Hard or Soft?

The guys have a good ol' master debate session to answer the burning question: Hard or Soft? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:29Speaker 01

  Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, Blackberry Bob requires bespoke mobilization, slays Swedish stages, then asks the eternal question. Weathered Wade performs with a strange tubiofemoral, celebrates matrimony, becomes a journeyman, and has vanilla turds. Motorcycling Mark witnesses Cannes, splits stuff, eats taco ass, reminisces an anus at a Capri Cooler. From Mark moaning to I.B. sailing.

• 1:08Speaker 01

  It's time for Hard or Soft? Now, sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

• 1:21Speaker 02

  Hello and welcome back to another episode of your podcast's favorite uncle. That's right, this is Distractible. I am your-

• 1:28Speaker 03

  That's a little early to start in with.

• 1:32Speaker 02

  All right, I'm your host, because I won the last one, because I was so much funnier than Mark, that now he can't handle it, and he's being a little baby about everything. Competitors for today, just like always, are Mark and Wade. Mark is the one who's going-

• 1:50Speaker 03

  You can't prove that to the listeners. That was Wade. That was all Wade.

• 1:54Speaker 02

  Listeners, believe what you will, but it was Mark.

• 1:58Speaker 03

  They are highly influenced. Easily influenced, as some might say. Am I right?

• 2:05Speaker 02

  Only I'm allowed to be mean to the listeners, okay?

• 2:08Speaker 04

  If there's one thing I've learned so far from this is that I am Wade.

• 2:12Speaker 03

  You just learned that?

• 2:13Speaker 04

  Yeah. Pretty impressive.

• 2:15Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 2:15Speaker 04

  I've been going around saying my name is Mark for the last 10 years. Really awkward.

• 2:18Speaker 02

  Explains why people treat you so weird. Anyway, if you've ever seen the show before, we just revised the constitution, which we have one of. It's not weird.

• 2:27Speaker 04

  And in the first episode, we already didn't know if we revised it right or not.

• 2:31Speaker 03

  No, no, come on. You didn't. We did.

• 2:34Speaker 02

  We have a plethora of new rules and they're going to be fine.

• 2:40Speaker 03

  That's why we have Congress in the first place. Our Congress, anyway.

• 2:44Speaker 04

  I don't remember making Congress.

• 2:45Speaker 03

  We made Congress.

• 2:46Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 2:47Speaker 03

  Trust us, bro.

• 2:49Speaker 04

  Don't ever trust anyone that said, "Trust me, broo."

• 2:51Speaker 03

  I didn't say "broo."

• 2:53Speaker 04

  "Broo."

• 2:53Speaker 03

  That's character assassination.

• 2:55Speaker 04

  Well, now you're dead. So I guess I get the right history for you.

• 2:58Speaker 03

  He's assassinating my character.

• 3:00Speaker 02

  All right, uh, Mark, you get a dead point.

• 3:03Speaker 04

  Do I get like an assassin point?

• 3:05Speaker 02

  Wade, you get an assassin point. Welcome back to another episode. I have, I, I'm gonna call it a sequel. It's not really a sequel, but I have a sequel episode here today that I'm really excited about. And I think it's gonna be a fun time. Before we get into that, how you guys doing? You guys small talks?

• 3:22Speaker 03

  I do. I'll go second.

• 3:23Speaker 02

  All right, Wade, on the spot, what do you got?

• 3:26Speaker 04

  Well, well, well. Welcome back, everyone. I have been playing a lot of the Diablo four recent expansion, Lord of Hatred. And I think I told you all, I think I told you all last week. It's one of the better Diablo stories I think we've ever gotten. I just, I thought it was really well told. I thought we got a lot of lore, a lot of backstory, a lot of interesting stuff. And I was really engrossed in it and really been enjoying it. I even went back and installed Diablo two, because I was like, man, I'm just feeling that Diablo itch. So I've been, I've been real Diablo. Otherwise, weather's been good. Couple of weeks ago, I went out and played basketball with my nephew. Couldn't last Monday. But my left knee has been like a little off. I was like, man, I think I strained an MCL or something. Or one of the, one of those three letter things that's in your knee. And then yesterday, my nephew was like, "Hey, you wanna play basketball again?" I was like, "Man, I just started walking normally again."

• 4:09Speaker 04

  Yes, let's do it. Now I'm not walking normally again today. Go, go figure. Apparently you need more than two or three weeks at our age to heal, which is very sad. I'm walking around like a pirate, but I had fun and the weather's been beautiful. It was a little hot yesterday, but otherwise, God, it's been so nice. I can't breathe. That my allergies are killing me, but like, I like sunlight. I might be a plant. I didn't know it, but I think I might be a plant. I think I might survive on photosynthesis.

• 4:33Speaker 02

  I think Wade's an industry plant.

• 4:35Speaker 04

  I could be. Oh, shit. Bob, you want a GoPro?

• 4:40Speaker 02

  Very much, way more than Mark does.

• 4:44Speaker 04

  Can I please be an industry plant? Can I please? I'll find a way. I've been growing some GoPros in my garden, Bob. I'll have to harvest one and send it your way.

• 4:54Speaker 02

  Perfect.

• 4:55Speaker 03

  Man, if their marketing department had any brains.

• 4:58Speaker 04

  No way. I can't insult them. God, I can't do that. Wait, no.

• 5:03Speaker 02

  If their marketing department could get their head out of their ass long enough to see what's good for them.

• 5:08Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no, no. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please.

• 5:13Speaker 04

  But no, I mean, that's a.

• 5:14Speaker 02

  Well, it sounds like you're gonna need a new knee any day now, Wade, but that's, other than that, that's, you know, that's good.

• 5:20Speaker 04

  Um, so tomorrow? Yeah, tomorrow. As of the episode coming out, not when we're recording it, Molly and I will have been married for eight years. Which, so we're celebrating that. So we had the podcast anniversary, the us anniversary. So May is a busy month. But, uh, five years podcast, eight years of marriage and more years than that dating. I can't do the math, but whenever 2012 was.

• 5:42Speaker 02

  At least eight years of dating.

• 5:44Speaker 04

  At least eight years of dating. Greater than or equal to. As a good husband and partner, I know those numbers. I'm just keeping them to myself.

• 5:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's private information.

• 5:55Speaker 04

  Yeah. Mark, do some small talk while I calculate those numbers real quick.

• 5:58Speaker 03

  All right. So my, uh, small talk is once again related to, uh, the Cannes Film Festival because I have a, I have a story from there that I didn't tell, saving it. Cause I was very tired and, and, and one up, but the experience of getting there is fine. You know, I can get there and it's all good and whatever. But, uh, I arrive and they've arranged a driver, right? And so I've, I've been through this very, very famous. I have experiences before. Obviously, we all have, right?

• 6:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, all the time.

• 6:26Speaker 03

  Where they have your name on the big iPad and they're like.

• 6:29Speaker 04

  One of those triple length limos where it's just you in it, but it's like nine rows of seats.

• 6:33Speaker 03

  Exactly. I mean, that's what I was used to and I'm sure that's what you, you have had in your experience. And of course, in my mind.

• 6:39Speaker 02

  Call it the ego holler.

• 6:41Speaker 03

  The ego holler? Yeah, that's good. That's good. The ego is down. The ego is down.

• 6:46Speaker 04

  Sorry. Ego has landed.

• 6:49Speaker 03

  I get you.

• 6:52Speaker 04

  Don't laugh at him. Don't laugh at the blood. Wait, wait for me. Wait for me. The giggle bus, please. I need to get on.

• 7:00Speaker 03

  All right. So I get down there and the guy's there. His name is Nicholas and he's very nice. And he's part of a company called Taximoto. And I'm like, okay, this is great. All right. Awesome. So he leads me out over to the parking garage. I'm like, cool. I'm used to this. Star treatment. I get there and we go past all the cars that are parked there. And we keep walking. And we're now fully past all the cars. I'm looking around. Oh, interesting. And we turn a corner and we go around and we go through this like little turnstile like this. And then I keep, I think, oh, it must be in the next parking garage. And I was like, nope. We come up to a motorcycle. I'm just like, Taximoto. Taximoto cycle. But it was fine. It was actually lovely. I made, I make it sound like awful because I, I used to ride in LA.

• 7:45Speaker 03

  I did motorcycle a little bit till I had a close call. So it's not like I was nervous or anything, but it's just, it's one of those things where it's like with the, going to Iceland and the Blue Lagoons, like the first thing there is like, oh, I wasn't, wasn't prepared for this. I was expecting to sleep in like a cab or something on the way over there. And it's like, I didn't want to fall asleep on the back of a motorcycle.

• 8:05Speaker 04

  Why not?

• 8:06Speaker 03

  Oh, you know, just, but it was, it was really nice. Actually, he had his own, he had a jacket for me, had gloves for me, a hat. He made me put on a hairnet just in case for all my lace. And then I put on the helmet. Yeah, yeah, we all got it. We all have lace. Yeah, we all, yeah. It's kind of a thing for us.

• 8:21Speaker 04

  I don't know, man. What would they cling to on me?

• 8:25Speaker 02

  Beard lice.

• 8:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, bice. Yeah. Anyway, so it was really nice because number one, I was very attentive because obviously you're on a motorcycle and you, you know.

• 8:35Speaker 04

  Oh, I thought you were like giving him a massage like you were attending him while he drove your.

• 8:39Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, he's very stressed out. I want him to be relaxed on this.

• 8:43Speaker 04

  I was attentive back.

• 8:45Speaker 03

  But it's like, you know, you, you gotta kind of hold on because you got the handlebars there. And it was nice. It was like a little thing with an armrest and it had like hand grips and all kinds of things. And I got to see all. cans when otherwise I would have literally fallen asleep in a taxi. I was that tired. And it was, it was very pleasant. So I recommend to anybody who wants to, and also on the way back to the airport. This guy saved me like 30 minutes in traffic because I mean, he was lane splitting the whole time, but I, I all, I also did that. If anyone was like a first time riding a motorcycle, they might've had, you know, might've been a little scared for them, but it's like, it's totally fine. Cause

• 9:20Speaker 02

  That'd be terrifying for a normal person. Are you kidding me?

• 9:23Speaker 03

  If they hadn't done it before, I could see that, but it's like, also it helped a lot. He, he knew what he was doing. And he was like, I told him that I used to ride in LA. So that's probably maybe why he was more comfortable with doing that. Cause he tried to make sure, um, but it was, it was, he got me to that airport and it was like bumper to bumper traffic the entire way over there. So it was, it was really, uh, it really helped out a lot. I might've missed my flight.

• 9:47Speaker 04

  Can you imagine the view if you had a GoPro to record your drive over there on that motorcycle?

• 9:51Speaker 03

  And that's what I was thinking too. I was gonna, oh, I forgot. I was gonna bring that up because I was like, oh my God. This would be so perfect for this. I kept asking because I'm like, I'm going to these places and I can film some cool things and God. I tried to get my phone out and I was just like, should the wind went like this a little bit? I was like, nah, I'm not gonna do that. Just not gonna put that right back, right back in my pants. Man, it would have been so pretty because it was like beautiful blue waters, all these boats. This is like seaside road they were going along. Ah, it was gorgeous. It would have been perfect. Go probably.

• 10:25Speaker 02

  Mark will go back to Cannes for four hours. He'll fly, he'll get out, he'll, all he'll do is get out of the airport. Ride around on a motorcycle for an hour and a half filming stuff and straight back into a plane. But he'll do anything, I presume. I know this is the sort of thing that's planned by people who like, they know who you are and it's so, it's like thought. I just think it would be fucking hilarious if, not that anyone does this, but if I, if someone was like, oh Bob, you should go to this thing. And they booked me, you know, to go to a thing and I get to the airport and if you can't tell on camera, I'm fucking huge. I'm really tall. I'm six foot four, but I'm also like just a huge dude.

• 11:06Speaker 02

  And I did ride, I had a motorcycle in college and I'm familiar. I would be totally cool on a motorcycle. But like, I just show up and the guy with the motorcycle is like, oh, uh, yeah, huh? Yeah. Um. I don't know what the weight limit is for my motorcycle. Interesting. You're just, you're like a perfectly adequately average height, normal sized person.

• 11:29Speaker 03

  Thank you. Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. Thank you, Mr. Host. Thank you.

• 11:33Speaker 02

  I'm sure that no one, you know, that no one is going to book me a motorcycle taxi if there, if it's something where it's like, I'm on, you know, they want me to at this event for a thing and, but it just would be hilarious. I show up and the guy's just like, alright, I'm on the back, I guess.

• 11:48Speaker 03

  He just starts screaming, just.

• 11:52Speaker 02

  It's like a cartoon. I get, I climb up on the motorcycle first and it just goes.

• 11:59Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 12:00Speaker 04

  I feel like people in Europe are smaller than us, Bob. I feel like, like the average height is a little bit smaller in Europe.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  Way smaller than me. You might look really tall over there, but there are tall Europeans. I don't think there are very many Europeans that are the size around that I am. Having been there several times, I could tell you, I do feel like I stick out.

• 12:19Speaker 04

  I can't remember how tall people were, but I feel like, man, when we were up on that stage in Europe, everyone not on the stage looked smaller than us.

• 12:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're sitting down, so.

• 12:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, and they were lower.

• 12:29Speaker 02

  Some of those stages were the same height as the audience, I think. And some of the places we did shows in Europe were funny. It was fine, but it was like, we showed up and they're like, yeah, yeah, this is the stage. It's a big room and there's chairs on this side and you guys go on this side. We've never used it for a stage before, but it's absolutely a stage for you right now. Whatever, man.

• 12:51Speaker 04

  I remember one of those like in the US. I don't remember one of those in Europe. But then again, I've got a terrible memory.

• 12:55Speaker 02

  There was a stage, but wasn't it in Oslo where it was literally like in the corner of a much larger room? They just set up a stage and some chairs and we're like, you guys do your little show over there. Might've been in Sweden. It was, it was one of those. Anyway, that's pretty fun. That's crazy though. I wonder how common that is. Cause I know like zipping around on, on motorbikes or, you know, like scooters or whatever is more common in them, especially in cities in Europe, maybe. But I still feel like a lot of people would show up and be like, I'm not fucking riding a motorcycle. Like what the hell?

• 13:26Speaker 04

  I'd be one of, I've, I've never been on one and I don't know that I, I don't have the balls for it.

• 13:29Speaker 02

  If you've never done it before, I get why that would be scary.

• 13:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, cuz even if you're on the back, you, I, I mean, probably they're used to people not like helping leaning in the right direction or something. Uh, you know, or completely opposite their like trying to go this way.

• 13:44Speaker 02

  There, everyone tries to sit upright as the bike leans over. They're just like, no, no.

• 13:49Speaker 04

  I've just seen too many of like the fail army type videos where there's assholes that like open their car doors and shit the motorcycles. Like I, I don't know. I'd be so scared of like someone doing that.

• 13:58Speaker 03

  I mean, it's not gonna happen on the highway, but yeah, I totally get on the cities.

• 14:02Speaker 04

  I don't know, man. Some people are crazy.

• 14:04Speaker 03

  Everyone's crazy everywhere.

• 14:06Speaker 02

  Lane splitting is a funny thing. For those who don't know, lane splitting is when motorcycles drive down between lanes of cars cuz they can fit cuz they're tiny. Cuz I kinda come down on both sides of it cuz as a person who's ridden a motorcycle, I'm like, yeah, why would I not do that? If it's legal, which it is in a lot of places, some places it's not, and if you do it where it's illegal, then you should get a ticket probably. But if it's legal like it is in California, why would I not do that? That's very convenient. But as a person who drives a car 99% of my life, I'm like, why the fuck would you do that? You're gonna get yourself killed, you crazy ass motorcycle douchebags. I don't know. I come down on both sides. You said you lane split when you road marked?

• 14:43Speaker 04

  Well, I mean, I did for a while and then I had a close call doing lane splitting. I was like, you know what? I don't know if I ever need this really. I don't know if this is for me. Like on a nice weather day, some people like put their arms out, stretch their arms, like feel the wind and stuff. I'd be like, I don't wanna get clothes lined or take off someone's arm. I don't know.

• 15:00Speaker 02

  Well, I will say one of the things about lane splitting is you're not supposed to go 120 down the highway between cars that are doing like 75. You're supposed to go slightly faster than the flow of traffic. So dudes on sport bikes who lane split at 1,000 miles an hour, that's still uncool even if it's legal wherever they're doing that. But safely lane splitting is a thing. You could do that.

• 15:22Speaker 03

  That's fair. That's fair. This guy though. This was like doing wheels. Nah, he was.

• 15:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, I imagine the professional taxi service was doing wheelies and tricks and shit.

• 15:32Speaker 04

  Mark's head is like one foot off the ground the whole way.

• 15:35Speaker 03

  I was actually, I was his brace against the ground. He was using my head as like, you know, make sure he didn't flip all the way back. So.

• 15:43Speaker 04

  He duct taped the wheel to the back of your helmet just in case.

• 15:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, he actually put like that paper on matchbox. So I sparked on the way out. It was really cool, actually, from what I could see. If my GoPro was there, if I had a GoPro.

• 15:53Speaker 02

  Dude, if you had a GoPro, imagine.

• 15:56Speaker 04

  We could've seen so many cool shots.

• 15:58Speaker 03

  I could've, I could've.

• 16:00Speaker 05

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• 16:32Speaker 02

  Unless there's more small talk, should we get to the game?

• 16:35Speaker 04

  Game, game, game.

• 16:37Speaker 02

  This is a spiritual successor to a game that we played previously called Big or Small, where we talked about if we would rather have big or small versions of things. This one is Hard or Soft?

• 16:56Speaker 04

  Okay, alright.

• 16:57Speaker 02

  Makes more sense than it sounds like it does, because I gotta be honest, I read this in my notes and was like, "It's a fucking weird idea, that's not a thing." It'll be fine, it's good. If you guys think of anything that you would like to debate, this is kind of an open debate one, it's not really like a game back and forth as much as, "I just want to talk about all these different things." The first one I have here might be contentious, but ignore your personal preference for this specific thing I just want to talk about if you would prefer hard or soft tacos. Maybe it's a taco filled with food that you really, really like. Maybe it's like a hamburger taco, it doesn't have to be in a way it has mixed feelings about tacos, that's fine. But, just the harder softness of it. Hard or soft tacos?

• 17:42Speaker 04

  I'm going to stand on a soapbox here for my wife and say she likes crunchy tacos, therefore, hard tacos.

• 17:51Speaker 02

  Soft. And I'll tell you why, if I'm allowed.

• 17:54Speaker 04

  No.

• 17:55Speaker 02

  I'll allow it.

• 17:56Speaker 03

  All right. Okay. It's because there's a good idea and then there's the execution of the idea. And a hard taco is a good idea, conceptually. It photographs well. It looks appetizing. The second you have to actually encounter that, you realize the fundamental flaw in the human design. Our mouths are not vertical. And then you have to encounter the other fundamental flaw of the structural design of the thing that if, as soon as you bite, the cracks which propagate through a hard shell taco go, almost entirely propagate down the bottom of it, so that the entire ass of the taco falls out the first bite, or it cracks in half that way and the same effect is there. It has to be.

• 18:41Speaker 02

  When a lot of restaurants put the wet, delicious, but wet, like heavy meat ingredients or other stuff in the bottom, completely ruining the structural integrity of the crunchy taco shell.

• 18:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, 100%. And it's, it's just like, it's, it needs to be supplemented with like a cardboard box or something like that to just aid in the whole process. And it just makes it difficult. And when I'm eating, I can't be bothered with all of that as I'm whipping through traffic eating my tacos.

• 19:14Speaker 02

  Can I just say, this question was a trap because I know the actual factual correct answer. But you point out a good thing, Mark. You're right. You know what? I would generally go for soft tacos. You know, it's one of my favorite crunchy tacos, the Doritos Loco Crunchy Tacos. You know why? Cause it comes with its own cardboard sheath. So when you're eating it, you, you stick out just enough, you take a bite and it doesn't matter that it fucking disintegrates into a million piece. It's in a little thingy. It's contained. It's fine. It's great. But the correct answer is, I forget what they're called exactly. I think this is a thing I've seen at restaurants that are not Taco Bell, but Taco Bell has these as well.

• 19:55Speaker 02

  It's a crunchy taco shell with a soft taco shell glued to the outside with cheese. I don't know. Is that, is that what they call a gordita crunch? Is that what that, because you get all the good stuff about a crunchy taco. It's crunchy. It's delightful. It's like eating, really, it's like eating a nacho sandwich, which we all know I like nachos. But it's glued together. It's like safety glass. When you bite it and the crunchy taco shell disintegrates into dust, it's fine because there's a soft taco shell there to save everything.

• 20:28Speaker 04

  Look, if you want a soft taco, we have something called a sandwich or a bun that already exists. Here's a quote from John A. Shed that I think will ring true. A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. A crunchy taco may be a mess waiting to happen, but it's an adventure worth embarking. Because it is, it is the journey that matters more than the destination. And with food, they both pretty much matter a lot, but that crunchy exploration, that, that, that's the idea, the epitome of taco. Whereas, listen to me as a non taco guy, give me that bun all day, but you think taco, you think crunch.

• 21:08Speaker 02

  I know, I think soft.

• 21:09Speaker 04

  Wrong.

• 21:10Speaker 02

  I think smush, you know, smush.

• 21:13Speaker 04

  Get a hamburger bun and fold a hot dog, a hot dog and taco. Oh God, where are we going? I think I need to remind people of the quote from I.B. Salin, who was on board the Titanic when its crunchy shell was fractured by that mouth of an iceberg and all of its contents came spilling out. A gordita crunch is just trying to be a soft taco to appease to those weirdos and freaks of nature that enjoy a crunchy taco. Look, I appreciate the Doritos Locos. If I have to endure the indignity of a hard shell taco, I will approach one with my mouth and bring it near me, but I will not say I imbibed.

• 21:59Speaker 02

  Bring it near me? What the hell kind of weird Victorian taco experience are you having?

• 22:05Speaker 03

  I have experienced hard shell tacos, but I did not imbibe.

• 22:09Speaker 04

  Okay, so the Titanic was crunchy and sank, but if I throw bread into the water, you know what happens? Birds eat it and it's bad for them. So if I put a wet thing in the water, what's gonna happen? We're gonna kill ocean life.

• 22:22Speaker 02

  Put a pin in this because we're gonna get around boats. Don't even worry about that.

• 22:27Speaker 04

  Oh, man, I really love soft boats.

• 22:29Speaker 02

  That one I had a strong opinion on. This next one, I can't decide. I need you to help me.

• 22:33Speaker 04

  Oh, we're here.

• 22:35Speaker 02

  Hard or soft ice cream? I don't mean like fucking ice cubes with flavor in them. I mean, soft serve ice cream or like UDF graders scooped hard ice cream out of the cooler? Which one?

• 22:52Speaker 04

  I've worked there for a while, so I will defer that Mark go first before I destroy his incorrect opinion.

• 22:57Speaker 02

  Cause I don't know if I can pick and I want someone to tell me what to think.

• 23:02Speaker 04

  Uh, so we're talking like from a machine where you pull the lever and it goes.

• 23:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, like soft, soft serve like and you make the little turd cone and then, or you make like a milk, you know, whatever.

• 23:13Speaker 03

  Thank you for bringing up my main point, the turd cone. You can't make the glorious shape. Ignore everything I said about the taco around. It's all about appearances, about presentation. You have to have the picturesque shape of the triangle going down? Cone, if you will, and then the cone coming up. It's symmetry in nature. If it has the two, you can't get two. I don't care about Neapolitan. It doesn't exist. That's basically, it's a freak of nature. It's a random chance. But having the two swirl of color spiraling down so elegantly reminisces me. That's how you use that word. Reminiscences me.

• 23:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:57Speaker 03

  Of the days of Unisonus with its spirals and I think it's, uh, I think it's important for our culture.

• 24:05Speaker 04

  What is your answer?

• 24:09Speaker 04

  It feels like Billy Madison where everything you said made me feel stupider by the end.

• 24:13Speaker 03

  Drift into the finish line or something. I could just coast every round out of gas halfway through and it was like, oh, God.

• 24:19Speaker 04

  I was like, oh, he's going for real ice. Ice cream. He didn't mention real ice cream once. What does he feel?

• 24:25Speaker 02

  That brought up an experience that maybe is affecting my opinion here. Do you know what is one of the most disappointing things I've experienced about ice cream previously?

• 24:33Speaker 03

  What's that?

• 24:34Speaker 02

  I went to a, I think it was a dairy, we went to like, we were getting like a summer treat, right? And I, as a kid, I was always hardcore. I would either get chocolate or vanilla. But there was a point where I was like, why would I not just get twist? Both is the best, cause then you get some, and I went, we went to this place where we're like, let's get ice cream. And we're getting, and I got a twist cone, which is supposed to be that, that half and half chocolate vanilla. They fucking gave me an ice cream cone with one turd of vanilla and one turd of chocolate on top of it. It was soft serve. They just like, didn't, like the machine was broken or something. They gave that to me and I was like, I don't know, ice cream could make me feel rage. What the fuck is that? This isn't a twist cone at all.

• 25:19Speaker 02

  I've never been more sad about ice cream specifically. Probably been more sad about other stuff.

• 25:25Speaker 03

  You got highs, you got lows, but you only felt so sad because you could feel so happy from the soft.

• 25:31Speaker 02

  Cause I knew what was possible. Alright, Wade?

• 25:34Speaker 04

  So as someone who worked in ice cream for, well, I don't know if I, whatever his position was, I don't know.

• 25:40Speaker 03

  Hey, see you deferred to me. I, I should, I get to pick.

• 25:43Speaker 04

  I did, and I still don't know what position you have, so I'm gonna give mine. I worked at United Dairy Farmers for a couple of years in ice cream. And I can tell you the soft serve machine was a giant pain in the ass. It was a huge machine that sat, took up a huge amount of space. And we had two little like areas where we'd pour in these little half gallons, right? You had our vanilla, our chocolate, or we'd have seasonal like peach or something. So we'd have different ones. We'd have one side, we'd get a half gallon of vanilla soft serve liquid. You pour it in the top, something fucking happens and it becomes vanilla soft serve. You get your chocolate, you pour it in the other side. Some weird magic happens and it becomes chocolate. Then you have a third nozzle, which is your twist, where the two combine and that's how you get your twist.

• 26:26Speaker 04

  So yeah, if you're, if that's broken, I don't know how you get a twist other than a turd of vanilla and a turd of chocolate, cause that's not how, you can't just. Would make a solid cone.

• 26:36Speaker 02

  I don't care why. I care that that happened to me and it was tragic.

• 26:41Speaker 04

  I don't disagree with you. So that's how your soft serve stuff works. Then you go to clean the machine. It's not pleasant, like the vanilla side's fine, but the chocolate side, every time you clean it, you have to rinse it with like water. We'd clean it every day. We cleaned the software machine every day and watching just like the chunks of chocolate that weren't fully liquid that would stick to the sides and look like splatter in the top. It made soft serve really unappealing to me. Whereas with, you know, normal ice cream or hard ice cream, whatever you want to call it, you always know what you're gonna get. I mean, if someone leaves it out or doesn't do a good job or covers it properly, you can get like freezer burn and then it's bad, but you can scrape off freezer burn to get to the good part.

• 27:22Speaker 04

  If you eat ice cream like a normal person and you take care of it, it's consistent, it's better. There's a lot more options for flavor. The one thing I guess you could say about soft serve is you can make like the, what like the blizzards from Dairy Queen and stuff where it's a lot easier to mix in like toppings and make stuff like that. U D F had like 200 ice cream flavors and we only ever had it most maybe four soft serve flavors, two at a time, or three if you count the twist as its own flavor. Ice cream has infinitely more possibilities. It's more consistent. Hard ice cream, if that's what we're calling it, superior by 9,000 miles. I'm not saying soft serve isn't good. There's a day where I crave soft serve, sure, but it doesn't mean it's higher quality or better.

• 28:03Speaker 02

  Oh, there's no right answers here, but Wade was right.

• 28:06Speaker 04

  I feel slapped and kissed at the same time. Thank you.

• 28:08Speaker 02

  Well, I didn't insult you.

• 28:10Speaker 04

  I know, but I still felt like that for some reason.

• 28:12Speaker 02

  Okay. Well, you're welcome. All right. Let onward, deeper into the rabbit hole. Keyboards. We all have hard keyboards, I think in front of us right now, because we're all at computers, but we all also use soft keyboards every day of our lives on our phone or our tablet or on the touchscreen thing at the store that you have to use or what have you. And I think it's hard to argue that the user experience of a software keyboard is better in any way than the user experience of a normal hard keyboard. But would you really carry around a hard keyboard with you every place you went in order to use it for anything

• 28:55Speaker 02

  you might need to use it for? Isn't there a reason that Blackberry's died? I don't know. What do you guys think? Hard keyboard, soft keyboard?

• 29:01Speaker 04

  It's his turn to go first.

• 29:03Speaker 03

  Hard keyboard, you know, my favorite phone I ever had was a phone you would hold up and you could slide the back down and there was a little keyboard you could type on. A hard keyboard and man, my things didn't autocorrect to something stupid. Whenever I tried to hit space, it didn't hit enter all the fucking time or period. I could reach all the letters perfectly. I loved that phone so much and it only died because of like. Apple conspiracy where they killed the creators of the real keyboard probably and have them locked in a basement, those other survivors. And they've destroyed all the engineers of small hard keyboards. I'm wearing my tinfoil hat and I know that that's what happened because hard keyboard phones were the epitome of life. And hard keyboard, much better than soft ever could be.

• 29:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's a company that makes a thing where you could just hit like magnets to your phone and you have basically exactly what you're talking about.

• 29:54Speaker 04

  Aw, man, you're taking my points, man. He's robbing my points right from my point cradle.

• 29:59Speaker 03

  Oh, that's fine. That helps me. I'll take it.

• 30:01Speaker 02

  Mark, you can have a robbed, a robbed point point. Sorry, bud.

• 30:04Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, I was, I was literally looking up the, the clicks, uh, keyboard thing or is that what it's called the clicks?

• 30:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's called clicks or something.

• 30:12Speaker 04

  You know, back in my day, you didn't have to have greedy accessories that just came with the keyboard.

• 30:17Speaker 03

  I think, however, there's a problem with the clicks thing. And I don't know how they've overlooked it, but they did. Is because they just put it at the bottom where it could make the phone longer. I didn't have any of these phones, but you know, in the back of the day, they were like, you turn them, you flip them, you rotate them, you. Wow, the keyboard coming out was like part of the thing. It's like, why didn't they just make a landscape that they can sell a, a portrait version of? Why didn't they make a landscape version that could go on sideways? So you could have a big, because. This is hard enough on a small keyboard, on a digital one. It's, it's even harder on a physical one where your fat thumb can. Actually press the other ones instead of having the progressively getting worse intelligent features that.

• 30:59Speaker 03

  You know, secretly make the buttons different sizes based on what it thinks you're gonna get and it's wrong all the time now. But you know, I'm just like, it's a, it's, it shows that there is a need, but it shows also that the people design the products sometimes still don't. Reconcile with what might actually be useful, in my opinion.

• 31:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, I will say, I did have a couple phones that had physical keyboards. And the vertical ones, all misery. I have big hands, I have big thumbs. I've never used a vertical keyboard that wasn't just pure agony to try and deal with. But the horizontal ones, oh man, I had the first Android phone that ever launched. I had the T-Mobile G1 back in the day. And it had a screen that like, had like a fancy double hinge in the screen. It didn't just slide, it like, and, oh god, did that thing have the best physical keyboard? It was so good. It had character, it had a number row, it had character keys.

• 32:01Speaker 02

  Fucking, I did appreciate that. But I just feel like, I do appreciate software keyboards, that they exist. And that you can have that as a solution. I don't know if I'm gonna come down hard on a side of this or not. But nobody does a good job of implementing them, I think is the biggest problem that both kinds of keyboards face, right?

• 32:21Speaker 04

  I had a singular plan, and I think I had like, one of my first flip phones. The keyboard was just the number pad, right? It was just like, you had to press two, three times to get to the letter C, or whatever it was.

• 32:32Speaker 02

  Bro, T9 texting was the shit. I miss T9.

• 32:35Speaker 04

  Oh man, I remember the top part of my phone broke off, so I no longer had a screen. But for whatever reason, I could still text and like, talk, like I could call people and talk to them, but I couldn't hear. So I would text people, be like, "I really hope these are the correct letters I am sending."

• 32:52Speaker 04

  But it was one-way calls for like, two or three weeks.

• 32:56Speaker 03

  God damn, that's hilarious.

• 32:57Speaker 02

  Every time Wade calls, you pick up and he's just like, mid-sentence like, "I'm coming home soon. I'm leaving, I'm coming, I'll be there in 25 minutes." And you're like, "I can't, okay, fuck, god, jeez." You'd yell the same sentence for a minute straight.

• 33:12Speaker 04

  Just repeating, I repeat the message three times to make sure it goes through.

• 33:16Speaker 02

  I mean, it's definitely, should stay dead, but T9 texting was a good solution in a world where you were trying to type on a keyboard that had 12 total buttons.

• 33:27Speaker 03

  I think that might be part of the reason why all these like shortcuts for words were invented. Cause it's like any long message you had to type out was like, oh God, why is my name gonna be Schmitty Warbin Men Jensen? Uh, going over to Schmitty Warbin Men Jensen's now, by the time I texted, three hours have gone by. Schmitty Warber, Jaeger Men Jensen. Oh, even longer.

• 33:48Speaker 03

  Jaeger.

• 33:49Speaker 02

  Anyway, we're old. Keyboards are funny. Blackberries should stay where they ended up because BlackBerry keyboards were always awful.

• 33:58Speaker 03

  You know, is there anybody at BlackBerry right now that's like, oh, physical keyboards are coming. Guys, fire up the machines. Get the belts moving. Jim's skeleton gets shaken like, Jim, wake up, we're back at it. I'm sure they've drifted along as a company because I, I think they have, but it's like, this would be their time to be like, all that money we've been saving up for this one moment and definitely haven't been spending on CEO bonuses or something like that. It's time, it's like, go.

• 34:27Speaker 02

  The BlackBerry fully touchscreen phone that they launched, this is something just no one will give any shits about. But I had a friend who had that and I remember how sad it was because he was really excited, right? It was in the era when software keyboards were starting to become a thing and like the iPhone existed. And it was in the era of, uh, the Moto, the Moto, whatever, the first motos, uh, Android phones.

• 34:50Speaker 03

  I had a ringtone that said, hello Moto, there was like a little beat to it like.

• 34:54Speaker 02

  It was like, oh, it's a BlackBerry, but it's modern. It's got, has this screen that moves and all. And then like after owning it for a brief time, he was like, wow, BlackBerry fucking sucks. The only thing about BlackBerry is that it's the form factor of a BlackBerry. A BlackBerry in the shape of every other cell phone on the market is just a terrible cell phone.

• 35:16Speaker 03

  They were like the premier phone for a while. Like if you had a BlackBerry, you were real fancy.

• 35:20Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, because of, because business, because business people needed to send emails and they revolutionized how you could send emails over cellular networks and blah, blah, blah.

• 35:29Speaker 03

  According to all the clips of the movie about BlackBerry that I've seen on YouTube shorts and Tik Tok, they were revolutionary in what they were doing.

• 35:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, that's the thing. I've seen that guy from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia screaming at his employees about something, something, client side, something.

• 35:49Speaker 03

  Oh, that is that guy. Oh, that's, I thought he looked familiar.

• 35:52Speaker 02

  The angry boss guy from the BlackBerry movie is, um, Dennis. It's always sunny. He's such a good actor. Like, his range is ridiculous because he is actually just becomes different roles and you'll be like, holy shit, that is him. The fuck? All right, deeper. Hard or soft? Drink containers. And before you think you know the answer and jump to a conclusion, think about it a little bit more deeply. Cause I'm calling squeezy water bottles soft, even though they're not exactly like, you know, pillows, they're squeezy.

• 36:29Speaker 03

  I'm asking this for a friend. What about boobs?

• 36:32Speaker 02

  Boobs?

• 36:32Speaker 03

  Hard or soft?

• 36:33Speaker 02

  You mean milk bags? That's a soft drinking container.

• 36:36Speaker 03

  You mean milk bags? Oh, boobs. You mean milk bags? Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 36:40Speaker 02

  Well, I mean, look, if we're talking about in the context of drink containers, yes. Also, did you know that milk comes in bags in Canada?

• 36:48Speaker 03

  Yes, I did know that.

• 36:49Speaker 02

  What the fuck, Canada?

• 36:51Speaker 03

  They got milk bags in Canada?

• 36:52Speaker 02

  You buy milk bags at the store in Canada.

• 36:55Speaker 03

  Kids see those. What about, okay, aluminum cans, when you hold them before they're open, they're hard because of pressure, but afterwards they kind of crinkle a little bit. They're a little softer. They are a tiny bit flexible, as opposed to what I'm thinking you're thinking like a cup like this being hard.

• 37:12Speaker 02

  Well, even, even like a Capri Sun pouch, when it's filled with liquid, it's hard because it has volume inside it, right? Like, I would say the can, because it's crushable, it's, you could crush those up with your hands. I would say those are soft. I mean, unless you're a madman, you can't crush like a ceramic coffee mug with your hands down to like.

• 37:32Speaker 03

  Right, right. Anything that is malleable with your own strength, right? All right, I'm gonna go out on a very niche use case for this because in the long run, I'm not sure if it matters that much unless you got some genius thing, but I'll give a niche case for soft things like a Capri Sun in. In general, when I traveled for making iron lung a lot, I had this exterior dock that I brought with me that had its built in power supply was very useful, but it overheated a lot. So it got really warm because there really wasn't a big fan in there. I don't even know if there was a fan, but I learned a trick, which is a Capri Sun has an aluminum, soft aluminum based pouch.

• 38:11Speaker 03

  I don't know if it's fully aluminum, but it's soft. So if you kept them in the fridge and/or kept them in the freezer, here's how the order you do it. You get the one from the fridge. It's cold. You lay it on top of there. It would kind of mold a little bit to the shape of it. And then it would heat up and it would be a little heat sink. I would take that shape, put it in the freezer afterwards. It would freeze flat on the bottom so that I could put it back on. Then I started a chain of like, probably the people at TBD wondered if I had like an addiction to Capri Sun because I kept grabbing them all.

• 38:43Speaker 02

  That's so fucking funny. Why is Mark getting all the Capri Suns from crafty every five minutes? He gets another Capri Sun. What the fuck is this?

• 38:53Speaker 03

  And it worked. It worked. It would last for like, when it was frozen, it would last for like an hour and it wouldn't really drip on anything. It didn't, for some reason, it didn't like condensate that much. It worked really effectively as like a little cooling pad for tech. Uh, no, no one do this, or it might leak on your tech or something like this. I did this because like I, I knew, I didn't know what I was doing. I was just desperate, right?

• 39:15Speaker 04

  People, the visions of Mark's server room and his bathroom with like Capri Sun cooling.

• 39:23Speaker 03

  I'm telling you, it worked, man. It's just a thermal heat sink at the end of the day.

• 39:28Speaker 04

  Go pro. Listen, I've got ideas for the future. Would you like a wild cherry?

• 39:32Speaker 03

  Well, liquid has a really high, whatever the scientific term for heat capacity is, you know, it has a high that.

• 39:39Speaker 02

  So isn't that a specific temperature where how much energy it takes to change its temperature by a degree or whatever, or something like that?

• 39:47Speaker 03

  Yeah. And because it's flexible and also has an aluminum pouch, plastic's not very thermally conductive. But the Capri Sun pouches, at least if they still make them with aluminum, which I probably changed out of that, they are very conductive. Not as conductive as some metals, but aluminum still conducts heat.

• 40:03Speaker 04

  I want Capri Sun so bad right now.

• 40:05Speaker 02

  That's so fucking funny though. Oh my God. That's such a good idea.

• 40:10Speaker 03

  Yeah. See? So soft all the way.

• 40:14Speaker 02

  No, that's so, you pull up at Mark's house and there's a fucking huge pallet of Glower salts in the trash. And then there's a Capri Sun cooler parked next to his server farm. Fucking Silver Surfer from the Capri Sun commercials is just like, whoosh, whoosh, gotta render these physics sims, whoosh.

• 40:34Speaker 03

  I mean, it worked, it worked.

• 40:37Speaker 02

  I can't believe you never told that story. I know you were in the absolute depths of suffering of making this movie that consumed you for years. But that's so fucking funny.

• 40:47Speaker 03

  Can I give another little hack that I did for my render farm real quick, but as an aside? So the, the Mac Studio, a lot of people know I had Mac Studios in my render farm and people were like, that's crazy. It's like, but it makes sense because power efficiency and, and there, I'm going to the, the Apple event, the Worldwide Developer Conference. I'm gonna tell them that I did this and also I'm gonna tell them a hack to stack them in a way that made them thermally balanced. Is because it's a big flat block of aluminum, right? So what I did is I put one like this and then one upside down like that with a thermal pad in between to like exchange heat between the two surfaces. And overall, the temperature lowered between both of them because as one worked versus the other.

• 41:26Speaker 02

  Cause you had a bigger heat dissipation.

• 41:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, it, because I had a thermal pad in between, it was able to like exchange heat between the surfaces. Cause it's just a big brick of aluminum. And so I did ba, ba, ba, stacked them up like that. Like I did, you know, the coffee creamers in, in like the, the restaurant, when you go in there and you stack one with a little triangle shape and go one to the other, like to the other, to the other. And I did that and it worked. And because it left a larger gap where the fans were, so it was able to suck in more, it worked. Anyway.

• 41:55Speaker 02

  If you could find a way to get cheap, big heat sink fins and then use the fins as spacers. So you'd have like air flow, oh my, whoa, fuck it. You don't need the fins then. You just need like copper plates, right?

• 42:09Speaker 03

  That's what I had. I had a thermally conductive gel pad in between them. So.

• 42:13Speaker 02

  I'm just thinking like, if you had pipes, if you had heat exchange pipes through them or fins, right? Cause then you could extract more out, you could lower the overall temperature even more. You could build like a rack. Setup where it's like you can put eight Mac Studios in this and it's all head to head heat synced with copper, whatever, or like, man, so you gotta tell these stories, Mark. That's funny shit.

• 42:36Speaker 04

  I try, I try. No one likes them.

• 42:38Speaker 02

  Oh, you're always like, oh, lenses, oh, I need a GoPro. You gotta tell me how you manage heat in your electronic devices, Mark. This is the shit that I'm here for.

• 42:48Speaker 04

  That's, that's the one niche.

• 42:49Speaker 02

  This is how you score points with me, man.

• 42:52Speaker 04

  And it's a story for everyone. Dumb caveman Wade, like Capri Sun, Bob, get technology good out of it.

• 42:59Speaker 03

  All right, okay, all right. Works for everybody.

• 43:03Speaker 02

  That's so good. I like that.

• 43:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, true story, everybody about the Capri Sun. Very true.

• 43:08Speaker 02

  I bet you're gonna say that to them and they're gonna be like, oh, cool. And then go back to telling about how Apple Intelligence is the next great feature in computing and whatever.

• 43:17Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, probably, probably.

• 43:19Speaker 02

  Wade, good luck.

• 43:21Speaker 04

  Look, I think soft is so much fun. I love the portability, usability. I am a soft guy. But even that being said, listen, boobs, the best evolutionary trait ever. Like, am I right?

• 43:35Speaker 02

  We used to have hard boobs back in my day.

• 43:37Speaker 04

  Ah, soft boobs?

• 43:39Speaker 02

  God damn.

• 43:40Speaker 04

  Changing the world. But part of me always feels bad with all of the soft that I use because like it does make a lot of waste and even with recycling, there's still a lot of waste and byproduct, whereas just a nice hard glass, you know, you can clean it out and reuse it. You can dishwash. Like, it's just, it's always there and it doesn't produce that amount of waste. So as much as I do enjoy the soft, love the soft, I'm a soft guy. I feel like hard is probably the better answer for the sheer fact that like, I, I think of how many water bottles and cans and stuff I go through, how many like awful Styrofoam cups and stuff I go through that would be counted as soft, like a lot of waste and it's probably really, really bad for pretty much everything.

• 44:24Speaker 02

  That is true.

• 44:25Speaker 03

  Generally, that is just true. That's just true fact.

• 44:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:29Speaker 02

  But Mark's was so much more fun. Good job, Mark.

• 44:31Speaker 04

  I agree. Fun. Fun is fun. It's so fun.

• 44:34Speaker 02

  Thank you. Thank you. The Capri Sun cycling them through the freezer, though, is so fucking funny. Cause I've had things, I've had laptops and things where like it just runs hot and you're like, I just need like a fucking something to get the heat out of this. That's not gonna like drip all over it or some stupid. It's such a good, such an elegant solution. Plus they sell Capri Suns everywhere, at least in America.

• 44:59Speaker 04

  True.

• 44:59Speaker 02

  Buy them at every grocery store that exists. Not like Glaber salts.

• 45:03Speaker 04

  Hard to come by.

• 45:05Speaker 02

  All right. Deeper. Hard or soft dentist? This one is more.

• 45:12Speaker 04

  I like my dentist erect.

• 45:14Speaker 02

  Listen, this is more of a, it's, I don't know, it's theoretical, hard or soft, but, but I don't like the dentist, right? But my philosophy is I want a dentist who's gonna strap me to the chair like I'm a, like I'm against my will and it's gonna get in there and it's gonna fucking and do whatever they need to do, not to fuck up my teeth, but to fix my teeth, right? I've had some teeth problems. I would rather, even though I hate it, it makes me cringe just thinking about it. I would rather have a dentist who's like, I'm gonna get the fuck in there. I'm gonna clean every little speck up. Cause if you have a soft dentist, then you're like, maybe it's really pleasant.

• 45:56Speaker 02

  Maybe they play you some Enya and maybe it's really, but then are they really cleaning your teeth enough? Is that enough? You tell me. Hard or soft dentist? Go.

• 46:06Speaker 04

  Okay, Bob, for the point, I agree with you 100%.

• 46:10Speaker 02

  No, I don't have a stake in this. You get points for making good arguments.

• 46:13Speaker 04

  I'm pretty sure you did.

• 46:15Speaker 02

  No, no, that's not how this works. I'm completely unbiased. Go.

• 46:18Speaker 04

  I love my dentist in my mouth.

• 46:23Speaker 04

  You need to floss more.

• 46:25Speaker 02

  But you get what you're gonna say, right? You get what I'm coming from, right? Am I crazy here?

• 46:29Speaker 04

  Yes. I think a good dentist doesn't feel like they've strapped you down and are torturing you, but do a thorough job. You could have a bad dentist that straps you down and a bad dentist that's just like. You're clean. Time to.

• 46:40Speaker 02

  Go like.

• 46:42Speaker 03

  What the fuck?

• 46:42Speaker 04

  I definitely want one that does their job. So I guess if that's hard.

• 46:46Speaker 03

  What did they just throw in my mouth? Wait, what was that?

• 46:49Speaker 02

  Magical cleaning dust.

• 46:51Speaker 03

  They throw the clean grenade into my mouth.

• 46:53Speaker 04

  They're just, it's just some nice flavor. What flavor would you like? You're clean. No, I give me the hard one, I guess, because I want them to do their job, but like my dentist is both. Like I get some nice music in the background. I feel.

• 47:06Speaker 02

  What did both?

• 47:08Speaker 04

  I've always liked the dentist. I'm weird. I prefer the dentist to the doctor. I do not mind having my teeth scraped.

• 47:13Speaker 02

  How many points am I allowed to take away for one thing you said?

• 47:17Speaker 04

  Apparently a lot.

• 47:18Speaker 02

  I've always liked the dentist.

• 47:20Speaker 04

  Compared to the doctor? Yes. Like, no one likes going to either, but like.

• 47:23Speaker 02

  Compared to the doctor?

• 47:25Speaker 04

  I will go to the dentist over the doctor any day. Yeah.

• 47:27Speaker 02

  The doctor doesn't do anything to you 80% of the time.

• 47:30Speaker 04

  I get so much more nervous at a doctor's office.

• 47:32Speaker 02

  They touch you and they're like, oh yeah, it sounds like a heartbeat. And then you leave and then it's fine. What does your doctor do?

• 47:39Speaker 04

  Ah, there's always shots and enemas and ball squeezes and stuff.

• 47:43Speaker 02

  Shit.

• 47:44Speaker 04

  What?

• 47:44Speaker 02

  Whoa, whoa.

• 47:46Speaker 03

  You need to get one of those soft doctors. What the hell?

• 47:49Speaker 04

  The dentist just makes my teeth nice and sparkly.

• 47:52Speaker 02

  What the fuck? Mark, I have no stake in which answer here is correct, but save us, please.

• 47:57Speaker 03

  Look, I, I, I, I'm not a hundred percent on board with my dentist being in the tooth trenches and coming out of the tooth war. And going into my mouth and having a tooth flashback.

• 48:13Speaker 03

  I don't know if I need that. They can talk to you gentle and scrape your teeth with a metal pick. I, I, I don't think that's too bad. Cause I, I don't know. I just, I don't need to be strapped into my chair.

• 48:25Speaker 02

  Well, they can be, they can be hard, but nice. But like, uh, like a good teacher, right? Like they don't take any bullshit from your teeth.

• 48:32Speaker 03

  Right.

• 48:35Speaker 02

  You know what I mean?

• 48:38Speaker 04

  Don't call him out by name, but like.

• 48:40Speaker 02

  They don't fuck around. That's who my dentist is. They're a good dentist.

• 48:43Speaker 04

  I'm gonna pull one of my teeth through to them.

• 48:46Speaker 02

  What kind of attitude was I giving him with my teeth? This teeth better not give me any lip. That doesn't even make sense. I'm gonna have the teeth expelled if they keep causing problem in your mouth. This tongue's getting in the way of the cleaning amputate. We'll put it back later.

• 49:01Speaker 03

  Uh, I guess, you know, I'm, I'm, cause it makes it sound like the soft dentist is not gonna do a good job. And this is how I am with dentist is I made a dentist appointment to go, cause I was having some tooth pain, all the sour can. I was like, ah, I probably got a cavity. And you know, they said, ah, I don't think you don't have a cavity, but you know, we could, we could do something. And maybe like your gums are a little like, they might need something here. It's a little low on this one side. I'm like, that makes sense. That makes sense. All right, we'll get you next, next month. And like, all right, come back. I'm like, okay. And I missed the appointment. I never came back. I was so afraid that they'd be mad at me. I don't know why. Just like, oh, man, they're gonna be pissed. I show up again, they're like,

• 49:44Speaker 03

  oh, Mark. I was wondering why you'd show up. And so I'd be like, I don't know why. I just haven't gone back. That was three years ago.

• 49:51Speaker 04

  I was like that for a while, all through college, whenever I was no longer, well, the youngest of my mom's health insurance. I didn't have any health insurance in like college and stuff. And I was like, I can't afford a dentist. So I didn't go to the dentist for like seven or eight years. And the last three years I didn't go were just like, I've not been in four years. If I go now, they're gonna be so mad at me for not going for the previous four.

• 50:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're gonna be mad. They could be mad. Dope. It's real.

• 50:13Speaker 04

  I had that same feeling. I was like, I don't, I don't wanna go.

• 50:16Speaker 02

  The fear is real. This is a PSA, I guess for Mark too, but for everyone. Go to the dentist, guys.

• 50:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, go to the dentist.

• 50:25Speaker 02

  Oh God, go to the dentist. No matter how bad you think it's gonna be, it's so much worse when you're going to the dentist because a tooth is falling out. Or you're like, you're bleeding and you're like, ah, why is my mouth bleeding? Oh, fuck. It just go, cause yeah, and like it's maybe can't afford it. Like the realities of the world are what they are. But if you can go to the dentist, holy fuck, go to the dentist. Cause I am not, I'm gonna have some oral procedures coming up. And I'm not looking forward to it. I wish my teeth weren't so fucked. I really do.

• 51:00Speaker 04

  I can't say this for everyone. My dentist office, I think, works with people really well too, for affordability stuff. I don't know that all of them are like that, but like there are dentist office that understand and will work with you. So.

• 51:10Speaker 02

  And make sure you find a hard one. No stake in the answers here, but hard was the correct answer. Point for Wade. Objective point for Wade.

• 51:20Speaker 04

  I lost an unknown amount of points for my answer, but also I gained one.

• 51:24Speaker 02

  Even though Mark, I think, said hard also.

• 51:26Speaker 03

  No, I don't know if I gave an answer. I was a real loosey goosey, which I think, you know, speaks to my character.

• 51:31Speaker 02

  I tried to make this list so that it would sort of descend into the madness. I feel like, I feel like I'm not sure if any of these are going to get deeper. And I guess I'm curious now about that, but I wish that they were more unhinged. I have strong feelings about this one situationally. Curious what you guys think. Hard or soft bags? All and any bags?

• 51:53Speaker 03

  It's a hard bag.

• 51:54Speaker 02

  Like a hard suitcase.

• 51:56Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 51:57Speaker 02

  You know how they have like coolers where it's like a hard, you know, hard shell bag type of deal? Or like a, like a sturdy purse is like a hard bag, like a nice thick leather purse, you know, hard bag or soft bag?

• 52:11Speaker 03

  This speaks to how much better hard bags are because I can put it in a completely different category. Because imagine like a purpose-built system of bags with hard bags all the way around with like, they cinch closely, lock tight, and like, it's like Pelican cases all the way down, you know? There's something about like a loosey goosey bag that just can flop around and spill all your contents. You put it in another bag and it's just gonna flop everywhere and it's gonna be all non-committal and whatnot. But it's like, if you have a hard bag, like what you're saying, it's purpose-built for an express solution. And that's the solution I need. I don't need any wishy-washiness with my bag.

• 52:52Speaker 03

  I need it for the intended purpose. It's laser cut to fit the things that I'm gonna put in this thing. And it's gonna be secure as hell. I'm all about this. That being said, I dump all my shit in my backpack and then go off to France.

• 53:09Speaker 03

  It's what I do.

• 53:10Speaker 02

  Look, both things can be true.

• 53:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. But when I find the bag that's hard and purposely for the thing, I'm like, oh my God, and I buy them and I've got a stack of Pelicans, you know, just sitting there, empty.

• 53:21Speaker 02

  But they're there.

• 53:22Speaker 03

  They're there for me.

• 53:23Speaker 02

  They're way better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure, sure, sure.

• 53:25Speaker 03

  Yep, yep, yep, yep.

• 53:26Speaker 04

  In theory, hard bag. In practice, soft bag. Same thing. What do I transport? I don't transport all my like equipment and stuff. I transport clothes and like some toiletries. And you know what I need? Something that's light. Whenever you're running through the Chicago airport and have to get 13 miles in 10 seconds. And I need something that I'm not gonna hit my foot on and break my toe like a hard bag. And space. My God, is space hard to come by? And you can't squish down hard bag. You can squish down soft bag. You fit so many soft bag. And whenever those bags are empty, they maybe not suitcases, but your backpack perfectly flat. Other bag perfectly flat. Those bags they won't let you have in California at the grocery store anymore?

• 54:10Speaker 04

  You can stuff 500 of those things in one other bag. And then you have infinite bags. I could never run out of bags from going to the grocery store three times because there's so many bags.

• 54:19Speaker 03

  I love Wade's California stand-up routine.

• 54:22Speaker 04

  Whereas hard bag, like, what am I gonna do? Go to the grocery store with my Pelican? Like, I need eggs and two liter.

• 54:29Speaker 04

  Here's hard bag. Soft is so much more useful. Hard protect your electronics and grandma or whatever else you're carrying around. Sure, I get it. Soft. Oh, the portability, the lightness, the aerodynamics.

• 54:43Speaker 03

  I will say about the California thing, um, they undid the, the thing with the plastic because it was like the, they made just the plastic bags thicker. And so they went back to like, yeah, you plastic or paper or whatever. And so now paper bags are a thing. And the unfortunate thing is, because paper bags used to be at grocery stores and they were free with, you know, you check out, they're there. Now it's the same paper bags that were there before, but they still charge 15 cents for them. And I have to go to the grocery store. I'm like, hey, wait a minute. Hey, will you, you, you move the goalpost? Hey, wait a minute. Oh, hold on a second. They're always like this.

• 55:19Speaker 04

  No, I don't think so, sir. Mr. Grosh.

• 55:22Speaker 02

  This is hardly a bag conversation at all, but can I just say, you know those collapsible boxes? Where it's like a little crate and it folds flat kinda deal? Those are what you want for the grocery store. Holy shit. You get one or two of those and you put them in the bottom of your cart. And then you just

• 55:41Speaker 02

  And then when you go to your car, you fucking take one or two boxes out of the cart into your car. There's no like, how many bags? Can I hold 19 bags on one arm and still open the door to the? No, you use one good box, but that's not a bag. That's not, I would not say that that's like a hard bag. That's a, that's a box. So, doesn't really count. I just, I really like that. I discovered that at some point and was like, God, I love a box. I love a grocery box, you know? Anyway, I decide who's right.

• 56:11Speaker 04

  I understand it's difficult, but it's me.

• 56:13Speaker 03

  Well, I understand that that might complicate things, but it's me.

• 56:16Speaker 02

  All right, no points for that. Last one.

• 56:18Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 56:18Speaker 02

  That's a lie. I gave points for that. I was just.

• 56:20Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 56:21Speaker 02

  I said we would circle back to this, so I basically have to, or else I'm pretty sure I'm fired. Hard or soft? Boat. And think about it before you laugh.

• 56:32Speaker 05

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• 57:02Speaker 04

  Oh, sorry, damn it.

• 57:03Speaker 02

  Now I knew you'd do that. Hard or soft?

• 57:06Speaker 04

  Is a soft boat like a raft?

• 57:08Speaker 02

  Like a dinghy, like those inflatable dinghies where they get rigid when you inflate them kinda deal.

• 57:13Speaker 03

  Like a pontoon kinda thing.

• 57:15Speaker 02

  It depends how you feel about it.

• 57:17Speaker 04

  I gotta go, even, even love, I love a pontoon. I consider a pontoon a hard boat, cuz you don't wanna get hit with a pontoon. Whereas I don't know if a dinghy will do much. Maybe it will at high enough speed, but like traversing Lake Cumberland growing up. Beautiful lake, the waves and everything, but there's trees and plants and rocks and things and the water level changes and storms happen. And sometimes there's just fucking logs and trees. You can't even see they're floating and stuck just below the surface. And if you hit one of those things with like, I don't know if you count like a fiberglass as hard, but like a speed, some of the speedboats. Those things touch one of those trees, they're fucked. A dinghy touches one of those trees, you are fucked. But if you have a nice, solid boat, you might still be fucked, but maybe less likely to be so.

• 57:59Speaker 04

  So give me hard, give me diamond crystal boat that's gonna cut that fucking tree in half. Fuck those underwater trees and their murderous tendencies on the lake. I just wanna be on my tube, but you know what tubes are? Soft. And if you hit a tree on a tube.

• 58:15Speaker 04

  When you die in the sky, explode.

• 58:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's what happens.

• 58:20Speaker 02

  I tube, I tube wrong.

• 58:22Speaker 04

  How Cousin Larry went.

• 58:23Speaker 02

  Jesus.

• 58:24Speaker 04

  Hard boats and soft, it's a hard, hard boat, soft tube.

• 58:28Speaker 02

  Kinda seemed like you were making the case for hard boat, hard tube, if I'm honest.

• 58:31Speaker 04

  Probably need to, but like a hard tube sounds really painful to bounce on and land on. Maybe it's hard bottoms, soft top.

• 58:38Speaker 03

  Look, okay, all right, let me, let me clean up his meandering lost answer here with a, a, a quote from IB Sailing. Who, as you know, was on the Titanic, one of the hardest boats around, and he still, his quote goes.

• 58:54Speaker 03

  Cuz they died, right, from their hard boat getting. Badoinked by an iceberg and it just split in half, much like a taco. This is a soft situation. When I, when we crash in our hard, hard plane into the water, do I want to be in the hard, hard plane or do I wanna be in the soft, soft slide? I wanna be in the soft slide, which doubles as a boat. All of their flotation device is soft. When you absolutely need to float, you go soft.

• 59:21Speaker 02

  Counterpoint, what do you think's harder, water or ice? Which one floats? That's right, hard.

• 59:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, which one's deadly? Ice, the iceberg from IB Sailing, who was famously on the Titanic, once again said, "Oh, look out, hard water." You know what else is deadly? Hard oxygen, probably. I won't deny that. I will concede that.

• 59:44Speaker 02

  So what's your point? Hard is bad?

• 59:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, hard bad. No, hard good.

• 59:48Speaker 02

  No, but you said hard oxygen is dangerous, so hard oxygen is also bad. So hard is bad.

• 59:52Speaker 03

  But hard hydrogen's probably... Soft hydrogen? What's the one to breathe in? I think he's on my side here, I think. Hydrogen monoxide, uh, sounds bad?

• 1:00:03Speaker 02

  Well, I'm not a chemist, so I don't know about these things.

• 1:00:07Speaker 03

  I'm not a crook. I'm Richard Nixon.

• 1:00:09Speaker 02

  I was going to make the point, and Mark brought it up. You would think hard boat, Titanic, sunk by ice, dangerous.

• 1:00:17Speaker 03

  One boat in 130 years.

• 1:00:19Speaker 02

  So soft is the answer. Titanic is actually a soft boat. That's my conclusion here. Titanic needed to be harder in order to destroy the ice instead of being destroyed by ice. Because I can crush ice with my teeth. Ice is not that hard, okay? I'm sure all ice is exactly the same, and it works the same way. And when I have a drink and I crunch up ice, there's no way that a boat should be less hard than my shitty teeth that I go to my hard dentist to maintain. So really, Titanic soft boat? Titanic two? Needs to be hard boat.

• 1:01:01Speaker 03

  In the era, we were only able to get so hard in the time. But I gotta say, of the time, was the Titanic not the hardest boat they made? As Cal Hockley said, "It is unsinkable. Even God himself could not sink this ship." So that's pretty hard.

• 1:01:19Speaker 02

  So Cal is saying that God loses to ice too? God dang.

• 1:01:23Speaker 04

  Francis Stokes said, "The sea finds out everything you did wrong, hard or soft." Remember the alternate ending to Titanic? Titanic where Jack and Rose, instead of having sex, were tuck taped to the side of Titanic and just bit their way through the iceberg and saved the boat?

• 1:01:39Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:01:39Speaker 04

  Hard teeth, better than ice, like you were saying, Bob. You are so smart and right. Hard teeth, therefore hard boat. I have other quotes that make no sense I could read.

• 1:01:49Speaker 02

  I think that's enough quotes. I think I've heard enough.

• 1:01:52Speaker 04

  The bibles.

• 1:01:54Speaker 02

  Go on. Let's go ahead and call it there. I think we really got to the bottom of hard or soft. I think everybody who was watching and listening knows which one they would want. So let's just tally up some points and get out of here. Mark, you earned points for

• 1:02:14Speaker 02

  you died. Taxi moto. When you realized it was a motorcycle. Yeah, bice about beard lice for Wade. Imagine having a GoPro. You were correct about tacos. You had IB Salin, who came back a lot. In fact, I actually think I owe you an IB Salin point. You were robbed?

• 1:02:37Speaker 04

  Oh, yes. Yeah, definitely.

• 1:02:39Speaker 02

  Okay, Capri Sun heat sinks. That was genius. That might be the smartest thing I've ever heard. The perfect bag you'd never use. I own some of those. They're the best. And Wade, you earned points for realizing that you are Wade. You were an assassin. Blah, blah, something Diablo. Greater than or equal to eight years of dating. The ego is down. That was a good one. You were correct about ice cream. You hit me with a classic, back in my day. You're a soft guy, self proclaimed. You're correct about the dentist being hard. And you got ass kissing points.

• 1:03:16Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:03:16Speaker 02

  That leaves, once I add Mark's extra IB Salin point, because IB Salin came around a lot, and you have to respect it. Mark with 11 points and Wade with 11 points.

• 1:03:28Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 1:03:29Speaker 02

  Ooh. Wade was actually up by two, but then I realized that I didn't count one of the points that I wrote down, and then Mark earned the extra IB Salin point. Mark's just out here doing a good job.

• 1:03:41Speaker 04

  Thank you, man. Thank you.

• 1:03:42Speaker 02

  And so is Wade, to a lesser extent.

• 1:03:45Speaker 04

  We're tied.

• 1:03:48Speaker 02

  But that doesn't mean you're doing an equally good job.

• 1:03:50Speaker 03

  Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:52Speaker 02

  Come on.

• 1:03:52Speaker 04

  That must be the neighborhood baseball, because everyone's taking a swing.

• 1:03:56Speaker 02

  How many wheel spins will we have? It's one.

• 1:04:00Speaker 03

  Oh, my god.

• 1:04:02Speaker 02

  One spin to rule them all.

• 1:04:05Speaker 04

  Wow, two ones in a row. We never get ones.

• 1:04:07Speaker 03

  We're getting ones today.

• 1:04:09Speaker 02

  I'm gonna say whoever was the softest boy this episode gets a point.

• 1:04:17Speaker 04

  And we will definitely not know what that means when it comes up.

• 1:04:19Speaker 02

  God, that this clear all button just existing right here.

• 1:04:22Speaker 04

  Makes me nervous seeing you hover over it.

• 1:04:25Speaker 02

  Like, what if I just put it there? And then I just pick up the mouse? And I'm just like.

• 1:04:32Speaker 03

  There must be a confirmation. There would have to be, right?

• 1:04:36Speaker 02

  Oh, I should, maybe I should click it and find out.

• 1:04:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, one way to find out. I mean, you've got a backup of this, right?

• 1:04:45Speaker 02

  That's my confidence squeak. Hundred and nine options on this wheel. I'm sure this one spin will result in not me spitting for a one-man show. Huh? Fate?

• 1:04:59Speaker 02

  Can we not? Oh, wait.

• 1:05:02Speaker 03

  We're all here. We're all here.

• 1:05:03Speaker 04

  We're all at home.

• 1:05:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, everyone's home. Okay, we remember what that means.

• 1:05:07Speaker 04

  It was witness protection, everyone at home listening.

• 1:05:10Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, it said witness protection. Sorry, sorry, listeners. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

• 1:05:14Speaker 03

  Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

• 1:05:16Speaker 02

  Come on. Got the flattest. You know what I mean?

• 1:05:24Speaker 03

  No, it's too late, man. It's too late. It's too late.

• 1:05:27Speaker 04

  What? Since when?

• 1:05:28Speaker 03

  Too late. Got, past tense.

• 1:05:30Speaker 04

  This best Scottish, best, best Scottish, one that we do this spot?

• 1:05:35Speaker 02

  No one got flat. Mark's correct.

• 1:05:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't think we got flat.

• 1:05:39Speaker 04

  That one's ever gonna work, though. No one's ever gonna get flat for no reason.

• 1:05:42Speaker 02

  Worst guesser. Who the fuck? Did anyone guess anything in this episode? We've never spun any of these ever.

• 1:05:51Speaker 03

  But I do, I guess we do know what that would be, but yeah, it wasn't really a guessing game.

• 1:05:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, I guess.

• 1:05:58Speaker 03

  You guess. Yeah, it's funny.

• 1:06:00Speaker 04

  You both guessed.

• 1:06:02Speaker 02

  I guess you did at least.

• 1:06:05Speaker 02

  Not gonna earn points that way. Most interruptions of the other guy.

• 1:06:10Speaker 03

  Wow, these are crazy different men.

• 1:06:13Speaker 02

  We've never spun any of these.

• 1:06:16Speaker 04

  I usually interrupt the most. It was probably me.

• 1:06:19Speaker 03

  I bet it was me. Not to interrupt my opponent, but I think it was me.

• 1:06:22Speaker 04

  Damn it, you did interrupt me to tell me it was you.

• 1:06:24Speaker 03

  I had a couple, uh, I had a couple different, you know, I went on a tangent or two.

• 1:06:29Speaker 04

  I went on a cosign or a sign.

• 1:06:31Speaker 02

  I feel that, but I also just feel like, ah, it's fine. I ju- I just don't know if there were interruptions, you know? Whoever puts these on this wheel just has some terrible ideas. Oh, they're good ideas. You just gotta look them.

• 1:06:48Speaker 02

  Oh, Wade loses a point.

• 1:06:49Speaker 03

  Ay! Holy shit, that one too. That's such a different, I forgot about that.

• 1:06:55Speaker 04

  I've, I've got such bad reception right now. It's unfair.

• 1:06:58Speaker 03

  I used to like try to read the answers before it came up, so I would know if this one was coming up. I forgot about that.

• 1:07:05Speaker 02

  It says last to touch nose loses a point and Mark and I both frantically touched our noses and Wade didn't even react.

• 1:07:15Speaker 03

  I was kind of debating because it could be one where it's like, uh, first to touch nose loses a point or something like that, which should be added there.

• 1:07:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:24Speaker 04

  It's a latency, latency. It was latency.

• 1:07:27Speaker 03

  I'm on the other side of the country. You can't use that excuse.

• 1:07:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, but you and Bob are so in sync.

• 1:07:33Speaker 02

  We are. It's true. I'm very biased towards Mark. It's just generally a true statement.

• 1:07:38Speaker 04

  I'm more Backstreet Boys.

• 1:07:40Speaker 02

  But anyway, Mark wins with a score of 11 to 10 because Wade lost a point for being the slowest to touch his nose.

• 1:07:50Speaker 03

  Shit ass fuck.

• 1:07:51Speaker 02

  Classic distractable goof, everybody.

• 1:07:57Speaker 02

  Congratulations, Mark. Uh, Wade, loser's speech?

• 1:08:00Speaker 04

  It was a well fought fight, finicky, fraught, filling, forlorn. Farewell.

• 1:08:09Speaker 02

  Mark, you can do a normal winner's speech if you want, or you can pick alliteration, whichever one you choose.

• 1:08:13Speaker 03

  Firmly fun feelings.

• 1:08:15Speaker 04

  Filling friends, fine fanciful feasts for fucking pools. Fancy-ly, fairly, financially.

• 1:08:35Speaker 04

  Fund.

• 1:08:38Speaker 04

  Flop.

• 1:08:40Speaker 04

  Flop, flop, flip, flap, floors.

• 1:08:47Speaker 04

  Lombe. Nice French. Cans.

• 1:08:50Speaker 02

  That's true. If anybody hears French, it's Mark.

• 1:08:52Speaker 04

  Freedom.

• 1:08:54Speaker 02

  A classic Mark winner speech. Congratulations, Mark.

• 1:08:57Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 1:08:58Speaker 02

  Watchers slash listeners, make sure you're following the podcast because Mark will be hosting the next one, which is always good. Way better than when Wade hosts the next one. Sorry, Wade.

• 1:09:09Speaker 04

  Jesus Christ.

• 1:09:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, I said that. Make sure you check out the merch store distractible.shop. The special five-year merch is maybe sold out, but maybe there's other stuff. You have to look. You gotta stay on top of that. Follow Mark at Mark Flyer, Wade at LordMinion777 or Minion777. I am Icekirm. That is the end of this episode. We'll see you with another one next Monday, hosted by Mark. And until then, podcast out.