker 02

  And I said, what if he dies? I won't get to see my kids anymore, you know, so that kinda. That really scared me. That really had affected me for a while. You know.

• 19:45Bunnie XO?

  Too, that that you got pushed to that point.

• 19:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, why, you know.

• 19:52Bunnie XO?

  You know, during this time, you and H actually had a child together too also. So you had two babies at this time.

• 19:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, we had three. I had two. Yeah, we had three. And I'm sitting there like, why, why am I allowing this? And then why do you get to the point where you have to kill a person before you decide to leave? You know, like I was, I had plotted it out, like, oh, he's gonna die tonight. I think I told my friends, oh, he's gonna die tonight. And I didn't have the kind of friends would say, oh, girl, don't do that. You just need to leave. You need me to help? You need me to come over? I mean, it was so many things that happened in our lives. He would blow up my car. I would go blow up his car. It was just getting to the point of craziness.

• 20:32Bunnie XO?

  Tip for tat.

• 20:33Speaker 02

  Tip for tat. And I had the friends, type of friends that wouldn't say at that point in time, just leave. You don't have to take this. You, you out here, you selling more than he can sell. You doing your own thing. You matter of fact, you doing more. And that could be hap- that could have been happening too. You know, you had these men to get very insecure and jealous of your power also. He didn't have no more control over me, you know, and which once a man start thinking they're losing control, what do they do? You know, they do things like that. And I think all of that played a part. I was becoming more popular on the west side. People were, I was getting a lot of attention. I wasn't looking like this nineteen year old girl anymore. I'm looking like this pretty fabulous

• 21:17Speaker 02

  stylish, grown woman. I'm wearing, you know, these clothes, these jewels. I'm looking, I'm having a power too. And I think we, that started a lot of it, even though he grew up into it, that was the way that he could control me. By beating on me.

• 21:34Bunnie XO?

  Men are something else, let me tell you. They build you up to tear you down.

• 21:38Speaker 02

  Tear you down, yeah.

• 21:39Bunnie XO?

  It's wild. It's a cycle. I, I was in an abusive relationship myself and I got to the point that you did where I was just like, I told him I bought a gun and I was like, if you put your hands on me one more time, I'm gonna blow your fucking brains out. And like, you really mean it.

• 21:51Speaker 02

  You really mean it, your heart.

• 21:53Bunnie XO?

  You get to that point where you're just like, I don't care what the consequences are, you're not gonna hurt me anymore.

• 21:57Speaker 02

  Right. Like I say, it wasn't until I was laying in that cell in that county jail, thinking about it like, wow, if you go to prison, you're gonna go to prison for the rest of your life. Because back then, we didn't have the laws that, you know, we have in place for women now. You know, we're become where we're victims. You know, so many women were getting locked up. They didn't know anything about, you know, self-defense or anything like that. They think, oh, you should have left. You stayed there. They think of it as, you premeditated it, you know, but sometimes it, it happens in the instinct, you know, you're just like, oh, I'm a killer.

• 22:34Bunnie XO?

  Crime of passion.

• 22:35Speaker 02

  Crime of passion, yeah. Like, I got, this is the only way I can get out.

• 22:39Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 22:39Speaker 02

  You know, I work in domestic violence with a lot of women and they feel like there's no way out. And I've been there. I was younger and I thought it was no way out. How can I get out of this? He's always gonna find me. If you're watching the movie, they didn't show a lot of it. He will always, always come find me. No matter if I leave, he would always come find me. No matter where I was at. And it was like that all the time, you know? Just moving, moving, moving. Then here he come, here he come. Then I'm back in that, I'm back in that cycle because then you get addicted to the toxicity, I guess, or the fighting, or you feel like, you know.

• 23:15Bunnie XO?

  It's the oxytocin of whenever you guys do get, it's, it becomes like a drug.

• 23:19Speaker 02

  It does. And you think in your head, this person really loves me.

• 23:24Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, they're so possessive, so jealous. That's love.

• 23:27Speaker 02

  You, we think it's love and it's not love, it's control.

• 23:30Bunnie XO?

  No, that's all it is. It's really control and it's their egos.

• 23:34Speaker 02

  Their egos, yeah.

• 23:35Bunnie XO?

  You're, you're literally just stroking their ego by staying in that relationship. Yeah, absolutely. So even though you got out of jail and he got out of the hospital, you guys still stayed together?

• 23:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, in the movie, it looks like we, we got right back together, but it was a minute, you know? That, that's what I say.

• 23:56Bunnie XO?

  They just wear you down.

• 23:57Speaker 02

  It's wear, well, wear you down, these kids, I love my kids, and he's crying, and you feel like, I gotta save this person too, you know? Like, I felt, you feel in the back of your head that he has nobody but you. I understood, you know, by him talking to me all the time, how he grew up. I didn't grow up like that, so I'm like, somebody gotta love this little man.

• 24:21Speaker 02

  I'm thinking I'm saving him, but it really is like, I always say, it was like, it was somewhere, and as a little young girl, that I was damaged somewhere. You know, I was dealing with a lot of issues that I didn't understand that, you know, that I felt like I needed to stay there, you know? I didn't never, like I said, never seen my parents do this, so what made me feel like I had to save this person?

• 24:46Bunnie XO?

  Were you ever close with your father, your real father?

• 24:48Speaker 02

  Not my biological father, and you know, as we grow older, we do find that always.

• 24:56Speaker 02

  The wanting, not the love.

• 24:58Bunnie XO?

  Trauma bond.

• 24:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, trauma bonding, not thinking, like, I knew my, um, stepdad was, I thought he was just the meanest person ever to me. But I think, as I grew older and understood, he was always trying to protect me, always. And I thought, I, I don't wanna be protected, I don't wanna do this, you know, I was always fighting it.

• 25:19Bunnie XO?

  But you stayed with H because he protected you? Isn't that wild? So we don't want it from the parents, but we want it from?

• 25:26Speaker 02

  Right.

• 25:27Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 25:28Speaker 02

  So I wasn't, I didn't, um, have the relationship with my biological dad until I was much older. Actually, they showed in the movie, and it was probably at that point, you know, I was much older, and my mom, like, you know, maybe this is the missing part. Maybe this is what you need, you know?

• 25:46Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, to help fill that void.

• 25:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:48Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, absolutely. It's always cathartic to bring the parents back, even. You know, if you've never had a relationship with them and even if you don't even like who they are as humans, at least you get that sort of closure.

• 25:59Speaker 02

  Closure, right.

• 26:00Bunnie XO?

  Of like, okay, this is.

• 26:01Speaker 02

  Why?

• 26:01Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 26:02Speaker 02

  Cause it was a question, why, why didn't you come see me? Why didn't you love me? And he was like, he thought it was best once my mom married my stepdad, cause they got together when I was a baby. And he thought it was best, but I'm thinking like, no, you thought it was best for you or for him. But it wasn't best for me.

• 26:24Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 26:24Speaker 02

  You know, and after that, after I understood it, we talked about it then, you know, as I grew, you know, until he'd left this earth, we grew closer. So I had two amazing dads that even once I would, they, you know, we all got together, they became good friends.

• 26:42Bunnie XO?

  No.

• 26:43Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? It was like when I, um, even when I, when I went to prison, my biological dad didn't understand the whole lifestyle. And so we didn't tell him I was going to prison, but he got very ill when I was in prison. And my stepdad was the one that made way sure that he wouldn't checked on him all the time to let me know what was going on. So when I would call home, you know, the, if I don't know if anybody know about the prison phones, they say this whole recording.

• 27:13Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 27:13Speaker 02

  So I had my nephew on the other side with my biological dad. My dad, he's got the phone and they're like, okay, the, once the recording said, this call is from an inmate or such and such. They were having my biological dad, the phone, who was very ill at this time, to let me say what I had to say. Until the day he died, he still didn't know I was in prison.

• 27:33Bunnie XO?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 27:35Speaker 02

  He didn't even realize that he went into the dementia. And then he, uh, passed away before I came home.

• 27:42Bunnie XO?

  That had to have been as heartbreaking as it is.

• 27:44Speaker 02

  It was very heartbreaking. I wasn't able to, uh, go home to his burial. You know, that was heartbreaking. That was another breaking point for me. That's realizing, like, you put yourself here, you didn't get to see, you know, him pass away. Those are the moments that when you're in prison, that you realize, hey, you gotta do something about this.

• 28:06Bunnie XO?

  Something's gotta go.

• 28:07Speaker 02

  Yeah. And I had a, um, prison counselor, and I have to tell this story. It was, um, I went, I was, I was called out custody. So at the end of my prison term, I could go out and work in the, you know, in the city, the around, surrounding city. So it's called out custody. So when they told me that my father had passed, the chaplain, they came and told my father had passed. And he's told me I was able, you know, I, um, I could go home to the funeral. But I had to go make the arrangements with my counselor. I had a hard time with my counselor. Um, so when I went to tell her, I said, hey, I, I know you heard that my dad died. I wanna go home to the funeral, go to the funeral. She said,

• 28:53Speaker 02

  can I curse?

• 28:54Bunnie XO?

  Of course. Oh, yeah. No, we cuss up a storm here.

• 28:57Speaker 02

  She said, fuck you bitch. Fuck your family, fuck your dad, fuck your mama, and fuck your motherfucking kids. You shouldn't have came to prison bitch. Now get the fuck out my office.

• 29:08Bunnie XO?

  And this woman is a counselor?

• 29:10Speaker 02

  A counselor in the prison. When I first went to this prison, I went to two different prisons.

• 29:16Bunnie XO?

  That angers me.

• 29:17Speaker 02

  Yeah. And you think, okay, I'm here to be a real abilitated, but she gave me such a hard time. When I first went on the prison grounds, I was walking the yard. It's called the yard, you know, trying to just figure out like what's going on in my world here. And, uh, one of the guards came up to me, said, you're new here, right? And I said, yeah. He said, you're gonna have a hard time. You know, I, I didn't have a fear of the women. That wasn't, you know, I've been in the streets forever. So I'm not scared of the women. I've been in more danger than this. I can handle this. And he said, no, you're gonna, he said, who's your counselor? I told him, I said, her name is Miss Stockings. I've reached out to her since I've been home and just to ask her why.

• 29:59Speaker 02

  And he says, she's gonna give you a hard time. You're a nice looking woman and she's gonna give you a hard time. And when I tell you, the last part of my bit was the hardest time of my life. By her saying that, that was almost coming home, but I had to deal with her for like eighteen months straight. Taking my visits, taking my commissary, taking my phone calls. It was just madness all the time.

• 30:26Bunnie XO?

  It was, did she do it out of love or was she just an evil human?

• 30:29Speaker 02

  She was just an evil human.

• 30:30Bunnie XO?

  It's so hard for me to wrap my head around somebody being that evil to a human.

• 30:34Speaker 02

  It was, it was the heart and I used to pray all the time. I met an older lady that did. And by the time we met, she had already been down like twenty something years. And she would always tell me, she said, don't let her see you cry, don't let her see you break. I'm like, I'm not gonna cry, that's what I'm not gonna do. But she's like, whatever you do. And so every time something would happen, she was like, that's going to yard. And she would walk and pray with me. She's like, you're gonna get through this, you're gonna get through this. But every day, can you imagine like, oh, I'm not gonna make it through this. I'm not gonna make it through this. I done made it through the battles of the street.

• 31:08Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 31:09Speaker 02

  But here I come here.

• 31:12Speaker 02

  You gotta fight your way through it every day, you know, not even a good night's sleep because you don't know when you're gonna become. She's gonna come wake you up out of your sleep. Or you have, I have sons who she took away my phone privileges. I can't even call home to see how they're doing. And that was all through that, it was just my breaking point. Like, you know what, you're out, never, ever, ever put myself in this predicament again in life. So, yeah.

• 31:40Bunnie XO?

  Let's circle back to, to talk about what actually put you in prison. We're gonna paint, I wanna paint a picture. Cause you have such an amazing story and just the redemption and what you've done after you've gotten out of prison too is just beautiful. And I want everybody to just know every facet of what you've had to go through to get to where you are today. So you and H got back together and you guys expanded your business.

• 32:03Speaker 02

  Right.

• 32:04Bunnie XO?

  And into Texas?

• 32:06Speaker 02

  Went to Texas, well, Chicago first, then Texas, yeah. And then he got caught up.

• 32:11Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 32:12Speaker 02

  And when he got caught up, it was me left to hear him for myself, you know? It was decide if you wanna, what do you wanna do? If you wanna stay, you know? You wanna go to work or you wanna continue on doing what you were doing? By this time, I'm addicted to the lifestyle, I'm addicted to the money and all of it. You know, the, like you say, the power of it, the people looking at me and ask, you know, they have to come. You know, everybody has to come to me and get things and ask me for things and do this. So I'm like, I wanna do this. So you go on and handle that and say, no, I want you, I'm like. I got this. I got this.

• 32:49Bunnie XO?

  So he goes to sit down for seven, seven years.

• 32:52Speaker 02

  Seven years.

• 32:52Bunnie XO?

  This time and before that, he had brought in two people to help you guys with your business. And who were those two people?

• 33:00Speaker 02

  Those people were Southwest Tea and Demetrius Miller, you know, the leaders of the BMF. And as for your listeners that don't know, you can go back and relate to the music like with Rick Ross. I wish I was Big Meach.

• 33:13Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, Big Meach, Larry Hoover.

• 33:15Speaker 02

  Blowing money fast, you know, all the rap music that's surrounded around the two brothers. So, yeah, he brought them around and because the business was expanding and it was like, okay, we can't do this all alone. And then we already had some people, but you still have to bring in more people as the business is expanding. And so he told me, he said, hey, I'm, I got the, I met these two young guys. You know, I'm gonna bring them around. You see what you think. I said, okay. So we set up a meeting point and that's when I first met them.

• 33:48Bunnie XO?

  And Terry says that it was love at first sight.

• 33:51Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 33:52Bunnie XO?

  How did you feel whenever you first saw Terry?

• 33:55Speaker 02

  I, I just thought they were young kids, you know, I'm nine years older than him. And when I looked at him, I was just like, okay, a group of young kids he's bringing in to work, you know, not, not like they're juvenile, but they were, I think Terry's like eighteen, nineteen, something like that. And I didn't think nothing of it. I just like, oh, okay. You know, introduction, look for a minute, you know, um, said, all right. And I just didn't think nothing of it. And they continued to work, um, around us. And Terry was around us a lot more than Demetrius was, than Big Meach was. And so that's why when me and him, Terry, I mean, I'm sorry, H used to always have Terry.

• 34:38Speaker 02

  Like watch her back, do this. And so we became like, he was my confidant. He was the person that if I'm always, you know, you always got to complain. You're always talking about some, you're always complaining about, I'm always complaining about H. So he was there, the person that was there to listen. And.

• 34:57Bunnie XO?

  You guys developed a friendship.

• 34:58Speaker 02

  We developed a friendship, a closer friendship than H knew about, so.

• 35:02Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 35:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:03Bunnie XO?

  So H goes away for seven years, but he doesn't leave you with much money.

• 35:08Speaker 02

  Well, I don't know. That's not, that I don't want people to say.

• 35:12Bunnie XO?

  Okay.

• 35:13Speaker 02

  H is a type of person, he has a lot of money, but he, um, he's not gonna leave you enough that you could just splash.

• 35:21Bunnie XO?

  Be squanderous.

• 35:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, you know. I was good. In a way, I still just wanted my own.

• 35:28Bunnie XO?

  Gotcha.

• 35:28Speaker 02

  You know, I wanted my own. I wanted to be independent because I knew once.

• 35:32Bunnie XO?

  It was your chance to be free.

• 35:34Speaker 02

  Just, that's what I was gonna say, just to be free because I knew, like, it took him about a year or so before he was sentenced and he had to go away. I knew once he went away that this was gonna be the end of us. And it helped me break away from him. It was much easier.

• 35:51Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 35:51Speaker 02

  I had already knew that when he come home from prison, that I was gonna be on, on my own, away from him. I didn't know I was gonna develop this romantic relationship with Terry, but I knew I wasn't gonna be back with my ex-husband who was H.

• 36:06Bunnie XO?

  And you just wanted to do your own thing?

• 36:08Speaker 02

  I just wanted to do my own. I just wanted to be independent. I just felt like I could. I felt like he was holding me back too.

• 36:15Bunnie XO?

  Right, and women also, before a relationship ends, you've already in your mind.

• 36:18Speaker 02

  I'm already in my mind.

• 36:19Bunnie XO?

  But because it's a toxic relationship, an abusive relationship, he's not letting you go while he's out on the streets.

• 36:25Speaker 02

  Right.

• 36:26Bunnie XO?

  That's how I had to get rid of, I don't wanna say get rid of, but that's how I actually was able to break it off with my abusive ex was he went to prison.

• 36:33Speaker 02

  Right.

• 36:34Bunnie XO?

  And it was like, I remember the day he went to prison, I was really upset. But at the same time, I was like.

• 36:40Speaker 02

  Girl.

• 36:40Bunnie XO?

  Thank God.

• 36:41Speaker 02

  Thank God, you're free.

• 36:42Bunnie XO?

  Thank God, I'm not, I don't have to worry about.

• 36:44Speaker 02

  You don't have to.

• 36:45Bunnie XO?

  Fighting and fucking fighting and you know, just all the bullshit that comes with it.

• 36:50Speaker 02

  It's weird that you said you'd be upset, like, oh my God, he's gone to prison, I feel bad. I'm like, you know, you sulking at a minute, they're like, what is going on with you? You're free. Do your thing, girl.

• 37:02Bunnie XO?

  It's like your wings spread out immediately, yeah.

• 37:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, and you realize who you are, you know, you, he was kinda holding me back.

• 37:09Bunnie XO?

  Yep.

• 37:10Speaker 02

  So, yeah.

• 37:10Bunnie XO?

  So, take me on this journey. You are single, ready to mingle technically.

• 37:15Speaker 02

  Mingling, honey.

• 37:16Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 37:17Speaker 02

  Mingling, just out there like a free bird, like air, I was hanging, you know? Um, just everywhere, I was traveling, I was just out, you know, at the clubs, I was, you know, me and my girls, we were just mobbing out, as they call it, we thought we were the baddest. Couldn't tell us nothing, yeah, it was the best. Yes, and that's how we felt, and I was, like you said, you feel free, you don't have nobody to answer to anymore, you know? I'm the boss now, I can do what I wanna do, and Terry was always kinda somewhere in her back, you know, somewhere in her back, you know, kinda watching, or, you know, or shamingling with us, if you wanna say,

• 38:00Speaker 02

  but it was never a thought of me being romantic with him, like I say, it was younger.

• 38:05Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 38:05Speaker 02

  And then as time went on, that happened later on in life. Now, how they have it in the BMF Stars movie, you know, I was very upset about that, because why would, you know, you put me in a movie, like he's a kid, like he's in high school, I'm chasing behind this high school kid, cuz I had already developed myself as a boss, I was dating a boss, why would I chase a high school, you know? I guess women do it, but not I, not me.

• 38:33Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 38:34Speaker 02

  Um, having me having sex in, at my job, or, you know, around my children with this kid who's still carrying around his school books.

• 38:44Bunnie XO?

  Right, you just feel like you deserved more respect.

• 38:47Speaker 02

  Just more respect, why didn't, why couldn't you, you know, you know, if you didn't want me involved in your story, I get that, okay, I understand, but...

• 38:57Speaker 02

  Don't do me like that. Give me some type of respect because no matter what, when I tell my story and I talk about them, I give them respect. I can only tell the story how it happened. You know, it wouldn't be truthful if I didn't tell you how I met them. I'm sorry that you met me under my ex-husband. That's how I met you. I can't, you know, tell it the story any different. You know, then it wouldn't be truthful. It wouldn't be my story. It wouldn't be the way I seen it. I lived through it. So the way I lived through it, that's how I met you guys. I wasn't a person that was chasing this kid. And like I always, what I said now is I was already kid, the kid. Like you know how your beautiful truck outside, you know,

• 39:39Speaker 02

  when you pull it up, it's already you. It's already fancy. I felt like when they met me, I was already that person.

• 39:47Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 39:47Speaker 02

  So you didn't have to Terry or Meach, didn't have to develop who I already was. I was already, you know, in the streets doing my thing. When I came around, I was already with the jewels, the furs, the cars, the homes. So when I tell the story, like tell it the way it is. Don't make me or my ex-husband, which is my children's father, I'm sorry, look bad. Because he never speaks on them. They put him in the movie and made him look so bad. They put me in the movie and I felt.

• 40:18Bunnie XO?

  When, when she says movie, just, sorry. Uh, when she says movie, she's talking about the BMF show, actually, not her movie.

• 40:25Speaker 02

  Not my movie. Yes, yeah, not my movie.

• 40:27Bunnie XO?

  So I just want to clarify.

• 40:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, thanks for clarifying that.

• 40:30Bunnie XO?

  There's, um, Lady of BMF movie that you can watch on BET plus and then there's BMF, which is their series, which we'll get into that in a little bit and talk about that.

• 40:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, but that's how it happened. So in, in one day, you know, he's under me and I don't know, whatever that was going through, maybe.

• 40:49Bunnie XO?

  So you, you actually got your own plug?

• 40:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:52Bunnie XO?

  And started.

• 40:53Speaker 02

  Started doing my own thing, yeah.

• 40:56Bunnie XO?

  Big mama.

• 40:57Speaker 02

  Big mama, right? Little mama, little mama and little body, big mama.

• 41:01Bunnie XO?

  Right?

• 41:02Speaker 02

  Right.

• 41:03Bunnie XO?

  Like Pinky in the Brain.

• 41:03Speaker 02

  Right, yeah, yeah.

• 41:05Bunnie XO?

  So like the Wizard of Oz, you know, behind the curtain. But it's like you just have no fear when you're that age and it's.

• 41:10Speaker 02

  None. And I think back sometimes I had so much drugs or was around so much drugs. And I think like, when I reflect back, like, girl, you could have never came home. I would never been sitting on this couch.

• 41:23Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 41:23Speaker 02

  You know, uh, if I had got cotton. But the things I had.

• 41:28Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 41:28Speaker 02

  You know, and why did, like you said, no fear, the people we surrounded ourselves with, I wanted to be, they look, nah, they don't look dangerous enough. I need to go over here, you know? I wanted to be with the risk takers, you know, every time you got away with something, you felt even better.

• 41:45Bunnie XO?

  It's a rush.

• 41:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, the rush, like a drug rush or something like, whoa, okay.

• 41:49Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 41:49Speaker 02

  We can do that again all the time. What are you doing at your heart spot out here and then like, okay.

• 41:54Bunnie XO?

  Absolutely.

• 41:55Speaker 02

  Did that, you know, then there goes your ego, bigger and bigger. Now I'm feeling more powerful than a man who are age, I can do this, I can do this on my own. I don't need nobody. And that's how I start feeling.

• 42:07Bunnie XO?

  And so during this time is when you and Terry hook up and you actually helped put them on.

• 42:14Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 42:14Bunnie XO?

  Can we, take me on that journey?

• 42:16Speaker 02

  It was like, you know, they, like they, it was like, why, you know, I had all this money. I had been with this man who has all this money and even when he went to prison, he still had money. And I couldn't understand, y'all, you know, like, tear, you've been in this life for a long time. By this time, I'm knowing you about five, about seven years. Where's the stability? You know, what's going on? You were up, down, up, down. He never had, they never had like a abundance of drugs. They never had a great plug. That's what I would call like.

• 42:46Bunnie XO?

  There's a reason for that.

• 42:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:50Speaker 02

  They didn't have a plug.

• 42:50Bunnie XO?

  You watched the movie, there's a reason for that.

• 42:53Speaker 02

  And so I looked at him, he was there and I was like, God, you know, this was all the time and I was talking to him, he's like, I don't know, I just can't get it, you know, together. And I'm sitting here trying to always groom this person. I didn't realize that I'm grooming him. And one day.

• 43:09Bunnie XO?

  You wanted to make him a boss.

• 43:10Speaker 02

  I wanted to make, he was my friend, you're with me. I had this special love for him, you know, not the romantic uh, love yet. And I wanted him, you know, I felt like this is my friend, this is my dog, we we always riding together, we hanging. I wanted him to be on the level I was, you know. And so I said, I'm I gotta help you, like, tell me what it is, you know. So I said, I'm gonna help you, I'm gonna help you get it, and then once you get it, you better keep it. You know, I did tell him, I said, I and and I forgot I had said this, and it just, I don't know why I said it. You know, I felt like a millionaire, I felt like, you know. They was a millionaire, so I'm gonna help you be a millionaire. And I said, I want you to change.

• 43:53Speaker 02

  Don't change for the money, stay as, you know, stay as you are. But I'm gonna help you become a millionaire. And that's what happened. You know, I gave him the plug, you work it, you do this, you know, kinda like was, you know. He was really listening and it was working. Um, and then it just took off. And one day it just took off and he was like, you could sit back now, and I'm like, oof. For me, cuz I was tired.

• 44:17Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 44:18Speaker 02

  You get like. You're like, I'm tired, I'm, you know, sometimes you be, cuz you always think like, that day might come. You know, I had been around, I'm watching so many other people go down and I'm always, you know, just there, you know, getting by, getting by. You know, and I'm like, okay, you gotta quit this one day, you gotta get, you know, my boys are getting older, you gotta quit this. And when he said it was like a sign of relief, he can take over now, like, who.

• 44:48Bunnie XO?

  But you obviously trusted him.

• 44:50Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 44:51Bunnie XO?

  Like, and you thought he was capable of being able to run it.

• 44:54Speaker 02

  I knew he was, I knew Terry was very smart, you know, and I knew he was capable of it. But I think he had so much, so many other responsibilities. Like, um, in the movie, they make it seem like, um, Amich was the most powerful one, but actually it was Terry. And Terry was actually carrying on that burden for him and me, so I think that was, you know, when you don't have enough drugs. It's kinda hard to, uh. Be sharing with somebody, you know, I'mma make this money and I gotta share, you know, this little bit with you. And I think that was the thing that they could never get it going, you know? Right. And so, once he start getting the supply, the bigger supply,

• 45:38Speaker 02

  he, he brought me in. Now, we can really work. We can keep moving. We can push better. And then from there, once you start meeting one connect, it's kind of like clickish. You know, everybody knows, you know, like you said, everything is a click to me, from the police to attorneys, drug dealers, pimps, that everybody, and everybody kind of whisper and knows. So, once you selling so much weight that goes to the next connect, they hear about you. A word on the street, I hear you take it to the next city. Your name is already ringing. His name started ringing in that circle, and then they took it on to the next level, to the next level, to the next level.

• 46:17Bunnie XO?

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• 46:59Bunnie XO?

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• 47:19Bunnie XO?

  Today's episode is brought to you by Vinted. Y'all know how it goes. You open your closet and have a million things hanging up, but somehow still feel like you have nothing to wear. That's me. And let's be real, half that stuff hasn't been touched in forever. Instead of letting all those clothes just sit there taking up space, you might as well make a little money off of them. If you haven't used it yet, Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app that makes it so simple to sell the quality clothes you no longer wear and discover unique pieces at great prices. And the best part, you don't have to make a whole project out of selling your clothes. Listing your clothes on Vinted is quick and simple. And once something sells, Vinted creates the prepaid shipping label for you, so you don't have to worry about that part. Best of all, there are no seller fees,

• 48:05Bunnie XO?

  which means you actually keep every single dollar you earn from your sales. So instead of letting all those clothes collect dust, Vinted gives you a way to clear out some space, make a little extra money, and maybe even find something new to love. Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start selling with no seller fees, so you keep everything you earn. What was your relationship with Meach? Did you guys ever have a relationship as far as like a friendship?

• 48:31Speaker 02

  You know, it was on and off, but I believe that when, you know, and I'm not afraid to say it at this point, I used to didn't. I believe it was a lot of jealousy, you know, because he had this little, Teary was the younger brother. Then he, Teary is now, Teary's not under him or more. Teary is spreading his wings. Teary's with this older woman. And they couldn't believe it in like, um, you know, so I'm grooming him to be not this little boy anymore, this young man. Because by the time we started our relationship, I think he was about 20, he was like 25. He was just my friend at first. But I'm telling him like, you gotta dress like this. You gotta do like this.

• 49:15Bunnie XO?

  You're gaming him up.

• 49:17Speaker 02

  Gaming him. I'm really, you know, I am gaming him up. And I think that was a little jealousy there. And so he felt like I was taking his brother and now he doesn't have the control. Now we're doing everything, you know? This has become my friend and they're not together anymore. So I think it was a lot of jealousy in that. I mean, with the whole family, he's no longer running over there. He's hanging over here with me and my people.

• 49:43Bunnie XO?

  Gotcha. So the business is taking off. You guys are making money hand over fist. You're getting to lay up and you know, be mama bear to the babies and just live the life and life is really good for a while there. And then Terry starts showing signs of kind of like getting a little too big for his britches and you're saying, hey.

• 50:06Speaker 02

  Hey, yeah.

• 50:08Bunnie XO?

  Take me, take me on this part of the journey.

• 50:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, I, I mean, you know, if you've been around, I've been around a long time. You, you know, we, when we first started this conversation, I was young. I was nineteen, twenty years old, so I had been to this road. I've been on this rodeo a long time. You know, I've already seen so many people fall. But the bigger they got, the more the eagles and the things they were doing. It was like I had never seen. Like I've been in a game so long, I've never seen people that show people like, hey. It was like they were writing it on their shirts and wearing T-shirt. We are drug dealers.

• 50:43Speaker 02

  No.

• 50:43Bunnie XO?

  Well, because they were, they had named themselves BMF, correct? And that it was like the chains and the.

• 50:48Speaker 02

  The BMF came because they wanted, they did legitimately want to do, you know, start a record label.

• 50:54Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 50:54Speaker 02

  But the way that they went about, Meach went about doing a record label. You, you're selling, don't forget you're doing illegal things.

• 51:02Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 51:03Speaker 02

  And you can't be out there thinking like, first get the company, start the company. Lego the drugs and then you can do whatever you want to do. But you can't mix the two and it was always, everything had to be over the top.

• 51:16Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 51:17Speaker 02

  And that grew, that started a lot of tension. And that's when me and Terry started that, because I'm like, you go, you guys gonna get me indicted. You're gonna get me indicted, you guys gonna get me indicted. And I was saying like all the time, and so I don't know if I manifested that, but in my mind, I knew it.

• 51:33Bunnie XO?

  You can feel it, the women's intuition is.

• 51:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, no matter how many times I could have a good time, but after the good time, I go right back to it. This is gonna end soon. This is gonna end soon and it's fast. They always say it was a long time. You know, the longest running BMF wasn't. BMF with them started like in two thousand two and by two thousand five, we were indicted. Two thousand one, two, and we were indicted. And all those times, I don't even know how it lasted that long because I had already felt like they were doing too much and I was very quiet. Like even when, um. People from my hometown didn't know, they always thought that I'm getting taken care of by the man. They didn't know that I was doing my own thing, so in the back, in the shadows.

• 52:19Speaker 02

  Even when the prosecutor, you know, indicted me, she said, oh, I know about you. You know, I know about you. You think you, you think you don't got away with some stuff this time. She's like, but I'ma get you, I'ma get you. I'm like, I ain't did nothing, sugar. You know, you can't get me, because I had already, you know, pulled back about time they started. It was a little, it was a lot for me.

• 52:41Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 52:42Speaker 02

  But when I sit back and look at the whole thing, I had jumped into the fire, into the fire pit, because I had left H and jumped into this and never really pulling back. And I was just moving. I was damaged by this time, already just damaged. Not really fixing who I was, you know, you gotta think you're, you're already out of this abusive relationship. You didn't fix yourself, you just jumped into another mixed up, crazy, toxic world. And that's what, I was just always on that roller coaster, always on that roller coaster. So that's what happened. It was like.

• 53:19Bunnie XO?

  Was this the time that he had brought your children in to start working for him?

• 53:23Speaker 02

  It was my oldest son, my three nephews and my cousin. They all got involved in it. And at the time, I say, when I, when I pushed back, my son was in Detroit. We were in Los Angeles by this time, and I didn't know, like, why, I'm thinking like, Terry, don't go back to Detroit. You go back to Detroit, you're gonna get in trouble, you're gonna get us indicted. Don't go back to Detroit, look, you know, look, just keep that behind you. It's no longer, act like it's no longer this, you know, in that world for you. But my oldest son, he always was very close to my mom, and he thought he was the prince of Detroit. So he didn't, he didn't want to come like to LA like that.

• 54:06Speaker 02

  So Terry and him had their whole secret relationship. Terry was bringing in my whole family, in which.

• 54:14Bunnie XO?

  Even after you told him not to?

• 54:16Speaker 02

  Not to. Mm-hmm, don't get my family involved. I had the whole conversations with my sons and my nephew, don't get involved in this. And, you know, it's still, even though he brought him in, I still felt a lot, you know, responsible for it. You know, I held a lot of regret, even when I went to prison and they went to prison, because I feel like, I still, even though, without Terry. I still myself was in the streets. So even if me and Terry hadn't gotten together, that was my life. After Harold went to prison, my ex-husband went to prison. The streets was still my life. No matter if I had the little job, side job, you know, the, you know, the throw, I think I'm throwing people off.

• 54:55Speaker 02

  After work, before work, the streets was my job. That's what I did. That's the only thing they knew. You know, that's what I made it seem so easy.

• 55:04Bunnie XO?

  Right. You feel like you made the appeal.

• 55:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, I made it appealing. You know, I said if I was a doctor, a lawyer, attorney or something, maybe that that wouldn't have been so appealing to them.

• 55:15Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 55:16Speaker 02

  But I made it so easy. The money was easy. They wanted that power and ego too. And they fell right into that hole with me. So even though I can be upset with him, I still have to take the responsibility for myself. Like, look lady, no matter who you would have been with or what, you were still doing your thing and you showed them that it was easy. No matter how much you fought for them not to be in it, you still showed them that this was the life and I made it look easy.

• 55:46Bunnie XO?

  Hmm. That's heavy. That's heavy. It's a heavy cross to bear because it's like,

• 55:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:53Bunnie XO?

  you know, you want to have accountability, but you also want to be able to point fingers at Terry too.

• 55:57Speaker 02

  Wanted to, but you still have to understand that, you know, you chose this life too. You brought them in at a younger, a young age. You know, Terry wasn't the first one. My ex-husband was, you know, a, a street guy. So what would I expect? You know, it's, it's like seventy percent of women that are in the streets or incarcerated, seventy percent of your offsprings, one of them are gonna end up in prison.

• 56:26Bunnie XO?

  Hmm. Wow.

• 56:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:28Bunnie XO?

  That is, that statistic is.

• 56:30Speaker 02

  It's, it's high, right?

• 56:32Bunnie XO?

  That's high. Yeah.

• 56:32Speaker 02

  It's very high.

• 56:33Bunnie XO?

  Mm-hmm. That's insane. So before you guys got indicted, you had taken a trip back to Detroit.

• 56:40Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 56:40Bunnie XO?

  And H had caught up with you. Is that a true part of your story?

• 56:45Speaker 02

  That's a true story.

• 56:46Bunnie XO?

  Can we talk about that? Because that was brutal.

• 56:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was brutal. But you know, I knew that, you know, even. Like, we would have the conversations and even though he would try to act cool about it, I just knew. You knew him. I knew him and I didn't trust him like that. And, um, not that I didn't trust him before, I just knew him. Right. No matter how I said, oh, he's trying to, uh, catch up with me. So I wouldn't tell anybody when I would come back to Detroit. But I had a couple of friends that I were very close to and, um, my one friend, she, uh, always like, when you come to Detroit, let me know, let me know, let me know. And I knew, you know, something told me all the time, why she,

• 57:29Speaker 02

  you don't wanna see me that bad, you know, but I just, I felt it in my soul and in my spirit, it was telling me, no, something off. But I told her, okay. I did it at first, I told her, okay. And I did show up. You know, she invited me out, you know, and, um, her and Harold had this secret relationship. My ex-husband went for the viewers and all, they had this secret relationship. But he did it, you know, after we talked about it, he did it because of that. He was get, that's the way he was getting, trying to get back at me. He was gonna, she was gonna date my friends, he was gonna date, he was gonna date, um, Terry's ex-baby mama. But he was like, nah, he tried that, looked at her like, I can't do that, he can't, I can't, you see how he did it?

• 58:14Speaker 02

  But, yeah. The shade. The shade, right? All right, I was, yeah. Um, but he said, um, so he was, that was intentional on his part. And he did it to get, that's the only way he could convince me, cause he would always try to convince me to come meet him, come see him. I'm like, nah, I'm not doing that. And so she convinced me to go out when I come back to Detroit and that's what happened. I pulled up to the bar to meet her and I changed my mind. It's something like God was just talking to me. Don't go in, go home, don't go in. I looked at the bar, I'm like, I'm going home. Yeah. And before I could get home.

• 58:57Speaker 02

  He uh, that's when he crashed into me. He actually had the gun. And he, I don't remember this part, but as you know, um, time went on, he, we talked about it. He say actually put the gun out and pointed it to like my head and something said, don't do it. Oh, my goodness. He said it was like a person, huh? He beat you up, just to clarify. He really beat me. Pulled you out of the car. Pulled me out the car, beat me really bad. And then at the, at the end of the beating, it was supposed to be the shooting, you know, he's supposed to shoot me, but he said something, he said. When he looked around, nobody was around, the street was very dark, but he said he could hear it clear as day, don't do it. And he said he walked away, I mean, jumped in his car and left, left me there.

• 59:43Speaker 02

  And then the next thing I knew, I'm in the hospital. This is the mother of your children, you know, like, how could you?

• 59:52Speaker 02

  They don't think about that. They just think about the anger and the, they think of it as jealousy, the, you know. They think of it as betrayal. No, the betrayal started a long time ago, you, you know, when you were. Beating me be, years before that, or cheating on me before that, and he thought that. You know, he thought I left because of Terry. No, it, I left because of. You. You. You, I, Terry, if Terry never existed, I wasn't gonna be back with you, you know. What is your relationship like with age today? It's good, you know, we don't talk all the time. He's actually, um, about to get married, um, you know, um.

• 1:00:34Speaker 02

  We could coexist, you know, even though the boys are, um, older, we could talk, have conversations. He's the one that actually, when I was about to do the first Trap Queens and talk about it. I had to sit down with, um, I sat down with my sons and asked them if they feel okay with it, cause I never talked about my abuse. You know, it was a thing that I just walked, you know, walked the life and it was inside of me. Nobody never really knew how I felt about it. How eternally, how it, um, turned out, but, um. After talking to him, I said, hey, I'm, I'm gonna tell my story, and he said, you should. And I said, I'm gonna have to tell you, he said, you should. He said, women should know that this can happen to them. He said. I'm not that person no more, and.

• 1:01:21Speaker 02

  He apologized so, like, he told me stories that I had never heard about him. And the apology that he gave me, like, it was so receiving to me, like, I never, you know how people say, you don't, you don't need that apology? If you never get the apology, you don't, you don't need to get, you, you're okay. I thought that, but once I got it from him, this most sincere apology behind the story, you should tell your story. I'm no longer that person. I'm not shame. You know, I can talk about it, anything that you, if you need me for it, just let me know. You know, you know, I want to show men that they, he said, he was in prison and he would hear the stories

• 1:02:04Speaker 02

  and he would just be embarrassed and his body would cringe. And like, how did I do that to somebody I love so much? You know, he said, I loved you so much. And he said, I couldn't understand why I did that to you all the time. But he said, I was sick. I grew up in it. My father did it to my mother and I thought I was okay. And then it was the cycle that I did it to you. And after I got that apology, it was just like, okay. At first, I, I'm, like, it, it changed something in me with him. You know, at first I just would talk to him, but I, I wouldn't still want to be around him. I couldn't have that conversation. But after that apology and the explanation and telling me, gave me the freedom to speak about it.

• 1:02:49Speaker 02

  I felt, I felt a relief, a real relief.

• 1:02:53Bunnie XO?

  That's amazing. That is really cool. Well, I'm happy H redeemed himself. I wasn't expecting that answer.

• 1:03:00Speaker 02

  No, he came to the, uh, screening. And he spoke a little bit, you know?

• 1:03:06Bunnie XO?

  Even, even though he's, you know, the truth is out there about him, to be able to face it like that, that's some real man shit.

• 1:03:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, it is.

• 1:03:12Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, that's amazing that he did that.

• 1:03:14Speaker 02

  He did.

• 1:03:15Bunnie XO?

  My abusive ex would never. He's still trying to shame me, telling me the abuse didn't happen. Can't wait for that day. So let's circle back to when you guys did get indicted. How much time did you get? How much time did your son get? And how much time did Terry get?

• 1:03:30Speaker 02

  My, I got fifty-seven months. That's almost five years, five years, three or four months. My son got eleven years. My nephew, one of my nephews got eight years, one got nine years, one got eleven and one got thirteen. And, um, yeah, and Terry got thirty years. But he came home on the CARES Act, so he's home. But Demetrius is not home.

• 1:03:57Bunnie XO?

  Um, so, you know, you spoke a lot about being in prison, what you had to do, you know, dealing with the counselor and how you had a change of heart and in prison is pretty much like your lowest.

• 1:04:09Speaker 02

  That's your lowest. It's, I mean, it felt like, you know, um, I end up working in a prison chapel. I don't know how that happened, you know? The counselor, you know, at the first counselor gave you, you know, end up working in a chapel. In federal prison, everybody has to have a job and it was only one out of six hundred women. There was one job, one person for one job at the chapel and it was given to me. So I thought that was God putting me on a path. I was in the middle of the desert. I was in prison, like in Victorio Prison. If anybody know about Victorio Prison, it's in the middle of the desert.

• 1:04:48Bunnie XO?

  I grew up in Vegas, so.

• 1:04:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, so you know about it. And I felt like that this was, I was stripped, like I said, stripped of everything. This is my time to reflect on how did I get here? I walked on that yard. I was in the middle of the first night. I was in the middle of a sandstorm and I looked up at the sky and I told God, please help me. Why am I here? Please change me. Let me figure out why I'm here. So when I got the job in the chapel, I was around, I, I knew God. We called on God all the time. You know, when you're in the streets, you probably, God, let me get through this. Okay, God, I'm, I'm out, you know.

• 1:05:27Bunnie XO?

  One more time.

• 1:05:28Speaker 02

  One more time. You know, you got all this drugs. You driving or you doing something? Come on, God, thank you, God. Blessing him for the wrong things, you know? And when I end up in prison. I realized that I had to call on him much more than I ever had to call on him in my life. I was in the middle of the desert. I was the only one that worked in the prison chapel. So now I had to face God. I I didn't realize in my whole life, how many different religions or that I was there and I just seen all these books and all these things that I had to deal with every day. I felt like I was stripped. I had nobody. I, you know, even though you have family on the outside, you have your children.

• 1:06:11Speaker 02

  But once I got, once I was in prison, I was alone. No matter how many women were around me, I felt alone. And I had to call on this man and get on my knees and call on him like I'd never called on him before. My whole family, it was like I was in a fire once I got indicted. I felt like I had, like a fire had took over. You know how when people say I lost everything? I felt like I lost everything. Now I'm alone. I'm in prison. I gotta do all these years. I'm mad. I'm bitter. I'm angry. I'm full of regret. I'm I'm feeling so sorry for myself. Like, how you feel sorry for yourself? Talking to me, you know, why are you feeling sorry for you?

• 1:06:53Speaker 02

  You belong here. You had gotten away with so much in your life. You belong here. Cause at first I'm thinking, I'm mad at Tyrion and Demetrius. How can you know as time went on, I'm like, well, how are you gonna be mad at him? You've been selling drugs way before that. You just got away with this. You know, I was just getting away. I was just, you know, God was had been saving me a long time. He'd been saving me through the abuse, through getting caught up with all the drugs. It was finally he said, I gotta chastise you. You gotta come here. He got to sit you down, baby. And when I was sitting down and I was all alone, I realized that how messed up I was.

• 1:07:39Speaker 02

  This criminal mind and this thinking, my heart and my soul, I was, I had to get it together because now I have five young men in prison. I can't talk to them, I can't hear their voice. I was in prison, I had to just imagine my son's voice, my oldest son. Even though my nephew was there, but it's different, your son. I feel bad for all of them, but I'm responsible. Now I don't hear my oldest son. He's 21 and he got to spend 11 years of his life in prison. I got two sons at home, just kind of fending for themselves. They're young men, they never had been without their mother. And I'm sitting here in prison, I had to get it together.

• 1:08:19Bunnie XO?

  Did H step up with them whenever you went away, or?

• 1:08:22Speaker 02

  Remember, H was, after the seven years, a few years later, H went back into prison.

• 1:08:27Bunnie XO?

  Gotcha, okay, so you guys were both in.

• 1:08:29Speaker 02

  We were both in prison, so, yeah. So, um, yeah, my younger sons, they were out in the streets. They didn't have to be, I could say, go home to my mom. Now we're gonna stay here closer to you, because they wanted to come visit me. But still, they couldn't be, live their life no more, you know? Then I started thinking about.

• 1:08:47Bunnie XO?

  They did the time with you.

• 1:08:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, they doing the time with me, because they gotta come visit me, they gotta feel that hurt. They don't have a father, they don't have no brother, they don't have a mommy. They just out there alone. And I felt that when I was in prison. So that was the turning point of my life, and I've said that I needed to go there.

• 1:09:05Bunnie XO?

  I think that's amazing that you were able to look inward and reflect, because some people go to prison, like you said, and they get angry and just hate everybody.

• 1:09:15Speaker 02

  Hate everybody, come home with the same chip, same attitude, blaming others. And no, I had to look at me, look at me.

• 1:09:23Bunnie XO?

  So you did your time. And during this, you weren't allowed to talk to Terry, but you went in already mad at Terry because of listening to some tapes.

• 1:09:31Speaker 02

  Listening to the wiretaps, yeah.

• 1:09:33Bunnie XO?

  What did you hear on those wiretaps?

• 1:09:35Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 1:09:37Bunnie XO?

  Because I don't think you guys really got into that.

• 1:09:39Speaker 02

  We never talk about that, nobody ever talked about it. But it was such, you know, like, it's like. The women, um, he, he, it was just crazy. It's like you built this person up and you thinking this person is loving you. You taking everything that I've given you and you take it and you about to have a baby. You know, and then you dating somebody that's very close to me. Like if you wa- you listen, I wrote this poem, how could you do this to me? You were like my sister, but it was them too. He was in a relationship that's somebody I ca- I raised. So you were looking at her as a child and I raised her. So you end up dating her and on these wiretaps, you saying that you're leaving me.

• 1:10:22Speaker 02

  Then you have another woman that you, she's pregnant by you. And the one, the other woman he's pregnant by, you went. I'm, I'm thinking of myself, like, you know, you built yourself, you have a class about yourself. For some reason, men go by, where'd you go find this woman? Like, you know, you know what I'm saying? Like, and you don't want to think like, you know, but it makes you, it, it, and then the, the thought of it made me angry. Like, at least go get you a bad bitch, like, you know? And then you have, you begging, like literally begging her to have, she wanted, she was telling, I'm getting a boy. And he's on there telling her, you better not get rid of my baby. I'm like, well, what y'all gonna do with me?

• 1:11:02Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:11:03Speaker 02

  When, when you tell me, what am I supposed to do? You already dating this child, I look at as a child. You taking the hard on money that I give, gave you because when I got you, your, your child's mother lived in the worst part of the neighborhood. And I'm like, help her get out the neighborhood, put your kids in a private school, do better, do, be a better father. I'm sharing my money, I'm sharing this with you. So how could you betray me like this? And everything that you were doing that I was asking you not to do, like going back to Detroit. The women, the, the, just everything that I'm saying, don't do that, don't do this.

• 1:11:43Speaker 02

  It was all on the tapes. It was like, just ringing, ringing in my ear, like, and that's all I could hear. Like, every day, you, I'm upstairs, you downstairs, you in my house, you know? When you hear a man in your house with another woman, something, and it's not like this was all his riches. This was something I built too. I'm going, I'm in prison for this now. You know, I gave you this, you know? If, if, I always think like, if I didn't come into your life, we're with, you know, not like bragging or something, but I don't know where we, where would you be?

• 1:12:16Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:16Speaker 02

  You know? Um, it was such a betrayal and I, and especially when you know these, I mean, I didn't know the woman that he, she was having his child, but I knew the other one, like I said, I'd literally raised her. It was like you were watching me groom this young girl to be with her. And that was, that was very hurtful and then along with-

• 1:12:39Bunnie XO?

  It's kind of gross too.

• 1:12:40Speaker 02

  It's gross. It was really gross. It was embarrassing. It was gross. Then my sons, I'm thinking about, dang, I don't put my sons in this life and you do this foul shit to me. Like, it's so many women in the street men could treat, cheat with or do your thing with. Why do that so close?

• 1:12:59Bunnie XO?

  So close to home.

• 1:13:00Speaker 02

  So close. Like I'm up, you know, like I said, I'm in one door, they in the next door. Y'all downstairs, I'm upstairs. You don't think like that. You think in this person is your, your dog, your homie, your real best friend.

• 1:13:12Bunnie XO?

  Betrayal, trauma is the worst.

• 1:13:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's the worst.

• 1:13:15Bunnie XO?

  You don't ever get over it.

• 1:13:16Speaker 02

  You don't ever get over and I, and I, and the worst is not seeing a person, but listening to emotions.

• 1:13:22Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:13:23Speaker 02

  When you hearing your, your man talk to another woman, you could tell when they're bullshitting with her. I was hearing all these emotions, like you were in love. And you had me, you felt like you was just stringing me along, you know?

• 1:13:36Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:37Bunnie XO?

  I've been through it, so I understand exactly what you're talking about. I still look at my husband cockeyed to this day. His affair happened fucking five years ago.

• 1:13:46Speaker 02

  Right, you still.

• 1:13:47Bunnie XO?

  But I still look at him like, I saw the text messages, I saw she, the, the girl built a whole case on him.

• 1:13:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:53Bunnie XO?

  And sent it to me whenever shit went south.

• 1:13:55Speaker 02

  When it went bad, yeah.

• 1:13:56Bunnie XO?

  And when you see the pictures, the videos, the songs.

• 1:13:59Speaker 02

  Songs of voices and you know, the songs he was saying, these are my favorite songs.

• 1:14:04Bunnie XO?

  Oh, don't get me started. I still can't listen.

• 1:14:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's so sad.

• 1:14:09Speaker 02

  I'm like, turn it off, what?

• 1:14:10Bunnie XO?

  Oh, literally, we'll be somewhere and the fucking song will come on because it's Ain't No Sunshine when she's gone. And nothing compares to the Chris Cornell version. Anytime I hear those, I literally look at him and I'm just like, you motherfucker.

• 1:14:21Speaker 02

  Mine's a secret lover.

• 1:14:23Bunnie XO?

  Oh, no.

• 1:14:24Speaker 02

  So I'm in the kitchen cooking and they're, they're, they're in the kitchen with me and he's playing, because he called himself a DJ. So he would play the song. So you really antagonize me. You're playing with my emotions and I'm not really knowing that you're doing this.

• 1:14:39Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, that's a different kind of.

• 1:14:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, and you could hear them on the conversations talking about me. Like, you're really talking about me? Like, you're really talking about me?

• 1:14:48Bunnie XO?

  Don't talk about me with other women.

• 1:14:49Speaker 02

  With other women. And I used to always tell him that because that was a saying with my father, my stepdad was like, do not put your feet under another, at least a man's table and talk about the man you got at home. Don't do that. You don't need to do that. And that kind of stuck with me as I grew up. You know, you don't do that. And I would tell him that because he would try to talk about his, um, child's, his children's mother. I'm like, don't put your feet under my table talking about her. You had two children by her. Something about her that you liked. We don't need to, and then to hear you on the phone talking about me was crazy. But then I had a moment of insanity. My mom had passed and he came home a couple of months later.

• 1:15:29Speaker 02

  So I thought, you know, like you said, trauma bonding, thought like this was history. Let me get back with him. I think about five months, I think it lasted about five months. And I was like, what the hell are you doing?

• 1:15:41Bunnie XO?

  With Terry.

• 1:15:41Speaker 02

  With Terry.

• 1:15:42Bunnie XO?

  When you guys both got out.

• 1:15:43Speaker 02

  With Terry. And I think, like you said, you start hearing the music. I've started looking at him. It wasn't like, we never got married.

• 1:15:49Bunnie XO?

  You don't trust.

• 1:15:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's no trust. And I could see if, like I told him, we never, you never even married me. You know, you wasted so many, I wasted so many years of my life on you. You know, we never got married. So it was like, why did I, you, I wasn't good enough to marry. So let me just remove myself out your life, man. I just said, I needed to get back to who I was. I feel like in all of this. And all that, I lost who I was. And I know, no matter what I did in my past, I still was a strong, independent woman that I knew, once I put my mind to something, I can do it. I don't need a man like that, somebody so insecure. I need a strong, powerful man to be with the strong, powerful woman.

• 1:16:34Bunnie XO?

  That's right, baby. No, that's right.

• 1:16:37Speaker 02

  So anybody, anybody know anybody? Single mama, single baby.

• 1:16:43Bunnie XO?

  Sliding them DMs, baby.

• 1:16:45Speaker 02

  Cause the DMs popping, but I ain't seeing nobody. So y'all keep coming, keep them coming. I know they coming.

• 1:16:51Bunnie XO?

  After this podcast drops, they're coming.

• 1:16:53Speaker 02

  Yes, yes.

• 1:16:54Bunnie XO?

  I'm so happy that you, that you had the heart to walk away and the knowledge and the self-respect.

• 1:16:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:00Bunnie XO?

  For yourself to walk away after, you know, try, retrying again for five months. Just being like, you know what, this isn't for me.

• 1:17:05Speaker 02

  It's not for me.

• 1:17:05Bunnie XO?

  So when you guys ended, did it end on good terms?

• 1:17:08Speaker 02

  No. And I thought, I thought it ended on, on good terms. You know, sometimes, you know, you say things to a person like, you know, this is, this not for us. It's not for me. I don't wanna, I don't wanna try this again anymore, you know? Um, maybe it's somebody out there for you. You know, I don't know, but I don't think that person is me.

• 1:17:27Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:17:28Speaker 02

  And so you think that it's okay. I didn't, it wasn't no, you know, fucking motherfucker or whatever, you know, none of that. It was just like, when I packed up and left, I just said, this is it.

• 1:17:39Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:17:40Speaker 02

  This is it for me. But I think when you, when you go back to a person, you show them that, that they, you, they think they have something on you. They don't really think that you would leave for real.

• 1:17:52Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:17:52Speaker 02

  For good. And that was, that was my last time. It was like the, it was so small, what, I can't even remember, but it was like, hmm, it's not for me. And I look, and when I look at pictures or somebody sent me some, if people say something. We don't even match to me. We like, like, you know,

• 1:18:13Bunnie XO?

  Listen, I never knew what the real Terry looked like until after I watched BMF and it was not what I thought.

• 1:18:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, not what she thought, right?

• 1:18:21Bunnie XO?

  Kinda like a turtle.

• 1:18:26Bunnie XO?

  You are a fly, mama. You're beautiful.

• 1:18:28Speaker 02

  Thank you. Thank you. So we don't, you know, so I said, you know, you sometimes you gotta let people be with who they used to be with.

• 1:18:35Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:18:35Speaker 02

  And you, I'm not her. You go back over there and be with the people that, you know?

• 1:18:40Bunnie XO?

  Absolutely. Go back over there and.

• 1:18:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, and so I, but at that point, I didn't know it was a beat. But, you know, um, I lost my son in July.

• 1:18:49Bunnie XO?

  Yes, I am so sorry.

• 1:18:50Speaker 02

  I lost my middle son in July.

• 1:18:52Bunnie XO?

  I'm so sorry to hear about that.

• 1:18:53Speaker 02

  It's hard for me to still talk about that, but um, not a text, not a flower, not nothing. I said, wow, you must be really angry. And you don't think a person's angry, you know, I think they should understand my, my anger is not an anger or disappointment. Like you said, it's self disrespect and how they depicted me in the, in the BMF series. So I can't speak about that because I'm living. They, you did a whole show around a woman that's living. It's not like my estate is mad, my children is mad. I'm upset about how y'all portrayed me in a movie and I didn't know that that's the way y'all felt about me, you know?

• 1:19:31Bunnie XO?

  Here you are, not to gloss over the fact that you lost your son, which I definitely want to touch on that too. I just want to highlight really quick. Here you are, you know, left Terry, thought everything was fine. And then all of a sudden you hear about this TV show that's in the works.

• 1:19:45Speaker 02

  Well, they teach you, my, their show had already been in the works.

• 1:19:48Bunnie XO?

  Okay.

• 1:19:49Speaker 02

  The show, their show came out in twenty one, twenty twenty one, like I think at the end of twenty or something like that. My son just passed twenty three in July.

• 1:19:58Bunnie XO?

  Okay, gotcha.

• 1:19:58Speaker 02

  So, um.

• 1:20:00Bunnie XO?

  Did they ever ask you to be a part of the show?

• 1:20:03Speaker 02

  No, I had started working with Fifty Cent in two thousand sixteen on BMF series.

• 1:20:09Bunnie XO?

  Okay.

• 1:20:10Speaker 02

  So I was sitting in writers' rooms, um, sitting with Randy, the showrunner. Uh, it's, it's a real big mess. You know, I can't talk about it right now, but.

• 1:20:22Bunnie XO?

  Wow.

• 1:20:23Speaker 02

  And then you don't fit, I doubt you're not into it. And that was another thing, Terry. They wasn't gonna even use Terry. Terry was in prison. I hired the lawyer for Terry to make sure that he got his proper, you know.

• 1:20:40Bunnie XO?

  So do you feel like you came up with the concept for the TV show?

• 1:20:43Speaker 02

  I didn't come up with the concept, but I, I know I was very intricate in helping build that story. I'm intricate in the story.

• 1:20:52Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:20:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, cause you see, you created a whole storyline about me. It's not like you had me in season two and three or one, and I'm, or season one and I'm out of there. That my, my character keeps coming, season two and season three, and they have another season because how are you gonna get rid of La La? La La is playing my character and they know she's a major part of that story. When I found out that, when I, I got the lawyer for Terry and I said, Terry, we go, we, we're in the contract together. Terry somehow got, once he signed his contract, he told them to not to use me. I didn't know he did this to me. I didn't know.

• 1:21:35Bunnie XO?

  It's just one betrayal after the other.

• 1:21:38Speaker 02

  And then I found out afterwards. So I kept it, I kept it to myself. I ain't say nothing. So I was trying to still work it. They were trying to work something still out for me and, um, then I didn't end up in it. And my son, my younger son owned the trademark who did it, the trademark in two thousand fifteen, when nobody wanted to touch BMF no more. Everybody was like, if you mess with it, you're going to prison. We don't wanna touch it. So my younger son built this whole thing around. They said, I'ma show it now as a gang, as we were a family. We were a family unit. So he started selling merchandise, T-shirt. He had this whole, if you look at his page, that's, he'd been doing it for years.

• 1:22:20Speaker 02

  All of a sudden, when Fifty Cent got the contract with, um, Stars, because before Stars, BMF series, it was gonna be a movie.

• 1:22:30Bunnie XO?

  Wow.

• 1:22:30Speaker 02

  And the movie didn't go through because somebody else owned the rights to doing the movie. He ended up making it a series. Then here come all of them, the mother and everybody, now everybody want their BMF, you know? Now here everybody comes. But that was the betrayal, so I didn't know until kinda.

• 1:22:50Speaker 02

  Wow, but you know what? I don't know. Thanks for the betrayal. He did me a favor. Because sometimes that's God moving you. You know, I might have not, if I wasn't becoming aware of all the betrayal, I might have still been under there, still under his kind of control and not being able to do me. Once I realized and say, you know what? I had enough of this. I had enough of you, your whole family. I don't want no parts of this anymore. I sat back, I released it. A week later, I get a call and say, well, I'm still sulking and I'm still upset. Anytime you break up anything, a relationship, you feel betrayed, you still gotta mourn that too. And once I went through that, I said, you know,

• 1:23:34Speaker 02

  I was there, my, my oldest son, he said, I'm talking, you got twenty-four hours to forty-eight hours to sulking this and you gotta let it go.

• 1:23:40Bunnie XO?

  That's my motto.

• 1:23:41Speaker 02

  That's your one?

• 1:23:41Bunnie XO?

  I swear, I just told my kid that the other day. I said, you got twenty-four to forty-eight hours and you need to get the fuck up and stop crying over this.

• 1:23:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, and that's his whole thing. I'm like, okay. And right after I said, I can't let him see me doing this again. I got up, I mean, I, I kind of licked my wounds and I got a call, hey, we want to do, how about doing your movie? When he want to sit down and have a meeting with you about doing your movie? And I think that was what God wanted me to do because he wanted me to have my own shine, my own light, my own redemption, my own story.

• 1:24:13Bunnie XO?

  Not under the men.

• 1:24:14Speaker 02

  Not under them. And I would have been mixed in, like I am mixed in there now and people don't understand the story until they talk to me or see me now, everybody's, you know, okay, so we know who you are. We've seen your story, but it had to be, because my journey is so different. I have so many layers. I never wanted to tell the story like they told the story. I don't think it's entertaining to talk about a woman in abusive relationship. I don't think it's entertaining now to talk about selling, glorifying the, the drugs, selling the murders. You know, once you went through it and you caught, you know, you wanna, I, I changed who I, who I am. It wasn't.

• 1:24:57Speaker 02

  It wouldn't have been a part of me, like I wouldn't have felt good about, like I don't feel good about that story. It's theirs. I, I wished them the best on it, but I'm glad that I got the opportunity to do my own story and tell my truth.

• 1:25:10Bunnie XO?

  Yes. And it's a beautiful story.

• 1:25:12Speaker 02

  Thank you. Thank you.

• 1:25:13Bunnie XO?

  Can we circle back to your son that you just lost in 2023? Can we talk about that and what happened?

• 1:25:19Speaker 02

  If I don't get emotional, it's still kinda.

• 1:25:23Bunnie XO?

  It's so recent.

• 1:25:24Speaker 02

  It was in, um, in the first one, I think about, I can talk and then soon as I start talking about it. Yeah. So I'm still dealing with that a lot. He, um, he, he wanted to go home. He said he wanted to be with God.

• 1:25:38Speaker 02

  But the week before, the week it happened, he, um, I was in Detroit. He was in LA and he called me, said, I need to see you. And I said, well, I'll be there tomorrow. And I flew to LA. We spent the most beautiful time together, just him and I. And we talked and we ate and we laughed and we had a great time. So I left on a Friday. And he said, promise me you'll never, you know, we won't go a day without talking to each other, you know? Cause when kids get grown, everybody get grown and get in their life, you might not hear from them a couple of days, three days. So we made a promise, you know, we pinky and you doing all that. I said, make a promise that we would never go a day without speaking.

• 1:26:18Speaker 02

  I said, okay, you know, not thinking like that. I said, okay. And he said, um, and so I got home, I called him, I said, I made it. He said, okay, talk to you tomorrow. See, already came, didn't talk to him.

• 1:26:33Speaker 02

  You know, still didn't think nothing of it. Sunday came, I was calling him, didn't talk to him. I panicked automatically. I said, God, he's, we're not supposed to, this is not supposed to happen. We're supposed to talk every day. Something is wrong. Something is wrong. So I ended up calling his wife, which I never do. And I said, uh, where's Jason? I haven't heard from him. And she said, well, he's okay. He's at home. He's, he's just going through a lot. And I said, well, what is he going through? You know, but he's just going through a lot. And, and then I said, okay, we were talking, we were chatting. I said, I'm about to run in Starbucks. I'll call you back. Let me call you back. Cause I needed my phone, the app. Said, let me call you back.

• 1:27:14Speaker 02

  So about time I got my Starbucks, got back in the car, called her back and she was like, he's gone. I said, who's gone? Said, Jay's gone. I'm like, gone where? She said, he's gone.

• 1:27:26Speaker 02

  Just step fast.

• 1:27:28Bunnie XO?

  So he took his own life? Oh my gosh, I am so sorry.

• 1:27:32Speaker 02

  Just step fast.

• 1:27:33Bunnie XO?

  Mimi, can we get some tissues?

• 1:27:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:27:36Bunnie XO?

  I am so sorry.

• 1:27:38Speaker 02

  So.

• 1:27:39Bunnie XO?

  Do you wanna hug?

• 1:27:40Speaker 02

  It's gonna make me feel worse.

• 1:27:42Bunnie XO?

  I don't wanna hug you, because I'm gonna cry too.

• 1:28:06Speaker 02

  No, I'm just kidding.

• 1:28:07Bunnie XO?

  Things are rough around here, okay?

• 1:28:10Speaker 02

  It's cute. But yeah, so you know, I just think like.

• 1:28:14Bunnie XO?

  Was he battling a mental illness of some sort?

• 1:28:17Speaker 02

  No, and that's the part about it, like, and people always think, like, that you see it coming, but talking to therapists and everybody, you don't, sometimes you just don't, sometimes it's a break. He probably knew, but he would never show me that. He never wanted me to see that, or probably, his wife said he would go in and out, but she never thought that. You know, people in life get depressed, you know? It's life, and it's tough, and it's rough, it's been rough on my family since the indictment, you know? They made it, people have made it really rough, but I thought we overcame it, and I thought we were gonna be okay. And, uh, yeah, so.

• 1:29:02Bunnie XO?

  I'm so sorry.

• 1:29:03Speaker 02

  But I just thank God, I said, well, thanks for giving me that time, you know? Thanks for him saying that I wanna be with her, but you know, my son was so handsome, like, gosh, he was handsome.

• 1:29:18Bunnie XO?

  He was.

• 1:29:18Speaker 02

  And, um. Seeing him, you know, laying in a casket, he looks so like he, he looked like the little, like a little boy, like he was so, like so fresh and it looked like he was in such a peace. So I try to think about like all the time, like he was at a peace, so whatever was so heavy on him, that he's at a peace. And I know the way my life has um been going, that he's up there just like an angel just, cause he always said, he told me, then he said, forget about all this stuff. No, but you still just having a conversation, forget about all this stuff, take care of you, we are all grown.

• 1:30:02Speaker 02

  We are grown, take care of you, go be happy mom. He said, you haven't been happy, you go be happy. I said, I'm happy. He said, no, you're not, go be happy.

• 1:30:12Bunnie XO?

  I'm gonna need that toilet paper.

• 1:30:14Speaker 02

  Go be happy. And I said, okay, he said, I just, it's just, cause he, he still called me mommy, he said, mommy, just go be happy. I said, okay. He said, we gonna be alright, we all gonna be alright.

• 1:30:27Speaker 02

  And I never thought, I keep thinking, why did I leave, but that was just the journey, that was our time and and just knowing that he said that he wanted to be with God, that's, that's the blessing of seeing him. He looks so beautiful, like beautiful, like at a peace, like, like the angels in God had just came and took him themselves. He was that beautiful.

• 1:30:55Bunnie XO?

  Your life is such a testimony of just resilience and of what a strong woman really is.

• 1:31:01Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:31:03Bunnie XO?

  It has me just gutted right now. Um, moving on from that situation. Of course, yeah, let's take it, let's take a deep breath, cause I got tears still coming out of my eyes.

• 1:31:20Bunnie XO?

  Moving forward from that, that beautiful, beautifully tragic story. Um, you have some really awesome things that are happening in your life and you are doing some really awesome things. You said earlier that you are doing, you know, you help with prison reform. You have a few shows that have been out, which was, what, what, what are the three names again? You have the movie, you have the notorious.

• 1:31:45Speaker 02

  Notorious Queens. Trap Queens. Um, I just got a new book deal. Um, that my book will be out next year. Excuse me. I like I said, work in prison reform tomorrow. Oh, wait, sorry guys.

• 1:32:01Bunnie XO?

  You're good, you're good. Take a deep breath.

• 1:32:03Speaker 02

  Um, just doing some amazing things, helping women, helping people, filing motions. Um, just in my community, giving back, helping with aspargments. You know, giving a lot of hugs and, you know, uplifting people, showing them, giving them hope. Because I am an older woman now and I don't want people to think you have to give up. You can, it's, you never know what can happen in your life. You know, I have been through some things and I always say, why me? But then I'm chosen to help other people and that's my path now. That's my journey that I'm out here and even before that happened to my son. That's what make me happy most is helping other people, you know?

• 1:32:47Speaker 02

  I, um, I didn't, well, I'm a nominee in the Image Awards.

• 1:32:53Bunnie XO?

  Yes, you're gonna win.

• 1:32:54Speaker 02

  I'm gonna win. I already have my speech.

• 1:32:57Bunnie XO?

  You're gonna win.

• 1:32:58Speaker 02

  I already got my speech.

• 1:33:00Bunnie XO?

  She's so cute. When she came in, I was like, you're gonna win. She said, I already got my speech.

• 1:33:03Speaker 02

  I already got my speech.

• 1:33:05Bunnie XO?

  And that's how you know she's gonna win. She's a manifesting queen.

• 1:33:08Speaker 02

  Manifested and I'm already, you know, and even if. I don't, I already won.

• 1:33:14Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:14Speaker 02

  You know, just to be in that category, to be a nominee, somebody like we say, you come from the streets, you never know what your journey is, you know? We always think we don't get second chances, but now society is giving us second chances. And I know, I'm saying, I'm beyond my chances. I know I don't have more than second chances. And just to know that such a prestigious committee have looked at my story and seen that my journey and the path that I'm on and say, hey, we want to put you in this category to be a nominee. I already won.

• 1:33:48Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, and is there a way for us to vote?

• 1:33:50Speaker 02

  Well, voting is cut off already, so.

• 1:33:52Bunnie XO?

  I did vote whenever.

• 1:33:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, you voted, yeah.

• 1:33:55Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, I didn't know if it was still going or whatever.

• 1:33:57Speaker 02

  It ended, I think, Friday. What's today, Tuesday or something, Monday?

• 1:34:01Bunnie XO?

  Today's Tuesday.

• 1:34:02Speaker 02

  Tuesday. Um, so, yeah, and that's amazing journey. And I, and I didn't want to write a book until that I had accomplished some amazing things, you know, that I said, I tell my son, my oldest son, when I first came home, tell him, write a book. I'm like, I can write no book. To talk about what? I had, I knew I had to, some things that I had to conquer, some things I needed, it was some more work that I had to do within myself. And when I talk about who I am and me, I want it to mean value. I want see, people to see I overcame and that I changed who I was.

• 1:34:37Bunnie XO?

  Yes, ma'am. That is why I'm doing this series, because everybody, I grew up in a street life too, and everybody glorifies it, the movies, Hollywood, fucking social media, like, everybody glorifies drug dealing. And, you know, I talk about, you know, being an ex-escort and, you know, to people, some people think that I glamorize it, but I don't, because I don't really go in depth about it, you know? And I just, that, that was a part of my life. So, being able to bring the women like you and Ramona and Renee and just really showing people that.

• 1:35:15Bunnie XO?

  The real lifestyle and the shit that you guys have had to go through and overcome and just the beautifully amazing women that you guys are so inspiring.

• 1:35:25Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:35:26Bunnie XO?

  Your story is so incredible.

• 1:35:28Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:35:29Bunnie XO?

  And it deserves to be heard and I hope you don't stop screaming it from the top ever.

• 1:35:34Speaker 02

  No, I'm, I'm make putting in the work, you know, um, people do need to hear it, you know, we, we, we were first to go through the shame and the guilt and now it's like, hey, this is who I am. I'd rather me tell it than anybody else tell. I need you to know what happens. I am a, no, I'm not even a what a survivor.

• 1:35:54Bunnie XO?

  You are a survivor.

• 1:35:55Speaker 02

  I'm a survivor and people know and we all don't make it out, you know, so many women have been losing their lives and we all don't make it out. So this is a story that people need to watch. It's a cautionary story and it's also meant to be inspiring at the end, you know, it was tough. It was a tough life that I, you know, that I had and I want people to understand that, hey, don't think it's glamorous. They all glitz and glamorous, you know, I was blessed in a way that I had, I didn't have to still be in prison and do time, but I was one of those chosen ones to say, hey, this don't happen often, don't happen often.

• 1:36:36Bunnie XO?

  That is amazing.

• 1:36:37Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:36:38Bunnie XO?

  Where can people find you online and do you have a website?

• 1:36:41Speaker 02

  I have a website. I have silentheart.org and that's with a Y, S Y L, not S I L. And then you can watch me on our social media. It's First Lady Tonesa Tik Tok. I think it's just my name. I don't know.

• 1:36:54Bunnie XO?

  Oh, I have to follow you over there. I didn't know if you had one or not.

• 1:36:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, I, I just thought, um, you know, I'm not.

• 1:37:00Bunnie XO?

  Oh, we'll help you. We'll teach you. Yeah, whatever you need.

• 1:37:03Speaker 02

  Thank you. But yeah, and most of it, you could just Google my name or just follow me, First Lady Tonesa and Facebook is my name and Twitter is my name.

• 1:37:13Bunnie XO?

  And watch First Lady of BMF.

• 1:37:16Speaker 02

  Yes, and watch First Lady of BMF, The Tonesa Welch Story.

• 1:37:19Bunnie XO?

  On BET Plus.

• 1:37:21Speaker 02

  Be on BET.

• 1:37:21Bunnie XO?

  It's well worth it, guys. I promise you. Haley and I watched it and we loved it.

• 1:37:25Speaker 02

  Thank you, guys. Thank you.

• 1:37:27Bunnie XO?

  Thank you so much for coming.

• 1:37:28Speaker 02

  Thank you for having me. Thank you. I've too much enjoyed. I'm a talker, too.

• 1:37:32Bunnie XO?

  No, I love it. I love it. What do you mean? I felt so many feels through this whole interview. It was just like laughing and then like heart wrenching and there's just so much. And it's just really beautiful. And I'm so happy to be able to have a platform to help you scream it even louder.

• 1:37:48Speaker 02

  Thank you. Anytime.

• 1:37:49Bunnie XO?

  Yeah. After you write that book, if you do a book tour, come back and see me.

• 1:37:52Speaker 02

  Yes, I will come back. And you know, like, this is a crazy coincidence, because you know Jelly Roll is one of my favorite artists.

• 1:37:59Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, we're gonna FaceTime Daddy after this. He's just saying hi.

• 1:38:02Speaker 02

  Yes, yes, yes. I just went to his concert and then when you called me, I'm like, oh my God. No, this can't be real. Yeah, you were in Detroit.

• 1:38:10Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're gonna be on tour again. You gotta come.

• 1:38:13Speaker 02

  Oh, I've already seen. You gotta be in Wichita, Kansas. I'm thinking, is it September?

• 1:38:18Bunnie XO?

  Okay, just tell me.

• 1:38:19Speaker 02

  I don't gotta wait that long, though.

• 1:38:21Bunnie XO?

  I know.

• 1:38:22Speaker 02

  Because you don't start until what? The summer?

• 1:38:24Bunnie XO?

  August.

• 1:38:25Speaker 02

  And then you're in Wichita, because by the time you Wichita would be the closest to me, because my brother stays there. So I already told him, hey, we're going to Jelly Roll in Wichita.

• 1:38:35Bunnie XO?

  We'll have our bus there, too, so you can come and just chill on the bus.

• 1:38:38Speaker 02

  Yay, we'd love it.

• 1:38:39Bunnie XO?

  I'll bring you backstage to meet Daddy. He'll fan out.

• 1:38:43Speaker 02

  Love it, love it.

• 1:38:45Bunnie XO?

  Ms. Tonesa, thank you so much.

• 1:38:46Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:38:47Bunnie XO?

  Tonesa. I'm so sorry, Ms. Tonesa.

• 1:38:50Speaker 02

  Thank you, and thanks for having me on the Dumb Blonde.

• 1:38:53Bunnie XO?

  It's the Dumb Blonde Podcast, baby.

• 1:38:55Speaker 02

  Yes, Dumb Blonde Podcast. Thank you, guys. It's good.

• 1:38:58Bunnie XO?

  I appreciate you. Thank you for tuning into another episode of Dumb Blonde. I will see you guys next week. Bye.