News Flash!

Bob and Wade go into the field to bring the hottest, slipperiest, and trippiest scoops to you. Get set up quick and connect to their fast speeds. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  This episode of Distractible is presented to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  The folks over at T-Mobile have some big news for you. They now have the fastest 5G home internet, according to the experts at Ookla Speed Test.

• 0:12Speaker 02

  So if you want the fastest 5G speeds with a five-year price guarantee, visit t-mobile.com/homeinternet to check availability.

• 0:19Speaker 00

  Price guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply. Fastest based on Ookla Speed Test. Intelligence data, second half 2025. All rights reserved.

• 0:28Speaker 03

  Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, Matty Future Mark hates dicks, digs K-pop, trips balls, and plays Whose Line Is It Anyway? Weepy Wade tricks himself into tears, does his duty by his fluffies, assists in an orgy, and with a billionaire. Biermuth Bob struggles with understandable strain and gets a dirty noseful. From format genius to mushroom messias.

• 1:02Speaker 03

  It's time for News Flash. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

• 1:16Speaker 00

  Hi and welcome back to Distractible. My name is Mark Iplier, and I'm here hosting this episode because I won last time. And if you don't know how that, that, that thing, that, that works, it's because that's the entire thing of the game. And I know there's probably one person that's been listening to this and/or watching this the entire, probably listening to this, let's be honest. Let's be honest with ourselves. It's probably one of the listeners who has been looking at this slack-jawed, drool dripping out of the mouth, not understanding the concept of how this show works. The only reason that our longevity is still longevity-tizing is because we were geniuses when we made this podcast, and we set out to make a formula that could be repeated at infinitum, even if we repeat the same episodes over and over again,

• 2:01Speaker 00

  and that everyone could find entertainment value in every single moment. It doesn't matter if they have eyes, or ears, or none of the above. They'll love this podcast, and so will you. And so you will.

• 2:12Speaker 01

  And so you do?

• 2:14Speaker 00

  Oh, look, it's one of the guys joining today. Oh, a fresh, beautiful face.

• 2:18Speaker 01

  I just come falling in from the top of the screen.

• 2:22Speaker 00

  The editors will make that happen. This is Bob. Bob stands at a lovely six foot, four and a half. He's got a smile for days. He's a glasses man. Purple is his entire personality. It's Bob.

• 2:36Speaker 01

  That's me. I wish I could be more purple. This is as purple as it gets. Ignore all the stuff behind me that's not purple. Or that doesn't sound purple.

• 2:45Speaker 00

  Editors, put in the sound of purple.

• 2:49Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:52Speaker 00

  And Wade, the human equivalent of a mushroom. Always in the same place persevering through death, despair, anything you'll always find fun guy. Where this guy is cuz he's such a fun guy. Wade.

• 3:05Speaker 02

  Hey, Mark phoning it in from Ohio today.

• 3:10Speaker 00

  It's funny every time.

• 3:12Speaker 02

  You too.

• 3:13Speaker 00

  Weirdly, you get a segue point.

• 3:17Speaker 00

  I don't know how you managed to get the segue point this early.

• 3:22Speaker 02

  I don't either.

• 3:24Speaker 00

  Jesus Christ, that's really you. You are weirdly sixth sense about the the topic and getting that thing. Anyway, we got a fun episode for you today in that it is a new one and I have no idea if it's gonna work or not. So whether it's fun or not is entirely dependent on a future me. And that's not me right now, so I'm not responsible for that guy's actions. That guy's a dick and frankly, I don't like him. So if anything happens with future Mark that, you know, screaming obscenities, a lot of racial slurs could happen. That guy, not me right now. Just gotta say that out there.

• 3:57Speaker 02

  I don't like from my perspective when you were pointing him back at future Mark. It looked like you were pointing at me.

• 4:02Speaker 01

  Yes, you are secretly future Mark.

• 4:05Speaker 02

  Hey, man. Things get tough.

• 4:08Speaker 01

  Things really go crazy, man. You would not believe.

• 4:13Speaker 02

  Really thought Iron Lung Two was a good idea. Mark, don't do it.

• 4:19Speaker 01

  Turns out nobody wants to see an ocean of hair.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  We ran out, so I had to donate my own. It didn't come back.

• 4:27Speaker 00

  Ew.

• 4:31Speaker 02

  Don't worry. I pulled so much out. There was still a lot of blood.

• 4:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't know why ocean of hair is more disgusting than an ocean of blood.

• 4:38Speaker 01

  It is, isn't it?

• 4:39Speaker 00

  I think somehow it's it's even past like an ocean of piss or something like that, or an ocean of poo. Ocean of hair. That really sounds unpleasant.

• 4:48Speaker 01

  Well, think about how it feels. You know, like, it's maybe not every time, but when you get that surprise, single hair in your mouth and you're like, oh, that's one hair. An ocean of that. Just constant misery. Just ugh.

• 5:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, thank you for that.

• 5:04Speaker 02

  I chapstick before shaving my beard and all the little tiny hairs got caught in the chapstick. And then like I ate something later and like licked my lip and just all of that hair that up on my tongue. And it was like 20 minutes of misery trying to remove it.

• 5:17Speaker 01

  God, that's so gross. Why would you even say that out loud?

• 5:21Speaker 00

  I don't know. I have no idea.

• 5:23Speaker 02

  I was trying to be hashtag relatable.

• 5:25Speaker 01

  How dare you manifest that into existence by making it happen physically, not manifesting it at all?

• 5:31Speaker 02

  It was in my mouth, you know, I I lived it.

• 5:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I hate it.

• 5:35Speaker 02

  At least it was my own hair.

• 5:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, if it's an ocean of it, I doubt it's gonna be in all your hair.

• 5:40Speaker 02

  I don't have much to grow.

• 5:42Speaker 00

  Unless you used to have the densest hair in the world and it just.

• 5:45Speaker 02

  I did. I had a really thick hair when I was young.

• 5:47Speaker 00

  It's like a cat tail, you know, when you see the video, the person biting into a cat tail. Yeah, and they go.

• 5:53Speaker 02

  Don't bite into my bald. You won't find the.

• 5:56Speaker 00

  What? Biting your what?

• 5:57Speaker 02

  My bald.

• 5:58Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 5:59Speaker 02

  Don't bite into my balls either.

• 6:03Speaker 01

  I'll pass on both. Thank you.

• 6:04Speaker 00

  Spent a little bit since we last chatted, almost exactly a week like it almost always is. So what's new with you guys' lives?

• 6:10Speaker 01

  I have weird small talk this week, so I can go first and get out of the way. And maybe it's not weird. Maybe I'm undercutting myself, but I had a moment earlier today, I guess. And I don't know if you guys get this, but it's been a tough time, like generally, like emotionally. James is a toddler. And he's been having, struggling with tantrums and like pretty normal toddler stuff.

• 6:33Speaker 01

  Been harder than I have expected to deal with on my end. And I think it stems from, I feel very protective of Mandy. And so when James takes things out on Mandy, that's pretty normal. That's his mom like that, but goes from like, oh, he's a toddler. He's having a hard time to like, don't fucking mess with Mandy, right? Like something triggers in the back of my mind. It's very confusing because I'm protective of both of them, but I was protective of Mandy first. Anyway, I've been struggling with like that, right? Trying to process stuff, kind of confusing stuff. And I don't know why, but today I was driving and System of a Down came on. I didn't like choose to play it, it just came up in a random thing and like, I don't even remember.

• 7:17Speaker 01

  I think it was Lost in Hollywood from Mesmerize. I don't know, it's a random song that I used to love when I was younger and haven't listened to in forever. And it came on and like, just triggered an instant emotional release for me. Like literally it came on and it was just like System of a Down and it started singing. And I was just like, oh, and something opened and I like teared up and just, it's just like a weird thing. And it struck me like, I get that sometimes. I've had that, there was a point in law school where it was really fucking miserable. And I was thinking about quitting and I hated everything. And then on my drive home from school, occasionally like a song would come on from like high school or from before.

• 8:01Speaker 01

  And I would just like have a huge release, figure something out, process something. And it just made me curious if that's like a me specific thing, or if you guys have ever experienced stuff like that. Cause it just, I forget, right? I love music and I'll just forget and I'll be in the middle of something where I'm like having a bad time or I'm really angry about. And then if I just chose to turn on music, it would probably help. But I like, you forget about everything else when you're wrapped up in, you know, your own stuff sometimes. It's like magic, like it just like poofed and I felt so much better from one song in the car on the, on the radio randomly. And I thought that was crazy, but do you, do you guys get that?

• 8:40Speaker 00

  I do, um, wait unless you want to jump in on the discussion, but I think that there's, there's something interesting here.

• 8:46Speaker 02

  I mean, I've got stuff to add, but if you want to go first, you can, I mean, you're a host, man.

• 8:50Speaker 00

  I don't know why I said that so weird and somberly, like this is a sacred topic. No, it's weird because I don't listen to music on the regular, right? I don't listen in a car. I don't do anything. But there are certain times when I realize the power that music has. Because I like music. People probably hear that I don't listen to music in the car and think that I don't like it. I know, I like it. I just never, it's not in my, my DNA to go seek out music or listen to it casually. But when K-pop Demon Hunters came out, I was like in the middle of, of one of the many final stretches of Iron Lung. And it wasn't Golden, the song that everyone is listening to. It was like the last song of the like, this is what it sounds like.

• 9:33Speaker 00

  I would listen to that on the drive to go work on the movie and I'd just be like, I can do this. I can do this. And it's weird. It like gets me hyped up more than anything. I don't even know why, but it's just, it just, it just hits something, right? It just hits something and I, I believe there is a real tangible thing and, and music in, in human history has been very much about that. That's why you have drummers going into war.

• 10:02Speaker 02

  I love war.

• 10:03Speaker 00

  That's my favorite war drums.

• 10:08Speaker 00

  Love that ditty. All right, wait, what is, uh, help me?

• 10:12Speaker 02

  First of all, the, what the song you just mentioned from K-pop Demon Hunters is also the one that stuck out to me the most when I watched it. Golden's good. Don't get me wrong. They're all bangers, but that one also was the one that got me. I go through like phases of just wanting to get the tears rolling. So I'll seek out stuff like I'll watch people react to like, um, James Blunt, like his song Monsters. Like I'll watch people react to that I've never seen it. I'm like, yes, here we go. Pain. And I don't know why I do that, but like I'll, I'll occasionally be like, oh man, I just, uh, you know what? I need to watch soldiers coming home videos, people reuniting with their pets videos. Like I need that today. And I'll sit here for like two hours, just like, yes, drain my eye fluids. Why? I do that and I like movies with like somewhat predictable cheesy, like emotional endings.

• 10:56Speaker 02

  Sometimes it's like, ah, yes, I'm getting the feels out. I don't know why. Cause like typically I'm pretty like held together, whatever. I don't cry a lot publicly. But sometimes when I'm by myself, I'm just like, you know what? I want to laugh for a bit and then I want to cry my fucking eyes out and I don't know why. So give me that emotional song. Let me watch those emotional videos. Let me just feel, let me get the feels.

• 11:19Speaker 00

  I think we need it. I, I think humans need it. It's in, in today's society, we're very, a lot of us comfortable, you know, with air conditioning and usually there's, there's obviously starvation and there's, there's famine out there in the world. But for the most part, you know, people to have the opportunity to get bored are bored because a lot of our needs are basic, basic needs are, are met. And so this kind of, it, it, it turns from being comfortable to being just in a very middle non-dynamic state. And your average can be average because you're sitting in at literally at number five out of 10. Or your average can be average because you're swinging from zero to 10 so often.

• 12:00Speaker 00

  Just like iron lung, you know, it's not average. There's zeros and tens, you know? It's really, really spread, but the average, you know, gets down. It's, it's dynamic. I think that we as, as humans just need that experience. And sometimes art and music and, and movies can have that kind of cathartic balance or bring a little bit of it. Romantism.

• 12:21Speaker 02

  Why are we still here? Watch puppies reunite with their owners, man. It's so cute.

• 12:26Speaker 00

  You're right. You're so right.

• 12:28Speaker 01

  Other small talk, if I randomly look like I just got punched in the nuts, it's because I fucked my neck up real good. We took James to a trampoline park and I did not jump on the trampolines, but I had to walk around on them. And at some point I did the classic almost fall down, give myself whiplash and I just, my neck is just great. It feels really good. So I'm fine. But if at that point I'm just like, normie, I'm fine. Just old. It's out of shape. It's all good.

• 12:55Speaker 02

  Uh, I don't remember much about the past week, not gonna lie, because last night was a really rough night of sleep. Dogs and cat went to the vet yesterday, so we had to drop the dogs off at like 7 a.m., which for me is like 2:30 in the morning for normal people. I actually passed out, got like four hours of sleep, took the dogs in, came back, tried to sleep a little bit. Then we had to take the cat in later because he can't go into anesthesia. After he had the near death experience a couple of years ago. Then we were at the vet for like an hour while they examined heaters. And we got all the animals came home and Presley and Ginger had to be put under for dental cleanings. And they were still kind of out of it when we got home. Presley got sick a couple of times. And he just kind of kept throughout the night, like looking at us and whining a little bit. And that proceeds or persisted throughout the night. We went to bed at like one or two last night, which for us is pretty good.

• 13:40Speaker 02

  But every couple of hours I woke up to Presley whining and I would try to comfort him and then seven, eight this clock this morning. I was like, I give up. I'm just gonna go downstairs and sit with you guys and I don't know. And then Presley was like, ah, father, you're awake. Now I will sleep peacefully next to you on the couch.

• 13:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, he was real tired after a long night, you know?

• 13:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, I didn't get a lot of sleep and it wasn't really good sleep. But we were worried about the babies and Molly's with them now. One of us is probably not streaming tonight because of just wanting to be there, make sure they're all right. Just, I don't know, for whatever reason anesthesia does not sit well with Presley. But not like heaters did, but like he usually takes a day or two to be back to his old self after he gets put under. Anyway, that's all I know. I don't remember what happened prior to that. I think I've been playing a lot of Pokemon. I'll call them fan games.

• 14:20Speaker 00

  What does that mean? He means porn. Oh.

• 14:25Speaker 02

  Well, no, I just, the term Rob Hack sounds illegal.

• 14:28Speaker 00

  Uh huh. Mm hmm. It might be illegal. So, so is it illegal or not illegal?

• 14:33Speaker 02

  No.

• 14:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, he knows what he's doing. He knows what he's doing.

• 14:38Speaker 02

  Okay, only one of the three of us has a video about passing or smashing all the Pokemon and it's not me.

• 14:43Speaker 00

  Who is it then? We'll never know.

• 14:45Speaker 02

  I would never point the finger at our host and I won't do it now.

• 14:48Speaker 00

  Okay, all right. Well, you point one forward, you got three pointing back at yourself, so.

• 14:58Speaker 02

  They're pointing straight up, idiot.

• 15:03Speaker 00

  You got him there. Oh, man. See, the trick is you gotta shove your end and point all four fingers. You gotta point aggressively. Point like Felicity. Like, ew. It was you that wanted to smash the Pokemon. Bring me the Gardevoir. Unleash it, Pokemon! Nobody likes Gobit or except me.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  This episode is brought to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. You already know that T-Mobile 5G Home Internet is ridiculously easy to set up with a price that doesn't feel like you're getting scammed every month, but here's something new worth noting. T-Mobile now has the fastest 5G home internet according to the experts at Ookla Speed Test.

• 15:50Speaker 00

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• 16:31Speaker 04

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• 17:02Speaker 00

  Now, you're probably wondering why we got the segue point.

• 17:05Speaker 01

  I remember what I said back then, so yeah, I sure am.

• 17:07Speaker 00

  It's going to earn him the privilege of going first in this lovely competition. Now, this is going to take a little explaining. I know the last time I tried to explain a game, people at home, mostly the listeners, were like, "Oh!" Brains just exploding, comprehension plummeted, test scores took a nosedive, you know? It'll be simple. We're doing news flash.

• 17:34Speaker 02

  Like?

• 17:36Speaker 00

  No, get porn off your brain, man. It's like the Who's Line game, news flash.

• 17:42Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 17:43Speaker 00

  So what I have collected are various news stories, real news stories that have occurred over the past month or so. So I'm stretching a bit farther back in time, but for the most part, it's relatively topical news stories. When one of you is going, you will be the man out in the field with your microphone and listening in closely. That person will have to buy the honor system, minimize their riverside so that they can't see us. And they will just be blind out in the field because I'm going to share with the other person, in this case, Bob, what the article is. So Bob and I will both be asking the man in the field, questions about the news story that the editors will put behind him.

• 18:26Speaker 00

  So I'll link the articles to the editor. So there'll be pictures, maybe video if we can find some royalty free video to make it make sense. And we will be asking the host out in the field or the, the person out in the field, the reporter, questions, and they have to guess what the news article is. It could be the title of the news article. It could be the general concept of what is happening behind him. Make sense?

• 18:51Speaker 02

  Okay. I've not seen this game in like 20 years, but you know what? I remember it and I'm sure I will be fine.

• 18:56Speaker 01

  I've seen the actual game on the show. I don't think helps in any way, as long as you understand the premise.

• 19:01Speaker 02

  Well, it kind of like gives you an idea of what questions to ask or how to answer them to get clues. So I don't, I don't remember any of that.

• 19:09Speaker 00

  I will judge this in a kind of similar way to the drawing one where there will be, I'll give points based on how well your questions are helping the person. And obviously I'm part of that, but my questions will not have any factor in on the person, other person's scores. I'm just there to give you the other person time to think so that they don't have to constantly barrage. And in the, and how it worked on the show, whose line is two people were asking, one person on the field, Wade, in this case. You would be Colin mockery because they almost always had him on the on the field.

• 19:36Speaker 01

  Did anyone else ever go into the field?

• 19:38Speaker 00

  I think maybe Ryan did once, but he was like Colin was clearly the person to do that. Yeah. What else to Colin and I have in common?

• 19:45Speaker 01

  Being short.

• 19:46Speaker 00

  Oh, okay. I thought you were gonna say bald. So when Wade, you can respond however you want, but just pay attention to the questions being asked and start to formulate in your head. Do I need my green screen up? So the editors can clearly put this whole news story right behind me? I mean, it would help. Yeah, actually, that would that would be helpful. You got this news story video, right? Bob is benefited because his background actually is mostly purple, which does help give a distinct color to key it out. No, actually, this is great. Okay, perfect. And then also for the listeners at home, you'll get a text to speech of what the title of the article is. And that way you can know what's going on beforehand. So the audience at home, you'll know what the article is.

• 20:28Speaker 00

  And the editors will be also tasked with playing sound effects that are happening behind.

• 20:35Speaker 00

  And just getting a general scene so that everyone is is part of this.

• 20:39Speaker 01

  You said this is gonna take a lot of imagination and and work on our parts. I think this maybe takes more work on the editors parts.

• 20:48Speaker 00

  It's it's all hands. Don't worry. We just need this ready by tomorrow. Yep, don't worry.

• 20:54Speaker 01

  Chip chop chip. Let's get this together now.

• 20:56Speaker 00

  All right. So go ahead and and minimize your screen, Wade. Done. All right. So I'll I'll do you a favor. I'll ask the first question because I know what these are. I'll ask the first question on all these. All right. Is everybody ready? Any questions before we get started? I think we're good. I'm good. I should have had music queued up for this for news music, but editors, I'm gonna put it all on you.

• 21:17Speaker 03

  Cortina condom shortage. Astolites were given 10,000 free condoms and they disappeared in three days.

• 21:26Speaker 00

  Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the nightly news. I'm your host, Dix and Smashem, and I'm joined by my co-host,

• 21:36Speaker 00

  Bob.

• 21:37Speaker 01

  Oh, that was good. I'm your co-host, Reed Thanous.

• 21:40Speaker 00

  We have a breaking news story. We have our man out in the field, Wade. He is in the midst of the action. Wade, can you hear us?

• 21:48Speaker 02

  Yes, yes, I do. It's a bit crazy out here, so I've got headphones on to make sure I can pick you up.

• 21:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, even through the headphones, I can hear it all happening.

• 21:57Speaker 01

  Wade, have you ever known an event like this to happen so quickly?

• 22:01Speaker 02

  No, no, Bob. It started off real calm, if you can believe it, looking around. It started off very calm, but as the day has gone on, well, you can see.

• 22:10Speaker 00

  Well, do you think the cold has anything to do with it?

• 22:13Speaker 02

  Oh, that's a good, good possibility. I, I mean, temperatures have been going up and down, as you know. Things have been crazy around here. It's been zero degrees, been 70 degrees.

• 22:24Speaker 00

  Up and down, up and down, up and down, yeah.

• 22:29Speaker 01

  Indeed. Wade, a skier was quoted as saying, "They promised us more will arrive, but who knows when?" Do you have any idea when those are gonna show up?

• 22:39Speaker 02

  Uh, no, I've been trying to get an update, but based on the chaos around me, it's been hard to really get anyone's attention. Everyone's been kind of focused on the, uh, the events going on.

• 22:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm sure. Which events would that be?

• 22:52Speaker 02

  Well, you know, I would tell you more, but I, I think your eyes can tell you pretty much, based on the, uh, the events happening, uh, you know, uh, we've been on the, the hills over here, we've been on the plains over here, a lot of pushing and shoving.

• 23:10Speaker 00

  Oh, my gosh, there's so much pushing and so much shoving, I bet.

• 23:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think I would define this event maybe as a mixed singles type of thing, but, uh, Wade, you know, this, this actually started originally in 1988 in Seoul. Can you remember a crazier year than this one, or maybe a specific, uh, city that this happened in that, that sticks out to you?

• 23:29Speaker 02

  Well, every four years, it seems to get crazier and crazier, but I won't forget Atlanta. Uh, what was that? In Atlanta, that one was pretty wild, but the weather was a lot calmer that year.

• 23:40Speaker 00

  Uh, well, as you know, the previous record is 300,000. Do you think that it's gonna break the record this year?

• 23:48Speaker 02

  Well, every year people train harder and harder and we see records broken all the time.

• 23:52Speaker 00

  You've seen some records broken? You've seen it. You've been in there.

• 23:56Speaker 02

  Well, in order to do my job to the fullest, yes, I've had to dive straight in.

• 24:01Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 24:02Speaker 01

  So you're saying you contributed to this, actually. Uh, how many would you say you contributed?

• 24:07Speaker 02

  Well, just because I'm hands on reporting doesn't mean I'm too hands on.

• 24:11Speaker 00

  Go on.

• 24:12Speaker 02

  Uh, for the sake of my job, I'm not sure I should.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  I'd like a number. I feel like you could guesstimate a number.

• 24:19Speaker 02

  Seventeen?

• 24:24Speaker 01

  Wow, that really is impressive. I, if there was a chart for who was the, you know, who was leading this, I, that, that must, you must be competitive at very least.

• 24:33Speaker 00

  Yeah. Did you, did you manage while you were in there in the midst of the action? Did you manage to get any quotes from anybody? Uh, I, I can see, you know, there's not many people that seem to be conscious at this moment, but you know, maybe, maybe, you know, before the exhaustion set in, they said something to you.

• 24:48Speaker 02

  Oh, a lot of oohs and ahs.

• 24:50Speaker 00

  How many?

• 24:51Speaker 02

  Thirty-four.

• 24:53Speaker 00

  Exactly double your number. Interesting. That's fascinating. Hmm.

• 24:57Speaker 02

  Not that I'm counting, not that I'm counting.

• 24:58Speaker 01

  Clearly not, clearly not. You know, this is actually banned in, uh, in, in, uh, watch out. Yeah, no, look, there's definitely gonna be video of this on the, on the screen, uh, behind you there. Don't worry about it. This is actually banned in Beijing. Do you think part of this, uh, the speed with which it happened this time around has anything to do with the ban for the previous, uh, games?

• 25:21Speaker 02

  I think that they have tried their best to keep things under control. But I mean, whenever you've got people working out so much and testosterone and estrogen flowing everywhere, things are going to get crazy fast.

• 25:33Speaker 00

  Do, all right, wait, do you have an, a guess for, for the article and where you are?

• 25:38Speaker 02

  Am I in the midst of a bunch of Olympic athletes having sex without condoms?

• 25:43Speaker 00

  That is pretty close. I would say that's really, really close. Uh, if you had to guess the title of the article.

• 25:49Speaker 02

  I saw something about there being a condom shortage or within like some.

• 25:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's it. That's it. Cortina condom shortage. Athletes were given 10,000 free condoms. They disappeared in three days. I'd say that's full points for both of you. That was well done across the board.

• 26:06Speaker 02

  I got to the Olympics pretty quick. It's like, oh, man, I don't know the different Olympic events. Then the context clues of what was going on started to come in. So.

• 26:13Speaker 00

  I just want one big mosaic blur behind you the whole time.

• 26:19Speaker 02

  Seventeen and thirty-four. I don't know how I feel about that.

• 26:22Speaker 01

  So we don't really have to minimize. I mean, I guess I will.

• 26:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, no, not necessarily.

• 26:28Speaker 02

  Should I leave that? I don't know if it's easier to leave that up or bring it up and down for this. I don't know.

• 26:31Speaker 00

  Oh, bring it up and down. Come on.

• 26:33Speaker 02

  All right, editors, you got it. Easy.

• 26:35Speaker 00

  I was trying to find another like event based one to get it similar, but I don't think that these are gonna kind of be random, you know, new, since these are real news stories, it's kind of just a little difficult. But this one actually might be tough, but I think we're just gonna go with it. So wait, I'm gonna send you.

• 26:52Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 26:53Speaker 00

  I know, right? That's a weird one. Ready, everybody? All right, cue the music.

• 27:00Speaker 03

  How much cocaine is in Nantucket sewage? A lot.

• 27:07Speaker 00

  Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sir Sniffzalot and I'm here to report you on some breaking news. I'm also joined by my co-host.

• 27:14Speaker 02

  Enda House tonight.

• 27:17Speaker 00

  And we have our award-winning Pulitzer Prize-winning and also whatever the journalism one is reporter out in the field whose name escapes me.

• 27:27Speaker 01

  Terry Porter.

• 27:30Speaker 00

  Terry, Terry, Terry, Terry, Terry. I gotta ask, you know, just because I feel like there's some legal ramifications for it. You haven't compromised yourself, have you?

• 27:40Speaker 01

  No, no, I learned those lessons at journalism school. Never compromised my ethics, never compromised my sources, never compromised myself. I'm just out here reporting on, you know, facts.

• 27:52Speaker 02

  I got a follow-up here. Do we know exactly how much ended up there?

• 27:57Speaker 01

  Scientists are saying anywhere between 10 and 10 million. My sense is it's kind of a lot.

• 28:03Speaker 00

  Yeah. Do you think you're at risk, though? The reason I ask is because obviously you're knee-deep in it right now. And given what we know about the circumstances, I just fear for you. I fear for you.

• 28:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, I feel okay right now. They did tell me to bring, uh, you know, knee-high boots, which I did. If it gets any higher, I'm not covered. I don't think my jeans are gonna do very much. I think if the level goes any higher, I'm gonna be in a little bit of trouble, but it seems to be settling. Seems to calm me down. I think, I think we're gonna be at the peak. We're at the zenith right now. I think I'm okay.

• 28:35Speaker 00

  Oh, zenith, good word. That's why you won the Pulitzer, man.

• 28:37Speaker 01

  And that other one.

• 28:39Speaker 02

  Uh, I'm assuming a lot of police involvement, maybe FBI involvement in this?

• 28:44Speaker 01

  Oh, sure. Sure, yeah, though they called everyone. The paramedics are standing by. Dick Allen Control is out here, uh, just to help manage any, you know, strays that come up. It's tough for everyone to get around, so they kind of all pick their spots and we're all just sitting still till the level goes back down or it starts to get cleared out. But, uh, everyone, everyone's here.

• 29:04Speaker 00

  Strays, you say, strays? You're saying that the local wildlife is getting into the supply? And I've heard reports that crocodiles were, were emerging rather more active than usual. Is that something you're seeing?

• 29:16Speaker 01

  Uh, yes, yes. I've seen that a little bit. I've heard reports. It's not just crocodiles. Any ground-based sort of animals definitely getting flushed out. And then, you know, once they're out and about, they're, they're sort of joining in. It's an attractive supply. I think it's really, once they realize what's happening, they can't keep their mouths off of it.

• 29:35Speaker 02

  Do animals with a stronger sense of smell seem more affected?

• 29:38Speaker 01

  No. No, not really. Uh, they're all pretty equally excited about just eating as much as they possibly can. I don't have a great sense of smell, so, uh, maybe I'm just not noticing. Maybe, maybe that's why they sent me.

• 29:52Speaker 00

  For our listeners at home, listeners at home, can you give a 360 spin and just kind of give a general lay of the land? Maybe, maybe just give some description of, of what's going on.

• 30:02Speaker 01

  So right here where I am, you could see it's pretty static. I'm almost on kind of like an island. If you look up here, you could see there's a lot of movement. There's a lot of downhill movement. It's, it's sort of a flow. If you look over here, you can see the authorities attempted to erect a barrier and it's really start, it's starting to crest the barrier. They were thinking a double high wall. All would be enough to retain, but I think you could tell that convoy of police cars is pretty eminent danger right now of being overrun.

• 30:33Speaker 02

  Our sponsor over at Grindr sent over a question. They wanted to know if women's restrooms were being focused on a bit more to make sure that women were being careful when powdering their noses.

• 30:45Speaker 01

  Well, I think we all know the men's restrooms are the ones that really get dirty. I don't know if it's a cultural thing or if it's but then men don't take care of our spaces, you know, we do what we gotta do and it we leave it how we leave it. I think the women are just so much more respectful in general that theirs are sort of normal. There's nothing, there's nothing that crazy. It's like a different world for the women's restrooms. I can tell you that.

• 31:09Speaker 00

  Well, it's just such a fascinating story because everyone's asking, how did how, how did that much get in there? How? It's so far above the national average. It's about four to five times the national, national average.

• 31:25Speaker 01

  I don't know who thought it would be a good idea to open the day with the spiciest chili contest, but I'm gonna guess that that has something to do with it.

• 31:36Speaker 02

  Do they suspect any kind of cartel involvement?

• 31:39Speaker 01

  Not that I've heard. It's really hard to hear over the smell, if you know what I mean. None of the authorities have officially pointed in that direction. It could be out of fear. Can't rule that out. But right now, no, this is really more of a grassroots type of origination.

• 31:56Speaker 00

  Now, we've heard rumors here in the studio that other up and coming low life members of society have taken to repackaging what they have been able to scavenge from the outskirts of the overflow. And they have been selling it on the streets and they, I think they've been calling it the brown, but you know, they, they want to put it out there. You know, try to make a buck. Is that what you're seeing too? Or is this just internet rumors?

• 32:19Speaker 01

  It's a little bit of rumors. I think maybe blowing it out of proportion. There definitely are some people who are leveraging the chili cook off and the future chili themed events that are scheduled. And trying to sort of, you know, make it seem like they're part of that. You know, they're selling the brown and it's related to the event. You know, it's, it's not very much different from bootleg merchandise outside of concerts or, or sporting events. But I don't think that's any more prominent than you'd see in any other big sort of event, you know?

• 32:46Speaker 00

  Oh, I got, I'm sorry. Just correction, so correction. Like I, I said the brown, I misread it. That the street name is the, is brown sugar. It's, I'm sorry. That's a small correction. Yeah.

• 32:56Speaker 01

  That makes more sense.

• 32:57Speaker 02

  I lost my question with everything. Is there any concern after processing that, uh, you know, things aren't as clean as we hope they'll be?

• 33:06Speaker 01

  Nothing is ever going to be clean here again. Like chemically, scientifically, yes, I think that we have the technology to, to clean everything. But if you were here experiencing what I'm experiencing, I think you'll never be able to look at any of these affected areas the same way. This is really gonna have a lasting impact.

• 33:27Speaker 00

  Yeah. You know what they say about that city? Just fuck it. Man, fuck it.

• 33:32Speaker 01

  I've been saying that a lot the whole time I've been here. Very astute observation from the studio. Thank you.

• 33:38Speaker 00

  That's what we're here for. That's what we're here for. But hold on, I'm getting an urgent, no, I'm getting a message from our R and D department.

• 33:50Speaker 00

  Do you think that any of the police are in on it?

• 33:52Speaker 01

  I don't have any actual evidence, but don't they usually, you know, take a little on the side?

• 33:57Speaker 00

  Have you taken?

• 33:59Speaker 01

  Look, if my boots accidentally fill up with a little bit of overflow, I don't know who's gonna be able to tell me that's anything but an accident. But, uh, no, I, I certainly, like I said at the, at the beginning, I would never compromise my ethics, my journalistic integrity or myself. And I'm not compromised.

• 34:17Speaker 00

  I apologize for questioning. I apologize. Man, man, fuck it. I just, you know, that's on me.

• 34:22Speaker 02

  Are you ready to make a guess? You want me to ask more questions, Bob?

• 34:25Speaker 00

  Can you possibly guess this?

• 34:27Speaker 02

  I can, I keep asking. I just don't know if you, I don't, you, you, your answers are starting to hit that maybe you know.

• 34:31Speaker 01

  Is there a record amount of sewage on Nantucket Island, which is overflowing their sewage system?

• 34:41Speaker 00

  You are so close. Let me give you one more clue. Oh, you got, you got a little stuff around your nose there, Bob. You got, you got some kinda, clean that off, you know?

• 34:49Speaker 01

  Is there a record amount of cocaine?

• 34:56Speaker 01

  Spilling out of a boat into the water supply?

• 35:03Speaker 02

  No, no, go back to what you were before. Everything you said before was correct.

• 35:06Speaker 01

  Record amount of cocaine in the sewage?

• 35:10Speaker 02

  Yes!

• 35:11Speaker 00

  Eh!

• 35:12Speaker 02

  In where?

• 35:13Speaker 01

  In Nantucket Island?

• 35:15Speaker 02

  Yes!

• 35:17Speaker 01

  Wait, but what is the new suite?

• 35:19Speaker 00

  That's the story. The story is how much cocaine is in Nantucket's sewage? A lot. There is a record amount of cocaine by a margin of about four to five times the national or regional average in Nantucket's wastewater.

• 35:38Speaker 02

  Okay, I feel a lot better about my, I was like, man, powder your nose was too on the, it was too, too much.

• 35:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, no. That was, it was all very, very good. You got the sewage pretty much.

• 35:47Speaker 01

  It was just really hard to connect the sewage to the cocaine, so yeah. Does that mean it's getting flushed? Or you don't shit out cocaine when you like, use it, do you?

• 36:00Speaker 02

  I think they're trying to figure that out. They don't know why there's so much cocaine.

• 36:03Speaker 00

  That is the strange thing. It's actually lower than the average for fentanyl, methamphetamine, and whatever xylazine is. Nicotine's about the average, but for some reason cocaine spikes in Nantucket.

• 36:17Speaker 01

  You're right, Mark. That was a really weird one.

• 36:20Speaker 00

  That was a weird one.

• 36:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was like, okay, that's why you keep, okay, that makes sense. That's why you kept saying no to my cartel and police questions. Oh!

• 36:33Speaker 00

  All right, okay, are we ready to swap?

• 36:36Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 36:37Speaker 00

  Bob, I'm sending you, and you know, you could, if, if you think.

• 36:42Speaker 01

  Oh, no, wait.

• 36:46Speaker 02

  That doesn't bode well for me, does it?

• 36:48Speaker 00

  Bob, I'll give you a chance to skim the article. Re-familiarize yourself.

• 36:53Speaker 02

  Is it weird? I found it a lot harder asking the questions than I did being on this side?

• 36:56Speaker 00

  It's tough. Both sides. Oh, I didn't score that one. Yeah, I'm sorry. I think the, I think the questions were good. I believe that one was a tougher one, so it's hard for me to deduct anything from either. Bob, you definitely get three out of three for your guess, because holy shit, that was great. I feel like my questions were bad, but I don't think that reflects poorly on you. Wait, I'm giving.

• 37:14Speaker 02

  Oh, really? I thought mine were. I thought, I was like, ah, man, powder your, well, I don't know, maybe, I don't know.

• 37:19Speaker 00

  I'll deduct a point if you want, if you think it's fair.

• 37:21Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no. I mean, let's not be crazy.

• 37:25Speaker 00

  I thought you had some good, like, diverting it towards cocaine. I thought that was pretty good.

• 37:29Speaker 02

  I did try to bring the drug up and then, uh, that was hard to do without being, it's really hard to hint something hard without being too direct with it.

• 37:36Speaker 00

  All right, let's try this one.

• 37:37Speaker 01

  It's hard to think of a newscaster name that's not just stealing directly from Colin Mochry.

• 37:45Speaker 01

  Everyone, I was like, oh, what are some pun? Oh, wait, he did that one.

• 37:49Speaker 00

  Ready? Cue the music.

• 37:52Speaker 03

  Elon Musk and the history of the Roman salute.

• 37:59Speaker 00

  Good evening, everybody. My name is Smallest Dickus, and I'm here to bring you the nightly news. I'm joined by my co-host.

• 38:05Speaker 01

  Yes, I'm Cherz. What happened? And I'm here to tell you what happened.

• 38:11Speaker 00

  We have our ace reporter out in the field. Oh, wait, no, I'm, oh, our ace reporter was out sick. We have our backup reporter out in the field. I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with your name.

• 38:21Speaker 02

  Uh, Faye King.

• 38:22Speaker 00

  Hmm. All right, Faye. Mr. King.

• 38:25Speaker 02

  What do you prefer?

• 38:26Speaker 00

  All right, all right, Faye. I'm gonna call you Faye. What it just happened?

• 38:31Speaker 02

  It's been kind of crazy over here. Uh, one minute, things were calm, next minute, well.

• 38:36Speaker 01

  Uh, Faye, uh, share here. Is that what smacked the hair off the top of your head? Or?

• 38:42Speaker 02

  Well, no, I've been bald for quite a while, but uh, it could have. It definitely could have.

• 38:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was seeing the, the slow mo of when it was happening. I was watching it over and over again. Just, you know, my jaw on the floor, but I, I barely noticed you. When it came by, it was right across your head.

• 38:58Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, it got a lot closer than I think a lot of us would have liked.

• 39:02Speaker 01

  Now, I, I know this is your job. We cover a lot of stuff like this. Uh, I think the audience was really riled up. It was a strong emotional reaction to what happened. Did you feel a similar emotional reaction? What did you get? Uh, what sort of sense did you get?

• 39:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. How'd you feel about this?

• 39:19Speaker 02

  A bit of excitement, a bit of fear, uh, and a lot of confusion.

• 39:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, but which way you lean in, you know?

• 39:25Speaker 02

  Left, right. Oh, oh, away. I'm leaning away.

• 39:30Speaker 00

  Good.

• 39:32Speaker 00

  Good answer. Good answer. Good answer. Was it just the one time?

• 39:36Speaker 02

  As far as I know, it was, uh, but my heart was racing so much after that time that, uh, if it happened again, I might've still been in a daze.

• 39:44Speaker 00

  Heart racing because you were happy, heart racing because you were mad.

• 39:48Speaker 02

  I think you can tell.

• 39:49Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, no, we could tell. I think I know what you're thinking. I do have to ask though, this really hearkened back to something that I just, I think about every day. Do you have any thoughts on the historical connections here?

• 40:03Speaker 02

  Well, now that you ask it that way, I, I'll have to think about it, but you know, this does seem connected. It does.

• 40:09Speaker 00

  In what way?

• 40:10Speaker 02

  Historically.

• 40:12Speaker 01

  Fascinating. You know, I, I, I am getting, I'm getting an update from our producer, actually, that academics are coming out and saying that it's not as historically connected as other people might like to think. Are you hearing any discourse on that? Where you are, are people disagreeing or is everyone pretty much on the same page?

• 40:28Speaker 02

  There's one thing that I know is a constant that people will never all agree. There's been a lot of discussion, argument and disagreement, but I, I think the true answer is obvious to those of us, uh, in the know.

• 40:39Speaker 00

  Well, I mean, all I can say is from, from corroborating reports, there was a lot of people that were jumping around like a dipshit after and before, but you know, that doesn't pertain exactly to the events at hand and that's all circumstantial. So.

• 40:51Speaker 01

  I do have to ask, I know, I know you're, you're sort of pinned in where you are. Maybe there's a lot of activity. Would it be possible for you to roam around at all?

• 40:58Speaker 02

  Uh, I can, I could try getting into it a little bit, but uh.

• 41:02Speaker 01

  Yeah. If you wouldn't mind roaming, I'd really appreciate that.

• 41:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, I can roam a little bit, but it is very tight. There's a lot going on around me. Uh, the energy levels are high. Well, there's not much left to get smacked off. So, you know, gotta be careful.

• 41:16Speaker 01

  I don't know if he'll talk directly to you. Could you ask him maybe if anything touched him that caused him to behave that way?

• 41:23Speaker 02

  I can try. Uh, you guys think I'm in any danger? Is it, is it safe to approach to ask that kind of question?

• 41:29Speaker 00

  I mean, it, it looks like it's winding down there. So.

• 41:32Speaker 01

  No, that's okay. You know what? I think you'll, I think you'll be able to find him on social media later. Anyway, a lot of this will play out on, uh, the site formerly known as Twitter.

• 41:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, I, I think that that's, that makes a lot of sense.

• 41:43Speaker 00

  In other news, as we jump over to our next segment in musical news, the, the hit song, My Heart Will Go On is reaching back up into the top 100. Oh man, what a, what a resurgence. Oh man, a blast for the past, much like this.

• 41:57Speaker 02

  Oh, uh, late nineties had a lot, had a lot of good hits. Uh, My Heart Will Go On, definitely among them.

• 42:03Speaker 01

  Great song. Yeah. I said mine out all the time.

• 42:06Speaker 02

  Uh, great.

• 42:11Speaker 01

  Do you know?

• 42:12Speaker 02

  I don't have a fucking clue. I'm not gonna lie.

• 42:15Speaker 01

  Oh, I thought you were getting it.

• 42:17Speaker 00

  Oh, I thought you had it. I really thought you had it.

• 42:19Speaker 01

  I know you haven't covered a lot of, uh, political events. Some might argue this is not exactly a political rally per se. Do you have any sense of the, uh, if the excitement here is partisan, uh, if it's any from any particular party or if it's sort of, uh, you know, just pro-American?

• 42:36Speaker 02

  Well, uh, you know, based on the, uh, specific amounts of waving you have to do to get people's attention, uh, based on the musical selection. I think it pretty much goes without saying, uh, which way this one leans.

• 42:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, I hear you. Hey, hey.

• 42:51Speaker 01

  Sure, sure. Yep.

• 42:53Speaker 00

  Do you need a second for your eye?

• 42:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've completely lost the contact lens in my eyelids somewhere. So I've, I can only see out of one eye, which makes it hard to know which way they're coming from.

• 43:01Speaker 00

  I know. All right. I'll, I'll give you a, another hint. Hopefully you finish this up. Uh, some, some people even wonder why he was there in the first place. I mean, he doesn't really have a role. Everything else is just, you know, kind of a, kind of a meme. You know what I mean? Kind of a meme in being there.

• 43:15Speaker 02

  It is, it is. And a lot of people have been, uh, kind of saying people like him should stay out of politics and leave it to the politicians.

• 43:24Speaker 01

  You know, it's bad when, when citizens are saying, man, I wish we had more politicians and less of this guy.

• 43:30Speaker 02

  Yes, and you know, now that things have settled down and I've had a moment to to catch my breath. I I think it's all kind of come together and we're realizing that, uh, well, we should let Mr. Musk lie for a while, right?

• 43:43Speaker 00

  Yes, we should. I'll call that.

• 43:48Speaker 02

  But what's the headline? Well, before I give you the headline, let me tell you through the weird amounts of thought I had. First, I was like, ah, I bet some kind of air show, something swooped low and took my hair. And I don't remember where I went after that. At one point I was like, oh, it's Elmo from Twitter, the Elmo account. And then I'm not gonna lie, 1996 Titanic threw me way the fuck off. Um.

• 44:10Speaker 00

  Oh, Titan. Oh, my heart will go on from Titan. I didn't make.

• 44:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, for some reason I went to the movie Titanic and I was like, oh, yeah, the big hit from Titanic. Where am I and what's going on?

• 44:21Speaker 02

  I don't know what the hell the article title is about, if I'm being honest.

• 44:24Speaker 00

  It's a strange title.

• 44:25Speaker 02

  Elon Musk snatches people's hair in attempt to make sure his children are genetically perfect.

• 44:33Speaker 00

  That's a good title. There was only sidelong references like, you know, everywhere you roam, you know, you're roaming.

• 44:40Speaker 02

  Oh, there was a lot of roaming. Yeah, that's true. I don't know. I don't know what happened to Musk and I'm not gonna lie, the one eye is really fucking with me.

• 44:47Speaker 00

  That's fine. That's fine. We'll wrap it up. It's Elon Musk and the history of the quote Roman salute. All right, go take a air, you're right.

• 44:54Speaker 02

  I'll be right back. So I'm sorry. That's driving me nuts.

• 44:57Speaker 00

  I I think I'm gonna give everyone two out of three, but just because it was a tough one, we were dancing around it almost intentionally. Uh, to the detriment, but also I feel like some clues that were pretty good didn't land. So I think two or three for everybody will.

• 45:11Speaker 02

  No, that's fair. In hindsight, a lot of it made sense. It's just, I think I picked up on the wrong parts of some of the clues you guys were given and I was like hanging on to them. I thought there was an airplane involved for the longest time with the swooping low thing.

• 45:22Speaker 00

  I, well, I realized what I should have done is I was like, it almost went right over here. I'd like, ew, I should have done that.

• 45:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:31Speaker 00

  That would have been a much better clue, so that's my bad.

• 45:33Speaker 02

  Well, I couldn't have seen you.

• 45:35Speaker 00

  You're right. You're right, because we had you going down. You're right.

• 45:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, any kind of physical clue you guys gave me, I wouldn't have been able to see.

• 45:40Speaker 00

  I think I thought about the minimizing because I was gonna share the screen of the article, but I realized soon that the editor can put that in. But just for fairness, we'll keep it down for this one as well. All right, so this is a super weird one, kind of. So this might be really tough, but I also think it could be pretty funny.

• 46:00Speaker 02

  What am I reading?

• 46:01Speaker 00

  I know.

• 46:02Speaker 02

  Funny boy, Mark, how are we asking these questions?

• 46:04Speaker 00

  I don't know. I think.

• 46:06Speaker 02

  I'm excited, but how are we asking these questions?

• 46:09Speaker 00

  I think the benefit here is that we can be as direct as we want, because it's such a strange one, so we don't have to dance around it too much.

• 46:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, I agree. Okay. All right, I'll do my best. I will do my best. Bob, you got this, man. No worries. This is easy.

• 46:23Speaker 00

  It's so easy, man. All right, here we go. Cue the music.

• 46:28Speaker 03

  Jesus was a psychedelic mushroom, a controversial theory suggests. Could it reshape Christianity forever?

• 46:37Speaker 00

  Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm your host, Ima Trippin' Balls, here to give you some breaking news, and I'm joined by my co-host.

• 46:44Speaker 02

  Herefo Mopé.

• 46:46Speaker 00

  Yes, and we are both here with breaking, breaking news, groundbreaking news that might shake up the entire foundation of the world as we know it. And the only person that we have is our ace reporter, who's out in the field, joining us live.

• 47:00Speaker 02

  Yes, that's right. I'm here, tech's going on here in the field, bringing you live coverage of this event. And I'm just happy to be back on the air after last time.

• 47:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, it was pretty disgraceful what happened last time.

• 47:12Speaker 02

  It was. It was.

• 47:14Speaker 00

  So this is obviously a huge, huge ordeal. Are there people that are in denial? Are they accepting what's going on out there? This news is big.

• 47:23Speaker 01

  Huge. I think people are struggling to come to grips with it. I don't think when it's all said and done, that anyone's going to be able to deny what we all saw here today. Has it been hard keeping your balance with everyone tripping around you? Oh, I have pretty good balance, but it has been tough. Grabbing on to the side of the news van kinda helped. Consider climbing up on top to get above everything, but that didn't feel necessary quite yet. Maybe, maybe that'll be my next move if I feel like I'm having trouble keeping my feet.

• 47:53Speaker 00

  Do you think that this could all come down to a translation error? I mean, a couple thousand years, that's a long time, you know, words can get lost or mixed.

• 48:01Speaker 01

  You know, I've never really trusted Google Translate. I think you lose a lot when you go back and forth, back and forth, let alone if people are translating things like this. Who, who knows? It's probably just whatever the last person who translated it wanted it to be, you know what I mean? So what do you think? Do you think, fun guy or not? Way more of a fun guy than you might think.

• 48:24Speaker 00

  You know, this would explain a lot. It would explain a whole lot, you know, I never bought the whole making more fish thing. That never gelled with me. It would make a lot more sense if it was the circumstances that we're seeing.

• 48:37Speaker 01

  It's a tough story to believe, but I think if you really listen with your heart, you could just go along and sort of accept it, you know? Kind of ironic that people are being so cross with each other about this topic. It is, but you know, that's the nature of the beast. You don't get to have a secret club with the gates and the guy guarding it and all this stuff without, without a feeling a little exclusive. And, you know, for better or for worse, I think the people on the inside know that they have, they have one up on everyone else, right? They have the, maybe the high ground, you could say.

• 49:10Speaker 00

  Well, I mean, I, I've heard this before, not that I've partaken myself. I have many times. I've done what's called a heroic dose and let me tell you, it felt like I died and came back.

• 49:22Speaker 01

  That it does feel like that. That makes sense. You know, we talked about last time I was on air. I do want to say that might have something to do with this. It was a harrowing event and I regret what I said, but I don't regret the experience.

• 49:36Speaker 02

  So have people been shiitake-ing him or have they been nice about it?

• 49:39Speaker 01

  Some shit talking, some chantreelling. It's kind of all over the place. Some people probably want to participate, got a little psyched out.

• 49:46Speaker 00

  Definitely, definitely, definitely. And I think that is happening now. It's echoing into the future here where people's belief systems are being upended, you know, some people take this quite personally. Are you seeing, you know, some, maybe some instigations of going a little too deep?

• 50:03Speaker 01

  Oh, definitely, definitely. If there's ever been a place where I felt like the, uh, the Reddit comment section flooded with it's not that deep, bro, it would be here. People are going all in. Whatever they had stashed away, they are burning through it all right now, just trying to take advantage of the moment and comprehend what's happening, you know?

• 50:23Speaker 02

  We'd heard blood, flesh, but I'm not sure what the most recent term is for consumption.

• 50:29Speaker 01

  Uh, tears, actually. Sort of doesn't make sense, but it's thematic if you think the way that I'm thinking right now. And maybe if you shiitake yourself a little bit.

• 50:38Speaker 00

  And if you think about it, if you tie this in and look at it from this perspective, it all kind of makes sense, you know? Eat the body, a drink of the blood. It all ties in if with this prevailing theory, doesn't it?

• 50:50Speaker 01

  It does. You know, I've been thinking of this myself for a while, just so happened to be aside to cover this as a news story, but it, it really does make sense. You know, if you look at the numbers, you know, a pie, you know, a perfect circle, there's a way you can see it where it all makes sense.

• 51:05Speaker 02

  Do you think future artwork will portray, uh, him with a cap?

• 51:09Speaker 01

  And a huge dick.

• 51:12Speaker 00

  I mean, we all know this to be true. We all know this to be true. I mean, the, the, the similar, the similarities between the two, it's just undeniable. It's just, it just, it just, it looks like that. That's not my question.

• 51:22Speaker 04

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• 51:54Speaker 00

  Do you think, though, this will lead to more believers? Or will it be less believers?

• 52:00Speaker 01

  It's definitely gonna lead to more believers. Whether they're right or wrong, you know, it's not for me to judge. He's gonna take care of that. But, uh, no chance this leads to anything but more believers. No concern about a fear of, uh, more cult-like behaviors. You know what I always say about cults? Nothing to be afraid of, as long as you're on the inside.

• 52:20Speaker 00

  Right, you are, right, you are. Do you have any idea where you are?

• 52:24Speaker 01

  Is someone high on shrooms claiming to be Jesus?

• 52:31Speaker 00

  That is shockingly close.

• 52:33Speaker 01

  That's pretty close.

• 52:34Speaker 00

  If you had to take that more literally.

• 52:37Speaker 01

  Is Mushroom Jesus getting people high with his psychedelic flesh?

• 52:45Speaker 00

  I'd say that is so close, I'm gonna give it to you there.

• 52:48Speaker 01

  I'd give that one.

• 52:49Speaker 00

  This title is "Jesus Was A Psychedelic Mushroom: A Controversial Theory Suggests Could It Reshape Christianity Forever?" I, I am very impressed. That was, both of you did a great job on that. So honestly, I give you both full marks. And what that means is that you both got the exact same points throughout the whole thing.

• 53:12Speaker 01

  All right, perfect.

• 53:15Speaker 00

  So we're gonna wrap it up there. That was well done, guys, very funny. Really, really clever, clever boys. But the points are the dictator of who is the true winner. Bob, you got a point for Ocean of Hair and then Musical Release. And then you got 3 out of 3, 3 out of 3, 2 out of 3, 3 out of 3, which puts you at a whopping 13 points. Wade, you got the segue point, you got Things Get Tough, and then Rough Nights Sleep. And then you got 3 out of 3, 3 out of 3, 2 out of 3, 3 out of 3, which puts you at 14 points.

• 53:49Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 53:49Speaker 00

  Going into the bonus round, you have one up on Bob.

• 53:53Speaker 01

  All right. Well, I guess we should spin the wheel, and I'm sure the chance will fall in my favor this time.

• 54:01Speaker 00

  Of course it will.

• 54:02Speaker 01

  He says, winningly. Also, do you have your submission for the wheel mark?

• 54:07Speaker 00

  Oh, and 3, we haven't actually had a 3 in a bit. Um, let's see, what could we do? Uh, offended the most people in the audience.

• 54:17Speaker 01

  Sure, sure. I think that's gonna be tough to judge on this one, but I still love how the wheel is getting increasingly out of frame on this. I don't think this app is meant to go this far.

• 54:29Speaker 02

  Perfectly round and fine.

• 54:32Speaker 01

  All right, three spins. Here we go. Spin number one.

• 54:38Speaker 01

  Shortest.

• 54:40Speaker 02

  If it's between competitors, it's me.

• 54:41Speaker 00

  It's Wade. Wade is half an inch shorter. That gives him the plus one shortest point.

• 54:46Speaker 01

  That's a rather inauspicious start for me, but I'll take it. Spin number two.

• 54:51Speaker 00

  Still could be yours.

• 54:54Speaker 01

  Most distracted.

• 54:56Speaker 00

  You both were pretty locked in.

• 54:58Speaker 01

  I mean, I was very locked in. I would say the only thing I

• 55:01Speaker 02

  My contact lens.

• 55:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, distraction is Wade had the contact thing.

• 55:05Speaker 00

  That is a good point. That was literally distracting him. That's a contact point for distracted.

• 55:11Speaker 02

  All right, just gotta avoid golf rules and sudden death.

• 55:14Speaker 01

  That's gonna be tough to come back from, tell you that.

• 55:17Speaker 02

  And host wins. I think there's three options here that could screw me. That's it.

• 55:21Speaker 01

  Well, we've never had that happen before.

• 55:24Speaker 02

  No, what are the odds of some chaos right at the end of a bidding victory?

• 55:28Speaker 01

  Also, sudden death could happen.

• 55:30Speaker 00

  And it's half a point for Wade.

• 55:33Speaker 02

  All right, sweeping.

• 55:34Speaker 00

  With a crushing victory, sixteen and a half to thirteen, Wade takes the crown. Wade, congratulations. Would you like to give your winner's speech? Whose heart does your heart go out to?

• 55:46Speaker 02

  Oh, my heart goes out to you, Mark. Thank you for hosting such a beautiful episode and definitely not having me have a green screen up to do some questionable things that can be used against me later. Very excited. Editors, be nice to me.

• 56:04Speaker 00

  And Bob, Bob.

• 56:06Speaker 01

  You know, it feels good to make the podium either way. I'm not going home with the gold today, but it's hard to complain too much. When you said that today's episode was a bit that Wade basically does by choice because he likes it and generally kills us when he does the bit, I was like, well, guess I'll just participate. But I honestly had a fun And it was pretty fun. I expected to lose, so I guess my expectations were accurate.

• 56:31Speaker 00

  Can't be disappointed if you set yourself up for failure. That's great.

• 56:34Speaker 01

  That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm teaching James.

• 56:36Speaker 00

  Thank you at home, everybody, so much. You can go and check out our merch at store.distractible. No, sorry. I did it wrong. Distractible. Dacha!

• 56:48Speaker 00

  I know what I'm doing. The Valentine's merch obviously is coming to a close and most of it is sold out. The next drop will be coming soon, which will have some generic designs, maybe even bringing back some things that people missed out on before. And we will see everyone there. This has been myskirm, Bob, LordMinion777, minion777, Wade, Mark, me. And you have been the viewer and/or listener. And listeners, look. No, you can't. Listeners, listen. We still love you.

• 57:19Speaker 01

  Listeners, look. Look, damn you! Look! Look at me! Coward!

• 57:25Speaker 00

  Have a lovely day. Fall the podcast for more fun stuff here. Podcast out.

• 57:33Speaker 03

  Watch new episodes on Spotify.