Mod Sun: Running From Authority

Throwback Thursday (Originally aired: 6/5/24) Bunnie is joined by the sweet and brilliant Mod Sun, as he talks about everything from facing heartbreak and addiction to finding purpose through his music and art. Mod reflects on his journey from farm boy to rockstar, hitting rock bottom and how he manifested success. He talks about past romances in the public eye, his soul bestie Machine Gun Kelly, Bob Dylan, and why it's okay to be delusional. Mod also shares a sneak peek into his new music and the reinvention that came along with it. Mod Sun: IG https://www.instagram.com/modsun/?hl=en | Website https://modsunmusic.com/ Watch Full Episodes & More: YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@Dumbblondepod

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Bunnie XO?

  Is this thing on?

• 0:01Speaker 01

  Bonnie, who used to be a former sex worker and now hosts the podcast Dumb Blonde. Most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and shit. And I was like, I want to be super hot, make a lot of fucking money and be a rock star's wife. That was my goal as a child and here we are.

• 0:16Bunnie XO?

  What's up, sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to another episode of Dumb Blonde. I'm sure you probably heard me and Maude Sun talking about how he's the hot uncle. What's up, baby? How are you?

• 0:29Speaker 02

  I also take that role. I like that role better than the hot older guy.

• 0:32Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, well, because we were talking about how Jay and I are like mom and dad to everybody. And Maude was like, yeah, he's like, I'm totally that too. And I'm like, no, you're like the hot uncle. You're not, you're not dad yet. You're like hot uncle, right? Am I wrong here?

• 0:46Speaker 02

  I like that. I like that. Am I wrong? People in the room.

• 0:48Bunnie XO?

  Are we, are we wrong? Are we wrong here?

• 0:50Speaker 02

  Okay, cool. Cool. We're on the same page.

• 0:51Bunnie XO?

  I'm so happy to have you here.

• 0:53Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 0:54Bunnie XO?

  This has been a long time coming.

• 0:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, it has.

• 0:56Bunnie XO?

  I slid in your DMs like two years ago.

• 0:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:58Bunnie XO?

  And thankfully you didn't reply because.

• 1:00Speaker 02

  I know. I know. This is the time it was supposed to happen.

• 1:02Bunnie XO?

  I swear to God, it really is the time.

• 1:04Speaker 02

  But I really saw the DM like three weeks ago and immediately was like, all right. I missed this one. If you ever want to do it again.

• 1:13Bunnie XO?

  No, and I'm just so happy to have you here.

• 1:15Speaker 02

  Why I did is because I listened to your podcast just outside of it.

• 1:18Bunnie XO?

  That really makes me happy. It makes me so happy when I have men tell me they listen to the podcast because that means a lot to me because I have such a huge female following.

• 1:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:26Bunnie XO?

  So when I get the men that are like, yeah, I listen to your podcast. I'm like, dude, can I hug you? Because it's like so sweet.

• 1:31Speaker 02

  Your conversations are just like natural conversations. Do you have mostly female guests? Is it?

• 1:36Bunnie XO?

  No, I mean, it's, I do have a ton of female guests, but I love, you know, having men on too. So it's like, it's a variety, but definitely probably more female dominated. But I think it's because of my platform and just who I am. I just have a more female fan base. Even when I was doing.

• 1:52Speaker 02

  You're like, you're like the superpower female. That's like. Says be like confident in yourself no matter what.

• 2:01Bunnie XO?

  I appreciate.

• 2:01Speaker 02

  And like fights back against people that talk shit. I love that.

• 2:05Bunnie XO?

  It's exhausting sometimes. I even told them.

• 2:07Speaker 02

  It's such a good, it's such a good message to send them. Not being like, I'm gonna talk shit back to you, but just being like, yo, this whole thinking that you can't have your word against someone that's talking shit. Because you're a notable person. And oh, if I say the wrong thing, this and that. Like, that's like a whole wall that needs to be broken down right now.

• 2:32Bunnie XO?

  I really needed to hear this.

• 2:33Speaker 02

  Don't you think so though?

• 2:34Bunnie XO?

  I swear to God, that's why I'm fighting the good fight.

• 2:36Speaker 02

  So many people like I I'm in a good place right now. I feel like I have my light back around me, right?

• 2:42Bunnie XO?

  You look so happy.

• 2:43Speaker 02

  Thank you. Thank you. I am happy. I feel this is the most secure I've felt like in my skin as well in years and years and years.

• 2:50Bunnie XO?

  No.

• 2:50Speaker 02

  But there was a time where it wasn't like that. But then there was also this time where like I don't know when it happened, but for some reason I got in my head like, oh, like do I have to like worry about saying the wrong thing or being a certain person or or all that stuff like?

• 3:06Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 3:06Speaker 02

  And that's why when you have this like message of like I will say my opinion back to you regardless of who I am or how many people follow me. That's like, these are like, these are messages for the youth. That they need to like, understand that, you know?

• 3:22Bunnie XO?

  For sure, one hundred percent. And sometimes I get caught up in the am I doing the right thing or should I not say this? But I feel like as I don't like to call myself a celebrity, you're a celebrity, but as people in the public eye, it's like we're told that we're not allowed to talk back to people. It's like, no, don't say this, or don't say, and it's like, why? Why are people allowed to bully? And that's why this problem has gotten so bad online. That's why it was because they always tell you if somebody abuses you, don't stay silent. But yet, the first thing they tell you whenever somebody abuses you online is stay silent?

• 3:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:56Bunnie XO?

  Like, what, what are we talking about here? This is like mixed messages.

• 3:59Speaker 02

  I mean, my favorite times of being myself is when those thoughts never entered my head. The second they did, I felt like I was so fake. I felt so fake and not me.

• 4:11Bunnie XO?

  Do you feel like you've been silenced because of your celebrity?

• 4:15Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, I mean.

• 4:18Bunnie XO?

  To a certain extent?

• 4:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, a hundred percent. Or just even just thoughts of being like.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  Don't put yourself so like I've I've gone through things where I have put myself in the position to Kind of speak my half of things, you know, especially with past relationships, right? That bleed into the public eye. I have had a relationship where I was like, no, this is in in in in saying my word back. And then it being like something that follows you forever and becomes a narrative. And then I've had situations in the last couple of years where it was like I didn't even stand up for myself. And like those things are just like, okay, understand, yeah, like my sister is my PR person, so she's like PR crisis, you know?

• 5:00Bunnie XO?

  Is she a pit bull?

• 5:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, oh, yeah.

• 5:02Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 5:02Speaker 02

  She's she's my older sister that'll she fights for me.

• 5:05Bunnie XO?

  Oh, I love that.

• 5:08Speaker 02

  But anytime that I found any one of my great moments that people will come up and tell me affected them in a in a great way are always me having no thought of that. No thought of that, and I'm not saying like go make yourself look bad. You know what I'm saying?

• 5:27Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 5:27Speaker 02

  Not saying say some wild shit at two thirty AM that you wouldn't say the next morning.

• 5:30Bunnie XO?

  I mean, I've done that a few times. I am guilty. I almost did it last night.

• 5:36Speaker 02

  You're awesome for what you do, okay? And like if if just as myself, I have felt inauthentic before. And those moments like really kind of I let myself down, you know? And like where I'm at at this point in my life, I'm like, okay, I remember who I am.

• 5:56Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 5:56Speaker 02

  Like I remember who I am. I am thirty seven years old, just just age in music, right? We love Jelly because he really puts it on the line.

• 6:05Bunnie XO?

  Daddy roll.

• 6:06Speaker 02

  He gives us daddy roll.

• 6:08Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  He like gives this whole real talk about what it is. It's like. Be so proud of your story. Do not try to hide it. Do not try to keep up with the other people and this and that, like, wear it and be it and love it and be proud of it and like, that's what creates the light around you. You know, I've felt my shit dim. I've felt it dim. And in the last year, I had to just like reorganize my life. Get back to just being in love with myself.

• 6:41Bunnie XO?

  How did you do that? What were like some steps? Cause I know you went through a really tough breakup and we can talk about that. We can touch on it now or later on, whenever you're comfortable with it, but I remember seeing a video of you on stage after that breakup and it broke my heart for you.

• 6:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:55Bunnie XO?

  Because I could tell you were holding in so much. And I think right at, right in that moment, I just felt so much love for you.

• 7:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:02Bunnie XO?

  Because I was like, damn, I was like, this man is literally wearing his heart on his sleeve in front of hundreds and thousands of people each night. Like, this is tough, dude. So how did you go from being on that stage to finding yourself?

• 7:16Speaker 02

  That was definitely like an, like an authentic moment. Again, I'm glad that you say that, cause that was a moment of like true authenticity, you know? Like, we went through this breakup while I'm on tour, bled out in front of the world, going on stage every night. It's like my biggest song is with her and it's my song.

• 7:35Bunnie XO?

  I know.

• 7:35Speaker 02

  So I had to really be like, okay, like, yeah, this is hard to sing, but it's my song. Like, I'm not gonna deny myself of that, you know?

• 7:43Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 7:43Speaker 02

  And so I'm gonna keep playing it. Yeah, it's hard as hell to play and hear that voice every night, but I'm gonna keep playing, cause that's my song.

• 7:49Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 7:50Speaker 02

  And so, I mean, that kind of started this whole spiral of being like, from there, it was very, um, you know, I would have to like do a meet and greet every day and kind of like fake a smile, you know what I'm saying?

• 8:02Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 8:03Speaker 02

  And that's fine, you know? Um, not like just completely just being in shambles in front of people, like still being like, alright, I'm a warrior, you know?

• 8:11Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 8:12Speaker 02

  Um, but so like I went on that tour and came home and had to like reorganize my life completely and just like. Environment so important like your I love to say this about people because I clearly look different than I did a year ago. You know what I'm saying?

• 8:29Bunnie XO?

  I love the dark hair by the way.

• 8:31Speaker 02

  I I do too.

• 8:32Bunnie XO?

  I love it.

• 8:33Speaker 02

  I love it.

• 8:33Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 8:34Speaker 02

  And like just you saying that like again. We've been told certain rules. That. Are so backwards. We're told like. Materialism is wrong, right? Okay, I'm talking like. If you really in your heart believe that like a great outfit won't make you feel better about yourself, you're tripping.

• 8:57Bunnie XO?

  No, it does.

• 8:57Speaker 02

  You're tripping.

• 8:58Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 8:59Speaker 02

  But we're told like, no, no, no, no, don't. Or we're or you're told like your your appearance, your your appearance like. I changed my appearance. I go out and people be like, dude, you look better than you've ever looked. That makes me feel great.

• 9:12Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 9:12Speaker 02

  That helps me feel secure.

• 9:14Bunnie XO?

  Mm hmm.

• 9:15Speaker 02

  Right? It's like these things that are that are just these little building blocks that like. You've kind of been told are not the way, right? Like a simple thing. You have to break down what it is to you, but for me, I've just figured out recently. Like what is happiness? Duh, the most cliche thing ever. What is happiness?

• 9:36Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 9:37Speaker 02

  I figured out what it is to me. It's something to look forward to. That's it.

• 9:41Bunnie XO?

  A goal.

• 9:41Speaker 02

  All this, all this like be present, be in the moment. All that is like. Get it. Love it. Thank you. Deepak Chopra isms. I love it.

• 9:51Bunnie XO?

  I get bored. Like I need to know what the next hurdle is.

• 9:54Speaker 02

  Want to wake up and have something to look forward to. That makes me happy. It doesn't need to be some like career driven goal. It doesn't need to be. Anything ridiculous. It can be something so simple as like. I wake up and like I love the first picture that I have hanging on my wall in my room.

• 10:13Bunnie XO?

  No.

• 10:13Speaker 02

  And that like makes me wanna get up. It can be also something giant. I have something to look forward to. Let me create something to look forward to. Whatever it is, you know, and it's like. Once I've realized that thirty seven years old into my life, you know what I'm saying?

• 10:28Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 10:28Speaker 02

  It was just like boom, that that's what it is to me, you know, and. Just realizing that there's these little things that are okay with um utilizing in your life, like changing your appearance, changing your environment, building things to look forward to, obviously keeping great people around you that give you the hard talks, the hardest talks are the ones that make your life easy.

• 10:54Bunnie XO?

  The uncomfortable ones, but those those are you have to be comfortable having uncomfortable conversations. That's what me and my husband always say.

• 11:01Speaker 02

  I love that.

• 11:01Bunnie XO?

  You really do because I mean, life's not always fucking cherries and fucking unicorns. Sometimes it's buttholes and cigarette butts, you know, like we don't. Life's not always a fucking bundle of joy, so you have to be be comfortable being able to be like, hey, you know, kind of looking within and having uncomfortable conversations with yourself, like what do I need to change to make myself happy?

• 11:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:22Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 11:24Speaker 02

  I really like dove into that in the last year and like focused on that and that only. And um finding things that are like missing in my life, you know? Really, really applying those, you know, like as a musician.

• 11:39Bunnie XO?

  Doing the work.

• 11:40Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 11:41Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, I think that's a huge thing because it sounds to me like you're doing the work. A lot of people are like looking for happiness, but they don't want to go find it. They want it to come to them and it's like, no, you gotta get the fuck up and go find it, which is that shit.

• 11:53Speaker 02

  And push yourself and it can be something so simple, like when you when when people hear these talks, like a lot of the time their human condition is like jump to something like gigantic.

• 12:03Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 12:03Speaker 02

  Or like build a goal that's like a year from now.

• 12:06Bunnie XO?

  Unattainable, right?

• 12:08Speaker 02

  You know?

• 12:08Bunnie XO?

  Or not unattainable, but at that moment, right?

• 12:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, a hundred percent. It's like do build a goal for yourself for the next six hours, like it doesn't have to be this. Yes.

• 12:20Bunnie XO?

  You know, like it can be so tiny.

• 12:22Speaker 02

  Discipline.

• 12:23Bunnie XO?

  Listen to a record you haven't, yeah, exactly.

• 12:26Speaker 02

  It's so good. I'm a I am in, what is it, the sixth today, the seventh? So three.

• 12:34Bunnie XO?

  Today's Cinco de Mayo, isn't it?

• 12:35Speaker 02

  No, that was yesterday.

• 12:36Bunnie XO?

  Damn, we missed it.

• 12:37Speaker 02

  So five days from now, I'll hit five years sober, right?

• 12:40Bunnie XO?

  Yay.

• 12:40Speaker 02

  And why I know it's really, I'm really like, yeah.

• 12:44Bunnie XO?

  That's amazing. Let's definitely dive into your sobriety.

• 12:47Speaker 02

  I would love I would love to and like just piggybacking off that though, like what's so great is like another tip or uh advice or stance on life is like.

• 12:58Speaker 02

  Drug addicts, whether you're a recovered drug addict or currently in a battle, just know you have the greatest discipline in the world. To wake up and get fucked up every day takes discipline. To go meet, to go meet the plug in a random parking lot at 2am, that is discipline. And I'm just like, holy shit.

• 13:20Bunnie XO?

  And to feel like shit every day afterwards, like, you know, and have to have that fixed, yes.

• 13:25Speaker 02

  If you can do those things, you can get a six pack in six months. You know what I'm saying? You can do all these things. You can get that job that you wanted. You can go through.

• 13:36Bunnie XO?

  Nothing can stop you.

• 13:37Speaker 02

  No. I have drug addict discipline, you know, and like I hold that anytime I like talk to like addicts and shit like that, I'm just always like, yo, just know you, you could become president. You could take over the world with your discipline.

• 13:51Bunnie XO?

  If they just put that channel, that energy into something that's constructive.

• 13:55Speaker 02

  It's so powerful. It really is.

• 13:58Bunnie XO?

  So crazy way of looking at it, but it's facts.

• 14:00Speaker 02

  It's so true.

• 14:01Bunnie XO?

  Literally, it's facts.

• 14:02Speaker 02

  Yo, there's, I look at like people that are just like so down and I'm like, yo, just know you could take over the fucking world.

• 14:08Bunnie XO?

  I love you. You are the type of motivational speaker that a motherfucker needs though, because they'll listen to you because you have such a cool way of saying it. So people are kind of like, truth bombs are like going off in their head and they're like, holy shit, yeah, that makes total sense.

• 14:20Speaker 02

  A hundred percent. If you can also just get away from the whole like positive speaking, Google search sentences. Be like, alright, let's remove all those weighted words and just like say the thing you're trying to say. Like Charles Bukowski is my favorite writer of all time. You'd always be like, you have no guts if you're turning a sentence into a paragraph. Like, stop with all that. The, the wind blew through the window sill at night while I was, the twilight was glowing through the sheets of my room. It's like, bro. You found happiness looking out the window while the moon was out.

• 14:57Bunnie XO?

  That is so real.

• 14:59Speaker 02

  It's like which sentence do you wanna read, you know?

• 15:02Bunnie XO?

  That's so real though, because what did you just say? Say that again for me so that I can remember it.

• 15:06Speaker 02

  I don't even, oh, oh.

• 15:07Bunnie XO?

  The paragraph, you just turned a.

• 15:09Speaker 02

  Never, you have no guts if you're turning a sentence into a paragraph.

• 15:12Bunnie XO?

  I love that. That's gonna be my new fucking motto.

• 15:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's real. You, you, you do that.

• 15:17Bunnie XO?

  I do.

• 15:17Speaker 02

  You, you are like straight to the point.

• 15:20Bunnie XO?

  Oh, no, I tell paragraphs. No, I tell paragraphs.

• 15:23Speaker 02

  Looking at you going, you do. You're a paragraph person. No.

• 15:25Bunnie XO?

  I am. I feel like I am.

• 15:26Speaker 02

  I'm not saying, talking a lot. I'm saying you say it how it is. That's essentially what it is, is like being like, stop trying to fill this whole thing with all these isms and, and all these blown out ideas. It's like you say it how it is. Trust me, I am a viewer. I am like objectively, is it objectively from the outside or subjectively? I don't know. Here I am again. Didn't go to.

• 15:48Bunnie XO?

  I'm not sure. Listen, I didn't, I didn't graduate ninth grade.

• 15:50Speaker 02

  We'll go with objectively, and if we're wrong, it's all good.

• 15:54Bunnie XO?

  It's alright.

• 15:54Speaker 02

  I am from the outside looking in. I've watched you and I'm, I, I, I do have a good opinion of that. Like you say it how it is.

• 16:00Bunnie XO?

  I appreciate you so much. Speaking of some crazy shit that I discovered whenever, we're gonna take it all the way back. You're, you're like a, you're a farm boy from Minnesota? Let's talk about this. Because you have like a really crazy childhood story.

• 16:14Speaker 02

  I do. I really love my story.

• 16:16Bunnie XO?

  It's actually really cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:18Speaker 02

  Like, and, and I, and I, I totally just like, I love it so much. I've never, I've never been the one to be like, uh, does living in, does, does that, I'm in, in LA? Should I tell people like I'm LA or this and that? It's like, I'm Minnesota. Like Midwest Minnesota. I grew up on a farm. A farm, no animals. My parents were absolute, they were the animals.

• 16:43Bunnie XO?

  So you tell, so I heard that your mom was a cheerleader and your dad was a biker?

• 16:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:47Bunnie XO?

  Like, what, your mom was a cheerleader in high school and then?

• 16:50Speaker 02

  Yes, he literally.

• 16:51Bunnie XO?

  Married the bad boy.

• 16:52Speaker 02

  Oh, a hundred percent. A hundred percent. For good and bad. I got all, I got a lot of my dad's good qualities. And like all of my mom's good qualities. So I kinda won with that. Um, no, my mom was like cheerleader, straight A student. My dad was like kicked out of Catholic school and had to go to this other school and like, pulled up, beat up my mom's boyfriend at the time and like threw, threw her on the back of his bike.

• 17:17Bunnie XO?

  It was like your mine.

• 17:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:18Bunnie XO?

  That's my kinda guy.

• 17:19Speaker 02

  No, no, literally a hundred percent. Yeah.

• 17:22Bunnie XO?

  A lot of girls at home are like, that's hot.

• 17:23Speaker 02

  And he was, I'm telling you, I know. And when I say like threw her on the back of my bike, like take it however you want it. Like that is, my dad is like, he was, he was the real deal. He was one of one. There's this quote from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, that's uh, too weird to live, too rare to die. That was my dad. He couldn't get his shit together, but he was so rare that like we had to have him here.

• 17:47Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 17:48Speaker 02

  You know? And um, yeah, so we, we grew up on like a giant, like, what would you say, like five acres? Sorry, I'm talking off camera to my sister.

• 17:57Bunnie XO?

  You're good. We love that.

• 17:58Speaker 02

  It's like five acres in the middle of Minnesota. Like I go back to this town, it still hasn't changed a bit. It's so small. And uh, I actually had this great conversation with someone last night that also like grew up in the middle of nowhere, but it's like from age zero to six, no neighbors, no friends, only my sister. Who, older sister, it takes a long time for your older sister to.

• 18:23Bunnie XO?

  Like you.

• 18:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, like.

• 18:25Bunnie XO?

  Trust me, I'm an older sister. I get it.

• 18:27Speaker 02

  And, and, and we'll get to this too, but my sister was the, like my mom, the cheerleader, straight A student.

• 18:33Bunnie XO?

  This one right here?

• 18:34Speaker 02

  Yes, yes, yes, yes. Um, so we were total opposites in so many ways. Uh, but one, zero to six, grew up on a farm, no friends. Total just imagination.

• 18:45Bunnie XO?

  What was life like with your parents? Were they pretty stable or were they just?

• 18:49Speaker 02

  No.

• 18:50Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 18:50Speaker 02

  Not at all.

• 18:51Bunnie XO?

  Take me on that journey.

• 18:51Speaker 02

  I mean, my mom was the definition like of an angel, like just, just trying to caring about, kind of zooming out and looking forward and being like,

• 19:03Speaker 02

  my kids shouldn't see or hear or know about things that are going on, you know? But my dad literally would have his girlfriends calling the house. Being like, and my sister would answer the phone and be like, he, like my sister was like nine, like.

• 19:19Bunnie XO?

  Bitch.

• 19:20Speaker 02

  You know what I'm saying like like that was the first time I heard curse words was my sister like.

• 19:25Bunnie XO?

  I love that sister was rowdy enough at nine though to stick up for mom.

• 19:28Speaker 02

  Hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. And like, I mean, also, my sister was like the bartender. My sister was like making them gin and tonics and old fashions at nine years old.

• 19:37Bunnie XO?

  My goodness.

• 19:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. I, I, I was literally that my favorite picture of when I was a kid was me like drinking a Pabst that like fucking four years old.

• 19:46Bunnie XO?

  First of all, iconic. Secondly, that's crazy.

• 19:49Speaker 02

  Like van slip-ons. My dad's like posted up. I'm like drinking a Pabst, like literally.

• 19:54Bunnie XO?

  Oh, my goodness. So you guys grew up rock and roll?

• 19:56Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 19:57Bunnie XO?

  That's how I grew up too.

• 19:58Speaker 02

  And we grew up, uh, like 10 minutes from Bob Dylan's farm in Minnesota, who's my favorite artist of all time. Minnesota, like, yeah. Uh, and so it was all rock and roll. It was all like you listen to the Allman Brothers. You're either a Dylan guy or a Beatles guy. We are Dylan people like and, and the band and all his music all the time.

• 20:18Bunnie XO?

  I love that.

• 20:18Speaker 02

  And motorcycles, like my mom and dad rode motorcycles, like my first scar that I still have on my leg is falling off my dad's bike when I was four years old and burning my leg on a thousand degree exhaust pipe.

• 20:28Bunnie XO?

  Oh, my goodness. Yeah.

• 20:29Speaker 02

  It was wild. It was wild for Minnesota. Like, I know when people have this picture of Minnesota, they're, they're not thinking like this. This is what it was like growing up there for me, you know? And, um, but I, but what, what stuck with me the most through those, I don't even know if you call one through six formative years, but they were so much for me.

• 20:49Bunnie XO?

  Formative. Okay. Yeah.

• 20:50Speaker 02

  Great. Thank you. Because I, it, it made me who I am.

• 20:54Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 20:55Speaker 02

  I am permanently in my own world, in my own imagination, because I had all this space and no friends and no neighbors and no nothing. So I was in my head all day running around this field pretending I was whatever. Superhero or a spy or any of those things. And I've never left that world ever once. I've like stayed there.

• 21:20Bunnie XO?

  I think that's part of your childlike charisma, you know, like you have this like, um, just sweet wonder about you. And I even told Jay that. I was like, he, I was like, he's just so sweet, you know? And I, now I understand where you get it from.

• 21:34Speaker 02

  I, from there, thank you.

• 21:37Bunnie XO?

  You're welcome.

• 21:38Speaker 02

  It's horrible. Everyone, you raise your threshold for compliments to not immediately throw someone back at other people.

• 21:44Bunnie XO?

  Yes, I won't let you do it.

• 21:45Speaker 02

  Just say, "Thank you." I tell this to all people. I'm like, "Raise your threshold, dude." Like, "I gave you a compliment. Don't just give me one back. Just be like, 'Damn, thanks.'"

• 21:53Bunnie XO?

  Mod is dropping gems, guys. I hope you're fucking listening. I needed you today because I had a horrible day yesterday and today this is just everything.

• 22:00Speaker 02

  Well, let's get into that too at some point.

• 22:02Bunnie XO?

  No, we're not here to talk about me.

• 22:04Speaker 02

  Because we're gonna flip this and be like, "Welcome to dumb brown hair."

• 22:10Bunnie XO?

  No, we're not doing it. Um, so I wanted to circle back on the Bob Dylan thing that you had said and I wanted to tell you something that you might actually enjoy. My husband is a huge Bob Dylan fan, loves Bob Dylan. His son, Noah, was actually born to like a Rolling Stone, and I know that's your favorite Bob Dylan song. So when I heard that, I was like, "Oh, my God, this is like Kindred Souls. It's crazy."

• 22:32Speaker 02

  I so, I so can tell the Jelly Roll fan and Bob, like, I can so see it.

• 22:37Bunnie XO?

  Oh, he just went and saw him at, um, where were we? In Austin? What's it called? The, the whole big fucking festival they have out there?

• 22:45Speaker 02

  The, the.

• 22:46Bunnie XO?

  Austin City Wonders or something like that? Yeah. They, he went and saw Bob Dylan. I was like, "Did you record it?" And he was like, "No."

• 22:52Speaker 02

  It's like, yo, yo, again, it's like the great, I tell every artist, there's so many artists that are so lost right now, especially the younger ones, that, um, have had a different upbringing and a different kind of world of being an artist. You know, I grew up as an artist, pre-internet, pre-having a studio in your house.

• 23:11Bunnie XO?

  Where you had to actually work.

• 23:12Speaker 02

  Pre-laptop and Pro Tools. Like, this was like the growing up with instruments set up in your garage and every day after school you came and jammed with your friends and if your friend didn't show up, you couldn't jam. You know what I'm saying?

• 23:22Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 23:22Speaker 02

  Like, I grew up in that world. I grew up in the back of vans, playing shows for free, sleeping on people's floors, all that. The world that it's in now is a lot, is, is shifted in a lot of different ways and a lot of artists get really lost because they'll have these giant peaks and valleys. My whole thing was like just a giant, like, slow lift, right?

• 23:42Bunnie XO?

  Slow and steady wins the race, though.

• 23:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And there's so many, for young artists, peaks and valleys, peaks and valleys. And it gets hard and I'm like, "Yo, study. I don't care if you hate Bob Dylan's voice. I don't give, I don't give a fuck. Just study his career. Like, this is a man." That was slated as the voice of a generation, him and an acoustic guitar and a harmonica. The second that he was at his peak of this voice of a generation. He grabbed an electric guitar, showed up to Newport Jazz Festival. The first electric performance ever at Newport Jazz Festival. Got booed offstage. For a year after that, played like a rolling stone to his concerts and got booed by his biggest fans.

• 24:27Speaker 02

  And never stopped playing the song. And it is now regarded as like the top greatest song ever been. And like, that is like believing in what you're doing. And not putting the the control in the hands of the audience of telling you that it's great or telling that it's successful. And then as soon as they loved him being electric, he went and made a country album. They hated it. Soon as they loved that, he went and made a blues record. They hate it. Soon as they love that, gospel record. Soon as they love that, jet. It's like dude just was like. Never are you in control of my success. And who I am, and I follow my instincts and follow my guts. Also a guy who disappeared for 10 years and came back and dropped what I think is his greatest record of all time, Blood on the Tracks. Like, it's just the greatest mentality for an artist to be in.

• 25:13Speaker 02

  To not not think that like.

• 25:15Bunnie XO?

  Not be put in a box.

• 25:16Speaker 02

  Oh, they're gonna forget me. Oh, they're gonna forget about me. If I don't post today, they're gonna forget about me. If I don't drop a song right now, they're gonna forget about. It's like, man, just like. Create art as if you're already dead and gone. And it'll be the best start of your life.

• 25:31Bunnie XO?

  Hmm, that's amazing. I love that you tell young artists to go and study Bob Dylan. My my husband did that on his Good Night Nashville album. We watched every Bob Dylan documentary that you could fucking find. And he just consumed Bob Dylan for like months. It was wild. And it was the best thing he ever did. Now look what he's doing. You can't put him in a box.

• 25:52Speaker 02

  Love you so much.

• 25:53Bunnie XO?

  No, like.

• 25:54Speaker 02

  Love you so much, dog.

• 25:55Bunnie XO?

  But I'm just saying, what you're saying is real, though. Like, you told, you tell people to go and study him and that, you know, he's one of your favorite artists and like my husband too. And look what he's doing.

• 26:05Speaker 02

  And it's regardless of the music. It's like, study the path that he took as an artist. You know, it's like my, I learned a quote, cause I've been like a, I've been chasing art and I'm talking like the facets of art. Like painters for, I've been studying painters. I study the lives of people, you know? I've been studying painters since I was a very young kid. And when I heard the quote at like thirteen years old, that was like,

• 26:32Speaker 02

  a great artist reinvents themselves every ten years, right? And like, that's their periods, you know, as an art, as a, as a painter, you have like periods, like, you know, you have the blue period or the abstract period and like all these people like lived by that. And I put that into like my life as a musician. It was like the first ten years of my career as a musician, I was a drummer, you know? And then my bands were doing good, like my dreams were coming true. And I felt something that I had to do and completely abandoned all comfort. And went back to ground zero and was like, I am mod sun now. I am going movement on dreams, stand on and on. I'm starting this new thing.

• 27:14Speaker 02

  And I did ten years as a rapper calling what I did hippie hop and making positive rap music. That like, this was before Kendrick Lamar did like, I love myself. Like, yeah, we had Day Lost Soul and we had like more like positive kind of hip hop. But like, in that term, it was like, I want to make hip hop based around the secret and the law of attraction.

• 27:32Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 27:33Speaker 02

  Which was like, it was not, it was goofy, you know? It was like, it was an idea that people were like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I was like, I'm pushing through this. I did ten years of that. Then I did like a ten year stint of being like back into my more like alt and you know, really high register belting. And then I'm in this like tenure phase right now. That's like so, so raw. And it's finally out, like I was about to take three years off of music. I went back to Minnesota in August of this last year. And I was like, I'm just gonna paint and write scripts and direct for the next like four years. Cause I don't really think I have. The desire to try to outdo myself.

• 28:14Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 28:15Speaker 02

  This is when I was very like lost. This was like part of the being lost period that I just had.

• 28:19Bunnie XO?

  Where you had to rediscover yourself.

• 28:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I went back to Minnesota.

• 28:22Bunnie XO?

  Isn't that crazy that you went back home to do that?

• 28:25Speaker 02

  Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

• 28:27Bunnie XO?

  Is mom still there?

• 28:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:29Bunnie XO?

  Cause we're gonna circle back after with what happened at six.

• 28:32Speaker 02

  I tried to warn you.

• 28:33Bunnie XO?

  No, you're good. I love hearing. I could listen to you talk for hours.

• 28:36Speaker 02

  I tried to warn you that I have just rammed the man. Lord, I was born around.

• 28:40Bunnie XO?

  No, I love it. But I think that's amazing that through everything that you have accomplished, when you're going through hard times, the first thing you wanna do is go back to that space where you were able to just be away from everybody and isolated and just alone with your thoughts to just figure it out.

• 28:57Speaker 02

  I like, I came back home from Minnesota and like the first song I wrote, like the end of the song is like, "You're searching for a high, but you can't fly till you fall. And it funny how you find yourself once you lose it all. Home is waiting when there's nowhere left to go. You'll find love there, I hope you know." And it's like the last little part of the song and it's like, it wraps up that whole feeling of being like,

• 29:22Speaker 02

  "Searching for all these things. I've fallen. That was how you fly. Isn't it funny? You can't fly till you fall."

• 29:28Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 29:29Speaker 02

  Like a bird.

• 29:30Bunnie XO?

  Well, there's nowhere up, nowhere else but up.

• 29:32Speaker 02

  A bird has to be thrown from the nest to learn how to fly.

• 29:35Bunnie XO?

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:35Speaker 02

  Like, "Bro, that is how that's... There's so, there's more truth than poetry in that, but it is so boring."

• 29:41Bunnie XO?

  No, it's so real. So let's circle back.

• 29:43Speaker 02

  Circle me back.

• 29:44Bunnie XO?

  I am. We're gonna say, I got you, baby. Listen, my husband's a Sagittarius. I got this. Um, so, six years old, tell me what happens then. You're living this rock star lifestyle with your family. Moms, dad's girlfriends are calling the house.

• 29:58Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 29:58Bunnie XO?

  Shit's crazy. You guys are partying.

• 30:01Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 30:01Bunnie XO?

  Were you, you, were you guys exposed to drugs back then too and stuff? Or was it just more alcohol?

• 30:06Speaker 02

  She, she, she would know better because I was, I was young. Like, she has more memories than I do. We talk about this all the time where she was like, "Yeah, I was like nine." So there's a big difference between six and nine, you know? Where it's like there's more memories. Um, but basically what happened is like they got, they got divorced and my mom was working for, my, my dad had a, a, a, he owned a warehouse. And it was a warehouse that would hold, um, uh...

• 30:41Speaker 02

  Things that truckers needed to come in town and pick up.

• 30:44Bunnie XO?

  Like parts and stuff?

• 30:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, like I think it was a lot like paint based, like paint for industrial stuff. And the loosest kind of career ever like I'm talking like it was party at the warehouse, you know what I'm saying? But it would just be truckers pulling up to this warehouse, picking up stuff and my dad was a trucker before his whole life, which is why I love the road so much like. Um, he was a trucker in his early life and um. So they pulled it to their house. Anyway, my mom was working at that place with my dad. When they got divorced, my dad fired my mom. Okay?

• 31:14Bunnie XO?

  Son of a bitch.

• 31:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, he fired my mom and so my mom had no career, no money, nothing and. My mom was like, yo, I you can't have like you like she fought for full custody, right? She was like, I know, no.

• 31:32Speaker 02

  And so my mom got full custody and due to that got the house that we were living in. The house wasn't paid for. My mom had no money. House got foreclosed on. Okay? So there's big giant farm life that I was loving and was just like, shit, I think we're like. I think this is cool. Like, we're good to go. Went to immediately like living in like.

• 31:53Speaker 02

  A two bedroom apartment. And we moved to the suburbs. She moved us to suburbs. She's like, I gotta. I'm gonna bring you out of this like farm, put you in the suburbs. Like, we need to get you adjusted, all this like. My mom went to being basically like an intern at a job to like. Top of the chain in like.

• 32:13Bunnie XO?

  That's where you get your drive from.

• 32:14Speaker 02

  Forty years or what? Or I don't know how long it was that she worked at that job, but she retired like. Ten years ago now, she's been retired, but she went from literally working for free to like top of the list, right? And but yeah, yeah, and through those times and like the first thing my mom did, so this is this is part of my other formative everything is like. My mom was like, alright dude, like you don't you're you don't know how to be social. You know, I'm seven years old now. You don't know how to be social.

• 32:41Bunnie XO?

  Were you not in school?

• 32:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, I was in school like but but this school that I was in when I was on the farm was like. Five kids.

• 32:49Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 32:50Speaker 02

  You know what I'm saying? It was like five kids.

• 32:52Bunnie XO?

  Like homeschooling, pretty much.

• 32:53Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 32:54Bunnie XO?

  Okay.

• 32:54Speaker 02

  Okay? So now I'm like seven or whatever, seven or eight, and my mom's like, I'm gonna put you in sports. If you hate sports, you can quit, right? You can totally quit. But I'm gonna put you in sports because I feel like it'll give you like this social uh acceptance of of being like a team and like kind of forced to make those friends, right? And you'll have a coach, which is a father figure. Okay?

• 33:17Bunnie XO?

  So was dad, did dad cut you guys off? Like, did he just disappear?

• 33:21Speaker 02

  It was that kind of dad. So he stayed in Minnesota for, I wanna say like, four years after they had gotten divorced, and then he moved to Long Beach, California. But in those four years, it was the, hey, I'm coming by to pick you up this weekend and never show up.

• 33:35Bunnie XO?

  Oh.

• 33:35Speaker 02

  It was that. It was like me waiting in on the front step with a bag.

• 33:39Bunnie XO?

  Oh, that's so hurtful.

• 33:39Speaker 02

  And never and never showing up. And when he did show up, my dad always just wanted to be like, I'm so fly, I'm so like it. Like, he would, he would go and like get a big house in like the really like poor neighborhoods, like and and try to like show off and be all fly and this and that. And like, he was just, dude, he was, he was the best hustler in the world. He could sell headphones to a deaf guy, I swear to God, he was like the greatest hustler ever. So I, for a lot of his life, I have no idea what he did. But he could always have like a hundred dollar bill in his pocket, and that's probably it.

• 34:11Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 34:12Speaker 02

  Cause he did die with nothing, you know? Um.

• 34:14Bunnie XO?

  Sorry, I just wanted to ask, cause you said that you needed a father, that she wanted you to have a father figure.

• 34:18Speaker 02

  No, so I I had no father figure, for sure, yeah. So she put me in sports and like, greatest thing, any, any tip to people out there that have children? My mom, I put on ice skates, got on the ice, got off, my mom looked at me and said, you're a fucking natural.

• 34:34Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 34:35Speaker 02

  And like, from that point on, my mom told me that about everything, and she might have been lying through her teeth. But that inserted something in me that to this day, I believe I am a natural at anything I do. I have so much confidence in myself that like, I'm meant to do this, you know? And it's like delusion, and delusion is a lot, a big part of success.

• 34:58Bunnie XO?

  Oh, absolutely. Delusion and manifesting. You're hand in hand.

• 35:04Speaker 02

  Opposite words. You're like, delusion, negative. Manifesting, positive.

• 35:07Bunnie XO?

  Does delusion have to be negative? I mean, I feel like you're avoiding negativity. I feel like you're avoiding negativity when you want to be in your own delusional world. So I don't understand how it's negative.

• 35:18Speaker 02

  Exactly. Oh, sorry. I'm telling myself that I'm worth it.

• 35:22Bunnie XO?

  Oh, the world hates that. Don't ever say that you are worth something because if you do, they're gonna try to humble you.

• 35:29Speaker 02

  Hundred percent. A hundred percent.

• 35:32Bunnie XO?

  So mom put you in sports?

• 35:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, put me in sports, told me I was a natural. I began playing sports.

• 35:37Bunnie XO?

  Did you stick with the sports?

• 35:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, for many years. My first, so like, check this out. So like, my first, I would say from like, eight to thirteen, I was totally, totally,

• 35:52Speaker 02

  a hundred percent thinking that I was a professional athlete, right?

• 35:55Bunnie XO?

  I love that.

• 35:56Speaker 02

  I was a hundred percent like, I'm a professional athlete. I played goalie in hockey. I played lacrosse. I was nasty at lacrosse.

• 36:03Bunnie XO?

  Those are hard sports.

• 36:03Speaker 02

  Goalie in hockey. I was nasty at goalie. I played catcher in baseball. My mom's like, yo, why not like choose the thing that's not all eyes on you if something goes wrong? Like, she's like, sitting in the stands, like, dude, you're the goalie in the back that if the goal goes in, you come home and you're like, I wanna fucking kill myself. But she was just like, alright, you got this, you know, like, I was a loner, right? I was a loner. I was an imagination person. So I chose those, you know, when I zoom out and look back on it, I chose those positions because I was like, sitting back in the net, like, by myself, surrounded by no one, just being like, talking to myself, like, yeah.

• 36:40Bunnie XO?

  Because maybe in a way, you always felt like it was like you against the world.

• 36:43Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 36:44Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, so.

• 36:45Speaker 02

  One hundred percent.

• 36:46Bunnie XO?

  Even as a child.

• 36:46Speaker 02

  It was always like, I always was like, I cannot rely on anyone else to make me get there. I was always, a lot, a lot later into my life, one of my like, basically like mentors in my life told me this thing that changed my life, which was like, Your life will be so much better if you can just be a hundred percent responsible, a hundred percent of the time.

• 37:10Bunnie XO?

  Hmm.

• 37:11Speaker 02

  When things go wrong, there is, it's a form of empathy to just realize that you're responsible somehow.

• 37:18Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 37:18Speaker 02

  For it going wrong. And if you can stop being like, oh, but poor me, poor me, like, and just be like, alright, cool, lesson learned. Like, you'll, you'll, you'll be so much greater. So like, yeah, I always had this like hundred percent responsible, a hundred percent of the time, I'm gonna make it happen. Um, so I was playing sports and then the wildest thing happened when I was thirteen, you know? I'm flipping through ESPN and watching these sports games, right? Professional athletes. And then my sister is obsessed with Hanson.

• 37:47Bunnie XO?

  Oh, not a, not a Hanson girl over there.

• 37:50Speaker 02

  No, full on Hanson, full on Hanson, okay?

• 37:55Speaker 02

  And we're fighting for the remote and I'm flipping the hockey and she's flipping the Hanson.

• 38:00Bunnie XO?

  Hmm.

• 38:01Speaker 02

  And it just dawns on me, I go, I'm watching full on adults with their career. There is no child on the ice in the NHL.

• 38:12Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 38:13Speaker 02

  And she's watching children play to an arena of people at a professional level. These kids are like between ten and thirteen. I think I can relate more to the youngins on the instruments than I can to the grownups on the ice. I was like, mom, get me a drum set for Christmas. Get me a drum set for Christmas. That was it.

• 38:37Bunnie XO?

  You were like, this is it.

• 38:37Speaker 02

  Get me a drum set for Christmas and like.

• 38:39Bunnie XO?

  Were you musically inclined before?

• 38:41Speaker 02

  Not one.

• 38:42Bunnie XO?

  Did you sing? Did you write?

• 38:44Speaker 02

  Not one bit.

• 38:45Bunnie XO?

  Really?

• 38:46Speaker 02

  Always, always, always in, to, to drawing and painting.

• 38:50Bunnie XO?

  Okay.

• 38:50Speaker 02

  That was always my thing, like, I think one of my other first career goals. Yeah, yeah. One of my other first career goals was to be a comic book guy that drew comic books.

• 39:00Bunnie XO?

  I love that.

• 39:00Speaker 02

  Um, so always into like that side of art. So I connected to that side of art. But as soon as I saw this, this youngin with the hair down to here, being like ten years old, playing drums to a arena of people. And I, I realized in that moment, I said, I can't see what the hell the guitar player is doing. From the TV screen. I can't see, I can't tell. This is too confusing for my mind to understand. This piano player, no idea. Can't even see it from the TV. I can just see he's moving his hands. But drums, he's got sticks in his hand and he's got four drums in front of him. I can see every move he's making.

• 39:36Bunnie XO?

  Wow.

• 39:37Speaker 02

  I was like, I can learn from a distance. You know, I can learn that from a distance.

• 39:44Speaker 02

  From that, it led me to finding Travis Barker.

• 39:46Bunnie XO?

  Wait, wait, wait.

• 39:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:49Bunnie XO?

  That is, because I, I play an instrument too, which is piano, which I suck at it now, but I grew up playing piano. And to learn an instrument by watching somebody.

• 39:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:58Bunnie XO?

  Is a fucking talent in its own.

• 40:00Speaker 02

  But you see what I'm saying with drums. It's like the only one that you can look and be like.

• 40:03Bunnie XO?

  But that's still hard.

• 40:05Speaker 02

  You're going like this, you're going like this, you're going like this. No matter how fast you're doing it, I can still tell what you're doing.

• 40:11Bunnie XO?

  That's crazy that you were able to do that. So you got a drum set and you just sat there and you watched what Hanson videos or? Did you discover Blink one eighty-two by then?

• 40:20Speaker 02

  So I had the drum set and I was still in sports at this moment, right? Had the drum set, would look at it and be like this and like I took lessons for a second. My mom put me in lessons and I had one lesson. It was from a dude who came over fully drunk and tried to pick up my mom. On a day. And my mom was like, Dude, I don't think we can make this happen. Like, I don't think I can just have like random men coming to this house to like, Teach you how to play drums, you know?

• 40:50Bunnie XO?

  I love your mom.

• 40:51Speaker 02

  She's the greatest. One day you gotta meet her because she is so cool. Like, I just got this awesome new, new house in Tarzana. That's like my, it's my happy place. And like I have, she has her own room there full on and I'm just like, I'm like, mom, And when I get this house, like I'm gonna get this house and you have to spend six months of the year at least out here, period. End of story.

• 41:09Bunnie XO?

  You are a mama's boy, true and true, but in a good way.

• 41:12Speaker 02

  Oh, it's, I love it. I love it. I have great, I have great, I was raised by my mom and my sister, right? Completely. Like, I have great female energy to like make females feel safe and comfortable and open around me and it's my like, One of my favorite. qualities about myself

• 41:29Bunnie XO?

  that's why

• 41:29Speaker 02

  I'm so not alpha male

• 41:31Bunnie XO?

  that's that's amazing where there's too many fucking uh alphas running around in the world just hurting women that's why so many women have chosen the bear have you seen this whole thing that's going on online where it's like they're like if you got they they've asked women have you seen this thing if you get lost in like a forest would you want to be lost in the forest with a bear or with a man and about ninety nine percent of women have chosen the bear is that not fucking insane that's the fucking world we live in so we need men like you mod we need men like you babies please they need to make more

• 42:06Speaker 02

  that's so real

• 42:07Bunnie XO?

  it's wild but anyways circling back so you start playing the drums

• 42:11Speaker 02

  yeah

• 42:12Bunnie XO?

  and is this when you had started I had heard somewhere that you had started like watching the blink one eighty two

• 42:18Speaker 02

  yeah so like drum set for a minute like kinda got a little discouraged

• 42:22Bunnie XO?

  I'm gonna look at my notes too by the way

• 42:25Speaker 02

  please do cut the camera cut to me she's not doing anything there's nothing

• 42:28Bunnie XO?

  I'm not texting I swear

• 42:31Speaker 02

  they kinda like went to the wayside because I got a little discouraged you know by like the lessons and like and like it just there was only so many little videotapes that she took a Hanson that I could watch

• 42:42Bunnie XO?

  yeah I mean they only had like two good hits right

• 42:45Speaker 02

  yeah I mean don't say that around her

• 42:50Speaker 02

  how dare you she shows her Hanson tattoo

• 42:52Bunnie XO?

  I was not a Hanson fan was not a Hanson fan but do you really have a Hanson tattoo okay I was like we gotta talk about this sis um they really did only have like two hits though that I thought of right um bop and what was the other one that were like mainstream give it a goog come on

• 43:12Speaker 02

  you can talk you can

• 43:13Bunnie XO?

  yeah you can talk we love that yeah we we love that

• 43:16Speaker 02

  oh no look at she's already well you guys being a little hard on Hanson over here

• 43:25Bunnie XO?

  I love that a different release pattern I love that that's amazing that is hilarious

• 43:35Speaker 02

  alright alright alright they had two hits okay so

• 43:40Speaker 02

  they're looking up the second one

• 43:42Bunnie XO?

  giving them two hits giving them two hits might have been

• 43:46Speaker 02

  You've never heard, yeah.

• 43:47Bunnie XO?

  You've never heard of M-Mop?

• 43:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're young.

• 43:49Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 43:49Speaker 02

  You're young. I can already tell.

• 43:50Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:51Speaker 02

  I already know how old you are because-

• 43:53Bunnie XO?

  If she doesn't know who Hanson is, she's too young for you, bro.

• 43:55Speaker 02

  A hundred percent. A hundred fucking percent. Literally I had a conversation with someone the other night and said, "You don't know Hanson?" Alright, okay, understand.

• 44:03Bunnie XO?

  Oh, no. Alright, so you started playing these drums.

• 44:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:07Bunnie XO?

  And you got tired of fucking Hanson.

• 44:08Speaker 02

  Yup, yup.

• 44:09Bunnie XO?

  Tired of listening to Hanson.

• 44:10Speaker 02

  And then, all of a sudden, it must have been 1999, 2000, like 2000. All of a sudden, I see Blink-182, see Travis Barker. I see the coolest looking person I've ever seen in my life. And I'm like, watching him play drums, and I'm like, "Oh, bet." I was like, "I got a drum set in my basement." I was like, "It's done." This is the person I connect with. And that was at the time, just when like Napster and Kazaa and these other little things-

• 44:38Bunnie XO?

  Oh, god, LimeWire.

• 44:39Speaker 02

  This is 56K, dial-up internet.

• 44:42Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 44:42Speaker 02

  I just proceeded-

• 44:43Bunnie XO?

  Those were the days.

• 44:44Speaker 02

  To download every single thing. I would have to stay up all night because the phone line would get used. So I'd have to stay up all night and download these things. And I'd wake up right away in the morning as it was downloading all the- And I'd go and I'd fucking make sure that, "Did it come through?" Okay. And, but while you could do this, this was actually the greatest thing. While you were downloading something, um, at these times, it took you like, three days to download a music video. You know, real talk. And, but you could preview. You could preview it while it was downloading. So if it had 15%, you could watch 15% of it. So I would sit this far from the computer screen and watch that 5%, watch that 10%, watch that 15% and sit there and just, I'm watching every, I can see everything you're doing, everything you're doing. And, um-

• 45:23Bunnie XO?

  That is crazy.

• 45:25Speaker 02

  And, and proceeded to do that. I mean, the whole time, my mom is going, "Get off the internet and go be a normal kid. I can't use the phone." Like, "What are you doing down there?" And I'm like,

• 45:35Speaker 02

  "Guess this internet thing wasn't a fad, mom."

• 45:37Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, right?

• 45:38Speaker 02

  "Guess so. I guess I was kinda on to something, huh?"

• 45:41Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 45:42Speaker 02

  Um, and I just proceeded to watch every single thing. And was always the kid that was like- Oh, I can play like one song, time to start a band. You know.

• 45:53Bunnie XO?

  So when did you start your first band?

• 45:55Speaker 02

  First band thirteen years old.

• 45:57Bunnie XO?

  Really?

• 45:58Speaker 02

  Thirteen years.

• 45:58Bunnie XO?

  You just fucking were like, one day, this is, this is my ten year cha- you know how you said you do you change every ten years? This was like your ten year change and you were ready to just do something completely different.

• 46:07Speaker 02

  Yup.

• 46:08Bunnie XO?

  I love that about you.

• 46:09Speaker 02

  And I started it, started it, had to like, a- and, and still again, like, it was, it was really hard because when I turned uh sixteen, right? Um, or, or just, so right as you're going into high school, so right as you're going into freshman year, that was when hockey, cause I was like slated to be like a pro goalie, like I was a good, Minnesota is a, is a hockey town.

• 46:31Bunnie XO?

  Yes.

• 46:32Speaker 02

  And pros come from Minnesota, and my city that I was in, Bloomington, Minnesota, we had the scouts would come to our school to pick pros, right?

• 46:42Bunnie XO?

  Wow.

• 46:43Speaker 02

  I was slated to be a professional goalie, okay?

• 46:45Bunnie XO?

  Hmm.

• 46:45Speaker 02

  And I was working with goalie coaches and like, you're gonna be a pro, like, we got this, right? And I had to make like the hardest decision ever at that time, which was going into high school. This is right when it, right when it turned into like, okay, sports is a job now because you're gonna go to school all day. Fucking hated school, barely made it through.

• 47:06Bunnie XO?

  Same.

• 47:07Speaker 02

  And then you're going to practice. Immediately from school, like, your life is just, you're, you're in a nine to five.

• 47:13Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 47:13Speaker 02

  You know?

• 47:14Bunnie XO?

  Literally.

• 47:14Speaker 02

  And I had to make the choice and be like, no, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be a drummer. I'm gonna be a drummer, and I had to quit, and everyone, like, I had, I had grown men goalie coaches coming to take me out to lunch to try to convince me otherwise. Don't do it. Don't do it. Trust me, you're a goalie, you're not gonna be a musician. Do you know, you know how many times at this time I got told one in a million and I was like, you're looking at the one.

• 47:43Bunnie XO?

  Mm-hmm.

• 47:44Speaker 02

  You're looking at the one, my boy, like.

• 47:46Bunnie XO?

  That's all it takes.

• 47:47Speaker 02

  Sorry to say, I'm gonna be the one.

• 47:49Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 47:50Speaker 02

  You know? And I believed that, and I quit every sport. picked up a skateboard started getting really good at skateboarding and it my life just became skateboarding drums and wearing Dicky's downy here and vans and famous stars straps t-shirts and I had to change my whole appearance like overnight like it all changed like

• 48:07Bunnie XO?

  yeah

• 48:07Speaker 02

  I don't care this whole poserism and this whole like oh all of a sudden you're dressing the part like this oh you like punk music so now all of a sudden you got like Liberty Spikes and you're wearing the Sid Vicious chain like yeah cool change your appearance

• 48:18Bunnie XO?

  are people not allowed to grow?

• 48:20Speaker 02

  yeah exactly

• 48:20Bunnie XO?

  and experience different

• 48:21Speaker 02

  but then again that's the world shutting the door on them it's like that word poser it's like yeah for sure the first day I showed up to the skate park not knowing how to skate and was like wearing the lame shit like I was posing

• 48:32Bunnie XO?

  yeah

• 48:33Speaker 02

  to be like y'all cuz I wanted to be like y'all

• 48:36Bunnie XO?

  yeah

• 48:36Speaker 02

  but like don't ever for a second doubt that a year later I was one of y'all

• 48:40Bunnie XO?

  right

• 48:41Speaker 02

  right?

• 48:41Bunnie XO?

  but you put in the work

• 48:42Speaker 02

  is everyone not a poser the first day they doing something you don't think Van Gogh picked up a a paintbrush and felt like a poser the first time he painted?

• 48:49Bunnie XO?

  tried to paint yeah

• 48:50Speaker 02

  looking like at other paintings like everyone's a poser the first time they try to do something they wanna do

• 48:55Bunnie XO?

  I love that

• 48:55Speaker 02

  the fuck is wrong with y'all like yeah yeah it's so real and it's like people just be so afraid of you know whatever it's so easy to do that it's human condition like you want people like you you know

• 49:06Bunnie XO?

  I love that though that even at thirteen you had such a confidence and such a strong mindset to say you know what no I I don't care that these grown adults are telling me that I'm not gonna make it I'm gonna fucking make it

• 49:16Speaker 02

  mhm

• 49:17Bunnie XO?

  like I have I've had that mindset my entire life even as a kid people told me you're gonna end up barefoot and pregnant you leave home I left home at fourteen and never looked back

• 49:24Speaker 02

  yeah

• 49:24Bunnie XO?

  you know you have to be your fucking number one fan nobody else is gonna believe in you the way that you do

• 49:31Speaker 02

  mhm

• 49:32Bunnie XO?

  and it's manifesting you're literally a powerful human being to be able to manifest something like that especially so young you know and to sit there I'm still mind blown but to sit there and learn how to play the drums by watching music videos that's like some fucking like crazy like am I allowed to say is it politically correct if I say but it's like Rain Man shit like you are just like zeroed in and fucking just like the you must have like your IQ must be huge have you ever had an IQ test?

• 49:57Speaker 02

  no I never have

• 49:57Bunnie XO?

  we need to do one on him

• 49:58Speaker 02

  but I really barely I really barely made it out of high school you know

• 50:02Bunnie XO?

  that doesn't matter

• 50:03Speaker 02

  no I know for sure

• 50:04Bunnie XO?

  some of the smartest people

• 50:05Speaker 02

  yeah

• 50:06Bunnie XO?

  failed in school

• 50:06Speaker 02

  for sure

• 50:07Bunnie XO?

  like the you the it's just not at school to me is a trap but don't kids if you're listening go to school

• 50:12Speaker 02

  no for sure go to experience school

• 50:15Bunnie XO?

  yeah go to experience in school and just to have your friends and all that stuff but yeah to sit there and be able to like you know Just be so headstrong at such a young age is admirable. Tell me about this first band and where this took you.

• 50:29Speaker 02

  First band, I mean, the first band was like, was like, you know, a couple of friends, like this really was when I was thirteen, fourteen, and it was just like, you're learning how to play guitar. Like, you're the only one in this city, because I was in the suburbs, surrounded by jocks and cheerleaders, for real, like, right? That was what it was. It was sports and cheerleading, and that's it. So I'm in those suburbs, and I found like, one kid that could play, that was learning how to play guitar. I was like, that, like, we're in a band. You know what I'm saying? And it was really just me and a guitar player. You know what I'm saying? There was no like, and then we found our like, kind of like, other like, delinquent homie that we're like, just pick up a bass, like, everyone says like.

• 51:08Bunnie XO?

  Slap of the bass.

• 51:09Speaker 02

  Everyone's like, you know, like, anyone can play bass, like, you know, no disrespect to y'all bass players, like, but everyone, that's kind of a thing in music. We're like, yeah, you know, Sid Vicious was put in the Sex Pistols because he looked so cool.

• 51:21Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 51:22Speaker 02

  They were like, you just look so cool, just pick up the bass, bro.

• 51:24Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 51:25Speaker 02

  Like, whatever.

• 51:26Bunnie XO?

  My dad's a guitar player, and like, well, was, an extremely amazing guitar player, and he, in his latter years in life, just switched over to bass because it was easier.

• 51:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, a hundred percent. I mean, you got four strings, and you're usually only playing two of them, and you only have to do one at a time.

• 51:39Bunnie XO?

  And you're just like, boom, boom, boom.

• 51:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, it's awesome. You gotta have groove, you gotta have like, falling in the pocket, but for sure.

• 51:44Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 51:45Speaker 02

  Um, so that band was more just like, we're learning our favorite songs, you know?

• 51:49Bunnie XO?

  What was the name?

• 51:50Speaker 02

  Uh, Almost There.

• 51:51Bunnie XO?

  Ah, I love that.

• 51:53Speaker 02

  Almost There.

• 51:53Bunnie XO?

  What, that's speaks volumes.

• 51:55Speaker 02

  Band I was in, though. We were sixteen. We were called The Sideline Heroes.

• 52:01Bunnie XO?

  I love that.

• 52:03Speaker 02

  That's, that name still to this day is so cool, Sideline Heroes, like.

• 52:07Bunnie XO?

  Why haven't you written a song called Sideline Heroes?

• 52:09Speaker 02

  I know, I do, I really need to, I really need to.

• 52:11Bunnie XO?

  I'd like writer credit for that.

• 52:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, all right, done, we're gonna write together, we're totally gonna write together, you're definitely doing the intro, we're taking something from this. Um, and, uh, and we were rad, we were super rad, like, we, we were all like, the bad kids in high school. We were all the, like, you know, failing students in high school, and the like, anti-everything, you know? This was like, oh, the, this was the, this was the uh revolution starter of guys wearing girls jeans. You know what I'm saying? And getting hated on.

• 52:43Bunnie XO?

  So you guys were wearing skinny jeans back then?

• 52:45Speaker 02

  Oh, not skinny jeans, girls jeans, because they didn't even make guys skinny jeans.

• 52:49Bunnie XO?

  Oh, so you guys were literally just wearing.

• 52:51Speaker 02

  Girls jeans.

• 52:52Bunnie XO?

  I love that.

• 52:53Speaker 02

  A hundred percent. And I, I dyed half my hair blonde, half my hair black, and I came to school with, I kid you not, a briefcase, not a backpack. I walked through the hallways of high school with a briefcase and a scarf on in seventy degree weather.

• 53:08Bunnie XO?

  You would have been one of my friends in, in high school, because I loved anybody who was different. Like, I have always been drawn to the people who are different, because I'm different, you know? So I, I loved people like you. What was your relationship status in high school? When you started playing in a band, did all the girls start flocking a lot more?

• 53:27Speaker 02

  You know, I always had, like, like I said, I have female energy. So I always had, like, uh, like, girls, yeah, I always, I always did, like, and I I've been very fortunate with, like, the females that I've attracted in my life.

• 53:43Bunnie XO?

  I don't think you have female energy. I think you have safe energy. And to females, that's huge. We don't want to be around fucking Predator Earl. We want to fucking.

• 53:51Speaker 02

  And also not, hey, let me talk to you in a way that I don't talk around my friends.

• 53:56Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 53:57Speaker 02

  Not that. I'm like, I'm like so the exact person in front of women, and y- you know what I'm saying?

• 54:04Bunnie XO?

  That's how my husband is. He's safe. Like, women are okay being around him and alone with him, because they don't have to fear of anything weird and creepy.

• 54:12Speaker 02

  So I had a, I did have a really cute girlfriend in high school, for sure. Yeah.

• 54:16Bunnie XO?

  What was her name?

• 54:16Speaker 02

  Uh, Jenny. Jenny Scoob.

• 54:20Speaker 02

  And I still, my sister is still friends with her and talks to her and checks in. But like, that was like, yeah, that was for sure the first love of my life, for sure. We dated like all, I want to say like all through high school, but she was like, the really pretty, sweet girl that would like come to like, because we were playing like punk rock shows. There was a venue in Minnesota called The Garage. It was like a youth center. And we would play there every weekend, and like, we got big in the city. You know what I'm saying? We really did. And um, that, that led me to being in.

• 54:52Speaker 02

  The first band that really like made it, made it type of, type of scenario, like first band I toured with, the first band that like ever spoke to a label and any of that. And we were called The Semester and I, I got, I got to be in that band because the two really good artists, uh musicians. That were like musician kids that were like grew up in church playing instruments and giving guitar lessons to like grown men when they were like fucking fourteen, you know? Really good and I was self-taught, right?

• 55:22Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 55:23Speaker 02

  They were really good and I had to like try out to be in their band, you know, it was like, I'm like sixteen, seventeen, like trying out to be in a band, like this is wild. They were amazing and they were from a different city, but the band I was in that was all from my same city would go and we'd play at this youth center. And it was a whole scene, it was all the like outcast kids from surrounding areas were there. And they were starting a new band and my band was like breaking up and I was like, alright, I wanna play with these guys and. I ended up being in a band with these guys after three trials, you know? I ended up playing with them, um and they would later break my heart and I would later bring them back into my life and.

• 56:03Bunnie XO?

  Well, we gotta talk about it, you can't, you can't go over.

• 56:05Speaker 02

  Well.

• 56:05Bunnie XO?

  Really quick though, not to interrupt, well, to interrupt you, I just wanted to say, isn't it crazy how your girlfriend was the sweet girl coming to the Bad Boys show? Isn't that so reminiscent of your mom and your dad?

• 56:16Speaker 02

  It really is exactly like that.

• 56:18Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 56:19Speaker 02

  It's so funny, cause I've kinda never like put that together in a string of sentences.

• 56:23Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, I had to like circle back to that, cause I just, I thought that was really sweet.

• 56:27Speaker 02

  And it totally was, like, I'm not wrong, huh, it totally was, yeah, yeah.

• 56:30Bunnie XO?

  So what did these boys do to you?

• 56:32Speaker 02

  Okay, well, well, so like from, so then, so then, uh, I guess like sophomore year, now I was in this like really like. Good band where we were playing every day, writing our own songs, like recording and doing all this and I was the mouthpiece, I was always the best mouthpiece. Like I wasn't the best artist, uh musician in the band.

• 56:52Speaker 02

  Cause I was self taught, you know?

• 56:54Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 56:54Speaker 02

  I didn't even understand what timing was, right? I was just like, play fast, man, what are you talking about? You know?

• 57:00Bunnie XO?

  We're playing punk music here.

• 57:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 57:01Bunnie XO?

  Who's counting?

• 57:02Speaker 02

  And I was, I was the mouthpiece though. I would get us into the biggest venue in town. I would, I was like, dude, I was the best at forming an email. I could like hit the sentences that the grown up would be like, I believe in this kid, right? So I'll get us into the big venues. I would get us on, you know, like I would get us on to go do like a little for show, little mini tour by talking to other bands from other places. And I was getting the eyes on us, you know? And, uh, the whole goal was like, I'm going to be in this band for the rest of my life. Like, we got out of high school, the, literally the day after I graduated and I barely graduated. The day after I graduated, we got in a tour event and went on a three month tour around the country.

• 57:42Bunnie XO?

  Wow.

• 57:43Speaker 02

  Playing shows for twenty fucking dollars, sleeping on people's floor. The whole point of playing a show is to get on stage and go, hey, we got nowhere to stay tonight. If anyone here wants to let us stay at their house, like that whole era of bands is done. It's long gone, you know?

• 57:57Bunnie XO?

  My husband used to do that when we, him and I first got together. I've seen him play shows to five people.

• 58:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:03Bunnie XO?

  And rock the stage.

• 58:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:04Bunnie XO?

  Like it was, like he's playing a fucking amphitheater.

• 58:07Speaker 02

  I'm telling you right now, that's what separates us and them.

• 58:10Bunnie XO?

  No, for real, you got, not that we're putting down new artists now, but it's like you guys really were in these streets, like you guys had to fucking

• 58:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:20Bunnie XO?

  sleep on people's couches. You guys had fucking, we didn't have a tour van, a tour bus when this shit first started out. We had fucking a rental car or when we graduated from the rental car to a Sprinter van or not a Sprinter, but the eighteen passenger, yes, the white one.

• 58:34Speaker 02

  Then you would get to the Sprinter, but.

• 58:36Bunnie XO?

  Yes.

• 58:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:37Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, like there's levels to this shit.

• 58:38Speaker 02

  Oh, a hundred percent.

• 58:40Bunnie XO?

  I get it, one hundred percent.

• 58:41Speaker 02

  A hundred percent. I remember just being like.

• 58:43Bunnie XO?

  What was your first show like that you played?

• 58:44Speaker 02

  First show ever as a drummer.

• 58:47Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 58:47Speaker 02

  First show ever as a drummer was like. At this you at this youth center.

• 58:53Bunnie XO?

  Okay, so you were thirteen when that happened or like sixteen?

• 58:56Speaker 02

  That would be like the first show that wasn't like in our living room to like five people or like my mom. And then we can circle back to my first show as Mott's on because then you'll see how this whole thing like builds up and then boom and then builds up and then boom. Like those kinds of things and it's been it's been wild with that, but um. Uh, so anyways, back to how they broke my heart.

• 59:15Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, sorry.

• 59:16Speaker 02

  We we went on this tour, okay? I was like in contact with labels. I was like, this is it. This is my whole life. We got back from that tour. They called me on uh. Three, three, the other three of them on the phone go, you're kicked out of our band. You're not good enough. Peace. These were my like best friends. These are everything. They literally looked at me. They literally called me and said, peace. You're not good enough to be in our band. And that was it.

• 59:40Bunnie XO?

  After you guys had just did this tour and fucking we're talking, did they get greedy?

• 59:44Speaker 02

  Pulled the rug out. They just said I wasn't good enough for them. That wasn't good enough of a drummer.

• 59:48Bunnie XO?

  That's hurt.

• 59:49Speaker 02

  And like the them just pulled the rug out and like I, this is the most beautiful time in my life because it was so. It was so hard and it created exactly where I am today. I. Went, I was living with my mom still, you know what I'm saying? Super broke, like being in a band, you're broke, like, right? Like.

• 1:00:08Bunnie XO?

  Starving artist is real.

• 1:00:10Speaker 02

  Completely broke and this is my first now year out of high school and my mom's like, shit dude, you were betting. Everything on this. And like you literally were like fuck any other plans in high school or what I'm supposed to be thinking about. Like this is all I'm doing. And they just pulled the rug. I mean, my mom's such like a, she's like, I'm gonna go knock on their door and talk to their, you know, my mom's like nah, like she'll fight for me, right? Same with my sister and uh, but I just like, this was my first time ever feeling like depression, right? It's my first time. I locked myself in my mom's garage and I was a stoner. Oh, also I got kicked out of the band because I was like a stoner and also like had found drugs. And like stuff like that. Maybe a caveat that I forgot to introduce that.

• 1:00:52Bunnie XO?

  Not skip over that buddy.

• 1:00:54Speaker 02

  Also super straight laced and I was like, I grew up with a dad like telling me to party at age five, guys. Like, you guys were in. Church growing up and like I like we live a different life, but yeah, I was like.

• 1:01:04Bunnie XO?

  Story and then we'll we'll circle back to the. Introduce introduction to drugs.

• 1:01:09Speaker 02

  So maybe glossed over that part a little bit.

• 1:01:12Bunnie XO?

  But I love that you take accountability for that because a lot of people would not.

• 1:01:15Speaker 02

  A hundred percent. I mean, I'll never forget the first time like again, I told him, I was like, yo, I tried cocaine and they were like.

• 1:01:22Speaker 02

  How dare you?

• 1:01:24Bunnie XO?

  They clutch their pearls.

• 1:01:25Speaker 02

  They were like, oh, your life is over, you know, like that type of shit. And I was like, yeah, dude, like I was on mushrooms the other night. That shit was crazy, you know? They're like, they're like, cool. They're like, bro, this dude is losing it, you know? So again, I do take responsibility, but the way they went about it being like, you're not good enough. You're out, right? That was like heartbreaking. Um, and then to just be like, forget our number, we're never talking to you again. So then anyways, locked myself in my mom's garage, smoked weed all day and finally connected to Bob Dylan because when I was young, it was just. Listen to Bob Dylan, listen to Bob Dylan. When your parents are telling you to listen to something, you're like, no, dog, like you're my parents, like, right?

• 1:02:04Speaker 02

  But I was always like, there's there's something there and I like forced myself to like really get into it and I just smoked weed and listened to Bob Dylan all day and I was like. That's it. I love this because when I was in bands, I would sing along to songs. And then I turn them off and I'd be like to my homies who are really good and be like. Hey, what key am I singing in? You're not even in a key, dog. You can't sing. Don't ever sing, you know? Telling me you can't sing, you're not a singer. And I would hear, I hate Bob Dylan's voice. He can't sing. And I'm like. Boom. There's our through line. They they say this dude can't sing. They say I can't sing. He fucking did something with it. I'm doing something with it. And that was it. I was like, I'm starting my own thing. And if I can't sing yet, I'll tell you what I can do. Like, I'm gonna get there, but I'll tell you what I can do.

• 1:02:48Speaker 02

  You play drums and I got rhythm and I can I understand pattern. I'm gonna rap.

• 1:02:54Speaker 02

  Can't tell me I can't talk.

• 1:02:55Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:02:56Speaker 02

  You know?

• 1:02:57Bunnie XO?

  I love that.

• 1:02:57Speaker 02

  So it's like.

• 1:02:58Bunnie XO?

  I love that nobody can tell you no.

• 1:03:00Speaker 02

  A hi hat, a hi hat's like a rap.

• 1:03:04Speaker 02

  And I was like, cool, I'm gonna put that together, you know?

• 1:03:08Bunnie XO?

  So you're, I see a pattern here that all throughout your life, if somebody tells you you can't do something, you're gonna fucking prove them wrong.

• 1:03:18Speaker 02

  It's it's my gift and my curse because it goes to authority too. And ruins can ruin great relationships that I'm in because I cannot be told what to do.

• 1:03:30Bunnie XO?

  Does that trickle over into like women too?

• 1:03:32Speaker 02

  Hundred percent. A hundred percent. I run so far from authority. And that's like, that's like anyone just being like, try living your life the way I live it too. And me being like, how dare you tell me to change my lifestyle? How dare you to tell me that I shouldn't be staying up till six AM every night and sleeping till two PM? How dare you tell me that I should try to like move with the sun? How dare you try to tell me that I should live like this or you know what I'm saying? Yeah, and I'm and that's like my biggest thing that I'm working on right now. Is like understanding that like there's a difference between authority of like me being a kid. And being like chased by the cops for skateboarding on a six stair. There's a difference between like that authority and be like fuck you.

• 1:04:15Speaker 02

  And a difference between someone being like, hey, you wanna like live how I live too?

• 1:04:20Speaker 02

  You wanna like meet in the middle, dog? Like you wanna do that and not just be like. I'm your plus one like to your life? Like a hundred percent. I'm really focused on like understanding that, but it's a trigger.

• 1:04:34Bunnie XO?

  Are you in therapy?

• 1:04:35Speaker 02

  I have done great, great therapy sessions and then I like kinda stray away.

• 1:04:40Bunnie XO?

  Cause of the authority, probably. Because you have somebody telling you what to do.

• 1:04:45Speaker 02

  But they've given me so many of those like, here's the starting point. You know?

• 1:04:50Bunnie XO?

  Which is what we need.

• 1:04:51Speaker 02

  Here's the starting point like, like my therapist gave me the greatest piece ever, which was like. This is why you do that because like I've seemed to.

• 1:05:03Speaker 02

  End up in relationships with famous girls, right? It's been like a pattern and why, you know, people be like, even my friends, be like, man, you're a star fucker, bro.

• 1:05:14Bunnie XO?

  I think you're just like strong women. Who are driven.

• 1:05:20Speaker 02

  I was in my head being like, what is wrong with me? Why am I like like this? Why am I like so attracted to like? A celebrity woman and whatever. And it's like, my therapist was like, okay. So you watch your mom get completely everything taken away from your for your father. And think that she was feel worthless and powerless and. You've seen, you know, her be abused in multiple ways.

• 1:05:48Speaker 02

  You want to be with a strong woman and the industry you're in, the strong women you're surrounded by are the ones with fame. If you were working in an office, you'd wanna fuck the CEO.

• 1:06:00Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:00Speaker 02

  You feel me?

• 1:06:01Bunnie XO?

  And there's nothing wrong with that.

• 1:06:03Speaker 02

  And I was just like, boom, I feel so much better about myself. Cause I was like, damn, I'm a star fucker. Like, what is that? I'm like, well, I am from Minnesota, small town. I used to see magazine covers and be like, one day.

• 1:06:16Bunnie XO?

  You're trying to rationalize it, but there's nothing wrong with wanting a strong woman who has her own shit going on.

• 1:06:21Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 1:06:21Bunnie XO?

  It's the independence, I think, that attracts you to women who are famous because they can do whatever the fuck they want, cause they have their own money.

• 1:06:27Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:06:28Bunnie XO?

  You know, so yeah, it does circle back to childhood trauma, but doesn't always mean that it's a negative thing.

• 1:06:33Speaker 02

  True.

• 1:06:33Bunnie XO?

  You know.

• 1:06:34Speaker 02

  Truly, truly. And I am like, where's the normal girl in my life that works at Starbucks?

• 1:06:40Bunnie XO?

  Can we talk about some of your relations? We're gonna circle back to the drug thing too. I haven't forgotten, but can we talk about some of your relationships?

• 1:06:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:47Bunnie XO?

  I did see a couple of them online, um, some girls that you have been with, and I mean like Bella Thorne, beautiful, strong woman. Take me on that journey.

• 1:06:57Speaker 02

  Dude, that was a really, that was like a really fun one and then like ended like really traumatically and stuff and like that, that was a, that was just like, uh, you know, this was when I was a drug addict and alcoholic and this was like, met her through friends, was like, look at this like wild child girl. I was also like in like, it's like, I'm like very hippie ism, like the way I live life is very hippie, you know what I'm saying? And, uh, she was on that, you know? I was like, this girl with like hairy armpits, it's like so beautiful. I was like, why is that so attractive to me like?

• 1:07:33Bunnie XO?

  Cause she's a rebel baby.

• 1:07:34Speaker 02

  It was like, it really was. I was like, you're so like just naturally like don't give a fuck and whatever. So, um, just like so many amazing times with her and you know, I have, I do have this like, not only with authority, like I don't wanna be the plus one. So it is hard to like match the energy of like, oh, you're like more popping than me. You know?

• 1:07:55Bunnie XO?

  Right, yeah.

• 1:07:55Speaker 02

  And like, so, so a lot of it was that, but like I was super supportive and I loved watching her shine and, uh, she was very like, very, lived her life in like a grown way and took care of things and all that, um, but it ended poorly, you know what I'm saying? We were like in this, like maybe we're in like a. Like polyamorous like like throuple relationship with this other person. And I'm a jealous fucking person too.

• 1:08:24Bunnie XO?

  Even if it's another female? Oh, he said, oh yeah.

• 1:08:26Speaker 02

  I'm just so jealous.

• 1:08:27Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, cause you're a lover boy.

• 1:08:29Speaker 02

  I so jealous. Yeah, I have a jealousy thing again, like I know my things to work on.

• 1:08:33Bunnie XO?

  When's your birthday?

• 1:08:34Speaker 02

  March tenth.

• 1:08:36Bunnie XO?

  I swear to God, we've been sitting here this whole time and in my head Pisces just keeps fucking replaying. That is fucking wild, dude.

• 1:08:41Speaker 02

  Total Pisces.

• 1:08:41Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, I love that. I'm a Pisces Venus, so I'm I love hard.

• 1:08:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:45Bunnie XO?

  Like when we love, we are, it's like an ocean.

• 1:08:48Speaker 02

  And I dive off the cliff too. I dive off the cliff into it. Um, and like so, so anyways, like this was definitely like one of my first like really, really, you know, I'd, I'd love to beat the two and a half year mark, but they, they, these things with me seem to last like two and a half years, you know? And it was two and a half years of my life.

• 1:09:06Bunnie XO?

  That's when you really get to know somebody though, and that's when the masks start falling off. Like people always say, oh, it's the first six months. No, it's not. It could be over a year and you don't really get to know somebody until like a year and a half, two years into the relationship.

• 1:09:21Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:09:21Bunnie XO?

  My husband and I fought like cats and dogs, the first three years of our relationship. I do not know how we fucking survived it and made it to where we are. Because we literally had to learn to, one, we had to learn that we were both trash bags. And then we had to fucking unpack the trash together.

• 1:09:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:38Bunnie XO?

  And then we had to decide like, hey, are we going to continue to fucking be trash bags or are we going to fucking try to just level up together? And I think that in relationships.

• 1:09:46Speaker 02

  And a real partnership like.

• 1:09:48Bunnie XO?

  But you know, that's two and a half, two years is or two, two and a half years is where you get to a point of like, it's make or break. And if the two people can't decide, hey, we want to do this together and level up, which a lot of people aren't built like that anymore. These like I, heaven forbid, if anything ever happened, I would never want to date in this fucking society again. Because nobody knows how to work on things and like really fucking. Struggle with somebody, you know, like the people don't, they want, they want the happiness and they want the fairy tale, but they don't want to struggle. They don't want the lows. They want the highs. You know what I'm saying? So I think that's probably where you're meeting that um, situation over and over again is because you're picking partners who don't want to do the work. Or maybe you at that moment didn't want to do the work.

• 1:10:33Speaker 02

  So real.

• 1:10:34Bunnie XO?

  So real. Sorry, I'm not, I'm not trying to over here be, be a therapist or anything.

• 1:10:39Speaker 02

  Like I, I, I'm actually like tuned into these conversations more than ever because I'm like, do I like just die alone like for real? Like is that my journey? And like, like, look, like, like, obviously it sounds whatever, but it's also like so romanticized to me. Cause I'm like tortured, locked up artist in the middle of the woods, painting and smoking cigarettes and fucking writing books.

• 1:10:59Bunnie XO?

  Would you choose the bear or the man?

• 1:11:01Speaker 02

  The bear?

• 1:11:02Bunnie XO?

  Cause you said you were in the middle of the woods.

• 1:11:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, the bear all day. And that would be the same if I was a female too. I'd be like, the bear.

• 1:11:11Bunnie XO?

  You said the bear or what?

• 1:11:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, a hundred percent.

• 1:11:15Bunnie XO?

  So I just wanted to make you laugh. You're not gonna die alone. You're not.

• 1:11:18Speaker 02

  You know what? There's a girl. I know when I say that it sounds like one of those things, but I am like, I'm such a lover boy in those things where I'm just like, who, like, I, yeah, yeah, I know it sounds like, like sad, but to me it's so romanticized and so just like, you know what, like I've, I've had it, I've felt it and like we'll, we'll see what happens. But I'm, I am in love with other things, you know?

• 1:11:44Bunnie XO?

  You have manifested, not that a woman will make you any more than you already are your whole by yourself, but you have manifested everything in your fucking life.

• 1:11:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:53Bunnie XO?

  You are gonna manifest the perfect woman for you.

• 1:11:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:55Bunnie XO?

  You just have to believe that. Like you have believed in yourself and everything else that you have done in this life. You have to start believing it.

• 1:12:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:03Bunnie XO?

  Stop romanticizing being alone and start romanticizing falling in love. Start visualizing your perfect girl.

• 1:12:09Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:12:10Bunnie XO?

  I would tell you a trick to do, but I don't know if I'll get in trouble on the podcast, but it's, it's, it's like a, um.

• 1:12:15Speaker 02

  Well, then cut it if it is, but tell me.

• 1:12:17Bunnie XO?

  So when you're masturbating.

• 1:12:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:19Bunnie XO?

  You, me, me is like, oh, here we go. So when you're, when you're masturbating, no, when you're masturbating, envision the perfect woman that you want.

• 1:12:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:27Bunnie XO?

  And masturbate to her and to you, you know, fruition.

• 1:12:32Speaker 02

  That's great because I don't watch porn.

• 1:12:33Bunnie XO?

  That's manifesting though, but in, in, and they say, I don't know if it's like a witchcraft thing or a spell thing. I'm not into that. But they say that if you do that, you're literally manifesting the person that you want and these people will start coming into your life. It's real. Try it. Let me know how it goes.

• 1:12:48Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:12:50Bunnie XO?

  Call me afterwards.

• 1:12:50Speaker 02

  I gotta get past some of this previous manifesting that I've been to it.

• 1:12:56Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, clear the slate.

• 1:12:58Speaker 02

  Should've told me that like twenty years ago, baby.

• 1:13:00Bunnie XO?

  Clear the slate. So if you're jerking off to celebrities, you're manifesting celebrities. You see that, you know, so.

• 1:13:08Speaker 02

  I'm thinking, I'm thinking maybe the therapist was wrong about the whole like start of the trauma. I think we just actually found the reason.

• 1:13:17Speaker 02

  Let's rewind. Uh, yeah. Wasn't the like mom thing. It's like what you been doing.

• 1:13:22Bunnie XO?

  It's a smorgasbord of all of it, but I mean, if you are whacking off to celebrities, it makes sense, you know? So, uh, so moving on to.

• 1:13:29Speaker 02

  No, it's back in the ima- it's the imagination. You know what I'm saying? Like.

• 1:13:33Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:34Speaker 02

  But I do think watching porn fucks you up.

• 1:13:36Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, I, I, see, I don't mind porn. It doesn't bother me, but I, when it's a problem.

• 1:13:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:41Bunnie XO?

  Like if you're watching porn more than touching your partner, then that's a problem.

• 1:13:45Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:13:45Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, which that happens in a lot of relationships.

• 1:13:48Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 1:13:49Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, definitely.

• 1:13:52Bunnie XO?

  Moving on to your next relationship, the one that, your most recent one, are we?

• 1:13:56Speaker 02

  Most recent, yeah.

• 1:13:57Bunnie XO?

  Can we touch on that one?

• 1:13:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, certainly.

• 1:13:59Bunnie XO?

  That was a brutal year for you last year.

• 1:14:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:01Bunnie XO?

  Can you take me on that journey? How did you meet Avril?

• 1:14:04Speaker 02

  Um, we, we, uh, we met through music, you know, we met through music and it was like, it was a, a great time. Like I worked on an album that she was doing and we had a song of mine together and, um.

• 1:14:20Bunnie XO?

  It's called, what, what is it called?

• 1:14:22Speaker 02

  Our song is called Flames.

• 1:14:23Bunnie XO?

  Flames, yeah. You guys gotta listen to the song. It's a great song.

• 1:14:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's a great song. And like we met through like a really awesome way, which was making music, you know? And it was lovely and she was like, true talent, being around like really true talent, especially with, as like, I, I, I write songs, um, for other artists as well, you know, and produce for other artists as well. And she, it was like amazing, like coming up with an idea and seeing someone like so fucking talented. Sing it. And it was like, it was, it was incredible. And also I've known who she was since I was a very young kid in fucking Minnesota.

• 1:14:58Bunnie XO?

  I heard you had her posters on your wall.

• 1:15:00Speaker 02

  A hundred percent, I had a poster around my wall.

• 1:15:02Bunnie XO?

  See? Start whacking off, mod.

• 1:15:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:05Bunnie XO?

  All right. manifested and whack it off.

• 1:15:09Bunnie XO?

  That's your homework.

• 1:15:10Speaker 02

  Low key and she was, yeah, yeah. So, um, it was like just a really, it was a really, it was a really beautiful time when we met. And it was also in the pandemic. So like we, you know, like I said, I dive in fast as fuck. I just like completely dive into something. And um, I think she was that way as well. And we just like ended up immediately being with each other and living together. And it was in the pandemic where we're all stuck inside anyway. So it was like, um.

• 1:15:40Bunnie XO?

  That's a way to get to know somebody really fast though.

• 1:15:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:43Bunnie XO?

  Cause that's what my husband and I did. We got married a month after meeting.

• 1:15:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:47Bunnie XO?

  And like.

• 1:15:47Speaker 02

  That's, that's like how I've always been.

• 1:15:48Bunnie XO?

  Hop into the fucking frying pan.

• 1:15:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:50Bunnie XO?

  Like, we're gonna figure this shit out.

• 1:15:51Speaker 02

  Yeah. And um, and yeah, it was like a really incredible time. She was like a very, she's, she's like a, a grown woman. You know, and that was a wonderful change for my relationship types to be with, you know.

• 1:16:06Bunnie XO?

  It's like the most amazing compliment that you can give a woman.

• 1:16:09Speaker 02

  I love that.

• 1:16:10Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:10Speaker 02

  Well, yeah. And, and again, like, I wanna give anyone that I was in a relationship, like, the compliments. You know what I'm saying? Like, when we spoke about Bella a second ago, it was like I was, uh, uh, directing a video for a band called Palette Royale yesterday. And they're friends with her and the whole concept of the video, uh, even if this doesn't make it in, I'd love to tell you this. It's, it's really great. Um, they don't even know that I'm making this video for them. Okay. Their mother passed away last week. They're three brothers in a band. Okay. Their mother just passed away and they have this giant song that's so good that was already slated to come out. And they're like, their label's like, we, can we shoot a video, please? It's a sensitive time. Like, we can't, we won't be on camera. So.

• 1:16:53Speaker 02

  Their management came to me and was like, can you put something together? And the whole thing is like friends and fans and other people from big bands coming together to create this like moment of a special video for them. Not like a sad video at all. Not like a dedication to their mother. Nothing like that. Cause the song's very upbeat.

• 1:17:11Bunnie XO?

  Fellowship.

• 1:17:12Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's like showing them like, we got your back and like also. So like when you do a gorilla video like that where you're just kinda like all coming together and on the spot. It's like usually just thrown together like I shot them like an expensive crazy art video. Anyways, jump me back. They their management knows that they're like good friends with Bella and they were like, yo, would you be comfortable if we invited her? And I was like, literally was like, I would love to say hi to her and and and give her a hug and send her my love. You know what I'm saying? I was like, I would love that, you know, a year after we broke up, I was like,

• 1:17:46Speaker 02

  if I ever see you in public, like I'm gonna just give you the dirtiest look, but it's like I have nothing but, you know, love for that. So like, jump me back like, yeah, it was being with a grown woman. It was awesome. It was, we're two different people, but um, it was great. I think I think I had a great influence on her. I think she could have had a really more wonderful influence on me just from the side of like grown up and and being a grown up kinda, you know, because I'm learning later in life of how beautiful it is. Like I'm, like I said, I'm very secure who I am right now. And I've been a little lost in the last like three years as far as like, where do I fit in or who am I? And um, you know, there was, there was great things that I could have like taken out of it, but.

• 1:18:31Bunnie XO?

  That just sends you a message again of you're not good enough.

• 1:18:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, certainly, certainly. And and um, and like on top of that too, it's just like,

• 1:18:43Speaker 02

  I had to like really regain this big, big empathetic heart that I've been missing for a long time. And like it's really come around lately. This like leading with empathy, you know, I pray every single day, right? And like,

• 1:19:00Speaker 02

  in my prayers, I'm just like, allow me to lead with empathy and like be a shining light like, and my form of empathy is just finally attached to like being like, dude, you gotta get outside of yourself. And when someone does you wrong, stop thinking fuck them.

• 1:19:22Speaker 02

  You did me dirty. I'm out for revenge and this and that. It start being like, just be in their position, like step outside and um and things have like formed in my life lately where I was just like, oh my god, I don't, I can't have any of those feelings or anyone. I couldn't force myself to anymore. You know, if we had done this, like talk like three months ago, I might have been like, man, fuck that person.

• 1:19:46Bunnie XO?

  No.

• 1:19:47Speaker 02

  I wa- I wa- ouch, she hears this. You know what I'm saying?

• 1:19:49Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:50Speaker 02

  I'm just like, yo, run into you, all of love. I hope you're well, cuz I, I, and I-

• 1:19:55Bunnie XO?

  That's healing though, is being able to, you know, put, I don't, uh, uh, maybe it's egos, may- heartbreak aside and be like, hey man, I understand you were going through your own shit too.

• 1:20:06Speaker 02

  Hundred percent.

• 1:20:07Bunnie XO?

  Even though you fucking shattered my heart.

• 1:20:09Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:20:09Bunnie XO?

  Stomped on it on the way out. I still love you.

• 1:20:13Speaker 02

  And I am responsible for what happened as well.

• 1:20:15Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:16Speaker 02

  In some way it trickles down to that. It's like, you know, I di- I didn't give you what you communicated in a lot of times too, what you needed, you know? And like that, that was another great thing I learned from the relationship was communication cuz like I'm like a run from the problem person.

• 1:20:32Bunnie XO?

  Hmm.

• 1:20:32Speaker 02

  I'm like literally like leave the house. Like, I don't wanna fight. I'm outta here.

• 1:20:36Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:37Speaker 02

  When you calm down, I'll be back. That's so corny.

• 1:20:40Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:40Speaker 02

  That's so the wrong way to go about things.

• 1:20:42Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:43Speaker 02

  Um, and so my communication skills have like gone through the roof lately and, and, and uh, and just being empathetic and, and also like I, I don't think it, it's hard to get there when you're not in a good place.

• 1:20:56Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, well, you're, when you're still emotional.

• 1:20:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, when you're still on the other side of it being like, man, like I, I'm, I feel like shit right now. How am I supposed to be happy for you? But it's like-

• 1:21:05Bunnie XO?

  It's okay that you felt like that too.

• 1:21:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, and yeah, I know, I know. And that's what, you know, my best friend is, is uh, Machine Kelly and he is-

• 1:21:12Bunnie XO?

  We love Kellys.

• 1:21:13Speaker 02

  He is, he is, I, I talked to him, if I'm not with him that day, I talk to him on the phone for three hours every day and he is like, we are so there for each other. It is like, literally, I, I, I, talking about all these relationships and stuff, haven't felt emotional. I feel emotional talking about how much I fucking love my best friend.

• 1:21:32Bunnie XO?

  Oh.

• 1:21:33Speaker 02

  He is like the greatest.

• 1:21:35Bunnie XO?

  Tell me about you guys' relationship. I wanna hear all about it. I know. That's why I wanna hear about it. All right, we're back guys. Ladies and gentlemen, we just had to take a bathroom break. Mod's eyes were floating.

• 1:21:45Speaker 02

  Extremely caffeinated right now, everyone, like extremely caffeinated.

• 1:21:50Bunnie XO?

  So, tell me about you and MGK's relationship. Cause you got a little teary eyed.

• 1:21:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, I did, I did, I did, because he, uh, we, we met each other, we've known each other for over a decade now.

• 1:22:02Speaker 02

  He has seen, he sees me the way I would love the world to see me, right? And like, I, I think I'm a pretty good representation of that, you know what I'm saying? But he really a hundred percent is just like,

• 1:22:19Speaker 02

  I want you to, I want the world to see you how I see you, you know? And he is that person in my life that is, uh, like, he, he has like the truest like love for me as a person, you know? And wants to see me succeed and wants to see me happy. And when I say these things too, like, am I just gonna die alone? He's like, bro, no, but you gotta start looking at the. Right, but that's why I was really talking, because we really talked to each other for three hours a day right now, just about like such real life stuff and, and real life things as well as him like, you know, the next song I'm releasing is a song that I played for him and he was like, yo, it's great, this is gonna be your greatest song, but I wanna help you take it there, you know? I wanna help you take it there and then.

• 1:23:03Bunnie XO?

  Is it rap or is it rock?

• 1:23:04Speaker 02

  It's a little bit, it's, it's, it's, it, it's definitely not rock, but there is a little bit of my like rap influence in it. And, um, it's an interpolation and I think we're gonna maybe talk about like dropping this right around the release of the song.

• 1:23:17Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 1:23:18Speaker 02

  And, um.

• 1:23:19Bunnie XO?

  When will it be releasing?

• 1:23:20Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:23:20Bunnie XO?

  When will it be released?

• 1:23:21Speaker 02

  June 7th.

• 1:23:22Bunnie XO?

  Okay.

• 1:23:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, June 7th is when we're releasing it and, um, it's like me interpolating You Are My Sunshine, which is like in, in this such cool way, it's like so cool how we did it and how we made it happen. Um, but I've always been avoiding writing the sun song, like Mod Sun, Modern Sunshine, like I've always been avoiding like writing the sun song, like, oh, I don't wanna put my finger on the pulse like that and like I finally did. And I found this like really awesome way to do it and it's like my, my favorite I've ever sounded my like coolest lyrics that I just feel like a different. Artists right now and every time I listen to it, it's like the first time, but um but he's there for me that for that kind of thing and then as well in his music like I've written songs with him for his music and

• 1:24:03Speaker 02

  and we just look to each other for that, but more more importantly, like our bond as friends is so powerful. It is so. You know, meeting in the middle of two totally different people, we're two totally different people and so opposite. And I've just never had a friend that like truly like cares about me the way that he does. I don't know if I've ever had anyone in my life that cares about me the way he does.

• 1:24:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, like he really like we were we were meant to be best friends in this life and like probably crossed paths in another life.

• 1:24:39Bunnie XO?

  You guys were probably brothers.

• 1:24:42Speaker 02

  Cool.

• 1:24:43Bunnie XO?

  He's in your soul family.

• 1:24:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, cool. And like it it's so funny like Megan said stuff like that for sure too. She's like, you know, um. But yeah, I've just never I've never felt like someone be so. You know, I don't feel like a burden to him at all. Like if anything, it's like I'm I'm I don't tell him enough, you know? And I'm I've been really good my whole life at avoiding. Uh conversations about myself, you know? I really like to be the person, I read the forty eight laws of power way too early in my life and the first the first uh rule is like never try to outshine the person in the room like you know.

• 1:25:20Bunnie XO?

  I don't know if I agree with all of the forty eight.

• 1:25:21Speaker 02

  Fuck no. And also it's one of those books that if you have read, you just don't tell.

• 1:25:25Bunnie XO?

  I feel like it was like written by a narcissist. I didn't know if it was okay to say that because I I didn't know if that was like your thing.

• 1:25:33Speaker 02

  And it's also one of those books that I'm like, yeah, I'm just not gonna tell anyone I've read that because they immediately are like if they've read it too, they're like, oh, so you're an asshole too.

• 1:25:43Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, kindred souls.

• 1:25:44Speaker 02

  They're like, oh, so you're just like.

• 1:25:46Bunnie XO?

  Yeah. I tried to get into it because I went through a whole spiritual, I've been going on my spiritual journey since fucking I got sober in twenty seventeen and to now. And so I I went through a phase where I like wanted to read books and I was like, this is what I'm gonna do, you know, even though I have ADD and fucking can't do it, but I can listen to audiobooks all day long. Fucking reading them, can't do it.

• 1:26:06Speaker 02

  It's a, it's a task.

• 1:26:08Bunnie XO?

  Literally, you gotta really plan out.

• 1:26:10Speaker 02

  Push yourself to do it.

• 1:26:11Bunnie XO?

  Push yourself and plan.

• 1:26:12Speaker 02

  It's weird how much you plan. It's like, people are supposed to just like, be like, oh yeah, this is my like, read a book time. And it's like, it feels like, serious work.

• 1:26:20Bunnie XO?

  It's like school.

• 1:26:20Speaker 02

  I do the same thing. I'm like, I'm gonna read a book a week this year. And I'm like, I get like, one month into it, I'm like, I'm gonna read a book a month.

• 1:26:28Bunnie XO?

  Yeah. My husband will do that and he'll read four books in a week and then he won't read for the rest of the year.

• 1:26:33Speaker 02

  Yeah. He's like, I've taken all I need from it and I'm good for this year.

• 1:26:36Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, literally. But I did, I tried to read the forty eight laws of attraction and I fucking started reading it and I was like, is this like some fucking like weird linguistic fucking hypnotic type like program your mind type shit? And I was just like, I don't want, I don't want to consume this.

• 1:26:52Speaker 02

  And there's, there was information in it that I was able to like, put towards my life.

• 1:26:56Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:57Speaker 02

  And then there was also stuff that made me way less human.

• 1:26:59Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:27:00Speaker 02

  It was like, yeah, I'm successful, but I hate myself. You know what I'm saying? It's like, I hustled everybody around me to get here. What the fuck?

• 1:27:10Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, no, crazy, right?

• 1:27:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:27:12Bunnie XO?

  I love hearing that about um, you and Kells' relationship because, which I just recently started calling him Kells because my husband does.

• 1:27:18Speaker 02

  Oh, thank God.

• 1:27:19Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:19Speaker 02

  They actually called me when they're in the studio.

• 1:27:21Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:22Speaker 02

  Cause Jelly walked in and was like, hey man, do I like, call you like, Colson now or something? And Kells was like, hold that thought. He got me on FaceTime and he was like, hey yo, what should Jelly call me? And I was like, bro, if you don't call him Kells, I'm gonna be so bummed. I was like, you know him, right? I hate the Colson thing. I'll never call him that. That's like the first time it's come out of my mouth actually ever is that.

• 1:27:46Bunnie XO?

  It's so proper.

• 1:27:47Speaker 02

  I only call him Kells and I'm just like, hate the like, oh, I know Colson, like that thing. I'm like.

• 1:27:53Bunnie XO?

  When people say, I know Jason, I'm like, oh, you don't know him.

• 1:27:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:27:56Bunnie XO?

  Jason's my husband.

• 1:27:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, exactly. I was like, I think you're talking about Joey.

• 1:28:01Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. But I love that you said that about him because I got that feeling about him too, because I'm really protective about my husband and who he brings around. And I'm always the, I'm the wife who's like, mm, keep an eye on him. And every time I say that, something fucking proves right. And then when I met Kells, um, I looked at both of them and I was like, I'm so glad you guys have this friendship. I was like, you guys both need each other because I feel like he needs a big brother.

• 1:28:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:28:26Bunnie XO?

  And I feel like Jay needs a little brother.

• 1:28:28Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:28:28Bunnie XO?

  And I feel like, and we get you too.

• 1:28:30Speaker 02

  Watching them on this.

• 1:28:31Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, we get you too. So now it's like, it's just, it's a sweet little family vibe.

• 1:28:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I mean, my, my other thing with Kells too is I'm just like, you know, um, he's had a, he's had a hard time truly being missed. So what, what I, what he says to me, I want the world to see you, how I see you. I'm like, that times 10 with him. Cause I'm like, you're so fucking misunderstood. If anyone got to have one conversation with him, they'd be like, sweetest guy ever, nicest person, like, love this person to death, coolest fuck, not arrogant, so humble, so everything. It's just the perfect fucking human being.

• 1:29:07Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:08Speaker 02

  Of like, everything and.

• 1:29:09Bunnie XO?

  He's definitely opposite of what I thought. When I first, because I've had girls on the podcast who have, who have dated him.

• 1:29:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:29:15Bunnie XO?

  And, um, you know, they didn't, of course, they didn't have great things to say, but you get this idea of somebody once you hear it from numerous people.

• 1:29:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:29:22Bunnie XO?

  So when I met him, I was like, oh, this is just a sweet boy who has a wall up, you know, like.

• 1:29:27Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 1:29:28Bunnie XO?

  And it was just like, oh, I get it now, you know?

• 1:29:30Speaker 02

  And, and genuine and authentic and all the greatest qualities of a person. And I, I, I can't wait. You know, I think he should, I think he should do your podcast. I think he should do podcasts in general. I'm like, it takes 10 clips to rewrite his narrative and, and, and I just can't wait for the world to, to really know. And I, and that's not even saying that they don't like, he has millions of, of people that love him.

• 1:29:53Bunnie XO?

  Oh, absolutely.

• 1:29:54Speaker 02

  It's, it's really just being like, I can't wait for the other million that are out there that, that don't understand him, to understand who he really is because he's the fucking greatest person I've ever met in my entire life.

• 1:30:05Bunnie XO?

  He's lucky to have a best friend like you.

• 1:30:07Speaker 02

  I, I'm so lucky to have this best friend. And the caveat on that is now we live two minutes from each other. And like, it'll be 3am and he just like walks in my door or vice versa. And it's so great.

• 1:30:17Bunnie XO?

  It's the family you needed. You know, you got your sister and now. You don't have any brothers, right?

• 1:30:21Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:30:21Bunnie XO?

  There you go.

• 1:30:22Speaker 02

  I have a stepbrother.

• 1:30:23Bunnie XO?

  Oh, gotcha.

• 1:30:23Speaker 02

  Yep, I have a stepbrother, he's super cool.

• 1:30:26Bunnie XO?

  So, take me on the sobriety journey, cuz you said that you're about to hit five years.

• 1:30:31Speaker 02

  I'm about to hit five years.

• 1:30:32Bunnie XO?

  Congratulations.

• 1:30:33Speaker 02

  Thank you so much.

• 1:30:33Bunnie XO?

  Sobriety fucking sucks.

• 1:30:37Bunnie XO?

  But it's like, it's the realest, and when I say sobriety sucks, I mean that in like a joking way, because you really get to know yourself.

• 1:30:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:30:44Bunnie XO?

  And you have to fucking deal with some of the hardest shit you've ever dealt with in your life, the minute you decide to come, become sober.

• 1:30:51Speaker 02

  It cha- I mean, it changed everything about me also, uh, the time that, you know, if you, you can, you can kind of backtrack to five years from now. Or five years ago, um, where the world of like cocaine, which was my fucking everything. You can kind of track where it got really scary and it's right around that point.

• 1:31:11Bunnie XO?

  When did you start using?

• 1:31:14Speaker 02

  Two thousand eleven.

• 1:31:18Bunnie XO?

  Okay, how old were you? I would say I was what?

• 1:31:21Speaker 02

  So I was like twenty one type shit, like twenty, oh, I'm sorry, like twenty three, twenty two. So maybe it was early in the, I started, I really started doing cocaine at like twenty two years old.

• 1:31:32Bunnie XO?

  Gotcha.

• 1:31:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, um, and like, and, and was that person, it's so funny, cocaine is such a fucked up drug. Because it was like, I was anti that, anyone who ever like did it around me, I was like, oh my god, what the fuck?

• 1:31:43Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:44Speaker 02

  Dude, I did one line, I was addicted from the first line.

• 1:31:46Bunnie XO?

  Cuz you have that gene.

• 1:31:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:31:48Bunnie XO?

  Probably get it from your dad.

• 1:31:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, and total alcoholic, I mean, my dad passed away from being an alcoholic, like, and party animal and, you know, was literally doing cocaine with me up and, you know, when I was fucking fucked up, like, for real, like.

• 1:32:02Bunnie XO?

  So dad resurfaced.

• 1:32:04Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, well, I would love to get into all that too, if we, if we, I know we've been talking for fucking, what seems like.

• 1:32:10Bunnie XO?

  It's about you, you know, if you wanna talk about it, we can talk about it.

• 1:32:13Speaker 02

  I'm here, I love this, I love this, okay, cool, cool, cool, cool.

• 1:32:17Bunnie XO?

  This is your time.

• 1:32:18Speaker 02

  Um, I was addicted from the first line of cocaine I did. I have the alcoholic gene where it's like, I can just go and go and go and go and go, like. And uh and being on stage and being in that lifestyle and being all that, it was always like I wanted to be the best at everything. So it became be the best drug addict, be the best alcoholic. And when you're trying to be the best drug addict and best alcoholic, it means you do more than anyone else.

• 1:32:44Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:45Speaker 02

  You know, um, and cocaine is a funny fucking thing because when you first start doing cocaine, it's like, yo, like you wanna do, you wanna do like, let's do, okay, on the table right here in front of us. And it quickly turns into by yourself in the bathroom.

• 1:33:00Bunnie XO?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:33:00Speaker 02

  You know?

• 1:33:01Bunnie XO?

  Or like if you had a couple of drinks.

• 1:33:03Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:33:03Bunnie XO?

  You just wanted.

• 1:33:04Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, but I was like a dark addict. You know what I'm saying? I was by myself doing eight balls, by myself.

• 1:33:12Bunnie XO?

  I did that one night.

• 1:33:13Speaker 02

  Not, not to party.

• 1:33:15Bunnie XO?

  Just to fucking.

• 1:33:16Speaker 02

  Just sitting behind a microphone, just like, alright, like I'm making this law, you know what I'm saying? Like, like all, all night, I mean, um, it was, it was bender after bender after bender. Like I was a up for three days type of person and addict. And it went on for, you know, like over a decade of my life. And to the point that there was like really scary times, really times where I was like able to hide it. Cause I was a fun, the, the whole thing is I was functioning, I was a functioning addict alcoholic, right? Um, but to pass out, to finally pass out after being like tweaked out on cocaine for two days. My thought in my head was that I had to slam a bottle of whiskey, you know, to do it. So it was just like the cocktail that kills you, you know?

• 1:34:00Bunnie XO?

  Yes, absolutely.

• 1:34:01Speaker 02

  Um.

• 1:34:02Bunnie XO?

  I used to do cocaine and Xanax, that was my shit.

• 1:34:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:34:05Bunnie XO?

  So I'd get so low that I'd need to come back up and then I'd have to go back down again. I don't, my heart is fucked.

• 1:34:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, a hundred percent, a hundred percent.

• 1:34:12Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:13Speaker 02

  Like my, my heart is fucked because it, it's just like needs stimulation so much that now I'm like, like I said, I've drank a fucking four shots of espresso today and a C four. And I'm like, but my, I, I don't know, I don't know, like that's kinda like I operate in those ways and it's not great, but, but regardless of that. So like I, I have been going, going, going on this journey and uh I basically like one day after, funny enough, why I also have so much uh love in my heart for Bella, who we were talking about earlier is like, that was the reason I got sober. Was the end of that relationship. That relationship ended, funny enough, at Coachella, so fucking LA.

• 1:34:55Bunnie XO?

  I was about to say an LA love story.

• 1:34:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, it's so gross. It ended at Coachella.

• 1:34:59Bunnie XO?

  It's so gross.

• 1:35:00Speaker 02

  It ended at Coachella, like literally at the festival and I had a friend who lived out in the middle of Joshua Tree and had just had like airstream trailers. And I just took all my drugs in a backpack and went to this airstream trailer in the middle of Joshua Tree and was like holed up in there for two days to the point that like my friend,

• 1:35:20Speaker 02

  was just with last night, shout out Losty. Uh, he, he was like my quote unquote like assistant, like living with me at the time. Kind of a caretaker in a lot of ways. Cause I was like in my really bad phase of being an addict. He like had to drive down from LA to Joshua Tree, like throw me in the, he found me in an airstream in the middle of Joshua Tree. Like passed out with like a bag of cocaine on my fucking chest legitimately. And uh, threw me in the back of, of the car and like drove me back up to LA. And from that moment on, I went on like a six day bender. That if I shut my eyes for maybe an hour, every three days during that, like I, I really was like pushed it to my limits and uh,

• 1:36:02Bunnie XO?

  You were like on a suicide mission.

• 1:36:04Speaker 02

  I really did. I really did. And um, it was also just mixing like fucking whippets and, and ketamine and all, all the, all ridiculous, like stupid, just like ridiculous. But anyways, after this like long, I wasn't at, I was staying at my house, I was staying at my friend's house after this long, like four or five days of being at my friend's house, just out of my mind. I like came back to my house. And lined up this like really bad fucking caterpillar lined in cocaine. Snorted my eyes and rolled it into the back of my head. And um, my guy who I was talking about Losty basically like found me just fucking out, down and out, like on my bathroom floor, like came to, didn't have to go to the hospital, came to and

• 1:36:48Speaker 02

  was really like, damn, that, that was it. Like I just got my second lease on life. I'm fucking done. I'm fucking done. And I quit. And I quit. And I, and, and to everyone out there that is at all thinking of sobriety or what can come with it, or, or you know, how to do it or whatever, like I Look at it in a way um that I also made this great trade. And it's like, again, the world makes you think that it's not okay to ask for something. When you're doing something that's like good for yourself, right? Oh, I asked for something, okay? I was like, I have, I knew cocaine was gonna kill me from literally a year into doing it. I was like cocaine is going to kill me, okay?

• 1:37:31Speaker 02

  I had these big wide dreams in my eyes of being super successful as a musician and. You know, getting the big record deal and making it and getting bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and all that and.

• 1:37:44Speaker 02

  I was blocking my blessing because I was bringing around a suitcase filled with shame everywhere I went, okay? I felt shameful every time I did a lot on cocaine, okay? So I can be working as hard as I've ever worked and going so hard and making great things and doing all this. But I am telling whatever is up here, I'm a god person ever since I got so sober. It brought me to like faith in God and all that before it was just like the universe. And you're just telling whatever you believe in that you don't deserve it. Because you feel shame about yourself. Now, if you're an addict that doesn't feel bad about fucking drinking or doing drugs or any of that. I don't think you're blocking your blessing. I don't think it's great for you, but I don't think you're blocking your blessing because you're not telling the higher power that I'm a piece of shit.

• 1:38:29Speaker 02

  I was telling the higher power, I'm a piece of shit. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve it. And so the second that I got sober, I was like, check it out. I was like, God, I was like, whatever this is that I'm talking to, like, I'm gonna show you that I'm worth it. And I'm gonna make the great trade and the great trade is I am going to change my life and stop all this shame. Put down the cocaine, put down the alcohol, put down the drugs, and in return, I want you to give me my dreams. I want you to give me my fucking dreams. And I swear to you not, like, within a year. Like, every one of those dreams that I hadn't checked off of my bucket list happened, just like that. And I'm just like, yeah, it can sound selfish to be like, I want something in return, but I fucking did and I fucking got it.

• 1:39:13Speaker 02

  And and it helps me stay sober, knowing that like I owe a favor. I even owe a favor of being like, thank you so much. You did it and like whatever I do from here on out, fucking extra credit. It's extra credit because I know that I asked you for a specific thing and you fucking gave it to me.

• 1:39:31Bunnie XO?

  That's amazing. That is a beautiful story. I love that even in your lowest moment, you because most people will like overdose or go through something like that and they'll be like, oh, I made it. Maybe I should do it again, or they don't learn their lesson. And in that moment, you were like, no, fuck this, I'm fed up and I'm gonna do better. And it seems to be a pattern in your life of proving that you are worth it. And I think that stems from maybe your dad not coming around as a little boy. And but that's been your drive.

• 1:40:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:40:02Bunnie XO?

  What has been your cross to bear has also been your saving grace.

• 1:40:06Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:40:06Bunnie XO?

  You know, and it's beautiful.

• 1:40:09Speaker 02

  You're awesome.

• 1:40:09Bunnie XO?

  No, but it's so real and I'm so proud of you.

• 1:40:13Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:40:13Bunnie XO?

  Like, I'm genuinely proud of you. And that's why I say sobriety does suck. But it's the most rewarding journey you will ever be on.

• 1:40:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:40:22Bunnie XO?

  And I think a lot of people in this world need a role model like you. They need somebody who's, you know, looks like you, cool and tattoos and is in the music industry that is showing like, hey, I have fucking struggled my ass off, but I'm still fighting, I'm still here, you're not gonna keep me down. And that's that's a role model to me. That's what people need.

• 1:40:43Speaker 02

  I love that. And I would I would love to be, I would love to be able to do that for anyone, you know, that is, that is truly my goal. Like in my prayers too, I'm just like, allow me to be of service, like allow me to be of service today to all all the people down here, you know, and and and just reminding myself that that that service can come as far. It it can be as huge as as saying something that changes someone's life, it can be as small as is holding the door for someone, you know? And just like lead with that, keep this light around you and, you know. Finding your worth and finding your purpose and all that is really important, but like it all boils down to like dude, how do you just like? How are you just proud of yourself?

• 1:41:26Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:26Speaker 02

  How are you just proud of yourself? How did you do something nice today that made you feel proud of yourself?

• 1:41:31Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, that's so real.

• 1:41:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:41:33Bunnie XO?

  Can you talk about doing drugs with your dad? Like he came back around and like?

• 1:41:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, a hundred percent. So like my um. My father, we we had these points in our life where I would go years without talking to him, you know? Through being like, man, fuck you. You're a piece of shit or fuck you. You hurt my sister, you know? Her relationship was even harder like with him in a lot of ways, you know? And uh, and like, you know, you can fucking go outside if you need to, because I know you can start crying.

• 1:42:01Bunnie XO?

  Oh, I I have dad trauma too, so I'll probably cry with you guys.

• 1:42:05Speaker 02

  I'll give you a big hug, I promise.

• 1:42:07Bunnie XO?

  Oh, I'm sorry.

• 1:42:08Speaker 02

  And so like, uh, you know? He was a couch surfer hustler all the way until the day he died, but basically we had gone years without talking to each other. And uh, his girlfriend one day, because I had moved, so he he was living out in Long Beach. Um, I got, by the way, I got sent out in the middle of high school, senior year. My mom couldn't. Couldn't handle me anymore because I was just like a troubled kid. She sent me to go in high school, live with my dad in Long Beach. Which was like the funniest decision she could ever make because it was just like insanity, but.

• 1:42:41Bunnie XO?

  Free for all.

• 1:42:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. And so we would connect and then um. I was on tour one time. This is why we had our big fallout. I was on tour one time. And I ended a tour in California. This was like broke boy touring still. I was still in a band. And I came and stayed at his house and I was there and like we got wasted together, me and my band was there. We were having like this like party. We got wasted together. I walked out on the streetlights with him. He looked at me, both of us fucking blackout drunk. He looked at me and he's like. The doctor told me I got a month to live. And I was like, what the fuck? It's like, what the fuck? I was like, I'm not going back home. Like, my band can go back home without me. This is when I literally like, was like, out, cuz, o- okay.

• 1:43:26Speaker 02

  It's funny, I kinda skipped over something in the band thing. I got kicked out of that one band.

• 1:43:31Bunnie XO?

  Right.

• 1:43:31Speaker 02

  I got picked up by another band to play drums. That led me to be in this giant band called Scary Kids, Scaring Kids, playing drums.

• 1:43:38Bunnie XO?

  Oh, I heard of them.

• 1:43:38Speaker 02

  It all, yeah, I played drums to them. And it all worked out. My first tour ever as MOD Sun was Scary Kids, Scaring Kids going, "Yo, will you play drums for us?" And I was like, "I'll only do it if I can open as MOD Sun."

• 1:43:51Bunnie XO?

  Wow.

• 1:43:51Speaker 02

  So my whole first-

• 1:43:52Bunnie XO?

  Where did the name MOD Sun come from?

• 1:43:53Speaker 02

  It stands for Movement on Dreams, Stand Under None. I looked up at the sky one night, I said, "What is my name?" It came into my head, and I never questioned it. Came into my head, M-O-D-S-U-N. What does that mean? Movement on Dreams, Stand Under None. What does that mean? Modern sunshine. Like, that, that was it, and I never questioned it once. There was never any other name, it happened in one minute.

• 1:44:12Bunnie XO?

  You're so spiritual without even really knowing it.

• 1:44:14Speaker 02

  For sure, yeah.

• 1:44:15Bunnie XO?

  I mean, you might know it now, but back then, I don't know if you did.

• 1:44:18Speaker 02

  I like to believe it, it's hard to convince yourself sometimes that you're like, connected to something, but I believe it.

• 1:44:22Bunnie XO?

  For sure.

• 1:44:23Speaker 02

  But my first tour as MOD Sun was literally performing to a hardcore, post-hardcore, like, crowd, being just boot offstage. Coming out rapping over Miley Cyrus' "Party in the USA." Like, getting just boot offstage.

• 1:44:38Bunnie XO?

  I would pay to see that, somebody give me the footage.

• 1:44:40Speaker 02

  Yes, real talk, it's out there, I'll send it to you. But anyway, so I, I go after this tour, my dad's like, says this to me, and I'm like, "Yo, everyone can, whatever, I got my laptop with me, I'm just gonna work on this MOD Sun music that I really believe in." And, uh, and he never mentioned it again, after that night. And he didn't die, and I didn't see him go to the hospital. And I was like, "What the fuck is going on here, dude? Like, why would you tell me that?" And nothing happened, and I was like, there for like, fucking like, four months, like,

• 1:45:18Speaker 02

  being like, "What the fuck is going on?"

• 1:45:20Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:21Speaker 02

  And I'm not gonna say what I think was going on, because I truly don't know.

• 1:45:27Speaker 02

  But I didn't talk to him for like two or three years after that, you know?

• 1:45:32Bunnie XO?

  What I mean, do you think maybe he knew he had a terminal illness and just didn't know how to tell you? Or do you think he was?

• 1:45:39Speaker 02

  I don't think it was that. I think it was something else that I would hate to say if, because if I was wrong, I would feel like an asshole.

• 1:45:45Bunnie XO?

  Okay, but it was a form of manipulation?

• 1:45:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:45:47Bunnie XO?

  Oh, that was terrible.

• 1:45:49Speaker 02

  I think, and maybe I'm fucking wrong and he just was cured. I don't know.

• 1:45:52Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:53Speaker 02

  I don't know, but it fucked me up. And I went like two or three years.

• 1:45:57Bunnie XO?

  One last piece of trauma, dad, thank you.

• 1:45:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, I went like two or three years without talking to him. And then all of a sudden, I was living in California. Okay, I'd moved out to California. By this time, fast forward three years, I'm living in California, I'm living up in North Hollywood. And his girlfriend called my sister and was like, yo, your father's in the hospital, he's on like, not like life support, but maybe like something like that.

• 1:46:22Bunnie XO?

  Dialysis or something?

• 1:46:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay. Are you talking about when he started living with me?

• 1:46:30Speaker 02

  Okay, so I guess he was in a coma.

• 1:46:32Bunnie XO?

  I love how detached you were from it.

• 1:46:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, for real.

• 1:46:35Bunnie XO?

  You're like, no more pain.

• 1:46:36Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, but check this out. I drive down there, okay, drive down to the hospital. My sister's still living in Minnesota at the time, she flies out. And basically, his girlfriend had to show up to be like, here's your dad's bag, he can't live with me anymore. Okay? Kicking him out. Which I don't fucking blame her at all, dude was like a fucking crazy, right? So, I'm like, here we go again, let's open the door.

• 1:47:03Speaker 02

  Move up to North Hollywood with me. My dad ends up literally sleeping on my couch, like, I'm talking my grown up father, like, sleeping on my couch and like, being like my kid, and my dad knows that what I'm talking like is I'm not talking down because in the same sense as I'll be like, coolest dude that ever lived, coolest fucking dude that ever lived and I would not be me without him, you know? This is not like hate train, this is just like what it was, you know?

• 1:47:27Bunnie XO?

  It's hurt, it's pain that you're allowed to talk about.

• 1:47:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, and uh, and you know, so he starts living with me. And we're having a great time, because this is like my friend, you know? This is like truly my friend. And uh, and so, you know, we're living at this house in North Hollywood, which is where my like cocaine days like really got out of control. I'm talking like the ugly cocaine where you just have like a plate out at all times.

• 1:47:50Bunnie XO?

  Been there, done that.

• 1:47:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:47:51Bunnie XO?

  I had a candle, like a candle holder.

• 1:47:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:47:54Bunnie XO?

  That had lines just lined up on it all the time.

• 1:47:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, we think it's so glamorous.

• 1:47:57Bunnie XO?

  Oh yeah, yeah, it's so MySpace.

• 1:47:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, so rich. I know, I know. And um, and yeah, I mean, he just proceeds. What, what really fucked up was that the doctor was like, dude can never drink again. You know, if he ever drinks again, he's gonna die.

• 1:48:11Bunnie XO?

  Did he have cirrhosis of the liver?

• 1:48:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:48:14Bunnie XO?

  Okay.

• 1:48:14Speaker 02

  So it was like, he ever drinks again, he's gonna die. He's in your care. And I'm like, I'm like, dad, you can't drink. You cannot drink because you're not dying on my hands. You cannot drink. He's like, didn't tell me I can't do coke.

• 1:48:30Speaker 02

  Right?

• 1:48:31Bunnie XO?

  They just don't want help, man.

• 1:48:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:48:32Bunnie XO?

  That's how my parents are.

• 1:48:33Speaker 02

  And I'm like, I'm like, you're not wrong. I'm like shit, like it's 3am, I'm, I'm by myself. You wanna, I guess let's blow these lines down, like yeah. You're not wrong. They didn't say that, you know?

• 1:48:44Bunnie XO?

  They just said no alcohol.

• 1:48:45Speaker 02

  And like, again, dude was so cool. I wish everyone in the world could meet him because he was so cool and charismatic and funny. Life was a joke to him. Life was literally, the purpose of life was to make people laugh. And he would make you fucking laugh. He would own every room he walked into and make every fuck it, he had women, like women loved this man.

• 1:49:05Bunnie XO?

  Charismatic.

• 1:49:06Speaker 02

  He, he could be living out of his piece of shit car and he would be able to be in a relationship with a beautiful woman. Like, they loved him. They loved this man.

• 1:49:16Bunnie XO?

  Probably his first life here.

• 1:49:17Speaker 02

  Yeah. I, yeah, true, true, certainly.

• 1:49:21Bunnie XO?

  So he came in just fucking guns ablazing.

• 1:49:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:49:23Bunnie XO?

  Life's a party.

• 1:49:24Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:49:24Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:49:25Speaker 02

  And so.

• 1:49:27Speaker 02

  I ended up moving out of that house to another house down in Laurel Canyon and I got a room for him. So I was like, alright, my dad like rolls with me, like this is my road dog, like you come on tour with me, you do this with me, like whatever. And uh, things were going fine and then I went into his room one night and I found a bunch of plastic bottles of vodka under his bed.

• 1:49:47Bunnie XO?

  Oh dad.

• 1:49:48Speaker 02

  And I was like, yo, I was like, you're out. I was like, you're out, bro, because I'm, you're not dying under my roof.

• 1:49:55Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:49:56Speaker 02

  Like I am not gonna take the responsibility that I'll live with for the rest of my life, that you fucking died under my roof, you're out. And it was so hard because again, I had to disconnect from my father, again.

• 1:50:09Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:50:10Speaker 02

  The same cycle, all over again, you know, but I knew it was the right thing, I knew it was the right thing to do. So then, he goes off, lives with another girlfriend, you know, that was kind of his thing, he'd go find a girlfriend to live with. And uh, and

• 1:50:29Speaker 02

  it's, it's hard because, you know, we didn't die, he didn't die on the best terms with each other, you know, because like another two years, whatever went by and uh.

• 1:50:41Bunnie XO?

  Damn dad was hanging on.

• 1:50:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:50:44Bunnie XO?

  For dear life.

• 1:50:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, and uh, you know.

• 1:50:51Speaker 02

  I, you know, I got a call last night, I've talked about this before, so I'll talk about it again, just because it is a big part of the story. But I got a call from him one night, we always have this deal, he was like, if I die, you get my bird. He had an African gray parrot his whole fucking life, this was his best friend, he had a love relationship with this bird for real, he was, this was his, his soulmate was his bird. And he was like, when I die, she's yours, right? And so I got a voicemail on my phone one night that's like, hey man, I could hear it in his way, hey man, you know, something's came up, uh, Ruby's yours. I'm like, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck's going on? So I get in my car and I start driving down to Long Beach and I'm calling him over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and he finally answers, he's like, it's already done, man, don't even, just turn around, just turn around.

• 1:51:36Speaker 02

  It's already done, the deal's already done, just turn around. I'm like dude, I'm twenty minutes away, just hold on, I don't, just hold on, just fucking hold on. Dude, I get to fucking Long Beach, I kick open the door and he's like sitting there with this like fucking wrist in the air like in a pool of blood and shit and I walk in, slip on the pool of blood, fall into it and I fart, fucking just start slapping him, slapping him, just like, what's your favorite Allman Brothers song? What's your favorite Allman Brothers song? He like, his eyes come open, he's like whipping post, if, anyone who knows the song whipping post like, is like, I feel like dying, it was like the craziest I just say in that say. But anyways, that being said, ambulance was called, came, um, and brought him back to life, saved his life, brought him back to life, all good, you know, shit happened.

• 1:52:21Bunnie XO?

  That is so traumatic for you to have to go through, like I'm trying not to cry over here, that's so tough.

• 1:52:26Speaker 02

  And all good, and he, he made it through and, you know, at that moment, I was like, dad, you need to get help. Cut, when you get let out of this hospital, stitched you back up, you got these badass stitches now, alright, I know you like that, Mr. Hell's Angel, like, you know what I'm saying? It was like, they let you out, I'll put you eh, anywhere you need to go to get help.

• 1:52:52Speaker 02

  I got you, whatever you need. And he was just like, man, I was wasted, I don't even remember what happened. You know, my mom, who has this horrible relationship with him, calls him and is just like, you need to apologize to your son.

• 1:53:07Bunnie XO?

  Apologize?

• 1:53:08Speaker 02

  You need to apologize to your son, and he's just like, I won't do it, you know? And so, boom, we, we, we split, we split there, that was when I was like, whatever, but that was when I went, started going really off the rails, cause this was still drug addict taste, you know? I went really off the rails.

• 1:53:25Bunnie XO?

  That's a lot of trauma.

• 1:53:27Speaker 02

  Scaring my family, won't pick up the phone. You know, the crazy thing is like, when, when I got into my car, after the ambulance came, picked him up, I was like, you son of a bitch, I was like, you, my crazy, kind of narcissistic mind as well, it's like, you, you were giving me a story, weren't you? You were giving me some kind of crazy story from my life, like, weren't you, like, you son of a bitch?

• 1:53:51Bunnie XO?

  I almost got from that story, and I was gonna say this in a second, was, I feel like your dad knew that you would save him.

• 1:53:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:53:58Bunnie XO?

  So I don't think he really wanted to die at that moment, I think he just,

• 1:54:01Speaker 02

  I don't think he did either.

• 1:54:02Bunnie XO?

  Knew.

• 1:54:03Speaker 02

  I, I don't think he did either, and also I did, eh, eh, I also, part of me is like, Part of me is like, my dad is a dude who doesn't wanna look like a faker. As soon as he found out I was on his way. That's when I think he did this.

• 1:54:17Bunnie XO?

  I am so sorry.

• 1:54:18Speaker 02

  And uh.

• 1:54:18Bunnie XO?

  That's not okay.

• 1:54:19Speaker 02

  No, it's not okay. And, and, and that was when, that was when I really had to cut off this relationship. That was when I really had to cut it off.

• 1:54:27Bunnie XO?

  Understandably.

• 1:54:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, I really had to cut it off because I was like, oh my god, this is like fucking insanity. I was like, this crazy also, and then in the same breath, I was like, you son of a bitch, you wanted me to have this goddamn story of like pivotal fucking whatever in my life. This is when everything changed and now I'm worth it to be an artist like, I, you, whatever, tortured artist syndrome, like Van Gogh cut off his ear, that the whole goddamn thing through every artist. And to think they have to be tortured to be brilliant.

• 1:54:54Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:54:54Speaker 02

  My dad was like that. I'm like, you gave me this, alright, I'm gonna wear it as my badge of honor now and whatever.

• 1:55:00Bunnie XO?

  I mean, he's given you a lifetime of trauma.

• 1:55:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:55:04Bunnie XO?

  Wasn't, I mean, that was, that was a huge piece of it, but he's, it started when you were young, baby.

• 1:55:08Speaker 02

  Big facts, big facts. And uh, he moved away um, with another girl and then uh.

• 1:55:14Bunnie XO?

  Even after he'd split, slit his wrists, he just moved away with another girl.

• 1:55:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And uh, would reach out every now and then, and then the, what the, the bummer is this is like, we were supposed to meet up. Um, like, maybe this was like two years after this happened, we're supposed to meet up. He's like, hey man, I'm coming down. I had like healed from this a little bit. I was like, yes, let's get lunch, you know? Let's get lunch. I'd healed from this, you know, and, and, and, and I do wanna talk to you and god damn it, I miss you, you're my fucking dog, you know?

• 1:55:45Bunnie XO?

  You're my dad.

• 1:55:45Speaker 02

  Uh.

• 1:55:46Bunnie XO?

  That little, that little boy in you just wanted your daddy.

• 1:55:49Speaker 02

  Yeah. And um, he was uh, he was, he was, he made plans to come down um, on a train and then, oh my god, I didn't zip up my fucking zipper after.

• 1:56:00Bunnie XO?

  Oh, I can't.

• 1:56:01Speaker 02

  Fucking, I went to the bathroom halfway, but good thing we got camera angles, but keep that in, I'm a real person. And uh, and um. So he was he was he had he was getting on a train to come down and the day before he's like, "Hey, man, uh, so can you pick up me and my girlfriend from the train station and then can you take us to this classic car lot? We're gonna look at buying this car." And I was like, "Bro, what the fuck? I'm not trying to see you and your girl. You were coming down to my, you were coming down to see me. Now this is about you and your girl coming down to buy a classic car? Like, what the fuck? I was like, no. I was like, no, dude, no. I was like, I was gonna see you and I was like, it was a lot for me to even say I was gonna go to lunch with you, you know?

• 1:56:39Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 1:56:40Speaker 02

  And I was like, no, no, it's not happening. And um, and then shortly after that, he went into another coma and that was how he went out. But, but, caveat to all this, is that when I got to go see him in the hospital, I brought a little, one of those little like JVC speakers in my pocket. And it was during COVID, so it was a one at a time thing. And like my sister went in, you know, my sister never should have done all this, but she had to take on like all of this, like the adult, you know? Cause he had no one. He had no one and my sister took just all this on, which was, "I love you, I love you." Look at she is getting on. You want my glasses?

• 1:57:20Speaker 02

  Um, and anyways, anyways, anyways, cool rock and roll part about it is that I got my chance.

• 1:57:26Bunnie XO?

  Should we all just hug right now? I feel like everybody's crying. I feel like we need hugs and shit.

• 1:57:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, come on, I like, I like this, yes, yes, come on, come on, sis, come on, I do wanna give you a hug. Yeah, my sister. Yeah, come on. You guys.

• 1:57:45Speaker 02

  Yeah. Um, cap, capping the cool part, here we go, okay? So like my sister goes in and sees him and like I go in and uh, and and get my chance to see him and I pull out this speaker and I fucking turn it on full volume and play whipping post by the Allman Brothers and I get kicked out of the hospital.

• 1:58:06Bunnie XO?

  Oh, no, very rock and roll.

• 1:58:09Speaker 02

  And I gave, I know he was, cause, cause when I said, I was like, what's your favorite Allman Brothers song in this crazy time? I was like, man, that might be the last thing that he heard, which is like his fucking song, dude. And uh.

• 1:58:24Speaker 02

  But I thought that was just the way that he wanted to go out and I was like, I'm gonna give that to you pops after all this shit like. Hell yeah, you know. That's the way you'd want it. Me getting kicked out of the hospital coming to see him, you know?

• 1:58:36Bunnie XO?

  Oh my god dude, that is. A lot.

• 1:58:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:58:41Bunnie XO?

  A lot to unpack, a lot to process, a lot to hear. I couldn't imagine living through that, you know, you and your sister both are so. You guys are making me cry, man. You guys are so lucky to have each other.

• 1:58:55Speaker 02

  Straight up, a hundred percent.

• 1:58:57Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, you guys are so lucky to have each other to just go through. All this fucked up shit together and you know. I. Have trauma with my family too and I have learned with my dad especially and and my mom and before my mom died, it was kind of the same thing with I inherited. Custody of her and fucking hadn't she. Her and I ended up not talking and she ended up just dying abruptly one day in my care. And the biggest lesson that my mother ever gave me in her life was in her death. And it was. Forgiveness. That if no, which. Forgiveness is on everybody's own terms and on your own time, but. Forgiveness is for you, it's not for them. And you know.

• 1:59:41Bunnie XO?

  Our parents, for some reason, that generation of human. Did not want to fucking fix their trauma. They were content. Being fucking wild hellions and you weren't gonna tell them, they were gonna live their life how they wanted to. It didn't matter who they hurt. And we are here to correct that. You're a gener- you're. Breaking generational curses.

• 2:00:02Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 2:00:03Bunnie XO?

  Every day.

• 2:00:04Speaker 02

  I've I've I've have been telling myself that for a long fucking time.

• 2:00:08Bunnie XO?

  You are. You're you're doing it.

• 2:00:10Speaker 02

  I was like, my dad was so close to being. The fucking. Coolest shit in the world and he just couldn't get past this one thing.

• 2:00:20Bunnie XO?

  He sabotaged himself.

• 2:00:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was like the the uh the the tree was going like this and then you know from me on out it goes like this, you know?

• 2:00:28Bunnie XO?

  Yeah. No, but you are. You guys are both breaking generational curses. You guys are doing everything right and you guys are.

• 2:00:37Bunnie XO?

  Just beautiful humans and I want you to know that I'm so sorry that that is part of your story. It's really heartbreaking and there's not much more that I can even.

• 2:00:46Speaker 02

  No, thank you for all that and it, you know, like again, there's like that flip side to everything. And like, you know, my sister shortly after all this had happened, um, well, she had just moved out to, to LA. But, but it, it really has brought us to like this thing where we're just like, man, fuck the world. Like we got each other.

• 2:01:06Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, you guys against the world.

• 2:01:08Speaker 02

  And she goes on tour with me. She's, she's tour manages and.

• 2:01:11Bunnie XO?

  Well, no wonder she's banging the, who are you banging?

• 2:01:13Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, the drummer.

• 2:01:14Bunnie XO?

  The drummer. No wonder you're banging the drummer. You're always with them. I mean, that now I get it. Now I get it. It's the inevitable. You got her on tour and everything. I mean, yeah, for sure. I'd be banging the drummer too.

• 2:01:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. But she's my ride or die for sure.

• 2:01:29Bunnie XO?

  Thank you guys for sharing that. That, that was really heavy and you know, I just hope that you guys are able to find peace with everything. One of these days, whenever you're ready and.

• 2:01:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, I, yeah. I feel like I, I'm, I feel like I have in a lot of ways, you know? Like I've always felt like I've been able to like zoom out from the situation that I have and like, you know, obviously just,

• 2:01:55Speaker 02

  you know, hope for, my sister's not through like everything I have, but plus more because she was like, had to raise me. You know, in a lot of ways, you know, because my mom was like a single mom, so she had to work all the fucking time, you know? All the time.

• 2:02:10Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:02:10Speaker 02

  All the time. My mom had to work and like greatest mom in the world and is my mom and always felt like my mom. But then when I grow up, I realize like being able to talk to my sister that it was like, oh no, my sister like fucking had to raise me as well, you know?

• 2:02:26Bunnie XO?

  It's crazy because I don't know if you believe in it, but soul families, like we pick our families for the lessons that we want before we come to earth.

• 2:02:34Speaker 02

  Really?

• 2:02:35Bunnie XO?

  So I, this is what I believe. Not everybody believes it, but I, I truly 100% wholeheartedly believe that we have soul families and that can reach out to our friends. That can be, that can be like your sister. Like your sister could have been your mom in another life and that's why she's so motherly to you. Your dad could have been like a son in another life and that's why you were kind of like his father here. You know, my mom, I know it's crazy as fuck and it's like mind blowing, but my mother, like Tyler Henry was just on my podcast and he even. Yeah, it's I, I, you guys gotta see the clip on TikTok. It's at like two million right now. Fucking it's me bawling my eyes out, but.

• 2:03:13Bunnie XO?

  My mom came through and she was like, I am so sorry for what I've done to you. And she, he said that she's, he's, she's showing me the mother and daughter inverted. And he, he said that you were like her mother and she was like your daughter and this, and that just confirmed everything that I've ever believed in because. Literally, I feel like we pick the lessons that we want to go through on, in life before we get here. And I know it sounds crazy and it's weird, but it's like our soul. Our soul yearns.

• 2:03:41Speaker 02

  The least crazy thing that we've talked about today to me. I'm like, yes.

• 2:03:45Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:03:46Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 2:03:46Bunnie XO?

  No, but I feel like our, our soul yearns for those lessons. And so your lesson. I always say you have to find the blessing and the lesson in every situation that you have, you know, so it's like. In the situation with your dad, what was the blessing and what has been the lesson? And then from that, that is what you. Have to work on in your life and what you're here for. That's your life purpose is to figure out why your life took these. Turns and went in the trajectory that it did and your dad put you through what he did because. Your soul yearned for that before you came here. I know it's wild, but.

• 2:04:21Speaker 02

  I mean, I think I feel like you nailed it for me, like.

• 2:04:23Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:04:24Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 2:04:25Bunnie XO?

  Yeah. Well, let's talk about something fun. You want to talk about? Let's switch real quick. You brought me a book.

• 2:04:32Speaker 02

  Yes, yes.

• 2:04:33Bunnie XO?

  Did I ever wake up? What is this? Tell me all about it.

• 2:04:36Speaker 02

  First book, so I have six books out, but that's my first book and it's the thing that really changed my life, like that truly changed my life as far as like. Art, like, yeah, yeah, of course. Um, it's like, how do, you know, this was, this was a, a twenty, twenty one year old. My son who was living his life by the law of attraction and the secret and the only time I ever heard people. Uh, speak on it, especially at this time was much older people, you know? That I was like, I want to make a version that youngins can. Hear those words and actually connect it, same thing with the hockey and the Hanson thing.

• 2:05:12Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:05:13Speaker 02

  I wanted to make that, I wanted to make my version of the secret or the law of attraction and what that meant to, from the, the lens of a younger person. Um, so it's like very like creative writing, but motivational. It's like the, did I ever wake up is like basically being like how to live your life like it's a dream. And believe that you're in a dream and believe that you're like able to, to make, to, to, yes, to believe that. Um, and it changed my life. I mean, that book is sold like two hundred thousand copies. It's, it's, it's the one thing that I've been able to like live my journey through is like this piece of in- in- intellectual property that is my book, you know?

• 2:05:49Bunnie XO?

  And you have six books.

• 2:05:50Speaker 02

  I have six books out, yeah.

• 2:05:51Bunnie XO?

  Tell me.

• 2:05:52Speaker 02

  Uh, there, there, this is the only one that's like in, in this realm. And then I have like two poetry books out and then I have three, um, journaled kind of, uh, uh, if I had one here, it'd be really easy to understand, but it's like, um, I go on some kind of trip and I write the first half of this, uh, the a hundred page thing or whatever. I write my story just day by day, this day, did this, did this, this, this, and then the cover is on the, the same cover is on the flip side of the back. So you flip it over like that. It looks the exact same. But then you go to the pages and they're blank. So it's like two stories come to live together and it kind of like, influences like the younger generation, the importance of writing and not just diary entries, but like to write and, and literature and, and the importance of those things that,

• 2:06:35Speaker 02

  that live between the pages. All the answers are in the books, truly. And, um, not my books, the books, I'm saying like period, you know? And, uh, so I just like to influence like the, the world to, to be in touch with, especially like the importance of literature and just like telling your old, your own story. Not, not for the simple fact of being like, the world needs to hear my story, but telling yourself your story, you know? Documenting things, living like your dad, like that, like living like your dad, living, making art like you're dead and gone. How important would it be for your, uh, a hundred years from now, people connected to your family to find your journal? It would be so amazing for them.

• 2:07:17Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:07:18Speaker 02

  They would love that.

• 2:07:19Bunnie XO?

  That is my brain is over here, you already know, my brain is like, go, cause I'm writing a book this year, actually, too, about my life, but.

• 2:07:25Speaker 02

  Great. It's so important. It's so important to it. I I think those things I tell as many people possible that like also like, check it out, dude. Fucking music is is the one piece of art that I do that I feel has so little intellectual property because my favorite songs like Rolling Stone, let's say, right? Bob Dylan, like Rolling Stone, regarded as the greatest song of all time. That is ninety nine cents. Right now, okay? A song that a kid just made his very first song that let's just, let's just for all sakes of this argument, call it terrible. Okay? It's ninety nine cents. That is fucked up to me.

• 2:08:02Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:08:02Speaker 02

  If this is a song that's regarded as the greatest song of the world, why is it the same price as the song from the kid that just made it last night in one hour, not knowing what he was doing?

• 2:08:11Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:08:12Speaker 02

  Why is that? Okay? A book? That is intellectual property. If I say that book is worth three thousand dollars, that book is worth three thousand fucking dollars, period. End of discussion. And like, I don't care how much it took to make it. I don't care how many minutes time it took to take it. If I say that's how much it is worth, that's how much it's worth. And it's the same with my paintings and it's the same with any other things that I do outside of music, because music, I'm in this confine of eh, of a, of a world that's not changing and hasn't changed. And it's like, that's just a crazy thing to me that there's a set price on greatness in that world, but a painting, you know, a fucking Basquiat painting is selling for two hundred million dollars.

• 2:08:54Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:08:55Speaker 02

  And

• 2:08:56Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:08:57Speaker 02

  I mean,

• 2:08:57Bunnie XO?

  I've never looked at it that way. That's amazing.

• 2:08:59Speaker 02

  It's like that. That's why I love those types of intellectual property. I think they're so important.

• 2:09:04Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:09:05Speaker 02

  You're not putting your worth compared comparatively like stuck in a world like you could literally tell I you could say I'm making one book and I'm selling it for a hundred thousand dollars and you'll find someone to buy that book.

• 2:09:17Bunnie XO?

  No, for sure.

• 2:09:18Speaker 02

  You know what I'm saying?

• 2:09:19Bunnie XO?

  Sell one at that price.

• 2:09:21Speaker 02

  You know what I'm saying?

• 2:09:22Bunnie XO?

  That you made your money back.

• 2:09:23Speaker 02

  That's what I'm saying.

• 2:09:24Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, no, that's wild. I've never thought of it that way. Your mind is brilliant. It really is. And I feel like dude, you need your own podcast.

• 2:09:31Speaker 02

  Modcast, it's coming.

• 2:09:32Bunnie XO?

  Oh, my God, yes, do it. I love that.

• 2:09:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've been waiting.

• 2:09:37Bunnie XO?

  And I'll support it 100%.

• 2:09:38Speaker 02

  Please do, please do.

• 2:09:39Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, you need one because this generation needs to hear what you have to say because you are you have so much depth and so many people I do a lot of interviews. So many people do not have depth and you really need to have a microphone in front of you. That might be your calling.

• 2:09:53Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 2:09:54Bunnie XO?

  This podcast has been so fucking therapeutic for me. I know if you had a podcast, oh, my

• 2:09:59Speaker 02

  God. I mean, I hear it with you. I hear you allowing people to like find themselves when I when I listen to your episodes. And then I also hear you stumble upon things that you're figuring about about yourself when you're talking to someone asking and you ask the question.

• 2:10:12Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:10:13Speaker 02

  And you're like, oh, shit.

• 2:10:14Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, I love it. Like you, you, I needed you today. Like I am, I can totally admit that I needed you today. Mimi shaking her head, yes, because I had, no, I needed you today. Like, this was such a blessing because I just fucking had the worst day yesterday. And I was just like really questioning a lot of things. And then you just came in here and the things that you have said have just like sparked my flame again. And I needed that. So thank you for that. Thank you for your time.

• 2:10:41Speaker 02

  That makes me so happy. Oh, yeah, hard callback. Hit me, hit me, hit me.

• 2:10:48Bunnie XO?

  That's, that's why she's the manager.

• 2:10:50Speaker 02

  Man, watch this. So, so years go by and my, so I got, one of the things that changed my life that I this is awesome to mention is that after um. A year and a half of being Mod Sun and make and releasing music as Mod Sun, my brand of like rap and this. I got chosen by Rolling Stone magazine to be one of fifteen people put in a contest to be the first unsigned artist put on the cover of Rolling Stone, right? And it was just like this thing that I was like, "The law of attraction is real." Like, "Are you hearing me yet?" Like, "It's real. All my songs are about the law of attraction." And I'm about, I'm in five issues of Rolling Stone right now. Yeah. This is fucking nuts!

• 2:11:35Speaker 02

  Yeah. And so, while that's going on, here comes the guitar player that kicked me out from the other band, and he was in a band that was signed, and they break up, and he sends me a picture of him having my logo, MS, like this, tattooed on his wrist, and he goes, "So proud of you, bro. So proud of you, bro." And I was like, "I have missed you so goddamn much. I have missed you so much." I was like, "Come be my guitar player." You are so. "I'm going out to New York to do this competition for Rolling Stone and be on camera for a week. Come be my DJ and guitar player, bro. I have missed you so much." Boom, he's there. We go on for years together to tour the world together, and he's guitar

• 2:12:18Speaker 02

  and singing, and he's been featured on some of my songs. His name's Pat Brown, love him to death. The what I do and my life and being an artist was not made for him, so now he's um, he's a tour manager now, and he tour manages, uh, Tiesto, and like, Oh nice. He's poppin', he's legit. He did his thing. Brought him back around. We fucking had an amazing run, traveled the world together, still talk to this day. The other guy that kicked me out, he was my DJ before. He became my DJ, uh, uh, after, after he kinda left, around, no, no, no, it was before he was my, uh, first DJ, before my friend Pat came around, and then he decided to go to art school, and went to art school for a while, and then was like, "Man, this school shit's not for me."

• 2:13:02Speaker 02

  I was like, he came to my going away party to move to California. I hadn't talked to him for like two years. Came to my going away party that my sister threw me, a surprise party. She invited him. He came, we hadn't talked in a while, he's like, man, I'm going through this rough relationship, I just broke up, like, I wanna quit school, I don't know what to do, I was like, I'm moving to California tomorrow, I got an extra bedroom there, I have missed you, I was like, if you fuck it wanna pack your shit up, come live with me, bro, just let's work together, you make art, and shit, you can do all my covers and shoot some videos and DJ, play guitar, whatever you wanna do, you know? And brought him back around, and now he's still out here, he's gone on to be a huge person, graphic designer for girls, skateboards, and now he has his own,

• 2:13:47Speaker 02

  um, creative, uh, agency and stuff, and so, you know, I'm super proud of both of them, but you broke my damn heart and I never held it against you.

• 2:13:55Bunnie XO?

  Yeah, he's a Pisces, he definitely held it against you.

• 2:14:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, you sure you wanna fuckin', be in this same town as me?

• 2:14:05Bunnie XO?

  I love that, and then lastly, I know I've had you forever, but we have to talk about you're gonna be dropping an album.

• 2:14:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, we're gonna be dropping an album, my first, my first song from this new run of things, I have left the internet for the last six months, I haven't dropped anything in, uh, almost a year, and I'm coming back with my song that I've been, that I've worked so hard on this new music, but also just came into its own here. Like I said, like, I went back to Minnesota, I was like, I'm not gonna make music for three years, and if I want to after that, cool, I will. I came in with so much pure intention to make music, and I stumbled upon making what I like, believe is like, could be the song that everyone knows me for, for the rest of my life, you know, and, um,

• 2:14:49Speaker 02

  Cal's helped write on it with me, my, my, one of my newest additions to my best friend, Ography, he's this guy named No Love, who is, I think, one of the most talented people around, um, it's just this tight-knit group that we have, and yes, I'm releasing a song, it's gonna be out on June 7th, so depending on when this comes out, it's either out right now, or it's about to come out, and, um, from there, I'm gonna just continue releasing over the summer, and then I'm gonna go on a tour, most likely this will be out when this gets announced too, as well, at the, uh, end of September, and

• 2:15:20Bunnie XO?

  Yay, we'll be on tour too, so I get my on tour. Whenever I go on tour with Daddy and so hopefully our paths will cross.

• 2:15:26Speaker 02

  I can't wait.

• 2:15:27Bunnie XO?

  And you guys like we can either go to one of your shows or you come to ours or both or whatever. Yeah, we'll have to link schedules.

• 2:15:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:15:34Bunnie XO?

  That'll be fun.

• 2:15:34Speaker 02

  And I I'm just I've I've never been more fulfilled with the music I make and and the the simple fact is that like I you know I was drummer growing up and I always wanted to play guitar and get good at guitar and I've kept twelve guitars around me at all times throughout my whole life and just never clicked for me and um within the last six months due to my really great friend Noel Love who's incredible guitar player uh it's clicked for me it's totally clicked and I've been writing all my songs just me and a guitar and whether they get like a little production on top of that it's all very purposeful production but a lot of it my favorite song that I've ever wrote that I've been trying to write since I was thirteen years old it's called Morning Breaks it's gonna come out this summer it's just my my voice and a guitar

• 2:16:19Speaker 02

  same time recorded playing it and it is the song I've been trying to write my entire life and my friends that mean the world to me are like

• 2:16:29Speaker 02

  I cried to this you know I cried to this song and I'm just like bingo I'm I'm fulfilled I'm just so fulfilled musically my expectations are it start and end right there am I fulfilled absolutely good let it out into the world whatever these things do grow up on your own and and have a great time out there songs but you have fulfilled me and I'm so proud of that and I have nothing but happiness to to share it with the world and that's all I want to do is share it

• 2:17:00Speaker 02

  grow your own legs go live your life I hope you become the biggest goddamn songs that I've ever created

• 2:17:04Bunnie XO?

  They will.

• 2:17:05Speaker 02

  But either way you have made me so happy.

• 2:17:07Bunnie XO?

  No, I say they will, they will.

• 2:17:09Speaker 02

  They will, I know. I believe they will but I'm also like you're a child that hasn't been born yet so I'm not telling you you have to be a goddamn superstar but I expect you to be a fucking superstar.

• 2:17:19Bunnie XO?

  Get the fuck up and let's get to work, baby. I love it. I'm excited to hear it. My favorite music is stripped down music like that, like acoustic, where you can just feel it. You know, like, yeah, you're gonna be, send it to me. I want to hear it. Give me a sneak peek, so we can listen to it on the way home.

• 2:17:34Speaker 02

  I will, I will.

• 2:17:35Bunnie XO?

  Ma, thank you for coming here today.

• 2:17:36Speaker 02

  Thank you. This is great. And I needed you, but also, also, by sorry, I needed you, like, it's, I think, um, you know, I tell some of my close friends too, like when they're going, when they're going through something, I'm like, well, you know what, go outside and be social, go into a social setting. You might be like, man, I don't feel like being around people tonight. Go out, you'll be reminded how much people love you.

• 2:17:56Bunnie XO?

  Yeah.

• 2:17:57Speaker 02

  And like, that is so crucial to getting through a tough time, like, remind yourself how loved you are. You know, just like, it's okay to do these little like hacks in life. It's not all this like, be present, be in the moment, make sure that you're focused on the right, it's like, no, allow other people to make you happy as well. And like, don't be so goddamn hard on yourself. Be gentle, go out, remind yourself, it could be one person that's like, damn, I missed seeing you. And you're like,

• 2:18:28Bunnie XO?

  I needed that. Yeah. You're just like, I needed that.

• 2:18:31Speaker 02

  Thank God, I am great. You know?

• 2:18:34Bunnie XO?

  I love that. What are you guys fucking doing over here?

• 2:18:38Bunnie XO?

  I'm watching her, looking at her over here. Everybody's fucking crying.

• 2:18:43Speaker 02

  Y'all my new best friends, man.

• 2:18:46Bunnie XO?

  God, you guys, Ma, I love you. And I want you to come back to the podcast as many times as you want.

• 2:18:51Speaker 02

  I would love to.

• 2:18:52Bunnie XO?

  Come and fucking co-host with me one day or something, maybe.

• 2:18:56Speaker 02

  I would love to.

• 2:18:57Bunnie XO?

  That would be so fun.

• 2:18:58Speaker 02

  Real talk, I would love to.

• 2:18:59Bunnie XO?

  All right. I love you and thank you.

• 2:19:00Speaker 02

  Thank you so much for having me on. This has been

• 2:19:05Speaker 02

  The Dumb Blonde.

• 2:19:08Bunnie XO?

  Why don't you tell people where they can find you, just in case they don't know where you're at?

• 2:19:11Speaker 02

  M O D S U N on everything, Ma's Fun. And, um, you know, I would love to meet you all out there, anyone out there, but

• 2:19:19Bunnie XO?

  See you on tour.

• 2:19:20Speaker 02

  Great, great talks really happen, great connections really happen, friends are still alive and well, and it's never too late to make a new friend.

• 2:19:27Bunnie XO?

  Love you so much. Thank you. Thank you guys for tuning into another episode of Dumb Blonde. I will see you guys next week. Bye.