Distractible
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Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers and welcome to Distractible. This episode, Bobbly Bob Gets Burnt Balancing His Pool, Then Starts A Pantermine Party. Merely Married Mark Plans His Honeymoon, Gets Hot And Wet In Iceland, Crashes Wade, And Deftly Describes. Warder Wonder Wade Gets Sore, Considers A Sartorial Upgrade, And Gives Him Possibly Vague Descriptions. From Statistically Snuff It To Having A Huge Oh. Yeah, it's time for Reverse Charades.
Now, sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
Hello and welcome back to your mom's favorite podcast. Yeah, I've probably used that one before. Who cares? This is Distractible and I'm allowed to reuse ideas. That's what we do here. My name's Bob and I'm the host, because I won the last one. Oh, I'm fine. No, they'll cut that out, I'm sure. I won the last one, because I'm so smart and good at not dying on camera. I'm joined today, as always, by the two competitors in this episode. They will be competing to see who wins and gets to host the next one. That's the whole thing, that's what we do. My competitors are, as always, Mark and Wade.
Not always. Sometimes I've been known to host.
A pleasure to be here, Robert. Thanks for having me.
So, that was very serious. Did someone die?
Probably. I think statistically, the answer to that's yes.
Well, that's not good.
And again, just now.
Okay, calm down. Welcome back to another episode of Distractible. If you're here, you know what's gonna happen. Unless you're new. In which case... God, I hope you're watching the video. God, you better be watching. You know how we feel about listeners. But yeah, I have a game prepared for today and it's gonna be really funny, just like they always are. We never miss here. But before we get into the definitely funny game, how you doing, guys? How's it going?
By the time this has come out, I will have honeymooned. I'm gonna tell you what's gonna happen ahead of time, and as if it's already happened.
Holy shit, this is all planned out?
Mark, some of this could stay secret, it's okay. You don't have to vlog everything.
Here's an hour-by-hour breakdown of exactly how this adventure is gonna go down.
Hour's pretty generous, but all right.
Minute-by-minute.
That's pretty generous, but all right.
A by hour by by hour, semi hour by semi hour.
First I arrive where I don't know. Let me tell you a story that has nothing to do with this and is relating to something that happened in the past. I arrived in Iceland and when I, when we were landing, I had read over the itinerary, right? We, we were going on a little vacation package, so this is going to relate to this somehow. You'll see it'll all tie back together.
You got some leniency, but you better get to the point counselor.
I looked at the itinerary and I was like, oh, we're going to the Blue Lagoon Resort. Right? Or hotel or something like that. I don't know. It said Blue Lagoon.
Just a lagoon.
And I was like Iceland. Yeah, they got weird names over there. It's probably just a funny hotel. You know, Iceland with their funny names and all that stuff and silly words and the way they eat. They eat their horses. It's funny.
Uh huh, uh huh.
I see all over. There's like advertisements on the plane, little screen. That's like the Blue Lagoon, you know, Icelandic.
Yeah, Icelandic. Yeah. The ice, famous Icelandic accent. Yeah, yeah.
The Blue Lagoon. And I'm like, wait, why is everyone swimming in the Blue Lagoon? And I'm like, well, that's weird. Everyone's swinging because we're arriving at 6am, right? So I'm like, whoa, I'm going to be tired. I'm going to be ready to take a nap, go to this hotel, maybe lay down for a bit. Relax. And then Amy leans over to me is like, all right, you pack swim trunks, right? I'm like, what? Why would I need swim trunks in a hotel?
Like a Bond villain hideout is where you just swim to the hotel under the lagoon.
And so I, I basically started, I leaned over to the person in the seat next to us and I asked, what's the Blue Lagoon? And they looked at me like I was crazy. They kind of chuckled themselves.
And they didn't answer, right? So now.
They only spoke Icelandic. You had to.
What is the Blue Lagoon?
What is a Blue Lagoon?
Yeah, you didn't say it right. And then I asked Amy like, hey, what's the, what's the Blue Lagoon? And she's like, how can you not know what the Blue Lagoon is? It was on the itinerary. We're going there first. Do you have your swim trunks? And I'm like, what was the Blue Lagoon? So the Blue Lagoon, I don't even know if that's the name of a Blue Lagoon Iceland.
It is now.
It is a is a very large, uh, world renowned geothermal spa in Iceland. So by asking around or trying to anyway, Amy was extremely embarrassed by me asking what the most famous geothermal spa in Iceland was.
Might as well just ask, what's Iceland?
But she didn't tell me the entire time we were walking through the airports. There's big wall billboards of come to the blue lagoon. And I'm like, oh, this.
Why won't anyone tell me?
No one will tell me. And literally Amy was like, I'm not telling you. I am not gonna tell you. You should have read the itinerary. And well, I did, I swear. Uh, so she refused to tell me until I got outside and then we had a like a local guide drive us to, uh, the, the blue lagoon. And I, I was not allowed to ask him what it was. Amy forbade me from asking. It's a big geothermal pool. It's very nice.
Sounds fun.
Yeah, it was, it was pretty nice. So I'm not gonna read the itinerary for what's coming in Norway, but I assume that there's some kind of lagoon over there.
You really learned your lesson.
So, yeah.
I'm gonna know even less this time, so I won't be confused. You're just sitting on the plane in swim trunks and like arm floaties looking at Amy like, what's the lagoon? What color's the lagoon? Tell me about the lagoon.
You've got your mountain climbing gear, right?
Is that your parachute backpack or your regular backpack?
So, uh, yeah, I got that. That's, that's gonna be the entire crux of the, uh, of the honeymoon. And that's all that's gonna happen.
Just every day, every activity, Amy is like, oh, you better get dressed. And you start pulling out your like polar ski outfit or swim. You're like gauging Amy's reaction like tuxedo? Not tuxedo. Nope, didn't like that. Oh, what do we do? I packed for every occasion because I have no idea what the occasions are.
And then I just laugh it off when she gives me the look and I'm just like, that was a joke. Remember when I didn't know what the Blue Lagoon was?
She puts on like a hazmat suit and you're like, the one thing I didn't pack.
That's when you put on your tuxedo and go out with style.
Anyway, so yeah, I will have a honeymoon and it will be great, I think.
I hope it will be was a good time.
It will was. It will was.
You will have done it or you had already have done it. Wade, what honeymoon mystery are you experiencing in this past week have had you?
You know, I don't have any alcohol down here, so I'm just gonna take a sip of water, but pretend.
Been a week, Bob. Been a week.
Oh, okay. There it is. Yeah.
Didn't get to play slow as fire with you guys at all this week and I actually ate pretty well. I'm sore. You know, the people who tell you that you only get sore for like two days after exercising are liars. I played basketball on Monday. We got together Tuesday, right? I was like, I'm a little sore for playing basketball.
We already talked about this this week.
I'm still fucking sore. My arms still hurt. That's been four days ago. But uh, still been moving around, trying to get some exercise in, but like my legs are fine because I've been walking, but did not play more basketball since Monday. So tomorrow, whenever I finally stop crying, go shoot some big old hoops. I put on a sleeveless shirt to play and it's one that I had when I was like, it was bad. You know, the style when we were in high school was like baggy clothes. So I had this baggy basketball shirt. I put it on and I've got like beer belly hanging out. Every time I jump, my like belly falls out of the bottom and the shirt like sits on top. And my nephew's looking at me like, oh man, you really, you sure you want to play that, wear that in front of your neighbors and you know, birds and stuff like people and animals are watching her and really.
The birds are gonna laugh at you a lot.
I think they did. So I'm, it might be time to upgrade my wardrobe a little bit. I've learned.
You are allowed to buy new clothes. I mean, obviously good on you for making clothes last because that is, you know, fast fashion has its downsides and it's, you know, you don't, you don't. Need to be going burning through clothes, but since high school, I think you're allowed to.
Oh, yeah.
Think you're allowed to have bought some shirts since then. Not saying we're old, but I think we're all feeling that we're kind of old.
Yeah. Older than half my life ago, some of these shirts I still wear. Yeah. Like junior, I still have a couple of sleeveless shirts from junior high that I'm like, ah, my lucky sleeveless shirt. I put it on twice a year. The logo, it was like a UC Bearcat shirt, but all of the logo is gone. So now it's just like a blank register with like one little black splotch where there was once a haul.
You know, you buy more shirts.
But I know what shirt it is. I know what the logo used to look like.
You could buy UC shirts at gas stations in Cincinnati. It's not hard.
I want UC to call me and let me go and talk to their like streaming podcasting classes. I know they've got them.
They have that.
We just took my niece to Georgia State. They had a whole building that was like technology and something. I should probably know what the building was called. But like, yeah, we have this big podcasting room and there's like different classes where they're, I was like, they teach podcasting. What do they, what? I just want to be a fly on the wall and.
You could really benefit from that.
I could use a lot of help. Yeah.
Do they let seniors audit classes? You know, like a keep active sort of thing?
I'm your age.
Oh, I was thinking seniors like college. I was like, well, yeah.
No, he met grandparents.
Senior citizens. There's like, you know, there's those elder education programs where it's like, hey, you gotta, you wanna do something fun? Come take, come take some classes.
I grade and I bottled, I bottled, I grade and bottled early, but I'm still young.
Man, that really rewrites some of our most iconic bits. I just can't get out of my head now. You just going, I'm bottled.
I keep getting recommended our shorts lately. I keep watching them. They're all, they're all pretty good. We have funny moments. I didn't know we were funny.
Yeah, occasionally. Uh, sometimes. If only we had our clips game on. That's a bad way to say it. Yeah. Our highlight, real goodness posting, you know? If we did that good, think of where we would be.
A little bit further ahead?
Yeah. So or something like that. Yeah.
A little bit louder now.
I really liked being at college and there was a time where I thought I was going to go into like being a college professor of philosophy till all my philosophy professors like, pulled out a cigarette out of nowhere. They're like, don't do it. You don't want to be like us. Do something or anything else. I was like, all right.
And they all smoke like this.
That's how philosophy professors smoke. It's it's part of the rules.
I puff, therefore I am. Is how they flick. I don't know. I never smoked.
Yeah, that's how cool people flick cigarettes.
I don't know. I think that'd be fun. It'd be fun to go just be a guest or be a fly on the wall or even just not to get a degree, but just to go like sit in some of these classes and see what they're teaching. Cause like, I'm fascinated to know, how do you have a whole class on doing something that I think we're pretty, why should I say we're, I'm pretty stupid and somehow it's worked out, but like, what am I supposed to be doing to get?
I don't know.
No, no, man.
Probably exactly everything we did on the way here.
I know a couple of our friends have gotten to go and be like guest speakers at colleges and high schools. And I'm like, I want to know, cause it's like be wanting to be a juror. I've never had to be a juror. They never called me for that either. It's like the things I want to do. No one ever calls me for. I'm not gonna call the college and be like, please let me come teach you. I'm begging you.
Do you have a business email with which they could somehow?
Yeah, I never checked that.
Okay, all right then. Well, all you university people who are typing up that email, throw it in the trash. It's not gonna be seen.
I get the alumni emails where they ask me for money. And do you give money? Do you give money? No, I hate those kids.
Maybe that's, maybe that's how you get into the classroom is you need to give them the money first and then they'll let you teach.
I want to teach your class. Here's money. Is that how you become a teacher? I guess it is how you become a teacher.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's how it works.
I don't know what my small talk was, but that was it.
I wrote down points.
Great.
I know I'm the host, so my small talk really doesn't matter and I'm not important, but get ready for a lot more of this. I don't know if you can tell, but I'm real crispy. Today was the official opening day of our pool. This is the first time since we moved six plus months ago where the pool was open. The chemicals were balanced, which I've been battling with for like a week and a half. It's been really fucking annoying and we did it. And we swam in the pool like all day today. And so I'm pretty red and crispy and I'm definitely gonna be kinda sunburny for the whole summer.
I'm used to pools that open until like May or June. So it's wild that you guys are like able to swim and stuff.
Yeah, I mean, it was it was not like hot today, but it was warm enough and sunny and with and the pool is heated. So if you were in the water, it was great. And as soon as you got out, it was kind of like, ah, let's go inside.
You probably like cool water. See, I'm I like bath water.
I mean, it's heat. It's a heated pool. It's warm. Pool's heated to like, I don't know, eighty some degrees, eighty four degrees or something. It's pretty warm.
See, I'm the guy that went to Florida in July and the pool that's been sitting in the sun baking could basically boil a lobster out. But I'm like, oh, that's great. I go to the ocean like, that's a little chilly, even though like.
Well, the ocean is cold. The ocean is still.
I'm talking about like the Gulf in summer where it's not cold.
Still cold. Natural water is always cold. So cold.
I think. Jinx. You can have it, though, because you're the host.
Anyway, I'm definitely gonna show up to some episodes over the course of the summer and be catastrophically sunburnt. So you'll have that to look forward to. It's probably gonna be pretty funny.
It's a big pool, right? We could fit a pontoon or something in there. So we do a boat episode?
No, we're doing a boat episode in the pool. We have to.
Okay, cool.
Uh, it's big enough to fit very funny things.
Carnival or one of the cruises will sponsor us and they're gonna put a cruise ship in your pool?
What was that private yacht collection we read commercials for? Can we get a private yacht in my pool?
Oh, yeah, that was, uh, the, the, it was the hotel, the famous hotel, but they have a yacht club.
Uh, when, when the hell did you guys read a, you guys read, did you guys get a sponsorship that I wasn't there for?
No, no, we talked about this. You were there.
Kind of luxury thing. Did you go out? What do you mean? We talked about this. I don't remember it.
We did a Ritz Carlton yacht club read.
The three of us did it because I remember talking about it.
We did a Ritz Carlton ad read?
It was the Ritz Carlton Private Yacht Collection, something, something. And I'm not gonna say it was during the part of the final press, final stretch of movie production where you were absolutely killing yourself, working twenty hours a day, fitting podcasts in whenever you could around the clock. But you might not remember it for a reason.
Oh, did you guys get yachts? And I didn't?
I wish. I literally sent a couple of emails and was like, hey, I know we get samples sometimes. I would take a sample of a yacht. I don't know how you get yacht samples, but.
Uh, just send the money. I learned from watching that Oprah car giveaway that the people that won the car still had to pay taxes and stuff on them. I don't know if I want to pay taxes on a free yacht.
It's why modern car giveaways, it's always like win a 2026 Chevy Corvette and $25,000. You don't get to keep the money. That's to cover the taxes on the car.
Yeah, that makes sense. I don't, what, what's the tax on a yacht? Probably high.
Well, don't rich people not pay taxes? There's probably no tax on a yacht. There's probably a tax exempt.
So if they give you the yacht, you become rich, you don't pay taxes anymore?
It's a yacht for educational purposes, so there's no taxes.
Hmm.
To learn about how yachts are.
Y educate? That's stupid. I'm not going to finish this.
Wait, I don't even know where you were going. Yeah.
I was trying to go by yacht and education, but it didn't, yeah, education, but it was just the education with a yeah. It was, it was stupid. It was stupid. That's why I said stupid. I didn't want to move on. I want to move on.
Education?
That's better than yeah, education.
Y atication?
Educac.
Yatsi cation?
Educatia. Yah, education.
I didn't, that was too, that was something. I didn't like it. It was off putting.
Sorry, alright.
You guys want to play a game?
Hmm hmm.
You don't have a choice because I'm the host and that's what we do here, but it's real easy. Are you guys familiar with charades?
There's no way.
What?
This is a quick aside. Last night, apparently I like woke up last night and I had a moment where I was like, man, I've got this great idea for a podcast episode. I type myself a note to remember today and all I typed on the note.
Pictionary podcast.
That's literally all I wrote and I woke up today and I was like, the fuck does I, like, what was the idea?
I stole your idea and also this could not have less to do with Pictionary. You know charades? One person like draws a card, they get a thing, they have to act it out and the other people have to guess what it is. We're not doing that. I like to call this reverse charades. One person is going to be given the card. It's gonna, I mean, they're gonna be easy. That person has to tell the other person what to do. And the person acting out whatever it is has to guess what the word is that they're acting out.
I love it. Alright, this is great. Okay.
It's reverse or inverse charades. I don't know. It's different charades. So we're gonna go back and forth and I'm gonna flip a coin to see who gets to go first.
Getting some more space for this so that I can, I know that there's gonna be a lot of physicality here.
This is, I'm trying to keep it to where like you can stay at your desk, but like you can get crazy with it. You guys are allowed to escalate this to wherever it wants to go. I'm not gonna limit you.
Should I limber up?
I think that's entirely on Wade's hands at this point. I don't.
This is my limbering. That's the maximum limbering I can do.
You look so limber. Lady is Wade, lion is Mark.
I definitely need to stretch because I just told you I'm still sore as hell.
Hoi. Alright, the lady goes first. That means I'm gonna give, I'm gonna send you a word in our secret private chat, Wade. And that's gonna be your word. There's gonna be a timer on this, right? So you, you get.
Oh, good.
Okay, I didn't explain all the rules. It's very, it's not convoluted. It's all is fine. There's gonna be a timer. And Wade, you get a point if Mark successfully guesses it. And Mark gets a point if I successfully guess it before he says it. I'm gonna write my guesses down in my, in my notes.
So shouldn't he just never guess it?
No, you have to participate. If you, if you, we don't do that. Come on now. Come on, everyone's participating.
Yeah.
Do I need to structure it in a way where you're forced to participate? Otherwise you suffer.
No, I will because I just want to be able to guess it.
What is it? The first year of the podcast?
I don't know what year we are.
Every, every game, every episode was like, I'm suspicious about something. Something ain't right. Something, uh, I'm not doing it.
That's true. That's so true.
Ever since, was it secret words that really broke us as friends?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it did. Yeah, that's true. That's true.
I'm setting the timer at three minutes. Wade, I'm gonna send you your word.
I was gonna say, I haven't even seen the word yet, but okay, you haven't said it. That's good.
Fine, calm down. I'm gonna set the timer at five minutes. We'll see how that plays. I'm gonna send Wade the word and then start the timer. It's a good thing Mark's limber.
Ready?
Go. I almost just sent it to the wrong person. It's fine.
Oh, okay. Um, Mark, I need you to, with your two hands, put them together like at the wrist.
Uh, no, no, no, like, uh, hands, hands facing out, like you're, you're waving with both hands, but you're touching at the wrist.
But at the wrist?
Yeah, then spread your hands out.
Uh huh.
And hide your thumbs.
Hide my thumbs?
Hide your thumbs, it's just the eight other fingers.
And then I want you to kind of wiggle them and, uh, start, start high.
Start high?
And, uh, you're going to.
Am I seeing an enemy? See an enemy?
That's not it, that's not it, keep going.
Pretend you have them dropping down from something, like a.
Pretend I have them dropping down from something, eh?
This is the craziest way you could have done this. I know, man, I'm, I'm much better at the acting than I am the describing, we know this about me.
All right, continue, continue, three minutes, 50 seconds, continue.
Okay, pretend I have them dropping down like it's.
But kind of like wiggle them around and, uh, make like, um, a snowflake pattern.
How? Wha-? How?
Not with your fingers, not with your fingers.
With what?
Your, both, the hands together, you're gonna drop down and kind of like move in like a diamond shape. Move them together, no, no, no, wrist.
Wrists together. No, yep, keep going, perfect, perfect, yep.
Move them down, I'm moving for all the listeners, my hands are doing nothing what he's saying.
Never mind, you know what, we're gonna start over, I got a better idea, I got a better idea. Walk like you're kind of just strutting your stuff, okay, you're gonna strut your stuff, you're walking around and all of a sudden, uh, uh, stop and look very, like.
Bob, I hate this fucking game.
Yeah, by doing it, I'm perplexed as hell.
I want to jump in and do this so badly because you're so close to doing it right.
You're walking and then you're gonna come to a sudden stop and start reaching at your face and start picking something off and kind of like flinging it away, throwing it, spit a little, you're disgusted.
Yeah, I walked into a spider nest, oh.
Spider web, spider.
I'm so good at this.
Spider web, spider web.
What the fuck is this? I was trying to get you to make a web as a spider.
He was trying to get you to make a spider with your head.
Why is it wiggling?
That was the craziest shit you could have possibly done.
I'm crazy, we know it.
All right, watch me. I mean, yeah, listen to me and I'll watch you. Got there, didn't we?
Also, Bob, I feel like the guessing for you is gonna be really.
No, you know what? Once I said it out loud, I heard it. Cause I'm telling you what the word is. So I just gave Mark the point immediately because I was right. It was spider web.
I write some of these ideas down at three in the morning when I can't sleep and I'm not gonna lie.
Me too.
I didn't think that one all the way through, could tell I, it's fine. I'm not, so we're not gonna do that. It's fine. But Mark was a very good sport and Mark did a very good job guessing. And I'm gonna give Mark five minutes on this next one, but I think we're gonna turn the time down on the next round. Cause you finished that with like two and a half minutes and you did just an awful job, Wade.
Oh.
Couldn't have been very much worse to start off on that one. Anyway, Mark, you ready?
Yes. Go. Oh, I have.
It's in the chat.
Okay, okay, Wade, go to the left side of frame.
My left or your left?
Either left, doesn't matter. You're gonna go to the frame. Okay, now there's, there's a fence in the middle of your camera, right? Okay, so you're gonna, you're gonna go and you're gonna jump over it and then do it again.
Well, okay, but I mean, yeah, go back to the beginning and then, you know, just hop, hop.
All right, whatever. Okay.
I'm hopping.
No, the, over the fence, the fence, just get, repetition action, repetition action.
Hopscotch.
Yeah, but more, more gently and, you know, do it softer.
Softly jump over the fence. Okay, alright, now, now, sit back down and you're, you're watching that happen in front of you. You're watching it, your head, head track it with your head. Alright. Uh huh. Okay, alright, it's a whole bunch of them, they're not hopping back and forth, they're not, you, you got that in your mind. Count, counting sheep, uh.
Oh, I'm gonna count that, I'm gonna count that, it's just sheep.
Oh, okay. See, I don't know how would you, other than, go bad like a sheep.
Yeah. Well, isn't that just the bitch of it?
Man, I'm glad I got, I was like, okay, that's a bunny, it's hopscotch, it's jumping jacks, it's the horses, it's. It was an obtuse way to go, it's the only thing I thought of. That's what I thought with the dangling spider, but you know, it didn't work out for me.
Alright, since we're doing so well.
Oh no.
I'm gonna, it's gonna, I'm gonna keep it easy, this is gonna be fun.
Ah.
We're gonna do three minutes and Wade, you have your word, ready, set, go.
Okay, uh, Mark, you're, you have to stay on camera, but you're, you're laying down, okay?
Stop.
We need those to get here you right now.
That would, that would help if he could hear me, cross one arm over your left shoulder, your left arm over your, to your right shoulder and your, yeah, cross your arms like that, okay, eyes closed. And now all of a sudden, burst your eyes awake and take like a big breath.
I'm a mummy? Vampire? Not even living yet.
Let's go back to eyes closed, mouth closed, and uh, shake your body like you're getting electric jolts. And then have your eyes and mouth open.
I'm a, I'm a vampire, I'm, I'm a mummy, what the fuck else?
Uh, okay, uh, the electric jolts are stemming from your chest.
I'm a patient in cardiac arrest, I'm, I'm in the rescue position, or whatever this is, I'm about to go down a water slide and they're cattle prodding me to go down, cause I refuse to make the jump and I passed out at the top.
Okay, uh, remember these are like short, easy, one word things, right, like one or two words, uh.
Minute thirty. Okay, go back to eyes closed. Okay. Mouth closed. Let's drop our arms to our side. And now you're going to feel, have your chest kind of like it's being pushed. And then open your mouth a little bit. And imagine someone pinching your nose and blowing into your mouth. I'm a CPR patient. Wait, I'm an airbag. I'm a balloon. Uh, okay, got it, got it.
But let's go a different direction real quick. Um, move around, move around like your whole body's made of wood.
Now, uh, when you talk, pretend your nose grows. Pinocchio? But all of a sudden, you're no longer made of wood. I'm a real, I'm a real boy. Just find some parallel between these things.
Twenty-five seconds. Uh, homunculus. A, a, a, uh.
Eyes closed, mouth closed, arms at side. You're right now, you're. Three. I am dead. I am. But, but when you open your eyes. Oh, he said undead. Uh, yeah, we were, we were close. You were close. Wade, he did really good. He just needed to like. What was the word? What was the word? It was alive. He got you right to like, ah, you were dead. Well, okay, the thing is, I've got to give him actions, right? Yeah, but like, no, I, I see, I see it now. I see it kind of, I don't get the wooden plank thing. Well, I was trying to be your Pinocchio. Now you're alive. You're a real boy. You're alive. You're not just.
I was panicking with thirty seconds to find another alive parallel. Okay, all right, I got you. That's my bad. That's my bad. Yeah, I got the vampire like coming back. You were undead rather than alive. So I was like, okay, we gotta get away from that. Let's go with like CPR or the paddles or something. I was trying to bring you back to life. I get it now. I get it now.
I you just I feel like you just kept giving up right when Mark was on the precipice and being like, let's try something else completely.
Well, I wasn't it was I was I was I felt like I was only allowed to give him actions as clues. I couldn't just be like synonym for like, I couldn't do that. So it was like, what's another action I can do to come back to life?
No, I appreciate sticking to the rules.
At least I didn't switch to the birth canal. I was gonna go there that route, but.
That would have got me right there.
I didn't have time. I was like, okay, you're sperm. You hit an egg. All right, you're popping out your baby.
Oh, well, then we got to define exactly.
People are debating whether you are or are not this thing. How many weeks has it been?
If only I'd gone that route.
All right, Mark, are you prepared to instruct?
I cannot tell if these are harder or easier. I'm honestly trying to match the difficulty, so. There you go. Right, I said, there's your word.
Be small. Well, okay.
All right, we're going there. You're tiny. Yeah, it is biddyous. Flatten out. Smaller, flatter, smaller, flatter.
I don't know how.
Small.
Ah, he's nailing this.
Close, flat, flat, flat, flat, flat, flat. You all right. And now open on one hinge.
For the listeners, he ruled to his right. Okay, all right, okay, let's this isn't working.
Two minutes.
Back out a bit, back, back out a bit, back out of it. Uh, make a humming sound.
Uh huh. Is that the whole instruct?
Okay, now, now the humming, rise the humming and pitch. And then start sweating.
Start sweating?
Start sweating.
A minute thirty.
And you can't move, by the way.
Oh, okay. And now bring it down. Oh, stop sweating. Uh, back down to idle.
No, keep the humming going. What are you?
A tea kettle stepped on by a T-Rex? I don't fucking know.
Remember, these are like one or two word things. These are like simple things.
Yeah, okay. All right. Do the humming? And now you've you just lost power. Okay, turn back on. Hold on a second. Now lose power in a dramatic fashion.
All right, okay, that's my bad. Turn back on.
Turn off, but in kind of a disrendo. I care. Oh. Power switch, power off, toggle, surge.
Fifteen seconds.
Generator, flat hinge.
Make a box. Shape with your arms. A box. Now, now narrow the box. Narrow the box. Now push your arms out from your forehead, straight out, then ninety degrees, and then down.
Last guess?
Oh, the, the, the, the.
I'm a juke. I'm a juke.
No, Colin, that's wrong.
The word was computer.
What exactly were you trying to think of with the juke?
I was thinking of like Dr. Arnold in Jurassic Park pulling fucking power.
Yeah, yeah. Fucking, all right, make a humming noise. Okay, now power off dramatically.
All right.
That is dramatic. If my computer did that, I'd be very worried.
That would be terrible news if your computer did that. That would not be good.
Mark, I just want you to remember, let's both remember this when Bob gets a one man show.
All right, okay.
We'll give him some easy words.
All right, I have another easy one. Wade, are you ready for another easy one?
I'm limber.
Oh, fuck me. Yeah, let's do it.
Wade, begin.
Okay, I want you to stand with your arms at your side. Yeah, that's fine. And start counting down from like ten in your mind. And as you get to like three, start shaking and get more and more like violent with the shaking and then slowly rise.
Am I the Artemis Rocket?
I'm gonna count that. I'm gonna count that. Rocket. It's Rocket. The word, the word is Rocket.
Oh, thank God. I'm so good at this. I felt so much better than Alive and Spider. I finally at least feel competent. Oh, I'm the best.
Yes, man.
Yes. That was a good description, right? I finally did good? It was pretty good, yeah, but my genius interpretation of it is what gets the point here. At least I feel good about myself for a moment after Alive and Spider, where I was feeling pretty low. Get ready. That's good. I'll change that.
I mean, you can do whatever you want. You know that I give people points for laugh, causing me to laugh, so.
That's true. That's true.
All right, Mark, you ready? Right, Zach, go.
Be flat. Get flat. Flatter. Get flat. Now, stretch out. Stretch. Stretch. Super knot out. Along. Long. Get long. Now, flat. What are you?
Am I a rolling, rolling pin? Dough? Am I dough? No. Enter a lower dimension.
Go. Get going.
What are you?
Here I am.
Going down? What is?
I'm in hell. Okay, all right, all right. Hold, hold your, hold your hand in front of your face. Now, turn, turn it sideways. Thin, paper, skinny, scrawny. Go up and down with it. Huh? Go up and down with it. Split, uh, divided, cut. Take, take your finger. Put it off frame.
Now, go to the other side.
Slowly.
Eye exam? Oh, no. Close your eyes.
Minute ten.
Close your eyes. Feel as you do that thing I said.
Drag, pull.
Oh, okay. All right. Forget everything I said. Stand with your hands in your pockets. You're, you're, you're looking out. You're waiting, right? Wait, check your watch. Say out loud, man, when's this train gonna get here?
Time, pace, weight, bored, uh, nothing, think.
Look at your, what's on your shirt right now?
Nothing, uh, plane, plane, fabric, cotton.
No, look at what's laying across.
Headphone, earphone.
20 seconds? Oh, oh, wait, you've got people in front of you and behind you and you're standing.
Line.
Oh, oh, wait 10 seconds left, wanna come back?
Oh. Oh, yeah, you said put me in a line of people. I was right there with you in line. Okay, yeah.
Got scared you.
Almost got you there.
All right. Well, I will say I'm using, I'm just using a website for this. I didn't think of these things. I've been keeping it on easy.
I'm gonna tweak the settings a little bit. Well, look, there's easy, medium, hard, and really hard, and I can also pick the number of words. I'm not gonna go to the highest of either of them. Does that make you feel any better?
No.
Those aren't related. What the fuck? Hang on, wait. This is just too random. I thought it would be like, okay, I'm gonna stick to one word.
Oh, you thought it was gonna be like a phrase?
Yeah, I, the first one was muscle drums. I was like, that's not a thing. That's not a thing. All right, uh, it's Wade's turn again, and since we're making it more difficult, I'm gonna take 30 seconds away from you.
Okay, good.
So you have 2 minutes 30 seconds. Wade, I'm about to send you your word, and it's not very hard. It's just medium.
Ready, set. I typed that in the wrong box. Ready, set, charade.
All right, uh, uh, put your leg, stand up, and, uh, put your leg up like you're propping it up on something. And then reach up and adjust, uh, maybe like a fancy hat on your head. Um, and then, uh, put your hands out in front of you and grab a boat wheel. Like a, like a boat steering wheel.
Captain.
You could have not said 90% of that and still gotten captain.
Well, I was going for the, for what some weird reason, the first thing I thought of was the alcohol captain, whatever the fuck.
I, I loved it. That was great.
Put your leg up. Immediately I could see Mark's face was like, my leg is up.
Well, I was like, picture the guy with his leg on the barrel with the captain's head. I was like, well, you can't say that.
You know, Captain Morgan.
That's his name. I couldn't think of the name. I was like.
You know, that guy, hm, hm, Morgan.
Put your leg up on a barrel and hand me alcohol. Who are you?
All right. This one, this one could be explained related in a thousand ways. This might be too easy for how good you have been, Mark.
You know, I'm gonna fucking not guess it. I'm gonna look really stupid now.
Well, it will be probably easier if I don't send you a typo. Ready, set.
Parade. Okay, hold your arm up. Now hold your other arm like this. Perpendicular like, okay, now bring them together. Not that far. Bring it a little, little closer. Yeah. Now look, put your head through that gap. No, not all the way through. Just put frame your, yeah, but step, lean your head back. Now look at the intersection. And then gesture the intersection towards me like that, like this. As if I'm supposed to get it. Cause you're playing charades, right? Look, look down at the intersection. You go like, look at me and go, uh, uh, uh. Okay. All right. What are you?
Stop sign.
All right. You're never gonna get this. Okay. All right. Forget this, everything about this. You're walking upstairs. Can't trip a little bit?
Stumble.
You're, yeah, you got long, you got long, trip up a little bit.
Go up those stairs. You got long. You got long on.
Tripped my long pants, my long shorts, my long legs.
One minute.
My long dick is getting in the way of the stairs.
I see, I see the vision, Mark. Don't surrender.
All right, then, then you're done with the stairs. Now you're just walking. Extend your right hand out. Extend your left hand over your right hand. With your, the first hand, I forget which one it was, move it up and down. And with your other hand, grab onto something. No.
It's, it's in mastery.
Just grab onto something.
Twenty seconds.
Walk away.
Guess something, you have 12 seconds.
French maid, vacuum cleaner.
What did you grab?
Uh, broom, mop, vacuum, sweep.
Three.
Flat, become flat, put yourself on a wall.
Final guess, you have one more guess.
Dustpan?
No. No, no.
I just threw out words, man.
It's, it's because it's like a different version of the word for the thing. I was like, oh, it's degree.
You are accepting your degree.
Uh huh, and so this, it was supposed to be, I, I figured this would get you close to angle, but you know.
I think you could have got me there more with that, the stairs. I don't, I don't, I, I understand. Except the diploma, you're shaking hand, grabbing, okay.
I could have just said, you're walking on a stage, you know, in a robe, could have said that, but I didn't.
Instead, I was just on a random staircase walking like.
No, the stairs were done. You, you were done with the stairs.
I'm sure I was done with the stairs. That's like Gangnam Style.
I, look, look, it's, it's so, you do this and you grab and then.
Yeah, and then.
I, I should have gotten there, but I didn't. Close.
You've been doing so well, Wade, that I feel like I had to turn it up the difficulty again. So I'm gonna give you a really hard one. Are you ready?
How much time do I have? Two and a half still?
I'm gonna leave the time. I feel like we're at a good amount of time. I don't want to torture you too badly. Wait, here's your word, go.
Mark, okay, you're standing, you're leaning up against a post or something, you know, you got your back leaning up. Uh, and you're gonna stand there, look at your watch, uh, and kinda look around with like a dirty look, right? Now, you're just gonna keep on standing there and pretend someone approaches you. A police officer approaches you and they point and gesture at you. And kinda like wave, yeah, yeah, uh, and then start walking away. And then you stop walking and you lean up against the post again.
And then you're gonna look smugly back in the direction of the cop.
And then just stand there and look at your watch.
I'm, I'm a criminal, I'm, I'm loitering, I'm, I'm a loiterer, I'm a loiterer.
Yes!
Oh my god, it's lo-
I'm a loiterer!
It's literally loiterer.
Oh! God, you're so smart and beautiful, oh! I, I really pieced it together after a while there, I really pieced together, yeah.
God, I can't, well, I can't believe you got that.
Sometimes I feel like, I'm like, am I allowed to describe this?
That was so good, when you started and he was, he was kinda just doing it, I was like, I don't know if Mark's following him along on this. But he did, he took the journey, that was so beautiful.
I, if you hadn't gotten there from, I was like, I have no other directions for you. How else do I describe loitering, other than someone who is loitering?
Mark, I'm so sorry. That was great, the only reason I know is cuz Brian Regan, what you're in for, loitering. As soon as I saw the word, I was like, Mark and I could get this in two seconds. You're in prison, a guy looks at you and is like, what are you in for? Loitering, I'm a loiterer, I don't have anywhere to be.
I didn't have that knowledge.
Some of us are better friends than others. Are we bad friends for not showing him Brian Regan? Probably, I'm objectively a bad friend to Wade, we live close enough that we can hang out all the time and I just don't ever, we don't do that. You don't do it either, it's not like you text me a lot and I say no, but I don't do it either. And I, I get, I get credit for that, for being, for not being a very good friend, that's totally fair.
Same here.
Mark, I'm real sorry about this, by which I mean, I'm sure it's gonna be fine and I'm 90% sure this is equally as hard as loiterer was. But you have to tell it to Wade, ready, set, charade.
Uh, put your leg up on the thing.
Now fix your hat like it's real fancy. Now you've got something big and heavy carrying with both hands hobbling along. My leg's still up?
Okay, yeah, yeah, you stand up. And you have a big heavy thing and your one, one leg. Higher it chest booty. Okay, and then you set it, set it down, sit back down.
Alright, have we, okay, rub your hands like this.
Greed, gold, treasure. Wiggle your fingers like you're, you're, you're a spider or something. Yeah, do a little more rubbing.
Put your fists at your chin and part it. Minute thirty? Yeah, reach up into the gap, pull out like you're pulling out something and kiss it. Move your hand towards the big heavy thing you just set down. Key lock unlock, uh. Okay, turn, turning the key, opening the chest. You sure are, then move, yeah, put your hands both like this and then move them up and over.
Okay, reveal buried treasure dug. You put your hands at your head and you go with a big, make your mouth into an O, breathe out.
Hands like this, his hands, point, fingers pointed down, reach down in there, put your fingers kinda together and scoop up. Coins, gold, uh, gold coin, uh, silver coin, uh, doubloons, uh.
I had to paint the whole picture, right? I had, had to take you on that journey. I was like, okay, it's, it's the beard beads. I need the beard beads. No, I don't. I need, oh, it's my hat again. I was trying to do everything without saying part your beard. I feel like you're over restricting yourself. I think you could have, you could have said some more words in there, but you did it, you did it honorably. And you did it well. I could have told you to get flat. You should be grateful. Get flat. I, I got flat so much today.
All right. That was really good. I am now realizing I may have set the points up in a way that rewarded the wrong person. Wade, in no particular order, you earned points for being a sore old man, needing clothes, y-education. You got spider web, you got rocket, you gave Mark a very dramatic shut off. You got captain and you got loiterer. Mark, you got points for finally going on your honeymoon, or have had been had gone in the whatever. Points for what's the lagoon? Points for keeping your honeymoon a mystery to keep it spicy. You got points for
getting sheep, line and doubloon. And you got points for
Get flat.
Flatter. Stay flat. Leaving the final score, eight for Wade, seven for Mark.
I really thought Mark would be ahead on this point.
I honestly think there were definitely a couple of moments where I really laughed at something that Wade did. Didn't give him a point for it or anything. And then we just continued. I'm not cognitively at my peak. I can't lie, boys. I'm a little tired. All day in the sun will do that to you, you know?
Yeah, it's been a really rough day hanging out at the pool.
Too much pool and sunshine for me.
That's terrible. I'm so sorry, man.
Anyway, how many wheel spins were you gonna get?
Clearly an odd number.
Oh, oh, oh, interesting. One wheel spin.
Who's in the lead right now? I don't remember. Is it me?
Wade is up by one.
Okay, good. I don't want golf. I was like, I want to see those golf rules. I think I don't want golf rules.
All right. I am going to add. Can I add things that are abstract? I want to add got the flattest, but I don't think that makes any fucking sense.
I don't care. It's your turn.
It'll never come up. The, yeah, if there's one thing we've learned, it's that these will never, never come back to bite us and we'll always remember what we met.
It'll be just like the Scottish accent. If it comes up, whichever one of us gets the flattest first to get the point.
You know what I mean? Just men mean men?
Mm hmm. Men. You know what I mean, men?
You know what I meant. Anyway, one spin. I'm sure nothing bad will happen.
So hypothetically, if like, you know, my car gets smashed by a semi again and gets really flat, but then that comes up and Mark gets really flat on camera for two wins.
Oh, wow.
Man, no question about it.
Oh, I guess it doesn't fucking matter what I do then, does it?
You are the king of getting this.
The wheel has declared it is sudden death and thusly a tie and thusly.
It's a fresh wheel, though.
It is a fresh wheel. That's not what that's supposed to look like. Give me a second. Hang on.
Wait, is that how small that was when Mark hit it?
It was very, yeah, it was very.
It was a very, a relatively small amount. So what do we have? It's 6% to start?
Starts at 6, yes. Starts at 6.
So it's 360 degrees times 0.06. It's 21.6 because this thing uses degrees for some fucking reason. So I'm gonna set it at 21. Boom. That looks better.
That's tiny.
It could not happen.
No way.
Dare God. No, don't.
You have to hire my parachuting clouds, man. You're gonna talk to God like that you're gonna need.
Okay, okay.
It never slows down. It just stops.
Until it wants to. Sometimes it's very dramatic.
Yeah, it totally did that to Mark where it was all.
When it wants to be.
Mark wins.
Yay! I feel like I deserved it for sure.
I feel like I deserved it too, but you had all the honeymoon points and stuff, so you could, you.
I won't even use the coin. I'll just let you have it.
So do we add, we add 2% now? Is that what we've decided to do?
In, in previous times?
Yes, I believe so. 2%.
Oh, Mark wins. Congratulations, Mark.
Thank you.
A hard fought victory indeed. Uh, would you like to give your winner's speech?
Uh, yes, I would. Uh, I was down. By all accounts, I should have lost, but fate, fate is the only thing that matters. And it smiled upon me today, just like it will smile upon ye if ye decide to follow this podcast. That's the only way to tempt fate. I click follow and unfollow again and again and again and again and again and again and again, until the entire algorithm doesn't know what to do with us. Therefore, I win and you can too.
It's like a video game with a broken mechanic. If you just follow and unfollow distractable infinitely, you will eventually achieve infinite luck and be an unkillable god. Or win an episode of Distractible. Either one. Uh, wait, loser speech.
Listen, I started a little slow spider webbing alive, but as we went along, the parabolic curve was really moving in my favor. One more round, I would have been an undisputed champion that even sudden death on the wheel couldn't have stopped. Because I have this bad boy and I would have used, you'd used a lies it to the fullest. It's a new word I made. You're allowed to do that when you're as cool as me. But alas, we didn't have that final round and the true champion was crowned and I will live by that.
And just throwing out there that you forgot you could have used your unfair challenge until it was too late, or did you?
No, I chose not to.
Okay, okay. Good fight, everyone, and good luck, Mark. Great luck, even. Yeah, thanks for playing the game. Uh, that was really funny for me, so I assume the viewers and the listeners really enjoyed it. Probably the viewers more than the listeners, maybe, but make sure you follow these guys. Mark Plier, LordMinion777, or minion777. I am myskirm. Make sure you follow the podcast, like Mark said, infinite luck glitch, totally works. We have merch, distractable.shop. Man, I used to make fun of Wade for not knowing it and now it's, I don't win enough, so I don't say it enough, I guess. And that is it. We will be back next Monday with another episode hosted by Mark, cuz he earned it with his face.
I'll start winning again soon.
You wish. Uh, that's it. See you on the next one where I will definitely win and then I'll host and then Mark Willen and he'll host and then the conspiracy will continue. Love you all. Podcast out.
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