Distractible
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3,600 words · 6 speakers
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Guam, Guam. Guam. Guam. Guam. Guam.
Guam. Guam.
I'm here in Guam. What are you doing right now?
Some stupid.
Yeah, I agree.
I'm getting out of here. Let's leave. You and me, Wade. Three, two, one.
Whoever leaves first wins.
Wade is clearly right there. Neither of you left.
Editors, send me to Guam.
What's Guam look like?
I'm in Guam. Put me in Guam.
Yeah, I have no idea what that. Why do you look like you're underwater? I don't think Guam is underwater.
Put me in Guam. Look at all this Guam. Is that offensive?
No idea, probably.
I feel offended.
You know, to be fair to Mark, I looked up Guam and the first image was a beach.
Oh, pretty close.
Guam is a US island territory in Micronesia.
Cause I know there's a military, a lot of military presence and, and John, who was on an aircraft carrier, they would dock there. And that's actually where he spent all of COVID.
Oh, these guys are, they know the future. Guam's World War III significant. Oh wait, that's two.
I can read.
Wait, no, read that article. It was there for a blip. Yeah, you gotta remember it.
Guam's World War III significance is on view and coming soon.
Oh God.
I made that last part.
Oh, I thought it was not a boob.
North American boobs.
Woo, yeah, American boob.
Editors, blackout his camera for a little bit? No, I was gonna say editors, snip that out and send it to Molly.
American boobs. Molly, let me feed.
Yeah, okay. Now black screen blackout Wade and Mark and I will just talk for a minute.
Fade me out, fade me out.
All right, perfect. That'll be worth it. All right, anyway, so Bob, listeners, there's nothing you're missing. I swear to God, there's no reason to be any kind of upset.
Well, your shoulder is still in shot.
Wade, you can come back now.
Whoa. Cool. All right.
I, you, well, you can't talk. I just finished a level, but I was playing flow free. You know, this is a bridges one where you have to like go over and under the bridges.
What is that?
Are you sponsored by these mobile games? Like, I don't know.
No, they don't like me. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractible where I am here. Keep it on camera. One on me, on me. And our co-hosts are here. They've been here this whole time.
I was here. I never left frame. I was just turning on my beautiful light.
To be fair, I didn't know what you were doing, so I was covered for you.
Guess who's in Guam?
Me?
Editors, wait!
It's like a lifetime license and it's like, yeah, so over my entire life, I would have probably never use all the sounds in there, but man, I gotta get it this time.
Could just start putting extra sounds into videos and stuff just because you got them.
Yeah, I mean, that's basically what we do on YouTube and here on, uh, editors, hit them with all your sound effects.
Easy there. Now my fade out sound.
I don't think.
Now my fade in sound.
A bunch of guys.
More than two.
There he goes.
Oh, wow. I'm glad he's gone. I hope he never comes back.
I don't think Mark has gotten more than a quarter of a sentence out of his mouth without Wade just jumping in on something.
A bunch of dudes who before the FDA was the FDA spent years, and I mean years, eating food with a bunch of things that they thought was deadly, but they didn't know for sure. Any kind of chain, any amount, any configuration, and those things can do random ass things to biology and who knows what they can do. They could do nothing. Most of them just do nothing because your body just like doesn't even interface with it. Urgent.
So FE could be, oh no.
Bob, did you get that one?
Uh, Effy is iron. Uh, oh no. I'm saying it's bad. If you, I don't know. I don't know.
Wade, Wade disappear for a second. I need to talk to Bob. Disappear for a second. I gotta talk.
Peace off for a second.
So. It was, it was so Bob, was that a smart joke that he made or was it?
I think the, the concept was good, but then he, the, the punchline was confusing.
It's still funny to me.
Ah, I'm so glad that's staying through the whole episode. You've reached this apex where somehow you have found success and you have money.
My god, that's me. Now Bob's gone.
Editors, can you make the whole tub just blow up? Cut off this part.
Our highest produced episode ever. Now that you're done working on Iron Lung, we need the full editing team to blow up Mark's bathtub.
Get an M80, get a green screen, go in your backyard. Film a practical explosion for our cinematic experience of a podcast.
Listen, viewers, you're not, or listeners, you're not missing anything this episode. There's nothing you need to be watching for. There's nothing.
Oh, Wade, if you only guess within the 21st century, that'll probably help Mark a lot.
Probably. Well, it's like me trying to stay in Russia whenever we were playing that other game.
That's true. I don't know how many times I told you it was all in the US.
Yep.
Put me in Guam. Ah, that was funny.
I love that short.
How's it going, everyone? Boys are back. Welcome to another episode of Distractible.
Yay.
I'm today's host, Wade, joined by Mark and Bob, who also faded in with me. How you guys doing?
Good. I was trying to match the energy. Was that not the energy?
I'm stupendous.
That's good. Anything new?
I might explode.
Oh, I will give you 10 points if you explode randomly on camera.
Hmm, I don't know if edited in counts.
Editors, can you make that bathtub marking as to be an explode again?
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Let me explain it to you in words, in a way you can understand. Editors, like, help me out with this one. Pretend my head is your car. Editors, now delete my head. Peek-a-boo! That's your car.
Well, I think, I think the tweet was right. Wade's car's in the ocean. Editors, put Mark's head in the ocean. Look at all the Guam!
Put me in Guam!
I just, I don't know where it is.
This is, you know that thing that Mark was using to keep track of points? It's an e-ink writing tablet thingy, and there's a little marker on the side. This is the one that has color, obviously, that's the yellow. Also, I don't know what I just flashed on there.
Editors, make sure it's horrible.
Put it in Guam. Uh, you influenced me, and it's awesome. Anyway, whatever.
Shut up, shut up, shut up, both of you. I'm not living any younger.
I'm agreeing with you, Mark, you're right.
Shut up, shut up!
I'm not living any younger?
Wade, disappear!
Anyway, that was my car buying experience. It was fine, it actually really smooth.
Uh huh. So we know this never happened.
Okay.
Because that's not how you got your car. It was on a boat that sank. You swam down to get it out and you drove it out from Atlantis.
I thought it was on a boat that sank. Thankfully, it was not.
And someone on the subreddit will provide a picture that is just as realistic as yours of this occurrence that I'm describing. So we won't know what to believe.
Hmm.
Subreddit, get on that. Defend me. I've never said that before in my life.
I don't know if you have.
Specifically subreddit defend me, maybe you haven't said, yeah.
Subreddit, redound me.
Subreddit, put Wade's car in Guam!
It's a convertible, all the Guam's getting in.
Probably was, probably was Guam.
Isn't Guam a place? I think a guacamole. Which one's which?
Oh, same thing.
Sorry Guam.
Guam's gonna be real pissed when they hear this. He called us guacamole.
Wade called you guacamole, just to be clear. Hey, actually, look, listen, we don't have to.
Oh, okay.
Hang on, okay, it's the next one after this current episode.
I almost got hand shook.
I wasn't listening. I didn't hear none of that.
Bob, you want to do a deal?
All right, yeah, Mark, Mark's gone. Let's make a handshake deal. Editors, peace Mark out, fade him out.
Oh, no. Yeah, Adam Savage is a bastard and having tools within arm's reach is dumb and also a little beta behavior. Let's be honest. Yeah, yeah, pretty much.
Adam, we know you're a big fan of the show. I'm sorry.
Well, we're not a big fan of you. Get out. Ah, well, I don't know. Hey, I'm not with it. We all speak for each other here.
Editors put him on an island because he's alone.
Put him in Guam.
Ah, I'm here in Guam.
I'm so, they said like Guam was the ocean. It's fine. It's not important. It's fine.
The lost city of Guam, also known as Atlantis, apparently.
I have a counterpoint.
Oh, yeah?
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I guess I should be going like this. Oh, no. I should not do this towards myself.
I want to throw this out there. What the fuck? Why do you have a knife?
Oh, hi, Wade. You missed out on a lot.
I clearly did.
We're in a knife fight right now.
Well, don't worry. It won't matter because I'm the only one who matters here as the host.
Editors, put Wade between us. My left marks right.
I'll do it. There's points on the line. You wouldn't. You shouldn't.
Wait, are we stabbing the cricket? Should I stab this way?
Everywhere, in all directions. Get him.
It's all me. Always has been.
I'm cutting myself out of this podcast.
I'm going to Guam.
Hi, Guam.
I was just in my office. I didn't go to Guam. Thought you guys could get away.
Fire.
If I say warmer, it'll misguide you. So I'll say colder.
Oh, fire is clearly hot, you idiot.
God, you got me. You're right. You're like, editors, kill me.
Editors, kill him in Guam.
I wish I had time for games.
One day you'll be your own boss and you can do what you want to do.
I hope so.
It's almost done though, right?
Yeah, actually.
I like how people on the subreddit, my subreddit are just sometimes like, if it's almost done, like he says, well, like, what am I do? What do they think I'm doing?
Jerking off.
In Cancun.
It's Guam.
Eeny meeny miny moe.
Let's go for a walk, boys.
Oh, man, I went early. He's gonna know how to, he's gonna know how to beat this.
Yeah, look, look, here's my hobbit hole.
Keep it up, Mark. He'll eventually play.
What you, hang on, I'll catch on. Hang on, wait, do it again, do it again.
You don't get to see what I got. I already, I already rolled. Oh, he played eaty meeny mighty moe, but with rock, paper and scissors, it looks like.
Track this, editors. Peace me out.
Paper, you win. I'm gonna put on the wheel up preemptively, mentioned Mark's height the most.
I'm winning!
Wait, is that good, or do you lose a point for that one?
We don't have many minus points, so let's make that a minus. That'll be a minus. Kind of like when our heights are compared.
Huh?
I don't know, just laugh. No one's laughing. Editors, no, please, take the studio out of here.
Put him in Guam!
Would you like me to do phone things?
Yeah, can you look up what the origin of mukbang is? We could transition this to a restaurant.
Didn't work, guys, it didn't work. I brought it back, so I was the first callback, right?
Oh, Mark accidentally pieced himself away, editors. Mark needs to be invisible now.
That's gotta be a rule the next council. If you ever make this, your camera has to disappear.
If you happen to do this for some reason, you peace out.
He excitedly wheeled around to try and catch the plans that I tossed, and he smacked his head on the wall of the jail and collapsed into a heap. And then, in the background, you hear, "It's trapo!"
Lock down the whole jail! To clarify, when you say wheeled around, he's not in a wheelchair, is he? No, no, he, that's a phrase. No, no.
That, it means to turn around quickly, doesn't it? Picture it in trapo, just for some reason wheelchair. That's not funny, by the way. Alright, put Mark in Guam.
Fortunately, I knew of one power that could get me out of this situation. I raised one finger, first this finger, and then I raised the other to the security camera, and I say, "Editors, put me in Guam." The teleporter activates and I zip out of there.
Unfortunately, Guam is located at the deepest depths of the Marianas Trench as far as I know. So I found myself trapped in the depths of the ocean.
Fortunately, I was a live streamer who had a 24/7 stream going on and my views were jumping like you wouldn't believe. All I had to do was escape Marianas Trench and I would be cemented as better than Entrapo.
Unfortunately, due to some past misjudgments and misdeeds on my part, the only platform I was still allowed to stream on was X.
Fortunately, after I failed my escape attempt and died, Grok will be able to keep me alive in people's memories, escaping random bullshit nonsense forever. Thanks, AI.
Editor's note: Grok did not actually help Mark in Guam. A little, you know.
He didn't help him in Guam. He just recreated his likeness so that he could live on forever.
I feel like Grok's the no butt of improv, isn't it?
In a way, in a way, in a way. Everyone needs that.
Mark, you got points for bistaka? McTriple? No, not that. Schmorgusborg? Look at all this Guam. Handsome point. Treaty of Westphalia? Tongston? Full of cream? Devastation? Without everyone in it, only tootoo. Up my ass and kill me, fucking kill me.
That's the episode. Congratulations, Wade.
Thanks, man. Is this winner's speech time?
Yeah, I would like all you to inject your speeches with another disclaimer to not do anything that we're even remotely, we weren't even suggesting it. It's all dumb.
Yeah, if you research chemicals, then.
All right, that might be the worst winner's speech I've ever heard in the history of this podcast. Bob?
You did it. You're the victor. And I'll prove it to you by telling Wade to go ahead and give his loser's speech already. Hurry up.
And now, the end is near. And so I face my final curtain. My friends.
No song lyrics.
I lost. I'm over it. I was funny.
Anyways, that's it. Wade's gonna host the next one because he's a bajillionaire now cuz he wins the squid game. Thanks for playing. Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. Podcast out.
And I'm dead. I'm dead in Guam. Put me floating in Guam. Alright, well, thank you, guys. That was it. Alright, there he goes. That was an entertaining episode. Uh, Bob goes from not even being here at the beginning of the episode to taking it all, and I think that is-
Hey, and Wade left.
And Wade, now Wade's gone. It ends as it began. Uh, thank you, Bob, who is also known as My Skirm on YouTube and Twitch. Wade, thank you, LordMinion777 or minion777 on Twitch and YouTube.
Thank you, everybody, so much for being a part of this podcast experience. Um, be sure to follow it, or we'll kill you. Uh, have a good day. Podcast out.
So, any last words? Do we, what is the deal with this? Are we, like, deleting our channels, or how serious is this? Cuz- Loser deletes our channel.
I got a good feeling about this one. Last words, that what you said?
Hmm?
For those only listening, Wade made a peace sign.
Which means fade me out. Can we have Little Lexian on the show, or is that a your channel exclusive type of deal?
No, he goes wherever you watch.
But you might, a fifty- Little Lexian.
Fifty-fifty chance of getting lungkey, though. That's the danger. Alright, that's your winning speech. Bob?
Oh, it's really sad to see it all come to an end this way, but in a way, uh, it's also really good. We're back, we're full circle. Back where we started, eating chicken and dumplings like old times, or like the one old time, anyway.
Just wait for the next skit video on Not Mark's channel, he's deleting it, called "The Rise of Slenderman."
We're gonna smear peanut butter all over somebody's-
And they're gonna be the king of the somethings. We'll work it out later. Anyway, editors, this blow it all up. So, we're done.
Podcast out.
Do we Guammin, Mark? Yeah, are we Guammin?
Uh, what happens when I do two? Do I go double Guam?
You disappear from where you are and you reappear in Guam.
Take me to double Guam!
Wow.
Double Guam.
You know, the editors is like, what the fuck? This is double Guam! Alright, we're out of here. Peace. Podcast out. That's it. I forgot.
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Page updated October 31, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated