Grilled or Fried?

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Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Speaker 00

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• 0:25Speaker 01

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• 0:41Speaker 02

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• 1:11Speaker 03

  Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, brutal Bob likes murderous comedy, explains Dalor, then asks the ultimate culinary query, more than Mark reports on SCP and DCP, tells secrets of tallow, then F bombs, werewolf Wade goes dogging at night and draws 5-0 to his door, pans here sandwiches and loves meat. From podcast member berries to killing grandma. It's time for grilled or fried.

• 1:55Speaker 03

  Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

• 2:03Bob Muyskens?

  Welcome back to another episode of Distractible, the podcast that John Lithgow once heard some random stranger in public laughing about as they walked past him. John Lithgow. John Lithgow's heard laughter that we made.

• 2:17Speaker 05

  That a true story?

• 2:18Bob Muyskens?

  It's gotta be true at this point, right? He gets around, he's out there, he's near people, and people listen to us.

• 2:26Speaker 05

  He allegedly, he allegedly gets around, let's not, let's not.

• 2:30Bob Muyskens?

  I'm sure John Lithgow goes lots of places.

• 2:32Speaker 05

  Oh, that way, okay.

• 2:34Bob Muyskens?

  Anyway, welcome back to another episode of Distractible. I'm your host because I can't stop winning. My name is Bob and I am joined by my two competitors for today slash co-hosts if they're able to win this episode, Mark and Wade.

• 2:48Speaker 05

  I'm the other one.

• 2:49Speaker 01

  I'm standing.

• 2:51Bob Muyskens?

  Ooh, I'm not gonna do that. I know I join you oftentimes, but I've got my, I'm still nursing my foot, although it is mostly better. I'm, it's now it's just an excuse to be lazy. If you've never seen the show before, I'm the host, I'm gonna give points, the winner hosts the next one. That's pretty much the only rule that matters because we can't remember the rest of them. There's a whole list of rules and they're very complicated and interesting and funny sometimes, but we don't.

• 3:17Speaker 05

  There's a Google Doc somewhere that has the original write-up, I think.

• 3:21Bob Muyskens?

  We don't, we don't have to worry about that, though. We don't, we don't actually use that.

• 3:24Speaker 05

  It would be way back there. Oh, look at all these ad reads. Oh, good.

• 3:28Bob Muyskens?

  Are you looking for like the original document we made?

• 3:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:31Bob Muyskens?

  That was like the script, the opening script thing?

• 3:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:34Bob Muyskens?

  Oh, boy. The thing we used never and then proceeded to ignore for the rest of time?

• 3:40Speaker 05

  Yeah. Oh, I got it. It's right here. Wait, is this, what the fuck?

• 3:44Bob Muyskens?

  What are we digging, what are we digging up in your Google Drive?

• 3:48Speaker 05

  I, it's weird because it's like it's transcript of, okay, here's what it says. Hello and welcome to Distractible. Here we discuss anything that interests us and compete to see who can bring the most captivating stories to the table. Whoever brings the most interesting story as judged by me will be declared the winner of the podcast and will earn the right to host next week's episode and play the role of judge, which is basically what we say. Then after that, it says, in accordance with my incredible, nigh on unbelievable, absolute crushing victory on last week's podcast, I am the host for today and will judge the worthiness of my fellow podcasts or stories. I'm joined by Bob Meiskins, capitalized, and Wade Barnes, capitalized. Each title would be made up by the judge that week. I, oh, is this brainstorming? I will now allot exactly one minute for small talk. How are you guys doing?

• 4:28Bob Muyskens?

  We used to have one minute for small talk? Wow.

• 4:31Speaker 05

  But then immediately after says, don't need a hard, fast limit for small talk, just need to keep it brief, but allow us to banter a bit before we start, maybe air some grievances. Time's up. Per international distractible standards, stories will be judged primarily on the content of said stories. However, bonus points may be awarded for things like creative titles, originality, how much I like that person bribery, how much I like that person's bribe, and pretty much whatever I feel like because I am the judge. This theme for this week is road trips.

• 4:54Bob Muyskens?

  Wow.

• 4:54Speaker 05

  Well, no wonder we only had a minute for small talk. The intro takes 20 minutes.

• 4:58Bob Muyskens?

  Oh, the titles. I forgot about the titles. Oh my gosh, we used to put titles on our stories.

• 5:05Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:07Bob Muyskens?

  Wade, you apparently had the blood is darkest just before the dawn and I apparently had scientists have discovered x-rays coming from Uranus and that was, wow.

• 5:15Speaker 05

  Good, good times.

• 5:17Bob Muyskens?

  Good times. There's a lot of ideas here, too.

• 5:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, we used to tell a lot more personal stories than we realized we only had like 50 stories and then after 10 episodes, we were pretty used up.

• 5:27Bob Muyskens?

  Is that transportation? No. What episode is that? Camping?

• 5:31Speaker 05

  I don't know. I have no idea. It might just be examples we came up when we were actually brainstorming.

• 5:37Bob Muyskens?

  That's crazy, man.

• 5:38Speaker 05

  There's an actual transcript that for some reason I have of the Anything Goes episode, episode 60. No idea why.

• 5:46Bob Muyskens?

  A just a straight up transcript?

• 5:48Speaker 05

  It looks like a transcript. It's got Baltimore in the beginning, it's got me saying host, you responding, it's got us delineated by our usernames. We actually had a plan for this show at one point, that's weird.

• 5:58Bob Muyskens?

  Five years ago on this podcast was the first time we talked about how Wade is the king of meat. I can't believe that. That was then the first 20 episodes of the show.

• 6:09Speaker 05

  That's still a very quoted thing. People, I meet people, they're like, it's an honor to meet the king of meat. I'm like, y'all, I eat a bit less than I used to.

• 6:16Bob Muyskens?

  You don't, though. We were at a steakhouse this past weekend.

• 6:20Speaker 05

  I stopped whenever everyone else did.

• 6:21Bob Muyskens?

  You looked so disappointed when the last guy at the table turned his over and you were like, um, I did say I would stop when everyone was done, so.

• 6:30Speaker 05

  I did stop. Dramatically, maybe.

• 6:33Bob Muyskens?

  If a guy had walked in with piccata on a sword, you would have immediately been like, nah, I'm gonna eat some more and.

• 6:39Speaker 05

  Well, you know, it's Schrodinger's piccata. We'll never know because it never came in.

• 6:44Bob Muyskens?

  Oh, yeah, piccata. Did I say piccata? That's food.

• 6:47Speaker 05

  Piccata.

• 6:47Bob Muyskens?

  Piccata piccata.

• 6:49Speaker 05

  Top sirloin is, mm.

• 6:51Bob Muyskens?

  Chicken, chicken piccata.

• 6:53Speaker 05

  We have it delivered right now.

• 6:55Bob Muyskens?

  What a historical moment. Historical in that it's old, not in that it is important or meaningful, but.

• 7:01Speaker 05

  Historical in the context of us.

• 7:03Bob Muyskens?

  Do we have any recordings of the, the versions of the show we did that we ended up not using the concepts? Did we record those or do we just like fuck around a lot? I can't even.

• 7:14Speaker 05

  We recorded them because hair was originally one of the ones we didn't know that would make it and then hair, we like, ah, we like that, let's go with that. That's why hair is the first episode. It was like the 15th attempt, but it was the one we were, the first one we were like, yeah, that seems like a good, good one.

• 7:27Bob Muyskens?

  I don't know. It would be, I mean, we recorded everything one up, but we did streams of kind of test with, no, we didn't.

• 7:34Speaker 05

  We had to because some of the stories I think were taken from those episodes and saved.

• 7:38Bob Muyskens?

  Yeah, we rehash some of them, I think.

• 7:40Speaker 05

  Wasn't your Russian bathhouse story one of the ones that was originally?

• 7:43Bob Muyskens?

  I think that was, I think you're right.

• 7:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:45Bob Muyskens?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, that's true. That's a good story. Ah, good times. Well, anyway, that's all old news. Everything's better now, more streamlined, more well-defined, honed to a razor's edge of pure murderous comedy, just like everybody likes.

• 8:06Speaker 05

  Yay.

• 8:07Bob Muyskens?

  Well, I'll allow as much time for small talk as we want. How are you guys doing this week?

• 8:12Speaker 05

  Oh, pretty good. I don't know, Mark, do you have something? I got something. I don't know if you got something.

• 8:16Bob Muyskens?

  I got some, but I was talking about the, the ancient history, so you go, you go next or first.

• 8:22Speaker 05

  Bob and I were both at a wedding this week and Bob officiated, went really well. You did a great job.

• 8:26Bob Muyskens?

  Thanks.

• 8:27Speaker 05

  Molly and I had to come home. Uh, her surgery as of the recording of this is like two days from now and she has to take like protein shakes at certain increments or something before the surgery. So she didn't take a protein shake and we did a little bit of house cleaning because her mom's coming to stay with us to look after her after her surgery. And then I hopped on War Dogs and I was like, yeah, I'm gonna play some more War Dogs and I had a great time. Played till like 2:00 in the morning, 2:30 in the morning and I was like, oh man, I better get ready for bed. Shut down my office, turn off the lights, head upstairs, get ready to get into bed. And I hear like voices, kind of like quiet voices, but I hear voices as I'm getting into bed. And then, uh, we have a camera, so I looked at our camera and there are three people and a dog walking around our house.

• 9:09Speaker 05

  And I'm like, that's a weird occurrence at 3:30 now in the morning? What is happening? Why are there, they have flashlights? Oh, they're wearing police vests. I've seen this movie once before. Am I living through another drug bust? Am I getting swatted? What is happening? So I crawl out of bed, I go and I'm looking at the camera, trying to see if I can make out what they're saying. I really can't. So I look up a non-emergency police hotline. So I crawl on this, I'm sitting on the stairs, like humbling on the stairs and I call the non-emergency police hotline. I'm like, hello? Yeah, I'm calling, there's people outside my house. They have a dog, they have police vests, I, is something happening? And they're like, sir, what's your address?

• 9:51Speaker 05

  Oh, I live, I give my address. Hmm, well, you called the city of Cincinnati. What you need is. Told me this specific thing I need to call and they, they transferred me and then they, I was on the call when they called, they're like. Yeah, so this guy called, there's people in his yard, he's worried about it or something. Uh, this is for you, you guys can handle it. I was like, I can hear you guys, I'm right here. Yeah, yeah, be on the line. Yeah, yeah, I'm here. What can we do for you? I just want to know. Here's my address. There are people. Yeah, it's not for you. Don't worry about it.

• 10:25Bob Muyskens?

  Oh, okay. That doesn't feel like enough explanation at all.

• 10:30Speaker 05

  So yeah, I eventually found out what it was about. I'm going to keep it a little bit more brief because I don't want to dox myself, but uh, it was very strange. It was very strange waking up and not waking up, but like trying to get ready for bed.

• 10:40Bob Muyskens?

  Were you in any amount of danger with whatever they were looking, or was it just, they were just looking for something?

• 10:46Speaker 05

  There was a, there was a thing they were looking for. We were fine, but like they, they approached the house at a time when I had just shut off all the lights, which had to have looked sus as hell at three in the morning for them to be like, all right, we're going to go see if there's anything light out, light out, light out, light out.

• 11:00Bob Muyskens?

  Hmm. Interesting. And they did like full loops around the house. Like they walked right up to our door and stuff like it. I, I really thought, I really thought something was happening to us, but thankfully not. I don't like that. I wouldn't, I would not have enjoyed that very much at all.

• 11:17Speaker 05

  Yeah. Cause there was just a guy wearing like a big like orange, like he was not camouflaged in any way, shape or form. He was very much, I'm standing out and I'm the person who holds the dog. And then there were like two police officers trailing behind with flashlights. So they were, they were tracking something, someone. Thankfully it was not us. It just, very strange. And the timing of me literally going upstairs and shutting off the lights, then all of a sudden,

• 11:41Speaker 05

  out from outside the window was like, wait, hold on. That's not the wind, right? What is that?

• 11:46Bob Muyskens?

  And it might have been. You got that talking wind. I've had that before.

• 11:50Speaker 06

  Like any game I've ever played, the guards are always like, must've been the wind.

• 11:55Speaker 05

  Well, I get it. I used to be a wind like them till I took an arrow to the ass.

• 12:00Speaker 06

  You played different games than me. You got, you got different, uh, different suggestions coming up.

• 12:05Bob Muyskens?

  Wade's, Wade's Steam library is 90% porn, porn parodies of real video games. Yeah.

• 12:11Speaker 05

  I play the new Steam games. I've been behind the times for so long. It's like, you know what? The new up and coming Steam games is the ones I should play.

• 12:18Bob Muyskens?

  He was lying. He didn't get on War Dogs. He had on Raw Dogs. Different experience entirely.

• 12:24Speaker 05

  Where are we dropping, boys?

• 12:26Speaker 06

  These jokes I've heard, I've heard these jokes somewhere before.

• 12:29Bob Muyskens?

  We may have rehearsed this just before we clicked record.

• 12:33Speaker 05

  Rehearsed is a strong, we may have discussed this and then hit record.

• 12:36Bob Muyskens?

  Wade was testing some stuff out. Anyway, that's more, that's not the kind of small talk I was gonna, I was expecting. That's weird. Well, I'm glad you didn't end up getting shot or going to jail. That's good.

• 12:47Speaker 05

  Same. Me too. Yeah.

• 12:49Bob Muyskens?

  And that would have been a real bummer.

• 12:50Speaker 05

  But uh, in such circumstances, there is a non-emergency hotline you can call to get information and they may judge you for calling, but they will give you some info.

• 12:59Bob Muyskens?

  Yeah. I, I do feel like that's obvious to me, but that's an important, yeah, that's an important thing to know. You should probably look up what the non-emergency, lines are for like emergency services in your area. It's good to have police, fire department, uh, stuff.

• 13:13Speaker 05

  I think it's the second or third time I've had to call before. Cause we had a, we thought we had a gas leak one time and we called and then I had people acting strange.

• 13:21Bob Muyskens?

  Valuable info. Cause when you have people with a dog circling your house is not the moment you want to be on Google and be like, oh, that's the next town over. Fuck. Oh, non-emergent. I can't type.

• 13:32Speaker 05

  Well, I'm a Cincinnati. Yeah. It was an interesting wedding night.

• 13:37Bob Muyskens?

  Baseltoff. Mark, how's your, how's your talk?

• 13:41Speaker 06

  The world of SCP is in turmoil. For those of you don't know, SCP stands for Secure, Contain, Protect. The SCP Wiki has been a repository of numerous stories, horror and otherwise that I have talked about at length, played games of, that are about that and people know of, before the Backrooms occurred. It was, it was the SCP Foundation from the very beginning. And there is apparently a movie being made about the SCP Foundation, uh, that was, uh, initially brought up by a company called V slash H slash S, which I, I'm not familiar with too much of their stuff. It was founded in 2012.

• 14:22Speaker 06

  Um, and it's like a found footage horror anthology film. And then there's a franchise that's about it. Yeah. It's complicated because there's, they've had numerous releases that are all under the VHS moniker. And so VHS SCP is apparently the next thing that they're going to be making. And 824 has recently, uh, announced that they're going to be also involved in either the distribution or the production thereof. However, neither of these organizations and no one involved in the production thereof has contacted the SCP Foundation, or anyone on the SCP Wiki, or any of the authors behind the original works. For those that don't know, SCP Foundation material is protected by the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License, which means,

• 15:07Speaker 06

  it allows for the production of derivative works, whether commercially or otherwise, subject to certain restrictions. The share alike aspect means that creators of derivative works are obligated to release those works under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License, SCC, or CC BY slash SA 3.0 or later. Many fans have created adaptations of the original product by utilizing the rights granted by our license, including unofficial SCP's cartoons, dramatic readings and more. 824, Spooky Pictures and other involved companies would be able to legally distribute the film to theaters, stream it online, provided they release it under the CC BY SA 3.0 license or later, which means they would not be permitted to distribute it with any DRM or any effective technology that would prevent it from being copied.

• 15:51Speaker 06

  They would not be able to establish any sort of exclusive, exclusivity with respect to distribution. Just as anyone who follows the license can redistribute and create derivative works based on the SCP Foundation articles on their Wiki, anyone will be able to do the same with their film. For example, you could take their film, then re-edit it, or just upload it in its entirety to your YouTube channel and they cannot do anything about it. There will be, any commercial streaming service would require the, the movie be free to stream. Because if they don't do any of this, they lose the license to it. They lose the ability to make anything. So if they, they, as these production companies,

• 16:31Speaker 06

  guaranteed will try, would try to put some protections on it and they won't be able to, and would therefore lose the license and therefore would not be able to make the material about the SCP Foundation.

• 16:43Speaker 05

  So what you're trying to say is, it's our movie, comrade.

• 16:46Speaker 06

  Yes, exactly. As soon as it gets out, it would be everyone's movie to, to make and redistribute as they need, so long as it's under the same license. That's, that's the whole thing about it.

• 16:56Speaker 07

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• 17:01Speaker 00

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• 17:13Speaker 00

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• 17:18Speaker 00

  Great coffee without the grind. Keurig.

• 17:23Bob Muyskens?

  Is there any discussion about this that they're trying to go not follow those rules or anything? Or is it just the obvious fear that because clearly these companies are producing this movie in an effort to make money, as is the way that they function, then they will clearly probably seek out the RM stuff and, and try and treat it like it's copyrighted work. Even though that's not how that license works.

• 17:47Speaker 06

  Yes, exactly. That would be the tricky part of it. 824, they want to sit down with 824, Spooky Pictures and VHS and other parties to discuss options, how they could make and distribute the film while complying with the license, but they haven't. They haven't reached out to anybody. They haven't reached out to them. They have no idea what they're planning to do with it, but given that they, this is traditional movie companies that don't have any usual methods to not do it in this way, there is no guarantee that they would ever honor it. And they're probably maybe counting on the fact that the SCP Foundation is not exactly wealthy and therefore they wouldn't have the legal means to fight it.

• 18:26Speaker 05

  You said a lot of things and I got the gist of it. Like I kept thinking of, uh, the Guardians of the Galaxy, Kurt Russell, uh, Peter Quill's mom moment where she's like, I don't know what you're saying, but I like the way you say it.

• 18:37Bob Muyskens?

  Yeah.

• 18:38Speaker 05

  A lot of acronyms, VHS, DRM, MSRP, you know?

• 18:42Speaker 06

  That's it. That's it. It's the same way as like with, with the Backrooms, right? So the Backrooms was not created under this license. The Backrooms, the original creator, who the fuck knows who that is?

• 18:53Speaker 05

  Tim Backroom.

• 18:54Speaker 06

  Tim Backroom. What they did was they created a copyright around Kane Parsons' interpretation of the Backrooms. And therefore that's, that's what they were going for. This does not apply in this scenario. They would not be able to create a separate copyright for anything that they would make about the SCP. It has to be under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License. Has to be.

• 19:16Speaker 05

  Well, it'll be fun to see what happens when this comes out.

• 19:19Speaker 06

  It will be interesting, uh, but everyone just be prepared to help defend the SCP Wiki, because if they did manage to convince some, I don't know, legal organization to fight and create a copyright, they could then in turn, turn around and try to take down the SCP Wiki or something. That's probably sensationalizing a little bit, but I could see it. It happened with, uh, the Backrooms when they were trying to like, suddenly they were trying to take down other people's projects, maybe inadvertently or as part of the, you know, just the automated system. But you know, they, they tried and there was backlash about it and they, they had to do it, but it, it cannot be assumed that they have the goodwill of the people in mind when they're doing this sort of stuff. So there has to be some kind of guardrails and people ready to defend it, I think.

• 19:59Bob Muyskens?

  Yeah. Well, and as a complete outsider, but as a person who, in a very loose, general way, understands how businesses work, I'm not even sure that the production companies and people who are going to try and sell this movie and want to make money off of it have. Existing mechanisms that they could release it under that would follow and satisfy the Creative Commons license, right? Movie production companies and generally that process is relatively locked in. They have procedures, they all have strict rights that they they require to like that the company holds, that's that's part of the agreement or they're not going to produce the movie. Like I, again, knowing none of the actual internal details of this, I just find it

• 20:43Bob Muyskens?

  hard to believe that they're going to comply with the Creative Commons license fully or or, you know, in a way that will satisfy, which just means like this is an inevitable crash. And I hope, I hope that some legal support like nonprofit or, you know, some law firm will do some pro bono work or do something on conflict. I hope that there are legal professionals who are ready to help because it's insanely expensive. If you look into any of the like individual YouTubers have given a lot of info about when they've had to deal with lawsuits, especially around like copyright stuff or other issues. It's insanely expensive and I would be shocked if the SCP Wiki or like whatever entity has

• 21:26Bob Muyskens?

  remotely enough money to put up a meaningful fight at all. If a big company decided they were going to try and take this copyright, they were just going to do what they're going to do to make money off the thing. So this is all theoretical, but also it feels like that's an unavoidable outcome of what's happening based on what you're describing, which is crazy.

• 21:46Speaker 06

  Yeah. It's one of the reasons to think you could be like, oh, they'll do something differently is like, no, not necessarily because the inherent mechanisms to get movies out to theaters require you to send to most theaters a DCP, which is a digital cinema package. And that inherently has DRM in it because it's usually tied with a key delivery message, a KDM that is tied to the specific projectors at the theater it's being played at. Inherently using the distribution method that movies are in America at least done with would violate the terms of the license. Therefore they couldn't do that.

• 22:25Speaker 06

  They could send an MP4 to the theaters and say, hey, here, put this on your projectors. They could send an MOV, you know? I don't think they could send a DCP. I don't think they could.

• 22:37Bob Muyskens?

  Pull out your 2004 iPod and you can watch this movie.

• 22:41Speaker 06

  Pretty much, yeah.

• 22:42Bob Muyskens?

  Can you guys do a USB 2.0 flash drive? Does that work? I just plug that in the projector or how does that? Yeah, no, I'm sure that'll be fine. I'm sure that there are no huge blowups coming from that.

• 22:55Speaker 05

  We could find out what's going on. We could disguise ourselves as someone named like Speckless Spin and go into the movie production, try to see what's going on and see if we can get their Legos or see if we can figure out where the license is.

• 23:08Bob Muyskens?

  You should do that. I'd watch that.

• 23:10Speaker 05

  I don't have the hair. I feel like you have to have a good amount of hair for that.

• 23:13Bob Muyskens?

  They sell wigs. But we can hook you up with a great wig maker. A lot of Legos are bald.

• 23:18Speaker 05

  You mean SCPs?

• 23:20Bob Muyskens?

  Yeah, I thought you said Legos. You said Lego.

• 23:22Speaker 05

  That was a misspeak. I was parodying the reckless Ben Lego thing. I'm curious what's going on with reckless Ben. Like my entire feed was like 50 different. Yeah, so I was like, we just need that to happen for the SCP Foundation.

• 23:33Bob Muyskens?

  I just latched on to the Lego.

• 23:35Speaker 05

  As one does, they latch on to you if you step on them.

• 23:37Speaker 06

  Anyway, just wanted to raise awareness for this so people could know. And this statement was put up at the SCP Foundation like it would be last week as of this recording, which would have been about maybe a week and a half ago when people see this.

• 23:50Speaker 05

  So lawyers out there watching this, get your Bono pills ready because we're going to get it up for the SCP Foundation.

• 23:56Bob Muyskens?

  Well, that's interesting. Not the good kind of interesting, but it's very interesting.

• 24:00Speaker 05

  I haven't seen, a lot of people were really mad about the Resident Evil movie, apparently. And then it came out and apparently a lot of people really liked the Resident Evil movie. There was a lot of controversy around that one too. So hopefully SCP and the movie work it out and then it comes up, it's a good movie. That'd be nice.

• 24:14Speaker 07

  Yeah, it'll be fun.

• 24:16Bob Muyskens?

  I have a game and it's a good game, a beautiful game, a simple game, and it involves a coin. You're not, your coin's just my coin.

• 24:24Speaker 05

  Oh, okay.

• 24:26Bob Muyskens?

  It might not be the most fair game, so it might involve all of our coins at some point.

• 24:30Speaker 05

  Oh my goodness.

• 24:31Bob Muyskens?

  Today's game is called grilled or fried.

• 24:36Speaker 05

  Oh, I'm so hungry.

• 24:38Bob Muyskens?

  Oh, good. I'm glad this is perfect. We're going to be discussing whether certain foods sure are better served grilled or fried. And they're the best foods, they're the most delicious foods. And the point of all of this is to ultimately decide which is the superior cooking method. And I think a lot of people hear that and might have their answer ahead of time. And I think we've got some interesting discussions ahead that may change your mind about some of this. We're going to talk about some foods and then we're going to decide at the end which is the clearly superior method. And one more thing, each round, each new food item, and for the final round of decidenating, you will be randomly assigned which cooking method.

• 25:20Bob Muyskens?

  You have to choose and you will have to advocate for whatever food it is to be cooked in whatever way you have been assigned.

• 25:28Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 25:29Bob Muyskens?

  And we'll start off pretty easy. We'll ease into this, but we're going to go some places and I'm curious who's going to win the debate.

• 25:37Speaker 05

  Stop saying salmon.

• 25:38Bob Muyskens?

  What?

• 25:39Speaker 05

  I was starting my brain, really wanted some salmon.

• 25:42Bob Muyskens?

  I could add salmon if you want.

• 25:43Speaker 05

  To my belly? Yes.

• 25:45Bob Muyskens?

  Wade is heads, which is the lady, Marcus tails, which is the lion. I'm going to flip at a, for each new one, I'm just going to flip and whoever comes up, they are going to be fried and the other person is going to be grilled. For the first round, we're going to be talking about chicken. Chicken's an easy one, right?

• 26:02Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 26:03Bob Muyskens?

  And on the side of fried will be Mark.

• 26:07Speaker 06

  All right.

• 26:09Bob Muyskens?

  And on the side of grilled will be Wade.

• 26:11Speaker 05

  Wowee.

• 26:13Speaker 06

  Who's going first?

• 26:14Bob Muyskens?

  I mean, Mark, you can go first.

• 26:15Speaker 06

  Okay. All right. Fried chicken is obviously superior in so many ways because you can get it original. You can get it extra crispy. You can get some weird pressure cooked fried version of it. You can get the Korean fried version, which actually I feel is vastly superior because it's double fried. And everyone knows when you fry something twice, it's twice as good. Oh man, there's no more satisfying a feeling than ripping the skin off of a fried chicken and just crunching down on that bad boy. You can season it with whatever you want. You can slather it in whatever you want. Every goodness that Wade could possibly say about his grilled chicken also applies to fried chicken because all those flavors come right back to me in the fried corner.

• 26:57Speaker 06

  So there's literally no way that he could possibly say it would be better. And I will end it with saying, if you took a grilled chicken, Patty, and then fried it, it would be better.

• 27:08Bob Muyskens?

  Strong argument. Thank you. Very passionate about the fried chicken. Wade, you've selected grilled chicken against your will?

• 27:16Speaker 05

  He was talking about fried chicken and where did that lead him? Back to me. He couldn't get grilled out of his mouth, out of his mind because he knew grilled was the way to go. Look, I'm not going to lie, fried chicken tastes delicious. It's very, very good. But have you ever fried something in your kitchen and had to deal with that smell and the mess of fried and the fried oils and stuff all over the place? It's kind of messy, kind of stinky, it lingers and fried's a lot less good for you? As a person who loves fried food, health wise, there's a lot of things you don't want to eat there. Whatever you think of like a perfect day, I don't know about you, for me, I think of like a beautiful summer day where you can go outside on the deck, like grill out and hang out with friends.

• 27:57Speaker 05

  And grill out is the key ingredient here because grilling your chicken, grilling your, you know, ear of corn, having like some nice fruits and vegetables, what a beautiful meal. And the reason, and a big part of it is the grill. The grill is outside, so all of your stink and mess stays out there. The food comes out, it is absolutely delicious. A nice juicy piece of grilled chicken with like some barbecue sauce or insert whatever kind of sauce you want to use here. I really could go for some barbecue chicken right now. And Mark even said. Oh man, you know what's really good? If you grill chicken, then fry it. The first part of that was still using the grill. I don't have to fry my grilled chicken or grill my fried chicken. I'm just going to grill.

• 28:39Speaker 05

  It's so good, so juicy and better for you. Less mess, less smell.

• 28:45Bob Muyskens?

  Very good points, Wade.

• 28:47Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 28:48Bob Muyskens?

  Mark wins.

• 28:49Speaker 06

  Yeah. I had rebuttals prepared and everything.

• 28:53Bob Muyskens?

  You almost got me, but you kept mentioning how healthy it is? And I gotta say, that's not a strong selling point on when I'm looking to just absolutely enjoy the shit out of some food. But day to day, when I'm making my choices in life, I care about how healthy something.

• 29:08Speaker 05

  That wasn't established as a parameters.

• 29:10Bob Muyskens?

  Okay, let's assume we're just like, man, it's a great, we're celebrating something. What are we going to eat? And is it going to be grilled or fried? I did change the rules on you, which is something that I'm not going to say.

• 29:22Speaker 05

  Oh, go on, go on, say it, coward.

• 29:25Bob Muyskens?

  It's not my call to make. The next food we're going to talk about is steak.

• 29:32Bob Muyskens?

  Mark, you get fried again. Easy. And Wade, you can go first. Steak grilled. You go.

• 29:39Speaker 05

  Look, there's country fried steak, which I've never even had. When you think of a steak, in no world is the first thing that comes to mind, breading or fry. The first that comes to mind is the nice charred lines of a grill. You flip that steak a couple of times on the grill. You maybe marinate some teriyaki or something. I don't know what kind it is, or people can use their sauces if they need to. A steak off the grill is the way to eat steak. If you're not salivating thinking about it already, I don't know what to say. You've been doing steak incorrectly. I know people that had steak like in the oven. I don't know about fried, because that's crazy talk. And they thought they didn't like steak. They had one steak on the grill with me and they were like, oh, my God, this is what steak is supposed to be. And the answer is yes, because

• 30:23Speaker 05

  steak on the grill is the definition of steak. Period.

• 30:28Speaker 06

  I have a secret to tell all of you people. The best restaurants you've ever been to for steak, deep fry their steaks. The latest methods in steak, this is not a lie, this is not made up. This is actually true. In beef tallow, they take steaks that are deeply chilled or even frozen, because the temperature gradient is what they're going for. The convective heat conduction of oil transfers heat faster than any other method of cooking a meat. And therefore, you get the outside cooked to perfection of that dark brown crust that you want, while the inside maintains

• 31:11Speaker 06

  its medium rare temperature, which everyone knows is the best way to eat a steak. There's no other temperature really that you should eat a steak at, depending, of course, on how depraved you are. You know, I'm, I'm willing to account for certain levels of depravity out there to each their own. But this is, this is not made up. There are multiple videos that you can see from top chefs nowadays, talking about the method of deep frying steaks and raising them quickly from a cold temperature, because it allows the perfect gradient of crispy, like cooked outside to soft juicy interior. And as we all know, even if they're not doing that,

• 31:50Speaker 06

  they're basting it in butter in the pan, which is just frying it in a different container. And all, all of the best steakhouses in the world do this.

• 32:04Speaker 05

  You know what they don't do it? At home, where steaks are still the best.

• 32:07Bob Muyskens?

  Hmm, that's tough. I have to say, I'm decent at cooking steaks. I definitely have that feeling where I'm like, when I go to a really good steakhouse and I have that, man, I wish I could make this at home. Because you can't, because it's tough. It's tough to replicate, because I'm not a chef. I didn't think this was going to be so tough. I thought I knew the answer to this one.

• 32:27Speaker 05

  You know, in your heart of heart, you know.

• 32:29Bob Muyskens?

  I still have to give it to Wade.

• 32:31Speaker 05

  Oh, thank you. Jesus.

• 32:33Bob Muyskens?

  I think Mark made that a lot closer than I thought it would ever be, because that was very interesting information.

• 32:39Speaker 05

  It was, actually.

• 32:41Bob Muyskens?

  And that makes me want to try it, except that I don't want to deep fry anything in my house, because it's absolute nightmare. Well, you don't know, you could do the butter based, you could do the butter based method. I have done that. That is pretty sick. I just really like grilling. I like a nice charcoal grill. I like the act of it. That's fair. That's fair.

• 32:58Speaker 05

  So what's the, what's the thing? They, they bake the steak and then like, deep fry or fry it to sear? Is that?

• 33:03Bob Muyskens?

  It's called the reverse, the inverse sear method or something. A lot of places will like sous vide the steak up to a temperature or do it in the oven and then finish the outside.

• 33:12Speaker 06

  That they've discovered that if you do it from a deep chill, straight into the hottest oil you can, it will make a perfect medium rare. And this is not something you could do at home. Legitimately, you're right. It's not really something that is accessible.

• 33:26Bob Muyskens?

  Well, especially deep frying in beef tallow is like, I don't know where you buy an amount of beef tallow to fill a deep fryer, but that's not.

• 33:34Speaker 06

  That is also the thing.

• 33:36Speaker 05

  Deep fryers are made to handle beef tallow.

• 33:38Speaker 06

  It also can be dangerous, because if you're going from like a frozen steak right in there, it could explode.

• 33:44Bob Muyskens?

  Yeah, you have to be careful with the water content. Yeah. Interesting. Interesting. Interesting. I like this. Good job. That was close, Mark. That was very good. I'm impressed. Uh, next one. Hot dog.

• 33:58Bob Muyskens?

  Mark, you get fried again. All right.

• 34:03Bob Muyskens?

  Sorry. That's all right. You know what? I feel like I need a coin cam just to be like, I'm not, it's, this is happening. I don't, it's only three in a row. We've gone, we've had, we've, we've had way better stretches than that. It'll be fine. Mark, you get to go first this time.

• 34:16Speaker 06

  I would like to hearken you all back to your childhood for this one. Think of the hot dogs you ate when you were just a kid. There was no option to heat them any other way than just on the stove top you had. And how did you do that? In a pot of water. That's right. You boiled them. You boiled your hot dogs to get them up to temperature, because they were already cooked. They don't, you don't need to do anything other than, than, than doing that. Now, fast forward, you're an adult, sophisticated. You guys, well off, you can afford maybe some fryer, maybe an air fryer, which I think still counts in this regard.

• 34:54Bob Muyskens?

  I'm gonna count that, count that.

• 34:55Speaker 06

  You've evolved past boiling, but the ingrained concept of surrounding it in some other fluid substance, air or otherwise, you know, is, is calling to you more than just the simple boil. You're sophisticated. You don't want to look too back on your childhood, but you want to pay respects where you came from. You go into your deep fryer, your air fryer to heat up your hot dog, because you want the speed, you want the efficiency, you want that meal ready to go. And you're not going to microwave it. Ew. It's going to explode everywhere. It's going to be goopy. I think, I think even my opponent can agree that microwaving is not the superior method here.

• 35:32Bob Muyskens?

  Convenient, not superior.

• 35:33Speaker 06

  We're all on board. Can't, can't disagree with that, right? But I think that you can agree that frying is going to offer you that nice crisp bite, so that the casing, when you're, when you're just taking your first bite and it really snaps, ooh, can only get that from a non-exploited version. And I hate to say it, the grill does sometimes explode them. Does sometimes explode them. And also, it gets burnt, and I don't like the burnt taste.

• 35:59Bob Muyskens?

  What do you got, Wade?

• 36:00Speaker 05

  So you can explode them. You can probably do that if you leave them on the stove too long, too, I'd imagine. But like, let's rank the orders of convenience. Like microwave, very convenient. Probably the worst. Next, putting a pot of water is pretty easy. You toss a hot dog in there, boil it, it's ready. Lighting up the grill is a bit more work, but like the reward, the smoky flavor, the char marks, putting that thing in a bun, fresh off the grill, putting whatever toppings, or, you know, here in Cincinnati, chili cheese, if you have it, on that hot dog. The added smoky flavor you get from like a charcoal grill, even a propane grill, I imagine to some extent, I've always done charcoal grills, but propane grill, I imagine, does a similar thing. That added smokiness is, is not to be understated. And on a hot dog, I'm a person

• 36:44Speaker 05

  that doesn't even put stuff on a hot dog unless it's like chili and cheese. I don't do mustard and onion and all that stuff. So the hot dog itself, the flavor matters a lot. And when that skin has that little bit of like charring to it and that charcoaly smoke flavor, it's so much better than the convenient microwave, which I'm guilty of using a lot, or even the boil, the air fryer. Those will get it done. Those don't add. The grill adds. But the result, if you burn it, that's user error. Don't, don't blame the grill.

• 37:09Bob Muyskens?

  God, that's a close one. I have to give that one to Wade, though.

• 37:12Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah, I'm not gonna lie. Grilling is, is clearly the superior way to do a hot dog. Although, I will say, I microwave all of my hot dogs.

• 37:21Bob Muyskens?

  I do, I do go to the microwave a lot. I, I will say, though, you know, you know, I hoped you would go for Mark, that I thought would have bought you some points. I would have counted corn dogs as fried hot dogs.

• 37:33Speaker 05

  I thought you were gonna go corn dogs as well.

• 37:35Bob Muyskens?

  Because corn dogs is a hell of a thing.

• 37:38Speaker 06

  I would consider that, yeah, slightly different food for that.

• 37:42Bob Muyskens?

  But it's additional, so it's like more, it's sort of a recipe with a hot dog in it.

• 37:46Speaker 06

  I bet air fried corn dogs would be really good.

• 37:48Bob Muyskens?

  Oh, I've done that. Yeah, yeah. If you just get like frozen corn dogs from the store and then air fry them, next level. They're, they, they come out like they're fresh out of the fryer and they're still frozen corn dogs, but they're way better.

• 38:00Speaker 05

  I don't know if you can grill a corn dog. Not gonna lie. I don't know if that works.

• 38:03Speaker 06

  Yeah, that'd be, you can grill corn, you can grill, but it's like so bready, it'd be like toasting it.

• 38:09Bob Muyskens?

  You can grill, you can grill corn, you can grill a hot dog. You have to be able to grill a corn dog, right?

• 38:15Speaker 06

  It only makes sense.

• 38:17Speaker 05

  I have a corn. I have a dog. Corn dog.

• 38:22Bob Muyskens?

  Next, what we're gonna talk about is sandwich.

• 38:27Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 38:27Bob Muyskens?

  Just generally sandwiches. You could talk about any kind of sandwich. On the side of fried will be, for the first time, Wade.

• 38:35Speaker 05

  All right.

• 38:35Bob Muyskens?

  And you get to go first. So fried sandwiches, Wade. Wow me.

• 38:39Speaker 05

  All right. Mark's already sold you. He got the point for fried chicken. Fried chicken sandwich, like a Chick-fil-A sandwich, or a chicken sandwich in general. Fried chicken, man, it's so good on bread.

• 38:49Bob Muyskens?

  Oh, we already talked about chicken. Calm down.

• 38:51Speaker 05

  I'm just, well, you add bread, it's a sandwich.

• 38:54Bob Muyskens?

  I'm talking about the whole sandwich here. A fried sandwich.

• 38:57Speaker 05

  And you can also deep fry a sandwich. You dip that whole thing in batter. It's like a deep fried Oreo. You could deep fry pretty much anything. If you want that batter, that crunch on top of just the bread and whatever, I guess, fillings you want, go ahead, deep fry that thing. A grilled cheese, a grilled cheese, I guess counts as fried, right? You're buttering and putting it on a stove top. So that's a fried sandwich.

• 39:17Bob Muyskens?

  A grilled cheese counts as fried? Excuse me? Excuse me?

• 39:23Speaker 05

  Isn't that weird that if you say that out loud? Isn't that strange? But it is. You toss it on the stove. You don't toss it on the grill.

• 39:29Speaker 06

  It depends on how you make a grilled cheese.

• 39:31Speaker 05

  The standard grilled cheese is fried.

• 39:34Bob Muyskens?

  I would say that the average grilled cheese is, is pan fried sandwich. I would say that's accurate.

• 39:41Speaker 06

  That's pan seared. Pan seared, maybe. Toasted, if you will. I will not, I will not relinquish the grilled cheese to being fried. It's not a fried grilled cheese. It is a grilled cheese.

• 39:56Speaker 05

  It blows my mind, too, that it's mislabeled, but it really is.

• 40:00Speaker 06

  I will declare this, if you want, I, I, you want, you want to go? You want to go, bro?

• 40:06Speaker 05

  If you want to determine the fate of what a grilled cheese is, man, go for it.

• 40:10Speaker 06

  You will be double grilled by the time I'm done with this.

• 40:14Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah? You coward, do it.

• 40:16Speaker 06

  It would be unfair to call a grilled cheese a fried sandwich.

• 40:22Bob Muyskens?

  All right, did the thing.

• 40:24Speaker 05

  I'm glad we're getting this out of the way now.

• 40:26Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, all right.

• 40:29Bob Muyskens?

  So.

• 40:29Speaker 05

  Fuck.

• 40:31Bob Muyskens?

  I got heads.

• 40:33Speaker 05

  Okay, well.

• 40:34Speaker 06

  Triangle of fairness, it's on the ground.

• 40:36Bob Muyskens?

  Don't overexert yourself. Wade and I already got heads and tails.

• 40:39Speaker 06

  Okay, all right, okay, then, well, those tails.

• 40:41Speaker 05

  All right.

• 40:42Speaker 06

  Tails, all right.

• 40:43Bob Muyskens?

  The lady saved us.

• 40:45Speaker 05

  Even with the name, we've just confirmed a grilled cheese is typically fried. And let me, let me do a little side tangent here. Back in like 2011, 2012, Steak and Shake, at least the one in Milford, our hometown, they had this thing called the 3D grilled cheese, where again, they took a hot, they took a burger bun, flipped it inside out, and then fried the outside of it, made it like a grilled cheese, and then they put like the burger and bacon cheese, whatever. It was so good. That extra little bit of searing on the bread.

• 41:17Speaker 05

  Delicious. If I'm gonna take the win on grilled cheeses, then yeah, frying? Yes, please.

• 41:24Speaker 06

  All right, let me win here real quick. There is only one thing I need to say for grilling sandwiches that will instantly disarm any argument. Panini press. There is only one superior method to adding heat to sandwiches, and that is through a panini press. And if you will look up all of your panini presses, what do they have? Iconic grill lines. And all of us who are too poor to afford a proper panini press may do with a George Foreman grill. The superior way to make a grilled cheese. And let me tell you, those dignified

• 42:05Speaker 06

  auteurs of food over in whatever country you want to insert here, I'm not naming specifics, you know, for your various pastramis and whatever and yada yadas, they have their delightful panini presses, all of which can do an exact amount of PSI on there to get those, those prongs grilled properly, and nothing looks better, looks better than the aesthetic of a proper panini pressed sandwich, whatever type, even if, even if grilled cheese, if the fate decides that that's a fried thing, so be it. The world of sandwiches is wider than that of cheese, and I say that there is a breadth of bread based foods, dare I go so far, a breadth of bread based foods that you can panini press.

• 42:47Speaker 05

  Where do you use a panini press? Is it on the stove?

• 42:49Bob Muyskens?

  No, it's, it's a device. It's a, it's basically a George Foreman. A George Foreman is basically a glorified panini press.

• 42:56Speaker 05

  They do like, they do a pretty even toasting the panini presses, right? That's, that's hard to beat.

• 43:00Bob Muyskens?

  It's a heck of a sandwich.

• 43:01Speaker 06

  It's a heck of a sandwich. And oh, you can put any sandwich in there.

• 43:05Speaker 05

  Hard to beat, but you can't, can, you can, you have more control in the stove over your Christmas and butter amount, but like the panini press, very consistent.

• 43:12Bob Muyskens?

  The panini press is like Ron Popeye land. You don't need to have control. You set it and forget it, because it's designed to make exactly what you want. You don't have to worry about it. And it do. I know that may have felt like I was on Mark's side, because I was, because Mark clearly won that.

• 43:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:28Speaker 06

  Thank you, thank you. Sorry to all the grilled cheese people. I really, I fumbled that coin toss real bad.

• 43:34Bob Muyskens?

  I did appreciate that you stole grilled cheese from Mark's grilled argument. I thought that that was crafty.

• 43:40Speaker 05

  A grilled cheese is fried. What can I say?

• 43:43Bob Muyskens?

  I mean, I have to, I have to concede, the coins agree onward and upward. That's what I say. Here's what I have to say about this. Ice cream grilled or fried?

• 43:56Bob Muyskens?

  On the side of fried will be Wade. Mark, you get to go first. Grilled ice cream.

• 44:02Speaker 06

  All right, no, you know, I got this one. On the basis of safety alone, whatever scenario this ice cream has made it onto the grill or in the deep fryer, there is only one that is the equivalent of a one kiloton bomb that would destroy grandma. Grandma would be ripped to shreds as the container that was containing the deep fry oil explodes into pieces, rips through grandma's, tears her in twain. Ice cream in a deep fryer is both against God and against grandma. It is the most dangerous thing to our families, our home life, our children, and it should be banned from every

• 44:41Speaker 06

  platform possible. Even uttering the term fried ice cream should be punishable by frying, which is the most heinous cooking method and worst way to die, honestly. Being dipped in oil, awful. Just an aside, just saying it. I withdraw that jury, but you heard it, right?

• 45:05Speaker 06

  I'm just saying, only criminals, only criminals would allow this, this travesty against nature to occur. If it goes on the grill, you quickly slap it off there with your spatula, because you're so smart, so attending to that grill, you see it go splat, boom, rip it off there, plop it on a plate. Hey, here you go, Timmy. Have a little ice cream. Soft, just the way you like it.

• 45:25Speaker 05

  Picture this, grandma's holding out the inheritance, so you set up the deep fry right next to her. Pop it in your ice cream. All of a sudden, you're rich. Point for deep fry. Also, you ever had deep fried ice cream?

• 45:40Speaker 06

  Heinous criminals!

• 45:41Speaker 05

  It's so like, the, you get this frozen ice cream straight out of the freezer. You wrap it in like some kind of crust, I don't know, like a crushed cornflake cinnamon, whatever. You quickly dip it in that deep fry. You pull it out. You have like a warm crunchy exterior. You cut into it, you take a bite, you have the nice still frozen cold ice cream bite with the warm crunchy exterior, whatever topping drizzle you want, whatever flavor of ice cream you want. It is such a magical feeling in your mouth. And since grandma's dead, you have all that money to buy more ingredients and more things to eat with, you know? You can have bigger deep fry, bigger ice cream, more toppings. You want cherries, whipped cream, hot fudge? Those are probably hard to get nowadays, because everything is,

• 46:22Speaker 05

  you can afford them with grandma out of the picture. So win, win, I say. I've been grandma list for like 22 years, and here I am having all the fried ice cream I want. Not once was something mentioned that was tasty in your mouth with grilling. This is about the flavor and sensation of eating.

• 46:40Speaker 06

  The taste of justice will be in your mouth.

• 46:44Speaker 05

  I learned that whenever I tried to make a healthy argument, and I will use that here in my favor.

• 46:49Bob Muyskens?

  Man, I wasn't sure how that was gonna go, but I, I am glad that I'm not the only per, I feel like no one I know has ever had fried ice cream, and fried ice cream is a magical thing. I used to, when I was a kid, we'd go to Chi Chi's, which is a Mexican restaurant, and they used to serve fried ice cream. I thought it was the best shit that ever existed.

• 47:06Speaker 06

  How many had to die for that ice cream to make it to your plate, huh?

• 47:11Bob Muyskens?

  I don't know how many grandmas were killed by my deep fried ice creams, and I don't care.

• 47:20Speaker 05

  Sorry, all the grandmas watching, but watch your back.

• 47:22Bob Muyskens?

  Well, you both earned points in those explanations, but I do feel like Wade had a strong point that he was the only one that acted about, talked about actually making and then eating some kind of food in connection to his ice cream.

• 47:35Speaker 05

  Listen, Mark stood up there and he, he filibustered. He did a great job, you know?

• 47:39Speaker 06

  Oh, that would have been good. Ah, yeah, I looked up grilled ice cream, grilled ice cream sandwich. I'm like, okay, that might have worked.

• 47:45Bob Muyskens?

  Oh, that would be good.

• 47:47Speaker 06

  In my panini press.

• 47:49Speaker 05

  We already talked about grilled sandwiches.

• 47:51Speaker 06

  I, I, I get that one. Yeah, that's, that's fair.

• 47:54Bob Muyskens?

  I think Mark's gonna have a distinct advantage on this one.

• 47:57Speaker 06

  I don't know what I, what I, what I, have you flipped a coin yet? Do we know who's doing what?

• 48:02Bob Muyskens?

  No, no, uh, it doesn't matter, because he knows this product well, and he knows this company well.

• 48:07Speaker 05

  Ryobi.

• 48:08Bob Muyskens?

  The next food we're gonna talk about is Sour Patch Kids. Grilled or fried?

• 48:16Bob Muyskens?

  Wade, you get fried. And Mark, you get to go first. No, wait, Wade, you get to go first. Yes, yes.

• 48:23Speaker 05

  I, I, I think this is pretty common, that whenever people have sweet food, they want salty food. Whenever you have salty food, you then crave sweet food. Whenever I have a meal, a lot of my meals are kind of probably a bit heavier in sodium than they should be, I always want something like chocolatey or sweet afterward. We could save ourselves the effort by having a nice batter with a little bit of like salt and pepper mixed in, put your Sour Patch Kid in there, dip it in the deep fry, pull it out, and you have your salty crunchy exterior, and you have your sour sweet candy in the middle. You're just saving yourself time by combining meals and getting sweet and salty into the same, then it doesn't end up bonus flavor of sour too, because those, those do make

• 49:04Speaker 05

  you hooker up a little bit. Man, are they tasty, and man, just having both meals together, saving yourself time, energy, and getting that punch of flavor.

• 49:15Speaker 06

  Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, this is not an argument about what pairs well with the food in question. It is about what cooking method is best for said food. And I do say that there is already precedence for with which Sour Patch Kids being grilled might yield superior results, and that is grilled pineapple, grilled peaches, grilled fruit in general has always been enhanced by the grilling process due to the caramelization of said sugars. And no one can deny that Sour Patch Kids are a bevy of flavors of various

• 49:57Speaker 06

  fruits and contain a bevy of sugar. Therefore, if we were to judge it entirely on which food, the one you dropped and had to scrape off the barrel of the deep fryer down at the bottom, crust it over with whatever heinous additions my opponent is adding, or the delightful grill lines on a plate full of grilled Sour Patch Kids, I think we all know which one we're gonna choose.

• 50:24Speaker 05

  How do they make default Sour Patch Kids?

• 50:27Speaker 06

  I don't know. Why you asking like, why do you both assume I know so much about it?

• 50:31Speaker 05

  You're the, you're the expert. We, Bob and I both assume.

• 50:34Bob Muyskens?

  Isn't there a, a picture of you made out of Sour Patch Kids somewhere in the universe?

• 50:38Speaker 06

  Had to throw it away recently. It started, ants finally found it, so it got horrifying.

• 50:44Bob Muyskens?

  Oh, well, that's not great.

• 50:46Speaker 06

  Lasted about six years, you know?

• 50:49Bob Muyskens?

  But I was right, because Mark had a huge advantage on that one, because he turned into a southern lawyer, which we all knew he would.

• 50:56Speaker 05

  Forgot southern lawyers had an advantage of this competition.

• 50:59Bob Muyskens?

  Obviously, the southern lawyer wins Sour Patch Kids, just as I would have predicted.

• 51:04Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 51:05Bob Muyskens?

  It's gonna be the ultimate one.

• 51:07Speaker 05

  I'm ready.

• 51:09Speaker 06

  Water.

• 51:10Bob Muyskens?

  Grilled or fried?

• 51:12Speaker 05

  God, I hope I don't get fried.

• 51:15Speaker 05

  I hope I do get fried.

• 51:17Bob Muyskens?

  Mark, it's fried. And that really worked out for everybody.

• 51:21Speaker 05

  Oh, no.

• 51:22Bob Muyskens?

  It's okay, Mark. You had to go first.

• 51:26Speaker 07

  How about a latte? Maybe dark roast? Vanilla? Caramel? Blueberry?

• 51:30Speaker 00

  You could get them to agree on one flavor, or give everyone what they want. With Curing, there's over 500 K-Cup pie varieties of fresh, flavorful coffee. No effort, no grind, no settling. Great coffee without the grind. Curing.

• 51:56Speaker 06

  There's a saying where I come from, which is have your cake and eat it too. Have you ever wanted to indulge in the most decadent delights we all know are fried? Deep fried or otherwise in fats and oils always makes it always superior, right? But you don't want the calories. Oh no, all those deep fries. They always turn out so unhealthy. Let me let you in on a revolution. Water, water is the most pure zero calorie. It's so good for you. It is essential for various bodily functions. And if you deep fry it, you can indulge from a safe distance.

• 52:37Speaker 06

  You can indulge in your, your terrible habits of deep frying things and eat your fried water guilt free. And, and it cannot be said that there is, is not evidence that that grill, that, that grilling of, of water or whatever it is, does not introduce carcinogens and the various, you know, carbo whatevers that are stuck on those horrifying medieval prongs they call a grill. Whereas the clean futuristic technology of clean deep fried water is really leaving us into the future of tomorrow. Whoa, do you see it? The future? Wow. Looks like Guam.

• 53:22Speaker 06

  Whoa, surrounded by water and probably they have fryers.

• 53:26Bob Muyskens?

  Oh, definitely, definitely. Yeah.

• 53:28Speaker 06

  Yeah. At least one Guam has a fire, a fire. I imagine at least one Guam has a fire. Oh no, Guam's on fire. Sorry Guam.

• 53:36Bob Muyskens?

  I don't even know if Wade needs to talk. That was just moving. That was near spiritual. But you, you can go Wade.

• 53:43Speaker 06

  Thanks. I feel like I have an equal shot here.

• 53:45Bob Muyskens?

  Yeah, you'll be fine.

• 53:47Speaker 06

  People have needed water since the dawn of existence and long before fryers. There were fires, campfires, grills, whatever have you boiling water. Do it right over your campfire. Get like a nice cloth, boil your water. You don't even have to have clean water. You go, you boil it. You use like a filter or a cloth or something. You can dump it into another pot or pan to clean out your impurities. And right there, your water, fresh and ready to go for whatever you want to do with it. Drink it, cook more things in it. It's clean. It's grilled. Oh, you want to do more with your water? You want a nice smoky flavor with your water? Well, put in your nice grill water container. You know what I'm talking about. Don't pretend you don't.

• 54:29Speaker 06

  And you put it over the grill. You get a nice smoky water flavor. You want some of this little like hickory chips to soak your water in? You don't have to put meat or something else in there to cook. You just take the water itself after it's been hickory soaked, toss it on the grill, cook it up. You got some nice hot water. If you want to tell the kids they're in trouble, say they're in hot water now. What better water than the water fresh off the grill? You don't want to put the kids in fried water. That's worse for them. I know we're not talking about health here, but even the kids will taste better off. What argument am I making?

• 55:03Bob Muyskens?

  You're killing it. Don't stop.

• 55:04Speaker 06

  Water, grilled water. Not children.

• 55:10Bob Muyskens?

  I, I feel like half of his argument wasn't about the grilling of water, but you know, I'll just let him speak for himself.

• 55:18Speaker 06

  At least half of it was.

• 55:22Bob Muyskens?

  That's a tough one. I have to say, Mark, I, I was hoping you would go for, you need batter to fry stuff and batter needs water to work sort of, sort of angle.

• 55:33Speaker 06

  Is that true?

• 55:34Bob Muyskens?

  Yeah. Batter, batter, I mean, often it has like beer or something else in there or, or like tempura batter is like sparkling water or tonic water, depending on how you.

• 55:45Speaker 06

  Some batter is just like eggs and flour, right? I'm, I'm a fry versus grill puritan. I, I focus solely on the ingredients. That's, that's all I do.

• 55:54Bob Muyskens?

  Nah, if I'm going with my gut, I have to give it to Wade. He was in favor of not grilling children and he had some really useful things he could do with water.

• 56:02Speaker 06

  Oh yeah, but he was, most of it was about boiling it. We, I don't even know what the, I don't even know what the grill container is supposed to reflect. Man, if only you could challenge it, Mr. Challenging.

• 56:14Bob Muyskens?

  I feel, I feel, Judge, please come on. He was a rambling, nonsensical, wandering thing of half arguments that wasn't even related to the, the, the proper cooking of what it is.

• 56:26Speaker 06

  Oh, but I wandered into all the right rooms.

• 56:29Bob Muyskens?

  The only safety warning we got from Mark's side was that you should be at a safe distance. I feel like there was a, there was a, there's more safety required.

• 56:37Speaker 06

  Well, he said eating children. He mentioned children eating.

• 56:43Bob Muyskens?

  Oh, he said, hey, says not, he said not to, I think.

• 56:46Speaker 06

  He said children taste better with grilled water. He said that. I hypothetically, they might, but you shouldn't do it.

• 56:54Bob Muyskens?

  He changed his mind.

• 56:56Speaker 06

  That's right. I think so too.

• 56:58Bob Muyskens?

  If we're not allowed to change our minds, uh, what's done is done. I could go back, but I won't.

• 57:04Speaker 06

  Subreddit, help. Subreddit, help.

• 57:09Bob Muyskens?

  All right. Well, we've talked about everything, but now we just have to decide which is the superior cooking method. Grilling or frying in favor of frying will be, oh God, Mark.

• 57:24Speaker 06

  You know, it makes sense.

• 57:25Bob Muyskens?

  Wait, no, Wade is the lady. That's the lady. Sorry. I forgot my own thing. Wade is the lady. Wade is in favor of frying. Mark is in favor of grilling. Wade gets to go first.

• 57:35Speaker 06

  I've learned a lot throughout the course of this episode. I've been on either side of the argument in various times, but there is one thing I've been known for since the dawn of distractible. And that's being the king of meat. We all love meat here. In fact, Bob and I were just at a steakhouse the other day that had unlimited amounts of meat you can eat. And Mark convinced me that even the meat I thought most inside of grilling is in fact better being fried. He taught me that. How can I then argue that grilling is a superior method? Whenever all of the flavor and everything I love tastes better fried. I rest my case on the words of my opponent himself. Frying just better for meat.

• 58:14Bob Muyskens?

  Short and sweet. Surprising choice. Mark, final argument.

• 58:18Speaker 06

  I know I've been arguing in favor of frying every single one of these except for one. Well, let me tell you, that's because I was, I was paid, I was paid by Big Fry to say these things. Cause Big Fryma, Big Fryma wanted me to elucidate these meetings so they know I was the most charismatic about it. But I have to go against it now because I need to be honest to myself. Let, just imagine that you, you receive an invite from a friend and look, oh, I got a barbecue going on. Oh, we're going to grill burgers. We're going to grill. This sounds like a good time.

• 58:53Bob Muyskens?

  They sent you a parchment?

• 58:55Speaker 06

  Yeah. Why do you get letters? Well, I wouldn't know because all I do is fry, you know, in my past life. And now I'm reformed, you know, I'm good. I'm big enough to admit my mistake. Wow. I'm going to prepare for this barbecue. There's going to be a grill there. I can't wait. RSVPs attached to the pigeon. You know, oh, imagine this arrow to the head. Oh, what is this? Oh, oh my God, a backyard deep fry.

• 59:20Bob Muyskens?

  What's wrong with that?

• 59:22Speaker 06

  He's going to kill my grandma. He's going to kill me too, probably. Yeah, I'm going to tell, report this to the police. That's what it is. Deep frying is for criminals. Criminals that want to secretly kill you, your grandma, take your inheritance. They're going to seduce your grandma. They're going to get in the will. They're going to take them over to a deep fry and they're going to kill her. And then they're going to be your grandpa. What are you going to do then? When you have no money and no grandma and only a deep fryer to look forward to as you're lowered in there slowly? It's bad news all around. You're going to be the least popular person in flavor town. If you go the path of the deep fryer, don't do it. Don't do it. There's no hope at the end of that street.

• 1:00:03Bob Muyskens?

  I love that not once, did you talk about the flavor of anything?

• 1:00:08Speaker 06

  Also it tastes good. Oh boy. I love a good charcoal. Listen, you know, it's just really good and stuff.

• 1:00:17Bob Muyskens?

  It's like an eight mile rap where you just insult your opponent the whole time. It's like, what's good about your product?

• 1:00:23Speaker 06

  I don't know, but that one sucks. Hey, I celebrated my product at many turns there. I, I, the, the, the deep fried water was all about getting, having your cake and eating it too. Remember, remember that?

• 1:00:34Bob Muyskens?

  Isn't that good for frying?

• 1:00:35Speaker 06

  I, and I had two grilled. I forgot that I also did the Sour Patch Grill. So, you know.

• 1:00:39Bob Muyskens?

  That's true. He did have Sour Patch Grill. I wanted to like Wade's short and sweet and I did, because I thought it was pretty true and pretty accurate. But, uh, Mark, I think convinced me that frying is actually evil.

• 1:00:53Speaker 06

  Who cares if it's evil? It tastes better.

• 1:00:56Bob Muyskens?

  Well, that's probably why it tastes better.

• 1:00:58Speaker 06

  We don't even care about health in this argument. I learned that in step one.

• 1:01:01Bob Muyskens?

  Mark drew me in. I'm in, I've, I've bought the fervor. I'm subscribing. I'm playing, paying $15 a month. Be part of Mike's fervor. Mike's Mark's fervor club and Mike, Mike's there too. It's both of you.

• 1:01:15Speaker 06

  Mark's soft lemonade. I'll also point out that Bob, you picked grill the majority of the time. Despite any argument I made towards the fry, I mean, it's probably better.

• 1:01:25Bob Muyskens?

  I was really against you this time, Mark. That must be why the score is the way it is.

• 1:01:30Speaker 06

  Hmm, hmm. Wait, what?

• 1:01:31Bob Muyskens?

  I have a feeling it's not against you at all. Grilled wins. Mark wins. Just that debate, not the whole thing.

• 1:01:38Speaker 06

  Was that definitive?

• 1:01:40Bob Muyskens?

  No, no, I didn't say the points here. I said the whole thing. Uh, that leaves us with points that in no particular order. Wade, you earned points for being the king of meat, complimenting how good I was at giving, at, uh, doing a wedding and marrying people. This guy called, uh, mentioning Tim back rooms. You won steak, hot dogs, you stole grilled cheese. Uh, you advocated for murdering grandma. You won ice cream and you won water. Mark, you earned points for being very historical. V slash H slash S. I don't know why that really tickled me. And this, that the thing you talked about, about the whole SCP wiki thing, it's not gonna be a problem. It's not gonna be a problem. It's gonna be fun. It's not gonna be a problem.

• 1:02:21Bob Muyskens?

  Uh, you also got the acronym man point, which point we always give someone during the course of every episode. You won chicken, you won sandwich, you got a point for, I withdraw that jury. Uh, you also got a point for ladies and gentlemen of the jury.

• 1:02:35Speaker 05

  I had horrible flashbacks that don't laugh.

• 1:02:37Bob Muyskens?

  You won Sour Patch Kids and you won the ultimate argument. Grilling is superior, which you convinced me of. Leaving the final score, 10 points for Wade, 10 points for Mark.

• 1:02:51Speaker 05

  Well, we don't need to wheel spin. It's just a tie.

• 1:02:53Speaker 06

  Mark and I can concede and just say it's a tie, you know?

• 1:02:56Bob Muyskens?

  Nah, I don't really like that. I don't think that's very good. I don't think you have that authority.

• 1:03:00Speaker 06

  I wanna, I believe in whatever this wheel is gonna say will even things out. Well, no, uneven. It'll uneven things out in my favor.

• 1:03:08Bob Muyskens?

  It'll make it perfectly dis evenly. Uh, it's three. Okay.

• 1:03:12Speaker 06

  There we go. That's, that's good. That's, I like that. I like that.

• 1:03:16Bob Muyskens?

  Three spins on, I gotta add something to the wheel.

• 1:03:19Speaker 05

  I hope it's not shirt close to background. I have a feeling Mark's math can't save me on that.

• 1:03:24Speaker 06

  What's, what's this one? What's the first step of standard operating procedure? That's one of the entries on the wheel.

• 1:03:32Bob Muyskens?

  Interesting.

• 1:03:34Speaker 06

  Uh, the first step is removing the option.

• 1:03:41Speaker 06

  When was that added and what the fuck?

• 1:03:44Bob Muyskens?

  Name a fried food first.

• 1:03:51Speaker 06

  Boom. I like the reaction. Very unfair and completely imbalanced because you're all watching the wheel on a delay and I don't know if your delay is synced up. It's great. I love this for me.

• 1:04:02Bob Muyskens?

  Spin number one, please don't do something stupid. Lover of video games.

• 1:04:09Speaker 06

  I've always loved video games. I mentioned War Dogs earlier. No, he mentioned Raw Dogs is what he mentioned. No, you guys changed it to Raw Dogs. Well, I mean, who, who's the butter lover of video games if they mention Raw Dogs? You know, there's a lot of loving going on and.

• 1:04:24Speaker 05

  Only one of us talked about a video, definitely I guess SCP, but you talked about the movie, not the game. So I talked about the video game.

• 1:04:30Speaker 06

  I mentioned games in there. I mentioned games in there. I mentioned games.

• 1:04:33Bob Muyskens?

  Is SCP not primarily a game? Cause that's how I know it.

• 1:04:37Speaker 06

  It has many games. When, when I was talking about, I was thinking of all the various games that have been made.

• 1:04:41Speaker 05

  There's a lot of, there's lore, there's video games. Apparently there's a movie. There's all kinds of stuff. I don't know. We both talked about games. Good luck, Bob.

• 1:04:48Bob Muyskens?

  I see, I have to give it to Wade. Damn. Cause he talked about the, the porn games.

• 1:04:53Speaker 05

  That was off, that was off recording.

• 1:04:56Speaker 06

  Yeah. Was that in the episode?

• 1:04:58Bob Muyskens?

  Was that part of the episode or no?

• 1:04:59Speaker 05

  I don't think that was part of the episode.

• 1:05:01Bob Muyskens?

  Oh, hang on, scratch that. That's a respit then.

• 1:05:05Speaker 05

  Oh man, I hope that's left it out of context.

• 1:05:08Bob Muyskens?

  All right, nevermind. Wade was talking about porn games some other time. Uh, this is spin number one, spin two.

• 1:05:14Speaker 05

  That's so out of context. I love it.

• 1:05:16Speaker 06

  All right, I'll take it. Oh, that's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about.

• 1:05:23Bob Muyskens?

  Mark definitely gets the shortest point.

• 1:05:25Speaker 05

  I'm shorter in my frame.

• 1:05:27Speaker 06

  Unless Wade, you wanna concede the point? You wanna concede the point?

• 1:05:32Bob Muyskens?

  Yeah. Are you, are you willing to publicly state for once and for all that Mark is taller than you? Or does Mark get that point?

• 1:05:40Speaker 05

  How important is winning to you?

• 1:05:41Speaker 06

  Uh, he gets the point. I can't lie. I'm a.

• 1:05:46Bob Muyskens?

  That sounds like, sounds like he gets that point.

• 1:05:48Speaker 05

  I'm an honest man.

• 1:05:50Bob Muyskens?

  Spin number two, spin number one.

• 1:05:58Speaker 06

  Sudden death?

• 1:05:59Bob Muyskens?

  It's a tie.

• 1:06:01Speaker 05

  That comes up a lot. That comes up a lot. Oh, Bob was the only one who gets this, I swear. That's, that's a chunky show.

• 1:06:11Bob Muyskens?

  So the last spin was 24%. So now it's.

• 1:06:15Speaker 05

  26?

• 1:06:17Bob Muyskens?

  26%. What's the date today? It's like the 27th. Yeah. And then I have to do math. 93. Oh, boy.

• 1:06:27Speaker 06

  Oh, no. That's nice. That's nice.

• 1:06:31Bob Muyskens?

  Ah, God.

• 1:06:32Speaker 06

  What are the odds?

• 1:06:34Bob Muyskens?

  It wouldn't do that to me. What it?

• 1:06:37Speaker 05

  Oh, listen, Mark and I have nothing going on this week, so it's perfect time for us to.

• 1:06:42Speaker 06

  One man show.

• 1:06:44Speaker 05

  Hey, this might be the week where Bob has to plan his own one man show. Cause I don't know that you or I have the time.

• 1:06:50Speaker 06

  One man show.

• 1:06:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, Bob, one man show.

• 1:06:54Speaker 06

  However, it might need to wait until after the next episode. Cause it was a pre-scheduled thing for the next episode. We were gonna put the winner of this one on the next, on the one after this one anyway.

• 1:07:04Speaker 05

  Well, there'll be some bonus episodes this month that I don't think are gonna count for the typical.

• 1:07:07Bob Muyskens?

  So that should give us enough time to make a good one.

• 1:07:11Speaker 05

  Uh, well, does it?

• 1:07:14Bob Muyskens?

  Interesting, interesting.

• 1:07:15Speaker 05

  You've had a lot of, uh, sudden deaths. I feel like this season. I feel like that's the second or third one at least.

• 1:07:21Bob Muyskens?

  Yeah. Oh, Easy Jeopardy ended in sudden death, but Mark won that one and that was a cut. Fine. It's great. I love that. It's, oh, and also reverse charades ended in sudden death. So three, three of the last five or six that I've hosted have ended in sudden death. Well, that resets the wheel percentage. So, you know, we got that going for us.

• 1:07:43Speaker 05

  That's great for Mark and I, right? Like, man.

• 1:07:45Speaker 06

  That's good. Yeah, that's good. Yeah.

• 1:07:48Bob Muyskens?

  Congratulations to both of you, I guess.

• 1:07:51Speaker 05

  Grilled and fried, grilled and fried.

• 1:07:54Bob Muyskens?

  Grilled and fried are equally good.

• 1:07:56Speaker 06

  Turns out it's just whatever tool for the right job.

• 1:07:59Bob Muyskens?

  No, uh, we really got to the bottom of it and I think that's what everyone was interested in here. Winner's speech.

• 1:08:06Speaker 06

  I'd like to give it up to my opponent here. He put up a good fight, such a good fight. And even though we chucked, you know, grilled cheese to the fry world, which is unfortunate loss, given that grill is a superior method. I still think he put up a good fight, even though he's turned the cosmos against some people. And I'd like to commend him for that. He will up, upend the entire universe to win his arguments. And that's the kind of commitment that I can respect.

• 1:08:34Bob Muyskens?

  You did it. Congratulations. Wade also winner's speech.

• 1:08:38Speaker 05

  Mark and Bob conspired to make grilling superior, even though we learned that frying is better for meat. And the universe said, not today, not on my watch. We will not say that grilling is superior, despite what you all are trying to pull. The rug pull was stopped by the universe itself because frying and grilling are both equally good methods for cooking and preparing food. My opponent also put up a great fight. He has some very unfortunate positions he had to take and fought through them anyway. And ultimately where would we end up after throwing all these punches and haymakers at each other? Shaking our hands on top of the podium. We each have a medal to bite. We each have a random lady to smooch. We each have champagne to shoot off into the air.

• 1:09:20Speaker 05

  And we each are standing side by side as the only two people competing, the only two people on the podium and on equal footing that really determine nothing at the end. Other than that, the fact is that grilling and frying, you don't have to choose. They both won today. We all win because of that.

• 1:09:38Bob Muyskens?

  What a great episode and what a, what a thorough conclusion. Got all the way to the bottom of that one.

• 1:09:44Speaker 05

  You gonna give a loser's speech, Bob?

• 1:09:46Bob Muyskens?

  Um, I'm excited for another one man show. I think we've really turned the corner on those. And I'm sure that this one will just be a delight. I think we've all agreed that the one man shows are allowed to be fun and pleasant. And, uh, none of it has to be like a weird torture ritual. And so I think, uh, I think this one's gonna be, uh, enjoyable for everyone, including and especially me. So I'm really excited for it and it's gonna, it's gonna be fine. It's gonna be real, better than fine, extra fine. Be like a point, point oh five, pen fine. Oh, five, point five? How, how fine is fine? Anyway, it's gonna be great. Thank you so much for competing and I can't even be mad at you because it's neither your faults that this has happened to me.

• 1:10:31Bob Muyskens?

  The wheels got me again. What can you do? Make sure you follow, uh, Mark and Wade and myself. Wade is LordMinion777 or minion777. Mark is Mark Player. I am My Skirm. Make sure you follow the show so you know when episodes come out, cause we'll have bonus episodes. Soon, starting in October, the first Friday in October, they're gonna start coming out and they're gonna be happening all October. They're gonna be on Fridays, but if you follow the show, you won't miss them. Scary tapes coming at you hot. Make sure you check out the merch, distractable.hub. There's gonna be stuff in conjunction with scary tapes. For now, that's gonna be it. See you on the next rain line episode where it'll be a one man show, but also see you on the next scary tapes.

• 1:11:14Bob Muyskens?

  Sam, make that sound spooky.

• 1:11:17Speaker 05

  Whoa, that lightning and thunder got me.

• 1:11:19Bob Muyskens?

  Yeah, there. Sam's got my back. He'll do it. Uh, that's it. See you on the next one. Bye. Podcast out.

• 1:11:34Speaker 02

  This is the sound of confidence. Confidence behind the wheel of the Mazda CX 50 Hybrid. It comes standard with a suite of proactive safety features and lets you explore far and wide with an EPA estimated 38 miles per gallon combined and electronic all wheel drive. Mazda, move and be moved. Tap the banner to discover how confidence comes standard. Mileage will vary based on vehicle condition, driving habits and other factors. Use for comparison purposes only. Actual results will vary.